Speaker 1: The Johnson Whack Program with Faber McGhee and Molly, the
lakers of Johnson's Wax and Johnson's Self Polishing Glow Code
Present Fiber, McGhee and Bally written by Don Quinn, with
songs by Martha Tilton and The King's Men music by
Billy Mills. The show opens with its higher time. Fiber
and Mally will be with us in just a minute.
You know, we hear a lot about freedom and democracy
these days. It's true that we take a lot of
our present liberty for granted. Take this free competitive system
of business, for instance, it has turned loose a great
deal of inventive intelligence of which you and I get
the benefit in greater everyday comforts and conveniences and more
attractive living. For example, the makers of Johnson's Wax didn't
stop when they had perfected the original Johnson's Wax, the
famous polish that's kept floors beautiful for over fifty years. No, Indeed,
they went right on developing other useful products and easy
to use polish for linoleum floors. Johnson's Self Polishing Glow Coat,
then an amazing auto polish carn You that cleans and
wax polishes in one application, then cream wax for furniture
and woodwork, and just recently an extraordinary product in the
paint field, an enamel that actually has wax mixed right
in it and gives a superbly beautiful finish that's easy
to clean. The name of this product is Johnson's Wax Enamel,
and dealers everywhere are now offering it in nineteen stunning colors.
Perhaps you'd like to ask your dealer about it. This
is the time of year when maple leaves and football
forecasters begin to turn yellow. There's a nip in the
air and wistful vista, and our hero thinks of fire
in the fireplace will be pretty dandy. So here, with
papers and kindling and matches and a bucket of kerosene
and not enough accident insurance, we find that unintentional arsonist
and his watchful wife Fibber McGhee and Molly.
Speaker 2: I ought to do it. Hand me that bucket of kerosene. Molly,
I will not, Huh.
Speaker 3: You've got enough paper and kindling in there to barbecue
an elephants. McGee. Don't pour that on there, don't know.
Speaker 2: Molly, don't be such a scaredy cat. Here. Watch, oh dear.
Speaker 3: When you get through starting that fire, McGee, run downtown,
get me some dynamite.
Speaker 2: Huh.
Speaker 3: I want to open a can of sardines for lunch.
Speaker 2: What's a few drops of kerosene. Where's the matches?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Here they are. I'll have a roaring fire in here
no time at all.
Speaker 3: Yes, a roaring fire and a howling insurance adgester McGee
for the last time. Please don't do it.
Speaker 2: Step back a little, Molly, It may flare up a
little bit at first, mcgie.
Speaker 3: Put that screen in front of it.
Speaker 5: Don't worry.
Speaker 2: I got it under control.
Speaker 6: Have me my coat.
Speaker 7: The rocks on fire? Here here, beat it?
Speaker 1: Beat it?
Speaker 2: Where?
Speaker 3: Beat out the fire?
Speaker 7: Coool should have use.
Speaker 2: Safety matches to start it with the kitchen matches. Make
too big of a plane.
Speaker 1: There.
Speaker 2: It's okay, Molly, it's okay.
Speaker 3: Sure, it's fine. The house full of smoke, the rugall
scortch and you only got one eyebrow left?
Speaker 2: Well, how did I know that?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Here, quick? Quite the shoot off your face? McGee, You
look like an inn man.
Speaker 2: You look like a mammy yourself. Mommy, come in.
Speaker 3: Heavenly Days's mayor La Trivia, come in your honor.
Speaker 6: Hi, mister mayor today McGhee, how do you do missus
mcgheb Hi, just research.
Speaker 5: What goes on? You're mcgating.
Speaker 3: The fireplace backfired, miss mayor? Won't you have a chair?
Speaker 5: Thank you? No, just stopped in on a matter of business.
Mister mcgeem. You're a public spirited citizen.
Speaker 6: And I'm sure you would be glad to give the
city the benefit of your executive experience.
Speaker 2: Why, certainly, your honor, what do you want me to do?
Run for your job next year? Chucks, I'll be glad to.
All I gotta do is profit by the mistakes you've made,
and I'll show.
Speaker 3: That's the mayor talk.
Speaker 6: Oh, mister McGee, the office of mayor of whisper Vista
is not on discussion.
Speaker 2: Oh you think not if you'd hear what people are
saying about me, Let the mayor talk. Okay, go ahead, trivial.
Speaker 5: To be brief, McGee.
Speaker 6: One of our officials is making a nationwide survey, will
be out of the city for a week or ten days.
His office is too valuable and important to remain vacant
during that time. I want you to fill the vacancy
pro tem.
Speaker 3: Oh, what job is it, mister mayor.
Speaker 5: Fire Commissioner.
Speaker 2: Bud, You've come to the right man, with my experience
and fire prom.
Speaker 3: Pardon me, it's the small Very well.
Speaker 5: Then we'll consider it settled. Here's a badge, and here's your.
Speaker 2: Official appointment, mister Mayor. I accept with pleasure. And I
must say that for a city like our wistful vista,
a man like me is none too good for it.
I think so too.
Speaker 5: Thank you, mister McGee. I'll inform the city Council that
the office has been filled pro temp.
Speaker 2: What does pro tem mean?
Speaker 5: That's a Latin phrase meaning try and keep it.
Speaker 6: Thank you and good day, hot dog.
Speaker 2: Imagine me, Molly, Fire Commissioner. The first thing I'm going
to do is call a meeting of the Chamber of
Commerce this afternoon and give him a talk on fire prevention.
Speaker 3: Yes, and if they ask how you scorched your eyebrow,
tell him you were cleaning the fireplace and didn't know
it was loaded.
Speaker 2: Now, let's see, I better have the secretary of the
Chamber telephone all the members. That's probably for me, Molly. Hello,
Fire Commissioner McGee speaking oho, oh oh hi Roscoe. Sure okay, Roscoe.
I'm calling a special meeting of the Chamber for two
thirty this afternoon. Can you be there, Roscoe? Oh that's fine, Yeah,
you bet your Roscoe. I'll see you there. Okay, I'm
glad you called Roscoe. Hey, Molly, Yes, do I know
anybody named Roscoe?
Speaker 7: What you do now?
Speaker 2: Oh? These constituents coming around to ask us city officials
for a favor? Come in?
Speaker 3: Oh, hello, mister de Poplins.
Speaker 2: Oh Hi Nick, Hello, QP Hello, Fizzer.
Speaker 8: What is this unfounded roommate, I'm hearing about you being
annoyed at the pro temporary fire commissionary.
Speaker 3: Well, it's through mister Depopls. He's hot stuff and he's
got a badge to prove it.
Speaker 2: Molly, remind me to get you some throat tablets. What
you're developing a bad scoff?
Speaker 3: Oh, commissioner, What was you saying?
Speaker 2: Nick?
Speaker 8: What I was about to say before I was so
rudely interrupted. He's done in my restaurant, says we are
having quite.
Speaker 2: A fire his ord hazard. I'll say, we has what
is the fire hazard in your restaurant?
Speaker 9: Nick?
Speaker 3: Well, when we.
Speaker 8: Are getting an order for a charcour grill for the steakhouse.
Speaker 3: Now you mean partner house steak.
Speaker 2: It's the same thing, only topper.
Speaker 8: Every time the cook is charcour getting it, the bacon
grease in the frying pan is catching itself into a
big flame of fire, and all we can do is
stand there hopeless.
Speaker 2: Haven't you got a fire extinguisher?
Speaker 8: Sure, but every time we squatter on a frying pan,
it is making the steak taste very pepuliar.
Speaker 3: Well, look, mister d Populas, your restaurants specializes in charcoal
grilled steaks and chops. Doesn't it more smelt me?
Speaker 8: Just like Mother used to make Papa mad by cooking
them the same way?
Speaker 3: Why qub Well, it's a little drastic maybe, But why
don't you get yourself a charcoal browler?
Speaker 2: Well for scheamsake?
Speaker 10: I never thought of that, Thank you, Oh Molly, this is.
Speaker 2: A great day for wistful This day, is it? It
surely is? Why when the citizens of this community, this
little city of homes and schools and churches, realize that
their safety and well being are now in the hands
of Fiber McGee, acting fire commissioner.
Speaker 3: Stop acting fire commissioner.
Speaker 7: Sing by.
Speaker 11: The King's Men singing tapioca I used to work umond
the levy wayne for steam with touga down. Sometimes she
was loaded night.
Speaker 2: Be heavy, and sometimes she would go, why.
Speaker 12: Don't you wind and give me my dinner?
Speaker 2: Taylor takes a cook in there relieve. Oh, that's good
enough for any sinner.
Speaker 12: And that very good enough for me. Tapyo gone, have
you yor come mammy, won't you? And you pick upon
the poker?
Speaker 3: Infantap yoga, yoga yoga, come on, have it? You believe?
Speaker 12: Working on the railroad twenty six day, Johnny Panjo Call me, ma'am.
Don't you hear the baby cries? Working on the railroad?
Naver pack Johnny, Honny van Joe call me.
Speaker 5: Man and man and mama.
Speaker 2: Don't you hear the baby cry?
Speaker 12: I've seen the children rolling in the cottonoon, son pouring
down upon their head.
Speaker 2: Hoom.
Speaker 5: Somebody's gotta make a living.
Speaker 2: Chilling, gotta have a little bread.
Speaker 12: Tapioca lampioka, have yo, come on to.
Speaker 5: You, ma'am, and that you pick upon the poker.
Speaker 12: Tapyc happyocas hap yolka tapioca.
Speaker 2: Come on, haven't you believe?
Speaker 12: Working on the railroad twenty six days, Johnny Pocatoon on
your van.
Speaker 5: Joe.
Speaker 2: Oh me, oh my my ma.
Speaker 12: Don't you hear the baby cry? Oh me, oh mamie,
don't you hear say?
Speaker 3: Well, have you got your speech written for the Chamber
of Commerce meeting?
Speaker 2: Commissioner? Nope, I'll just add libbit. I'll start off by saying,
ladies and gentlemen of the Chamber of Commerce.
Speaker 3: Well, that's a snappy opening. And incidentally, Commissioner, I wish
you'd report to the chief of police about the cop
in this neighborhood. He's growing a beard and he looks terrible.
Speaker 2: I've already spoke to the cop about it.
Speaker 3: What did you say?
Speaker 2: I told him to quit bushing around the beat. Imagine
that we almost took that out. That reminds me. I
better call the chamber and see how many members they
rounded up handing the phone here. Thanks hello, operator, Give
me the whistful, mister chamber huh? Oh is that you mert?
How's every little thing?
Speaker 1: Mart Is?
Speaker 4: Eh?
Speaker 2: What's amurd you're old man in the hospital. He shot
off his what oh Carevin these days?
Speaker 3: McGee? What happened?
Speaker 2: He was in Brooklyn last week and shot off his
mouth about the Yankees? What's a murd Oh, wow, don't matter.
Thanks anyway, a great gallamert. I'll bet she just lives
for the few moments she talks to me every week.
Speaker 3: You call it living.
Speaker 2: Non or mind. We better get going. The guy in
my position owes it to the citizens to be punctual.
Speaker 3: Oh you're punctual alright. Dear, everything we own we've bought
on time. I didn't mean that.
Speaker 1: Well, congratulations feb old man. So you're the new fire commissioner.
Speaker 3: Isn't it wonderful?
Speaker 2: Mister will task aw shots. It's nothing that any red blooded,
clean living American boy couldn't have done.
Speaker 1: Well, it's a wonderful opportunity, my boy. You can now
serve not only your city, but those people in Racine,
Wisconsin who have done so much for you and me.
Speaker 2: Okay, will Cox, drag it in, but don't drag it out.
Speaker 1: Why is fire commissioner, febru You can help prevent fires,
and fire is just about the only thing that Johnson's
self polishing glow code won't protect your linoleum against. Dirk Yes, dampness, yes,
stains yes, scoffs and scratches yes, but fire no. So
it's you and Johnson's Glow Code against Destruction, Pal, get
in there and fight. I made up best finish finish
first Jonson Johnson Johnson's yayh.
Speaker 3: You know McGee's. That man has been seeing too many
football games.
Speaker 2: You had me so hopped up. I was tempted to
drop back for a quick kick, but I restrained myself. Well,
come on, Molly, I don't want to be late for
that meeting. Get your happy or something.
Speaker 3: Come in high mischief.
Speaker 13: Oh hello there, little girl.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Ain't got time to talk to you now.
I've just been made acting fire commission and I'm very busy.
What you want?
Speaker 3: Will you tell me?
Speaker 2: You stoy?
Speaker 5: Please?
Speaker 12: Willam?
Speaker 2: Will you please?
Speaker 12: Oh?
Speaker 2: For the here, I am just appointed the fire commissioner,
with the safety of the whole town in my hands.
And you wanted me to tell you a story.
Speaker 14: Well that's always the way, isn't it, mister h The
more important the man as some more time he has
a little axis kindness time.
Speaker 2: Well, all right, I ever tell you about the time
I was captured by the Indians in Cleveland. No no, no, no,
not the Cleveland Indians. These were Shawnees.
Speaker 14: Gee, Chinese Indians.
Speaker 2: Oh boy, I didn't say Chinese. I said Shawneese Shaw
like in George Bernard.
Speaker 3: He's English, you sure he is.
Speaker 2: He's as English as roast beef. That's one roast beef.
I'm you want to hear the story or don't you?
Speaker 15: No?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Sure you do, well, sir. One day, whilst wandering through
the mountains, walking very carefully on account of the wild animals.
Men living in the wild, Sis has got to learn
to use their beans. You still beans?
Speaker 3: Go ahead, mister, I don't like beans. Oh what happened
in the mountains?
Speaker 2: I found a little kitten, little baby mountain lion. And
you know what I named the kitten kaboodle.
Speaker 14: Kitten kaboodle, fine, mister, Well, kaboodle.
Speaker 2: Was an old Shawnee Indian word meaning look, fellas, I
found a mountain lion. Ah. Them Indians could sure put
a lot of meaning into one little word. Well, Sis,
you said there? Huh oh, Well anyway, Sis. Years later,
I was in the Brookfield Zoo in Chicago, and I
happened past the pit where they keep the mountain lions,
and all of a sudden I had a hunch. I
leans over the edge of the pit and hollers Hey, kaboodle,
it's ug tug. Ug tug. That's a Shawnee word meaning
white man found mountain lions. Well, sir, the minute that
lion heard my voice, he comes bombing to the edge
of the pit, sticks out his paw and rips my
shirt right off. Darn near killed me. It wasn't a
poodle at all. Wasn't that an amazing story, mister?
Speaker 14: The Shawnees haven't got anything on us. I bet you
we're saying a lot in one little word.
Speaker 13: What you mean, says boy, that's last week for you.
Speaker 2: Next time I tell her a story, I'll keep it
to myself.
Speaker 3: Now listen, ug tug, We better scram out of the
teepee for Paula down at the Big Lodge.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, almost time for the meeting. Well, come on,
let's get going.
Speaker 1: Father Tilton singing easy street.
Speaker 16: Easy streets. I'd love to live on easy streets. Nobody
works on easy streets. Just sit around all day, just
sit and play the horses. Life is sweet, propos to
live on these easy streets. No weekly payments.
Speaker 5: You must green.
Speaker 16: That makes your hair turn gray. When opportunity comes knocking
you just keep on with your rocking because you know.
Speaker 13: Your fortune's made.
Speaker 16: And if the sun makes you perspire, there's a man
that you can hire to plant trees, so you get
at shame trees. I'm telling everyone of me, if I
could live on trees, I wouldn't want the job to day,
So please go away. Well, opportunity he comes knocking.
Speaker 3: You just keep on with your rocking.
Speaker 16: Because you know your fortune's bad. And if the sun
makes you perspire, there's a man that you can hire
to plant trees, so you get at shame.
Speaker 3: His tree.
Speaker 16: I'm telling everyone on me, if I could live on
these these streets, I would want a job today. Go
pleasese boat.
Speaker 2: And golding gentlemen of the Chamber of Commerce. As acting
Fire Commissioner, I want to say that as long as
we're all in the same boat walking along life's pop
way together, but it's all put our shoulders to the
grindstone and with colors flying, gird up our lions and
kansas and make wistful mister a better safer place to
live in which to live in.
Speaker 7: Malia.
Speaker 1: May I ask a question, Commissioner.
Speaker 2: Of course, Bud all us public servants welcome comments from
the people. What's the question is there.
Speaker 4: Any penalty for turning in a false.
Speaker 2: Law, There certainly is. Then I guess you're safe for
a while. Quiets fly at order, and if the chmerion
who just spoke we'll come to our next fire, we'll
be glad to let him mingle with the rest of
the silly ashes.
Speaker 3: Yo who McGhee, the lady.
Speaker 2: Will please address the chair as you who commissioner, you
have the floor, madam, Well.
Speaker 3: I've been talking to mister Mills sitting next to me here,
and he has a complaint to me.
Speaker 2: He has a billy. Do you mean to sit there
with no sleeves in your vest and criticize this fire department? Yes?
Speaker 1: I do, skim.
Speaker 13: State your case.
Speaker 2: Well, last week I was knocking off some hot licks
on my piano and it caught on fire. Yes, that
was about three pm. Your fire department didn't show up
until six thirty?
Speaker 13: Did you call him right away? Oh?
Speaker 2: Do you have to call him?
Speaker 5: What?
Speaker 2: Just to show you how wrong mister Mills is and
how quick our boys do get on the job. I'm
going to try experiment. We're going to turn in on
alarm right now and see how long it takes them
to get here. Missus Commissioner McGee, will you please step
to the telephone and call the fire department.
Speaker 3: Certainly pardon me please and thank you. Hello operator, Give
me the Wistful Vista Fire Department.
Speaker 2: Oh is that you myrtle? No, no, no, no, never
mind that. Get the fire department.
Speaker 3: Give me the fire department. Myrtle's quick, Hello, fire department.
I want what No, this is not the pot of goal.
I'm calling from the Chamber of Commerce.
Speaker 7: It's on fire.
Speaker 2: Hurry, thank you, missus McGee. And now if you'll all
keep an eye on your watches, we'll see just how
long it takes our brave fire laddie.
Speaker 17: And this the commission up and this if you want waiting.
Speaker 2: Why certainly the chair recognizes Missus Uppington fighter, that funny
looking hat, Missus Huppington.
Speaker 17: Commission Energy and Tilly members of the Wisful Vista Chamber
of Color.
Speaker 3: Make it snappy, abigail. Technically we're on fire.
Speaker 2: Very well.
Speaker 17: I merely wish to protest against the unseemly nerve wrecking
sounds emitted by our fire department on its way through conflagration,
such bell and sirens.
Speaker 2: It's ridiculous.
Speaker 17: Can't we installed some eligious chimes such as our third
on the Good Humor trucks.
Speaker 2: Order, please order. I'm sorry, missus Uppington, if our firefighting
methods are too dead added raucous for your delicate nerves,
I'll have him take off the sirens and put on
a fireman with a flu plan. I don't want to
set the world on fire.
Speaker 5: Oh thank you.
Speaker 2: And while we're at it, we'll have the police throw
away the revolvers and carry water pistols. Does that satisfy you?
Speaker 13: Uppe certain mis McGee.
Speaker 17: If a little square can run the fire department, it
ought to work with the police.
Speaker 13: Quarterer.
Speaker 2: Please, dad, ladies and gentlemen. In a few seconds we
have left. I think it would be fitting to hear
from Wistful Vista's poet laureate mister Wallace Whimple. He's composed
a little burst in honor of this occasion, mister Whimple.
Thank you, mister Commissioner and friends.
Speaker 8: I have called this little poem the fire in the
cream Read our smoke gets in your eyes creams.
Speaker 1: And it goes when your.
Speaker 8: Restaurant burned down. I had to write this little sonic
in hopes my tablecloth was saved because I figured my
income tax upon it.
Speaker 3: Hi, it's wonderful, mister, that's wonderful.
Speaker 2: Well, it's nothing, Missus McGhee read.
Speaker 8: As long as this meeting is concerned with our fire department,
I would like to pay tribute to the woman who
risked everything she had to test their life saving equipment.
Missus Wymple, My wife, what'd she do well? When our
fire company first got their landing debts? They stood on
the sidewalk and my wife stood in the window ten
stories overhead. Oh, and then at a signal, the long,
fearful drop to the net.
Speaker 3: Time after time? What if she did keep missing the net?
Speaker 8: She would not give up. She persisted until the fireman
finally told her to stop. The net was a success,
That's why I said.
Speaker 3: But mister Whymple, wasn't she hurt falling ten stories time
after time?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: She didn't fall.
Speaker 17: She kept throwing me out.
Speaker 2: Now, ladies and gentlemen, hey quiet, everybody.
Speaker 16: Been here?
Speaker 3: They've been played on?
Speaker 9: Huh.
Speaker 2: They're probably swinging around and back where the fire escapes
are they?
Speaker 4: Oh listen, why I could put out this fire with
a handful of water, Christopherfore those.
Speaker 2: Guys get here. Pipe down, Bud, there's a wise egger
that needs plowing under. There must be some reason for
all this. Wait here, everybody, and I'll be right back
with the explanation. Come on, Molly, let's run out and
see what's wrong.
Speaker 16: Going on.
Speaker 3: Oh look, McGhee, here they come again.
Speaker 4: Ah, here comes the fire hey, Chief, at one time
the commissioner.
Speaker 2: There's a pirate in here all the ain't bud. This
is just a test run, just checking up.
Speaker 3: Say McGhee, where's your manners?
Speaker 2: What manners?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 2: Excuse me, Molly, meet Chief Connley, one of my firefighting brothers.
Speaker 1: Oh how do you do?
Speaker 3: I'm sure brother?
Speaker 1: How do you do? Hey?
Speaker 2: What took you so long to get here? Chief?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Some dope party's car in front of the hydrant down
at the corner. We had to ram it out of
the way. It's good work, Chief.
Speaker 1: Nice going brother, and then we notified the police to
haul it away.
Speaker 2: Great stuff, Chief serves him right?
Speaker 1: Whose car was it?
Speaker 2: Yours?
Speaker 13: What you mean where you see?
Speaker 5: Commissioner?
Speaker 1: Brother?
Speaker 3: Come on, ud tug.
Speaker 1: Here's good news for all Fiber and Molly fans. How
do you like to have an autographed picture of Fiber
McGee and Molly in their cast.
Speaker 2: I have one right here, and I wish you could
all see it.
Speaker 1: For a limited time only, you can have one free
with your purchase of Johnson's Wax, Johnson's glow Coat, or
any Johnson's Wax polish in paint, pound or larger sizes. Now,
your dealer has a very limited supply of these free pictures.
You'd better see them right away and avoid disappointment, even
if you already have some glow coat or Johnson's Wax
on hand. Now is a good time to buy an
extra package so you and your family can enjoy this
interesting autograph picture of Fiber and Molly and their cast.
But don't put it off too long. Your dealer's supply
of these pictures is really limited. Remember, this unique photograph
is yours free with your purchase of Johnson's Wax, Johnson's
self Polishing glow Coat, or any Johnson's Wax polish in paint,
pound or larger size.
Speaker 2: Well, pretty cooperating bunch down at City Hall, Molly. I'll
give them credit for that. They accepted my resignation as
fire Commissioners without a murmur.
Speaker 3: Well, las night, Dearie, I always say McGee Huh, your
vest is all ripped down the front.
Speaker 17: How'd you do that?
Speaker 2: Oh? Must have done that when I took off my badge,
you took it off? Well, all right, they took it off.
Good Night, Good night.
Speaker 9: The car, said Carlow will Talk taking photomakers of Johnson's
wax finis for Home and industry, inviting you to be
with us again next Tuesday night.
Speaker 13: Good night.
Speaker 15: It's fun to drive a new car, Isn't it almost
as much fun driving your car when it's been.
Speaker 2: Waxed, polished and looks like new?
Speaker 15: Then why not wax polish your car right away with
Johnson's Car and you the sensational new auto polish that saves.
Speaker 12: Time and money.
Speaker 15: Why because Carnew both cleans and wax polishes in one application.
There's two jobs at once. Get your car ready now
for the bad weather coming, and ask your dealer for
Johnson's car and.
Speaker 5: New spelled c A r n U.
Speaker 15: This is the Red Network of the National Broadcasting Company
Speaker 7: OO.