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Speaker 1: Chapter twenty eight. Her refusal, though unexpected, did not permanently

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daunt Claire. His experience of women was great enough for

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him to be aware that the negative often meant nothing

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more than the preface to the affirmative, and it was

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little enough for him not to know that, in the

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manner of the present negative there lay a great exception

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to the dallyings of coyness. That she had already permitted

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him to make love to her. He read as an

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additional assurance, not fully trowing that in the fields and

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pastures to Pi gratis is by no means deemed waste,

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love making being here more often accepted inconsiderately and for

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its own sweet sake than in the carking, anxious homes

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of the ambitious, where a girl's craving for an establishment

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paralyzes her healthy thought of a passion. Tess, why did

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you say no in such a positive way, he asked her.

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In the course of a few days. She started, don't

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ask me. I told you why. Partly I'm not good enough,

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not worthy enough, how not fine lady enough? Yes, something

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like that, murmured she. Your friends would scorn me, indeed,

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you'll mistake them. My father and mother. As for my brothers,

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I don't care. He clasped his fingers behind her back

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to keep her from slipping away. Now you did not

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mean it, sweet, I am sure you did not. You

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have made me so restless that I cannot read, or

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play or do anything. I'm in no hurry, Tess. But

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I want to know, to hear from your own warm lips,

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that you will some day be mine, any time you

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may choose. But some day she could only shake her

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head and look away from him. Claire regarded her attentively,

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caln the characters of her face as if they had

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been hieroglyphics. The denial seemed real. Then I ought not

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to hold you in this way, ought I? I have

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no right to you, no right to seek out where

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you are or to walk with you. Honestly, Tess, do

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you love any other man? How can you ask? She said,

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with continued self suppression. I almost know that you do not.

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But then why do you repulse me? I don't repulse you.

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I'd like you to tell me you love me, and

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you may always tell me so as you go about

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with me, and never offend me. But why will you

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not accept me as a husband? Ah? That's different. It

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is for your own good. Indeed, my dearest, oh, believe me,

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it is only for your sake. I don't like to

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give myself the great happiness of promising to be yours

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in that way, because because I am sure, I ought

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not to do it. But you will make me happy. Ah,

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you think so, but you don't know. In such times

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as this, apprehending the grounds of her refusal to be

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her modest sense of incompetence in matters social and polite,

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he would say that she was wonderfully well informed and versatile,

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which was certainly true, her natural quickness and her admiration

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for him having led her to pick up his vocabulary,

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his accent, and fragments of his knowledge to a surprising extent.

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After these contests and her victory, she would go away

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by herself under the remotest cow if at milking time,

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or into the sedge, or into her room if at

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leisure interval, and mourn silently not a minute after an

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apparently phlegmatic negative. The struggle was so fearful her own

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heart was so strongly on the side of his two

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ardent hearts against one poor little conscience, that she tried

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to fortify her resolution by every means in her power.

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She had come to Talberthigh's with a made up mind.

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On no account could she agree to a step which

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might afterwards cause bitter ruin to her husband for his

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blindness in wedding her. And she held that what her

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conscience had decided for her, when her mind was unbiased,

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ought not to be overruled. Now, why don't some one

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tell him all about me? She said, It was only

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forty miles half. Why hasn't it reached here? Somebody must know?

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Yet no nobody seemed to know. Nobody told him. For

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two or three days, no more was said. She guessed

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from the sad countenances of her chamber companions that they

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regarded her not only as the favorite, but as the chosen.

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But they could see for themselves that she did not

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put herself in his way. Tess had never before known

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a time in which the thread of her life was

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so distinctly twisted of two strands, positive pleasure and positive pain.

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At the next cheesemaking, the pair were again left alone together.

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The dairyman himself had been lending a hand, but mister Creek,

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as well as his wife, seemed latterly to have acquired

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a suspicion of mutual interest between these two, though they

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walked so circumspectully that suspicion was but of the faintest. Anyhow,

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the dairyman left them to themselves. They were breaking out

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the masses of Kurds before putting them into the vats.

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The operation resembled the act of crumbling bread on a

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large scale, and amid the immaculate whiteness of the Kurds,

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Tess Durbeyfield's hands showed themselves of the pinkness of the

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rose angel, who was filling the vats with his handfuls,

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suddenly ceased and laid his hands flat upon hers. Her

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sleeves were rolled far above the elbow, and bending lower,

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he kissed the inside vein of her soft arm. Although

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the early September weather was sultry, her arm from her

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dabbling in the Kurds, was as cold and damp to

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his mouth as a new gathered mushroom, and tasted of

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the way. But she was such a sheaf of susceptibilities

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that her pulse was accelerated by the touch. Her blood

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driven to her finger ends, and the cool arm flushed hot. Then,

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as though her heart had said, is coyness longer necessary?

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Truth is truth between man and woman, as between man

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and man. She lifted her eyes and they beamed devotedly

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into his, as her lip rose in a tender half smile.

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Do you know why I did that, Tess? He said,

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because you love me very much? Yes, and as a

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preliminary to a new entreaty not again. She looked, a

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sudden fear that her resistance might break down under her

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own desire. Oh, Tessy, he went on, I cannot think

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why you are so tantalizing? Why do you disappoint me?

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So you seem almost like a coquette upon my life.

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You do a coquette of the first urban water. They

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blow hot and blow cold, just as you do. And

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it is the very last sort of thing to expect

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to find in a retreat like Talbothay's and yet dearest,

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he quickly added, observing how the remark had cut her.

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I know you to be the most honest, spotless creature

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that ever lived. So how can I suppose you a flirt? Tess?

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Why don't you like the idea of being my wife?

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If you love me as you seem to do, I

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have never said I don't like the idea, and I

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never could say it because it isn't true. The stress

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now getting beyond endurance, her lip quivered, and she was

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obliged to go away. Clare was so pained and perplexed

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that he ran after and caught her in the passage.

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Tell me, tell me, he said, passionately, clasping her in

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forgetfulness of his curdy hands. Do tell me that you

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won't belong to any one but me. I will. I

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will tell you, she exclaimed, And I will give you

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a complete answer if you will let go now. I

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will tell you my experiences, all about myself. All your experiences, dear, Yes,

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certainly any number, he expressed, a scent in loving satire,

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looking into her face. My tess has, no doubt, almost

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as many experience as that wild convulvulus out there on

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the garden hedge that opened itself this morning for the

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first time. Tell me anything, but don't use that wretched

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expression any more about not being worthy of me. I

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will try not, and I'll give you my reasons tomorrow

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next week, Say on Sunday, Yes, on Sunday. At last,

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she got away and did not stop in her retreat

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till she was in the thicket of pollard willows at

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the lower side of the Barten, where she could be

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quite unseen. Here, Tess flung herself down upon the rustling

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undergrowth of spear grass as upon a bed, and remained

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crouching in palpitating misery, broken by momentary shoots of joy,

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which her fears about the ending could not altogether suppress.

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In reality, she was drifting into acquiescence. Every sea saw

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of her breath, every wave of her blood, every pulse

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singing in her ears was a voice that joined with

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nature in revolt against her scrupulousness, reckless, inconsiderate acceptance of him,

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to close with him at the altar, revealing nothing and

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chancing discovery, to snatch ripe pleasure before the iron teeth

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of pain could have time to shut upon her. That

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was what Love counseled, and in almost a terror of ecstasy,

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Tess divined that despite her many months of lonely self chastisement, wrestlings, communings,

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schemes to lead a future of austere isolation, Love's counsel

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would prevail. The afternoon advanced, and still she remained among

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the willows. She heard the rattle of taking down the

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pails from the forked stands the wa Wa which accompanied

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the getting together of the cows. But she did not

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go to the milking. They would see her agitation, and

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the dairy man, thinking the cause to be love alone,

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would good naturedly tease her. And that harassment could not

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be borne. Her lover must have guessed her overwrought state

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and invented some excuse for her non appearance, for no

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inquiries were made or calls given. At half past six,

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the sun settled down upon the l with the aspect

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of a great forge in the heavens, and presently a

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monstrous pumpkin like moon arose. On the other hand, the

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pollard willows, tortured out of their natural shape by incessant choppings,

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became spiny head monsters as they stood up against it.

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She went in and upstairs without a light. It was

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now Wednesday. Thursday came and Angel looked thoughtfully at her

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from a distance, but intruded in no way upon her.

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The indoor milkmaids, Marian and the rest seemed to guess

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that something definite was afoot, for they did not force

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any remarks upon her in the bedchamber. Friday passed Saturday

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to morrow was the day I shall give way, I

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shall say yes, I shall let myself marry him. I

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cannot help it. She glessly panted with her hot face

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in the pillow that night, on hearing one of the

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other girls sigh his name in her sleep. I cannot

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bear to let anybody have him but me. Yes, it

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is a wrong to him, and may kill him when

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he knows. Oh my heart, oh, oh oh, end of

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chapter twenty eight.