Speaker 1: You know, later in the episode we'll have a conversation
with him and carry where and Carrie tells him, you
know this is the best You don't you're you can't
be that. And and also these people love that.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: These people don't even want that, So don't worry about it.
Speaker 3: Okay, Hi home, welcome.
Speaker 2: Hey, hey, I've never been so happy to say permission
to come aboard or ask that question.
Speaker 1: Well, permission to come aboard. It's granted for all. I
am back in my office, which has been turned into
just kind of stowaway of lots of baby stuff. I'm Dylan.
Speaker 2: That's pat Hey, great to be here.
Speaker 1: I'm a little rusty. Also, I have not slept really
in two weeks. So you know, if it's if it's good,
that's great. If it's bad, you know, please please page.
Speaker 2: Are you talking about Are you talking about the show
in general?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well specifically my performance.
Speaker 2: Come on, it's like riding a bicycle. You'll be fine.
You get back on that seat and just drive down
the street. Also, you know, it's a downside of not
having you in studio, Dylan is obviously some crosstalk, But
upside I get to do the show in my underwear?
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you?
Speaker 2: You know sometimes people say you've arrived when you get
that corner office or you drive that fancy car because
you know you're in an upper management. No, no, no, no, no,
you've arrived when you can do your job your underwear.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah yeah, Or you have hit a place that
is so low that you need to Are we sponsored
by Rula today?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, anyways, ruler.
Speaker 2: All them if you're in your underwear and gainfully unemployed.
Speaker 1: All right, so listen, baby Lucy is with us. I
just wanted to say thank you. Our fans are so amazing.
Thank you so much for all the beautiful words that
we got about our dear baby girl being born. She
is the light of my life and also a demon.
And yeah, fatherhood is fatherhood is bad. It's tough. It's tough.
It kind of sucks a lot of the Also.
Speaker 2: Hey, Deil, this is a good opportunity to put to
plug a particular show joking. I'll do it you on
dot com slash another podcast network. Dyl it's for five bucks.
We're going to be back now talking about our lives
and whatever's top of buying. And I'm I'm assuming A
big topic conversation is going to be that little demon
that he is now going to have to raise, that.
Speaker 1: Little demon who I sing Billy Joel too. And I
weep while she's in my arms, and I also weep
when she's collicking and screaming, And I just don't know
what I you know, sometimes I think have we made
a grave mistake here? And that. Other times I'm like, no,
this is this is the most perfect thing in the world.
But we'll break down the entire thing. I we'll call it,
you know, it's our first dad pod, it's you know, yeah.
Speaker 2: Maybe we should call him my two Dads. That's a
great name for a show.
Speaker 1: Okay, But yeah, we'll be breaking down, you know, all
of it. Me fighting with postpartum nurses, me fighting with
my child who doesn't speak English, firing lactation consult the
whole thing. It's been. It's been a serious chance, it's
serious journey. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're laying the hammer down on some some companies. Wow,
that's gonna be fun.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, there are a lot of people that
work in natal care that are absolute morons and or evil.
Speaker 2: So when we went for the DULA to meet with
the doula. Basically, I was like, you know, my wife
and I. She goes, first off, it's not my wife
and I, it's her. I was like, oh right, I
should shut up. Yeah, and she basically said, you have
nothing to add to this, so sit back and keep
your mouth shut.
Speaker 1: Well, you know she's wrong. You know, fathers can do
a lot. But listen, we're gonna talk about all that
patronic complation of the podcast network. Finally we are arrived back.
I only missed a week.
Speaker 2: You only missed a week.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks to Rubes and Klin for holding the fort
down as often as they have been. I'm getting a
call from Malibu right now. Well, never go, I don't
know anyone in Malibu.
Speaker 2: Well I'll say this, whatever, whatever son of a.
Speaker 1: Bitch has gone to the phone because this person.
Speaker 2: Okay, there, I'll do some Yeah, some son of a
bitch sold my personal phone number to some mortgage company.
I get a call from New York about eight times
a day from a different New York number. It's drive
me insane.
Speaker 1: Can you hear me?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I can hear you.
Speaker 1: All Right, Okay, I'm so mad at this ghost from
Malibu right now.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's probably some mortgage company trying to ask if
you want to refine finance.
Speaker 1: I don't own. I don't own. Oh my gosh. Yeah,
So so Mike the morning I had spent on the
phone talking to sassy people at Covered California. It's like,
this whole thing is quite a journey. Anyways, patroon komp
Slash another podcast network. So mister week Ruby and k
filled in marvelously. How's Kaylin doing?
Speaker 2: Oh, he's doing great. I mean I only had one
We only bumped Ed's once and he listens to the show,
so he knows what happened.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I want to express extreme gratitude for Kaitlin.
You know, I love Kalen despite his grotesque political leanings.
I mean, we're not going to get into them, but
I mean, my gosh, you sit down to dinner with
this kid, is that right? Oh yeah, I mean get
rid of them all. Yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 2: Hey, look, we don't talk politics on this show. Everybody,
you can listen whatever you don't care.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you go listen to Minus Touch if you want
that or whatever you listen to.
Speaker 2: Okay, so let's get into this show, Jill, because it's
been a while since you gave your thoughts and nods.
I'm curious what you think of the season so far.
Speaker 1: This season is weird. Below Tech always does this thing
where they have new sconces, but they don't really do
all that much. Meaning, we've got really we've got extra
crispy Chiron's, we've got music that's absolutely out of control.
Speaker 3: And.
Speaker 1: You know where it's just kind of like putting lipstick
on a pig. Now we love this pig. You know,
this pig is a bunch of runaways at sea, you
know serving you know, carrots that look like dicks to
gay porn stars who are purchasing a charter for five
days at I think sixty percent off, And because of that,
they feel as though they're entitled to, you know, just
pissing people's buttles, and I mean they are entitled to
do that.
Speaker 2: Well, I can't even imagine what that feels like, but
I guess we'll get it.
Speaker 1: Probably feels pretty crazy. It probably feels like an intimate bidet,
you know, because bidets are just mechanical things that shoot
a stream of water up your ass. But it was
a lover, Yeah, completely different. Anyways, this season's been you know,
it's been cool. It's good to see Anthony whose uncle
stole his wife.
Speaker 2: Now, Dell, I am so happy you brought that up
in your thoughts and nots, because I had forgotten. I
went in an entire episode going I think, I look,
there's some sea rats. Of course that are dear to
my heart. I'll always remember them. They were very important
to the recap of the show. Chef Anthony. I was
just like, oh, he got fired. I think he was
incompetent or something. And then some wonderful barnacle had pointed
out that he had a troubled pass and it wasn't
that his dad left when it was a kid. It
was that his uncle had sex with his wife.
Speaker 1: His dad may have left him when he was a kid.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, sure, that's what we call a twofer in
the sea rat business. But I do want to say this, Yeah,
as a comedian, which I'm at times referred to, some
people would argue that I bought I am required to
beat that dead horse into the ground, so buckle up.
Speaker 1: Good. You know, I would argue that you're not a comedian.
I'm one of the people you're talking about.
Speaker 2: That's true, in your opinion, means a lot to be so.
Speaker 1: It was amazing. It was amazing to see Rainbow. Rainbow
has no chill fight Island. Sea rat history was one
of the crazy sea rets.
Speaker 2: I have to tell you. I was I was ready
to give up on sea rat histories. And maybe we're
getting a little too deep into this recap already, but
I'll say this, it felt like these were just puff pieces,
you know, that they were giving these goddamn sea rats
and then wow, wow. Dad must have been a big
fan of the Hunger Games because that scenario was very,
very similar similar.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it was. It was a
really insane story. So I thought the episode was fantastic.
We had panic attacks, you know. Rainbow reminded me a
lot of myself at two fifteen in the morning, just
just crying of late. But an anyways, I thought it
was a great episode.
Speaker 2: Five pots, five pots. Okay, Well, I can't wait to
hear what you think about Lawrence's final meal. Okay, we
have incompetence on top of incompetence, Kyo. I don't know
how long he's gonna be here. Uh, poor chef Anthony,
he's been fired on this show. And also his uncle
had sex with his wife and he may be fired
a second time.
Speaker 1: On top, he's gonna be fired a second time. Oph.
We lost Patty right there, We lost Patty again. You know,
I gotta say once again, you know, it's just been
great to receive all the all the support and the love.
You know, I really love you guys, and you know that.
You know if you've DMed me, I just have. I've
been in a fugue state. Sorry, Patty, you were you were?
Speaker 2: Oh. I was going to point out that I loved
that Captain Carey. Why didn't love? But it was enjoyable.
Watch the fact that three strikes, you're out. As far
as the clothes that he would wear during a day
of work were not prepared for him in his cabin.
Speaker 1: Yeah, baseball with Sea Rats is a six strike game.
You know, it's you can't nobody's gonna get any hits.
Speaker 2: If it's it's like t ball, they just keep putting
the ball on that that you know, that thing and
let him swing for an Hour's sad too, well, anyway,
I'm gonna give it fourteen knots all right.
Speaker 1: So we begin with the chef whose uncle I believe
slept with his wife and he has he has beef.
He has marbled beef with Fraser, who evidently was the
reason that he was terminated. You know, this kind of
shirking responsibility. Sure Fraser may have sounded the alarm, but
you were the one who tried to poison people involuntarily,
so it's not really Fraser's fault.
Speaker 2: Yeah. This was interesting because he holds a pretty big
grudge with Fraser. Yet he he tells us he thinks
Fraser is like family yea, which means that Fraser might
be having sex with his wife.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Not likely, But in Anthony's world, in this kind
of Peanuts cartoon life that Anthony lives, I think Frasier
may break from gay for a little bit just obang
his wife. Man brutal stuff. Okay, So, like I said,
Rainbow has no chill. I think she tells Love Island
that she's just going to tell her what to do
and not say please or thank you or anything like that.
Speaker 2: Oh I like that. Okay, So you're you have a name.
You have a name for Ole sol It's it's Love Island.
I like it because she was on Love Island. Oh
and once again I want to thank a barnacle Dylan.
You weren't here for this episode. I had said, she
is not here to clean dukie off toilets or learn
how to do it. Okay, she's here to get do
OnlyFans and a Barnacle said, she's already got her platform up.
She's already our platform up. So head on over to
Ole Solat for a good time and pay twenty two
dollars to see her, kiddie.
Speaker 1: Twenty two dollars. Huh, I think so, I don't know,
you know, I was saying this on another podcast. The
proliferation of OnlyFans is a real condemnation on the male species.
You know that there are that many of us that
are paying paying for this. I mean what, it's just
supplying demand. Anyways, So we get to Chow and we
get a little c Rett history with.
Speaker 2: Oh Chow with Chow. Oh oh yeah yeah. Now before
we get there, I do want to touch on one thing. Uh,
Chef Lawrence. You know he uh, he's connected with you know,
the Ultimate, of course we know that, right, But he's
also he's a pretty dark person, you know. And I
don't I don't know if you saw this scene, but
he was given Chef Anthony a tour of the Galley,
you know, teaching, coaching him up, you know. And at
some point he turned to chef Anthony goes, you know,
none of this really matters because the end of days
are upon us and the Holy Rapture will leave most
of us to burn in hell for eternity. So do
you want me to show you which burners are working?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, He's like, and that's when he said, look, man,
my uncle, bang my wife. I don't need to be
bummed out anymore than this. Okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Anthony's like, let me tell you about a rapture. I mean,
my got but but but but but but Lawrence is like,
you know, this oven is not really working. And also,
you know, the seeds in Israel have claimed the red
halfer from Sub Saharan Africa or whatever, and that's the
end time. So christ returns and uh, you're probably gonna
rotten fucking hell because you're a gay guy, right this,
I mean, this is this guy is crazy. This guy
is crazy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna miss yeah. Yeah all right, so now
we now we get to this goddamn sea rat. Okay,
so Kiowa explains the nuance of cleaning the teak and
not damaging it. But who gives a ship, we get
a sea rat history. And I'm just gonna say this,
this is a puff p. He tells us, tells us
that he just joined this business to travel the world
for free. Yeah, and I don't need this kind of
sea rat history. I want to know when your dad
cheated on your mom. Yeah, so your family.
Speaker 1: So what you what you're driving at is really kind
of a revulsion born of experience in the two of us, Right,
so we know that this is deceitful, right, we knowely.
We know that he didn't join because he likes to travel.
We know that he joined because he had to travel, right,
and we need to know we need to know why
he had.
Speaker 2: To flee, right, Yeah, he's running from something.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So so you know, missus with the bullshit, okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and that's time you want to tell us
what really took place? Mentioned a sibling that might have
been mowed down by a hail of bullets after a
drug deal. Gon sat, Okay, because that's what really happened,
all right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, so crazy, You know, Wes Anderson would have a
real cute treatment of what happened, but it would be
really horrifying stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know one needs to see his movies anymore.
They're all the same. It's like Wes Anderson's doing a
mock movie on himself.
Speaker 1: At this I think I think Wes Anderson could really
just springboard back into the zeitgeist in a larger way
if he did a film set in the favelas of Brazil.
I think that he could really knock that out of
the park.
Speaker 2: Now, I say, fuck it, you know what, do the
next Star Wars movie. Let's see what you can do. Dude.
Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, I think it'd be really cute. But you know,
Season and I and we'll talk about it on APS.
We've been watching a lot of movies and The Royal
Tenant Bombs is just It's one of the most perfect
movies ever made. It's just, oh my god.
Speaker 2: I take a bottle rocket and rushmore over that any day.
Speaker 1: Okay, so hit that you don't have to iron this
sheets Rainbow, she has no chill. She tells her that
she needs to just breeze it. And Love Island is
my favorite, Okay. Cirque de Solen is my favorite because
Cirque solen Is asked something along the lines of, what
do you think we should do? With this sheet, okay,
and Selena's like, let me tell you something. I don't
give a fucking shit would we do with this sheet?
If you want me to leave shit on the sheet,
I'll leave shit on the seat. Selena is not not
one to be prodded for. What do you think the
best route is here? Okay? This is this is I
think she's there to win Dylan back and launch an
only fans career.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, well yeah, possibly both those things. But you know,
I thought about it as I was kind of analyzing
Ole Sole. I was like, sea rats are pretty easy
to predict their future actions. You just think what's the
most short sighted, quick buck to make, and you'll have
your answer every time.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, there's no there's no
foresight here, right, this is this is panic induced decision
making and and and that's why we have a shell.
Speaker 2: Right, that's why we have a show. Now, dil we
jump over to the crew mess because this still involves
Ole Sole. They mock her directly to her face. And
the wonderful thing and I'll give this to her, is
she is she's made of rubber because it's the bullet's
just fun to Tefla. He bounce off her, and that's
something you can admire in a human being, to be
her face and not get angry. So with that, when
you have a c rat, you can have incompetence. We've
seen that. We've seen people make it the entire season
being absolutely incompetent. What you cannot have is in competence
and aggression. And when she starts pushing back, which I
think is inevitable, that will be her undoing.
Speaker 1: Right right right, see million list to see. You know
lots of other sea rats who are incompetent and aggressive.
It's just not okay. Now you look at somebody like Brie,
who rain manned her way through an entire season, and
I think the finale figured out that if she put
the color red on certain clothes it would help her
out a lot. She was she was arguably the most
incompetent person we've ever seen on the show. But she
was really lovely and nice to everybody. You know. So
in my recollection, I'm tired and a little high. So anyway,
we're eating Chinese, we're feuding, and we're feuding in front
of Captain Carrey. But but I have to ask you,
what is going on with the preference sheets this season.
Speaker 2: Well, Captain Carey has decided to split them up. He's
broken format and structure. I think he's making a you know,
he's doing his own thing, and I kind of respect
the hell out of him for it. As we've seen,
he is the only captain to God forbid inspect the
boat before paying enter it.
Speaker 1: You're saying he's pulling Ryan Johnson on this whole thing.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes, he's subverting. Is that
what it's called?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Ryan Johnson should be in
Guantanamo right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just for the Last Knives Out film.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So we're getting binders, and within the binder we
are told and we should just yell at for the ritual, right,
it's time for.
Speaker 2: The Oh yeah, it's time for the preference made up.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm not gonna yell because the little ones in
there and if she wakes up my wife, my wife
will stab me. Maybe not with anything major.
Speaker 2: I can't wait to talk about you being a new
dad on APS because I'm going to take great glee
and having to give you the unfortunate news your wife
is going to hate your guts for the next year. Oh,
look already did it? I spilled the beans.
Speaker 1: We'll see, we'll see. I'm pretty good dad. Okay. So anyways,
we have upcoming. I think I can hear her. She's up. Sorry, okay,
my wife hates me right now.
Speaker 2: She hates me yelling preference sheet meeting.
Speaker 1: No, it's in my headphones. Okay. So anyways, we have
a five day charter. It's going to be the longest
we've ever had, I think, and it is going to
be with Sky Knox and his seven gay porn star friends.
Speaker 2: Okay, Sky has two wys. By the way, I love
a name that adds an actual letter for no reason
other than other than make you sound more interesting. Yeah,
I'm pat Oh I I put it there. No no, no, no,
you forgot the T no no no, I got it.
I wrote it down. There's a T P a T
no no no no two teas at the end. Well,
I will I'm interesting.
Speaker 1: I will say, Sky with two why's is gayer than
Sky with one? Y? So mission accomplished. We're gonna have
a Parisian lube fest. We're going to three island's full countries.
And you know I take umbrage with Carrie. That's a
little bit like going to the four corners and saying
that you're in four states. You know, it's like you're
in a hodgepodge of you know, the same time. Yeah, exactly,
so good.
Speaker 2: It sounds good, though, it sounds good till I will
say this, because we have gay guests on this charter,
get prepare yourself for the sexual double entantras. Hi. I
love to finger paint. By the way, this is my
boyfriend paint, you know, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, I
think he said that. Anyway, did you and did you.
Speaker 1: Out a second? Lets let me just just preface this. Hm. Okay,
these people I know are already going to annoy the
shit out of me, all right, because I don't like
overtly horny people. Okay, it doesn't matter that they're gay,
it doesn't matter if they're straight. Okay. If you take
a napkin ring and go, oh my gosh, it's a
cock ring, you're annoying, you know, because it's not a
cock ring. It's a ring for napkins. But whatever, we'll
get into the whole thing. So the two chefs are
really hanging a bang and it's very cute. Anthony says
he's a dad to cats. You know, before I was
a non breeder, I was a dad to cats. It
is as a it's a different story, but but none
no less, no less rewarding. I mean, I love my
dots so much. He's been such a trooper with this
whole thing.
Speaker 2: Now we get to this what always going to feel
when God lowers his hand down during the rapture to
lift Chef Lawrence up into heaven and he has to
wave at those two cats as they're you know, their
souls are burning.
Speaker 1: You know, well he's sorry, Chef Anthony's not getting lifted
up into.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm Cheff Lawrence, I said Jeff Lorence.
Speaker 1: Okay, Chef Lawrence is going to be waving at Anthony
and his cat. Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 2: Okay, I forgot I thought Jeff Lawrence had the cats.
I'm a dummy. No, no, I should go to Hall for that.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, this is what happens. Okay, the rapture comes.
People are obliterated, right, just obliterated, and Lawrence is picked
up by the hand of God and he says, God,
I'd like to pay a visit to one person before
I head out, And he goes to Anthony's apartment, and
he tells him, you know you're gonna fucking run hell,
you know all this shit, And then he's God's going
to pick up Anthony's cat and Lawrence is going to
hold Anthony's cat and descend up into heaven and then
flame ball. You know Anthony? I don't, I don't know. Bummer,
big bumb big bar. I mean, can you imagine? So
Selene has a bracelet, a relic from and we should
say we love Anthony, he's a sweetheart. Well yeah, we're just.
Speaker 2: Maybe we'll have you on or your uncle. How would
you like that?
Speaker 1: Okay, Anthony's great. Okay, it's just kind of the shot
and freud of it all. It's very funny. Okay, so
like so funny.
Speaker 2: All right, So.
Speaker 1: I'm so scared. My wife is listening to me laugh
about this guy whose wife got stolen by his uncle.
Well she's she's dealing with a screaming baby in there. Anyways,
you know what this is, This is part of my life.
I have to just shed the guilt right now. Okay,
all right, So Selene has a bracelet. This was a
wild twist. Okay, this was a wild twist. You suspects, do,
I say, sirat history with Selene. She has a keepsake
from a past relationship with my namesake, the buff former
Fatty Weirdo himself, the lovable Dylan himself.
Speaker 2: My good, she's still she's still connected with him. You know,
I have to tell you it's not often we have
two hot people in a relationship like this. They're both
on equal uh footing as far as looks. You know,
too bad those two crazy kids couldn't make it work. Oh,
by the way, uh, you know, some people actually really
listen to this podcast because they love the show. Below deck,
I believe it is. Gail and Nathan just gave birth
to their beautiful child this week.
Speaker 1: Congrats, I think colic. Okay, Fraser was good. We get
to the next day, people are spraying each other in
the face, and Fraser was going to put you sorry.
Speaker 2: Oh I was going to do a sigouyde don't Yeah. Yeah,
you know. I used to love to pop bottles when
Patty was partying, you know, but then I got old
and I got kind of in a rut. You know
what got me out of that Rutdyl? What's that first leave? Firstly,
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these fresh, bright flavors I wouldn't have picked for myself.
I'm a filthy, yucky normy. I'd buy my wine at Ralph's.
That's a disgusting grocery store. Thank god this company exists.
Speaker 1: Yeah. That's been sending me pictures of all the wines
that he's been getting, and he's been going come over
and I'm going, I can, I have a baby, and
then he goes, JK, you weren't invited. I'm drinking all
of it myself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Patty loves a party.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 2: They curate wines from citrusy whites to refreshing rosees, no repeats,
just the perfect sip for the perfect season, you know.
Del I tried a wine from Chili this week, a
red wine. Also, I had a beautiful chardonnay from the
Columbia Valley of Washington. I can't hit that wine at
my local disgusting grocery store. Thank god this company exists.
Speaker 1: All right, So I with first, there are people there
that care. Right, If you go to Ralphs and you go, hey,
can you tell me a little bit about the collection.
The person you're talking to is actually on fentanyl, so
they will have zero clue.
Speaker 2: Oh that's what's wrong with them. I thought they were
just like walking around in circles for no reason.
Speaker 1: Well, it's the soullessness combined with the fentanyl, and that's
a nasty combole. You'll go blind from that stuff, you know.
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next morning?
Speaker 1: Okay, so next morning, by the way, the call that
I got from Malibu, California was actually a an infandentist
who may be doing a little tongue tie surgery for
my baby Lucy eleven.
Speaker 2: They gets you coming and going, brother, my.
Speaker 1: Goodness, gracious. All right. So we're spraying each other in
the face, and Fraser wants to put lube in the room,
but figures it's not a great idea because he doesn't
want to encourage the sex and change the sheets and phrase,
I think you know this, but you could have no
lube anywhere on this vessel. They would find it and
you will be cleaning those sheets.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad you caught that too, because Captain Carrie
inspects every inch of this boat for cleanliness. And I
was thinking, brother, don't bother in this charter. In about
three hours, the entire boat's gonna look like a glazed
donuts everywhere.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know that big donut, that
Brandy's donut. That's what the boat's gonna look like there's
just going to be seen it all over the place
and evidently pits.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's you know what. I don't think anybody's ever said, uh,
I got a pete in my stink pipe on television ever.
You know, there's not a lot of first in reality TV.
But that was definitely what.
Speaker 1: And that's why we love this show.
Speaker 2: So look, with that marriage, dude.
Speaker 1: The guys are not going are going to want to
work out in the raw, and Captain Carey is uniformless.
Now Rainbow has quite bad at it. She gets the
Andrew Wilson pickle at it. If you want something done,
do it yourself, she says, and then fails to open
up a bottle. Now, the Andrew Wilson at it I'm
referring to is a chauvinist influencer who constantly talks about
how weamen are useless. And he was mocking someone for
not being able to open up a pickle jar and
she gave it to him and he couldn't open it.
But then that girl's boyfriend came out and opened it. It
was very emasculating and just chef's kiss. But anyway, so
are we ready for some b D energy. The guests
have arrived and we head out of the Death to
for the but through the death defying bridge that Carrie
can slam into it at anytime. Now, I want to
tell you something, Pat, if we don't hit this bridge
this season, I would have you pissed off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hear you. I thought the same thing. A
couple things to point out here though, right before this happens.
This is our first snaff you foo with Carrie's uniform
not being prepared. And then we do the docking while
it's raining, and I have to give it to the
gaze because I was waiting for the inevitable double ententra.
We have a large phallic symbol going through I guess
a space with little room and yeah, and one of
them didn't say it's as tight as Ron's ass.
Speaker 1: Right, right, right, because this is and I love Lucy Cutaway, right,
you know, this is Lucy and Ricky laying down. I
think that's what they did on that show. But fast
forward to the Depravity of twenty twenty five, and that's
what Lawrence is talking about, the raptures coming, and you
know there's no allusion to we're just talking about Hey,
This reminds me of getting pissed and my ship pipe,
you know, you know that kind of thing. Anyways, So
so that's crazy. So let's get to lunch. The conquering
is the napkins. It is not for your cock coat
to buff with. Asparagus is up first, coupled with shrimp,
salmon salad and tomato and bad. I know, I'm wondering,
you know, my my asshole is a little bit like
the and I'm gonna hurry up with this and not
discuss it too much, but my asshole is a little
bit like that temple that Indie went into to try
to get the uh, I don't know that sack or
whatever though, yeah, that golden fucking thing or whatever. So
I'm not really too up to speed on the kind
of nutrition, the kind of intake. But cote to buff
and salmon salad does not sound like something you want
to be jesting if you're gonna beginning your ship by biston,
you know what I mean. So I don't know, I
don't know. Get the comments, let us know, but we
it was a lovely lunch, know this.
Speaker 2: They seem okay with standard fair.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was good. Seven bots, So we get to
this thing, which is I guess more common nowadays. Evidently
gay porn stars who are straight. This is a common
thing that happens. I've heard, I've heard about it.
Speaker 2: I think about it.
Speaker 1: These guys are just banging away and going home to
their lovely Jenna or whatever.
Speaker 2: Now I would argue gay for play, right, you're taking
home a paycheck. You come home. The wive said, how
is work? She's disappointed, clearly, but she understands. You know,
there's a mortgage to pay. You have someone pissing your
stink pipe, you know, just says for fun. Yeah, I
don't know that's problematic for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, it's not problem It's just that you're probably gay.
But if you're doing it for pay, you can tell
the missus. You know, listen, do you want to take
the kids to the Grandila this year? Then I gotta
keep sucking second dick. Okay, what am I going to
work at Target?
Speaker 2: Jesus Christman, I'll be so depressed, you know there?
Speaker 1: Would you just shut up and leave me alone?
Speaker 2: Thanksgiving is gonna be tough with the family, So I
guess we shouldn't ask about how work is.
Speaker 1: Her dad is a real evangelist. You know, he's not.
He doesn't really support it.
Speaker 2: He loves his grandkids. Though. There's a show HBO did
like twenty years ago, a series called Pornacopia, and it
covers all the lives of porn stars at that time
doing porn in the valley. It's a fascinating series. Oh yeah,
and one was a straight guy with a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Yeah and uh yeah, Pna Colia. Okay, we got a
meanwhile here, all right.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, chowd doesn't.
Speaker 1: Let Jesse and the break situation is bad. Evidently we'll
get to more on that at five o'clock. But chow is,
you know, maybe I don't have a good dar for this,
but I thought he was gonna be great. But it
does seem as though he's being set up to fail.
We'll talk about at the end of the episode. This
is a very confusing arc for me. But anyways, we
get some crete history with Rainbow, and this is when
we find out why Rainbow has no chill. It's because, to.
Speaker 2: Take it away, she hates her dad and her sister
and everyone and she's dead inside. Yeah, having your dad
drop you off on an island to basically a fight
for the death fight to the death with your sibling.
That will do that to you. Yeah, that's emotionally scarring,
that's traumatic.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And what she left out was there were a
bunch of friends of his from the docks quote unquote
who were smoking and gambling on them and that just
adds Yeah, another detail to a very sad story.
Speaker 2: I've brought this up on the show before, and some
people say I'm not sympathetic to Matt Perry, the famous
actor's plight, But when asked why, no, I'm not, he
shared a story where one time his mom didn't pick
him up at school on time and he had to
sit for an hour. Yeah, and that's how he was
explaining way what he called together forty years of drug use.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just saying, yeah, No, you know, sometimes we
need to you know, we need to step outside of
the main and observe the eye and really see who's
in control of me. And if you're not able to
do that, you probably just rail a bunch of academy
and then fall asleep. At the bottom of the bath,
which we've talked about numerous times is one of the
worst places to fall asleep.
Speaker 2: Don't take a nap in a jacuzza on Academy. You know,
I wish Rainbow was sitting at that jacuzzi because she
would have said, what happened to you? My mom didn't
pick me up a drop off one day? Oh my
dad used to have my sister and I kill each
other on an island that he left us at.
Speaker 1: If Rainbow was sitting on the lip of the jacuzzi
that Matthew Perry was taking a nap, then even if
she didn't know, I feel like Rainbow would have Walter
White and him had just looked and just been like, babe, babe,
this is this is your problem. He's gonna die. Rainbow.
Isn't your name? Rainbow? Okay, so we clean up a
little bit. The Biblical chef clearly cannot hang on this boat.
You know, Anthony is very very sweet, but you know,
later in the episode we'll have a conversation with him
and Carrie Whearing. Carrie tells him, you know this is
the best. You don't you're you can't be that.
Speaker 2: And and also these people, I love it.
Speaker 1: These people don't even want that, So don't worry about it, okay,
And and that's really really great leadership. Right, Let's not
try to get into Harvard. Right, let's try to get
into Seasid. Okay, that way, you know we can go
to college. But but chef Rapture is clearly like whoa,
I got to get away from this guy. I gotta
get away from this boat. Christ is pulling me up
the rope ladder and it's not going to happen here.
So we get another uniform mishap, and I think this
is the third one.
Speaker 2: This is third strike, either second or third.
Speaker 1: Okay, well we get ready for French cabaret.
Speaker 2: First up is Hey, sorry, Dell, this is such a
stereotypical gay theme party. How about a bunch of gay
guys that want a Star Wars theme?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Would you like to see like an e walk at
jizz done or something like raise your hands?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean maybe not getjizz done, just because they're so
little and cute, and I don't want to sexualize their
their cute little culture. I mean, can you they were
on of Devians Listen. I can imagine if Ryan Johnson
was helming a project with Eyx, they'd probably be fucking
cracking off nuts on one another and people would be
interviewing him like, why did you make that choice and
he'd be like mine felt it was right.
Speaker 2: You killed Luke Skywalkers out of a bitch.
Speaker 1: But anyways, yeah, like you know what I think. I
think the gays would crush a Rambo team. Oh oh
my god, that would be so sexy. You know what
I mean.
Speaker 2: I get creative gaze, come on times.
Speaker 1: Okay, So we have an oyster with a champagne foam
and also second churse I guess is Kyle's asshole, which
is cool?
Speaker 2: Which one was the the oyster foam because I couldn't
believe there was There wasn't a you know, a cum joke.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and again you know, we're shitting on these
people and they're shitting on each other. But this was
a lot of restraint because there is a coum joke there. Anyways,
Next up is uh steak with stewed carrot stuffed like
hard little penises in mashed potatoes. And the third dish,
the dessert is a red wine poached pear. Now, the
red wine poached pear is it's a classic dish, the
way that Salisbury steak is a classic dish. Okay, I
don't want it, really, yeah, I don't want that. Okay,
this is the rapture giving up. Okay, it is, he's
he's he's too tired to highlight anymore for versus tonight.
He's just going to go to bed with a podcast
about scripture. Okay, So the talent show is going to
be twerking and ur Also we see oh Dinner, four
pots Marcel, one of the guests can shove a fist
in his mouth, And I was just thinking, you know,
it's really good in life to be prepared for any scenario, right,
But I don't think there's a dick this big. I'm
Planet Earth.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no. Well, I guess if King Kong
was real, he could face talking balls in there. Yeah,
but I was thinking, you know, if his mom and
dad were watching, I'm sure they were tearing up, and
not a not a happy way.
Speaker 1: Well you don't know that, you know, they could have
been on their feet throwing popcorn at the ceiling. So, Jess,
we get back to this whole break thing. She once
worked a two hundred day shift with no breaks and
evidently finked it at the end. Yeah, that's a hard
one to believe. Anyways.
Speaker 2: So, by the way, at this point, there are two
people on this boat that have zero camera time. That
would be Damo. That's the guy who has his ball's puerced.
And then Jess, I feel like they're not on the show. Yeah,
be careful.
Speaker 1: Damo's not on the show, but he'll make out with
Fraser next week. So do we find so Rainbow and
Love Island are not doing well? Rainbow is having a
full blown panic attack at two fifteen of the morning
in mary Go Bay. Rainbow, after having the panic attack,
does one of these things that, you know, I think
that it would be beneficial to watch yourself on reality
TV because personal growth can be painful a lot of times.
You know, we listen back to shows and I cringe
at some of the stuff I say, and it's it's
helpful for me. It's it's it's awful, but it's helpful
when Rainbow watches back. You know, I know that we've
had Fight Island with the you know, the guy's bed
and screaming, you know, to pick up various natural weapons,
be they rocks or branches on Fight Island. I understand
that that's painful. But if she doesn't watch this conversation
with Dano back and go louly, yikes, I gotta change.
Something's going on. So she tells Dano that she is
going to lie to the girls and say that she
went to bed an hour earlier than she actually did
because they cannot do fruit and coffee service in the
morning without her. Now, what fruit and coffee service is
is cutting up kiwis leaving the skin on, leaving the la,
leaving the little sticker on, and putting an espresso pods
in an espresso machine. She's going to lie to them
because they can't do it without her.
Speaker 2: This was her storming, storming Normandy. You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, boy, that was grizzly. Huh, that whole Normandy thing.
My god. You know what I would have said. I
would have said, you want me to do what? No way,
no way, absolutely not.
Speaker 2: So I'll tell you what. I'll be in back of
the boat. I'll make sure the boat's okay. No, no, no,
you go, you go, you go.
Speaker 1: I got a tie my shoe.
Speaker 2: Well, who's gonna look.
Speaker 1: At that for the actually Okay, So we had some
crazy stuff happened in the bedroom overnight, as we mentioned.
Speaker 2: Next morning, I think.
Speaker 1: We've said this fifteen times, but someone.
Speaker 2: Speed in his asshole. Yeah, you know, I didn't have
a problem with the statement itself. It's how nonchalant the
tone was. It was like him saying he was going
to get some tea.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, there was there was a composure to the
the broaching of the topic.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: He was like, yeah, it's crazy. I've never had somebody
passing my ship by before. And forgive us for the
many women of which our audience is ninety eight percent of.
Please understand that Patrick and I are still boys. So
so yeah, we can get better. Hopefully my daughter matures me.
But there's a little Peter Pan going on that all
the time. So I apologize. So Selene, we're we're gonna
have to clean that up. Man. So kid's mom loves
his porn, and we get some Searet history with Barbara.
She is gay. Egg whites are served. Egg whites are disgusting.
I don't understand why people eat egg whites. It's I guess.
Speaker 2: God.
Speaker 1: I mean, if you're yeah, if you're really trying to
go for it, I guess. But I mean, my God.
So we get to Crocus and we put on some
face masks. While the Christian departs, God is shepherding him
off this vessel, and he is going with christ It was.
It was an interesting tenure, a short one. He lasted.
He lasted as long as that Identity Thief.
Speaker 2: I think the Identity Thief only lasted two episodes because
remember he never even made it off the dock.
Speaker 1: Oh that's right, this is the third episode. A little
time traveling for me.
Speaker 2: But yes.
Speaker 1: So we then get to this chow as and doing
well portion of the show where we get a well. First,
we get the confusing pep talk from Carrie where he
tells Anthony that listen, you're not good.
Speaker 2: Look, here are like high expectations. Okay, you're still looking
at my hand as I'm pointing out the expectation the floor.
The floor is the standard. Okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so no, I think Anthony put out a lot
of good food. It's just he's clearly not a professional
because of the state of the galley. Right. The thing
about professional chefs is that there's so much detail orientation
that has to go into it. You have to be
clean and organized all the time. So if someone has
you know, left a tray out and it has a
rat feces in it, you know there's a lot of
room to be improved upon. So anyways, we get this
Chow isn't doing well, so Carrie tells Chow Terry Cherry
sleep deprivation. I'm just chalking it up to that. It's
a really great excuse.
Speaker 2: Just Umbrella probably gets worse. So basically, Carrie in Kao
alerted the guests to the planning of the day and
where they be snorkeling, and they were complete opposites of
what would actually be taking place. And Carrie's like, you
made me look like a fucking asshole.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but this is weird. Like so then we get
the banana boat that goes off right, and so we've
had the luggage, We've had the banana boat, and we
have this this snorkeling Snapfoo. When Carrie tells Now, I
love Captain Carrey Catain. Carry's great, he's been on the show.
Friend of the show.
Speaker 2: I think he's gonna come back on.
Speaker 1: I would love to have him back on. We can
talk about the mangaraves. When he tells Chuao that he
told them the wrong area, Chiua is like, how could
you tell them? Like why would you think that they
were snorkeling that way? Like that's a crazy mistake to me.
The luggage thing seemed like, I mean, Chiuau was nowhere
near the luggage. I don't understand how that was. It's
just confusing what is getting put on him. The edit
is a little murky. I'm not really understanding what's going on.
I think this might be a little f Martin Luther
King type of situation, right yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. The
stakes are that high. Anyways, get in the comments, let
us know what you thought about the episode. Five stars
kind of words. We really really appreciate all the support.
Like I said, thank you so much for showing so
much luve to my family, and thank you to Pat
Ruby and Kaylin for holding down the fort. We love
you guys very much. Dad podcast at Patreon dot com,
Slash another podcast network. Until next time, I'm Dylan saying
good bye, Pat, saygabye later, dudes,