Speaker 1: I pray you'll stick with us on this because it's
going to make some people uncomfortable. And that's good because
sometimes you should be uncomfortable, because the world should be
an uncomfortable place, particularly for those.
Speaker 2: Of us who walk with Jesus.
Speaker 1: Haddie Olsen sees what porn does, and God helps her
help us and our kids and our grandkids, and she
joins us now courtesy of renewed dot Healthcare and God Almighty.
Speaker 3: But Todd Herman show is one hundred percent disapproved by
big pharma technocrats and tyrants everywhere from the high mountains
of Free America. Here's the Emerald City exime Todd Herman.
Speaker 1: Today is the day the Lord has made, and these
are the times through which God has decided we shall live.
I want to thank my friends that renew dot Healthcare
for making this possible. Don't want to talk a lot
about it. It's an anti aging protocol, you know. I'm
going down there for that. But they make things like
this possible. And when I told Steve we were doing
this segment, he said, please, please, you're going to be
out of the country. I want to hear this segment. Steve,
one of the Mansion partners there helped funds the orphanage
in which you grew up, and he has a heart
for this stuff, So thank you, Steve.
Speaker 2: It's renewed.
Speaker 1: The healthcare the port is having a massive, massive effect
on society and men and boys, but it is having
a brutal effect on ULTI many girls. Haidie Olsen joins us.
She's founder and president of Paradigm Shift Training and Counseling, LLC.
There's a link in the show notes. She is a
sexual assault nurse examiner. And Hei, do you welcome to
the Todd Herman Show.
Speaker 4: Thanks so much, Chad. I appreciate you tackling this issue
and just being willing to have hard conversations. So I'm
happy to be here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you. And I guess it's hard.
Speaker 1: For a lot of folks and very uncomfortable for a
lot of folks. And I guess what I said at
the top of the show is if we have the
Holy Spirit in us, it should be uncomfortable, shouldn't it.
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 4: Absolutely, you know this is a it's dark and it's ugly,
and I think for a lot of people the reality
is like I just don't want to think about it.
Speaker 5: I get so overwhelmed.
Speaker 4: I don't want to think about the ramifications that this
is having on society and on kids, but we have
to talk about it because it's deeply impacting everything around us.
Speaker 1: You have a unique job in this, and I want
to dig into that job, the sexual assault nurse examiner.
But I want to start with you. And why do
you think God called you to this? I you know,
God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the cold.
Speaker 2: So what happened?
Speaker 4: Yeah, So the short version of it is that I'm
a sexual assault survivor and really, when I just closed
what was happening to me, it was not handled well,
it was not There's not a lot of support or
believe or really even accountability for my perpetrator, who, as
a side note, was deeply addicted to pornography. And so
I think for me, the trauma of saying what happened
and really just feeling like people don't believe me, it
doesn't they don't care, right, like there's not the support
surrounding me, I think fueled me. Then, you know, ten
years later, becoming a forensic nurse, to feel like I
want to be able to hold space for people who've
experienced trauma like this and say I believe you. How
can I help, even if I can't fix all the trauma,
If I can be a safe person for you in
this very small moment in time and create some safety
that matters, and I think that honors the Lord. And
so I've been a forensic nurse for eleven years now,
and basically that means taking care of kids who have
experienced sexual assaults in a medical and forensic capacity, but
I also do a lot of training and consulting around
all of these issues as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm tremendously sorry that you went through that.
Speaker 5: Thank you that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, uh, and it breaks my heart.
Speaker 1: And you said, as a side note, your perpetrator was
addicted to porn It's not a side note, is it.
Speaker 5: No, it's not.
Speaker 4: Actually, in today's day and age, what we find is
that pornography and sexual assault are so deeply intertwined. I
think the vast majority of perpetrators of sexual violence, abuse
screaming likely our addicted to pornography. There's just such a
huge motivator there.
Speaker 1: You and I met through my job at I'm Privileged.
I have a radio program on American Family Radio and
you and I spoke there and there you can look
at Heidi's work at AFR dot net slash protect. She's
in a series that we're doing it AFR and talking
about this and in a more uh documentary sense with
some of our colleagues and some others in this and
So this job that you do, you it seems to
me you encounter girls and boys, I mean boys are
victimized as well, but you encounter them on what might
be the worst day of their life, or if finally
the secret is out, maybe the worst and best day
of their life. So we're just through that scenario where
someone has been assaulted, a child's been assaulted, and it's
been you know, a horrible violent thing. It's one time
you meet them, you walk into the room, What is
that like?
Speaker 2: And then what do you do?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so forensic nurses really, this role of nursing was
specifically created to support this population. And so we're an
interesting blend of Yes, we're providing medical care, but we're
also collecting forensic evidence. So after someone has been sexually assaulted,
it stands to reason there's likely DNA on their body
from that perpetrator, whether that's skin cells, hair cells, body
fluid on that victim's body, and so we're also trying
to swab those areas to aid in law enforcement and prosecution.
So we sort of have this intersection of being in
both worlds where yes, we're making sure a child's body
is safe and healthy, but we're also seeing if there's
evidence we can collect in that moment. So when a
child discloses, then a lot of times they come into
an emergency department and they'll be seen by a forensic nurse.
So we're doing a medical head to toe assessment. We're
looking for injuries, we take photos of injuries if there
are any. Like I said, we're swabbing their bodies, looking
for evidence, collecting clothing, underwear, things like that. We're also
doing a really thorogenital exam because of course, if we're
talking about sexual assault, that's likely a part of their
body that's been impacted.
Speaker 5: The I think a huge myth around this.
Speaker 4: Is that most people believe kids will have injuries after
a sexual assault, and research shows about ninety to ninety
five percent of kids actually don't have injuries after a
sexual assault, So that doesn't mean they weren't assaulted. We
don't expect to see an injury because that's a normal
exam is typically the finding after a sexual assault, but
we still want to look make sure they don't have
injuries or sexually transmitted infections. You know, we're testing for pregnancy,
you know, if this is a pubertal kid, things like that.
So just thinking about all the ramifications that happen from
an assault, assessing their mental health, you know, giving them
resources and referrals, and then making you know, police reports
and things like that.
Speaker 5: So it's it's a heavy job.
Speaker 4: It's uh, you know, we're trying to assess them thoroughly,
but I think it's needed and I think it matters
when we can create safety in that moment as well.
Speaker 1: So that's professional Heidi describing the professional clinical role and
doing a very good job of that, and that in
and of itself will.
Speaker 2: Be uncomfortable for people. But then there's.
Speaker 1: Also Heidi who survived sexual assault and walks with the lord,
and I imagine that you also have to establish some
form of mental, spiritual safety with his child. And so
how do you do that? How do you with someone
who's in that state? What do you personally do to
establish a personal safety with them before you start touching
their body? They just had their bodies touched in horrible ways.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's a couple of things that I've learned over
the years to do. And so first, I have kind
of a ritual before I even go into the hospital,
which is that I am praying, I am covering myself
in Jesus's blood, and I am spending time with the
Lord as I'm driving in because this is a spiritual battle.
You know, what we know with Satan is that if
he can traumatize kids at a young age, it creates lies. Right,
God doesn't love me, he doesn't see me. If he did,
he wouldn't let these things happen. And he knows that
is a great way to create this dissonance with God
where we don't want to connect to him, where he's
not safe. So, of course there's a spiritual components all
of this. Well, I think we can all agree a
child being is sexually assaulted as one of the most
evil things that can happen, and so I feel the
spiritual pushback. I know it's real. So that's the first
thing I'm doing. The second thing I'm doing when I
go into the room is that I want to establish safety,
and part of establishing safety is giving people a choice.
So if the kid says I don't want to do this,
that's fine. Guess what, We're not going to do that exam.
And for parents, that can be so frustrating, right, like
we came here, we want to do this, But it's
being able to validate what they're saying. I believe you,
I'm sorry, you know you deserve to be safe. Thank
you for telling me that those kind of statements that
are just reiterating you matter, I care, you know, I
know this is hard, and giving them choices and then
just continuing to be really you know, empowering along the way.
So if they want to stop their exam, that's fine.
If we need to take deep breaths, you know, just
different ways to kind of help their nervous system be
as safe as it can in a difficult situation. So
I've had to learn over time I cannot let my
own experience or trauma guide what's happening with the patient
because their experience is different than mine. And so yes,
I have that background, but it can't run the show
while I'm with someone else because it's about that kid,
it's not about me in the moment. And that's been
a learning experience do you.
Speaker 2: Have a share that you were assaulted with kids?
Speaker 5: I don't.
Speaker 4: And the reason that I don't is not because I'm
you know, embarrassed or whatever. But I don't want them
to feel in the moment that they need to take
care of me of like, oh, the nurse told me
to say, now I have to take on her a thing,
and I'm sorry. I only want it to be about that. Yeah,
so I just leave it alone. But you know, of course,
in stettings like this, I'm happy to share when you
know someone's not in an acute trauma situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: My wife has helped. And this may sound like a distraction,
I promise it's not. My wife and I have helped
a number of families flee states like Washington and Oregon
in California where their kids were on the virgin being
medically kidnapped in order to be tranced chemically surgically I
referred to as mutilation, and in that help was so
frustrating for people is early on, when this was happening
to kids and to families, no one believed the parents,
they're taking our kids away? Know, they wouldn't do that.
Our doctor offered to do a masectomy with a twelve
year daughter or that that never happens, or you'd get this,
you'd get people saying things like, well, wait, it's a
If my daughter came out and told me she's actually
a boy, I'd call her brave.
Speaker 2: I'd celebrate.
Speaker 1: What's wrong with you? You should be celebrating this. So
this was the establishment being completely untrustworthy. Parents have to leave,
you can't have your kid around this stuff, and then
being almost gas lit that there's something wrong with you
as a parent if you don't, if you don't come
along and celebrate this. I wanted to ask you, are
there any dynamics like that at play here in regard
to your role as a sexual assault nurse examiner where
there are institutional blockades.
Speaker 2: Or there are.
Speaker 1: Societal blockades, or people saying haven't the kids have enough?
Speaker 2: Do you or had enough?
Speaker 5: Did you?
Speaker 1: Do you face anything like that?
Speaker 5: Oh? Yeah, absolutely. Oh.
Speaker 1: I always hoping you were going to say, oh no,
not at all.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I wish that wasn't the case.
Speaker 4: Yes, there's multiple layers of i'd say barriers that I
have experienced in this work, and so from not having
support from an institution to kind of being pushed out
of jobs, you know, for speaking up and wanting to
create change and do the right thing. And you know,
I'll give you an example. I was really pushing for
us to universally screen kids for trafficking because we have
just seen these huge numbers of kids being exploited online,
and when we screen them, well, we finally get a
lot of disclosures around for an exposure, you know, being
groomed online from you know, actual trafficking disclosures. It's really
important to ask kids about that. And just being told
this is not a good use of our resources.
Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, you just you were asking to ask questions.
Speaker 4: Right right, and our nurses wanted to we had the capacity,
we had the will you know, it wasn't gonna hurt
anyone in the hospital. No one's gonna be asked to
do a job they didn't want to do. Just could
be coming and do this, and we're told it was
not a good use of our resources. So it is
mind blowing the pushback we get. I've talked to many
other hospitals kind of trying to get them on board
with these types of screening questions or education around you know, pornography, exploitation, trafficking.
I've had many hospital administration administrators say things like, this
is going to create a revenue for us if not
like or not interesting.
Speaker 2: This is going to create a revenue.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yep.
Speaker 4: So no, probably it's not going to create a tangible
revenue to recognize trafficking victims in your hospital.
Speaker 5: But is it the right thing to do? Yes?
Speaker 4: And they say no to it. So yeah, I get
a lot of pushback from an institutional.
Speaker 5: Level.
Speaker 4: I also get pushback sometimes just from people doing this
work and that they don't think some of the issues
I'm bringing up are a big deal. So, for example,
I talked to a group of therapists one time about
how pornography's impacting kids, and one of the comments I
got in my evaluations was I felt like I was
dragged to a Southern Baptist convention against why will and
I So, I will say, in those settings, you know,
where it's highly academic or professional, I don't talk about
my faith. I don't. I purely approach this from a
research standpoint, because I know that's time going to get
by in is to say here's all the research, here's
the anecdotal evid and here's what we're seeing frontlines.
Speaker 5: It's real, right, Like, there's.
Speaker 4: No religious there's no political affiliation with any of this,
and I still get that type of feedback sometimes, and
so yeah, the pushback is real.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, it's so horrible to hear.
Speaker 1: I was really hoping you'd say no, no, no, But
Satan is always always working.
Speaker 2: But God wins in the end. We'll continue to discuss this. Hi,
do you just a second.
Speaker 1: Let me remind you that it's not just renew that
helps us do this stuff. From the very first day
I announced that I was leaving commercial radio because I
was told I had to lie, my friend Zach Abraham,
chief investment officer bull Capital Management, has been.
Speaker 2: There shoulder to shoulder with me.
Speaker 1: He is the person his company, Bulwark Stewart's our funds
for us, My wife and I and Zach is putting
on a free live webinar coming up.
Speaker 2: April second at three thirty Pacific.
Speaker 1: It's going to be really focused on AI and I
was just looking at a number of things that's happened
in AI in the past two weeks and it is
just utterly insane. For instance, there is a robot that's
being put on trial. Believe it or not, this is
a test of a legal system. This is happening in Asia.
There's a robot that's being put on trial. There is
an AI that is now it has confessed to framing
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AI did not like the attitude of these employees. This
stuff is happening, So Zach's going to be looking at this.
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TRUK twenty sixes four seven. Heidi Olsin's with us and
again linked to her business and this AFR documentary of
which she's a part. So the discussion about pornography. You
and I were talking before the show in the green room,
and I hope that shrimp was good.
Speaker 2: I hope that was okay for you. In the steak
and all that, we.
Speaker 1: Were talking about your LLC helping companies and organizations. I
want to talk more about that. I asked you if
you ever helped churches have prepared them to have conversations
with young people about porn and sexual trauma.
Speaker 2: Et cetera.
Speaker 1: And basically you said, I wish so even churches are
shying away from this absolutely.
Speaker 4: I think honestly churches might be the worst offenders in
some ways where you know, we raised the issue and
they're like, yeah, no, we don't need to talk about that.
It's not an issue here, not our kids. No one
here has that ever struggled with that really, I think
having their blinders on and not wanting to address the issue.
And so that's been really disappointing because you know, churches
have an opportunity to be on the front lines bringing
healing and redemption and truth to this issue, and they're not.
I mean far and few between. Some churches are, but
most churches are not. And so that has definitely been
a disappointment in terms of getting buy in.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: Wow, you know, we're told to be watchers at the
gate Christians who abide with crisis an old Testament, a
piece of scripture.
Speaker 2: But we are told to warn.
Speaker 1: When we see spiritual dangers coming. We're told in I
think my wife pulled this out the other day Proverbs,
that we're told to speak out for those without voices effectively.
And I don't know that there are more silenced people
than kids who are being sexually assaulted or trafficked. And
the spiritual danger, My goodness, this can, as you said,
keep people apart from Christ. And we know the whole
thing about millstones around next and Jesus said, causing these
little ones to stumble on the way to him.
Speaker 5: I am.
Speaker 1: I don't often get flabbergasted, But I guess I'm just
lucky to be a member of a church and volunteer
with kids at a church where we do talk about this,
but people exist, pastors exist who say, oh, no one
at our church suffers from this, and no one at
our church looks at porn.
Speaker 4: Yes, absolutely, And I think there's even a disconnect when
it comes to understanding how porn impacts men and women. Right,
it might be like, well, some of the guys in
our church struggle with porn, but definitely, none of the women,
definitely none of the kids. And it's like, no, everybody
is even being impacted by pornography. We have to be
realistic and address this. And I think there's multiple layers
why the church is not addressing it. But if you
look at statistics around how much of the church, congregation
and even pastors are consuming porn, that absolutely plays roll
in it, right, But we don't want to address something
we feel a lot of shame about and don't want
to go there. But I think there's also a huge
generational gap. If you are talking to you know, church
leadership that didn't grow up with Internet porn the way
that millennials and Gen zs are, they don't get it right.
Like sometimes it's like it's not that big of a deal. Yeah,
maybe I saw Playboy once, you know, a long time ago,
and it's like, oh no, this is like constantly being
inundated with very hardcore pornography that just pops up in
front of you. Like this is a totally different animal
that we're talking about with the Internet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we can I don't want to get into
the lute and specific, but we can talk about some
of the dynamics of what hardcore means today because hardcore
back of the day meant something. People who praise God
have not seen this stuff, have no idea what hardcore
means to do. I told you i'd share a bit
of good news with you, so I will. And this
there's a lot of pastors who listen to the show
and thank you. You guys have a hard job and
Satan is all over you and your families, and we
should hold you up in prayer, and thank you for
listening or watching the show. I appreciate any way you
choose to consume the show. Let me tell you about
some of how this bears fruit and how do you
I hope this is this is helpful for you. A
mom got in touch with me and my partner, John
Jehan's a lot younger than me, and we co lead
this group, and she said, hey, you know, I'm really
asking you to pray for my son. He has relapsed
in using pornography and vaping, and and this kid was
in a tough circumstance and we'd even talked beforehand, how
are you going to avoid these temptations?
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 1: We prayed, we talked about what was going on, and
she said, you know, hope you guys can interact with him.
So he came back to youth group. And from time
to time I'll take kids aside just have one on
once because I never get to do that, and so
it's not unusual. So I pulled this young man out
and said, hey, we're gonna have a one on one
today and sat down. So, hey, so what's going on
with He goes, well, I relapsed with porn. Wow, thank
you for sharing that with me. And how did you
feel about it?
Speaker 2: I felt sick.
Speaker 1: And so we processed this and what was Satan saying
to you? He's the same thing you said, He'd say,
it's just once. And so you know, how can I
help you be you know, maybe an accountability partner?
Speaker 2: And do you have that?
Speaker 1: Because yeah, you know, I've told my mom now that
when I have temptation, I'm gonna go to her.
Speaker 2: He said.
Speaker 1: I actually went to her in the morning and said, hey,
I I used porn last night, and I'd like you
to take my phone away from me for a while.
And he confessed to the vaping. And he said, it's
so funny, Todd, because it wasn't even fun. It wasn't
even fun. I just felt sick. I felt sick while
I was doing it, And I said, you told your mom?
Is yeah, yeah, I don't you know. I don't know
my dad. So I told my mom and I told
him thank you for sharing that with me. And I
talked later to his mom and he confessed to you,
Oh yeah, I forgot that part. That's how I knew.
Now that's part of the good news. The second piece
of good news is a few weeks later, we were
having a talk about with a young kid who is
clearly addicted to video games, clearly, and I was giving
him this challenge, don't use a video game for five days,
and he was pushing back and this this young man
who confessed to the porn usage, raised his hand and
I go, yes, can I speak into this? I said yes,
And he looked at the other kids and they're from
very different backgrounds. He goes, may I speak into this
with you?
Speaker 2: And he shared that story.
Speaker 1: Hadi wow, and he said, so for me, it has
to be none, and maybe for you it needs to
be none, because if it's this hard for you to
not do stupid video game for five days, it might
need to be none.
Speaker 2: It needs to be none with porn isn't it.
Speaker 4: Yes, absolutely, yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that. It's
so encouraging. I love kids, they're so incredible and yes,
it's like they surprise you in the best ways.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: But yeah, pornography is there's no upsides to it. What
it does to our brains, our relationships, you know, there's
just looking at it here and there is never going
to be a healthy behavior. It's similar to like, is
you know, doing meth here and there good for our bodies?
Speaker 5: No, it's never good for us. And absolutely we know
it's addicting.
Speaker 4: It's just gonna create those neural pathways and our brain
and give us those chemical releases where we want to
go back and do more. And so yeah, it is
one of those things where it should be nothing, no
partaking at.
Speaker 2: All in my opinion, and I totally agree. I couldn't
agree more.
Speaker 1: And when you step away from this and through the
glory of God, and I don't say this prideately, please
understand I have shame that I ever looked at this stuff.
But it's been well over twenty years and the reason
I stopped was I realized that I was watching people
being sex trafficked.
Speaker 2: Yes, right, Oh my gosh, I can never do this again.
Speaker 1: I want to get into these conversations about how your organization,
your company helps people, and organizations have these conversations schools
and other groups and churches. You know, I'm at a
church where we talk about this a lot, and so
in that way, we're really blessed. But you mentioned what
is hardcore today. My wife and I have these conversations
from time to time that the boys have been programmed
by computers and hardcore porn to have certain expectations of
sexuality and sexual interactions.
Speaker 2: And you see the results of these with girls. So
what are some of the results of these?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you know, like you said, I will not
give any graphic details, but if you're not familiar with
what's happening online mainstream porn, the algorithms on these sides
are set for men who have been looking at internet
porn for the last ten twenty years. So when someone
goes on to Pornhub, it's set for here's the person
whose brain is so desensitized to this content. We have
to show you something really shocking, really violent, so your
brain is that same chemical release. And so when the
eight year old stumbles onto a video they're getting the
same algorithm set for the forty five year old male.
You know, it's been looking at this since college, and
so it's extremely violent. It's very degrading and horrendous, and
there are absolutely torture type incest rate themed I mean,
the worst things you can imagine are just right front
and center. And so it's not just a kid seeing
an image of a naked person. It's very very violent.
So of course, if we have a young kid whose
brain is not even fully developed watching this content and
no one has talked to them about this or even sex,
this is setting your sexual template. So we think about
a boy I've been watching this for years, when I
go to have sex with someone, I'm going to emulate
what i'm seeing important because I think that's what girls like.
So it's going to be very violent. It's probably gonna
involve strangulation. It's going to be very degrading. There's no atonement,
there's no looking at this other person and are they
enjoying it? You don't learn that important. There's no learning
about mutuality or consent. It's very consumptive. With females, what
they're learning is I should enjoy being degraded. I should
enjoy violence, I should enjoy other people watching this. I
should exploit myself because that's what I'm seeing from girls
and pornography. And so if this is what's setting kids
sexual template, this is really confusing. So even think about it.
So you have kids who are great up at a
Christian home, maybe they've never had sex with anyone, but
they're both looking at porn. They get married and have sex,
what's that sexual encounter going to be like?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 4: Probably kind of traumatizing and confusing and not fun and
isn't going to feel intimate because it's this porn world
that they're playing off of and think that those expectations
are what they should be doing. And so a lot
of sexual damage is being created in kids across the
world because of this.
Speaker 1: Yes, and I remember that you shared an instance with
us on the American Femer radio show about a brother
and sister.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, so you talked about that.
Speaker 5: Sure.
Speaker 4: So there's just huge rates of child and child sexual
assault happening that is porn influenced. So we see a
lot of kids who are watching pornography over and over
and over again, and then they're acting it out on
other kids. And this is backed in research. If you
look at research, there is absolutely this relationship between kids
seeing porn and then they act out what they see.
Of course, kids have mirror neurons in their brain. We
know they copy what we do. Of course they're going
to copy what they see online. And so this instant
I was referring to as a twelve year boys actually
assaulted as five year old sister and the dad walked
in and saw it, so there was no question about
what happened. Absolutely horrendous situation. And the parents told me,
you know, we have found violent pornography on his phone.
Speaker 5: Is this related?
Speaker 4: And it was like ding, the light bulbs went off
for me, of like, of course it's related, And that
for me was a huge catalyst and starting to ask
kids about pornography because I'm just seeing such huge correlations
and causation between the kids.
Speaker 5: He's born.
Speaker 4: Then they acted out and harm another child, and so
there's this ripple effect of trauma happening.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no doubt, and there's so much research on this.
It's unavoidable. The neurological changes, the pathway changes, you talked about,
the mirrored synapses and these learning behaviors that they're also
the destruction of marriage. This gets away from kids, but
the destruction of marriage, the confusion of people on gender.
You and I talk briefly about sissy hypno porn, which
is very purposely aimed at boys to make them want
to be like girls, so they're.
Speaker 2: The sexual objects.
Speaker 1: All this stuff just straight from Satan's design to mock marriage,
to mock becoming one flesh in marital union, to mock
all this and so very clear from this. And I
wanted to get with you now to talk about how
we discuss porn. We'll do this in just a second,
and then I want you to talk about what your
company does and how people can work with you, and
hopefully churches, if you're listening, this is happening, and I
guarantee there are kids in your congregation, unless you are
five people in a home church, I guarantee there are
kids being impacted by this in your congregation. And just
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I I had a super uncomfortable conversation once with my
mom when I was a kid.
Speaker 2: My dearest friend at the time.
Speaker 1: Had moved away, and he bequeathed to me a couple
of penthouses and some playboys because he was moving he
didn't want his mom to find these things. So lucky me,
I was bequeathed this pornography and I hid it, I thought.
And I came home from school one day and my
mom had them laid out on the kitchen table, centerfolds
and everything. And I walked in and said, all throws away,
and she said, no, no, no, sit down. Let's go
through these together. And she looked at some of the
pictures with me, Do you think that women enjoy doing this?
Speaker 2: Probably? Not?
Speaker 1: She read some of the deer Penthouse. I never thought
this was happened to me, but she goes, do you
think this is the way sexually?
Speaker 3: Is?
Speaker 2: No? And we went through that process. She closed the
magazine and she said.
Speaker 1: Well, those are yours to do with as you wish,
and that's through them. Why now, that sadly was not
the last time I ever looked at porn. But that
was a very effective way to plant a seed of
I have a mom and other female family members, and
I'd never want to seem treated this way.
Speaker 2: So when you talk to churches or.
Speaker 1: Youth groups or youth organizations or schools, what have you,
how do you coach them into talking with kids and
others about porn and trafficking.
Speaker 3: Et cetera.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So you know, I think when I I'm sure
it was mortifying having that moment with her mom.
Speaker 1: Let me just say, but, yes, thank you for recognizing that,
because it was absolutely the most horrible thing I can imagine.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, but I appreciate that she didn't shame you. Right,
it was like, Todd, you're a horrible kid. How could
you ever be attracted to this?
Speaker 5: What's wrong with you?
Speaker 4: Because that is not helpful? And the reality is that,
of course, there isn't a lord to porn like we
I think, sort of clutching our pearls and being like,
how could anyone look at this?
Speaker 5: Not helpful.
Speaker 1: I think the.
Speaker 4: Reality is when we approach it from a standpoint of
we know it's everywhere, we know everyone sees it. Let's
have a conversation. You're not a horrible human being if
you see it or if you're drawn to it. But
here's how it's harmful. Here's why we don't want you
to see it because it hurt your brain, your body,
your relationships, It impacts our relationship with the Lord, and
so we want better for you than this. But we
get there's an appeal here and that you are going
to be exposed to it all over the place. Your
friends are looking at it, it's online, popping up on
your phone. So let's talk about how to handle that.
So really it's taking the shame out of it and
doing it in an age appropriate way. So what I
will tell different groups that I'm working with. So for example,
I just did a big conference in Birmingham, Alabama last week,
and the conference was for frontline responders, healthcare workers, and therapists.
And what we thinked about was how do you assess
the kids you're working with on this issue and how
do you treat them if they've been exposed to porn?
And so some of the pointers I was giving them
was obviously in an age appropriate way, we want to
screen every kid who has access to a device for
porn exposure. So if mom and dad are handing three
year old the phone. Guess what, we need to have
some level of conversation with the three year old because
there is a high chance they're going to be exposed,
and so you know, with three year old, of course
you would want to say something. You don't even have
to use the word porn. Write something like hey, if
you ever see a picture of someone and they're not
wearing clothes where your swimsuit goes, tell mom. And it
can be that simple, just really short touch points here
and there. It's not going to put an idea inside
of their head. They're not going to go type people
without clothes on into their brows are most likely it's
just like oh hmm, okay, thanks for the information. When
we don't get super excited and you know, emotional about it,
just kind of.
Speaker 5: Like, hey, not a big deal, just putting this out there.
They're not going to be curious about her.
Speaker 4: It's like, oh this is a big deal and everyone's
freaking out that it's like, oh, well should I go
look at it?
Speaker 5: Because everyone's got feelings.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I think kind of learning different ways and
there's tons of resources. You know, if anyone wants to
reach out to me after this. I'm happy to send
you specific resources around all this, but so so learning
how to do it at a young age, and then
obviously those conversations become more intentional and more clear the
older child gets so when they're at an age where
really you can have detailed conversations like a fifteen sixteen
year old, they understand what sex is at this point,
just short touch pain points, maybe while you're you know,
driving to go get dinner. Right, you don't have to
make eye contact with each other. It can be Hey,
remember what we talked about with porn You know, have
you seen anything lately? Do you have any questions for me?
You know what's hard about growing up in society where
everyone's looking at this.
Speaker 5: I care about that.
Speaker 4: So I think there's lots of ways we can approach
it as a professional. What I will say with teenage
kids is, I know a lot of kids learn about
sex from pornography. Have you ever seen pornography or been
shown pornography? You would be shocked the amount of teenage
girls that are because that's primarily who I'm interacting with. Yes, yes,
yes everyone looks at porn. Yes, my boyfriend's sends it
to me. Yes, I've seen it. Yes, I've been shown
it on the bus. Yes, my perpetrator showed it to
me right before he assaulted meat. Right, everyone's being shown
this content and then you know, thank you, thank you
for trusting me that information. How that make you feel?
You know, what questions do you have for me?
Speaker 5: Again? Taking the shame out of it.
Speaker 4: When we have a child where we think there is
problematic porn news, right, so addiction type of behaviors, right,
they just like the kid who were saying, who can't
go five days with that video game, the kid who
cannot be without their phone, who has to look at
porn all the time. It's impacting their body, their brain.
Obviously there has to be intervention because they're now following,
you know, an addictive pathway and their brain.
Speaker 5: There has to be some intervention there.
Speaker 4: But for the kid who's seen it once, you know,
and feels terrible about it, that does not mean it's
going to ruin the rest of their life, right that
there's plenty of evidence to show they'll be just fine.
You know, we don't want them to see it, but
they will be Okay. It doesn't have to be the
end of the world. But talking about it and creating
safety is really one of the biggest things that we
could do to bring healing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's well said.
Speaker 1: This may seem like it comes out of left field,
but there is any dear to the.
Speaker 2: Porn soaked kids who've had access to this their whole lives.
Speaker 1: It's not as common, but I've run into cases where,
for the first time it's happened to me and youth
group that we talk about pornography. This literally happened with
a fourteen year old boy as we were talking about
pornography after a sermon in relation to God's plan for
our bodies and marriage. We had a discussion about why
do Christians date. We date because we want to see
if we are going to get married. We don't date
to have sex or we don't know date for fun. Certainly,
we go hang out with people groups of people so
we can see how people interact with other human beings
of the opposite sex. But when we date, it's intentional
and we define the relationship. I'm dating you because I
want to see if I want to marry you or
if we should be married, if you want to marry me,
and the topic of pornography came up, and a fourteen
year old boy raised his hand and said, I'm sorry,
what is pornography? And I said it is videos of
people having sex. And he said people watch that, and
every other boy in the room I mean, they were
startling laughter. I said, hey, guys, right safe place. Yeah,
and they stopped and said, well, praise god, you've never
seen it. So I guess my question is I have
concern that you can go so far in shielding your
kids and protecting your kid and being a helicopter lawnmower
parent guilty right here, that you.
Speaker 2: Set your kid up for the first.
Speaker 1: Example of this or a predator or an overly sexualized
friend to say, no, this is really cool.
Speaker 2: Let me show you.
Speaker 1: And it's not to glorify it or to make it
this super secret thing. But do you think parents should
warn all kids, even though sheltered homeschool kids should know
that this stuff exists.
Speaker 4: Yes, And thank you for bringing that. That's such a
great point because it does rate of vulnerability when kids
are not armed with the truth. And so I've seen
that even with parents who push back on like sexual
abuse prevention, you know in schools of like, well, my
kids opting out of that because I don't want them
to think about sexual abuse. And it's like, okay, so
if it happens to them, God forbid. I do not
want that to happen to your child.
Speaker 5: But if it does, they're not.
Speaker 4: Even going to have language to be able to disclose
to you what happened. And I think there's this fear
with parents, well, if we talk about it, it's going
to make them more curious. And research actually shows the
opposite happens when we talk about it again in an
age appropriate way. So we're not giving them all of
these you know, details about hey, go google this thing.
It's hey, this exists, and here's the downsides, and here's
why we don't want this for you, but we want
you to be armed with it. And here's how you know,
people try to groom kids online. And here's the dangers
that are happening. You know that we're seeing that sort
of are ripple effect of all of the porn exposure.
Speaker 5: We want you to be safe.
Speaker 4: That is not going to drive a child online to
go look up sex, right, And so yes, it is
a huge vulnerability when kids don't know because say that kid,
the one who said I don't know what porn is right.
What happens when you go off to college. You're now
away from mom and dad. Everyone in your dorm is
looking at it, they're showing it to you. They're traumatizing you. Right,
you have no skills to know what to do with
this information. And so we want to arm our kids
before they get to that situation.
Speaker 5: I know how to reject this. I don't have to participate.
I don't have to be traumatized by it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well said. And I think parents have reasonable fears
in a lot of government.
Speaker 1: Schools these days, because say, you know, we used to
live in the what I call the separate country of
Washington State. They pretended they were passing safe touch legislation
when in fact, I mean the most unspeakable sexual activities.
They were going to teach kids with this curricula up
to an including blood play. And they actually had exercises
where you were graded at your efficacy at talking another
student into having sex. So truly, no saying things like
well we can use contraceptive, well I don't have one.
Well we can use non microwavable.
Speaker 2: Saran wrap.
Speaker 1: Wow, and you can use that as a dental dam
And they actually said in some of this curricula. If
you're not ready for full sexual intercourse yet, it's a
good idea to get in a hot bath with a
friends and embrace, because this is an important form of
intimacy that truly teaching kids this stuff. And you've seen,
I'm sure some of the books that make it into.
Speaker 2: School libraries, et cetera.
Speaker 1: I asked a law enforcement officer who works with international
police forces to stop international sex trafficking. His name of
Jim Feuda. I asked some, showed him some of this curricula,
asked him out. He goes, this is a sex traffickers dream,
this is a pedophile's dream. So have you seen I've
seen a statistical increase in teachers being arrested for sexual
interactions with kids, for raping kids.
Speaker 2: I guess I don't even.
Speaker 1: Know if I have a question here other than you
talked about safe touch and sexual assault prevention. But parents
need to be on the lookout for this stuff and
their schools too, right, And I mean, I don't even
I don't have a question there other than what do.
Speaker 2: You observe with that?
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a great point. So you know, it's like
there's vulnerabilities two sides of the same point. Right, not
talking about it's creating a vulnerability. But when we approach
it through this feels like grooming. What you're describing, that's
also creating a vulnerability. And so there's a healthy way
to approach all of this that is not normalizing sexual
contact between children. And so there's absolutely ways to do
that where it's not going to create more curiosity or
harm towards them, and it's not encouraging to do it
for them to do things that they're not developmentally ready
or should be doing in this you know, context of
being a young child. And so yeah, there's a way
to do it in a healthy way. And I think
both things we're describing are not the way to do it.
But I would say a couple of things I've observed,
so I see a lot when we kind of talk
about the different books that exist. There are some very
sexually explicit, sort of young adult teenage books that exist.
We all know this, and I've talked to so many
girls where that's where their porn addiction starts. They read, Yeah,
they read this content. Of course it's arousing, it's meant
to be. They go online to google the sex act
that they've now imagined in their head. Now they're saying porn.
Now they are starting to go out to that visual stimuli.
And so those books can absolutely be a gateway into
looking at online porn. I've heard it many, many times
from girls or adults who now said, yes, as a teenager,
this is was my intro into it. So I do
think those books absolutely can be very dangerous. But also yes,
we're seeing this massive influx of young female teachers being
arrested for sexually abusing boys. I mean, if you're paying
attention to the headlines, because I do with my job, right,
I mean just massive influx, which I mean, there's so
many layers to it, But in my head, I wonder
what layer like or what level of pornography exposure is
playing in all this. With these females, you know, they're
twenty two, twenty three, twenty four, they've probably grown up
looking at internet porn for the last ten years. Now
are they so desensitized they're grooming their male students and
acting out their sexual fantasies? And how much of this
has typed to their own addiction to pornography? Probably a lot,
because we're just seeing this massive increase in female perpetrators,
and porn's often a part of their abuse. They're snapchatting
naked pictures to these boys and filming their assaults and
kind of following what we see with a lot of
male perpetrators, these females are now doing And so you
wonder if porn is kind of flipping the.
Speaker 5: Script with some of this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so this is why for me talking to men
and women, this is a zero involvement thing. Don't be
around it, don't touch it.
Speaker 2: There is no little bit.
Speaker 1: And if this makes you uncomfortable, because I've got from
time to time doing national radio, I've had men contact me.
You sound like a prude. There's nothing wrong with looking
little porn. I'm not married.
Speaker 2: What should I do? Well?
Speaker 1: I mean, if you haven't been gifted with marriage, here's
one thing that's not going to get you married is
looking at porn. And by the way, God's probably not
gonna want to trust you with his daughters. I mean, yeah,
you might meet a porn addicted woman and then hey,
guess what, you guys can separate yourself from God together.
Speaker 2: But yeah, there's a lot to this topic.
Speaker 1: So the link to Heide's company is in the show
notes the link to the AFR documentaries there. And if
you're a church and you're avoiding this issue, man, please
pray into that because you're told to be watchers at
the gate and you're chose. This is a spiritual danger.
And if you're an organization with questions, get in touch
with her, be a great speaker at one of your events, etc.
Speaker 2: Just a coach.
Speaker 1: We appreciate you, Heidi. Thank you for wearing the armor
God as you do this stuff, and thank you.
Speaker 2: For what you do in your career.
Speaker 5: Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 2: Absolutely my pleasure. This is the Todd Herman Show.
Speaker 1: Please go, be well, be strong, be kind, and please
make every effort to walk in a lot of Christ