WEBVTT

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<v Speaker 1>So I got a lot of feedback actually from my

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<v Speaker 1>episode about making friends how hard is make friends as

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<v Speaker 1>an adult, as an older adult, later adult, and people

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<v Speaker 1>were literally saying sending that like, oh my god, I

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<v Speaker 1>know it feels.

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<v Speaker 2>I was with.

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<v Speaker 1>My one of my longtime friends in San Francisco and

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<v Speaker 1>he was saying, yes, it's kind of crazy to make

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<v Speaker 1>new friends. So you hold onto the ones you kind

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<v Speaker 1>of have, and it's like to make a new friend

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<v Speaker 1>because your circumstances have changed. Also, how do you make friends? Like,

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<v Speaker 1>it's a whole thing making friends. Meeting people is not

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<v Speaker 1>hard meeting people, that's one thing, making friends. And so

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<v Speaker 1>people ask me to clarify a couple of things too

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<v Speaker 1>that I was talking about, which I'm happy to do,

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<v Speaker 1>and I want to continue this conversation because it is

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<v Speaker 1>kind of a very important thing. A lot of folks

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<v Speaker 1>are lonely. But also with now the late language that

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<v Speaker 1>has been presented, there are a lot of people who

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<v Speaker 1>are self proclaimed introverts or well, you know was we

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<v Speaker 1>said it was shy now or just bested with the

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<v Speaker 1>pandemic he's coming out of to you are now.

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<v Speaker 2>Socially really socially awkward, socially stunted.

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<v Speaker 1>They don't know how to even do small talk anymore,

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<v Speaker 1>you know that kind of thing. So so there's a

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<v Speaker 1>lot I feel for for people out there because I

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<v Speaker 1>want I see, I can do small talk, large talk.

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<v Speaker 1>I can talk to people any size shape, and I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>I just I'm very friendly, not shy, and very open.

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<v Speaker 2>I've been in this place since I was a kid.

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<v Speaker 1>Apparently don't know where it comes from, but I am

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<v Speaker 1>this way, and so I'm very fortunate. And I also

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<v Speaker 1>know that I'm not the norm. There are others like

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<v Speaker 1>me too, but I'm not the norm, and I have

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<v Speaker 1>to remind myself also that everyone has to own agendas

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<v Speaker 1>in life as they're going through life, so when it

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<v Speaker 1>comes to friendships, so just I want to mention those things. Also,

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<v Speaker 1>my friend and sister school I were talking about he's

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<v Speaker 1>not retired, so he's like, okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Well now I'm not at a job. We're at a job.

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<v Speaker 1>And then I was talking to my brother in law

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<v Speaker 1>who says he doesn't like making friends at his jobs.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, just he's friendly.

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<v Speaker 1>To his coworkers, but like you just want to hang

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<v Speaker 1>out to me afterwards, that kind of stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>It keeps him very separate.

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<v Speaker 1>But then I'm like, but do you have any friends

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<v Speaker 1>outside of that?

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<v Speaker 2>Though, like very few. So I'm like, how does that

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<v Speaker 2>work for me?

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<v Speaker 1>When I when I work at a job, I go

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<v Speaker 1>all in and so then I become friendly and we

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<v Speaker 1>talk and all this stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, so I'm always like.

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<v Speaker 1>Happy to get to know you, and you get to

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<v Speaker 1>know me, and we're in close proximity and we have

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<v Speaker 1>the same kind of job.

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<v Speaker 2>Somebody like it's all it makes sense.

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<v Speaker 1>But see now for me, now I'm self employed, that's

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<v Speaker 1>changed too.

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<v Speaker 2>I as well be retired. It's like, how do we

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<v Speaker 2>It's like there's mixtures and stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>Like I said, meeting people it's not a problem, but

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<v Speaker 1>developing friendships it is just as hard as developing a relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>like a romantic relationship is this is hard to get

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<v Speaker 1>people seeing these big cities. I know small towns will

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<v Speaker 1>be different, but these big cities, to get someone to

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<v Speaker 1>hang out with you, it's hard. You're trying, Okay, three

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<v Speaker 1>weeks from Tuesday, I'm Freeeda say, I'm feed.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm free.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, one thing is a lot of us work, our

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<v Speaker 1>own work. If we have our own schedules, it's kind

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<v Speaker 1>of hard. Sometimes, but when I was younger, my twenties

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<v Speaker 1>and thirties, it seemed easier. After work, we get together,

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<v Speaker 1>we go to dinner, we do this, you know, we

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<v Speaker 1>get together for drinks on Sundays and all of stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like it just doesn't happen. I'm a change when

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<v Speaker 2>you get older or when you're just like in a

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<v Speaker 2>bigger city or just now because of the pandemic. Is

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<v Speaker 2>so it's so different.

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<v Speaker 1>And go back to the agendas thing where you're like,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going in and I know some people.

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<v Speaker 2>I've talked to some other people too. I want to

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<v Speaker 2>say their names.

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<v Speaker 1>But friends of mine who we all were going into

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<v Speaker 1>this new friendship with somebody we meet them. We determined

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<v Speaker 1>with the chemistries that we get along grades. This is

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<v Speaker 1>like I got a new friend. Maybe we both like concerts,

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<v Speaker 1>we both like this, and we'll hang out together. And

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<v Speaker 1>they don't. But for me, I have a friends really

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<v Speaker 1>call me. There's a text. I hope we could just

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<v Speaker 1>go by.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't hear from them now.

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<v Speaker 1>If I text whatever, call this person will text and

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<v Speaker 1>call me back.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, of course they do.

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<v Speaker 1>I have a few people where I could text it

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<v Speaker 1>and they won't text back.

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<v Speaker 2>For a week.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's like a friend, like, hey, I knew I

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<v Speaker 1>was gonna you know, and most of us live on

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<v Speaker 1>our phones, you know that. But I'm like, it's that

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<v Speaker 1>it's that intentionality of all like they may like me,

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<v Speaker 1>it's personally, I think this person likes me.

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<v Speaker 2>On some level. I hope they do.

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<v Speaker 1>But I'm going in, like I see ten potential and

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<v Speaker 1>I see like we're soulmates. And I had friends, and

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like we have a really close time.

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<v Speaker 2>We have things in common and oh my.

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<v Speaker 1>Goodness, and you know, just like a relationship anywhere. And

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<v Speaker 1>they're just like, I like you too. It's at least

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<v Speaker 1>that's kind of nice. And and they don't really reciprocate

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<v Speaker 1>or they keep you at arm's length, all right, so

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<v Speaker 1>they're like, you know, they're just like, no, I like

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<v Speaker 1>you and seeing you once every couple of.

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<v Speaker 2>Months is fine.

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<v Speaker 1>But the adventage social media, I may talk to you

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<v Speaker 1>all time social media. That's totally different. That takes no money,

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<v Speaker 1>no effort. It's like they're on.

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<v Speaker 2>Social media, so we talk all the time social media.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm like, I guess we're social media friends.

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<v Speaker 2>I have another friend. We're not close obviously, but I

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<v Speaker 2>thought we were getting closer. I thought we were getting there,

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<v Speaker 2>and they never like and share my stuff. And when

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<v Speaker 2>I share their.

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<v Speaker 1>Stuff, they never thank me or acknowledge or say anything.

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<v Speaker 1>And I say, they have to, just like it's kind

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<v Speaker 1>of weird. Like if Soce shares my things, I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh my god, they were sharing that, and so thank you,

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<v Speaker 1>so NICs to you, like whatever, show the gratitude.

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<v Speaker 2>But at this person, So I stopped. I was like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>why am I this person? I'm trying to.

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<v Speaker 1>Promote them and get them in the right and then

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<v Speaker 1>they don't really promote me at all.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, what am I doing?

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<v Speaker 1>So I've I'm learning to read the room, and it's go, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>this person likes me on some level, but they do not.

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<v Speaker 1>They're not looking for the same type relationship that I am, obviously,

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<v Speaker 1>And then so then that becomes appointing because you're like

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<v Speaker 1>I was looking for a close friend. You know, for me,

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<v Speaker 1>I've had close friends who died.

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<v Speaker 2>They're dead. We're always really close to you, they're dead.

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<v Speaker 2>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>I have a couple that I have one friendship that I've

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<v Speaker 1>had for thirty years, and this person is just neurotic

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<v Speaker 1>it's a neurotic mess. Love them the pieces, but they

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<v Speaker 1>stressed me the fuck out, I said, I can I

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<v Speaker 1>can only deal with them a small does. Now I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh my god, I don't know what happened. We staying

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<v Speaker 1>out together all the time, and as I'll stay too,

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<v Speaker 1>you change me get older, it's used to change you

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<v Speaker 1>more free change, and you have to let people be

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<v Speaker 1>who they are. So that's why I'm not fighting anybody.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not pushing anything by learning to like not push

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<v Speaker 1>because pushing doesn't help either, and it's not I want

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<v Speaker 1>people to come to me because they want to.

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<v Speaker 2>And so I was like, I'm just kind of letting.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm letting go, just going okay, if they ever want

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<v Speaker 1>to see me, they'll call me or they won't.

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<v Speaker 2>If they're okay with the relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>The way I destroy relationship is then I feel okay

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<v Speaker 1>with it. Two, I'm not going to I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>try to fuss and fight and.

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<v Speaker 2>You got on to go on, what's wrong. I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>gonna do all that your girl. Folks, you know what

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<v Speaker 2>you're doing or not doing. So we gotta let it go, right,

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<v Speaker 2>we gotta let it go.

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<v Speaker 1>I know it's crazy, folks, I'm telling you there's someone's

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<v Speaker 1>out there, the ones I talk to you out there

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<v Speaker 1>who want close friendships the kind way you talk to

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<v Speaker 1>you maybe almost every day, and you're very close. You

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<v Speaker 1>do things again, you support each other, and you're there

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<v Speaker 1>for each other like you want that. And I had

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<v Speaker 1>to learn this from take care of my mom last

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<v Speaker 1>year when I was caregiving. You have to meet people

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<v Speaker 1>at the level of where they're at, where they're what

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<v Speaker 1>they're showing you. You have to see what they're showing you.

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<v Speaker 1>And if they're showing you that it's an occasional relationship

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<v Speaker 1>and that's not saying anything bad, but you're saying you're

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<v Speaker 1>not gonna get what you want out of it. And

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<v Speaker 1>that happens sometimes, right, So I was like, so, it's not.

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<v Speaker 2>A horrible thing. It's not bad, they're not bad people.

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<v Speaker 2>It's so blame or anything.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just it's just that for you, the person who's

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<v Speaker 1>looking for close ties and close relationships, you're losing out

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<v Speaker 1>because you're not getting it.

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<v Speaker 2>Right. That's just the bottom line.

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<v Speaker 1>And actually it is disappointing and sad and depressing where

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<v Speaker 1>you're like, God, I just want to close relationship and

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<v Speaker 1>they just say they don't and they don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>do it.

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<v Speaker 2>Or your folks should get to who get into you on.

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<v Speaker 1>Magic relationships and your friendship is now secondary.

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<v Speaker 2>I've had that several times.

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<v Speaker 1>Well I got I lost the friendship because of that, basically,

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<v Speaker 1>but I have another One's like, well I check with

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<v Speaker 1>them first, and I'm like, okay, great, But I'm learning.

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<v Speaker 2>And with some people, I just make show'em around.

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<v Speaker 1>They know I'm here and there, and then they may

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<v Speaker 1>invite me somewhere sometime like oh I or they may

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<v Speaker 1>call me or it text me and I didn't do

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<v Speaker 1>it myself, like oh okay, and I take it. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't get smart I'll get smart mouth. I just take

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<v Speaker 1>it and see where it goes for what it it happens.

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<v Speaker 1>There's certain people that I that I care about, but

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<v Speaker 1>I just I've had to learn.

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<v Speaker 2>Now everybody is.

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<v Speaker 1>Looking for the same thing I'm looking for when it

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<v Speaker 1>comes to friendship, and I have to I kind of

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<v Speaker 1>have to like let it go. It's so tough those

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<v Speaker 1>with certain people, cause you ain't like them and you

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<v Speaker 1>see the potential and you're like, why you can't force

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<v Speaker 1>somebody to be your friend or the kind of friend

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<v Speaker 1>he wants.

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<v Speaker 2>You can't.

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<v Speaker 1>You can't force it. Why are you folks there? Who

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<v Speaker 1>are you feel friendless or not? I'm enough friends. I'm sorry,

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<v Speaker 1>I was second, I was I can to help you, but.

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<v Speaker 2>I can't.

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<v Speaker 1>This is fifty plus talking about friendships as you get older.

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<v Speaker 2>Mine