Speaker 1: Welcome to soft Core History.
Speaker 2: What is up? Welcome back to soft Core History. I
am your host for the week, Rob Fox, joined as
always by Dan Regester.
Speaker 3: Hi, Rob, and we have a very special guest today.
I've never met this person new to the show.
Speaker 2: Hasn't heard it. Uh, she's been on before though. Actually,
my wife, Courtney Campbell Fox hyphenated, is on the show today.
Speaker 1: Hello, Rob, not hyphenated, don't listen to the show.
Speaker 2: Just Courtney Fox. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I haven't been asked back in two years.
Speaker 3: But first time, long time. Actually it was before really.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, four four years.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we've been doing this podcast for five.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we tried, which I tried to explain to her
on the way in. I was like, if she comes
on the podcast, so my parents are in town and
they're watching the kids right now, who are hopefully asleep. Anyway,
but I tried to explain to her, if she comes
on a show on a normal weekend, we have to
hire a babysitter, and as a family, we lose money
on the show. Yes, like the show no longer becomes
profitable if you're on it any other week than this week.
Very slim margins.
Speaker 4: We operate on that's fine. I mean our parents come
and visit regularly, but that's okay. You don't have to
have me back.
Speaker 1: It's fine.
Speaker 2: We don't really. I mean, you were so tired this pregnancy.
I feel like that would have been Oh.
Speaker 3: I'm so excited, a little couple fight. Yeah, on the podcast,
and I'm just gonna sit back watch.
Speaker 2: Clawse out the whole time. You might watch things disintegrate. Today,
you might all crumble.
Speaker 1: And I don't even know how the show works because
we know I don't listen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well I dunked on you and you never came back.
Speaker 1: That's true.
Speaker 2: What was that episode? It was on, just like fucked
up birthing things through history your TOPA. Yeah, I don't remember.
I mean I don't remember what I did. Three weeks ago,
so five years old, before you had kids, before.
Speaker 1: You Yeah, you were like does this sound yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Corney was very You were showing like you were
like eight months.
Speaker 1: Pregnant at that point.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think I was like really pregnant, and I kept saying,
this looks terrible.
Speaker 2: It's not great. I just flush out the stuff that
you have, ADHD.
Speaker 3: I have the tism. It's a good balance.
Speaker 2: I won't remember half the things I said on this podcast,
which is like, if I ever got in trouble for
anything that I said on a podcast, I literally all
it would be like is like I don't even remember
saying that. So that that gives you any idea of
how seriously I take what I'm doing. But I will
say anything. Yeah, shows.
Speaker 1: I don't know how you guys keep up with all
the topics.
Speaker 3: Those kids.
Speaker 4: You have the memory of a goldfish, So I don't
know how you just don't bring the same ship.
Speaker 3: I have to remember and remind him.
Speaker 2: I have a whole document of just links, and I'm
so impressed links.
Speaker 3: He doesn't remember. Yes he did, though, so I have
to constantly tell him about Jake's stuff. Yeah, from four
years ago. And now we have Patreon. We do three
episodes a week, so check out patreon dot com. Slash
Software History an additional episode every Wednesday and Friday. Boy,
we've done a lot of topics.
Speaker 2: We've so many you should be out of history at
this point.
Speaker 3: That's the thing about history keeps going fucking bottomless.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we just can't do like our joke, like to say,
Jake's History of Sound episode, like we can't.
Speaker 3: Two bron we've exhausted all the big ones. Yeah, it'll
be sweeping too many things under one row.
Speaker 2: So now we have to go really detailed. And we
are going detailed today. And I like to to cater
the topics to the guests on the show. Typically, if
it's like Gabby for the ace time, I'm like, we're
just doing this and you can show up. But I
typically like to cater the topics to the people on
the show. So today, since we have a hashtag boy mom.
Speaker 1: On the show, an actual boy mom times three.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So were you disappointed with Sammy?
Speaker 1: No, he's the best baby.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you wanted the girl.
Speaker 1: I did, but then he was born and I felt
like a real asshole for being upset.
Speaker 3: It was Sammy gonna be the name regardless.
Speaker 1: No, we had no name for like we to day.
Speaker 2: I said this on the show, like we sat there
for a day and it was just like hi baby. No.
Speaker 4: Rob was very mad, he was very mad at me,
saying this baby needs a name.
Speaker 1: Come up with a name.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I was like, I can't, I can't. I
can't love it until I know its name.
Speaker 1: Well, that's actually a terrible thing.
Speaker 3: I think you guys actually should have waited to the
first birthday party to pick the name.
Speaker 4: Honestly, I kind of liked waiting because it's like, well,
now I've met you, I.
Speaker 2: Gotta figure out your personality.
Speaker 4: Yeah, otherwise you're just kind of rolling in with a
name and it might not fit them, you know.
Speaker 3: Kind of disappointed it wasn't Damn.
Speaker 2: But sure.
Speaker 1: Honestly, we threw around Daniel as a middle name because
not for you, but for my grandfather, and I just
felt weird because it felt like it would be you.
Speaker 3: We already have a rob, we have a white Jake. Yes,
there's no there's no Dan. I know Daniel.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it could have been. Could have been Samuel Dan.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sam Dan, sam Dan sam Dan Fox.
Speaker 1: That has a ring.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Samuel Daniel.
Speaker 1: She she got Samuel and Daniel. That is a choice strong.
Speaker 2: She got selfish and gave the child her middle name.
Speaker 3: Wake Ye who would do such a thing? I would,
thanks Dan, Well, I would do So that was that
was a shot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was that was all on me. But so
as a boy mom, which is like such a memed
thing online, how do you what what is life like
to you? Dealing with three boys every day, because that's
the topic of this episode, is what you're gonna have
to deal with in the future based on these historical anecdotes.
Speaker 1: Exhausting, somewhat violent, and very dirty.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my dad's just been taking Finn to play in
the mud every morning.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's disgusting. I'm sure there's a dog shit in
there too.
Speaker 3: And how excited are you for when they all hit
puberty at relatively the same time.
Speaker 2: No, like within a year of each other. They're all
going to hit puberty.
Speaker 1: In high school at the same time.
Speaker 4: You know, I'm not not excited because they're boys, so
they're not going to hate me the way a girl would.
Speaker 3: Girl's easier, first, harder in teenage years from what.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I was awful. It was a horrible teenager, which.
Speaker 2: Is so funny to imagine. It was a huge at
your ball.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm fine with it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they will like you.
Speaker 1: It's just my house is gonna smell bad.
Speaker 3: And you spend your entire day talking to three toddlers,
three little boys.
Speaker 1: I do Rob will come home from work and be like,
I don't really want to talk. I've been talking all
day like this. I don't care.
Speaker 4: I haven't spoken to anyone over the age of four.
You need to talk to me.
Speaker 2: Don't make me speak. That's all I've been doing. It's
all I know.
Speaker 3: If Rob doesn't talk to you, I fear it might
be Leo's wife in Shutter Island. He comes home and
he's like, with the kids, honey, they're at school. It's Saturday.
Was cool and sat.
Speaker 2: Fortunately there's no pond by our house. It's dark Dan,
So we're good. We're all right on that. But yeah,
today I'm excited for you to watch to deal with
these boys as like call it like eleven to seventeen,
because I don't like I was a ridiculous child, like
I've been arrested. I got into all kinds of bullshit.
We have your mugshot. There is no mugshot.
Speaker 1: I wish there was a mug shot.
Speaker 2: I know it would be like I actually think I
was nineteen. So you're not arrested.
Speaker 1: No, he was thrown in a cell.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you got a minor in possession.
Speaker 2: That was it was an MIP, but that kept me
in jail over night because we were also tepeing houses.
So no mugshot, I don't think.
Speaker 3: So you didn't take a photo. You don't remember that.
I remember a homeless guy trying to hang himself in
his cell. Well, that's a core memory, it's an absolute.
Speaker 2: That's like I will have dementia on my deathbed and
that will come in like before, like my parents, Like
that will be a stronger memory than my own mother.
Speaker 3: The last thought you have before you die, Yeah, is
just his face.
Speaker 4: I just love your dad's logic to not come bail
you out of jail, that it was unsafe to go
to an ATM in the middle of the night.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he left me in there because it was what
like'st St.
Speaker 3: Louis.
Speaker 2: No, it was U City is where I'm from, Okay,
but it's.
Speaker 1: I was like, there's They didn't even charge him.
Speaker 2: They didn't. Well, my dad knew the cops too, I know,
so he just came in the morning. The cop was
from our parish, and the cop was like, oh, Bob, yeah,
your kid's in here. You can just take him.
Speaker 3: Must be nice, Must be nice. We had different childhoods.
Speaker 1: Did you go to jail?
Speaker 3: Never went to prison? I actually loved out to hear it.
I you know, Kevin Wared shattered my tip fib and
his football a week before all my friends got arrested
for drinking underage, so I would have been there and
I would have gotten He broke.
Speaker 2: His legs so bad. She's not gonna understand, Kevin, whare
he broke his legs so bad that the bone shot
out of the skin both ends. Oh my god, two bones.
Speaker 3: And then also, I mean they reset my leg wrong,
so you see how it's not straight. I get the
feet crowd right now, you see these little toes.
Speaker 2: Let's get it.
Speaker 3: Try to get a larger audience. We can grow anyway
we can.
Speaker 2: Dan was allegedly supposed to be like six three, but
you're pretty tall.
Speaker 1: How tall are you?
Speaker 3: I'm six foot like on the dot, and no one
believes that.
Speaker 1: Like now you're five to oay, I believe you.
Speaker 3: I know nobody's nobody except me is exactly six feet
No one.
Speaker 2: It sounds like a lie, it does. I'll tell you
six feet even. I should round you're six feet yeah,
I'm the shortest sibling. I should say six to one.
Speaker 3: You are, yes, because then the beliefs six one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, especially if your hair, if you have like the
flow going and even right now it's enough. But if
the flow is going and you're adding like an inch
and a half on that. People won't question it.
Speaker 3: Courtney, Do I look less homeless than the last time
you saw me?
Speaker 1: Yes, it looks like you've trimmed your facial hair.
Speaker 3: And my actual hair.
Speaker 2: It's fight. Yeah, kept it tight, all right?
Speaker 1: So did I tell you to your face you look?
Speaker 3: Tomas was uh no, Rob just relayed the message.
Speaker 2: I posted something on Instagram and you were like, what
the fuck is going on with Dan?
Speaker 4: Well, it just kind of looks like somebody dumped you
in the wilderness and then picked you up.
Speaker 1: A couple of weeks later.
Speaker 3: We could try different things. Yeah, I like to customize
my avatar.
Speaker 2: It's fair I can't, so, yeah, you have no options.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're kind of one note.
Speaker 2: You're backwards at or nothing pretty at this point. I
just there's three kids, like, I'm not gonna do my hair.
Thank you for doing your hair for the show.
Speaker 1: I did wash it today. You're welcome.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I appreciate that. There's no way I was going
through it.
Speaker 3: She's too vain. She was talking about her shot before
the show. She's like, is this what I look like?
It's like, yeah, sorry, it's too purple.
Speaker 1: Also that yeah, all.
Speaker 2: Right, So today we're talking about some boys who got
into some shit. Boys like literal like I think like
nine to fourteen is roughly the range who got into
some shit in history that I find semi plausible that
our boys could get into under the right circumstances. Okay,
First up, we start in Paris in eighteen thirty. Believe
it or not, the French you're having another revolution.
Speaker 3: Happens every couple of decades.
Speaker 2: Every this was like every other year. This is lame Is,
Eir of France. So this is like, why does the
king ohpress me again? This was a loaf of brad.
Were you in Lamez? I was in high school.
Speaker 1: You better believe he was in lames.
Speaker 2: Why were you no one? I was in the chorus? Damn,
I know, I wasn't. That was I did have a
solo though. That was the one musical ever that I
had a solo in song.
Speaker 1: Uh but were you just a lowly peasant?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I was literally a peasant. I think it was
at the end of the day or another day. Older.
Speaker 1: You need to just lie and say you're Jean Valjean
the other Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well that Courtney, our audience would know. I wasn't Jean
Valjean because Jean Valjean is one of the few tenors
in the cast. They call me out on that immediately.
Oh okay, oh no, I'm sorry. Javert is a tenor,
Jean Valjean, it's a baron. So yeah, I could have
been John Beljean Cool.
Speaker 3: I got caught out for our Patreon episode because I
said Atlantic City is North Jersey, which is just not
accurate at all. It's North Jersey to me, but it's
still south of Philly.
Speaker 2: It's what.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I used to go to like super super
South Jersey wild Wood and it's still.
Speaker 2: It's north of that.
Speaker 3: It's north of that, but it's but it's technically South Jerseys.
Speaker 2: Okay. But to me, I didn't. I don't know Jersey.
That one would have never called you out on that,
and I've lived next to it my entire life. Yeah,
I would have never known.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 2: If it wasn't for the listener, I would have been like, oh, yeah,
Dan knows Jersey pretty well.
Speaker 3: Me a copa.
Speaker 2: Yeah, You've got to own it. We make mistakes. It happens,
it will happen. We're softcore history, that's geography. We're soft
core geography too. It's fun, yeah, softcore everything. So the
July Revolution of July twenty six to twenty ninth, eighteen thirty,
King Charles the tenth of France has just issued a
bunch of just new laws that people hate. Protests spark
around the city because the French ride about everything. And
in true Lemas fashion, you know, the barricades were thrown up,
wagons and chairs and everything, and soldiers started clashing with
people and there were just fights all over the city
and stuff like that amid this. It's a great time
anytime this happens. Great time to be a street urchin
perfect great time to be an Oliver Twist type little pickpocket.
Speaker 1: Just a little shit like like a little Oliver Twist.
Speaker 3: Group, Yes, just like a little group, just like little
groups of kids were boys specific For the most part,
we're running around the city unattended, getting into some shit
because no one cared because there were bigger things going.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm sure all their parents were dead doing hood.
Speaker 3: Rash shit with their friends.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well or there were orphans, yeah, one of the other.
Speaker 3: They will steal from you, they may they may stab you.
Speaker 2: They will do anything. It's uh, what was the end
of that movie City of God. Yeah, we're just like
the twelve year olds take over the street gang.
Speaker 3: City God is one of my favorite movie.
Speaker 2: City of God is fantastic. But they assassinate like the adult,
like the twenty year old gang member. Yeah, and they're
like yeah, like it's like the have you seen the
City of God?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: Is that the Christian Bale movie?
Speaker 2: No, it's a brilliant Oh.
Speaker 1: I know what it is. No, I would never want
to it sounds sad.
Speaker 2: Oh not that many kids dying?
Speaker 1: Absolutely not.
Speaker 2: No, it's like max five max, all of them twenty.
They also grow up faster there they do. Oh my gosh.
That's the end the whole literally the end of the
movie is they kill like the twenty year old gang
leader and these two like nine year olds have guns
now and they're like, okay, first we got to kill
this guy, and then we're gonna kill this guy because
he's a dick. And they're like, clearly horrible, clearly talking
about other children.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, No, I don't want to watch that bit
date night, absolutely not. No, get us with what little
time I happened to myself at night. I don't want
to watch kids die.
Speaker 2: I think it's like a three hour movie due as
long as fuck.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a far cry from Diners Drives and hey,
Triple D, I know you do.
Speaker 2: We're Triple D House. Absolutely so. Enter a twelve year
old street urchin named Lyon. He was having a blast.
He was a scrappy kid. And on July twenty seventh,
as the riots got crazy and no one was really
paying attention to anything, he spotted on the streets of
eighteen thirty Paris a like a vendor cart, you know,
like a hot donk cart or whatever, loaded with candy
with bond bonds. There was a huge riot going on
right next to it.
Speaker 3: The original candy van.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the vendor was watching. Yeah, but he he doesn't
get candy van. The vendor was watching what was going on,
so he just steals everything out of the vendor cart.
It's just like fuck, yeah, what a haul, free candy,
let's go. The vendor eventually sees him stealing it, sees
him running away with his whole cart or everything in
his cart that's his livelihood literally, yeah, and starts chasing
him through the crowded streets, shouting thief, thief, thief. Leon
is like, oh shit, this guy's gonna track me down.
So he climbs.
Speaker 1: We hold on, does he put all the candy in
a bag or something?
Speaker 2: Yeah, he got like two bags of candy, you know,
like just imagine.
Speaker 1: Like he's not pushing the cart.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, he's got like bags of candy.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: He climbs a light post, a lamp post, and the
vendor can't follow, and the vendors just at the bottom
screaming like give me back my fucking candy, and the
kids just like no Leon. Then all Leon's friends like
follow him. They're like, oh, that's so funny, Like Leon
Jack stole a bunch of candies. That's hilarious. And the
vendor's next to him, and he's like yelling up at them. Leon,
in order to I guess, just make enough of a
mess that he can run away, starts throwing the free
candy to all the kids beneath them. Word gets out.
Hundreds of children show up because free candies being tossed
from a lamp post.
Speaker 1: It's impressive how fast word got around.
Speaker 2: And there's not much else going on other than the riot. Yeah,
so other street urchins join in and they start being
like oh yeah, the police are busy. We should just
start robbing every every vendor cart that looks delicious and
the bonbon riots so breakout, smashing grabs the tails.
Speaker 3: Oldest time.
Speaker 1: I was waiting to figure out how in the world
this kid made history. This makes sense.
Speaker 2: The riots breakout because as he's on the top of
the lamp post, adults who are already robbed up by
the revolution mistook the frenzy for a protest breaking out.
So this kid's throwing candy. All the other kids are
going insane. The guy, the vander cart whatever guy is
screaming at him, please give me my candy back. You're
a thief, he shouts down at him. He's shouting from
the lamp post. Take the sweites, fight the greedy.
Speaker 3: So he's just like, yeah, never let a good ride
go away, right, He's he turns his literal just candy
theft into a statement against the crown, even though he
just stole it from another.
Speaker 2: Working class vendor card guy. Everyone shows up, Everyone mistakes
the group of kids for a protest, a riot breaks out,
everything starts getting robbed. Workers and students joined the mob
start putting up barricades around the area because his twelve
year old boy is on a lamp post throwing candy.
Speaker 4: I'm impressed he gathered all the kids in the city together.
He even got a tagline like in the middle of
all the chaos.
Speaker 2: Take the sweets, fight the greedy.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Wait, and they set it up like their own autonomy zone,
like a Seattle and Portland.
Speaker 2: Yes, they immediately created a chaz. They put up barricades
around all the streets and it became walled off from
the troops.
Speaker 1: So they basically just got to rip everything out of
all the carts.
Speaker 2: Yes, and then they started robbing all the cards.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Then of course troops have to be deployed to put
down the now riot because his child stole candy. Fortunately,
no one died. However, several people were mercilessly beaten, both
troops and rioters.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: It took several days to put that down, and it
more or less contributed to the King of France's abdication. Wow,
this kid.
Speaker 3: Single handedly brought down the crown, brought down the crowd
by stealing the can because he was a little.
Speaker 2: It's just like I was some candy.
Speaker 1: What happened to him?
Speaker 2: I don't know if you know this, but the French
riot over everything, like if there's a firefight, Like you
remember a couple of weeks ago, and not a couple
weeks ago, a couple years ago, there was like a
firefighters strike potentially in Austin where they were like wanted
more pay and the union was gonna go and strike
whatever blah blah blah, and they just kind of did
it and they lobbied and you know whatever they did American.
Speaker 3: Dude, firefighters should only be volunteers.
Speaker 2: And when that happens in France, and it happens in
France all the time, they riot immediately, there's no protests,
there's no they just start breaking shit. The firefighters go
out in the street.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just classic photos of people at a cafe
smoking zigs, having coffee and there's just fires in the
back because there's another clients.
Speaker 1: I feel like they just kind of overreact.
Speaker 2: Well that's just that's just what they do. It's it's
like sport for them.
Speaker 1: No, No, but throughout history they just kind of overreact.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's two people in France, those who are apathetic
and those that care too much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's no one.
Speaker 3: Between, nothing in between. There's no one who's there's no
normal people in France.
Speaker 2: No, it's either like the most yeah, the most apathetic
people you ever seen, who could watch someone die and
they're just like Levy, I don't think he's life. Don't
once my coffee.
Speaker 3: They read the Stranger Wants.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good I feel like that's the perfect
representation of that. Half of France is Albert KMU. But yeah,
this kid helped bring down the king because he wanted
to have a dad At cookie, as Rory calls them.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so Dan, like I don't know, two years ago,
Rob bought himself some like some of those shitty Keebler
Elf cookies yea, which I don't eat beause they taste
like cardboard and.
Speaker 3: The fudge ones Yeah, fudge and M and M.
Speaker 1: Yeah they're gross.
Speaker 4: And Rob had him in the pantry and Rory went
in and tried to get one and I said, and
you can't eat that.
Speaker 1: That's a dad At cookie. And now any.
Speaker 4: Sort of shitty prepackaged cookie, be it Keebler or Oreo
or whatever it is, is still just call the dat
at cookie.
Speaker 3: Boy, you're really handicapping this kid.
Speaker 2: Dan likes to shit on my diet constantly.
Speaker 4: Well, Rob just likes to have a little sweet treat
every night one most will go have a little keebler
elf cookie.
Speaker 2: Not eating like a sleeve of oreos.
Speaker 1: No, he literally has one.
Speaker 2: Are you familiar with Rob's bathroom habits or does he
only keep it for work?
Speaker 1: How he's in there for like forty five minutes.
Speaker 3: He poops at least four times at work every day.
Speaker 2: No, it's absurd, it's insane. It's healthy.
Speaker 1: No one poops more than you. Maybe our dogs.
Speaker 3: I have Crohn's disease, I still don't poop as much
as you do.
Speaker 2: It's healthy. So that's a fucking grease tunnel.
Speaker 4: No, it's really annoying, especially when I'm home alone with
people who I can barely hold a conversation with. And
then he comes home and within five minutes goes and
sits on the toilet. Did you tell him about your
toilet escapades at the hospital?
Speaker 2: What? How? I took a big dump asy as I
got there. Yeah, so it was poop time. That was poop.
Speaker 3: Does your body retain any nutrition?
Speaker 2: A great question.
Speaker 1: Well, you don't eat fruit or vegetables, so probably not.
Speaker 3: I eat no fiber day.
Speaker 2: What are you talking about? Barely you put a thing
of cauliflower in the oven. I eat it.
Speaker 3: It's gonna come out easier if you put some fiber
in that diet.
Speaker 2: I don't even know.
Speaker 1: No, then he'd just be there more.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it'll be more efficient, you know.
Speaker 2: Quick.
Speaker 3: I'll still sit on the he's not struggling.
Speaker 2: I'm not leaving the toilet after fire scrollings A waste
of time, he is.
Speaker 4: I can hear him, you know, in the mornings. I
hear him in there watching, or he'll set an alarm.
He falls asleep on the toilet and the alarm goes
off because he likes to just sit in there.
Speaker 1: Well, I get everybody away from today.
Speaker 3: It's a good toilet. Naps a good nap. He naps
in the car outside of work.
Speaker 1: Sometimes he could sleep in the front yard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't like to sleep in it here. It's
too cold.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I am not cold in here.
Speaker 2: Not today. It's not usually like this, Okay. It's usually
fucking freezing, a little toasty. Yeah, No, it's usually on
the weekdays it's fucking freezing.
Speaker 3: I find it just right now, it's horrible goldilocks here.
Speaker 2: You're nipping out, That's what I say. Just Dan's nips
on display constantly. Pop Top, Yeah, pop Top. Dan was
supposed to pop Top for this show. Oh really, Because
a first birthday, he promised the people that he would
pop top.
Speaker 3: Injured in my shoulder. I can't. Oh, you can't take
the shirt off. It'll hurt my shoulder more.
Speaker 1: Are you gonna take your shirt off when you get home?
Speaker 2: Nah?
Speaker 3: I just kind of put another shirt on, but you
need to.
Speaker 2: You haven't cut yet either. We gotta get you real dehydrated.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna cut.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we gotta get you like cut. And then the
night before camp, we shoot. Just drink half a fucking
fit the vodka. Yeah, you know what I mean, just
like real dehydrated. Everything's just written.
Speaker 3: Just go as hard as I did Friday night for
my birthday?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, how was that?
Speaker 3: It was good?
Speaker 1: Did you go really hard?
Speaker 3: Watermelon marks?
Speaker 2: Dude, those watermelon marks. My favorite part, my favorite of
your birthday parties was when Bach was there and he
was just like, yeah, Lindsay got a new job that
pays her a ton of money at Walmart, so like
corporate Walmart.
Speaker 3: Audience doesn't know who this man is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fine. He's former TFF employee.
Speaker 3: That's fine. I also don't think I invited them.
Speaker 2: Probably not. And he goes like, hey, just want to
meet me here, and uh yeah, he just put he
just paid for my drinks all night. It was your birthday,
and I ran it up. I ran it up real
fucking good.
Speaker 4: Yeah I remember that because the next day Lindsay texted
me and was like, fucking Rob.
Speaker 3: That's the kind of guy Rob is.
Speaker 2: If you give me an open bar, he'll take advantage.
I will absolutely do it. All right, So our next
child and his mischief takes place during the Salem witch Trials?
Speaker 3: Is it the two females?
Speaker 2: No? No, no, it's not that we excluded history's worst monsters. Okay,
so there's no like boy Kings, there's no like Jeoffrey's
just like lighting peasants on.
Speaker 3: But those like two teenage bitches that got twenty people killed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think they were teenagers. I think they
were like fourteen thirteen. Oh yeah, I think you're right. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Uh, that's how they say the witch child started. His
two girls claim they were insane. Just start calling everyone witches.
Speaker 1: Perfect, Yeah, I see little teenage girls suck.
Speaker 2: Oh they did it. They were they were absolute bitches.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and god, we got an old man crushed with rocks?
Speaker 2: Is how they killed one person?
Speaker 1: That sucks?
Speaker 2: They put it's called was it called just crushing?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: You put a rock on someone and then you're like,
are you a witch? And they're like, no, sill, you
put another rock on them, Sure, you're not a witch.
And they just keep doing that and the old man
was like, I don't give a shit, I'm not a witch.
Fuck you. And then they just kept putting rocks on them.
Speaker 1: So how do you deduce if they're a witch they survive?
Speaker 2: Yeah, if he had survived all those rocks, he would
have been a witch.
Speaker 1: Was there like a max number of rocks?
Speaker 2: No, you just keep going. But now that he's dead,
do they just admit oh shit, like, oh he clearly.
Speaker 4: Was not well, didn't They also just like talk people
in the water and if you didn't drown, that's a
money python bit.
Speaker 2: It is true, but that is from Moneypothoonal was it?
Speaker 1: I've never seen moneypathon?
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, it is a real thing. Though. If you
throw them in the water and they float, that's the
water rejecting them.
Speaker 4: Because they're a witch. Yes, because they're so it's like
you're only not. They only accept you if you die
and drown.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you drown, they're like, oh, well worked out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she wasn't good to her, she didn't lose, she
isn't heaven. Now it works, Yeah, so I think it's
a flawed system. So during during the Salem With Trials,
the Puritan community was of course obsessed with the devil
and the Devil's everywhere, demons are everywhere, sin is everywhere,
and uh. Children in Puritan.
Speaker 2: Communities were expected to be basically like many adults like.
They were supposed to be quiet, obedient, basically like as
responsible as an adult more or less. Obviously, that doesn't
really fly with actual little boys. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, good luck with that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well they have their methods, mostly violence.
Speaker 2: Ye, beating the ship out of them always helpful. So
twelve year old named Ezekiel was a farmer's son, and
he was He was a mischievous boy, like to have
some fun, didn't like to do his chores.
Speaker 3: Ezekiel, get back to that isjah some biblical real punch.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're lying immune, I believe you claimed the other
day I am in one of the shows.
Speaker 3: I believe dragon immune as well.
Speaker 2: Why are you How could you be dragging? Because Daniel
also fought a dragon? Did he? Yeah, I remember that one.
Speaker 1: I definitely don't remember that one.
Speaker 3: Well, you don't read the Bible, so she grew.
Speaker 1: Up reading the Bible way more than more Bible. I
don't doubt it.
Speaker 2: He's not Catholic.
Speaker 4: When I was in sixth grade, we had to memorize
the entire Book of Philippians and just recited it.
Speaker 3: I entered the clergy. So when, don't worry about it?
Speaker 2: When did you that? The Naval Academy said.
Speaker 3: No, No, dude, twenty nineteen, it was dark. What I
need a roof over my head?
Speaker 2: What did you do?
Speaker 3: Don't worry about it?
Speaker 2: Did you lie and say you want to be a
priest for like a week.
Speaker 3: I'm about to be an ordained minister to marry my
uh my sister, So yeah, I'm gonna wear the collar.
I want to enter my name to be the next
pope once Leo's dead.
Speaker 2: Pope Dan, any any Catholic is eligible technically to be
the pope. That's legitimately true.
Speaker 4: But like I assume you have to hold a position
in the church. No, it could just be Pope Rob yep.
Speaker 3: Well, no, I'd have taken you new You have to
pick kind of like Daniel, I could be Pope Daniel.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: Did the Holy Spirit enter you? No?
Speaker 2: Okay, are you special?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, did he enter you? He entered me
when confirmation?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, okay with me too.
Speaker 1: Then, my gosh, Catholics are so annoying.
Speaker 2: She's not a fan.
Speaker 3: Uh you mean the best you guys are just fucking
dollar store versions of us.
Speaker 4: Oh, tell me one more time about how my pastor's
wearing blue jeans.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she doesn't like playing guitars as well.
Speaker 2: She doesn't like that joke at all.
Speaker 3: Does he roll in on a skateboard?
Speaker 2: He lee's Actually, my gosh, hate kids.
Speaker 1: Whatever.
Speaker 4: All the Catholic masses I've been to are really weird.
They like squirt water in your face.
Speaker 3: It's supposed to scare you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the whole point. It did.
Speaker 1: And they swing around that thing with the incense.
Speaker 2: She went to the first I don't know that was
your first Catholic Mass, but the first one I took
you to you at my church was Christmas.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think they flung water in for stuff.
Speaker 3: That's extra stuff stuff going on respect for the Lord,
which I guess your church does not.
Speaker 2: What's trip mall? You guys in pretty next to a
jiu jitsu and.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Dan, do you even go to mass ever?
Speaker 3: No, dude, it's a cultural thing. You want to get it.
Speaker 1: I know that's what's so annoying is it's just a
cultural thing, but you never go.
Speaker 2: I did my time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was an altar boy.
Speaker 2: I'm going to three masses a week.
Speaker 1: You were an ultra boy too.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: We just have to be really really sorry before I die. Yeah.
Dan used to do mafia funerals.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they paid the best. M I'd be in like
sixth grade, making a hundred bucks a funeral. I loved
when Gangster's dadad.
Speaker 1: I really don't know what to say to any of this.
Speaker 2: An Italian guy gets off, You do his funeral.
Speaker 3: You make a lot more money.
Speaker 1: To you have mob funerals?
Speaker 2: No, no, no, we're Irish German. Then a mob over there.
Speaker 1: I thought the mafia was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, rampant in Saint Louis and it was during the
weekday so I could get out of class.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was the best part about doing funerals.
Speaker 1: Did you go to Catholic school took through eight.
Speaker 2: Wow he went to public high school?
Speaker 3: Yeah, couldn't couldn't hang Oh god, I wanted to go
to public high school? Was my choice?
Speaker 1: Oh really?
Speaker 2: Uh yeah? What is it?
Speaker 3: School choice now here in Texas. I would have chose
to go to the public school.
Speaker 2: Dude, wouldn't you have gone? Would you have gone to
Rob mclinnis High School? If you went Catholic?
Speaker 3: He went to Saint Jose Prep, which is where one
of my the best friends who actually listens to the
show shout out, Mike Ponchatti played football at.
Speaker 2: Then he went to Penn Would you have gone to
Saint Joe's Prep?
Speaker 3: No, I would have went to either Cardinal O'Hare or Malvern.
Speaker 2: I've heard of Cardinal O'Hare.
Speaker 3: Yeah that's pretend Donna.
Speaker 2: He was, oh nice, Yeah, yeah, there you go. Should
have done it, dude, could have could have had that
Catholic school.
Speaker 3: Or if I wanted to be all boys with Malvern,
I could have went to Bonner as well, which is
where they filmed Silver Line's Playbook.
Speaker 2: At the high school.
Speaker 3: The high school, that's uh Bonner, Okay, Bonner Prandi, And
then that's where I guess Bradley Cooper teaches in the movie.
Speaker 2: Hmmm, I don't remember him being a teacher in that movie,
fair enough. I just knew he was supposed to be
ex fat, and I was like, you've never looked fat
at day.
Speaker 1: In your life running around in his trash bag.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and hoodie and everything.
Speaker 3: And to Shaun Jackson Jersey, oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Biggie Eagles movie. So the town of Salem is
on edge because the devil's everywhere. And also they're getting
rated by Indians all the time.
Speaker 1: Indigenous peoples, Yes.
Speaker 2: Indigenous peoples, as you said in the sketchy recorded before
this show started. Brilliant work, Thank you so much. So yeah,
back at this time, some naked people might run into
your village and kill a few people.
Speaker 3: Conquered, not stolen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it just happens. So they're a little worried. Basically
everyone in the village, every male in the village is
part of the militia, like everyone's in it. So they
all they do militia drills regularly. Households like ezekiels have that.
Would you feel safe with a gun in the house.
Speaker 1: No, what, I don't like guns.
Speaker 3: You just don't think Rob could handle it. I understand, well,
I've seen Rob shoot the guns.
Speaker 4: But I also think that a kid could go and
play with it and hurt somebody or themselves.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Not if you tell them, hey, I'm putting this
on the kitchen counter, don't touch it.
Speaker 3: They gotta respect it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally.
Speaker 3: We'll listen to every time with Rory and Finn. Yeah, yeah, hey, guys,
don't touch this.
Speaker 4: I just didn't grow up in a typical Texas house
with guns, so I'm just not used to it.
Speaker 2: No, you grew up in the sort of Texas house
that doesn't need guns.
Speaker 1: That's fair.
Speaker 4: But I have been to the shooting range once, thank
you very much. I'm an okay shot, how they go,
I'm an okay shot. But it kind of freaked me
out because I was like, it was, you know, my
intrusive thoughts that all I had to do was turn
slightly to the right and I could just kill people
next to me.
Speaker 3: Oh see, that's never entered my head.
Speaker 2: Has never once occurred to me.
Speaker 3: No, I'm always thinking guns safety.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The last the last guns I shot were World
War Two guns. At no point holding the Thompson submachine
gun was I was I.
Speaker 3: Like, maybe can kind of see how this story is
going to play out for YouTube.
Speaker 2: Also, the last time I shot guns, if I had
turned on anyone I be, it would have been ridly
with a thousand bullets before. Yep.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's that always sunny episode where they go to
a to buy a gun at the gun show. At
the gun show and they turned the gun on the
guy and everyone around them.
Speaker 2: Just they just like it like pans out and there's
just like a fucking Mexican standoff of it was like
a thousand I see.
Speaker 3: Suddenly everyone with a gun actually made this place safer.
Speaker 2: So you wouldn't feel safe with a gun in the house. No, well,
these people quite a few of them. Well they all
had guns in the house.
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, first of all, it would be very different.
And if I lived in this time period where you
literally need a gun, need the protection, or you're probably
just gonna get slaughtered.
Speaker 3: Oh need a gun now too.
Speaker 2: Well, Ezekiel everyone had a gun in the house, but
Ezekiel's house was one of the houses in the town
that also had a cannon. I'm sorry, what was he?
Speaker 3: A ka?
Speaker 2: Yeah right, this is a very Ka esque story.
Speaker 3: Kappa Alpha Order, they always have cannons their front yard.
Speaker 2: Really, you don't remember the cannon in the front yard.
Speaker 1: I went to the k approximately never, so.
Speaker 2: That cannon has a fun story, didn't Mike has set
it off. Micah might have been one of the people
that set it off. Well, one day. It was the
year before I was in school. Mike was a little
older than us.
Speaker 3: They were shit faced, and they were like, dude, just
cannon work and they just stop jammed it to the
brim with fireworks, which is not how you're supposed to
do a canon, idiots, and then lit it and it
you know how a canon's.
Speaker 2: Like on wheels or whatever. Yeah, it exploded off of
its base and flew through an apartment complex across the street.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry you didn't have fun in college.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Well, kay, it was kind of far away.
Speaker 2: Yes, it was on the other side of camp. Yeah,
you don't want to walk.
Speaker 4: I wasn't trying to cross that busy street. There were
other frat houses.
Speaker 1: To party at.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Their spiritual leader is Robert E. Lee.
Speaker 1: Really yeah, spiritually you weren't. You were not a ka.
Speaker 2: No, it's a Fiji. He's got the frat.
Speaker 1: Ah, that's right. Who could forget Yeah.
Speaker 3: Five gamma delta.
Speaker 2: So this canon that they owned was about four feet long,
and obviously they had powder and shotford as well.
Speaker 1: Is it just in the living room, No, it's like
in the barn.
Speaker 2: It's in the garage. Okay, So to speak on Sunday,
Ezekiel was stuck at home while the rest of town
was at church for and Protestant church, these Protestant Church.
The last hours and hours he was stuck at home
doing chores. But he was bored and uh, other kids
were out doing chores too. So he grabs a couple
of friends and he's like, do you guys want to
play with the canon? Does that sound like fun? This
seems pretty sweet.
Speaker 1: This is really giving little rob. Yeah, you would so
do this.
Speaker 2: Play with the cannon.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, yeah, you would do this.
Speaker 3: Now that's why when people always bitch about the Second Amendment.
Now they're like, oh, the you know founding fathers didn't
have this in mind when they wrote the you know, Constitution,
but they literally had cannons.
Speaker 2: Every person had a cannon. If you lived on the frontier,
there were cannons. People had owned private cannons, like through
the Civil War.
Speaker 1: I literally never.
Speaker 2: Knew that that people owned cannons.
Speaker 4: No, I've never thought about cannons outside of like a
battlefield or like.
Speaker 1: You know, watching the Pirates of the Caribbean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, I don't know, No people owned cannons.
Speaker 1: It was just guns and there was there's.
Speaker 3: A range, right, So this cannon is a smaller cannon.
It's not it's not a Pirates of the Caribbean like
giant cannon, but it is still a fucking canon. It's
still landscape pie.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you just have it in your yard really sets
the tone.
Speaker 4: I just find it so strange, Like when when do
you have the time to like go and light it
and put the stuff in, and like.
Speaker 1: Who are you aiming it at the Indians? Okay?
Speaker 2: When they so you hear. I don't know if Salem
was walled, but there were certainly defenses outside of it.
And so if someone's like I saw Indians like out
three fields away, you roll up the cannons to the
edge of town, load them up. Everyone's got their muskets
and you're just ready.
Speaker 1: That's fascinating. I feel like the older I get, the
more I just feel like I don't know shit about history.
Speaker 2: Most people don't.
Speaker 3: You don't listen to this show. It's fine.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's true.
Speaker 4: I also literally don't listen to the show, so that
might help my cause it's a.
Speaker 2: Good thing you don't because I'm constantly defending your honor.
Speaker 3: Rob's always talking.
Speaker 1: True, you're constantly bitching about.
Speaker 3: Me, Dan, I never bitch about you.
Speaker 4: Which is so funny because literally the only episode I
ever remember listening to was one of.
Speaker 2: Your episodes, one of Dan's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it was so long. Go Chake was still
on the show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sounds about right.
Speaker 3: The only person that caught her interest those little old
names was you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to hear me.
Speaker 1: I laughed a couple of times.
Speaker 2: Oh good, with a ringing endorsement of.
Speaker 4: The shown't bad, she laughed once or twice.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Uh So the boys are like, fuck, yeah, let's play
this cannon. Let's do this. So they grab the cannon.
They roll it out into uh the front yard, I think,
loaded with powder. I was like, what should we shoot?
Can't shot cannonball? That'll kill someone? So and when you
can't put like hard, hard things in there because that'll
shoot out like shrapnel that might hurt someones. What are
you put in there? So they were like, oh, you'll
be funny in true twelve year old fashioned.
Speaker 3: Poop poop cannon.
Speaker 2: Poop cannon that is.
Speaker 1: So something only a boy would think of.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's go shoot poop. It's pretty cool.
Speaker 4: Giving like Salem witch version of a bag of dog
shit on somebody's door step.
Speaker 2: It is very much the Salem witch trial version of
lighting a big at dog shows the porch.
Speaker 3: So they have thought like potato, right initially.
Speaker 2: That'll kill you man.
Speaker 1: I was going to say, clothes.
Speaker 3: Did you not make potato cannons with We had potato cannes.
Speaker 2: In the front in college. Yeah, yeah, we had potato canes.
Speaker 3: I'm talking about eighth grade, ninth grade. Oh no, We
used him in the frottle and then we fired it
into the highway. There was gosh d a what's up
ninety five?
Speaker 2: One of the guys in our house who's like a
brilliant like engineering student, but like in a very mcguiver way,
he would make these potato cannons and then just like
load full coat cans into them and shoot shoot that out.
Speaker 3: That's dangerous.
Speaker 2: That's dangerous, although, but a regular potato would fuck you up.
He would also he would hit us with like tennis balls,
got like a tennis ball in there, and.
Speaker 1: Just potatoes hard.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you take a potato to the dome at the
right range, or a potato gun, they might kill you.
Speaker 2: Not a gun, a cannon, a potato canned. So they
makes everything in They aim it vaguely towards the town square.
Animal poop, cowshit, They aim it vaguely towards the town square,
being like it'll be funny to rain.
Speaker 3: Maybe we've wrongly accused these women of starting the selling
witch trials.
Speaker 2: It was these boys, because.
Speaker 3: They'll often say the ergat that they ingested is what
caused them all go crazy. So they ate rotting corn allegedly,
and that rotting corn it had like mold on it,
and the mold was for all intents and purposes LSD.
So they think they kind of were hallucinated the entire time.
But what if what if this poop canon is what
in their brains? Yeah, got things.
Speaker 1: Going, well, we were poisoned the corn.
Speaker 3: Mushrooms, right, you find in colfeeces.
Speaker 2: Yeah, is that psilocybin?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's how you grow it.
Speaker 2: It just grows naturally.
Speaker 3: Think it naturally grows in col fungus cow poo grows, so.
Speaker 2: They shoot the cannon. Cowshit reins over the town square
right as church is getting out, and the whole town
freaks out for two reasons. One they hear a cannon,
so they think Indians are coming and they're like, oh,
my god, a bunch of naked people are about to
murder us again. And two, it starts raining poop, which
they don't take as a great sign from God.
Speaker 1: I was going to say, the hand of God is smiting.
Speaker 3: Them, the opposite of manna.
Speaker 2: They thought it was Satan's wrath or a witch's curse,
that it was raining cowshit and all hell breaks loose
in the town.
Speaker 3: Or a witch is flying above and just dumping it
tuckets the ship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just dumping ship on you. They are pretty convinced
at first that it is other worldly stuff, but very
quickly they're like, no, I heard a fucking cannon. Somebody
did this.
Speaker 4: Well, also, I'm sure, I mean it's only going to
fall for so long, right, yes, So assuming when it stopped,
they're like, oh, just kidding.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So the town minister starts an investigation. John Hale,
who is a key figure in the Witch trials, is Ego.
As soon as they shot the cannon, is Ego and
his friends are like, oh shit and just run back
and act like they're They're like, I'm just sweeping.
Speaker 3: I didn't do I didn't do a fucking thing. Fine,
So they questioned Ezekiel.
Speaker 2: They're like, you were there were like four people down
at church and a cannon just got shot off full
of cowshit and you're a twelve year old boy, and
we know you're kind of a dick already, like we
know you're a mischievous kid. Did you do this? And
Ezekiel was like, oh, sort of, but it was actually
an evil spirit that got inside of me and there
was a shadowy figure in the barn that might have
been the devil, and that's why it happened.
Speaker 3: Then my buddy exercised me and he's.
Speaker 2: Gone, yeah, and we're good. We're good now.
Speaker 1: It sounds like something super believable at the time.
Speaker 2: It does, but surprisingly people don't lie.
Speaker 3: Back then, the.
Speaker 2: Town magistrates, who would be who are completely primed for
oh the devil made them do it, were like nice
try no, Yeah, they're a nice trie. You're just a dick. Yeah,
you're no, So you know, as they do to boys
at the time. Uh, he was taken to the town
square and publicly whipped. Oh that's a twelve year old boy.
Speaker 3: Bad.
Speaker 1: I hate publicly executed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just a casual whipping.
Speaker 1: That's so awful.
Speaker 2: Well he made he lied about the devil.
Speaker 1: Whatever, he's just being a boy.
Speaker 3: He also shut a poop cannon.
Speaker 1: Well whatever, a ground him. They probably didn't ground him.
Speaker 2: Get powder's got powder at the store.
Speaker 1: Give him extra chores, so you're not an old school mom.
Speaker 2: Rory acts up.
Speaker 3: You're not getting the switch from the backyard.
Speaker 2: Well, also good switches in the yard too.
Speaker 1: I think what's so stupid about that is like, he's
literally your free labors, So why are you whipping him
where he's just gonna be in pain and not be
a good worker. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I just thought a lot of American history would argue
against that free labor.
Speaker 3: Just whipping your free label.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh well good point.
Speaker 2: Uh, last, but not least, we have a kid in
ancient Rome.
Speaker 1: Wait, that's it, he's okay.
Speaker 2: Oh his story became famous. Yeah, yeah, he's fine after that. Okay,
but his story became famous and was talked about in
Salem for like one hundred years. Afterwards they called it
Ezekiel's Folly or the Great Dung Shot, and they're like, oh,
that was funny. He got a whipping last, but not least.
I feel like this is what you'll appreciate. It was
a boy who bullshitted his way into a chariot race. Yeah,
in ancient Rome.
Speaker 3: How old was he?
Speaker 2: He was fourteen. I believe that's old enough. How old
are you supposed to be an adult?
Speaker 3: This is like Anakin in the pod Racer.
Speaker 1: No, I was literally thinking the same thing.
Speaker 3: Big Star Wars, Gal she is actually so we're Star
Wars by the way, phenom menace.
Speaker 2: It's not even close to the worst Star Wars. It's
better than the all three that came out.
Speaker 4: I was gonna say, don't argue that with Rob. Rob
thinks the first three or the.
Speaker 2: Best the best three? Oh yeah, for sure. Star Wars
by far.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, just the acting is so bad with uh,
I guess both Anakins.
Speaker 3: But yeah, but I get distracted by Natalie Portman, so yeah,
it doesn't.
Speaker 1: Really know, but like it's also her worst.
Speaker 3: Acting, yeah, but it's also her best at her hottest
by far. Really Oh my god, in the White Outfit
in Attack of the.
Speaker 4: Clones, when that thing casually just rips off a perfect
middrift shot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, that happens. Have you ever fought in an arena? No,
you don't know, Yeah, I don't. A monster takes a middrift.
So this kid, he's a stable boy, and he's like,
this job sucks. I'm literally a slave. Yeah, this is
the worst.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean back then, if you were a slave,
it could be much worse too. You could just get someone.
Speaker 2: Super grim getting stuffed up. You could get your junk
cut off, and then.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's not a time I would have wanted to
be visible.
Speaker 2: You don't want to visit like ancient Rome.
Speaker 1: No, I think I'm okay. I just picture like walking
through the streets and just like people fucking everywhere.
Speaker 2: The fucking would be the least smelly thing. Yeah, yeah,
it'd be horrific.
Speaker 3: Nobody brushes their teeth.
Speaker 1: No, No, I know I can't do any of it.
Speaker 2: No, no, but you kind.
Speaker 3: Of get used to it and I do it. It'd
be fun, it's all.
Speaker 2: You know. You don't want to go to India walk
around the streets.
Speaker 1: I'm okay.
Speaker 2: Are you sure. Yeah, I was gonna do that for anniversary.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm pretty good.
Speaker 2: Bombay a bunch of bugs.
Speaker 3: Now Calcutta, you know, I don't do bug Calcutta or
whatever it's called. Now I don't even know it's not
Calcutta anymore. Really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they took away all the British names. They de
anglicize that powerful Bombay is I think Mumbai, no, but
I forget what Calcutta is. Have no fucking idea.
Speaker 1: So this kid didn't even know these were all the
same things.
Speaker 2: This kid's work at the stables and it's a major
race day, it's a race day, and it's Roman Festival.
Circus is absolutely packed, knows the horses. He does know
the horses. And I guess it was a thing at
the time, which makes sense because why not get have
as much fun as you want stable boys while they're
people who own them were away racing. We're just like,
let's get drunk on wine. Let's just steal people's wine
from the crowd and get fucked up and feels like
little rob Yeah, that's absolutely what I would do. Yeah,
my mom for a church golf tournament. My mom came
to me. I think it was nineteen. But my mom
came in and she's like, do you want to ride
the run the beer cart for the Christ of King
golf tournament. Just drive around and you know, hand people
beer out.
Speaker 1: I twist my arm. Mom.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Me and Thomas Red were like. I called Thomas
Redd my buddy Thomas, and I was.
Speaker 3: Like, to another reason why the Catholics are better. Yeah, drunks, drunks, drunks.
Speaker 1: We were just your parents are absolutely not.
Speaker 2: No. We spent the afternoon of that golf course ripping
heaters and getting blackout drunk on free beer.
Speaker 3: The church gave us my mom's functional alcoholic that's as
Catholic as a gain. My dad doesn't drink as much.
Obviously doesn't drink now because the lung transplant, but he
was high.
Speaker 2: My entire youth was also what led to the lung transplant.
Speaker 3: Probably also the chemicals in the water.
Speaker 2: Chemicals.
Speaker 1: Yeah, very different from your parents.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know my parents are just like that. I
like didn't have alcohol to steal in my house as
a child. It was weird.
Speaker 3: Oh, I stole so much booze I got caught.
Speaker 2: There was no liquor cabin.
Speaker 1: A bunch of times Dad had so much liquor.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm sure your dad still does. Yeah. They made
me do manual labor though, as punishment while you were hungover. Yeah,
that's that's a good.
Speaker 1: Punishment that that I will do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is if lady's hungover at like fifteen sixteen,
like you're mowing the lawn today.
Speaker 4: No wonder your mom made you put up an above
ground pool. Was well that while you were hungover.
Speaker 3: She didn't know I was hungover. I was just forced
to do that. Wait a minute, you guys, are you
have an above ground pool?
Speaker 2: No, not really.
Speaker 1: It's a low point in his past.
Speaker 2: My mother. Who look, my parents, I like to say
all the time, if they won the lottery, they wouldn't
know what to do with it. They're just two thrifty
in midwestern mm hmm. Like they would come and stay
a very practical Catholics, a nicer holiday. So one day
my mom's like, I want a pool, and we're like, oh,
are we going to put a pool of the yard
that'll take up the whole yard? And she's like no,
I saw one at Sam's Club and I was like,
absolutely fucking not like a cowboy pool, like one of
those ones where you the ring inflates and you fill
it up and the ring rises. Not a cowboy pool
that's like a horse like the horse pool or whatever. No,
it's just some shitty inflatable pool for your backyard, giant
inflatable pool.
Speaker 4: And so we had to like one of the big
ones where adults are like, waist.
Speaker 3: Deep, you are white trash.
Speaker 2: It was the most shameful moment of my life. I
was out there pounding the ground flat. My dad's like, no,
we have to do it, and I'm like, this is
a fucking dug fucking like.
Speaker 1: Didn't you never go in?
Speaker 2: I never went principle, I never went in. I never
touched water. My mom was like, is it this great?
And I was like, it's a fucking disgrace.
Speaker 3: How much of the grass did it kill?
Speaker 2: Well, we took killed the grass. We took it up,
and then pounded the fucking earth flat all morning. I
was hungover from god knows what, just some dumb high
school shit. And then they put the pool up and they're like,
let's all get it, and I was like, I'm going inside.
This is disgusting.
Speaker 1: Like twenty plus years later, it's still a sore topic.
Speaker 2: It pisses me off so much to this day, especially
how happy they all were.
Speaker 1: It'd be one thing.
Speaker 2: I think if it was like a hot tub, I
wouldn't even understand the point of that.
Speaker 3: My parents have a hot sub.
Speaker 1: It's nice, like you know at night.
Speaker 3: Sure, my dad had a midlife crisis and it was
between a hot tub and a motorcycle.
Speaker 1: That was he made the right choice. Yeah, I don't like.
Speaker 3: We still have the hot tub to this day. But
I had to dig the power line for in my backyard.
So I had to dig like a trench there you go,
free labor to install the power.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not digging shit. So I guess if
you want to put some garbage in our backyards.
Speaker 1: I'm not putting a hot tub out there. I don't
want my child to drown in a hot tub.
Speaker 2: I mean that you can't do it.
Speaker 4: Now, Wait, so is your is your Roman teenager going
to drunkenly.
Speaker 1: Drive a chariot? Yes, okay, well not to steal your thunder.
Speaker 3: Come on, it's but you can't drink water, then wine's
probably a little bit, you know.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's better for your gi but he's doing
it to get fucked up specifically. Yeah, he's not doing.
Speaker 4: It like, oh, I forgot it's dirty water. So but
he's just drinking wine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that's people forget about that.
Speaker 2: What did kids brought to history?
Speaker 3: You drink beer because it's just cleaner juice.
Speaker 1: Do they have juice? Is that a thing?
Speaker 2: I probably have.
Speaker 3: Juice, I couldn't tell you. Or they just drank dirty water.
And if they lived to adulthood, congratulations.
Speaker 1: That's so grim.
Speaker 2: Okay, So this kid takes a fucking get is drunk,
and he's like, dude, fuck my bosses. This shit sucks.
I hate being a slave, which I guess fair enough.
And he just grabs a chariot while his uh, his
rider is away and goes out. There's more than one race,
by the way, it's like the Kentucky Derby, right, Like
it's like there's races throughout the day. He's uh, he
worked for the Green faction, not our favorite faction.
Speaker 3: We're not greens.
Speaker 2: No, we're whites, whites only whites. We are go whites,
go whites. Uh. Despite the fact that getting into a
chariot is nothing like getting into a car.
Speaker 3: I think it's kind of similar.
Speaker 2: No, No, it's wildly complicated to steer if you don't
know what you're doing. But he had seen his bosses
do it, and he's like, I think I grabed this.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm sure it's kind of heavy.
Speaker 2: It's you need to be strong to make four horses
go wherever the fuck you are.
Speaker 3: Four horses, four horses pulling the chariot.
Speaker 2: So he gets on and he's like, yeah, fuck it.
He drunk drives into the middle of a race that's
going on currently sick, immediately crashes and causes a pile up.
Speaker 3: Yes, you have to factor that in the gambling market.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like literally just gets onto the track and it's
like within thirty seconds, it's like and there's just like
a NASCAR esque pile up on the chariot track. Horses
are getting obliterated.
Speaker 3: I do appreciate that. He's like, we don't need to
do a trial run.
Speaker 2: No, we don't need to.
Speaker 1: They've seen it.
Speaker 2: Think fuck it, will do it live. I think I'm
fucking good. So yeah, immediately just crashes. Horses are going
over chariots, people are flying off their ship. The crowd
loves it, absolutely goes insane. Yes, absolutely is like this
is the best because like most people who go to
a NASCAR race. They just want to see people get.
Speaker 1: Fucked up, or like going to a hockey game fights.
Speaker 2: Yes, you want to see violence. So a horrific pile
up ensues.
Speaker 3: Did he have the spikey wheels? Probably like a cholo
driving a Cadillac. It's called a Scythian chariot. Scythian chariot.
Speaker 1: Well, that's depressing. Is it supposed to like hit other
horses and.
Speaker 2: Hurt them and other wheels?
Speaker 1: I can't think about it.
Speaker 2: For the horses now chariots, these races weren't super nice.
Speaker 1: I'm sure it was horrible.
Speaker 2: Sometimes you cut off a horse's leg.
Speaker 3: Do you know movies before, like the eighties, when you
saw an animal die on screen? They died?
Speaker 4: Dan, that's not real, isn't it real? Are you telling
me Old Yeller died?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Was that an off screen death or did they show them?
Speaker 3: There's multiple show I'm getting domed, there's multiple Like that
was an off screen death?
Speaker 2: Dude.
Speaker 3: They kill animals on screen all the time. And like
the movies in the fifties and sixties and seventies, those
horses that.
Speaker 1: Lassie you're telling me Lassie dies, I feel like.
Speaker 2: You're talking about like Ben Hurr. I'm talking about like
Mister Ed and shit, like who killed anyone in Mister Ed?
Speaker 1: Mister Ed led his own show.
Speaker 2: I mean they did kill I mean animals died. Wait,
I think in the ben Hurst seeing that the chariot scene, it.
Speaker 3: Was I'm not even talking about like animals that are
like the main character. But if you saw a western
in the fifties and a horse gets shot, the horse
gets shot.
Speaker 1: They used live guns.
Speaker 3: Yes, they killed the horses. That's why I like they
for a while, they had to be like no animals
were harmed during the filming of this production. That had
to be like there was like lost past that you
could no longer murk animals.
Speaker 1: Well, that's horrible. That's Hollywood, baby, I'm just never going
to watch another John Wayne movie.
Speaker 3: That's the industry we wanted to watch anyways. Yeah, we
all wanted to go to Hollywood.
Speaker 2: I kill animal this is it's just an attack on
practical effects. That's big SFX, yeah or big FX.
Speaker 3: Just what if Nolan goes to old school for the
Odyssey just kills.
Speaker 2: Horses, starts killing If anyone could get away with it,
Christopher Nolan could kill a horse.
Speaker 1: I don't think he would.
Speaker 2: I hope he does.
Speaker 1: No, you don't.
Speaker 3: But like horses that are already not for this world. Yeah,
they have cancer.
Speaker 4: Well, they canceled that Dustin Hoffman Horse Racing Show because
they were hurting, dying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they killed like eight horses on that RP.
Speaker 3: Barbara.
Speaker 2: I think it was called luck, wasn't it.
Speaker 3: Barbara broke his leg I think in the second race
after the Kentucky Derby, and they had to put him down.
Speaker 2: What I thought they fixed it in their bread them.
Speaker 1: They put him down because his barbrea.
Speaker 3: Won the Kentucky Derby. And then I think either the
second race or the third race broke his leg in that.
Speaker 2: To kill him. Why do they have to kill him
because he broke his leg?
Speaker 1: Who cares? Put a brace on him, send him out
to a pasture to live the rest of his days.
Speaker 2: That sperm is too valuable. You can't just kill it.
Speaker 3: They did.
Speaker 2: That is just cut it off.
Speaker 1: See this is why I don't do the Kentucky Derby.
I don't like any of this.
Speaker 2: You would love it.
Speaker 1: I don't like Rome, I don't like the Kentucky Derby.
Speaker 2: I don't like befair.
Speaker 3: I could also be making this up. But I think
I remember they did put down Barbara. I mean, I'll
just go Smarty Jones. Also, I think got injured, but
they didn't kill Smarty Jones.
Speaker 1: Uh, don't like any of this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think they put down Barbara.
Speaker 2: Right, he was euthanized, but not immediately. A year later
he was euthanized.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you can't move on with the story.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh, and they strangled him.
Speaker 1: Rob, No, they didn't.
Speaker 3: They cut his head off.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It took a lot of people for the picture.
Speaker 1: It's like, isn't that how they kill rabies? Animals cut
their head off?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that you cut, cut their head off and drill
into their brain to see if there's rabies in there. Oh,
because there was that school that had like a wash you.
It was in Saint Louis a bear, right, like a cub. Yes,
so wash you in Saint Louis's mascot is the bears.
And as a sort of like finals stress relief, they
brought in a baby bear for students to pet.
Speaker 1: Rob If you're going to tell me they cut this
fucking bear's head.
Speaker 3: Off, well, the bear bit someone.
Speaker 2: The bear bit someone. Were they bothering someone who pets
a bear deserves to get bitten by a bear.
Speaker 3: I would agree, Yeah, no, I trust bears.
Speaker 2: So the bear bites this person and they're like, we
have to test it for rabies. It's kind of like
a wild bear. And the students stopped it from happening.
They did not cut the baby bear's head off.
Speaker 1: They just drilled into its head.
Speaker 2: No, they didn't do either. Okay, they were like, it's fine,
I'll get tested for rabies. Please don't cut this child
bear's head off. Please don't got this bear cub's head off.
But they were.
Speaker 1: Gonna, okay, I'm waiting for it.
Speaker 2: That's okay, there's no twist.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: See I thought they actually did cut the.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, but they were gonna, like the drills
were warm.
Speaker 1: Enough, they were on the table, they were charging.
Speaker 2: They were like, please don't do that. So the race
was halted briefly and the wreckage was hauled off Guayas
the kid was hauled off to face.
Speaker 1: Punishment, did he get publicly whipped?
Speaker 2: As he was being taken and off Because he was
so drunk, he turned around and mooned the Emperor Claudius.
It was like, kiss my ass. Yeah, but it.
Speaker 1: Could be the audience loved it.
Speaker 2: It could be so etigious that he would respect it.
Check it out.
Speaker 3: He did the Emperor's like, oh, that was actually cool.
Speaker 2: Claudius thought it was hilarious and spared Guayas from a
harsh punishment, no whippings or death for him. He was
just like, that's a funny kid, and let him go
for the next.
Speaker 3: So wait, he got less punishment for mooning the emperor.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and destroying his rais.
Speaker 3: Then when Randy Moss did the fake moon, yes, and
Joe Buck lost his mind.
Speaker 2: Yes, he got less punishment in a society that did
punishment for sport than Randy Moss sick.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, Joe Buck lost his fucking mind.
Speaker 2: Disgusting act.
Speaker 3: Didn't even actually moon anyone.
Speaker 2: I love Joe Buck, but that was the dumbest thing
I've ever seen in my life.
Speaker 3: That's maybe the low of his career, and.
Speaker 2: It was early on in his NFL career. That's what
turned That's what turned everyone on Joe Buck. Yeah, was
the Randy Moss wowment. So this kid actually becomes a
legend for the next two hundred years among slave boys
who were like, remember guys, did they build a statue? No,
they didn't build us.
Speaker 1: No, they're fucking slaves. Do not have any money for
a statue?
Speaker 2: We did not. But Roman teenagers and Roman teenage slaves
loved the story and it became a legend amongst boy
slaves for the next two hundred years that you could
have just a little fun. Yeah, not a lot. It
wouldn't last long.
Speaker 1: He just had this day and then went back to
his stable.
Speaker 3: Yes, went back to his shitty life. Yet he wasn't free.
The emperor didn't think it was funny enough to free him.
Speaker 4: Okay, here's I think how it should have ended is
the emperor should have made him like maybe one of
his slaves, given him like a slave.
Speaker 2: Upbate, Well his jester probably, yeah, just.
Speaker 1: Like a better job. Oh did they have gestures?
Speaker 2: And yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, is it not the same?
Speaker 1: I picture that is very like medieval They had people
to entertain them.
Speaker 2: They probably didn't call it a jester, but yeah, they
had people there to goof around.
Speaker 3: Fair.
Speaker 2: But that is the story, the stories of boys being
boys throughout history. It's nothing new. Guys being good boys
will be boys. It's better than that. Could you see
just the darnedest. Could you see your boys doing any
of this stuff? Yes?
Speaker 3: Who's the real trouble maker?
Speaker 1: I mean they can they can both be little shits.
Speaker 3: Oh, Sammy's perfect so far he is.
Speaker 2: Yes, he actually is the best baby by a mile.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's my personal favorite because he's not mean to
me yet.
Speaker 2: What does Rory mean to you?
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know.
Speaker 3: Sometimes Finn's gonna be a problem because he's a redhead.
Speaker 1: He's already really feisty. I don't know. Rory's a little
more low key about being mischievous.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but he definitely I think Finn's the one that's
going to get into the ship. Yeah, because Finn's more
reckless with his body. Yeah, and you're going to ignore
him because he's a middle child.
Speaker 1: That is not true, it is I don't ignore him
at all. Do I ignore him?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Thank you? Are you lying a little bit?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 2: Rob? I mean Rory definitely demands the most attention.
Speaker 1: Yes, he's a little prince.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so de fact, you don't we don't intend to
ignore Finn, but Rory requires more bandwidth.
Speaker 1: Well, Finn doesn't need me as much because.
Speaker 2: He's grown up, not needing us as much.
Speaker 1: I think that's just his personality.
Speaker 3: You give him less attention, he said, he's gonna be
a real spartan.
Speaker 4: Stop acting like he's just some neglected like tossed in
a corner.
Speaker 2: We shower fit with love. He's fine, but Rory is
still the one that requires the most.
Speaker 1: Attention, easily more than the baby.
Speaker 3: Well yeah, yeah, what you guys learn today learned about
the candy riot.
Speaker 2: The kid that was my favorite of the three was
the first one, the kid that was just like, got
caught doing something, but it was in the middle of
a political riot, so he just politicized it until he
got out of trouble.
Speaker 3: And you know, breaking into storefronts just to rob and loot. Yeah,
it's been around for.
Speaker 2: A while, tail as old as time.
Speaker 3: Find an opportunity, get yourself some new goodies.
Speaker 2: What people were really angry at wasn't the king. It
was that they couldn't afford stuff in that store.
Speaker 3: And that store owner has nothing to do with the Crown.
Speaker 4: I honestly kind of learned a lot because I don't
know anything about history, and you know, don't listen to
the show. I didn't know that the French have all
these riots all the time.
Speaker 2: All the time.
Speaker 1: I just kind of think of, like Marie Antoinette that
and I kind of leave it.
Speaker 2: They started there and just didn't stop.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't know this so interesting.
Speaker 4: I didn't know that teenagers started the Sandwich trial.
Speaker 1: Yes, so interesting. Yeah. I didn't know that Hollywood just killed.
Speaker 2: Animals all the time TBD.
Speaker 1: That and I didn't know that Dan almost joined the church.
Speaker 2: Well that was a lie. Yeah, that felt like it
wasn't true. But we're once destitute, just destitute enough.
Speaker 3: It's like a m gonna be homeless. Where joined the church?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I mean you can just sleep at the y.
I don't know why you would take take vows.
Speaker 1: You could just everybody at a bar, you know.
Speaker 3: Twenty nineteen, great year, great year for us.
Speaker 1: Nineteen could have just slept in our guest room.
Speaker 3: I would never I never put that on you.
Speaker 1: Those pre kids, we had nothing going on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, truly nothing here a Circle seahouse, it was. Yeah,
I missed that neighborhood.
Speaker 1: Well we were next to Circle. See we were too
poor for circles scene.
Speaker 2: But yeah, we were in the school district fair enough. Yeah,
but yes.
Speaker 3: We were too poor for I missed the house. We
recorded a lot of things in that house. Oh yeah,
a ton a lot of episodes.
Speaker 1: It wasn't that where you recorded this first episode?
Speaker 3: We started software history in my house. Yeah, he did
Spare Bedroom partially in that partially in that house. If
only we had the equipment to knowledge at the time.
Speaker 2: We have it. Now here we are and we're making shit.
Speaker 3: Go listen to Spare Bedroom. I don't know if we
should just make it for free.
Speaker 2: We should just just dump it on the Patreot.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, why I have Why isn't it
already on the Patriots?
Speaker 3: I think I've put two episodes up.
Speaker 2: Okay, there was a.
Speaker 4: Time when I would like plug my phone into play
music in my car, and Spare Bedroom would just pop.
Speaker 1: Up and it'd be, uh, what was his name?
Speaker 2: Dave?
Speaker 4: I was gonna say, the little guy, Yeah, Dave, just
strumming the guitar, seeing his little his little ditty.
Speaker 2: It was a it was a big swing.
Speaker 3: Should have put it on the Patreon, Yeah, not iTunes?
Speaker 2: Yeah, probably definitely.
Speaker 3: That's my bad Live and Learn.
Speaker 1: Did you put Helen Helen on?
Speaker 3: Well, Helen's come over made it come back recurring.
Speaker 1: Character on the didn't you put did you put the
original Helen?
Speaker 3: I think I know it is. Oh, it is because
two episodes of Spare Bedroom are on Patreon.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'll have to add that to the sketch lit
the sketch playlist. It's way back. I'll find it. I'll
find it. It's not a big deal.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so check out the Patreon pitch. On dot com
soo software history, so many episodes, including sketches.
Speaker 2: Who's today's hitler I'm gonna go with.
Speaker 3: Uh, probably the poop cannon Boy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's kind of a dickhead.
Speaker 3: He probably called the most ruckous.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like to think it was. I hope it
was like that situation where the guy sent the wrong
text in Hawaii.
Speaker 3: Where it's like in nuclear bombs about the drop.
Speaker 2: Did you hear about this? There was? There's obviously there's
like a warning system in different cities and states, and
you know, like if you're in Saint Louis, you'll get
a push notification on your phone, like it was a
tornado coming in Hawaii. One of the things they have
is a push notification for North Korea is about to
nuke you, Like a nuclear weapon is incoming from North Korea,
China or whatever, and they have it, but they also
have like a test, right, you send out tests sometimes
just to make sure it works. The guy who sent
it out forgot to send out the test one and
send out the real one. So everyone on this Hawaiian island,
I forget which one literally thinks in nuclear missile is
barreling towards Hawaii. This is like five years ago.
Speaker 1: By the way, were they doing like jumping on boats?
Speaker 2: They're jumping into sewers, running to their not basements, I
guess I don't even know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're jumping into sewers.
Speaker 2: Yeah, underground, just anywhere to come.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's a whole hypothetical, right, like you have
you know, ten minutes we're in your life asteroids about
the hit. What do you do?
Speaker 1: That's so sad? I don't know. Hug my kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, anyway, one guy thought it was real. Everyone thought
it was real. But one of the guys he thought
it was real, Uh, freaked out and had a heart
attack and died.
Speaker 1: Did this guy at least get fired?
Speaker 3: I hope.
Speaker 2: So, I don't know, I have no idea. Didn't follow up.
Speaker 1: Like, how are you that stupid? You have one drop
to do?
Speaker 2: Dude? Yeah, who's today's hitler for you?
Speaker 1: Since I don't listen, does this mean the worst?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Who's the worst person?
Speaker 1: First guy again?
Speaker 4: Oh the candy kid, poop kid poop kid, Yeah, definitely
caused the most problems, mostly because everybody was so stupid.
Speaker 1: Then they all thought it was satan.
Speaker 2: Well, he was the only one that got punished.
Speaker 4: Oh that's true. Actually, you know what, I take it back.
It was the candy kid because he caused a whole.
Speaker 3: On a person that whipped the poop boy.
Speaker 1: The person that whipped the poop boy, Yeah, that guy.
Speaker 3: Since your anti you know, child punishment, I am. Do
you just give him a stern talking to or do
you just let him?
Speaker 2: We just say, hey, you're doing a good job expressing yourself. Yeah,
let's first and foremost let them walk all over. You're
doing a great job expressing yourself. I have some notes.
Oh you don't want the notes, that's fine. That's also
a great job expressing yourself. And then yeah, just go
do whatever.
Speaker 1: Okay, well it doesn't really go like that.
Speaker 2: Just take like subtle shots.
Speaker 1: You can't really argue with the three year old.
Speaker 2: Yes you can, No, you can't.
Speaker 1: Good luck to you.
Speaker 2: That's The worst part about a three year old is
they have.
Speaker 1: You come babysit. We'll see how it goes for you.
Speaker 2: Rory loves No. They'd be fine with him.
Speaker 1: They actually would. Yeah, he comes into the STA, you
know what it would be like. Uh well, actually I
don't need to say that on the show because he listens,
so never mind.
Speaker 2: Oh no, he says it all the time of the show.
What how you tamed Wheeler?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, he said. I didn't want to talk that
two Jake's face on and off Mike.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, it's documented on the show.
Speaker 4: Okay, I I did say a bad word about animal.
But Wheeler's fine now because.
Speaker 3: I trained him. I had him for a week and
I trained him.
Speaker 1: I thought he went to like training camp.
Speaker 2: He did also do that after you. Then he went
to Dan Camp.
Speaker 3: No, I know, Dan Camp turned his left around.
Speaker 4: Dan was just like Dan just has to walk in
a room, and Wheeler just I think all Dan did
was just once just be like, no.
Speaker 3: I do a little Caesar Milan action, just ignoring, ignoring, ignoring.
We're going to walk and not the bus of this room.
Speaker 2: He's walking with us, He's not leading the walk.
Speaker 3: He walks with this. Well for dan Or Jester and
my wife, Courtney Fox. That's all I got for today.
Speaker 1: Sweetney, thank you for joining us, Thanks for having me.
Speaker 3: Working the fine folks at Rob's house. Yeah, at Rob's house,
which is documented somewhere on the internet.
Speaker 1: I hope not.
Speaker 2: Please don't come, Please do not show up. Well, we
don't have any guns, so there's nothing we can do
to stop you.
Speaker 3: The word's a Kamala Harris, do not come.
Speaker 1: We have an alarm system. Hopefully it still works.
Speaker 2: Uh yes, hopefully. Someone broke into my trunk yesterday again.
It happened again during the day.
Speaker 1: Why not, you know, aren't trucks more likely to be
broken into?
Speaker 3: I guess he ain't smash anything.
Speaker 1: No, one's trying to break into my hand a pilot.
Speaker 2: No, because his car looks like there might be a
gun in it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, mine's just full of old kid food.
Speaker 3: But you just got saucered