1 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:14,599 Speaker 1: Oh hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, Please don't close the door. 2 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:19,559 Just hear me out. Please please please. I know, I 3 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,480 know I'm the last person that you ever want to see. 4 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:27,559 I know that I'm terrible. I know I'm not trying 5 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:30,640 to start anything. I just I need to apologize to 6 00:00:30,719 --> 00:00:38,719 you for everything I did. Please. I know I can't 7 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:42,240 make up for everything I did to you, but can 8 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:50,399 I at least try? Thank you? Seriously? Can I come in? 9 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:57,200 I'm getting soaked in the rain. Thanks. I promise I 10 00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:03,799 won't take up much of your time. Sure some water 11 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:11,280 would be great. Thank you. Look, I know this isn't 12 00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:14,159 going to make anything better, and I know I hurt 13 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,439 you a lot. I know that, and I've come to 14 00:01:17,519 --> 00:01:20,439 terms with the fact that I have to live with 15 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:27,879 the reality that I have not been a very good person. No, 16 00:01:28,239 --> 00:01:31,000 this isn't a grand scheme to get your guard down. 17 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:37,280 I don't do that anymore. I'm trying to be better. 18 00:01:40,159 --> 00:01:43,560 I don't blame you for dodging my calls or rejecting 19 00:01:43,599 --> 00:01:48,400 my invitation to lunch and coffee. I know you don't 20 00:01:48,439 --> 00:01:50,959 want to see me, and I know that coming to 21 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,920 your house is party out of line too, But I 22 00:01:55,040 --> 00:02:00,400 just really really really wanted to apologize properly to you, 23 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:05,159 So if it's okay, can we just sit down and 24 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:13,000 talk because saying I'm sorry just isn't good enough. Thanks. 25 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:18,759 I was an awful person back in I'm not proud 26 00:02:18,759 --> 00:02:21,560 of a single thing that I did during high school, 27 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:25,840 least of all how I treated you. I know it's 28 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:29,680 a long time ago now. The way you reacted to 29 00:02:29,719 --> 00:02:31,919 me reaching out tells me that you're not over it 30 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:37,759 and you haven't forgotten what I did. No, I don't 31 00:02:37,759 --> 00:02:39,960 know how anyone could forget the terrible things I did, 32 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:45,520 and I don't expect you to. I was I was 33 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:49,439 going through a lot of a lot of stuff and 34 00:02:49,759 --> 00:02:55,080 it doesn't matter really, like it's not about me, but 35 00:02:55,159 --> 00:02:59,080 I had a lot of family problems and it doesn't 36 00:02:59,159 --> 00:03:01,599 excuse any thing I did. And I don't want you 37 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,400 to feel sympathy for me. But I just want you 38 00:03:04,439 --> 00:03:08,039 to know that it wasn't you. I wasn't bullying you 39 00:03:08,319 --> 00:03:11,240 because you were ugly or pathetic or weak or anything 40 00:03:11,319 --> 00:03:14,599 like that. Even though I said things like that, The 41 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:19,800 reality is that I hated you because you were better 42 00:03:19,879 --> 00:03:26,199 than me in every way, Yes, better than me, you 43 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:30,759 are smart, kind It seems like you brightened up the 44 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:34,039 room whenever you were in it. You could lift people 45 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:38,639 up they were having a bad day. But me, I 46 00:03:38,759 --> 00:03:44,719 made people frown rather than smile. Seeing someone so positive, 47 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:50,479 they pissed me off. I figured, well, he's some kid 48 00:03:50,479 --> 00:03:53,680 that doesn't have a difficult life and he's smiling about it. 49 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:59,039 So I did what I always do, and I bullied you. 50 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,479 I tried to beat you down to my level so 51 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:10,400 I didn't feel so alone, so inadequate, so worthless, so 52 00:04:10,479 --> 00:04:13,599 I didn't feel sick to my stomach every time I 53 00:04:13,599 --> 00:04:21,519 thought about how awful everything was. No, I'm fine, I'm 54 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:27,079 just so sorry. No, you didn't deserve to be treated 55 00:04:27,199 --> 00:04:32,959 like that. And I did not have the right to 56 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,879 make your life hell because I was too pathetic to 57 00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:42,279 handle my own problems. And I know that you probably 58 00:04:42,319 --> 00:04:45,560 didn't even have an easy life. No one does. Everyone 59 00:04:45,639 --> 00:04:48,120 has their own trauma and their own problems to handle. 60 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,399 And just because you seem positive doesn't even mean that 61 00:04:51,439 --> 00:04:53,519 you were just making the best of a bad situation. 62 00:04:55,560 --> 00:05:00,480 It's one of so many hard lessons I've pets A 63 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:10,519 learned since becoming an adult and not a stupid, brainless team. No, no, no, no, 64 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:14,439 don't let me off the hook. I'm not here for forgiveness. 65 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:20,360 I'm here to give you closure. I'm doing it again, 66 00:05:20,399 --> 00:05:26,639 aren I. I'm sorry. I haven't changed. I'm here because 67 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:29,399 I'm still so selfish. I couldn't live with myself. I 68 00:05:29,399 --> 00:05:32,759 couldn't live with who I was. I came here to 69 00:05:32,759 --> 00:05:35,319 give you an apology that means absolutely nothing to you, 70 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,160 hoping that if it went o't okay, I could convince 71 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,240 myself that maybe I wasn't a horrible, terrible, worthless person, 72 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,439 that I was a better person than I was back then. 73 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:53,920 But I'm not. I'm not. I'm still trying to manipulate, 74 00:05:54,319 --> 00:06:00,120 opening old wounds, pretending like I was such a victim, 75 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:07,480 still a stupid bully. I'm sorry. I'm gonna go. I'm 76 00:06:07,519 --> 00:06:11,040 really sorry for disturbing you and making you go through 77 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:16,120 these feelings again. And I promise I won't contact you again. Okay, 78 00:06:16,399 --> 00:06:22,279 I promise. What are you doing? Leck off my hand? Please? 79 00:06:22,319 --> 00:06:28,079 I need to leave. No, please, don't let me off 80 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:35,480 the hook like that. No, I don't deserve it, Tom 81 00:06:35,759 --> 00:06:40,160 being so nice to me. I'm a horrible person. Yell 82 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:41,959 at me, Tell me to get out of your home. 83 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:59,199 Tell me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm 84 00:07:02,519 --> 00:07:13,519 such a bad person. Yeah, are you sure we don't 85 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,680 have to do this? Then we don't have to talk 86 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:22,720 about any of it. I don't deserve closure. Okay, I 87 00:07:22,759 --> 00:07:26,600 can do that if you think it's valuable for you 88 00:07:26,639 --> 00:07:33,519 as well. All Right, I'm sorry for freaking out like that. 89 00:07:34,959 --> 00:07:37,279 I'm still not one hundred percent over my issues. I 90 00:07:37,279 --> 00:07:43,399 guess No, it's not fine. None of this is fine. 91 00:07:44,079 --> 00:07:50,879 This is proof that I'm still toxic. I guess that's true. 92 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:57,639 How did you do it? I mean I treated you 93 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:03,720 horribly every day, and yet you never took it out 94 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:08,040 on anyone else. You never stopped being positive. Even now, 95 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:16,199 you're just so so sweet. Yeah, you're right, you are 96 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:21,720 better than me. I know you're joking, but it's true 97 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:26,800 you are. And I just want you to know that 98 00:08:26,879 --> 00:08:28,759 I really meant it when I said all of that 99 00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:31,839 stuff I said about you was not true. I never 100 00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:39,720 meant it. You're honestly handsome, and you were never weak 101 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:44,320 or pathetic. I was describing myself. I was what do 102 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:52,159 they call it projecting? No, trust me, you don't want 103 00:08:52,159 --> 00:08:59,080 to know about my family or my home life. Back then, Okay, well, 104 00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:02,440 I guess you deserve to know at least a little bit. 105 00:09:05,639 --> 00:09:09,159 It's a lot of complicated stuff, but long story short 106 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:14,080 and involved a loveless marriage, constant fights, and lots and 107 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:20,240 lots of alcohol. Yeah. I mean it was what it was. 108 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:22,879 Some people had it a lot worse than me, and 109 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:28,200 they handled it more gracefully. There was no excuse. But 110 00:09:29,159 --> 00:09:32,200 there were a lot of nights where I couldn't sleep 111 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:36,879 at all because of all the screaming. And I didn't 112 00:09:36,879 --> 00:09:43,799 have any money either, so I started stealing things, and 113 00:09:43,799 --> 00:09:51,000 then my dad found out, and let's just say I 114 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:57,879 had to cover up some bruises. No, I got away 115 00:09:57,919 --> 00:10:00,080 from it all. I moved out as soon as I 116 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:05,200 I turned eighteen. I had a few really really rough 117 00:10:05,279 --> 00:10:09,200 yewrs trying to turn everything around, a lot of therapy 118 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:23,559 and like meditating and stuff. But I'm doing better now. Yeah. Well, 119 00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:29,679 the guilt was my main motivator for trying to make amends. 120 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:35,360 But my mom actually she came back into my life 121 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:40,200 in a good way. That is, she had gone sober 122 00:10:40,279 --> 00:10:46,360 for six months finally, and she apologized to me. It 123 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,919 helped me out so much. I hadn't talked to her 124 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,080 since she screamed at me while I was moving out 125 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,320 of the house, and I guess it just made her 126 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:58,240 take a look at herself and make some real changes 127 00:10:58,279 --> 00:11:02,000 in her life. I don't know, it just inspired me, 128 00:11:02,159 --> 00:11:06,279 like maybe I could be a better person too if 129 00:11:06,279 --> 00:11:12,879 I tried. And I know it's not the same and 130 00:11:12,919 --> 00:11:16,960 we're not the same people, but it was so hard 131 00:11:17,039 --> 00:11:21,519 to forgive my mom for everything. I still haven't for 132 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:25,840 a lot of things. But I get it. I get 133 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:27,639 that you don't want to forgive me, and I don't 134 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:31,399 expect you to, but I do understand, at least to 135 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:38,679 some degree, how you feel. Well, that's that's actually a 136 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:43,120 good outlook to have. I suppose sometimes there's no making 137 00:11:43,159 --> 00:11:49,600 things right, just making them better than they were. Thank 138 00:11:49,639 --> 00:11:54,399 you seriously for hearing me out. I know this is 139 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,840 hurting you to sit down with me like this, but 140 00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,720 I just want you to know that I'm so appreciative 141 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,519 of you giving me this chance, even though I don't 142 00:12:01,519 --> 00:12:06,919 deserve it. No, you don't need to apologize for that. 143 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,279 I would have been trying to avoid me too if 144 00:12:09,279 --> 00:12:18,399 I was in your position. Wait, what you want to 145 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:24,120 be friends? No you don't. That's sweet, but you don't 146 00:12:24,159 --> 00:12:31,360 need to be nice to me like that. You're serious? No, 147 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:34,120 I mean, you're an amazing guy. I'd be honored to 148 00:12:34,159 --> 00:12:37,759 be your friend. But I don't deserve that. I really 149 00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:46,279 don't deserve that. I don't even know what to say. 150 00:12:46,919 --> 00:12:48,960 Ten minutes ago, you didn't even want to look at me. 151 00:12:50,399 --> 00:12:59,120 Now you're smiling, holding my hand. Wow, you really are 152 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:04,039 great guy, Laren. You say that gives me I hope 153 00:13:04,039 --> 00:13:14,000 that one day maybe I can forgive my family. So friends, then, 154 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:20,559 what do you mean more than friends? What could be 155 00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:29,600 more than friends? You're not asking me out what? No? 156 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,600 I don't. I don't. I don't deserve that. No, no, no, no, 157 00:13:33,639 --> 00:13:38,720 I don't deserve that. I mean, I mean I I would, 158 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:44,879 I would like to. But are you sure? I really 159 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:48,759 didn't expect this anything close to this, for that matter? 160 00:13:48,799 --> 00:13:53,080 But how why? Why would you ever want to date 161 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:59,320 a mess like me? You had a crush on me 162 00:13:59,399 --> 00:14:06,639 in school, you're kidding, So the whole time I was 163 00:14:06,639 --> 00:14:11,960 bullying you, you were attracted to me. Oh my god, 164 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:15,559 that makes me feel even worse. That's why you were 165 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,879 so nice to me despite everything, And I figured that 166 00:14:18,919 --> 00:14:21,080 you were just trying to rub it in my face. God, 167 00:14:21,159 --> 00:14:27,960 I'm such an idiot, all right. Well, since we're being honest, 168 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:34,799 I had a crush on you too. Yeah, I know 169 00:14:34,879 --> 00:14:42,360 how that sounds stupid and unbelievable, but it's true. Yes, 170 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,279 I thought you were super cute and handsome and smart 171 00:14:45,879 --> 00:14:51,159 and talented, and your personality was infectious and it hurt 172 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,519 like you were such an inspiring person. But that just 173 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,320 made me feel worse about you, so I tried to 174 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,879 push you away. And I don't know why I did that. 175 00:15:00,039 --> 00:15:03,279 I mean, I guess I do, because I was so 176 00:15:03,399 --> 00:15:09,480 messed up. Yeah, you're right, no point in dwelling on 177 00:15:09,559 --> 00:15:16,360 past mistakes, just moving past them. Thank you for giving 178 00:15:16,399 --> 00:15:21,720 me a second chance, well a one thousandth chance, I guess. 179 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:32,759 I don't really know what to say. I wasn't expecting 180 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:36,440 any of this at all, and I still feel like 181 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:39,879 it's a dream, because I was really ready for me 182 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,960 to show up here and have you scream at me 183 00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,799 and tell me what a terrible, horrible person I was, 184 00:15:44,879 --> 00:15:47,960 and instead you've only shown me compassion and kindness that 185 00:15:48,039 --> 00:15:50,720 I don't deserve. And now you're even saying that you 186 00:15:50,759 --> 00:15:52,000 want to go on a date with me, and I 187 00:15:52,080 --> 00:16:05,279 just I'm grateful, Yes, I'm free, Then why is that 188 00:16:05,279 --> 00:16:12,679 when you want to have the date? You're the best. Seriously, 189 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:19,279 You've grown into such a brilliant person despite everything, and 190 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:22,919 you inspire me to want to be better. And I 191 00:16:22,919 --> 00:16:24,879 hope that one day I can be half the person 192 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:32,320 that you are. No, I mean it. I don't deserve this, 193 00:16:32,399 --> 00:16:35,440 but here you are. I'm looking at me like I 194 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:39,360 never did a damn thing wrong in my life. We 195 00:16:39,519 --> 00:16:44,480 both know that's not true, but it means a lot, really, 196 00:16:44,519 --> 00:16:50,720 it does. I am I should go. I have to 197 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:54,039 pick up my mom from the train station. We have 198 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:57,639 dinner once a week and it helps us to gradually 199 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:05,680 repair things. Yes, I'm looking forward to our date and 200 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:11,319 it's my treat. By the way, you're not paying one cent. No, no, no, no, no, 201 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,599 you are not paying any money at all for the 202 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:19,839 foreseeable future. It's the least I can do. Okay, and 203 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:24,599 thanks again. This was an awful conversation to have, but 204 00:17:25,559 --> 00:17:27,680 it went as well as it could possibly go, and 205 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:36,480 I'm just so happy that we're parting on a good note. Oh. 206 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,440 I may or may not have gone through the list 207 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,680 of people you went to school with until someone coughed 208 00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:46,480 up your number. I'm not a perfect girl, okay, but 209 00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:50,440 I promise I'll be better every day. I'll improve for 210 00:17:50,559 --> 00:17:57,839 you if nothing else. I really like you too, thanks 211 00:17:57,839 --> 00:18:04,200 for being so supportive of me. I liked my hair, 212 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:10,559 really you like it? Thank you. I started to take 213 00:18:10,599 --> 00:18:16,039 better care of it now, actually using conditioner and other 214 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:20,039 girly stuff. I mean, I don't really care about it 215 00:18:20,079 --> 00:18:22,839 beyond making myself look like a cute little goth, but 216 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,680 taking care of putting thought into how I diet and 217 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,960 how I cut it. It's something that's kept me grounded 218 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,839 and stable for the past few years. So it's really 219 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:40,200 nice that you noticed. Hey, can I give you something 220 00:18:40,279 --> 00:18:51,839 before I go? It's nothing much, just a little something special. 221 00:18:55,799 --> 00:18:59,279 Thank you again. If our date goes as well as 222 00:18:59,319 --> 00:19:02,799 today did, I'll probably kiss you on more than your cheek. 223 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:11,240 I'll see you later. Here's the new beginnings and new friends. 224 00:19:14,519 --> 00:19:15,119 See you soon.