Speaker 1: So I got a lot of feedback actually from my
Speaker 1: episode about making friends how hard is make friends as
Speaker 1: an adult, as an older adult, later adult, and people
Speaker 1: were literally saying sending that like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: know it feels.
Speaker 2: I was with.
Speaker 1: My one of my longtime friends in San Francisco and
Speaker 1: he was saying, yes, it's kind of crazy to make
Speaker 1: new friends. So you hold onto the ones you kind
Speaker 1: of have, and it's like to make a new friend
Speaker 1: because your circumstances have changed. Also, how do you make friends? Like,
Speaker 1: it's a whole thing making friends. Meeting people is not
Speaker 1: hard meeting people, that's one thing, making friends. And so
Speaker 1: people ask me to clarify a couple of things too
Speaker 1: that I was talking about, which I'm happy to do,
Speaker 1: and I want to continue this conversation because it is
Speaker 1: kind of a very important thing. A lot of folks
Speaker 1: are lonely. But also with now the late language that
Speaker 1: has been presented, there are a lot of people who
Speaker 1: are self proclaimed introverts or well, you know was we
Speaker 1: said it was shy now or just bested with the
Speaker 1: pandemic he's coming out of to you are now.
Speaker 2: Socially really socially awkward, socially stunted.
Speaker 1: They don't know how to even do small talk anymore,
Speaker 1: you know that kind of thing. So so there's a
Speaker 1: lot I feel for for people out there because I
Speaker 1: want I see, I can do small talk, large talk.
Speaker 1: I can talk to people any size shape, and I mean,
Speaker 1: I just I'm very friendly, not shy, and very open.
Speaker 2: I've been in this place since I was a kid.
Speaker 1: Apparently don't know where it comes from, but I am
Speaker 1: this way, and so I'm very fortunate. And I also
Speaker 1: know that I'm not the norm. There are others like
Speaker 1: me too, but I'm not the norm, and I have
Speaker 1: to remind myself also that everyone has to own agendas
Speaker 1: in life as they're going through life, so when it
Speaker 1: comes to friendships, so just I want to mention those things. Also,
Speaker 1: my friend and sister school I were talking about he's
Speaker 1: not retired, so he's like, okay.
Speaker 2: Well now I'm not at a job. We're at a job.
Speaker 1: And then I was talking to my brother in law
Speaker 1: who says he doesn't like making friends at his jobs.
Speaker 2: I mean, just he's friendly.
Speaker 1: To his coworkers, but like you just want to hang
Speaker 1: out to me afterwards, that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: It keeps him very separate.
Speaker 1: But then I'm like, but do you have any friends
Speaker 1: outside of that?
Speaker 2: Though, like very few. So I'm like, how does that
Speaker 2: work for me?
Speaker 1: When I when I work at a job, I go
Speaker 1: all in and so then I become friendly and we
Speaker 1: talk and all this stuff.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, so I'm always like.
Speaker 1: Happy to get to know you, and you get to
Speaker 1: know me, and we're in close proximity and we have
Speaker 1: the same kind of job.
Speaker 2: Somebody like it's all it makes sense.
Speaker 1: But see now for me, now I'm self employed, that's
Speaker 1: changed too.
Speaker 2: I as well be retired. It's like, how do we
Speaker 2: It's like there's mixtures and stuff.
Speaker 1: Like I said, meeting people it's not a problem, but
Speaker 1: developing friendships it is just as hard as developing a relationship,
Speaker 1: like a romantic relationship is this is hard to get
Speaker 1: people seeing these big cities. I know small towns will
Speaker 1: be different, but these big cities, to get someone to
Speaker 1: hang out with you, it's hard. You're trying, Okay, three
Speaker 1: weeks from Tuesday, I'm Freeeda say, I'm feed.
Speaker 2: I'm free.
Speaker 1: Well, one thing is a lot of us work, our
Speaker 1: own work. If we have our own schedules, it's kind
Speaker 1: of hard. Sometimes, but when I was younger, my twenties
Speaker 1: and thirties, it seemed easier. After work, we get together,
Speaker 1: we go to dinner, we do this, you know, we
Speaker 1: get together for drinks on Sundays and all of stuff.
Speaker 2: It's like it just doesn't happen. I'm a change when
Speaker 2: you get older or when you're just like in a
Speaker 2: bigger city or just now because of the pandemic. Is
Speaker 2: so it's so different.
Speaker 1: And go back to the agendas thing where you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm going in and I know some people.
Speaker 2: I've talked to some other people too. I want to
Speaker 2: say their names.
Speaker 1: But friends of mine who we all were going into
Speaker 1: this new friendship with somebody we meet them. We determined
Speaker 1: with the chemistries that we get along grades. This is
Speaker 1: like I got a new friend. Maybe we both like concerts,
Speaker 1: we both like this, and we'll hang out together. And
Speaker 1: they don't. But for me, I have a friends really
Speaker 1: call me. There's a text. I hope we could just
Speaker 1: go by.
Speaker 2: I don't hear from them now.
Speaker 1: If I text whatever, call this person will text and
Speaker 1: call me back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course they do.
Speaker 1: I have a few people where I could text it
Speaker 1: and they won't text back.
Speaker 2: For a week.
Speaker 1: But it's like a friend, like, hey, I knew I
Speaker 1: was gonna you know, and most of us live on
Speaker 1: our phones, you know that. But I'm like, it's that
Speaker 1: it's that intentionality of all like they may like me,
Speaker 1: it's personally, I think this person likes me.
Speaker 2: On some level. I hope they do.
Speaker 1: But I'm going in, like I see ten potential and
Speaker 1: I see like we're soulmates. And I had friends, and
Speaker 1: I feel like we have a really close time.
Speaker 2: We have things in common and oh my.
Speaker 1: Goodness, and you know, just like a relationship anywhere. And
Speaker 1: they're just like, I like you too. It's at least
Speaker 1: that's kind of nice. And and they don't really reciprocate
Speaker 1: or they keep you at arm's length, all right, so
Speaker 1: they're like, you know, they're just like, no, I like
Speaker 1: you and seeing you once every couple of.
Speaker 2: Months is fine.
Speaker 1: But the adventage social media, I may talk to you
Speaker 1: all time social media. That's totally different. That takes no money,
Speaker 1: no effort. It's like they're on.
Speaker 2: Social media, so we talk all the time social media.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I guess we're social media friends.
Speaker 2: I have another friend. We're not close obviously, but I
Speaker 2: thought we were getting closer. I thought we were getting there,
Speaker 2: and they never like and share my stuff. And when
Speaker 2: I share their.
Speaker 1: Stuff, they never thank me or acknowledge or say anything.
Speaker 1: And I say, they have to, just like it's kind
Speaker 1: of weird. Like if Soce shares my things, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, they were sharing that, and so thank you,
Speaker 1: so NICs to you, like whatever, show the gratitude.
Speaker 2: But at this person, So I stopped. I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: why am I this person? I'm trying to.
Speaker 1: Promote them and get them in the right and then
Speaker 1: they don't really promote me at all.
Speaker 2: I'm like, what am I doing?
Speaker 1: So I've I'm learning to read the room, and it's go, okay,
Speaker 1: this person likes me on some level, but they do not.
Speaker 1: They're not looking for the same type relationship that I am, obviously,
Speaker 1: And then so then that becomes appointing because you're like
Speaker 1: I was looking for a close friend. You know, for me,
Speaker 1: I've had close friends who died.
Speaker 2: They're dead. We're always really close to you, they're dead.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I have a couple that I have one friendship that I've
Speaker 1: had for thirty years, and this person is just neurotic
Speaker 1: it's a neurotic mess. Love them the pieces, but they
Speaker 1: stressed me the fuck out, I said, I can I
Speaker 1: can only deal with them a small does. Now I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I don't know what happened. We staying
Speaker 1: out together all the time, and as I'll stay too,
Speaker 1: you change me get older, it's used to change you
Speaker 1: more free change, and you have to let people be
Speaker 1: who they are. So that's why I'm not fighting anybody.
Speaker 1: I'm not pushing anything by learning to like not push
Speaker 1: because pushing doesn't help either, and it's not I want
Speaker 1: people to come to me because they want to.
Speaker 2: And so I was like, I'm just kind of letting.
Speaker 1: I'm letting go, just going okay, if they ever want
Speaker 1: to see me, they'll call me or they won't.
Speaker 2: If they're okay with the relationship.
Speaker 1: The way I destroy relationship is then I feel okay
Speaker 1: with it. Two, I'm not going to I'm going to
Speaker 1: try to fuss and fight and.
Speaker 2: You got on to go on, what's wrong. I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna do all that your girl. Folks, you know what
Speaker 2: you're doing or not doing. So we gotta let it go, right,
Speaker 2: we gotta let it go.
Speaker 1: I know it's crazy, folks, I'm telling you there's someone's
Speaker 1: out there, the ones I talk to you out there
Speaker 1: who want close friendships the kind way you talk to
Speaker 1: you maybe almost every day, and you're very close. You
Speaker 1: do things again, you support each other, and you're there
Speaker 1: for each other like you want that. And I had
Speaker 1: to learn this from take care of my mom last
Speaker 1: year when I was caregiving. You have to meet people
Speaker 1: at the level of where they're at, where they're what
Speaker 1: they're showing you. You have to see what they're showing you.
Speaker 1: And if they're showing you that it's an occasional relationship
Speaker 1: and that's not saying anything bad, but you're saying you're
Speaker 1: not gonna get what you want out of it. And
Speaker 1: that happens sometimes, right, So I was like, so, it's not.
Speaker 2: A horrible thing. It's not bad, they're not bad people.
Speaker 2: It's so blame or anything.
Speaker 1: It's just it's just that for you, the person who's
Speaker 1: looking for close ties and close relationships, you're losing out
Speaker 1: because you're not getting it.
Speaker 2: Right. That's just the bottom line.
Speaker 1: And actually it is disappointing and sad and depressing where
Speaker 1: you're like, God, I just want to close relationship and
Speaker 1: they just say they don't and they don't want to
Speaker 1: do it.
Speaker 2: Or your folks should get to who get into you on.
Speaker 1: Magic relationships and your friendship is now secondary.
Speaker 2: I've had that several times.
Speaker 1: Well I got I lost the friendship because of that, basically,
Speaker 1: but I have another One's like, well I check with
Speaker 1: them first, and I'm like, okay, great, But I'm learning.
Speaker 2: And with some people, I just make show'em around.
Speaker 1: They know I'm here and there, and then they may
Speaker 1: invite me somewhere sometime like oh I or they may
Speaker 1: call me or it text me and I didn't do
Speaker 1: it myself, like oh okay, and I take it. I
Speaker 1: don't get smart I'll get smart mouth. I just take
Speaker 1: it and see where it goes for what it it happens.
Speaker 1: There's certain people that I that I care about, but
Speaker 1: I just I've had to learn.
Speaker 2: Now everybody is.
Speaker 1: Looking for the same thing I'm looking for when it
Speaker 1: comes to friendship, and I have to I kind of
Speaker 1: have to like let it go. It's so tough those
Speaker 1: with certain people, cause you ain't like them and you
Speaker 1: see the potential and you're like, why you can't force
Speaker 1: somebody to be your friend or the kind of friend
Speaker 1: he wants.
Speaker 2: You can't.
Speaker 1: You can't force it. Why are you folks there? Who
Speaker 1: are you feel friendless or not? I'm enough friends. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I was second, I was I can to help you, but.
Speaker 2: I can't.
Speaker 1: This is fifty plus talking about friendships as you get older.
Speaker 2: Mine