Speaker 1: This is pod Popular Podcast for the People.
Speaker 2: The Great Love Debate. It's a great love debate, Degree
Speaker 2: Love Debate, It's a great love ba.
Speaker 1: Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie. Welcome to The Great
Speaker 1: Love Debate, the world's number one dating and relationship podcast
Speaker 1: since twenty fifteen. I am back here in the very
Speaker 1: fine studios of Pod Popular Podcast for the People. I'm
Speaker 1: back at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona, and the weather
Speaker 1: is lovely if you want to book somewhere Scottsdale, Arizona.
Speaker 1: Speaking of booking somewhere, so I was. I was on
Speaker 1: a train the other day, a trolley, a light rail,
Speaker 1: one of those airport things. Uh, they always seem like
Speaker 1: they're driverless and like they're going to go off the
Speaker 1: rails and two crowded and whatever. That's a different podcast, though,
Speaker 1: so and I heard a guy on the train very
Speaker 1: loudly said to a woman he was with, he said,
Speaker 1: I think I deserve better, and she answered him with
Speaker 1: you don't deserve shit. And it was like a whole
Speaker 1: thing on this very crowded train. And I'm not sure
Speaker 1: if they were heading out on a trip, because I
Speaker 1: was like between terminals. I wasn't sure if they were
Speaker 1: about to go somewhere or they were coming somewhere and
Speaker 1: heading to baggage claim. And I was trying to think of, like,
Speaker 1: which would be worse of those scenarios. I think the
Speaker 1: former would be worse because the trip could probably calm
Speaker 1: the argument. So I'm like, you guys fought and then
Speaker 1: you on a trip and gone. If you just went
Speaker 1: on a trip and then you're fighting after, maybe that
Speaker 1: spoiled the trip. But then I'm thinking, like, well, maybe
Speaker 1: at least you got a trip out of it. And
Speaker 1: there's a whole thing. So I probably overthought this thing
Speaker 1: for that purpose, you know, before he told everybody to
Speaker 1: fuck off, you had a good time in Hawaii. I
Speaker 1: don't know, but it triggered something in me, and I
Speaker 1: focused on that word that he used and he said deserve.
Speaker 1: He said, I think I deserve better. And I thought
Speaker 1: about deserve, and that's always a third rail when you
Speaker 1: bring up a word like that, you know, because there's
Speaker 1: elements of merit and there's elements of earning, and there's
Speaker 1: elements of need. So I put out a APB on
Speaker 1: our socials right after that to see if anybody had
Speaker 1: any thoughts on deserve and ask for our listeners to
Speaker 1: talk about what they think they deserve or have deserved,
Speaker 1: either in a current relationship or a future relationship, rightly
Speaker 1: or wrongly, whether it is earned or entitled. And this could,
Speaker 1: like I said, could be from a perfect scenario or
Speaker 1: it could be in their current scenario. And you guys
Speaker 1: actually answered a lot. You were like, I deserve this,
Speaker 1: not need, not want, deserve. And when you bring that
Speaker 1: word up to a partner sometimes or a potential partner,
Speaker 1: it's obviously fraught with peril doing so, because the circumstance
Speaker 1: and what you use the word deserve is generally a
Speaker 1: heated one. It's I deserve this, this and this and
Speaker 1: and every times to go. Well, so we're going to
Speaker 1: take the time to hear you guys out on it,
Speaker 1: sort of the calm before the storm on the elements
Speaker 1: of deserving. So I brought in some pros. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure exactly They're gonna be like, wait, why are we
Speaker 1: pros on the deserve thing? Maybe on the quid pro quo.
Speaker 1: They are the host and co host s of the
Speaker 1: very very popular Secrets of a Sugar Daddy podcast. They've
Speaker 1: been on this before, not in a while, but he
Speaker 1: always comes with wisdom and reason, and so does she.
Speaker 1: Marcus and Lily, welcome back.
Speaker 3: I do have a lot to say about this. I know,
Speaker 3: well you listen to your part. There's a lot of like,
Speaker 3: I give this, I want this back. There's a lot
Speaker 3: of negotiating. Can I refer to what as your world
Speaker 3: in the sugar world? Is that what it's called sugar world?
Speaker 3: Sounds a lot like the Barbie world?
Speaker 1: But there's obviously some honest discussion up front about it.
Speaker 1: And that's about like earned and merit. But does the
Speaker 1: word deserve come up? I'll tell you what.
Speaker 3: The word deserve is thrown around haphazardly, and I I'm
Speaker 3: just out of the opinion. If you think you deserve something,
Speaker 3: you've got to show me why. And if you don't
Speaker 3: think you're getting what you deserve, you need to go
Speaker 3: get what you deserve.
Speaker 1: And deserve is very subjective and the other person might
Speaker 1: have no idea how to differentiate from need, want, merit.
Speaker 4: Right, I agreed, I think I deserve a raise.
Speaker 1: I think so too. This is not the time or
Speaker 1: place that's a good conversation. I think I deserve a raise.
Speaker 4: I actually recently got a raise. My boss is really generous.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I deserve a raise. A lot of
Speaker 1: people come into that. I've had those conversations many, many
Speaker 1: times when somebody comes into me and they're like, I
Speaker 1: think of deserve a raise, And usually the deserve is
Speaker 1: based on some clock of time they put in and
Speaker 1: not actually any sort of achievement or merit within the performance.
Speaker 1: There's like, well, well i've been here twelve months. I
Speaker 1: think I deserve something.
Speaker 4: Oh the fact that they put up with you that long.
Speaker 1: True, And then they could make that argument like I
Speaker 1: have merited this. So we're going to be able to
Speaker 1: weave in and out of our own personal thoughts on this.
Speaker 1: But we got a half dozen that I thought we're
Speaker 1: pretty good, sent in via both email and our social
Speaker 1: media that I thought were good, and I think we're
Speaker 1: going to be able to explore some of these. As always,
Speaker 1: we picked three from the men and three from the
Speaker 1: women because we want to balance it out here. So
Speaker 1: the first one is from Ben from Huntington Beach Surf City.
Speaker 1: There you go, and I quote, if we have been
Speaker 1: together for a while and I'm doing everything I need
Speaker 1: to be doing to give you what you want. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I deserve sex, maybe not twice a day, maybe not
Speaker 1: every day, but when I want it, which is most days.
Speaker 1: I know you're busy or tired or not feeling it
Speaker 1: or whatever, but sometimes those are just excuses because you
Speaker 1: want to do something else. I think a man deserves
Speaker 1: sex if he is doing the things you ask him
Speaker 1: to do. Simple guy, simple needs. This seems like a
Speaker 1: simple arrangement for a healthy relationship.
Speaker 4: Ooh, an arrangements.
Speaker 1: Quid pro quo.
Speaker 4: We're familiar with those.
Speaker 1: See he if he phrased this to her or us
Speaker 1: in a way that left the word out deserve if
Speaker 1: he's just like, I want sex or I need sex,
Speaker 1: even if I said I earned sex, which is possible.
Speaker 1: I mean, sex should never be a reward or a
Speaker 1: referendum on anything. It shouldn't be.
Speaker 3: But he's just like, because I do this, my A
Speaker 3: plus B equals your C. I've had this exact conversation.
Speaker 1: Well that's why you're here.
Speaker 3: I've had this exact conversation with a with a past relationship,
Speaker 3: and it's and it went. You know, after all I've
Speaker 3: done for you, don't you think I deserve this?
Speaker 1: You know how that went?
Speaker 2: Over.
Speaker 1: I mean like a lead balloon, right after all I've
Speaker 1: done for you. So sometimes they don't think that that
Speaker 1: means that. It might mean like I will bake you
Speaker 1: brownies because you did that. They What people don't like
Speaker 1: with deserve is you determining the prize. Is that right, Lily?
Speaker 1: If a man said that to you, like I took
Speaker 1: you to dinner, I deserve some fondling, Well.
Speaker 4: I don't know if it's deserved. Men need sex, and
Speaker 4: women have to realize that if you're not keeping your
Speaker 4: man happy, he's gonna find his happiness somewhere else. So
Speaker 4: it's not so much that they deserve it. You have
Speaker 4: to recognize and acknowledge that they need it. Sometimes they
Speaker 4: deserve it, sometimes they don't, but they always need it.
Speaker 1: So how should he say this to her? Because I
Speaker 1: think if you use the word deserve, it's very privileged
Speaker 1: and entitled and they don't like that. This is what
Speaker 1: I want from you, this is what I need. Like,
Speaker 1: how would you go about this If he's like, listen,
Speaker 1: I did this, this and this, I did everything you
Speaker 1: want me to do. I love you, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: But what.
Speaker 4: I don't think you should even have that conversation. I
Speaker 4: think you should whine her and dine her and maybe
Speaker 4: you're gonna get to sixty nine her.
Speaker 1: What happens if it doesn't, Yeah, that's what he's getting at.
Speaker 1: He's tried it, you know. The bottom line is she
Speaker 1: probably doesn't either life And again, this changes over time too.
Speaker 1: Sometimes the women's sexual drive is off the charts at
Speaker 1: forty eight. You never know. She might just not want
Speaker 1: sex most days, and you have to understand that. And
Speaker 1: so I don't think there's anything worse and I'm speaking
Speaker 1: for me here than wanting to have sex with somebody
Speaker 1: who's doing you a favor or reward or this is
Speaker 1: just I'm just gonna lay here and you do whatever
Speaker 1: you do. I think that is not good. But I'm
Speaker 1: not Ben from Huntington Beach. You know, surfs up in
Speaker 1: Huntington Beach. So I don't know what he wants in return.
Speaker 1: If he just wants the favor sex, I don't know.
Speaker 4: Get you a sex doll, Ben, If you need sex
Speaker 4: on demand.
Speaker 1: It's not the same.
Speaker 4: No, Well, but seriously, this is a deeper problem in
Speaker 4: the relationship. She has to be on the mood. You
Speaker 4: gotta do something to get her in the mood. You
Speaker 4: can't just say this is.
Speaker 1: A problem that happens to a lot of couples have
Speaker 1: been together in a while. Yeah, he's an age old problem.
Speaker 1: It is an age old problem. I don't think putting
Speaker 1: the word deserve into this is going to help your
Speaker 1: cause in any way, because what you're saying by doing
Speaker 1: that is I did these things only because I was
Speaker 1: hopeful for the reward at the end, and that's not
Speaker 1: exactly the most generous way to do it. She'd be like,
Speaker 1: I do it because I care about you and I
Speaker 1: love you, and you hope that the the tennis ball
Speaker 1: hit back to you is oh nudy time. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't have a lot of sympathy for
Speaker 1: him on this. I just think he's got to find
Speaker 1: a new girl. Yeah, all right, there's some I mean,
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 4: He needs a different approach.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, his approach is deserved. Be like, listen,
Speaker 1: you know what really does it for me when I
Speaker 1: when I take out the garbage nudity? You know, he's
Speaker 1: got to make it a little more playful and a
Speaker 1: little bit just like, this is my simple needs. I
Speaker 1: only ask for one thing. I don't think you. I
Speaker 1: think you have to take it on a little bit
Speaker 1: deeper level from that, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know if this will work, but the
Speaker 3: quickest way to gain a girl's attention is to remove yours.
Speaker 1: Oh there you go, put that on a business card.
Speaker 1: Is that true? Really? Yes? I mean I think it is.
Speaker 1: I think that makes sense.
Speaker 4: You know what, It's not true for me because I'm
Speaker 4: an attention whore. Oh I love attentions.
Speaker 3: When your little old man doesn't contact you for two weeks,
Speaker 3: what do you say?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, what happened to my little old man?
Speaker 1: I've been wondering about him before.
Speaker 3: You didn't even think about him until he removed his
Speaker 3: attention phantom pain.
Speaker 4: I still very rarely think of him.
Speaker 1: Except yeah, but I've heard those words.
Speaker 4: If he's still alive, we'll see his best life.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I need this girl. Like twenty five years ago,
Speaker 1: I would pay tons of attention to her. She paid
Speaker 1: no attention to me, and then she saw me talking
Speaker 1: to her friend one night and she's like, wait, that's
Speaker 1: the guy who pays attention to me, and she totally
Speaker 1: flipped out and got jealous that. I think there's a
Speaker 1: lot of merit to that. So if you're telling him, Ben,
Speaker 1: just don't bring it up or don't try, she might
Speaker 1: just be like relief, or she might have been like,
Speaker 1: uh oh, he's gonna find it somewhere else. Maybe that's
Speaker 1: the trigger. Yeah, why is he stopped? Yeah, but then
Speaker 1: you're taking the element of deserve out too anyway, complicated one, Ben,
Speaker 1: I think your approach is a little two cave manny
Speaker 1: on this kind of thing. I think you could be
Speaker 1: a little bit sweeter with your approach. Other than these
Speaker 1: are my primal urges, you know, I don't know, Take
Speaker 1: your shop and see what works.
Speaker 4: Be affectionate, yeah, compliment her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe maybe hold her hand, go a little bit
Speaker 1: south of sex, a little bit less. Okay. This is
Speaker 1: from Marguerite Margarita via our Facebook page. What do I deserve?
Speaker 1: I deserve your attention to listen to me, to hear
Speaker 1: me out, to empathize with me, to try to understand
Speaker 1: me and what I'm going through, whether it is good
Speaker 1: or bad. Forget about you for five minutes and focus
Speaker 1: on me. We spend plenty of time on you and
Speaker 1: on us and on others, but sometimes when I really
Speaker 1: need it, I deserve your full attention. On me mentally, physically, emotionally.
Speaker 1: Is that too much? I think that's what every woman deserves.
Speaker 4: Fair Well, the way you read it, she was ranting.
Speaker 1: I think she's had it with us generally. I can
Speaker 1: kind of speak to this because I years ago I
Speaker 1: was I was directing this play and I had a
Speaker 1: huge female cast in it, and my girlfriend was like, listen,
Speaker 1: I don't care. I don't think you're like like them.
Speaker 1: I don't think you're You're spending time with them and whatever,
Speaker 1: but you are giving the mental energy and attention that
Speaker 1: by the time you get home from rehearsal or whatever,
Speaker 1: it is like, You're not You're just done because you've
Speaker 1: used up all your chick energy on a dozen other
Speaker 1: people that has nothing to do with us. I deserve
Speaker 1: that as your girlfriend. And she was one hundred percent right.
Speaker 1: And at the time I was like, I cannot talk
Speaker 1: to one more chick, but I can't hear more. I
Speaker 1: complain goodn't. I wasted all of the bandwidth that she
Speaker 1: was entitled to on people who were not part of
Speaker 1: our relationship professionally, and that was a bad deal for her,
Speaker 1: and I thought she did deserve better.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've been there.
Speaker 1: Too.
Speaker 4: I've been where I was stretching myself too thin and
Speaker 4: I would just come home and I would just zone out.
Speaker 4: That definitely happened in my marriage.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But the question is how do you when you lecture.
Speaker 1: All of this is about approach, and when you lecture
Speaker 1: somebody like you need to pay attention to me and
Speaker 1: you listen to mean he's got either one eye on
Speaker 1: the game or one eye on work or whatever his
Speaker 1: thing is. And some people just aren't good listeners. You know,
Speaker 1: we've said on this podcast before, it's not that she
Speaker 1: wants to be right, it's that she wants to be heard.
Speaker 1: And sometimes just standing there can be enough. You fake
Speaker 1: it till you make it. On this Marguerite boyfriends or lovers,
Speaker 1: I think you do have to figure out a way
Speaker 1: to compartmentalize your attention so that for X amount of time,
Speaker 1: I'm looking you in the eye and I'm here for you.
Speaker 1: Easier said than done.
Speaker 4: What do you think, Marcus, Well, Relationships take work and communication.
Speaker 3: The problem is ninety eight percent of people don't do
Speaker 3: any work and they don't understand relationships. And I think
Speaker 3: if they just took a few minutes just to even
Speaker 3: go to YouTube, or some kind of a source on
Speaker 3: the internet type in some of the feelings that are
Speaker 3: being expressed, they're going to find a really nice solution
Speaker 3: that will be amicable to both.
Speaker 1: And just being present while she's talking sometimes isn't enough.
Speaker 1: And a lot of times we're just like, I listened
Speaker 1: to you, I heard you. But if she ever said
Speaker 1: the God forbid she goes, then what did I just say? Oh,
Speaker 1: which we've all been busted on a.
Speaker 4: Million time all the time at work, Like.
Speaker 1: I know you're not listening to me.
Speaker 3: Like it's really hard to be present in a distracted world,
Speaker 3: even for our own purposes, to try and be present
Speaker 3: for somebody else. I think we all deserve that though,
Speaker 3: from somebody who is with us and caring about in
Speaker 3: relationship that for whatever time we need, I need you
Speaker 3: to be there for me in a moment or in
Speaker 3: an hour or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: I think we do have to. I think she's right.
Speaker 1: I think we all deserve that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I do too.
Speaker 1: It's not too much to Marcus is.
Speaker 4: Like, ah, apologies, apologies to anyone I ever tuned out
Speaker 4: because I'm not a great listener.
Speaker 3: The crazy thing is, I'm just having flashbacks of my marriage.
Speaker 3: It's not so much in my current relationships, but in
Speaker 3: my past marriage. Everything we're talking about hits home.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 4: Currently, you are very good at tuning out your work wife.
Speaker 1: Again, Is this the time or place he's on the computer? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's hard.
Speaker 4: I think something and he's just kind of nod and
Speaker 4: I'm like, what did I say? I have no idea, so.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't do that. I don't want to
Speaker 1: do video on this podcast. I know you guys bitch
Speaker 1: about it all the time, but Lily, can you describe
Speaker 1: this gesture that I'm making with my hand right now?
Speaker 4: Talk talk talk, right talk.
Speaker 1: So one time I had a cool friend and she
Speaker 1: was talking, talking, talking. I wasn't really paying attention, and
Speaker 1: she's like, you're not listening to me, You're not listening
Speaker 1: to me, And I did the little thing with my hand.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've never deserved to be hit before you deserved it.
Speaker 1: She hit me so hard in the back of the head,
Speaker 1: and I never would do that again. I just did
Speaker 1: the like this is what's happening, And it was like
Speaker 1: the gum flapping thing so bad again, Like thirty two
Speaker 1: year old Brian needed a good hitting in the head.
Speaker 1: But and she was right. I think about things all
Speaker 1: the time in my doing the worth and in my growth,
Speaker 1: like what did I do that They they deserved more.
Speaker 1: They definitely deserve my attention. They definitely deserve to be heard,
Speaker 1: and they definitely deserve like this is important to me,
Speaker 1: and you have to recognize that even if it's not
Speaker 1: important to you. I think this works both ways, Marguerite.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you haven't been perfect on this either. We
Speaker 1: all deserve to have the other person's thoughts or feelings
Speaker 1: or circumstances be wreckedognized by the by the room.
Speaker 4: Even if you don't agree.
Speaker 1: Just say, even if you don't agree.
Speaker 4: I understand where you're coming from. I don't necessarily agree.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, see, that's when we get in trouble set.
Speaker 1: I see your perspective. I could see how you feel
Speaker 1: that way. That's dangerous too. None of us on that.
Speaker 1: So you gotta like I hear you and I understand you,
Speaker 1: and I'm I think that's all they really want to
Speaker 1: know is that you're hearing. And I think she deserves that,
Speaker 1: and I think we all do deserve that. Okay, this
Speaker 1: next one is from buck Buck. That's a cool name.
Speaker 1: So as I went to a restaurant the other day
Speaker 1: and the hostess goes, can I have a good name?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, Snoop, Like rather than give her my name,
Speaker 1: she owns a good name, and I was trying to think, like,
Speaker 1: what's a good name to just give? So they shouted
Speaker 1: out the restaurant when your table's ready. I've been thinking
Speaker 1: about that for us. Send me submissions on that might
Speaker 1: be Snoop, might be the rock. All right, this is
Speaker 1: from Buck, which is a good name from Altoona, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 1: I deserve time, seriously. I've been dating this woman for
Speaker 1: about three months as of this writing. She gave me
Speaker 1: full attention and almost every night when we initially started
Speaker 1: seeing each other. Then we decided to be exclusive. Suddenly
Speaker 1: she can no longer get a babysitter, her custody situation shifted.
Speaker 1: She told me it was an equal split when we started,
Speaker 1: and now she seems to be unavailable unless I want
Speaker 1: to come over and hang out with her and her
Speaker 1: seven year old son, who acts like a four year old.
Speaker 1: I understand she has challenges with him and her ex,
Speaker 1: but that didn't seem to be an issue for the
Speaker 1: first eight weeks. Or so, and now suddenly she has
Speaker 1: no time for me, but insists that she cares about
Speaker 1: me and wants it to work. Well, then make time.
Speaker 1: I deserve time. We've heard versions of this before, where
Speaker 1: early on.
Speaker 4: This relationship is doomed. If you think it's doomed, I
Speaker 4: think it's doomed.
Speaker 1: See, I'm a little more hopeful than you. I tell
Speaker 1: because we have a lot of single No, you.
Speaker 4: Want a bitch about a chicks kid, your relationship is
Speaker 4: doomed if you can't accept.
Speaker 1: The I don't think she's he's explaining the kid. I
Speaker 1: don't know if he's bitching about the kid.
Speaker 4: He is bitching. He said her seven year old acts four.
Speaker 1: Well, that might just be a fact. That's just his perspective.
Speaker 1: A lot of people. I tell people that we get
Speaker 1: a lot of single parents who write into the Great
Speaker 1: Love Debate, or they'll come to our shows or whatever,
Speaker 1: and they're always like, I have, you know, five days
Speaker 1: a month where I'm fully available or whatever. Who's going
Speaker 1: to sign up for that? And I always tell them
Speaker 1: the same thing. I go, you have to paint a
Speaker 1: picture as to your availability, and you have to be
Speaker 1: honest about that. So if you only have one day
Speaker 1: a month and that one day is going to blow
Speaker 1: your mind or whatever. And it's consistent. What happened here
Speaker 1: is I think she painted this picture for him until
Speaker 1: she got him to say you're my boyfriend, and now
Speaker 1: she bait and switched him.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's definitely the problem. He became less of a priority.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because she's like, Okay, I locked that part of
Speaker 1: my life down. Yeah. So now we're dealing with some
Speaker 1: issues and you went right to the mom part of it.
Speaker 1: Who the idiot kid?
Speaker 4: I'm very maternal and if someone doesn't like my kid,
Speaker 4: then we shouldn't be dating.
Speaker 1: Maybe he's maybe he's putting his emotions if he saw
Speaker 1: her or was it able to get to know her,
Speaker 1: or or sounds like the only time he can see
Speaker 1: is when the kids around, so he's resenting the kid.
Speaker 1: Maybe he's interpreting the kid as being in a four
Speaker 1: year old when maybe the kid acts like a two
Speaker 1: year old. I don't know, I get his perspective. Let's
Speaker 1: just take the kid out of it for a second.
Speaker 4: You can't take the kid out of the equation. So maternal, okay,
Speaker 4: let's adopt the kid out.
Speaker 1: No, you can't say that I'm just saying, let's murder
Speaker 1: the child. She gave him. She gave him time early.
Speaker 1: That seems a little dishonest if suddenly like now she's
Speaker 1: never available, but she still wants So it's not like
Speaker 1: she's using the kid and saying I'm not available. I
Speaker 1: have to focus on my kid, which a lot of
Speaker 1: people do. They're in at two months and they're like, sorry,
Speaker 1: I can't do this. She's like, you're my boy friend,
Speaker 1: hang out here while I raised my kid for the
Speaker 1: next nine years. That doesn't seem good. So what does
Speaker 1: he deserve in this situation?
Speaker 4: They need to talk about it, and they need to establish.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there needs to be a serious talk because it's
Speaker 3: very obvious he has become less of a priority and
Speaker 3: in the beginning he was right and so he's feeling
Speaker 3: it and now there's going to be a lot of
Speaker 3: tension in the in this relationship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think he's saying I deserve more time
Speaker 1: than a relationship I deserve. And I don't even think
Speaker 1: he can go back and say I deserve the same
Speaker 1: time as when we started, because you have to be
Speaker 1: cognizant of the fact that something could change. But he's like,
Speaker 1: if I'm going to be in a relationship with you,
Speaker 1: I deserve some me and you time, and you're going
Speaker 1: to have to figure out a way to work that out.
Speaker 1: And if she comes back to them like going through
Speaker 1: a time hanging with me for you know, X amount
Speaker 1: of weeks, months or whatever, and this has been important
Speaker 1: to me or whatever, most people would be reasonable with that.
Speaker 1: That's her recognizing that it's an issue for him and
Speaker 1: was rewarding him, hopefully for being patient with her scenario.
Speaker 1: Is that reasonable or you're still checked out because he
Speaker 1: criticized the kid.
Speaker 4: Here's the deal. Can we get Buck on the phone?
Speaker 1: Probably not.
Speaker 4: I need to know Buck does one of the questions
Speaker 4: for Brook does it have to be alone time? Or
Speaker 4: can we include the kid? Can we do some fun
Speaker 4: adventures with the kid? You get to know the kids?
Speaker 1: You might really So it's just Chuck e cheese dates you.
Speaker 4: No, not just but can we well he said that
Speaker 4: is he getting zero alone time?
Speaker 1: He says, she seems to be unavailable unless I want
Speaker 1: to come over and hang out with her and her
Speaker 1: seven year old son. So it is a challenge to
Speaker 1: get a sitter. That's another trickle down in modern America,
Speaker 1: where nobody wants to work. The girls want to do that.
Speaker 1: Where there's a will, there's a way. Okay, what if
Speaker 1: he says, I'll get you a sitter, does the man
Speaker 1: have the right to hire a sitter.
Speaker 3: I tell you I've been through the scenario dated. I've
Speaker 3: dated plenty of single moms and they had these challenges,
Speaker 3: and I struggled with it because I needed my alone
Speaker 3: time with her and this kid. These kids kept getting
Speaker 3: in the way, and it was very, very frustrating. And yes,
Speaker 3: we went on care dot com, We went on other
Speaker 3: sources and I would find babysitters. The problem is she
Speaker 3: was so critical of every single babysitter.
Speaker 1: Right, And you don't want to get a situation where
Speaker 1: you hired the wrong babysitter. But if it's a financial
Speaker 1: thing where she's just like and he's like, can would
Speaker 1: you be offended off guy said that, listen, I'll hire
Speaker 1: a sitter and pay for it.
Speaker 4: I would not be offended. I seen date night is
Speaker 4: extremely important. Their relationship's not going to grow if they
Speaker 4: have zero alone time.
Speaker 1: I deserve date night. That's reasonable, right.
Speaker 4: The hard part is he got spoiled when he was
Speaker 4: seeing her every night. Yeah, and now suddenly.
Speaker 1: It's I mean, is this one of these things sometimes
Speaker 1: people do. I'll say people, because if I say women,
Speaker 1: they get mad. I just want to check off the
Speaker 1: box that I do have a boyfriend or a girlfriend
Speaker 1: so I don't have to worry about it, and then
Speaker 1: I'll focus on with them. And a lot of this
Speaker 1: is I said this on a podcast abut two years ago.
Speaker 1: People freaked out. But I always wondered why so many
Speaker 1: women jump to marry the military guys, because a lot
Speaker 1: of times they marry and when they're gone for like
Speaker 1: two years, and they kind of know that going in.
Speaker 1: The answer I've gotten, which we get people pissed off
Speaker 1: when I say this is they check the box off.
Speaker 1: I have the husband, I'm living there, I'm raised the
Speaker 1: kid whenever. I don't care that much about the time.
Speaker 1: I'll get to that down the road, because I think
Speaker 1: that's strange. If I'm marrying somebody, I want to spend
Speaker 1: all the time with them.
Speaker 4: Right, I'm the same way. I am a time digger.
Speaker 4: I want copious amounts of your time. So I'm kind
Speaker 4: of like.
Speaker 1: Buck right, But you're also like kid comes first, which
Speaker 1: it should, Yes, agreed, and I can't say, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I can't deal with you and the kid because he
Speaker 1: acts like an idiot. He probably is not that point
Speaker 1: to go. He's not coparent.
Speaker 4: I did date when I was a single mom, but
Speaker 4: it always had to be someone who was very accepting
Speaker 4: of my child.
Speaker 1: When do you bring the child into it? Because this
Speaker 1: seems pretty quick the child, Like, how quick were you
Speaker 1: on that? Yeah, you know that's risky too, because you
Speaker 1: don't want mom just bring around new dudes all the time,
Speaker 1: especially the seven year olds. They don't want that either.
Speaker 1: That's the tricky thing. The only way to include him
Speaker 1: is to include him with the kid. But it doesn't
Speaker 1: sound like this relationship is stable enough that that should
Speaker 1: even be this little family element.
Speaker 4: And maybe she is one of those women and they're
Speaker 4: out there. My best friend is like this. She loves
Speaker 4: her alone time. She adores her family, but she loves
Speaker 4: her alone time. And she's so happy when they go
Speaker 4: off hunting or they go to a sporting event and
Speaker 4: she gets to sit home and drink wine.
Speaker 1: And well, that's a pretty good segue, because I just
Speaker 1: took a sneak peek at our next one similar theme.
Speaker 1: I got to take a quick break because we have
Speaker 1: paid for babysitters and stuff around here. I'm with Lily
Speaker 1: and Marcus from Secrets of a Sugar Daddy. We're talking
Speaker 1: about what we all deserve and we will be back
Speaker 1: right after this. And we are back and the next
Speaker 1: one is MJ from Flavortown. It's a flavor Town's a
Speaker 1: real thing. Just guy, fiery invention. MJ from Flavortown. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: state said, doesn't say, just as MJ from Flavor Toown.
Speaker 1: Do they make taffy? I don't know. It sounds good.
Speaker 4: Taffy's very okay.
Speaker 1: If you are going to go out with your friends
Speaker 1: or your coworkers, not tell me where, not tell me
Speaker 1: with whom, Not tell me why. You know what I deserve?
Speaker 1: I deserve answers. That doesn't make me needy, and it
Speaker 1: doesn't make me nosy. It's about respect. How many golf
Speaker 1: tournaments and work conferences and boys weekends without details should
Speaker 1: I put up with? I had this issue with both
Speaker 1: of my last two boyfriends, who complained I was badgering
Speaker 1: them when I simply asked questions. I think my questions
Speaker 1: absolutely deserved answers then, and they deserve her answers.
Speaker 3: Now, I I one hundred percent agree, because the problem
Speaker 3: is you start filling in the blanks with your own story,
Speaker 3: and that story can get crazy and very creative, and
Speaker 3: once you know the truth, you're like, oh, that's not
Speaker 3: at all what I imagined?
Speaker 1: What was going on? Right? And unless he's just fucking
Speaker 1: with her and just everything is none of your business.
Speaker 1: There's no answer if it's a reasonable answer that you
Speaker 1: shouldn't be able to give her. Unless there's an answer,
Speaker 1: you don't want her to know. If you're not doing
Speaker 1: anything bad and she's just asking what are you doing?
Speaker 1: Maybe you're defensive for whatever reason, but I don't. I
Speaker 1: think she has every right to ask what you're doing
Speaker 1: and spending your time with and who you're spending your
Speaker 1: time with. Yeah, Lily, go ahead, Lily.
Speaker 4: I wasn't listening trying to figure out what flavor Town is.
Speaker 1: Pay Can you pay attention for thirty seconds? Here? See
Speaker 1: that's the problem. I deserve your attention, and I deserve answers.
Speaker 4: I think flavor Town is in the ruins of Lower Manhattan,
Speaker 4: just south of the Hive.
Speaker 1: Okay, well there you go. That does nuts.
Speaker 4: Doesn't sound really, it doesn't sound okay.
Speaker 1: So she says that the boyfriend, the last two boyfriends
Speaker 1: she's had, have had these nebulous plans all the time,
Speaker 1: and she asks what they are and who she's with
Speaker 1: and where she's going, and he doesn't give the answers,
Speaker 1: and she says she deserves answers, and Marcus and I
Speaker 1: both agree she absolutely deserves answers. It's very reasonable.
Speaker 4: I agree with both of you, and I don't think.
Speaker 1: The answers are just the who, what, where when. I
Speaker 1: also think the answer is the why why do you
Speaker 1: do this all the time? Why are you going to
Speaker 1: bachelor parties all the time? Why are you going on
Speaker 1: golf trips to Nova Scotia? Like why I am in
Speaker 1: a relationship with you? Why are you constantly doing this?
Speaker 1: And why are you choosing them? I think you absolutely
Speaker 1: deserve that answer.
Speaker 3: I've had, you know, I can equate this. I've had
Speaker 3: many exclusive relationships and I've had a few open relationships
Speaker 3: with which is kind of a new animal to me.
Speaker 3: What makes the open relationships work is telling me who
Speaker 3: you're going out with, where you're going, why you're doing,
Speaker 3: you know, in different things. Now, I'm not filling in
Speaker 3: the blanks.
Speaker 1: I know, but none of those are good. There's no
Speaker 1: answer that's going to make me feel better in an
Speaker 1: open relationship. Actually, have you been in one? No? It does.
Speaker 1: I know. I think communication is very very important. It is,
Speaker 1: but the answers aren't going to make me feel better.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm going out with this guy. M that's
Speaker 1: not going to make me feel better. It's the same.
Speaker 1: It's getting the bad answer instead of what I'm wondering.
Speaker 1: If you're telling me flat out, here's what I'm doing
Speaker 1: this weekend, I'm going I'm going to with this other guy.
Speaker 1: I would rather know. I don't want to be in
Speaker 1: an open relationship. I think that that's not for me,
Speaker 1: though a lot of people do.
Speaker 3: Are like, Yeah, but he's having basically an open relationship
Speaker 3: with his boys. Yeah, although it's not sexual, it's still
Speaker 3: a relationship.
Speaker 1: Well, here's the qualifier on this. Oh, you said both
Speaker 1: of your last two boyfriends have done this. That's when
Speaker 1: I think you have to look in the mirror of like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing to drive these guys away every
Speaker 1: Friday night? Am I blaming the messenger?
Speaker 4: Or she just has a pattern of dating playboys that
Speaker 4: want to play with their friends and not spend time
Speaker 4: with her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how old are these guys? And it shouldn't even
Speaker 1: be aged because a lot of times, you know, a
Speaker 1: guy could be fifty two, but he was married for
Speaker 1: twenty five years and now he wants his freedom, and
Speaker 1: a lot of times the guy's twenty five and he's
Speaker 1: just like, this is this is what I do. I've
Speaker 1: had that. I had a girlfriend once. I remember saying,
Speaker 1: this is all therapy for me to do this. I
Speaker 1: remember saying to her like, three days a week is plenty.
Speaker 1: That's the max. That's all your that's all I can
Speaker 1: give to this relationship. And at the time she was horrified.
Speaker 1: And it wasn't much that I said that, because it
Speaker 1: was kind of an honest thing to say. It was like,
Speaker 1: there's no circumstance where I would want to spendy more
Speaker 1: time than that with you. And that's how she interpreted it.
Speaker 1: That's probably right, And that sucked. That probably sucked a year.
Speaker 1: I was like, I should just stayed a pilot because
Speaker 1: they're only around once in a while. Like that sucks.
Speaker 1: You want to be with somebody who wants to be
Speaker 1: with you more than the work conferences and more than
Speaker 1: the bachelor parties more than the golf weekends. And if
Speaker 1: she ran it two in a row of those, either
Speaker 1: what you're saying is she's picking these kind of guys
Speaker 1: or there's something about her that they're like, I'd rather
Speaker 1: do anything than hang out with her. Well, I mean.
Speaker 3: Learning from the age old book. Men are from Mars,
Speaker 3: women are from Venus. You know, you've got to let
Speaker 3: them pull away and do their things so they can
Speaker 3: snap back. If they never have the opportunity to pull away,
Speaker 3: they can't snap back, and it just strengthens relationship actually
Speaker 3: in the end.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think you if you're asking that you
Speaker 1: do deserve answers. MJ from Flavortown. But you also have
Speaker 1: to learn to not ask them in an accusatory way
Speaker 1: because maybe you are asking and maybe he's answering and
Speaker 1: the answer is insufficient for you, and you ask a
Speaker 1: follow up question that feels like he's doing something wrong
Speaker 1: when he's like, I'm really just going to a conference untiled, Ohio.
Speaker 1: You know that you got to look into that too.
Speaker 1: Then he just feels badjured and then he tunes you
Speaker 1: out and then we get it back to where we're like,
Speaker 1: you deserve answers. I gave you answers and you didn't
Speaker 1: like the answers. That's possible too.
Speaker 4: You got to find the person that's the right fit that.
Speaker 4: If they like their alone time, you need to also
Speaker 4: be a person that likes your alone time. If you
Speaker 4: love copious amounts of time together, you need to find
Speaker 4: a person that is good with that and wants the
Speaker 4: same thing. You can't have a time digger and a
Speaker 4: loner in a successful relationship.
Speaker 1: I don't think, well that's true. She's not even saying
Speaker 1: that she's asking for him to spend more time with you.
Speaker 1: She's saying she wants the answers because the answers are
Speaker 1: playing games in her. It's communication.
Speaker 3: If he's just having to make up these, she's having
Speaker 3: to fill in the blanks. Oh yeah, right, and she
Speaker 3: needs the blanks filled in for her to make her
Speaker 3: feel better.
Speaker 1: The next one is from Caroline, who sent this to
Speaker 1: be an Instagram. Are you asking what I want or
Speaker 1: what I deserve? I think the answers are the same money.
Speaker 1: I deserve money to be spent on me to do
Speaker 1: fun things. I do everything you want in a relationship.
Speaker 1: When I'm into you, and I mean everything. You can
Speaker 1: call it gifts or rewards are simply me being pampered.
Speaker 1: But that is absolutely what I deserve your money. You
Speaker 1: aren't paying me to be an amazing girlfriend. You are
Speaker 1: rewarding me. Everything I do is to make you happy,
Speaker 1: and I deserve what I got. What I want in
Speaker 1: return and the trips, the treatments, the lifestyle that involves money.
Speaker 1: I'm honest about it. You don't have to give me cash,
Speaker 1: just cover the bills or give me your American Express card.
Speaker 1: Trust me, it's worth it because I'm worth it. What
Speaker 1: pool is she fishing? Well, this is more your guys, right.
Speaker 1: But I don't think this is exclusive to the sugar
Speaker 1: baby world either. I could see a lot of people
Speaker 1: like listen, my currency, no pun is when I do
Speaker 1: things for you and I feel amazing. I want to
Speaker 1: treat myself or feel good like. I don't think she's
Speaker 1: necessarily I'm gold digging whore here. I think she's just
Speaker 1: like money is her thing that matters to her, that's
Speaker 1: her love language.
Speaker 3: But is twenties with somebody that can afford that lifestyle. Say,
Speaker 3: first of all, you got to make sure that is
Speaker 3: in place.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't even know how expensive this lifestyle is so.
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean we could speak, could be like,
Speaker 1: I'm amazing, I just need ice cream. I mean I
Speaker 1: don't know from what I heard. Yeah, you interpret as
Speaker 1: this is expected, like what is your extiment? And on
Speaker 1: what this costs? At least five six grand a month? Okay,
Speaker 1: So she's like, if I'm an amazing girlfriend, I want
Speaker 1: sixty thousand dollars annual stipend as a reward for this.
Speaker 1: Not unreasonable, Lily, I don't think it's unreasonable. Of course
Speaker 1: you don't. I'm actually okay with I'm actually like, listen,
Speaker 1: this is the quid pro quo. I will blow your mind,
Speaker 1: so to speak. I will be amazing, and this is
Speaker 1: what I need to feel appreciated. Love. This is my
Speaker 1: payback to me. This could work. I think of all
Speaker 1: of the ones we gotten form like, oh, I see
Speaker 1: this somebody who now. The challenge from her Caroline is
Speaker 1: to be like, I'm not only with you for the money.
Speaker 1: But he has to be like, I'm not only with
Speaker 1: you for whatever it is you're doing either. That's always
Speaker 1: the hard thing. That's communication too, right.
Speaker 3: Right, And I wonder how long they've been together. That's
Speaker 3: another kind of factor that would play into it.
Speaker 1: Now, we've had this discussion with you guys on the
Speaker 1: podcast before. I think that the the problem in the
Speaker 1: in the sugar world is that the technical term is
Speaker 1: that the legal term the sugar world compensating in the
Speaker 1: sugar bowl is that I think eventually what you're paying
Speaker 1: for is her to like you. Initially, initially, do you
Speaker 1: think initially you can't buy chemistry? Nope, Oh I thought
Speaker 1: initially you're paying for the time. However you want to
Speaker 1: interpret that, yeah, and then to give you an opportunity,
Speaker 1: you're you're paying for the audition. Yes, okay, exactly, which
Speaker 1: just fine. It's why I'm okay with people lying on
Speaker 1: their resume, because you're basically trying to get the audition.
Speaker 1: I'm fine with that. If you're you're wind of the opportunity,
Speaker 1: you're paying for the opportunity. You're not paying just for sacks,
Speaker 1: and you're not paying her to leave the old line
Speaker 1: on that you're paying for this. But eventually what you're
Speaker 1: paying for is you're paying for affection that is not
Speaker 1: being expressed any other way. And if the money is
Speaker 1: the commodity, that's sometimes a dangerous road to go down
Speaker 1: because you're pretending it's this and it's really that. So
Speaker 1: it makes sense. There's a lot of role playing. There
Speaker 1: is a lot of role playing. So how does that
Speaker 1: make because there is a lot of role playing. But
Speaker 1: you guys, you all sugar people sometimes basically I know,
Speaker 1: but you guys are so usually saying it's a most
Speaker 1: honest scenario. How is it if there's a lot of
Speaker 1: role playing if it's not a role play, No, if
Speaker 1: it's if If there's a lot of role playing going on,
Speaker 1: that seems dishonest on it at its core, I'm the
Speaker 1: role I'm playing is somebody who cares about you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, you got a side which looking for Everybody
Speaker 3: is very unique, has different wants and needs. And so
Speaker 3: if you're looking for somebody to have chemistry with and
Speaker 3: somebody to accompany you to concerts and dinners and great
Speaker 3: nights out a lot of fun. At the end of
Speaker 3: the night, you go your way, I go mine. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean that's kind of a but who wants that?
Speaker 1: Who wants that?
Speaker 4: A lot of men want that.
Speaker 1: Because they don't trust that she's gonna they don't trust
Speaker 1: her legitimate affection. They're like, if I do that, and
Speaker 1: I sort of put these emotional barriers up. At the
Speaker 1: end of the night, she goes her way, then I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna get hurt. Well, I think you wanted to
Speaker 1: come home.
Speaker 3: The thing it does is it takes the pressure off
Speaker 3: of a relationship initially, and then as you spend more
Speaker 3: time together and you really start enjoying each other, that
Speaker 3: actually grows organically, and then the relationship can become very strong.
Speaker 3: Even though it was a bribe to get her to
Speaker 3: even go out with you in the first place.
Speaker 1: Well, there was a did you guys watch Succession? No? You, Well,
Speaker 1: there's a there's a relationship in the show that is
Speaker 1: like this. It started out that way, and to her
Speaker 1: it was always that way and whatever. It's probably the
Speaker 1: most honest relationship in the show. For those of you
Speaker 1: who do watch, it's Connor and Willa, like they did
Speaker 1: find their happy medium into this, and it did sort
Speaker 1: of work out in a relationship because she was really
Speaker 1: always pretty clear of what it was. But then the
Speaker 1: comfort level of the understanding translated into some level of affection,
Speaker 1: which is possible. Like, we're comfortable with what we have,
Speaker 1: and what we have matters to me, So that means
Speaker 1: something to me, Is that possible.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm a testament to that theory.
Speaker 1: Which is what keep the checks coming and all my know, my.
Speaker 4: Current boyfriend started out as a sugar daddy and we
Speaker 4: fell in love.
Speaker 1: And what an old fashioned love story. We it's actually very.
Speaker 4: Into that.
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 4: I adore him so what Acually he had to bribe
Speaker 4: me to go out with him? Uh huh, And the
Speaker 4: more I got to know him, he just grew up.
Speaker 1: We all love him. I mean he does the money stop? Then? Umm?
Speaker 4: No? But I mean in any relationship.
Speaker 1: You're what is the conversation? Then? How does he trust
Speaker 1: the conversation? How does he trust? Like you're just like, listen,
Speaker 1: I actually like you now.
Speaker 4: Oh it's obvious.
Speaker 3: Yeah, her actions prove that there's no doubt about it.
Speaker 1: So is there a moment? Is there a light bulb
Speaker 1: that's like, actually, oh my god, this is so weird.
Speaker 1: I think I have feelings for him? Yeah? Was there one?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: And how do you? What'd you say? I know this
Speaker 1: is hard to believe, but it's.
Speaker 4: An interesting story. So he and I started dating back
Speaker 4: in March, and I was dating several gentlemen. I wasn't
Speaker 4: exclusive with anyone, and one of my Sugar Daddies took
Speaker 4: me to Europe for three weeks and I missed him.
Speaker 1: I was like, so a primal emotion missing, that's a
Speaker 1: real thing.
Speaker 4: I realized how much he had grown on me because I,
Speaker 4: you know, I was keeping my distance, I was protecting
Speaker 4: my heart. I was, you know, trying to make sure
Speaker 4: I held out for my person. And it took being
Speaker 4: away from him on a vacation, a wonderful vacation with
Speaker 4: someone else for me to realize, Damn, I really like
Speaker 4: this guy. Like he's Yeah.
Speaker 1: I guess it's no different from two people who started
Speaker 1: out his friends and then realized they had something else
Speaker 1: going on. I guess that makes sense. He checked your boxes.
Speaker 1: There you go.
Speaker 4: I think he's my person so far and.
Speaker 1: What's really and I can afford the treatments.
Speaker 4: Wednesday, it'll be seven months we've been dating.
Speaker 3: And I went with them on really their first day.
Speaker 3: We double dated, and I I didn't see any chemistry
Speaker 3: or connection there, but he was such a nice guy.
Speaker 3: And then he started accompanying us in more and more events.
Speaker 3: We started doing things more together, and we all really
Speaker 3: grew to like this guy, like genuine love for this gentleman.
Speaker 3: But it all started out as I'm bribing you to
Speaker 3: go out with me.
Speaker 4: I met him on a sugar sect.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I see that too. I've told some of the
Speaker 1: dating sites the issue with the apps, here's some free advice,
Speaker 1: here's a billion dollar idea for you have people. The
Speaker 1: issue with the apps not working is that the women
Speaker 1: are not really giving ninety nine percent of the guys
Speaker 1: the fair shot. And I think if there was a
Speaker 1: way to compensate conversation or compensate reaction whatever, Like if
Speaker 1: I talked to this guy eight back and forth, I'm
Speaker 1: going to get a twenty dollars gift card or something
Speaker 1: like that. The women will stick around long enough if
Speaker 1: you gamify it for them. And where the guy's going
Speaker 1: to at least get the shot to answer, because you
Speaker 1: guys aren't answering anything. So if he's just like, if
Speaker 1: she would just give me, you know, ten sentences of conversation,
Speaker 1: I think she will understand me and do that. I
Speaker 1: think the winner of the dating app future is the
Speaker 1: one who incentivizes them, probably monetarily, to give these guys
Speaker 1: a shot. Agreed, Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 3: That's what forced me to look for some kind of
Speaker 3: a sugar daddy site or a compensated dating site, because
Speaker 3: I was getting nowhere. Yeah, because I'm battling sometimes seven
Speaker 3: to one, eight to one odds on Tender and Bumble.
Speaker 3: I'm just and I hear from the girls and they've
Speaker 3: actually showed me how many likes they have. And this
Speaker 3: one girl the other day showed me she has forty
Speaker 3: nine hundred on Bumble.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do I get through that noise? I know?
Speaker 1: And some girl, if you're attractive, like if you go
Speaker 1: on Billy, if you go on one of these sites,
Speaker 1: you're on Bumble, you know that every guy, as long
Speaker 1: as he sees he's probably going to swipe on you.
Speaker 1: That's a huge advantage you have, which means that the
Speaker 1: it's not as special to her because she's like, of course,
Speaker 1: everybody's going to match with me. To him, he feels
Speaker 1: a little more precious. He takes it more seriously. It's different.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, you are worth it, and we're kind
Speaker 1: of in favor of him giving you the American Express card.
Speaker 1: I'm fine with this, Caroline, all right.
Speaker 4: Last one, I have an American Express card.
Speaker 1: Of his unlimited, unlimited. Yeah, have you put that to
Speaker 1: the limit? Have you tested it? No, I just do
Speaker 1: whatever you want.
Speaker 4: I'm a very practical and rational girl, but I do.
Speaker 1: If you get gas, it goes on that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, pretty much everything goes on that. That
Speaker 4: actually does my hair. But I'm trying to look beautiful.
Speaker 1: For him there and if he knows that this is
Speaker 1: for me, the nails are for me. I think we're
Speaker 1: all willing to pay. Okay, last one Cameron from Wilmington,
Speaker 1: North Carolina, which is very nice. Have you been there?
Speaker 4: Wilmington's lovely to the state of North Carolina.
Speaker 1: Okay, well tell you put it on the MX take
Speaker 1: a trip. You can blind it Raleigh and drive the
Speaker 1: girls trip. Okay, you know this is from Cameron. You
Speaker 1: know what. Guys deserve appreciation. All the things, all the
Speaker 1: things you say we should do for you, We do them.
Speaker 1: We want you to acknowledge them, say thank you, act
Speaker 1: like it matters, act like you notice and care. If
Speaker 1: you give me a list of things you want from
Speaker 1: me or want me to do, and I do them all,
Speaker 1: including hang out with your annoying cousin, that, I think
Speaker 1: I deserve some thanks. It's really the simplest possible thing. Hey,
Speaker 1: I know you don't like doing that. But you did
Speaker 1: it anyway, and I appreciate that. Thank you. Should I
Speaker 1: deserve that instead you give me. That's what a boyfriend
Speaker 1: should do. Well, a girlfriend should say thank you anyway.
Speaker 1: I love the show, thank you for doing that. See
Speaker 1: is that so hard? You know? It reminds me.
Speaker 3: There's this great video on Instagram and YouTube and it's
Speaker 3: a boyfriend and the girl's unwrapping presence and she's got
Speaker 3: a whole bunch of boxes in front of her and
Speaker 3: as she unwraps that, she pulls out the paper and
Speaker 3: it says rent and he goes, there you go, I
Speaker 3: paid your rent for the entire year and the shows
Speaker 3: another box car payment and there you go. I paid
Speaker 3: your cars. You and your ballhead of friends could go
Speaker 3: to the wig shop all year long, right, And she's
Speaker 3: looking at like, why, you know, why aren't all these
Speaker 3: expensive gifts in here that I want for Christmas?
Speaker 1: And he was so great. He doesn't pay attention to
Speaker 1: those she wants some other things.
Speaker 3: He just felt like he wasn't getting the appreciation for
Speaker 3: all the things that he'd done for her all year long.
Speaker 4: I'm telling you, you have to have an attitude of gratitude.
Speaker 4: Oh you do partner needs to know that you appreciate
Speaker 4: the big things and the little things.
Speaker 1: Totally agree, and the routine things. So just because you're together,
Speaker 1: the fundamentals in a relationship, thank you, please, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: These little words are what separates a working relationship from
Speaker 1: a non worker relationship. They're so vital. And if she's
Speaker 1: just like, well, you know, I appreciate you because I'm
Speaker 1: with you. No, it's not enough, and it doesn't mean
Speaker 1: he's needy that he needs please and thank you.
Speaker 4: You got to say it.
Speaker 1: You gotta say it because then it's not taken for granted.
Speaker 1: And he needs to say it too, And he needs
Speaker 1: to know. If he's in a position like having to
Speaker 1: point out everything he did for you all the time,
Speaker 1: including hanging out with you annoying cousin, he deserves some acknowledgment,
Speaker 1: whatever the word you want to use, but flat out
Speaker 1: thank you. This sucked for me. I did it anyway.
Speaker 1: He shouldn't have to say that. You should know it
Speaker 1: sucked for him and say you did it anyway? Right?
Speaker 1: I agree? Absolutely. You know his love languages that always
Speaker 1: come up on this show. Overwhelming majority of men their
Speaker 1: love language is not physical touch, even though women think
Speaker 1: it is. It's words of affirmation, and a lot of
Speaker 1: times women are like, oh, he knows I'm here. You
Speaker 1: know he takes a regret. Of course, he understands. What
Speaker 1: do you think I'm doing with you? Like all that
Speaker 1: we need the actual words sorry, you go back to
Speaker 1: the guy who wrote earlier where simple needs simple creatures.
Speaker 1: I need that, I personally need that, I need thank you,
Speaker 1: I need please, I need I'm sorry. I need all
Speaker 1: of those right.
Speaker 4: Well, and I'm the girl that I love to give
Speaker 4: compliments to my man. And it's funny because I'm thinking
Speaker 4: a lot of women aren't very complimentary because it always.
Speaker 1: Express card is so big and heavy.
Speaker 4: It makes them squirm. Though, Like I've been with with
Speaker 4: men who just like they don't know how to take
Speaker 4: a compliment.
Speaker 1: Well, we don't get them. I always say, we think
Speaker 1: you think we're gross as guys. We just do.
Speaker 4: Most guys are gross.
Speaker 1: Most I agree with you on that too, But it's
Speaker 1: very very rare. No matter who you could be, George Clooney,
Speaker 1: you're probably not on a day to day basis getting
Speaker 1: a physical compliment or even the appreciation. You're getting it
Speaker 1: for strangers every time you leave the house, probably in
Speaker 1: some way. And some women are like, why are you
Speaker 1: so needy? Why do you need validation? Boys? You're so
Speaker 1: insecure or whatever. I don't know we are, so you
Speaker 1: deserve validation, I think so it'd be nice every now
Speaker 1: and then. We want to be admired, we want to
Speaker 1: be appreciated, we want to be respected, we want to
Speaker 1: be needed, we want to be all these things. I
Speaker 1: think that's what we deserve if we do the things
Speaker 1: that you ask us to do too.
Speaker 4: Marcus, you're so handsome and intelligent.
Speaker 1: Oh, you're going to talk to me about that raise again.
Speaker 1: He deserved the compet You deserve compensation. That works, all right.
Speaker 1: So you just said this is your first time on
Speaker 1: the show, so, which I find hard to believe, but
Speaker 1: I guess I've been on your show. So we play
Speaker 1: something called worst date or first date. So you have
Speaker 1: to give us either the absolute worst date you've ever
Speaker 1: been on or the greatest first date you've been on,
Speaker 1: your choice.
Speaker 4: Oh, dear God, I've had so many awful dates. One
Speaker 4: of the worst ones was the time that I met
Speaker 4: a guy on an online sugar sight and we had
Speaker 4: never met in person, we had never talked, but we
Speaker 4: were just going to get together for a quick lunch.
Speaker 4: He was I call him the Ponderosa pine tree because
Speaker 4: he was massive in his one or two photos online,
Speaker 4: apparently they were only face photos. I had no idea
Speaker 4: this guy was ginormous. And I sit across from them
Speaker 4: at lunch and I'm like, whatever, it's fine, we'll have
Speaker 4: a nice lunch. We'll have a nice conversation. He didn't talk.
Speaker 4: I could get one word responses from him. I'm trying
Speaker 4: to ask. Partially, I'm trying to ask opened it in questions, conversation.
Speaker 4: I'm tried to elicit something from him. He really just
Speaker 4: I don't know if he was nervous. I don't know
Speaker 4: if he was shy, but he it was like talking
Speaker 4: to a tree.
Speaker 1: Maybe he was nervous.
Speaker 4: And even better, so I'm kind of a small eater. Well,
Speaker 4: he I said, do you want to share something? No,
Speaker 4: I don't want to share, Like okay, So we ordered
Speaker 4: two separate entrees. He finished his entire meal and I
Speaker 4: couldn't finish mine and was obvious I was done, and
Speaker 4: he was like, do you mind if I finish that
Speaker 4: for you? Yeah, And he finished my entire mill. It
Speaker 4: was just awkward.
Speaker 1: How did it I would do that? Yeah, good, that's familiar.
Speaker 1: I think that's you. Are you offended by that?
Speaker 4: I just thought it was a weird thing to do
Speaker 4: on a first date, on a first meet, angry to
Speaker 4: gobble down your mill, not be conversational.
Speaker 1: I want to know how you.
Speaker 2: Know.
Speaker 4: He walked me out to my car and said we
Speaker 4: should do this again, and I said I don't think
Speaker 4: we should do this again. And that was the end
Speaker 4: of that.
Speaker 1: Okay, you just told him right then and there did
Speaker 1: he ask if you want to see a dessert menu?
Speaker 1: Do you want to do that?
Speaker 2: See?
Speaker 1: I don't think that's even a bad date, And a
Speaker 1: lot of women would be like, that's not so bad.
Speaker 1: Give me that guy's number, the big fella. He can
Speaker 1: eat my food. It was you can finish my salmon.
Speaker 4: It wasn't even so much the fact that he was portly,
Speaker 4: but the conversation with the conversation was awful.
Speaker 1: Okay, not to defend. Is this a paid for a date? No,
Speaker 1: it is a real date. Well it was a first meeting.
Speaker 4: It was, yeah, we were just meeting to do.
Speaker 1: You may be nervous, I think he was, Well, that's
Speaker 1: is there a sweetness in that, or you're just like,
Speaker 1: fuck it, I don't have time for this. Well, she
Speaker 1: didn't have time for it.
Speaker 4: I just if you, if you cannot have a conversation
Speaker 4: with me, I'm pretty easy to talk.
Speaker 1: Well, there's two ways it can go on a date.
Speaker 1: Somebody shuts up because they're nervous, or somebody babbles on
Speaker 1: endlessly because they're nervous. Because once you get to know
Speaker 1: somebody rarely turns into that points for her nervousness. I
Speaker 1: think you didn't. I think if he was fitter, you
Speaker 1: would have put up with all of those things. You
Speaker 1: would have said, finished my sword.
Speaker 4: I don't think so.
Speaker 1: Not a terrible date. That all right? You can't buy chemistry.
Speaker 1: You can't buy chemistry. You can't unless you've got a
Speaker 1: really unlimited American Express card. All right, Tell everybody where
Speaker 1: they can find your podcast.
Speaker 3: Secrets of a Sugar Daddy on all podcasts platforms.
Speaker 1: As far as us. Please like, share, follow, and review
Speaker 1: this podcast and review Secrets of a Sugar Daddy. Your
Speaker 1: reviews still, after all this time, mean a lot in
Speaker 1: the podcasting ecosystem. Shoot us an email, Great Love Debate
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. If you've got questions, thoughts, rebuttals,
Speaker 1: big American Express bills, or there's something that you feel
Speaker 1: you deserve. Maybe'll do part two of this because we
Speaker 1: did get a ton I kind of just put this
Speaker 1: out kind of half fast and didn't really think about it.
Speaker 1: People feel like they deserve a shitload of stuff because,
Speaker 1: as always at the Great Love Debate, we never stopped
Speaker 1: making love. To see you next time, the Great Love Debate.
Speaker 2: It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.
Speaker 4: It's a great love de bab