Speaker 1: The best way to support this podcast is by going
to patreon dot com slash Softcore History, where every week
you will get two extra episodes that are completely ad free,
plus an entire back catalog of episodes spanning over two years.
What is up, Patreon, fam, Welcome back, We love you.
You're here for another episode on Patreon this week. You
got me at the helm Rob Fox obviously, you got
Jake and Dan with me, uh on the side. One
day we'll figure out how to lead in a Patreon.
Speaker 2: I don't care like they know us.
Speaker 1: It's like introducing yourself to your mom, you know what
I mean. Like it's like I do a hello, you
know Jake.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Also, if one of us gets replaced, we should
just never address it.
Speaker 1: Of course, No, no, never talk about it.
Speaker 2: Like if Jake's just not here one day, it's just like.
Speaker 1: Some guy named Mark. Yeah, from now on, never address it.
I agree with that. They've they do that in TV
shows and shit like uh, what's his name faceless man
from Game of Thrones?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Or no, he doesn't get replaced now it's uh and
the chick or the dude who was banging a narrow Oh,
that guy the cavalry guy him, but I liked the
guy they.
Speaker 2: Were place him with better. He wasn't as handsome, though
I know he.
Speaker 1: Was way more hands The first guy was like a mongoloid.
It was just like some big like muscly swede that
looked weird. The second guy was handsome.
Speaker 2: So the first guy had a good chance.
Speaker 1: You think of it from the male gaze, women think
of it from a completely different gaze.
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 1: Actually, Dan just was like, this is dumb. This guy's
not Jack like the first guy, like the Jack guy. No,
it was like very much a point of contention amongst
female fans that the guy got switched. Really, yeah, they
thought the first guy was way hotter.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's bullshit. You clearly have a good taste the
toxically straight. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that guy looked stupid, like he looked like he
couldn't read.
Speaker 2: He did, though. He looks like he belonged in a
fantasy world, which exactly where he was.
Speaker 1: The other the second guy, looked like just a good hang,
Like he's the guy you'd go grab beers with after work.
Speaker 2: And then he focks your wife. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The first guy is barely act. He didn't need to.
He's just there to be handsome. Yes, he was terrible.
Speaker 2: Why are we going down this?
Speaker 1: I don't know, rabbit hole, I don't know. This is
what you paid for?
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're here on Patreon.
Speaker 1: This is the last month of the Christmas raffle. Yeah,
so yeah, we draw it on January. For what we'll draw, well,
when the money comes in, or we can draw whatever,
and we'll draw at the end of the month, and
then when the money comes in, we'll announce.
Speaker 2: So we'll draw it in the twenty third because that's
our last recording day because we're gonna be on break. Yeah,
so we'll do the draw. We'll actually make a video
for that too, for the Patreon where we'll we won't
announce it except on the video. Yeah. Yeah, you don't
have to watch.
Speaker 1: The video if you don't, if you don't have access
to the Patreon and you win, and if if you
don't win, if it's not claimed within twelve hours, the
money reverts.
Speaker 2: That's not true. But we will kind of like see
what clears on January first, see who still pays and
doesn't do the work around, because that's the thing.
Speaker 1: The number you see right now, or the number you
see other twenty third is inevitably not the number that
actually goes.
Speaker 2: Through, and then we will contact you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, listen, show you want receipts, We'll give you receipts.
I will never ever ever take any guff from someone
complaining about the amount of free money they're about to get.
You'll be fine, trust us for giving you.
Speaker 2: So. Also, if you're well, you know, if you want
to pay upfront for the year, that is now an option.
Oh really, and you save yourself six dollars ooh yep,
So is this like sixty bucks or no, it'd be
like five and twelve and sixty right, yeah, so yeah,
you save yourself six dollars.
Speaker 1: Is it's fifty four to fifty four dollars for the year.
Speaker 2: Sick, let's go.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can do that now. That is an option
someone was hitting.
Speaker 2: Because I know a lot of people are complaining that
sometimes their card doesn't necessarily, for whatever reason, go through
a patroon. Not our problem.
Speaker 1: But much rather have you for the whole year.
Speaker 2: We'd rather you pay the fifty four dollars up front. Yeah,
you don't have to worry about that.
Speaker 1: It makes for us, it makes us less anxious. We're
not like where where you're gonna go. You know, we
just want to hang.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we're also not great with our money, so
we're gonna get that money up front and then it's
gonna gone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's better to get paid monthly.
Speaker 2: I mean, I just spent like another ya tattoo. How's
that feeling. It feels fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like your sleeve.
Speaker 2: Let people fucking see it. Let's see the art. It's
right there. It just ends right there.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, perfect whole How long until dance all the
way to the Sternum from that arm it's going all
the way.
Speaker 2: You're gonna connect within the next two years. I would say,
you're gonna You're going full arm. I still gotta go
inside the arm.
Speaker 1: I noticed you got the Hindenburg but neglected to put
the swastik on it.
Speaker 2: Now, not the Hindenburg.
Speaker 1: Actually, it's all.
Speaker 2: Zeppelins in the Hindenburg in my mind.
Speaker 1: In a lot of people's mind probably, yes, there's only
two Zeppelins, led Zeppelin in the Hindenburg, and name another one,
the Goodyear Blimp. Well, this is just a BioShock tattoo.
So at this point, yeah, what's the other one. I'm
going to be Assassin's creed. Uh probably Fallout sick. Fallout
three is like three dollars on Xbox store right now.
Speaker 2: They need to remake New Vegas for the next yen.
That's the best Fallout.
Speaker 1: I haven't played any but because Fallout three is three dollars,
I'm gonna download it on three sixty. It's great and
playing over the holidays. Why do you have three to
sixty NCAA fourteen. I feel like that's legitimate. No, it's fair,
yeah one hundred. Uh, well you're on the Patreon, so
let's get into this episode.
Speaker 2: Oh but real quick.
Speaker 1: Also, there should be some new content coming. I haven't
even announced it to you guys yet.
Speaker 2: No, well, maybe we should discuss this off.
Speaker 1: Big at the inside track. This is like the message
we lot a veto live.
Speaker 2: I mean, can you can try?
Speaker 1: But I'm doing veto But I'm doing it, okay, dang,
all right, give us your pitch. I am just going
to start as an extra sort of podcast video situation.
I'm gonna start to streaming playing historical games.
Speaker 2: And for that reason, I'm out ding. Yeah, you don't
need you, Ding, I don't need you. What do you
mean you're gonna stream? Do you know how to.
Speaker 1: Oh dude, he's gonna twitch sieve, isn't He's gonna age
em ship like that. Oh, I'm gonna buy a fucking
PC game or gaming PC.
Speaker 2: We're not expensing that.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just write off for taxes.
Speaker 2: That's fine. Yeah, well you're W two though, you can't
do that.
Speaker 1: What do you mean me? No, Robs, you're talking about.
Speaker 2: I'm ten ninety nine. I write everything off.
Speaker 1: You can write, you can write off what you can
write stuff as a W two as well. And also
I'm a W two at like the main.
Speaker 2: Job, not this fucking job. That's true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not taking tax device from a guy with
the fucking Zeppelin tattooed on his arm. It's sick though.
Oh man, all right, let's get this episode. We're here
today to talk about something super fascinating. Sell it like
just we're getting into some wild shit today. We're talking
about House Resolution two three two six one. Oh man,
I love that. HR yeah HR two three two six one.
You guys know what it's about. I'm gonna take some guesses.
I'm gonna was proposed in nineteen ten. I'll give you
that CONTENTT nineteen ten. It's is it racially motivated.
Speaker 2: It's I think it's uh something with sexes, so maybe
something with women.
Speaker 1: Is it racially or genderly motivated? No?
Speaker 2: No, does it have to do with alcohol.
Speaker 1: It has to do with consuming something. Fuck, um hmmm,
it's it's I Yeah, you're not. Yeah, I'm not gonna
get this. Yeah, it's gonna be ridiculous.
Speaker 2: Though.
Speaker 1: HR two three two sixty one was more commonly known
as the American Hippo Bill.
Speaker 2: Okay, consuming hippos like to eat? Yeah.
Speaker 1: The bill was proposed by Louisiana Representative Robert Brussard in
nineteen ten and backed by several big name people, including
the famed Scout and soldier Major Frederick Russell Burnham, who
was the inspiration for both the Boy Scouts of America
and Indiana Jones, Huh, that might be a DAN episode
to do. There's like a whole side story about this
hippo bill that I didn't include because I just wanted
to stick to stick to the hippos. But there's a
whole size for about him and this other guy, the
German soldier in Big Game Hunter, Captain Fritz Duquane. And
it was also backed by Teddy Roosevelt. The bill proposed
to set aside two hundred and fifty thousand dollars to
import thousands of hippos from Africa and turn the swamps
of the American Southeast into vast hippo ranches. Oh my god,
they were gonna do what's his name? They were Pablo. Yeah,
they're gonna do a Pablo. Oh no, that would have
been so bad. They thought this was the best idea.
Speaker 2: Anyone had ever had ever.
Speaker 1: It's just like water buffalo. Like they just wanted swamp buffalo.
They're like, we fucked up and kill all the buffalo.
We need more roaming shit to kill. You're not far off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is solely for game purposes.
Speaker 1: Not even game for farming. This is ranches. It wasn't like,
I mean, you could probably get on an airboat and
go hunt hippos if you fucking felt like it.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: But Teddy Roosevelt, by the way, after he had become
or after he was done being president, I mean he
went immediately to Africa and merked like eight fucking hippos,
a bunch of rhinos and shit. Right, But yeah, so
you could have probably gone and hunted over Now, this
invasive species OZH helps farming. Uh well, we'll get into that.
But there was a couple of reasons why they wanted it.
So there are reasons. Two primary reasons. The first was
because at the time it's probably still there. I don't
really know.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: There was an invasive water plant called the uh uh hyacinth.
Oh hyacinth.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you actually have talking about Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's like a it's like a flower, yep, yeah, yeah,
uh well he said that. Yes, Oh he's in a
water water plan and say it was a flower. It's like,
I'm pretty sure it's like a bluish, purplish flower.
Speaker 2: I saw pink.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's probably more than one color. They're very It's
one of the main flowers on animal crossing. That's the
only reason I know what a hyacinth is. Oh that
makes sense because it's from Japan. Oh yeah, no, that
makes sense. And the reason it was invading the air
Louisiana was because New Orleans hosted the eighteen eighty four
World's Fair and the Japanese brought them over as a
gift and everyone in New Orleans went fucking bananas for
him and loved them. Yeah, but they reproduced and they
reproduced a sexually. It's not even like ooh, that's bad.
So they were just that's so many like idyllic part
like images of the South are just riddled with very
invasive shit. Like you know how when you see like
old plantation shots where like the oak trees are covered
in Spanish moss. Yeah, that shit's killing the trees constantly.
Like Spanish moss is a huge problem. It's not good.
But it's like the right right, Like that's kind of
I mean, I guess that's kind of a a just
so the trees it's very slowly being eaten a lot.
It's like, oh my god. Yeah, it's kind of a
nutshell description of the South really just in general, it's like,
oh that looks pretty. Don't don't get close, like, don't
actually look into that.
Speaker 2: Like in Charleston, they actually have a giant saber tooth
tiger problem, just.
Speaker 1: Water in the streets. They always they knew that, you know,
the sabers. The Russians brought them over and everyone's like
these are dope.
Speaker 2: And you know, you go around Charleston, you just want
to have a nice time with your your lady. Maybe
the boys hit up some of the plantations and boom,
you get marked. They have signs for it.
Speaker 1: I mean that is a real problem in like Alaska.
Sometimes pullar bears are just fucking water into town and
you gotta just take shelter like it's a tornado.
Speaker 2: In India, there's a lot of tigers in general. Yeah,
drag you off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to have eyeballs, you.
Speaker 2: Have to wear a mask on the back of your head. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So the tiger, it's it's smart even like wait, tigers
are like ghosts and super Mario.
Speaker 2: Yes, so as long as you face them, yeah, they
will not charge.
Speaker 1: Big cats don't attack from the front. They will only
attack from the back. So you don't know you're going
to get atacked until you're already that pretty much by
a tiger.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: There's like videos of like little kids turning around at
the zoo and then like the tiger like beginning to
stalk them and running up and shit like that.
Speaker 2: Huh. Yeah. So you can take a big cat though,
as long as you face it head on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I won't even fight you. You just walk right
up to it, punch it in the face. You can
beat it to death as long as you're looking at it. Yeah,
it's like oo.
Speaker 2: Going back to the ghost y Yeah, yes, yeah, boo, right,
yeah boo the ghosts boo. Yes, it goes. They fuck
you up, okay, bitches.
Speaker 1: So it sucks, though. The hyacinth plant was insane, Like,
it essentially got so bad that it started clogging up
shipping routes on the rivers that moved millions of tons
of cargo. It was so thick the boats couldn't get through.
Speaker 2: Damn.
Speaker 1: So it's like jamming up the propellers and shit like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I mean I have a similar
problem when I go out in Lake Austin trying to
paddle board garbage.
Speaker 1: And seaweed or whatever the fucking gross shit that zebra muscles.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all the zebra muscles killing dogs and slowing down
my goddamn paddle board. Yeah, I just want to go.
Speaker 1: Man, at this point, if you take your dog into
any water in Austin and it dies, it's on you.
I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, it's kind
of shitty. I mean, like literally everywhere we liked to
go with her dog, it's just like, don't do that.
It just died, Yeah, do not. It's kind of hilarious.
So once a week on the Austin read it. They're like, oh,
I was at the fucking party paddle board thing and
I jumped in the water and now I have a rash?
What's this all about? And it's like, yeah, that's what
happens when you get in the water there, right, You
don't get in that water? Yeah, yes, that's what the
board is for.
Speaker 2: Fucking disgusting. I hate that lake. It's foul. You also
can have a small dog in Austin. You shouldn't otherwise,
like a hawk just comes and swoops it up.
Speaker 1: They have two small dogs, it never happens. Are big
enough to pick those dogs?
Speaker 2: Well that's not true at all. Actually, I remember when
I watched Jack and Leo, I had to fight an
eagle lies to get Leo back.
Speaker 1: There was of all of the two dogs, that's the worst,
worst one to pick Leo maybe not so much, but
Jack I think could get got. There was a there
was a cat. Two cats have been gotten in my
neighborhood from a hawk.
Speaker 2: So Will the eagle asked for a ransom, and I
was just like, I don't negotiate with terrorists. That's fair.
Speaker 1: I would I would have so here was it a
ball eagle?
Speaker 2: No, it was like a golden eagle. Golden eagle. I
don't even know if they're native here seems invasive.
Speaker 1: Do you think I'm looking up hawk weight thing? Isn't
it the golden eagle the one that kills deer?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's in like kassacks. They'll like fucking hunt deer
with it. That's sick. Yeah, dude, no, these Yeah, the
average hawkweight is like two pounds. It's not enough to
pick up a fucking dog jack is fourteen pounds.
Speaker 2: They have to.
Speaker 1: They can't pick up anything that weighs more than them.
That's how flight works.
Speaker 2: That's not true. What they're like ants. Ants can pick
up like I don't know, a hundred times there body weight.
It don't fly. I'm saying strength wise.
Speaker 1: Sure, you know what if that ever happens, fine, I'll
I just have to give it to the hawk at
that point, yeah, like, well you got him, I'll tell you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: He'd just be like, yeah, don't worry about it. Yeah,
that's funny. The other thing that the hyacinths, did.
Speaker 2: You think he could like murk a hawk out of
the sky if he was just like he comes down
at you.
Speaker 1: And you just get to throw a punch at it.
You're taking damage though, right, You're taking damage in any
animal fight.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, except for like, I don't think Rob could
be the hawk.
Speaker 1: I will fuck a hawk up, especially if I get
to like take a tennis racket out.
Speaker 2: No, no weapons, Still not worried about it because it
weighs two pounds. He's going to like take your eyes out.
Probably not with his talons, you know.
Speaker 1: I'll probably just grab its feet and then just.
Speaker 2: Out of the sky and just slam them down like
a fucking hulk with Loki just going boom. Yeah. I mean,
I've been trying to get to my eyes. It's gonna
be right there.
Speaker 1: It's the perfect spot to have the most hand eye
coordination if that's where it's going.
Speaker 2: And you know what, if it gets one eye and
I have to wear an eye patch, final.
Speaker 1: That's pretty rad. Yeah, both eyes on and you have
two eye patches, that's even cooler.
Speaker 2: That is cool.
Speaker 1: It's twice as cool both my eyes plucked out. I
would wear too, Ray Charles should have. Yeah, the sunglasses
are stupid. Two eye patches, but obviously they have to
be individual. You know what, I mean, oh no, you
can't sleeping mask.
Speaker 2: And then you know you when you're getting or obviously
you're married right now, but you would just feel your
wife's wrist and make sure she's not getting fat.
Speaker 1: I don't think the wrist is a good gauge. I
think the ankle is probably a better.
Speaker 2: But that's what Ray did. Oh really, according to the movie,
Jamie Fox would just feel up the woman's wrist and
see if they're obese or not.
Speaker 1: Well, just because he's blind doesn't mean, you know.
Speaker 2: It's gotta have standards.
Speaker 1: Just hey, it's actually offensive of you to think, you know, well,
you're blind, so you can't tell the difference between a
burger and a steak because you're blind, Like, come on, man,
taste still exist.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: The other thing is the highacinths did where they sucked
up so much oxygen out of the river.
Speaker 2: Is that they just killed all the fish.
Speaker 1: Oh no, So like all these areas where the hyacinths
grew just became like stinky fish graveyards. I see where
this is going.
Speaker 2: Hippo's the hyacinth Yes, hungry hippos everything.
Speaker 1: So this is kind of like the little old lady
that swallowed the fly kind of situation we got going on.
Speaker 2: There was a secondary reason. I thought they had exclusively marbles.
Speaker 1: Those are actually ecstasy. Hippos just love drugs. Their attics
their attics checks out. Yeah, welly do you think they're
so like raved out and they're so they're fiending, they're hungry, hungry.
Speaker 2: I mean they kill more people, like thousands more people
than sharks do over here.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah that's nice. And crocs they way more than crocs.
Speaker 2: Crocs wish they could be hippos, Yeah, they really do.
Speaker 1: I think part of it though, is that, like people
are stupid.
Speaker 2: That's always that's always a factor, right, you.
Speaker 1: Know, because you know what I mean, Like nobody everybody
knows a crocodile will fuck you up. Yeah, but the hippo,
the dumb fat lock and hippo, any animal that's larger
than me, I'm going to respect the shit out of
just unprinciple, right, Yeah, it's.
Speaker 2: A rhino that's gonna drag you into the water, yeah,
for pleasure. And like those are terrifying. What are you
talking about? Nobody thinks a hippo is like a cute animal,
but they probably see a bit.
Speaker 1: There are a lot of people that think hippos are
they're stupid, and they think hppos are like cute.
Speaker 2: It not in the wild.
Speaker 1: They're dumber. They're dumber than things. I also think here's
the thing. Two, We've watched a video this before on
another show. I think they underestimate hippos speed very fast,
fast as in water. Fucking there's videos of them catching
up to motor boats in the river. That's terrifying. Yeah,
they're fast as fuck and they look slow as fuck.
Speaker 2: Dude, they could run twenty miles an hour. Yeah on lands.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's insane. Yeah, people like, I know, there's one
asshole listening to this. It's like, that's not that fast.
It's like a lot of NFL players don't even.
Speaker 2: He that's us saying bolt running the one hunter. You're not.
Speaker 1: You're not getting away from this animal. It is a
giant machine of death. And honestly, if you climb a
tree and the tree is not big enough, they might
just knock it down.
Speaker 2: They could.
Speaker 1: They're giant. They are fucking huge. Do you ever see
that shit. I think it was like their drafts can
do this too, Like they'll just pull the tree down
more and like bend it over. You're like, maybe it's
not true. Oh bears, Like bears will if they can't
get up to something, they'll pull a tree down if
they can to like pick shit. Yeah, and like if
you go and try to move that tree, you can't
move that tree. Like they're just super strong, Like all
these animals strong in a way that's like totally unfabolo.
It's like I just someone compared, like they're like, how
strong are chimpanzees? Like put it this way, like they're
like Captain America strong, you know what I mean? Like
they're not Superman, but they're like yeah, they're like like
a massively inhales.
Speaker 2: I think I'm taking the chimp over Captain America. What
do you mean in a fight, I'm taking a chimp
over Captain and rather fight the chimp in Captain America. No,
I am taking Captain in America to lose against the chimp.
Speaker 1: Oh probably no shield. Yeah yeah, Chip's going bananas on him.
Speaker 2: M M. And imagine a fucking chimp on like the
super serum oh god game over the souper juice and
soup juice.
Speaker 1: He's already enhanced, and then he gets Captain America you know,
would be the most apex predator on a teleporting chimp
just just fucking operates.
Speaker 2: In front of you and face head. It would be
so infuriating.
Speaker 1: It's constant fear. Well, like if the chimp just thinks
about who you're toasted, It's like at that point, it'd
be like being in war. You just have to accept
you're already dead and then hope that you don't actually die, Like, yeah,
you're just at apboard mechim, yeah, closet.
Speaker 2: That was my strategy playing Mortal Kombat with smoke. Oh
just boom. I would just transport with smoke back and forth,
and I would span the hell out of it and
I would infuriate. You could do the.
Speaker 1: Rereading was fine with that as well. Sounds terrible, but
so the hyacinths were a secondary reason. There was a
more important reason for the hippos. The country was running
low on meat. Yeah, because we killed all the ship,
specifically beef. We did what we didn't what's interesting is
we didn't kill well, I'll get to it. People thought
that hippo might be a tasty substitute.
Speaker 2: They're wrong.
Speaker 1: Now, what was the cause of this meat shortage? Too
much meat eating.
Speaker 2: Was it, you know, people going on trains and just
unloading on the buffalo population with many guns from the trains.
I'm trying to think of what it was after they
insort their insert their quarter.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's like the it's like the flat penny you
get at the zoo. That was the old timey gift
and you get to just unload and mercilessly kill thousands
of animals. I'm trying to think of what was going
on in the early nineteen hundreds that would have been killing,
that would have led to the death of too much beef.
And I'm kind of drawing a blank here. Maybe just
we're starting to see the beginning of the dust bowl.
Speaker 2: No, it's just fucking immigrants. Wait, fucking irishmen, fucking Irish.
Speaker 1: So there were too many mouths to feat. The population
was exploding, okay, and immigrants were a part of it, uh,
like the massive waves of European immigration, and then just
the cities in general were exploding in population because life
had gotten pretty cushy. Yeah, you know, infant mortality was
dropping that type.
Speaker 2: Of shit, life finds away.
Speaker 1: Life was finding a way big time, and uh, we
couldn't feed them.
Speaker 2: So there were millions.
Speaker 1: There were also, though, millions, fewer cattle than there had
been in the past, because all of the range land,
like just the entire American West had been overgrazed. Yeah,
and so cattle were dying. So it wasn't even killing
the buffalo. Is that there were so many fucking cows
and they overgrazed the fucking just to keep to keep
up with That's the thing too, Like people love grass
fed beef, man, but it's actually the worst for the
environment out of all of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, shut up, It is not the worst for your intestines.
Speaker 1: No, it's great for you. It is healthier by far.
But like, you can't be like a grass fed beef
person and an environmentalist at the same I'm not Jacob,
I'm not saying you are.
Speaker 2: I'm about gains.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know you don't give a shit what the
cows do.
Speaker 2: I don't want the corn though.
Speaker 1: You don't want the corn fed cows. No, you want
the grass fed cows, right, of course, I don't care. Yeah,
I'm saying though grassfed beef is way more detrimental long.
Speaker 2: Term fake news. It's not.
Speaker 1: He's literally explaining why.
Speaker 2: That's so funny. I bet you.
Speaker 1: There's so many fucking whole food shoppers that get out
of their preus and go buy.
Speaker 2: Grass fed beef.
Speaker 1: It's the worst cut. Like as far as environmental impact, Yeah.
Speaker 2: There's plenty of grass.
Speaker 1: Of course, there's so much grass there, grass my lawn. Bro,
We're fine. Yeah, just let him Grazeylan, I do find
it weird. I guess beef is actually a pretty efficient protein.
Speaker 2: It's like the perfect protein. Yeah, but damned if you do,
damned if you don't.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: I don't want cancer. Okay, get your corn beef out
of here.
Speaker 1: Cornon beef. I love corn to beef. Yeah, it's gross corn.
That's our people's meat. Corned beef. Yeah, actually corn fed
beef that spans all of our I don't know that
does lineages, Yes, really it really does.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Where we all come from a proud lineage of picklers. Yes,
curing things, not any of our own ailments, just food
so it can last long.
Speaker 2: Speaking of pickling, I actually think I saw was John
Paul Jones pickled like his body what. I don't think
I covered it in the episode, but I think I
came across this. But I was looking for an episode
of the Day but I think John Paul Jones his
corpse was pickled.
Speaker 1: So is he gonna come back in like thirty years. Yes.
In fact, Jones's body was essentially pickled in alcohol in
the lead coffin, preserving his features and making a relatively
easy recognition.
Speaker 2: Huh.
Speaker 1: Why it's gonna be like that Seth Rogan movie one day. Yes,
that was terrible so I heard it.
Speaker 2: Thank god. It was only like fifty minutes. Time was
very short. Yeah. I think like they're like, we know
this is bad. Yeah, we're not gonna waste your time.
Speaker 1: So it's just like a fucking mini series, like a
mini so just a mini movie.
Speaker 2: It was just an episode of TV.
Speaker 1: Right, Was it really fifty minutes?
Speaker 2: No, it was like sixty minutes. It was an hour.
It was like a sixty.
Speaker 1: Seven minute runtime. If I'm not necessarily funny, let me see,
though it might be longer.
Speaker 2: I mean it felt like an eternity.
Speaker 1: Most comedy scripts are like ninety pages, which would be
an hour and a half. Yeah, so they cracked out
it at like sixty seven sixty eight page or honestly,
they probably had a ninety page script and it sucks
so much ass that they just cut it.
Speaker 2: Like cut the cut, the fat cut, it's all fat. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was like an almost fun idea, but then it
just seemed like it was like Seth Rogan just sucks.
Speaker 2: Now, I'll be real, Yeah, I'm kind of over Seth
Rogan as a as a purer and an actor.
Speaker 1: I like is, actually he should stick to the pottery
because he's like the stuff he makes, like home goods
design is pretty solid.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: I just feel like he's neutered himself very much. So
what does that mean he's kind of a pussy. I
was kind of out on Seth Rogan an hour and
a half exactly.
Speaker 2: It's not or whatever. I was out on Seth Rogen
when he was like, let the people break into your cars.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, just letting your car broken into He's no
big deal. Happens to me all the time. That's an
insane way to live or to tell people to live. Yes, yeah,
you should probably prosecute people that are breaking the law,
Like I don't. That's where my like Las Affair bullshit
ends pretty quickly, is like no, you can't just say
let him do it.
Speaker 2: You know, Oh you don't know, all those poor helpless people,
all those addicts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like all right, well, I guess I'll just spend
fucking eight thousand dollars a year on windows.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: Sure, super sick. Yeah, maybe just like we shouldn't have
cars at all. Yeah, man, that's gonna to be it
saysn't the drink rush o today. That's gonna be the
next great political debate in our lifetime.
Speaker 2: Whether or not you can actually drive with all these
self drawn cars becomes a thing. People.
Speaker 1: Oh people, Yes, people are gonna say that you are
being selfish, being selfish and dangerous by wanting to drive
your own car. I'm not going to say that I'm
also taking full advantage of not driving my car. Yeah,
I will happily have an autonomous car, but I honestly
I might keep when I can drive, because it's going
to be a debate about what do you mean it
like freedom of movement essentially?
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? Like it's kind of
going on right now with the electric cars, because I
mean there's only so far you can go with like
a Tesla.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to recharge. That's talk you for buying
a Tesla, right, any electric car?
Speaker 2: I like gasoline because I can literally just drive across
the country and one one swoop.
Speaker 1: Well you have to stop a realillion billion fucking gas stations.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's in California trying to get rid of
like gas parer cars. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Let them do whatever they want, like California.
Speaker 2: They're insane. They like, we don't have the infrastructure for
it yet, but let's do it. Let them do whatever
they want.
Speaker 1: Hey, it's their fucking state. And that's that's a lily,
right except for no, let's be mean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like that's fine, but I want to see how
it goes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's if it works, awesome, thanks for taking the shot.
Speaker 2: And if it doesn't work, I get to laugh. Yeah,
it's it's great either way.
Speaker 1: It's California, bravest state, but bravest stake.
Speaker 2: California is a sixth state. It's just so beautiful.
Speaker 1: It's gorgeous. It's impossible to live there comfortably. Everyone's on edge.
Speaker 2: It's insane. How did they ruin It's a great place.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Is it ruined?
Speaker 1: It feels the ruining feels overblown to me. Nature has
been ruining it for fucking one hundred years. It's always
on fire, like oh well, yeah, we called the forest
fires too fast and fuel kept accumulating in the forest.
Well that and a lot like they were natural burns
need to have that's the thing, like burns need to happen.
I don't do they not do our experts in our
prescription burns in California, they didn't for a long. If
it didn't, that's fucking on them for sure. It was
actually like the hippies like got them to stop doing
that's a complete misunderstanding of how nature works.
Speaker 2: But then they had what do you expect, one bad
gender reveal and the entire state went up on fire.
Speaker 1: I think I think a lot of it has to
do with the infrastructure too, just like they never fixed
like old shitty power line holders and stuff. So those
go live and burn ship. Yeah, you know, yeah, it's
a it's a whole mess. Anyway, this is about hippos.
What do we go grass? Red beef is how we
got on there. So anyway, there was a There was
also a huge demand for meat exports because the rest
of the world was kind of getting a little more
boogie as well, So we were exporting a shit ton
of meat. It was the it was it was so
bad that it was called the meat question. It was
a huge news story of the day, like the meat question,
the meat think about like energy crisises, there was a
meat crisis in the debt fucking crazy.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Normally when something's the blank question, it's usually a group
that you're trying to ostracize. Yeah, it's like the Jew question,
the Irish question.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: But with the Jew question or the Irish questions that
there's too much meat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, uh yeah, we got we got an answer on
the Jew question.
Speaker 1: No, try again later. But what was the answer on
the Jew question? Mm hmm, yeah, you could you say it?
What was the answer?
Speaker 2: Dan?
Speaker 1: I'm not going to answer it for you and make
it easy less Mark Norman, He's like, where's my Jews out?
Where are the Jewish people? And people started cloud He's Oh,
that's a little too many for me. Oh fuck, it's
the best. He posted like a really old stand up
clip the other day. We're talking about how uh names
of Chinese restaurants sound like Chinese slurs, walk and roll,
Panda King.
Speaker 2: And Golden Noodle. It was really funny, but I don't
wanted to quote other jokes.
Speaker 1: I know we're getting all over the place, but you
remember I showed you that clown, Manora, Yeah, I sent you.
I think Minora Clown is a fantastic juiceler you Manora clown.
Speaker 2: I mean that's crusty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true. So it got so bad that people
started to seriously wonder if they're gonna have to start
eating dogs like they were like, dude, yeah, it's.
Speaker 2: Kind of a funny. I know, we haven't recorded it yet,
but uh, Monday's episode kind of a little connection to it,
to eating dogs, dog meat, to dog meat as a
as a term.
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, okay, you told me a little bit about it,
so I kind of get where you're going with that.
Speaker 2: Uh sounds racist?
Speaker 1: Uh so because this is America and we only swing
big that we only take big fucking swings, just all
like everything we do is a moonshot, right.
Speaker 2: I mean there was a moonshot get in here everything. Yes,
we come from risk possible, let's take it. We come
from people that got on a goddamn boat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right, that's what California is the most American
state too. Well then when it cross the countryshotting, Yeah, yeah,
where I mean your people are the laziest.
Speaker 2: I don't know, where you if you were always Florida.
Speaker 1: But people, yeah, Philly, So I don't it's just like
one of the first cities.
Speaker 2: You just got there in stage. Oh, I see what
you mean. It means we're loyal, Rob.
Speaker 1: They were like, no, dude, they went on that trip
on the fucking Mayflower. Were like, we're never moving again.
It's like fucking seventeen sixty two. And your ancestors are like,
should we go west? And they're like, no, fly eagles.
Speaker 2: Fly.
Speaker 1: Go birds, birds, Baby, West is for the birds. Like,
why would you leave such a perfect city?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Dan, why would you? It was the capitol, it was,
and then they moved it. They built it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they were like, Philadelphia sucks so much. Ask to
build this fucking new city on a swamp? Can we
design it kind of sus Can we lay out the
city like with a pedagram and make people ask questions later?
If I was ever a world leader, I would just
be I think like, at some point you just got
to start adding stuff like that, and just to keep
the conspiracy theory people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they did plenty of freemason ship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, free mason ships all over the place. If I yeah,
if like society collapsed and I somehow became like in
charge of a civilization.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, hey, uh.
Speaker 1: Let's let's just build a mound just for like ships
and gigs, and then uh uh, let's carvel Ryan's belt
all over it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, why I just do it. It's fun man. Yeah,
so it'll be funny. It's kind of like one of
those crypto guys that got off a few weeks ago
or whatever. He had connections with intelligence agencies, oh yeah,
in Puerto Rico, and then he was found in his
like jeans in the water with his phone.
Speaker 1: He had a whole like I'm not gonna kill myself moment,
and then he was found dead.
Speaker 2: And that's the perfect excuse to kill yourself and then
blame it on the CIA.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Sometimes those conspiracy guys like TODs fuel to the fire.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And look, if you're doing if you're gonna do that,
like what I said, what you really are is a
job creator. That's right, cause thousands of years from now
there'd be a whole whole industries popping up around your
stupid carvings that didn't mean anything.
Speaker 2: I would like to officially announce that I'm not on crypto.
Oh you're out. I'm out. That's brave of you, because
I think they're trying to kill it right now. And
they are.
Speaker 1: They're trying to regulate the shit out of.
Speaker 2: It, I know, but they're really trying to kill it now.
So I cashed out, and now I'm going to Hawaii.
Speaker 1: Mahullo.
Speaker 2: Are you all of your crypto stuff to just go
to what I'm balling out in Hawaii? Yah?
Speaker 1: All right, I like that. I think that should have
some hippo while you're there. I'll try it. I mean,
if they allow me, if you can get it, I know.
H It did not take long for major news outlets
to fall in love with the idea and essentially start
editorializing in support of it. The most important thing they
could say, hippo tastes good? Does it?
Speaker 2: Do we have a description?
Speaker 1: It might that's fun. It might taste good.
Speaker 2: So it's kind of fatty, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah it is, so I'll get I'll here's some thing.
Speaker 2: So little marbled U hippo. Well, I actually have a
I'll have a quote on that.
Speaker 1: Before So the people who hadn't eaten hippo but were
just like advertising for it. The New York Times called
hippo meat Uh, essentially lake cow bacon. Oh that sounds
good cow bacon.
Speaker 2: Well, have you ever had beef bacon? No, sell the
whole foods. I don't think I have. It's all right, Yeah,
it's all right, but lake cow bacon.
Speaker 1: Yeah, lake cow bacon. Another report noted that the toughness
was only skin deep. The meat was quite good and
tender underneath the hippo's tough skin. The Washington Post argued
that if we could eat oysters and suck crab meat
out of crab legs and we could get used to hippo,
it's fucking fair Like. Yeah, oysters and crab meat, they're
only good because we know they're good. Well, and I
don't know about crab, but lobster, and I wouldn't surprise
me if oysters was the same way lobster was food
for prisons. Yeah, I was prisoner.
Speaker 2: Roaches.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're little bottom feeding fucking yeah spiders at them.
Crowds are spiders.
Speaker 2: That's why whenever I find a roach in my place,
I just cook it. Yeah it starts to scream, Yeah,
just a.
Speaker 1: Little bit, just a human thing before you boil it.
Speaker 2: But no one figures they don't have any They can't
feel anything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like to feel everything. Probably do you care? No?
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that before I eat every lobster, I usually
try to have like a three to four month relationship
with it and really break its heart.
Speaker 1: Take care of it, give it warm baths throughout the months,
just like, oh, this is your routine, little warm baths,
and then they get used to it. It's like, oh
it's a little hot. It's like no, no, good night,
swoopy over. Soon you'll be in my stomach.
Speaker 2: Man. That reminds me of the.
Speaker 1: Movie The Lobster. Did you ever watch that?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I have to watch it.
Speaker 2: It was weird.
Speaker 1: That's that was the person that did Dog Tooth as well.
Speaker 2: Right, it's joaquinan that or is it a Calm Farrell it's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, John c Riley, John c Riley, Yeah, who gets
in trouble for master bathing. Yeah, it's like really into it. Yeah,
it's has a weird move like the people if they
don't find a mate, they end up like.
Speaker 2: His brother got turned into a dog.
Speaker 1: Basically, it's just metamorphosis, kind of like if you don't
mate forever.
Speaker 2: That book sucked.
Speaker 1: Oh is it metamorphosis? No, it's not that. The only
thing a beatle. That's the whole thing is about turning
into a beetle like this is that's just a.
Speaker 2: Consequence of things. Someone threw an apple at me right
now it's stuck in my back. What is that? It's
metamorphos again, I don't care. Never read it.
Speaker 1: Uh, there is we I do have at least one
though actual uh. Review of hippo meat's the hunter. Uh
Peter Capstick said it's a fake name. Is Peter Hathaway Capstick?
This is a quote. It is my personal opinion that
hippo meat is one of the finest game foods. The
taste is mild, less than lamb and more than be
slightly more marble than usual venison. It tastes exactly like well,
hippo sick and apparently the brisket of hippo is good,
really fatty and good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, marbled venison, though, that's a pretty good that's good meat.
Speaker 1: That's a good match, right, Yeah, normally venison little gamy no.
Speaker 2: Venison is delicious, but it is it is very.
Speaker 1: Lean, yeah yeah, and it can be gamey. Well, sorry,
you're a bitch, but I'm not saying it's bad. But
this is marbled venison. Yeah right, that sounds great, that
sounds wonderful. Uh So people were in love with this
fucking idea as soon as they read about tons of
people wrote Representative Brissard from Louisiana. They wrote him letters
congratulating him on solving the problem like a goddamn American
nice by taking a big fucking swing and getting ingenious
with it. Hey, thanks for fixing the weird flower problem
with this hippo importation solution, that is, and the meat,
the meat, the problem was the bigger one. Yeah, for sure,
it is. It is kind of like two birds baby again.
I'm gonna go back to like American ingenuity is very
much the lady you swallow the fly where it's like, oh,
I gotta get a spider in there to fix the
fly problem. It's like, wait, you have a spider in
there now, don't worry about it. There's no more fucking fly, bro.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, we make all our decisions by yolo and yeah,
so far, so good.
Speaker 1: It's going We are the Timothy Dexter of nations. We
are What if we just keep going west? What if
like we went to the moon.
Speaker 2: And then never go back.
Speaker 1: We're colonizing baby, we're going to Mars, right colonized.
Speaker 2: This is Steve Aoki going to Mars. I hope so.
I think he's part of the initial flight entertainment. No,
he's initially going to Mars. I think he's part of
the crew. Sick like twenty twenty three. Why, I don't know.
Speaker 1: You can't leave Mars. We have people going to Mars
next year. No, it's like next year of the year after.
It's definitely not next year. There's no way we're going
to Mars.
Speaker 2: When I saw something with the crew and had Steve
Aoki in it, it was weird. That sounds fake, probably,
but it was on the internet. They need We ran
into Steve Aoki multiple times at on It. Every time
we're at On he's always there. It's a gym, not Mars.
He's getting ready. It's okay, fine, you're right Dan, it's
on it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Uh, he's going to Space with Elon Musk SpaceX told
from this story is the story is from one day ago.
Speaker 2: That doesn't mean he's going to Mars. He's going to Mars.
He's gonna be the first.
Speaker 1: Actually he said fuck it Juilation, He's aid fuck it
one more. Yeah, he's just going up into space first,
so we'll see, I mean you have to do that. Yeah,
so whatever. But yeah, so people even people were so
hyped about this fucking hippo idea that they heaped praise
on it like it was like like it was saving
humanity basically, Like it was like it was like it
was like an interstellar you know, like they got the
ship to to get like it's they were praising like that.
Speaker 2: Well that's another American thing. We love to pat ourselves
on the back. We do. We love to we love
to just really celebrate our celeb or like our accomplishments.
Speaker 1: Well people other people just isn't all nice? Yeah, isn't
that a nice thing to do?
Speaker 2: Celebrate you're the smallest things?
Speaker 1: Though, what small thing have we celebrated too much? I
will say it is a straight up insane impossible like
we should not have happened. No, it's so big, like
there's no it is. It is not like the Roman Empire.
It's not like Russia, not like anything like that, like
the India, China, like the America exists in the way
it does what the power has like when the thing's
just done like insane insane.
Speaker 2: Well, because all of our ancestors that came here are
essentially the irrational confidence. Yeah, all of them sports.
Speaker 1: They're either the two things and both essentially feed into
the same endpoint. They're either the irrational confidence guys or
they're like so desperate they have nothing to lose.
Speaker 2: And you don't wanna fuck with someone that has nothing
to lose.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't want to just get in a ship
match with someone going full tilt, you know, like you
can blow it. It's not gonna be good. No, we
hit jack We hit the jackpot, fucking go Usa baby, until.
Speaker 2: We crap out well, which is inevitable, but you know, no,
that's the game, baby.
Speaker 1: That's why space was so important, like the moon especially.
It's like we need something to constantly have, like just
out of reach secondary body. Yeah, we need Americans are
the only ones invited. We need the green light across
the bay, you know so. Lippincott's Monthly Magazine.
Speaker 2: Another high school reading recommendation reference next week all reference
a separate piece.
Speaker 1: That book is the fuck sucks so hardly come out
of a tree? Do we overrate Gatsby? Yeah, it's fine,
it's a fine book.
Speaker 2: I enjoy it. I never read it.
Speaker 1: It's it's do you like Leo as Gatsby or no,
It's fine, It's all fine. It's just like okay, okay, yeah,
it's not bad. It's American novel. It's impossible to understand it,
to understand Gatsby, Yeah, to understand any book that is
supposedly like revolutionary, how was that one that's not It's
not like it's fucking that's pretty straightforward. It's pretty clear prose.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: But what I don't mean like it's like changed prose,
but I mean like, it's impossible to view it the
way the way the people who declared it, Oh yeah, classically,
we classic viewed it. You don't experience it in the
like as it being a modern day revolutionary book. Right
it's a classic now, yeah, and it's not. And it's
been built upon so much and boundaries have been pushed
further and all that stuff that you it is impossible
for you to look at that without superhuman level of
empathy and knowledge. Almost. Yeah, you can't under you can't
really under you could even appreciate it and be like,
oh it was it was exciting and pushed boundaries to
write about that at the time. And you can see that,
but you don't.
Speaker 2: You won't.
Speaker 1: It won't give you the feeling that people felt. Yeah,
I mean yeah, for sure. Like it's a book about
like how the great American Dream is very unattainable even
if you have money, Like there is a level of
status you can't ever get, right because.
Speaker 2: If you're a new money trash, yeah, you'll never.
Speaker 1: It's about that. It's definitely throwing the American dream in
people's faces. Me, Like, you can't have.
Speaker 2: That, sorry, but yeah, you can have it. It's just
you will still be looked down. There will still be
another layer that will look down on you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's always a higher class.
Speaker 2: Than you pretty much. Yeah, but you're not.
Speaker 1: You won't ever understand it the way the people who
declared it a classic. I'm surprised people liked it honestly,
now that I think about it.
Speaker 2: And also it's just a lesson to never chase hose.
Speaker 1: Yeah, did I ever say what Gatsby was up to?
Like what was his Actually he was a smuggler or
something or a bootlegger?
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, it was definitely I forget, but it was
something probably illegal.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well it's definitely illegal. I'm really detailing the hippop
talk today guys. Yeah whatever, I don't care.
Speaker 2: Only had half a page for this. Yeah, it's very grateful.
Speaker 1: Lippincott's Monthly magazine declared, this animal homely as a steamroller,
is the embodiment of salvation.
Speaker 2: Piece plenty and contentment.
Speaker 1: Lie before us, and a new life with new experiences,
new opportunities, new vigor, new romance folded in that golden
future when the meadows and the bayous of our southern
lands shall swarm with herds of hippopotami. He made a
great nickel on that one, on that right up. Yes,
that's a by the word article, m dude, either like literally,
he's like our lives. This thing is gonna be about
to enter and enter a new golden era of the
hippopotamus meat, dude, this thing's about to supplant the bald eagles,
like the national fucking serious. Yeah, it's like we're gonna
have that ship on top.
Speaker 2: Of flag mint. That shit on a coin, Yeah.
Speaker 1: The hippo coin. I would have liked the hippo coin. Yeah,
America would have been way more fun.
Speaker 2: Like we don't really like coins. That's kind of why
Saka Juwella got the wrong end of the stick with that.
Speaker 1: Really like coins in the year two thousand when it
came out and everyone was like, I don't want this
fucking gold coin. Give me a dollar. Where am I
supposed to put this in my pocket? I'm not supposed
to have twenty dollars the weight.
Speaker 2: Of a coin. Fucking screw. I like slamming down a coin.
It's weird.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like the two euro coin makes total sense
to me. But if we had a two dollar coin,
it'd be like, what the fuck is that? Have you
ever seen a two dollar bill?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Those are weird.
Speaker 1: It's a Clemson thing. Actually, it's one of their traditions.
It's what they all get, a two dollar bill of graduation.
Speaker 2: It's bizarre. Yeah. I got a two dollar bill once
folded as a T shirt fun. Yeah, well, we're going
sounds useless, but it was pretty useless. But shouts my grandfather.
I guess for no door gobby, I guess we definitely
didn't do it.
Speaker 1: The head of the Forestry Service under Teddy Rooseveltford Pinchot
told Brussard, like these people they.
Speaker 2: Were just on a full heat check at this point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he told Brussard, the representative.
Speaker 2: He goes any relation to Chris, doubt.
Speaker 1: It unless he did something not great. Yeah, unless he's
on the wrong side of history. Yeah, well Chris is
pretty he's pretty well what Chris is pretty light skinned?
Speaker 2: He is.
Speaker 1: I mean, he's definitely like has white heritage, you have
to but I don't care anyway, He told Broussard, uh,
I have talked with a good many men about the plan,
and no one has developed any weak points.
Speaker 2: Yet.
Speaker 1: Everyone's just all gas on this. He's like, yes, we're
gonna import thousands of hippos to America and we can't
find any any flaws with this plan at fucking hard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like, we're good to go.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna submit this bill to fucking City Hall next.
It's just for fun. The guys who were developing the
plan were fully convinced they were geniuses. The first person
that Brossard had testified to Congress to propose HR whatever
was a man by the name of William Newton Irwin.
He was a veteran researcher with the USDA the Bureau
of Plant Industry at the USDA. Specifically, he was a
big fan of crazy ideas. Actually, I don't even know
if this idea is crazy, but he also had previously
advocated that Americans switched from eating chicken eggs to turkey eggs.
I'll be a turkey egg.
Speaker 2: I want to know that.
Speaker 1: Turkey egg is bigger and this is important for back
then thicker membrane, so it keeps a long long time.
So eggs our eggs only go bad in America because
they wash them and then we have to refrigerate them.
They wash the membrane off. You keep the membrane on.
You don't have to refrigerate eggs. Turkey is the far left.
It's right next to chicken. That is Turkey eggs also
make you tired. Don't know, that's a good question. Trip
to fan. I don't know if they're fetuses of tripped
a fan, if they're amniotic fluid as tripped whatever the
fuck's in an egg? Duck eggs slaps, though I love
a good duck egg.
Speaker 2: And quail egg. Again, I don't like eggs. I love eggs,
I'll eat them, but I don't like them.
Speaker 1: It's my favorite part of ramen. I'm not in love
with eggs.
Speaker 2: The worst part of ramen. I always give away my eggmen. Oh,
let me know.
Speaker 1: Next time you're going, it's my favorite part.
Speaker 2: Let's do it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what pisses me. The main thing I just like
about eggs currently is that every fucking breakfast taco place
in this town.
Speaker 2: Yep. We've definitely hashed this out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm usually drunker than I am right now. So,
but yeah, he wanted to do turkey. He wanted to
swap out chicken eggs for turkey eggs.
Speaker 2: Turkey should be the American symbol.
Speaker 1: It was supposed to be, yeah, Ben, I think was
advocated it.
Speaker 2: Really should be. There's so many goddamn turkeys.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's more of an American bird. Their dicks
are red, white and blue. They are dicks and then they're dicks.
I mean they're really hard to hunt.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Are they like wild turkey?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to be, like it's it's a super
stealthy hunt too. I'm pretty sure, Like you don't just
like go bul rush and kill some turkeys. Hey don't,
because I've been golfing where they just are fucking walking
around like they like they don't care about you.
Speaker 2: But that's like deer too, Like it's really it's harder
to hunt a deer when you're hunting a deer than
it is when you're just like out in the wild
and you see a deer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you got to nag the animal. Yes, you
gotta act like you don't want to kill it.
Speaker 2: Right, If you go on a golf course and you
just have a shotgun or just a rifle in your bag,
you will get a deer.
Speaker 1: You'll get a deer, you will get enough meat for
the year.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: But if you go out, you get there at four
in the morning, You get up in your deer blind
with a fucking thermos of coffee and you're just you know,
ready to go, and you're sitting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're getting You're getting up at four in the morning,
going in your tree stand. Yeah. It's just a nice
crisp December day. And by that I mean it's raining, it's.
Speaker 1: Cold as shit. Ry Gray, you're with your dad. You're
not getting fucking shit.
Speaker 2: You just you just got your hunting license because you're
twelve and.
Speaker 1: It's time for you to carry on the tradition of
killing thing.
Speaker 2: Too Oddly specific, every time I went on I never
saw deer. They just don't exist when you when you
have the gun.
Speaker 1: Right, they exist when you're driving in the dark. Yeah,
where you're in a golf card that actually deer might
actually operate. It's a dude. There's so many deer I've
almost hit just driving to work here, like yeah, back
that rolling wood like dip oh forest. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I mean when you're on the golf course though,
when you see a deer, just amport just take dead aim,
just drive right into his face.
Speaker 1: What if you killed it with the golf ball and
the golf course is like, that's fine, but you have
to dress it. Yeah, right now the comes out with
a fucking knife, just like all right.
Speaker 2: Like you dress it right here the game commission where
the warden's gonna come out.
Speaker 1: That's why I want to go hog hunting, because you
can just leave it like you just get to shoot ship. Well, yeah,
don't don't want the hogs eat the hog to probably.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm only going to go hog hunting if it's
out of a helicopter in Florida. No here, Yeah, but
it's got I gotta be in a helicopter.
Speaker 1: I thought be dope at with a shotgun.
Speaker 2: Pretty sure.
Speaker 1: It's open season too, it's like all year the Yeah,
I think that's what I'm saying. It's like always all
the time. There is no season, it's constant. Yeah yeah,
well there's no seasons in Florida anyway, so no, it's
just hot, yeah, or dry. In one scientific paper, Irwin
the guy about the turkey eggs and the first person
to be testifying before Congress about how we shoul bring
hippos again, this is how much he believed in both
himself and the hippo idea. Irwin compared himself to Christopher
Columbus being laughed at as he sailed toward what people
thought was the edge of the earth, but was in
reality a new and uh, you know, a new land.
And so basically Irwin was the Christopher Columbus of nutrition.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, why not, you know, just throw out wild
accusations and proclamations.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I thought Christopher Columbus was sailing off the edge
of the earth either. They did think he wasting his time. Yeah,
but like they knew the earth was round. I never
knew how that got into the like that that parable
started becoming part of that because people liked to dunk
on people.
Speaker 2: Was he Italian or was he Spanish?
Speaker 1: Well, he was an Italian that sailed out, sailed under
Spain out.
Speaker 2: Of new evidence. Mainstream archeologists think.
Speaker 1: Mainstream archaeology will tech knowledge if they found out Chris
Columbus was like sub Saharan African. Do you think he'd
get his day back? Yes, probably immediately. Yeah, Like if
we found out Christopher Columbus was black, the Columbus day
would be re reviewed. I just I'm curious run it back. Yeah,
I think we might change.
Speaker 2: Well, if he is Italian, Veronica thinks, you know, it would, okay, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well if he is from a certain part, if
he's Sicilian, Yep, there's a good chance he was perfectly
African in his blood. Sure, just because there was ciisically
was conquered by the some caliphate for a long time.
Speaker 2: North African situation.
Speaker 1: So they all share the same sea, same what sea?
They all share the sea? They all Yeah, they're very
close to each other. It's a big highway.
Speaker 2: Really yeah.
Speaker 1: Next up was Indiana Jones, who argued that it was
weird that Americans only eat chicken, pork, cows, and sheep.
Speaker 2: Indiana Jones did this, Yeah, yeah, what's Harrison Ford doing.
Speaker 1: That Burnham guy who was Indian. Jones was based on
Oh gotcha, gotcha y yeah.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: He said that essentially, like the only reason we eat
those animals is because we just kind of got used
to it over time. They were also imported from Europe
or from somewhere else, and you know, like eventually, the
way that we Americans felt about chicken soup and pork chops,
we'd feel about hippo roasts as well.
Speaker 2: Totally.
Speaker 1: I think we're past being weird about food as a
society just in general too. I've had kangaroo. Yeah, like
I count anyone that's picky now, I'm like, I kind
of look down on them.
Speaker 2: Dude. I bet there's a high end restaurant somewhere in
this country that serves hippo.
Speaker 1: I guarantee you there is. I'm sure you google it. Yeah,
I eat hippo. I'll google it right now and I
will do it. If it's an Austin, I'll go eat hippo.
Speaker 2: Let's go eat hippo.
Speaker 1: What a lonesome dove just had a hippo steak hippo night.
Speaker 2: It's off menu. You gotta be in the now.
Speaker 1: You have to the waiter ask what you would like,
and you're like, I'm hungry, hungry.
Speaker 2: Yeah, those are the key words. I'm feeling hungry, hungry.
How hungry? Are you hungry?
Speaker 1: Hungry? Yes, sir say no, that would be very Austin too.
I feel like that's a very awestin thing, Like the
secret password to get into goddamn bar. Yeah, there's nothing
that's a bigger letdown or waste of time than speakeasy.
Speaker 2: You have to like know the password too. They're terrible.
Speaker 1: They're the worst. Is that one floppy disk? Fuck floppy disk.
All this company I wish the bar was attached to
is open still.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you want to spend twenty two dollars on a
pretty mid mid fashion Oh my god.
Speaker 1: And it's just like tell people you went there. It's
so fucking dumb.
Speaker 2: Although I do like the speakeasy in green Light Social
it's behind the mayor. Yeah, that was dope because then
you can just look at the other.
Speaker 1: Like I walked in there and they were like get out.
I was like, why, oh you? Just like going by accident.
I knew there was something back there because people that
were not staff kept walking into like a freezer, and
I was like, all right, yeah, what's I went back
there once with Dom. It was fine. I mean, you
know it was whatever. Next up was Duquane, the hunter
he turned turns out he was a noted douchebag. Oh
yeah yeah. In fact, during the Boer Wars in South Africa,
he and Burnham were on opposite sides and it vowed
to murder each other.
Speaker 2: Damn.
Speaker 1: And this is the whole, the whole other story of that.
I didn't have time to cover.
Speaker 2: So not many of their words.
Speaker 1: Uh well, they were like it was like an honorable
truce so they could come together and make sure Americans
ate hippo. Interesting, yea, this is bigger than feuds. Huh yeah,
this is bigger than feuds. So du Quane had also
made a name for himself by advising Teddy Roosevelt on
that big hunting trip I told you about. Uh, Roosevelt was,
you know, prepping for this big game hunting trip in
Africo and was asking a bunch of noted hunters like
type of gun should I bring? How does the lion?
You know, what does the lion act like during the day,
Like when would the lion be stocking that type of whatever?
Where where should I shoot an elephant? I don't I
don't mean to be rude and interrupt. We can buy
a hippo for twenty nine hundred dollars gil the whole carcass. No,
a living hippo.
Speaker 2: I don't want that. Where from whom.
Speaker 1: Wild Animals and Pets dot com? That sounds illegal? Yeah,
there's no way. What's the plus? It's what's plus twenty
five country code?
Speaker 2: Uh? Hey, where are you storing the hippo? B what
are the hippo? Was just gonna buy the hippot, kill
it and then bermuda is twenty five?
Speaker 1: Oh this is scam? Yeah, yeah, like, oh yes, just
send us the money and the hippo will be on
the way. We will send you theippo post haste. You're
just like emailing you like, hey, guys, I'm sure everything's
crazy there right now.
Speaker 2: The hippo still hasn't calm. You know again, I'm sure
shipping hippo's crazy. I don't want to, you know, rude. Yeah,
but I'm just you know, wondering if they're on the
way to the studio on two ninety you just see
one of those hucks with oversized lower and just a
hippo on the back.
Speaker 1: I mean you with a two Jake Goldman courtesy of
Software History.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but then it shows up to your place. What
do you do with it? What's the move it goes?
It shows up to your house? What are you doing?
Kill it? Need a hippo, Yeah, it's front door. Put
it in my line. Just put in the back figure
putting like a kiddie pool.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got a kiddy pool. He does. Yeah, see
you put the kiddie pull out.
Speaker 2: Let the hippo. Deal with that. Yeah, you can hop
in there. Give him a little ball to play with. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Don't let wheeler out back ever ever. Yeah, actually no
one's allowed out back anymore.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you're not gonna escape that hippo. I mean,
the hipop knocks down your fence in the first dape
and then some child probably gets eaten alive.
Speaker 2: I don't know about hip hope. I don't don't know
what that is, but I guess you can get a
baby hippo and then just train it from you good,
from its youth.
Speaker 1: That's what you think we did a I think some
story on that a while back, like or I at
least just saw it. Some fucking South African guy there
was like an orphaned hippo and he started taking care
of it and it lived in his river on his
farm and some farmer and he was like, oh, it's
my friend. It grew up with me.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: And he would like ride it sometimes and the hip
would always greet him. And then one day the hippo
decided to do hippo shit.
Speaker 2: M hmm, it'd be like that sometimes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, however the guy apart.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's unfortunate. However, I always see those videos of that, like,
you know, somebody that rescued a cub lion, right and
then releases out to the wild and they finally reunite
and lying charges him and just hugs him, and yeah,
exactly what I expect, Like, that's what I expect. You
hope you don't want him to tear you apart.
Speaker 1: Hippo meat's hard to find, guys.
Speaker 2: It might be might have to. I imagine it's probably
illegal after what we're about to hear.
Speaker 1: Uh, well it's not illegal. I don't know so anyway,
So to this guy was just like a fucking scam artist.
Speaker 2: So, oh, you know who can get us hippo meat?
Probably who Christina's boyfriend Jesse. Oh he could, he really could. Yeah,
South African.
Speaker 1: Christina get Jesse on the line with us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean he used to do some hunts for
Saudi Princess, Saudi Princess, so I'd imagine he has a
hippoc connect.
Speaker 1: This is gonna be a really bad rabbil hole for me,
guys the exotic meat market. Yeah, well, go on, Uh
where was I?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: So fucking Ducane essentially was like he was a scam
artist and he want to make money off of other
famous people. So he started writing a syndicated column talking
about like what Teddy Roosevelt hunt was gonna entail and
all this stuff and blah blah blah. But then when
that column started to not do so well, he got
boring or whatever, he pivoted to making fun of Teddy
Roosevelt and calling him a phony ass hunter. Oh no,
it's a little fucking carpetbagger or whatever the fuck, like
like a fancy boy. Yeah who the Africans were doing
the real hunting for him, Oh yeah, And he said
that I guess, uh, the Africans had given Roosevelt like
an honorary nickname or name or whatever called and it
was it was called Buana Tumbo, And Ducane told the
press that meant mister unusually large stomach. Is that where
tumbo buana tumbo? I don't think so, okay, but I
just think he was just being a dick. Kine also
wrote that as Roosevelt was getting ready to return in
nineteen ten to America, du Kane announced that he believed,
based on what I don't know, believe that the former
president might have contracted a deadly still dormant disease and
should not be allowed back in the country. Press hasn't
changed a much. Nah, Yeah, not really, uh so. Douqueane, though,
assured Congress that hippos tasted great, and we're super easy
to domesticate. Okay, so we're talking pet hippos or ranch
hippos probably, yeah, but yeah, but it was hot belly hippo. Yeah,
that's just a guinea pig. Yeah. He was just like, yeah, no,
they're super easy to handle. And then when asked if
hippos were dangerous, he said absolutely not. They're safe as
fuck me. Yeah, look at it, he said, you could
walk young ones around on a leash like a fat dog.
Speaker 2: That'd be kind of sick.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it would be thick.
Speaker 2: It's a lie, but it wouldn't you know.
Speaker 1: He chicks he'd get at first with a hippo, like.
Speaker 2: An infant hippo, mate, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Oh, then it's like four years later you have just
an entire wing of your house dedicated to keeping this
thing around.
Speaker 2: Fucking wing God.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and there's bones of several women that thought it
was adorable in your house.
Speaker 2: Easy breakup.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we will go swim with a hippo.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: The papers were more hyped than ever after this congressional hearing,
and they were also conspiculously presenting the news in a
way that favored the plan. The Chicago Tribune, in particular,
put their coverage of the proceedings right next to a
column about how Delmonico's, the famous steakhouse, had been forced
to raise the price of everything on its menu.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Interesting, one right next to the other. Like that.
It's almost like there was an agenda.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's almost like the press hasn't changed.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: They also presented it as an anti monopoly move, which
it which it kind of was, and it was a
hot topic at the time. The like there was something
called the Meat Trust. There was a real monopoly problem
with meat. It was like five or six companies that
essentially ran the entire meat packing, raising everything industry. Teddy
Rooseved actually took on the Meat Trust when he was present.
Speaker 2: I was about to say, he's about to bust them up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he busted that trust as best he could, but
it was still there.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: Also, based on basically fucking nothing other than that, they
were really into this idea argued that hippos, unlike cows,
they'd be too heavy to put on trains and ship
to Chicago slaughter houses.
Speaker 2: Mmmm, that's a problem.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so there would have to be tons of mom
and pop slaughterhouses that sprung up around the hippo ranches. Yeah,
that's staking the small economy. Yeah, small business stuff. Literally,
obviously that's not true. No, it's completely made up be
Procter and Gamble. Hippo. It's just, of course heavier ship
than hippos goes on trains all the fucking time. Yeah,
a hippo doesn't way more than a train, so obviously
the train. But they were just like, well, it'd be
too hard to transport it.
Speaker 2: It was like literally just.
Speaker 1: Making up a point to support the fact there would
just be less hippos moved than cows. It's just not
it's a volume issue. Or it would want more train jobs.
You have to put more cars or more trained.
Speaker 2: Guys, I hear nothing wrong with hippop What happened?
Speaker 1: Yeah, basically not much.
Speaker 2: We forgot. I could see that being it we remember,
uh kind of?
Speaker 1: So headlines, by the way read are about this.
Speaker 2: Should we make a push to bring back hippo meet? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think so. My My hypothetical title for this was
is a hippo It's what should have been for dinner?
Oh like the poor thing?
Speaker 2: Beef?
Speaker 1: Oh beef is the other way meet? That's right, But
the idea failed by one vote.
Speaker 2: Who did it?
Speaker 1: I don't know, but we were one vote away from
hippos being moved into the southeastern United States. It's probably
strong Therman.
Speaker 2: Why couldn't have been like a state's rights issue? Right? Well, no,
you could have still done it.
Speaker 1: But the bill was calling for two hundred and fifty
thousand dollars from the federal government. Yeah, it didn't make
hippos illegal. It didn't do anything. It's right, this didn't
get a move to ship hippos over the But they.
Speaker 2: Should have just done it.
Speaker 1: It was a stimulus bill, right, they could have done
it anyway.
Speaker 2: Just they do it on the state's level.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they could have just done anyway, but they didn't.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: And eventually we solved the meat problem through fun solutions
like factory farming and turning land that wasn't meant for
grazing into grazing land and just eating up more of
that ship. Hippos probably would have been more environmentally friendly.
In the hippos have their own environmental problems, like they
did get so much that it fucks up rivers and oh,
actually that would have been really bad for us. I'm
glad we didn't do that. Yeah, the African rivers, the
rivers that are used to it have water problems all
the time because of how much hippos ship.
Speaker 2: The sea is red with hippo shit and blood.
Speaker 1: All every hippo has ibs too, I'm assuming yeah, see everything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh no, maybe they clean up the rivers.
Speaker 1: No, actually so at the Saint Louis Zoo has a
really cool hippo area and they stocked the hippo cages
or the hippo pool not only with the hippos obviously,
but with all the fish from Africa. They eat their ship.
Speaker 2: And trash, huh and trash they just feed the hippos trash.
Speaker 1: They feed them like pumpkins and I don't know what
they feed them, you know, a bunch of just big things.
But they hit they like literally they have a whole
thing and like you can sit next to high school.
Speaker 2: One time, I just.
Speaker 1: We went there. We had like a day off of
school and we all got really fucking high and just
went to the zoo, which is glorious.
Speaker 2: I've went.
Speaker 1: I've never been to a zoo high, but the aquarium
high top notch. Yeah, I mean same differ really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Atlanta Aquarium. I've still high and drunk. I would
recommend drunk there.
Speaker 1: You see the whale shark or whatever.
Speaker 2: Wouldn't You wouldn't be drunk there at an aquarium? Yeah,
what's gonna go wrong? Yeah? I mean the drinks were
actually pretty I remember them being pretty, like decently priced.
Oh they sold booze out the aquarium. Fuck, yeah, why
wouldn't they? They sell booze at the zoo. Yeah, I
don't know.
Speaker 1: The zoo feels more right because it's outside the aquarium.
Feels like selling booze at a library.
Speaker 2: You think someone's gonna crack the tanks.
Speaker 1: Hot jump in, don't you get enough frat socials had
a aquarium.
Speaker 2: Had a dolphin shill.
Speaker 1: I remember that was an episode of exec Board that
I actually didn't I had an idea for it, but
I was like, I don't know how we would ever
do it?
Speaker 2: Was it they had?
Speaker 1: They had their formal at the zoo, and things went
obviously horrifically wrong the wedding before mine, at the venue
we were at, people poured like beer into the fucking
turtle thing. Oh yeah, you told me that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was bad.
Speaker 1: Fucking idiots. I know, a bunch of assholes.
Speaker 2: Man. I did my community service when I got a
pissing in public ticket for UCF. I did fifty hours
at the Sandford Zooo.
Speaker 1: Pretty close to being a sex offender.
Speaker 2: No, I had to write like a five thousand word
essay on why you shouldn't piss in public.
Speaker 1: Because it's a child, because that broke the golden rule
doing to others what you want them to yourself.
Speaker 2: I guess I don't care if ucfs like conduct policy. Yeah,
I wouldn't care. I never actually got like in trouble
with the actual law. It was just the UCF student
guidelines or something.
Speaker 1: Oh that's even worse.
Speaker 2: So I had to write an essay and do fifty
hour community service and I did. I just cleaned it,
or I cleaned turtle cages. That is zoo. You pick
up turtle shit, giant like, let us just giant turtles. Yeah,
like tortoises. Yeah, that's cool. San francis not bad.
Speaker 1: But yeah, eventually, we, like I said, solve the problem
through factory farming and all kinds of fucked up shit.
And that is the story of how we almost became hippoeaters.
Speaker 2: We should run that bill back. I agree. Yeah, I
don't see why not where we place them though not Louisiana.
Why not? Louisiana's great for that.
Speaker 1: That's probably the perfect Actually, you put them in the
Everglades and let them eat all the pythons. Then you
just have a hippop That's see. The problem is none
of that Evergladesh. It's really that big of a deal.
It's that we keep developing closer and closer to the Everglades. Yeah, like, oh,
there's paters in my house. It's like, yeah, you live
by the largest bit of them.
Speaker 2: Like, what are you doing? I looped at the ship? Yeah,
cancel each other out. Yeah, although when I was in Florida.
When you paddle board or kayak, gators kind of leave
you alone. I don't think a hippo would.
Speaker 1: No, No hippos like that's moving food. Yeah, well it's
just pissed off you're near it mm hmm. And when
you're that big, what isn't you're a hippo. Yeah, and
it's I feel like you know reptiles are. They're they're
more conservative with their energy. Yeah, well they they're cold blooded.
Speaker 2: They have to be.
Speaker 1: They have to be like they're not just warm blood,
hot blooded they'll funk around. So yeah, that's all.
Speaker 2: I got what you learn today.
Speaker 1: We blew it that I really want hippo mate, I
want to try some hipp I want to eat it
to hippo brisket.
Speaker 2: And that means I'm in the game.
Speaker 1: Mm I think we are. We are all in the
hippo game. What if that became like the thing that
got us all rich, We became the hippo magnates of
the Southern US.
Speaker 2: I don't think anyone else is trying it.
Speaker 1: No hippo barbecue mm yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2: Kind of run this back, dude.
Speaker 1: Get Franklin to just like Aaron Franklin just the it's
popular in Africa and it's considered a delicacy. It can
be grilled, roasted out and open fire.
Speaker 2: I guarantee you can get a ship here.
Speaker 1: You can get anything.
Speaker 2: Let's just get like a couple of pounds of hippo meat.
Try it ourselves and see what happens.
Speaker 1: Do a little test kitchen action. Try like do one
on a smoker, maybe like one souvd and.
Speaker 2: Hippos, and then we pitched its all the barbecue spots
in Austin. We're like the middleman. Yeah, we got the
hippo connect. We're the hippo plug. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So each hippo, from an average sized hippo, you can
get twelve hundred pounds of edible meat.
Speaker 2: Holy shit, they're giants.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're big.
Speaker 2: They're the size of vehicles.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. I guess it's just like I think
of their stumpy legs and stuff on, Like I'm probably
not eating that, but maybe you are, Like maybe hippo
like's good. I think hippo might be really good, and
we might need to go to Africa and eat hippo.
We'll put it, well, we'll try to work that in
the budget.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, we'll see if we can fit that in
the schedule.
Speaker 1: We'll see what we can do. I just look lonesome, dove.
If you're listening, get some hippo hippo steak immediately. We'll
be your first customer. That's all I got. So for
Dan and Jake, I'm rob.
Speaker 2: You just got soft served.