Speaker 1: Let me finish. This is the first time I committed
Speaker 1: a hate crime. Maybe they'll jerk my dick off for it,
Speaker 1: you know, like something like that. Yeah, probably we've disgusted.
Speaker 1: I'm associate Bath, you're thras.
Speaker 2: Did my shit put any trash ship?
Speaker 3: You're a worst friend, the.
Speaker 1: One to know why you're all fucked up. Just look
Speaker 1: at the fucking problems to hang around with. You're listening
Speaker 1: to your worst friend of Shane and Matt. I'm Matt
Speaker 1: and I'm joined today by my friend and co host Shane.
Speaker 3: What's up y'all? Breaking Bad fans? Have you heard of
Speaker 3: the show Breaking Bad?
Speaker 1: Nope, never heard of it.
Speaker 3: It's good. Check it out. It's on AMC or something.
Speaker 1: What was your analysis of today's show? We are recording
Speaker 1: the intro post show.
Speaker 3: My analysis of today's show. There's a lot of good
Speaker 3: advice for how to deal with the holidays. There's recipes,
Speaker 3: there's uh, there's there's love, there's uh, there's heartfelt moments,
Speaker 3: there's funny parts. So it's like, uh, it's kind of
Speaker 3: like a holiday movie, right, like like Home Alone three.
Speaker 3: You know, it's like there's all these funny parts, there's
Speaker 3: all these adventurous parts. There's these really smart parts, like
Speaker 3: what the traps he sets, But at the end of
Speaker 3: the day, it's really heartfelt, emotional. It's a personal story
Speaker 3: about a little kid with chicken pox and how much
Speaker 3: he loves his neighbor.
Speaker 1: Literally all of that is in the Patreon and none
Speaker 1: of that is in this episode you're about to listen to.
Speaker 1: So enjoy. All right, I started making a list. I
Speaker 1: am this kind of I'm in full war mode right now.
Speaker 3: Okay, oh okay? Is that is that like an illusioned?
Speaker 3: Is this like a some sort of analogy that I
Speaker 3: should know?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 3: What is war mode in regards to Matt's list?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Different hit list?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, no, different people that I
Speaker 1: have to target for different reasons to do different things
Speaker 1: to them because they have spied me in some way
Speaker 1: or something I didn't like about them.
Speaker 3: What are you trying to, Like, you get inspired so
Speaker 3: you can pin a sequel to Dirty Work?
Speaker 1: No, I'm trying to get people fired from their jobs
Speaker 1: and possibly kill themselves.
Speaker 3: Yeah it sounds like just a more edgy dirty Work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like a twenty twenty four dirty Work like
Speaker 1: The Crow. Well, I haven't watched it yet whoa we
Speaker 1: did a few weeks ago.
Speaker 3: Oh was that a piece of shit?
Speaker 1: It looks like it that movie, I mean, such a
Speaker 1: piece of shit. I just fresh out of a dog's ass,
Speaker 1: fucking slightly wet, like a sixty percent moisture content shit
Speaker 1: like the consistency of fresh mozzarella, just kind of but
Speaker 1: a little more like goofy pouring out of the ass
Speaker 1: of a fucking small dog with bowel sickness.
Speaker 3: That's a that's like a big meal movie, like not
Speaker 3: not eating, but that's like, if I'm going to be
Speaker 3: cooking a big meal that requires my attention, have that
Speaker 3: shit on in the background, and I'll just every time
Speaker 3: something really stupid happens, I'll notice it.
Speaker 1: You know that, I'm pretty good at doing something mindless
Speaker 1: while listening to a movie or something, you know, so
Speaker 1: I can like absorb a out of it. And I
Speaker 1: remember I was editing something, and when I edit, I
Speaker 1: keep one headphone in here. When I'm doing the interview show,
Speaker 1: I keep one headphone in, but I'm reading the text
Speaker 1: to cut along with the transcription of it, basically, sure,
Speaker 1: and I'm basically paying attention to the entire Crow movie.
Speaker 3: The whole time, and it's that nuanced huh.
Speaker 1: It's so it was just it was just it was nothing.
Speaker 1: It was just gunk. It's just drag. It's just nothing.
Speaker 1: It was sitting there, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean I don't even really like the original
Speaker 3: Crow that much, but I appreciate that it has like
Speaker 3: a cult fandom. I watched it maybe a year ago.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm a big rust fan.
Speaker 3: Because oh oh yeah the Baldwin movie. Yeah yeah, it's
Speaker 3: this similar, similar mishap on set. But the Crow, the
Speaker 3: original Crow was objectively like an interesting premise, right, It's like,
Speaker 3: what is it? It's like he's reincarnated after his girl
Speaker 3: gets fucking raped to death and he goes on a
Speaker 3: revenge free He's also got a crow ghost attached to
Speaker 3: him or something, and it's got what is that, Michael Wincott,
Speaker 3: That that really squinty eyed bad guy who's got like
Speaker 3: a uh uh, Christopher Lambert style Highlander wig. It's like
Speaker 3: such a stupid villain. Is the Crow is not a
Speaker 3: good movie?
Speaker 1: What we're talking about?
Speaker 3: He's in.
Speaker 1: What else? Was he in?
Speaker 3: Was he in Alien Resurrection? Yeah? What else?
Speaker 1: Robinhood, Prince of Thieves. It looks like Three Musketeers is
Speaker 1: a good movie. I haven't seen that since I was little.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not bad.
Speaker 1: It's kind of fun from what I remember. Isn't the
Speaker 1: fat one in that? Isn't I have that guy?
Speaker 3: You know, that fat Andre that John Candy?
Speaker 1: No, Oliver one of those guys.
Speaker 3: Oliver Platt is such a great like, uh if if
Speaker 3: you and I didn't know movies, we would know his
Speaker 3: fucking name. But he is such a good, like forgettable
Speaker 3: side character actor. He's so great if you need like
Speaker 3: a historian to do like four scenes and and give
Speaker 3: you the intel on like the bad guys and their
Speaker 3: belief system and all this shit, or you know, the
Speaker 3: ancient ruine writing. But you don't. You don't want to
Speaker 3: see him like kiss somebody or get his dick sucked.
Speaker 1: He's an exposition character.
Speaker 3: Yeah great.
Speaker 1: He's great for showing up and being like that's what
Speaker 1: and you know what he's good at with a couple
Speaker 1: of quippie lines and shit too.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, he can give him an attitude.
Speaker 1: This is a big time Oliver Platt fucking podcast. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're big ups Oliver Platt old day long.
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's see if we can get Oliver Platt on
Speaker 3: here for the finale.
Speaker 1: Gentlemen, we present to you Oliver Platt, and we just
Speaker 1: have him do the aultro to.
Speaker 3: First question was that you and flat liners ask him things.
Speaker 1: Hey, was that you and that one? And goes, yeah,
Speaker 1: you go, man, Keefer was great in that, right, he's
Speaker 1: just pointing out whoever the lead was that was really
Speaker 1: great in that movie.
Speaker 3: Man, they put you in there with Keefer, Kevin Bacon
Speaker 3: and Julia Roberts. God damn, you must have shipped your
Speaker 3: pants the first day of shooting.
Speaker 1: Huh, Oliver, Oliver, really wonderful to have you on here. Now,
Speaker 1: let me ask you. You did Three Musketeers with Keefer
Speaker 1: Sutherland and Charlie Sheen. Did you know Keifer Sutherland was
Speaker 1: just a terrible alcoholic and Charlie Sheen would eventually get aids.
Speaker 3: Oh you did? Oh?
Speaker 1: Oh, I was just going to promote The Bear season
Speaker 1: two on DVD. Oh you're in the Bear, Yeah he is.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we're still on the interview. You're in that.
Speaker 3: Oh sure, we haven't checked any of his new roles
Speaker 3: or any of his new credits. We're still we're on
Speaker 3: nineteen ninety six.
Speaker 1: Nice, what's that, like, you get paid for that or
Speaker 1: what is it?
Speaker 3: I just assume you're kind of like Danny Treyhoe. You
Speaker 3: just do everything.
Speaker 1: Now, Yeah, what was it? I saw someone put out
Speaker 1: a podcast, maybe they interviewed Danny Treyhoe or something, but
Speaker 1: they said Danny Trejo's tattoo is more recognnisible than him.
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't. I don't know anymore, but for
Speaker 1: a long long time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, boy, who was.
Speaker 1: That guy with that tattoo on his chest.
Speaker 3: In con Air? He was definitely the guy with the
Speaker 3: tattoo on his chest.
Speaker 1: That's a new Swedish novel coming along. The guy with
Speaker 1: the tattoo on his chest follow I don't know that broad.
Speaker 1: That was a hacker or rapist or whatever.
Speaker 3: The girl with the fucking tattoo. Yeah, girl with the
Speaker 3: fucking tattoo.
Speaker 1: Tattoo?
Speaker 3: Did you uh? Did you know die Hard as a
Speaker 3: novel before as a movie?
Speaker 1: No? Really?
Speaker 3: Yeah, isn't that dumb? Yeah, that's really dumb.
Speaker 1: He's been right. He walks around the fucking he climbs
Speaker 1: through the things a lot.
Speaker 3: He ran over the glass and it was really pointy.
Speaker 1: Imagine you pictured like some hard ass cop not having
Speaker 1: like the charisma of a Bruce Willis as you're reading
Speaker 1: that this is the most boring fucking yippie kaye, motherfucker.
Speaker 1: He's been so straight laced the whole time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I never read the book, so it could be
Speaker 3: like I think it's kind of like an imitation Tom Clancy. Okay,
Speaker 3: but I've never read it, so I can't really comment.
Speaker 3: But uh, the the idea like certain kind of like
Speaker 3: an adventure book is exciting, right, like if people are
Speaker 3: like solving puzzles like the Da Vinci Code. I don't
Speaker 3: like the da Vinci Code, but I get why people
Speaker 3: like it. It's an adventure right, It's like Indiana Jones.
Speaker 3: But I can't like the I can't just get into
Speaker 3: the idea of like I've never been compelled to read
Speaker 3: a Tom Clancy book or a Rogue Warrior novel, like
Speaker 3: the idea of just reading like action scenes and tactical
Speaker 3: warshit like I'm good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I bet the guys that know that stuff though,
Speaker 1: like in depth, love those things, isn't Isn't that what
Speaker 1: Clancy was known for being like so accurate with a lot.
Speaker 3: But I think now he's a ghost, right?
Speaker 1: Is he alive?
Speaker 3: I don't know. I think that now Tom Clancy is
Speaker 3: at I think he is a name that he's sold.
Speaker 1: No, he died in twenty thirteen.
Speaker 3: Do people still write under his name?
Speaker 1: I'll look it up. That's a good question. But I
Speaker 1: think what you're thinking of James Patterson does that a lot.
Speaker 1: James Patterson has a lot of co authors, and apparently
Speaker 1: they write the books. He looks them over and then
Speaker 1: slaps his name on it. That's why I think he's
Speaker 1: actually the ritt. No, it's probably JK. Rowling Ox honestly.
Speaker 1: But Patterson is, like, I think, above Stephen King for
Speaker 1: richest authors.
Speaker 3: Oh oh, I believe that. Yeah, I've seen so many
Speaker 3: James Patterson. Like you go to uh a good will
Speaker 3: and they'll have like two racks of books. One of
Speaker 3: the racks is half Patterson half Stephen King.
Speaker 1: All right, give me an estimate on the net worth
Speaker 1: for which one is Patterson.
Speaker 3: Uh two hundred and fifty million.
Speaker 1: Okay, give me an estimate on the net worth of
Speaker 1: Stephen King eighty million, Stephen King four hundred million. Holy shit,
Speaker 1: James Patterson just double that number eight million dollars. James
Speaker 1: Patterson from writing what shitting Andrew likes.
Speaker 3: Two Morgan Freeman adaptations.
Speaker 1: Okay along, Chemi Spider was good.
Speaker 3: Though, Yes, the Girl's really good too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that one too. They're pretty sick. Actually,
Speaker 1: I kind of like those movies. We've talked about it.
Speaker 1: I don't know if we talked about it on air
Speaker 1: or off air, and we've probably talked about on air,
Speaker 1: but I like those movies to those though, oh yeah
Speaker 1: we did, because last week I think we talked about.
Speaker 3: The Jackal right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: I like those kind of like the crime like psychological
Speaker 1: type things and oh god, he set us up, you know.
Speaker 1: Like the ultimate example is seven, I think in terms of.
Speaker 3: I was just thinking seven.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like the best done one is seven. I would
Speaker 1: say of those type of.
Speaker 3: Movies, seven is like seven has this aesthetic that it's
Speaker 3: I still don't have a word for it, but things
Speaker 3: strike me a certain way, like I get a certain
Speaker 3: feeling when I watch certain movies or certain shows or
Speaker 3: hear certain music. And the only feeling I can really
Speaker 3: put to it is the movie seven. It's like, oh wow,
Speaker 3: it's like that. It's just like this dirty, gritty, like
Speaker 3: kind of hidden, like painful, like traumatic. It's just like
Speaker 3: this really like icky place and the like. There's really
Speaker 3: no good word that I can fix, like a subgenre
Speaker 3: or anything like that. But every like so hereditary, I
Speaker 3: would say, goes there right. Hereditary is just like it's
Speaker 3: just like the family drama and the gore and the
Speaker 3: fact that there's no happiness of any kind at the end.
Speaker 3: It's just like it's a really the movie is meaning
Speaker 3: to upset you, is kind of the point, you know,
Speaker 3: And that's not that's not all there is to it.
Speaker 3: But seven for me is like anytime a movie or
Speaker 3: a show or anything gets me there, it's like in
Speaker 3: my head, I'm like, oh, that's like seven. You know,
Speaker 3: it's really that iconic to me.
Speaker 1: Seven to me, if you were to paint it with
Speaker 1: a word, it would be like despair. Just everything every
Speaker 1: shot in it is dark. There's rain constantly. Even the
Speaker 1: interiors when they're in the house is lit darkly. And
Speaker 1: the whole point is, I don't think there's like a
Speaker 1: moment of joy in that movie whatsoever.
Speaker 3: I think the only moment of joy is actually when
Speaker 3: Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman they both chuckle on a
Speaker 3: couch at brad Pitt's apartment, and this is that's like
Speaker 3: at the halfway point when they kind of become friends
Speaker 3: finally when they have dinner. But yeah, I think that
Speaker 3: is like that's the only recipe bit or respite, however
Speaker 3: you say that word that you get and then I
Speaker 3: think it's kind of like to lully you into this
Speaker 3: this idea of like, oh, okay, these guys are becoming friends.
Speaker 3: I can see like the movie like at the end,
Speaker 3: these guys are gonna come out on top. This is
Speaker 3: a pretty fucking crazy movie. But these two they're gonna
Speaker 3: work together now and they're gonna catch the bad guy
Speaker 3: and everything's be okay. And then it doesn't do that
Speaker 3: at all, you know.
Speaker 1: And then they cut to the shot of the kitchen
Speaker 1: and you see Gwyneth Paltrow and you go, oh, I
Speaker 1: bet someone's gonna cut her fucking head off.
Speaker 3: Probably, yeah, I bet someone's gonna mail her head to
Speaker 3: back to these two fellas.
Speaker 1: That was the third movie I watched with Jen when
Speaker 1: I was courting her was seven. The first movie was
Speaker 1: The Shining. The second movie was thirteen.
Speaker 3: That movie stunk.
Speaker 1: Ah, well, I'll beyond beyond a little kid though, when
Speaker 1: you're a no, maybe uh, when you're a kid though.
Speaker 1: Those kids are kind of hot, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, when you're a kid.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yea yeah. I think I was like
Speaker 1: twenty now.
Speaker 3: I remember watching that with you in high school.
Speaker 1: The four dude. Okay, all right, it is dunkay. Uh,
Speaker 1: there was a The fourth movie we watched was Faces
Speaker 1: of Death.
Speaker 3: So I was bummed when I found out that's fake.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but we didn't know that was fake. It was
Speaker 1: like for me, it was like two thousand and eight,
Speaker 1: and like, you know, maybe even two thousand setting out
Speaker 1: two thousand and eight.
Speaker 3: It was before everything could be debunked.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was.
Speaker 3: It was before oxygen could be debunked.
Speaker 1: Is oxygen debunked?
Speaker 3: Now? Dude, you can debunk anything now. It's just like
Speaker 3: use AI, right.
Speaker 1: I gotta check community notes on that one.
Speaker 3: Just ask Jeeves. Is that the new AI?
Speaker 1: No, it's I have asked Jeeves? Is that the new AI?
Speaker 1: Can I use that for AI ing things?
Speaker 3: Ask Jeeves? Is if you ask me, like, now is
Speaker 3: the perfect time for a comeback?
Speaker 1: That's true? You can make an AI called Jeeves, right, yep, yeah,
Speaker 1: what you do? Yeah, yeah, you might as well just
Speaker 1: ask it. It's pretty good actually, Holy shit, you should
Speaker 1: really sell that to someone.
Speaker 3: Jeeves. Yeah, I should get touch the Jeeves Corporation and
Speaker 3: ask them if they'd be interested in my idea. Hey,
Speaker 3: you guys want to go back in business. I know
Speaker 3: you you've all fucking retired and went on to buy
Speaker 3: Pedophile Islands in the Caribbean.
Speaker 1: But yeah, those of you that sold high, we know
Speaker 1: you went to buy Pedophile Organization or you know, islands
Speaker 1: Forum organizations. Those of you who held on because you
Speaker 1: believed in the mission, you now have ten million shares
Speaker 1: of pets dot Com stock that are fucking bankrupt.
Speaker 3: That that actually reminds me of what I watched over
Speaker 3: the weekend. I saw the Zoe Kravitz movie Blink twice.
Speaker 1: Oh, I have that downloaded. I kind of want to
Speaker 1: watch it.
Speaker 3: Okay. It's really ambitious, really well shot, good movie. Right,
Speaker 3: it's easy to figure out exactly everything that's going on.
Speaker 3: I feel like, I feel like it's a really good idea. Okay,
Speaker 3: So it's kind of like a less Yeah, it's it's
Speaker 3: it's it's almost like a girl version of get Out.
Speaker 3: And the reason I'm gonna say it's less like like
Speaker 3: groundbeare breaking or like jaw dropping is just because you've
Speaker 3: seen get Out, you know, it's kind of this is
Speaker 3: kind of like a Lady get Out. But it was
Speaker 3: still a really good movie. It was really enjoyable. I
Speaker 3: thought Channing Tatum, I thought he's been a good actor
Speaker 3: for a while. But I I realized that he's kind
Speaker 3: of like a joke. But I thought he was really good.
Speaker 3: I thought he gave he gave like a pretty honest,
Speaker 3: decent performance.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I haven't watched it yet. I notice I'm starting
Speaker 1: to get real. And by the way, Jen and I
Speaker 1: assessed this the other today when she was picking her
Speaker 1: up from work. I am aware people don't use the
Speaker 1: term retardant anymore. I use it every other sentence. But
Speaker 1: I don't mean like the drooling kid at your work,
Speaker 1: like who fucking bangs groceries?
Speaker 3: You mean an idiot?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean an asshole in the same way. Like
Speaker 1: you know, I'm trying not to say it as much anymore,
Speaker 1: but like, you know, you call a guy a fag,
Speaker 1: I don't mean a gay guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, you mean like a fucking like an idiot
Speaker 3: pussy bitch.
Speaker 1: Andrew's homophobic and I think he's a fag.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, that. I mean, being homophobic is like the
Speaker 3: most faggy thing you could do, is it. I mean,
Speaker 3: there's like be homophobic, and then there's suck a cock
Speaker 3: as a man, and then there's spray paint. I am
Speaker 3: a faggot hater.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you a story I've never told anyone
Speaker 1: before and it somewhat relates to that?
Speaker 3: Oh oh boy, okay, just I.
Speaker 1: Save it for the finale. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3: Leave me, leave out, leave out any specific places, so
Speaker 3: that way you don't incriminate yourself, because if I think that,
Speaker 3: the Supreme Court recently ruled there's no statute of limitations
Speaker 3: for hate crimes. Gotcha? Gotcha?
Speaker 1: So I was working in best Buy in Princeton, and
Speaker 1: it was the six weeks after I got dumped and
Speaker 1: before I started.
Speaker 3: Dating Jen your only single time.
Speaker 1: Yes, and my ex was in college doing her college stuff. Probably,
Speaker 1: you know, getting blown out? Shut the fuck up? Yeah? Probably? Oh, dude,
Speaker 1: it don't happen to I don't want to. I don't
Speaker 1: care that it happened. You don't spread your pain to
Speaker 1: everybody else.
Speaker 3: Oh no, it's I'm over it, dude. You just get
Speaker 3: over it.
Speaker 1: Did I talk to my mom? The other day, I go,
Speaker 1: I have this, I have this. No, I was talking
Speaker 1: about the cat dated and I've told everyone in my life.
Speaker 1: I go, my biggest fear is he is one eye.
Speaker 1: I don't want him to get any kind of infection
Speaker 1: because then you got a blind cat that's shitting in
Speaker 1: a diaper for the next fifth teen years because he's
Speaker 1: only two.
Speaker 3: Then you got to put it in the bathtub and
Speaker 3: yeah for a.
Speaker 1: While, exactly here take a swim. But I was talking
Speaker 1: to my mom, I was like, yeah, David's got this
Speaker 1: weird breath thing. His breath fucking stinks and not like
Speaker 1: a normal cat, like he's got like an issue. I
Speaker 1: think cats have good breath, dental I love smelling cat breath.
Speaker 1: You have to be a contrarian with everything, don't you.
Speaker 1: I just love it. Sometimes I save it in jars
Speaker 1: and smell cat breath.
Speaker 3: I only have but one cat, so I don't know.
Speaker 3: Maybe other cats stink, but my cat is perfect.
Speaker 1: That's like guys with their chicks pussies. It's like, well
Speaker 1: just kind of smells like water.
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe, dude. I've met dudes who have told me like, oh,
Speaker 3: it's stinks.
Speaker 1: But well, no, that's fair. But I think there's a
Speaker 1: percentage of the guy saying, oh, it's just like water,
Speaker 1: who's their chicks fucking pussies?
Speaker 3: Absolutely?
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, for sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean just like there's a percentage of people
Speaker 3: who are like, no, my mom doesn't have kleptomania, but
Speaker 3: she does.
Speaker 1: Why a rider's kid? I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't want to incriminate myself.
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, So I was talking to my mom and
Speaker 1: I was like, David's got this word breath thing, blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, and she goes, it's probably just an infection,
Speaker 1: an affection. It's like, hey, man, that would be like
Speaker 1: if you went, hey, I have a stomach ache and
Speaker 1: you were concerned about greater things, and I went, it's
Speaker 1: probably cancer. There's a lot of cancer going around nowadays.
Speaker 3: It's probably just an ulcer that's rupturing.
Speaker 1: Hey, we went to high school. Now, there was a
Speaker 1: Spanish teacher. No no, no, no, no no. I don't think
Speaker 1: you're gonna know where thin, white face, black hair missus
Speaker 1: begins with the W.
Speaker 3: Yes, I do remember both the Spanish teachers. There was Gomez,
Speaker 3: the thick one, and then the other one. Oh my god,
Speaker 3: I don't remember, but I remember, I'll just like a
Speaker 3: student teacher, wasn't she.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, not this lady. So maybe there was
Speaker 1: someone else or something like that. I don't know, because
Speaker 1: this is an older not old, but older lady.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: And the other she always does laps around my mom's neighborhood,
Speaker 1: just just does laps because she lives down the street.
Speaker 1: And fucking the other day, her husband was outside and
Speaker 1: she goes, all right, I love you, I see you later, honey.
Speaker 1: This guy waves to me every day, nicest guy in
Speaker 1: the world. He was just sitting on a chair in
Speaker 1: his backyard. She went on her walk, came back, touched
Speaker 1: him on the shoulder.
Speaker 3: Gone, someone dry by him in his backyard.
Speaker 1: Yeah, fucking triads, a bunch of Asian guys on craw rockets,
Speaker 1: ripping through the fucking one eighth of an acre backyard.
Speaker 3: I didn't know they had made their way that far east.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I just I felt so bad for him,
Speaker 1: And that brought me to completely forget what today is
Speaker 1: and what tomorrow is and all of that shit.
Speaker 3: Tomorrow's your birthday.
Speaker 1: And today's the two year anniversary of my dad dying.
Speaker 3: Oh, that's sad that I had to be the day
Speaker 3: before your birthday.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I told the cop on the phone as she
Speaker 1: was telling me, And I felt real stupid in the
Speaker 1: moment doing it, but it was literally the only words
Speaker 1: that came out of my mouth. And it makes me
Speaker 1: sound selfish, but it's not what I meant. It's it
Speaker 1: just was like, give me one more day. I kind
Speaker 1: of meant. She was like, unfortunately he's passed on boa
Speaker 1: and I was just like, but tomorrow's my birthday. As
Speaker 1: if that would you know, you know, oh yeah, you
Speaker 1: could just go, oh yeah, well get them to you. You
Speaker 1: can have them through the weekend.
Speaker 3: Then well that's a you know, like everybody reacts differently
Speaker 3: to everything. It's probably a completely normal thing like that
Speaker 3: people say all the time, like not specifically their birthday,
Speaker 3: but oh but we're supposed to do this or we
Speaker 3: had this planned or something like that. Yeah, and there's
Speaker 3: nothing wrong with that. It's like you're allowed to be
Speaker 3: selfish when huge things happen, you know.
Speaker 1: Well see, and that's that's that's kind of what I
Speaker 1: wanted to clarify. I know, I know how that sounds
Speaker 1: like if someone said that, I would immediately be like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's a it's a selfish thing you went into real
Speaker 1: quick there, and that's okay. You know, you were in
Speaker 1: a moment of shock or whatever. But I didn't feel
Speaker 1: at all selfish in that. It was almost like a
Speaker 1: bargaining thing in the immediate I almost was in my head.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, no, I don't need my birthday,
Speaker 1: just bring them back. As silly as that trade sounds,
Speaker 1: it's just I was on my knees with my mother
Speaker 1: screaming in the background.
Speaker 3: You know, sure, well, yeah, I mean that's like that's
Speaker 3: the thing is selfish doesn't.
Speaker 1: Have to have a negative connotation.
Speaker 3: We yeah, we attach connotations to everything, right, Like it
Speaker 3: can just be like that. That's like the thing. And
Speaker 3: in Buddhism, it's like so hard to get your head around.
Speaker 3: Is like not being attached to the emotions. It's just
Speaker 3: like or the things or the people in your life,
Speaker 3: like but letting them be. And that doesn't mean you
Speaker 3: don't love people. It doesn't mean, you know, it doesn't
Speaker 3: mean any of the things you probably want to just
Speaker 3: jump to. It's more about like like one, not trying
Speaker 3: to control outcomes, two not trying to change the way
Speaker 3: you feel, and three it's just about acceptance and just
Speaker 3: being present right then and there, and like that was
Speaker 3: probably like I mean, you go through every day right
Speaker 3: distracted by it's just like just so distracted. You're never
Speaker 3: in the moment at any time in a normal day.
Speaker 3: It's like you're thinking about all the things you have
Speaker 3: to do. You're working, you're cooking, you're cleaning, you're helping
Speaker 3: people around the house. Even when you get a moment
Speaker 3: to relax, you probably watch a movie or you're doing
Speaker 3: something that involves your brain, and you're never just like
Speaker 3: sitting there feeling the moment, feeling whatever it is that's
Speaker 3: going through you emotionally, mentally. And that moment when you
Speaker 3: said to the police officer, oh, well, but it's my
Speaker 3: birthday tomorrow or however you said it sure, And that
Speaker 3: was probably the first time, I mean, and it's in
Speaker 3: it the fact that you're like you say, like, oh,
Speaker 3: I just maybe it was bargaining, But the fact that
Speaker 3: you kind of just like don't even have an explanation
Speaker 3: for it kind of tells me. It's like, well, that
Speaker 3: was probably the first time in a long time you
Speaker 3: were just in the moment, you know, you were just
Speaker 3: right there, present and it's like, yeah, you were like
Speaker 3: maybe trying to think about, oh how do I change this,
Speaker 3: doing a little bit of that bargaining, but you couldn't,
Speaker 3: you know, so it's just like, yeah, it's just like
Speaker 3: a slap in the face. You just hit. You're just
Speaker 3: where do you go? What do you do? And at
Speaker 3: moments like that, maybe I don't know, it probably took
Speaker 3: you a few seconds or a minute or something. I
Speaker 3: don't know how long it took you, but then you
Speaker 3: probably just went right back into oh, well, what do
Speaker 3: I do next? How do I help my mother? What's
Speaker 3: who do I call? Do I go to the hospital?
Speaker 3: Like all these things immediately come back and they take
Speaker 3: you out of the moment, right You're already planning for
Speaker 3: the future and trying to plan outcomes and do all
Speaker 3: this shit. But yeah, those moments like they're real, like
Speaker 3: they stick with you for a reason, like they're they're
Speaker 3: like growing changing, They're the most important moments, you know,
Speaker 3: like even if it was really sad, Yeah, it's just
Speaker 3: like it's it is. It is not to I hate
Speaker 3: that like platitude cliche thing where it's like, oh, everything
Speaker 3: is learning experience or everything happens for a reason or whatever.
Speaker 3: But it's like, if you don't want to live in
Speaker 3: misery and regret, you have to you have to see
Speaker 3: it that way, you know, or or you're just always
Speaker 3: going to be down when you think about it, and
Speaker 3: you can be sad, But it's like, do you always
Speaker 3: want to be sad? When you think about it?
Speaker 1: Does anyone? Oh no, that's a good yeah when you
Speaker 1: think about it. You say, I was gonna say, does
Speaker 1: anyone want to be sad? You know?
Speaker 3: Like sometimes you need to be.
Speaker 1: Need to be and want to.
Speaker 3: Be are two different things, though, But I don't want
Speaker 3: but at least where I'm at in my life now,
Speaker 3: I don't want to fool myself, I don't want to
Speaker 3: deceive myself, you know. So it's like if I'm sad,
Speaker 3: I don't want to like lie to myself that I'm not.
Speaker 3: But I also don't want to fling and and.
Speaker 1: I say, I say, well, I say myer, I say
Speaker 1: those words. Yeah right, Oh I get that too, But
Speaker 1: but to me, that's not but you're not. No, I see,
Speaker 1: I'm not correcting you. I'm just I see a little differently.
Speaker 1: It's it's you're not It's not a sadness you're falling
Speaker 1: into I'm gonna to be sad the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: Like sadness is okay, you can still operate in sadness.
Speaker 1: You what you can't call into is like a depression.
Speaker 1: That's when it starts. I don't want to use it
Speaker 1: like a clinical term, but I'm saying something deeper than
Speaker 1: a sadness, something that almost affects you physically. Maybe I'm
Speaker 1: just tearing them differently because there's things that make me
Speaker 1: sad every day. That's like calling, you know, this guy
Speaker 1: a racist and then David Duke. They're not the same thing,
Speaker 1: you know, I get that.
Speaker 3: The Duke's brother, he's black, Yeah, David David Duke, Duke's
Speaker 3: brother from another mother, Yeah, Jamal Duke, the same father,
Speaker 3: Dwan Duke. Yeah. But no, I think so I'm not
Speaker 3: you're not correcting me, because I totally get your point,
Speaker 3: but I think you're just kind of missing mind. The
Speaker 3: point is, so it's not like I'm saying, oh, well,
Speaker 3: when you feel sad, think about other things to make
Speaker 3: yourself happy. That's just more attachment, that's more changing your outcomes.
Speaker 3: That's more of when you feel sad, You've got to
Speaker 3: acknowledge that you're sad, and you've got to try and
Speaker 3: unpack why you feel sad, and you've got to try
Speaker 3: and accept that you're sad. That's the key. You just
Speaker 3: and and acceptance will help you move on. You You
Speaker 3: you literally can't stay sad forever, right, Eventually you're gonna
Speaker 3: have for stuff to do. No, you're gonna have another
Speaker 3: list to make.
Speaker 1: No, I'm gonna be sad, That's true. I will have
Speaker 1: to make another warning too, lest You're.
Speaker 3: Right, you'll be You'll be too busy to be sad
Speaker 3: at some point, and then you can go back to
Speaker 3: being sad later. But yeah, like there's really like the
Speaker 3: point I'm trying to get across is that even though
Speaker 3: like death anniversaries and stuff, they can be a reminder
Speaker 3: of really bad time or really you know. So so
Speaker 3: for instance, like every year your birthday doesn't have to
Speaker 3: be a bad day or a sad day, or you
Speaker 3: don't have to force yourself to be somber in in
Speaker 3: remembrance or anything. Like You're allowed to have your birthday
Speaker 3: and you're allowed to just wake up one day and
Speaker 3: feel good on your birthday, you know, and either or
Speaker 3: you can wake up and feel sad, and either one
Speaker 3: is okay, right. But the point is is that you
Speaker 3: don't have to affix yourself to a specific feeling indefinitely
Speaker 3: or at all. You just have to process that. You
Speaker 3: just have to accept it and try and and try
Speaker 3: and feel it and move on.
Speaker 1: I think that's my biggest problem with the whole thing
Speaker 1: is the I don't like accepting what I know to
Speaker 1: be the absolutely the only definite fact is that he's
Speaker 1: not coming back, and my brother's not coming back. And
Speaker 1: you said about the birthday, well to the day before,
Speaker 1: maybe the next day. Remember a year later, we put
Speaker 1: the cat down on my birthday. So it was like,
Speaker 1: so I get what you're saying, and I know you're
Speaker 1: just using that as a gentle example, but like, I
Speaker 1: don't need to be happy on my birthday anymore. I'll
Speaker 1: find another day, Saint Patrick's Day or fucking flag Day
Speaker 1: or something. I'm a big time flag day guy.
Speaker 3: Okay, I like Boxing Day.
Speaker 1: Uh fucking my cat likes Boxing Day because he's British,
Speaker 1: and I just I can't stand it.
Speaker 3: I thought that was Canadian and I think it's British.
Speaker 1: Isn't Canadian? Pretty much British don't they have on their
Speaker 1: money now they got cucked on their money. You're thinking
Speaker 1: of Montreal.
Speaker 3: That's Canada.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's part of Canada. That's like going Arkansas. You go,
Speaker 1: that's America, and you go, yeah it is. It's a
Speaker 1: little different than Oregon though.
Speaker 3: And they do have a different language in Arkansas.
Speaker 1: Jen's dad lived in Arkansas for a while.
Speaker 3: Actually, what dialect did he speak? What dialect? Or trailer?
Speaker 1: Well, the warm kind? He burned it death in a trailer.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, that's that's nice, dude.
Speaker 1: One last thing I gotta deal with I'll put it downway.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, it's better than a cold one. Oh.
Speaker 1: Sorry, I was thinking about myself in death again. That's
Speaker 1: general what I do.
Speaker 3: Oh dude, I'm so glad my parents are on the
Speaker 3: other side of the country. I'm not gonna have to
Speaker 3: deal with their shit when they're dead.
Speaker 1: My fucking plan was always Pat cleans himself up, but
Speaker 1: not enough to like move out and stuff. So he
Speaker 1: just takes care of my parents as they age elderly
Speaker 1: and pass away at ninety nine years old in their
Speaker 1: bed and whatever. And now I'm fucking on the hook,
Speaker 1: and you know what's sorry, my aunt just went into
Speaker 1: a home. Right, Oh boy, my aunt Marie.
Speaker 3: How much older is your aunt then your mom?
Speaker 1: A few years but not a few, like few years,
Speaker 1: a few like twelve? Uh probably seven?
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1: But also Aunt Marie's had a rough fucking life. Okay,
Speaker 1: is this the Muslim? No? No, no, no, no, that's my cousin,
Speaker 1: Aunt Marie is. She was married to the hunter who
Speaker 1: had disability. And when anytime people use the argument like
Speaker 1: guns bad, guns bad, all guns bad, I always point
Speaker 1: to my uncle. My uncle was on disability. But they
Speaker 1: didn't make enough money even with his disability to like
Speaker 1: live in a fucking what is it called a home?
Speaker 1: Townhouse in Trenton, like in a bad part of Trenton too.
Speaker 1: I'm just we're past it. I'm just saying all everything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but they lived and he would go out on the
Speaker 1: weekends with his buddies and he would hunt, and his
Speaker 1: buddies would be able to lift the stuff and whatever,
Speaker 1: and they dress it. And for fucking forty years or
Speaker 1: fifty years, all they ate was venison and fish.
Speaker 3: What are you hunt in Trenton?
Speaker 1: No? No, yeah, no, they would probably go to the
Speaker 1: I don't even know where you go for I was
Speaker 1: gonna say the Pocono's, but I and yeah here, I
Speaker 1: have always thought the Pocono's were tropical. That's how dumb
Speaker 1: I am.
Speaker 3: Mountains.
Speaker 1: I didn't know they were in Pennsylvania for the longest time.
Speaker 3: It's like the only rocky part of Pennsylvania.
Speaker 1: Mm hm.
Speaker 3: New Jersey's so weird though, because you can be in
Speaker 3: a city and you can drive for five minutes and
Speaker 3: be in a pretty kind of rural suburb and then
Speaker 3: you can drive for five more minutes and be in
Speaker 3: the middle of fucking nowhere, just like trees everywhere as
Speaker 3: far as the eye can see, just blocking everything. It's
Speaker 3: a weird state like that. So yeah, I'm I mean,
Speaker 3: that's why there's dead deer all over the fucking freeway.
Speaker 1: There really are. Yeah, it's uh, but but that was
Speaker 1: That's always been Again, it's a totally anecdotal argument. Anytime
Speaker 1: anyone's like, dude, don't need guns to go blo, I
Speaker 1: always say, well, my my uncle in an instance, did
Speaker 1: he did use it there in that way? So I
Speaker 1: have one example. I have one example of how cool
Speaker 1: guns are. You want to hear something real.
Speaker 3: Cross, I have an example.
Speaker 1: He died probably ten years ago, and she moved into
Speaker 1: her mother's house and there is a cooler in there
Speaker 1: that has been turned off for ten years.
Speaker 3: Your meat, Oh shit, well it's probably liquefied by now.
Speaker 3: You can just go open the plug, you know, right out.
Speaker 1: Oh that was the worst thing I've ever seen on
Speaker 1: this show. What what'd you just do?
Speaker 3: I just fucking coughed the lugie into my can.
Speaker 1: To your can of mountain? No? No, what is it? Monster?
Speaker 3: Sorry? Monster? Yeah, but it's a it's an empty can.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to redrink the lukie.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's still great. Did you have to do it
Speaker 1: right into the camera?
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, because if I didn't, if I like held
Speaker 3: my head off camera like this was I think I
Speaker 3: was doing sucking someone's dick.
Speaker 1: A little bit?
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: I guess I could. I could picture that, you know.
Speaker 1: Fucking Uh? What was I saying? Warm?
Speaker 3: Moude? No?
Speaker 1: Wait, my aunt? Oh they just checked my aunt into
Speaker 1: a home, and my mother's doing all we were just
Speaker 1: talking about life and shit like that. My mother's doing
Speaker 1: all this paperwork for her. She's chasing it because Marie
Speaker 1: has no one else. Her kid's a fucking scumbag and whatever.
Speaker 1: So she's chasing it, chasing all this paperwork and getting
Speaker 1: it all organized.
Speaker 3: On her certificate, like all that shit.
Speaker 1: Well, so they're gonna sell her house so she can
Speaker 1: move into that home, and they're gonna do this and that,
Speaker 1: So she's she's paying all or she's figuring out how
Speaker 1: to pay all the back taxes that Mario's and fucking
Speaker 1: you know, all the PaperWorks in order.
Speaker 3: This is one thing I think we do need the
Speaker 3: government for, not even because like everybody is not going
Speaker 3: to have a family member to help out. It's just
Speaker 3: like families need help with this shit too. It's like
Speaker 3: there's a lot of shit involved with moving a person
Speaker 3: into a home, even if you're paying for it. And
Speaker 3: I assume like you're not going to just dump her
Speaker 3: off in some you know, like some state funded shithole.
Speaker 3: You're selling the house. The house money is going to
Speaker 3: go to getting her like a pretty decent spot she likes.
Speaker 1: Where she's at. I think it is a Medicaid or
Speaker 1: Medicare or one of those ones. I think at a
Speaker 1: certain point, like my mother had to come off of
Speaker 1: her own insurance and go on meta.
Speaker 3: Yeah, at a certain point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so so I think it's one of
Speaker 1: those situations where Marie's old enough where it's like they're
Speaker 1: starting to take that. So it takes that. But apparently
Speaker 1: she likes it. She's very comfortable with it. She was
Speaker 1: one of those people who was so I'm not due,
Speaker 1: I'm not going, and then you know, they get called
Speaker 1: buck you fuck you. Don't let him touch me. He's black.
Speaker 1: That's my chair. Marie would shout that. By the way. Uh,
Speaker 1: Marie's got a history of saying really inappropriate things all
Speaker 1: the time. But she's dr yeah, yeah, yeah, go for
Speaker 1: her free speech. Okay, she loves Elon.
Speaker 3: She keeps it real.
Speaker 1: She doesn't know what a tweet is.
Speaker 3: Okay, well it's called an axe now, stupid.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I should have known that.
Speaker 3: That's why. That's why she's like, you.
Speaker 2: Made an axe, you fucking Maron, fucking liberal cook. Get
Speaker 2: out of my facility, Ramone. Carry this scumbag out. I saw,
Speaker 2: I'm att saw you gotta go, buddy, Miss Marie, you
Speaker 2: to leave.
Speaker 3: It's gonna be her baptim soon anyway, Ramone.
Speaker 1: I need a spongebath.
Speaker 3: I like the folds lifted up.
Speaker 1: So my mother's up till two in the morning, like
Speaker 1: every night the last two weeks, digging through all her
Speaker 1: shit and like finding all the stuff from Marie and
Speaker 1: organizing it and this and that, and I have been
Speaker 1: saying to her since my dad died, Hey, can we
Speaker 1: just make an XL or a word document and you
Speaker 1: list like where you have life insurance, where you have
Speaker 1: this and that? Like, so it's not a fuck. So
Speaker 1: I'm not calling every life insurance company when she passes,
Speaker 1: and in a situation I've never done before. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: calling Clobe Life and going, do you know my mommy?
Speaker 1: She's not here anymore? Can I have money? Like? What
Speaker 1: are we talking about?
Speaker 3: She's so your mom is uh? Does she have like
Speaker 3: one of those fire boxes, you know, the like the
Speaker 3: they have a little key And it's like, I.
Speaker 1: Say, she just gave it to me. I have one? No,
Speaker 1: should give me an empty one? She don't want to
Speaker 1: keep it anymore?
Speaker 3: Oh okay, so what? Okay?
Speaker 1: So I know you'll juice in my eye?
Speaker 3: Oh here, I know enough about my dad to know
Speaker 3: that if he dies, he'll probably have a will in
Speaker 3: a safe deposit box, and he'll probably have a copy
Speaker 3: around the house. That's just what I know about my
Speaker 3: mom or my dad. And I know enough about my
Speaker 3: mom to know that she wouldn't even know how to
Speaker 3: file a will with an attorney or what is the
Speaker 3: fucking person who does the stamp the uh? What are
Speaker 3: those people who.
Speaker 1: Do notary or something?
Speaker 3: Notary?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, notary. Yeah. So like my mom will probably just
Speaker 3: be a war of the state or something and just
Speaker 3: they'll sit. They'll mail me some ashes in eighteen years.
Speaker 3: But it's like, I know enough about my dad to know, Okay,
Speaker 3: I have some reasonable leads. You have no clue at
Speaker 3: all where any of your mom's death stuff is.
Speaker 1: I mean no, no, and I would have to dig
Speaker 1: through just an incredible amount of shit to try and
Speaker 1: find it. But that's the irony, isn't it. She's seeing
Speaker 1: how much of a hassle it's gonna be. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: she's still not you know, I'll get around to it.
Speaker 3: Everyone's crying.
Speaker 1: I told you I got some kind of I got
Speaker 1: baked juice in my eye and I poured water in
Speaker 1: it while you were talking. It is fucked right now.
Speaker 3: You look like you got sprayed. Look, oh that's cool.
Speaker 3: Do you want to go put your head in the toilet. No,
Speaker 3: it's gonna No, that's where Robin Williams. I'm not gonna
Speaker 3: put my head where I come. Okay, disgusting animal. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I lit my head on the carpet either.
Speaker 1: I think I had lotional ma hands too. Fuck. This
Speaker 1: hurts so bad. I can't open my fucking eye.
Speaker 3: If you add a third ingredient, it'll neutral. That's the
Speaker 3: rule of threes.
Speaker 1: What's the third ingredient? Hot sauce? Is there enough capsation
Speaker 1: in that? Clean my eye?
Speaker 3: Up?
Speaker 1: Glass? Just a ruble bunch of glass in your eye? Hey,
Speaker 1: they did something in the first season of OZ and
Speaker 1: I want to know if it's real.
Speaker 3: What did they do in the first season of US?
Speaker 1: So O'Reilly They were trying to kill some old mob
Speaker 1: boss and O'Reilly obviously Mayhem from the All State commercials
Speaker 1: or whatever. Okay, he was crushing up glass, very very
Speaker 1: fine and putting it in this guy's food. And eventually
Speaker 1: the idea was after weeks or months or whatever, there
Speaker 1: would be so many micro scratches in his stomach it
Speaker 1: would eventually burst.
Speaker 3: I don't think so.
Speaker 1: Really, even months of eating glass.
Speaker 3: No, because you can't eat glass, and the smaller the
Speaker 3: glass the better your results. So really jagged, like big
Speaker 3: pieces of glass in your mouth, you can crunch them
Speaker 3: up and break them up real small with your teeth.
Speaker 3: You don't even have to move the glass around with
Speaker 3: your tongue. You can just like grit your teeth and
Speaker 3: break it up real slow. That's how a lot of
Speaker 3: these guys, who they're illusionists, but they're like extreme body fuckers,
Speaker 3: they do real glass eating. And that's how you do it.
Speaker 1: Is that what uh what's his name? Does street magical
Speaker 1: black people? You know when he bites? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: see him when he bites the glass.
Speaker 3: I think he does. And I think he uses like
Speaker 3: blood capsules or stuff or something, uh because uh, or
Speaker 3: maybe he just does cut himself. I don't know, but yeah,
Speaker 3: he literally does swall.
Speaker 1: Don't think. I don't think he bleeds though he never
Speaker 1: really needs when he does it.
Speaker 3: Uh, doesn't he bleed when he sticks the needle through
Speaker 3: his arm?
Speaker 1: Maybe even if it's not chewing glass?
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, yeah, I haven't seen it in a while,
Speaker 3: but yeah, several illusionists do this. I've seen Darren Brown
Speaker 3: eat glass. But yeah, you can swallow it, and the
Speaker 3: smaller you bite it, the better. It'll come out your asshole.
Speaker 3: So I think that it's actually wrong. The show OZ
Speaker 3: about guys in jail.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the first season of OZ, maybe medically there's medical
Speaker 1: misinformation in the first season of OZ.
Speaker 3: Then this first season of Doctor OZ has some medical misinformation.
Speaker 1: Fucking what was I going back to war mode? War mode?
Speaker 1: Or was there something else?
Speaker 3: Well, there's your aunt going into the home, and then
Speaker 3: there's war mode.
Speaker 1: So they ain't going in the home. Was mostly just
Speaker 1: about the irony of not of understanding what a burden
Speaker 1: you're leaving to somebody, but still saying eh, yeah, eh here.
Speaker 3: You want to know something ironic. Ever since I was
Speaker 3: a kid, I've been seeing these fucking ads for smoking,
Speaker 3: and they show like black lungs, and they show graphs
Speaker 3: of how much money you waste over a life time.
Speaker 3: They show like black teeth, and they make it look
Speaker 3: really uncool because the kids don't want to do it
Speaker 3: at parties. And now as an adult, those implications are
Speaker 3: even more salient. They're like, I understand them with grave imperatance,
Speaker 3: but I don't give a fuck. I smoke like eleven
Speaker 3: cigarettes a day, sometimes thirteen, and I don't care that
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have be a burden on my kid in like,
Speaker 3: I don't know, twenty five thirty years, because he's gonna
Speaker 3: have to fucking clean my stoma for me.
Speaker 1: I think that your stomach's gonna rot out from it.
Speaker 3: No, you can have a stoma in your oh, in
Speaker 3: your throat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, wouldn't that be a tray cole?
Speaker 3: Yeah? But the hole is the stoma?
Speaker 1: Oh I thought I thought the stoma is the fact
Speaker 1: that a piece comes out of it.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I mean maybe it is. Maybe the I
Speaker 3: don't know, maybe there's a diff thing for the whole.
Speaker 3: But I know it's a stoma in both spots, so
Speaker 3: maybe it's just a little piece that attaches.
Speaker 1: No, a stoma is a surgical opening in the abdomen. Oh.
Speaker 3: Really, So what's the thing in your throat called?
Speaker 1: What's a throat hole called?
Speaker 3: Not the hole? The little plastic thing creak?
Speaker 1: Trachy o stomy, trachea stomy, stony. Tracheostomy is a procedure.
Speaker 1: Oh is a procedure, Oh, trach stone?
Speaker 3: What's the tube? Tell me?
Speaker 1: The tube the throat called tube is an opening surgical
Speaker 1: surgically created. Yeah, it's the trachea stomy. It's not the tube.
Speaker 3: What's that tube called? You want to know the name
Speaker 3: of the tube. It's a baby cop It's a man
Speaker 3: of COTTI.
Speaker 1: What a man cos? Is that a fucking one of
Speaker 1: those Italian things.
Speaker 3: It's one of those like tube poodles.
Speaker 1: I haven't had shells and cheese in like the longest time.
Speaker 3: I had it yesterday for thinking it was a good Yeah,
Speaker 3: my wife made it. It wasn't like my grandma's because
Speaker 3: my grandma did it like the poverty way with American cheese.
Speaker 3: So my wife made it like fancy with like age cheddar,
Speaker 3: and it was like it was really creamy and stuff.
Speaker 3: It was really good, had a crispy layer on top
Speaker 3: and everything. But I just missed that. It's just like
Speaker 3: that poverty mac and cheese.
Speaker 1: You know, you're talking about mac and cheese. I'm talking
Speaker 1: about stuff, fucking stuff noodles.
Speaker 3: Oh, you're talking about those big giant shells full of
Speaker 3: the cocatta cheese.
Speaker 1: Wikatta and fuck that's gross tomatoes. So oh yeah, that's great.
Speaker 1: I thought you were I thought you were telling me
Speaker 1: your grandmother used to make those stuffed shells with fucking
Speaker 1: American cheese. I was like, oh my god, this kid
Speaker 1: was abused so bad.
Speaker 3: It sounds pretty good.
Speaker 1: No, it doesn't stop. It sounds gross. It sounds like
Speaker 1: something you make in a lunch room and dare so
Speaker 1: for the fucking retarded kid to eat it.
Speaker 3: Oh, dude, like when we used to make Brendan eat
Speaker 3: the French dressing, I drink it.
Speaker 1: I couldn't do that shit. I thought that was the
Speaker 1: grossest fucking shit in the world. When like Jared Inger
Speaker 1: Saw would fucking sit there mixing up barbecue sauce, ketchup
Speaker 1: mustard mayo and they're like, you will the toast it now?
Speaker 3: Fuck?
Speaker 1: Oh, I don't want to taste that monstrosity you made
Speaker 1: on your plate. Why don't you eat shit and die?
Speaker 3: How much were you give me to eat it? Do?
Speaker 1: I'll fucking put a gun to your head and kill
Speaker 1: you if I had one. Right now, Jesus, I'm in
Speaker 1: warm mode?
Speaker 3: What is? What is warm?
Speaker 1: Ode again?
Speaker 3: And why are you so unhappy? Because it's an anniversary
Speaker 3: of your your birthday? I'm going to war on birthday.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start saying that the people at work, so
Speaker 1: they think I'm actually a fucking idiot when I say, well,
Speaker 1: it's the anniversary of my birthday this week, so I'm
Speaker 1: probably gonna take off no uh oh, all right, A
Speaker 1: couple of things. One, let's go down the warm mode checklist. Here.
Speaker 1: Silent Mary. She's some horror on Twitter who uh was
Speaker 1: nasty to me and rude to me and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: right for no reason. I was very polite and very
Speaker 1: professional and I was like, hey, just reaching out seeing
Speaker 1: if you want to be on the show. She's like,
Speaker 1: you're a fucking loser and you're uh, you suck and you're.
Speaker 3: Office feel like this is the same way Elliott Rogers
Speaker 3: video started.
Speaker 1: Well, it ended the exact same way as last year
Speaker 1: when I tried to do this to a trainee to
Speaker 1: get to going deeper show. Now, all you have to
Speaker 1: do is go to Silentmary six six to six dot com,
Speaker 1: which is the same as her Twitter name, and that
Speaker 1: is in the bio on my Twitter.
Speaker 3: We own you.
Speaker 1: I have some other things behind the scenes I will
Speaker 1: probably be working on as well that I can't talk
Speaker 1: about here. Second one is a deacon.
Speaker 3: A deacon, yeah, is that like a a character or
Speaker 3: a piece in a like a World of Warcraft board.
Speaker 1: The next one's an orc. I have an orc that
Speaker 1: I need to war again. No, it's this deacon that
Speaker 1: runs the cemetery where my dad and my brother are right.
Speaker 1: So the other day they put out a notice like
Speaker 1: or a little while ago, but there was no timeline.
Speaker 1: It was like the end of the year. Basically, collect
Speaker 1: your stuff from the graves. You can't have anything personalized
Speaker 1: or anything anymore. Like my mom has a couple of
Speaker 1: cardinals on top of it, like little birds, little fake birds,
Speaker 1: and like a very nice display for my brother and
Speaker 1: my dad.
Speaker 3: So you can't have like any can you put flowers?
Speaker 1: You put flowers, you know, they must be six inches
Speaker 1: from the blah blah blah, like real anal detailed shit.
Speaker 3: I would move them somewhere else.
Speaker 1: Well, that's the thing. So my mother has been going
Speaker 1: back and forth asking them like what is acceptable, what's not?
Speaker 1: What's this? What's that? And they were supposed to have
Speaker 1: have the end of the year. They were supposed to
Speaker 1: be to the end of the year they can keep
Speaker 1: their stuff there. So not only was their personal stuff
Speaker 1: that my mom put down there and bought, but other
Speaker 1: people had visited their graves and Pat's ex girlfriend left
Speaker 1: something there for him, a bracelet. She just recently died,
Speaker 1: so there ain't no getting that back. But I guess
Speaker 1: also she won't feel bad about it, so there's that too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a silver lining, I guess.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just other stuff. So they took it all and
Speaker 1: dumped it in a box and threw it away before
Speaker 1: the deadline and anything else. And just wow, my mother's
Speaker 1: and someone else's but left people's who are a total
Speaker 1: fucking shit mess, even worse than any of the other
Speaker 1: ones left them entirely there. So it's run by this deacon.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna say, almost sounds personal.
Speaker 1: Well, and see that's what annoys me. He came in
Speaker 1: and he took over this cemetery. I didn't realize the
Speaker 1: business of a cemetery is like a thing, like really,
Speaker 1: I would just think it's like, hey, do you want
Speaker 1: some land, Yeah, all right, put it there, and you
Speaker 1: just you take the fees, you you know, take it.
Speaker 3: I guess they got to keep it open forever. So
Speaker 3: it's like, yeah, but that's.
Speaker 1: What I mean. You pay ten grand up front for
Speaker 1: a plot. They throw that money in the bank and
Speaker 1: pay this guy thirty bucks a fucking week to cut
Speaker 1: the grass or whatever. Like that's one thing paid that
Speaker 1: money for is to put it aside and use it
Speaker 1: for maintenance.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but then every year, every year there's like a
Speaker 3: fucking burst pipe and then there's inflation. It's like it's
Speaker 3: just like social Security, right, Like in theory, it all
Speaker 3: makes sense, there should be enough, but like every year,
Speaker 3: some new shit comes and throws a wrench in the plan.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying that these guys are like good deacons
Speaker 3: or anything like fuck their cemetery. I'm just saying that
Speaker 3: it's like a it's a legit business with with business
Speaker 3: expenditures and and consequences, all these things you might not
Speaker 3: think about when you're grieving or something like that. But yeah,
Speaker 3: it's like I feel for the people who work at
Speaker 3: cemeteries because I worked in the funeral home and I
Speaker 3: never interacted with families after I picked a dead body up.
Speaker 3: So once I was at the funeral home with the
Speaker 3: dead body, I didn't see that person's family anymore. So
Speaker 3: the funeral director had to deal with money and details
Speaker 3: and clothing and makeup and all the stuff that's like
Speaker 3: personal that would really like that would bug me, you know,
Speaker 3: like that would be tough, and I assume it's probably
Speaker 3: tough for some people in the cemetery industry too, because
Speaker 3: they have to give bad news and they have to
Speaker 3: do all this shit with families. But this deacon sounds
Speaker 3: like a real character, though I'm not giving him any
Speaker 3: fucking creditor leeway.
Speaker 1: He drives a land rover.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, dude, you know he focks kids in
Speaker 3: the back.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, you missed the you missed the
Speaker 1: big obvious joke you went for, you know, the actual
Speaker 1: thing of they have to spend that money on maintenance
Speaker 1: and a piper's. I was gonna say, they're gonna move
Speaker 1: these ten priests to South America.
Speaker 3: And I see, I see, you say it's such an
Speaker 3: obvious joke. But not all of us are raised Catholic.
Speaker 3: I don't like, I don't know what the fuck a
Speaker 3: deacon is.
Speaker 1: Uh, you could assume I fucking my brother and dad
Speaker 1: are buried there. It's not a Muslim cemetery.
Speaker 3: Well, it could just be some So that's the thing.
Speaker 3: It's like, I just coming from someone who was not
Speaker 3: raised in any sort of religion. I don't really I understand.
Speaker 3: Catholicism is like a different breed of Christianity. There's like
Speaker 3: a lot of specific beliefs that are different. But uh,
Speaker 3: the in my eyes as a kid and young adult
Speaker 3: and everything, it was always for me like, oh, all
Speaker 3: of that is the same. So it's like my mind
Speaker 3: always jumps to, Oh, cemetery for you is just like
Speaker 3: a regular cemetery. You know. It's like I only notice occasionally,
Speaker 3: like when I visit my wife's grandpa's cemetery grave with her,
Speaker 3: it says like Saint fucking Agnew of Sorrow and and
Speaker 3: liquid diets or something, you know, Catholic cemetery. But yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm certain that the one my grandma and grandpa are
Speaker 3: buried at is just like you know, woodlawn plot or
Speaker 3: something like that.
Speaker 1: Uh, maybe it's a positive. Yeah, I don't even think.
Speaker 1: I mean, this one was just close. This one was
Speaker 1: across the street from her.
Speaker 3: That's so, do you have to be Catholic to get
Speaker 3: buried there?
Speaker 1: I don't know. She didn't have to like certify anything
Speaker 1: or whatever. And I want to say, that doesn't mean shit.
Speaker 1: I was gonna I I've walked around that cemetery. I've
Speaker 1: seen some mohammeds, so I don't.
Speaker 3: Know, Well, you don't get to pick your name.
Speaker 1: Oh you know the saddest one. What's that that same cemetery?
Speaker 1: This kid I knew name Anthony called him aunt obviously
Speaker 1: he his his baby brother is buried there, and I
Speaker 1: see it and the picture is him playing with a
Speaker 1: little car. Uh huh. Think about the horrible ways a
Speaker 1: baby could die. Give me your top three crush to death? No, no,
Speaker 1: that's not in your top three? Okay, no, no, no, that's
Speaker 1: not how he died. Oh okay, um I scalded out
Speaker 1: from a boiling pot of water. No good, guess though,
Speaker 1: that seems horrendous.
Speaker 3: Yeah, uh, mauled by a dog?
Speaker 1: No? Oh that also? Does he really bad too? Okay,
Speaker 1: say there's this cat that's really bad. He came into
Speaker 1: your house and he's like not terrible. Actually, say he's
Speaker 1: really sweet, but you're a drug addict and you hate
Speaker 1: him because he's there. Uh huh yeah, okay, I see
Speaker 1: where are you going? Okay, now do you think it's wrong?
Speaker 1: And again we're using a cat in your context to
Speaker 1: pick that cat up by its ankles and smash its
Speaker 1: head against the wall.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm mad because I'm a drug addict, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, real mad? Probably?
Speaker 3: Well, how how else do I communicate that to a
Speaker 3: cat if I don't speak cat, and you just pick
Speaker 3: it up and smash it a few times and then
Speaker 3: it'll get like, oh, he's a mad guy.
Speaker 1: He took his two year old baby by the ankles
Speaker 1: and smashed his head against the wall multiple times.
Speaker 3: Why would he do that because he's crying?
Speaker 1: Because he was a fucking scumbag drug addict. I don't know.
Speaker 3: See, that's how I know you're not a parent, man,
Speaker 3: because it's like here, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Sometimes man, they just drive you up a wall.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, it's like when you're a parent. You hear something,
Speaker 3: you're like that, You're like, okay, well how long had
Speaker 3: he been crying for? You know?
Speaker 1: It's uh. I when I walk in the cemetery, which
Speaker 1: is kind of few and far between now, but when
Speaker 1: I do, I always walk past that grave and I'm
Speaker 1: just like, oh that is yeah.
Speaker 3: What a cry baby.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to war with this deacon, right, Okay.
Speaker 1: What it is is they dumped all of our personal stuff.
Speaker 3: So I yeh, that's insane.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I called his secretary, and my mom called the
Speaker 1: office earlier and she was like, where is that stuff?
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah, blah blah. She hadn't been there in
Speaker 1: a couple of days. It was a couple of days
Speaker 1: ago they did it. The woman on the phone said,
Speaker 1: probably a dumpster somewhere like that was her.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Yeah, I would walk over there. For one.
Speaker 3: You got to steal something and throw it away in
Speaker 3: a dumpster or really nasty one with like deer body parts,
Speaker 3: so you like, yeah, you go in there, you take
Speaker 3: their golden chalice of blood or whatever the fuck they do,
Speaker 3: or like their their their blesh truscuts, and then you
Speaker 3: fucking throw that in the dumpster, spitting that receptionist face. Yeah,
Speaker 3: get your loved ones out of there, dude. Put them
Speaker 3: in the plot where my grandma and grandpa are at Man,
Speaker 3: we we my dad at least he never fucking calls
Speaker 3: me bitching about any rules, but he doesn't really go
Speaker 3: and visit them or care about him at all.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but my dad and brother weren't big on liquid
Speaker 1: diets and Saint agnews of fucking whatever you said, it's
Speaker 1: probably not good. That was very funny. By the way,
Speaker 1: Saint agnew the patron scene of some of dogs and
Speaker 1: liquid diets. They're all fucking weird. There's probably a patron
Speaker 1: scene of gambling, isn't there.
Speaker 3: Um? Probably, but you're not supposed to gamble, so how
Speaker 3: does that work?
Speaker 1: Yeah, but there's all kinds of crazy ones. Oh, Saint
Speaker 1: bernard Dino of Sienna is the patron saint of compulsive
Speaker 1: gambling Bernardino. Huh, Saint Bernardino. Isn't that where this fucking
Speaker 1: muslim shot up Google or something?
Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Saint Bernardino. Yeah, this is a
Speaker 3: conspiracy there. We'll have to go back and listen to
Speaker 3: this at two time speed and figure it out.
Speaker 1: I so I call up, right, I call the number
Speaker 1: that's on the website, and it's like his secretary or something.
Speaker 3: I guess right, probably the woman who snapped at your mom.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, it could have been. Definitely could
Speaker 1: have been. So I call up and go, Hi, my
Speaker 1: name is Matt.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 1: My mother lives right by your cemetery. Anyway, stuff was
Speaker 1: removed the other day off of the thing. I just
Speaker 1: wanted to see how I could get in contact with
Speaker 1: the deacons so I can get this stuff back. I
Speaker 1: would expect it either available to pick up or dropped
Speaker 1: off at our address, Bob before Thanksgiving I said it
Speaker 1: a lot smoother than this too. I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: recall it as.
Speaker 3: I said, you had it written down on your second
Speaker 3: out path.
Speaker 1: No I didn't. But I was looking at Jen as
Speaker 1: she was taking a nap in bed. I like, woke
Speaker 1: her up to do this fucking defiant thing.
Speaker 3: Watch let me do this.
Speaker 1: I perform better in front of live people. The truth is,
Speaker 1: I don't know why. I get some adrenaline and I
Speaker 1: just start bang bang bang bang bang, let's go.
Speaker 3: Oh dude, I shoot huge loads on my own. But
Speaker 3: then I have to perform, and it's just like.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, thank you. So I call the deacon and
Speaker 1: I just love that message. I was like, I'll expect
Speaker 1: all of my stuff back by then to throw it
Speaker 1: away with me, I know, but I want I want
Speaker 1: them to tell me they threw it away so I
Speaker 1: can let them know this is entirely unacceptable. It's funny,
Speaker 1: you said, you know they you know you got to
Speaker 1: go over there and smash stuff. My first response to
Speaker 1: my mother was, she goes, they threw away all the stuff.
Speaker 1: I go, how much was it worth? She goes, probably
Speaker 1: about one hundred dollars. But there's sentimental stuff there, I go.
Speaker 1: You want me to go two hundred dollars? You want
Speaker 1: me to go do two hundred dollars worth of damage
Speaker 1: over here? You go, and she's like no, no, And
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, well I'll get them back
Speaker 1: in one way or another.
Speaker 3: You want me to go have an accident one of
Speaker 3: the pews.
Speaker 1: So I went. I went to school in this diocese,
Speaker 1: which is like the regional you know. Okay, so you
Speaker 1: don't know the terms. A diocese is like the regional thing. S.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I appreciate that is I always okay, wait a minute.
Speaker 3: By regional thing, you mean like a regional office.
Speaker 1: I mean the Catholic church churches in Trenton, Burlington, Princeton.
Speaker 3: So it's like it's a collective of them. Is the diocese.
Speaker 1: It's like a county essentially, if you think, I like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I always thought the diocese was a person. No, no,
Speaker 1: I mean deacon would be the closest thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, but a deacon is a man, and a
Speaker 3: diocese is a bunch of churches in as.
Speaker 1: Churches explain it that way. So deontay, I learned something
Speaker 1: today and he goes, okay, and you go, you know,
Speaker 1: a diocese is like a Catholic like a regional, and
Speaker 1: you get confused halfway through and go it's like a
Speaker 1: group of group of regionals, and he goes, what are
Speaker 1: you trying to say? Just shut up?
Speaker 3: It's like hockey for church.
Speaker 1: Start freaking out, starch a fucking out yea. It's like
Speaker 1: it's like so on you like hockey. It's like the
Speaker 1: Atlantic Division, okay, except instead of churches or instead of
Speaker 1: hockey teams, it's fucking you know, pre set or angels. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I was in this diocese, I went to school. When
Speaker 1: I went to school, there was a pedophile priest working.
Speaker 3: Of course, I mean it's statistically there had to be
Speaker 3: what seven.
Speaker 1: So obviously I'm not gonna take it to press because
Speaker 1: I ain't get molested by a priest, okay, but I
Speaker 1: am gonna threaten it on the phone once I get
Speaker 1: ahold of this.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'm gonna want to know what father o'maly
Speaker 3: did to my legit.
Speaker 1: I'm going to say, let me just remind you that
Speaker 1: I went to school with Father Vaughan, and I kept
Speaker 1: my mouth shut all of these years. So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: need you to take care of what you need to
Speaker 1: take care of, to make it right with my family,
Speaker 1: or we're going to have a bigger problem.
Speaker 3: They send a police investigator over to your house.
Speaker 1: My first thought was just going, how about I come
Speaker 1: over there and fucking cut your head off if you
Speaker 1: don't give my mom her bird back? And then I
Speaker 1: was just like, you know what, I better just go
Speaker 1: into war mode and really strategize this.
Speaker 3: How about I come over and test your faith? How
Speaker 3: are you strategizing this? Sounds like you're just stewing.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking strategizing a war
Speaker 1: thing is not, you know, a single effort. You know,
Speaker 1: obviously I shot the first shot, calling the guy. Now
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need to work on this tonight because I'm
Speaker 1: expecting a call back tomorrow. I may not get one.
Speaker 1: That'll give me extra time, it'll be great. So first
Speaker 1: you have to kind of break down. The first thing
Speaker 1: you do is what am I looking for? What is
Speaker 1: the end result here? What do I want out a way?
Speaker 3: Yeah? What do you want? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Okay? So what I want out of this is I
Speaker 1: would accept a credit of money for my mother. They're
Speaker 1: not doing the amount, no, maybe not or a written apology?
Speaker 3: Did they ever apologize for those like ten thousand kids
Speaker 3: they fucked for like every year for one hundred and
Speaker 3: something years.
Speaker 1: I think they posted a picture of a shy little
Speaker 1: Asian girl and it said me so saw wee. That's
Speaker 1: what the kind of church put out. It was like
Speaker 1: a Yo, what if they did that? I would just
Speaker 1: be like, you know what, that's funny enough that I
Speaker 1: kinda I kind of forget about the other things.
Speaker 3: It's like that mall art where it looks like a
Speaker 3: Pixar character, but it's like, ah, could just be a
Speaker 3: not it's some nondescript China person, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that That's what I'm talking about. So fucking
Speaker 1: you know, there's threats I can throw out with that false, fake,
Speaker 1: wrong threats, and obviously I can't take them publicly. But
Speaker 1: he doesn't know that. And the whole point of warring
Speaker 1: to me is pushing it as far as you can
Speaker 1: go without falling off of the cliff. If they go
Speaker 1: off the cliff, that's fine. You can't go off as well.
Speaker 1: Isn't this gambling? Isn't this what you do when you
Speaker 1: gamble with lives? No, it's no, how's it gambling?
Speaker 3: It's like how far can I push it?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, No, it's a gambling addiction. Yeah, it's not
Speaker 1: gambling though. No, I know what you mean.
Speaker 3: I understand that mentality.
Speaker 1: It's just I understand that mentality. But I've healed myself
Speaker 1: mentally since I felt that way.
Speaker 3: No, I just haven't felt that way about like like
Speaker 3: a business or It's different though, when they're fucking with
Speaker 3: your loved ones. So it's like I'm trying to get
Speaker 3: myself in that mote. I can go that place like
Speaker 3: on a personal level with people easily, you know. But
Speaker 3: it's like the last time I've had like an entity,
Speaker 3: Like I used to get so mad about Taco Bell
Speaker 3: fucking my order up every time, and eventually it's just
Speaker 3: like after like a hundred times of screaming and smashing
Speaker 3: things and driving back and then driving home with just
Speaker 3: the thing that I wanted plus maybe some sin and twists,
Speaker 3: it's like I just stopped getting mad about it and
Speaker 3: eat it. You know. I don't even call anymore and
Speaker 3: complain and try and get the free coup on it,
Speaker 3: just because it's like it just see, it's just like
Speaker 3: for me, it's just like, oh my god, dude, I'm
Speaker 3: just like I just don't want to be upset about this.
Speaker 3: But for the the last time somebody fucked with my family,
Speaker 3: What was it? It was it was like maybe a
Speaker 3: month ago. My kid was on a field trip and
Speaker 3: oh no, it wasn't at a field trip. It was
Speaker 3: like they they had like a free period or something,
Speaker 3: and they were they were all just kind of like
Speaker 3: chilling in the classroom and my kid took a video
Speaker 3: of the teacher saying the F word. And I was like,
Speaker 3: uh so, why do you have that? You know, what
Speaker 3: are you going to do with that? And he was
Speaker 3: like he's like, I don't know if.
Speaker 1: Wu and said snitch inshoran's bitchy.
Speaker 3: I mean, that's kind of where he was going. He's like,
Speaker 3: oh well, this teachers always being met and he always
Speaker 3: did this and and this and that. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: well here's what I'm going to say. I was like,
Speaker 3: it looked like some of the kids in that video
Speaker 3: were probably like antagonizing this guy, but he is a
Speaker 3: professional and he can't be swearing in class, like this
Speaker 3: is unacceptable. I was like, if this happens again, like
Speaker 3: I'm going to take this video and I'm going to
Speaker 3: bring it to your teacher like if I hear any
Speaker 3: more of this stuff, like keep me informed, you know,
Speaker 3: and he does, you know. And then I heard about
Speaker 3: another incident the next day and he's like, uh, that
Speaker 3: teacher he told me and my friend to shut the
Speaker 3: fuck up. And I was like, are you serious? And
Speaker 3: I was like and I was like, all right, give
Speaker 3: me all the details right now, you know, I want
Speaker 3: to know.
Speaker 1: If I'm so my dick's hard for you right now.
Speaker 3: I was like, I just want to know, like if
Speaker 3: you did anything, No, keep ahead. I love measuring it.
Speaker 1: I love and it's my follow up question too, go ahead.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I need all the details. I need to
Speaker 3: know if you did anything wrong or if you were
Speaker 3: in the wrong. I need to know now so I
Speaker 3: know how to handle this. It's like, this teacher can't
Speaker 3: be doing this, but if you're leaving things out, you're
Speaker 3: gonna make me look like an idiot if I go
Speaker 3: there and try and handle your teacher for a teacher
Speaker 3: for you. And so yeah, my kid was like he
Speaker 3: was honest with me and he told me what happened.
Speaker 3: But here's the thing. Is like in the video that
Speaker 3: he showed me the first time, the kids were like
Speaker 3: egging the teacher on. I don't know what the situation was,
Speaker 3: but they were like messing with the teacher. And then
Speaker 3: the teacher said the F word. And then in this
Speaker 3: incident from you know what my kids told me, they
Speaker 3: him and his friend were walking out and I don't
Speaker 3: know what he even said, my kid, but the teacher
Speaker 3: said as they were walking by them, like out through
Speaker 3: the crosswalk, the teacher was like, oh, well, maybe if
Speaker 3: you guys would shut the fuck up or something like that,
Speaker 3: Like he like, the teacher was just like overhearing them,
Speaker 3: and then just like interjected that into their conversation, and
Speaker 3: I was like, all right, last straw. I was like,
Speaker 3: send me the video. We're calling the school. What's the
Speaker 3: teacher's name? And then it took like it took less
Speaker 3: than a day. He's fired. They like his job is gone. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And and that's the thing. That's why I gave my
Speaker 3: son that that that talk in the first place. I
Speaker 3: was like, look, I think it's weird that you have
Speaker 3: this video where you're saying, oh, my teacher said the
Speaker 3: F word, but you guys are kind of messing with him.
Speaker 3: But the fact that he said this to you outside unprompted,
Speaker 3: like in a crosswalk. And I don't really have any
Speaker 3: reason to doubt my kid because there was like this
Speaker 3: casualness about it in that first video where he's like
Speaker 3: I forget what he said. He's like, I don't fucking care,
Speaker 3: and it's.
Speaker 1: Like just common place. It felt common.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I was like, all right, this
Speaker 3: cannot be allowed in the classroom. It doesn't matter how
Speaker 3: the kids are acting. You can't be like this if
Speaker 3: you're the teacher. It doesn't matter if the student's eggy
Speaker 3: Wand it doesn't matter how bad my kid gets if
Speaker 3: you're like showing this just like casual nonchalance about the
Speaker 3: whole thing, and like even after the bell rings, there's
Speaker 3: still kind of like what shit that I should be
Speaker 3: concerned about? Yeah, you've done skis and yeah the school
Speaker 3: actually I think they said they had a video from
Speaker 3: another kid too, from that day in the classroom, so
Speaker 3: he had said it like multiple times in that one day.
Speaker 3: And it's just like, yeah, I feel kind of bad
Speaker 3: because I think I always think like, how would I
Speaker 3: feel if I lost my job? But then I think
Speaker 3: about when I got fired from AutoZone, right, and it's
Speaker 3: like at the time, I was really upset about that,
Speaker 3: and looking back, I'm I'm still like kind of annoyed,
Speaker 3: I guess, but it's like I take full responsibility, Like
Speaker 3: like I am the reason I got fired. I broke
Speaker 3: the rules, admitted I broke the rules, and they had
Speaker 3: every reason to fire me for it. You know, It's
Speaker 3: like I should not have assumed that I was special
Speaker 3: and that I would get special treatment when I broke
Speaker 3: the rules. That was very arrogant of me. And this
Speaker 3: teacher needs to be He needs to realize that too,
Speaker 3: And and that's that's for me, like the best outcome.
Speaker 3: I would have liked to deck him in the throat,
Speaker 3: but I got the second best outcome.
Speaker 1: Yeah. See that's the question. My my dad used to
Speaker 1: do that, and I actually like that we kind of get.
Speaker 3: To talk about this deck people in the throat.
Speaker 1: Oh, I mean the step before my dad screamed at
Speaker 1: many teachers. And I was going to ask you, are
Speaker 1: you the type that always do you more believe Deontae
Speaker 1: or the teacher? You know how there are two different
Speaker 1: schools of thought. There's one where it's like parents do
Speaker 1: defend their kids too much when they're fucking up. You
Speaker 1: did the right thing. You assessed whether or not your
Speaker 1: kid was fucking up, and almost deserve the first part,
Speaker 1: Like that's why you were like, tell me everything that happened.
Speaker 1: Now again, he never deserved that. And I was going
Speaker 1: to say when as you were saying that the authority
Speaker 1: argument we have with cops and stuff like that, like
Speaker 1: teachers should be at a higher standard. No, they don't
Speaker 1: need to be these perfect creatures in the world. But
Speaker 1: they can't say fuck off in class.
Speaker 3: Yeah they can't, and they can't. Letting it slip is
Speaker 3: one thing, but they can't just have this like behavior
Speaker 3: pattern right, Right, That's that's a real like red flag.
Speaker 1: So so what my dad would have done in that situation,
Speaker 1: and what he did to multiple teachers is he assessed, hey,
Speaker 1: are you in the wrong. And he would always say
Speaker 1: that to me too. He said, I will defend you
Speaker 1: to the death if someone is treating you unfairly, but
Speaker 1: if you were in the wrong, you have to just
Speaker 1: you know, take the blame for it if you've done
Speaker 1: something wrong. Taught me this other thing that's kind of
Speaker 1: applying towards my mother now, because they selectively picked off
Speaker 1: things at the cemetery, right, and cleared off her stone
Speaker 1: and someone else's, but then there's someone else's who's a
Speaker 1: shit mess. And Mom's first response to this was why
Speaker 1: did they get to keep their stuff and you took
Speaker 1: all of mine? But what my dad would say is,
Speaker 1: don't ever throw someone under the bus who's like slipping
Speaker 1: under the wire just because you're being treated unfairly. You
Speaker 1: can point out, hey, I should be allowed to keep
Speaker 1: my stuff, but when you start whining like, well, I
Speaker 1: get it, you're just you're a pussy. You're pussy in
Speaker 1: the sense you're ruining it for that other guy potentially too,
Speaker 1: like he did nothing to you.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I hate to drag anyone else into things unfairly,
Speaker 3: but it is a fair point. I mean it's not
Speaker 3: the first point and go to, but it is a
Speaker 3: fair right, Like are they doing something that I'm not
Speaker 3: like doing? You know what they did? They get to
Speaker 3: keep their spot, but mine is just atrocious, Like what's up?
Speaker 1: I think my dad's point was more, yes, don't drag
Speaker 1: someone into it. So in that instance, you need to
Speaker 1: be pointing at the deacon and be like, other people
Speaker 1: in this place are keeping their things, why can't I
Speaker 1: just put my basic stuff down. You don't have to
Speaker 1: go specific examples. The fucking Mohammed's over there get to
Speaker 1: keep their Kuran on the.
Speaker 3: There so many people name Mohammed here. Why can't my
Speaker 3: dad be named Akbar?
Speaker 1: I would like a new gravestone put up of two
Speaker 1: towers and underneath it the stone will just say Philip
Speaker 1: and Pat. But then also, never forget nine to eleven.
Speaker 3: Are your dad and brother side by side?
Speaker 1: My mom? When Pat went, they bought four gravestone or
Speaker 1: four plots, with the understanding that I would probably end
Speaker 1: up with my family, But God forbid something happen before
Speaker 1: I got married and had a family, you know.
Speaker 3: Or if Jen hates you in twenty five years.
Speaker 1: Or if things don't work out for me in the
Speaker 1: next six months, you.
Speaker 3: Know knows, Oh dude, they could.
Speaker 1: Maybe I hit the old Lincoln Park, you know, come
Speaker 1: so numb right below my.
Speaker 3: Neck, Yeah, dude, he felt a lot of pressure above
Speaker 3: it though, a lot of swelling.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm going in the warm mode on that.
Speaker 1: The other one, the whore one I need to I
Speaker 1: need to see.
Speaker 3: Is that your Is that your list? That's the whole
Speaker 3: list is two people?
Speaker 1: No, I had more, but I forgot. I wrote war
Speaker 1: mode at the top of a thing, and I started
Speaker 1: writing stuff down and then I had to go do
Speaker 1: something for Jen, and then I came back and I
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, who else was I warn with? And
Speaker 1: then I had to go piss So I forgot again, and.
Speaker 3: Dude, I had that happened. I was like sending a
Speaker 3: message earlier for my wife for one of her porno clients,
Speaker 3: and I was like, I think I was negotiat Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: I was negotiating a photo set, and I kept on
Speaker 3: getting distracted by work phone calls, and so I would
Speaker 3: like type out two words like, you know, like pussy lips,
Speaker 3: and then immediately have to answer my phone and be like, oh, hello, hello,
Speaker 3: you know, and then I would try to go back
Speaker 3: to like uh spread pussy hole and be like, oh hi, yeah.
Speaker 1: This is night. How can I help you today?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's very difficult.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just got a multitask better. Although sometimes I
Speaker 1: have signed my emails pussy smasher.
Speaker 3: I gotta I gotta just leave one headphone in.
Speaker 1: All right, we're gonna wrap this one up. I am
Speaker 1: why because we do Oh, I am collecting questions I
Speaker 1: would like to make and I'll post this on Instagram too.
Speaker 1: Episode two nine. I will answer any questions about me,
Speaker 1: any questions about the show, and yeah, I will about anything.
Speaker 3: I'll answer it. Yeah, any questions about my Social Security
Speaker 3: number and credit history?
Speaker 1: Yeah, or like you know what my pussy looks like?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, dude, we should show pussy both of us
Speaker 3: for episode two fifty.
Speaker 1: All right, we're gonna wrap this one up.
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, what's a man's pussy look like?
Speaker 1: It's kind of like like a like a like a
Speaker 1: like a pussy, but like like male.
Speaker 3: I feel like if a girl ever asks you for
Speaker 3: a dick pic, she's a guy, you.
Speaker 1: Think, So, just what are you hitting chicks up on Aim?
Speaker 3: No? No, no, I'm just saying, like, when I get hit
Speaker 3: up on aim for a dick pic, it's never a girl.
Speaker 1: Do you know how many fucking fourteen year old boys
Speaker 1: were jerking off to other fourteen year old boys pretending
Speaker 1: to be girls?
Speaker 3: Yeah, like all the Yeah, we we have this fucking
Speaker 3: like false I caught me in our heads. Like nowadays,
Speaker 3: we're like, oh my god, there's so many more people
Speaker 3: being diagnosed as trans Now, why is it because there's
Speaker 3: uranium in the water? It's like, no, it's because we
Speaker 3: don't have aim anymore. Like now all the trans kids
Speaker 3: just have to say, like, you know, I actually think
Speaker 3: I might just be a girl inside of a boy's body.
Speaker 3: Because they don't have that outlet, you know, where they
Speaker 3: can just go and vocalize it. They can live the
Speaker 3: fantasy online. The aim was taken away. Now everything is
Speaker 3: Twitter and X and truth, social and freedom and Blue
Speaker 3: Amendment Blue skuys. What is this a new app? I
Speaker 3: saw that on them. It's aneam or something.
Speaker 1: It's it's it's a great way for us as a
Speaker 1: society to really divide ourselves completely down the center. It's
Speaker 1: the left whatever Twitter. I think Dorsey, Ah, I bet
Speaker 1: my tongue. I think Jack Dorsey made it. But all
Speaker 1: these conservative guys showed themselves getting banned right away I
Speaker 1: saw on Twitter because they no, they all went on
Speaker 1: and just wrote as a post, just wrote there are
Speaker 1: only two genders, and then they showed it. As soon
Speaker 1: as they clicked back, it like reloaded banned them immediately.
Speaker 3: Oh dude, man, that's a dog whistle if I ever
Speaker 3: heard one.
Speaker 1: It's it's it's say what you want about opinions on
Speaker 1: it it's bad. It's bad. That's a bad thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean you're creating even deeper echo chambers. Like it's
Speaker 1: bad for society. I don't mean it's bad. They made it.
Speaker 1: I'm bad. It's bad that two separate ones exist, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, everybody needs to get off social media.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I hate to sound like an old guy
Speaker 1: saying that, but yeah, it is true.
Speaker 3: It's after episode two fifty.
Speaker 1: It's rotting people's brains.
Speaker 3: Oh dude, people's brains are rotten because they fucking keep
Speaker 3: on eating all that seed oil and uranium water and
Speaker 3: dunk and come and bird shit. You ever have seen
Speaker 3: how bird shit on a newspaper?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: You like, you ever have a friend with a bird?
Speaker 1: No, Jenn Hans, I haven't. She always talked to her.
Speaker 1: She's like Granny had a parrot, and I'm like, that's good,
Speaker 1: Keep that fucking bird out of my house.
Speaker 3: Yeah, bird shit is like one thing. It's like, I
Speaker 3: can't imagine I've seen friends with birds and the bird
Speaker 3: shit all over the cage in the newspaper. I wouldn't
Speaker 3: want to clean up bird shit. It's disgusting. And then
Speaker 3: it's like you can't even let it out the shit
Speaker 3: because it'll fly away.
Speaker 1: You ever walk into your shift at best Buy that
Speaker 1: starts at ten am and ends at nine thirty pm,
Speaker 1: and just as you're coming into the parking lot with
Speaker 1: your spiked hair, a bird shits onto your fucking head.
Speaker 3: Uh No, that happened when I walked through a field
Speaker 3: once with my dad.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well the other one did happen to me too.
Speaker 3: That we oh, okay, so we both got shit on.
Speaker 1: I had to go in the bathroom and wash bird
Speaker 1: shit out of my fucking hair.
Speaker 3: And then you worked all day with like a shit scalp.
Speaker 1: I really scrubbed my hair, well, not well enough, but
Speaker 1: well it.
Speaker 3: Was well enough to put the spikes down.
Speaker 1: There was no bird shit on me anymore, maybe.
Speaker 3: Dude, I uh yeah, Like, well, there's probably still bird
Speaker 3: shit on you, if we're being honest. If you left
Speaker 3: any residue on your head that long during that day,
Speaker 3: it's probably you know, built up and multiplied. It's still there.
Speaker 3: Now we'll start calling you doodoo head, but.
Speaker 1: Uh, I'm okay, But go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 3: When it comes to shit, I I realized the other day,
Speaker 3: like I I reached a new point of old, Like
Speaker 3: I understand why gold bond is a thing now.
Speaker 1: And we'll talk about it on the Patreon. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I am an avid gold bond user. Now, oh okay, cool, okay,
Speaker 1: all right, we're gonna wrap this one up again. Send
Speaker 1: me your questions on Instagram whatever I will find them. Uh,
Speaker 1: Corey wanted to hear by the way, Corey said he
Speaker 1: really relates to you, and I was like, how fuck
Speaker 1: that one of our listeners. He's a good gentleman. I'm
Speaker 1: just kidding.
Speaker 3: I don't know what do you relate to me? On? Corey? Like,
Speaker 3: what do you gotta fucking you got a big bank
Speaker 3: account full of gold bars and bullets, and you got
Speaker 3: a refrigerator full of fucking deer gunk, and you gotta granny.
Speaker 3: You're gonna fucking drop off in a in a psycho
Speaker 3: home and asylum, and then you what do you got
Speaker 3: in common with me?
Speaker 1: That's my life, Corey, You're your worst friend. I'm Matt,
Speaker 1: I'm Bob the Butcher. Thanks for listening. We'll sim next.
Speaker 3: Week, you know, all his own bird over Bro.
Speaker 1: Really gonna miss you guys, And the show's over.