WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:03.759 This is pod Popular Podcast for the People. 2 00:00:08.919 --> 00:00:14.279 The Great Love Debate. It's a great love debate, Degree 3 00:00:14.679 --> 00:00:17.800 Love Debate, It's a great love ba. 4 00:00:18.120 --> 00:00:21.600 Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie. Welcome to The Great 5 00:00:21.879 --> 00:00:24.879 Love Debate, the world's number one dating and relationship podcast 6 00:00:24.920 --> 00:00:27.920 since twenty fifteen. I am back here in the very 7 00:00:27.960 --> 00:00:32.240 fine studios of Pod Popular Podcast for the People. I'm 8 00:00:32.840 --> 00:00:36.200 back at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona, and the weather 9 00:00:36.520 --> 00:00:42.679 is lovely if you want to book somewhere Scottsdale, Arizona. 10 00:00:43.880 --> 00:00:46.159 Speaking of booking somewhere, so I was. I was on 11 00:00:46.240 --> 00:00:49.159 a train the other day, a trolley, a light rail, 12 00:00:49.280 --> 00:00:52.799 one of those airport things. Uh, they always seem like 13 00:00:52.840 --> 00:00:55.119 they're driverless and like they're going to go off the 14 00:00:55.200 --> 00:00:58.399 rails and two crowded and whatever. That's a different podcast, though, 15 00:00:58.560 --> 00:01:01.200 so and I heard a guy on the train very 16 00:01:01.359 --> 00:01:04.560 loudly said to a woman he was with, he said, 17 00:01:04.599 --> 00:01:08.120 I think I deserve better, and she answered him with 18 00:01:08.239 --> 00:01:10.400 you don't deserve shit. And it was like a whole 19 00:01:10.439 --> 00:01:13.480 thing on this very crowded train. And I'm not sure 20 00:01:13.480 --> 00:01:15.200 if they were heading out on a trip, because I 21 00:01:15.200 --> 00:01:16.799 was like between terminals. I wasn't sure if they were 22 00:01:16.840 --> 00:01:19.599 about to go somewhere or they were coming somewhere and 23 00:01:19.640 --> 00:01:22.120 heading to baggage claim. And I was trying to think of, like, 24 00:01:22.519 --> 00:01:24.760 which would be worse of those scenarios. I think the 25 00:01:24.840 --> 00:01:28.519 former would be worse because the trip could probably calm 26 00:01:28.519 --> 00:01:30.480 the argument. So I'm like, you guys fought and then 27 00:01:30.480 --> 00:01:32.799 you on a trip and gone. If you just went 28 00:01:32.840 --> 00:01:35.359 on a trip and then you're fighting after, maybe that 29 00:01:35.480 --> 00:01:37.959 spoiled the trip. But then I'm thinking, like, well, maybe 30 00:01:37.959 --> 00:01:39.400 at least you got a trip out of it. And 31 00:01:39.400 --> 00:01:42.400 there's a whole thing. So I probably overthought this thing 32 00:01:42.480 --> 00:01:46.079 for that purpose, you know, before he told everybody to 33 00:01:46.120 --> 00:01:47.840 fuck off, you had a good time in Hawaii. I 34 00:01:47.879 --> 00:01:51.239 don't know, but it triggered something in me, and I 35 00:01:51.319 --> 00:01:55.680 focused on that word that he used and he said deserve. 36 00:01:56.599 --> 00:02:01.239 He said, I think I deserve better. And I thought 37 00:02:01.280 --> 00:02:04.879 about deserve, and that's always a third rail when you 38 00:02:04.879 --> 00:02:06.560 bring up a word like that, you know, because there's 39 00:02:06.599 --> 00:02:10.479 elements of merit and there's elements of earning, and there's 40 00:02:10.479 --> 00:02:13.360 elements of need. So I put out a APB on 41 00:02:13.400 --> 00:02:17.280 our socials right after that to see if anybody had 42 00:02:17.280 --> 00:02:20.159 any thoughts on deserve and ask for our listeners to 43 00:02:20.199 --> 00:02:23.280 talk about what they think they deserve or have deserved, 44 00:02:23.319 --> 00:02:26.319 either in a current relationship or a future relationship, rightly 45 00:02:26.400 --> 00:02:30.759 or wrongly, whether it is earned or entitled. And this could, 46 00:02:30.840 --> 00:02:33.240 like I said, could be from a perfect scenario or 47 00:02:33.240 --> 00:02:35.039 it could be in their current scenario. And you guys 48 00:02:35.039 --> 00:02:39.120 actually answered a lot. You were like, I deserve this, 49 00:02:39.319 --> 00:02:43.639 not need, not want, deserve. And when you bring that 50 00:02:43.719 --> 00:02:46.639 word up to a partner sometimes or a potential partner, 51 00:02:47.479 --> 00:02:51.439 it's obviously fraught with peril doing so, because the circumstance 52 00:02:51.439 --> 00:02:53.199 and what you use the word deserve is generally a 53 00:02:53.240 --> 00:02:57.159 heated one. It's I deserve this, this and this and 54 00:02:57.159 --> 00:03:00.800 and every times to go. Well, so we're going to 55 00:03:00.879 --> 00:03:03.120 take the time to hear you guys out on it, 56 00:03:03.159 --> 00:03:06.520 sort of the calm before the storm on the elements 57 00:03:06.520 --> 00:03:09.080 of deserving. So I brought in some pros. I'm not 58 00:03:09.080 --> 00:03:11.120 sure exactly They're gonna be like, wait, why are we 59 00:03:11.199 --> 00:03:14.439 pros on the deserve thing? Maybe on the quid pro quo. 60 00:03:14.919 --> 00:03:18.479 They are the host and co host s of the 61 00:03:18.639 --> 00:03:22.400 very very popular Secrets of a Sugar Daddy podcast. They've 62 00:03:22.400 --> 00:03:24.560 been on this before, not in a while, but he 63 00:03:24.599 --> 00:03:27.840 always comes with wisdom and reason, and so does she. 64 00:03:28.439 --> 00:03:30.319 Marcus and Lily, welcome back. 65 00:03:30.759 --> 00:03:32.599 I do have a lot to say about this. I know, 66 00:03:32.680 --> 00:03:34.680 well you listen to your part. There's a lot of like, 67 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:37.719 I give this, I want this back. There's a lot 68 00:03:37.719 --> 00:03:41.560 of negotiating. Can I refer to what as your world 69 00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:44.039 in the sugar world? Is that what it's called sugar world? 70 00:03:44.120 --> 00:03:45.319 Sounds a lot like the Barbie world? 71 00:03:45.319 --> 00:03:50.960 But there's obviously some honest discussion up front about it. 72 00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:52.919 And that's about like earned and merit. But does the 73 00:03:52.919 --> 00:03:56.680 word deserve come up? I'll tell you what. 74 00:03:56.719 --> 00:04:02.599 The word deserve is thrown around haphazardly, and I I'm 75 00:04:02.599 --> 00:04:04.960 just out of the opinion. If you think you deserve something, 76 00:04:05.479 --> 00:04:08.120 you've got to show me why. And if you don't 77 00:04:08.120 --> 00:04:10.639 think you're getting what you deserve, you need to go 78 00:04:10.719 --> 00:04:11.719 get what you deserve. 79 00:04:12.840 --> 00:04:16.279 And deserve is very subjective and the other person might 80 00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:19.759 have no idea how to differentiate from need, want, merit. 81 00:04:20.120 --> 00:04:23.480 Right, I agreed, I think I deserve a raise. 82 00:04:25.759 --> 00:04:27.879 I think so too. This is not the time or 83 00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:30.879 place that's a good conversation. I think I deserve a raise. 84 00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:35.240 I actually recently got a raise. My boss is really generous. 85 00:04:35.879 --> 00:04:37.560 Yeah, I think I deserve a raise. A lot of 86 00:04:37.560 --> 00:04:40.720 people come into that. I've had those conversations many, many 87 00:04:40.759 --> 00:04:42.160 times when somebody comes into me and they're like, I 88 00:04:42.199 --> 00:04:44.920 think of deserve a raise, And usually the deserve is 89 00:04:44.959 --> 00:04:47.560 based on some clock of time they put in and 90 00:04:47.600 --> 00:04:52.360 not actually any sort of achievement or merit within the performance. 91 00:04:52.439 --> 00:04:54.439 There's like, well, well i've been here twelve months. I 92 00:04:54.439 --> 00:04:55.839 think I deserve something. 93 00:04:56.000 --> 00:04:58.000 Oh the fact that they put up with you that long. 94 00:04:58.199 --> 00:05:00.480 True, And then they could make that argument like I 95 00:05:00.639 --> 00:05:03.279 have merited this. So we're going to be able to 96 00:05:03.319 --> 00:05:05.319 weave in and out of our own personal thoughts on this. 97 00:05:05.439 --> 00:05:07.399 But we got a half dozen that I thought we're 98 00:05:07.399 --> 00:05:12.040 pretty good, sent in via both email and our social 99 00:05:12.079 --> 00:05:14.199 media that I thought were good, and I think we're 100 00:05:14.240 --> 00:05:18.040 going to be able to explore some of these. As always, 101 00:05:18.040 --> 00:05:19.680 we picked three from the men and three from the 102 00:05:19.680 --> 00:05:21.399 women because we want to balance it out here. So 103 00:05:21.519 --> 00:05:25.720 the first one is from Ben from Huntington Beach Surf City. 104 00:05:25.800 --> 00:05:30.000 There you go, and I quote, if we have been 105 00:05:30.040 --> 00:05:32.800 together for a while and I'm doing everything I need 106 00:05:32.839 --> 00:05:35.959 to be doing to give you what you want. Honestly, 107 00:05:36.279 --> 00:05:39.600 I deserve sex, maybe not twice a day, maybe not 108 00:05:39.759 --> 00:05:42.480 every day, but when I want it, which is most days. 109 00:05:42.879 --> 00:05:44.920 I know you're busy or tired or not feeling it 110 00:05:45.000 --> 00:05:47.439 or whatever, but sometimes those are just excuses because you 111 00:05:47.439 --> 00:05:50.079 want to do something else. I think a man deserves 112 00:05:50.079 --> 00:05:52.040 sex if he is doing the things you ask him 113 00:05:52.040 --> 00:05:54.560 to do. Simple guy, simple needs. This seems like a 114 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:57.319 simple arrangement for a healthy relationship. 115 00:05:57.560 --> 00:05:59.439 Ooh, an arrangements. 116 00:06:00.560 --> 00:06:01.560 Quid pro quo. 117 00:06:01.879 --> 00:06:03.040 We're familiar with those. 118 00:06:03.279 --> 00:06:06.560 See he if he phrased this to her or us 119 00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:09.839 in a way that left the word out deserve if 120 00:06:09.879 --> 00:06:12.519 he's just like, I want sex or I need sex, 121 00:06:13.800 --> 00:06:17.160 even if I said I earned sex, which is possible. 122 00:06:17.199 --> 00:06:18.839 I mean, sex should never be a reward or a 123 00:06:18.879 --> 00:06:20.279 referendum on anything. It shouldn't be. 124 00:06:20.759 --> 00:06:23.959 But he's just like, because I do this, my A 125 00:06:24.199 --> 00:06:29.160 plus B equals your C. I've had this exact conversation. 126 00:06:29.360 --> 00:06:30.399 Well that's why you're here. 127 00:06:30.600 --> 00:06:34.439 I've had this exact conversation with a with a past relationship, 128 00:06:35.000 --> 00:06:38.560 and it's and it went. You know, after all I've 129 00:06:38.600 --> 00:06:41.680 done for you, don't you think I deserve this? 130 00:06:43.600 --> 00:06:44.319 You know how that went? 131 00:06:44.360 --> 00:06:44.560 Over. 132 00:06:44.920 --> 00:06:48.240 I mean like a lead balloon, right after all I've 133 00:06:48.279 --> 00:06:51.639 done for you. So sometimes they don't think that that 134 00:06:51.800 --> 00:06:53.879 means that. It might mean like I will bake you 135 00:06:54.120 --> 00:06:57.879 brownies because you did that. They What people don't like 136 00:06:57.959 --> 00:07:05.240 with deserve is you determining the prize. Is that right, Lily? 137 00:07:05.279 --> 00:07:07.560 If a man said that to you, like I took 138 00:07:07.600 --> 00:07:13.199 you to dinner, I deserve some fondling, Well. 139 00:07:13.360 --> 00:07:17.160 I don't know if it's deserved. Men need sex, and 140 00:07:17.680 --> 00:07:19.839 women have to realize that if you're not keeping your 141 00:07:19.879 --> 00:07:23.879 man happy, he's gonna find his happiness somewhere else. So 142 00:07:24.560 --> 00:07:26.480 it's not so much that they deserve it. You have 143 00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:30.439 to recognize and acknowledge that they need it. Sometimes they 144 00:07:30.439 --> 00:07:33.160 deserve it, sometimes they don't, but they always need it. 145 00:07:33.240 --> 00:07:36.000 So how should he say this to her? Because I 146 00:07:36.040 --> 00:07:39.839 think if you use the word deserve, it's very privileged 147 00:07:39.839 --> 00:07:42.000 and entitled and they don't like that. This is what 148 00:07:42.079 --> 00:07:44.040 I want from you, this is what I need. Like, 149 00:07:44.319 --> 00:07:46.879 how would you go about this If he's like, listen, 150 00:07:46.959 --> 00:07:49.240 I did this, this and this, I did everything you 151 00:07:49.240 --> 00:07:52.920 want me to do. I love you, blah blah blah. 152 00:07:52.920 --> 00:07:54.160 But what. 153 00:07:56.560 --> 00:07:59.480 I don't think you should even have that conversation. I 154 00:07:59.560 --> 00:08:01.600 think you should whine her and dine her and maybe 155 00:08:01.639 --> 00:08:03.120 you're gonna get to sixty nine her. 156 00:08:03.439 --> 00:08:06.519 What happens if it doesn't, Yeah, that's what he's getting at. 157 00:08:06.600 --> 00:08:09.759 He's tried it, you know. The bottom line is she 158 00:08:09.759 --> 00:08:14.079 probably doesn't either life And again, this changes over time too. 159 00:08:14.120 --> 00:08:16.600 Sometimes the women's sexual drive is off the charts at 160 00:08:16.920 --> 00:08:20.240 forty eight. You never know. She might just not want 161 00:08:20.319 --> 00:08:24.879 sex most days, and you have to understand that. And 162 00:08:24.959 --> 00:08:27.759 so I don't think there's anything worse and I'm speaking 163 00:08:27.800 --> 00:08:30.160 for me here than wanting to have sex with somebody 164 00:08:30.199 --> 00:08:33.720 who's doing you a favor or reward or this is 165 00:08:33.799 --> 00:08:35.840 just I'm just gonna lay here and you do whatever 166 00:08:35.840 --> 00:08:37.679 you do. I think that is not good. But I'm 167 00:08:37.720 --> 00:08:40.120 not Ben from Huntington Beach. You know, surfs up in 168 00:08:40.200 --> 00:08:43.080 Huntington Beach. So I don't know what he wants in return. 169 00:08:43.120 --> 00:08:46.360 If he just wants the favor sex, I don't know. 170 00:08:46.759 --> 00:08:50.600 Get you a sex doll, Ben, If you need sex 171 00:08:50.639 --> 00:08:51.840 on demand. 172 00:08:52.200 --> 00:08:52.960 It's not the same. 173 00:08:53.279 --> 00:08:57.039 No, Well, but seriously, this is a deeper problem in 174 00:08:57.039 --> 00:08:58.840 the relationship. She has to be on the mood. You 175 00:08:58.919 --> 00:09:01.120 gotta do something to get her in the mood. You 176 00:09:01.159 --> 00:09:02.159 can't just say this is. 177 00:09:02.120 --> 00:09:04.120 A problem that happens to a lot of couples have 178 00:09:04.159 --> 00:09:07.919 been together in a while. Yeah, he's an age old problem. 179 00:09:08.120 --> 00:09:09.919 It is an age old problem. I don't think putting 180 00:09:09.960 --> 00:09:11.960 the word deserve into this is going to help your 181 00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:15.159 cause in any way, because what you're saying by doing 182 00:09:15.200 --> 00:09:19.240 that is I did these things only because I was 183 00:09:19.279 --> 00:09:21.960 hopeful for the reward at the end, and that's not 184 00:09:22.120 --> 00:09:24.320 exactly the most generous way to do it. She'd be like, 185 00:09:24.360 --> 00:09:25.759 I do it because I care about you and I 186 00:09:25.799 --> 00:09:29.320 love you, and you hope that the the tennis ball 187 00:09:29.399 --> 00:09:34.480 hit back to you is oh nudy time. Yeah, but 188 00:09:34.720 --> 00:09:36.159 I don't. I don't have a lot of sympathy for 189 00:09:36.240 --> 00:09:37.720 him on this. I just think he's got to find 190 00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:40.440 a new girl. Yeah, all right, there's some I mean, 191 00:09:40.799 --> 00:09:41.279 I think. 192 00:09:41.159 --> 00:09:42.440 He needs a different approach. 193 00:09:42.679 --> 00:09:45.200 I mean, yeah, his approach is deserved. Be like, listen, 194 00:09:45.240 --> 00:09:46.840 you know what really does it for me when I 195 00:09:47.279 --> 00:09:53.279 when I take out the garbage nudity? You know, he's 196 00:09:53.279 --> 00:09:55.000 got to make it a little more playful and a 197 00:09:55.039 --> 00:09:57.159 little bit just like, this is my simple needs. I 198 00:09:57.200 --> 00:09:59.480 only ask for one thing. I don't think you. I 199 00:09:59.480 --> 00:10:01.639 think you have to take it on a little bit 200 00:10:01.679 --> 00:10:03.000 deeper level from that, right. 201 00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:04.480 Yeah, I don't know if this will work, but the 202 00:10:04.559 --> 00:10:07.440 quickest way to gain a girl's attention is to remove yours. 203 00:10:08.600 --> 00:10:12.039 Oh there you go, put that on a business card. 204 00:10:13.039 --> 00:10:17.600 Is that true? Really? Yes? I mean I think it is. 205 00:10:17.679 --> 00:10:18.679 I think that makes sense. 206 00:10:18.720 --> 00:10:21.120 You know what, It's not true for me because I'm 207 00:10:21.120 --> 00:10:23.840 an attention whore. Oh I love attentions. 208 00:10:24.120 --> 00:10:27.000 When your little old man doesn't contact you for two weeks, 209 00:10:27.039 --> 00:10:27.679 what do you say? 210 00:10:28.360 --> 00:10:30.600 Oh my god, what happened to my little old man? 211 00:10:30.639 --> 00:10:32.679 I've been wondering about him before. 212 00:10:32.799 --> 00:10:34.799 You didn't even think about him until he removed his 213 00:10:34.919 --> 00:10:36.559 attention phantom pain. 214 00:10:36.759 --> 00:10:39.440 I still very rarely think of him. 215 00:10:39.480 --> 00:10:41.080 Except yeah, but I've heard those words. 216 00:10:41.879 --> 00:10:45.320 If he's still alive, we'll see his best life. 217 00:10:45.399 --> 00:10:47.960 Yeah. Yeah, I need this girl. Like twenty five years ago, 218 00:10:48.399 --> 00:10:50.240 I would pay tons of attention to her. She paid 219 00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:52.000 no attention to me, and then she saw me talking 220 00:10:52.039 --> 00:10:53.799 to her friend one night and she's like, wait, that's 221 00:10:53.799 --> 00:10:55.480 the guy who pays attention to me, and she totally 222 00:10:55.480 --> 00:10:58.200 flipped out and got jealous that. I think there's a 223 00:10:58.200 --> 00:11:01.799 lot of merit to that. So if you're telling him, Ben, 224 00:11:03.080 --> 00:11:05.000 just don't bring it up or don't try, she might 225 00:11:05.080 --> 00:11:07.519 just be like relief, or she might have been like, 226 00:11:07.639 --> 00:11:09.600 uh oh, he's gonna find it somewhere else. Maybe that's 227 00:11:09.600 --> 00:11:12.600 the trigger. Yeah, why is he stopped? Yeah, but then 228 00:11:12.600 --> 00:11:15.759 you're taking the element of deserve out too anyway, complicated one, Ben, 229 00:11:16.039 --> 00:11:17.960 I think your approach is a little two cave manny 230 00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:19.320 on this kind of thing. I think you could be 231 00:11:19.360 --> 00:11:23.279 a little bit sweeter with your approach. Other than these 232 00:11:23.279 --> 00:11:26.159 are my primal urges, you know, I don't know, Take 233 00:11:26.200 --> 00:11:27.279 your shop and see what works. 234 00:11:27.600 --> 00:11:30.000 Be affectionate, yeah, compliment her. 235 00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:32.440 Yeah, maybe maybe hold her hand, go a little bit 236 00:11:32.519 --> 00:11:35.919 south of sex, a little bit less. Okay. This is 237 00:11:35.960 --> 00:11:40.960 from Marguerite Margarita via our Facebook page. What do I deserve? 238 00:11:41.240 --> 00:11:44.240 I deserve your attention to listen to me, to hear 239 00:11:44.320 --> 00:11:47.360 me out, to empathize with me, to try to understand 240 00:11:47.360 --> 00:11:49.120 me and what I'm going through, whether it is good 241 00:11:49.240 --> 00:11:52.279 or bad. Forget about you for five minutes and focus 242 00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:54.600 on me. We spend plenty of time on you and 243 00:11:54.639 --> 00:11:57.080 on us and on others, but sometimes when I really 244 00:11:57.080 --> 00:12:01.759 need it, I deserve your full attention. On me mentally, physically, emotionally. 245 00:12:02.120 --> 00:12:06.000 Is that too much? I think that's what every woman deserves. 246 00:12:07.440 --> 00:12:12.759 Fair Well, the way you read it, she was ranting. 247 00:12:13.600 --> 00:12:17.720 I think she's had it with us generally. I can 248 00:12:17.799 --> 00:12:22.159 kind of speak to this because I years ago I 249 00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:24.519 was I was directing this play and I had a 250 00:12:24.600 --> 00:12:30.440 huge female cast in it, and my girlfriend was like, listen, 251 00:12:30.960 --> 00:12:33.159 I don't care. I don't think you're like like them. 252 00:12:33.159 --> 00:12:35.639 I don't think you're You're spending time with them and whatever, 253 00:12:35.720 --> 00:12:38.639 but you are giving the mental energy and attention that 254 00:12:38.679 --> 00:12:41.120 by the time you get home from rehearsal or whatever, 255 00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:44.200 it is like, You're not You're just done because you've 256 00:12:44.240 --> 00:12:46.320 used up all your chick energy on a dozen other 257 00:12:46.360 --> 00:12:48.720 people that has nothing to do with us. I deserve 258 00:12:49.000 --> 00:12:52.799 that as your girlfriend. And she was one hundred percent right. 259 00:12:53.039 --> 00:12:56.000 And at the time I was like, I cannot talk 260 00:12:56.039 --> 00:12:58.120 to one more chick, but I can't hear more. I 261 00:12:58.120 --> 00:13:00.919 complain goodn't. I wasted all of the bandwidth that she 262 00:13:01.080 --> 00:13:03.480 was entitled to on people who were not part of 263 00:13:03.519 --> 00:13:05.919 our relationship professionally, and that was a bad deal for her, 264 00:13:05.960 --> 00:13:07.559 and I thought she did deserve better. 265 00:13:09.240 --> 00:13:09.960 Yeah, I've been there. 266 00:13:10.000 --> 00:13:10.159 Too. 267 00:13:10.360 --> 00:13:13.679 I've been where I was stretching myself too thin and 268 00:13:13.720 --> 00:13:15.879 I would just come home and I would just zone out. 269 00:13:16.679 --> 00:13:18.360 That definitely happened in my marriage. 270 00:13:18.720 --> 00:13:22.799 Yeah. But the question is how do you when you lecture. 271 00:13:22.879 --> 00:13:25.000 All of this is about approach, and when you lecture 272 00:13:25.080 --> 00:13:26.919 somebody like you need to pay attention to me and 273 00:13:26.919 --> 00:13:28.639 you listen to mean he's got either one eye on 274 00:13:28.679 --> 00:13:31.639 the game or one eye on work or whatever his 275 00:13:31.919 --> 00:13:37.279 thing is. And some people just aren't good listeners. You know, 276 00:13:37.360 --> 00:13:39.159 we've said on this podcast before, it's not that she 277 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:41.240 wants to be right, it's that she wants to be heard. 278 00:13:41.960 --> 00:13:47.120 And sometimes just standing there can be enough. You fake 279 00:13:47.159 --> 00:13:50.720 it till you make it. On this Marguerite boyfriends or lovers, 280 00:13:51.200 --> 00:13:52.879 I think you do have to figure out a way 281 00:13:52.879 --> 00:13:56.480 to compartmentalize your attention so that for X amount of time, 282 00:13:57.039 --> 00:13:58.960 I'm looking you in the eye and I'm here for you. 283 00:14:00.360 --> 00:14:01.320 Easier said than done. 284 00:14:01.759 --> 00:14:06.480 What do you think, Marcus, Well, Relationships take work and communication. 285 00:14:06.759 --> 00:14:10.039 The problem is ninety eight percent of people don't do 286 00:14:10.159 --> 00:14:13.799 any work and they don't understand relationships. And I think 287 00:14:13.799 --> 00:14:16.360 if they just took a few minutes just to even 288 00:14:16.759 --> 00:14:18.600 go to YouTube, or some kind of a source on 289 00:14:18.639 --> 00:14:21.000 the internet type in some of the feelings that are 290 00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:24.320 being expressed, they're going to find a really nice solution 291 00:14:24.480 --> 00:14:26.279 that will be amicable to both. 292 00:14:27.000 --> 00:14:31.759 And just being present while she's talking sometimes isn't enough. 293 00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:33.720 And a lot of times we're just like, I listened 294 00:14:33.759 --> 00:14:36.279 to you, I heard you. But if she ever said 295 00:14:36.480 --> 00:14:41.000 the God forbid she goes, then what did I just say? Oh, 296 00:14:41.039 --> 00:14:43.159 which we've all been busted on a. 297 00:14:43.120 --> 00:14:45.840 Million time all the time at work, Like. 298 00:14:46.039 --> 00:14:47.919 I know you're not listening to me. 299 00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:51.279 Like it's really hard to be present in a distracted world, 300 00:14:51.360 --> 00:14:54.279 even for our own purposes, to try and be present 301 00:14:54.320 --> 00:14:57.960 for somebody else. I think we all deserve that though, 302 00:14:58.000 --> 00:15:00.120 from somebody who is with us and caring about in 303 00:15:00.200 --> 00:15:03.360 relationship that for whatever time we need, I need you 304 00:15:03.399 --> 00:15:05.159 to be there for me in a moment or in 305 00:15:05.960 --> 00:15:07.279 an hour or whatever it is. 306 00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:09.159 I think we do have to. I think she's right. 307 00:15:09.240 --> 00:15:10.399 I think we all deserve that. 308 00:15:11.879 --> 00:15:12.720 Yeah, I do too. 309 00:15:13.799 --> 00:15:15.399 It's not too much to Marcus is. 310 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:20.279 Like, ah, apologies, apologies to anyone I ever tuned out 311 00:15:20.799 --> 00:15:22.360 because I'm not a great listener. 312 00:15:23.639 --> 00:15:26.639 The crazy thing is, I'm just having flashbacks of my marriage. 313 00:15:27.159 --> 00:15:29.960 It's not so much in my current relationships, but in 314 00:15:30.080 --> 00:15:32.799 my past marriage. Everything we're talking about hits home. 315 00:15:33.960 --> 00:15:34.159 Well. 316 00:15:34.200 --> 00:15:38.080 Currently, you are very good at tuning out your work wife. 317 00:15:40.519 --> 00:15:43.759 Again, Is this the time or place he's on the computer? Yeah, 318 00:15:43.799 --> 00:15:44.600 I mean it's hard. 319 00:15:44.720 --> 00:15:48.120 I think something and he's just kind of nod and 320 00:15:48.159 --> 00:15:51.799 I'm like, what did I say? I have no idea, so. 321 00:15:51.840 --> 00:15:53.399 I don't I don't do that. I don't want to 322 00:15:53.440 --> 00:15:55.000 do video on this podcast. I know you guys bitch 323 00:15:55.000 --> 00:15:57.399 about it all the time, but Lily, can you describe 324 00:15:57.399 --> 00:15:59.639 this gesture that I'm making with my hand right now? 325 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:01.480 Talk talk talk, right talk. 326 00:16:01.559 --> 00:16:04.480 So one time I had a cool friend and she 327 00:16:04.639 --> 00:16:07.399 was talking, talking, talking. I wasn't really paying attention, and 328 00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:09.120 she's like, you're not listening to me, You're not listening 329 00:16:09.159 --> 00:16:11.759 to me, And I did the little thing with my hand. 330 00:16:11.919 --> 00:16:15.960 Yeah, I've never deserved to be hit before you deserved it. 331 00:16:16.360 --> 00:16:18.960 She hit me so hard in the back of the head, 332 00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:21.759 and I never would do that again. I just did 333 00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:23.519 the like this is what's happening, And it was like 334 00:16:23.559 --> 00:16:28.799 the gum flapping thing so bad again, Like thirty two 335 00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:31.519 year old Brian needed a good hitting in the head. 336 00:16:31.559 --> 00:16:34.320 But and she was right. I think about things all 337 00:16:34.360 --> 00:16:37.720 the time in my doing the worth and in my growth, 338 00:16:37.799 --> 00:16:40.440 like what did I do that They they deserved more. 339 00:16:41.480 --> 00:16:44.080 They definitely deserve my attention. They definitely deserve to be heard, 340 00:16:44.159 --> 00:16:48.000 and they definitely deserve like this is important to me, 341 00:16:48.039 --> 00:16:49.840 and you have to recognize that even if it's not 342 00:16:49.840 --> 00:16:52.559 important to you. I think this works both ways, Marguerite. 343 00:16:52.600 --> 00:16:54.279 I'm sure you haven't been perfect on this either. We 344 00:16:54.320 --> 00:16:58.559 all deserve to have the other person's thoughts or feelings 345 00:16:58.679 --> 00:17:02.080 or circumstances be wreckedognized by the by the room. 346 00:17:03.879 --> 00:17:05.200 Even if you don't agree. 347 00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:07.839 Just say, even if you don't agree. 348 00:17:07.759 --> 00:17:11.000 I understand where you're coming from. I don't necessarily agree. 349 00:17:11.119 --> 00:17:13.279 Yeah. Yeah, see, that's when we get in trouble set. 350 00:17:13.319 --> 00:17:15.759 I see your perspective. I could see how you feel 351 00:17:15.759 --> 00:17:19.640 that way. That's dangerous too. None of us on that. 352 00:17:19.839 --> 00:17:22.839 So you gotta like I hear you and I understand you, 353 00:17:22.920 --> 00:17:26.119 and I'm I think that's all they really want to 354 00:17:26.119 --> 00:17:27.880 know is that you're hearing. And I think she deserves that, 355 00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:31.000 and I think we all do deserve that. Okay, this 356 00:17:31.319 --> 00:17:36.640 next one is from buck Buck. That's a cool name. 357 00:17:36.839 --> 00:17:38.400 So as I went to a restaurant the other day 358 00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:40.640 and the hostess goes, can I have a good name? 359 00:17:41.480 --> 00:17:44.799 And I'm like, Snoop, Like rather than give her my name, 360 00:17:44.839 --> 00:17:46.319 she owns a good name, and I was trying to think, like, 361 00:17:46.319 --> 00:17:48.519 what's a good name to just give? So they shouted 362 00:17:48.519 --> 00:17:50.279 out the restaurant when your table's ready. I've been thinking 363 00:17:50.279 --> 00:17:53.000 about that for us. Send me submissions on that might 364 00:17:53.039 --> 00:17:57.039 be Snoop, might be the rock. All right, this is 365 00:17:57.079 --> 00:18:00.960 from Buck, which is a good name from Altoona, Pennsylvania. 366 00:18:01.079 --> 00:18:04.400 I deserve time, seriously. I've been dating this woman for 367 00:18:04.440 --> 00:18:07.039 about three months as of this writing. She gave me 368 00:18:07.079 --> 00:18:09.799 full attention and almost every night when we initially started 369 00:18:09.839 --> 00:18:13.279 seeing each other. Then we decided to be exclusive. Suddenly 370 00:18:13.359 --> 00:18:17.200 she can no longer get a babysitter, her custody situation shifted. 371 00:18:17.240 --> 00:18:19.319 She told me it was an equal split when we started, 372 00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:22.000 and now she seems to be unavailable unless I want 373 00:18:22.000 --> 00:18:23.319 to come over and hang out with her and her 374 00:18:23.400 --> 00:18:25.400 seven year old son, who acts like a four year old. 375 00:18:25.799 --> 00:18:28.519 I understand she has challenges with him and her ex, 376 00:18:28.640 --> 00:18:30.359 but that didn't seem to be an issue for the 377 00:18:30.440 --> 00:18:33.160 first eight weeks. Or so, and now suddenly she has 378 00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:35.559 no time for me, but insists that she cares about 379 00:18:35.559 --> 00:18:38.039 me and wants it to work. Well, then make time. 380 00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:44.640 I deserve time. We've heard versions of this before, where 381 00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:45.480 early on. 382 00:18:46.480 --> 00:18:49.880 This relationship is doomed. If you think it's doomed, I 383 00:18:49.920 --> 00:18:50.720 think it's doomed. 384 00:18:51.079 --> 00:18:52.960 See, I'm a little more hopeful than you. I tell 385 00:18:53.039 --> 00:18:54.960 because we have a lot of single No, you. 386 00:18:54.920 --> 00:18:58.440 Want a bitch about a chicks kid, your relationship is 387 00:18:58.480 --> 00:19:00.039 doomed if you can't accept. 388 00:18:59.799 --> 00:19:03.680 The I don't think she's he's explaining the kid. I 389 00:19:03.720 --> 00:19:05.200 don't know if he's bitching about the kid. 390 00:19:05.359 --> 00:19:07.960 He is bitching. He said her seven year old acts four. 391 00:19:08.200 --> 00:19:12.160 Well, that might just be a fact. That's just his perspective. 392 00:19:12.400 --> 00:19:14.799 A lot of people. I tell people that we get 393 00:19:14.839 --> 00:19:17.480 a lot of single parents who write into the Great 394 00:19:17.480 --> 00:19:19.279 Love Debate, or they'll come to our shows or whatever, 395 00:19:19.640 --> 00:19:23.680 and they're always like, I have, you know, five days 396 00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:25.599 a month where I'm fully available or whatever. Who's going 397 00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:27.720 to sign up for that? And I always tell them 398 00:19:27.759 --> 00:19:29.799 the same thing. I go, you have to paint a 399 00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:33.039 picture as to your availability, and you have to be 400 00:19:33.079 --> 00:19:35.720 honest about that. So if you only have one day 401 00:19:35.759 --> 00:19:37.880