Speaker 1: Welcome to the Parenting Roundabout podcast. I'm Terry Morrow.
Speaker 2: And I'm Catherine Hileco.
Speaker 1: Every Thursday, we're bringing you a library find, a pick
Speaker 1: from our archives, and a parenting or pop culture tidbit
Speaker 1: or two. Let's start with Catherine's library find of the week.
Speaker 3: This week's library Fine, I bring you another parenting book
Speaker 3: to question the intentions of It is called Hunt, Gather Parent.
Speaker 3: What ancient cultures can teach us about the lost art
Speaker 3: of raising happy, helpful little humans?
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3: And for one thing, it says ancient cultures, but it
Speaker 3: really means like third world country, Like it's kind of
Speaker 3: a cringy, you know, just means non American European.
Speaker 4: Yes, you know.
Speaker 3: And I think it probably makes some good points about
Speaker 3: like community basically. I mean, I think the main argument
Speaker 3: is like in these cultures, you know, kids are fending
Speaker 3: for themselves a little bit more, but they have an
Speaker 3: entire community of people around them.
Speaker 2: Right, are looking out for.
Speaker 1: Them, right, Which was the case when I was growing
Speaker 1: up in suburban California. So it's not like this is
Speaker 1: an ancient culture. It's just recently we've maybe gotten away
Speaker 1: from it. Yeah, there's I'm looking at the picture on
Speaker 1: the front of this book that looks like a canvas
Speaker 1: tote bag with some stuffed animals in it and some
Speaker 1: little shoes. This doesn't look like hunters and gatherers were.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they were gathering.
Speaker 4: Under gathered days.
Speaker 3: Well, this author I know has is a reporter for
Speaker 3: NPR sop.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess so.
Speaker 1: But it's like you're kind of undercutting your your thesis
Speaker 1: immediately by having a little uh well Mary Jane's off
Speaker 1: to the side and you know, your little canvas thing.
Speaker 1: But okay, I don't know. You know how we feel
Speaker 1: about these things, right the first the first way to
Speaker 1: raise happy, helpful little humans is put down the parenting
Speaker 1: book and just.
Speaker 4: Go parent.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, and it just you can't.
Speaker 3: You can't separate the environment from the parenting practices. And
Speaker 3: that is where all of these kind of fall apart,
Speaker 3: you know, like why French kids are polite and why
Speaker 3: Norwegian kids are happy when it's.
Speaker 4: Cool whatever, Like French kids are poets.
Speaker 3: I don't know there there was you know, how French
Speaker 3: parents do it, how how.
Speaker 1: Well I see Viking everybody is better than American parents.
Speaker 3: And it's like, yeah, maybe if I were living in
Speaker 3: France or Norway or wherever, I would have different Yeah,
Speaker 3: I would have different methods.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, yeah, I'm not sure how universally applicable
Speaker 1: parenting methods are.
Speaker 4: It depends on so many things.
Speaker 3: Well, that's what I mean that there's just yeah, the environment.
Speaker 2: I mean we can say obviously there's.
Speaker 3: There's a variety in how every one does things. But
Speaker 3: you know, if you're living within a society, like there's
Speaker 3: some things that you can't control.
Speaker 4: Right, right, I mean we try ancient culture, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: You know, like if you can try like living off
Speaker 3: the grid and you know, homeschooling and everything else, but
Speaker 3: you know that only works for the first fifteen years
Speaker 3: or whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is just this is like clickbait parenting.
Speaker 4: Advice.
Speaker 1: Also the time about ancient cultures. What was the average
Speaker 1: life expectancy of a child in an ancient culture?
Speaker 2: Question?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and didn't they have like large numbers of children
Speaker 1: so that maybe a couple of them would live to to.
Speaker 4: Do the farm in the.
Speaker 1: So I mean if you only got to you only
Speaker 1: have to deal with them for about eight years and then.
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe a little easier. Yeah, we don't have to.
Speaker 1: Deal with that teenage nonsense, because by the time they
Speaker 1: are teenagers, they're parents and themselves.
Speaker 4: That's right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't seems like the sort of thing
Speaker 1: that hunt gather parent well, and I think are we
Speaker 1: hunting exactly?
Speaker 3: It does have some you know, like everything else, it
Speaker 3: has little kernels in terms of including your child in
Speaker 3: household tasks and you know, things like that, giving them choices,
Speaker 3: giving them, you know, whatever independence you can, which again
Speaker 3: is going to depend.
Speaker 2: A lot on the environment. But I mean those.
Speaker 3: Little little tiny nuggets, sure you can take from them.
Speaker 1: But also doesn't seem like we need to go back
Speaker 1: to ancient cultures to pick that advice. I feel like
Speaker 1: there are times within even the lifespan of NPR when.
Speaker 4: That was a thing that that people did.
Speaker 1: There's various reasons, but you know, I still want to
Speaker 1: I have to really have to work on this idea
Speaker 1: of a parenting book companion, where you could take notes
Speaker 1: on parenting advice and then change it so that it
Speaker 1: a works for you and b is not annoying.
Speaker 3: To rewrite every parenting book so that it exactly fine.
Speaker 1: Hunt and gather any tiny bit of information that you
Speaker 1: can see as workable, figure out how to make it work. There,
Speaker 1: you toss the rest in the garbage, keep your little
Speaker 1: notebook perfect, yes, Hunt, gather parenting informations, and discard the rest.
Speaker 2: Well, why don't you tell us what you've gathered?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I have gathered a few earworms over the
Speaker 1: past little bit. And they're not like current pop songs
Speaker 1: that it would make sense for me to just break
Speaker 1: out singing in the car. They're a little weird, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna share them with you. You go listen to them,
Speaker 1: and then you will be singing them randomly in the
Speaker 1: car too, and I will not feel quite so alone.
Speaker 1: The first thing is a couple of a couple of
Speaker 1: episodes lost episodes ago, we were talking about Rob mcalhoney
Speaker 1: playing one of a young guard and you referred to
Speaker 1: him as a baby Rob mcalhoney, and you did in
Speaker 1: fact pronounce his name correct, right. But we did comment
Speaker 1: on the fact that that is quite a name to
Speaker 1: have to say without preparation. And I had heard somewhere
Speaker 1: that he was legally changing his name to Rob Mack
Speaker 1: for that very reason, and in the course of looking
Speaker 1: up information on that, and by the way, on IMDb,
Speaker 1: he is now, in fact Rob Mac Yeah.
Speaker 3: I just read a New York Times magazine article about
Speaker 3: It's Always Sunny and they referred to him as Mac through.
Speaker 1: Yes, and I read an article that said his wife
Speaker 1: came Linnelson and his kids are a little chagrined by
Speaker 1: this because it is still their legal last names. But anyway,
Speaker 1: on the subject of it being tricky to pronounce, uh,
Speaker 1: Ryan Reynolds made a video with a song with using
Speaker 1: I think people from this series they have Welcome to Wrexham.
Speaker 1: They own a British soccer team, right anyway, it's a song. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a song about how to pronounce his name, and
Speaker 1: the part that goes, MA call Henny mack coh Henny
Speaker 1: goes through my brain all the bleep and time. And
Speaker 1: I'm walking around singing that and people are looking at
Speaker 1: me funny, and I can't explain it's this this.
Speaker 4: Video about this guy's name.
Speaker 1: It's really not even his name anymore, so there's really
Speaker 1: no reason for me to care about this song, but
Speaker 1: it's just so catchy. It just stuck in my brain
Speaker 1: like a burr. So thanks a lot, Ryan Reynolds. I
Speaker 1: don't even need to know anymore how to pronounce it
Speaker 1: until his children are actors. And the second one was
Speaker 1: I was recently doing some work for a client of
Speaker 1: mine that involved a school lesson on Benjamin Franklin. Was
Speaker 1: actually it was I guess about the Revolutionary War, but
Speaker 1: there was a whole section of it on Benjamin Franklin,
Speaker 1: and I immediately had to go through my head, do
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 4: Who the bleep? Iye am? Do you know who the bleep?
Speaker 1: Bye am? Benjamin something something bleep in Franklin? And I
Speaker 1: had to then immediately go on YouTube and listen to
Speaker 1: Benjamin Franklin's song, which was an outtake from Hamilton I
Speaker 1: Do love that and sung by the December.
Speaker 4: I think it was.
Speaker 1: Incredibly delightfulness. And anytime I see anything about Benjamin Franklin
Speaker 1: and they're talking about how he was an ambassador and
Speaker 1: he did this, I'm just imagining him going, you know, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: The attitude in that song just bled right over into
Speaker 1: this school lesson, and I almost put a note for
Speaker 1: the people I work for saying, hey, you know, if
Speaker 1: y'all haven't ever heard this song, you used to go
Speaker 1: listen to it and then you feel better of that idea.
Speaker 1: And thirdly, under the category of how does our brain
Speaker 1: remember ridiculous, stupid songs that we knew when we were
Speaker 1: in school, but forgets everything else we learned in school.
Speaker 1: The other day, we were driving on a street in
Speaker 1: our town and we passed by a particularly pungent bit
Speaker 1: of roadkill, and I said, oh, it's like that song
Speaker 1: dead Skunk in the middle of the road. And my
Speaker 1: husband looked at me, like, what I said, there's a song?
Speaker 1: There was a song dead Skunk in the middle of
Speaker 1: the road. And he's like, sure there was, And so
Speaker 1: I looked it up and see, I said, right here,
Speaker 1: right the third In nineteen seventy two, I had a
Speaker 1: song called dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road
Speaker 1: and I found it online and I played it and
Speaker 1: I sang along to it.
Speaker 4: And why do I remember that, Catherine?
Speaker 3: Why?
Speaker 5: I mean?
Speaker 4: I was in eighth.
Speaker 1: Grade, probably a prime age to think that a folk
Speaker 1: song about dead skunk in the middle of the road
Speaker 1: is pretty cool, and we must have sang it at
Speaker 1: some point amongst us, and it just it It occupied
Speaker 1: a part of my brain and I remembered.
Speaker 4: It like that.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even isn't there a song or something about
Speaker 1: something like that? I know I'll know it's that song
Speaker 1: Dead Skunk in the middle of the Road. Yeah. My
Speaker 1: husband had never heard of it, has no idea what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. Thought I was making it up until
Speaker 1: I played it. So now i'm you know, thinking about it.
Speaker 1: So every time, every time we passed, we passed that
Speaker 1: particular bit of roadkill quite a number of times during
Speaker 1: the day, and each time I was ready.
Speaker 2: You were ready, was.
Speaker 1: Because it was indeed a dead skunk in the middle
Speaker 1: of the road, stinking to high so perfect, perfect music.
Speaker 4: Music. It's it's what would we do without it?
Speaker 1: And the way that it embeds itself into our brains,
Speaker 1: and we'll not leave.
Speaker 4: There.
Speaker 3: It is. I went to a Hello, somebody's taking this Hello,
Speaker 3: can you turn that off or down or something?
Speaker 2: Okay, does it really work?
Speaker 1: I went, So we talked about music, and so now
Speaker 1: we have music in the background.
Speaker 3: I went to a karaoke birthday party pretty recently, and
Speaker 3: you know, if you asked me to sing every single
Speaker 3: word of you know, Chicken Fried or whatever, I certainly
Speaker 3: could not. But when it's playing and everyone's singing.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it just comes out, and it just comes right out.
Speaker 2: It's amazing.
Speaker 4: Brains are so weird the storage. The storage is something
Speaker 4: that maybe needs to be looked at. It's the way that.
Speaker 2: The efficiency is probably not.
Speaker 1: There, right, But the fact why is that there? What
Speaker 1: should those brain cells have instead? What did I learn
Speaker 1: in eighth grade science and math that's long gone?
Speaker 4: But dead skunk in the middle of the road has.
Speaker 1: A whole little little quartical cells? Yep, yeah, yep, came
Speaker 1: right out. Oh well, what do we have from the archive?
Speaker 3: This week we are going back to twenty twenty one
Speaker 3: when we were discussing a tweet that lamented societal press.
Speaker 3: Sure to sleep, eat, walk, meditate, care for our homes,
Speaker 3: all these things you know, work, don't forget that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: we're supposed to do every day. And you know, oh
Speaker 3: if you have children also.
Speaker 2: You have to take care of them.
Speaker 3: So in pets that was I don't know if that
Speaker 3: wasn't there, but yeah, it's like when when I whenever
Speaker 3: I see people even just with like their.
Speaker 2: Nails done, I'm like, but when did you do that?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 3: Or like there's you know, somebody I follow on Instagram
Speaker 3: who's basically an influencer, and so like it's her job
Speaker 3: to like look good on camera, but when she shows
Speaker 3: like everything she does in the morning and in the evening,
Speaker 3: like the routine like this is like two hours of
Speaker 3: your day, Like how how does that happen?
Speaker 4: Like I did, I don't get it.
Speaker 3: I mean, my morning routine is maybe ten minutes, and
Speaker 3: that includes brushing my teeth and putting in my context.
Speaker 3: My evening routine is maybe like fifteen.
Speaker 2: To twenty.
Speaker 3: But I also like read a magazine while I'm brushing
Speaker 3: my teeth while.
Speaker 4: I'm yeah, you know, moisturizing.
Speaker 3: I'm also sort of multitasking but not really very well,
Speaker 3: so that makes it take longer.
Speaker 2: But still it could not take an hour.
Speaker 4: No, well, do you wear makeup? Still?
Speaker 3: I do when I go to work, but that's part
Speaker 3: of the ten minutes. Like opal face is five minutes. Yeah,
Speaker 3: absolutely can do it in five minutes, but I doubt
Speaker 3: that they do. I mean, I think people are doing
Speaker 3: the shading and the shape. Oh yeah, all of the
Speaker 3: contract all that different stuff, the contours and you know what,
Speaker 3: we can see that you did all that stuff and
Speaker 3: it looks ridiculous, But okay, if it makes you happy,
Speaker 3: if you look in the mirror and you like the
Speaker 3: way it looks, if you look at your videos and
Speaker 3: you like the way it looks.
Speaker 4: God bless, but I ain't doing it.
Speaker 1: I haven't warrant and warn makeup for years and years now,
Speaker 1: and I never did that much. It was like eyeshadow,
Speaker 1: blush and lip something and I was done. But my
Speaker 1: husband didn't like makeup that much, so he was always
Speaker 1: happy when I didn't wear it. And I'm like, well, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: mostly wearing it to gotcha, guy, I gotcha.
Speaker 4: You don't want it? Fine with me?
Speaker 2: I do remember what.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was watching it. My husband and I were
Speaker 3: watching TV, and I think a commercial for mes Gara
Speaker 3: came on and he is like, who tells that?
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, why do He's like really, oh gosh.
Speaker 3: That is one of the one of the one of the.
Speaker 4: Things you still do things that I do. Do you
Speaker 4: use a lash curler or you just use the mascar.
Speaker 3: I don't use a curler usually, but I do use
Speaker 3: a primmer, so like something you ply for the mascara
Speaker 3: to make it.
Speaker 2: Stay on, which actually works really well.
Speaker 3: This was I was totally influenced by some article that
Speaker 3: I was editing, you know, because all I edit is
Speaker 3: shopping content all the time, So I have made some
Speaker 3: purchases based so yes, so it's too close, you know,
Speaker 3: But like I said, I can still do it in five.
Speaker 4: Minutes, as long as you can do it in five minutes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but no false eyelashes.
Speaker 4: No, that seems ridiculous to me.
Speaker 3: No, my my daughter wears someone she skates or she did.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, well that I can sell. But if that's
Speaker 1: part of the costume.
Speaker 3: It's part of the costume. But also, like you have
Speaker 3: to get used to wearing those things, you know, you, Yeah,
Speaker 3: they feel very weird.
Speaker 1: So yeah, did they ever fall off and land on
Speaker 1: the ice and then you have to skate around them?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Or do they glue them on with super glue?
Speaker 2: They well, they do glue.
Speaker 4: Them on, but.
Speaker 3: I'm sure they do fall off and then it could
Speaker 3: be a costume violation if.
Speaker 2: You yeah, loose one.
Speaker 1: Yikes, that's I don't think I ever did that. My
Speaker 1: eyes have always been super sensitive to stuff, so I
Speaker 1: did wear maskara, but probably most of the time it
Speaker 1: got all smudge because my eyes were watering from contacts
Speaker 1: or glasses or sweat or something. I'm I'm kind of
Speaker 1: a mess. So it's really nothing I wear is gonna
Speaker 1: make that much difference. But I give you, I give you, you
Speaker 1: got another ten years on the mescira and by.
Speaker 4: Then you need to be done with it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I have definitely used being old to pretty
Speaker 1: much just ditch out every part of my routine. But
Speaker 1: then you get moisturizer's new routine of like taking your
Speaker 1: medicine and you got to eat when that's true, and
Speaker 1: you got to have this one out stomach and you
Speaker 1: got to take this one. Yes, oh my gosh, it's
Speaker 1: a nightmare. Yeah, that that is something I do feel
Speaker 1: pressure with. It's like, am I gonna remember to take it?
Speaker 1: My My husband fixes up my pill bottle, my pill
Speaker 1: box every day for me and generally reminds me, but
Speaker 1: sometimes I forget. And yes, it's like this one needs food,
Speaker 1: this one doesn't. But I want to space these apart.
Speaker 1: I want to space them out through the day. I
Speaker 1: know it doesn't really matter, and you could just take
Speaker 1: them all at once, but that seems wrong to me.
Speaker 1: I want to I want to like space them out.
Speaker 1: But it's just you know, recently I like increased the
Speaker 1: number of pills I was taking.
Speaker 5: It's like, where am I going to broad them? Which
Speaker 5: one goes with where or where does it go? Oh
Speaker 5: my gosh, I don't have enough slots. I'm gonna have
Speaker 5: to eat another meal just to be able to do this.
Speaker 4: I probably have tea. Probably wouldn't complain, like, well, yeah,
Speaker 4: that's true.
Speaker 1: Yeah right now, as we discussed the other day, now
Speaker 1: that I know my BMI increased, my allowance increases over
Speaker 1: sixty five, then they bring it on.
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: But yes, there is the combination of taking a lot
Speaker 1: of medications and then seeing a lot of doctors.
Speaker 4: Yes, does sort of create.
Speaker 1: I mean, most of the time I feel just fine,
Speaker 1: but the pressure of having to remember to go do
Speaker 1: this and then this is the day. Okay, I'm getting
Speaker 1: a shot in my eye. That means the rest of
Speaker 1: the day is shot. And I have to have echo
Speaker 1: cardiograms for this one thing. It's like it's a lot.
Speaker 1: And I am I this sickly? Am I this elderly
Speaker 1: that I am now to just kind of go into
Speaker 1: the hospital all the time for this and then the
Speaker 1: other Yeah, and yes, I am.
Speaker 2: It's just a lot to cram into your schedule.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I'm also I mean it's making me think that
Speaker 1: I really need to get going on you know, updating
Speaker 1: our will and figuring out what my kids are going
Speaker 1: to do if we are not around. Now, my husband's
Speaker 1: grandmother lived to one hundred, so I figure he'll be
Speaker 1: around maybe longer than me. But you know, I already
Speaker 1: felt the pressure to do it, and then I mentioned
Speaker 1: it to my daughter's therapist and she said, oh, I
Speaker 1: know some good people, and she gave me some names.
Speaker 1: And so now it's like every time my daughter goes,
Speaker 1: she says, oh, did your mom.
Speaker 4: Call any of those people?
Speaker 1: So now there's really pressure cause she, you know, made
Speaker 1: sure to tell me how inconvenient, you know, how much
Speaker 1: time it took her to get all this stuff together
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 4: So now if I don't.
Speaker 1: Do anything, I'm that terrible person who put her to
Speaker 1: all this trouble for nothing. But it's like it's, you know,
Speaker 1: one of them is there there, Neither of them are
Speaker 1: in my town. One of them is up one way,
Speaker 1: one of them is the other way. Do we want
Speaker 1: to go south? Do we want to go north? There's
Speaker 1: this reason to do this, there's that reason. I'm like
Speaker 1: have paralysis before I even make a phone call, trying
Speaker 1: to figure out who I should call. And there's somebody
Speaker 1: in our neighborhood, I mean know that does our taxes.
Speaker 1: Maybe we should just talk to them. But then there's
Speaker 1: this other person, maybe we should just so I just
Speaker 1: don't do it. So pressure to plan for your death
Speaker 1: is a real but not something that you really want
Speaker 1: to do easily procrastinated. And I mean you could say, oh, well,
Speaker 1: I've got another few years. I'm in pretty good shape.
Speaker 4: I know it's not.
Speaker 1: But you know, one bad one bad move on the highway,
Speaker 1: so you can never know.
Speaker 4: There's a lot of pressure right now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe we have to stop so you can go
Speaker 3: take care of some things.
Speaker 4: You need to go back and sing the Benjamin tradlines
Speaker 4: on it.
Speaker 2: That'll make you feel.
Speaker 4: Do you know who they'll bleeby?
Speaker 1: Am I'm the person who hasn't yet planned for her demids?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: That person?
Speaker 2: Ouch?
Speaker 1: But I have planned for the end of this podcast,
Speaker 1: which should happen right about now right. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1: You can find all our episodes on spreaker, Apple Podcasts,
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Speaker 2: You can also talk to.
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Speaker 3: but you can find links to a lot of the
Speaker 3: things we've talked about over the years.