WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:06.839 P r Oblem by Alan Edward Norse. The letter came 2 00:00:06.879 --> 00:00:09.199 down the slot too early that morning to be the 3 00:00:09.240 --> 00:00:13.199 regular mail run. Pete Greenwood eyed the new Philly photo 4 00:00:13.279 --> 00:00:18.000 cancel with a dreadful premonition. The letter said, Peter, can 5 00:00:18.039 --> 00:00:21.839 you come east chop chop urgent gerdzyth problem getting to 6 00:00:21.879 --> 00:00:25.640 be a p r oblem need expert icebox salesman to 7 00:00:25.679 --> 00:00:29.719 get gaiters out of hair fast. Yes, math boys hot 8 00:00:29.760 --> 00:00:35.240 on this citizen's not so hot. Please come Tommy. Pete 9 00:00:35.280 --> 00:00:38.079 tossed the letter down the gulper with a sigh. He 10 00:00:38.119 --> 00:00:40.359 had lost a bet to himself because it had come 11 00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:43.000 three days later than he expected. But it had come 12 00:00:43.079 --> 00:00:45.479 all the same, just as it always did when Tommy 13 00:00:45.520 --> 00:00:48.640 Hines got himself into a hole. Not that he didn't 14 00:00:48.719 --> 00:00:51.359 like Tommy. Tommy was a good PR man as p 15 00:00:51.600 --> 00:00:54.359 R men go, He just didn't know his own depth. 16 00:00:55.000 --> 00:00:58.759 PR album and a beady gerdzanth eye. What Tommy needed 17 00:00:58.840 --> 00:01:00.880 right now was a bezuk of a Italian, not a 18 00:01:00.920 --> 00:01:04.480 p R man. Pete settled back in the eastbound rocket 19 00:01:04.519 --> 00:01:08.480 jet with a sigh of resignation. He was just dozing 20 00:01:08.519 --> 00:01:10.519 off when the fat lady up the aisle let out 21 00:01:10.519 --> 00:01:14.200 a scream. A huge reptilian head had materialized out of 22 00:01:14.239 --> 00:01:18.359 nowhere and was hanging in air, peering about uncertainly. A 23 00:01:18.400 --> 00:01:22.239 scaly green body followed four feet away, complete with long 24 00:01:22.359 --> 00:01:25.959 razor talons, heavy hind legs, and a whip lash tail 25 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:28.640 with a needle at the end. For a moment, the 26 00:01:28.680 --> 00:01:32.319 creature floated upside down, legs thrashing. Then the head and 27 00:01:32.400 --> 00:01:36.560 body joined, executed a horizontal pirouette, and settled gently to 28 00:01:36.599 --> 00:01:40.519 the floor like an eight foot circus balloon. Two rows down, 29 00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:42.959 a small boy let out a muffled howl and tried 30 00:01:42.959 --> 00:01:46.359 to bury himself in his mother's coat collar. An indignant 31 00:01:46.359 --> 00:01:50.079 wail arose from the fat lady. Someone behind. Pete groaned 32 00:01:50.079 --> 00:01:55.000 aloud and quickly retired behind a newspaper. The creature coughed apologetically. 33 00:01:55.480 --> 00:01:58.959 Terribly sorry, he said, in a coarse rumble. So difficult 34 00:01:58.959 --> 00:02:03.359 to control, you know, terribly sorry. His voice trailed off 35 00:02:03.359 --> 00:02:05.599 as he lumbered down the aisle towards the empty seat 36 00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:08.960 next to Pete. The fat lady gasped, and an angry 37 00:02:09.039 --> 00:02:12.240 murmur ran up and down the cabin. Sit down, Pete 38 00:02:12.280 --> 00:02:15.919 said to the creature. Relax cheerful reception these days, eh, 39 00:02:16.840 --> 00:02:21.400 you don't mind, said the creature, not at all. Pete 40 00:02:21.400 --> 00:02:24.240 tossed his briefcase on the floor. At a distance, the 41 00:02:24.319 --> 00:02:27.000 huge beast had looked like a nightmare combination of large 42 00:02:27.000 --> 00:02:31.400 alligator and small tyrannosaurus. Now at close range, Pete could 43 00:02:31.400 --> 00:02:34.360 see that the scales were actually tiny wrinkles of satiny 44 00:02:34.439 --> 00:02:39.240 green fur. He knew, of course, that the gurdsom were mammals, docile, 45 00:02:39.319 --> 00:02:43.000 peace loving mammals. Tommy's p R blast had declared emphatically, 46 00:02:43.680 --> 00:02:45.680 but with one of them sitting about a foot away, 47 00:02:45.919 --> 00:02:48.560 Pete had to fight down a wave of horror and revulsion. 48 00:02:49.520 --> 00:02:53.360 The creature was most incredibly ugly. Great yellow pouches hung 49 00:02:53.439 --> 00:02:57.039 down below flat reptilian eyes, and a double row of 50 00:02:57.080 --> 00:03:01.120 long curved teeth glittered sharply. In spite of himself. Pete 51 00:03:01.159 --> 00:03:03.800 gripped the seat as the gourdzanth breathed at him wetly 52 00:03:03.879 --> 00:03:09.280 through damp nostrils. Misgaged, said Pete. The gourdzanth nodded sadly. 53 00:03:09.840 --> 00:03:11.919 It's horrible of me, but I just can't help it. 54 00:03:12.199 --> 00:03:15.560 I always mis gage. Last time it was the chancel 55 00:03:15.639 --> 00:03:20.280 of Saint John's Cathedral. I was nearly stampeded in morning prayer. 56 00:03:20.879 --> 00:03:23.759 He paused to catch a breath. What an effort the 57 00:03:23.879 --> 00:03:26.919 energy barrier, you know, frightfully hard to make the jump. 58 00:03:27.280 --> 00:03:30.120 He broke off, sharply, staring at the window. Dear me, 59 00:03:30.360 --> 00:03:35.000 are we going east? I'm afraid so, friend, Oh dear, 60 00:03:35.159 --> 00:03:38.400 I wanted Florida. Well, you seem to have drifted through 61 00:03:38.680 --> 00:03:43.159 into the wrong aeroplane, said Pete, Why Florida. The Gourdzoth 62 00:03:43.240 --> 00:03:46.919 looked at him reproachfully. The wives, of course, the climate 63 00:03:47.000 --> 00:03:49.120 is so much better, and they mustn't be disturbed, you know, 64 00:03:50.159 --> 00:03:54.240 of course, said Pete, in their condition. I'd forgotten, and 65 00:03:54.319 --> 00:03:56.479 I'm told that things have been somewhat unpleasant in the 66 00:03:56.479 --> 00:04:00.000 east just now, said the Gurdzoth. Pete thought of Tom, 67 00:04:00.280 --> 00:04:03.439 red faced and frantic, beating off hordes of indignant citizens. 68 00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:06.240 So I hear, he said, how many more of you 69 00:04:06.280 --> 00:04:09.639 are coming through? Oh? Not many, not many at all, 70 00:04:10.039 --> 00:04:13.199 Only the wives half a million or so and their spouses. 71 00:04:13.240 --> 00:04:17.639 Of course, the creature clicked his talons nervously. We haven't 72 00:04:17.879 --> 00:04:20.639 much more time, you know, only a few more weeks, 73 00:04:20.759 --> 00:04:22.959 a few months, at the most. If it couldn't have 74 00:04:22.959 --> 00:04:25.279 stopped over here, I just don't know what we'd have done. 75 00:04:26.199 --> 00:04:29.759 Think nothing of it, said Pete indulgently. I've it's been 76 00:04:29.759 --> 00:04:34.120 great having you. The passengers within earshot stiffened, glaring at Pete. 77 00:04:34.480 --> 00:04:38.879 The fat lady was whispering indignantly to her seek companion Junior. 78 00:04:38.920 --> 00:04:41.519 It half emerged from his mother's collar. He was busy 79 00:04:41.519 --> 00:04:46.399 sticking his tongue out at the gurdsonth The creature shifted uneasily. Really, 80 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:50.199 I think perhaps Florida would be better. Going to try 81 00:04:50.199 --> 00:04:53.480 it again? Now, don't rush off, said Pete. Oh, I 82 00:04:53.480 --> 00:04:56.360 don't mean to rush. It's been lovely. But already the 83 00:04:56.399 --> 00:04:59.839 gurd something was beginning to fade out. Try four miles 84 00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:03.879 down in thousand miles southeast, said Pete. The creature gave 85 00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:07.199 him a toothy smile, nodded at once, and grew more indistinct. 86 00:05:07.879 --> 00:05:10.959 In another five seconds, the seat was quite empty. Pete 87 00:05:11.040 --> 00:05:14.000 leaned back, grinning to himself as the angry rumble rose 88 00:05:14.000 --> 00:05:16.920 around him like a wave. He was a public relations 89 00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:19.439 man to the Corps, but right now he was off duty. 90 00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:22.920 He chuckled to himself and the passengers avoided him like 91 00:05:22.959 --> 00:05:25.800 the plague all the way to New Philly. But as 92 00:05:25.839 --> 00:05:27.680 he walked down the gangway to hail a cab, he 93 00:05:27.759 --> 00:05:30.920 wasn't smiling so much. He was wondering just how high 94 00:05:30.959 --> 00:05:35.120 Tommy was hanging him. This time. The lobby of the 95 00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:38.360 Public Relations Bureau was swarming like an upturned ant hill. 96 00:05:38.439 --> 00:05:41.920 When Pete disembarked from the taxi, he could almost smell 97 00:05:41.959 --> 00:05:44.639 the desperate tension of the place. He fought his way 98 00:05:44.680 --> 00:05:49.160 past scurrying clerks and preoccupied poll takers toward the executive elevators. 99 00:05:49.160 --> 00:05:53.160 In the rear, on the newly finished seventeenth floor, he 100 00:05:53.240 --> 00:05:56.720 found Tommy Hines pacing the corridor like an expectant young father. 101 00:05:57.560 --> 00:05:59.920 Tommy had lost wait since Pete had last seen him. 102 00:06:00.519 --> 00:06:03.279 His ruddy face was paler, his hair thin and ragged, 103 00:06:03.319 --> 00:06:05.480 as though chunks had been torn out from time to time. 104 00:06:06.399 --> 00:06:08.800 He saw Pete step off the elevator and ran forward 105 00:06:08.920 --> 00:06:12.439 with open arms. I thought you'd never get here, he groaned, 106 00:06:13.000 --> 00:06:14.920 when you didn't call. I was afraid you'd let me 107 00:06:15.000 --> 00:06:18.519 down me, said Pete. I'd never let down a pal. 108 00:06:19.360 --> 00:06:22.879 The sarcasm didn't dent Tommy. He led Pete through the 109 00:06:22.920 --> 00:06:26.800 anteroom into the plush director's office, bouncing about excitedly, his 110 00:06:26.839 --> 00:06:30.079 words tumbling out like a waterfall. He looked as though 111 00:06:30.120 --> 00:06:33.040 one gentle shove might send him yodling down Market Street 112 00:06:33.079 --> 00:06:37.040 in his under drawers. Hold it, said Pete. Relax, I'm 113 00:06:37.040 --> 00:06:39.399 not going to leave for a while. Your girl screened 114 00:06:39.399 --> 00:06:41.480 something about a senator as we came in. Did you 115 00:06:41.560 --> 00:06:46.120 hear her? Tommy gave a violent start. Senator Oh dear, 116 00:06:46.639 --> 00:06:51.399 He flipped a desk switch. What senator is that? Senator Stokes? 117 00:06:51.480 --> 00:06:54.759 The girl said wearily. He had an appointment. He's ready 118 00:06:54.759 --> 00:06:58.560 to have you fired. All I need now is a senator. 119 00:06:58.600 --> 00:07:02.360 Tommy said, what does he want? Guess? Said the girl. 120 00:07:03.199 --> 00:07:05.519 Oh that's what I was afraid of. Can you keep 121 00:07:05.560 --> 00:07:09.000 em there? Don't worry about that, said the girl. He's 122 00:07:09.040 --> 00:07:12.199 growing roots. They swept around him last night and dusted 123 00:07:12.240 --> 00:07:17.199 him off this morning. His appointment was for yesterday. Remember remember, 124 00:07:17.360 --> 00:07:21.000 of course, I remember Senator Stokes something about a riot 125 00:07:21.000 --> 00:07:24.399 in Boston. He started to flip the switch, then added, 126 00:07:24.759 --> 00:07:26.879 see if you can get Charlie down here with his giz. 127 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:30.120 He turned back to Pete with a frantic light in 128 00:07:30.120 --> 00:07:35.439 his eye. Good old Pete, just in time, just eleventh hour, reprieve, 129 00:07:35.920 --> 00:07:38.160 have a drink, have a cigar. You want my job, 130 00:07:38.560 --> 00:07:42.680 it's yours. Just speak up. I failed to see, said Pete. 131 00:07:42.839 --> 00:07:44.639 Why you just had to drag me all the way 132 00:07:44.639 --> 00:07:47.040 from l A to have a cigar. I've got work 133 00:07:47.079 --> 00:07:52.360 to do selling movies, right, said Tommy, check to people 134 00:07:52.360 --> 00:07:55.199 who don't want to buy them, right in a manner 135 00:07:55.199 --> 00:08:00.480 of speaking, said Pete, testily. Exactly, said Tommy, hittering some 136 00:08:00.519 --> 00:08:02.639 of the movies you've been selling. You should be able 137 00:08:02.639 --> 00:08:06.800 to sell anything to anybody, any time, at any price. Please. 138 00:08:07.079 --> 00:08:10.439 Movies are getting better by the day, yes, I know. 139 00:08:10.759 --> 00:08:12.759 And the gourds in they're getting worse by the hour. 140 00:08:13.199 --> 00:08:16.399 They're coming through in battalions a thousand a day. The 141 00:08:16.439 --> 00:08:18.600 more goods Inth come through, the more they act as 142 00:08:18.639 --> 00:08:21.920 though they own the place. Not nasty, hear anything. It's 143 00:08:21.920 --> 00:08:25.240 that infernal politeness that people hate most. I think. Can't 144 00:08:25.240 --> 00:08:27.480 get them mad, can't get them into a fight. But 145 00:08:27.519 --> 00:08:30.319 they do anything they please and go anywhere they please. 146 00:08:30.839 --> 00:08:32.759 And if the people don't like it, the gourds Inth 147 00:08:32.879 --> 00:08:36.080 just go right ahead anyway. Pete pulled at his lip. 148 00:08:36.639 --> 00:08:41.159 Any violence, Tommy gave him a long look. So far 149 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:43.360 we've kept it out of the papers, but there have 150 00:08:43.480 --> 00:08:46.320 been some incidents. Didn't hurt the Gourds in the bit. 151 00:08:46.720 --> 00:08:49.320 They have personal protective force fields around them. A little 152 00:08:49.360 --> 00:08:52.360 point they didn't bother to tell us about. Anybody who 153 00:08:52.360 --> 00:08:54.879 tries anything fancy gets thrown like a bolt of lightning 154 00:08:54.919 --> 00:08:58.320 hit him. Rumors are getting wild, people saying they can't 155 00:08:58.360 --> 00:09:02.519 get killed and they're just moved in to stay. Pete 156 00:09:02.559 --> 00:09:06.840 nodded slowly. Are they I wish I knew? I mean 157 00:09:06.919 --> 00:09:10.559 for sure? The psych docs say no. The gourdsonth agreed 158 00:09:10.559 --> 00:09:12.639 to leave it a specified time, and something in their 159 00:09:12.639 --> 00:09:16.960 cultural background makes them stick strictly to their arguments. But 160 00:09:17.039 --> 00:09:19.879 that's just what the psych docs think, and they've been wrong, 161 00:09:20.399 --> 00:09:24.000 and they've been known to be wrong in the appointed time. 162 00:09:24.840 --> 00:09:28.559 Tommy spread his hands helplessly. If we knew, you'd still 163 00:09:28.600 --> 00:09:31.799 be in LA roughly six months and four days plus 164 00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:35.519 or minus a month for the time differential that's strictly tentative. 165 00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:38.759 According to the math boys, it's a parallel universe, one 166 00:09:38.799 --> 00:09:41.600 of several thousand already explored. According to the Goods and 167 00:09:41.759 --> 00:09:46.279 scientists working with Charlie Carnes. Most of the parallels are analogous, 168 00:09:46.519 --> 00:09:49.080 and we happen to be analogous to the Gourds, a 169 00:09:49.159 --> 00:09:52.639 point we've admitted from our pr blasts. They have an 170 00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:55.399 eight planet system around the hot Sun, and it's going 171 00:09:55.440 --> 00:10:02.240 to get lots hotter any day now. Pete's eyes widened. No, apparently, 172 00:10:02.799 --> 00:10:05.679 nobody knows how they predicted it, but they did spotted 173 00:10:05.720 --> 00:10:08.080 it coming several years ago. Say they'd been romping through 174 00:10:08.120 --> 00:10:11.120 parallel after parallel trying to find one they can migrate to. 175 00:10:12.120 --> 00:10:15.639 They found one, sort of a desperation choice. It's cold 176 00:10:15.679 --> 00:10:18.759 and arid and full of impassable mountain chains. With an 177 00:10:18.840 --> 00:10:20.919 uphill fight, they can make it support a fraction of 178 00:10:20.960 --> 00:10:25.879 their population. Tommy shook his head helplessly. They picked a 179 00:10:25.960 --> 00:10:29.159 very sensible system for getting a good, strong Gurdzynth population 180 00:10:29.240 --> 00:10:32.320 on the new parallel as fast as possible. The males 181 00:10:32.320 --> 00:10:36.559 were picked for brains, education, ability, and adaptability. The females 182 00:10:36.559 --> 00:10:40.039 were chosen largely according to how pregnant they were. Pete 183 00:10:40.120 --> 00:10:45.159 grinned gourdsynth in utero. Are's something poetic about it? Just 184 00:10:45.240 --> 00:10:49.000 one hitch, said Tommy. The girls can't gestate in that climate, 185 00:10:49.159 --> 00:10:51.080 at least not until they've been there long enough to 186 00:10:51.080 --> 00:10:54.000 get their glands adjusted. Seems they have just the right 187 00:10:54.039 --> 00:10:57.159 climate here for gestating gourdsinth, even better than at home. 188 00:10:57.679 --> 00:10:59.799 So they came begging for permission to stop here on 189 00:10:59.840 --> 00:11:04.639 the way through, to rest and peturiate, so Earth becomes 190 00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:08.960 a glorified incubator. Pete got to his feet thoughtfully. This 191 00:11:09.080 --> 00:11:12.120 is all very touching, he said, but it just doesn't wash. 192 00:11:12.320 --> 00:11:14.759 If the gourd simth is so unpopular with the masses, 193 00:11:14.919 --> 00:11:16.720 why did we let them here in the first place. 194 00:11:17.360 --> 00:11:20.519 He looked narrowly at Tommy to be very blunt. What's 195 00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:24.840 the parking fee plenty, said Tommy heavily. That's the trouble, 196 00:11:24.919 --> 00:11:27.639 you see. The fee is so higher that just can't 197 00:11:27.639 --> 00:11:30.480 afford to lose it. Charlie Karnes will tell you why. 198 00:11:32.399 --> 00:11:35.639 Charlie Karn's from Math section was an intense skeleton of 199 00:11:35.639 --> 00:11:38.159 a man with a long jaw and long white coat 200 00:11:38.279 --> 00:11:41.559 drooping over his shoulders like a shroud. In his arms, 201 00:11:41.559 --> 00:11:46.120 he clutched a small black box. It's the parallel universe business, 202 00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:48.559 of course, he said to Pete, with Tommy beaming over 203 00:11:48.600 --> 00:11:51.960 his shoulder. The gourdsymth can cross through. They've been able 204 00:11:52.039 --> 00:11:54.639 to do it for a long time. According to our figuring, 205 00:11:54.720 --> 00:11:58.039 this must involve complete control of mass, space and dimension 206 00:11:58.120 --> 00:12:01.639 all three and time into one of the three. We 207 00:12:01.720 --> 00:12:05.440 aren't sure which. The mathematicians set the black box on 208 00:12:05.519 --> 00:12:08.600 the desktop and released the lid like a jack in 209 00:12:08.600 --> 00:12:11.919 the box. Two small white plastic spheres popped out and 210 00:12:11.960 --> 00:12:14.600 began chasing each other about in the air six inches 211 00:12:14.639 --> 00:12:18.200 above the box. Presently, a third sphere rose up from 212 00:12:18.200 --> 00:12:21.799 the box and joined the fun. Pete watched it with 213 00:12:21.799 --> 00:12:26.720 his jaw sagging until his head began to spin. No wires, strictly, 214 00:12:26.840 --> 00:12:30.519 No wires, said Charlie, glumly. No nothing. He closed the 215 00:12:30.519 --> 00:12:33.639 box at the click. This is one of their children's toys, 216 00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:37.080 and theoretically it can't work. Among other things, it takes 217 00:12:37.159 --> 00:12:42.320 null gravity to operate. Pete sat down, rubbing his chin. Yes, 218 00:12:42.360 --> 00:12:44.960 he said, I'm beginning to see they're teaching you this. 219 00:12:46.200 --> 00:12:49.759 Tommy said, they're trying to. He's been working for weeks 220 00:12:49.759 --> 00:12:53.279 with their top mathematicians, him and a dozen others. How 221 00:12:53.279 --> 00:12:57.519 many computers have you burned out, Charlie. Four, there's a 222 00:12:57.519 --> 00:13:00.519 differential factor, and we can't spot it. They have the 223 00:13:00.559 --> 00:13:03.960 equations all right, it's a matter of translating them into constants. 224 00:13:03.960 --> 00:13:07.799 That makes sense. But we haven't cracked the differential. And 225 00:13:07.919 --> 00:13:11.240 if you do, then what Charlie took a deep breath. 226 00:13:11.799 --> 00:13:16.759 We'll have interdimensional control, a practical utilizable trans matter. We'll 227 00:13:16.759 --> 00:13:19.559 have null gravity, which means the greatest advance in power 228 00:13:19.720 --> 00:13:22.960 utilization since fire was discovered. It might give us an 229 00:13:23.000 --> 00:13:25.240 opening to a concept of time travel, but makes some 230 00:13:25.360 --> 00:13:28.879 kind of sense and power if there's an energy differential 231 00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:33.120 of any magnitude. He shook his head sadly. We'll also 232 00:13:33.240 --> 00:13:36.279 know the time differential, said Tommy, hopefully, and how long 233 00:13:36.320 --> 00:13:40.759 the gourds and gestation period will be. It's a fair exchange, 234 00:13:40.759 --> 00:13:43.759 said Charlie. We keep them until all the girls have 235 00:13:43.840 --> 00:13:46.840 their babies. They teach us the abcs of space, mass 236 00:13:46.879 --> 00:13:50.960 and dimension. Pete nodded. That is, if you can make 237 00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:53.080 the people put up with them for another six months 238 00:13:53.159 --> 00:13:58.039 or so. Tommy sighed in a word, yes, so far 239 00:13:58.080 --> 00:14:00.320 have you gotten nowhere? At a thousand miles an hour? 240 00:14:02.360 --> 00:14:05.879 I can't do it, the cosmetician wailed, hurling himself down 241 00:14:05.879 --> 00:14:08.080 on a chair and burying his face in his hands. 242 00:14:08.519 --> 00:14:12.440 I've failed failed. The gourds and sitting on the stool, 243 00:14:12.440 --> 00:14:15.720 looked regretfully from the cosmetician to the public relations men. 244 00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:20.240 I say, I am sorry. His coarse voice trailed off 245 00:14:20.279 --> 00:14:22.639 as he peeled a long strip of cake makeup off 246 00:14:22.639 --> 00:14:27.120 his satiny green face. Pete Greenwood stared at the cosmetician, 247 00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:32.120 sobbing in the chair. What's eating him? Professional pride, said Tommy. 248 00:14:32.440 --> 00:14:34.399 You can take twenty years off the face of any 249 00:14:34.440 --> 00:14:37.279 woman in Hollywood, but he's not getting to first base 250 00:14:37.320 --> 00:14:40.840 with gorgeous over there. This is only one thing we've tried, 251 00:14:40.960 --> 00:14:43.879 he added, as they moved on down the corridor. You 252 00:14:43.919 --> 00:14:47.080 should see the field reports. We've tried selling the advances. 253 00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:50.360 Earth will have the wealth, the power, no dice. The 254 00:14:50.399 --> 00:14:52.720 man on the street reads our p R blasts and 255 00:14:52.799 --> 00:14:54.679 then looks up to see one of the nasty things 256 00:14:54.720 --> 00:14:58.279 staring over his shoulder at the newspaper. So he can't 257 00:14:58.279 --> 00:15:01.080 make them beautiful, said Pete. Can't you make them cute 258 00:15:01.799 --> 00:15:06.320 with those teeth, those eyes? Huh? How about the jolly 259 00:15:06.360 --> 00:15:10.879 company approach? Tried it. There's nothing jolly about them. They 260 00:15:10.919 --> 00:15:14.519 pop out of nowhere anywhere, in church, in bedrooms, and 261 00:15:14.679 --> 00:15:18.960 rush hour traffic through Lincoln Tunnel. Look Pete peered out 262 00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:22.080 the window with the traffic jam below. Carls were snarled 263 00:15:22.159 --> 00:15:24.759 up for blocks on either side of the intersection. A 264 00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:27.679 squad of traffic cops were converging angrily on the center 265 00:15:27.679 --> 00:15:31.120 of the mess, where a stream of green reptilian figures 266 00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:33.720 seemed to be popping out of the street and lumbering 267 00:15:33.759 --> 00:15:38.960 through the jammed autos like General Sherman Tanks. Ulcers said, Tommy, 268 00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:41.720 City traffic isn't enough of a mess as it is, 269 00:15:42.320 --> 00:15:45.639 and they don't do anything about it. They apologize profusely, 270 00:15:45.679 --> 00:15:48.759 but they keep coming through. The two started on for 271 00:15:48.840 --> 00:15:51.720 the office. Things are getting to the breaking point. The 272 00:15:51.759 --> 00:15:54.679 people are wearing thin from sheer annoyance, to say nothing 273 00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:56.759 of the nightmares the kids are having and the trouble 274 00:15:56.799 --> 00:16:00.480 with women fainting. The signal light on Tommy's desk was 275 00:16:00.519 --> 00:16:03.399 a flashing scarlet. He dropped into a chair with a 276 00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:06.559 sigh and flipped a switch. Okay, what is it now? 277 00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:11.559 Just another senator said a furious male voice. Mister Hines, 278 00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:14.200 my arthritis is beginning to win this fight. Are you're 279 00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:17.559 going to see me now or aren't you. Yes, yes, 280 00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:21.799 come right in. Tommy turned white. Senator Stokes, he muttered, 281 00:16:21.879 --> 00:16:26.120 had completely forgotten. The Senator didn't seem to like being forgotten. 282 00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:29.240 He walked into the office, looked disdainfully at the p 283 00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:31.279 R men, and sank to the edge of a chair, 284 00:16:31.399 --> 00:16:34.799 leaning on his umbrella. You have just lost your job, 285 00:16:34.919 --> 00:16:37.600 he said to Tommy, with an icy edge to his voice. 286 00:16:38.159 --> 00:16:40.279 You may not have heard about it yet, but you 287 00:16:40.360 --> 00:16:43.200 can take my word for it. I personally will be 288 00:16:43.240 --> 00:16:46.240 delighted to make the necessary arrangements, but I doubt if 289 00:16:46.279 --> 00:16:49.480 I'll need to. There are at least a hundred senators 290 00:16:49.480 --> 00:16:51.960 in Washington who are ready to press for your dismissal, 291 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:54.840 mister Hines, and there's been some off the record talk 292 00:16:54.879 --> 00:17:00.600 about a lynching. Nothing official, of course, Senator. Senator hanged. 293 00:17:00.679 --> 00:17:02.720 We want somebody in this office who can manage to 294 00:17:02.759 --> 00:17:06.880 do something, do something. You think I'm a magician. I 295 00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:08.960 can just make them vanish. What do you want me 296 00:17:09.000 --> 00:17:13.720 to do? The senator raises eyebrows. You needn't shout, mister Hines. 297 00:17:13.880 --> 00:17:16.480 I'm not the least interested in what you do. My 298 00:17:16.640 --> 00:17:20.599 interest is focused completely on a collection of five thousand letters, telegrams, 299 00:17:20.599 --> 00:17:23.640 and visiphone calls I've received in the past three days alone. 300 00:17:24.440 --> 00:17:27.960 My constituents, mister Hines, are making themselves clear. If the 301 00:17:28.000 --> 00:17:31.720 gerdzinth do not go, I go. That would never do, 302 00:17:31.839 --> 00:17:35.759 of course, murmured Pete. The Senator gave Pete a cold, 303 00:17:35.839 --> 00:17:41.079 clinical look. Who is this person, he asked Tommy, an 304 00:17:41.119 --> 00:17:44.200 assistant on the job. Tommy said, quickly, a very excellent 305 00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:48.960 pr man. The Senator sniffed audibly, full of ideas, no 306 00:17:49.079 --> 00:17:53.200 doubt brimming, said Pete. Enough ideas to get your constituents 307 00:17:53.200 --> 00:17:57.680 off your neck for a while at least. Indeed, indeed, 308 00:17:57.720 --> 00:18:00.039 said Pete, tell me how fast can you get a 309 00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:04.400 p R blast to penetrate? How much medium do you control? Plenty? 310 00:18:04.599 --> 00:18:07.839 Tommy gulped, And how fast can you simple response and 311 00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:11.519 analyze it. We can have pre lambs six hours after 312 00:18:11.559 --> 00:18:13.920 the p R blast, Pete, if you have an idea, 313 00:18:14.039 --> 00:18:18.200 tell us. Pete stood up, facing the senator. Everything else 314 00:18:18.240 --> 00:18:20.640 has been tried, but it seems to me one important 315 00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:23.640 factor has been missed, one that will take your constituents 316 00:18:23.680 --> 00:18:27.519 by the ears. He looked at Tommy pityingly. You've tried 317 00:18:27.559 --> 00:18:30.160 to make them lovable, but they aren't lovable. They aren't 318 00:18:30.160 --> 00:18:33.519 even passibly attractive. There's one thing that they are, though, 319 00:18:33.640 --> 00:18:38.440 at least half of them. Tommy's jaw sag pregnant, he said. 320 00:18:39.319 --> 00:18:41.559 Now see here, said the senator. If you're trying to 321 00:18:41.559 --> 00:18:44.640 make a fool out of me to my face, sit 322 00:18:44.680 --> 00:18:47.480 down and shut up, said Pete. If there's one thing 323 00:18:47.519 --> 00:18:50.279 the man in the street reveres, my friend, it's motherhood. 324 00:18:50.680 --> 00:18:54.240 We've got several hundred thousand pregnant Gerdzinth just waiting for 325 00:18:54.319 --> 00:18:57.319 all the little Gurdzinth to arrive, and nobody's given them 326 00:18:57.319 --> 00:19:01.240 a side glance. He turned to Tommy. Get some copywriters 327 00:19:01.279 --> 00:19:05.000 down here, Get a Gerdzenth opsatrician or two. We're going 328 00:19:05.039 --> 00:19:07.200 to put together a pr blast that would twang the 329 00:19:07.200 --> 00:19:10.839 people's heart strings like a billion harps. The color was 330 00:19:10.880 --> 00:19:13.559 back in Tommy's cheeks, and the Senator was forgotten as 331 00:19:13.599 --> 00:19:17.559 a dozen intercom switches began snapping. We'll need t V 332 00:19:17.640 --> 00:19:21.200 hookups and plenty of newscasts space, he said eagerly. Maybe 333 00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:25.240 a few photographs. Do you suppose maybe baby Gurdzinth are lovable. 334 00:19:26.200 --> 00:19:29.359 They probably look like salamanders, said Pete. But tell the 335 00:19:29.359 --> 00:19:32.000 people anything you want for we're going to get across 336 00:19:32.000 --> 00:19:36.880 the sanctity of Gerdzinth's motherhood. My friend, anything goes, it's genius, 337 00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:42.519 chortled Tommy. Sheer genius if it sells, The senator added, dubiously, 338 00:19:43.359 --> 00:19:46.440 it'll sell. Pete said. The question is for how long 339 00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:51.759 the planning revealed the mark of genius? Nothing sodden, harsh 340 00:19:51.839 --> 00:19:55.160 or crude. But slowly, in a radio comment here or 341 00:19:55.200 --> 00:19:58.640 a newspaper story there, the emphasis began to shift from 342 00:19:58.680 --> 00:20:02.960 Gurdznth in general to Gurdzinth as mothers. A Rutger's professor 343 00:20:03.000 --> 00:20:07.119 found his TV discussion on motherhood as an experience suddenly 344 00:20:07.119 --> 00:20:10.920 shifted from six thirty Monday evening to ten thirty Saturday night. 345 00:20:11.759 --> 00:20:15.240 Copy rolled by the ream from Tommy's office, refined copy, 346 00:20:15.440 --> 00:20:19.000 hyper sensitively edited copy, finding its way into the light 347 00:20:19.039 --> 00:20:23.119 of day through devious channels. Three days later, a Gurdzinth 348 00:20:23.200 --> 00:20:26.400 miscarriage threatened and was averted. It was only a page 349 00:20:26.400 --> 00:20:30.400 four item, but it was a beginning determined movements to 350 00:20:30.440 --> 00:20:35.359 expel the Gourdsinth faltered, trembled with indecision. The Gourdzinth were ugly, 351 00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:38.960 They frightened little children. They were a trifle overbearing in 352 00:20:39.000 --> 00:20:42.920 their insufferable, stubborn politeness. But in a civilized world, you 353 00:20:43.079 --> 00:20:46.319 just couldn't turn expectant mothers out in the rain, not 354 00:20:46.359 --> 00:20:50.559 even expectant gurdzinth mothers. By the second week, the blast 355 00:20:50.640 --> 00:20:53.920 was going at full tilt in the public relations bureau. 356 00:20:54.000 --> 00:20:58.039 Building machines worked on into the night as questionnaires came back, 357 00:20:58.279 --> 00:21:01.880 spot candid films and street corner interview tapes ran through 358 00:21:01.920 --> 00:21:05.480 the projectors on a twenty four hour schedule. Tommy Hines 359 00:21:05.480 --> 00:21:09.559 grew thinner and thinner, while Pete nursed sharp post prandial 360 00:21:09.640 --> 00:21:14.160 stomach pains. Why don't people respond to me? Asked plaintively 361 00:21:14.200 --> 00:21:16.759 on the morning the third week started. Haven't they got 362 00:21:16.839 --> 00:21:20.119 any feelings? The blast is washing over them like a wave, 363 00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:23.119 and there they sit. He punched the private wire to 364 00:21:23.160 --> 00:21:26.079 analysis for the fourth time that morning. He got a 365 00:21:26.119 --> 00:21:29.000 man with a hag ridden look in his eye? How 366 00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:33.160 soon you want rut? Yesterday's rushes? What do you think 367 00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:36.279 I want? Any sign of a lag? Not a hint? 368 00:21:36.599 --> 00:21:39.599 Last night's panel drew like a magnet. The d day tag, 369 00:21:39.640 --> 00:21:42.480 he suggested, has them by the nose. How about the 370 00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:47.160 President's talk? The man from Analysis grinned he should be campaigning. 371 00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:52.359 Tommy mopped his forehead with his shirt sleeve. Okay, now, listen, 372 00:21:52.519 --> 00:21:54.880 we need a special run on all response data we 373 00:21:54.920 --> 00:21:58.200 have for tolerance levels. Got that. How soon can we 374 00:21:58.240 --> 00:22:01.839 have it? Analysis took his head. We could only make 375 00:22:01.880 --> 00:22:04.799 a guess with the data so far, fine, said Tommy, 376 00:22:04.880 --> 00:22:09.240 make a guess. Give us three hours, said Analysis, You've 377 00:22:09.240 --> 00:22:13.319 got thirty minutes. Get going. Turning back to Pete, Tommy 378 00:22:13.359 --> 00:22:16.559 rubbed his hands eagerly. It's starting to sell. Boy. I 379 00:22:16.599 --> 00:22:18.839 don't know how strong or how good, but it's starting 380 00:22:18.839 --> 00:22:21.480 to sell with the tolerance levels. To tell us how 381 00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:23.920 long we can expect this program to quiet things down. 382 00:22:24.359 --> 00:22:27.160 We can give Charlie a deadline to crack his differential factor, 383 00:22:27.319 --> 00:22:30.559 or it's the axe for Charlie, He chuckled to himself 384 00:22:30.559 --> 00:22:32.920 and paced the room in an overflow of nervous energy. 385 00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:37.039 And see it now, open shafts instead of elevators, A 386 00:22:37.160 --> 00:22:39.680 quick hop to Honolulu for an afternoon on the beach 387 00:22:39.960 --> 00:22:42.720 and back in time for supper, A hundred miles to 388 00:22:42.759 --> 00:22:45.960 the gallon for the Sunday driver. When people begin seeing 389 00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:48.319 what the goods in there giving us, they'll welcome them 390 00:22:48.319 --> 00:22:53.279 with open arms. Hmm, said Pete. Well why won't they 391 00:22:53.640 --> 00:22:56.160 The people just didn't trust us, that was all. What 392 00:22:56.279 --> 00:22:58.480 does the man in the street know about trans matters? 393 00:22:58.880 --> 00:23:00.960 Nothing but give 'em one and then try to take 394 00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:05.680 it away. Sure, sure, said Pete. It sounds great, just 395 00:23:05.720 --> 00:23:10.200 a little bit too great. Tommy blinked at him, too great. 396 00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:15.240 Are you crazy? Not crazy? Just getting nervous. Pete jammed 397 00:23:15.240 --> 00:23:18.799 his hands into his pockets. Do you realize where we're 398 00:23:18.839 --> 00:23:22.039 standing in this thing? We're out on a limb, way out, 399 00:23:22.440 --> 00:23:25.319 fighting for time, time for Charlie and his gang to 400 00:23:25.359 --> 00:23:28.559 crack the puzzle, time for the Girdzinth girls to gestate. 401 00:23:29.079 --> 00:23:32.519