Speaker 1: The best way to support this podcast is going to
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Speaker 2: If you can't support us that way, please like and
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Speaker 1: On today's soft Core History, we're talking about the father
of history.
Speaker 2: The man whose methods inspired this podcast.
Speaker 1: Firing from the hip with historical events. Facts mean nothing. Well,
I like to think he takes a fact and then,
like us, just fills in the blanks to his heart's
content make the story juicier. Today, of course we're talking
about herodotus.
Speaker 3: Into soft core History.
Speaker 1: Put your zen end did get all zend up?
Speaker 2: The cases are kind of annoying.
Speaker 1: They call him Tucker carls In. Welcome back to Softcore History.
I'm your host for the week, Damn Regester, joined as
always by Rob Fox. What is that holiday season?
Speaker 2: How it was two boys season?
Speaker 1: Everyone's checked out?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I pulled a real uh not to sound like
a cliche podcast where it's like check out what I
did the other day. Listen to this is this wrong?
Speaker 1: Here's a thing that happened in real life, right, But
I really.
Speaker 2: Pulled a piece of shit move last night. I went
to a booze White Elephant and basically everyone maybe actually
literally everyone brought nice booze and I grabbed a bottle
that I've had in my cabinet for a year that
I was never going to drink because it.
Speaker 1: Would have been funnier if you grabbed like a plastic bottle, oh,
like a pop up.
Speaker 2: Honestly, that would almost be more respectable than.
Speaker 1: What I do, or a bottle of Andre.
Speaker 2: Again, more respectable than what I did, because Andre is
more drinkable than what I gave these people.
Speaker 1: What was it?
Speaker 2: So? Courtney, before she got laid off, was like a
writer for like a culture writer for like Western stuff
or whatever, and she would get sent stuff from time
to time, like Yellowstone sent her like gin for whatever reason,
in like a packet, like a press package or whatever.
Speaker 1: Everyone has their own alcohol at this point.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but so like this was just a gin from Montana,
But I was like, why aren't you sitting bourbon? Or
what the fuck? Anyway, for whatever reason, one of the
press packets she got had a bottle of Proper twelve
in it.
Speaker 1: Con Connor McGregor Proper twelve whiskey, the fucking lad. But
it was not regular proper twelve. It was apple flavored
proper twet of whiskey. Yikes.
Speaker 2: Just an absolute dog shit bottle of alcohol.
Speaker 1: What's more distasteful the charges against Connor McGregor or his actual.
Speaker 2: So I tried it last night because the guy was
walking around like after he got it, got stuck with it.
Speaker 1: He was like, who the fuck brought this? Who the
fuck brought this? And I was like, oh, I'll be honest,
that's me.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I it was a regift that came to
us somehow. He was like making everyone walk around drinking.
I was like, I'll take a big poll of it, dude,
I apologize, and I like just like took the ball.
He was like, take the bottles, Like yeah. I was like,
I know, I'm a piece of shit. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: He was like, what, it doesn't matter. He don't have
to admit he was the one in the rock.
Speaker 2: I felt that. That's how bad I felt. Also, because
he bought, uh, he brought a huge thing of Buffalo
trace bourbon brought like a nice bourbon, so I was
just like, yeah, I'll take a big pole.
Speaker 1: It tasted like shit that you wouldn't even like. You
would get fucked up on it once in high school
and then it would make you puke and you wouldn't
drink you would swear it off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for the next fucking fifteen years.
Speaker 1: Tell that story to your kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was fucking It was fucking awful. It was some
of the worst liquor I ever.
Speaker 2: I would have rather just had a straight shot out
of a plastic bottle of like McCormick's.
Speaker 1: Whiskey helped Connor buy a yacht.
Speaker 2: He doesn't anyway. It's more distasteful than his sexual assault charges, right,
without question.
Speaker 1: Holy shit, you no good keep winning. Yeah, but anyway,
very Christmas. That's my little Christmas story for this year.
I went to a Christmas bar where you had to
buy tickets to get in, hm, you know, cover charge,
and then every Roosevelt's, every drink was twenty five dollars.
It was eleanor next to it. Oh well yeah, okay,
so Miracle and Fifth Avenue, and I mean it was good.
Drinks are cool.
Speaker 2: It was chill twenty five dollars, but uh yeah.
Speaker 1: After every drink, I'm like, oh, wow, yeah, thanks for
the twenty five dollars.
Speaker 2: I'll have another twenty five dollars cider with bourbon in it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: There's nothing worth twenty five dollars to drink.
Speaker 2: Not at that bar. Really nowhere, but not especially not
at that bar. No, I'll drink maybe like the world's
greatest margarita if it's in like a fish bowl.
Speaker 1: It's funny. The girl's card next to me got declined.
Oh she was holding up the line. I was like, Oh,
this is a mega tough scene for you.
Speaker 2: That's rough. That's rough.
Speaker 1: He's like, are you sure you tried it again? Like, yeah,
tonight's not going through.
Speaker 2: The sweeth hat when we were out, when we were out
with a listener or when I was out with the listener.
He uh, my card wasn't declined, but it was like
physically broken and it wouldn't swipe, and they're like, your
card's declined. I'm like, it's not declined, it's just not
going through because it's falling apart and I'm waiting for
a new one in the mail. And he was like, God,
damn I guess your podcast not making very much money.
I was like, he just paid for me, please, and.
Speaker 1: We don't we don't make that much money. Now, please
subscribe to our paton self for history. Today, we're actually
gonna do an episode suggested by a listener okay, on
the discord. Not because I'm lazy.
Speaker 2: I didn't say lazy. He said this. He said the
soft mic too. He's like, I'm not lazy. I just well,
you know, thought i'd give him a.
Speaker 1: Give him a shout out, but also to promote the
Patreon patreon dot com slash softcore history, where you get
two aditional episodes and you get to join the discord
and potentially suggest an episode that we do on Mike.
Speaker 2: I might even pop in there from time to time.
Speaker 1: I'm there usually daily robs there bi monthly.
Speaker 2: Hm, I mean my bo when I'm feeling extra lonely,
when I've run out of good tiktoks while I'm pooping.
Speaker 1: So Shouste Brody nineteen twelve. On the Discord Today, we're
going to talk about Herodotus okay, the historian, the father
of history, yeah, whereas others put it the father of lies.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, but like I love the way he lies,
because he's just like there were exactly three hundred and
eighteen thy two hundred and nine Persian soldiers. But you
know what I mean, Like he just it's such obvious lies.
But not to the people at the time, I guess,
or maybe maybe it was even then.
Speaker 1: Been on a re rekick. You love the way he lies?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Is that what you're listening to on the way here?
Speaker 2: I mean, listen to whatever the radio plays me.
Speaker 1: He was criticized in ancient times, so even for the time,
they're like, dude, they criticize them for fluffing his accounts
and making them more legend than truth. So he was
Graham Handcock in his honor. I will do the same
throughout the episode. Hell yeah, since most of his life
has documented through his own works. In the much later
Byzantine is it suda?
Speaker 2: Huh?
Speaker 1: The Suda in the tenth century. I don't even know
the encyclopedia that the Byzantines do. Sure, I've never heard
of it, So I never heard it pronounced. It's s
u d a setta suda.
Speaker 2: Suit is fine.
Speaker 1: So the Byzantine Suda, which was the tenth century encyclopedia
of the ancient Mediterranean world. Everything we get into this
episode is stone cold fact. So it's either written by
him about his own life or this thing that was
fucking a thousand years later.
Speaker 2: So what I like about this though, this is like
the Graham Hancock problem, right, because if you read actual
historians when they write stuff that's not like a book,
because a book, they'll they'll at least try to be
a little entertaining, even if they're relatively rigid to their craft,
which is to not make necessarily definitive answers unless you
like know something for sure. But like if you just
read like offhanded history and stuff, like if you read
like the Reddit thread ask historians where his like actual
historians will answer questions and site sources and shit like that,
every fucking line is just like a hedge cause they're
just like we don't really know or like you know
what I mean to know, like it maybe it's impossible
to say like every single thing, and it's like so unfulfilling.
So it makes sense to me that a history that,
like some historians would get popular like Graham Hancock and
before if they're just making wild ass statements and they're
just like prove me wrong.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like being a scientist as well. There's
not a whole lot of wins and science.
Speaker 2: Oh so yeah, with science and history. If someone is
saying something definitive and it's not like basic because it's
always a theory, yeah, if it's not.
Speaker 1: Ever, it is never fact in science.
Speaker 2: In science, it's literally never fact. Is highest like pretty much.
I guess like Earth' gravitational pull, it would be a fact, right,
would be a scientific fact like that what it is?
Speaker 1: It's the theory of gravity.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like unless in history, like unless it's something
like George Washington was the first president, Like it's beyond
like stuff like that, like once you start getting into
the weeds, like it's all like pretty speculative. But was
he But what technically? No, I think there's like a
kind of a guy during the revolution. I forget, I
don't and I don't care.
Speaker 1: Seems like an overset on our part that we haven't
done an episode on him yet.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't believe he was. Off the top
of my head, I don't ever remember hearing anything interesting
about him beyond like fun fact this random asshole was
in charge for a little bit.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, Unlike Homer or Virgil, Herodotus does not attribute
and he divined sources to his work and credits only
his eyewitness testimonies or second retellings from locals. Okay, so
a lot of the stuff that he's kind of credited
for too is the the invasion of the Greek world
by the Persians, so from like four ninety BC to
four eighty. He's born in forty five.
Speaker 2: He actually wrote three hundred. Yeah, he did, honestly. If
you want to know what a Herodotus story is, like,
he wrote the script for zacks n I just watched
three hundred. Three hundred is written by Herodotus more or
less like no joke, Yeah, Like it's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because he would often kind of cite the numbers
and battles and be like, oh, yeah, the Greek's only
lost like one hundred and seventy dudes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when you hear about like the Persians having a
million men from a craft, I love the The narration
in three hundred is my favorite part where it's just like.
Speaker 3: And he have homosexuals and browns descended upon Greece.
Speaker 2: I love that movie.
Speaker 1: I know, and the Greeks often try to take credit
to for teaching the Persians like homo erotic behavior.
Speaker 2: Oh, they tried to be like we do. We taught
them what like this greatest sex of all is they.
Speaker 1: Were trying to say that, which is dudes, Herodotus Actually
he writes down that Greeks at one point taught Persians
how to have sex with children. So, I mean, I
don't know if that's something you want to own.
Speaker 2: I don't, Yeah, I don't, uh don't necessary or first off,
I don't think the Persians needed a lesson.
Speaker 1: No, I think they were ahead of the lesson at
the very least on pace with anyone else. They had
their own eunuch boys and whatever. Writing was invented in
like three thousand dish pc. Fucking kids was invented when
penises were day one. Oh that's a fucking tragic, tragic truth.
Speaker 2: Really is so about five hundred thousand years before writing.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's horrifying when you look how many pedophiles are today,
but honestly, it's the safest time to be a child.
There's there's never been a safe close look at those maps,
just full of red dots.
Speaker 2: It is a red dot.
Speaker 1: Though criticized for certain inaccuracies, and contradictions, most of his
work is still considered reliable. In the author's mission statement
in his prologue of his nine volume work, The Histories,
was to preserve the memory of the past by putting
on record the accomplishments of Greeks and non Greeks alike
and the conflicts that divide them.
Speaker 2: So that's one thing that always cracks me up. Like,
even if it's like pretty full of shit, if it
was written by a person in a time that it
is not now, it's a historical document. So like my
favorite thing is when like you'll get sort of like
an idiot liberal person basically being like, you're bad of bullshit.
It's not real. It's not a historical document, and like
you know, it's literally a historical document.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's written thousands of years.
Speaker 2: It's literally a historical document.
Speaker 1: It might not be true, but here's the thing. The
stories might be like mythology, but it's still historical. It's historical,
and there's literally in the myth by the definition. Yeah,
like there's like you.
Speaker 2: Wouldn't because it's funny because that same person will be like, oh, yeah,
you can learn a lot about ancient Babylon from the
epic of Gilgamesh. It's like, oh, yeah, where he's like
fighting dragons and shit or whatever whatever the fuck he
does in that. Yeah, that's fake too, Like you didn't
fight a dragon, but you learn a lot about like
the culture and what people valued and all the type.
So like it's just like the it's just like the
lame as dunk.
Speaker 1: Well, he had advanced tech from the Annachi.
Speaker 2: So yeah, he was an Ananochi prince.
Speaker 1: He was the one that documented the battles of Marathon, Salamis,
and Thermopoli and the entire Persian invasion of the Greek
world between four ninety and forty ady BC.
Speaker 2: Could could one pause it that Herodotus is the inventor
of the marathon?
Speaker 1: Do we blame Herodotus for the creation of the running hobby?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I'm serious. Is there any other account other than
Herodotus that has that guy running and then dropping fucking dead?
Speaker 1: Mm?
Speaker 2: Because if there's not, then Herodotus a probably made that
up because it's too good of a story and b
is to blame for marathons.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm already gonna give vout our hitler of
the week. Rotis was born in four eighty five in
the Anatolian city. I think it's halicarter Nassas. Okay, it's
a fucking mouthful.
Speaker 2: I've conquered it many a time in Rome. Total war.
Speaker 1: Easy to take.
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, it depends on when you get there.
Speaker 1: When's an easier time to take it.
Speaker 2: Like earlier in the game. So if you're a civilist,
if you're a sieve, that's closer to it, like at
the beginning of the Like if you're I think it
starts out as a Greek city. But if you're you know,
not the Ponics. But if you're like the Roman broody
eye faction whatever, not that bad, not that hard.
Speaker 1: He was Greek educated, and because he had a bit
of a ceiling when it comes to power in politics
because they were Persian ruled, he turned literature and was
well versed in the Iliad and Odyssey.
Speaker 2: By the way, two things that also are mostly full
of shit, but are historical documents. Less full of shit
than we thought originally, because they did eventually find Troy.
Speaker 1: Did we find the woman they fought over.
Speaker 2: Helen the Bones? Yeah, they found it. They're like, whoa,
she was hot. Yeah, we just did a three D
remapping of her total would Yeah, it's actually just Sidney
Sweeney did well.
Speaker 1: If you look at the internet this week, people are like,
did catfish Sidney Sweeney? Mid as?
Speaker 2: Fuck those pictures too, by the way, where a she
looked awesome still but she's still great. It was just
like catching her at unflattering angles as she was walking
right in.
Speaker 1: A bikini when she was probably she probably just ate
or had.
Speaker 2: No makeup on. Yeah, but it was like you you
can make anyone like, she's not posing, walking like a human.
Speaker 1: I don't think people grasp that fitness is ninety percent lighting. Yeah,
Like I'm actually yoked, but you can't tell it's bad lighting.
Speaker 2: There's some mirrors where I look at my house where
I'm like, damn and that Like I'll walk from my
brightly lit bathroom and be like and then go into
my bedroom with better lighting and be like, what up, dude.
Speaker 1: His cousin and poet Piasis was executed for his part,
and he failed coup to overthrow the city government. When
Erodotus was around thirty, he saw the writing on the
wall and it was probably best he left before losing
his own head, and that's when his travels really started.
So Herodotus went on to travel Asia Minor European Greece.
He would kind of go back and forth. He claims
to have visited the Persian capital of Susa, Babylon, Tire, Palestine,
and had a prolonged stay in Egypt.
Speaker 2: Okay, all the good stuff.
Speaker 1: However, modern historians kind of call us okay because with
an example of some of his write in, they're like,
all right, this is how we discrib his Babylon. First,
there runs around it a deep and broad trench full
of water. Then a wall fifty meters in thickness and
one hundred meters in height. At the top of the wall,
along the edges they built chambers of one story facing
one another, and between the rows the chambers they left
space to drive a four horse chariot. In the circuit
of the wall, there are set a hundred gates made
of bronze. Now, archaeologists have uncovered Babylon a little bit
and they're like, there was nowhere near one hundred gates.
Speaker 2: There's none of what he's describing here. There was eight gates.
Speaker 1: It was much smaller than anything he described, right, And
it's been determined that this was probably because he just
took somebody's word for it, Yeah, and didn't visit.
Speaker 2: It, just interviewed someone.
Speaker 1: Yep, didn't. He just believed him for verbatim.
Speaker 2: Or that guy told him that the city was awesome
but gave him a more accurate description, and Herodotus just
juiced it up.
Speaker 1: That could also be the case, but what's pretty much
understood is he probably never went to Babylon. Herotus' personality
comes through quite often in the pages of his works.
A reader understands that one is hearing from an individual
with certain taste and interest, and that the author considers
what he has to say is important enough to require
no explanation, qualification, or apology for perceived inaccuracies.
Speaker 2: So yeah, that's another thing that's fun with writing is
that he probably assumes that his audience. He's not writing
for people two thousand years in the future. No, he's
writing for people when he's alive. And there's things that
his audience would understand implicitly.
Speaker 1: If he felt like including something, he would and he
never seen the care if the reader's found fault with it.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, I actually saw something the other day about Shakespeare.
About Shakespeare has a lot of like I guess what
you would call pop culture references in Shakespeare, No doubt.
Speaker 1: He was actually the original Bill Simmons. It was like, yeah,
it was crazy.
Speaker 2: It was like the guy was talking about how like Shakespeare,
like people in Shakespeare's time were probably going to plays
with the frequency that maybe people would go to movies
in the nineties. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Shakespeare's actually just like I think Duke should pay for
their own fucking castles.
Speaker 2: But he was just like, you would reference other shit,
So it would almost be like.
Speaker 1: Uh, both weirdly mentioned nine oh two one oh yeah,
so much good.
Speaker 2: But it would be the equivalent of like, there were
conversations in Shakespeare that would be like, I guess a
good example would be, uh, at the beginning of Reservoir Dogs,
when Quentin Tarantina is like breaking down like a virgin
m hm, he would have like, there's like shit like
that in some of his work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why wouldn't there be?
Speaker 2: Right exactly, So when you think about Shakespeare, just say oh,
timeless blah blah, like he there's it's literally impossible to
not reference shit in the time you're a that is,
people won't understand it.
Speaker 1: Evergreen content, Yeah, no, no such thing, no such thing,
but we try. We trip up a lot, a lot.
Speaker 2: It's like talking about Sidney Sweeney's viral photos from a
day ago.
Speaker 1: Listen, she's a genie right now and a soap commercial.
She can do whatever the fuck she wants, all right,
I would, I would fight for Sidney Sweeney. She could
be our helen.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't. Yes, she is a she is one of
our helens.
Speaker 1: You're telling me if like Syria, like the rebels in
Syria took her hostage, that wouldn't get a bunch of
dudes to sign up in the US moment.
Speaker 2: I feel like I wouldn't need to volunteer to go
get her back from Syria. Now China, like Xijen Jingping
steals her and hides her in the Forbidden City. Yes,
we're gonna have to volunteer.
Speaker 1: Right, You're right. There is mention that he goes back
to his hometown to lead a successful rebellion of the Persians,
but despite his contributions of the coup, his work was
not well received by his hometown peers, so around four
forty seven BC, he established his base in Athens. Like
any good Greek man, it's.
Speaker 2: A place it's the New York of the Hellenistic world,
you know what I mean. It's where the artists go,
It's where the knowledge is, it's where the money is.
Speaker 1: His historical work was originally presented orally and was created
to have an almost theatrical element to it. So he
was a performer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's Graham Hancock.
Speaker 1: His subject matter often encompassed battles, political struggles, and a
discovery of foreign lands and people. He would go on tour.
Speaker 2: So he just had a history podcast.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was the original history podcast.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Sweet, and honestly, we operate with about the accuracy
of Herodotus.
Speaker 1: So he go to all the major Greek cities, any
religious or athletic festival, the Olympics where you'd offer up
performances in return for He refused to read his book
to the crowd until there was ample cloud cover to
shade him on his platform.
Speaker 2: What a diva.
Speaker 1: He's a high man and I liked it. He had
demand he had cloud.
Speaker 2: Cover on his rider.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like he's like, I will not perform into the clouds.
Speaker 2: Cover the bloody clouds. I ain't covering him, studge, or
I do think it is funny to me just in general,
how much more emotional people men used to be. Especially
back then, we would just express We would just like
cry tears of joy at like things that were exciting
or beautiful or I mean, I probably cry if I
watched mis Zoo win a national championship.
Speaker 1: When's the last time he cried, even cried your wedding.
Speaker 2: No, probably like got pretty choked up at the birth
of Rory.
Speaker 1: But even then, you're like, get it together, dude, Yeah,
you gotta show this young lad what a man is
out the gate. He can't know a week man.
Speaker 2: No, he can't. That's why I fought a nurse immediately
they kicked you out of the er whole hospital. Yeah,
Corney had to go home that afternoon, which was pretty mad.
Speaker 1: In four point thirty one BC, the Papnesian War broke
out between Athens and Sparta, and it may been this
war that inspired Herottus to collect the stories into a
continuous narrative. He wrote it between four thirty and four
to twenty five PC. The histories were divided by later
editors into nine books. The first six books dealt broadly
with the growth of the Persian Empire. The second book
forms a lengthy digression concerning the history of Egypt. The
following four books deal with the further growth of the
Empire under Darius, the ionin revolt, and the burning of Sardis.
The sixth book describes the very first Persian invasion into Greece,
an attack upon those who aided the ionins in a
quest for retribution, following the attack upon Serratus, which ended
with the defeat of the Persians m Four to ninety
BC at the Battle of Marathon.
Speaker 2: Where he invented running twenty six miles exactly.
Speaker 1: The last three books describe the attempt of the Persian
king Xerxes to avenge the Persian defeat at Marathon and
to finally absorb Greece into the Empire. The histories ends
in the year four to seventy nine, with the Persian
invaders having suffered both a Crushian naval defeat at Salamis
and near annihilation of their ground forces at Plateaea. The
Persian Empire thus receded into the Asia Minor.
Speaker 2: And now, if I can just read a passage from
Herodotus about Xerxes, he was a twink that stewed to
eight feet tall, the largest twink in all of THEA that's.
Speaker 1: All good, okay.
Speaker 2: I just like I just want to do my three
voice all the time because the.
Speaker 1: Clip did okay last time.
Speaker 2: We oh yeah, the other one. I can just do
all the three hundred, three hundred.
Speaker 1: Voices are very He should just have you act out
three hundred. Yeah, I will, I'll do.
Speaker 2: I will just perform three hundred for memory, like.
Speaker 1: You're Adam Sandler doing all the roles or Rob Schneider.
Speaker 2: He was constantly lubricated.
Speaker 1: There has been debate concerning the accuracy of his tales and,
more importantly, his role in creating the fabrications. Some argue
he was devious and conscious of his fictions, and others
just think he was a gullible moron, misleading or misled
by his horses.
Speaker 2: I know, I don't think he was a moron. There's
just too many good entertainment choices.
Speaker 1: All the statues of him too make him jacked pretty
cool where they built while he was alive, I don't think.
Speaker 2: So, Okay, that's funny. Well maybe that's just like a
Greek thing. Have you ever seen like literally other than
like maybe Dionysus, which I can't remember, Like there's.
Speaker 1: A statue of him like current dang Turkey Okay, and
yeah he's like he's got fucking bicyle.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, his hometown is in Turkey. Yeah yeah, I mean,
but have you ever seen a fat ancient Greek statue,
like just a plump man.
Speaker 1: Was there such a thing as a fat man other
than Socrates? I yeah, Socrates was still a fucking unit,
like he was a I guess he was regarded as
one of the better warriors too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there was a like depressingly there's a
photo I saw from the nineteen thirties that was like
fattest men in the World Club Babe Ruth was a
fat man, and yeah, it was like pretty like guys
who were like, oh that looks like my dad, you
know what I mean? Why they weren't that.
Speaker 1: Fat even in the nineties. George castanz is a fat guy,
was he?
Speaker 2: He's not that fat though, No, he's mostly just stocky
and bald. Yeah, he's supposed to be a bald fat man,
but he's in It's also depressing that he's like in
his thirties basically throughout that show where it's like that's
I remember like watching Seinfeld being like man that once
you're in your thirties, you are old as fuck. You
are a dead person.
Speaker 1: Basically, we're gonna go through some of his best hits
of proven lies. In book three, he claims the huge
furry ants the size of foxes lived in Persia and
spread golden particles of dust as they dug into the
sandy ground. Uh. Yeah, they probably weren't fox sized ants,
because if there were, there.
Speaker 2: Wouldn't be people.
Speaker 1: That would be terrifying.
Speaker 2: That's like you have to find where they live and
just pour I guess Greek fire baby wasn't inventity yet,
but you gotta pour some kind of like poisoned. I
mean they had poison back then. Just fill buckets and
buckets of water with whatever poison you think will kill
an ant at that and yet doesn't matter how many
slaves die from the poison fumes, Like, you just got
to do it. If there's ants the size of foxes.
Speaker 1: Now, there were not ants that dug up gold out
of the sand, but large squirrels named marmots.
Speaker 2: Okay, so he just called them ants.
Speaker 1: No, no, he claimed to have seen the ants, but
check it out. This was probably just a little uh
lost in translation moment from him, what do you mean
he heard the story from a couple of Persians. He
didn't actually see it right, He tried to say he did.
And because the word was so closely associated with the
word for ant as this like giant squirrel thing, he
got that mixed up. So he reported it as ants.
Speaker 2: It's a better story, right then, mammals than some just
weird fox sized fox.
Speaker 1: I think he literally just got the translation wrong.
Speaker 2: Oh and he thought that they were just giant ants.
He thought there was just that makes that tracks too,
because the way and we actually.
Speaker 1: Talk about this in the episode that I wrote that
we're recording today but will not be airing for a
week or two.
Speaker 2: Just people back then viewed the East as like crazy.
Speaker 1: We still do.
Speaker 2: We still do, I would say, but like yeah, yeah,
just like all the craziest stuff is over there, like
it's barely Earth type of thing.
Speaker 1: You're in another realm. Yeah, Mortal Kombat kinda.
Speaker 2: I mean Mortal Kombat does have Eastern vibes. Yeah, so same.
Speaker 1: I don't know the total war, but you're in this
like just middle Land, right.
Speaker 2: I couldn't tell you where it was. There's like different
people from all different.
Speaker 1: It's between Earth, and I think that under realms, that's
how they get to have their Mortal Kombat tournament and
people fight.
Speaker 2: Yeah, people from all different realms like do Mortal Kombat.
Speaker 1: He also references in book three and four to cyclopses.
Speaker 2: Now this one can be excused, I.
Speaker 1: Think, Well, let me finish it up. Oka He claimed
that these cyclops is he was obsessed with gold for
some reason, stole gold from Griffins in northern Europe.
Speaker 2: Okay, again, the Romans were even like we talked about this,
like they get up to Germany and they're like, that's
the darkest fucking forest I've ever seen in my life. Whatever,
I will believe that anything lives in there. And they didn't.
Even the Greeks didn't even get that far really as
far as I know, Like they probably didn't get north
of like Bulgaria or something like that, like the Scythians
or whatever they're in like Romania, Bulgaria, like southeastern Europe, Yugoslavia,
former Yugoslavia type of situation, so even below Poland Germany
type of type of areas. So, but also have you
seen the like I heard about, like how ancient Greeks
would discover mammoth skulls.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it looked like you talked about on the show.
It's just because like the eye socket is one.
Speaker 2: Something like that. Yeah, but it looked like the skull
looks like a cyclop skull, so fair enough given the
information they had.
Speaker 1: He also claimed that timid creatures frequently gave birth to
multiple babies so that some would survive. You know, that
logic kind of checks out because most of the days
be killed by predators, and that harsh creatures like lions
only conceived once a lifetime because they're less likely to
be killed and therefore not in danger to go extinct.
Speaker 2: But lions do have more than one right, Yeah, yeah,
they have like litters or whatever.
Speaker 1: He was just kind of making it up.
Speaker 2: I mean, he's right about the timid ones. Like there's
a reason that rabbits fuck.
Speaker 1: Like rabbits to keep the species gone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a it's a numbers game for a lot
of those things.
Speaker 1: He also said that lions cub fetuses use their sharp
claws to scratch at their mother's womb, scratching more and
more until they're born. The lioness can supposedly only give
birth once because her womb is so mangled and scratched
up the pieces that they could not give birth to another.
Speaker 2: That's really funny. I mean he is just heat checking
on that, Like he's just like, who's gonna who's gonna
prove me wrong? You can't.
Speaker 1: Now, the histories was criticized for bias and accuracy, even plagiarism.
Speaker 2: It's like people at the time are like, that's obviously bullshit.
I mean, maybe the line thing's true. I don't know.
I literally can't prove you wrong on that. But like
I know for a fact, no one ran from marathon
to like I was there. No one ran and dropped dead.
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 2: I was part of the people who received the news.
Speaker 1: And open toad shoes.
Speaker 2: Right, It's like that didn't happen, just like, yeah, we'll see,
we'll see what stands to test the time. Fuck you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was more criticized honestly then than he is now.
Speaker 2: Because we know he's full of shit. Now there's no
nothing to criticize.
Speaker 1: Well, many modern historians and philosophizers see his methodology in
a more positive light, and he's a pioneer of relatively
objective historical writing based on source materials. Yeah, despite his
colorful distractions and his informality of style. Herodotus remains the
authority in the Great Persian War.
Speaker 2: I mean, at least he wrote it down. And I
will say this too. Think about this if you want
a good example of how how counts of history work
or whatever. Remember when we were like high schoolers, I
don't know what. Like, So there's some things that like
really nailed, like the experience of a high schooler in
a certain era, like super Bad I think did a
very good job. But there's a lot of shows or
movies I should say shows too, but movies about like
kids in a certain era, like high being a high
schooler or whatever in a certain era where when you
watched it at the time, you were like, dude, that's
fucking not at all, Like who fucking wrote this? Like
as we're watching it's like a fourteen year old like,
this isn't what it's fucking like. But you look back
on it now and you'll be like yeah. And then
you would look back you could watch something from before
you were high school or at like fast times at
Ridgemont High and just take that as like fucking fact
basically like yeah, that's what probably what it was. Like
in high school in the eighties. But I guarantee there
people in high school in the eighties they were like what, no,
like like most is bullshit, Like that's kind of true,
but the rest what.
Speaker 1: Did they say, Nostalgia is not what it used to be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Discovery's made since the end of the nineteenth century have
helped rehabilitate his reputation. There's been ancient cities in Egypt
and recovery of things that he claimed were part of
the Egyptian New Kingdom that he was doub it on
in his time. So like he would report certain things
that have now recently been uncovered and have credited him for,
like the discovery. So he got the more things right
than not necessarily more things right, but he he had
some hits right.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's like a conspiracy theorist.
Speaker 2: You get a couple right, you get some credibility when
you realize you, well, that's the advantage of a conspiracy theorist, right,
the bar is so low that you only need to
get a few things right and people will start being long. Well,
of God's pretty solid compared to other ones. It's like
an angel of the story.
Speaker 1: You can miss as long as you get a couple right, right,
Why would you ever be a journalist? Just be exactly journalists.
One thing wrong, career ruined, Yeah, conspiracy theorist, many things wrong,
one thing right, not bad, not bad.
Speaker 2: What do you wanted to bat a thousand?
Speaker 1: You're seeing through the mainstream bullshit.
Speaker 2: It Yeah. So the bar is just so low for
him that it's it is what it is. It's like
the Bible. Honestly, it's the same thing. It's like there's
so much supernatural things in there that you don't that
when they nail something, you're like, oh, all right, Okay.
Speaker 1: After traveling the world of his time, Herodotus came to
live in the Greek colony of Thirty, where he edited
and revised histories. Later in life, he also lived in Athens,
and at some point is thought is that's where he
returned and died of the plague sometime between four twenty
five and four thirteen BC. Of the plague, the Athenian plague.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, I didn't know it was like Babonic plague.
Speaker 1: No Athenian plague that killed uh Percles okay, Pericles, Pericles, Yeah,
I should know that name. He's an Assassin's creed. Greek
nams are actually not that hard either. I'm just stumbe.
Speaker 2: I feel like ancient Greek names are not that bad.
It's when you get into like Byzantine medieval to modern
where it's like.
Speaker 1: The cities though are mouthfuls.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like it's like janis Apo right, Yeah, like that
is a that Gyannis's last name. That is the type
of Greek name I feel like from the Eastern Roman
Empire era on, but like ancient Greece, Yeah, like Pericles, Herodotus, even.
Speaker 1: Though we don't pronounce their names right, like Socrates I
think is like SoC whatever something like that.
Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck. Yeah yeah, but still though
you start adding a lot of vowels and syllables. There's
one girl I knew in college whose name whose last
name is god damn his name. Her first name is Artibis.
She had a great, great Greek name.
Speaker 1: What's crazier Greek class names or Polish last names?
Speaker 2: Uh? Polish because that's not even borderline remotely, like some
Greek bleeds into English, right, nothing Polish? This is this
is her last name.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not a name. Those are just letters. That's
the alphabet.
Speaker 2: Actually that's yeah, it's the whole fucking alphabet. Yeah, she
great girl, but uh, it was her name always cracked
me up because I was like, God, that's so Greek
that it's so it's so Greek that it'd be like
if I was named like Seamous mcwhiskey. Yeah, like it's
it's fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, Giorgiao's fucking names insaney Greek. What's his
last name again, it's Nicholas Gregoris Gregoris. Oh yeah, that's
rights called Nicholas Gregory's and it's Nicholas with no C.
Speaker 2: Right, is it just a K?
Speaker 1: I think it's just a K?
Speaker 2: Yeah, n I K Yeah, Gregoris. That was easy.
Speaker 1: Still, yeah, it's it should be more syllables.
Speaker 2: Actually, I'm not a tumpo. I will never get that
name right.
Speaker 1: I also just love that, like the ancient Greeks were
one names. Yeah, a bunch of princes.
Speaker 2: I mean even like Vikings were that way too. They
would their last name would just be their dad's name,
their last name. They usually had last names, or they
had like a thing that described them.
Speaker 1: It was leaf like Bjorn Ironside yeah, or but like
a lot of it was like leif ericson, son of Eric.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's all it is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, still better. These guys have one names only.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like what which Pericles? Which one? So many? So
many would be like rolling around you know the great Michael.
Speaker 1: So that is kind of the overall story of the
Father of History and the Father of lies, depending on
your perspective. I mean the Father of History podcast.
Speaker 2: Do you ever think to like, I think another way?
Speaker 1: The original Dan Carlin, he is the he He was
doing history podcasting code but live History podcast recording at
the Amphitheater had to wait for the cloud cover.
Speaker 2: Yeah, once the clouds set in, just do at night, asshole?
What do you you a fire? You can light yourself,
you light the.
Speaker 1: Stage, light the giant ants on fire.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It is another thing too. That herodotus that probably
pissed people off at the time was do you ever
think about how I guess you'll see like maybe someone
you play. I guess athletes don't really work because everyone
that played with a pro athlete is like, yeah, he
was goddamn insane when he was in eighth grade. But
if you like, I guarantee you there's a lot of
people who knew like famous artists and stuff who were
just like, I mean they were fine, or like a
famous comedian, you're like, yeah, like I was like never
really funny, like I never never made me laugh when
I like talked to him or whatever. Right, and it's
just like weird that and like you're definitely like there
are people who a like, yeah, there's funnier people than him.
Speaker 1: Oh fuck is that guy? Yeah that's horotesis right. Like
people at the time are like this guy suck like
sound like he has guys so mad, but now they
directed statues apt like post mortem. But yeah, he wasn't
like super welcomed in his town, even though he allegedly
helped save it with the revolt.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or like how many people do you think knew
like Elvis before he was famous and we're like he's whatever,
Kirk Obain, oh man. Once you get into the nineties
stuff especially, it's probably like I mean, there was the
famous example is Lady Gaga. There was a whole Facebook
group that was like Stephanie. She had a super Italian name.
Whenever her fucking name is Stephanie Gianna monomena nomena, Uh,
you will never be famous. That was the name of
the Facebook group.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, that was the name of the Facebook group
because she was so full of herself and her and Tom.
Speaker 2: Pole were like she and by the way she was
at like NYU Tish. I think so this was like
not some like fucking Sunni school where she was like,
you happen to be famous one day. Like these were
other artists who saw her and were probably maybe not
even wrongly like she's whatever, dude, she well, I don't know.
I don't understand why she thinks she's gonna be so big.
Speaker 1: I think similar stories about Taylor Swift in high school.
Speaker 2: Our friend who went to Penn State knew people who
went to high school with Taylor Swift or like junior
high with Taylor Swift a like she sucks. They were like,
a she sucks and be people would be like the
way he explained it was, they said he they told
him that people were like mean to her, and she
would be like, I'll prove you all wrong. I'm gonna
be famous one day, would like say that to them,
and she obviously she got the last laugh. But my
assumption is it's more like she was already telling people
she wanted to be famous, and then as a seventh
grader is wont to do. They would just give her
shit for it, and she would be like, oh, I
prove you are wrong.
Speaker 1: But it's just some kid being like whatever, you know,
like not like specifically like I hope you fucke Taylor
Swit was just like whatever, Taylor, You're not gonna be famous,
and she's like, oh yeah, yeah, proved a sell wrong.
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Speaker 1: Doesn't even really claim the Eagles anymore. I hate to
see that cheese girl now, yeah, she's converted. Good Dick
will do that.
Speaker 2: How far away is she from Philly? Does she grow
uprom Philly?
Speaker 1: I think she was like Middle Pennsylvania, so a couple
hours lord middle huh? I think so closer to the
Philadelphia side. Yeah, I don't actually know where she's from. Whatever,
I don't care where she's from. Now, here's a statue
of Herodotus.
Speaker 2: Look.
Speaker 1: Look how jacked you like?
Speaker 2: Actually like extremely The biceps are insane.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like this is a historian. Huh, it's good. Look,
it's good look for us.
Speaker 2: I mean that's like it makes Indiana Jones look like
a pussy.
Speaker 1: Just give me that fucking arm workout, man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what is he doing? It's just lifting the pen
all day. That's from writing.
Speaker 1: I do like that he essentially tells stories of places
he's been that he's never actually been to.
Speaker 2: That is the funniest thing. That's like leaving a review
on a restaurant you've never been to, which is really funny, or.
Speaker 1: Just going to summer camp and like, yeah, hooked up
with this girl. Where's she go? Uh you wouldn't know? Yeah,
Oh yeah, dude, he's from out of town central Pennsylvania.
You haven't heard of her. Yeah she was really hot
though she could be famous one Yeah hot thrilled dude,
you get no bitches at home? Yeah, dude, I just
had a different type of type of rhizms. We see.
Speaker 2: That's that's not that's not a good way to tell
that lie. You can't be like, I just gotta different
type of you gotta be like, yeah, dude, because the
bitches here fucking suck, dude, and then you gotta call
them shitty, like, dude, the chicks you aren't even hot.
I don't want to score with these bitches Ashley fucking Sarah.
They're not. They're fucking like fucking sixes, dude.
Speaker 1: I out sore my hose.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, I don't know, I'm not even gonna touch
that ship. They ain't no good. I've the summer camp
full of tens and I've like fucked eight of them, dude, Like, yeah,
I'm not fucking trying to even fucking deal with the
bitches here. You gotta make your friends sound like their garbage.
Speaker 1: Yeah, long distance the way to go.
Speaker 2: I mean, I got some perks to it, not really, no,
not at all at all. It's retarded. It's the dumbest
thing you can do. But I mean, if you're an adult,
like at the by our age and you just really
need to find someone, sure, but like you shouldn't do
that when you're like twenty, that's insane. Like you go
to cut two different college situation. It's just count down
to getting cheated on.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, who's gonna cheat first? Yeah, I'm a chickend.
You can't even be mad, Like if you get cheated
that's just college. Yeah, that's just college. My favorite I
still just love I would think of the story before it,
but so I won't like tell it quickly again.
Speaker 2: Which is one of my favorite things ever. Is my
buddy who got walked in on fucking some chicken. She
had a boyfriend, got walked in on by the boyfriend,
and there was like still an understanding of like bro
code of like it ain't your problem, bro, just get
the fuck out of here. I'm not mad at you
because you implicitly know you would do the same fucking thing.
Speaker 1: It's like I didn't know what do you want? Man,
it's your favorite lie that you heard.
Speaker 2: Oh it's the ants by far. Yeah, although actually, even
though we don't know, it's a lie for sure, the
marathon is a lie until I'm proven otherwise if he's
the one that came up with that story, it's not
fucking true.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Also, just the stories you probably told about, like Thermopoly,
there's oh yeah, probably more than three hundred dudes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for real, there's you.
Speaker 1: Know, they count the three hundred Spartans, but then there's
like a whole group of mercenaries that join on.
Speaker 2: There's like five six thousand people, which still, by the way,
is wildly outnumbered, right.
Speaker 1: But it's at a choke point. Leonidas is h you know,
he's a military not genius, but he's regarded as he's regarded.
Speaker 2: Pretty high, certainly a pregmatist, right, Like there's like what
is military genius really? It depends. Like there's people like
Napoleon who were genuinely like innovative and excellent, and then
you've got people lie like Grant who they're genius of
Grant was really just pragmatism, Like it.
Speaker 1: Was just like this is what we have, this is
the geography of the location if we do this, that
I have to do this, Like yeah, somebody that's just
like straight up like this is what would happen if
we do this, right, Like this is our only only chance?
Speaker 2: Right, Like there's two Like sometimes you need to win
a game through a miracle or whatever, crazy play, it's
like no in your home ballpark, Yeah it's it's But
other times it's just like do what you need do
what you're supposed to do, do your job, and you'll win.
That's the two different type of things.
Speaker 1: Thermopyle it was like a picture's park. It was like Petco.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, just just pop them up all game. It
doesn't matter how, it doesn't matter if they're getting under
the ball, like if they're if they're you know, elevating
the ball or whatever, it's probably gonna get beat down
by the wind or some bullshit. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Plus they're gonna fight harder because you guys are oiling
each other up. Yeah, cuddling at night.
Speaker 3: Blood and lubrication litted the beach that day, and the
Twink King wept in his tent as goat boys pilated
him deep into the night.
Speaker 1: It's the funniest part about the Spartans, how we lionize them,
but they're like probably they're certainly bisexual and just pieces
as shit, like even for ancient Greece, like all the
other Greeks, I fucking hated the Spartans.
Speaker 2: They're the worst person in your neighborhood.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like the worst even in like Assassin's Creed Odyssey
they portray the Spartans. It's just total dicks they are.
They start wars for no reason, just start battles like yeah,
they leave their kids in the woods.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and all the other Greek city like really like
the only reason the Spartans are remembered is because they
were other Greeks.
Speaker 1: They were the faue the Athenians.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all the other Greek cities did all the writing
in the art and the stuff that actually and the
architecture and all this important stuff that makes Greek grease,
and the Spartans are just like we ah wooriors. It's
just like fuck off man.
Speaker 1: That's My favorite Spartans were the jocks at the school, yes, yeah,
my favorite Spartan story. And the Athenians were kind of
like the kids that trained MMA. So like in high school,
you know, you have the kids to play football, the
kids that would play basketball, like you know, normal varsity sports.
But then there was always like those uh, grungier kids
that would wear beanies when they lift and listen to
heavy metal, and then they would get jacked and then
start training MMA earlier than anyone else, and the jock
would always try to like start shit with them and
didn't go well. Didn't go well.
Speaker 2: I love that fight video from a couple of years ago.
It was two ou players had a in a bathroom
bar at uh At in Norman.
Speaker 1: And ran in the two wrestlers yep, yep, and they
were talking shit. You can look at their ears.
Speaker 2: They didn't, they did not look at the ears. It
was a really big dude too, It's like a tight
end and he was just and like the two like
tiny wrestler dude.
Speaker 1: To be fair, I think one of them was a
long snapper, so, but one of them was a star player,
because that's why it went viral. Yeah, he got slammed
on and said, oh my god, and.
Speaker 2: The two like tiny wrestler dudes just like looked at
each other and like a dude, let's do it, and
they fucked.
Speaker 1: There's something powerful about that, like having that in your
back pocket. Yeah, like being able to fuck up ninety
five percent of the populations. You just live life differently.
Speaker 2: But see, here's the thing about the Spartans, and.
Speaker 1: Those people typically don't start the shit though, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the Spartans start the ship. The Spartans start the ship.
And that's my favorite Spartan story of all time is
when Philip of Macedon was like, if I if you
don't surrender, and I come to your city, Like, if
I come to your city, I will raise it to
the ground or whatever. And the Spartans just sent back
because you're a fucking tough They just sent back the
word if like you know, that's bad ass, dude, that's
fucking badass. Yeah he did that though they got wrecked,
but they fucking wrecked them. Yes, he showed up and
fucked them up.
Speaker 1: Sweet, comeback, dude, Alexander should have went back and he
should have raised it everything, like pissed all over it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, agreed. They should have never let that city
cut re raise itself. No, oh that's the best.
Speaker 1: Would have been a cool story if that didn't happen. Yeah,
if he was like, oh shut up or not, would
have stood the test of time. Philip was just like, nah,
fuck you. And honestly, even though he had caught, he
should have sent back.
Speaker 2: Bet it should have.
Speaker 1: Even though he conquered the other Greeks, I bet you
there was almost They were like, if you ever could
ever get other Greeks to volunteer for one.
Speaker 2: Thing, it would be to burn down Sparta. Like it's
the equivalent of like the Indians were probably like, I
don't know about these Spanish guys, but man, fuck the Aztecs.
Speaker 1: The Spartans, for sure, though, were useful to fight out
the Persians. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, like when Greece came
together that very brief moment to fight off a common enemy.
I'm sure they were dope to have in battle and
just like all right, send them in. Yeah cool, Like
they're expendable for us.
Speaker 2: They're just too singularly focused, you know what I mean.
It's like imagine if like it's it's like they're almost
like Kobe, where it's just like, boy, all that guy
wants to do is score, But sometimes.
Speaker 1: Kobe still won championships. I don't know if spar really
won championships.
Speaker 2: That's true, it's true.
Speaker 1: I mean the Sparings are literally known for like an
all time loss.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, it's fair.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's our our episode on herodotus. What'd you
learn today?
Speaker 2: I learned about the ants, especially I knew Herotas they're
just giant squirrels. Yeah, like I knew Horotus was an exaggerator.
It's like a funny meme that always goes around on
history accounts and stuff like that. Whereas like there's like
a meme where it's like modern historians and it's like
the crying like angry crying cartoon and it's like, no,
we can't know for sure. And then it's like ancient historians,
which basically just means Herodotus and it's like, there were
exactly three hundred and eighteen thousand whatever it meant I counted,
Yeah I can't, yeah exactly. But yeah, the ant thing.
I didn't realize he was getting that far.
Speaker 1: And I actually I just liked that he made up
stories about Babylon. Yeah. I actually did think he was
at least well traveled, but was just still saying whatever
he wanted to.
Speaker 2: So it's funny.
Speaker 1: He was allegedly like but he said he wants all
these places, and he definitely did go to some of
these places, right, But he what if he just kept
showing up the places thinking it was the locations he like,
like Babylon or Egypt and everything, and just he got
to ended up in the wrong spot.
Speaker 2: They just bring him to like anywhere, Like they just
bring him to some like like some city on Cyprus
and they're like, yeah, you're in Egypt and he's like whoa.
That's one thing I thought I could have sworn he
had been to the Pyramids, but maybe that was a
Roman historian.
Speaker 1: So there was a story that he said he was
at the Pyramids, but there was no mention of the Sphinx. Okay,
So a lot of historians claim that if he was
going to mention the Pyramids and he was in Egypt,
he would have mentioned the sphinx, right, because it's right there.
So that's sus, little sus Yeah, okay, so it's just
like little oddities that kind of stick out, like yeah,
but if you went there, you would mention this or
talk about the The things he did mention were like
kind of totally wrong. There were not one hundred gates.
Speaker 2: Yeah, insane. But I do wonder if may and modern
historians would actually know this, because they've written, read enough
other ancient Greek stuff. But I just wonder if, like, okay,
he said one hundred, right, I wonder if that's just
like the equivalent of shorthandedly, like it'd be one of
us being like, oh my god, dude, there was like
a fucking million people there, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, or you're just hyping your boys up, yeah yeah, yeah, dude.
There were like twelve chicks.
Speaker 2: At the party. Yeah, it's just like a number, like
one hundred sounds there were four.
Speaker 1: Three of them were girlfriends. Yeah, one was astray. She
left by nine.
Speaker 2: Thirty, was not into the vibe.
Speaker 1: No, she showed up, was like, I'm gonna go to
the bars.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my other friends are uh yeah, you get to
that fun. But like three three dudes got laid that night.
Speaker 1: Three dudes got laid that night.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well actually, now the two of them were roommates that
were on their period.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and actually Steve passed out.
Speaker 1: But it was a good time.
Speaker 2: Dad, dude, there's chicks.
Speaker 1: But beer died till four thirty in the morning. All
of that sounds like now it does.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the four thirty part specifically, just stay up for tailgate.
Oh god, I could never do that. It's like such
a bad morning person that, Like if there was an
eleven am game, I'd be like, all right, cool, see
you guys at ten.
Speaker 1: Who's today's hitler?
Speaker 2: U horatus for inventing the marathon?
Speaker 1: What about inventing history? Because up until that point things
were written down and documented that happened. He gave details,
So okay, I fuck him though, for he's the first
historian to I guess give explanations or reasons as to
why things happened context.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, that's sweet, But fuck him for inventing a marathon.
Speaker 1: Do you consider him more the father of history, the
father of.
Speaker 2: Lies, father of I'll give him history.
Speaker 1: I'll give him history as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not. Someone had to do it a lot.
Speaker 1: People were lying a long time, so I think the.
Speaker 2: First one's perfect. It's like complaining that Edison's light bulb
was dogshit compared to what you could buy now.
Speaker 1: I thought the original light bulb is actually better. Yeah,
maybe it is, because but then they redid it because
he's like, nobody will have to rebuy the blood bulbs. Yeah,
may that's what I was told that. That's always the
urban legend, right, classic Edison. Though he was a fucking businessman. Yeah,
businessman first, what a monster?
Speaker 2: Though he sounds cool.
Speaker 1: He killed Topsy.
Speaker 2: Topsy got what she deserved.
Speaker 1: Check out our Patreon pre dot com slast Software History
two additional episodes every week three years at this point
of evergreen content ad free, and of course, uh merch
store Software History dot com for merch. Plenty of stuff
that you can buy there.
Speaker 2: I think we're gonna revamp it for the new year.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try so. I'm going home for Christmas and
one of my projects when I'm home is to make
some new merch and read to the store. Hell yeah,
so look out for that in Q one, let's go,
make sure to leave a review if I starts pleasing
thank you on Spotify and Apple and dude, tis the
season to just re listen to episodes.
Speaker 2: By the way, you can also give start Patreon to
people you can. You can give Patreon as a gift,
so do that.
Speaker 1: But also tis the season to just re listen to
all of our episodes.
Speaker 2: You got nothing else to do. Nothing.
Speaker 1: Nobody's gonna put out content either, And we're the only
people that are putting out content.
Speaker 2: Over the holidays.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we will not miss because we're currently about to
do like ten episodes in three days.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was telling my wife. I was like, I'm
so glad this would be like an easier week for
me than usual. It was like, I may still have
to do shud done, but for some reason, it'll be easier.
It just feels lighter, doesn't for me.
Speaker 1: I gotta go produce a live show in San Antonio,
as well. Yeah, excited for that, Excited for the twenty
four hour drive back to Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you splitting it and I'm doing it straight.
Speaker 1: What I'm doing it straight? Why don't worry about it?
Speaker 2: I really don't want to have to handle this LLC
when you die.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be fine. When I totaled my car in Tennessee,
my brand new truck, I'll be fine.
Speaker 2: It'll be fine.
Speaker 1: I'll be fucking hysterical.
Speaker 2: Do you have your insurance?
Speaker 1: Kill myself?
Speaker 2: Over yet? Over yet to the new?
Speaker 1: Should be okay?
Speaker 2: Should be? Maybe double check that for you?
Speaker 1: Drive like adventure off?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I need some meth though, or after all?
Speaker 2: Same thing. I'm excited. He's literally the same thing. Yep.
Speaker 1: Maybe trying. I'm gonna try to catch an Eagles game two.
Speaker 2: There you go, whatever, We'll see you later.
Speaker 1: See the end of the episode. You just gotta sauce here.