WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.240 --> 00:00:04.559 You know, there's a very peculiar and often painful predicament 2 00:00:04.919 --> 00:00:08.480 that spiritually awakened people find themselves in when it comes 3 00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:12.720 to romantic relationships. They discover that the very awakening that 4 00:00:12.759 --> 00:00:16.120 has brought them so much clarity, so much peace, so 5 00:00:16.239 --> 00:00:20.960 much understanding about the nature of existence, has simultaneously made 6 00:00:21.000 --> 00:00:24.480 it extraordinarily difficult to find someone to share their life with. 7 00:00:25.480 --> 00:00:28.039 And this isn't because there's something wrong with them. 8 00:00:28.280 --> 00:00:31.239 It's because they've changed in a fundamental way that makes 9 00:00:31.280 --> 00:00:34.840 them incompatible with the way most people approach love and relationships. 10 00:00:35.520 --> 00:00:38.880 Let me explain what I mean. When you wake up spiritually, 11 00:00:39.240 --> 00:00:41.960 when you see through the illusions that most people live by, 12 00:00:42.320 --> 00:00:46.759 you stop playing certain games, you stop pretending, you stop performing, 13 00:00:47.399 --> 00:00:50.520 You become authentic in a way that most people find unsettling. 14 00:00:51.200 --> 00:00:55.399 And nowhere is this more problematic than in the arena 15 00:00:55.479 --> 00:01:00.000 of romantic love. Because romantic love, as it's typically practice 16 00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:04.680 in our culture, is almost entirely based on games, performances, 17 00:01:04.959 --> 00:01:09.480 and illusions. Think about what passes for courtship, for dating, 18 00:01:09.879 --> 00:01:12.480 for the pursuit of romantic connection in the ordinary world. 19 00:01:13.120 --> 00:01:17.319 It's an elaborate dance of deception. Isn't it not malicious 20 00:01:17.319 --> 00:01:22.799 deception necessarily, but deception nonetheless. People present carefully curated versions 21 00:01:22.840 --> 00:01:28.439 of themselves. They hide their flaws, exaggerate their virtues, play 22 00:01:28.480 --> 00:01:32.079 hard to get, pretend to be more confident, or more mysterious, 23 00:01:32.159 --> 00:01:35.239 or more successful than they actually are. The whole thing 24 00:01:35.319 --> 00:01:38.920 is a performance, a game of strategy and manipulation, even 25 00:01:38.920 --> 00:01:41.519 when it's done with the best of intentions. But the 26 00:01:41.560 --> 00:01:44.920 awakened person can't play this game anymore. They've lost the 27 00:01:44.959 --> 00:01:48.560 ability to be inauthentic. They can't pretend to be something 28 00:01:48.560 --> 00:01:52.000 they're not. They can't play COI or mysterious when they're 29 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:55.879 fundamentally transparent. They can't engage in the push and pull, 30 00:01:56.319 --> 00:02:00.000 the advance and retreat, the testing and withholding that characterize 31 00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:04.000 as is ordinary romantic pursuit, and so they immediately find 32 00:02:04.040 --> 00:02:08.599 themselves at a disadvantage in the conventional dating world. Moreover, 33 00:02:09.280 --> 00:02:12.319 the awakened person has seen through one of the fundamental 34 00:02:12.319 --> 00:02:16.639 illusions that drives romantic seeking, which is the belief that 35 00:02:16.719 --> 00:02:20.639 another person can complete you, can make you whole, can 36 00:02:20.719 --> 00:02:24.400 fill the emptiness inside you. They've discovered that you are 37 00:02:24.439 --> 00:02:27.599 already whole, that there is no emptiness that needs filling. 38 00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:30.879 That the sense of lack that drives most romantic pursuit 39 00:02:31.159 --> 00:02:35.000 is itself an illusion. And once you've realized this, once 40 00:02:35.039 --> 00:02:37.960 you've tasted the completeness of your own being, you can't 41 00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:41.240 go back to seeking completion in another person. But here's 42 00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:46.120 the problem. Most people who are available for romantic relationships 43 00:02:46.360 --> 00:02:49.919 are precisely those who are seeking completion. They're looking for 44 00:02:50.000 --> 00:02:52.680 someone to make them happy, to give them a sense 45 00:02:52.680 --> 00:02:57.000 of purpose, to validate their existence, to fill their inner void. 46 00:02:57.520 --> 00:03:00.280 This is what drives the romantic quest for most Pears people. 47 00:03:00.919 --> 00:03:04.199 And when such a person encounters someone who isn't seeking 48 00:03:04.240 --> 00:03:07.680 these things, who doesn't need them to feel complete, who 49 00:03:07.719 --> 00:03:11.000 is already whole in themselves, there's often a lack of chemistry, 50 00:03:11.560 --> 00:03:13.639 a lack of the familiar romantic tension. 51 00:03:14.319 --> 00:03:14.840 You see. 52 00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:18.719 What we call chemistry in romantic relationships is often just 53 00:03:18.759 --> 00:03:22.879 the resonance of two incompleteness patterns recognizing each other. Two 54 00:03:22.919 --> 00:03:25.960 people who both have avoid meet and their voids fit 55 00:03:26.039 --> 00:03:29.280 together in a complimentary way. He needs someone to take 56 00:03:29.319 --> 00:03:31.840 care of she needs someone to take care of her. 57 00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:36.280 He needs someone to validate his masculinity. She needs someone 58 00:03:36.319 --> 00:03:39.599 to make her feel secure. The needs lock together like 59 00:03:39.680 --> 00:03:43.000 puzzle pieces, and we call this falling in love. But 60 00:03:43.120 --> 00:03:46.520 the awakened person doesn't have these needs, or at least 61 00:03:46.520 --> 00:03:49.680 not in the same desperate way, and so when they 62 00:03:49.719 --> 00:03:54.000 meet someone who is driven by these needs, there's no lock, 63 00:03:54.400 --> 00:03:58.520 no click, no spark of recognition. The other person feels 64 00:03:58.560 --> 00:04:01.639 that something is missing, though they usually can't articulate what 65 00:04:01.719 --> 00:04:05.319 it is. They might say the awakened person is too detached, 66 00:04:05.639 --> 00:04:09.639 too independent, too self sufficient. What they're really sensing is 67 00:04:09.680 --> 00:04:12.680 the absence of neediness, and neediness is what they are 68 00:04:12.759 --> 00:04:16.800 unconsciously looking for because it matches their own There's another 69 00:04:16.839 --> 00:04:19.639 aspect to this difficulty, which has to do with the 70 00:04:19.720 --> 00:04:23.279 nature of authentic relating. The awakened person has learned to 71 00:04:23.319 --> 00:04:26.720 relate from presents, from simply being with another person without 72 00:04:26.720 --> 00:04:30.480 a genda, without trying to get something, without performing or manipulating. 73 00:04:31.120 --> 00:04:34.120 This is a very rare and precious kind of relating, 74 00:04:34.800 --> 00:04:36.879 but it's not what most people are looking for in 75 00:04:37.000 --> 00:04:41.800 romantic connection. Most people want intensity, drama, the highs and 76 00:04:41.879 --> 00:04:45.360 lows of passionate attachment. They want to feel swept away, 77 00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:49.439 to experience the drug like effect of romantic infatuation. 78 00:04:49.800 --> 00:04:51.519 To lose themselves in another person. 79 00:04:52.199 --> 00:04:55.279 But the awakened person can't provide this because they've seen 80 00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:58.279 through it. They know that what's called romantic passion is 81 00:04:58.319 --> 00:05:00.759 often just the excitement of too ear ees trying to 82 00:05:00.759 --> 00:05:04.319 consume each other, two separate selves trying to merge into 83 00:05:04.360 --> 00:05:08.120 one to escape the pain of their imagined separateness. The 84 00:05:08.199 --> 00:05:13.879 awakened person offers something different. They offer genuine presents, authentic connection, 85 00:05:14.480 --> 00:05:17.680 the meeting of two beings who recognize their essential oneness 86 00:05:18.000 --> 00:05:21.680 while honoring their apparent difference. But this doesn't feel like 87 00:05:21.759 --> 00:05:24.879 falling in love to someone who's waiting for that euphoric 88 00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:30.000 high of romantic infatuation. It feels too calm, too stable, 89 00:05:30.360 --> 00:05:34.800 too grounded. Where's the excitement, where's the obsession? Where's the 90 00:05:34.839 --> 00:05:37.480 feeling of being unable to live without the other person? 91 00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:41.680 And so the awakened person is often passed over. They're 92 00:05:41.720 --> 00:05:44.920 too peaceful for people who are addicted to drama. They're 93 00:05:44.920 --> 00:05:48.120 too authentic for people who are comfortable with masks. 94 00:05:48.399 --> 00:05:49.360 They're too whole for. 95 00:05:49.360 --> 00:05:52.600 People who are looking for someone to complete them. They're 96 00:05:52.639 --> 00:05:57.399 dismissed as boring or unromantic or emotionally unavailable, when really 97 00:05:57.399 --> 00:06:00.800 they're just operating at a different level of consciousness. Let 98 00:06:00.839 --> 00:06:04.079 me tell you about another problem. The awakened person tends 99 00:06:04.120 --> 00:06:07.399 to see people very clearly. They see through the social 100 00:06:07.480 --> 00:06:12.839 masks the personas the carefully constructed self images that people present. 101 00:06:13.600 --> 00:06:17.680 They see the insecurity beneath the confidence, the fear beneath 102 00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:22.160 the bravado, the neediness beneath the independence. And while they 103 00:06:22.199 --> 00:06:26.920 see all this with compassion, without judgment, this clarity makes 104 00:06:26.959 --> 00:06:31.079 it very difficult to participate in the romantic illusion you see. 105 00:06:31.839 --> 00:06:35.199 Romantic love as it's typically practiced, requires a certain amount 106 00:06:35.199 --> 00:06:39.920 of projection, of fantasy, of seeing the other person not 107 00:06:40.079 --> 00:06:42.240 as they are, but as you want them to be. 108 00:06:43.000 --> 00:06:45.959 You project your ideals on to them. You see them 109 00:06:45.959 --> 00:06:48.879 through rose colored glasses. You fall in love not with 110 00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:51.439 the actual person, but with your idea of the person. 111 00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:54.800 This is why people often say after a relationship ends, 112 00:06:55.120 --> 00:06:58.120 I didn't really know them at all. But the awakened 113 00:06:58.160 --> 00:07:02.000 person can't do this. They see too clearly. They see 114 00:07:02.040 --> 00:07:06.079 the actual person with all their conditioning, all their wounds, 115 00:07:06.480 --> 00:07:10.120 all their patterns and limitations. And while they can love 116 00:07:10.160 --> 00:07:13.240 this person, they can't romanticize them in the way that 117 00:07:13.399 --> 00:07:17.079 ordinary romantic love requires. They can't pretend the person is 118 00:07:17.120 --> 00:07:20.680 something they're not. They can't lose themselves in a fantasy. 119 00:07:21.319 --> 00:07:24.959 This clarity, this ability to see what is, makes the 120 00:07:25.000 --> 00:07:28.399 awakened person a very uncomfortable romantic partner for most people, 121 00:07:29.040 --> 00:07:34.399 because most people, when they're being seen clearly feel exposed, vulnerable, 122 00:07:34.920 --> 00:07:39.439 even attacked. They've built their identity on certain illusions about themselves, 123 00:07:40.079 --> 00:07:43.000 and they need their romantic partner to support these illusions, 124 00:07:43.399 --> 00:07:45.759 to reflect back to them the image they want to 125 00:07:45.759 --> 00:07:46.240 believe in. 126 00:07:46.759 --> 00:07:48.319 But the awakened person can't do this. 127 00:07:49.000 --> 00:07:52.079 Their very presence, their very way of seeing, threatens these 128 00:07:52.120 --> 00:07:56.639 comfortable illusions. There's also the matter of pace. The awakened 129 00:07:56.639 --> 00:08:00.759 person is comfortable with slowness, with taking time, with letting 130 00:08:00.800 --> 00:08:04.120 things unfold naturally. They're not in a hurry because they're 131 00:08:04.120 --> 00:08:06.480 not trying to fill a void or escape from themselves 132 00:08:06.959 --> 00:08:10.399 or prove something. They can be patient can allow a 133 00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:15.000 relationship to develop organically, can let intimacy deepen gradually. But 134 00:08:15.160 --> 00:08:18.439 most people in the romantic market place are operating with 135 00:08:18.519 --> 00:08:22.160 a sense of urgency. They're getting older, their biological clock 136 00:08:22.240 --> 00:08:25.399 is ticking, all their friends are coupled up. They're tired, 137 00:08:25.439 --> 00:08:29.439 of being alone. They want things to move quickly. They 138 00:08:29.480 --> 00:08:32.519 want to know after three dates whether this is going somewhere. 139 00:08:33.360 --> 00:08:37.360 They want commitment, they want certainty, they want to lock 140 00:08:37.440 --> 00:08:42.279 things down. And the awakened person, with their natural slowness, 141 00:08:42.320 --> 00:08:48.879 their lack of urgency, their comfort with uncertainty, seems indecisive, uncommitted, unavailable. 142 00:08:49.480 --> 00:08:52.679 The other person interprets this patience as lack of interest, 143 00:08:53.120 --> 00:08:56.120 when really it's just a different relationship to time, a 144 00:08:56.159 --> 00:08:59.399 different way of allowing connection to emerge. Let me speak 145 00:08:59.399 --> 00:09:02.240 about another dimension of this problem, which is the matter 146 00:09:02.279 --> 00:09:06.080 of shared reality. When two people come together in relationship, 147 00:09:06.399 --> 00:09:10.000 they create a shared world, a mutual reality built on 148 00:09:10.120 --> 00:09:14.440 shared beliefs, shared values, shared ways of seeing. But the 149 00:09:14.519 --> 00:09:17.480 awakened person's way of seeing is so different from the 150 00:09:17.519 --> 00:09:21.240 conventional view that it becomes very difficult to create this 151 00:09:21.399 --> 00:09:24.240 shared reality with someone who is still living in the 152 00:09:24.240 --> 00:09:28.320 conventional world. The awakened person doesn't care about many things 153 00:09:28.360 --> 00:09:35.799 that most people consider important social status, career advancement, accumulating possessions, 154 00:09:35.960 --> 00:09:39.679 keeping up with trends, what other people think. All the 155 00:09:39.799 --> 00:09:43.360 usual concerns of social life seem rather trivial to someone 156 00:09:43.559 --> 00:09:47.480 who has awakened to the deeper dimensions of existence. This 157 00:09:47.519 --> 00:09:50.440 doesn't mean their irresponsible or can't function in the world, 158 00:09:51.000 --> 00:09:53.960 but their priorities are different, their values are different, and 159 00:09:54.159 --> 00:09:57.600 when you're in relationship with someone whose priorities are fundamentally 160 00:09:57.600 --> 00:10:01.279 different from yours, there's a constant friction, a constant sense 161 00:10:01.320 --> 00:10:04.799 of not being on the same page. The conventional person 162 00:10:04.840 --> 00:10:08.720 wants to talk about their career goals, their plans for retirement, 163 00:10:09.159 --> 00:10:11.480 what kind of house they want to buy, where they 164 00:10:11.519 --> 00:10:15.279 want to go on vacation. The awakened person is interested 165 00:10:15.320 --> 00:10:19.039 in the nature of consciousness, the mystery of existence, the 166 00:10:19.080 --> 00:10:23.200 present moment, the depth beneath the surface of things. Neither 167 00:10:23.320 --> 00:10:26.960 perspective is wrong, but they're operating in different dimensions, and 168 00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:30.080 it's very difficult to meet across that gap. The awakened 169 00:10:30.120 --> 00:10:33.240 person feels lonely in the relationship because the other person 170 00:10:33.320 --> 00:10:36.960 can't meet them where they actually are. The conventional person 171 00:10:37.039 --> 00:10:40.120 feels frustrated because the awakened person doesn't seem to care 172 00:10:40.159 --> 00:10:43.080 about the things they think are important. There's also a 173 00:10:43.080 --> 00:10:46.240 certain loneliness that comes with awakening that makes romantic connection 174 00:10:46.360 --> 00:10:49.360 more difficult. When you wake up, you realize that no 175 00:10:49.399 --> 00:10:51.879 matter how close you are to another person, no matter 176 00:10:51.879 --> 00:10:55.480 how intimate the connection, you are ultimately alone. Not alone 177 00:10:55.879 --> 00:10:58.919 in a sad sense, but alone in the sense that 178 00:10:59.000 --> 00:11:02.360 your experience is uniquely your own, that no one can 179 00:11:02.399 --> 00:11:05.200 truly know what it's like to be you, that there's 180 00:11:05.240 --> 00:11:08.399 a fundamental mystery to your own existence that can never 181 00:11:08.440 --> 00:11:09.159 be fully. 182 00:11:08.879 --> 00:11:10.000 Shared or communicated. 183 00:11:10.679 --> 00:11:14.360 Most people are running from this existential a loneness, trying 184 00:11:14.360 --> 00:11:17.840 to escape it through merger with another person. This is 185 00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:21.960 one of the unconscious drives behind romantic seeking. If I 186 00:11:22.039 --> 00:11:25.559 can merge with you, if we can become one, then 187 00:11:25.600 --> 00:11:28.919 I won't have to face my essential loneness. But the 188 00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:33.200 awakened person has already faced this aloneness, has already made 189 00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:35.720 peace with it, has even found the beauty in it, 190 00:11:36.200 --> 00:11:38.279 And so they are not trying to use relationship as 191 00:11:38.320 --> 00:11:42.039 an escape from a loneness. But this means they come 192 00:11:42.080 --> 00:11:45.039 to relationship differently. They come not. 193 00:11:44.919 --> 00:11:47.919 From need but from choice. 194 00:11:46.919 --> 00:11:50.679 Not from lack, but from fullness, not to escape a loneness, 195 00:11:50.759 --> 00:11:54.399 but to share their already complete existence with another. And 196 00:11:54.519 --> 00:11:58.240 while this is a much healthier foundation for relationship, it's 197 00:11:58.279 --> 00:12:01.559 not what most people are looking for. Most people want 198 00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:04.679 some one who needs them, someone who can't imagine life 199 00:12:04.759 --> 00:12:08.320 without them someone who makes them feel essential. The awakened 200 00:12:08.360 --> 00:12:12.840 person can't provide this kind of dependency. Now, let me 201 00:12:12.879 --> 00:12:16.840 address something important. I'm not saying that awakened people can 202 00:12:16.840 --> 00:12:19.679 never find love or that they are doomed to be alone. 203 00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:22.879 What I am saying is that they can't find love 204 00:12:23.320 --> 00:12:27.519 in the ordinary way, through the ordinary channels, based on 205 00:12:27.600 --> 00:12:31.759 the ordinary assumptions. The kind of relationship that an awakened 206 00:12:31.759 --> 00:12:35.320 person can participate in is very rare because it requires 207 00:12:35.360 --> 00:12:38.519 two people who are both relatively awake, or at least 208 00:12:38.519 --> 00:12:41.240 one partner who is awake and another who is open 209 00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:44.879 to that depth of relating. When two awakened people meet, 210 00:12:45.440 --> 00:12:49.600 something entirely different becomes possible. A relationship based not on 211 00:12:49.759 --> 00:12:52.879 need but on celebration, not on completing each other, but 212 00:12:52.960 --> 00:12:56.879 on sharing their completeness, not on losing themselves in each other, 213 00:12:56.919 --> 00:13:00.559 but on remaining fully themselves while being together. Not on 214 00:13:00.879 --> 00:13:03.960 creating a comfortable illusion, but on seeing and loving what 215 00:13:04.120 --> 00:13:07.840 actually is. This kind of relationship is not easier than 216 00:13:08.120 --> 00:13:12.600 conventional relationships. In some ways, it's more challenging because there's 217 00:13:12.639 --> 00:13:16.000 nowhere to hide, no comfortable illusions to fall back on, 218 00:13:16.600 --> 00:13:20.639 no unconscious contracts to keep things stable. But it's deeper, 219 00:13:21.039 --> 00:13:25.840 more real, more aligned with truth, and for the awakened person, 220 00:13:26.720 --> 00:13:30.360 nothing less will do. The problem is finding such a person. 221 00:13:31.159 --> 00:13:35.279 They're rare, very rare. Most people who are available for 222 00:13:35.360 --> 00:13:39.440 relationship are not awakened. They are still playing the conventional game, 223 00:13:40.120 --> 00:13:44.120 still seeking completion in another still operating from their wounds 224 00:13:44.120 --> 00:13:48.399 and neediness, and the awakened person can't pretend to be at. 225 00:13:48.279 --> 00:13:49.240 That level any more. 226 00:13:49.840 --> 00:13:53.240 They can't go backwards, they can't unknow what they've learned. 227 00:13:53.919 --> 00:13:57.480 So what often happens is that the awakened person goes 228 00:13:57.519 --> 00:14:00.279 through a period of being alone, not by choice but 229 00:14:00.320 --> 00:14:04.120 by circumstance. They're not closed to relationship, but they can't 230 00:14:04.159 --> 00:14:07.360 settle for the kind of relationships that are available to them. 231 00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:11.279 They can't participate in the games, can't provide the neediness 232 00:14:11.279 --> 00:14:13.960 that others are looking for, can't play the roles that 233 00:14:14.039 --> 00:14:18.480 conventional romance requires. This period of a loneliness can be 234 00:14:18.600 --> 00:14:22.840 very difficult, especially at first. There's grief in it, the 235 00:14:22.879 --> 00:14:26.120 grief of realizing that you've grown beyond the kind of 236 00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:30.200 connection that used to be available to you. There's loneliness 237 00:14:30.440 --> 00:14:33.799 the recognition that you're operating at a frequency that few 238 00:14:33.799 --> 00:14:37.720 others attuned to. There's frustration at the difficulty of explaining 239 00:14:37.720 --> 00:14:40.240 to others why you can't just get out there and date, 240 00:14:40.360 --> 00:14:42.879 or lower your standards or be more open. But this 241 00:14:43.000 --> 00:14:46.759 period of a loneeness is also necessary. It's a time 242 00:14:46.799 --> 00:14:50.240 of deepening, of learning to be truly comfortable with yourself, 243 00:14:50.519 --> 00:14:54.240 of discovering that you don't need romantic relationship to be complete. 244 00:14:54.960 --> 00:14:59.720 And paradoxically, it's often when someone has fully accepted their 245 00:14:59.759 --> 00:15:03.240 al lone, when they've stopped seeking and grasping and trying 246 00:15:03.240 --> 00:15:06.679 to make relationship happen, that they become available for the 247 00:15:06.759 --> 00:15:10.159 kind of deep connection that's actually possible for them. Because 248 00:15:10.200 --> 00:15:13.440 here's the thing. When you're no longer desperate for connection, 249 00:15:14.120 --> 00:15:18.000 when you're genuinely okay with being alone, when you've stopped 250 00:15:18.039 --> 00:15:21.960 trying to use relationship to fill a void, you become 251 00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:25.519 much more attractive to the rare person who is also 252 00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:30.080 operating from this place of wholeness. Like recognizes like fullness, 253 00:15:30.120 --> 00:15:33.000 is drawn to fullness. Two people who don't need each 254 00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:35.799 other can actually choose each other, and that choice has 255 00:15:35.840 --> 00:15:39.279 a completely different quality than the grasping neediness that drives 256 00:15:39.320 --> 00:15:42.879 most romantic connection. So, in a sense, the difficulty that 257 00:15:43.039 --> 00:15:46.440 awakened people have in finding love is itself a kind 258 00:15:46.440 --> 00:15:51.399 of purification process. It's burning away all the unconscious motivations, 259 00:15:51.759 --> 00:15:55.200 all the hidden neediness, all the illusions about what relationship 260 00:15:55.240 --> 00:15:59.519 is supposed to provide, and what remains if they're patient, 261 00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:02.440 if they don't settle, if they stay true to what 262 00:16:02.440 --> 00:16:05.679 they've realized is the possibility of something much deeper than 263 00:16:05.679 --> 00:16:06.919 what most people call love. 264 00:16:07.639 --> 00:16:09.480 This is not much comfort. 265 00:16:09.039 --> 00:16:12.120 When you're going through it, when you're spending another evening 266 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:15.120 alone while everyone else seems to be paired up, when 267 00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:18.320 you're wondering if something is wrong with you, if you're 268 00:16:18.399 --> 00:16:22.840 too picky, too difficult, too different. But I want to 269 00:16:22.879 --> 00:16:26.919 assure you that nothing is wrong. You haven't become incapable 270 00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:30.519 of love. You've become incapable of settling for less than 271 00:16:30.559 --> 00:16:33.799 real love. And that's not a problem. That's an evolution. 272 00:16:34.519 --> 00:16:37.440 The loneliness of the awakened person is not the loneliness 273 00:16:37.440 --> 00:16:41.080 of someone who is broken or deficient. It's the loneliness 274 00:16:41.679 --> 00:16:45.320 of someone who has seen something that most people haven't seen, 275 00:16:45.720 --> 00:16:49.360 who has tasted something that most people haven't tasted. Who 276 00:16:49.440 --> 00:16:53.240 has awakened to a depth of being that most people 277 00:16:53.600 --> 00:16:58.279 are still asleep to. And yes, this creates distance. Yes, 278 00:16:58.559 --> 00:17:03.080 it makes conventional connect difficult. Yes, it means you won't 279 00:17:03.080 --> 00:17:06.720 fit into the ordinary world of romance and relationship. But 280 00:17:06.759 --> 00:17:09.839 would you really want to go back? Would you really 281 00:17:09.880 --> 00:17:14.279 want to unno what you know, to become unconscious again, 282 00:17:14.519 --> 00:17:17.720 to participate in the games and illusions that you've seen through. 283 00:17:18.400 --> 00:17:22.559 I don't think so, And so you wait. You remain open. 284 00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:25.599 You don't close your heart even though it's been disappointed. 285 00:17:26.160 --> 00:17:28.759 You don't settle, even though it would be easier. You 286 00:17:28.839 --> 00:17:31.319 trust that when the time is right, when you've learned 287 00:17:31.359 --> 00:17:34.079 what this aloneness has to teach you, the right connection 288 00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:37.720 will emerge. And if it doesn't, if you live your 289 00:17:37.759 --> 00:17:40.440 whole life without finding that rare person who can meet 290 00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:43.000 you where you are, then you learn that you can 291 00:17:43.079 --> 00:17:46.519 be complete without romantic partnership. That love is not something 292 00:17:46.559 --> 00:17:49.400 you find in another person, but something you are, something 293 00:17:49.440 --> 00:17:53.799 you radiate, something you offer to life itself, whether or 294 00:17:53.839 --> 00:17:56.720 not it's returned in the specific form you might have 295 00:17:56.799 --> 00:18:01.279 hoped for. This is the paradox way person can't find 296 00:18:01.319 --> 00:18:05.039 love in the ordinary way, but they've found something deeper 297 00:18:05.240 --> 00:18:09.200 than romantic love. They've found love as their essential nature, 298 00:18:09.839 --> 00:18:13.079 as the ground of being, as what they are rather 299 00:18:13.119 --> 00:18:16.359 than what they get from someone else. And while they 300 00:18:16.400 --> 00:18:19.440 remain open to sharing this with another person in relationship, 301 00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:22.400 they're no longer dependent on that happening for their happiness, 302 00:18:22.480 --> 00:18:24.759 their wholeness, their sense of being loved.