Speaker 1: I pray you'll stick with us on this because it's
going to make some people uncomfortable. And that's good because
sometimes you should be uncomfortable, because the world should be
an uncomfortable place, particularly for those of us who walk
with Jesus. Haddie Olsen sees what porn does, and God
helps her help us and our kids and our grandkids,
and she joins us now courtesy of renewed dot Healthcare
and God Almighty.
Speaker 2: But Todd Herman show is one hundred percent disapproved by
big pharma technocrats and tyrants everywhere from the high mountains
of Free America. Here's the Emerald City, etime Todd Herman.
Speaker 1: Today is the day the Lord has made, and these
are the times through which God has decided we shall live.
I want to thank my friends that renew dot Healthcare
for making this possible. Don't want to talk a lot
about it. It's anti aging protocol, you know. I'm going
down there for that. But they make things like this possible.
And when I told Steve we were doing this segment,
he said, please, please, you're going to be out of
the country. I want to hear this segment. Steve, one
of the Mansion partners there helped funds the orphanage in
which you grew up, and he has a heart for
this stuff, So thank you, Steve.
Speaker 3: It's renewed.
Speaker 1: The healthcare the port is having a massive, massive effect
on society and men and boys, but it is having
a brutal effect on ULTI many girls. Haidie Olsen joins us.
She's founder and president of Paradigm Shift Training and Counseling, LLC.
There's a link in the show notes. She is a
sexual assault nurse examiner. And Hei, do you welcome to
the Todd Herman Show.
Speaker 4: Thanks so much, Chad.
Speaker 5: I appreciate you tackling this issue and just being willing
to have hard conversations. So I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you. And I guess it's hard.
Speaker 1: For a lot of folks and very uncomfortable for a
lot of folks. And I guess what I said at
the top of the show is if we have the
Holy Spirit in us, it should be uncomfortable, shouldn't it.
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 5: Absolutely, you know this is a it's dark and it's ugly,
and I think for a lot of people the reality
is like I just don't want to think about it.
Speaker 4: I get so overwhelmed.
Speaker 5: I don't want to think about the ramifications that this
is having on society and on kids, but we have
to talk about it because it's deeply impacting everything around us.
Speaker 1: You have a unique job in this, and I want
to dig into that job, the sexual assault nurse examiner.
But I want to start with you. And why do
you think God called you to this? I you know,
God doesn't call the equipped. The equips there called, so
what happened?
Speaker 5: Yeah, So the short version of it is that I'm
a sexual assault survivor and really, when I just closed
what was happening to me, it was not handled well,
it was not There's not a lot of support or
believe or really even accountability for my perpetrator, who, as
a side note, was deeply addicted to pornography. And so
I think for me, the trauma of saying what happened
and really just feeling like people don't believe me.
Speaker 4: It doesn't they.
Speaker 5: Don't care, right, like there's not the support surrounding me,
I think fueled me. Then, you know, ten years later,
becoming a forensic nurse, to feel like I want to
be able to hold space for people who have experienced
trauma like this and say I believe you. How can
I help, even if I can't fix all the trauma,
If I can be a safe person for you in
this very small moment in time and create some safety
that matters, and I think that honors the Lord. And
so I've been a forensic nurse for eleven years though,
and basically that means taking care of kids who have
experienced sexual assaults in a medical and forensic capacity, but
I also do a lot of training and consulting around
all of these issues as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm tremendously sorry that you went through that.
Speaker 3: That yeah, uh, and it breaks my heart.
Speaker 1: And you said, as a side note, your perpetrator was
addicted to porn It's not a side note, is it.
Speaker 4: No, it's not.
Speaker 5: Actually, in today's day and age, what we find is
that pornography and sexual assault are so deeply intertwined. I
think the vast majority of perpetrators of sexual violence, abuse
screaming likely our addicted to pornography.
Speaker 4: There's just such a huge motivator. There.
Speaker 1: You and I met through my job at I'm privilege
of a radio program on American Family Radio, and you
and I spoke there and there you can look at
Heidi's work at AFR dot net slash protect. She's in
a series that we're doing it AFR and talking about
this and in a more uh documentary sense with some
of her colleagues and some others in this And So
this job that you do, you it seems to me
you encounter girls and boys, I mean boys are victimized
as well, but you encounter them on what might be
the worst day of their life, or if finally the
secret is out, maybe the worst and best day.
Speaker 3: Of their life.
Speaker 1: So we're just through that scenario where someone has been assaulted,
a child's been assaulted.
Speaker 3: And it's been you know, a horrible violent thing.
Speaker 1: It's one time you meet them, you walk into the room,
What is that like?
Speaker 3: And then what do you do?
Speaker 5: Yeah, So forensic nurses really, this role of nursing was
specifically created to support this population. And so we're an
interesting blend of Yes, we're providing medical care, but we're
also collecting forensic evidence. So, after someone has been sexually assaulted,
it stands to reason there's likely DNA on their body
from that perpetrator, whether that's skin cells, hair cells, body
fluid on that victim's body, and so we're also trying
to swab those areas to aid in law enforcement and prosecution.
So we sort of have this intersection of being in
both worlds where yes, we're making sure a child's body
is safe and healthy, but we're also seeing if there's
evidence we can collect in that moment. So when a
child discloses, then a lot of times they come into
an emergency department and they'll be seen by a forensic nurse.
So we're doing a medical head to toe assessment. We're
looking for injuries, we take photos of injuries if there
are any. Like I said, we're swabbing their bodies looking
for evidence, collecting clothing, underwear, things like that. We're also
doing a really thorogenital exam because of course, if we're
talking about sexual assault, that's likely a part of their
body that's been impacted. The I think a huge myth
around this is that most people believe kids will have
injuries after a sexual assault, and research shows about ninety
to ninety five percent of kids actually don't have injuries
after a sexual assault, So that doesn't mean they weren't assaulted.
We don't expect to see an injury because that's a
normal exam is typically the finding after a sexual assault,
but we still want to look make sure they don't
have injuries or sexually transmitted infections. You know, we're testing
for pregnancy, you know, if this is a pubertal kid,
things like that. So just thinking about all the ramifications
that happen from an assault, assessing their mental health, you know,
giving them resources and referrals, and then making you know,
police reports and things like that.
Speaker 4: So it's it's a heavy job.
Speaker 5: It's uh, you know, we're trying to assess them thoroughly,
but I think it's needed and I think it matters
when we can create safety in that moment as well.
Speaker 1: So that's professional Heidi describing the professional clinical role and
doing a very good job of that, and that in
and of itself.
Speaker 3: Will be uncomfortable for people.
Speaker 1: But then there's also Heidi who survived sexual assault and
walks with the lord, and I imagine that you also
have to establish some form of mental, spiritual safety.
Speaker 3: With his child.
Speaker 1: And so how do you do that? How do you
with someone who's in that state? What do you personally
do to establish a personal safety with them before you
start touching their body? They just had their bodies touched
in horrible ways.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a couple of things that I've learned over
the years to do. And so first, I have kind
of a ritual before I even go into the hospital,
which is that I am praying, I am covering myself
in Jesus's blood, and I am spending time with the
Lord as I'm driving in because this is a spiritual battle.
You know, what we know with Satan is that if
he can traumatize kids at a young age, it creates lies. Right,
God doesn't love me, he doesn't see me. If he did,
he wouldn't let these things happen. And he knows that
is a great way to create this dissonance with God
where we don't want to connect to him, where he's
not safe.
Speaker 4: So of course there's a spiritual components all of this.
Speaker 5: Well, I think we can all agree a child being
sexually assaulted is one of the most evil things that
can happen, and so I feel the spiritual pushback. I
know it's real. So that's the first thing I'm doing.
The second thing I'm doing when I go into the
room is that I want to establish safety, and part
of establishing safety is giving people a choice. So if
the kid says, I don't want to do this. That's fine.
Guess what, We're not going to do that exam. And
for parents, that can be so frustrating, right, like we
came here, we want to do this, But it's being
able to validate what they're saying. I believe you, I'm sorry,
you know you deserve to be safe. Thank you for
telling me that those kind of statements that are just
reiterating you matter, I care, you know, I know this
is hard, and giving them choices and then just continuing
to be really you know, empowering along the way. So
if they want to stop their exam, that's fine. If
we need to take deep breaths, you know, just different
ways to kind of help their nervous system be as
safe as it can in a difficult situation.
Speaker 4: So I've had to.
Speaker 5: Learn over time I cannot let my own experience or
trauma guide what's happening with the patient because their experience
is different than mine. And so yes, I have that background,
but it can't run the show while I'm with someone
else because it's about that kid, it's not about me
in the moment.
Speaker 4: And that's been a learning experience.
Speaker 3: Do you have a share that you were assaulted with kids.
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 5: And the reason that I don't is not because I'm
you know, embarrassed or whatever, but I don't want them
to feel in the moment that they need to take
care of me of like, oh, the nurse told me
to say, now I have to take on her a thing,
and I'm sorry. I only want it to be about that. Yeah,
so I just leave it alone. But you know, of course,
in stettings like this, I'm happy to share when you
know someone's not in an acute trauma situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, my wife has helped, and this may
sound like a distraction, I promise it's not. My wife
and I have helped a number of families flee states
like Washington and Oregon in California where their kids were
on the virgin being medically kidnapped in order to be
tranced chemically surgically I referred to as mutilation, and in
that help was so frustrating for people is early on,
when this was happening to kids and to families, no
one believed the parents, they're taking our kids to it, know,
they wouldn't do that. Our doctor offered to do a
masectomy with a twelve year daughter, or that that never happens,
or you'd get this. You get people saying things like, well, wait,
it's a If my daughter came out and told me
she's actually a boy, I'd call her brave.
Speaker 3: I'd celebrate.
Speaker 1: What's wrong with you? You should be celebrating this. So
this was the establishment being completely untrustworthy. Parents have to leave,
you can't have your kid around this stuff, and then
being almost gas lit that there's something wrong with you
as a parent if you don't, if you don't come
along and celebrate this. I wanted to ask you, are
there any dynamics like that at play here in regard
to your role as a sexual assault nurse examiner where
there are institutional blockades.
Speaker 3: Or there are.
Speaker 1: Societal blockades, or people saying haven't the kids have enough?
Speaker 2: Do you?
Speaker 3: Or had enough? Did you? Do you face anything like that?
Speaker 4: Oh? Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 3: I always hoping you were going to say, oh no,
not at all.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was that wasn't the case.
Speaker 5: Yes, there's multiple layers of i'd say barriers that I
have experienced in this work, and so from not having
support from an institution to kind of being pushed out
of jobs, you know, for speaking up and wanting to
create change and do the right thing. And you know,
I'll give you an example. I was really pushing for
us to universally screen kids for trafficking because we have
just seen these huge numbers of kids being exploited online,
and when we screen them, well, we finally get a
lot of disclosures around for an exposure, you know, being
groomed online from you know, actual trafficking disclosures. It's really
important to ask kids about that. And just being told
this is not a good use of our resources.
Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, you just you were asking to ask questions.
Speaker 5: Right right, and our nurses wanted to We had the capacity,
we had the will. You know, it wasn't gonna hurt
anyone in the hospital. No one's gonna be asked to
do a job they didn't want to do. Just could
be coming and do this, and we're told it was
not a good use of our resources. So it is
mind blowing the pushback we get. I've talked to many
other hospitals kind of trying to get them on board
with these types of screening questions or education around you know, pornography, exploitation, trafficking.
I've had many hospital administration administrators say things like, this
is going to create a revenue for us if not
like or not interesting.
Speaker 3: This is going to create a revenue.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yep.
Speaker 5: So no, probably it's not going to create a tangible
revenue to recognize trafficking victims in your hospital.
Speaker 4: But is it the right thing to do?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 4: And they say no to it? So, uh yeah. I
get a lot of pushback from an institutional level.
Speaker 5: I also get pushbacks sometimes just from people doing this
work and that they don't think some of the issues
I'm bringing up are a big deal. So, for example,
I talked to a group of therapists one time about
how pornography's impacting kids, and one of the comments I
got in my evaluations was I felt like I was
dragged to a Southern Baptist convention against.
Speaker 4: Why will no?
Speaker 5: And I So I will say, in those settings, you know,
where it's highly academic.
Speaker 4: Or professional, I don't talk about my faith. I don't.
Speaker 5: I purely approach this from a research standpoint, because I
know that's tim going to get by in is to
say here's all the research, here's the anecdotal eviand and
here's what we're seeing frontlines.
Speaker 4: It's real, right, like.
Speaker 5: There's no religious there's no political affiliation with any of this.
And I still get that type of feedback sometimes, and
so yeah, the pushback is real.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, it's so horrible to hear.
Speaker 1: I was really hoping you'd say no, no, no, But
Satan is always always working.
Speaker 3: But God wins in the end. And I could see
why Tim wants to run his coffee company.
Speaker 1: He's CEO Bone Frog Coffee founder there because there's no
one shooting at him. We checked off on these things.
Do you ever have IDs go off in the office, No,
not so far. Do you ever have people shoot it
you on the way to work?
Speaker 3: No, not so far.
Speaker 1: He did three deployments on our behalf into the Middle
East as a navy seal. He also loves the coffee
company and loves to give you discounts. If you're a
subscriber to bone Frog Coffee, you get free delivery on
all subscription orders over eighty bucks. So if you are
an existing subscriber but you're just getting you know, coffee,
like two or three pieces a month, go all in, get.
Speaker 3: The whole thing, get free delivery. You've never tried bone
Frog Coffee. Go to Bonefrog Coffee dot com. Slash Todd.
Speaker 1: Use promo code Todd to get Tempers out of your
first purchase fifteen percent off subscription coffee. Do check out
the merch while you're there, because I think the merch
is extraordinary. Heidi Olsen's with us and again link to
her business and this AFR documentary of which she's a part.
Speaker 3: So the discussion about pornography.
Speaker 1: You and I were talking before the show in the
green room and I hope that shrimp was good.
Speaker 3: I hope that was okay for you in the steak
and all that.
Speaker 1: We were talking about your LLC helping companies and organizations.
I want to talk more about that. I asked you
if you ever helped churches have prepared them to have
conversations with young people about porn and sexual trauma, etc.
And basically you said, I wish so even churches are
shying away from this absolutely.
Speaker 5: I think honestly churches might be the worst offenders in
some ways. Wow, where you know, we we raise the
issue and they're like, yeah, no, we don't need to
talk about that. It's not an issue here, not our kids.
No one here has ever struggled with that.
Speaker 4: Just to really, I.
Speaker 5: Think having their blinders on and not wanting to address
the issue. And so that's been really disappointing because you know,
churches have an opportunity to be on the front lines
bringing healing and redemption and truth to this issue, and
they're not, I mean far and few between. Some churches are,
but most churches are not, and so that has definitely
been a disappointment in terms of.
Speaker 4: Getting buy in. Wow.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: You know, we're told to be watchers at the gate
Christians who abide with christis an old testament, a piece
of scripture.
Speaker 3: But we are told to.
Speaker 1: Warn when we see, when we see spiritual dangers coming.
We're told in I think my wife pulled this out
the other day Proverbs, that we're told to speak out
for those with thoughtful effectively. And I don't know that
there are more silenced people than kids who are being
sexually assaulted or trafficked in the spiritual danger. My goodness,
this can, as you said, keep people apart from Christ.
And we know the whole thing about millstones around next
and Jesus said, causing these little ones to stumble on
the way to him.
Speaker 3: I am.
Speaker 1: I don't often get flabbergasted, but I guess I'm just
lucky to be a member of a church and volunteer
with kids at a church where we do talk about this,
but people exist, pastors exist who say, oh, no one
at our church suffers from this, and no one at
our church looks at porn.
Speaker 5: Yes, absolutely, And I think there's even a disconnect when
it comes to understanding how porn impacts men and women. Right,
it might be like, well, some of the guys in
our church struggle with porn, but definitely none of the women,
Definitely none of the kids. And it's like, no, everybody
is even being impacted by pornography. We have to be
realistic and address this. And I think there's multiple layers
why the church is not addressing it. But if you
look at statistics around how much of the church, congregation
and even pastors are consuming porn, that absolutely plays a
role in it, right, But we don't want to address
something we feel a lot of shame about and don't
want to go there. But I think there's also a
huge generational gap. If you are talking to you know,
church leadership that didn't grow up with internet porn the
way that millennials and Gen.
Speaker 4: Zs are, they don't get it. Right, Like sometimes it's
like it's not that big of a deal.
Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe I saw Playboy once, you know, a long
time ago, and it's like, oh no, this is like
constantly being inundated with very hardcore pornography that just pops
up in front of you. Like this is a totally
different animal that we're talking about with the internet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we can I don't want to get into
the salute and specific, but we can talk about some
of the dynamics of what hardcore means today because hardcore
of the day I met something. People who praise God
have not seen this stuff. I have no idea what
hardcore means today. I told you i'd share a bit
of good news with you.
Speaker 3: So I will.
Speaker 1: And this there's a lot of pastors who listen to
the show and thank you.
Speaker 3: You guys have a hard job.
Speaker 1: And Satan is all over you and your families, and
we should hold you up in prayer, and thank you
for listening or watching the show. I appreciate any way
you choose to consume the show. Let me tell you
about some of how this bears fruit and how do
I hope this is this is helpful for you. A
mom got in touch with me and my partner John,
John's a lot younger than me, and.
Speaker 3: We co lead this group.
Speaker 1: And she said, hey, you know, I'm really asking you
to pray for my son. He has relapsed in using
pornography and vaping, and and this kid was in a
tough circumstance and we'd even talked beforehand, how are you
going to avoid these temptations? And so.
Speaker 3: We pray.
Speaker 1: We talked about what was going on, and she said,
you know, hope you guys can interact with him.
Speaker 3: So he came back to youth group.
Speaker 1: And from time to time I'll take kids aside, just
have one on once because I never get to do that,
and so it's not unusual. So I pulled this young
man out and said, hey, we're gonna have a one
on one today and sat down. So, hey, so what's
going on with you guys? Well, I relapsed with porn. Wow,
thank you for sharing that with me. And how did
you feel about it? I felt sick. And so we
processed this and what was Satan saying to you? He's
the same thing you said, He'd say, it's just once,
and so you know, how can I help you.
Speaker 2: Be?
Speaker 1: You know, maybe an accountability partner, and do you have that, Beau. Yeah,
you know, I've told my mom now that when I
have temptation, I'm going to go to her.
Speaker 3: He said.
Speaker 1: I actually went to her in the morning and said, hey,
I I used porn last night, and I'd like you
to take my phone away from me for while. And
he confessed to the vaping. And he said, it's so funny, todd,
because it wasn't even fun. It wasn't even fun. I
just felt sick. I felt sick while I was doing it.
And I said, you told your mother is yeah, yeah,
I don't you know. I don't know my dad. So
I told my mom and I told him thank you
for sharing that with me. And I talked later to
his mom and he confessed to you, Oh yeah, I
forgot that part. That's how I knew. Now that's part
of the good news. The second piece of good news
is a few weeks later, we were having a talk
about with a young kid who is clearly addicted to
video games, clearly, and I was giving him this challenge,
don't use a video game for five days, and he
was pushing back, and this this young man who confessed
to the porn usage, raised his hand and I go, yes,
I may I speak into this? I said yes, and
he looked at the other kids and they're from very
different backgrounds. He goes, may I speak into this with you?
And he shared that story, hidie wow, and he said,
so for me it has to be none, and maybe
for you it needs to be none, because if it's
just hard for you to not do a stupid video
game for five days, it might need to be none.
Speaker 3: It needs to be none with porn, doesn't it. Yes?
Speaker 5: Absolutely, yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 4: It's so encouraging.
Speaker 5: I love kids, they're so incredible and yes, it's like
they surprise you in the best ways.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: But yeah, pornography is there's no upsides to it. What
it does to our brains, our relationships, you know, there's
just looking at it here and there is never going
to be a healthy behavior. It's similar to like, is
you know, doing meth here and there good for our bodies? No,
it's never before us and absolutely we know it's addicting.
It's just going to create those neural pathways and our
brain and give us those chemical releases where we want
to go back and do more. And so yeah, it
is one of those things where it should be nothing,
no partaking at all, in my.
Speaker 3: Opinion, and I totally agree. I couldn't agree more. And
when you.
Speaker 1: Step away from this and through the glory of God,
and I don't say this prideately, please understand I have
shame that I ever looked at this stuff. But it's
been well over twenty years. And the reason I stopped
was I realized that I was watching people being sex trafficked. Yes, right,
Oh my gosh, I can never do this again. I
want to get into these conversations about how your organization,
your company helps people, and organizations have these conversations, schools
and other groups and churches. You know, I'm at a
church where we talk about this a lot, and so
in that way we're really blessed. But you mentioned what
is hardcore today. My wife and I have these conversations
from time to time that the boys have been programmed
by computers and hardcore porn to have certain expectations of
sexuality and sexual interactions.
Speaker 3: And you see the results of these with girls. So
what are some of the results of these?
Speaker 5: Yeah, so you know, like you said, I will not
give any graphic details, but if you're not familiar with
what's happening.
Speaker 4: Online mainstream porn.
Speaker 5: The algorithms on these sites are set for men who
have been looking at internet porn for the last ten
twenty years. So when someone goes on to Pornhub, it's
set for here's the person whose brain is so desensitized
to this content. We have to show you something really shocking,
really violent, So your brain is that same chemical release.
And so when the eight year old stumbles onto a video,
they're getting the same algorithm set for the forty five
year old male. You know, it's been looking at this
since and so it's extremely violent. It's very degrading and horrendous,
and there are absolutely torture type incest rate fiend. I mean,
the worst things you can imagine are just right front
and center. And so it's not just a kid seeing
an image of a naked person. It's very very violent.
So of course, if we have a young kid whose
brain is not even fully developed watching this content and
no one has talked to them about this or even sex,
this is setting your sexual template. So we think about
a boy I've been watching this for years. When I
go to have sex with someone, I'm going to emulate
what I'm seeing important because I think that's what girls like.
So it's going to be very violent, it's probably gonna
involve strangulation, it's going to be very degrading. There's no atonement,
there's no looking at this other person and are they
enjoying it? You don't learn that important. There's no learning
about mutuality or consent. It's very consumptive with females. What
they're learning is I should enjoy being degraded, I should
enjoy violence, I should enjoy other people watching this. I
should exploit myself because that's what I'm seeing from girls
and pornography. And so if this is what's setting kids
sexual template, this is really confusing. So even think about it.
So you have kids who are great up at a
Christian home, maybe they've never had sex as anyone, but
they're both looking at porn. They get married and have sex,
what's that sexual encounter going to be like?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 5: Probably kind of traumatizing and confusing and not fun and
isn't going to feel intimate because it's this porn world
that they're playing off of and think that those expectations
are what they should be doing. And so a lot
of sexual damage is being created in kids across the
world because of this.
Speaker 1: Yes, and I remember that you shared an instance with
us on the American Fender radio show about a brother
and sister.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, you talk about that.
Speaker 4: Sure.
Speaker 5: So there's just huge rates of child and child sexual
assault happening that is porn and influenced. So we see
a lot of kids who are watching pornography over and
over and over again, and then they're acting it out
on other kids. And this is backed in research. If
you look at research, there is absolutely this relationship between
kids seeing porn and then they act out what they see.
Of course, kids have mirror neurons in their brain. We
know they copy what we do. Of course they're going
to copy what they see online. And so this instant
I was referring to as a twelve year boys actual
assaulted as five year old sister and the dad walked
in and saw it, so there was no question about
what happened. Absolutely horrendous situation. And the parents told me,
you know, we have found violent pornography on his phone.
Is this related? And it was like ding, the light
bulbs went off for me, of like, of course it's related,
and that for me was a huge catalyst and starting
to ask kids about pornography, because I'm just seeing such
huge correlations and causation between the kids sees porn, then
they act it out and harm another child, and so
there's this ripple effect of trauma happen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no doubt, And there's there's so much research on this.
It's it's unavoidable. The neurological changes, the pathway changes. You
talked about, the mirrored synapses, and these learning behaviors that they're.
Speaker 3: Also the destruction of marriage.
Speaker 1: And it gets away from kids, but the destruction of marriage,
the confusion of people on gender. You and I talk
briefly about sissy hypnoporn, which is very purposely aimed at
boys to make them want to be like.
Speaker 3: Girls, so they're the sexual objects.
Speaker 1: All this stuff just straight from Satan's design to mock marriage,
to mock becoming one flesh in marital union, to mock
all this and so very clear from this, and I
wanted to get with you now to talk about how
we discuss porn. We'll do this in just a second,
and then I want you to talk about what your
company does and how people can work with you, and
hopefully churches if you're listening this is happening, and I
guarantee there are kids in your congregation. Unless you are
five people in a home church, I guarantee their kids
being impacted by this in your congregation. Now, I've been
talking about getting down to renew healthcare, and I shouldn't
say this as someone who's in business with them, and
I shouldn't say this is someone who gets a share
of revenues from people who go down there. That's our
business arrangement. I haven't been able to schedule the time
because I am not psychologically well enough to sit on
an airplane on a ramp for six hours. And this
has been happening to people, and I recognize that. I
know there's reasons that people aren't going down. So let
me just give you this heads up. This is going
to come to pass.
Speaker 3: It'll be over.
Speaker 1: I'm going to go down for the anti aging protocol.
So this can turn out to be good news for
all of us. If you're interested in the anti aging protocol,
this male clinic level look at your body, starting with
an epigenetic analysis of your aging, looking at all of
your organs, the performance of your organs, us greeting you
for cancers, et cetera. They will then take that information
and put together a plan for you. They'll present it
to you how much it will cost. It's not cheap,
but then again, dying painfully is not cheap, and not
being able to live life to the folk.
Speaker 3: Extents is not cheap.
Speaker 1: And you get something else, you know what helps you
financially to come back with the three to five things
you can concentrate on and the kit things you can
do at home to slow your aging or reverse your
arc of aging. And that kit you can do at home.
The three to five things you focus on huge money saver.
Speaker 3: You go to the.
Speaker 1: Doctor, doctor recommends something like this. You could say, hey,
is it within these three to five things? I don't
think so that's going to be my concentration. So be
the CEO of your health. Come back with the plan
and the things you can do at home, and get
this set up now so that when this travel thing passes,
and it will, you and I can all go down
together and have a great time making sure that we're
the CEOs of our own health. Go learn about this
at renew and you e dot Healthcare. Tell them you
want to talk about the Anti Agent Protocol. One of
the patient ambassadors will help you. It's renew dot org
healthcare telling me you're part of the Todd Herman Shaw family.
When I had a super uncomfortable conversation once with my
mom when I was a kid, my dearest friend at
the time had moved away and he bequeathed to me
a couple of penthouses and some playboys because he was
moving he didn't.
Speaker 3: Want his mom to find these things.
Speaker 1: So lucky me, I was bequeathed this pornography and I
hid it, I thought. And I came home from school
one day and my mom had them laid out on
the kitchen table, centerfolds and everything. And I walked in
and said, all throws away, and she said.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, sit down. Let's go through these together.
Speaker 1: And she looked at some of the pictures with me.
Do you think that women enjoyed doing this? Probably not?
She read some of the deer Penthouse. I never thought
this would happen to me.
Speaker 2: But.
Speaker 3: She goes, do you think this is the way sex
really is?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: And we went through that process. She closed the magazines
and she said, well, those are yours to do with as.
Speaker 3: You wish, and that through them.
Speaker 1: Why now that sadly was not the last time I
ever looked at porn, but that was a very effective
way to plant a seed of I have a mom
and other female family members, and I'd never want to
seem treated this way.
Speaker 3: So when you talk to churches or.
Speaker 1: Youth groups or youth organizations or schools, what have you,
how do you coach them into talking with kids and
others about porn and trafficking, et cetera.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so, you know, I think when I I'm sure
it was mortifying having that moment with her mom want
me to say, but.
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you for recognizing that it was absolutely the
most horrible thing I can imagine.
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, but I appreciate that she didn't shame you. Right,
it was like, Todd, You're a horrible kid. How could
you ever be attracted to this? What's wrong with you?
Because that is not helpful. And the reality is that,
of course, there isn't a lord to porn like we
I think, sort of clutching our pearls and being like,
how could anyone look at this?
Speaker 4: Not helpful.
Speaker 5: I think the reality is when we approach it from
a standpoint of we know it's everywhere, we know everyone
sees it. Let's have a conversation. You're not a horrible
human being if you see it or if you're drawn
to it. But here's how it's harmful. Here's why we
don't want you to see it because it hurt your brain,
your body, your relationships, It impacts our relationship with the Lord,
and so we want better for you than this. But
we get there's an appeal here and that you are
going to be exposed to it.
Speaker 4: All over the place.
Speaker 5: Your friends are looking at it, it's online, it's popping
up on your phone. So let's talk about how to
handle that. So really it's taking the shame out of
it and doing it in an age appropriate way. So
what I will tell different groups that I'm working with. So,
for example, I just did a big conference in Birmingham,
Alabama last week, and the conference was for frontline responders,
healthcare workers, and therapists. And what we thinked about was
how do you assess the kids you're working with on
this issue and how do you treat them if.
Speaker 4: They've been exposed to porn?
Speaker 5: And so some of the pointers I was giving them
was obviously in an age appropriate way. We want to
screen every kid who has access to a device for
porn exposure. So if mom and dad are handing three
year old the phone, guess what, we need to have
some level of conversation with the three year old because
there is a high chance they're going to be exposed.
And so you know, with three year old, of course
you would want to say something. You don't even have
to use the word porn. Write something like, hey, if
you ever see a picture of someone and they're not
wearing clothes where your swimsuit goes, tell.
Speaker 4: Mom and dad.
Speaker 5: It can be that simple, really short touch points here
and there. It's not going to put an idea inside
of their head. They're not going to go type people
without clothes on into their brows are most likely it's
just like oh hmm, okay, thanks for the information. When
we don't get super excited and you know, emotional about it,
just kind of like okay, not a big deal, just
putting this out there.
Speaker 4: They're not going to be curious about her.
Speaker 5: It's like, oh this is a big deal and everyone's
freaking out that it's like, oh, well, should I go
look at it?
Speaker 4: Because everyone's got feelings.
Speaker 5: Yeah, So I think kind of learning different ways and
there's tons of resources, you know, if anyone wants to
reach out to me after this, I'm happy to send
you specific resources around all this. But so so learning
how to do it at a young age, and then
obviously those conversations become more intentional and more clear the
older child gets so when they're at an age where
really you can have detailed conversations like a fifteen sixteen
year old, they understand what sex is at the point,
just short touch pain points maybe while you're you know,
driving to go get dinner, right, you don't have to
make eye contact with each other. It can be Hey,
remember what we talked about with porn You know, have
you seen anything lately?
Speaker 4: How do you have any questions for me?
Speaker 5: You know what's hard about growing up in society where
everyone's looking at this. I care about that, So I
think there's lots of ways we can approach it as
a professional. What I will say with teenage kids is,
I know a lot of kids learn about sex from pornography.
Have you ever seen pornography or been shown pornography? You
would be shocked the amount of teenage girls that are
because that's primarily who I'm interacting with. Yes, yes, yes,
everyone looks at porn. Yes, my boyfriend's sends it to me. Yes,
I've seen it. Yes, I've been shown it on the bus. Yes,
my perpetrator showed it to me right before he assaulted meat. Right,
everyone's being shown this content and then you know, thank you,
thank you for trusting me that information. How that make
you feel? You know, what questions do you have for me?
Speaker 4: Again? Taking the shame out of it.
Speaker 5: When we have child where we think there is problematic
por news, right, so addiction type of behaviors, right, they
just like the kid who were saying, who can't go
five days with that video game, the kid who cannot
be without their phone, who has to look at porn
all the time. It's impacting their body, their brain. Obviously
there has to be intervention because they're now following, you know,
an addictive pathway in their brain. There has to be
some intervention there. But for the kid who's seen it
once you know, and feels terrible about it, that does
not mean it's going to ruin the rest of their life,
right that there's plenty of evidence to show they'll be
just fine.
Speaker 4: You know, we don't want them to see it, but
they will be Okay.
Speaker 5: It doesn't have to be the end of the world,
but talking about it and creating safety is really.
Speaker 4: One of the biggest things that we could do to
bring healing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's well said. Let's talk about this.
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anydear to the porn soaked kids who've had access to
this their whole lives. It's not as common, but I've
run into cases where for the first time it's happened
to me and youth group that we talk about pornography.
This literally happened with a fourteen year old boy as
we were talking about pornography after a sermon in relation
to God's plan for our bodies and marriage. We had
a discussion about why do Christians date. We date because
we want to see if we are going to get married.
We don't date to have sex or we don't, you know,
date for fun. Certainly, we go hang.
Speaker 3: Out with people groups of people, so we.
Speaker 1: Can see how people interact with other human beings of
the opposite sex. But when we date, it's intentional and
we define the relationship. I'm dating you because I want
to see if I want to marry you or if
we should be married, if you want to marry me,
and the topic of pornography came up, and a fourteen
year old boy raised his hand and said, I'm so right.
Speaker 3: What is pornography?
Speaker 1: And I said it is videos of people having sex
and he said, people watch that, and every other boy
in the room, I mean, they were startling laughter. I said, hey, guys,
right safe place. Yeah, and they stopped and I said, well,
praise god, you've never seen it. So I guess my
question is I have concern that you can go so
far in shielding your kids and protecting your kid and
being a helicopter lawnmower parent.
Speaker 3: Guilty right here, that you.
Speaker 1: Set your kid up for the first example of this
or a predator or an overly sexualized friend to say, no,
this is really cool.
Speaker 3: Let me show you.
Speaker 1: And it's not to glorify it or to make it
this super secret thing. But do you think parents should
warn all kids, even though sheltered homeschool kids should know
that this stuff exists.
Speaker 5: Yes, And thank you for bringing that up. That's such
a great point because it does create a vulnerability when
kids are not armed with the truth. And so I've
seen that even with parents who push back on like
sexual abuse prevention, you know in schools of like, well,
my kids opting out of that because I don't want
them to think about sexual abuse. And it's like, okay,
so if it happens to them, god forbid. I do
not want that to happen to your child. But if
it does, they're not even going to have language to
be able to disclose to you what happened. And I
think there's this fear with parents, well, if we talk
about it, it's going to make them more curious. And
research actually shows the opposite happens when we talk about
it again in an age appropriate way. So we're not
giving them all of these you know, details about hey,
go google this thing. It's hey, this exists, and here's
the downsides, and here's why we don't want this for you,
but we want you to be armed with it. And
here's how you know, people try to groom kids online,
and here's the dangers that are happening. You know that
we're seeing that sort of our ripple effect of all
the porn exposure.
Speaker 4: We want you to be safe.
Speaker 5: That is not going to drive a child online to
go look up sex, right, And so yes, it is
a huge vulnerability when kids don't know. Because say that kid,
the one who said I don't know what porn is, right,
what happens when you go off to college. You now
away from mom and dad. Everyone in your dorm is
looking at it, they're showing it to you. They're traumatizing you. Right,
you have no skills to know what to do with
this information. And so we want to arm our kids
before they get to that situation. And I know how
to reject this. I don't have to participate. I don't
have to be traumatized by it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well said. And I think parents have reasonable fears
in a lot of government.
Speaker 1: Schools these days because say, you know, we used to
live in the what I call the separate country of
Washington State. They pretended they were passing safe touch legislation
when in fact, I mean the most unspeakable sexual activities.
They were going to teach kids with this curricula up
to an including blood play. And they actually had exercises
where you were graded at your efficacy at talking another
student into having sex. So truly saying things like, well
we can use contraceptive, well I don't have one, Well
we can use.
Speaker 3: Non microwavable saran wrap.
Speaker 1: Wow, and you can use that as a dental dam
And they actually said in some of this curricula, if
you're not ready for full sexual intercourse yet, it's a
good idea to get in a hot bath with a
friends and embrace, because this is an important form of
intimacy that truly teaching kids this stuff and you've seen
I'm sure some of the books that make it into.
Speaker 3: School libraries, et cetera.
Speaker 1: I asked a law enforcement officer who works with international
police forces to stop international sex trafficking.
Speaker 3: His name of Jim Feuda.
Speaker 1: I asked some showed him some of this curricula, asked
him out. He goes, this is is a sex traffickers dream,
This is a pedophile's dream. So have you seen I've
seen a statistical increase in teachers being arrested for sexual
interactions with kids, for raping kids. I guess I don't
even know if I have a question here other than
you talked about safe touch and sexual assault prevention. But
parents need to be on the lookout for this stuff
and their schools too, right, And I mean, I don't
even I don't have a question there other than what
do you observe with that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's a great point. So you know, it's like
that there's vulnerabilities, two sides of the same point. Right,
Not talking about it's creating a vulnerability, But when we
approach it through this feels like grooming. What you're describing,
that's also creating a vulnerability. And so there's a healthy
way to approach all of this that is not normalizing
sexual contact between children. And so there's absolutely ways to
do that where it's not going to create more curiosity
or harm towards them, and it's not encouraging to do
for them to do things that they're not developmentally ready
or should be doing in this you know, context of
being a young child. And so yeah, there's a way
to do it in a healthy way. And I think
both things we're describing are not the way to do it.
But I would say a couple of things I've observed,
so I see a lot when we kind of talk
about the different books that exist, there are some very
sexually explicit, sort.
Speaker 4: Of young adult teenage books that exist.
Speaker 5: We all know this, and I've talked to so many
girls where that's where their porn addiction starts. They read, Yeah,
they read this content. Of course, it's arousing, it's meant
to be. They go online to google the sex act
that they've now imagined in their head.
Speaker 4: Now they're seeing porn. Now they are.
Speaker 5: Starting to go out to that visual stimuli. And so
those books can absolutely be a gateway into looking at
online porn. I've heard it many, many times from girls
or adults who now said, yes, as a teenager, this
is what's my intro into it. So I do think
those books absolutely can be very dangerous. But also, yes,
we're seeing this massive influx of young female teachers being
arrested for sexually abusing boys. I mean, if you're paying
attention to the headlines, because I do with my job, right,
I mean just massive influx, which I mean, there's so
many layers to it, But in my head, I wonder
what layer like or what level of pornography exposure is
playing in all this. With these females, you know, they're
twenty two, twenty three, twenty four, they've probably grown up
looking at internet porn for the last ten years. Now
are they so desensitized they're grooming their male students and
acting out their sexual fantasies? And how much of this
has typed to their own addiction to pornography, probably a lot,
because we're just seeing this massive increase in female perpetrators,
and porn is often a part of their abuse. They're
snapchatting naked pictures to these boys and filming their assaults.
And I'm the following what we see with a lot
of male perpetators. These females are now doing. And so
you wonder if porn is kind of flipping the script with.
Speaker 4: Some of this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so this is why for me talking to men
and women, this is a zero involvement thing. Don't be
around it, don't touch it.
Speaker 3: There is no little bit.
Speaker 1: And if this makes you uncomfortable, because I've got from
time to time doing national radio, I've had men contact me.
You sound like a prude. There's nothing wrong with looking
little porn. I'm not married.
Speaker 3: What should I do? Well?
Speaker 1: I mean, if you haven't been gifted with marriage, here's
one thing that's not going to get you married is
looking at porn. And by the way, God's probably not
going to want to trust you with his daughters. I mean, yeah,
you might meet a porn addicted woman and then hey,
guess what, you guys can separate yourself from God together.
But yeah, there's a lot to this topic. So the
link to Heidie's company is in the show notes. The
link to the AFR documentaries there. And if you're a
church and you're avoiding this issue, man, please pray into
that because you're told to be watchers at the gate
and you're chose. This is a spiritual danger. And if
you're an organization with questions, get in touch with her,
be a great speaker at one of your events, etc.
Speaker 3: Just a coach.
Speaker 1: We appreciate you, Heidi. Thank you for wearing the armor
God as you do this stuff, and thank you for.
Speaker 3: What you do in your career.
Speaker 4: Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 3: Absolutely my pleasure. This is the Todd Herman Show.
Speaker 1: Please go, be well, be strong, be kind, and please
make every effort to walk in a lot of Christ