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Speaker 1: Welcome back, Bestie's. It is mother, and I am here

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despite the world trying to take me the fuck down.

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Before I jump into everything, I want to let you

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know those dates I had to reschedule for Nashville and RAWLEI.

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There's still a few tickets left. So if you guys

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are in Nashville, or if you're in Raleigh and you

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want to come hang out with me. I don't even

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know if I remember how to do comedy anymore. I'll

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be honest, I'm not so sure that I do. It's

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been a while. I've been doing comedy with like Reina

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and THEO, and I've been featuring for people, but I

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haven't been working on my new set. So I'm gonna

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work on my new set and We're gonna have a

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lot of fun and I would love to see you

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and say hi. The Raleigh date is June sixteenth and

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the Nashville date is June eighteenth, So go on my

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website Brittany Schmidt dot com b ri I T T

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A N Y S E h M I T T

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dot com for tickets. Okay, we're back. We're back. We're back,

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We're back. What's up? How we doing? I'm bad. Maybe

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never been worse. I know last week I was like

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do I complain about and then like, God really gave

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me something to come. I'm here, Biggie's not and that

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is the most It's the most devastating thing I've ever

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been through in my life. For any of you who

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have ever lost a pet know what I'm going through

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right now. I'm it's taking everything in me to just

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get out of bed in the morning. But I'm here

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and I'm showing up because I think it's important that

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I keep going and I don't fall down a hole,

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that I don't fall into a well of despair because

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I'll tell you what mama wants to fucking get in

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bed and eat bad food and then eat more bad

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food and then doom scroll And then for some reason,

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Instagram hasn't gone on to the fact that my dog died,

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so all it's showing me is like the cutest little

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reels of dogs, And I'm like, I don't know anymore,

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and so I can't do that. I can't keep being sad.

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My house is filled with flowers, My friends are so wonderful,

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I'm surrounded by so many great things. I'm so grateful

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for my life and to be here. But fuck, fuck

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is this painful. I'm gonna get into all of that

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later because if I get into that now, first of all,

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I'm gonna ruin your fucking Monday. And that's not what

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I'm here for. I don't want to ruin your fucking monday. Okay.

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I want you guys to have a great day. I

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want you to have a great week. I want you

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to have a good commute to work. I want you

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to be distracted, and I want us to kiki a

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little bit. All right, I have some tea and it's

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like it's dark. It's dark tea. All my tea is dark. Okay,

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it's English breakfast. So there was this guy who used

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to DM me and he was a congressman, and every

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time I would go to DC, he's like, let me

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know when you have a show, I want to like

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rent out the club. I want a dah da da

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da da. And I was like, Okay, anyone who's gonna

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DM me and tell me they're gonna rent out the

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whole club for one of my shows, I'm in you know,

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mama needs to sell tickets. I will DM you back

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if you say that shit. So he would be like,

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I live in California, but I'm in DC sometimes and

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I'm like, I don't care. I don't care about what

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you do, why you're here, who you are, I don't

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fucking care. And you know, I'll say. I looked at

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him and I was like, this guy looks like he

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got beat with the fucking ugly stick. Not in a

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way that's like he's objectively horrifying looking, but he just

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had like a darkness in his face. And I was like, oh,

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like energetically, like I won't go near that person, you know, unless,

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of course they're going to buy out an entire room

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of seats and bring people to a comedy show. Then

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I will shake his hand and say hello and thank you,

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and that's all we'll do. So anyway, long story long,

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it was Eric Sawal's saywal seawall whatever, Eric, and the

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fucking roof is falling down on this guy, on this guy.

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If you guys don't know who this person is, he

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is a congressman for California, and I guess it's coming

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out that he was like brutally drugging, raping, beating women.

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When I heard it, I was like, wait, why do

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I know that name? And it's not very often a

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congressman dms me. Okay, I'm not a politician's favorite person,

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I'll be honest, but I was like, wait a minute,

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is that the guy? And then I went and I

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saw he no longer followed me. But then I checked

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our messages and yeah, it was fucking him, drugging, beating,

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raping women. I was this close to you, guys, I

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was nicked. I was nicked by the protection of the

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Good Lord. That didn't happen to me. Here's the thing.

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I think when people find out that I'm sober, they're like, oh,

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she's gonna be a little tougher to take down. You know,

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I'm a sturdy bitch. I don't know if you guys

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know this about me. A lot of you have met.

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You at me and person you're like, oh, you're taller

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than I thought, which is the way you're gonna say.

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I'm a big I'm a big bitch. All right. I'm

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a farm hand. Ho I grew up in the summer bailing. Hey,

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all right, I mucked stalls. I am sturdy. It's gonna

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take hurricane force winds to knock this bitch over. I'm

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not wafy I'm not frail. I've never Nobody has ever

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once been like, oh, she looks hungry. Nobody's ever accused

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me of looking hungry a day in my life. All Right,

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I eat, I eat my feelings, I eat some more.

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That's what I do. I eat. I'm five to nine,

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all right, fine, I'm five eight in like three quarters.

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But I'm five nine and I'm a big bitch. All right.

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I'm one hundred and sixty pounds on a good day,

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not a bad damn less. But I'm sturdy. You know.

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It's gonna take like a plow to knock me over.

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And sure, maybe a roofie would do it, but Rufie's.

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Here's the thing about Rufe's that you don't know, but

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the whole gay community knows this. If you take GHB

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without alcohol, it's just like the greatest thing in the world.

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If you take GGB with alcohol, you will fall into

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a coma and wake up and have no fucking idea

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what happened, and you're that moment of your life from

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the time you drink it to the time you come

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back online. It's gonna be like men in black, like

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they hate you with the fucking memory stick.

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Speaker 2: Like shoop.

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Speaker 1: You don't know what the fuck happened, all right, But

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if you just take GHB so like for me, Imagine

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me and the club drinking a sprite because I'm not

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drinking Dike cokes anymore because Mom can't even handle a

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little caffeine or she gets crazy. You know, I'm not

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even drinking a diet coke anymore. I'm drinking a sprite.

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Imagine you put rufelin in my fucking sprite and then

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I'm just like the chillest bitch alive. And then I'm

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just like having the best time of my life. But

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I still have my wits about me, right unless I

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overdose on GHB, that's another thing. But I still have

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like my wits about me, and I still would be like,

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you know, I could throw a fucking punch, I could

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bob and weave. Okay, maybe not. I don't know. I've

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never done GHB without the booze, but my gaze tell

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me it's the best thing in the world. And I'm

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not telling you to do it, but I'm saying, if

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you want to do it, do it, because life is short.

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We don't know how long we're gonna be here. I

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thought my dog was gonna live forever. I thought Biggie

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was gonna live to eighteen. The way I was so

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cocky that dog would live forever. I again, can't get

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into that now, but in my heart, even when the

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doctor told me, like, your dog is dying, I was like,

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you're fucking hack. I was like, you're not a real

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vet like this. I was like gaslighting myself the whole time.

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I was like, no, he's not. He's going to live

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until he's eighteen. Every time I've ever met anyone in

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an airport, they're like, oh my god. I had a minbit.

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He lived until fifteen, he lived until sixteen, she lived

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until seventeen. Da da da da da. I was like,

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Biggie's going to live forever. Biggie's going to outlive me. Okay,

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life is short. Do the drugs, buy the heels. Shop.

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That's another thing. First of all, I don't know who

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said when you're going through grief you should shop. Here's

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the thing. And I said, I'm not going to get

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into this now. Maybe I am. I don't think I can.

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I have to put it off a little longer. But

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I will say I'll get into the nitty gritty later.

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But I did spend twelve grand on Biggie in his

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last week trying to keep him alive. Didn't fucking work.

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So I'm out a lot of money. And we know

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this year's has just been a curb stomp of a

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year for Mama. I'm out in a lie out of money.

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And then on top of that, I was like, I'm

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sad and I feel nothing. I feel numb. Let me shop.

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So I went and got myself some Ramoa suitcases. That's

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a crazy purchase, by the way. That is so fucking

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expensive for a suitcase. But the thing is they have

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a lifetime warranty, and Mama travels a lot. And when

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I tell you, I blow through suitcases like I got

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Away suitcases last time, I busted through those bitches. I

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got the titanium ones are their aluminum ones. And the

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big one that I got, the handle stopped going up

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and down, so I tried to take it in and

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for whatever reason, they couldn't find my file so they

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wouldn't fix the handle. It's like, hey, guy, I'm here

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with your suitcase. It's clearly your suitcase. Where do you

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think I got this from? Like? Why would you not

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just fix the fucking handle away. I paid what eight

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hundred and nine hundred dollars for that bag. Fix the

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fucking handle. It's beat to shit. It looks like hell.

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I mean literally, when you put an away suitcase the

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first time you check it, it's gonna come back out

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looking like it when you went to a fucking the

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delta to bag boys went to the fucking shooting range

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with it, like it's going to look absolutely fucking insane.

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But like, hey, man, fix the fucking handle, and he

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wouldn't fix it. So I was this was me in

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the Melrose store. I was like, so you're telling me,

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you're looking me right dead in the soul. Even though

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I can show him on my phone where the transaction was.

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I could bring the transaction up, but for some reason

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one of their employees like, well, put a fucking typo

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in the system and didn't register it as my bag.

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So now you're not gonna fix my handle, and I

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won't just get jammed and jammed. And then I was

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just time because the airlines are gonna jam it down

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to put it on the flight. There's a time it

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wouldn't come up. And it was just this tiny little

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handle and I was pushing it around with my fingertips

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and I was like, I have worked too hard to

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live a life like this. I have worked too hard

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to live like this. And then my other away bag,

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my carry on, the fucking snaps just busted off of

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all of it, Like you know, the snaps that keep

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the things the closed. They all just fucking broke. And

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I was like, what am I gonna do? Take this

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into away again? Fool me once, shame on you, fool

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me twice. Fuck you. I'm buying a Remoa so they

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have like an air tight customer service and lifetime guarantees.

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So this is a purchase I made and I'll be honest,

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Max bought me one of them, but I bought the

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other one and it'll be a lifetime purchase. But it

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doesn't feel good. Okay. So whoever said when you're sad,

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go shop there, that's your that person's your fucking op, okay,

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Because when you're sad and you shop, then you're just

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sad and poor. And there's nothing worse than being sad

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and poor, sad about the loss of an animal, which,

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by the way, I would rather members of my family

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die than me lose a dog. My losing that dog,

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I would have rather gotten a phone call that my

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entire family minus my dad and sister went down in

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a fucking plane, and I would be like, I can

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deal with that. I can deal with that loss because

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you know what, their presence in my life isn't that extraordinary.

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My dog's presence in my life was the most healing

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part of the last twelve years of my life. And also,

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by the way, I got his age wrong. Last year

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I celebrated his twelfth birthday. He wasn't twelve. He would

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have turned twelve on me twenty first, but you know

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he's not going to so he was like eleven. Oh,

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that's kay, he's eleven eleven. He was eleven years eleven months.

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That's kind of nice as our angel numbers. Yeah, I mean,

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losing a dog is the most painful thing in the world.

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I would truly rather Yeah, I would truly rather lose

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most of my family, but I would be fine. I

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00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,360
would get rid of him myself. If I had to

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push a button that dropped him into a fiery well,

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I would do that. If I could just keep my

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dog forever. I would rather my mom kill herself again

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then Bicky b dead. Like I I the grief isn't

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00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:58,440
even hitting me, it's not even registering. I'm in denial.

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I'm angry. I'm mad about everything, you guys, I'm so

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fucking mad about everything. Like last night, Max was watching

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the Knicks. He's from New York born and raised, but

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I've never seen him watch the Knicks game before. They

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lost by one point to the Atlanta Hawks. And then

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he was turned the TV off. He's mad. I was like, well,

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you're mad now. I just like, I was like, what, well,

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now you're a Knicks fan and now you're mad about this?

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And he was like, I've lived in New York my

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whole life. Can I not root for a team? I

254
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,519
was like, why do we suddenly care? Why do we

255
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suddenly care every time anyone does anything wrong to me?

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I'm like, let's fucking fight. I'm fighting. I'm fighting mad.

257
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I'm in my plates class. Oh which, by the way,

258
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my Pilates studio is shutting down, the one place, the

259
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,480
one place here that's been tethering me to some sort

260
00:12:37,519 --> 00:12:40,519
of routine and reality. They're like or going out of business.

261
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And at this point, here's what I will say. I

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00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:46,360
do feel like I am being rejected by palm Beach.

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I do feel like you know, when your body rejects

264
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:52,879
like a fake tit, or like your body rejects an implant,

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Like I feel like that's me and West Palm Beach

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like they're just like, no, literally, I got here. I

267
00:12:57,879 --> 00:13:02,080
got robbed by my friends. I what else happened. I

268
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,960
got robbed by my friends. My dog died, my studio

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close Like, I'm just like, Okay, I feel like I'm

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not supposed to be here. This feels really bad. This

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feels really really bad. And it's funny because the last

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I guy's like, do I complain too much? And someone's like, yeah,

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00:13:16,399 --> 00:13:19,399
you complain a lot. Maybe go do some community service. Bitch.

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Being alive is my community service. Doing this podcast is

275
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my community service. I can't do community service. This is it.

276
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,879
This is all I have in me. I would love

277
00:13:28,919 --> 00:13:30,799
to do community service. I applied for a job at

278
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,559
a rehab and they didn't get back to me, And

279
00:13:32,639 --> 00:13:35,159
I guess maybe being a comedian for ten years isn't

280
00:13:35,159 --> 00:13:37,159
like super strong on a resume in terms of what

281
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,320
they need in order to facilitate family members of people

282
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,879
going through some of the most grave tragedies of their life,

283
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,519
which is trying to gets over or trying to help

284
00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,639
a family member gets over. But I'm like, I will

285
00:13:47,639 --> 00:13:53,039
make them laugh. Okay, I'll make them laugh. Anyway, back

286
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,879
to Eric Sawalls what's his name, Eric Sawwell Sawwell whatever?

287
00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:01,679
This California congressman ris of course, he's the only person

288
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:05,639
who's ever DMed me from United States States politics. Ever,

289
00:14:05,919 --> 00:14:08,200
I'm a big bitch. He saw that, and I think

290
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,120
he saw a game recognized game and he never came

291
00:14:10,159 --> 00:14:11,759
to a fucking show. And I'm glad his little pit

292
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,679
bull looking ass face didn't come to a show. And

293
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,679
here's what I will say. Here's what I will say.

294
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:22,120
I gotta be you really got to watch out for

295
00:14:22,159 --> 00:14:24,240
these virtuos signalers. And I've said it before and I'll

296
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,840
say it again. In his profile on his Instagram, which

297
00:14:27,879 --> 00:14:30,360
should be deactivated, by the way, that should be the

298
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,080
correct thing to do is completely deactivate your shit. You're

299
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:36,000
going through it. You gotta shut down shop. Okay, You're

300
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,840
not supposed to be leaving this up to make it

301
00:14:37,879 --> 00:14:39,960
look good on paper. It doesn't look good on paper.

302
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,159
None of this looks good. All right, shut it down, Chinatown.

303
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:44,799
You're out of the race. You're not gonna be the

304
00:14:44,799 --> 00:14:49,279
California governor. But I looked at his bio when I

305
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:50,799
was trying to figure out is this the guy that

306
00:14:50,879 --> 00:14:55,519
was dming me? And it still says, father to Dutta da,

307
00:14:55,919 --> 00:14:59,960
husband to dut da da, Take it down, take it out.

308
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:01,960
You weren't a very good dad, were you? When you

309
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,240
were drugging and raping women in the bottom of a

310
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,679
fucking well in Washington, DC, When you were in a

311
00:15:06,679 --> 00:15:09,840
fucking coat closet in Washington DC, strong arming a bit

312
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,559
you just met on the internet. Like you're not a

313
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,200
good person, Stop acting like you are. And Here's what

314
00:15:15,279 --> 00:15:17,200
I've been saying, and I'll say it again, and I

315
00:15:17,279 --> 00:15:19,639
will say it until the day that I die. Watch

316
00:15:19,679 --> 00:15:22,159
out for the virtue signalers. Watch out for the girls girls,

317
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,679
the self proclaimed girls girls, the one that I'm a

318
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:28,559
girl's girl. Bitch. No you ain't, No, you ain't. I

319
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,000
saw you hit on another person's man. I saw you

320
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,759
hit on my man. I see how you move. You

321
00:15:34,799 --> 00:15:36,600
think just because you say a girl you're a girl's

322
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,600
girl to the world, means that the world won't see

323
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,000
how you move. I don't understand why people think we

324
00:15:41,039 --> 00:15:42,879
can't see through this shit, and maybe a lot of

325
00:15:42,919 --> 00:15:44,960
people can't. Maybe they look riad a bio and they're like, no,

326
00:15:45,039 --> 00:15:47,440
look it says here, he's a father, he's a Christian,

327
00:15:47,519 --> 00:15:51,159
he's a he's a husband. No, no, no, he can't

328
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,360
be the one drugging and raping bitches in the bottom

329
00:15:53,399 --> 00:15:58,039
of a fucking at a fucking bar in Washington, d C.

330
00:15:58,159 --> 00:16:00,440
But guess what he is. Because all the people everg

331
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,000
you signore are the worst people in the world. And

332
00:16:02,039 --> 00:16:03,399
whether or not they want to believe it or whether

333
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:04,960
or not they want to accept it in this lifetime

334
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,559
is their business, not ours. All we can do is

335
00:16:08,559 --> 00:16:10,399
try and keep our side of the street clean, which

336
00:16:10,399 --> 00:16:12,759
I'll be honest, I'm not that great at that. I

337
00:16:12,879 --> 00:16:17,039
do my best. I fucking try, but it's not going great,

338
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,440
you know. And that's why I say I always say

339
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,360
I am not a girl's girl. There are hopes out

340
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,840
there I don't like for real, there's shit I've done

341
00:16:23,879 --> 00:16:26,440
in my past and in my present that's not great.

342
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:29,799
I am not that good of a person. So if

343
00:16:29,799 --> 00:16:32,480
something ever comes out about me where it's like britneit did,

344
00:16:32,679 --> 00:16:34,440
X Y and Z y'all at least can be like, well,

345
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,360
you know what she didn't do. She didn't lie, she

346
00:16:36,399 --> 00:16:40,120
didn't pretend she was something else. Because that's where I think,

347
00:16:41,519 --> 00:16:43,120
that's where I think if we want to go into

348
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,679
a little human exploration here, I think that's where we

349
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,159
get all fucked up. Right, when the expectation of us

350
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,679
is this and then the reality of us is something

351
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:56,080
far different, that's when we start to grind up against ourselves, right,

352
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,000
because our egos like, no, we're a father or a congressman.

353
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,120
We are good people. We are a good person, and

354
00:17:01,159 --> 00:17:03,159
we serve our community in our country, and we da

355
00:17:03,279 --> 00:17:05,240
da da da da da da da da. But then

356
00:17:05,319 --> 00:17:08,279
deep beneath that is the shadow self. And the shadow

357
00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:12,119
self is like, you know, whatever happened to that man

358
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,160
that made him want a drug and rape women? I

359
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,799
will never understand because I do not have the brain

360
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,079
of a sick person somebody who's sick in that way.

361
00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:21,480
But there are many men sick in this way, right,

362
00:17:21,599 --> 00:17:23,599
did you guys see? And this is also not good news.

363
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,559
I'm sorry this podcast is not good news, but it's

364
00:17:25,559 --> 00:17:27,240
news and we need to know it. There was an

365
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:32,640
online rape institution in sixty three million men from largely

366
00:17:32,799 --> 00:17:36,559
most from the United States, went onto this private forum

367
00:17:36,759 --> 00:17:40,240
sixty three million. Do you know how many? Do you

368
00:17:40,279 --> 00:17:42,640
know how many people? That is? Like, I think the

369
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,680
person with the most Instagram followers on the internet was

370
00:17:45,759 --> 00:17:48,279
for the longest time Selena Gomez. I don't know if

371
00:17:48,319 --> 00:17:50,960
it still is. I think she had like two hundred

372
00:17:51,039 --> 00:17:54,960
million followers. Hang on, let me look right now, you guys.

373
00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:57,839
This episode is brought to you by Berber. As always,

374
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412
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in the psilocybin area. I think there's maybe was just

413
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414
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415
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,720
that's not good. But but I think it was to

416
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pass some laws around regulating medicinal psilocybin. I could be wrong.

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Go to Happy Caps Wellness dot com and enjoy your

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journey to the moon. Selena Gomaz has four hundred and

432
00:20:58,039 --> 00:21:02,160
fourteen million followers on Instagram. That is an extraordinary amount.

433
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:08,359
But if anyone had sixty two million followers on Instagram,

434
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:11,440
you would be blown the fuck away. They would be

435
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:15,000
getting brand deals that make them hundreds of millions of dollars.

436
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:19,119
They would be printing fucking money. Sixty two million people

437
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:23,119
is all of the people. It is so many fucking people.

438
00:21:24,319 --> 00:21:27,440
It hurts my heart knowing that there were that many

439
00:21:27,519 --> 00:21:30,839
men getting online thinking how I'm gonna take this fucking

440
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:36,359
course in how to drug and rape women? And I

441
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,799
think we would all, unfortunately a lot of us would

442
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:42,000
be astonished to know who some of those people are. Yeah,

443
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,400
some of them are going to be fucking losers. Okay,

444
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,920
some of them are going to be people that it

445
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:52,119
doesn't surprise anyone because they're scum of the earth, and

446
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,160
they seem like scum of the earth, but some of them,

447
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,640
I think it would really surprise us. I think there

448
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,839
would be all walks of life in there. There would

449
00:22:01,839 --> 00:22:06,960
be doctors, there would be pediatricians, there would be surgeons,

450
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,440
there would be heart surgeons. There would be people keeping

451
00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:12,640
our loved ones alive that secretly want a drug and

452
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,119
rape women. And that is like the dark underbelly of

453
00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:19,720
the society that we live in. Is this society is

454
00:22:19,799 --> 00:22:23,839
so soul sick, and I don't I think, I don't know.

455
00:22:24,039 --> 00:22:26,359
I keep looking around for a sign everything's gonna get better,

456
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,680
and then my dog died, so I just don't. The

457
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:34,279
one thing tethering me to like safety insanity, just was like, actually,

458
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,480
I'm dying in ten days. From the time of the

459
00:22:37,519 --> 00:22:39,240
diagnosis to the minute I had to put them down,

460
00:22:39,279 --> 00:22:41,400
it was ten days. It was the worst ten days

461
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:45,359
of my life. It's a pain I can't access right now.

462
00:22:45,599 --> 00:22:48,359
But what I'm saying is I think societally we're in

463
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,039
a lot of trouble and I don't know if there's

464
00:22:50,079 --> 00:22:53,160
an answer. I wish there was sixty three million people

465
00:22:53,279 --> 00:22:55,960
signing up to figure out how to save world hunger

466
00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:59,680
or stop the wars that don't need to be happening

467
00:22:59,759 --> 00:23:02,640
right now or just literally anything. I wish there was

468
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,599
people that wanted to do good instead of bad. I

469
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:08,440
wish the Internet didn't facilitate such atrocity as I wish.

470
00:23:08,599 --> 00:23:11,440
You know, it's the Internet is. It's the beginning of

471
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,759
the end, and I miss the time before the Internet,

472
00:23:13,839 --> 00:23:17,480
I really do. I don't think largely anything good has

473
00:23:17,519 --> 00:23:19,839
come from the Internet. And I know you're gonna all

474
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:23,119
say I'm wrong. I understand that we're advancing as a

475
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:26,680
society because of it. I understand that as a society

476
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,559
we need to advance and we need to keep evolving,

477
00:23:28,559 --> 00:23:31,599
and I understand that great things could happen from the Internet.

478
00:23:33,799 --> 00:23:36,480
In my experience with it, it has just given me

479
00:23:36,759 --> 00:23:43,559
severe anxiety, severe depression, over stimulation. I have had access

480
00:23:43,599 --> 00:23:46,759
to things that I don't want to see. Like, you know,

481
00:23:47,319 --> 00:23:50,799
I don't think it was better necessarily when Wars happened

482
00:23:50,799 --> 00:23:52,880
and we didn't know what that looked like. But I

483
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,480
don't think it's better that we do know what it

484
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:58,880
looks like. It's fucking atrocious. It is bad, Like you

485
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:00,880
feel like you're on the front line of like all

486
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,160
these horrible things, and then your central nervous system is

487
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,240
just getting whipped into a tizzy until you try and sleep,

488
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,519
but then you can't sleep because the blue light is

489
00:24:08,599 --> 00:24:11,000
keeping you awake and your brain thinks it's daytime. And like,

490
00:24:13,759 --> 00:24:15,640
and I'm just like, it all feels bad, It all

491
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,880
feels scary. It all feels like we're just like two

492
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,400
cartwheels away from getting hacked into an oblivion. Claude won't

493
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:25,160
release their most recent AI because there's it's too advanced.

494
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,519
It could show all of the weaknesses in the security

495
00:24:27,559 --> 00:24:30,200
systems that are currently in place to keep us protected

496
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:35,000
quote unquote protected. It all just feels crazy, like it

497
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:39,160
feels banana pancakes. And yes, we can be grateful, and

498
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,559
we can look at our insular lives and be grateful

499
00:24:42,559 --> 00:24:44,440
for our body and our mind and our health and

500
00:24:44,519 --> 00:24:46,880
our partners and our friends and everything. And I hope

501
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,759
you guys do that, because that is the only thing

502
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:54,839
keeping me from going into a complete spiral. The only

503
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,519
thing keeping me from bottoming the fuck out right now

504
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:05,200
is that like, I am so loved and I I

505
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,079
have a wonderful partner, I have wonderful friends, I have

506
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:12,160
a wonderful family. I mean, listen, my family, my sister,

507
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,799
and my dad. I learned in Biggie's And this is

508
00:25:14,799 --> 00:25:16,279
how I'm gonna tell you about Biggie. I'm just gonna

509
00:25:16,319 --> 00:25:17,880
keep dropping things I'm not going to tell you in

510
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:21,400
one concentrated story because it's all too sad. But when

511
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,640
I found out Biggie had stage three kidney disease, So

512
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:29,200
basically I came back from that trip to Chicago and

513
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,279
he was sick. He was puking and he was shitting

514
00:25:31,319 --> 00:25:33,559
and he just wasn't keeping food down. And it was like,

515
00:25:33,599 --> 00:25:34,920
I was like, what the fuck's wrong with you? So

516
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:36,960
I took him in. He had stage three kidney disease,

517
00:25:37,039 --> 00:25:38,720
and basically, you know, the vet was like, we can

518
00:25:38,759 --> 00:25:41,119
put him on IV fluids for three days, see if

519
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:47,400
we can flesh out his levels. And so I did that.

520
00:25:47,799 --> 00:25:50,960
I spent a small fortune doing that. The levels didn't

521
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,559
go up, they went down. I'm sorry, they didn't go down,

522
00:25:53,599 --> 00:25:56,920
they went up. So basically I just threw that money

523
00:25:56,960 --> 00:26:00,480
down the flush it down the toilet, and then I

524
00:26:00,519 --> 00:26:05,319
took him to well, actually no, then I called my sister,

525
00:26:05,839 --> 00:26:07,720
called my sister, and basically the bet said, you know,

526
00:26:08,319 --> 00:26:11,119
you can take him to a specialist but ultimately, his

527
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,039
kidneys are failing and it's just a matter of time

528
00:26:14,079 --> 00:26:16,160
before he wastes away. And at that point, when I

529
00:26:16,319 --> 00:26:18,279
was like, who the fuck says that to somebody, Like

530
00:26:18,319 --> 00:26:20,240
who says it's just a matter of time before their

531
00:26:20,279 --> 00:26:22,240
dog wastes away? I was like, Oh my god, he's

532
00:26:22,279 --> 00:26:24,279
gonna like die. That was like the first time I

533
00:26:24,279 --> 00:26:29,119
ever realized he was gonna die. And I called my

534
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,920
sister and I told her. I told her, and she's

535
00:26:32,039 --> 00:26:34,160
you know, she's also going through something similar with her

536
00:26:35,279 --> 00:26:38,799
with her dog right now. Her dog just got diagnosed

537
00:26:38,839 --> 00:26:42,039
with something in his throat. And so I called her,

538
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:45,480
and I mean she I was like, you know, I'm crying.

539
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,319
I was really upset, and I was like, you know,

540
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,960
I just like don't think you know, And she's like, oh,

541
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,640
he's dead. Oh he died. Oh he died. Okay, all right,

542
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,400
Well the good news is he's gonna he's gonna die

543
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,799
and he's gonna be like she just like went to

544
00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,680
full panic mode, and I was like, oh, this is

545
00:26:59,759 --> 00:27:03,680
not the person that I call during a tragedy. Like

546
00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:05,960
I was like, no, he's not dead, Like I have

547
00:27:06,039 --> 00:27:07,480
to give him a you know, I have to see

548
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,480
if I want to go to a specialty doctor and

549
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,240
get him like a feeding tube. And she's like, okay, well,

550
00:27:12,279 --> 00:27:15,319
the good news is if you do euthanasia, it's no

551
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,359
pain to him. And I'm like, Heather, he's not dying.

552
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,519
Like in that point, I was like, he's not dying,

553
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,880
and she's like, okay, Well, she's just like very rigid

554
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:25,079
with how she responds to the thing. I was like,

555
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:26,759
maybe that was the wrong phone called to make. I

556
00:27:26,799 --> 00:27:28,799
love her so much. We laughed so hard about it,

557
00:27:28,799 --> 00:27:30,440
but it was like, that was not the phone called

558
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:31,920
to make. So then I called my dad, and my

559
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,720
dad here's MyD thing with my dad. He's a hunter.

560
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,519
We grew up on a farm. He's very matter of fact,

561
00:27:36,599 --> 00:27:39,559
like animals die before us, like doesn't get super attached

562
00:27:39,599 --> 00:27:41,680
to them, hasn't had an animal in his life in

563
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,519
a long time. And I called my dad and I

564
00:27:44,559 --> 00:27:47,799
was like, you know, biggie, I'll try to get like

565
00:27:48,039 --> 00:27:50,200
and he's like, what's he convulsing? And I was like,

566
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:54,519
what is wrong with my family? Like, no, he's not convulsiing.

567
00:27:54,559 --> 00:27:56,319
He has a stage three kidney disease and he's not

568
00:27:56,319 --> 00:27:58,279
gonna make it that much longer and he's like, all right,

569
00:27:58,279 --> 00:28:00,720
well that's the circle of life. And I guess howk

570
00:28:00,799 --> 00:28:03,200
kid And I was like, oh my god, I need

571
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:08,039
I need a new family. I just need. I'm just kidding.

572
00:28:08,079 --> 00:28:09,880
I don't. I love be done my sister so much.

573
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:13,720
It's just it's funny how people react to tragedy. And

574
00:28:13,799 --> 00:28:16,559
there's no right way to do it. I really don't.

575
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,079
I really don't believe there is. Obviously, grief is such

576
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:22,599
a personal thing, and handling someone else's grief is also

577
00:28:22,799 --> 00:28:25,079
it's it's a complicated thing to do. And I think,

578
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:32,839
you know, I I grieved so much. I grieved so

579
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:35,160
much in the past few days, and it hits me

580
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:36,720
in waves and I feel like I'll get hit by

581
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:38,759
a truck. But basically what happened is I took Biggie

582
00:28:38,799 --> 00:28:43,799
in to a specialty, a specialist at Access at Access

583
00:28:43,839 --> 00:28:45,559
BET and they're the ones who saved his life when

584
00:28:45,559 --> 00:28:47,839
he was having seizures. And the guy was like, listen,

585
00:28:48,119 --> 00:28:51,160
we can give him a feeding tube, and he's like,

586
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,960
the feeding tube basically circumvents his appetite, so we don't

587
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,839
need him to like want to eat in order to

588
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,559
get him the nutrients he needs to restabilize his kidneys.

589
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:02,359
And feeding tube was obviously an arm and a fucking leg.

590
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,039
It was very fucking expensive. And I was like, I

591
00:29:05,079 --> 00:29:07,200
will do anything for my dog, and if you genuinely

592
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,960
think this will help him, I will do it. And

593
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,720
I'm like, you know, I called Chris and I asked

594
00:29:12,759 --> 00:29:14,400
him what he thought, and he's like, well, if he thinks,

595
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,400
you know, this is the right path forward. And he

596
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,119
showed me another dog who had the feeding tube. It

597
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,640
was this little Yorky and the Yorkie seemed fine, It

598
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,359
seemed very like non plussed by the fact this feeding

599
00:29:23,359 --> 00:29:25,359
tube was there. And like, did the Yorkie look like

600
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:28,200
he was about to go snorkeling? Yeah? And you know,

601
00:29:28,359 --> 00:29:30,400
was the feeding tube so much money that like Biggie

602
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,599
would be able to eat but I wouldn't. Yeah, But

603
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,079
I was like, that's my priority. My priority is keeping

604
00:29:35,119 --> 00:29:37,279
this dog alive and healthy. And so I did it.

605
00:29:37,839 --> 00:29:41,119
And when I the feeding tube got put in and

606
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:43,920
I dropped him off, but then Max had to pick

607
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:45,920
him up because I was on the road doing shows

608
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:51,079
and he was just a different dog after that. And unfortunately,

609
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:54,160
when literally I was in the plane, like wheels up

610
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,559
going to Denver to meet Rena. The doctor called me

611
00:29:57,599 --> 00:29:58,880
and was like, hey, I just want to let you

612
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:02,680
know that, Like, we we put the tube in fine,

613
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:07,440
but we also found a a really big mass in

614
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:12,559
his throat and I wasn't sure if the mass was cancer,

615
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:17,160
and so they biopsied it. And when I got back

616
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:22,599
from the show, the shows his wound sight had gotten

617
00:30:22,599 --> 00:30:27,720
infected and this was just was not my dog anymore.

618
00:30:29,039 --> 00:30:34,359
He was in so much pain and he was so sad,

619
00:30:37,839 --> 00:30:42,319
and he just wasn't my dog anymore. And he hated

620
00:30:42,359 --> 00:30:46,000
the feeding tube and every time I tried to feed him,

621
00:30:46,599 --> 00:30:48,279
he would try and run away, but he didn't have

622
00:30:48,359 --> 00:30:55,240
the strength to And so I made the decision to

623
00:30:55,240 --> 00:31:03,680
put him down at home on Tuesday the twenty first,

624
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:07,240
at eleven am. But on Monday, when I was getting

625
00:31:07,279 --> 00:31:14,119
ready for bed, he stopped being able to breathe and

626
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:18,720
he had really bated breath, and he was like and

627
00:31:18,759 --> 00:31:31,680
I had to take him in and and put him down,

628
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:38,119
and that's my best friend, you know, that is my dog.

629
00:31:40,119 --> 00:31:44,519
And I had a really bizarre reaction, like I was sobbing.

630
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:51,440
I was sobbing on the way in. But then when

631
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,359
I got there and I held him in my arms

632
00:31:54,400 --> 00:32:05,519
to do it. I didn't cry. I didn't cry. I

633
00:32:05,519 --> 00:32:07,400
took him, you know, before I took him in, when

634
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:09,480
he was having that really heavy breathing, I put him

635
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,079
on his pea pat and he gave me just this

636
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:17,519
unmistakable look of like, I'm sorry, I love you, but

637
00:32:17,559 --> 00:32:26,039
I have to go and sorry you guys. I know

638
00:32:26,079 --> 00:32:27,839
it's your Monday morning and you're like on your community

639
00:32:27,839 --> 00:32:28,920
to work, and you're like, I don't want to hear

640
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:29,640
someone crying.

641
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:29,960
Speaker 2: About a dog.

642
00:32:32,279 --> 00:32:34,160
Speaker 1: But yeah, I didn't cry. After I put him down.

643
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:36,279
It took me like I woke up the next morning.

644
00:32:36,319 --> 00:32:38,119
Oh no, that's not true. I woke up at before

645
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:41,640
I am like crying, like mid cry. And it's just

646
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:46,079
been like such a bizarre experience. I've never felt grief

647
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:55,839
like this before in my life. You know, that dog

648
00:32:56,039 --> 00:33:01,720
raised me. I was on a to destruction when I

649
00:33:01,759 --> 00:33:07,240
got him. I was twenty what was I twenty four?

650
00:33:08,519 --> 00:33:11,279
And I was drinking a lot and I was partying

651
00:33:11,319 --> 00:33:16,720
a lot. And he had really bad separation anxiety. So

652
00:33:16,759 --> 00:33:18,160
when I would go out, I would come back and

653
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:22,000
he would be like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa, And

654
00:33:22,039 --> 00:33:23,759
I remember, it just broke my heart so much that

655
00:33:23,799 --> 00:33:25,799
I had to stop going out so much. I had

656
00:33:25,799 --> 00:33:30,519
to stop leaving the house and partying. And like, you know,

657
00:33:30,559 --> 00:33:32,960
I would like he was taken care of, but he

658
00:33:33,079 --> 00:33:36,039
was so loud, and he was always just like so

659
00:33:36,079 --> 00:33:38,880
sad when I was gone. And I really do think

660
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,240
he was put in my life like under a soul

661
00:33:41,279 --> 00:33:49,039
contract to help me, you know, like he taught me

662
00:33:49,079 --> 00:33:52,160
how to love something outside of myself. I was I

663
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:53,839
was the only person that I had to look out

664
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,720
for since you know, the time I was very young,

665
00:33:57,079 --> 00:34:00,000
and when I grew up on a farm, I really

666
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,640
resented all of the animals because they were so much work.

667
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:07,240
And I didn't, you know, I didn't really know that

668
00:34:07,279 --> 00:34:08,760
I was gonna get a dog. I remember I would

669
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,719
just always watch my friend Mattie's dog, Goldie Hallan, and

670
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:13,599
there was this really cute French bull dog and I

671
00:34:13,679 --> 00:34:16,679
loved just like having a buddy, like I loved just

672
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:20,719
like having someone around. So I got Biggie. And I

673
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:23,440
really do think his sole contract with me was to

674
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,400
save me from myself and to get me out of

675
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,119
the depths of my addiction and the depths of my

676
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:34,280
loneliness and he did that and like we had such

677
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:36,679
a funny life. You know, he was had such a

678
00:34:36,679 --> 00:34:39,840
funny personality. He like minpins are a funny breed. They

679
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,800
don't really like anyone but their owner. And like he

680
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:44,800
would always give everyone like a side eye. And he's

681
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,079
not like super cuddly. You know some dogs are like

682
00:34:47,119 --> 00:34:48,840
cuddly and jumpie and like give me attention and give

683
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:51,360
me love. He always was like what side eye a bit.

684
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,239
She'd be like, I don't fucking trust you. I don't

685
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,039
like you. I don't know who you are. And that's

686
00:34:55,079 --> 00:34:59,320
like me. You know, he was like me. And I

687
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:00,920
remember when I went to go pick him up, he

688
00:35:01,039 --> 00:35:02,639
side eyed me, and I was like, do I have

689
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:04,840
to take this dog? He doesn't like me? And she's like,

690
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:07,159
oh no, that's just his breed. He thinks right now

691
00:35:07,159 --> 00:35:09,159
that I'm like, you know, the breeder was like, he

692
00:35:09,199 --> 00:35:12,760
thinks right now that I'm his mama. But like he'll

693
00:35:13,039 --> 00:35:15,280
get over it. But like he never stops side eyeing

694
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:18,440
me my whole his whole life. He just side eyed

695
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:22,679
me for like eleven years and eleven months, and like

696
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:27,239
I just I just love him so much, and you

697
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,760
know he He's the reason I believe in God. Like

698
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:31,920
when I was getting sober, I was, you know, really

699
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,079
struggling with God. I've told this story a hundred times.

700
00:35:34,159 --> 00:35:37,199
You guys have heard it, but like I didn't get it.

701
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:39,760
I didn't understand. And I was sitting down writing my

702
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:44,599
fourth step and he started going like ballistic at the gardener,

703
00:35:44,599 --> 00:35:47,639
who is outside? We are inside, we're behind glass, We're safe,

704
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:51,039
and he's and I was just like, mag you're fine,

705
00:35:51,079 --> 00:35:52,599
you're safe. You can freak out if you want to,

706
00:35:52,679 --> 00:35:54,239
but you're good. And I was like, oh my god,

707
00:35:54,320 --> 00:36:00,320
that's how my higher power looks at me. And from

708
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:06,000
then on, I've just been like really okay with, you know,

709
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:13,079
not being in control. I've been really okay with accepting

710
00:36:13,599 --> 00:36:16,639
the existence of a higher power. And you know, in

711
00:36:16,679 --> 00:36:18,760
the same way that you know, Biggie's not the top

712
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:22,079
of the line of intelligence, neither can I be. There's

713
00:36:22,079 --> 00:36:25,840
just no way. I'm not that smart. And so he

714
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:29,480
really raised me, and he was there, you know, I

715
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:34,480
got him. So I got him in August of twenty fourteen,

716
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:38,639
and then Chris and I started dating in June of

717
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:42,800
I'm sorry, January of twenty fifteen. So Chris and I

718
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:47,480
had him for our whole marriage, and we co parented

719
00:36:47,559 --> 00:36:51,639
him through our divorce, and he just had like a

720
00:36:51,679 --> 00:36:56,679
really good life. He was very loved and you know,

721
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:58,760
he had a really good life, and I did everything

722
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:01,840
I could for him, and I don't don't hold any regrets.

723
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:09,719
I feel so grateful for him. I've never experienced a

724
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:14,079
love like that and also never experienced a pain like this.

725
00:37:16,519 --> 00:37:21,119
But it's like, I feel so honored to have had him,

726
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:27,519
and I feel so honored that he chose me. So

727
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:37,039
I you know, I'm going through it. Sometimes I'm really sad.

728
00:37:37,119 --> 00:37:43,079
Sometimes I'm angry. Sometimes I'm in denial. Denial I think

729
00:37:43,159 --> 00:37:45,920
was more so when he got his diagnosis and then

730
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,280
like the negotiating. You know, i'll spend this money, but

731
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:51,760
he'll stay alive for another four years, or I'll do this,

732
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:57,480
I'll do that, I'll you know, the bargaining, and you

733
00:37:57,599 --> 00:37:59,800
just go kind of back and forth, and I think

734
00:38:01,559 --> 00:38:04,039
that's it. Grief is a motherfucker. There's really nothing else

735
00:38:04,079 --> 00:38:07,400
I can say. Grief is a motherfucker. I'm like incredibly

736
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:11,239
blessed that I have great friends and a great support

737
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:18,280
support system out here. I that's that's it. That's all

738
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:20,199
I'm gonna say about him. I love him so much.

739
00:38:21,599 --> 00:38:26,920
I miss him every minute of every day. And that's all. Okay,

740
00:38:27,639 --> 00:38:31,239
now that I've got the crying out of the way. Uh,

741
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:33,559
you guys have been dming me and asking me about

742
00:38:33,559 --> 00:38:35,320
my skincare, and I just want to tell you what's

743
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,039
going on, because I've kind of been all over the place.

744
00:38:37,079 --> 00:38:39,760
I've been trying new stuff. I've been experimenting with stuff.

745
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:44,719
I'm sort of on like a little skincare journey. Obviously

746
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:47,880
it transparently. Most of why my skin looks good is

747
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,960
because I just went and saw doctor Eric, and I

748
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:56,800
got disport and I got sculpture, and you know, in

749
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:59,480
the past i've had a little filler. That's why my

750
00:38:59,519 --> 00:39:04,599
skin looks good because I take medical grade care of it. Also, genetically,

751
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:10,079
I'm lucky my You know, my dad is in his sixties,

752
00:39:10,119 --> 00:39:11,960
but he looks like he's in his fifties. He still

753
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:17,679
looks really young, he always has. And then my mom's

754
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:20,039
just a pilot ash so she's I would be I

755
00:39:20,079 --> 00:39:21,719
would be ashy if I was taking after her. But

756
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:25,039
I'm not. Okay, sorry, sorry, you guys. I can't stop

757
00:39:25,079 --> 00:39:26,880
having this sense of humor. I wish it would go away.

758
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:30,400
Trust me. Literally, when Biggie died, I was like, my friend,

759
00:39:30,519 --> 00:39:33,119
my best friend, Claudia texted me. She's like, when are

760
00:39:33,159 --> 00:39:35,079
you going home? Because I ran away to Miami the

761
00:39:35,159 --> 00:39:38,159
day afterwards. Mister Manhattan, Oh my gosh, Max, you guys

762
00:39:38,159 --> 00:39:42,280
know Smax, Mister Manhattan took me down to Miami and

763
00:39:42,599 --> 00:39:44,159
we had like a really nice night there. I was like,

764
00:39:44,199 --> 00:39:46,039
I'm kind of was just like numb. But we had

765
00:39:46,079 --> 00:39:48,000
like good sushi and you know, he had a few

766
00:39:48,079 --> 00:39:51,639
drinks and it was a good night. But Claudia was like, hey,

767
00:39:51,639 --> 00:39:53,000
w what are you gonna be back? And I was

768
00:39:53,039 --> 00:39:54,480
like tomorrow, wine, and she's like, well, I sent you

769
00:39:54,519 --> 00:39:56,840
flowers on Monday. And I was like, well, first of all,

770
00:39:56,880 --> 00:40:00,639
he died on Tuesday, like midnight, but like Tuesday. She's like, well,

771
00:40:00,639 --> 00:40:03,000
I knew you needed support before. And I was like, okay, well,

772
00:40:03,679 --> 00:40:06,039
you know, I'll get the flowers when they're back, when

773
00:40:06,079 --> 00:40:08,039
I'm back, unless they're not in water and then they'll

774
00:40:08,079 --> 00:40:10,760
be dead like Biggie. And she was like, oh my god.

775
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:14,440
I'm like I can't stop. I'm so sorry, I can't stop.

776
00:40:14,519 --> 00:40:17,440
I wish I wasn't like this. I'm looking at all

777
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:19,559
my flowers now and they are so beautiful. In the lilies,

778
00:40:19,559 --> 00:40:21,719
I will say the lilies are kind of like what

779
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,400
I consider a funeral flower and also the best flower

780
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,199
for grieving because they open in stages, and I feel

781
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:29,800
like as your grief sort of evolves, so did the lilies.

782
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:32,199
So like some of them die off, some of them

783
00:40:32,199 --> 00:40:35,239
are just opening. But every day my house smells like lilies,

784
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:38,760
and so I feel like reminded, you know, I feel

785
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:45,960
like his presence is kind of here with me. Yeah. Uh, anyway,

786
00:40:46,039 --> 00:40:49,239
skincare back to skincare. Sorry, So I've been like futzing around,

787
00:40:49,519 --> 00:40:52,320
and here's something I want to say immediately, This meticube

788
00:40:52,559 --> 00:40:57,440
garbage that they're slanging on fucking TikTok, don't buy it.

789
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:00,000
I took Instagram off my phone for a little while

790
00:41:00,159 --> 00:41:03,280
because it was making me just like blah, And I

791
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,639
immediately got on TikTok, which makes me feel less bad

792
00:41:06,679 --> 00:41:09,280
about myself, but it wastes more time because I can

793
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,559
stay in a warm hoole for a while, which is

794
00:41:11,559 --> 00:41:15,480
why it's a dangerous place to be. And I shop

795
00:41:15,599 --> 00:41:18,159
a lot. I've bought a lot of shit off TikTok shop.

796
00:41:18,519 --> 00:41:22,039
But this medicube that they're slang in in big bundles, no,

797
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:25,280
just no, just don't do it. I bought the big bundle.

798
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:29,199
My skin's breaking out. It feels like putting plastic on

799
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:33,719
your face because they're you know, they're promoting this this

800
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:36,480
glass skin thing that's like the trending thing is glass

801
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:40,599
skin right now. Okay, so not for medicube. I mean,

802
00:41:40,679 --> 00:41:42,920
here's the thing about collagen. So their whole thing is

803
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:46,119
like everything is filled with collagen, but the body cannot

804
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:52,559
actually process collagen through the skin. My sister told me why.

805
00:41:52,599 --> 00:41:54,159
Let me see if she'll pick up her phone right

806
00:41:54,199 --> 00:41:57,679
now to tell us why, because she's smarter than me,

807
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:08,679
and that's pretty cool. Let me see. Hi, Hi, I'm

808
00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:11,719
on the podcast. I'm on the podcast, and I need

809
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:15,719
you for a second. Oh okay, can you tell everyone

810
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:24,480
why collagen doesn't absorb through the skin. Oh uh? Do

811
00:42:24,519 --> 00:42:28,840
you want a technical answer? Yes? I want both answers.

812
00:42:29,119 --> 00:42:30,920
I want the one for the smarts and one for

813
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:33,159
the dumbs. Uh.

814
00:42:33,199 --> 00:42:38,280
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I think, and I could be wrong, but

815
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:45,480
I think because collagen it crossed links into fibers. So

816
00:42:46,159 --> 00:42:50,760
in order for collagen to absorb through the skin, it

817
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:55,000
will need to be in its smallest parts, right, and

818
00:42:55,480 --> 00:43:00,599
even when it gets absorbed, it's gonna need to slink again,

819
00:43:00,679 --> 00:43:04,480
basically form chains again so that it actually you know,

820
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:11,719
makes supports underneath that skin, that dermal layer. So it

821
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:16,199
all depends on what kind of collagen is being placed

822
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:20,639
on top of the skin and whether it's actually incorporated

823
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:22,159
into the structure below.

824
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:26,519
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, great. Does that make sense for the dumbs

825
00:43:26,599 --> 00:43:31,079
or was that for the smarts? I tried to hit both, okay, okay,

826
00:43:31,159 --> 00:43:35,559
because I just blacked out. I don't know. I black

827
00:43:35,599 --> 00:43:37,559
out all the time when you're talking. Okay, I love

828
00:43:37,559 --> 00:43:41,000
you so much, thank you, Okay, no worries by let

829
00:43:41,039 --> 00:43:46,159
me back? What say you let me back? Okay, thank you?

830
00:43:46,159 --> 00:43:53,519
Good bye. Ah. That's a little sister, big sister right there,

831
00:43:53,559 --> 00:43:55,559
my whole life. I'm just like, please let me back,

832
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:59,199
Please say you love me. No, she says, Mark, you

833
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:01,000
imagine having a sister or that's smart? Neither can I

834
00:44:01,079 --> 00:44:03,280
because I just black out every time she talks. I'm like,

835
00:44:04,559 --> 00:44:05,840
you know what I was thinking the other day when

836
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:09,239
I was watching the Knicks game against my will nowhere

837
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:12,159
in Knick's household. Now, I was thinking, I could never

838
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:15,159
be a referee. Can you imagine how much fucking attention

839
00:44:15,239 --> 00:44:17,159
span you would have to have to be a ref

840
00:44:17,679 --> 00:44:20,800
That's a gnarly that's a gnarly undertaking. I would like,

841
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:22,920
just look at because this guy like dribbled the ball

842
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:24,679
out of bounds and the ref was standing right there

843
00:44:24,679 --> 00:44:26,840
and he didn't call it. And I was like, either

844
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:29,480
it's rigged or he's thinking about dinner, you know, Like

845
00:44:29,559 --> 00:44:32,079
everyone's like the unfl's rigged, this is rigged, And I'm like,

846
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:35,280
can't these guys just take a break from their brains

847
00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:37,039
to think about what they want to eat when they

848
00:44:37,079 --> 00:44:39,639
get home, what kind of porn they want to watch?

849
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:41,320
You know, come on, we're all just people. We're all

850
00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:43,960
just doing our best. We're all doing our best, and

851
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,800
I'll be honest, as a collective, it's not very good,

852
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:51,039
but we're trying, you know. I saw this drunk driver

853
00:44:51,119 --> 00:44:53,360
the other day. Here's another thing I have to say.

854
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:57,159
The drivers in Florida are banana pancakes. These are the

855
00:44:57,199 --> 00:45:00,239
craziest drivers in the world. I've never seen more more

856
00:45:00,519 --> 00:45:04,719
atrocious recks than I have seen, like in my life.

857
00:45:05,159 --> 00:45:10,960
I've seen probably ten like flipped over cars, like completely

858
00:45:11,119 --> 00:45:15,239
ram through battering rams, Like people drive so insane here.

859
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:16,519
I don't know what it is. I don't know if

860
00:45:16,519 --> 00:45:20,159
everyone's on crystal meth or if it's like the contrast

861
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:24,400
of the slow elderly drivers and then like the fast

862
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,559
ones on meth. I don't know, but somewhere in this

863
00:45:26,599 --> 00:45:29,079
equation there must be meth, because everyone is driving so

864
00:45:29,199 --> 00:45:32,159
fucking unbelievably fast and so scary that I'm like scared

865
00:45:32,159 --> 00:45:36,400
to be on the road. I was going somewhere with that,

866
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:38,280
but I forgot. Okay, you guys, back to the Art

867
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:40,039
of Detachment. I want to talk more about this book

868
00:45:40,079 --> 00:45:42,880
because it has been a game changer for me. I've

869
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,760
really enjoyed reading it, and it has made me kind

870
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:50,400
of like reframe the way I'm going through through life

871
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:55,360
a little bit. It's talking about the power of calmness

872
00:45:55,519 --> 00:45:58,760
and the strength of stillness. Okay, So there's a parable

873
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:01,480
of a samurai who approached to zen Master and asked, Master,

874
00:46:01,679 --> 00:46:04,000
what is the difference between heaven and hell? The Master

875
00:46:04,079 --> 00:46:06,559
looked at the samurai and sneered, You're nothing but a brute.

876
00:46:06,559 --> 00:46:10,159
You're too stupid to understand. Enraged, the samurai drew his

877
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:13,119
sword ready to strike, but just as he lifted his weapon,

878
00:46:13,159 --> 00:46:16,719
the Master calmly said, that is hell. The realization hit

879
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:18,639
the samurai like a wave. He took a deep breath,

880
00:46:18,679 --> 00:46:21,199
calmed his mind, and bowed in gratitude. And that, the

881
00:46:21,239 --> 00:46:24,199
Master said, is heaven. The samurai learned that his reaction

882
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:26,760
dictated his experience of the world, and when he acted

883
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:29,119
out of anger, he lived in hell. When he found calmness,

884
00:46:29,159 --> 00:46:32,519
he found peace. And this was so poignant to me

885
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:36,119
because of the situation I went through earlier this year,

886
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:38,400
Thou which shall not be named. It has turned into

887
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:41,800
our Voldemort of a situation. But I was so angry

888
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:44,800
for so long. It was so consuming, and I knew

889
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:50,840
sure I got fucked, one hundred percent completely absolutely I

890
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:52,480
got fucked. And by the way, you guys wanted an

891
00:46:52,559 --> 00:46:54,199
update on that, I want you to know, Chase rule

892
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,400
in my favor. It is a fraud case. It's open

893
00:46:56,440 --> 00:47:01,679
and clothes like done and done. So Chase ruled in

894
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:07,159
my favor. It's not totally done yet though, because we

895
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:14,719
might have enlisted the troops anyway. But my reaction to it,

896
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:17,599
my anger and my obsession and my staying in that

897
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:20,760
rage that was hell. I was going through hell. I

898
00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:24,960
put myself in hell, and like, bad things happen to us, right,

899
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:27,599
And it's like the arrow example. It's like you're gonna

900
00:47:27,599 --> 00:47:29,559
get shot one time with the arrow that is life,

901
00:47:29,679 --> 00:47:33,280
but the second arrow is optional. And the second round

902
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,199
of pain and continuing to relive it and continuing to

903
00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:39,159
reread it and continuing to rethink about it, that is

904
00:47:39,159 --> 00:47:42,119
the hell of your own making. And I don't really

905
00:47:42,119 --> 00:47:44,760
wish that on anyone because it's a hamster wheel of

906
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:48,119
death and that's it. It's just it's not life. It

907
00:47:48,239 --> 00:47:51,480
is the opposite of life. It takes the joy out

908
00:47:51,519 --> 00:47:53,800
of everything you do in life. And I just don't

909
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:57,159
really wish that on anyone. Here's another thing. When you're

910
00:47:57,159 --> 00:48:00,599
mindto scattered, emotions take control and decisions becoming active rather

911
00:48:00,639 --> 00:48:03,079
than intentional. But when you remain calm, you create space

912
00:48:03,119 --> 00:48:06,000
between stimulus and response. And this is something that we

913
00:48:06,119 --> 00:48:09,440
work on a lot in sobriety and in AA. It's

914
00:48:09,519 --> 00:48:12,719
the power of the pause and its restraint of pen

915
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:16,760
and tongue. So it's when you're activated, don't immediately respond

916
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:21,159
because that is emotionally driven and not logically driven. So

917
00:48:21,199 --> 00:48:23,440
it's like, if somebody pisses you off, the easiest thing

918
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:26,320
is to fire off an email being like and another thing,

919
00:48:26,599 --> 00:48:30,559
fuck you, fuck this, fuck that. But the thing to

920
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:34,639
do to regain your peace or or I guess, not

921
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:37,280
lose it in the first place, is the restraint of

922
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:43,119
pen and tongue. So don't pop off. Even though it's

923
00:48:43,159 --> 00:48:46,320
so good to pop off. It's the best speech you're

924
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:49,519
ever gonna regret, right, like you're gonna stay rhythm in wonder.

925
00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:53,320
And it feels so good. It feels so good to

926
00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:56,679
tell someone like, fuck you, fuck this. No one likes you,

927
00:48:56,679 --> 00:49:00,360
You're a hoe, you a stank bitch, like everyone's talking

928
00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:03,320
about you behind your back. Everyone thinks you're fucking crazy,

929
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:05,880
You're this, you're that. It feels so good to get

930
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:09,079
that out. But then afterwards it feels so bad. It

931
00:49:09,119 --> 00:49:13,039
feels like, oh, I didn't win. I lost. And there's

932
00:49:13,039 --> 00:49:15,760
a difference between standing up for yourself and losing control.

933
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:18,519
And I think that difference comes in the pause. So

934
00:49:18,639 --> 00:49:21,480
just take the pause when you can. Here's the other

935
00:49:21,559 --> 00:49:24,440
question to ask yourself, will this matter in a year?

936
00:49:25,199 --> 00:49:27,679
Because if the answer is no, then it's not really

937
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:30,719
worth your energy. And that's tough because most things don't

938
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:33,280
matter in a year, right, so then most things aren't

939
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:35,440
really worth your energy. And it's like, yeah, you can't

940
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:37,760
get steamrolled, and you don't want people to take advantage

941
00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:39,199
of you, and you don't want people to come into

942
00:49:39,199 --> 00:49:43,559
your home and steal your ship. But it's like, yeah,

943
00:49:43,679 --> 00:49:47,679
you know, just there there's a fine line between standing

944
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:52,679
up for yourself and losing your piece. And my dad

945
00:49:52,679 --> 00:49:57,079
always says to me, he's like, you know, piece is

946
00:49:57,119 --> 00:50:00,239
priceless and if you can pay for it, do it,

947
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:04,480
you know. So that is why he's lost his ass

948
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:07,719
in both divorces, because it's the piece that he's paying for.

949
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:10,599
He's paying for his peace of mind. And he's willing to,

950
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:14,679
you know, give someone some cash, some land, whatever he's

951
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:16,800
got so he can have his piece. And I think

952
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:20,480
that's really powerful and important. Good news about my dad, Charlie,

953
00:50:20,639 --> 00:50:22,840
he's coming down here in like a week because he's

954
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:26,199
wiring Max's bagel shop and so Charlie is going to

955
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:28,039
be back on an episode soon. So I want you

956
00:50:28,079 --> 00:50:31,320
guys to DM me anything you want to know from Charlie.

957
00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:32,920
And by the way, you guys I have read all

958
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:35,000
of your responses about like what you want from this podcast,

959
00:50:35,079 --> 00:50:38,519
what you don't want from this podcast. I'm taking it

960
00:50:38,559 --> 00:50:40,960
all into consideration. I'm going to bring bad advice back.

961
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:42,840
I'm going to get a little more structure. I'm gonna

962
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:45,400
also I am going to start a Patreon because mama's

963
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:47,440
got to pay the bills. I think they're going to

964
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:51,239
be very like low level tiers, right. I think it's

965
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:53,360
gonna be like a dollar for an extra like fifteen

966
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:55,519
minutes of shit talking. Right, might actually say some stuff

967
00:50:55,559 --> 00:50:58,159
that I can't say on here because like people are

968
00:50:58,199 --> 00:51:00,480
watching me, you know, I might actually like say some

969
00:51:00,559 --> 00:51:04,280
of the real tea. There's like a few situations in

970
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,039
particular that I do want to tell you guys about,

971
00:51:06,039 --> 00:51:09,239
but I just haven't because I don't want to start shit,

972
00:51:09,599 --> 00:51:13,480
you know. So the Patreon, I'm going to try and

973
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:15,599
get that up and running in the next week or two,

974
00:51:16,519 --> 00:51:17,960
and then there's gonna be a second tier to the

975
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:19,840
Patreon that's going to be three dollars a month, where

976
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:22,519
it's the fifteen minutes of tea plus. I'm gonna read

977
00:51:22,639 --> 00:51:24,519
because a lot of you have asked me for audio

978
00:51:24,639 --> 00:51:29,000
book recordings of my book. If you don't know, I

979
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:30,639
have a book. I wrote a book called stop talking

980
00:51:30,679 --> 00:51:33,599
about sex, another advice I didn't take, and I wrote

981
00:51:33,599 --> 00:51:35,559
it in the Pandemic just for fun. I self published it.

982
00:51:35,599 --> 00:51:39,639
I just put it out literally just for fun. So

983
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:42,679
I'm going to read a chapter a week, and I'm

984
00:51:42,679 --> 00:51:45,559
going to give like commentary on the chapter. So all

985
00:51:45,559 --> 00:51:48,079
of those stories are like sexcapades and fun things and

986
00:51:48,519 --> 00:51:51,000
like funny stories in my life. I'll give you like

987
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:54,480
more context that I wasn't legally able to give you

988
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:57,840
in the book because I do use names and I

989
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:00,239
do talk about people that are like high pro file

990
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:04,599
individuals in there. So yeah, I'm excited for that. I've

991
00:52:04,639 --> 00:52:06,760
always wanted to find a reason to do an audiobook,

992
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:08,679
so this is the way that I'm going to do it.

993
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:12,960
Do not let the behaviors of others, others destroy your

994
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:14,920
inner piece. And I think this is so important, right

995
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:17,719
because it's not only the big things, you know, it's

996
00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:21,559
not only the Voldemort things. It's also the things. It's

997
00:52:21,559 --> 00:52:25,679
also the little things. It's also driving when you're in

998
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:27,480
This is the best excuse I can use, because I

999
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:29,920
think a lot of us get really triggered by bad drivers.

1000
00:52:30,639 --> 00:52:35,639
If you opt into patience rather than being agro on

1001
00:52:35,719 --> 00:52:39,519
the road, you can save yourself like a whole day,

1002
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:42,679
because getting worked up in traffic can ruin your central

1003
00:52:42,679 --> 00:52:45,360
nervous system for a whole day. Your cortisol levels strike,

1004
00:52:45,559 --> 00:52:50,519
so they spike so high, and it's just is it

1005
00:52:50,559 --> 00:52:52,960
worth it? Is? It? Is it worth it? I mean,

1006
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:57,159
a guy cut you off, Okay, mister big shot thinks

1007
00:52:57,159 --> 00:52:59,119
he has some more important to go. Let him go,

1008
00:52:59,519 --> 00:53:02,760
you know, let him go, Let mister big shot go.

1009
00:53:05,119 --> 00:53:09,159
I just don't know. I think staying in control. The

1010
00:53:09,519 --> 00:53:11,880
best way to stay in control of your body and

1011
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:16,800
mind is to allow people to kind of be assholes

1012
00:53:16,800 --> 00:53:20,400
to a certain extent, just so that you don't lose

1013
00:53:20,440 --> 00:53:22,639
your You don't lose your own peace. You know, you

1014
00:53:22,679 --> 00:53:25,920
don't want their asshole behavior to like ruin your day.

1015
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,719
So when emotions like anger, frustration, or fear take over,

1016
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:34,320
the logical part of the brain, which is the prefrontal cortex,

1017
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:37,280
temporarily shuts down. In these moments, we say things we regret,

1018
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:39,280
We make poor decisions, or act in ways that don't

1019
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:41,639
align with true intentions. And I've done this and I

1020
00:53:41,679 --> 00:53:43,599
haven't just done this recently. I've done this in my

1021
00:53:43,679 --> 00:53:47,079
life a lot, and I've had to make amends in

1022
00:53:47,119 --> 00:53:49,280
sobriety for some of the things that I've done. Like,

1023
00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:51,880
for example, when I first got into a relationship with Chris,

1024
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:54,239
he was going literally Chris and I started dating two

1025
00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:57,239
weeks after he left his first wife, and they broke

1026
00:53:57,320 --> 00:53:59,239
up because she had an affair with another guy and

1027
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:02,239
got pregnant and it was like this, it was a mess,

1028
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:07,400
and she completely disrespected him, and I fucking hated her. Okay,

1029
00:54:07,519 --> 00:54:09,679
I hated her because I'm also a blue Jay, I'm

1030
00:54:09,719 --> 00:54:12,360
a Taurus. I'm protective. If I'm in a relationship with

1031
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:14,199
you or I'm friends with you, I will ride at

1032
00:54:14,199 --> 00:54:18,440
fucking dawn over nothing. Okay, over nothing. If someone spills

1033
00:54:18,519 --> 00:54:20,639
fucking milk on your lap, I will shoot them in

1034
00:54:20,679 --> 00:54:23,880
the fucking head. I am so protective of my friends

1035
00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:26,480
and the people in my life, and it gets annoying

1036
00:54:26,599 --> 00:54:29,159
to them, Like, you know, they're like, we get you're

1037
00:54:29,159 --> 00:54:33,679
trying to like protect, but like, also you're being fucking crazy,

1038
00:54:33,719 --> 00:54:36,800
you're being cuckoo nanners right now, Okay, But I was

1039
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:39,159
so protective of him, and she just did some function shit,

1040
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:41,679
right Like he gave her money to pay off the

1041
00:54:41,679 --> 00:54:43,519
rest of the car that they had together, and then

1042
00:54:43,559 --> 00:54:45,800
instead of paying off the car, she went to like

1043
00:54:46,039 --> 00:54:49,559
Thailand on a baby moon, and she just kept fucking

1044
00:54:49,599 --> 00:54:52,159
with his credit. She kept dinging his credit. So he

1045
00:54:52,239 --> 00:54:55,039
then got like, you know, she maxed out a charge

1046
00:54:55,039 --> 00:54:57,199
card they had together, didn't pay the bill, and then

1047
00:54:57,360 --> 00:54:59,440
like fucked his credit up, Like she fucked his credit

1048
00:54:59,519 --> 00:55:01,679
up three to times. And we were in the process

1049
00:55:01,679 --> 00:55:03,599
of trying to buy a house, so it was affecting

1050
00:55:03,719 --> 00:55:06,119
us gravely, like to the point where like, if that

1051
00:55:06,159 --> 00:55:07,760
bitch had a single dime to her name, we could

1052
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:10,400
have litigated, but it's like it's not worth it. And

1053
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:12,840
he just kept being like very passive about it, very passive.

1054
00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:14,119
He's like, Hey, what's going on at this? Can you

1055
00:55:14,199 --> 00:55:15,960
please handle this? Can you get it done? He was

1056
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:17,280
like really nice, and I was like, why are you

1057
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:19,400
being nice? I was like, let's go fucking burn her

1058
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:21,199
house down. I know where she works. I'll go slash

1059
00:55:21,199 --> 00:55:23,719
her fucking tires, Like why are you being nice? And

1060
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:26,639
I sent the nastiest email I've ever sent to another

1061
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:29,239
human being, to this woman, this poor woman who, by

1062
00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:31,400
the way, life is so fucking complicated. I have no

1063
00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:34,599
idea what that relationship was like between her and my axe.

1064
00:55:34,679 --> 00:55:36,639
I have no idea what made her do the things

1065
00:55:36,639 --> 00:55:39,559
she did. Obviously, she probably didn't feel fucking great about it.

1066
00:55:39,599 --> 00:55:42,000
Nobody feels great when they get caught having an affair

1067
00:55:42,639 --> 00:55:45,440
and then immediately get pregnant with like this other guy's

1068
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:47,079
kid who you barely know because you just know him

1069
00:55:47,079 --> 00:55:48,800
through an affair like that couldn't have been a safe

1070
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:50,519
space for her to be and she probably didn't feel

1071
00:55:50,519 --> 00:55:56,159
great about it. And I went for the fucking jugular.

1072
00:55:56,559 --> 00:56:00,559
I went for the fucking jugular. I insulted her, insulted

1073
00:56:00,559 --> 00:56:03,679
her job, I insulted her partner, I insulted her child.

1074
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:05,920
I'm pretty sure I called him a bastard child. I

1075
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:14,360
went nuts, and and you know whatever, she never responded

1076
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:15,960
to me. She took me off the email and like

1077
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:18,920
responded to Chris, and I was like, no, fight me,

1078
00:56:19,039 --> 00:56:20,559
Like I wanted to fight this bitch. And then it

1079
00:56:20,599 --> 00:56:23,239
went away, you know. And then a few years later,

1080
00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:25,639
I at the time, I was working in advertising, I

1081
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:28,320
was working in recruitment, and I was pretty much done.

1082
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:31,760
I was doing comedy almost full time, and snapchat reached

1083
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:33,320
out to me to work for them, and I didn't

1084
00:56:33,360 --> 00:56:37,599
want to, but I gave them stupid terms. I gave

1085
00:56:37,639 --> 00:56:39,599
them dumb as fuck terms. I was like, you can

1086
00:56:39,599 --> 00:56:41,480
pay me one hundred and fifty dollars an hour plus

1087
00:56:41,559 --> 00:56:43,880
twenty percent of the salary of anyone who I hire.

1088
00:56:44,599 --> 00:56:46,679
And they're like okay, and so they did it. So

1089
00:56:46,840 --> 00:56:53,000
I made banana bread in like four months. But when

1090
00:56:53,039 --> 00:56:58,079
I got hired to Snapchat, guess who was heading up

1091
00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:03,480
accounting there. Guess who the money lady there? That's right,

1092
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:06,679
Chris's ex wife. And so then I was like face

1093
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:09,679
to face with this person that I had like obliterated

1094
00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:13,280
via email, and I had to send her an amends

1095
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:14,840
and I have to be like, this has been killing

1096
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:17,000
me for years. I should absolutely not have spoke to

1097
00:57:17,039 --> 00:57:20,039
you like that. I hurled some the most derogatory epathets

1098
00:57:20,079 --> 00:57:21,719
I could have ever hurled at you. And I feel

1099
00:57:21,719 --> 00:57:24,119
so sorry and bad, and we have to work together.

1100
00:57:24,159 --> 00:57:26,039
I didn't know you worked here. She had like blocked

1101
00:57:26,039 --> 00:57:27,960
me on LinkedIn because it was a recruiter, so she

1102
00:57:28,079 --> 00:57:32,159
like blocked me, and I was like, okay, that's fair,

1103
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:33,960
but like because she blocked me, I didn't know she

1104
00:57:33,960 --> 00:57:38,599
worked at Snapchat, so but it's like it always comes around,

1105
00:57:38,679 --> 00:57:40,639
you know, if you think you get away with something

1106
00:57:40,679 --> 00:57:42,079
like that, if you think you get away with that

1107
00:57:42,159 --> 00:57:44,800
kind of behavior, if you think I fucking told them

1108
00:57:45,480 --> 00:57:48,679
like I promise you, God will humble you. And in

1109
00:57:48,719 --> 00:57:52,679
that case, that's that is absolutely what happened. The paradox

1110
00:57:52,719 --> 00:57:55,760
of effortless action. There's a curious paradox in life. The

1111
00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:57,960
more you force something, the harder it becomes. You've likely

1112
00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:00,639
experienced this before. Maybe you struggled to remember name, only

1113
00:58:00,639 --> 00:58:02,320
for it to pop into your mind hours later when

1114
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:05,000
you stop trying. Or perhaps you work tirelessly on a

1115
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:06,800
problem and the moment you stepped to waigh the solution

1116
00:58:06,880 --> 00:58:10,960
revealed itself. This is a concept of Woo wei woo

1117
00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:14,800
wi okay. This is the concept of woo where Okay.

1118
00:58:14,840 --> 00:58:18,519
It's a Taois concept that translates roughly into effortless action

1119
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:21,199
or flowing with life. At first glance, it may seem

1120
00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:24,199
like passivity, doing nothing and hoping things work out, but

1121
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:27,599
in reality, woo weei is about moving in harmony with life,

1122
00:58:27,639 --> 00:58:31,440
acting with wisdom and efficiency rather than force and struggle.

1123
00:58:31,559 --> 00:58:33,880
Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is

1124
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:36,679
who you are. So imagine swimming in a river. If

1125
00:58:36,679 --> 00:58:39,440
you fight against the current, thrashing and panicking, you'll exhaust yourself.

1126
00:58:39,440 --> 00:58:41,440
But if you relax and move with the flow, you

1127
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:44,039
can navigate with ease. Life works the same way. When

1128
00:58:44,039 --> 00:58:46,840
you force outcomes, cling to control or resist the natural

1129
00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:51,000
rhythm of things, you create unnecessary friction. And I've felt

1130
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:52,920
this a lot in my career and in my life.

1131
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:55,280
I've tried to force things. I've tried to force timing.

1132
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:58,119
I've you know, made vision boards and manifested and been like,

1133
00:58:58,159 --> 00:58:59,840
I want my movie to get made by this time,

1134
00:59:00,039 --> 00:59:01,840
I want my TV show to get made by this time,

1135
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:03,440
and I want this, and I want this and I

1136
00:59:03,440 --> 00:59:05,800
want this, and then it doesn't happen, and it leaves

1137
00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:09,000
a sense of emptiness and void and disappointment. And then

1138
00:59:09,039 --> 00:59:11,639
you know, I'll look back at that same vision board

1139
00:59:11,679 --> 00:59:14,000
a few years later and I'll realize everything happened. It

1140
00:59:14,079 --> 00:59:16,719
just happened in its own time. And you can't fight,

1141
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:19,960
and you can't control, and you can't you can't play god.

1142
00:59:20,119 --> 00:59:23,719
So like once again, releasing, just releasing and not playing

1143
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:26,039
god and not fighting and know that everything is happening

1144
00:59:26,079 --> 00:59:28,599
in its natural order, and it's if it's for you,

1145
00:59:28,639 --> 00:59:34,079
won't miss you. I do want to hop into badvice quickly,

1146
00:59:34,119 --> 00:59:35,559
and then we're gonna do word of the week, and

1147
00:59:35,599 --> 00:59:37,840
then we're going to dismount for those of you who

1148
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:39,440
are not doing the artist way. If you are doing

1149
00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:42,360
the artist way, stick around. Just know my energy is

1150
00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:47,639
a little low because I'm sad. This is funny. Someone's

1151
00:59:47,639 --> 00:59:50,519
like drunkenly dming me. This is funny. Someone just drunkingly

1152
00:59:50,639 --> 00:59:55,519
dming me on here. Hey, that story about Biggie ag

1153
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:59,880
d tag the Gardener resonated with me. Thanks for sharing.

1154
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:01,840
I'm currently drunk and I realized how easy it is

1155
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:05,280
to commit to not drinking when I'm drinking. I love you,

1156
01:00:05,320 --> 01:00:07,639
I love you besties. Hang in there, do your best.

1157
01:00:07,719 --> 01:00:09,719
It's a fucking it's a wild world out there. If

1158
01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:14,719
you can't, if you can't, not drink, I get it, Okay,

1159
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:17,280
all right, Badvice of the Week. Hey, Britt love the podcast.

1160
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:19,400
Thank you, Levi, you would love your b advice. On

1161
01:00:19,440 --> 01:00:21,400
a topic, my best friend of fifteen plus year is

1162
01:00:21,400 --> 01:00:24,000
married a total loser cheater. I'm talking like used to

1163
01:00:24,039 --> 01:00:26,639
hire hookers, paid for nudes, was on all the apps

1164
01:00:26,719 --> 01:00:30,480
disgusting man. She caught him cheating before they even got engaged.

1165
01:00:30,559 --> 01:00:33,159
He then proposed to distract her from a shitty behavior,

1166
01:00:33,239 --> 01:00:35,360
which worked. We got in a huge fight after she

1167
01:00:35,400 --> 01:00:38,000
told me they got engaged. She basically told me, if

1168
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:41,079
it's a mistake, let her make it and learn from it. Preach.

1169
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:43,159
So after that I shut my mouth. I was her

1170
01:00:43,199 --> 01:00:45,760
maid of honor and just hoped he would change. Well,

1171
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:48,400
obviously that didn't happen. They got married in twenty twenty one.

1172
01:00:48,480 --> 01:00:51,000
Our whole friend group has never trusted him. I just

1173
01:00:51,239 --> 01:00:53,880
began warming up to him this year and I found

1174
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:55,639
out he had an affair while we were on my

1175
01:00:55,719 --> 01:00:59,199
bachelorette in March. He deleted twenty four hours of ring

1176
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:02,559
camera footage and had no explanation. Our other best friend

1177
01:01:02,559 --> 01:01:04,880
told me this. She no longer tells me Me and

1178
01:01:04,920 --> 01:01:06,960
best friend no longer tells me any of their problems

1179
01:01:07,039 --> 01:01:08,719
or opens up to me, because she knows what I'll

1180
01:01:08,719 --> 01:01:12,000
say to leave his nasty ass. Obviously, she's been an

1181
01:01:12,039 --> 01:01:15,280
absolute wreck, drinking into an oblivion every day. Any event

1182
01:01:15,360 --> 01:01:18,159
we have, she just gets trashed and passes out. She's

1183
01:01:18,199 --> 01:01:22,480
gained fifty pounds in the past year, pretty sure from depression. Meanwhile,

1184
01:01:22,639 --> 01:01:24,400
this is all in the midst of my bride era.

1185
01:01:24,559 --> 01:01:26,519
My wedding is next month, and I feel bad about

1186
01:01:26,559 --> 01:01:30,480
the timing of everything. Her marriage disintegrating while mine is

1187
01:01:30,519 --> 01:01:32,719
just beginning. She's my maid of honor. I want to

1188
01:01:32,760 --> 01:01:34,559
support her through this just as much as I want

1189
01:01:34,559 --> 01:01:36,719
her to support me through some of my happiest moments.

1190
01:01:36,719 --> 01:01:38,960
I'm also just frustrated she won't share any of this

1191
01:01:39,039 --> 01:01:41,000
with me, and I have to hear it from other friends.

1192
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:45,119
Any advice on how to navigate through this. Ooh, girl, girl,

1193
01:01:45,159 --> 01:01:48,400
I've been there. I've been in almost this exact same situation,

1194
01:01:49,039 --> 01:01:52,000
and it wasn't necessarily that the man was a bad man.

1195
01:01:52,039 --> 01:01:54,440
It was that my girlfriend was not ready to marry

1196
01:01:54,519 --> 01:01:56,400
this man, and she was kind of the bad man.

1197
01:01:56,480 --> 01:01:59,320
She was cheating and running around and doing all this

1198
01:01:59,360 --> 01:02:01,280
horrible shit, like, girl, please do not marry him. You

1199
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:03,280
don't want to marry him. Then she got married, and

1200
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:04,719
then she was having an affair the whole time they

1201
01:02:04,719 --> 01:02:07,280
got divorced. That girls with someone else. But I did

1202
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:09,159
the same thing, and I will always do the same thing,

1203
01:02:09,159 --> 01:02:10,960
and I don't think it's the wrong thing. To tell

1204
01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:14,519
people like, hey, this person is not good. I do

1205
01:02:14,599 --> 01:02:16,559
not think this person is good for you for X, Y,

1206
01:02:16,599 --> 01:02:19,559
and Z reasons. You can tell them once. That's the rule.

1207
01:02:19,840 --> 01:02:22,639
You can tell them once. If they don't listen, you

1208
01:02:22,679 --> 01:02:26,079
have to zip your fucking mouth and let them ride.

1209
01:02:26,119 --> 01:02:26,239
Speaker 2: Like.

1210
01:02:26,320 --> 01:02:28,880
Speaker 1: Your friend is not wrong in saying like you need

1211
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:31,800
to let me make this mistake. Certain people, places, things,

1212
01:02:31,840 --> 01:02:34,760
relationships are put in our lives for our own development,

1213
01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:39,599
for our own soul. Contracts. Right, the sole contract is

1214
01:02:39,639 --> 01:02:41,239
what we come down here to learn and what we

1215
01:02:41,280 --> 01:02:44,480
come down come down to experience it to grow in

1216
01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:46,719
the ways that we need to grow. Your friend needs

1217
01:02:46,760 --> 01:02:49,960
to grow in this one particular, very painful way. It is.

1218
01:02:50,400 --> 01:02:52,519
The writing is all over the wall. She's gaining weight,

1219
01:02:52,599 --> 01:02:56,880
she's depressed, she's wasted, she's miserable. Obviously, you're not gonna

1220
01:02:56,880 --> 01:03:01,159
be happy with somebody who's running her own town fucking

1221
01:03:01,199 --> 01:03:04,800
everyone they meet. Okay, but your friend needs to make

1222
01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:07,440
that decision for herself because it is her life and

1223
01:03:07,519 --> 01:03:09,400
all she needs is your support. And I know you

1224
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:11,239
don't want to give blind support because we're not those

1225
01:03:11,320 --> 01:03:16,840
kind of girlies. Right, I'm going through this with another friend, right,

1226
01:03:16,880 --> 01:03:19,559
now who is getting cheated on, left, right, and sideways.

1227
01:03:19,679 --> 01:03:22,880
And she doesn't have the strength, the emotional strength to

1228
01:03:22,920 --> 01:03:25,119
walk away unless she meets someone else first. So she's

1229
01:03:25,159 --> 01:03:27,480
waiting for someone else to come. And I'm like, honey, energetically,

1230
01:03:27,599 --> 01:03:29,440
nobody else is gonna come because you're all tied up

1231
01:03:29,440 --> 01:03:33,320
in this fucking mess. But you just have to let Unfortunately,

1232
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:35,280
here's the thing about people, is like, we got to

1233
01:03:35,360 --> 01:03:37,960
hit our bottoms on our own. It doesn't matter how

1234
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:39,880
many times people told me I needed to get sober.

1235
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:41,719
I needed this, I needed that. I went to jail,

1236
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:45,519
and I drank through jail. Okay. People don't see their

1237
01:03:45,559 --> 01:03:50,360
bottom until they're there, you know. And she will have

1238
01:03:50,440 --> 01:03:52,880
to one day, like the spirit will have to move

1239
01:03:52,960 --> 01:03:56,159
through her to be like fuck this, fuck that, I'm done.

1240
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:59,079
I'm better than this, I'm leaving. It is incredibly hard

1241
01:03:59,079 --> 01:04:01,440
for people to do that. I think the strongest of

1242
01:04:01,480 --> 01:04:04,360
women can get debilitated by relationships like these because they

1243
01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:07,599
gaslight you, they manipulate you, they lie to you, and

1244
01:04:08,400 --> 01:04:15,800
they abuse you psychologically, emotionally, mentally. It's abuse. Okay. So unfortunately,

1245
01:04:16,320 --> 01:04:18,400
what you have to do is spend all of your

1246
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:21,679
energy on yourself, focus on your wedding, focus on what's

1247
01:04:21,719 --> 01:04:26,840
your bride season, focus on your bad bitchness, and hopefully

1248
01:04:27,239 --> 01:04:29,000
you can be the light that pulls her out of

1249
01:04:29,039 --> 01:04:31,119
the dark. But you have to be the light by

1250
01:04:31,239 --> 01:04:35,000
just being the light, by just being on. Okay, you're

1251
01:04:35,039 --> 01:04:37,840
not the person pulling somebody out of the ocean after

1252
01:04:37,840 --> 01:04:40,320
the Titanic sunk. Okay, you're not that person. You are

1253
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:43,159
the lighthouse in the distance showing the person the way

1254
01:04:43,199 --> 01:04:46,239
to the land or showing the person the way to safety. Okay,

1255
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:47,679
that is who you have to You have to be

1256
01:04:47,719 --> 01:04:50,440
a steady light. But you're being that light for yourself.

1257
01:04:50,480 --> 01:04:52,760
You can't be anything else for her because you already tried,

1258
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:54,360
and she already ignored it. And she doesn't talk to

1259
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:55,920
you about this kind of stuff because she knows you're

1260
01:04:55,920 --> 01:04:58,480
gonna judge her. That she doesn't feel safe because she

1261
01:04:58,480 --> 01:05:01,039
feels stupid. Okay, and and that is what you have

1262
01:05:01,119 --> 01:05:04,239
to do. You just have to be the light. You

1263
01:05:04,239 --> 01:05:08,199
have to focus on your season. Hopefully she doesn't come

1264
01:05:08,239 --> 01:05:10,760
to your bachelorette party, and oh wait, your bachelorette party

1265
01:05:10,760 --> 01:05:14,039
already happens, so she didn't come. You know, Hopefully the

1266
01:05:14,119 --> 01:05:17,800
vibes can be good for the wedding, and just tell

1267
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:20,480
her this. We all got to get our first marriage

1268
01:05:20,519 --> 01:05:22,400
out of the way, all right. We all got to

1269
01:05:22,440 --> 01:05:24,079
get our first marriage out of the way to meet

1270
01:05:24,119 --> 01:05:28,039
mister right. There's a big difference between mister right now

1271
01:05:28,079 --> 01:05:29,920
and mister right all right, And you just got to

1272
01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:32,400
tell her that, and then, you know, maybe put some

1273
01:05:32,440 --> 01:05:34,320
apple juice in your champagne glass and be like, bitch,

1274
01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:36,960
slow down, because here's the thing about alcohol that makes

1275
01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:40,199
me so mad that people don't realize. Not only do

1276
01:05:40,280 --> 01:05:43,119
you get goofy and sloppy and shitty and people are like, whoa,

1277
01:05:43,239 --> 01:05:45,519
what's wrong with her? But you also get fat because

1278
01:05:45,559 --> 01:05:49,199
it's so many calories. Right. I think if you guys listen,

1279
01:05:49,239 --> 01:05:50,519
you don't have to do it. You can do whatever

1280
01:05:50,519 --> 01:05:53,119
you want. But if you want to see an amazing

1281
01:05:53,159 --> 01:05:56,320
transformation and your skin and the way that you look,

1282
01:05:56,760 --> 01:06:00,159
stop drinking for a month. One month. See what happens. Wait,

1283
01:06:00,159 --> 01:06:02,760
it's gonna fall off your chin. I used to have

1284
01:06:02,880 --> 01:06:05,840
like the gnarliest double chin, and yes I got kai bella,

1285
01:06:06,119 --> 01:06:08,480
but that only did half the job. The rest of

1286
01:06:08,519 --> 01:06:12,039
this came in when I quit drinking. I finally had

1287
01:06:12,079 --> 01:06:14,159
a fucking jaw line. I'm like, where have you been

1288
01:06:14,280 --> 01:06:16,880
all my life? Finally had a jaw line. I didn't

1289
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:19,920
have one for so long. The glow up that comes

1290
01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:23,000
after quitting drinking is the only reason that I'm staying

1291
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:28,280
sober through life crushing events. I've had three good reasons

1292
01:06:28,320 --> 01:06:33,400
to drink this year, and yeah, so just all you

1293
01:06:33,400 --> 01:06:35,760
can do is lead by example. Enjoy your wedding, enjoy

1294
01:06:35,800 --> 01:06:39,880
your bliss. You know. Unfortunately you do have to let

1295
01:06:39,880 --> 01:06:42,599
people make their own mistakes. That is that's life, babe.

1296
01:06:43,039 --> 01:06:45,320
But you're a good friend. You're a good friend for trying.

1297
01:06:45,360 --> 01:06:47,199
I will always try. I always tell my friends when

1298
01:06:47,199 --> 01:06:48,719
I don't like their partner, I'm like, this guy's a

1299
01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:56,599
fucking loser, loser. He's a loser, and he's mean, and

1300
01:06:56,639 --> 01:06:59,639
he's misogynistic and he's weird and nobody really likes him

1301
01:06:59,639 --> 01:07:02,639
at part he's kind of a strange vibe. And they're like,

1302
01:07:02,679 --> 01:07:05,119
I love him, I'm gonna marry him. And I'm like, okay,

1303
01:07:05,119 --> 01:07:06,679
but you know, he's a loser and I told you

1304
01:07:07,079 --> 01:07:09,920
I've had this happen I've had this happen before. Okay.

1305
01:07:09,960 --> 01:07:14,239
Patrimony is our word of the Week. Patrimony, heritage, or legacy.

1306
01:07:14,280 --> 01:07:17,559
Someone's patrimony can be either a financial inheritance or an

1307
01:07:17,559 --> 01:07:21,639
ancestral heritage. A patrimony can also be a church endowment.

1308
01:07:22,000 --> 01:07:27,880
That's confusing. Patrimony. It's a noun patramony, p A t R,

1309
01:07:28,039 --> 01:07:32,320
I M O N Y patrimony. Okay, Besti's I love

1310
01:07:32,320 --> 01:07:34,280
you also much. Thank you for being with me on

1311
01:07:34,320 --> 01:07:36,400
a challenging week. We are going to get through this together.

1312
01:07:36,480 --> 01:07:38,639
This world is a hard fucking place, but we are

1313
01:07:38,679 --> 01:07:41,079
here side by side. If you want any bad advice,

1314
01:07:41,360 --> 01:07:43,119
please send it to my DMS or the Talk and

1315
01:07:43,159 --> 01:07:46,000
Schmidt DMS is actually easier because my dms are fucking crazy,

1316
01:07:46,199 --> 01:07:48,280
So if you send it to the Talk and Schmidt DMS. Also,

1317
01:07:48,320 --> 01:07:50,639
if you're not following me on Instagram, please go to

1318
01:07:50,679 --> 01:07:53,159
Talk and Schmidt and follow my Instagram. That would mean

1319
01:07:53,239 --> 01:07:55,800
so much to me. I have to do these these

1320
01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:57,840
things where I plug it because I'm just trying to

1321
01:07:57,840 --> 01:07:59,760
grow my little baby show. So if you can also,

1322
01:08:00,400 --> 01:08:02,719
the Patreon link will be coming in the next week.

1323
01:08:03,039 --> 01:08:05,800
Look keep your eyes out for that, and then also

1324
01:08:07,239 --> 01:08:09,239
follow me on Spotify, Apple if you can rate me.

1325
01:08:09,320 --> 01:08:11,039
If you like it, you could rate it and give

1326
01:08:11,079 --> 01:08:14,559
it a little five stores. It would be nice. If

1327
01:08:14,599 --> 01:08:17,520
you don't like it, don't rate it, okay, and then

1328
01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:20,359
subscribe to my YouTube. It's Britney Schmidt Comedy. I'm in there.

1329
01:08:20,399 --> 01:08:22,920
I'm responding to you guys. I'm like, this is like

1330
01:08:23,039 --> 01:08:25,399
way more interactive for me than the last podcast because

1331
01:08:25,399 --> 01:08:28,960
this feels like my baby. Okay. I love you guys

1332
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:30,680
so much. I'll see you next week unless you're sticking

1333
01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:35,199
around for the Artist's Way. All right, you guys week

1334
01:08:35,239 --> 01:08:40,479
one of the Artists Way. I what a week to

1335
01:08:40,560 --> 01:08:42,720
start this on. For me, it has been a real

1336
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:45,760
test to my commitment to this because I'll be honest,

1337
01:08:47,039 --> 01:08:49,399
the sort of devastation I've been going through on a

1338
01:08:49,399 --> 01:08:52,079
personal level would have been a perfect excuse for me

1339
01:08:52,119 --> 01:08:54,800
to say, you know what, I don't want to do it.

1340
01:08:54,840 --> 01:08:56,319
I don't want to be creative, I don't want to

1341
01:08:56,319 --> 01:08:59,760
be an artist, and I don't want to know the way. Okay,

1342
01:09:00,920 --> 01:09:03,199
I just want a fucking handful of cookie dough and

1343
01:09:03,399 --> 01:09:06,760
maybe put a fucking gun in my mouth. But because

1344
01:09:06,800 --> 01:09:08,479
I had you guys to be accountable too, I was like,

1345
01:09:08,479 --> 01:09:09,880
I have to do it. I have to do it.

1346
01:09:09,960 --> 01:09:13,000
I must do it. So Week one is recovering a

1347
01:09:13,079 --> 01:09:15,720
sense of safety and it's talking about the shadow Artist.

1348
01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:18,079
And I love the idea of the shadow artist, right

1349
01:09:18,159 --> 01:09:22,920
because basically, it's like, when we're young, we need to

1350
01:09:22,920 --> 01:09:25,960
be nurtured and encouraged and told to like explore our

1351
01:09:26,079 --> 01:09:30,960
creative outbursts and our artistic inclinations and to follow anything

1352
01:09:31,119 --> 01:09:35,439
in the direction of, you know, anything that our heart

1353
01:09:35,479 --> 01:09:37,359
is calling to. If our parents were like, yes, do that,

1354
01:09:37,439 --> 01:09:39,279
Yes you're amazing at that, Yes see where it goes.

1355
01:09:39,319 --> 01:09:41,000
But usually they're like, Okay, you can do that now,

1356
01:09:41,000 --> 01:09:42,800
but that's not practical. Okay you can do that now,

1357
01:09:42,800 --> 01:09:44,319
but down the road that's not going to work. Okay,

1358
01:09:44,319 --> 01:09:45,640
you can do that now, but you're gonna need to

1359
01:09:45,680 --> 01:09:48,359
get a job. And the shadow artist is just like

1360
01:09:48,439 --> 01:09:51,479
beat down from the time we're very young, you know,

1361
01:09:51,600 --> 01:09:54,199
like when I was a kid, So my mom always

1362
01:09:54,279 --> 01:09:56,439
really encouraged me. This is one positive thing I can

1363
01:09:56,479 --> 01:09:58,319
say about my mom. She always really encouraged me. She

1364
01:09:58,359 --> 01:10:00,159
thought the world of me, she thought I could be anything,

1365
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:03,479
but she encouraged me in directions that kind of followed

1366
01:10:03,479 --> 01:10:05,560
her fancy rather than mine. Right, So, like when I

1367
01:10:05,640 --> 01:10:07,800
was in I think I was like in fourth grade,

1368
01:10:07,800 --> 01:10:09,119
and it was what do you want to be when

1369
01:10:09,119 --> 01:10:13,000
you get older? Day? Emma. My mom had implanted in

1370
01:10:13,039 --> 01:10:14,680
my head at that time that I wanted to be

1371
01:10:14,760 --> 01:10:18,520
a plastic surgeon. So imagine being a fourth grader being like,

1372
01:10:18,560 --> 01:10:20,359
I want to be a plastic surgeon. And do you

1373
01:10:20,359 --> 01:10:22,399
know why my mom wanted me to be a plastic surgeon?

1374
01:10:22,439 --> 01:10:25,600
Because she wanted free tits. You know, she wanted somebody

1375
01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:30,039
to be able to tinkin tink on her body without charge.

1376
01:10:30,079 --> 01:10:32,880
She at the time had gojong gos. Okay, she had

1377
01:10:32,920 --> 01:10:34,920
big fake titties, and I don't know if they were

1378
01:10:34,920 --> 01:10:37,560
aching or if she needed she needed some sort of

1379
01:10:37,600 --> 01:10:40,319
modification that she couldn't afford or what was going on,

1380
01:10:40,359 --> 01:10:41,920
but she's like, you're going to be a plastic surgeon.

1381
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:43,319
And so then I was like, I will be a

1382
01:10:43,319 --> 01:10:46,359
plastic surgeon. And that's what I told everyone. I was,

1383
01:10:46,680 --> 01:10:48,720
you know, eight years old or however old you are

1384
01:10:48,720 --> 01:10:50,479
in fourth grade. I don't even know if it was

1385
01:10:50,520 --> 01:10:52,680
fourth grade. I was an age of a child and

1386
01:10:52,720 --> 01:10:54,880
it's none of my business because my life is none

1387
01:10:54,880 --> 01:10:58,840
of my business, okay, And it's it's that time when

1388
01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:01,359
it's a baby artist was to think you're a baby doctor,

1389
01:11:01,520 --> 01:11:03,720
or you're a baby lawyer, or you're a baby something

1390
01:11:03,720 --> 01:11:07,039
else that pays the bills. Okay, So this is this

1391
01:11:07,079 --> 01:11:09,399
is very interesting because this is something that I had

1392
01:11:09,399 --> 01:11:14,039
to work against, you know. And I had this idea

1393
01:11:14,079 --> 01:11:15,760
of myself. I'm going to be a plastic surgeon. I'm

1394
01:11:15,760 --> 01:11:16,960
gonna be at this, and my teacher would be like,

1395
01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:18,079
why would you want to be that? And I was like,

1396
01:11:18,159 --> 01:11:20,000
I just really want to be that. Okay, don't ask

1397
01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:23,600
any fucking questions me and my mom will kick your ass. Okay.

1398
01:11:24,239 --> 01:11:28,880
So I wasn't necessarily I wasn't not encouraged to be

1399
01:11:28,920 --> 01:11:30,640
an artist. So here's the other thing. She also like

1400
01:11:30,640 --> 01:11:32,760
put me in acting classes and like tried to get

1401
01:11:32,760 --> 01:11:35,079
me in modeling, and like modeling is not, I would say,

1402
01:11:35,079 --> 01:11:36,640
the most creative thing in the world. But she was

1403
01:11:36,680 --> 01:11:38,359
like trying to pimp me out for my looks. And

1404
01:11:38,359 --> 01:11:39,960
then she put me an acting class and I wasn't

1405
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:42,279
a naturally good actor, and I was scared and I

1406
01:11:42,319 --> 01:11:44,439
didn't like it, and I didn't like whatever I'd fancy

1407
01:11:44,439 --> 01:11:46,800
fucking idea she had for me to be on TV.

1408
01:11:46,960 --> 01:11:48,319
I was just like stop. She would drive me down

1409
01:11:48,359 --> 01:11:52,159
to Chicago every week, which, by the way, is you know,

1410
01:11:52,279 --> 01:11:55,239
it's almost a two hour drive. She would drive me

1411
01:11:55,239 --> 01:11:57,119
down there for these classes and I just was no good.

1412
01:11:57,159 --> 01:12:00,000
I didn't try. I was scared, and I didn't like it.

1413
01:12:00,279 --> 01:12:02,000
But that's not what I was supposed to be. That

1414
01:12:02,119 --> 01:12:04,560
was not my journey, that was not my passion. You know,

1415
01:12:04,560 --> 01:12:06,600
when I was young, I liked finger paints, and I

1416
01:12:06,760 --> 01:12:10,000
liked clay, and I like pottery. And this is that's

1417
01:12:10,000 --> 01:12:12,039
what I did this week for my artist date. Okay,

1418
01:12:12,760 --> 01:12:16,520
So people who are young writers are people who are

1419
01:12:16,600 --> 01:12:19,279
naturally gifted in certain areas. They can be pushed towards

1420
01:12:19,279 --> 01:12:21,399
things like you know, a writer can be turned into

1421
01:12:21,960 --> 01:12:27,079
a lawyer or a medical school because they're smart, you know,

1422
01:12:27,199 --> 01:12:30,319
like we our parents push us in directions that feel safe,

1423
01:12:30,359 --> 01:12:34,760
when really they're just abandoning our inner artists. So just

1424
01:12:34,760 --> 01:12:36,399
think of that time when you were young and the

1425
01:12:36,439 --> 01:12:38,239
things you like to do, and then the direction you

1426
01:12:38,239 --> 01:12:39,760
were pushed in and how you got to where you

1427
01:12:39,800 --> 01:12:41,840
are today. I think it's really important to kind of

1428
01:12:41,920 --> 01:12:44,760
understand how this process works, especially for those of you

1429
01:12:44,800 --> 01:12:48,319
who have kids, so that you can encourage them and

1430
01:12:48,399 --> 01:12:52,079
their inner child to pursue their dreams and to follow

1431
01:12:52,119 --> 01:12:53,880
it and to chase it. You know, I just saw

1432
01:12:53,960 --> 01:12:56,119
on Instagram yesterday there's a twelve year old kid who

1433
01:12:56,119 --> 01:13:01,159
has like a huge exhibition in an art gallery, and

1434
01:13:01,199 --> 01:13:03,520
that's unbelievable. A lot of artists go their whole lives

1435
01:13:03,520 --> 01:13:06,520
without experiencing that type of success. But he had that

1436
01:13:06,600 --> 01:13:08,880
success because he had that encouragement. And I think, you know,

1437
01:13:09,000 --> 01:13:11,800
encouragement on that level can also come from a great

1438
01:13:11,840 --> 01:13:17,159
deal of comfortability. And you know, obviously, like oil painting

1439
01:13:17,239 --> 01:13:19,640
is very fucking expensive, so that kid had a pretty

1440
01:13:19,680 --> 01:13:21,960
privileged life and probably a leg up, and maybe his

1441
01:13:22,039 --> 01:13:23,760
parents paid for the studio. I don't know. I didn't

1442
01:13:23,760 --> 01:13:25,880
look into it, but like I'm just saying, when you

1443
01:13:26,279 --> 01:13:30,000
have babies and you're nurturing them and fostering them, just

1444
01:13:30,039 --> 01:13:31,720
do the things that you wish your parents would have

1445
01:13:31,720 --> 01:13:33,319
done for you and your inner artists, so that you

1446
01:13:33,319 --> 01:13:35,039
can take care of your inner artist and not become

1447
01:13:35,039 --> 01:13:37,720
a shadow artist. Because I will tell you, guys, I

1448
01:13:37,720 --> 01:13:39,800
worked in advertising for ten years and it is filled

1449
01:13:39,800 --> 01:13:42,800
with shadow artists, including myself. I love to write. I

1450
01:13:42,840 --> 01:13:44,800
always knew I was going to be a writer. I

1451
01:13:44,880 --> 01:13:47,520
got very fortunate and I met Kobe Bryant when I

1452
01:13:47,600 --> 01:13:52,760
was in Milwaukee and he had an ad agency in

1453
01:13:52,920 --> 01:13:54,880
LA and he's like, you should be a copywriter. And

1454
01:13:54,880 --> 01:13:56,680
I didn't know what a copywriter was, but he pushed

1455
01:13:56,720 --> 01:13:58,439
me towards that. He's like, you're smart, you're funny, You're

1456
01:13:58,439 --> 01:14:00,560
going to be a writer. And I always loved writing,

1457
01:14:00,600 --> 01:14:02,479
so I knew that, like that would be so fun.

1458
01:14:02,479 --> 01:14:04,439
And he introduced me to Brian Ford, who has become

1459
01:14:04,479 --> 01:14:06,439
one of my best friends and longtime mentors. And at

1460
01:14:06,439 --> 01:14:09,800
the time, he ran Zambusy and I wrote under Brian

1461
01:14:09,880 --> 01:14:12,720
Ford for my internship, which was three months. But then

1462
01:14:12,760 --> 01:14:15,880
after the internship ended, they didn't have room for me

1463
01:14:15,920 --> 01:14:18,000
and the creative on the creative floor. So what they

1464
01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:21,319
did was they put me in creative recruitment. Okay, and

1465
01:14:21,359 --> 01:14:23,800
so creative recruitment is where you're hiring the art directors,

1466
01:14:23,800 --> 01:14:28,000
you're hiring the copywriters, but you're not doing any of

1467
01:14:28,000 --> 01:14:29,520
the actual work. And every once in a while they

1468
01:14:29,560 --> 01:14:31,000
would throw me a breathe. It was like you know,

1469
01:14:31,079 --> 01:14:33,840
throw the dog a bone type style, and we would

1470
01:14:33,920 --> 01:14:35,880
work on I would work on creative stuff and I

1471
01:14:35,880 --> 01:14:37,600
would get lit up. But what I didn't like about

1472
01:14:37,680 --> 01:14:40,560
being a creative and advertising was that creatives and advertising

1473
01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:43,039
were told by clients yes or no. And oftentimes I

1474
01:14:43,039 --> 01:14:45,000
would think my ideas were fucking brilliant and the client

1475
01:14:45,039 --> 01:14:46,319
would be like, I don't like it, and that would

1476
01:14:46,319 --> 01:14:47,840
be the end of the conversation. And I was like,

1477
01:14:48,000 --> 01:14:50,239
what the fuck? I don't like this kind of creativity.

1478
01:14:50,439 --> 01:14:52,479
So luckily I found stand up, which is the only

1479
01:14:52,520 --> 01:14:54,720
type of creativity where you do not get to get

1480
01:14:54,720 --> 01:14:56,359
told what to do or how to do it, or

1481
01:14:56,840 --> 01:14:59,520
there are no rules. It's you. You say what you

1482
01:14:59,560 --> 01:15:01,399
want when you and some people are gonna like it

1483
01:15:01,399 --> 01:15:03,359
and some people aren't, and that's it. There's no rules.

1484
01:15:04,680 --> 01:15:07,840
But advertising at its core was filled with shadow artists.

1485
01:15:07,840 --> 01:15:09,880
I worked at Kobe's agency for a few years, and

1486
01:15:09,920 --> 01:15:11,760
then after that I worked at Media Arts Lab, which

1487
01:15:11,800 --> 01:15:15,840
is Apple's agency. And these are some of the most brilliant,

1488
01:15:15,960 --> 01:15:20,279
talented creative directors, art directors, copywriters in the world. And

1489
01:15:20,359 --> 01:15:23,800
they're miserable, and they're getting paid money hand over fist

1490
01:15:24,279 --> 01:15:27,800
and they will never have to work, they'll never have

1491
01:15:27,920 --> 01:15:31,680
to worry about their bills not being paid. But there's

1492
01:15:31,680 --> 01:15:37,000
something spiritually within them that's quite bankrupt because they're almost creative,

1493
01:15:37,159 --> 01:15:41,199
they're almost independent thinkers, but they're not. They're still kind

1494
01:15:41,199 --> 01:15:46,039
of in these golden handcuffs. And I think, yeah, I

1495
01:15:46,119 --> 01:15:48,119
realized I was a shadow artist when I was there,

1496
01:15:48,119 --> 01:15:50,000
because I was like, I'm a fucking comic. I don't

1497
01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:52,880
belong here, I don't belong in recruitment, I don't belong

1498
01:15:52,880 --> 01:15:55,439
in advertising. Period. I was like, I'm a fucking comedian.

1499
01:15:56,399 --> 01:15:57,720
And I went out there and I showed the world

1500
01:15:57,760 --> 01:16:00,479
I was but I got very for I got very fortunate.

1501
01:16:01,880 --> 01:16:03,720
And I just want to say this too. When you

1502
01:16:03,720 --> 01:16:06,479
guys are starting to go into creative recovery, just know

1503
01:16:06,800 --> 01:16:10,439
the very early stages of creative recovery are very uncomfortable.

1504
01:16:10,640 --> 01:16:13,119
We don't want to be showing anyone in our household,

1505
01:16:13,199 --> 01:16:16,279
or our friendship circles, or anyone the things we're working on.

1506
01:16:16,800 --> 01:16:19,119
Whatever it is we start to work on, whether it's

1507
01:16:19,239 --> 01:16:26,159
painting or writing or whatever your like heart song is.

1508
01:16:26,479 --> 01:16:29,319
In this couple of weeks that we're doing this, let's

1509
01:16:29,359 --> 01:16:31,600
not show anyone for the first couple of weeks, right,

1510
01:16:31,640 --> 01:16:34,880
because if anyone gives this baby artist who has been

1511
01:16:34,880 --> 01:16:37,520
pushed down by society and parents and whatever. If anyone

1512
01:16:37,560 --> 01:16:39,239
gives this baby artist a hard time, we're going to

1513
01:16:39,279 --> 01:16:43,079
fucking lose our mind. Okay, so let's just keep everything

1514
01:16:43,119 --> 01:16:47,840
we're doing real private. We're here to heal our old

1515
01:16:47,880 --> 01:16:50,359
wounds and not create new ones. So we want to

1516
01:16:50,439 --> 01:16:52,359
kind of heal that part of us that wasn't nurtured

1517
01:16:52,359 --> 01:16:54,159
when we were young. We don't want to show someone,

1518
01:16:54,279 --> 01:16:56,359
you know, a painting after we haven't painted in fourteen

1519
01:16:56,439 --> 01:16:58,119
years and be like look and they're like it's hidious

1520
01:16:58,159 --> 01:17:00,960
and then we're like, ah, you know, so just be

1521
01:17:01,039 --> 01:17:04,760
real careful with that. And here's a really really important

1522
01:17:04,840 --> 01:17:07,680
line from this chapter. It is impossible to get better

1523
01:17:08,039 --> 01:17:11,520
and look good at the same time. So try. All

1524
01:17:11,600 --> 01:17:14,159
we're doing here is trying. And I remember Travis Scott

1525
01:17:14,159 --> 01:17:16,840
said this in an interview once, or was it a Sabrocky,

1526
01:17:16,880 --> 01:17:21,359
I don't know one of those two said in an interview,

1527
01:17:21,479 --> 01:17:24,159
since when is it lame to try? Since when is

1528
01:17:24,199 --> 01:17:26,239
it lame to try? People are on the internet, And

1529
01:17:26,279 --> 01:17:28,000
this is the other thing. People on the internet that

1530
01:17:28,039 --> 01:17:32,760
are criticizing critics in general are shadow artists. They're people

1531
01:17:32,760 --> 01:17:34,720
that think they could direct They are people that think

1532
01:17:34,720 --> 01:17:36,840
they could act. There are people that think they could write.

1533
01:17:36,880 --> 01:17:38,439
They're the people that think they can do it better

1534
01:17:38,479 --> 01:17:39,800
than you, and they know how it should be done,

1535
01:17:39,800 --> 01:17:41,960
but they're not brave enough to do it. So just

1536
01:17:41,960 --> 01:17:44,520
remember that about critics in general. Critics are people that

1537
01:17:44,560 --> 01:17:47,319
are are not brave enough to do the thing they

1538
01:17:47,399 --> 01:17:49,560
think in their heart they should do, and so instead

1539
01:17:49,560 --> 01:17:54,560
they criticize. So they're kind of like small, lonely people. Anyway.

1540
01:17:54,960 --> 01:17:57,479
The enemy within is the core negative beliefs, right, So

1541
01:17:57,560 --> 01:18:00,279
the things that I highlighted all of them. But I

1542
01:18:00,319 --> 01:18:02,039
need you to look at these and figure out which

1543
01:18:02,079 --> 01:18:04,319
ones are your own. And even if these ones don't

1544
01:18:04,359 --> 01:18:07,720
resonate with you, you'll have your own, which is like, here's

1545
01:18:07,760 --> 01:18:10,960
a list of commonly held negative beliefs. Everyone will hate me.

1546
01:18:11,000 --> 01:18:13,159
It'll hurt my friends and family. I'll go crazy. I'll

1547
01:18:13,159 --> 01:18:15,359
abandon my friends and family. I can't spell, I don't

1548
01:18:15,399 --> 01:18:17,279
have good enough ideas. I'll be upset with my mother

1549
01:18:17,399 --> 01:18:19,600
or father, or I will upset my mother or father.

1550
01:18:20,279 --> 01:18:22,039
I will have to be alone. I will find out

1551
01:18:22,079 --> 01:18:25,199
if I'm gay, I'll be struck straight. I'll do bad

1552
01:18:25,239 --> 01:18:27,960
work and not know it and look like a fool,

1553
01:18:28,000 --> 01:18:30,159
I'll feel too angry. I'll never have any real money

1554
01:18:30,239 --> 01:18:33,920
I'll get Okay, all these things that are keeping us

1555
01:18:33,960 --> 01:18:37,000
back from just fucking trying, just try. None of these

1556
01:18:37,039 --> 01:18:39,000
core negatives need to be true. They come from us,

1557
01:18:39,000 --> 01:18:41,000
from our parents, our religion, our culture, or if you're

1558
01:18:41,119 --> 01:18:43,479
and our if you're a fearful friends. Each one of

1559
01:18:43,520 --> 01:18:46,560
these beliefs reflects notions we have about what it means

1560
01:18:46,560 --> 01:18:49,760
to be an artist. Negative beliefs are exactly that. They're beliefs.

1561
01:18:49,760 --> 01:18:52,279
They're not facts. Okay, So we need to just dismantle

1562
01:18:52,279 --> 01:18:57,319
these beliefs. These beliefs, they're always gonna attack the jugular, Okay.

1563
01:18:58,520 --> 01:19:02,079
They're gonna go for your sexuality, your loveability, your intelligence,

1564
01:19:02,119 --> 01:19:05,199
whatever vulnerability they can find in you, they will attack.

1565
01:19:05,920 --> 01:19:12,760
So here's negative beliefs about artists. They're drunk, crazy, broke, irresponsible, loner's, promiscuous, doomed, unhappy, born,

1566
01:19:12,960 --> 01:19:16,199
not made correct. Those are all correct, I'm just kidding, Okay.

1567
01:19:16,359 --> 01:19:22,800
Positive alternatives Artists can be sober, sane, solvent, responsible, user, friendly, faithful, saved, happy,

1568
01:19:22,960 --> 01:19:26,520
discovered and recovered. Okay, there's a lot of either ores

1569
01:19:26,520 --> 01:19:28,560
that we have too. Like I can either be in

1570
01:19:28,600 --> 01:19:32,680
a romantic partnership and or successful. You know, I can

1571
01:19:32,720 --> 01:19:34,720
either be this or that. No, no, no, you can

1572
01:19:34,760 --> 01:19:40,399
be everything. All right. Here's another thing you'll notice about yourself,

1573
01:19:40,439 --> 01:19:43,199
and this is maybe this is one thing I've I've

1574
01:19:43,319 --> 01:19:45,800
learned in life and through this course, is that envy

1575
01:19:45,880 --> 01:19:48,359
is a compass. Envy points you to what you want

1576
01:19:48,359 --> 01:19:51,399
to be doing. So if there's anybody in the world

1577
01:19:51,399 --> 01:19:54,520
that you're envious of, whether they're a singer, an actor,

1578
01:19:54,439 --> 01:19:57,199
or a writer, a director, whatever they do, if you're envious,

1579
01:19:57,279 --> 01:19:59,439
that's a compass to something that you want to be doing.

1580
01:19:59,479 --> 01:20:04,159
It's an air, okay, and he as an arrow. So

1581
01:20:04,279 --> 01:20:06,000
use it as that, use it as a tool to

1582
01:20:06,039 --> 01:20:08,199
figure out what you want to be doing. Because oftentimes

1583
01:20:08,239 --> 01:20:09,800
when we sit down and we watch TV and we're

1584
01:20:09,840 --> 01:20:12,439
like this acting is so bad. This actor sucks. That's

1585
01:20:12,479 --> 01:20:14,359
something I do a lot, and like acting has gotten

1586
01:20:14,399 --> 01:20:17,319
so bad, These actors are horrible. Everyone is bad at this.

1587
01:20:18,960 --> 01:20:21,319
That's because maybe secretly I want to act, and maybe

1588
01:20:21,359 --> 01:20:23,840
I want to be an actor, and maybe I think

1589
01:20:23,880 --> 01:20:25,640
I could do it better. But maybe I'm too fucking

1590
01:20:25,680 --> 01:20:28,159
scared because the camera's scare me when it's just me

1591
01:20:28,319 --> 01:20:30,000
and a couch and a camera, I can do it.

1592
01:20:30,039 --> 01:20:32,439
But when it's me and a camera and a crew

1593
01:20:32,479 --> 01:20:34,399
and a script and dialogue that I have to remember,

1594
01:20:34,439 --> 01:20:36,760
I freak out. But I know I can do it,

1595
01:20:37,439 --> 01:20:43,640
but I'm so scared. I'm so scared. Okay, So what

1596
01:20:43,640 --> 01:20:45,239
we have to do to get rid of these negative

1597
01:20:45,279 --> 01:20:48,399
core beliefs is affirmations. Affirmations give us a sense of

1598
01:20:48,399 --> 01:20:50,920
safety and hope. At first, when we start to do them,

1599
01:20:50,920 --> 01:20:53,000
they're gonna feel really dumb. They're gonna feel embarrassing and

1600
01:20:53,000 --> 01:20:54,840
hokey and lame, and we're gonna think of a million

1601
01:20:54,880 --> 01:20:58,760
reasons why we shouldn't do them. But what's interesting is

1602
01:20:58,800 --> 01:21:00,520
when you start to say them to your when you

1603
01:21:00,520 --> 01:21:02,600
start to say, I deserve love, I deserve fair pay,

1604
01:21:02,640 --> 01:21:04,880
I deserve to have a rewarding creative life. I'm a

1605
01:21:04,880 --> 01:21:07,680
brilliant and successful artist. I have rich creative talents. I'm

1606
01:21:07,840 --> 01:21:10,560
competent and confident in my creative work. I make millions

1607
01:21:10,560 --> 01:21:13,279
of dollars making money. When your brain starts to fight

1608
01:21:13,359 --> 01:21:16,079
you against that, that's when you're gonna realize the place

1609
01:21:16,079 --> 01:21:18,279
that you have to that you have to find tune in,

1610
01:21:18,319 --> 01:21:19,880
that you have to work on the most right, So

1611
01:21:20,079 --> 01:21:24,800
I will say, like, my creativity makes me millions, and

1612
01:21:24,840 --> 01:21:27,199
I'm like, you're a loser. You have to fucking launch

1613
01:21:27,239 --> 01:21:29,319
a Patreon for one dollar a month because you can't

1614
01:21:29,319 --> 01:21:32,359
afford to do this on your own. Okay, that's what

1615
01:21:32,399 --> 01:21:33,920
my brain is saying. I really want you guys to

1616
01:21:33,960 --> 01:21:36,800
understand that. Inside of my brain too, is like a

1617
01:21:36,840 --> 01:21:39,319
little voice that's like, you're a fucking loser. Nobody likes

1618
01:21:39,359 --> 01:21:41,840
your podcast. Nobody's listening to this. Everybody just wanted it

1619
01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:44,720
when it was a different format with your co host,

1620
01:21:44,760 --> 01:21:46,960
and nobody wants to be here for just you. And

1621
01:21:47,039 --> 01:21:49,079
this is all very silly and you should stop. Those

1622
01:21:49,079 --> 01:21:52,000
are my blurts. Okay, those are my negative They're not

1623
01:21:52,039 --> 01:21:54,720
necessarily negative core beliefs. Those are blurts. Okay, those are

1624
01:21:54,760 --> 01:21:58,439
like my uh those are tough too, because some of

1625
01:21:58,520 --> 01:22:01,600
them are true, and they're backed by numbers, right Like Newton,

1626
01:22:01,760 --> 01:22:03,000
I can look at the numbers and be like, the

1627
01:22:03,079 --> 01:22:05,319
numbers do not lie. This is a different thing. This

1628
01:22:05,439 --> 01:22:07,479
is much smaller. This is not as good. Nobody wants

1629
01:22:07,520 --> 01:22:09,800
to watch blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bah.

1630
01:22:09,840 --> 01:22:11,640
And I can go on and on. But instead I'm

1631
01:22:11,640 --> 01:22:13,960
going on and on. I'm just trudging forward and pushing

1632
01:22:14,000 --> 01:22:18,119
through the discomfort and an attempt to rewire those I'm

1633
01:22:18,159 --> 01:22:21,840
doing positive affirmations, which include, my creativity makes me millions,

1634
01:22:21,960 --> 01:22:24,840
My creativity makes me millions, My creativity makes me millions.

1635
01:22:24,880 --> 01:22:28,920
My creativity, that's not so insane to say. There's hundreds,

1636
01:22:28,960 --> 01:22:32,439
if not hundreds twenty people in my phone book who

1637
01:22:32,439 --> 01:22:35,319
their creativity makes them millions. Okay, but they're also still

1638
01:22:35,319 --> 01:22:37,119
not happy. So that's the other thing. Once you get there,

1639
01:22:37,199 --> 01:22:40,720
it's also just like the I don't know, once you

1640
01:22:40,760 --> 01:22:42,399
get there, enjoy it or I guess just enjoy it

1641
01:22:42,479 --> 01:22:47,680
right now because I just know you never know. You

1642
01:22:47,760 --> 01:22:49,760
will be amazed at the rotten things your subconscious will

1643
01:22:49,760 --> 01:22:51,720
blurt down and write them down. Those blurts, Okay, So

1644
01:22:51,760 --> 01:22:55,439
those are the blurds we have to go against. Creative affirmations.

1645
01:22:55,520 --> 01:22:57,680
I am a channel for God's creativity, and my work

1646
01:22:57,720 --> 01:23:00,600
comes to good. My dreams from come from God, and

1647
01:23:00,640 --> 01:23:03,399
God has the power to accomplish them. I as I

1648
01:23:03,479 --> 01:23:06,319
create and listen, I will be led. Creativity is the

1649
01:23:06,319 --> 01:23:09,199
creators well for me, My creativity heals myself in others,

1650
01:23:09,239 --> 01:23:12,399
I'm allowed to nurture my artist pop up. Blah uh blah.

1651
01:23:12,439 --> 01:23:14,119
You can read them all there on page thirty six

1652
01:23:14,159 --> 01:23:17,399
and thirty seven. Okay, So for the homework this week,

1653
01:23:17,840 --> 01:23:21,159
I every week it's an artist date. In morning pages,

1654
01:23:21,199 --> 01:23:23,039
I have done both of those, but I will be

1655
01:23:23,159 --> 01:23:25,479
very honest. My morning pages have been pretty fucking sad

1656
01:23:25,520 --> 01:23:27,960
because my dog died. I haven't been able to make

1657
01:23:28,000 --> 01:23:30,840
it three pages. I'm making it to like two. Can

1658
01:23:30,920 --> 01:23:32,880
you guys just do your best, Just do your best.

1659
01:23:33,119 --> 01:23:36,720
I'm doing how I feel. I'm doing gratitude and that's all.

1660
01:23:36,840 --> 01:23:39,880
My brain is pretty numb this week. I don't know

1661
01:23:39,920 --> 01:23:42,680
if it's like a trauma response or like some sort

1662
01:23:42,680 --> 01:23:45,760
of block is happening. I have been like fully numb

1663
01:23:45,840 --> 01:23:47,560
this week. But I will say I went on an

1664
01:23:47,640 --> 01:23:50,159
artist date. I took myself to a pottery studio in

1665
01:23:50,199 --> 01:23:53,960
West Palm Beach and I through clay and I haven't

1666
01:23:53,960 --> 01:23:56,199
done that since I was a kid out all right.

1667
01:23:56,239 --> 01:23:58,479
I used to go throw clay at Catholic Memorial in

1668
01:23:58,520 --> 01:24:01,439
Waukesha in summer and I loved it and I had

1669
01:24:01,479 --> 01:24:03,319
so much fun and it was working with my hands.

1670
01:24:03,359 --> 01:24:05,039
And you know when I was a kid, I didn't

1671
01:24:05,039 --> 01:24:06,840
have nails, so like I didn't have to worry about that.

1672
01:24:06,920 --> 01:24:08,800
Yesterday I had some nails. I actually got them cut

1673
01:24:08,840 --> 01:24:10,680
shorter so I can go through a clay again. Because,

1674
01:24:10,720 --> 01:24:13,560
like I really again, I didn't feel anything. I didn't

1675
01:24:13,560 --> 01:24:15,800
feel so inspired, I didn't feel so creative. I didn't

1676
01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:18,479
feel like, oh my god, like this is going to

1677
01:24:18,560 --> 01:24:21,760
open some major creativity for me. But I did it,

1678
01:24:21,840 --> 01:24:23,760
and I think that's important to show up and do it.

1679
01:24:23,800 --> 01:24:26,079
I made myself a coffee cup, and I made myself

1680
01:24:26,119 --> 01:24:30,520
a little bold, and I made myself something else, and

1681
01:24:30,560 --> 01:24:33,159
then I had to go to my nail pointment so

1682
01:24:33,159 --> 01:24:36,239
I couldn't say but I did it. And then I

1683
01:24:36,319 --> 01:24:39,279
have some writing to do and we can talk about

1684
01:24:39,279 --> 01:24:41,039
all that next week, because that's the rest of my

1685
01:24:41,119 --> 01:24:45,079
homework is completing the writing from this week, and you know,

1686
01:24:45,880 --> 01:24:47,800
talking about some of the censors, which are the negative,

1687
01:24:47,880 --> 01:24:49,600
nasty people in our lives who have made us to

1688
01:24:49,680 --> 01:24:51,800
believe the horrible things about ourselves and that we can't

1689
01:24:51,800 --> 01:24:54,560
create and we can't make cool shit. For those of

1690
01:24:54,600 --> 01:24:56,159
you who are going through this with me, I really

1691
01:24:56,199 --> 01:24:58,760
applaud you. I'm so proud of you. And I hope

1692
01:24:58,800 --> 01:25:02,319
you find some thing wonderful and spiritual on this journey.

1693
01:25:02,399 --> 01:25:04,359
I love you so much, besties, and I will see

1694
01:25:04,399 --> 01:25:07,079
you next week.