Speaker 1: What is a mother in law a top targeant with bloomers? Correct?
Speaker 2: What is a flea an in fact that has gone
to the dorms? Correct? Way?
Speaker 1: That man nine dollars because it pays to be ignorant,
as living proof to oud youth service men and women
listening in over there that it does pay to be ignorant.
Speaker 3: Here's another half hour with radio's biggest collection of Zanny's,
The Incomparable with George Sheldon, Lola McConnell, and Harry McNaughton,
our doctor of music Nat Novic and the man who
sticks his neck out every week at this time, our
moderator Tom Howard, Thank you.
Speaker 2: Ken Robertson.
Speaker 4: What do you mean?
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, once again we bring you that quiz
program designed to stop the progress of education. We have
a board of experts who are slow dumb.
Speaker 5: They think cook matches come from a library.
Speaker 1: The worst we had to celebrated author mister Harry.
Speaker 5: Mcgaunton, who has just been from the booking titles three
Weeks in the haylof or Life with Father.
Speaker 1: But here he is mister Harry mccarton. Thank you. I
have a poem, mister haw Yes the bubble of perfume
that Willis sent was very just pleasing to Milicent, thanks
for so cool. They quarreled untold because of the Wii
milicin' not a word that's stumpy had what's your language?
The sailors in the house.
Speaker 6: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Last, we have a woman who has always been a homegirl.
Speaker 5: She may not have dishpan hands, but she has a
dishpan page.
Speaker 1: A woman who got married in a revolving door, and
she's been going around with her husband ever since. Miss
Lolo mcconnald. You know, I don't know what I'm gonna
do with that old man of mine, no matter. Now.
He's always talking any sweep talking in his sleep. Yeah,
he's always talking about vegetables. He's talking about vegetables. Yeah,
he's always saying something about about a lovely tomato.
Speaker 7: You know, I see, I see.
Speaker 1: Listen more closely the next time you might find out
more nice. You have a man nic.
Speaker 5: You have a man who was such a tough kid
at school. He always tied a black jacket his pencil box.
A man with eyes like a sparrow. They flipped from
limb to limb. Here he is mister George shop.
Speaker 1: Tell you only time to call a friend of mine
who Jersey today.
Speaker 2: His name is Dwyer. Do I call him up five times?
Speaker 1: What did the operator say?
Speaker 2: Dwyer was busy?
Speaker 5: Dwire remind me to put the ground glass in your beer,
mister Shallon, Well, it's just got the experts, so we'll
get right along with the first question here, it is
pay attention?
Speaker 1: From what animal? Do we get chicken liverdh.
Speaker 8: Did you you say chicken liver?
Speaker 1: That's right, That's what I thought you said. I see,
just wanted to know you know. Now I go back
to sleep, fine, try not to wake up again? Will
you I fusness from my animal? Or foul? Do we
get chicken liver? BUTI chicken is a liver? Miss Howard?
Speaker 2: What part of the chicken is deliver?
Speaker 4: Lit the count?
Speaker 5: If I had your head on where it was splint.
Speaker 2: My giant, I wouldn't wired at all. What animal or fowl?
Speaker 1: Do we got chicken liver?
Speaker 8: What became of the other question? I ain't the same question?
Speaker 1: What do you mean it's not the same question? Well,
the first time you've head from one animal?
Speaker 2: Do we get chicken liver?
Speaker 1: That's right? It's not right now you say, from one
animal or fowl, do we get chicken liver?
Speaker 2: You're bringing in another animal on it. That's right, miss
shoving Your upshots are right, quite right, slightly shigure, quite
quite right. We start taking out the questions and you
change it. And on my head that you're doing that
quite frequently. Rictor Howard quite frequently.
Speaker 1: Horard man, huh, I'll have your nose of it. It's
not helping al morale one bit. I see, that's right,
my morals and bothered me lately too. I see, I
know they sit has been bulging a lot. I'll like
get all of you know what a chicken is, sure,
a chicken with the wife.
Speaker 2: Of the rooster. Rooster.
Speaker 1: My neighbor has a rooster. Yeah, shiious bird I ever saw?
That's his wings wildly against his body and clothes. Like, man,
what's silly about that?
Speaker 3: My country?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 8: He s thanks himself and then.
Speaker 2: Cries about it.
Speaker 1: You know, my uncle Webwood has a roofstrap on his farm.
And the rooster went over to the next farm to
my uncles the other day, and he saw a football
right away. He called all the chicken for hens over
from my uncle farm to this other farm and he says,
girls got around when he putted the football.
Speaker 2: He says, I want to.
Speaker 1: Show you girls how they're delivering over here on this property.
Speaker 8: That's nice. Then what happened?
Speaker 2: Well then then all right, no high light enough. I
love the chicken.
Speaker 1: I was waiting for something.
Speaker 4: What's I gonna do.
Speaker 2: With a question?
Speaker 1: Don't let you know what bar? We get chicken liver?
Prom I love chicken liver? All right? Where do you
get it from? D Yeah, they got a lovely food department. Okay,
and they have a nice neck bar, nice.
Speaker 2: Far oh snack bar.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 8: I had a toll of experience with the snack.
Speaker 1: Bar next door, you know, the one next door. The
other day I couldn't pay my check.
Speaker 8: Yeah, how much?
Speaker 2: Wanted to two.
Speaker 1: Dollars and thirty cents?
Speaker 2: I must say, yeah, thirty cents?
Speaker 1: Well, why didn't you tell him your work from me?
Speaker 2: I did?
Speaker 1: What did he say? He wanted to know where I
got the thirty cents?
Speaker 8: Do you want to know?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 1: I kept bright girl and arrestler the other day and
I said to the waiter.
Speaker 2: Bring me some tomato juice for a pickup.
Speaker 8: And he said, slightly, Why don't you have for yourself.
Speaker 1: Why do you have for wait, please get on here.
He was one of those freshweighted and what else do
you think he did? He stuck his hand right in
my alphabet soup.
Speaker 2: Sucking, stuck his having your alphabet souper.
Speaker 1: Oh, he was probably just groping for words.
Speaker 7: Yeah, as.
Speaker 9: I played bad and I on my part.
Speaker 4: No art, I alwa be talented.
Speaker 7: Everybody puts the sounds on that or.
Speaker 9: Thank god?
Speaker 1: There is the next question. It should be in everybody's mouth.
What are the toothbrues us for? All right?
Speaker 2: That's the question.
Speaker 9: That is the question.
Speaker 2: All right, But you don't go changing in the game if.
Speaker 1: You for me, it was the hob. The question has
something to do with teeth, mister McNaught, you're wonderful. Oh
please with the had don't remind me?
Speaker 2: I see, well, that reminds me.
Speaker 1: I lots of pizza candy in the movies the other night.
You lots of pizza candy in the movie?
Speaker 2: You ever send doll over for it?
Speaker 1: I even had the usher with the search light, but
we couldn't find it at all because I am barrened?
Why all of us about a pizza candy?
Speaker 8: My teeth were in your teeth?
Speaker 2: Please?
Speaker 8: What is a tooth?
Speaker 1: W mister Sheldon?
Speaker 8: Do you ever use toothpaste?
Speaker 2: Or should I use toothpaste? My teeth? Ain't loose your teeth? Hae?
Speaker 8: Now what your head is?
Speaker 1: You know what the hob mister hard I was only
six weeks old when I cut my first tooth.
Speaker 2: When'd you cut your second tooth? Well?
Speaker 1: Oh, are you supposed to have two? The last time
I went to see a mic and I see it
no sooner put a bunch of tools in my mouth
when the five o'clock whistled, blew? What happened?
Speaker 2: He hung a red lantern on my nose and went home.
Speaker 1: Union man, Well, am I that I sure knows how
to pull teeth? Good? Eh? Natural borner, And that's you're
born here?
Speaker 7: You know?
Speaker 2: I go with the cloud down that has pullman teeth.
You have pullman teeth there, one upper and one lower.
Speaker 4: That's nine.
Speaker 1: I only have nice teeth.
Speaker 2: He parts them in the middle.
Speaker 1: Lack, but white is not about teeth? Can I be
tell me what a tooth price is used for?
Speaker 2: Tee? White shoes?
Speaker 1: Wait as one as the tooth price hus or on,
take your time, don't fly.
Speaker 2: Off the han and will come to it.
Speaker 8: Yeah, don't be so impatient.
Speaker 1: As the hob. Mister macgartlan.
Speaker 2: Have you got a toothbrush?
Speaker 1: Of course I had, mister, I'm sorry. I never lent
it to strangers. Oh you know I didn't ask to
borrow your tooth.
Speaker 2: Bright No, but it was a pretty broad hill awful.
Speaker 1: Mister seldom if you had a head on short would
be a high one.
Speaker 2: Why you had a head Do you think i'd be
working for you?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 1: So you know how I speaking about teeth. I always
carry a set of poles teeth in my pocket.
Speaker 8: What's the idea I'm teaching them to snap a pickpocket?
Speaker 2: That's not very twy is a tooth?
Speaker 4: Price?
Speaker 1: Hush for a pismcconnell, Why do you have hanging.
Speaker 2: In your bathroom?
Speaker 9: Let me leads.
Speaker 4: To really.
Speaker 6: Studied at.
Speaker 10: Copping, problem happing, copping, coping, coping, copping often coping happen
coppy bottom copping, copping, copping.
Speaker 6: Okay, I go, I want come to watch.
Speaker 2: Look I'm reading this radio role here all right, iconic
one here about us?
Speaker 1: Put it away? Yeah, mister Laurier, Okay.
Speaker 5: Okay, I don't want to see you put that away
mister Sheldon, mister Lowry made a mistake that's going to
stop the circulation of his magazine. Of our pictures are
in it, mister Robertson, we got some contestants. While you're
getting them up here, we'll have to take a time
out and turn to our August the only Orgistan world
where the symbols guy of the melody dtor Noviac and.
Speaker 1: His clackers clackers.
Speaker 8: That is dtr Nvik.
Speaker 4: What a all right, mile?
Speaker 1: You know i'd fired?
Speaker 5: I don't, I sure, only I can't do any better
for ten bucks. I wish someone would send me a
second handed jukebox some night.
Speaker 1: Well, who is our first contestant, mister roberts my first
guest of the evening.
Speaker 3: As to how it is water tenders second class irving
think of it's of the United States Navy.
Speaker 6: Missisi Whiston.
Speaker 1: Welcome to our program. It's really nice to have you.
Where's your hometown? Would you care to tell it? New
York City?
Speaker 4: Oh, you're right at home, that fat city Manhattan.
Speaker 1: Will feed me water with a fork and call me
Dick Tracy Wait I used to this, Yeah, I was
a step, a door and a dice factory.
Speaker 8: You will a step, a door in a dice fact.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I used to load them.
Speaker 6: Yeah, cut it out.
Speaker 1: Oh that was a natural, all right, I know it,
said Jim, You've got to expect that.
Speaker 8: That the figure looks.
Speaker 1: I really should have warned you. What are you doing
in New York? You off for the evening or something? No,
I've just gotten this chest. No, you just got a
discharge last month.
Speaker 2: I should have known.
Speaker 1: I'd buy that emblem you have on your chest there.
How long have you been to service?
Speaker 2: Three years?
Speaker 8: Three years?
Speaker 1: Congratulations? And I bet it feels real.
Speaker 2: Good to be out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I bet it does.
Speaker 4: I think you know what to think of it.
Speaker 1: When the wall broke out, I was learning how to fly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I gave it up.
Speaker 8: What made you give it up?
Speaker 1: My arms got tired?
Speaker 4: Would you believe it?
Speaker 1: I was getting absolutely flat happy?
Speaker 8: Yeah you're still honestly, What do you do.
Speaker 1: Before you enter the service?
Speaker 2: I was learning how to plant.
Speaker 8: I'm not talking.
Speaker 1: You're not talking to me.
Speaker 2: I'm not talking to you.
Speaker 1: That's something to look forward to, all right, I said
before I was interrupted.
Speaker 8: What did you do before you wanted deservit?
Speaker 1: I was working on the war plant in Hartford, Connecticut.
All up in the hard for Connecticut.
Speaker 2: It's the heart. What town in Connecticut is hard for
to get out of?
Speaker 4: I see you.
Speaker 8: All right, I'll have your.
Speaker 1: Watch town in Connecticut. It is hard for the get
out of Waterbury, Waterberry.
Speaker 2: Why, mister Shallas, Because this watch is there. They make
watches there, watches watches here.
Speaker 1: You should have stayed in Connecticut.
Speaker 4: Watches there.
Speaker 1: He said, he was a water tender. To me, I
was a bartender in the navy. And where in the
navy bartender? What is the duties of a bartender?
Speaker 2: And the native polished the bars on the second Louise coach.
Speaker 1: Like a lieutenant in the navy.
Speaker 2: That's the I know, printing through them.
Speaker 1: We're very glad to have you.
Speaker 2: What as I said before?
Speaker 4: Now sure heart?
Speaker 8: What's your first name?
Speaker 1: Irv Irving? That's a free name. I like that name,
don't you think that's the nice? Dame of Tower has
a little music.
Speaker 9: Yeah, you can just call me airplane.
Speaker 1: I'm always on the beam. What your pilot might went
out years ago? When you reasoning the dune, caff irbie
now and thick all as for these met with such
when you get one, would you be kind enough to
read it.
Speaker 2: Please?
Speaker 3: What is the name of the telephone alex Alexander Graham
Bell invented?
Speaker 1: Thank you?
Speaker 5: What is the name of the telephone Alexander Graham Bell invented?
Speaker 1: Correct me if I'm wrong?
Speaker 2: But did I understand you the same?
Speaker 8: What is the name of the telephone?
Speaker 1: That's right, that's ridiculous, bole boy, telephones don't have names,
they have numbers. I see, all right, But did you
ever hear anyone ask you the name of the telephone?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 2: Yeh, then the number, your dumb cluck.
Speaker 1: Mister Shell, Now you are more on a number siller
than it is.
Speaker 8: Well, that's a free part question, isn't it. That's not
a big why.
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about individual telephones. I mean, what is
the name of the telephone company?
Speaker 2: What telephone company?
Speaker 1: The Bell's telephone company? Why do you call up information
and find out? I even color the answer?
Speaker 4: You don't know, miss McConnell.
Speaker 1: Why do you ever go ice skating? Show on the
line when there's eyes? She ever tried going ice skating
when there isn't any eyes?
Speaker 6: I drowned.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's the idea, that's the idea exactly. Now let's
get back to the quie. One of the name of
telephone Alexander Graham Allen Xander.
Speaker 2: You just can't convince that guy he's wrong. I'm not wrong.
Speaker 1: Let me see Graham Bell, Graham Bell. Don't tell me
it is not the same fellow who invented the telephone.
All right, yes, yes, Now what is the name of
the telephone? Would it be Camille Cammie? No, Lucy was better.
Let's get on man, believe by the telephone company.
Speaker 2: Now, why why don't he go out and cut himself
a piece of cake.
Speaker 1: That's what he should go. I don't like cake.
Speaker 9: We'll go out and cut yourself.
Speaker 4: I don't care.
Speaker 2: You know, I was a telephone booths today talking to
my girl. You are Yeah, somebody wanted to use the phone,
so we had to get out.
Speaker 1: That's too bad. You know that somebody somebody called.
Speaker 8: Me on the phone last night.
Speaker 1: I can't understand the where they said?
Speaker 2: Why is that?
Speaker 1: It was a French phone, so I called my messing God.
Now you always so stupid, Oh darn though I had
to acquire it.
Speaker 2: Uh huh twok years the ears.
Speaker 1: I wish sometimes I wish we didn't have a phone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and time I'm in the bass of the phone ring.
Speaker 1: I complained that to the company about it, and what
they do? They come up and ripped out the bath tub.
Speaker 4: I see, you know they won't.
Speaker 1: They don't put a phone in my house. So I'm
gonna use caddio pigeons, card of pigeons. How are you
gonna put a nickel in a pigeon?
Speaker 2: I'll find the way.
Speaker 1: Why why didn't you try and get a party line?
What's the party line?
Speaker 8: Party line is one man's family listening.
Speaker 2: To we the people? Wait?
Speaker 1: What fuck I do to get a manager?
Speaker 4: Around here?
Speaker 8: We don't ask a question, but I did ask the
questions you.
Speaker 1: Did, jaw pops? Or what are you worrying about? What
you're on the phone?
Speaker 8: I asked to yell my head off.
Speaker 1: You don't hear me a block away?
Speaker 8: Well why do you have to holler so loud?
Speaker 2: I'd but you have no phone. There's only one of
them tonight.
Speaker 4: What's the matter?
Speaker 1: No year like, I'm aware, I know you be.
Speaker 2: Bring it there.
Speaker 1: I wish they would stay and they had leave.
Speaker 7: The thing.
Speaker 1: That kills me with the whole thing, nobody turns around
and takes a bout.
Speaker 8: That's why killed the name and now have we not
a contestant flee?
Speaker 3: Indeed we have, mister hard and I should like to
present to you now, Yeoman third Class Ruth Anson of
the Waves.
Speaker 1: Oh fine, no, I love to do a pace then here.
How do you feel a team in the fens?
Speaker 2: Fine?
Speaker 8: Thank you?
Speaker 1: Well that's great. Where's your home time? Would you care
to say?
Speaker 8: Essex, New York?
Speaker 1: Ethics, New York?
Speaker 7: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeahs, that's up near Lake Placid?
Speaker 3: Is that that's right?
Speaker 1: I see I have friends up there. They told me
the next time I was up there to drop in.
We're very glad to have your with us. I'm a jorpe.
Speaker 2: What are you doing in New York?
Speaker 1: I'm stationed here or you're stationed in New York? Would
you mind telling us what your work is in the service.
I work at an officer separation center and an officer
separation center. I mean you separate officers.
Speaker 8: Something like that or it is something like that.
Speaker 6: Well, I was close.
Speaker 1: That's marvelous for me. Uh what are you doing this evening?
Just the New York taking in the sights?
Speaker 6: I suppose something like that again, Uh huh?
Speaker 2: What are you doing after the pros?
Speaker 1: Well, we're very glad to have you with us. Love
the lady.
Speaker 2: You know, yes he is.
Speaker 1: You say that, listen to God and you say that
about every girl.
Speaker 2: It comes up here.
Speaker 8: Well, you know I like waves particularly.
Speaker 1: I see when did you first learn to like waves?
Speaker 8: When I found out they were sailors, I.
Speaker 4: Said, not annoying?
Speaker 8: Your miss answered along. You've been the service a year
and three months today, a year and.
Speaker 1: Three months a day. Congratulations, sort of an anniversary.
Speaker 2: Now I'm part of a nice five. How much the
how lovely disposition? And what a natty dresser? I want
to see the.
Speaker 1: Chick hats, shoes, open toes, everything. There's only one thing,
the matter with its face.
Speaker 2: Shows can't take her out of the day.
Speaker 8: No, I wouldn't have buy with you.
Speaker 1: I'm tired for all these interruptions.
Speaker 4: Miss.
Speaker 1: The answer is that right? What'd you do before you.
Speaker 2: Wented the service?
Speaker 1: Concentstcountant?
Speaker 8: You were what cost accountant?
Speaker 1: A cost accountant? I see you took charge of that
is your entered all costs of different things? What'd you
sell we're in store? Oh, he used to work on
that Rinso White radio program.
Speaker 2: Is to sellon Yeah I did.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he used to pinch the girl and said Rinso what.
Speaker 4: Will you do as the.
Speaker 1: Favorite region of the gunscap there? Please and pick out
a question for it? And would you kindly read the question?
Speaker 2: You don't mind?
Speaker 1: In what sport do they use a stick?
Speaker 4: Lives?
Speaker 2: Very nice? Very nice?
Speaker 1: And what sport do they use a polo stick? But
a summer or winter sport? Ain't that terrible?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: It's the summer. It's a winter sport rather, And once
I got to do with a question, was I going
another question for her?
Speaker 2: It's well a lot of question.
Speaker 1: It's not a lot of question.
Speaker 2: I don't start that.
Speaker 1: Don't stop what mister McNaughton, my mourning you I can take.
Speaker 4: Just so much.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't think about bring you any this. What are
you talking about? You told me not to stop something,
and I only asked you what it was you did
want me to stop. I tried, I tried, I heard.
Speaker 2: I was sitting here all the time, and you think, now, don't.
Speaker 1: Start that exactly, But you didn't say what it was.
Speaker 2: You didn't want me to start.
Speaker 1: What don't you wanted to start? Mister Howard?
Speaker 8: It's only fair I should know, you know.
Speaker 1: Look, please, is there in the house.
Speaker 2: Never mind ringing in foreigners.
Speaker 1: We can answer the questions, I sound indeed, we can
come with the picabo.
Speaker 8: Sure they can.
Speaker 9: What was the question?
Speaker 1: And what sport do they use a polo stick? Would
that be the same sport as a hort in which
you use a polo pony. Yes, you're ride on a
polo pony and you hit the ball with a polo stick.
Now wants the name of the sport?
Speaker 2: Badminton?
Speaker 8: God, what did you get?
Speaker 2: Badminton and moving Dane?
Speaker 8: Yeah, said all right, I.
Speaker 1: Wait, let me see. Now, let me see you hit
hit the polo pony with a stick, and then you no, no, no, no,
that ain't it.
Speaker 2: No, you hit the ball with the polo pony.
Speaker 9: Wait, are your both wall?
Speaker 1: And you rise the ball and you have the stick
of the pot.
Speaker 8: Wait a minute, you're right on the cricket hit.
Speaker 2: The pony with a pop.
Speaker 1: I'm afraid you're all mixed up there.
Speaker 2: See the pony rides on the stick and hits you
with the ball.
Speaker 8: Thank you, mister Roberts.
Speaker 5: Why don't you go home and work on your crime
doctor script for next Sunday?
Speaker 1: What's as bad as they are?
Speaker 2: Tell me where where did.
Speaker 1: They play polo polo ground.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 1: I saw one of those games, but I didn't see
any ponies.
Speaker 2: They had a stick and a ball, but no ponies.
Speaker 8: All right, but they call the game baseball.
Speaker 1: The game I'm talking.
Speaker 2: But they've played at the polo grounds. Didn't you?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 1: That a polar field? If you like that better? Oh,
I love a polo field.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: There's nothing pret here in the spring on the field
of nice ripe polos.
Speaker 2: Nice thing.
Speaker 1: I see a lot of morons in my day.
Speaker 2: But you top the list.
Speaker 1: Oh you mean, I'm now ahead of you two points.
I don't any Have you ever seen a string of
polo pony?
Speaker 7: You means?
Speaker 2: For the record, that's all.
Speaker 4: Be with us again next week.
Speaker 2: I'm here.
Speaker 3: Approven again by Tom Howard Lodoll, McConnell, George Sheldon, and
Harry McNaughton. That it pays to be ignorant. Ken Roberts speaking.
This is the Armed Forces Radio Service in in