Speaker 1: People who enter homes for a living, maintenance, cable contractors, etc.
What's the strangest thing you've encountered when entering someone's home,
speech pathologist. Here, I've encountered a road closet, as the
family called it. They had towels stuffed under the door
and they said it's where all the roaches are hiding.
Speaker 2: They lied.
Speaker 1: The roaches were everywhere. I'm a builder in London and
one of our clients strangely kept our old used underwear
behind the radiator. As I took the radiator off the wall,
they all just dropped. Then my dad aka boss made
me put them in a rubbish bag and I proceeded
to heave and gag whilst putting them in the bag.
Zero stroked ten experience. Fire Department responded to a call
off a house fire from a residence alarm company unable
to contact owner. Pont seen too a beautiful two story
wood frame home, no fire or smoke showing maybour way
inside and as soon as we got the door open,
we noticed four foot stacks of the use papers everywhere.
This huge home had so many papers stacked that there
was only a small pathway from room to room. We
got to the kitchen to find an elderly person under
a pile of papers on the floor that had fallen
on them while they were making breakfast. The bacon caught
fire and set off the alarm, but didn't set any
of the stacks in the kitchen on fire. We clear
the papers and start to treat the patient, or all
of a sudden we hear a huge cracking sound and
the floor shifts a couple inches. The weight of the
papers was too much for the house to handle. Emergency
drag the patient out of path of papers to get outside.
Patient was okay physically. Come to find out that the
shifting we felt was actually the floor collapsing. Little did
we know that the bottom floor was full floor to
ceiling with newspapers and in effect stop the collapse since
the floor couldn't fall any farther. Newish house had to
be condemned and ultimately torn down. Never found out where
all the papers came from. The customer's house I was
at had one of those plastic coke bottles that had
to share a coke with filled with what I'm almost
positive with someone's ashes. It was on a shelf with
some pictures and one of those small funeral cards with
the same name as the bottle next to it. This
gives me a really weird sense of existential dread. Imagine
your final resting place being a coke bottle. Going into
hoarders homes is the worst. Sometimes they have boxes of
crap stacked from floor to ceiling and literally have a
single Maize style route through their house apartment. Then when
you're done working, they say something has gone missing and
accuse you of taking it. Nobody wants whatever random trash
you think is missing. Yet it's like, I apologize, but
I couldn't resist helping myself to your kinoki footpads that
are covered in rat pee not I worked as a
home inspector for a while after land surveying work went
away after the property crash in two thousand and seven.
Eight I saw a couple of weird things, including one
couple in their seventies who had their own Frick Dungeon
replica set up in their attic. They even had life
size posters of full frontal nude body shots off younger
people with the couple's faces fottoshopped on the models. Adult
toys and bonded stuff were laid out in the room.
They were very nonchalant about the whole thing. One thing
that bothered me the most when I was doing the work,
people would sometimes leave their young children alone to let
me into the house. If I knocked on a door
and a child answered, I would ask to speak to
an adult, and if no adult was available, I would
politely tell them we would have to reschedule and I
would leave. I refused to go into a house with
just a child present. The people I worked for back
me one hundred percent on that as well. A lot
of people come to the door just wearing towels, women
in t shirts and panties. Very strange. But one time
I went into a home where a guy had tunneled
through the shared basement wall and killed his neighbor.
Speaker 2: It was creepy. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: One guy had a bunch of Mannikins behind the furnace.
Scared the frie to me. One more I forgot about.
Guy was into BSDM had chains on the walls, also
toys and whips. He was very friendly, but I height
heled it out pretty quickly. People ask me how I
can go into strangers houses as a woman. Honestly, I
don't really think about it. A dead body. I work
in health care, and part of my job involved visiting
the elderly who can't make it to my clinic. I
was visiting one of my regulars last year when after
knocking at the front door, she shouted through the window
to use the back door. I get into her house
and there was an open coffin blocking the front door
with a dead body inside it. But turns out she
was Catholic and was holding awake for her brother who
had recently passed away. Strangest cueless thing I encountered during
my home internet tech support job was at an old
gun nuts home. One of the rooms was a museum
of death, filled with stuffed trophy heads of every animal
native to the area. Another room had four or five
weapon safes. Finally, we get to dude's office, which is
much more normal than the rest of the house. While
we're waiting for his sister mate Mac to boot, I
look at the pictures hanging on the walls. One of
them is clearly the gun not when he was young,
standing at ease in a diving vest and short shorts
while being inspected by President Kennedy tl DR. Some crazy
old dudes who claim to be Navy seals actually are short.
Shorts are the sign of the bookends of manliness. One
of my friends in high school lived in a dilapidated,
hoarded tinder box with his mom and disabled brother. His
mom was a sweet lady, but had been dealing with
significant family loss on top of caring for a severely
disabled son. It was all pretty sad. Among the utter filth,
overflowing litter boxes, sink piled with gross dishes, cockroaches, was
a cage with three rabbits in it, all of whom
had skin infections and overgrown walrus teeth. It was actually
a scare sight poor bunnies. During the worst of the
housing crisis, I would go into to homes, take photos,
write a report, and tell the bank how much money
they would lose when they foreclosed. At an expensive and
large home in an upscale neighborhood, I was greeted by
a forty five year old white woman with breast lip
and butt implants. She was a good looking woman before
all of that, and now looked like a pornster. She
greeted me with a board, go ahead and look around,
and I proceeded to do my inspections and take photos.
I did the ground floor first, then went upstairs. When
I opened the double doors of the upstairs master sweet,
I saw four met a tall by two meter wide
portrait at the board house for stark naked spread eagle
with her hands behind her head, tea pushed out and
an exaggerated O expression on her face. The master bedroom
and bath were an easy two thousand square feet, so
it took a while to photograph everything. After about ten minutes,
the lady of the house ran up the stairs and
screenstop this instant, to which I replied, I'm not allowed
to take images of people or pets, or even photographs
of people. I can show you on my camera that
I have no images of your nude painting. I don't
care about that. I thought you were up here jerking
off a neighbor did that our Christmas party last year?
Yet nope, was a KERA new client to me. Heartbreaking Really,
a man with dementia skipping around the house naked like
skipping like a child. Got him dressed and feded meads.
I was just covering that route for one day, not
sure if it was his usual presentation, but sad all
the same. Least he was happy. I've seen a lot
worse like women stuck in the time frame, their baby died, etc.
I'm too lazy to write out all the details, but
worked for DirecTV. I climbed under house, couldn't find my
glothes stick to show where I drilled through the floor.
Kept looking and discovered it had been covered by ants
that were feasting on dead danners. The guy had been
killing animals and throwing them under his house. I called
the cops and left quickly. This isn't that wird, but
I was installing internet and basic cable to one TV
in a one bedroom apartment for this young lady, probably
in her mid twenties. Finished setting up the modem and
proceeded to the bedroom to set up her basic cable TV.
I had to move her DVD player momentarily, and there
was a DVD upside down on that I left on
top of the DVD player or as I moved it.
Finished the DV install and went to put her DVD
player back, this time curious if maybe the DVD is
a movie I've seen before. Flip it over a note
The label says your house girls, so I quickly put
it back where I found it on top of.
Speaker 2: The DVD player.
Speaker 1: She comes in a couple minutes later, seize the DVD
quickly but carefully grabs it, and while keeping it face down,
moves it to her dresser drawer.
Speaker 2: She didn't know.
Speaker 1: I already saw what it was, and I was laughing
internally as I finished helping her set up her WiFi.
Thank god, you set up her WiFi so she can
watch peon line like normal people. I used to work
pest control. Some dude had a mock camp site in
his apt bedroom. Fake fire, two person tent, launches, cooler, etc. Etc.
Et cetera. This happened to day taking items from an
old man's house for a charity program. We were loading
stuff from his house into our box truck that he
didn't want to take with him when he moved. You
all can take this mattress and box spring, big old
yellow c M stain on it. Sorry, so we can't
resell this because it's got to stain. But we can
take the bed frame and the mattress from the other room.
Moves mattress, move's box spring, motha load of used tissues
on the floor behind the back of the bed. I
was working with a crew that was knocking on doors
at a seedy apartment complex and evacuating people because of
rising floodwaters. Knocked on a door and the door opens,
and the very first thing I noticed was how bad
it smelled, like straight up boh. Next thing I noticed
was the guy at the door, who answered was in
his mid to late forties and overweight, wearing nothing but
tighty whitties. After looking into the apartment for a second,
I saw two more gentlemen and their mid to late forties,
also sitting around wearing nothing but dirty tighty whitties. Now
I'm thinking to myself, or right, this is super weird.
And then I happened to notice they had no less
than one hundred guns just lying around in the open, rifles,
hand guns, shut guns, a fricking crossbow. So now I'm like,
all right, this is from the Hills. Have I stuff
going on? We told them about the evacuation and left.
I still to this day wonder what the heck they
were doing. A couple weeks ago, the cable Internet guy
came out to our place and I asked him the
same question. Guy's response he once responded to a multimillion
dollar home in an upper crust neighborhood filled with other mansions.
This was a gated community within another gated community.
Speaker 2: Read.
Speaker 1: Apparently the previous occupants had a secret room that was
an office with tons of phone lines where they were
allegedly running some type of big credit card wire fraud operation.
They'd got inbusted, so the new owners were having him
undo a lot of what they'd done. Dude said, it
was like something straight out of a movie paramedic, big butt,
flesh colored corn cop sticking to a sliding glass door
leading to a backyard which overlooked the Columbia River. Everyone
kept glancing at it through the assessment. I'm sure the
fire departments talked about it. Once we transported and left.
After the call was over, the conversation between my EMT
and I went as follows him. You saw that, right, me, dud, Yeah,
we all did him. It was super jersy, like w TF.
The house was for an older lady in her seventies
complaining of abdominal pain. In my early twenties, I was
a contractor doing carpentry work. I got hooked up with
a guy who would text me on address in a
few basic job details. Every morning. I would drive there,
log my time and materials, and build it out at
the end of each week and get paid cash. It
was awesome, always different. The worst one by far was
two hundred and sixty six Bridge Street, Carlton Place. Trimmed
it upstairs rental unit. I drive out there, meet with
the tenant who was just on her way to work,
but she said her boyfriend was upstairs. I set up
my work area in the parking lot, head up a
creaky set of stairs, Open the door, and I'm hit
with a stench I can only describe as beef, rony,
hot air, canned meat, and tomato sauce. The boyfriend is
lying on the couch easily three hundred and fifty pounds
in a tank top with a blanket covering his bottom half. Thankfully,
he greets me and I get to work. I like
to think I'm a professional. I've since worked for some
incredibly wealthy people, successful lawyers, doctors, businessmen, a handful of
pro athletes, and hundreds of reilla good people. I continue
to have good relationships with him because I do good work.
There's no bulls. I keep my head down, deliver and
get paid. And that's exactly what I did in this
gross apartment. I crawled on my hands and knees, making
all the measurements through the kitchen full of dirty dishes
and rotting garbage. Over the dirty underwear in the bedroom.
I suppressed my gag reflex to move aside the krusty
Kleenex and tampon filled garbage can in the bathroom. I
couldn't get outside soon enough to start making my cuts.
When I got back inside to lay out all my baseboard,
the boyfriend was asleep Oprah blasting.
Speaker 2: On the TV.
Speaker 1: I will never forget that it was just me and Oprah.
Surely he'll wake up when I fire up the compressor.
I thought he stayed asleep snoring while I fitted, nailed
and caught the full apartment over the course of about
three hours. I wasn't quiet either. When I was done,
I washed my hands in the kitchen sink, lock the
door behind me, and left. Got a slice of pizza
before my drive home from a place called Mister Mozzarella,
mediocre at best. I went into a house to do
some touch ups on some wooden window frames. The owner
had previously told me about a rat problem, that it
was only one rat. She had said it was this
monster rat that would jump feet into the air. To
take down birds. I laughed off, assuming she was exaggerating.
As I'm working on this window frame, I see what
looks like a cat running around outside. Then this sucker
jumps and I see it big butt all.
Speaker 2: It was a rat.
Speaker 1: It didn't manage to get a bird this jump, but
it probably could. I've never seen a rat get so
much air. I worked in insurance restoration. One summer. Your
insurance company called us to bid on jobs from water
and fire damage. Got to work on some cool stuff,
original panels from Marvel Comics in the sixties, I think
stage costumes from the Temptations. Finding adulttoys was a daily routine.
So was small amounts of drugs. A bottle of oxy
in a golf shoe under the stairs, marijuana in the bedstand.
Usually we throw this stuff away. We were an abasement
in Saint Louis. It was part finished and part infinished.
Someone saw something in the drop's own ceiling, pulled it out,
and I crap you not. It was a gallant sized
zip lock what seemed to be crack. That was the
only time I remember us putting the drugs back where
we found it and pretended that nothing happened. The sheer
quantity scared the crap out of everyone. I work as
an electronics technician for Samson. Walked into a customer's house
and the first thing we see is a life sized
replica of Hitler in the middle of his living room,
with Nazi propaganda covering the walls. Needless to say, we
didn't stay for very long. I painted apartments in my
teenage years. Went into one guy's apartment and there were
dozens of manisins all over the apartment, all in different
fetish outfits Asla's chaps, leopard print, no outfits, you name it.
We had to move them around to paint, and when
the tenant got home, he complained to management that we
moved his doors. Guy was really nice, though, but so
was Bundy, according to his neighbors. I worked HVAC for
a while. A few years back. I was doing a
maintenance at this house in their furnace at service. The
master bedroom needed a part that I didn't stock on
the truck. I had to run to a supply house
to get it, and the guy tells me, no problem,
just let yourself back in when you get back. So
I did, and I head to the master bedroom to
repair the furnace. The dude was plowing his wife when
I walked in. He looks at me while he's going
to poundtown and says, hey. I kept walking and went
about my business. I'm finished repairing the furnace in twenty minutes.
Speaker 2: But he wasn't.
Speaker 1: Not really exciting, but I sold Kirby Vacuums. In the
mid nineties went on a cold call carpet clean demo.
The couple that earned the house had three in shag
carpet looked like it was from the early sixties that
had never been cleaned. There was also a strange smell
due to them having reptiles. Anyway, started vacuuming and began
ripping and sucking up large chunks of carpet. This place
was filthy. Neat and organized, but filthy. As I get
to the lover seat, we pick it up to vacuum.
I discover a large petrified iguana. While the couple freak
out about their long lost iguana. The vacuum takes out
another hunk of carpet and catches the cord for the
many blind in. The vacuum climbs the wall before ripping
it off the wall. That was the end of that
sales pitch and my short, miserable career selling vacuums.
Speaker 2: Cable tech.
Speaker 1: Was in an older lady's house and had to keep
moving little kid's toys out of the way rocking horses,
little push cars, small doors, et cetera to get back
to the wall plates and checks and connections. This was
in like three or four different rooms in the house.
Didn't think anything of it. I see plenty of kids
toys every day. I just assumed this elder lady has
some grand kids.
Speaker 2: Whatever.
Speaker 1: She keeps asking me to please be careful when moving stuff,
which I am doing, of course, because I'm not here
to mess everything up. She is like visibly upset that
I am moving these toys, though, and is hovering and
watching nervously. So now I am a little more aware,
in not quite turning my back to her all the way. Hand,
I notice there are no pictures of her or her
husband anywhere now, no pictures of kids or grandkids, no pets.
Everything is immaculately cleaned and spotless, and there's no sign
of any kids ever having been there. This strikes me
as odd because of all the kids toys with baby
dolls on them, I move the push carped back to
its original location, and she once again asks me to
be extra careful as these are her babies.
Speaker 2: Set.
Speaker 1: That's when I notice all the rocking chairs, push carts,
baby cribs, toy chests all have an actual baby doll
sitting on top of them or laying inside them. There
are fake bottles, the kind with the fake milk in
them that moves everywhere, random pacifiers, a stack of those
little fake baby changing diapers that kids used to change
the diapers of their baby dolls. Just all kinds of
weird crab him talking like six or so little baby
dolls in all the rooms I have been in so
far except the living room, just a little creepy. I
hate dolls and kids stuff from all the horror movies
I've seen, so this whilstn't ideal. Had to go outside
and change the connectors and grooon block in the house box,
do a little outside work. Come back in and she's
walking around burping one of.
Speaker 2: The baby doors. Fou who up?
Speaker 1: That? Told her I was finished because I was got
a quick signature and just note the heck out of there.
I realized that she's probably just some old, lonely lady
maybe she couldn't have kids of her own. I don't
know her story. I'm sure she has a story. I
DC though I was creeped out and didn't look back.
Guess it's mild compared to some other crap on here,
But that was creepy as heck to me. Been doing
service and installation work for about ten years now, been
through lots of houses that I have to step out
to get fresh air before I vomit because of various
potent orders, biologic or otherwise. I have two places that
stick out.
Speaker 2: In my mind.
Speaker 1: Both while I worked for alarm companies part dispensaries in California.
Those were always fun. The other was at an electrical
company's office. The boss lived upstairs, had a full BDSM
photo shoot studio in his little apartment. He asked if
I wanted to know more about it, to which I
politely declined his offer. HVAC help her for a few
summers when I was younger. You would not believe how
many people let their dogs and cats defecate in the
basements to avoid having to take them outside, and not
just in run down houses, either expensive McMansions and such.
I worked for an electrician a few years back, we
were on our way to a house for some electric work.
As we drove by this government building, people were outside
picketing and protesting a government employee for possessing child pornography.
I guess he was well known in the town. When
we arrived to this house, there were boxes everywhere because
the owner was moving. The woman who lived there let
us inside and told us what work needed to be done.
She looked like she hadn't slept in a week. When
she finished telling us what to do, she had apologized
for her emotional state and had explained to us that
her husband of twenty plus years was recently arrested for
child pornography. Turns out it was the same government employee.
My heart really went out for this woman. The betrayal
she must have felt knowing her husband did this is unimaginable.
Of course, my coworker sent me to the basement of
this house to remove all the ceiling light fixtures. I
never came across anything while down there. It was completely
empty and cold, with barren walls and a concrete floor.
But needless to say, the thought of it all made
me sick to my stomach. The entire house just had
this serie vibe that I couldn't shake. We immediately left
the minute the work was finished. Serious people that do autopsies,
what's the weirdest thing that you have found that didn't
have anything to do with the person's death. I used
to take X rays in the morgue for suspicious deaths, murders,
et cetera. One time we were doing an abdomen X
rayon a guy that was found in a golf course pond.
After rolling him on his side to gather the plate,
a live frog wriggled out of his butt. The morgue
tech caught him and put him into a specimen jar.
He took some debris from the bag and put it
in the jar and pope holes in the lid. One
of my coworkers googled the type of frog and confirmed
that he was native to the area. He then biked
him back and released him into his pond at the
end of the day. I doubt any of his frog
friends believed his story. That last sentence made me laugh
harder than the rest of the story due to the
extreme level of weirdness. I worked as a pathology assistant.
My boss once found a six inch builder's nail in
a chap's thigh. He died on sight after an accident,
but the nail was all healed over even where it
had nicked the bone, so it must have been there
a few years Paramedic Buddy showed me pictures of an
accident where the guy was carrying a nail gun up
a ladder to her roof and accidentally drove a nail
through his pocket, the iPhone in the pocket and into
his fema. The hospital did imaging to ensure it wasn't
going to blow an artery, and then just yanked it out.
I worked in a cadava lab. People would donate their
bodies to science. We would essentially cust them up into
different cuts depending on what hospitals, med schools, or researchers wanted.
Most of the tissue went for surgical practice. I yet
torso would be sent out for spinal surgery practice, a
leg from the replacement practice. Once we had a donor
who died during surgery, we found a very large pair
of scissors inside of him. We also had lots of
donors with evidence of cancer like tumors all over their
lungs with no medical history of cancer. We found a
lot of abnormal or enlarged organs. We once removed a
fifty pound liver from a guy, and also we found
horse show kidneys two kidneys fused together in a person.
Reading this only reinforces the idea that getting full body
scans of some type should be an annual requirement. UK
gang member's mother died of a heart attack during a
home invasion aggregated burglary eighty seven years old. Gang had
burst in looking for drugs and money. No signs of assault,
but the circumstances required a full examination to be sure
nothing suspicious had occurred. During the post mortem, two arnces
of smack found in her anus. Back in the nineties,
I worked for the company that was contracted to move
bodies for the coroner. We picked up the body of
a lady who had worked as a tailor in her youth.
When they did the post mortem, there were several dressmaking
pins and needles under her skin, mainly in her legs.
There was also a pin lodged in her lung. Coroner
thought she must have inhaled it. She suffered a pulmonary
embolism back in the sixties which had forced her to retire.
Maybe the pin was the cause of it, how she
hadn't felt the pins, or that none of them had
been picked up on X rays or scan she'd had
in later life.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Cause of death was a stroke. I was once in
a mental health facility for only a short amount of time,
and I met to women whose daughter passed away from
a drug over dense and had been upset at her
for selling her grandmother's necklace for what she thought was drugs.
But when the autopsy came back, it was found in
her stomach. Apparently she was swallowing the same necklace for years,
and I can imagine why someone would do that. When
I was a student, I saw an autopsy of a
man who had hanged himself. When we checked the main
arteries in the heart, he had a huge blockage. He
was basically just about to have a huge heart attack,
so probably would have died anyway. Sorry, pretty grim. One
of the major symptoms of a heart attack is sense
of impending doom. Kinda makes me wonder if that was
his final straw and he Welder died later the same
day of the heart attack. Rolls of dollar bills inside
the glory whole cavity removed it and let her property
draw and then returned to the family with the rest
of her belongings. So wash your hands after handling money.
Maybe fifty bills, but can't remember if there were singles
or large bills. Cause of death was an overdose. I
think that not sure. I was volunteering at the coroner's
office and the dot pulled a very large intact of
ocado pit out of a mann's stomach. We all kind
of looked at it and went her cause of death
was a heart attack. There are the normal, abnormal things
like extra spleens, extra urretas, surprised tumors, and swallowed foreign bodies.
The record holder was six dollars and twenty five cents
in assorted change. The one that wins is the sharpie
in the bladder with a cap on.
Speaker 2: I was the one that.
Speaker 1: Got to explain what sounding was to the resident and
lab assistant sounding with the sharpie, yikes, that might be
enough for this thread for me. We once had a
homeless dude to odeed on opiates. This comes in a lot.
During the external exam. We removed his pants and they
were just full of bacon, like at least forty packs
of bacon turns out he had sharp lifted a ton
of it, then shot up in some run down house
and died with it all in his pants. It was
pretty shocking. We also had a guy who took a
bullet to the back of his head execution style, and
after the x rays determined the bullet was not in
his head anymore, we couldn't find the exit wound anywhere.
Once we took out the brain, we discovered it exited
perfectly out of one of his nostrils, leaving no trace
of an external exit wound. While completing the post autopsy
repair for a gentleman, I found a plastic ladle tucked
under the ribs. It was probably left by some poor
autopsy technician who got yelled for losing the good legol.
I offered to send it back to the coroner, but
they never returned my calls. I wouldn't necessarily say this
is a weird thing, but once during an autopsy I
had just put the body onto the table on their
stomach and the person had explosive poop. Luckily, the doc
who was standing right beside them moved in time, or
else they would have been shot with poop. We didn't
think it was ever going to stop. Five years ago,
an autopsy I viewed the patient was put down to
have died from post surgical complications from a colostomy infection
led to sepsis and ended with math. When they began
the examination and look, they found some surgical tweezers left behind,
which was attributed to being cause of the infection because
of how tucked away they were. I am unaware of
what happened afterwards, but it was definitely referred higher as
if I wasn't already afraid of surgery. This makes it
so much worse. One of the cadavers we learned from
in med school had his sciatic nerves somehow passing through
the middle of his periformous muscle. It wasn't fuse to
the side of the muscle via scarring, it ran right
through the middle of the muscle. His medical history was unknown,
but we expected that sciatic nerve pain was probably on
the list. I think of him when a patient doesn't
respond to typical treatments for things. Sometimes people are built
differently than everyone else, and you have to think outside
the box to figure out what's going on. Apparently this
isn't all that uncommon, a phenomenon which we might have
learned at the time, but I definitely do remember looking
down at the nerve passing through the middle of the
muscle and thinking, what the frick. That was not something
I thought was possible before seeing it for myself. Shout
out to everyone who has gifted their bodies to science.
Sometimes your wish you could peek inside someone and not
just have to treat from the outside. Okay, this isn't
an autopsy, but I work in a pathology lab and
we get all the parts that are removed from a
human during surgery, tumors, mules, appendages, stones, kidney, bladder, gall bladder, etc.
One day, a large, long, cylindrical stone was removed from
a man's dong. We have to break the stone down
to its chemical components so we can tell what it's
predominantly made from. So we put the stone in solution,
and as it dissolved, we realized something was in the center.
It was a big pen cap. There's no way it
came from above. As someone with occasional small kidney stones
freaking around. An eighty eight year old grandma died of
carbon monoxide poisoning. During the autopsy, we couldn't open the.
Speaker 2: Back of the cranium.
Speaker 1: After much drilling, we realized that her cranium was around
three four centimeters thick all the way around, leaving her
with the smallest brain on a grown woman I've ever seen.
She was fully functioning and never seemed affected by it
in the slightest I've never seen anything like it.
Speaker 2: Since.
Speaker 1: Sorry, I haven't managed to reply to all questions. I
never expected anyone to find my autopsy stories interesting. I
knew she functioned well until her death because she ran
the soft cheese making business with her daughters. She died
when the gas tank used to heat the milk leaked
carbon monoxide into the room and she passed out and died.
One of her daughters also so passed out, but her
face was close to the space under the door and
fresh air came in enough to prevent her from dying.
I asked the family if she or they had known
of her condition, and no one had any idea. Physically,
there was nothing remarkable, no deformities at all visible externally,
neither in body nor face. We included the information in
the autopsy report, but since it wasn't related to the
cause of death, it wasn't investigated further. Just for clarification.
I'm female with a background in forensics and profiling. Hope
this helps. Spoke with a pathologist at a conference during
her training at the Medical Examiner's office. They were doing
an autopsy on a body that was found by a river.
They did a seaty and something looked funny about his gut.
When they opened him up, his stomach moved. It was
a snake that had burrowed inside his body. It struck
and bit one of the text before they realized what
was going on. My forensic medicine lectures took place in
the department's Museum of Oddities. There are plenty of interesting
items on display, but one particularly strange display caught my eye.
It was an unlabeled cardboard box with twenty ish thin
metal bars ten centimeters around four inches long. One of
the pathologists explained that the random pieces of metal were
actually spoon handles, which were found in a young woman's stomach.
The remaining portion of the spoons was melted away by
stomach acid. The woman was a patient in a psychiatric
hospital in the fifty s sixties and evidently had a
tendency to swallow spoons, but her unusual doubt had nothing
to do with her cause of death, can't exactly remember
what it was. On a more humorous note, the museum
also features a variety of strange tattoos. My favorite was
a tattoo on the left appathiova soldier which read nerferdemon
that is ladies only. I actually know a guy who
has a tattoo on his upper arm of her heart
with the words yes, I want SX ladies only please,
I'm a nurse and don't partake in autopsies could help
get the body ready for one. And we had a
patient body who had a body bag tag tattooed around
his big toe, had it done about ten years prior.
The tattoo had the pet named of and date of
death with a blank line, and the family had filled
in the tattoo with the points date of death and time.
Reminds me of seeing place pads here tats on people
chests or do not remove tattooed on the good leg
before the surgery to amputate the other leg. Other causes
of death impending ones, malignancyes that weren't diagnosed, appatitis, ocut bleeding, etc.
Once found full blown metastatic stomach cancer in a college
kid that died in a bar fight that escalated. It
was pretty remarkable. This happened to both my grandpa and
my great aunt. My grandpa had an aneurysm on his
juggular that could have burst at any moment. My great
aunt had cancer that they only found on the autopsy.
Pneumonia took them both first pennies hundreds of pennies nearly
six dollars worth inside the skin, all over the arms
and legs. Deceased was a hermit, lived alone, ordered out
for every meal. Apparently he'd been surgically implanting pennies in
his skin for years. No fricking clue why this has
haunted me the most out of all the posts so far.
Brain aneurysm in a late twenties girl hadd to two
directly above her pubic region that said stay off the grass,
only to two on her body. Also had a full
blown trichobazor. Same patient, we save it. No history of
mental health issues or seeking treatment for any mental health disorders,
just enjoyed eating her own hair. Running into the occasional
don pump implant was also a fun one. A professor
was explaining to us the brain's ability to compensate and
said there was a case I believe the person had
died of old age of someone missing an entire hemisphere
of the brain. In its place was one big tumor.
There were no signs of symptoms of this throughout the
patient's lifetime. My brother in law was in his early
sixties and passed away from a heart attack. During his autopsy,
it was noted he only had one kidney. He never
had a kidney removed, and the only surgery he ever
had was to have his appendix removed, and the mortician
said that it was in fact removed and not just.
Speaker 2: To birth defect.
Speaker 1: The appendix surgery happened when he was very young. My
mother in law had some health issues and during examination
they found she had only one kidney. We were told
that it happened sometimes and would not affect her lifespan.
She passed away at eighty four from kidney failure. One
my friend does it autipseas and he said that he
found twenty four screws in the large intestine of a
seventy five year old woman. The weirdest party is she
died off a heart attack while in the shower. There
was no possible explanation other than she was suffering from
piker Benoi bulls in the rectum of a male who
died off huffing duster. Female with a tattoo that covered
her back that said Frickieu O King Fricks. Elderly female
with five very old tampon in her gloryhole canal, big
burly leather clad bikers with delicate lacey panties. Elderly male
with a Prince Albert piercing. We had to remove all
jewelry and that was awkward. Accessory spleens were super common.
Bit one laily had fourteen of them, but no actual spleen,
just fourteen little blueberry sized accessory spleens. Horse show kidney
is always a cool find. Human anatomy has it within
normal limits range. Built within that range, there are some
weird things. Hot surprise Empaima was gagworthy. I no longer
work this job.
Speaker 2: I miss it.
Speaker 1: You guys have made the last few hours at my
current job more fun. I hope at least one of
you has an accessory spleen. I was an assistant back
in the day, and once a man who died in
drive by was brought in. When examined, we found that
he had coke in his ass. Just realized you were
not referring to the drink nice. I used to do necruptcies,
which is an autopsy on an animal. Weirdest thing was
when I had probably done fifteen necrupsies at that point
on the same kind of rodent, and one day I
open one up and its intestines are just bulging full
of something. Just imagine that you're used to seeing essentially
the same thing every time, and now instead of thin
little intestines, you've got these balin like overful ones just
taking up the whole body cavity. My partner and I
freaked out and just put the whole intestinal tract in
a specimen jarf for the lab to check out. Turned
out to be a massive tapeworm that was actually fairly
common for that critter. We had just never run into
one in our sampled before. Not as crazy as a
lot of the story is here, but when you open
a body, any kind of surprise really throws you. Did
pathology at hospital in college and one person had green
organs that smelled like grape Jolly ranger, no joke. Apparently
it's caused by a not so uncommon bacteria that only
does that. Finally, a new Jolly run Uncher story. Don't
perform autopsis, but bye clerk for a public Defender's office
my senior year of college and was tasked with organizing
the discovery of a murder case, including the autopsy photos.
Guy was tortured and then killed with a pickax to
the head on the side of a road. The next day,
they stood at a tone from a hardware store and
drenched the body, which doesn't work as well as the
movies do. However, it does a phenomenal job at melting
internal organs, particularly a brain whose skull has several puncture wounds.
The brain soup is why you don't sneak a lunch
while organizing discovery in a homicide case. Brain soup sounds
extremely disgusting opposite of your question, but I believe still relevant.
I was dissecting a body mail fifties for anatomy classen
found that his heart was a mirror reflection of what
it should be. The arteries and veins were in the
wrong order on the heart. During his life, he probably
never knew about his extremely rare and strange heart, though
it most likely was the root cause of his death.
He did not have an autopsy, so they would not
have figured it out then, and I do not believe
anyone was informed after the dissection, since those who donate
their bodies remain anonymous. Guy called his ex wife, told
her he was ending it all. Had a gun drove
out to the middle of nowhere, hand died of a
heart attack. We couldn't believe it either. Task failed successfully,
but he told me he found a pair of denshers
in someone's thigh. Didn't say a word to anyone about
it for a couple years either. During one of my
anatomy labs, we were did a thoracic dissection on an
elderly gentleman. The skin showed moderate yet long heeled scarring
that when drawn back, revealed small slivers of copper. The
cadovers are only identified by a serial no, but judging
by his tats, he was a military man, so presumably
old war wounds. Not necessarily weird but interesting. Nonetheless, I'm
not an emmy, but growing up my best friend's dad
was the county Coronermy an old shutton died from natural causes,
and his body was found a few weeks after he passed.
During the autopsy, the coroner found what appeared to be
thin copper wire running the length of the decidon's arms, legs,
and torso. It was embedded under the skin, with a
single point or outlet emerging at the base of the neck.
The man had no family, so no one had a
clue how the wires got there or why. Helped with
autopsies at our local coroner's office during medical school. In
addition to codover dissection in anatomy lab, a few interesting
fine situations. Prosthetic testicle in a young man in his twenties.
Pathologist hadn't seen one before. It was about the consistency
of a softer bouncy ball. The oblong no idea where
the original went. Saw photos of a young guy who
had died at home and his pet fox, then ate
part of his face, observed a dig for a body
found buried, and then helped piece the skull pieces together
back at the lab. Bullet holes in the skull. I
guess that was the cause of death, but still an
exciting discovery. The most of the dead show up clothes.
The clothes are damp and cool from being in the
body bag and refrigerator, and sometimes really tough to remove.
Had a young man who had died in a job
site accident and struggled to remove his work boats, damp,
thick greens, etc. Anyhow, he had an mplus M's wrapper
in his pocket really made the whole situation real. To
realize he was just a normal guy snacking on candy
and doing his job when his life abruptly ended. As
first graders in biomedical sciences, we were witnessing an autopsy
to see the location of organs. We weren't told what
the subject died off, but the professor was slightly unamused
to find out only after the person was opened up
that they had a very weird bypass that short cut
about three organs and the digestive system. The goal of
our class was slightly ruined, but fascinating. First year of university,
not first grade of whatever school type with minor students.
Oh man, Okay. One time we had an autopsy on
a guy who had died abroad whilst on holiday. He'd
already had an autopsy in his country of death. He
needed another autopsy in his home country before his death
could be registered, so that was our job. He had
been embombed and repatriated to thus. Obviously, by the time
we received his body, his brain had already been removed
and dissected and the skull suit had closed. My colleague
reopened the skull as we weren't sure of autopsy procedures
in the country of death. The skull cavity was stuffed
with underpants. The weirdest bit, which I should have mentioned
in my original post, was that the body arrived with
a bad god the guy's belongings, including his own underpants.
Speaker 2: Hello.
Speaker 1: Once I was doing an autopsy on a woman who
had been dead for some time and was rotten. I
live in Spain and hear the summer heat rots a
person in a few days. Well, the woman had her
whole neck with bands and cotton dressings. It turns out
that her daughter, who lived with her, when seeing that
worms came out of her neck, decided to heal her
wound with alcohol, cotton and bandages. The doctor discovered her
body because the daughter called him because her mother had
not eaten for two days. I would have liked to
see the doctor's face. I had to observe autipsies as
a medical student. There was one man who died from
a drug overdose, I believe, but came in with a
dong ring on. I guess he at least died while
enjoying himself. Elderly pensioner died alone in his home, not
suspicious at all. Small mobile phone flip phone found in
his rectum. No explanation ever determined. My friend who does autipses,
found Barbie doll heads in the intestines of than twenty
one year old woman. Yes, Barbie dolls, Ken dolls, those
stuff weird parties. She died from COPD. It's possible to
have COPD of twenty one. My friend said she smoked
two packs a day, so that maybe the probable cause.
My brother's story, not mine. Part of the training was
to observe an autopsy. When examining the stomach contents of
a middle aged man, they found two wedding rings, four
twenty pea coins, and a vibrating cc kring. He died
of a heart attack in a popular theme park on
a ride. Take note, cedar point, this is what happens
when you don't have enough belongings, lockers on site radit.
What is the most fricked up way you got back
at someone that wronged you? Throwaways? Encouraged friend and I
were fishing at a local creek when my friend's brother
pulled up. Being the donkey normally was, he started throwing
rocks in the creek to scare the fish, and then
he threw my friend's bike in the creek. We were
thirteen at the time. My friend was crying and I
felt so bad. I jumped into the creek and got
his bike out, told him we would get his brother back.
About a month later, we were fishing again, and it
was the dead of summer. I told my friend, today
is the day we get his brother back. Caught a
two stroke three pound carp, threw it up on the
side of the bank, and left it there until we
were done fishing. At the end of the night, went
back to his places. Brother's car was sitting on the street.
We took the carp, sliced it open, and threw it
under the driver's seat, and rolled his windows three stroke
four up. The next morning, when we woke and left,
I forgot about what we had done.
Speaker 2: Well. When I rode.
Speaker 1: Past JT's car, I noticed the window was kind of black,
and then I took a closer look. It was covered
in flies. I actually got scared because I did not
expect to a window caked with flies. By the time
I got home, I was laughing in tears because his
brother was always such a dong to us. The fast
forward to baseball practice about three days later. Friend had
a black eye but smiled at me when we made
eye contact. His brother flipped out and ran into his
house and punched him in the face. His mom flipped
out on his brother. Brother was grounded for the rest
of summer. His mom said that my friend would never
do such a thing, and he played along and acted
as if he had no idea. Apparently, the smell never
really left the car. We nicknamed his brother Lord of
the Flies. A school bully repeatedly knocked a binder from
my best friend stands every single day while we walked
down the hall. Now, we were in high school, back
in the pre commumbine era, so people didn't freak out
as off and when kids did, fricked up crab. I
convinced my friend to stick tacks through an entire side
of his binder, turning it into an extremely dangerous spiked weapon,
and just hold on extra tight while waiting for the
bully to come do his thing. The kid lacerated his
hand pretty badly. After he slammed his hand down into it.
My friend held on and yanked back. Jackass. Didn't try
that crap again. I'm immune to poison ivy, so I
was always approuting it in our yard about a full acre.
I'd left it on this concrete area behind our garage
because that's where it was near when I pulled it out. Okay,
I was a lazy anyway. I frequently walked down to
a fishing pond across Sis Canal in my neighborhood. This
is in South Louisiana. I didn't always have a functioning
bike in the walk was only about a mile. A
big kid, probably two three years older than me was
a real jerkis. He'd do stuff like ride by me
on his bike and act like he was gonna high
five me. He'll then slap my face and ride off laughing. Anyway,
one day he did that and I went back home upset.
I got my water gun and was gonna shoot him
if he mess with me again. Then I saw the
poison ivy and got an evil idea. In the bucket,
it went with some water, stirred it all up good,
then dumped it in my water gun. Went back to
the pond. On the way back home, he came around
messing with me again. I hosed him down and he
broke my gun, But man, it was worth it from
what I hear. He didn't go back to school for
almost two weeks. Not me, my brother. When my younger
brother was about three, my father had to look after
him for the day. The plan was that y, after
asking his boss, would take him into work for the day.
It was office work and he was friendly with his boss,
so my mum assumed it was no big deal. But
my father, however, didn't want a toddler distracting him all day,
so he left him in the car with the radio
on under cutting of apple juice. This is Britton, so
it wouldn't overheat, but either where he was being an
ass At the end of the day, he returned back
to his car to drive home, expecting a sleeping toddler
who wouldn't tell his mother a thing. Instead, upon his return,
he found his son jumping up and down on the
front seats to the radio on full blast, naked and laughing,
slipping around and covered in crap. He had soiled himself,
removed his nappy, his feecal Mattay.
Speaker 2: Everywhere.
Speaker 1: Crap was smeared all over the driver's seat, the wind screen,
the steering wheel, the sat nav, the driver's window, even
hand printed on the ceiling. Our dad didn't even know
that toddlers could even produce this vast amount of turd.
The only car seat that was completely and touched was
his own tl DR. My three year brother was abandoned
in a car for eight hours, later found smearing his
own brand revenge paint all over my father's beloved BMW
serves the Father godam right. He's lucky he only had
a car full of crap and not a smashed window
and a child in the custody of CPS. I moved
around a lot as a kid, Dad in the army,
parents divorced. Not staying in one place made long term
friendships impossible, but my situation attracted bullies like flies. I
moved to a new school. A bully picked up my scent,
instantly tripping and shoving, making fun of my clothes. Nothing
too terrible that I was already unhappy, so I felt miserable. Anyway,
One school day, I asked he used the restroom. I
passed by, said bully on the way into the bathroom.
He actually didn't do anything to me this time. When
I entered the restroom, someone was in the early stall
crapping on the floor. I walked out of the bathroom, disgusted,
ready to tell on them. I was seven at the time.
I was ready to re enter my classroom when an
incredible yet devious idea came to me. I went straight
to my bully's classroom and walked inside. Everyone looked at me,
which normally would have given me enough hesitation to turn
me one hundred and ato and back to class, But
that day I didn't so much as pause. I walked
up to the teacher's desk, pointed at my tormentor, and
boldly proclaimed that he had crap on the bathroom floor.
The teacher's reaction was better than I could have ever
expected for me. She made him follow her into the
restroom while he cried and slotted out, I didn't do it.
He's lying, over and over again. She then grabbed a
wad up paper towel, handed it to him, and we
watched as he picked him up and put it into
the commode. She thanked me for telling her and told
me to go back to my classroom. This happened about
twenty years ago. I still look back at this moment
as a turning point in my life, like I became
me then all male military boarding school. During high school,
there was this huge douche on my hall. We took
his Febrary's bottle and filled it with p then took
said bottle and sprayed his pillow, war locker and opposite corner.
So he gets back, smells urine and immediately grabs his
fabris and douses everything. Eat a dong, Donovan, Eat a dong.
I used to live in a very small town, like
two hundred and fifty three hundred people. We had no stores,
gas stations, et cetera. One day, a local guy decided
to open up a little store that sold the basics
like groceries and rented movies. He hired a few of
this high school kids to work the store and promised
fifty US dollars a week for the summer, to be
paid at the end of the summer. We agreed and
started working. We gave up a summer stocking shelves, cleaning
the bathroom, lawn care, and whatever else. While the end
of the summer comes around, it's our last day. Of
work and he comes by with our paycheck, fifty dollars
for each of us for the whole summer. Needless to say,
we weren't too happy, but his words were, what the
frick are you going to do about it? Drop the
key off at my house since you won't need it anymore.
We came up with a plan to pay this douchebag
back before locking up the store for the last time
we left a window unlocked. We dropped the key off
at the house. Around midnight, we were back at the store,
grabbed as much as we could cigarettes money from the register, candy,
probably about one thousand dollars worth of crap, lock the window,
then left through the emergency exits that had no alarm.
There were also no cameras of any kind. Next day
there were cops there. He accused all of this of
doing it, but had no proof. He ended up having
to shut down the store a few months later because
the town heard how he didn't pay us and stopped
doing business there. I don't feel bad, sucker deserve it.
Figures it's about a crime I committed fifteen years ago. Well,
there are people so dumb they'll rip off teenagers. Add
insult to injury and then ask for their key back.
When my brother and I were kids, we used to
play in our front yard all the time. Once we
were playing baseball and our ball rolled down the hill
into our neighbor's backyard. Anyway, my brother and I went
inside to find another ball to play with. In those
five minutes, he walked up the hill and pounded on
our front door. My mom answered, and he flew into
a rage at her, screaming about the goddan kids ruining
his lawn. My mom tried to calm him down, but
he put back his fist as if he was going
to punch her. When my mom flinched, he started to
laugh and spit on our doorstep. My brother and I
saw everything and declared covert more. We were smart. We
waited until he wouldn't be too suspicious. To this day,
we haven't been court because everything could have just happened naturally.
We didn't do everything at once, but rather over the
course of many years. Here is a rough list of
all the things I remember doing. Poured female deer lurint
at his cars and houses, ac intake vents to perfume
his air with an unholy stench. Saved up all shuds
of sharp glass nails eat ecy and would scatter them
on the ends of his driveway. Bought high strength concentrated
weedkilleran would apply it liberally to his prized shrubs flowers.
Found his car in public parking lots and threw blown
on it to ruin the paint job. No clue if
this one actually worked, though. Collected road kill and assorted
dead critters we found we had cass and would throw
them under the top that covered his pool. Waited until
they went on vocation, and put sugar all over their
doors and window sills in hope that bugs would get
into the house and nest. I still don't feel guilty.
The guy was a huge prick. Still is a huge prick. Actually,
I worked at a place during college that served sandwiches
and cough It was a cool place. A lot of
people hung out there and dire like to everyone I
worked with, But my boss was biggest buttole in the world.
One week, on pay day, he got all the employees
together and told us that we wouldn't be getting paid
that week and we would have to wait until next week.
We were fine with that, but when the next payday
rolled around, he didn't have the money. This went on
for about a month. We were all working under the table,
and he told us that if we could, we would
never get any of the money he owed us. We
later found out he never planned on paying us. We
found out he was blowing his cash on cook and gambling.
He stopped showing up to work for like three weeks,
so it was just the employees running the store. In
those three weeks, we gave away pretty much everything in
the store for free, literally emptied it out. Anyone who
came in and ordered something got it for free. We
even had a party there one night, open mic and everything.
So he finally shows up and he looks like he
has been awake for a week straight. He comes in,
freaking the frick out, threatens to beat the crap out
of us, starts throwing things around. I was in the
back and saw that he was double parked outside, so
I called the campus to in company that was literally
a block away. While he is freaking out at this,
one of the employees says, hey, your truck is getting towed.
He runs outside and watches his escalade get toed away.
We all bounced out the back door and never looked
back when I was thirteen, I woke up in the
middle of the night to a man lying next to
me in my small bed, staring right at me. I
looked at him all confused and told myself, oh, silly,
you're having a nightmare. So I smiled at him, closed
my eyes, and was about to fall back asleep when
he started touching my thigh. Two things happened at once.
I realized that I was only in my bra and underwear,
in that I was definitely not having a nightmare. Feel
like I've never felt before. Grip devery inch of my body,
and I think I stop breathing. He started making his
way up to my underwear, presumably to take them off.
Speaker 2: What did I do?
Speaker 1: I opened my eyes and I crap, you not said,
hold on a second, I have to pee. Looked shocked,
but didn't stop me as I wrapped my blanket around
my body and proceeded to take a few steps toward
my bathroom. Then I noticed that my bedroom door was
wide open, so I belted. I ran to my mom's room,
banged on the door, and screamed about how there was
a man in my bedroom. My mom came out to
the hallway and had just started reassuring me that it
was a bad dream. When the sucker dashed out of
my room and toward the front door, my mom froze
if I got the biggest sense of how the frick
dare he try to violate me? That's when I grabbed
a lamp, ripped the cord out of the wall socket
as I started chasing him insanely, waving that lamp and
screaming all the profanities that my thirteen year old mind
has ever heard. I chased that sucker down the streets
while my mom called the police. I lost him somewhere
in the dark, but when the police came, got statements
and started searching the neighborhood, I got my revenge. They
caught him hiding in the bushes, brought him over and
asked me to identify him. I marched right up to
that kneed him in the bulls and walked away, saying, heck, yes,
I want to press charges. When I first read this,
I thought, he said, silly, you're having a nightmare, and
I thought, that is the busiest debauter in the world.
My dad used to live in an apartment building with
a sign parking as in every tenant had a designated
space that only they were allowed to park in. Well,
my dad would regularly come home to find someone else
parked in his spot. He had asked the guy politely
several times not to park in his spot, and had
even talked to the landlord's who had done nothing about it.
So one day he got home to find the guy
parkes in his spot again and decided enough was enough.
My dad had always worked on cars ever since he
was thirteen. He had a jack in his trunk and
used that to jack the guy's car up off its
rear tires. It was a rear wheel drive car, which
meant my dad now had control of the car. Using
the jack, he pulled the car across the lot and
left it somewhat hidden behind a dumpster. Then he left
a car down, put away his jack, parkes in his spot,
and went up to his apartment. Later that day he
got a knock on his door. It was a police
officer with the inconsiderate neighbor behind him. The officer asked
my dad what he had done with the neighbour's car,
and my dad looked him right in the eye and said,
he parked in my spot, and I've asked him several
times not to do so, so I lifted his car
up and set it over by the dumpster. Now, to
give you an idea about my dad, he's six feet
five inches and back in the day, was really well built.
He also has only one eye, and the fake one
he's god has always been too small, giving him a
constant madman look. When he told the officer that he'd
lifted the car and moved it himself, and even pointed
out where the car was through his apartment window, the
police officer's eyes got as big as dinner plates. He
turned to the neighbor and said, Sir, I recommend you
never park in this man's spot again. Guy stopped parking
in my dad's spot. After that, my friend pulled a
fairly innocent prank on me to pay him back. As
we got to a very busy airport to fly to Vegas,
I put the lead lined bag used to protect film
going through the X ray machine in his carry on.
They had to check his bag right there. In it,
I put her cell up, a chubove, Nolly's lubricant, a
loose deck of naked men playing cards, and dozens of
extra small condoms. He of course, looked horrified, pleading that
it wasn't his, which it wasn't, but no one believed him.
They put everything back laughing, and he was allowed through.
My girlfriend of three years that I dated through high
school broke up with me my first semester of college.
We went to different schools, and I later learned she
was hooking up with one of her guy friends there. Anyways,
when we both were on break, she asked me to
bring back all the stuff she had given me, presents, sweatshirts, cards, etc.
So I drive to her house with all the things
we've exchanged in the past three years. Once I got
to her house, I saw that she had invited all
her friends over and they were sitting with her along
with her parents in the garage. Anyways, I walk up
with her crap and exchange everyone. They had that smirk
on their face like they were laughing at me. Anyways,
as I give her back hath things, I say, if
only I could give back your virginity. The look on
her parents' faces was absolutely priceless, and I walked out
of that lambs then with the biggest smile on my face, happy,
this is great, It's awesome. How you can have an
entire situation and group of people against you and turn
it around with nothing but a few words. My then
high school girl friend was a total bee and wanted
me to abandon all of my friends, would always try
to bring me down, Etzet said. When I got fed up,
I broke up with her on picture day. She took them,
but her mascare was everywhere. Two days later, I told
her that I was sorry, blah blah, and I wanted
to get back together. She liked having someone to walk on,
so of course she said yes. I then broke up
with her again on retake day. Freaking nailed it, slow clap.
My friend got rufied and violated by a frash flick
about a decade ago at a local high toned university.
Despite a shitting of evidence, he was never arrested, never expelled,
never had to face any sort of penalty for this,
and managed to get my friend labeled a SS who
totally wanted it and was now only pretending it was
rate because he wouldn't break up with his girl friend
for her A pretty charming guy. Really, I put capsicumb
extract in his eye. Drops my reaction to your post
so I've definitely come to this way too late for Kalma,
but I decided to share this story just for any
lurkers to enjoy. When I was in first grade, there
was this jerk that we'll call Eric, who essentially made
my life a living heck. He was constantly shoving me down,
stealing the ball from me, and would consistently smack me
or throw things at me in class. When the titch's
back was turned, I often got in trouble for yelling
at him or hitting him back. Meanwhile, the sneaky bustard
was an angel in her eyes. It December and the
entire class is excited about two things, bring your dad
to school day and Christmas. Well, one day in class,
our teacher was talking about Christmas and Santa Claus when
Eric blurts out, Santa isn't real, He's just make believe
for babies. The teacher tried to make him be quiet,
but the damage was already done. The entire class was distraught.
Two girls actually had to leave the classroom because they
were crying so much. I got home and told my
parents what Eric had said, and they convinced me that
Santa was real and said that Eric was just a
mean little boy. A few days passed without further incident,
and it was time to bring your dad to school day. However,
my dad had canceled a few days before, saying that
he had a really important meeting that he couldn't afford
to miss. Well, the dads all arrived class shortly after
lunch and were presenting briefly one by one. Went suddenly,
who would burst into the classroom but Santa Fricking Clause,
letting out a big h oh. The pudgy Saint Nix
strode into the classroom, hugged our teacher and gave a
brief presentation about elves and toy making and his reindeer.
He then went around the classroom, giving all the kids
many reeces, and right before he left, wensay which one
of his you was.
Speaker 2: Eric.
Speaker 1: The teacher pointed him out, and Santo went up to
his desk and said something like, you know, Eric, it's
not nice to tell people that I'm not real. If
you keep being a naughty boy, you'll be getting coal
next week. Eric just looked back at him, stunned, and
gave a sheepish nod. Santa then went and stood by
the doorway gave a cheery laugh, and right before he
walked out, looked me dead in the eyes and winked.
I was amazed and ran home telling my parents all
about what had happened that day. Eric wasn't as mean
after that, and everything in the first grade was gumroobs
and ice cream. It wasn't until I was in high
school that my mother revealed that the Santa Claus was
actually my dad. He had gone so far as to
buy an expensive fat suit and mask in order to
fool me and everyone else the tl DR. My dad
dressed up a Santa Clause and came to my first
grade class to tell a bully to act right, gentlemen,
what is an absolute red flagger woman can raise on
the first date. My brother was in the army when
he was set up on a blind date by a
friend's girlfriend. Apparently, during the first ten minutes of dinner,
she was talking about how she would be such a
great and lowell army wife, and how she thought army
wives were so brave and admirable, and how she would
never leave him if he was injured. He had literally
just met this girl. He stuck it out through dinner,
faked sick, and left. She pursued him pretty hard after,
but he led and told her he decided he wasn't
really over his ex and wasn't ready for a relationship,
he said. About a month later, she tried to text
him with a booty call and said she even tried
to sweet him the deal by saying he didn't need
to wear protection because she was on birth control. But like,
how many are red flags can one girl have? This
takes me back to the early twenty's version of me
and a fine lass named Rebecca. We met at a
New Year's party. She tall and dart sea with some
feather arrangement in her hair. I complimented who midnight and
a proper kiss on the cheek, with the promise of
a first date to start nineteen ninety one. I picked
her up for said date a few days later. In
same hair treatment. She tells me she's obsessed with birds
and always wears a feather somewhere up. Okay, no problem,
She's still cute in full light and this just makes
her quirky.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: I was just a few years older, and we went
to a really nice Italian place near DC. She remarks,
how nice to be out weather grown up, But she's
finishing college and has been dating boys. Nice dinner's great
until dessert the whipped cream on mine reminds her of
her last boyfriend. She then tells me in great detail
how she stalked him, hiding in bushes near his house
to spy effine with his tires and covering his entire
car in whipped cream and eggs. Isn't that just the
funnest check?
Speaker 2: Please?
Speaker 1: Are you sure she was? Isn't actually a bird? I
went to meet a woman from an online dating sitan.
At the last minute, she texted to ask if I
could swing by her house, which was only a few
blocks away from the Starbucks we were supposed to meet at.
That should have been a tip off in retrospect, but
we chatted a lot online, so I felt comfortable enough.
Maybe she just needed a lift or something.
Speaker 2: Instead.
Speaker 1: I come up to her house and when she opens
the door, she is wearing an ankle bracelet. She begs
me to please understand how she didn't want to mention
it on the dating sitan, to please hear her out.
I was naturally uncomfortable by this point, but also curious,
so I sat down for a few minutes in.
Speaker 2: Her living room.
Speaker 1: She told me of this domestic dispute she had with
her excitat had turned violent and now she was on
thirty days house arrest. A very overweight teenage girl came
into the room at this point, and the woman said,
oh yea, I also forget to mention I come with
this now. I just wanted to get the heck out
of there. I started making excuses to leave, but she
kept trying to get me to say, please, just one
date after I am done with house arrest, the things
I could learn from a man of your smarts. I
said nothing, besides, I really have to go. We'll think
about it. I just walked out the door, and she followed,
explaining that the bracelet had a range of several feet outside.
I was rummaging for my car keys next to my
car when she grabbed my left hand and slid it
under her shirt, placing it directly on her bare breast.
She looked up at me with a wicked grin. I
got in the car without a word and just drove.
I never felt so happy to drive away from a
place in my life. So YEA, asking me about red
flags may not be a great idea, though hopefully I
have wived up since then, asking if you have ever
done h and would like to shoot up later unless
you do want to shoot up later, same for doing.
Speaker 2: Lines of coke.
Speaker 1: Had dinner with a blind date only so her eyes
maybe for three minutes before she was glued to her
Instagram and Snapchat, giggling to herself and replying to her followers.
Tried to have a decent convo, but she was like
a hut, that's cool. Waitress comes. She doesn't even bother
looking at the menu, steak, fries and a glass of champagne.
Then out of the blue, how much money do you make?
I got up, told her the date was done, and
left her at the restaurant. She was so glued to
her phone she just nodded. She blows up my phone,
raging that I was supposed to buy her dinner, and
exclaimed she had no money or ride to get back
to her man's place, so yet she was fishing for
free food and drinks. You made it out perfectly. Congrats
on you, Oh boy, Here we go. Long story short.
I went on a date with a chick and we
were vibing really well before she turned ice cold and
began acting like a bee. At that point, I just
wasn't enjoying it, so I made up some excuse about
having some stuff to do and left. Few hours later,
she texts me she was disappointed that I gave up
so easy, and she was testing how much I I
liked her.
Speaker 2: Needless to say.
Speaker 1: I didn't ask her on a second date. I'd rather
be single, cellar but than have a relationship sex with
the entire cast of mean girls crammed into a single
person with the maturity of a high school freshman. She
asked me to drive her back home to ensure she
hadn't left her an on. Twenty years later, I'm still
checking that she's locked doors, turned things off, locked up
the pets, et cetera. That's a long time to stalk somebody.
She brings a guy from Tinder to the date. His
name is Craig. He uses a paper clip as an earring.
He spends most of the date sewing. Still wasn't the
worst date I've ever had, So now I want to
hear about the worst date. A girl I dated was
really obsessive over her aches did not like wanting to
get back with him. No, no, no good sir. She
just wanted to make sure he didn't date anyone and
would force everyone around her to help her, including me.
I found out from her aches, a really nice guy
that on the first date we went on, she chose
a specific restaurant because he had a date and she
wanted to ruin it. Yikes, your well meaning co worker
sets you up on a blind date with her fun friend.
You agree to meet at a bar, but then her
friend asks you to pick her up because she lost
her license. You get to her apartment and she is
arguing with a man out front. She flips him the
bird before spitting in his face, then gets.
Speaker 2: Into your car.
Speaker 1: It is at this crucial point you noticed she brought
a suit case full of her things. After you finish
the drink you ordered with your meal, she finishes her
fifth one. The entire time, you haven't said more than
a few words, not because you're being indifferent, but because
she always interrupts with anecdotes about her abusive childhood. The
bill comes, she slides it over to you. She informs
you that she doesn't have any money and assumed you
have intended to pay for the entire date. On the
way to the car, she informs you that she wants
to have unprotected sex. Don't worry, though she tells you
that you cannot impregnate her, she is already carrying another
man's child. While taking her home, she begins gesturing to
her suit case while asking to live with you a
few weeks. She is broken destitute till she begins her
new job as a stripper on Monday. The man she
was arguing with was letting her stay with him till
she saved up enough money for her own place. Unfortunately,
that man had kicked her out since she was bringing
other men over to his apartment to freke. In her opinion,
it was unfair, after all, she never agreed to only
be sleeping with him exclusively. After pulling her hand out
of your crotch and telling her you're not interested, you
get to the apartment you picked her up from. Unfortunately,
you live in the same apartment complex, only a couple
buildings around the corner, far enough from where you park,
but not so far that she doesn't follow you all
the way to your front door. She sexually assaults you
while trying to force her way into the apartment. You panic,
but then hear your cellphone ring. It's a telemarketer to
tell you about your vehicles expiring extended warranty. You pretend
it to work, push your way outside, lock the door,
and hope she forgets the number scrolling across it. She
follows you to your car, asking when you will come
back home. You leave her standing in the rear view
mirror while you speed off into the night. You then
spend a few hours sitting in the mall parking lot
waiting for a chance to sneak back home, while on
your third cigarette to deal with the second anxiety attack.
Even though you previously quit smoking for over one year,
You come to a grand realization your co worker is
kind of a bee. Apologies for the awful experience, but
congratulations on the compelling narrative. I hope you don't mind,
but I couldn't find a babacitter and brought my kid. Yes,
I do mind. You could have rescheduled. This is supposed
to be a date, not a future daddy test. Here's
some money for you and the kid to have a
nice dinner.
Speaker 2: Bye.
Speaker 1: Yes, also lying about having kids and know when you
are at her place when she gets too personal and
wants to know the street You all grew upon your
first dog's name, what your first car was where you
went to school, mother's maiden name, the three wacky numbers
on the back of your credit card, making comments to
imply that she wants a worshiper gift giver instead of
a partner. If you don't see her so as an equal,
it's a bad sign.
Speaker 2: Paypig. There are a few.
Speaker 1: One she never bothers to engage in smaller talk during
the date at all, and any attempt on your party
is only met with single word answers. Another would be
if she kept talking about her exit during the date. Lastly,
she answers her phone saying hey dad, this isn't a
good time. But you quickly notice the name on the
call display oddly matches the name of your own father,
who disappeared when you were little. Ask den lyoncest. She
will raise a big red flag if she treats strangers
like crab. You can tell a great deal about somebody
by how they treat people who have no material.
Speaker 2: Benefit to them.
Speaker 1: Super underrated observation. I actually have a go to business
restaurant bar where I know the staff very well. They
give me terms of info on how potential business associates
treated them, and it is about ninety percent predictive of
what they are truly like to deal with down the road,
automatically ordering the most expensive thing on the menu if
they are not splitting the bill, not treating weight staff
with respect, not trying to maintain eye contact while not
being socially awkward. This one is context dependent. Constant use
of their phone, grossly bashing their ex or talking at
length about them, not the normal O my ex was
a dong, but really going on about it, being generally
inconsiderate or arrogant, diverting conversation to talk overly about themselves,
even on topics, not about them, not showing any interest
in me as a person. My ex and I used
to split all our bills and we went on twice
as many dates. When every time you bring a girl
out is a financial burden, you start to resent spending
time with someone. If she starts playing on her phone,
that means I, Hey, she's just therefore a free meal.
B she's already dating someone. See she's not interested in you.
D All of the above, apart from all the usual ones,
I really know it's not going to work. If they
start complaining about having to walk a short way when together,
I get it if they're wearing heels. But if we
plan to go to a restaurant, walk around a bit,
and see a movie in two hundred meters into the
walking they start complaining, then it's just not going to
work out. I dated a girl once who would get
mad if I wouldn't circle around or wait until one
of the closest spots were open. Her dad would do
it all the time. I happen to be one of
those people who park as far away as possible so
my car doesn't get dinged by careless kids. It didn't
work well telling you write at the beginning of the
date how much he hates Martin Luther King Junior. Yeah,
that was awkward. Talking about how they want the man
who knows how to treat a lady, or checking out
other guys with their eyes while still actually talking to you,
or ridiculing things you said, or telling you their ex
boyfriend is a policeman and if anyone hurts me, he
will get them, or telling you they have a BF
but he's going to be in jail for six months,
or ordering as much expensive stuff as they can obviously
more than they can eat because they think a date
is a chance to burn a guy for as much
as they can get, or telling you about how their
ex was in buttle in fact, all their exes were buttholes,
or lying about their sprints or age before a blind date,
or some of the first questions they ask you are
how much do you earn, what car do you drive?
Speaker 2: Where do you live? Do you own or rent?
Speaker 1: Or telling you there last BF was was so generously
even brought you a house and gave it to you.
Nine Korean girl in China receiving more than a dozen
calls on her phone, mostly that sounded male while still
in the car on the way to the restaurant. Chinese girl,
I've already decided not to data again before we reached
the restaurant. These are all things I have personally experienced dating.
Speaker 2: Yikes.
Speaker 1: Came to this thread afraid i'd see something I'm inadvertently
doing as a red flag because I can be a
little socially awkward, leaving this thread feeling more normal than ever.
Holy crap, guys, I'm sorry you are meeting these women.
All I see here is a green flag. Trying to
make sure you aren't a bad personal trying to improve yourself.
There are some good ones here, like mistreating servers, making
it clear she sees you as a source of money
and expensive gifts, or carrying on about an X. I
don't want to just repeat what everyone else is saying.
So my red flag is anyone who seems to be
constantly on or have something they're trying to prove if
they can't just relax and stop trying to show what
an edge of lord vic him. Not like other girls
or whatever sort of character they're trying to convince you
they are, Being around them is going to drain you
every time. It's not even worth the peed. To me,
I like genuine, real people who aren't constantly putting on
some show. I want a man who treats me like
a queen, usually code for I want someone to live
and die for my happiness so I can be selfish forever,
no thanks. When you're dating a girl for a few
months who has a small appetite, but over time you've
realized her stomach is increasing in size.
Speaker 2: Finally you make.
Speaker 1: A joke and she breaks down crying, saying she was
raped and really loves needs you miss being nice and understanding.
You stay with her because you feel you can raise
a child and willing enough to do anything. It takes
until you bring it up to a mutual friend and
he refuses to look at you. You begin pestering him
about it until he spills the beans and reveals she
cheated on you in the beginning of the relationship because
she thought you guys wouldn't last long, and she is
going to use a baby as leave bridge to keep
both of you together and use you for life. You
get to her house, tell her everything you know, and
all she can say is who told you. In the end,
you leave her and all of her friends, questioning your
entire existence. The next year, you meet a wonderful girl
by chance, and have now been going strong for two years.
That's a really long first date. In all seriousness, though,
that's a terrible ordeal, and it sounds like it's really
affected you. Counseling therapy might not be a bad idea
of theirs lingering bitterness. I was expecting subtle hints coming here,
but instead I feel fortunate I've apparently managed to avoid
absolute train wrecks. A few weeks into dating my first
real girlfriend, things started to turn weird. She started telling
me that she was hanging out at an old friend's place,
but one of his buddies was hitting on her hardcore.
I told her to just walk away, but she kept
making up excuses that they were all in a room
together and she couldn't leave. I told her to tell
him she had a boyfriend who wants him to back off,
and she told me. He started threatening me. She kept
asking me what I wanted to say to him, but
I just sort of brushed it all off because this
was a conversation through a third party with someone I
had never met before. Situations like this kept popping up.
She would tell me she was a roundsome guy who
was being aggressive towards her, trying to get me to react.
I kept trying to act tough to these random people
fifteen years old, but really I was just confused. After
about a month of dating, she tells me that best
friend's boyfriend texted her and said that he loves her
and that they should run away together. We all went
to the same high school, so I don't really know
where they plan to run to. She was relaying all
of this to me, and I started to question it.
He was such a nice guy. Why would he want
to break off his relationship? Why is this conversation, even
continuing why is he persisting? Have you told him you're
not interested? Shouldn't you be able to easily.
Speaker 2: Shut this down?
Speaker 1: She gets frustrated that I'm not playing into her hand,
and so she calls me and decides to escalate it
to well, I'm kind of considering it. That was obviously
the breaking point in a very easy response, really, well,
then we should break up. She flips her opinion really quickly.
I didn't mean it. I was crazy. I'm sorry. I
don't even like him. I'm proud of fifteen year old
me for sticking up for myself and completely cutting contact.
It turns out, which is pretty obvious in hindsight, that
she just loved guys getting jealous over her and was
lying the entire time to get me going. In every
relationship I've had since, I've kept anan out for the
every guy I talked to, his interme red flag you
are a champ. I had similar experience at seventeen. Unfortunately
I was far more naive than bringing up crazy things
she did to guys in past relationships. It doesn't make
me think you're savage or cool. It makes me think
that's going to happen to me. I opened the restaurant
door for her, and she told me, I don't need
a fricking man to open my door. I walked hert
to the table, I gave her twenty dollars for a
cab ride home and walked out. I would have just
bailed frick the cab money. You're a better man than
me when they ask you to pay for something for them,
or suggest that you do it for the next time
went out with a girl for a really bad date,
there was almost zero chemistry between us. Things got slightly
better as the date progressed, but I still wouldn't even
say it was in my top one hundred dates, and
I don't think I've ever had that minute. I offered
to drop her off on our way out, and she agrees.
On the way to her place, we saw that for
The Incredibles too, and to strike up a conversation, I
asked her if she liked those films. She said she did,
and then said that we should go see it next
time we go out. Then she added, but you'll pay
for my ticket, right Ale Laughton didn't say anything because
I assumed she was joking, and she said with a
serious tone, don't be cheap. You got a nice car.
It's clear you make good money. You can afford to
pay for my ticket. She was out of my sights
the second she said that. I just laughed again and said, sure,
we can do that. I dropped her off and never
contacted her again.
Speaker 2: For my husband.
Speaker 1: Tell them to read this in the most redneck hick
voice possible. When a girl who looks like someone just
pee in her oatmeal keeps calling angry orchard green orchid,
gets mad at the bartender by saying I done got
one of these last week. It was a green orchid,
and then turns to you and says one offist me Later,
I also like anal personally, I disagree with my husband
and believe this is a magnetic and appropriate way to
exert one's dominance. And now he's telling me about her
claim to be from a parallel universe that her pastor.
Speaker 2: Explain to her. But never mind shut it down.
Speaker 1: I went on a date with a girl who ordered
a steak and a cheesecake and then proceeded to eat
them at the same time, like in the same bite. Look,
I get weird food combinations, but if you're going to
make that combination on the first date. There's a strong child,
you have some bodies under your floorboards. That almost sounds good.
Might have to try that. Not a first date. But
my ex broke up with me because I wasn't putting
enough into the relationship. I didn't buy her a four
month anniversary present, then beg to get back together with
me and continue to complain that I didn't buy her things.
Excuse me, lady, but I just found out my cat
is ill and need to pay for her meds present.
Speaker 2: Can wait?
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that relationship is over. I remember a
very long time ago when I was like nineteen yo.
I'm forty four now. I met this chick who was
working at a store fifties that I was transferred to
four a week to help them out from a neighboring city.
I was working for the same store. We hit it
off while we were working that night, and long story short,
went out after work to her restaurant, Coco's. While we
were eating, some doode walks up to our table and
starts to ask her why she didn't pick up their
kis since it was her turn to watch him. They
stopped yelling at each other right there at the restaurant.
Then the guy leaves, grabs their kid from his car
I'm assuming it was his car I actually don't know,
and plops him next to her in the booth while
we were eating and left. I was polite and finished
the meal and then said I had to go home.
Speaker 2: It was so awkward.
Speaker 1: The next day, I had to go into work at
that same store, but she wasn't working that day, so
I didn't see her. I ended up working one more
day after that and still didn't see her, so I
went back to my store after that and didn't contact her.
One week goes by, and she ends up calling me
at work since cell phones were not a thing back then,
and begs me to have breakfast with her so she
can explain things. I have no idea why, but I
ended up saying yes and met her the following Saturday
in her city at some breakfast place. I show up
at the restaurant and she is sitting there with her
mother and grandmother. The girl then begins to apologize to
me for what happened. She's crying and begging me for
a second chance, while at the same time her mother
and grandmother were begging me to give her a second
chance Toto be t w I have never met before,
and I literally just met her. I can't remember the
exact details of what happened at the end of that breakfast,
but I never saw her again. I thought I was
in the twilight zone. Still to this day, I always
wondered how that dude knew we were at the restaurant,
since no one had sell phones back then. She asked
me to take her shopping on our second date. I
have my dad drop us off. Didn't have my license
at the time, age fifteen, so anyways, she takes me
to Victoria Secret at a shop for clothes and stuff.
About an hour later and a half late. If she
thinks she has enough things and asks me to help
take her things to go check out at the counter.
I grab the rest of her things and take them
over to the counter to pay. That's when she just
kind of stands there and acts like I'm gonna pay.
I said something like, Happa, this is gonna be expensive.
Where do you work? And she says something like, what
do you mean? I thought you were helping me out
with this. I kinda just asked if she was joking,
and when she confirmed multiple times that she wasn't. She claimed,
it's not okay to make the lady in a relationship
happy or some bulls comma. First of all, we went
on one day dish movies and now today this is
not a relationship comma. Second of all, I'm fifteen. I
don't have one hundred and fifty dollars to waste on
clothes for someone I've spent all of maybe six hours
of my life on. I keep refusing to pay, mostly
saying that I don't have the money to pay in
the first place, even if I wanted to. She calls
her dad and has him pick her up instead of
waiting for mine, praying my date next weekend doesn't go
the next way. I've only dated two people before, and
she was the first. I don't think this girl is
the same way as the last at all, though, so
I think we'll work out. Once started dating this gal
who shared everything with me, from her dog that she
had to take care of for the last year and
a half because he was dying, to the sexual trauma
that she had been through, to her birth control that
was suffering side effects from, to how much it's going
to cost to fix her car. Nothing positive was being
shared and all the bad stuff she was kind of
brushing over like it still wasn't the worst she'd been through.
I had to go because I'm a bleeding heart, and
even I couldn't help but want to try to fix
her problems, but I had enough problems of my own
to deal with. That is married, gets drunk before telling you,
and during the dinner date, orders a second dinner to go.
I told her she is paying for the meal. Went
on a date. Whether girl I met or not, coup it.
I picked her up since she didn't have a car,
it was forty minutes to get to her place. She
wasn't in a thing that she looked like in her pictures,
and she is very much not my type, but I figured,
you know what, I'll give her a chance.
Speaker 2: Who knows.
Speaker 1: She suggests that we go to Dennis because it had
the best breakfast definitely doesn't beat w We sit down
and try and have conversation. But here are the topics
she wants to talk about. Dang, our server is so hot.
I love girls with big asses. X to this happened.
I went on a date with the submissive guy before you,
and he was so cute. You're like wareinto me and
I just didn't feel the same. You know, isn't it
weird how many black people are here? She was black,
I'm white. Well, check comes on a single piece of
paper and she asks how much is it? So I
show her the receipt and she proceeds to go into
her purse to get money out. Now, look, my view is,
if I ask you to the date, i'll pay if
you want to pay for yourself. I have great respect
for you. However, I feel that on the few occasions
that I do pay for you, it makes it more
meaningful since you weren't expecting it. So she's at the
point where she's just pulling out change, and I'm thinking,
you know what, it's only like twenty dollars. I'll pay
for her, even though I really didn't enjoy this date.
I tell her I can pay for you, it's no
big deal, but she's insistent on paying her share. I
literally cannot convince her to save her own money. So
we get up to the counter to pay, and she
seems apathetic, no longer interested in talking to me. So
once we get out of Denny's, I ask, hey, are
you all right? You seem indifferent, she says, Yet it's
just how I hate the rain. It wasn't even raining
driving nowhere? Really and I ask what she wants to do.
She still looks blank and says, not really anything, just
want to go home. I want to keep hanging with
her to see if I can make her feel better,
so I throw out ideas like going to them all
movies bowling. She says, note to all, just wants to
go home. Okay, here is the major red flag. I'm
driving her home and about three four minutes of dead silence,
she says, okay, So I'm going to be honest with you.
The reason why I'm upset is because you made me
pay for myself. What I explained that she was giving
me signs of not wanting me to pay for her,
and I respected her decision to pay for herself. Then
she rambles on about her unfair she's treated, and I'm
just giving her the silent treatment. We get to her
house and I crap you not. She looks at me
and says, so, do you want to come inside for
a while. I did, but look at her and say
I'm sorry, but no. She walks off inside. I drive
home and she's blocked me. It was my first date. Ever,
we were in a bar that was having a cover
band event. She went to get some drinks as I
kept the table and comes back chatting to a guy
seems to be her friend, but after talking to him
for a while, it was her boyfriend that was just
back from a trip. He even had his travel bag
with him. He was such a great guy. We even
maintained contact for a while, and after they broke up,
I told him about that day late to the party,
but he goes. I messaged a girl a couple of
times on a dating up and never heard from her again,
so I thought that was the end of it. About
two weeks later, she randomly answers saying sorry for not responding,
but she was in a car crash and blah blah
even sent me a picture of a crashed car. This
set off some alarms, but I figure, frick it. So
we chatted a bit and she wanted to meet up
to smoke somewed and she was cute, so I figured
why not. I arrive at her place and she gets
in the car muttering something about her room and taking
a poop in the toilet and having a conversation with
her wilsh Cinda shower who As we are driving to
her spot to smoke, she starts telling me about the
car crash and how it was a drunk driver that
hit her, and how my dad is a Hell's Angel,
so he'll just get my dad and his body is
to pay him a visit. Excuse me, was all I said,
and she repeated what she just said, this time implying
some broken bones would be made and that she might
even get her dad's Hell's Angel law to sue him
as well. Now at this point, we have started smoking,
so I was wondering if I was hearing her right,
So I asked a Hell's Angel lawyer and she fricking
snapped back, that's what I just said. So, needless to say,
she was freaking me out major by this time, and
I kept looking in my rear view mirror, half expecting
to see her dad on his bike swinging a chain
above his head, but nothing. She said some other crazy
crap about working for jobs and that all of them
were linked to the Hell's Angels.
Speaker 2: In some way.
Speaker 1: So, after about forty minutes of smoke and hearing all
her Hull's Angels stories, I politely took her home and
my excuse was I had to be up early. I
dropped her off and said, it was nice meeting you
with a smile and a wave. I cannot tell you
how happy I was after I drove off. In fact,
I was so happy to be away from the potential
biker gang daughter that I started laughing my book off,
full on maniacal laughter, just pure joy, kind love laughing.
He'll never forget how happy that laugh was. Knowing I
was going home to just my cat and not some
crazy biker chak made me really appreciate being single for
a while.
Speaker 2: Sweet lord.
Speaker 1: People who have visited the US, what is your WTF
America story? I'm Canadian and I went down to the
US to do a little shopping. I accidentally pulled out
some Canadian bills in the cashier asked why I kept
Monopoly money in my wallet. A lot of people might
say it was just sarcasm. I don't think it was that.
Cashi looked around sixteen years old. She had probably never
seen Canadian money before. When I started awkwardly chuttling, she
had a puzzled look on her face. But who knows,
maybe she was just really invested in a joke. As
a Michigan deur. It is always common to pay with
accidental Canadian and to receive the accidental Canadian currency. It
pisses me off when I didn't pay attention those gaps
in your toilet stall doors? What are they even for?
To clarify, I meant the gaps in the sides of
the door, not the bottom. Peeking I visited from Canada
a couple years ago. Everyone was very nice and had
the exact same mildly interested reaction to her credit.
Speaker 2: Card with a chip.
Speaker 1: We finally started transitioning to these in the last year
or year and a half. We're a bit behind. After
moving from Africa as a teen, I am repeatedly asked
why I moved to Africa in the first place, to
which I replied that I've always lived there. I am
also asked, so why are you white, to which I reply,
oh my god, Karen, you can't just ask people why
they're white. However, when they reply with blank stairs, I
realize they aren't referencing mean girls. Some other questions. Comma,
so Africa is one country and all the borderlines are
like states. Commie, are there you know buildings? Comma, you
guys have memes over there, right, commic, Are you Australian?
Australian here? I went to Houston last year and spoke
to a girl my age in the airport. We got
chatting about UNI College. It was around July, and she
asked me if I was on my summer vacation. I
casually explained I was on my winter break. She was
genuinely confused and did not understand how it was somewhere
in the US but winter in Australia. I tried to
explain that eventually gave up. An American once complimented me
on my excellent English when I told her I was
from Australia.
Speaker 2: Ozzie here.
Speaker 1: When I started chatting to a cashier, she squealed and
asked where I was from. I told her Australia, and
she instantly dumped down how she spoke. Do you'll speak
English down there? I replied sporadically. She laughed and informed
me that wasn't a word Singaporean here. I feel your pain.
You speak really good English foreign Asian. When I went
to the US the first time and ordered a meal
from Burger King, ordering a large fry, coke and a whopper,
I was blown away by the size of it all,
each item was larger than the same item back home.
I was already like wtf, but then the cashier said
I could have a second whopper for one dollar. Again
I was like, wtf. Signed me up. Another time, while
I was in Daytona, I went to a restaurant and
the woman kept refilling my drink again and again. It
Being a bit shy, I did not tell her to
stop and expected a bill with fifteen dollars for sodas.
But then I found out the raffills were free. Wtf
free raffills. I'd only seen that at places like Subway,
but so many restaurants in the US had free raffills.
I love the US for restaurants and food in general.
The portions are massive and very reasonably priced. Whent to Walmart.
The fabled creatures there are just as the Internet portrays
them as, nonetheless still mind blowing. My first trip into
a Walmart, I saw man in a brass button blazer
with perfectly brill creamed hair, sparkling white teeth, orange skin,
and white slacks that looked like he had stepped right
out of an advert from the nineteen fifties.
Speaker 2: He was with a very.
Speaker 1: Large woman, wearing an eye love my Gay Daughter t shirt.
I was so happy how spread out everything is like,
it's pretty much impossible for me to survive without a car,
while everywhere I needed to go on a regular basis
back in London was in a ten minute biking distance.
Also the number of pickup trucks people owned without needing.
It has come to my attention that the city I'll
live in, Jacksonville, Florida, is the widest city in the
forty eight contiguous states of the US, with the population
of just under one million. That explains a lot, especially
out here in the west. The metro area Isle live
in is like eight percent the size of London population wise,
but it'll take you forty five minutes by car to
drive from one side of town to another. If you
live anywhere in Americas outside of Washington, d C, New York, Boston,
Downtown Chicago, or a few other places, it's vital to
own a car. Every single one of you Bostards asked
me where in England I was from. I'm from Australia.
Pretty much as far away from England as you can
get without leaving the planet, asked the girl in the
Hooker Lunch if she knew where New New Zealand, my
home country was, she replied, asking, is that the country
above us? Well, it is a globe. If you get
the angle right, you'll hit New Zealand. Eventually a universal
WTF for both foreign and US citizens. The Golden Corral,
everything was submerged in liquid butter. The patrons were larger
than some cars. One time that Golden Corral, many years back,
Eye saw an overweight guy in suspenders whose chest, primarily
due to the suspenders, was a freaking square. He wasn't round. Instead,
he was white but flat. He was only about five
feet five inches, so that likely played a role into
his geometric shape as well. Was the most mind blowing
thing I'd ever seen from a Golden Corral. I'd never
been out of Australia before. In Australia only farmers and
cops have guns, and some criminals, I guess, so I
had never seen a gun that wasn't in a copse hole. Still,
in my entire thirty year existence, we'd go to the
US four hours honeymoon and have the honor and privilege
of visiting a Walmart. But the guns are just on
the shelf. You can touch them. A fellow was he
friend who was with us at the time, asked the
cashier if she could hold one. He looked at her
as if she had asked if it was okay to
breathe the store's air. Can I hold one? This big one?
She asked, incredulie, sure if you wanted. The guy said,
confuse and board. At the same time, she picked up
this big bud gun. Sorry, not a gun, guy, don't
know what it was. It was about the size of
a shotgun, but was bulkiar and was getting us to
take photos.
Speaker 2: Of her with it.
Speaker 1: If I had a gun like that at home and
walked outside my house with it, someone would drive past
and see me in about ten seconds. They would call
the cops, which would take about thirty seconds. The police
station is just up the road, so I estimate a
cop car would arrive in about three minutes, and it
would take about ten seconds for a cop to ask
me politely to jump in his car and come for
a nice chat down at the police station. But it
would be fun for four minutes. Honeymoon was not literally
at Walmart. Honeymoon was too weak. Kentickietur followed by one
week in NYC. Fun times about the size of a shotgun,
but was bulkier. That sounds like a shotgun. I was
in Vegas with three Danish friends and we were very hungover.
Three of us, not the driver. We decided to go
for a drive in the convertible. After fifteen minutes, a
police officer on a bike drives up next to us
and just stares into the car. This lasted like five
ten seconds, so the driver turns his head and asks
there anything wrong officer. The officer replied, in a super
angry tone, keep your Metherfican eyes on the Methurfriican road.
He continued to follow us for about a mile, just
staring at us. Super fricking creepy. Also had bad police
experiences in Florida, New York, and San Diego. Some people
join because they honestly want to help people, and then
a distressing segment joins b because they are power hungry psychopaths.
I'm from Canada and the first thing I saw upon
my arrival to Port Angelus, Washington, which happened to be
the first time I stepped foot in the States, was
a large spherical lady sitting in the middle of the sidewalk,
blocking my path to the bus terminal, just staring at me.
Another time, I was in San Diego one summer and
a woman genuinely curious asked me if it was summer
in Vancouver. Two On a bus going into New York
City from New Jersey, there was a middle aged white
man on the bus. As he goes to get off
the bus, I noticed the tip of a used condom
hanging out of the back pocket of his car keypants.
Instead of saying thank you, as he is leaving the bus,
he tells the young black female bus driver not too
bad for being black. Dude was not masturbating on the bus,
nor did he frick the bus driver. He was sitting
a few seats away from me. That would be an
even more WTF moment, which I would have include in
my original post. That's just uncle gob He's harmless. Do
you know any vikings? Asked by a nice young blonde
with a straight and serious face in McDonald's I'm from Denmark. Also,
good God, Texas has a lot of fat people. I
went to Applebee's mistake number one, I guess. I was
then served by a nice young lady called Brittany, who
asked me with a serious face if we have trees
in Scotland. Sorry about that. Everyone knows Brittany is an idiot.
Brit Here, we went to Ruby Tuesdays and the Florida
Mall and saw a woman take a bull from the
salad bar, fill it with ranch dressing and sit back
at her table, eating it like it to a soup. Luckily,
that wasn't the only treat Florida had for us on
that trip. I think Florida is just like one giant walmart.
I was in an uber going to the airport and
the driver asked where I was flying too, I said
Hong Kong. He asked if I spoke Japanese. I told
him that we speak Chinese in Hong Kong. He says,
what's the difference? HS genuinely didn't know that Japanese and
Chinese were different languages. Went into a shop they had
spray on cheese. I don't think the majority of Americans
here know how ridiculous that sounds to the rest of us,
spray on cheese. I'm from the UK, lived in the
US four about five years now. Few things that annoy me.
You want to get a loan for a new car,
there's a fee for that on top of the interest.
You want to take money out of the ATM, there's
a fee for that. You want to exchange some currency,
there's a fee for that. On top of the exchange.
Spread a products money off, You'll have to send something
to receive it. They hope you can't be bothered. Pretty
much any service, someone will try to make a few
extra dollars off you. Credit unions are Your friend was
in Spokane at silver Wood Amusement Park and asked where
the washroom was. I was promptly told there were no
washrooms in the park. This happened a good handful of times,
and it never even occurred to me that I had
to say restroom to receive any real help.
Speaker 2: Weird.
Speaker 1: Although we don't typically say washroom, I can't imagine someone
not knowing that it is synonymous with bathroom. Sounds like
you ran into a handful of real boneheads. I visited
America recently, and there are so many more people than
I am used to. I come from New Zealand, and
our biggest city only has about one point three to
one point five million people in it, and the total
population is around four point four to seven one million people.
And even Auckland is too big for me. I'm a
Wellington man for sure. I'm Canadian and have visited the
United States multiple time and have had an overall enjoyable
experience on each one. I wouldn't blame this on America,
but I saw a fat, bald, middle aged man standing
on the side of a Pennsylvania highway with bunnyers. I'm
sure this happens in Canada two, but this is the
first time I've seen something like this. I saw fat, bald,
middle aged man standing on the side of a Pennsylvania
highway with bunny ears.
Speaker 2: Easter.
Speaker 1: Bunny has had a rough few years. People just don't
care about Jesus coming back anymore. Well, I hadn't even
arrived yet in the US, but in the Plain, as
a foreigner, you have to fill a paper to enter
the country with various questions, among which did you come
to murder the President of the United States? Wtf America
president is murdered? He selected know in that field of
the form, there's no way we could have stopped him.
I'm American but live in France at the moment. French
people love telling me about the time they went to
the US and the crazy things that they saw. Two
of my favorites are One a friend was complaining about
the food in the US and then said, and we
went to this restaurant and they only had one food,
only pizza. And two A French friend visited the US
and people kept saying voulez vou culture avecmoy, yes, saw
it at him. This is a rather shocking thing to
say to a stranger. I visited the US. Never understood
suburban young kids with huge trucks that clearly.
Speaker 2: Do not do any manual labor.
Speaker 1: I visited, but I also have lived here my whole life.
I was walking down the strip in Vegas at two
thirty am and got talking to some lads who were
making a stop on their drive cross country from college.
This one guy was special. First thing he couldn't understand
was that although it was two thirty am in Vegas,
it was ten thirty am in the UK. Then he
didn't believe we'd suffered a terrorist attack in London seven
stroke seven. Lastly, no matter how I protested, he refused
to believe our police didn't carry guns. Then he stopped
for a second, looked really thoughtful, and said, I guess
you guys don't have black people in England. I went
to Florida shortly after they had been a hurricane and
a lot of people's homes and businesses got completely trashed.
There were a surprising amount of local people we spoke to,
hoo were content with their livelihoods being destroyed because it
was God's will. I lived in the US for a
year previously in Texas. Over this time I got a
lot of comments on my accent. I'm English, But the
most WTF one went like this, heer, Oh, I like
your accent. Where are you from? Me?
Speaker 2: Thank you?
Speaker 1: I'm from England. Her your English is very good. Me confused, smiler,
thank you. Her, So what language do you speak in England?
Me laugh, thinking this is a joke. Her dead pan, confused,
look me English. Then there was the time someone was
convinced HI was Australian. I'm a Northerner. I have a
Yorkshire accent. Even one new person shares in this horror
it's worth taking the minutes to answer. On a Greyhound,
I saw a mom mixed mountain dew and breast milk
in a bottle and feed it to her baby. Not
a WTF for America moment, but I mean an absolute
idiot in Orange County Kelly. She was fascinated when my
friend told her that we are Irish. She started asking
crazy questions about Ireland, questions like dew fairies.
Speaker 2: Really live there?
Speaker 1: And is it true you guys have no electricity or
rhads in island. She fully believe us when we told
her that we do have roads, but we have to
take them in at night. She also fully believe us
when we told her that we only have six days
in a week because we had to get rid of Tuesdays.
I've been many times, but the first time I went
to downtown La it hit me how amblamorous parts of
the US really are same with NYU step outside of
the business district and things look like really old and rundown.
Waiting in the airport to fly home. When to McDonald's,
core's eye was a bit hungry, ordered a regular cheeseburger meal.
The fries and drink were the size of largers back
in the YUKTBF not completely unexpected, But the crazy thing
to me was I got two burghers two on just
a regular meal. You must have ordered the two cheeseburgers meal,
which exists solely to convince consumers that two is greater
than one, so there must be more food in there.
Have had a few. In a Cleveland mall, a guy
runs down the elevator towards me and my group of friends,
yelling you guys from Canada. We nervously replied that we
weren't asked how he could tell his reply because you
all are wearing roots. NYC traveling from JFK to Long
Island City on the highway in cab get rear ended.
Cabby and previous driver stop, get out and look a damage.
Don't exchange info and continue on their merry ways. Always
get escalator and elevators mixed up. And in regards to
the nervousness, eighteen years old kids in Cleveland for a
business competition. So nerdy is frick and it's amer cook
who wouldn't be nervous? Well, they're thinking is that if
there's no real damage, it's a waste of time to
wait hours for the cops to arrive to write a ticket,
which may result in insure and raising your rate. I've
been asked what state Ontario was in. When I told
the lady it was a province in Canada, she was confused,
like she had never ever heard of Canada. Lol, then,
and do we have Christmas, Halloween and Easter in Canada?
You have highways in the Philippines. To be fair, there
was also a well educated guy who apologized on behalf
of his country for the CIA backed dictatorship.
Speaker 2: They put up a well.
Speaker 1: Back, a nice guy, probably an inverted WTF moment where
the Americans would have thought, wtf these foreigners. When I
uttered the sentence don't mind him, He's just being a
bit off a sea, and received stairs as if I
had just threatened to blow up the whole office. I
tried correcting myself by saying sorry, I meant a fricking prick,
did not improve the situation. C is probably the strongest
where word you can use outside of racial slurs. A
classmate in university back in two thousand and do you
have computers in India? Did you go to school on
your elephant?
Speaker 2: Yes? And yes, that's why it's so easy.
Speaker 1: To ride your mom My first trip to Walmart, I
was kind of overwhelmed by the sheer variety and range
of food produce they had, And then I looked at
a banana stand which was just too plastic stick with
a U on top. That's it for eight dollars. Went
to Texas to visit some friends. When we got to
their place, the first thing they said was one of
s our guns. Having never seen a real gun in
my life, I was pretty excited. They were cool guys,
though they did all have a loaded handgun on their
night stands. We were in a steakhouse somewhere in New Jersey.
We told the waitress that we were from Korea and
she said, oh, that's a city in Japan, right, I
really want to go to Japan. Our great grandparents were
forced out of their land and killed in Manchuria by
the Japanese during their occupation of Korea. I had trouble
calming my dad Dawn. Pretty much every question I was
asked made me go, wtf. Do you have running water
in New Zealand? Do you have glass windows? Do you
have chickens over there? Do you guys have apples? That
was asked while they were holding an apple with a
sticker saying it was imported from menz Why don't you
go live on the mainland. I found out after a
while that they meant Australia. Also that it's just expected
that everyone will exchange their gifts and gift exchange cards
are included in the gifts.
Speaker 2: Here.
Speaker 1: You get a gift and you friacking like it whether
you like it or not. Two moments in the US
when my friend and I decided to drive to downtown
LA and we accidentally came across the ghetto to paint
a picture few hundred of people loitering on per block,
tents and rubbish everywhere on the street. The seriously WTF
moment was when we literally turned around the block and
it was back to cosmopolitan area, people shopping and going
on with their lives. Starbucks. But being a nouzi, I
got asked where I was based on my accent, I
responded Australia full sincere. Moment I got asked, oh, Australia,
what language do you speak over there? I felt dumbfounded
and guilty and said, just up Australian English. WTF? America, WTF.
My first trip to the US in twenty twelve and
first stop was Chicago, visiting a friend of my American
girlfriend who was studying there. So we go out on
our first evening to some Asian place Yum, and I
order a coke. Wasn't twenty one. Yet, as in Germany,
you can accumulate quite a bill when drinking a lot
of beverages in restaurants. I was not going to drink
more than what I needed for the meal. Mind you,
we also don't get free water and jair, which I
think is awesome practice.
Speaker 2: In the US.
Speaker 1: What is often done when you don't want the way
to rest to ask you for another order of drinks
is to leave some of the beverage in the glass
enough at it clearly is not just left over, but
could still be used to satisfy you or thirst. But
this works reasonably well in Germany. Now back to the
Asian restaurant in Chicago. I did exactly as described above,
but still the waiter came and asked if I wanted
another coke. I thought to myself, well why not in order.
He then took my glass, which still had this considerable
amount of coke in it. So I interrupted him and
said weight note, to which he replied, no coke. And
I said, yes, coke, but this one pointing also, which
seemed to totally confuse the kind waiter. I then said,
I would like to order another coke, but I would
also like to finish this one, but was interrupted by
my girlfriend, who by that point was laughing already in
scent the waiter off, leaving me reasonably upset before she
could explain to me that non alcoholic beverages are refilled
for free.
Speaker 2: In the US.
Speaker 1: I knew rite that moment that America was everything I
ever hoped it would be. Three See you again soon,
you magnificent busted of the country.
Speaker 2: When I was.
Speaker 1: Living in California back in the late nineties minus two thousand,
the new news came on and announced that one of
the stories would be NATO stuff's bombing Kosovo. I turned
the news up, only to have to sit through the
more important story first out of season rain in La
I was talking to a girl years ago about the US.
It was around the fourth of July. I'm British, she's American.
She wished me a happy the fourth of July. I
told her we down tea celebrate that in the UK.
She didn't now understand why good ridden today as we
call it when our American friends celebrate it here an
excuse for food, drink and a party. So I'm all
for it.
Speaker 2: Okay, I think.
Speaker 1: People who do this are stupid, but I see the
need to join their ranks.
Speaker 2: Capital t.
Speaker 1: Just got back from Miami told a woman who was
walking her cat that my girlfriend and I thought her
cat was cute. She then told us she is not
a prostitute, and nor was the cat. As an American,
that's just a weird response. Also, catwalkers tend to be
somewhat strange, says the girl debating on buying a leash
for her cat. A friend of mine lived in Virginia
for some years for school, and the locals it was
an average sized town, not some hilbery shit hole asked
him if we had cars, electricity, internet, or fridges in Luxembourg,
anyone asking, of course, we don't have those things in Luxembourg.
That's how we became one of the richest countries on
Earth by staying in the Stone Age. Don't let anyone
fool you to think we all have glass, fiber internet
and government paid education and healthcare that includes massages. It's
all Lise. We all live under Iraq. Mine was on
the flight home we just landed, and I overheard the
following exchange, Mom, where are we Amsterdam? It's in Germany. Well,
at one point in time she wasn't too wrong. I'm
from Sweden and visited New York a few summers ago
with my family. We had just gotten off the bus
and my stepsister was feeling really nauseous from the bus ride.
She walks up to a garbage and takes a few
deep breaths, trying to not vomit. Suddenly, a guy in
a suit with a briefcase walks up, asks if she's
all right, tells her to wait there, and comes back
a few seconds later with a bottle of water for her.
Just a complete stranger. That's not something you'd see in Sweden.
I went to the US this summer to work for
my uncle's company in LA for eight weeks. I'm currently
studying a university in the UK. I decided to fly
up to San Francisco to visit my cousin for the
weekend and flew from LAX. After my return flight, I
was about to exit the Lax American terminal when all
the police around me got their guns out and started
shouting about a shooter at the airport. Chaos erupted around me,
with people everywhere throwing their suitcases to the floor and screaming.
I had no idea what to do. I had just
bought a tea from Starbucks, and I didn't really want
to throw it on the floor and run about, so
I follow of this stamp people of people through the terminal.
I found a room to hide in with twenty other people.
We all lay on the floor being quiet, trying to
stay calm. People all around me calling their loved one,
saying their goodbyes. It was insane. I didn't have any
service on my AT and T phone, so I just
sat there drinking tea, contemplating what I would do if
a gunman appeared. I realized now it was the most
British thing to do at that moment we were in Therefore,
twenty five minutes when we got told it was clear
all of this happened because the police heard a loud
noise and there was someone dressed as Zoro. Witch raised suspicions,
wtf America. They have bank drive throughs. They go to
the bank like they go to McDonald's. Saw them in
New Jersey around five years ago, one summer when we
visited some friends out in Tennessee and we're eating fresh deer.
He'd shot that afternoon off his BBQ, drinking beer and
sharing differences in culture at which point, out of no way,
he pulls out a palette gun and shoots it's a
squirrel from the top of a phone line. He then
proceeded to cut, watch, clean and cook. The squirrel tasted
like chicken. I have no doubt that if there was
a global apocalypse, it might take Tennessee a few years
to notice, and only because they stopped making more bud
light the food Holy crap. Me and my sister would
occasionally share meals because there was so much of it,
and read still beloads left behind. As an American, I
don't understand this. I usually eat all of my food.
Speaker 2: WHOA.
Speaker 1: I'm fourteen five ft six inches and weigh one hundred
and one pounds, not overweight by any means, but I
couldn't having the McDonald's medium be the large. The flag's
man the flags. I used to joke with my mom
that if my career doesn't work out, I'm just going
to open a flag shop in the US. My dad
lives in America, and I visited him for the first
time in ten years last September. The first thing he
did was take meet of the local police gun range,
where I was told how to fire a fully automatic
assault rifle, a semi automatic rifle, and a variety of pistols.
They didn't even know my name, and they put a
gun in my hands and told me to shoot at
a target. Best fricking day ever. That's the American dream
right there. Visited Miami a few years ago with a friend.
We started a brief conversation with the hotel porter and
told him we were from London. He goes, here, I
know some British slang throughout our stay. Whenever he saw us,
we were greeted with hay, what's up, wankers, and good
morning you miserable. See was hilarious. Back in the nineties,
I was in San Francisco in Australia. I had never
seen a beggar, but there were heaps of them in
San Francisco. Anyway, I was walking around and this beggar
comes up to me shaking his conful of coins in
my face. He never said a word, just shook his.
Speaker 2: Can in my face.
Speaker 1: So I said to him, no thanks, mate, I've got
enough coins of my own. He gave me a look
of WTF. That is my WTF. A Meerica's story. I'm
definitely using this one sometime stayed at a hotel in
New York and the TV had only one program, commercials
for medicine, and the style of the DV spots was outrageous,
as if they were selling magic pills. Here is the
conversation I had with a cashier in a Dunkin Donuts
in Ohio. Per, you speak funny, me, Hum, I have
an accent. I'm French Canadian? Per what do you mean?
Speaker 2: Me?
Speaker 1: Well, English isn't my first language. Per, So you're not
deaf because you speak really slowly and in a weird way. Me.
It's a French accent. Per Okay, I understand, Okay, it's
a Canadian accent.
Speaker 2: Weird.
Speaker 1: I mean, they weren't wrong, it is a Canadian accent.
First city I came to when the US was to
LA and went to Malibu Beach with a friend. My
first reaction was I was told there would be fat people.
Everyone were fit as freak. I was ashamed to take
off my shirt. Ah yeah, see, fat people don't go
to the beach as a fat person. I can confirm this.
If we do, we spend all our time in at
least shoulder depth water while we stare at the beautiful
beach bodies we'll never get to touch. I was in
Ella two thousand and two went into a petrol station
in Inglewood on my way to West Hollywood. There was
an old Korean guy behind the counter and one middle
aged white women shopping. Two minutes after I walked in,
a low rider with five black guys rolled into the station.
Now I'm black, but I'm from London, but these guys
looked gangster as heck and were all black. Four of
them walked into the shop while one was pumping petrol.
The moment they walked in, they started swearing at the
old Korean guy, cussing him out. This went on for
half a minute. Me and the old white lady looked
at each and both thought this place was going to
get robbed. The old Korean guy was standing behind the
counter and had this calm look on his face the
whole time, And as soon they were done swearing, he
just came out said, you black soul eating mothersuckers, need
shut your big lips because I don't understand one word
of what you just said. Everything went quiet, and I
started to crouch down, thinking this where I'm.
Speaker 2: Going to die.
Speaker 1: Just as I started to hide, all the black guys
burst out, laughing and befalling all over each other, and
the old Korean man was laughing as well. It turns
out this how they greet each other every time they
come into the shop. Me the old white lady had
the exact same look of relief on our faces. It
was like scene out of Russia. First time visiting New
York City. On our first night, my wife and I
stayed at a hotel just through the tunnel in New Jersey.
We're just leaving a diner to walk back to our
hotel when a bakery van is tea boned right in
front of us by a speeding sedan. The van has
hit so hard that it flips over, spilling stuff everywhere where.
The sedan, half totaled, spins around and begins to speed off.
My wife and I are sprinting towards the van as
the driver is still inside. I stopped to try and
get a plate number of the hit and runner as
he speeds past us, and he nearly kills me in
the process. The driver of the bakery van is stumbling
injured down the sidewalk while his smoking vehicle lies on
its side in the middle of the intersection. My wife
is screaming call nine one one as we try to
get him to sit down and rest. He's in shark
mumbling about how he's going to be late for work.
State cops and an ambulance showed up pretty quickly. They
took statements from us about the hits and run and
took my photo.
Speaker 2: Within the process.
Speaker 1: The Canadian how the cop asked staying in town here
yet I replied it our first night. The cop smirks
at me and goes, what do you think so far?
I lived in the Midwest as a kid, but I
am Australian. I had a woman who genuinely thought we
took a bridge to get to America from Australia. I
had a teacher who would not let me into the
classroom in the morning unless I said a dingoes still
to my baby. I was in grade too and had
no clue what it meant. This same teacher would make
me recite the Pledge of Allegiance. My sister showed up
on the first day of school to find the discipline
corner was Australia with a badly drawn map that didn't
include Tasmania because that was where the convicts go. And lastly,
the men of people, children and adults asking me if
we rode kangaroos, that discipline corner should be enough to
report the teacher because as of these we hate foreigners.
Reminding our Convic history. Walking into a supermarket and seeing
the endless serial lanes in the amount you can choose
from blew my mind. Also, when I was working in
a camp over a summer, I was devastated to see
that the people who ran the place would actually choose
to use throwaway dishes, cups and cutlerries instead of normal ones.
I don't know if that's typical, but it sure hurt
my he co protecting side to see all the waste
just one day would generate. Had a good time though,
fifteen year old me took a trip to a walmut
near capcod. Firstly, your skittle's a different UK. Grape equals BlackBerry,
apple equals lime and grape candy is weird. Secondly, my
father saying man or the fat people must be a myth,
followed by morbidly a beast man on a scooter who
also happened to be a shriner. Yet, if scooter had
horitic anti Arab text on it. Back in the good
old days, Skittles used to have lime instead of apple
in the US. Then nine to eleven happened, and nothing
was the same. I went to the Daytona five hundred
in two thousand and eight. An obese lady sitting next
to me ate a large turkey leg and proceeded to
wash her hands with her beer afterwards because she didn't
have the energy to go to the washroom. This is
so American. I stood up and started saying the pledge
of allegiance. Big fat guy at the Grand Canyon loudly
informing his family that the geological information signs were plainly
incorrect because they conflicted with scripture. Also, my wife had
a miscarriage while we were there. The healthcare system kind
of worked okay for us because we had travel insurance
to cover the costs of all treatments. But I would
sure hate to be poor in your country when I
went to Bliscon and there were people with Jesus hateses.
Video game signs might not be the exact words on
the signs, but the message is the same. You put
a man on the moon almost fifty years ago, yet
you haven't come up with a way to make toilet
doors without gaps in them. Oh, we have, it's just cheaper,
not too I once bought gum in Buffalo, n Y.
And I told the cashier I had exact change, and
she looked at me square in the iron, said sir,
I honestly don't give a crap brit here rather than
get the usual, do you know the Queen? A guy
in a bar asked me what the bridge was called
that connected England to Scotland. Old him, I didn't know
Hadrian's Bridge. Being greeted sir, how are you doing by
a young soldier in Austin Airport who just got back
from service in Afghanistan. This would never happen in India,
because anyone with a uniform here thinks they are a
superior species and others are merely to be tolerated. This
apart was just pleasantly unbelievable, pure gentleman linus that too,
towards a brown skinned foreigner. On my first day in
the USA, I saw someone who was at least as
fat as anyone I had ever seen before in my life.
On each subsequent day while I was in the USA,
I saw someone at least as fat.
Speaker 2: Again.
Speaker 1: My family made it a game to spot the fattest
person each day. The backwards writing on the roads down slow.
It's like someone assumed your gaze is fixed as you
drive along, so you see the slow first, then the down.
But that's not how people read. That's more for traffic.
If the car in front of you drives, the writing,
the first thing that your sea will be slow, which
is more important than seeing down first. This may seem
minor that I've only been to Maine and I found
it very odd that people would have opened Bibles in
their windows facing out. Do people randomly stop to read them.
This wasn't just one or two homes. It was menet
American here. I have no clue, but that is really weird.
Had my first experience of the US in NYC. Disclaimer,
I found it incredible. The people super friendly and a
ranger's game blew my mind. A homeless woman doing the
toilet on an underground train then getting angry at people
for looking at her was probably my WTF highlight during
the toilet.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: Visiting different parts of the US can be kind of WTF.
I'm originally from the Northeast and visiting the Midwest. We
stopped in a minutes and that was a culture shark.
If you want some lumber, a lawn mower, a dress shirt,
a frozen pizza, a gallon of milk, a fishing pole,
a toy for your knees, and a giant assorted bag
of candy, menace is your one stop shop at sea
where ald I got out of the way to let
a person in a motorized scooter behind me see into
the tank. They got up then and walked forward and
took my place against the glass. I was really confused.
I didn't understand that some non paralyzed people choose to
use motorized scooters. I have yet to see this in
any other country. Ad It to be clear, guys, I'm
not putting people down for using scutters, just it surprised
me since I had never encountered partially disabled people using
them until I traveled to the States. When I see
a motorized abe of any kind, I assume the person
is severely disabled, like they have a degenerative muscular condition,
because this has always been the case where I'm from.
I thought someone was breaking cover and openly revealing that
they had been faking paralysis in front of a crowd.
I expected the crowd to react. It is extremely unusual
for a non paralyzed person to use a motorized wheelchair,
let alone scooter outside America. Edit too, I've started a
bad thing in the comments. I didn't intend. My WTF
came from not understanding what I was seeing at the time.
The way you use motorized chairs is potentially confusing for
people from countries where motorized chairs are used exclusively by
paralyzed people. This was my lack of experience as an outsider,
and not a condemnation. I know better now. I didn't
mean to add to her pre existing debate between Americans
about your use of scutters. I was once nursing a
sore throat to New York and I was walking down
this long stairway to get to the subway, and I
was clearing my throat. As soon as I got down,
this elderish gentleman turned around and yelled, if you have
a problem with emy, just fricking say I t I
just stared at him like the awkward seal meme. It's
definitely WTF America. I'm from England and studied at College
GA four a year. I was about twenty four at
a time. Late starter, so I was more than accustomed
to enjoying the occasional alcoholic beverage. Anyway, I make the
short trip to a gas station in order to buy
a six pack, and they ask me for it. I
willingly offer my British passport to the cashier with a smile,
and I'm told that they don't accept it. WTF, it's
a BP gas station, British Petroleum, seriously, pee me off.
Was staying in a hotel in Boston. One of the
workers there was fascinated by my accent and asked where
I was from. I said Island, to which he replied, o'cool,
So where is Island? I never thought I'd have to
give directions to island, but it kind of boiled down
to come out of the hotel, take a left, and
keep going for about four thousand, five hundred km's at
least thirty huge women marching into a walmart in a
single file line, almost all of them with whole stood
handguns on their belts. All of them went straight to
the McDonald's, never breaking formation, never saying a word except
to the cashier. It was majestic, like a squadron of
fully armed zeppelin floating by during World War II. When
we entered the US at Niagara border crossing, we had
to fill out some ridiculous forms. It even asked if
I took part in Nazi Germany's crimes. WTF, dude, I
was fourteen years old back in two thousand and eight,
go to catch those compulsively honest time traveling Nazis. I
eight am a family of four sitting around a table
meant for six. The dad had to use two chairs
inhaling pancakes, and just the night before, I was telling
my American I don't know why Americans are considered fat.
When I visited the La area a few years back, Canadians,
my buddy and I needed to get from Venice Beach
to downtown so we can catch the Lakers game and
check into our hostel. We decid I did to just
take the city bus over. Two separate times we drove
by three four guys face down with cops pointing guns
at them. Seemed very America. The laws on alcohol always
baffles me. You can get in a car at sixteen,
but you can't get near a bar till you're twenty one.
In France, you can't drink all chudle in a bar
till sixteen for beer and eighteen for stronger all channel,
but no law against drinking alcohol if brought by adults.
It's the adult responsibility. When we was in Utah, we
sat in a restaurant and ordered some food, beers, and whiskey,
and we wanted to order a second round of beers
if the waiter told us that we can't drink that
much of alcohol in an hour, so we have to
wait an hour. Seriously, WTF. That's not America, that's Utah.
Come up to Wisconsin. We have no such inhibition. Do
you intend to enter the United States to commit a crime?
Ever since I read that back in the early nineties,
I've wondered how many people take yes, wtf. Indeed, on holiday,
when I was about twelve in Province Down, Massachusetts, two
insanely fat I mean, like sopher sized lesbians trundling down
the middle of the road side by side on mobility
scooters whilst holding hands. I know they were lesbians because
one of them started making quite aggressively sexual passes.
Speaker 2: At my mum.
Speaker 1: Well Ptown is the gayest place on the entire East
Coast nowadays. That's kind of the whole point of the
town or some place to visit. Just do your research beforehand,
since there are several themed weeks and events that cater
to certain crowds and tastes. If you are new to
the channel, you can subscribe. I publish new videos every day.
Until then check another video.
Speaker 2: Bye for now.