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Speaker 1: Welcome back, besties. It's your mother, Brittany Schman. I'm so

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excited to be here with you guys today. How are

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you guys doing? Happy Monday? I need you guys to

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know that I'm going to be in Nashville and Raleigh

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in June the seventeenth and eighteenth. I think I don't

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know it's on my website. I should be better at this.

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I should be better at being a comedian. I should

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be better at promoting myself. I should be better at

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believing in myself and my dreams. But anyone has anyone

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seeing in my hopes and dreams? Because where the fuck

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did they go? They're not in Palm Beach, I'll tell

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you that much. They're not in Palm Beach. My dreams

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ain't here. I've never had a city reject me so hard.

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And I know you guys have said be positive, be grateful,

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and I am. I have a beautiful home, I have

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a healthy body, I have a father I adore, I

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have a really smart sister, I have great friends. I

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have so many good things going on. But life can

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be like good and bad at the same time. That's

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the dichotomy of life. Ladies and gentlemen. It's never all

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good or all bad at once. And sometimes I think

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when you're in the middle of your best years, you

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don't know it, and you don't know it until you

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get into one of your worst years. And I think

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that's what this year has taught me, is that I

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didn't realize how great all the other years were. Listen,

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God bless Lexapro. You know, if it weren't for me,

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I'm Alexapro, I would have been off a fucking balcony.

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This balcony I live on the eleventh floor. That is dangerous,

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you guys. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm aging like

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the devil. I was looking at my face today. I've

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also been chained smoking SIGs, you guys, chain smoking SIGs.

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I'm so fucking stressed and I'm sad and I miss

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my dog. And you guys. Speaking of Biggie the Man,

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the myth, the legend, I got him a little custom earn.

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It was so cute, like this little white this pottery

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lady on Etsy does little custom earns, and it was

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little urn with his name on it. And I got

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the box today and I had to emotion prepare myself.

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I was like all right, his urn's here, which means

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I have to transfer his ashes into his urn and

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it's gonna be a lot like the Big Lebowski, you know,

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the tin can of ashes and they fly back in

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my face because the Florida hurricane winds, the gust hurricane

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winds are among us. So I was prepared for my

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Big Lebowski moment my Folger's coffee can ashes in the eyes.

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And then I opened the box and I was like,

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what is this. It was two little cups, two little

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blue cocktail glasses, and I was like, Oh, the world

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is begging me to relapse. Oh, I think that means

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the Good Lord wants me to drink some fucking tequila.

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Nothing has tested my sobriety from alcohol more than living

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in Palm Beach. And when I say nothing, I mean nothing.

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So anyway, you guys, I'm doing great. I've been ripping SIGs,

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getting wrinkles. I'm recording this podcast in the dark right now,

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So if I look spookier than usual, it's because it's

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me alone in my apartment with my big ass fucking

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light and it's it's almost dark out. So I just

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had to get this podcast in before I go to

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New York. I'm spending a week and a half in

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New York. Ten days in New York. I'm gonna get

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my Mom's gonna get her groove back. She's gonna go

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do some stand up. She's gonna do some more stand up.

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I have so much writing to do. And here's the

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thing about when your life is horrible. As a comedian,

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pain for me personally makes the best jokes. And I

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have just been getting curb stomped by pain, like actually

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fucking mouth on the pavement. I like, just curb stomped.

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So I'm really looking forward to turning this pain into

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something productive and going to New York and trying to

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make some jokes about how I asked the vet to

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also put me down with my dog, you know. So yeah,

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I'm excited to go to New York. I'm going excited

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to go to a city with energy, with culture, with

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people that are a bit more like minded. I'm just excited.

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I'm excited to get out of here. And like I said,

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I've been ripping SIGs and that's not great. But I

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did just see an article recently and this really made

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me happy that a lost Chinese diver survived five days underwater,

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and his first words to the rescuers were do you

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have a cigarette? And I love that so much I

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sent it to my king on let me pull it up.

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In July twenty twenty five, Okay, so it wasn't this year.

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It's last year's news, but it's still important news because

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SIGs are back. Baby. In July twenty twenty five, a

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Chinese diver named Wang became the center of an extraordinary

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survival story after he got trapped in a flooded karst

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cave system in Henan. I don't know how to say that,

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he not province. He remains stuck underwater for five days

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inside a small air pocket deep in the cave, surviving

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in complete darkness and managing to stay alive by catching

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and eating raw fish sishi am i right. Rescuers launched

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a large and risky search operation across multiple regions before

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finally spotting a faint flashlight signal that led to him.

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Despite oxygen levels dropping dangerously low during the ordeal, Wing

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was pulled out alive and even able to walk away

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without assistance, later drawing attention for his calm reaction when

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he simply asked for a cigarette after being rescued. That's me,

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that's me. I'm trapped in a fucking cave and all

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I want is a marb light. I used to be

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a pfunk girl, and then I stopped doing cocaine, so

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I was like, nobody needs this, the fucking coke bump

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SIGs anymore. The coke bumpsig whoa coke bump SIGs are

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out of business smoking marbs? But like, why am I

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smoking cigarettes? Like I know they're back and they're fucking

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cool again. Because nobody has the will to live in

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this country. Because it's like back in the day, we

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used to want to live and have like a nice,

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old healthy life, you know, grow old, have grandkids, live

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on a ranch. We had the will to live back

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in the day. But we don't have the will to

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live anymore. As a collective, as a country, you're seeing

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everyone ripping SIGs. I've aged myself years since I moved

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to Palm Beach. I looked today and my fucking crows toes.

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I know the crows eyes, but I call him crows

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toes because Courtney Kardashian did ones and it was really funny.

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The crows toes are getting crazy and I just got botox.

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So that's one hundred percent of six. But these comments

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really made me laugh. For a Chinese person to survive

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five days without a cigarette, it's truly remarkable. Someone said, well,

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did he get a cigarette? Someone else said he needed

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some fresh air. His desire for a cigarette kept him alive.

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That's literally me, Like I have been waking up and listen,

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I got so spoiled. For a minute, I was getting

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the best sleep. I was feeling so great. Life was

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real good. I had it by the short and curlies,

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you know, well, no, I didn't know. I never did.

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But I was actually getting really good sleep before Biggie died.

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And then Biggie died, and there's just something missing in

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my life. And it's that little cuddly dude in between

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my tits where he liked to lay. That was his

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favorite spot. He kept them separated, like I don't know,

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the what's it called the the Red Sea, separated like

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the Red Sea. That's what he just was like right

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in between there and I and I miss him, and

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I wake up missing him, and I go to bed

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missing him, and there's just like this hole in my

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life and I feel fucking sad, and uh, I haven't

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been sleeping well, so I've like, uh, the past two nights,

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got maybe six hours of sleep collectively. I had to

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wake up this morning and drive my dad to the airport.

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He's been here working on the bagel shop and they

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had like yet another setback with that, so they have

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to like get more permits. So my dad went back

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to Wisconsin, which I'm actually so grateful for because my

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dad loves Wisconsin summers more than anything in the world.

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He does his garden, he plays baseball, and he was

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like really fucking sad to come down here and just

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just sweat it out and the dog ass Florida summer heat.

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I don't know anything I this. I think it's the wettest,

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damn this hottest place in the world. It's disgusting in summer.

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I don't know what's up with Florida. I'll be honest,

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I don't know about Florida. And if you live here

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and you love it, great, this isn't for you to

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get past it. But what the fuck is going on

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with Florida? And I feel like people have been saying

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this for a while and I just didn't listen to them.

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I was like, la, la, la, I mean, love, I'm

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moving to Florida, dumb bitch. Next time your friend says

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we're moving to Florida, don't let them, don't fucking let them.

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All right, this, I mean it is swamp ass city

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out here. I walk to my plate studio, It's like

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a six minute walk, and by the time I get there,

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I'm like full swamp ass, wet ass, fucking pussy like

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I think. Actually, Cardi B wrote that song about when

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she walked around to Miami in the summer. It had

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nothing to do with how horny she was. It's just

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like the swamp ass of Florida. It is hot. So anyway,

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I'm really jealous of my dog. Got to go back

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to Wisconsin because the Wisconsin weather is radical right now

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and the Florida weather is not rad right now. I

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will look at my hair. I look like a lion. Oh,

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by the way, you guys wanted to see how the

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Berber hair oil is doing. Look at this. My hair

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is almost all back. It's not all back. I know

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that I had more and it was longer because I

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was looking at pictures the other day because I was

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so excited to show you guys, and I was like,

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I think it's not fully back from the inside up

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that that happened like well over a year ago. But

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I've been doing three oils a week and Mama's main

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is coming back. So sorry, I'm drinking so much water.

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I'm so dehydrated. I just like I've been ripping way

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too many siings. That's that's the truth. But anyway, you guys,

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isn't this fun? I started a podcast and then my

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whole life just unraveled. Isn't this just like a blasty blast?

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I feel bad. I come every week and I'm like,

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we're gonna be positive, We're gonna talk about how life's great.

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And then I'm like, every week I sit down and

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I'm like, I don't have the will to live? Do

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you guys have the will to live? Could I borrow

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your will to live? Could if you have a single fuck,

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could I have it? If you have a loose fuck

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lion around, could I have it? Because I don't give

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a flying fuck about anything. I've lost all my fucks

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in twenty twenty six. All my fucks went out the

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fucking window in twenty twenty six. Okay, whoo, it's not

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a good feeling. It's not a good feeling. I will

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say this though. When Biggie was dying, I whispered in

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his ear and I said, I know you're going to

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a better place, but could you just come back as

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a turtle. Just show me turtles so I know you're

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with me, and you guys have seen so many turtles.

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I went fishing with my dad the other day and

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we caught a huge salefish by the way, so fun

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We caught a sailfish and a couple of mahi mahi,

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and as we were boating, we saw two big I

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think they're called water log turtles and they were mating,

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and I was like, that's very funny. Biggie has a

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sense of humor that he's showing me two turtles fucking

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because in his life as a dog, he never had

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the opportunity to punish me the way I punished him

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by making him watch me fuck so many men. And

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he had to sit there and just be like, is

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this okay? Is this okay? Are you being hurt? What

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is going on? Is everything okay? And he just had

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anxiety and he would shake while I like hooked up

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with dudes. And then I think it's very funny that

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in this reincarnation. He just showed me two turtles. Fucking

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He's like, fuck you, mom. And then also if I'm

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looking for it. So I live on the intercoastal in Florida,

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and there are sometimes like up until he died, I

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had maybe seen like two or three sea turtles. And

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if I'm out there and I'm looking for it, I

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will not see it. But if I'm just like walking by,

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this little turtle has been coming up. This little turtle's

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been coming up and be like hi, and then he

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goes right back down, and I think he lives there.

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And I was pretty excited about that. And I'm just

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seeing turtles everywhere. I didn't notice before that there was

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license plates in Florida with turtles on it. But when

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you're looking for something, you see it. It's called reticular

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activation theory. I don't know if you guys know about this.

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Reticular activation theory is when you are looking for something.

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It's kind of like when you buy a car and

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then all of a sudden, you see that car everywhere

237
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and you're like, wait a minute, has this car been

238
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everywhere the whole time? Yes, it has. You just didn't

239
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,279
give a fuck about it until you owned it, and

240
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then once you owned it, you gave a fuck about it,

241
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so you started noticing it. So humans we only really,

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we obviously have a filtration system where we can't we

243
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can't take everything in. Our brains would get overloaded, and

244
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for survival's sake, we only take in what's important to us,

245
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and it becomes more important to us when we're looking

246
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,919
for it or when we have it. So like Max

247
00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:31,759
just bought a Bronco, and I can't tell you how

248
00:12:31,759 --> 00:12:33,840
many Broncos I've been seeing. I'm like, is every car

249
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:36,279
in West Palm Beach a Bronco? Like it feels like

250
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:41,440
it's exclusively Bronco city over here. And that's called reticular

251
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:44,240
activation theory. And so I'm having a bit of reticular

252
00:12:44,279 --> 00:12:48,480
activation theory with turtles. And I didn't notice until Biggie

253
00:12:48,519 --> 00:12:51,360
passed that there are some Florida license plates have turtles

254
00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:53,159
on them, and that's very nice because I'm like, oh,

255
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,399
Biggie hi. And then also I randomly, I was on

256
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,279
a plane the other day and I put on paw Patrol.

257
00:12:58,519 --> 00:13:00,600
I don't know why. I don't know what over came me.

258
00:13:00,919 --> 00:13:04,919
And in like the opening credits, there's there's a turtle.

259
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You would never think on pap Patrol a turtle, a

260
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,799
little turtle family. So anyway, Biggie's here and he's hollering

261
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,279
at me, and he's fucking in the sea, and he's

262
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,120
having a good afterlife. And I just want you guys

263
00:13:15,159 --> 00:13:18,120
all to know that even though his urn didn't come

264
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,559
and it's two shot glasses, I was like, should I

265
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,639
just like put his ashes in these little shot glasses?

266
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His urn will come. And also I'm gonna go to

267
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,600
La at the end of this month, and Chris and

268
00:13:29,639 --> 00:13:31,679
I are gonna spread his ashes on the beach. Because

269
00:13:32,399 --> 00:13:35,440
every we used to live in Venice Beach, between the

270
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,360
beach and the canals, and every morning when we could,

271
00:13:38,399 --> 00:13:39,759
we would take we would either take him for a

272
00:13:39,799 --> 00:13:41,919
walk on the canals, which is beautiful, or we would

273
00:13:41,919 --> 00:13:43,679
take him to the beach and we'd let him off

274
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leasi and he would sprint up and down a doubt,

275
00:13:45,519 --> 00:13:47,120
oh a doubt, and he'd tire himself out. And he

276
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,440
loved the beach so much, so we're gonna take him

277
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,240
to the beach. And then Chris used to take him

278
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,919
on a bunch of hikes like that dog was so

279
00:13:53,039 --> 00:13:55,600
fucking strong. He could go on like fifteen mile hikes,

280
00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:58,639
no problem. And so Chris is gonna spread some of

281
00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:01,039
his ashes on the trail, and then we're gonna spread

282
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,639
some on the beach, and then I'm gonna keep some

283
00:14:02,799 --> 00:14:07,399
in the jar whenever that comes. And then that's that's

284
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,519
kind of it. That's kind of where I'm at with

285
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:17,159
old Biggie Small's in his body. I am starving. I

286
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,039
forgot to feed myself today. Do you guys ever do that?

287
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:20,639
Does anyone ever? Just like forget? And then all of

288
00:14:20,639 --> 00:14:22,960
a sudden, it's what time is it? Seven to sixteen pm?

289
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,919
I think I had one protein bar. I'm getting light

290
00:14:24,919 --> 00:14:27,600
headed anyway, Thanks for coming on this journey with me. Besties.

291
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,200
We're having the best time, aren't we. Oh? Life is

292
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:34,720
a mess? Life is a mess. What's going on with

293
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:36,360
you guys? I was just could be interactive. I wish

294
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:37,919
you guys could talk back to me. Sometimes I sit

295
00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:39,559
here and I'm like, am I have a fucking crazy person?

296
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,000
I just sit in a chair and I ran and

297
00:14:41,039 --> 00:14:43,679
I like scream into a fucking microphone and a camera

298
00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:48,039
and hope people connect with it. Anyway. I know I'm crazy.

299
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:50,919
I was walking home today from yoga from hot ass

300
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,840
dog ass fucking pilates, not yoga, sorry, And this woman

301
00:14:55,039 --> 00:14:56,919
was coming towards me. And I've been making an effort

302
00:14:57,799 --> 00:15:00,559
to pet every dog I see because I'm just like, oh,

303
00:15:00,559 --> 00:15:02,240
I just want to like love these dogs. And I've

304
00:15:02,279 --> 00:15:04,200
never been like that with other people's dogs. When I

305
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:05,840
had Biggie, I was very much like, I have my

306
00:15:05,879 --> 00:15:08,120
own dog, I don't need your dog. But now that

307
00:15:08,279 --> 00:15:11,600
I don't have Biggie, I'm like, I need you your

308
00:15:11,639 --> 00:15:14,120
dog to love me. And so I've been trying to

309
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,879
just say hi to dogs because I love them so

310
00:15:15,919 --> 00:15:17,480
much and they're so sweet, and I don't know when

311
00:15:17,519 --> 00:15:21,320
I'll have the the space in my heart to have

312
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:25,039
one again, because it's such an unbelievable I just can't

313
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,480
imagine going through that pain again. I can't imagine putting

314
00:15:27,519 --> 00:15:30,799
myself through that pain again. So I just don't know

315
00:15:31,879 --> 00:15:33,519
when I'll get a dog again. So I've been stopping

316
00:15:33,559 --> 00:15:36,200
to say hi to local dogs. And there was a

317
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:41,200
mini long haired Wiener dog him named Theo, very cute.

318
00:15:41,279 --> 00:15:44,080
I met him. And then I was walking home from

319
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,759
pilates and this woman was on a walker. Right, she's

320
00:15:47,799 --> 00:15:51,679
on a walker. She's got big diamond earrings in and

321
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,519
like some fancy outfit on, and her dog's walking towards me,

322
00:15:54,559 --> 00:15:57,399
and it has bows and it's walking. The woman and

323
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,639
the dog are walking in slow motion. This bitch looked

324
00:16:00,639 --> 00:16:03,279
like she was walking to her funeral. All right, I'm

325
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,159
not being ageist. She just looked like she was on

326
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:06,679
her way to the grave. Like she looked like she

327
00:16:06,759 --> 00:16:09,879
was dulled up in a way that was for the casket. Right.

328
00:16:10,279 --> 00:16:12,600
I'm like, all right, this bitch is barely hanging on here.

329
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,840
And I said, hey, can I pet your dog? I

330
00:16:14,879 --> 00:16:16,919
always ask because honestly, Biggie didn't like to be pet

331
00:16:16,919 --> 00:16:18,639
that much, so I would always say you can try.

332
00:16:18,679 --> 00:16:20,879
But he's like, not that friendly. He would never bite.

333
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:22,440
He just didn't like people. He was like me, I'm like,

334
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:23,960
I'm not gonna hurt you, but I just like might

335
00:16:24,039 --> 00:16:25,720
judge you and give you a side eye a little bit.

336
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:29,320
And that was like Biggie's whole personality. And this woman

337
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,200
says to me, as she's in her walker right, still

338
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:35,480
just going a half inch two centimeters at a time,

339
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:39,399
she said, no, I'm in a hurry. And I was like,

340
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:41,960
by the time she said no, I'm in a hurry.

341
00:16:42,039 --> 00:16:44,080
The pet could have been over with. That's how long

342
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,720
it took her. She's like, I'm in a real big

343
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:49,080
hurry today. I was like, oh, honey, you enjoy the

344
00:16:49,159 --> 00:16:52,320
last hurry of your life. You enjoy the last hurry

345
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:56,559
scurry of your life. Cute ass dog in his fucking bows.

346
00:16:56,639 --> 00:16:58,440
I guess, I guess it was probably a girl, but

347
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:00,799
I just I was I really laughed at that. I

348
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:04,279
was like, that's fucking hilarious to be going so slow.

349
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,640
She said, no, I'm in a hurry. And then she

350
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,880
still wasn't she still wasn't it not even was she

351
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,000
not past me. She still wasn't even to me, like

352
00:17:12,039 --> 00:17:14,799
I asked her in advance, and she just said no,

353
00:17:14,839 --> 00:17:16,839
I'm in a hurry. And then she wasn't to me.

354
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,119
And then it took me walking past her to get

355
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,880
past her, like she was going so fucking slow. And

356
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,680
I was like, and you know what, God bless that

357
00:17:26,759 --> 00:17:29,440
woman for a boundary. I love a bad bitch with

358
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:32,400
a boundary. And may we all be ninety seven and

359
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:36,440
a half years old with big fucking diamond earrings on

360
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,440
a walker and a bad attitude and a fucking boundary,

361
00:17:39,839 --> 00:17:42,839
because that what is life for If you don't get

362
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,880
older and give less of a fuck about other people's needs,

363
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,960
that's what it's for. You Gotta just take care of

364
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,039
your own. If you're in a hurry, Fuck that bitch.

365
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:51,920
Maybe she did just lose her dog, none of my

366
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:55,480
fucking business, you know. And I loved that about her.

367
00:17:55,519 --> 00:17:58,440
I was like, fuck, yeah, you're in a hurry. Fuck yeah,

368
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:03,319
fuck yeah. Oh my god. I just started reading a

369
00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,920
new book called Everything Is Horrible and Wonderful. It's about

370
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:11,119
the death of this tragic heroin overdose death of a

371
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,519
comedic writer. He died I think by the time he

372
00:18:13,599 --> 00:18:16,319
was thirty, and his sister wrote the memoir and it's

373
00:18:16,599 --> 00:18:19,680
beautiful and tragic and ripping my fucking heart out. So

374
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,720
sometimes you guys want to know what I'm reading. So

375
00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:26,039
that's what I'm reading. That's what I'm up to. Something

376
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,960
that I did recently that was really fun. I saw

377
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,319
it on Instagram. It was a stupid little prompt, but

378
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:32,720
I had fun with it, and I want you guys

379
00:18:32,759 --> 00:18:34,920
all to do it because I want you guys to

380
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,200
be dreamers with me. I'm a little dreamer, right. I

381
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,240
want a great, big life. I want to graduate out

382
00:18:40,279 --> 00:18:43,480
of this chair in my half kitchen, half living room

383
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,640
to a different chair in a studio where they're paying

384
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,359
me lots of money to do this, you know what

385
00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:50,440
I mean, Like, I just have big ambitions. I want

386
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,119
to make a TV show. I want to I want

387
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:57,680
to get my movie made. I you know, I want

388
00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,640
to sell more dicats when I do stand up like

389
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,640
I want. But I want this podcast to go to

390
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:06,319
the fucking moon. I'm very ambitious, right, And so there

391
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:09,359
was a fun prompt on chat GPT which was tell

392
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,000
chatchpt what you want your life to look like and

393
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,079
and it'll write out a day in the life. And

394
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,200
it was just really inspiring to read. And it wasn't

395
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,440
realistic because like all the things I said I wanted,

396
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:22,839
I was like, I want to be making my movie

397
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,200
and my TV show. My TV shows on its third season.

398
00:19:25,519 --> 00:19:27,880
I'm in the process of making my movie. I'm a

399
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:31,759
theater comic who's selling out. I have a podcast with

400
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,839
millions of listeners, like you know. It was like a

401
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,640
really ambitious dream. Like all of the dreams do not

402
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:39,759
come at once, and so CHATJPT was like trying to

403
00:19:39,799 --> 00:19:42,359
jam all these dreams in one day. They're like yeah,

404
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:45,079
and then you're casting your movie, and then you're going

405
00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:47,880
into your writer's room, and then you're meditating, and then

406
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,039
you're spending time with the love of your life on

407
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:53,000
the couch, and then you at night go to your

408
00:19:53,039 --> 00:19:55,319
theater show, and then you come home and you cook dinner.

409
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:57,000
And it was like there was actually not enough time

410
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,599
in the day for all my dreams. And it was

411
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,559
like funny to watch chat Chie to try and like

412
00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:02,680
jam it in there and not understand like the technicalities

413
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,480
of like how much time a theater show would take

414
00:20:04,519 --> 00:20:06,079
and how much time it would actually take to like

415
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,319
go to a writer's room, and how like any one

416
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:09,960
of those things would take up a whole day. But

417
00:20:10,519 --> 00:20:12,200
it was fun to do. So if you guys have

418
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:15,279
big dreams or any dreams, small dreams, little dreams, whatever dreams,

419
00:20:15,319 --> 00:20:18,240
it's fun to have chat GPT help you just kind

420
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:21,359
of manifest. Right, we're getting back in the manifestation. In

421
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,039
the Manifestation, I've been leaning back into the law of

422
00:20:24,079 --> 00:20:27,440
attraction because I've been looking at my year and I'm like,

423
00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:30,160
this isn't going great, you know, this is this is

424
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:34,960
not going great. And the common denominator here is me

425
00:20:35,079 --> 00:20:37,319
so I cannot be like, all these bad things are

426
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,160
happening to me and it has nothing to do with me.

427
00:20:39,559 --> 00:20:41,839
It feels like I'm in the middle of a karmic Clintons,

428
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,559
Like a karmic reckoning is going on for your girl.

429
00:20:44,759 --> 00:20:46,319
I don't know if it's this life a past life.

430
00:20:46,319 --> 00:20:48,799
It might be this life. Like I've said before, I'm

431
00:20:48,799 --> 00:20:53,920
not you guys, I'm not that great. I do my best,

432
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,079
but I'm not that great, and so like maybe there's

433
00:20:56,079 --> 00:20:58,640
some karmic reckoning shit going on. You know, I moved

434
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:02,599
to Palm Beach, shit happens, my dog dies, the plotate

435
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:07,119
studio shuts down. Everything's not perfect, and it feels really uncomfortable.

436
00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:10,279
But what I've been thinking about lately is the law

437
00:21:10,279 --> 00:21:12,640
of attraction, right, because what you do want and what

438
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,759
you don't want are the things that you will attract.

439
00:21:14,839 --> 00:21:17,559
So if you think about what you don't want too much,

440
00:21:17,759 --> 00:21:21,039
it will happen. And I can't tell you how many

441
00:21:21,039 --> 00:21:26,039
times I thought about how there was no world Biggie

442
00:21:26,039 --> 00:21:28,480
could ever die. I was like, it's not gonna happen,

443
00:21:28,519 --> 00:21:31,160
and if it does, he's gonna be like twenty eighteen

444
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:34,000
at the earliest, Like I was like, I fully, like

445
00:21:34,519 --> 00:21:36,400
in my head, was like, there's no way it's happening.

446
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,279
It's not gonna happen. I was so deeply terrified that

447
00:21:38,319 --> 00:21:39,920
it was gonna happen. That it's not like I made

448
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,559
it happen with my thoughts, but like kinda you know,

449
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:46,519
and then like I don't know, just I really believe

450
00:21:46,559 --> 00:21:48,279
in the law of attraction, and I think what you

451
00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:50,920
want and what you don't want will find you equally

452
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,400
as fast if you give them attention. And I think

453
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,519
I need to shift focus to the things that I

454
00:21:55,559 --> 00:21:57,319
do want and the things I do want to dry

455
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,599
in the life that I do want to create for myself,

456
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,680
cochrie with myself with the universe, because obviously I am

457
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:06,119
not the only person creating this experience. But I do

458
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,119
have to listen to universal signs too, and I think

459
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,799
there's been some like pretty strong universal signs that Palm

460
00:22:10,839 --> 00:22:13,160
Beach might not be the place that Mom's gonna thrive, Right,

461
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,559
I think I get very excited about the idea of

462
00:22:15,599 --> 00:22:18,279
New York, and listen, I tried really hard to make

463
00:22:18,319 --> 00:22:21,039
this work. I really did. I really really tried. I

464
00:22:21,079 --> 00:22:23,559
applied for day jobs, I really did. I want you

465
00:22:23,599 --> 00:22:25,599
guys to know I wasn't just like talking out my ass.

466
00:22:25,599 --> 00:22:28,599
Like I did apply for a job at a rehab.

467
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,119
I did try and tap into my network and get

468
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,720
like a job and like make make things happen here,

469
00:22:34,759 --> 00:22:38,920
and like quite literally just people didn't respond to my applications.

470
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,680
And that's another sign from the universe. Like me trying

471
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,079
to like shrink myself a little bit and not even

472
00:22:44,079 --> 00:22:46,279
shrink myself, just do something that's not aligned with me.

473
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,839
It's going to get rejected by the universe, right, And

474
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,640
I think I get excited about the idea of New

475
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,480
York because the reality is, like as much as I need,

476
00:22:54,599 --> 00:22:57,079
I very much needed this break from stand up and

477
00:22:57,119 --> 00:22:59,599
I have, for all intents and purposes this year taken

478
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,960
a huge break. Like I have not written a bunch

479
00:23:03,039 --> 00:23:04,759
of new stuff. Like I said earlier, I have a

480
00:23:04,799 --> 00:23:06,559
lot to write and I will write that and I

481
00:23:06,599 --> 00:23:10,359
will create that and it will hopefully be good. But

482
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:13,119
like I haven't written, I haven't performed any new stuff.

483
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:15,720
I've been doing Rainos shows, old jokes, you know. I

484
00:23:15,759 --> 00:23:17,200
just want to do the hits because I want her

485
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,599
shows to be as good as possible. It's a real

486
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,799
lazy way for me to just like phone it in,

487
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,240
keep myself sharp and like not be scared to hold

488
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,880
a mic on stage, but then like also not grow

489
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,319
as a comic. So I've been really pushing myself down

490
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,559
and I've been really sedating myself in my career. And

491
00:23:33,599 --> 00:23:36,799
I feel very excited and called to New York. I

492
00:23:36,799 --> 00:23:39,319
feel called to go do stand up there, and I

493
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,519
feel like I would grow as a comic and a person.

494
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:44,799
And I think it's big and scary, and it's always

495
00:23:44,839 --> 00:23:48,359
like kind of caused me anxiety because it's so noisy

496
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:52,559
and it's so smelly, and I get very overwhelmed by

497
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,160
the subways and everything that's going on, and just like

498
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,400
the sheer number of people there kind of freaks me out,

499
00:23:58,440 --> 00:23:59,759
Like New York kind of freaks me out. But I

500
00:23:59,759 --> 00:24:01,519
think the things that scare you are the things you

501
00:24:01,599 --> 00:24:03,960
have to go towards, right, Like New York has always

502
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,279
kind of scared me, and I think I need to

503
00:24:06,319 --> 00:24:09,160
be like, oh, lay like a bull, put my horns

504
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:12,559
on because I'm a fucking taurust and just be a

505
00:24:12,599 --> 00:24:16,440
bull and go go give that city a try. And

506
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,640
I think the reality is going to be like possibly

507
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,799
I make it through summer here. Maybe I don't. Maybe

508
00:24:21,839 --> 00:24:24,079
I find a studio sooner. But I think, just like

509
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:27,039
a little Pietaire in the city is calling Mama's name,

510
00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:29,160
and I think that's the next step for me and

511
00:24:31,039 --> 00:24:35,039
I you know, I.

512
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:40,599
Speaker 2: Fucking at Bombage. I hate this place. It's not for me,

513
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,720
you guys. The people are weird here. It's a strange place.

514
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,759
It's a very strange place. And I think if I whisper,

515
00:24:47,799 --> 00:24:51,000
they won't hear me. I think if I whisper, nobody

516
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,759
will hear me talking shit about them, because they're all

517
00:24:53,839 --> 00:24:57,359
right there, but they're all they're all the fucking lizard

518
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,640
people are here. All the lizard people blur here, and

519
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,039
they're very spooky, and all they care about is.

520
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:07,920
Speaker 1: Money and more money and other weird shit, you know,

521
00:25:08,079 --> 00:25:11,759
other weird shit, like you guys, the fucking Jeffrey Epstein

522
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:17,200
survival survivor's trial just happened today, like two car wheels

523
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:20,960
from my house. I'm like, that's this whole thing is.

524
00:25:22,319 --> 00:25:24,359
I can't get going on that again because it's so upsetting.

525
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,799
But I think the fact that that's happening in my

526
00:25:25,799 --> 00:25:28,240
backyard makes me soul sick. The whole thing makes me

527
00:25:28,319 --> 00:25:30,160
soul sick. And the fact that people just kind of

528
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,319
go on like nothing happened and there's been no consequences.

529
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,359
That's the craziest fucking thing to me, Like, how did

530
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:39,240
all this shit come out? I feel like the not

531
00:25:39,279 --> 00:25:42,119
even the government, because it's bigger than the government. We

532
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,960
put my tinfoil hat on here. It's bigger than the government.

533
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,319
It's the people that control the world basically tested us

534
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:49,319
to see if we would start a revolution. They're like, hey,

535
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,359
let's let them know that everyone that they respect and

536
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:56,039
vote for and trust to run the country is engaging

537
00:25:56,079 --> 00:26:00,440
in a satanic pedophile cult of some sort, some sort

538
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:05,599
of child sacrifice such abuse ring, and uh, let's see

539
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,920
if they revolt. Let's tell them the most horrific shit

540
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:10,759
we could ever tell them, and see if they revolt.

541
00:26:10,799 --> 00:26:12,880
And then we didn't. You guys, we didn't. We did

542
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,640
nothing because we're so sedated by our devices and we're

543
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,039
just like, oh, whatever, people mean tiktoks about it. They're like,

544
00:26:19,079 --> 00:26:21,440
this is it's let's try and make it funny. Let's

545
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:23,359
find the silver lining. We did the best we could

546
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:25,559
to laugh our way out of it. As a society,

547
00:26:25,599 --> 00:26:28,759
because we're so oppressed. We're just mentally oppressed. But that

548
00:26:28,839 --> 00:26:30,680
shit's going on in my backyard. That's, like I said,

549
00:26:30,759 --> 00:26:34,160
it's two cartwheels away the courthouses down the street. That's

550
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,440
fucking scary to me. I don't like that. I don't.

551
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:38,119
And listen, I'm not saying I'm gonna go to New

552
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,519
York and bad things don't happen in New York. We've

553
00:26:40,559 --> 00:26:43,759
all seen Gangs of New York. You know, we've seen

554
00:26:43,839 --> 00:26:46,359
Leo's acting and Gangs of New York and his little fist. No,

555
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,480
I'm just kidding. I love Leo, but it's like, yeah,

556
00:26:49,519 --> 00:26:52,119
bad shit happens everywhere. That's the world. And I'm not

557
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,519
you know, I'm not dumb to that, but I just

558
00:26:55,519 --> 00:26:57,680
at least there's culture there, and there's good food, and

559
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:01,519
there's interesting people doing interesting things, and you know, they're

560
00:27:01,559 --> 00:27:04,319
not so hyper obsessed. I mean, listen, there's an obsession

561
00:27:04,319 --> 00:27:07,119
with wealth and money and status everywhere in the world,

562
00:27:07,279 --> 00:27:08,960
and they're always has been and there always will be.

563
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,519
And that's fine, that's fine, that's just how our society works.

564
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,759
But I think there's less of one there because more

565
00:27:14,799 --> 00:27:16,960
people are grinding, more people are hustling. More people are

566
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,920
getting shit done, and I want to be a part

567
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:20,920
of that energy and that flow and see where that

568
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,920
might take me. And I think this year has been

569
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:28,319
a gap year, and you know, nothing, everything's happens for

570
00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:31,359
a reason, and I needed to take some time off

571
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:35,640
to just like I don't know. I guess I was

572
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:37,319
in my head I was gonna feel a bit more

573
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:41,799
stable this year, but that hasn't been the reality. So

574
00:27:42,079 --> 00:27:44,960
I don't know what's in store for me or my future,

575
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,519
but I'm excited about it and I can tell you

576
00:27:47,599 --> 00:27:51,359
what I'm gonna take over the fucking world. Also, I

577
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,599
have I need to talk to you guys about the Patreon.

578
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,079
I know a lot of you aren't subscribe to it,

579
00:27:55,079 --> 00:27:57,480
so if you're not, just jump ahead like thirty seconds.

580
00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:59,720
I've been talking to a lot of friends and creators

581
00:27:59,759 --> 00:28:02,920
and generally speaking, five dollars is the lowest you should

582
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:05,000
put a tier. And you know, so I think I'm

583
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,559
gonna do a five dollars tier and a seven dollar tier,

584
00:28:08,599 --> 00:28:10,480
and I'm gonna I'm gonna if you are at the

585
00:28:10,519 --> 00:28:12,599
three dollar tier, and I'm gonna see if I can

586
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:15,279
grandfather you in. I think I can if you can't

587
00:28:15,319 --> 00:28:18,480
afford five dollars. I totally understand. I'm just a little

588
00:28:18,519 --> 00:28:21,480
baby business, and I'm trying to keep myself afloat and

589
00:28:21,519 --> 00:28:23,000
not just like be in the red to make this

590
00:28:23,039 --> 00:28:24,480
because I want to make this for you guys, and

591
00:28:24,519 --> 00:28:26,000
I want to make it for me because I have

592
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:27,640
a lot of fun doing it and I just love

593
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,480
the little community that we've built. Also, I have another

594
00:28:30,519 --> 00:28:32,920
idea for you guys. I've seen some of you that

595
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:34,680
are doing the Artist Way say you wanted to start

596
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,880
a group together, if you wanted to go into the Patreon.

597
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:38,799
What I can do is you guys can raise your

598
00:28:38,839 --> 00:28:41,039
hand and say I'm doing the Artist Way. I want

599
00:28:41,039 --> 00:28:42,640
to be a part of the group. And then I

600
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:44,000
can put us all in a chat and then we

601
00:28:44,039 --> 00:28:45,759
can all chat about the work that we did this

602
00:28:45,799 --> 00:28:47,799
week and this week, you guys, for the Artist Way

603
00:28:47,839 --> 00:28:49,240
is the hardest fucking week. So I want you guys

604
00:28:49,279 --> 00:28:51,519
to be ready for that. I know we're not talking

605
00:28:51,519 --> 00:28:53,400
about the Artist Way yet because we're not we're not

606
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,480
there yet. We're just we're just thirty little minutes into

607
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:58,440
this podcast. We're not getting to the Artist Way. But

608
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,680
you guys might be a hair of a shorter episode,

609
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,680
and I'm so sorry. Don't get mad at me, but

610
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,400
I just I have to pack. I have to pack,

611
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,559
and I have to go to New York and it's

612
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,119
it's nighttime, and I also should eat at some point.

613
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:15,039
Okay one second, Okay, sorry, guys, I actually had to

614
00:29:15,079 --> 00:29:16,720
take a break to eat because I was gonna faint.

615
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:19,160
Isn't that crazy? Okay? I'm not an adult. I can't

616
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,839
take care of myself. Okay. So a few of you

617
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,240
guys wrote in bad Vice this week, and I know

618
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,039
we're skipping ahead, but I really like two of the questions,

619
00:29:27,039 --> 00:29:32,880
so I want to like get into these because they're meaty. Okay.

620
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:39,359
One of them is my boyfriend still follows and interacts

621
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:41,519
with a ton of thirst traps on Instagram and it

622
00:29:41,559 --> 00:29:44,119
bugs me. Am I being insecure for caring? Or is

623
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:46,160
that a fair boundary to have a relationship. Some of

624
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:47,880
them are girls he used to sleep with. Some of

625
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:51,079
them are girls he just knows. Some of them are celebs.

626
00:29:51,359 --> 00:30:03,400
What's your take on this? Haven't I had this issue?

627
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:10,319
Haven't I had this issue with you know who? First

628
00:30:10,319 --> 00:30:11,640
of all, I need to know how old he is

629
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:14,000
because this might just be like a twenty something thing

630
00:30:14,079 --> 00:30:17,440
to do. But here's the thing. When I got into

631
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:20,279
the relationship i'm in now, I never looked at who

632
00:30:20,319 --> 00:30:23,680
he was following on Instagram. I never cared. I was like,

633
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:27,599
it's none of my business. And we were like months

634
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:30,200
into the relationship before I finally looked. And when I

635
00:30:30,319 --> 00:30:32,200
tell you, it looked like he went to an all

636
00:30:32,279 --> 00:30:37,359
girls' school. He his following looked like he attended an

637
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:41,359
all girls school. My head fell off my shoulders and

638
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,720
rolled down the fucking street into the Hudson because I

639
00:30:44,799 --> 00:30:47,119
was like, what do you mean? This is what your

640
00:30:47,119 --> 00:30:50,119
followers look like. And then it got worse when I

641
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:52,079
clicked on them and I saw he was liking all

642
00:30:52,119 --> 00:30:54,319
their bikini picks and picks of them on a yawn,

643
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:59,240
picks of them in santrope and the besties. I lost

644
00:30:59,279 --> 00:31:02,480
my fucking I actually didn't lose my mind so bad

645
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:05,039
the first time, because I was like, just clean it up,

646
00:31:05,119 --> 00:31:07,039
clean it up. This is not behavior that we accept.

647
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,519
I also didn't think at this big old age, and

648
00:31:09,559 --> 00:31:11,720
here's the thing, I'm a big old age and he's not.

649
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,839
I didn't think at this big old age we had

650
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,200
to tell people how to act. We had to tell

651
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,720
people this is bad behavior. And here's one area where

652
00:31:19,759 --> 00:31:24,960
I was so spoiled in my marriage that man Chris,

653
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,119
he would not even look at another woman when she

654
00:31:27,319 --> 00:31:29,640
was talking to him. She could be talking to him

655
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:31,720
and he would be looking into the distance, like he

656
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:35,680
was seasick on a choppy fishing boat at sea, like

657
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,480
he was trying to keep from throwing up everywhere on

658
00:31:38,519 --> 00:31:41,079
a wrecked ass shrimp and boat in the middle of

659
00:31:41,119 --> 00:31:45,519
the Atlantic during a hurricane. The way he locked eyes

660
00:31:45,559 --> 00:31:48,160
on the horizon and not that bitch at all was

661
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:53,599
a dream that I took for granted. And here's my

662
00:31:53,759 --> 00:31:57,920
real opinion on this. It's a seepage of energy. Right

663
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:02,359
when they're following other women and they're interacting with other women,

664
00:32:02,519 --> 00:32:05,000
it is a seepage of energy. And you're letting these

665
00:32:05,079 --> 00:32:08,519
ladies know, Hey, I'm still here, Hey, still thinking of you. Hey,

666
00:32:08,799 --> 00:32:11,599
like your titties on this fucking yacht, Hey, love your

667
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:14,240
ass in this fucking sun dress? Hey, Hey, hey, hey, hey,

668
00:32:14,559 --> 00:32:17,160
remember when we fucked. Remember I'm here. Hey, you just

669
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:18,920
want to remind you quick that I'm here. Hey, Yeah,

670
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:20,839
I'm in a relationship. But who knows for how long,

671
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:24,039
that's what you're saying. And here's the thing. Guys don't

672
00:32:24,039 --> 00:32:25,920
think of it this way. They actually don't. They're just

673
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:30,400
like them. They're like, y'all, y'all, like like like they're

674
00:32:30,599 --> 00:32:34,039
actually fucking dumb. Guys are actually fucking dumb. So you

675
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,400
have to be so clear that this is a boundary, right,

676
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:43,599
And so the first conversation I had in my current

677
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:47,279
relationship was stop liking these hose pictures. I didn't realize

678
00:32:47,319 --> 00:32:51,759
I needed to also say unfollow them, stop, Like, what

679
00:32:51,759 --> 00:32:55,759
what the sam Hill's going on here? I didn't know

680
00:32:55,799 --> 00:32:58,319
I needed to say that. But then months passed by

681
00:32:58,359 --> 00:32:59,880
because I didn't check again. I just was like, he

682
00:33:00,119 --> 00:33:02,799
did the thing. Obviously he did the thing. And then

683
00:33:02,799 --> 00:33:05,359
I checked again and he's still following all these whorors.

684
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:07,319
And I was like, oh my god, this is like

685
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:10,119
embarrassing that I even have to say this. This is

686
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:13,440
embarrassing that I have to articulate this boundary. It's embarrassing

687
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:16,119
that men don't know it's a boundary. It's embarrassing that

688
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:18,640
they think it's okay behavior. It's embarrassing that they don't

689
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:22,720
see how they're embarrassing us, how behind our backs these

690
00:33:22,759 --> 00:33:25,440
girls are like, oh yeah, that girl's partner is out

691
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:29,920
here liking my shit, dming me, interacting with me, Like,

692
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,079
you gotta be ten toes down in this fucking relationship.

693
00:33:33,319 --> 00:33:36,519
You gotta be both feet fucking in. I don't want

694
00:33:36,519 --> 00:33:40,000
a single fucking hangnail hanging out of this relationship. I

695
00:33:40,039 --> 00:33:44,200
need both feed in. Okay, And that to me is

696
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:46,880
both feed in. You don't get to interact with girls

697
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,119
on Instagram that you wish you fucked, that you used

698
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,960
to fuck, that you wanna fuck, like you that you

699
00:33:52,079 --> 00:33:55,440
hit on once or twice, like you know that's over.

700
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:59,319
And if it's not over, you're not respecting this relationship.

701
00:33:59,319 --> 00:34:01,759
And that is a boundary cross. And it's a very

702
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:07,000
clear boundary cross. Okay, this has been an issue in

703
00:34:07,039 --> 00:34:09,760
my relationship, and I'm not trying to put them on blast.

704
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:11,599
This is a conversation that I think is important to

705
00:34:11,599 --> 00:34:13,079
have because I know there are men that listen to

706
00:34:13,159 --> 00:34:14,960
this podcast, and I want you to understand, as men,

707
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:18,119
when you get into a meaningful partnership, it is of

708
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:22,400
utmost importance that you stop following the whores on Instagram,

709
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:24,199
the girls you used to fuck, the girls you wish

710
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:26,960
you could fuck the girls you like, you really got

711
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,519
to stop following those hoes like that is a very

712
00:34:29,639 --> 00:34:33,639
very very clear boundary for any self respecting woman and

713
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:36,519
any woman that's like, I don't care if that. And

714
00:34:36,599 --> 00:34:40,639
there are some women who are okay with open relationships.

715
00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:43,800
They're okay with, you know, another woman having pause on

716
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,559
their man. They're okay with their man looking at other girls.

717
00:34:46,599 --> 00:34:50,320
There are women with that are less fucking psychotic than me.

718
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,639
But I'm fucking psychotic, and like, what's mine is mine,

719
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:58,000
it's nobody else's. And I don't I don't want the

720
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:02,519
world to think you're available. And this went on for

721
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,119
like longer than I would care to admit in our

722
00:35:05,159 --> 00:35:08,800
relationship because I wasn't like hounding him, I had to

723
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,480
like actually hound him. And here's the thing. I don't

724
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:12,440
know if it's he's because he's twenty seven, or if

725
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,360
it's because he's a Gemini, Like I don't know if

726
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,119
I should blame the zodiac or the actual birth certificate.

727
00:35:17,159 --> 00:35:19,199
But at some point something's got to get blamed because

728
00:35:21,559 --> 00:35:25,000
it's hoe ass fucking behavior. It's hoe ass fucking behavior.

729
00:35:25,199 --> 00:35:27,679
First of all, I don't follow men that I fucked

730
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:29,599
on Instagram. Are you kidding me? I'd be following the

731
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,960
entire Los Angeles Lakers, Like can you, like, can you

732
00:35:33,519 --> 00:35:37,599
fucking please imagine for one minute, how fucking embarrassing that

733
00:35:37,599 --> 00:35:39,760
would be? First of all, not the present Lakers obviously,

734
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,239
Like this is no, like this is like it's so

735
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:45,599
fucking embarrassing to just follow all the people you used

736
00:35:45,639 --> 00:35:48,639
to fuck. That's like such trash behavior, like have a pass.

737
00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:50,400
Nobody cares that you have a past. Don't bring it

738
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:53,400
into your present, especially when you're in a relationship. But

739
00:35:53,559 --> 00:35:58,480
like being a whole ass hoe and having it all

740
00:35:58,599 --> 00:36:01,079
documented of like every all you've ever had sex with

741
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,280
or every guy I've ever had se Can you fucking

742
00:36:03,599 --> 00:36:05,880
first of all, it would be an embarrassing number for

743
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,280
my following count, Like I would just be like grossed

744
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,679
out with myself, Like why am I following so many people?

745
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:12,400
And also, you don't need to keep up with them.

746
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,960
Just because they were inside you once or twice doesn't

747
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:16,760
mean you need to know they're like you know when

748
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:19,800
their baby's born or when their mom passed away, Like,

749
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,199
we don't need to keep track on all these people.

750
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,039
That's not what they were in our life for. They

751
00:36:24,079 --> 00:36:25,639
were in our life to come and go to have

752
00:36:25,679 --> 00:36:28,119
a good one night stand, a two night stand, of

753
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:32,119
four week fling, whatever it was, like, a five month

754
00:36:32,199 --> 00:36:36,360
whatever it was. They were there for a season. They're

755
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,320
not here now. We're here now. And if they're also

756
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,440
here because you're liking their shit, I don't want to

757
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:43,960
like every person you like is in our relationship, then

758
00:36:44,199 --> 00:36:46,280
every single bitch you like on the internet may as

759
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,360
well just like live in our apartment with us, because

760
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:51,239
she's in this bitch she's in this fucking relationship, all right,

761
00:36:52,679 --> 00:36:55,679
So no, don't let your fucking man follow horrors on

762
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:59,440
the internet. Absolutely fucking not. That's not behavior that we're

763
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:03,000
taking in the year twenty twenty six, our Lord and Savior.

764
00:37:03,039 --> 00:37:10,360
We are not letting these men follow fucking horse. Sorry. Um. Also,

765
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,840
if you are like really hot and on the internet, congratulations,

766
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:18,159
Like that's great. Obviously everyone hates you. But waita be

767
00:37:18,199 --> 00:37:20,599
really hot and on the internet, that's like super impactful.

768
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:27,199
I'm sure like that'll be going done in history books. Okay, Oh,

769
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:29,960
this one's interesting. Okay. My partner is really wonderful. We

770
00:37:30,079 --> 00:37:34,719
live together, we've been together for six years, and he's perfect.

771
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:38,239
He cooks, he cleans. He takes care of most things.

772
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,320
But one thing I hate the most is he is

773
00:37:40,519 --> 00:37:44,639
super close with his ex. At what point does staying

774
00:37:44,679 --> 00:37:48,480
friends become a red flag? And I love this question

775
00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:52,920
because people think being friends with your ax is a

776
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:57,800
red flag. I am of the ilk that being friends

777
00:37:57,800 --> 00:37:59,719
with your ex is the most mature thing you can do.

778
00:38:00,119 --> 00:38:02,199
I think that if somebody was in your life for

779
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,960
a significant amount of time, they grew up with you,

780
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:09,840
they loved you through really gnarly shit, they held you

781
00:38:10,159 --> 00:38:13,840
while you were down, they fed you, they fucked you,

782
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,920
they took care of you. You built life with that person.

783
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:21,360
I think it's really ooh. I think it's great to

784
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,880
stay friends. I'm still friends with Chris, and Chris is

785
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:26,079
like our friendship is not like we do not talk

786
00:38:26,119 --> 00:38:28,400
every day, we do not talk every week. We barely

787
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,320
fucking talk, but like a non negotiable coming into this

788
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:34,400
relationship that I'm in now, I'm like, I am friends

789
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:37,000
with my ex and I'm friendly with him. I'm not

790
00:38:37,039 --> 00:38:39,400
friends with him. We're not like kiking. We're not catching up,

791
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:42,280
we're not shooting the shit. Like when our dog was dying,

792
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:46,239
we were talking the most, and since then we really haven't.

793
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,920
And the reality is he is in another relationship. I'm

794
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:52,920
in another relationship. We're both respectful too, you know each

795
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:55,840
other's partners. If we do talk, I'll always ask how

796
00:38:55,880 --> 00:39:00,920
his girlfriend is, He'll ask how my partner is. Like,

797
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,760
if we do talk, we're very respectful and we have

798
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:09,440
very clear boundaries, and there is no inkling of interest

799
00:39:09,519 --> 00:39:11,559
from either of us. It's just like two people who

800
00:39:11,559 --> 00:39:13,280
want share a life together who no longer share a

801
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:16,880
life together, being kind to each other because life is short.

802
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:21,880
Life is short. And but it has to be platonic.

803
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,760
That's the thing. It can't be like. It has to

804
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,880
be platonic, and it has to be mutual. It can't

805
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:30,360
be like if if he really wanted her back and

806
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:34,480
then she said no, and then they're still friends, that

807
00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:40,639
cannot be because because then it's different. Right then it's

808
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:43,599
like is he still sticking around to shoot his shot?

809
00:39:44,079 --> 00:39:47,320
Like it had to be like a mutual separation. And

810
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:51,519
the only experience I can speak from is my own,

811
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:56,000
and ours was a mutual separation. And so we were

812
00:39:56,039 --> 00:39:59,840
able to, you know, maintain a little bit of a friendship.

813
00:40:00,039 --> 00:40:05,000
Nothing crazy, nothing crazy at all. Like it revolved squarely

814
00:40:05,119 --> 00:40:08,960
around that, around Biggie, and once Biggie passed, we really

815
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,119
haven't spoken. I've talked to him a few times about

816
00:40:11,119 --> 00:40:13,039
the ashes and where we're gonna spread them, and that's it.

817
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:17,039
That's it. So it has to be really minimal interactions.

818
00:40:17,079 --> 00:40:19,920
It has to be respectful of you and your relationship.

819
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:22,760
And if it's not those things, I don't think it

820
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:26,079
should exist. And that's another boundary you should draw. Draw

821
00:40:26,199 --> 00:40:29,800
fucking boundaries, babe, Listen. I remember when we used to

822
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:31,679
just let people walk all over us. Those days are

823
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:34,079
behind us, all right. Draw fucking boundary. Like you're a

824
00:40:34,119 --> 00:40:36,239
kid on a sidewalk with a piece of chalk. Draw

825
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:38,280
that shit, Believe in that shit. Think it's the coolet

826
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:42,679
Like whatever your heart is telling you, you have to

827
00:40:42,679 --> 00:40:46,679
follow that. Because here's the thing. Our intuition is the

828
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:50,440
strongest fucking thing we have, Okay, our intuition. I was

829
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:52,360
listening to a podcast the other day and there was

830
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:56,920
a psychologist on there talking about intuition and basically that

831
00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:58,880
gut feeling that we get, right, we get this like

832
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:01,719
gut feeling like something's something's not right. It's, first of all,

833
00:41:02,199 --> 00:41:04,880
never fucking wrong. That gut feeling is never wrong. And

834
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:09,000
here's why, because that gut feeling before humans had language,

835
00:41:09,039 --> 00:41:12,400
before we had podcasts, that's for sure. Before we had language,

836
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,960
like when we were cave people and we didn't have language,

837
00:41:15,079 --> 00:41:19,880
that gut instinct was what protected us from dangers, right,

838
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:23,119
So we immediately could sense if someone or something was

839
00:41:23,199 --> 00:41:26,360
dangerous based on that gut instinct. And then as women,

840
00:41:26,519 --> 00:41:29,119
we have a very strong gut instinct, and we know

841
00:41:29,159 --> 00:41:30,760
what's right and we know what's wrong, and we know

842
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:33,519
when something is off. We feel it in our fucking spines.

843
00:41:33,559 --> 00:41:35,719
And I wish we didn't. I wish the back of

844
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:38,960
my neck didn't fucking burn when I knew something was wrong.

845
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,800
I wish there wasn't a pit in my stomach so

846
00:41:42,079 --> 00:41:44,440
deep that I wasn't even sure if I had a bottom,

847
00:41:44,519 --> 00:41:46,800
Like it just feels like I'm a black hole straight

848
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:49,719
into hell. Like that pit goes so fucking deep. But

849
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:51,920
if you don't listen to that pit in your stomach,

850
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:53,639
and you don't listen to the little voice in your

851
00:41:53,639 --> 00:41:57,639
head telling you something is wrong soundly alarms, you're gonna

852
00:41:57,639 --> 00:41:59,880
pay for it. You're gonna pay for it because as

853
00:42:00,079 --> 00:42:02,920
as women especially, and as men I think it's gender

854
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:08,400
non exclusive. But we rationalize our way out of gut

855
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,519
feelings now because we get tricked with a language. Right,

856
00:42:11,679 --> 00:42:13,679
So you have a feeling about a guy, you meet

857
00:42:13,679 --> 00:42:16,039
a guy, you like him, there's a vibe, but you

858
00:42:16,039 --> 00:42:17,559
have a little bit of a gut feeling there might

859
00:42:17,599 --> 00:42:20,320
be like a little like he's dangerous, he might not

860
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:23,639
seem honest, like he whatever whatever it is that he

861
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:28,719
might be. And then you tell yourself it's different, right,

862
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:35,639
You tell yourself it's different because you want to, because

863
00:42:35,679 --> 00:42:38,960
you like his leather jacket and his fucking full head

864
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,960
of hair, and you like the joke that he cracked,

865
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:43,119
and you like his full lips, and you know it'd

866
00:42:43,119 --> 00:42:44,960
be really nice to wake up next to a man

867
00:42:45,039 --> 00:42:46,639
like this. It would be really you'd bring you a

868
00:42:46,639 --> 00:42:49,360
lot of pride to introduce this kind of this man,

869
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:53,760
this physical specimen to your family. You tell yourselves, You

870
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:55,880
tell you you like, make this story up about this

871
00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:58,280
guy that's different than who he is, And that's called limerens.

872
00:42:58,280 --> 00:42:59,719
That's where you have a crush on somebody and you

873
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:01,719
like read a whole new person out of like no

874
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:04,719
facts and just like your fantasy and imagination, right, so

875
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,760
you can like tell yourself a completely different story about someone,

876
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:09,559
even if they're showing you or you like have a

877
00:43:09,559 --> 00:43:12,840
gut feeling that it's bad. And then what you do

878
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:15,119
is you convince yourself, this person's good, this person's safe,

879
00:43:15,159 --> 00:43:17,599
I'm gonna spend some time with this person, you know,

880
00:43:18,039 --> 00:43:23,599
it's fine, whatever, And then lo and behold. They always

881
00:43:23,599 --> 00:43:25,039
do the thing that you knew they were gonna do

882
00:43:25,079 --> 00:43:28,000
the second you had that gut instinct, the second you

883
00:43:28,039 --> 00:43:30,000
had a feeling in your gut, like I can't trust

884
00:43:30,079 --> 00:43:33,159
this motherfucker, and I don't know why. I can't put

885
00:43:33,159 --> 00:43:35,960
my finger on why I don't trust this motherfucker, but

886
00:43:36,039 --> 00:43:41,400
I don't. There is always gonna be a reckoning. There's

887
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:45,320
always gonna be a reckoning. And that's just a biological fact, right,

888
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,360
Like our body is hardwired to tell us when we're

889
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,719
in danger. And if you ignore that hardwiring and you

890
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:54,079
to ignore that sign, you're gonna be in danger. It

891
00:43:54,119 --> 00:43:56,679
you're gonna pro it's gonna fucking blow up in your face.

892
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:59,119
Let's be so for fucking real, It's gonna blow up.

893
00:43:59,119 --> 00:44:03,119
It's gonna embarrass you, it might hurt you. Men are dangerous,

894
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:05,920
like so you have to en listen this. We got

895
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:08,800
a long way from the original question, which is is

896
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:11,360
having a relationship with your ex a bad thing or

897
00:44:11,559 --> 00:44:13,400
something you should draw a boundary on. But what I'm

898
00:44:13,559 --> 00:44:16,599
talking about now is this gut instinct that cannot be ignored,

899
00:44:16,599 --> 00:44:19,440
And I don't think we should ever ignore it, because

900
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,199
I don't want you to get yourself into a situation

901
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:23,079
where you like are like I kind of felt like

902
00:44:23,119 --> 00:44:24,840
something was off the whole time. I kind of felt

903
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:27,000
like he still loved his X, and then, like God forbid,

904
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,480
the X like breaks up with her boyfriend or whatever,

905
00:44:29,559 --> 00:44:30,800
and then it's like, oh, I guess we'll give this

906
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:32,800
another chance, and he's like see ya. And then you

907
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:35,360
just wasted all this time telling yourself you're fucking crazy

908
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:39,000
and nothing was going on between them, and gaslighting yourself

909
00:44:39,039 --> 00:44:40,760
and allowing him to gaslight you. And then all of

910
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:42,280
a sudden, years of your life have gone by and

911
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:43,960
this guy just like goes running back to his ex.

912
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:47,559
So on this one, specifically, you have to trust your gut.

913
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:56,559
I would imagine the gut in in like Chris's relationship.

914
00:44:56,599 --> 00:44:58,719
I would hope that his girlfriend has a gut instinct

915
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:00,320
that it's fine, and it's safe, and that nothing is

916
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:02,679
ever gonna happen between us ever again, because it's not.

917
00:45:03,599 --> 00:45:06,320
And like I it is true that I can love

918
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:08,199
him from the bottom of my heart and wish him

919
00:45:08,239 --> 00:45:11,719
like all the best in the whole world, and also

920
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:14,280
know that the ship is sailed for both of us,

921
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:17,960
you know. And I think he's a wonderful person and

922
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,599
I respect that relationship and he respects mine, and so

923
00:45:21,639 --> 00:45:23,119
on and so forth. So I think you got to

924
00:45:23,199 --> 00:45:24,559
use your gut on this one, right, You got to

925
00:45:24,599 --> 00:45:26,639
use your gut on this one. Follow your gut. If

926
00:45:26,639 --> 00:45:29,239
your gut's telling you something's off, it's off, all right.

927
00:45:29,599 --> 00:45:31,360
You don't have to talk yourself out of that. When you,

928
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,480
guys have instincts, don't talk yourself out of it unless

929
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:35,559
your schizophrenic, or unless something's going on in your little

930
00:45:35,559 --> 00:45:38,320
bipolar something's like actually medically wrong with you. Then like,

931
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,400
don't listen to the thoughts in your head. Well, also

932
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:41,880
don't listen to the thoughts in your head, because the

933
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:44,280
thoughts in your head are not you. Right, you understand this,

934
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:46,679
Did you guys ever read the So the book that

935
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:51,360
I'm thinking about is Untethered Soul and it's largely about

936
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:53,280
the idea that you are not your thoughts, emotions, or

937
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,280
inner chatter, you're the awareness observing them. It goes deep

938
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:58,360
into detaching from the voice in your head and not

939
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:01,159
letting your mind run the whole show. So this has

940
00:46:01,159 --> 00:46:03,639
been like an interesting practice for me and my mindfulness.

941
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:06,599
Right when I hear because you do hear voices in

942
00:46:06,639 --> 00:46:08,840
your head and you have an inner monologue, and you're like,

943
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:11,079
wait a minute, but I'm listening to that inner monologue,

944
00:46:11,079 --> 00:46:13,440
so that inner monologue can't actually be me because I'm

945
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:16,079
the one observing it. Right, So if you hear a

946
00:46:16,159 --> 00:46:18,599
voice like and a lot of a lot of times

947
00:46:18,599 --> 00:46:20,920
it's negative thoughts, right, it's telling you like you're too

948
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:24,440
old to do this, you're not smart enough to do this,

949
00:46:24,519 --> 00:46:26,320
you're not funny enough to do this, you're not pretty

950
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:28,719
enough to do this, You're not or you're gonna run

951
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:31,000
out of time, You're never gonna finish this. Like those thoughts,

952
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,800
those aren't you. That's just like where are those thoughts

953
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:36,360
coming from? Because you're the one observing and listening to

954
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:40,199
those thoughts. So when you practice active detachment from those thoughts,

955
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:43,320
your life gets a lot easier because you learn to

956
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:46,840
not be tethered to those thoughts. You know, you're like, oh,

957
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:51,000
I am not a culmination of my thoughts, accumulation, culmination.

958
00:46:51,039 --> 00:46:52,239
I don't know it should be word of the week,

959
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:55,719
I am. I am not my thoughts. I'm the one

960
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:58,559
observing those And if you can take the space between

961
00:46:58,559 --> 00:47:02,079
your thoughts and your you know, observation of them, you

962
00:47:02,159 --> 00:47:04,440
kind of get to figure out who you are. So

963
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:08,480
that's a difference between guts and your gut and your thoughts, right, Like,

964
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:11,960
your gut's always right, your thoughts are not always right.

965
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,079
Your thoughts are oftentimes wrong, and you need to separate

966
00:47:14,079 --> 00:47:16,360
yourself from them because this can be a very bad

967
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:19,360
neighborhood up here, and we all know that. Okay, we're

968
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:20,800
gonna get into word of the week. I told you

969
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:22,159
this one was gonna be a little bit shorter. I

970
00:47:22,199 --> 00:47:23,679
don't know if it's actually even that much shorter. I

971
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:25,880
kind of yapped a lot. Those questions really fired me up,

972
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:27,280
you guys. If you can please send me more bad

973
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:30,159
vice questions like that, I would love that because I

974
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:36,639
get fucking fired up, all right, I get fired up,

975
00:47:37,039 --> 00:47:38,960
all right, you guys. The word of the week is

976
00:47:39,199 --> 00:47:43,440
macro cosm noun a representation on a large scale the

977
00:47:43,519 --> 00:47:47,360
universe envisioned in its totality. In addition, a large system

978
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:50,400
that reflects one of its component systems is a macro

979
00:47:50,639 --> 00:47:58,199
cosm m acrocosm, macro cosm. All right, besties, if I

980
00:47:58,239 --> 00:47:59,639
lose you here, I lose you here, I love you

981
00:47:59,679 --> 00:48:01,039
so much. Oh you guys, I have to ask you

982
00:48:01,079 --> 00:48:04,239
a big favor. Can you please go to Spotify or

983
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:07,880
Apple or YouTube wherever Spotify or Apple and give me

984
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:10,039
five stars if you like it? Please, please please, And

985
00:48:10,039 --> 00:48:13,400
then if you would go to YouTube and subscribe. If

986
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:15,639
you're not already, subscribe to my YouTube it's Britney Schmidt

987
00:48:15,639 --> 00:48:18,239
Comedy bri t t A n y scchm I T

988
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:21,679
T no d I took all those in college comedy.

989
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:24,079
If you guys could subcribe, subscribe. We're so close to

990
00:48:24,119 --> 00:48:26,719
fifty thousand subscribers and that's very exciting. I think when

991
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:28,760
I started the podcast we were at like forty two thousand,

992
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:30,599
so we've grown a little bit and that's very exciting

993
00:48:30,599 --> 00:48:32,159
and I just am excited to grow together. So if

994
00:48:32,199 --> 00:48:35,360
you guys could go subscribe to my channel, like and subscribe.

995
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,440
I love you so much and I will see you

996
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:43,159
next week. Okay, bye, all right you guys, let me

997
00:48:43,239 --> 00:48:45,960
snap into my other personality here, the artist way. This

998
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,840
week is going to be the hardest week. Let me

999
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,119
just tell you that now. And if you didn't hear

1000
00:48:50,119 --> 00:48:53,119
me earlier, I will say it again. If you guys

1001
00:48:53,159 --> 00:48:55,840
do want to do a chat, actually, this week is

1002
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:57,159
not the week to do the chat because it's the

1003
00:48:57,159 --> 00:48:59,760
reading deprivation week. The following week we can do a

1004
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:02,320
chat on the Patreon if you guys want, just dm

1005
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:03,960
me on the talk and Schmidt page and let me

1006
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:08,159
know if that's something you want, I can set it up. Okay,

1007
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:10,800
you guys. This week is a donkey kick in a half,

1008
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:15,599
all right. So basically, one of the things it talks about,

1009
00:49:15,679 --> 00:49:18,079
it's recovering a sense of integrity and one of the

1010
00:49:18,119 --> 00:49:19,760
things that we're going to learn as we keep doing

1011
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:22,199
the Morning Pages. And I've actually been noticing this lately.

1012
00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:24,360
So when I'm not actively doing the Morning Pages, I

1013
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:27,159
always journal, and when I journal, I will say broad

1014
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:30,440
things like I'm okay, everything's fine, I'm grateful, life's good,

1015
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:32,840
God's got it. Like that's literally like someone's gonna read

1016
00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:34,280
back all my journals and be like, this is the

1017
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:36,480
most boring personal lives. She said the same thing every

1018
00:49:36,559 --> 00:49:39,679
day for forty seven years, Like they're gonna think I'm

1019
00:49:39,679 --> 00:49:41,360
the most boring, boring person in the world. But the

1020
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:43,840
reason the morning pages are so effective is because they don't.

1021
00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:46,079
You have to write so much. It doesn't give you

1022
00:49:46,119 --> 00:49:48,719
the room to just say, like, you have to say

1023
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:53,280
more than I'm good. You know, you have to expand

1024
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:55,920
are you good? Are you actually okay? Because okay, when

1025
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:59,920
you say I'm okay, you're usually hiding something, whether it's anger, fear, hurt,

1026
00:50:00,079 --> 00:50:02,559
whatever it is. If ever you find yourself journaling that

1027
00:50:02,599 --> 00:50:05,639
you're okay, make sure you explore that and figure out

1028
00:50:05,639 --> 00:50:07,880
how you're actually feeling. And you know, if you're a

1029
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:10,480
little numbed out on Lexapro like me, you gotta get

1030
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:12,239
in there because I promise the feelings are still there.

1031
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:16,039
They're just being pushed down like a beach ball underwater, okay,

1032
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:20,800
And the morning pages will not allow us to get

1033
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:23,159
away with this evasion, so we tend to avoid them.

1034
00:50:23,599 --> 00:50:26,159
And like I was talking about earlier, like during bad Vice,

1035
00:50:26,199 --> 00:50:28,639
if you have a like sneaking suspicion your partners doing

1036
00:50:28,719 --> 00:50:32,559
some fucking shit. The morning pages won't let you just

1037
00:50:32,599 --> 00:50:34,519
live with them. The Morning Pages will make you act

1038
00:50:34,559 --> 00:50:36,639
on them, because you'll start journaling about it enough and

1039
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:38,719
enough to uncover how you actually feel about it, and

1040
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:40,079
then all of a sudden, you're gonna confront it and

1041
00:50:40,079 --> 00:50:42,840
you're gonna have an uncomfortable conversation. And that's why a

1042
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:45,159
lot of people stop doing the morning Pages, because they

1043
00:50:45,199 --> 00:50:48,320
know they're about to break loose in some capacity. And

1044
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:51,000
so just watch yourself with that, because there is a

1045
00:50:51,039 --> 00:50:53,440
tendency to not do the thing that is going to

1046
00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:56,480
help you break free. So just make sure you're being

1047
00:50:57,119 --> 00:51:03,159
honest with yourself in the morning pages. Yeah, basically, in short,

1048
00:51:03,199 --> 00:51:05,400
extreme emotions of any kind, the very thing that the

1049
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:08,800
Morning Pages are superb for processing are the usual triggers

1050
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:12,320
for avoiding the pages themselves. And when you're writing those pages,

1051
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:14,679
make sure you do little affirmations like to thine odes

1052
00:51:14,719 --> 00:51:20,239
and self be true, you know, just like any affirmations

1053
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:22,360
trying between you and Creator God. I want to be

1054
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:24,800
a channel for you. God, Please open me up to

1055
00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:27,000
be a channel for you. Please receive. May we co

1056
00:51:27,079 --> 00:51:32,320
create together today? Just any affirmations to kind of open

1057
00:51:32,559 --> 00:51:35,000
like continue to open up that channel, write those down

1058
00:51:35,039 --> 00:51:39,800
because you're in the process of identifying self right and

1059
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:42,039
inevitably that involves a loss as well as a gain.

1060
00:51:42,079 --> 00:51:44,280
We discover our boundaries. We're talked about a lot of

1061
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:49,159
boundaries earlier today by definition, by definition, separate us from

1062
00:51:49,199 --> 00:51:54,079
other our fellows. So yeah, it's a bit of a

1063
00:51:54,119 --> 00:51:57,599
spiritual emergency, a bit of a surrender. You do have

1064
00:51:57,639 --> 00:52:00,719
to like let go of all the the of judgments

1065
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:03,119
you have about yourself or the thought you had, the

1066
00:52:03,159 --> 00:52:06,119
thoughts you had about yourself, Like no, I'm put together

1067
00:52:06,199 --> 00:52:08,480
and I'm great, and I'm a good lawyer and I'm

1068
00:52:08,519 --> 00:52:10,199
a good mom and I'm a good and you have

1069
00:52:10,280 --> 00:52:13,000
to just like like what, let whatever comes out come out.

1070
00:52:13,079 --> 00:52:15,079
Like you might be really uncomfortable in your job. You

1071
00:52:15,159 --> 00:52:17,760
might hate your fucking husband, you might hate your fucking wife. Like,

1072
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:19,840
I don't know what you're going through, but you're gonna

1073
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:25,519
find out through these pages. Okay, So shifts and tastes

1074
00:52:25,639 --> 00:52:30,719
and perception frequently accompany shifts and identity. So you're gonna

1075
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:33,199
start to notice that you're going through like your closet

1076
00:52:33,199 --> 00:52:35,880
and cleaning out or you're like getting rid of clutter,

1077
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:39,880
or you're organizing bathrooms. Like I literally didn't fully move

1078
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:43,039
into this place that I live in until like last week.

1079
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:45,480
I had shit in the closet, I had like clutter

1080
00:52:45,519 --> 00:52:47,360
everywhere because I think I was still in denial that

1081
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:50,119
I lived here. And I finally like organized my bathroom shelves.

1082
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:53,000
I got all my shit in order, and I like

1083
00:52:53,079 --> 00:52:55,199
threw some old clothes away. And you're gonna notice this

1084
00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:57,920
because it's you're making room for what's next, and you're

1085
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:01,480
giving organization to the ka so that your mind doesn't

1086
00:53:01,519 --> 00:53:03,880
have that to do list of Like, No, I can't

1087
00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:06,159
do this creative thing because I actually have to still

1088
00:53:06,199 --> 00:53:08,519
unpack this bathroom closet that I haven't unpacked since I

1089
00:53:08,559 --> 00:53:11,639
moved here. However, many months ago, six months ago, four

1090
00:53:11,639 --> 00:53:14,199
months ago, whatever. It feels like it's been five hundred years.

1091
00:53:14,199 --> 00:53:16,840
This fucking hell fire acid bath of a fucking life

1092
00:53:16,840 --> 00:53:19,159
in Palm Beach feels like it's been my whole entire life.

1093
00:53:19,159 --> 00:53:20,840
I feel like I could write a Bible on humbad

1094
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:24,719
it's been. But yeah, anyway, when you're tossing out the

1095
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:27,920
old and unworkable, we make way for the new and suitable.

1096
00:53:28,039 --> 00:53:29,960
Your old life has crash and burned. Your new life

1097
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:32,400
isn't a parent yet. You may feel yourself to be

1098
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:35,599
temporarily without a vehicle. Just keep walking, that's so important.

1099
00:53:35,679 --> 00:53:37,880
Keep going, keep doing the work. This is very uncomfortable.

1100
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:40,159
This week is where people back out. Okay, This is

1101
00:53:40,199 --> 00:53:42,239
like the fourth step in AA. This is the hardest

1102
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:44,320
part where people don't really want to do this. They

1103
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:46,880
don't really want to confront themselves, and they back out. Okay.

1104
00:53:48,559 --> 00:53:51,000
The analogy that I use is that once we engage

1105
00:53:51,039 --> 00:53:53,039
in the process of morning pages and artist state, we

1106
00:53:53,079 --> 00:53:55,400
begin artist states. We begin to move at is such

1107
00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:57,639
a velocity that we do not even realize the pace.

1108
00:53:58,079 --> 00:54:00,239
Just as travelers on a jet are seldom aware their

1109
00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:02,679
speed unless they hit a patch of turbulence, so too,

1110
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:05,519
travelers on the Artist's way are seldom aware of the

1111
00:54:05,559 --> 00:54:07,719
speed of their growth. This is a form of denial

1112
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:10,239
that can tempt us to abort the recovery process. That

1113
00:54:10,639 --> 00:54:13,679
isn't happening to us. Yes, it is all right. There

1114
00:54:13,679 --> 00:54:16,960
will be a change in energy patterns. Many areas of

1115
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:19,599
your life that previously seem to fit will stop fitting.

1116
00:54:19,639 --> 00:54:22,880
Half your wardrobe will start to look funny. Conditioned as

1117
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:25,679
we are to accept other people's definitions of us, the emergence,

1118
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:28,880
the emerging individuality can seem to us like self will

1119
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:31,800
run riot. It is not. We like to numb ourselves

1120
00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:35,960
with sugar, alcohol, drugs, overwork, underplay, bad relations, toxic sex,

1121
00:54:36,159 --> 00:54:39,800
under exercise, over TV, undersleep, many very varied forms of

1122
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:43,079
junk food for the soul, clear room in it for

1123
00:54:43,199 --> 00:54:44,719
you need to clear room in your life for the

1124
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:48,519
creator's action and the flow of God. So this week

1125
00:54:48,719 --> 00:54:52,880
is reading deprivation, and this is a tough one. You

1126
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:57,079
guys can't read. The rules have been updated since this

1127
00:54:57,119 --> 00:54:59,519
book has been written. You're not supposed to read. You're

1128
00:54:59,519 --> 00:55:01,840
not supposed to go on social social media. You're not

1129
00:55:01,840 --> 00:55:03,920
supposed to look at emails. You're not supposed to watch TV.

1130
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:06,079
You are not supposed to take in any media for

1131
00:55:06,119 --> 00:55:08,280
a whole week. And I can already hear you guys rioting.

1132
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:11,320
I can hear you screaming, being like, that's fucking impossible.

1133
00:55:11,679 --> 00:55:14,039
How am I going to do that? Take Instagram and

1134
00:55:14,039 --> 00:55:18,000
TikTok off your phone. First of all, Okay, don't pick

1135
00:55:18,039 --> 00:55:20,039
up a book you have in years anyway, Who cares

1136
00:55:20,079 --> 00:55:22,280
you know, like don't just don't pick up a book

1137
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:24,519
and don't watch TV, because what's gonna happen is your

1138
00:55:24,599 --> 00:55:28,679
channel is gonna open up, okay, and you are going

1139
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:32,519
to start to have your own ideas and your head

1140
00:55:32,559 --> 00:55:34,360
is gonna start to fill with things, and you're gonna

1141
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:36,360
start to be a little more creative. And like I said,

1142
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:40,440
you're gonna clean up, you're gonna organize, you're gonna paint

1143
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:44,000
a shelf, you're gonna build something. You're gonna do something

1144
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:45,960
because we're humans and that's what we're conditioned to do.

1145
00:55:46,039 --> 00:55:49,559
But we are constantly sedated, like I said earlier, by

1146
00:55:49,559 --> 00:55:53,840
social media and just any media, and we like to

1147
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:56,440
fill our heads with other people's chatter so we don't

1148
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:59,559
have to like think about our lives and think about ourselves.

1149
00:56:00,199 --> 00:56:02,320
And this is the hardest week. It's gonna be so

1150
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:03,840
hard for me. I'm going to New York. I'm not

1151
00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:06,400
gonna be able to post about it at all. Things

1152
00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:09,719
that you can do instead of, you know, being inundated

1153
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:12,639
with social media and that kind of stuff. You can knit,

1154
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:14,360
you can cook, you can fix a bike, you can

1155
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:16,280
go on a bike ride. You can water color, you

1156
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:19,840
can paint the bedroom. You can rearrange the kitchen, work out, meditate,

1157
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:22,639
have friends to dinner, get the stereo working, go dancing,

1158
00:56:23,559 --> 00:56:26,760
repot some plants. You can do it, all right. And

1159
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:29,480
here's the thing. If you break the reading deprivation and

1160
00:56:29,559 --> 00:56:31,239
need you to talk about why was it a fit?

1161
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:34,360
Was it a tantrum? Did you freak out? Also, if

1162
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:36,280
we do start a chat, we will start next week

1163
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:38,440
because obviously I don't want us on the Patreon this week,

1164
00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:43,679
so we can follow the rules. But if we do

1165
00:56:43,719 --> 00:56:45,280
start a chat, I want you guys to be honest

1166
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:48,039
in there about why and how you broke the reading deprivation.

1167
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:50,079
I don't know if anyone's still doing the others way

1168
00:56:50,079 --> 00:56:51,360
with me. It might be like three of us, but

1169
00:56:51,679 --> 00:56:53,639
either way, I'm having fun. I'm glad I'm doing it.

1170
00:56:53,719 --> 00:56:56,039
I'm glad we're staying accountable. I love you so much, besties,

1171
00:56:56,079 --> 00:56:57,400
and I will see you next week.