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<v Speaker 1>So I am literally reading my journals from the eighties,

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<v Speaker 1>the nineteen eighties high this is fifty plus. I am

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<v Speaker 1>James L. Junior as I'm reading my journals and wanting

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<v Speaker 1>to slap my younger self. Half the time I got

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<v Speaker 1>how dramatic. But I also put in lots of details.

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<v Speaker 1>One of the ones that I was looking at was like,

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<v Speaker 1>I bought I bought a new I I bought a

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<v Speaker 1>new Walkman from Macy's. It's a MFM radio and cassette.

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<v Speaker 1>That's a big deal that I could ride the bus

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<v Speaker 1>listening to my cassettes. Oh the good, the good Lord.

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<v Speaker 1>I saty eight. But it's it's she to look back,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was thinking about something as I look back.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I had all these I had a I

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<v Speaker 1>went to a small town. I went to Sacramone. I

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<v Speaker 1>was a small town, and I had lots of friends

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<v Speaker 1>and coworkers. We were a huge cohesive unit. I had

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<v Speaker 1>my home life because I lived in an apartment that

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<v Speaker 1>had a courtyard. We're all living there. So I had

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<v Speaker 1>a home life, had a work life. I look at

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<v Speaker 1>my thing. I had family that was raising my girl,

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<v Speaker 1>Monica Alisi, like all this stuff, and I was like Wow,

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<v Speaker 1>people were walking out of my house. They were just

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<v Speaker 1>like visiting. People were staying with me, and I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>I just my life is so different now. It's so

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<v Speaker 1>all the dating adventures and who I like and who

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<v Speaker 1>I liked and who are you know? And it's funny

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<v Speaker 1>in your fifties reading stuff from your teen your late teens,

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<v Speaker 1>early twenties, and I I was reading from like eighty

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<v Speaker 1>eight to about ninety. I kind of stopped down there.

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<v Speaker 1>I turned twenty one and ninety and ninety and May

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<v Speaker 1>that year a trip to read. I was just like wow,

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<v Speaker 1>And I just had this full on life and I

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<v Speaker 1>was navigating living on my own, which I found to

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<v Speaker 1>be pretty easy in the most part. I didn't have

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<v Speaker 1>a problem alone. But then I let people stay with

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<v Speaker 1>me for a while and they come and go. But

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<v Speaker 1>I always had a place to live. Back then, I

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<v Speaker 1>was dating, but I didn't just like you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>was very proud of my place, and I had a

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<v Speaker 1>support system. I've seen names I haven't thought about in years.

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<v Speaker 1>There's one, there's a well I started look at here's

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<v Speaker 1>the deal. I start look at my journals because I've

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<v Speaker 1>worked on a project. I don't know if I mentioned

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<v Speaker 1>it on here, but I had I've had brushes of

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<v Speaker 1>knowing people a little for a lot that later became

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<v Speaker 1>famous for some kind of notorious reason. It's crazy. I

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<v Speaker 1>literally have three stories already, and I was researching going

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<v Speaker 1>back to my journals to see if I copied the

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<v Speaker 1>covert that which I did. I always worked on everything,

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<v Speaker 1>and I have journals from two thousand, No's why, nineteen

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<v Speaker 1>eighty twenty seventeen, So that was just kind of And

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<v Speaker 1>I've been doing some audio journaling on here last over

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<v Speaker 1>the last six months. So it's just been a trip

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<v Speaker 1>to read all these folks who are either not here anymore,

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<v Speaker 1>are here, dead, lives, disappeared. My girl Shelley, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know where she is. I don't say it last thing

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<v Speaker 1>I want out or anything, but I hope she's a lie.

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<v Speaker 1>My girl Tracy, a girl Cindy. I mean, I'm friends

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<v Speaker 1>with a couple people, so I know there's still around.

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<v Speaker 1>My friend James, my friend Michael, I'm I'm friends with

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<v Speaker 1>some of them, but there are others I've never heard

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<v Speaker 1>of or heard from. The now social media are not

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<v Speaker 1>in no way that you would think we're talking. My

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<v Speaker 1>rent was three hundred dollars a month. Oh my god,

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<v Speaker 1>I just it just oh I love the Keen apartment.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a Keen apartment. It was just I just I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>I was smiling all day going through Easter journals. I

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<v Speaker 1>found information I was looking for at the same time,

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<v Speaker 1>but just reading I would go through me some more.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's it's sometimes it's fun to look back,

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<v Speaker 1>but a laugh in a week and it's like, oh God,

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<v Speaker 1>you were a mess, and there's some things that are

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<v Speaker 1>still going on today, thirty five years later, thirty eight

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<v Speaker 1>years later. I'm like, fuck, I would change that much

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<v Speaker 1>I have and I haven't. It's a trip, guys, it

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<v Speaker 1>is a trip. I'm so very glad I documented a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of stuff there, some real private thoughts in there.

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<v Speaker 1>There are when I die, I say, put them together

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<v Speaker 1>and published the whole like a huge giant book of

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<v Speaker 1>all my stuff, and you'll get a sense of who

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<v Speaker 1>I was. We'll be gone afterwards. But meanwhile, I'm I'm

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<v Speaker 1>writing a couple of autobiographical pieces that I'm really working on,

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<v Speaker 1>something really big. But sometimes it's nice to reminisce and

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<v Speaker 1>look back and do it in a way that hopefully

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<v Speaker 1>you will not be resentful or pissed or you know,

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<v Speaker 1>just look at it, look back at it honestly, and

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<v Speaker 1>it just except it for what it is. And I

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<v Speaker 1>guess we got to move on. And that's all we

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<v Speaker 1>have to do. Accept ourselves. I don't know if I

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<v Speaker 1>accept ourself fully. I accept myself in certain ways funny,

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<v Speaker 1>but in other ways, I'm like, do I like my hair?

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<v Speaker 1>Do I like my I don't like my body, obviously,

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<v Speaker 1>And that's how they're just like, let's see I'm talking.

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<v Speaker 1>I was so young and tender, and all these guys

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<v Speaker 1>were surrounding me, and people were and guys and girls.

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<v Speaker 1>Everybody loved me, and I was just like talking to everyone.

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<v Speaker 1>And now I'm in my fifties, lonely, feeling invisible. Uh

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<v Speaker 1>fats all these things going? What happened? I don't depend

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<v Speaker 1>thinking on the show. What does change make a turn?

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<v Speaker 1>But it was just like just interesting, just like it

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of life happens. It just really does. And

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<v Speaker 1>you're like, huh. And as we're trying to my family's

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<v Speaker 1>trying to purge all this stuff, it's just like it's

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<v Speaker 1>so much. We got a bit of a storage here

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<v Speaker 1>today and and I brought a couple of stuff home,

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<v Speaker 1>nothing crazy actually, and trow some pictures that's posting them

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<v Speaker 1>online and I just sit here. I'm like, I'm fifty plus,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm nearly sixteen, and I just it's fascinating to fine

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<v Speaker 1>old stuff and go through it. At the same time,

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<v Speaker 1>try and live in the present and feel what that is.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'll hang a hard time with that. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know what that is, but we get a present. I

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<v Speaker 1>have no idea. I was playing my eighties music, were

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<v Speaker 1>my banana, clipping my hair and just keep it moving.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess, I don't know. I get very reflective when

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<v Speaker 1>it's gating close to my birthday, which is in about

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<v Speaker 1>three weeks, and so I'm feeling it now already. I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>so I look it back every year, always do this.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's fine. Look back. I wrot with that. Goetta,

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<v Speaker 1>be careful what you do with those emotions. Now, that's

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<v Speaker 1>the only problem. But of course I have a platform

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<v Speaker 1>where I share stuff with you all the time. This

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<v Speaker 1>is fifty plus. We looking back, Touch you next time.