WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:02.919 This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI 2 00:00:03.080 --> 00:00:05.960 AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand 3 00:00:06.280 --> 00:00:09.800 on the iHeartRadio app ki AM six forty. You have 4 00:00:09.800 --> 00:00:12.000 Doctor Wendy Walsh with you, and I have a frog 5 00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:14.279 in my throat. I'm drinking water only I'm not even 6 00:00:14.320 --> 00:00:16.600 drinking anything that's going to put a frog in my throat. 7 00:00:16.920 --> 00:00:19.359 You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I 8 00:00:19.399 --> 00:00:22.839 am known as America's relationship expert because well, I have 9 00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:26.800 been talking about, and reading about, and writing about the 10 00:00:26.920 --> 00:00:30.039 science of love for a number of decades. We shall 11 00:00:30.280 --> 00:00:33.399 go unnamed. How many of those numbers are tonight on 12 00:00:33.439 --> 00:00:37.119 The Doctor Wendy Walls Show, a celebrity husband unfollows his 13 00:00:37.399 --> 00:00:42.759 wife online. Another gets protected by his wife online. Also, 14 00:00:42.799 --> 00:00:45.280 I want to dedicate this show to all the single 15 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:48.960 people out there, because it's a new year, new you, 16 00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:52.320 time to find a new relationship, and I want you 17 00:00:52.359 --> 00:00:57.399 to be aware of things like love bombing, invisible string theory. 18 00:00:57.640 --> 00:01:03.359 I will complain and ilin and complain, and men with 19 00:01:03.479 --> 00:01:07.079 badly decorated rooms. It's a whole story. Plus an author 20 00:01:07.120 --> 00:01:08.799 will be joining us later in the show with the 21 00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:12.200 most hilarious things she has heard on dates, enough to 22 00:01:12.239 --> 00:01:15.799 fill an entire book. Producer, Kayla, how you doing? 23 00:01:16.040 --> 00:01:18.359 I am relaxed and rejuvenated, Doctor Wendy. 24 00:01:18.519 --> 00:01:20.719 I know, because we had a good retreat weekend, didn't 25 00:01:20.760 --> 00:01:23.680 we We did. We had a women's weekend in Semecula 26 00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:26.159 with in a wine country with not enough wine it was. 27 00:01:28.680 --> 00:01:32.359 There was a hot tub, there was sound baths, yo yoga, 28 00:01:32.840 --> 00:01:34.560 and a lot of talks by women. 29 00:01:34.719 --> 00:01:37.959 And food. Oh those women, Oh my god. 30 00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:40.439 Remember there was the one day or instead of doing 31 00:01:40.519 --> 00:01:42.799 three meals in the day, we did a linner. I 32 00:01:42.840 --> 00:01:45.439 love linner's. Linner's are lunch and dinner mixed together. I 33 00:01:45.480 --> 00:01:47.439 call them the liner They do them at four in 34 00:01:47.439 --> 00:01:51.480 the afternoon, and then your pancreas gets time. I'm a 35 00:01:51.480 --> 00:01:53.799 professor of health psychology. I know about these things. Your 36 00:01:53.840 --> 00:01:57.280 pancreas has time to release enough insulin so that everything's digested, 37 00:01:57.480 --> 00:02:00.640 you sleep better, everything. But some of the women complained 38 00:02:00.719 --> 00:02:02.959 about only two meals, even though they were huge meals. 39 00:02:03.000 --> 00:02:04.719 I mean the breakfast buffet was huge. 40 00:02:04.840 --> 00:02:07.319 Yeah, they really Yeah. I had absolutely zero complaints. 41 00:02:07.319 --> 00:02:08.840 No, So the next day we had to have those 42 00:02:08.879 --> 00:02:10.680 three meals. Yeah, yeah, I had to come back and 43 00:02:10.759 --> 00:02:14.560 exercise to get through all of that. All right. It 44 00:02:14.639 --> 00:02:18.599 is raining sometimes here in Los Angeles. We are blessed 45 00:02:18.639 --> 00:02:22.960 and thankful and grateful, but on watch because of floods. 46 00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:25.479 You know, as soon as the fires come, you know 47 00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:29.240 what comes next is mudslide. So we're hoping that everyone 48 00:02:29.280 --> 00:02:32.599 will be safe out there. Stay close to KFI because 49 00:02:32.599 --> 00:02:35.120 when the big rain's supposed to come tonight, we will 50 00:02:35.120 --> 00:02:37.360 be here to tell you about it. All right, Kayla, 51 00:02:37.439 --> 00:02:42.039 You and I differ on this story. Justin Baldoni and 52 00:02:42.080 --> 00:02:44.800 Blake Lively their little argument. I mean, I think the 53 00:02:44.840 --> 00:02:48.039 only thing you and I may agree on is that 54 00:02:48.159 --> 00:02:51.800 I think this is all a publicity stunt. I think 55 00:02:51.800 --> 00:02:53.840 to sell that movie because the movie's really bad. 56 00:02:53.919 --> 00:02:55.919 It's distracting from the movie. I know. 57 00:02:56.479 --> 00:02:59.599 Well, this week, Justin Baldoni jetted out of town with 58 00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:03.719 his face. He's apparently surfing in Hawaii, and his publicists 59 00:03:03.719 --> 00:03:06.039 appear to be taking aim at Blake Lively. If you 60 00:03:06.039 --> 00:03:08.560 don't know, there's a legal battle going on between the two. 61 00:03:09.199 --> 00:03:12.319 Justin Baldoni directed and co starred with her in the 62 00:03:12.360 --> 00:03:16.000 movie called It Ends with Us. Their feud began back 63 00:03:16.039 --> 00:03:19.159 in December after the actress sued him for alleged sexual 64 00:03:19.159 --> 00:03:24.960 harassment and retaliation. Supposedly, he got a bunch of publicists 65 00:03:25.159 --> 00:03:28.039 say a lot of bad things about her online, et cetera. 66 00:03:28.759 --> 00:03:32.319 So she sued him, and then he sued her back, 67 00:03:32.560 --> 00:03:34.319 And there we go. There's a bunch of people in it. 68 00:03:34.360 --> 00:03:38.199 The lawyers are making lots of money, and we will 69 00:03:38.199 --> 00:03:41.960 see what happens. Meanwhile, everybody's rushing to is it on Netflix? 70 00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:43.280 Where is it? It's on Netflix. 71 00:03:43.400 --> 00:03:46.240 Yeah, everyone's rushing to Netflix to watch the movie to 72 00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:49.159 see what their chemistry must be like or not. And 73 00:03:49.400 --> 00:03:51.800 I think it's a bad movie and they're not really 74 00:03:51.800 --> 00:03:53.319 good together. And that's just my opinion. 75 00:03:53.360 --> 00:03:55.400 I agree it's a bad movie. I will not watch it. 76 00:03:55.800 --> 00:03:56.759 But he didn't watch it. 77 00:03:56.800 --> 00:03:58.879 I mean, I don't like the way a cover DV. 78 00:03:59.240 --> 00:04:01.000 It just the end of like unrealistic. 79 00:04:01.879 --> 00:04:05.319 But I am all into the tea in my TikTok 80 00:04:05.360 --> 00:04:08.400 algorithm must know that because it keeps feeding me new perspectives, 81 00:04:08.400 --> 00:04:10.120 and I'm just like, oh my god, let me check 82 00:04:10.120 --> 00:04:13.000 Blake's comments, let me check Justin's comments. And Blake has 83 00:04:13.000 --> 00:04:16.399 her comments limited, while Justin does not so the public 84 00:04:16.519 --> 00:04:17.160 has spoken. 85 00:04:17.319 --> 00:04:20.079 Julio showed me that he's released some scenes, like some 86 00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:22.720 rough cuts from the movie to show that they had 87 00:04:22.759 --> 00:04:25.439 good chemistry and that so you could hear them talking, 88 00:04:25.480 --> 00:04:28.199 like there's a dance scene and you know they're not 89 00:04:28.199 --> 00:04:29.800 going to use the audio. It's gonna be set. 90 00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:30.199 Yeah. 91 00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:33.199 So they're just yapper in a way like Okay, i'll 92 00:04:33.199 --> 00:04:35.279 step here, then you step that way, and they're laughing. 93 00:04:35.480 --> 00:04:38.120 But it's very funny to see these outtakes. They're out 94 00:04:38.120 --> 00:04:43.319 there online. Okay, So Justin Bieber unfollowed his wife this week, 95 00:04:43.639 --> 00:04:47.560 Hailey Bieber of the Air one smoothie smooth Scoot. Have 96 00:04:47.600 --> 00:04:50.279 you ever heard of the Hailey Bieber smoothie at Air One? Oh? 97 00:04:50.360 --> 00:04:52.160 Yes, it's my favorite. It's absolutely fabulous. 98 00:04:52.199 --> 00:04:53.959 It's something about supposed to make your skin smooth. 99 00:04:54.000 --> 00:04:55.319 Oh, it's just very tasty. 100 00:04:55.480 --> 00:04:57.639 I just want to know, does she get it some 101 00:04:57.720 --> 00:04:59.879 money every time you buy one? Her name's in there. 102 00:05:00.040 --> 00:05:00.399 I don't know. 103 00:05:00.439 --> 00:05:02.680 I think they have a few smoothies named after celebrities, 104 00:05:02.680 --> 00:05:04.920 but I only order the Haley Beaver and it's also 105 00:05:04.959 --> 00:05:05.199 like a. 106 00:05:05.199 --> 00:05:07.680 Thousand dollars, so it's crazy. Yeah. 107 00:05:07.959 --> 00:05:11.800 So this week he unfollowed his wife. They are married, 108 00:05:12.160 --> 00:05:14.879 they have a five month old son. This stirred a 109 00:05:14.879 --> 00:05:18.040 whole bunch of drama on the line, but in the 110 00:05:18.160 --> 00:05:21.120 end he followed her again, claiming that someone had gone 111 00:05:21.160 --> 00:05:25.720 on his account and unfollowed his wife accidentally. You know, 112 00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:27.319 you got to say, when you're a celebrity that big, 113 00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:29.360 you're not handling all your social media. There are a 114 00:05:29.360 --> 00:05:32.360 lot of people have loggins, so it's possible. 115 00:05:31.959 --> 00:05:33.879 And there's some glitches sometimes in social media. 116 00:05:33.959 --> 00:05:35.720 And his fans have forgiven him and they say they 117 00:05:35.720 --> 00:05:38.360 think I was right. Okay, so I mentioned this week 118 00:05:38.399 --> 00:05:42.600 it's all about today, all about single people, all the 119 00:05:42.639 --> 00:05:44.639 single ladies. Oh did you pick that song at all? 120 00:05:44.720 --> 00:05:47.279 For no nos? Doctor, doctor, give me the news. 121 00:05:47.319 --> 00:05:50.759 Oh okay, thought single ling song. I want to start 122 00:05:50.759 --> 00:05:56.959 by talking about the difference between love bombing and love 123 00:05:57.079 --> 00:06:00.560 at first sight. Is they sure feel the same. So 124 00:06:00.639 --> 00:06:03.040 let's explain. Love at first sight are for people who 125 00:06:03.120 --> 00:06:06.000 are easily deluded by the cocktail of neural hormones called 126 00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:10.519 lust that involve oxytocin and dopamine and neuropinenephron, and they 127 00:06:10.600 --> 00:06:12.959 love that high so much that they want that person 128 00:06:13.000 --> 00:06:14.680 to stay near so they can have that feeling as 129 00:06:14.800 --> 00:06:17.920 much as possible, so they do grand gestures of love. 130 00:06:17.959 --> 00:06:20.480 They spend too much money on them, they compliment them, 131 00:06:20.519 --> 00:06:24.040 they tell them they're fabulous, and that is love at 132 00:06:24.120 --> 00:06:28.079 first sight. The problem is people who are susceptible to 133 00:06:28.199 --> 00:06:31.399 that kind of delusion in the early stages of lust, 134 00:06:31.480 --> 00:06:34.240 I will call it what it is, lust not love, 135 00:06:34.879 --> 00:06:37.720 often have a big crash and burn about three weeks 136 00:06:37.759 --> 00:06:41.120 into the relationship because what happens is the human brain 137 00:06:41.199 --> 00:06:44.639 gets accustomed to those neuro hormones and after a while 138 00:06:44.639 --> 00:06:46.519 they don't work as well. So they think there's something 139 00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:49.560 wrong with you because they're not getting that same high 140 00:06:49.759 --> 00:06:53.279 every time now, so it's not going to end well 141 00:06:53.360 --> 00:06:58.279 no matter what. But love bombing is something that we 142 00:06:58.399 --> 00:07:04.759 refer to something toxic, right, Maybe somebody who has narcissistic tendencies, 143 00:07:05.399 --> 00:07:10.680 who's manipulative in some way, and what they do is 144 00:07:10.759 --> 00:07:14.680 come on really strong because they want something else. They 145 00:07:14.720 --> 00:07:17.600 want to get you glued to them. And also those 146 00:07:17.639 --> 00:07:20.480 people who love bomb in a toxic way have this 147 00:07:20.680 --> 00:07:25.959 spidey sense of who's vulnerable and who's needy. Now that 148 00:07:26.040 --> 00:07:29.519 person maybe highly successful in their life, really functional, they 149 00:07:29.560 --> 00:07:31.240 may make a lot of money. They may be beautiful, 150 00:07:31.560 --> 00:07:36.360 but on some level they're insecure about love. Maybe they 151 00:07:36.399 --> 00:07:40.560 have an anxious attachment style. Maybe they have lower self esteem. 152 00:07:41.120 --> 00:07:43.560 So when this person shows up, or maybe they believe 153 00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:46.480 in stuff like a soul madele and so when this 154 00:07:46.560 --> 00:07:52.319 person shows up and bombards them with gifts and affection 155 00:07:52.759 --> 00:07:57.279 and words of adoration, they fall for a hook line 156 00:07:57.519 --> 00:08:01.959 and sinker, and then the person's in and they can 157 00:08:02.000 --> 00:08:05.519 start to Sometimes they do the warm, fuzzy, cold, prickly thing. 158 00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:07.759 They give you stuff and then they give you negative 159 00:08:07.759 --> 00:08:11.800 because they want to keep controlling that person and gaslighting 160 00:08:11.839 --> 00:08:14.560 them in different ways. So, whether it is love at 161 00:08:14.600 --> 00:08:19.199 first sight, whether it is love bombing, it's not going 162 00:08:19.240 --> 00:08:21.720 to end well. I'm just gonna say it's not going 163 00:08:21.759 --> 00:08:24.319 to end well. The love bomber might actually keep you 164 00:08:24.399 --> 00:08:28.000 wrapped around their finger for years or decades. Once they 165 00:08:28.040 --> 00:08:31.360 have that emotional control, the love it first site person 166 00:08:31.439 --> 00:08:33.159 is going to lose interest after a little while and 167 00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:36.360 leave you high and dry and heartbroken. So my answer 168 00:08:36.399 --> 00:08:42.600 to all of this is, please people learn to move slowly. 169 00:08:43.519 --> 00:08:49.000 Real love takes time, right. Real love is partly biological, 170 00:08:49.440 --> 00:08:54.879 it's psychological. It's a social cultural event, and people need 171 00:08:54.960 --> 00:09:00.320 time to date each other and explore compatibility. Now, of course, 172 00:09:00.399 --> 00:09:04.240 the beginning of a relationship can involve romantic gestures, acts 173 00:09:04.240 --> 00:09:05.840 of care, or compliments. 174 00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:06.840 But if it. 175 00:09:06.840 --> 00:09:13.279 Feels rushed and it feels unreal, it probably is right. 176 00:09:13.759 --> 00:09:16.960 So slow things down. Ask yourself what happened last time 177 00:09:17.000 --> 00:09:20.519 when it went fast? All right? Take a break? Oh easy, 178 00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:24.919 All right, when we come back. There's a trend online 179 00:09:24.960 --> 00:09:29.600 called invisible string theory. I was asked about it this 180 00:09:29.679 --> 00:09:32.919 week and did a little bit of research, and apparently 181 00:09:32.919 --> 00:09:37.120 it's very popular that you have a mate that's attached 182 00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:40.960 by an invisible string. We'll talk about it when we 183 00:09:41.039 --> 00:09:41.440 come back. 184 00:09:42.600 --> 00:09:46.840 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 185 00:09:47.039 --> 00:09:48.120 AM six forty. 186 00:09:49.279 --> 00:09:53.000 KFI Am sixty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you. 187 00:09:53.120 --> 00:09:58.600 This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh show Invisible String Theory. Boy, 188 00:09:58.679 --> 00:10:02.960 the Internet tries to find new ways for old things, 189 00:10:03.159 --> 00:10:06.159 over and over and over. Kayla, have you ever heard 190 00:10:06.240 --> 00:10:08.320 of the invisible string theory? 191 00:10:08.600 --> 00:10:09.159 I have not. 192 00:10:09.480 --> 00:10:12.919 It is a trend online. It's trending. You can search 193 00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:18.399 it on the ticker Talker and the Instagram. So invisible 194 00:10:18.440 --> 00:10:25.559 string theory is based on the belief in fate, spirituality, 195 00:10:25.720 --> 00:10:30.000 and oh the big One destiny. People who subscribe to 196 00:10:30.080 --> 00:10:34.639 the invisible string theory imagine that their soulmate is out 197 00:10:34.679 --> 00:10:38.559 there somewhere, and that soulmate is attached to them by 198 00:10:38.559 --> 00:10:43.519 an invisible string, and somehow, at the right time, when 199 00:10:43.559 --> 00:10:47.639 it's meant to be, the universe will present this person 200 00:10:47.679 --> 00:10:51.240 to them. So it's almost like they even believe that 201 00:10:51.360 --> 00:10:54.759 at different times of their life they've passed that person, 202 00:10:55.799 --> 00:10:58.159 but it wasn't the right time for the string to 203 00:10:58.200 --> 00:11:01.919 be reeled in, and they will use it sometimes to 204 00:11:01.960 --> 00:11:04.480 console themselves when there's been a breakup to they'll be like, 205 00:11:04.480 --> 00:11:07.200 it wasn't the right person or the right time, and 206 00:11:07.279 --> 00:11:10.639 the universe is opening up things for me, so they 207 00:11:10.639 --> 00:11:15.320 can reel in my soulmate on my invisible string. 208 00:11:16.360 --> 00:11:16.600 I know. 209 00:11:17.279 --> 00:11:24.000 Okay, it's like astrology, there's no scientific validity. But here's 210 00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:31.159 the thing. The benefit is fairly harmless invisible string theory. 211 00:11:31.200 --> 00:11:35.840 It can also you know, basically here if somebody has 212 00:11:35.840 --> 00:11:38.360 a lot of anxiety, especially single people who are having 213 00:11:38.399 --> 00:11:41.639 a tough time in the mating marketplace, so maybe they've 214 00:11:41.639 --> 00:11:44.120 had a bad date, maybe they've had a breakup, they 215 00:11:44.120 --> 00:11:47.120 can now self console themselves with the thought that their 216 00:11:47.120 --> 00:11:49.519 soulmate's still out there and that the path is just 217 00:11:49.559 --> 00:11:52.919 being cleared for them. So that's the good way it 218 00:11:52.960 --> 00:11:55.039 can be used. Even thore's no science to it, folks, 219 00:11:55.399 --> 00:11:59.279 there's no invisible string, there's no one soul made out there. 220 00:11:59.320 --> 00:12:00.879 I'm going to say it, oh, over and over and 221 00:12:00.919 --> 00:12:07.519 over again. But it can be bad because if you 222 00:12:07.600 --> 00:12:10.320 believe that the universe at the right time is going 223 00:12:10.360 --> 00:12:13.360 to bring you your so mate, you're not going to 224 00:12:13.399 --> 00:12:17.279 put yourself in the right situation at the right time 225 00:12:17.440 --> 00:12:21.559 to meet people. Right. Mating Human mating and finding a 226 00:12:21.600 --> 00:12:25.600 maid involves strategy that means you have to maintain attractive 227 00:12:25.600 --> 00:12:28.759 physical appearance. You got to go to the gym, you 228 00:12:28.879 --> 00:12:31.159 gotta put on hair and makeup or whatever, do some 229 00:12:31.200 --> 00:12:34.399 personal grooming with all that hair. Even if you're a 230 00:12:34.480 --> 00:12:37.679 gorgeous bearded man, trim it up, make it look beautiful, 231 00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:42.159 all right. I just don't want your belief in some 232 00:12:42.279 --> 00:12:45.240 kind of invisible string theory to make you complacent and 233 00:12:45.320 --> 00:12:50.039 let time slip by, especially for women who want to 234 00:12:50.039 --> 00:12:52.799 become mothers. That's about eighty percent of women will become 235 00:12:52.840 --> 00:12:55.879 mothers in their life. Playing the waiting game and thinking 236 00:12:55.919 --> 00:13:00.440 love will just happen can sadly eat up your fertility window. 237 00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:07.000 So invisible string theory can also apply to other relationships 238 00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:09.120 in your life. Friendships, you know, people come and go, 239 00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:12.120 friendships wax and wane. You can hold on to this 240 00:13:12.279 --> 00:13:15.840 mythical invisible string theory to help you make sense. You know, 241 00:13:15.879 --> 00:13:20.440 people attach themselves in mythology because they're trying to make sense, 242 00:13:20.840 --> 00:13:24.639 makes sense of life, makes sense of losses and gains. Right, 243 00:13:25.519 --> 00:13:30.120 it's a coping mechanism to help people deal with psychic pain. 244 00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:35.200 So it also can help them feel better because there's 245 00:13:35.279 --> 00:13:39.600 research to show that when you look forward with hope 246 00:13:39.919 --> 00:13:43.519 and optimism, even if it's with a silly invisible string, 247 00:13:44.320 --> 00:13:47.519 you have better mental health. Right. So, whether you're reading 248 00:13:47.519 --> 00:13:51.600 your astrological forecast, no science to it, folks, none, Okay, 249 00:13:52.440 --> 00:13:54.960 Whether you believe in a religion that promises a better 250 00:13:55.080 --> 00:13:57.679 life or thinking the universe is going to reel in 251 00:13:57.720 --> 00:14:03.240 your best relationships, all of this can actually calm your anxiety. 252 00:14:03.559 --> 00:14:05.600 So I'm like, go for it. If it's going to 253 00:14:05.639 --> 00:14:09.240 work for you, go for it, right, But I do 254 00:14:09.320 --> 00:14:13.919 want to say there's no such thing as the one, 255 00:14:13.960 --> 00:14:19.440 no such thing as a soulmate. Happy people have happy relationships, 256 00:14:20.240 --> 00:14:25.480 and there are many, many good matches for you. There's 257 00:14:25.519 --> 00:14:29.679 no such thing as a perfect match, although there's research 258 00:14:29.759 --> 00:14:32.879 to show that if you believe somebody's a perfect match, 259 00:14:32.960 --> 00:14:35.480 then they will be. That's a crazy thing about love. 260 00:14:35.840 --> 00:14:38.360 If you think your relationship is good, it doesn't matter 261 00:14:38.399 --> 00:14:42.039 what everybody outside of your relationship thinks. It's good because 262 00:14:42.080 --> 00:14:44.559 you believe it's good, right, and that's important you have 263 00:14:44.720 --> 00:14:50.200 like you value your partner. So I'm not saying let 264 00:14:50.279 --> 00:14:54.120 go of invisible string theory. I'm saying keep it there 265 00:14:54.159 --> 00:14:57.360 to calm yourself when things don't go well. But you've 266 00:14:57.360 --> 00:15:00.720 got to get some strategy. And what a strategy means today, Well, 267 00:15:00.759 --> 00:15:02.519 now there's a trend to get off the dating apps 268 00:15:02.559 --> 00:15:04.519 and meet in the real world. That means when you're 269 00:15:04.559 --> 00:15:08.000 out there in the world, real world, grocery shopping, at 270 00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:10.600 the gas station, wherever you are, stand a little straighter, 271 00:15:11.080 --> 00:15:15.480 look a little trimmer, fix yourself up, have eye contact 272 00:15:15.519 --> 00:15:21.960 with people, catch their eye, Smile men, women, non binary people, smile, 273 00:15:22.200 --> 00:15:26.919 smile everybody. Just get out there and make connections. That's 274 00:15:27.039 --> 00:15:30.600 how you find a mate. It's not about sitting around 275 00:15:31.279 --> 00:15:34.360 dreaming that the universe is suddenly going to bring somebody 276 00:15:34.480 --> 00:15:39.399 in when we come back. So producer Kayla, when we 277 00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:42.279 were at the retreat, the women's retreat, by the way, 278 00:15:42.360 --> 00:15:44.559 do you know what this retreat was? It's nothing I 279 00:15:44.600 --> 00:15:47.559 signed up for, nothing, I really created. It was the 280 00:15:47.600 --> 00:15:55.720 most organic, spontaneous thing ever. It's called Wow WOWW And Kayla, 281 00:15:55.799 --> 00:15:56.559 what does it stand for? 282 00:15:57.080 --> 00:15:58.919 The women of Wendy's wedding? 283 00:16:00.759 --> 00:16:02.799 So when I got married in August, there were a 284 00:16:02.799 --> 00:16:04.919 lot of women there from different facets of my life. 285 00:16:05.320 --> 00:16:07.799 I've had a long life, and they while I was 286 00:16:07.799 --> 00:16:09.360 busy being a bride and doing all the work that 287 00:16:09.399 --> 00:16:10.799 you need to do to be a bride, they were 288 00:16:10.840 --> 00:16:13.320 bonding at the various boutique hotels in the town we 289 00:16:13.320 --> 00:16:15.559 were at. It was a whole weekend event and having 290 00:16:15.559 --> 00:16:18.080 breakfast together and going hiking together. A couple of them 291 00:16:18.120 --> 00:16:20.279 went to see a Shakespeare play together. They all hung 292 00:16:20.360 --> 00:16:22.120 up and then they said, well, let's get together. So 293 00:16:22.159 --> 00:16:25.159 we got together for like dinner and dancing one night, 294 00:16:25.240 --> 00:16:27.320 and then the next one says, oh, we should do 295 00:16:27.320 --> 00:16:30.759 a whole weekend away. So fourteen women went out to 296 00:16:30.799 --> 00:16:32.679 Temecula women of Wendy's wedding. 297 00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:34.200 And it was so perfect. We're like, this weekend is 298 00:16:34.240 --> 00:16:35.759 a rug enough ween more. 299 00:16:35.600 --> 00:16:39.320 Time, But we tried to make it educational, so a 300 00:16:39.399 --> 00:16:42.360 number of women spoke. We had a wealth manager talk 301 00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:45.600 about personal finances. We had a woman who sadly had 302 00:16:45.679 --> 00:16:48.600 nursed many family members to death because she's the one 303 00:16:48.639 --> 00:16:50.879 shouldn't nurse them to death. They were dying anyway, Okay, 304 00:16:50.919 --> 00:16:53.279 it's nothing she did. She was there by their side 305 00:16:53.360 --> 00:16:55.320 and she had lots of advice on how to deal 306 00:16:55.360 --> 00:16:59.679 with a dying parent. And then who else do we have? 307 00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:03.200 We had you took love, oh, and I. 308 00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:05.160 Talked about the science of love. In fact, what I 309 00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:08.759 talked about were ten myths about love, and I got 310 00:17:08.759 --> 00:17:11.319 so much good response from it that I'm going to 311 00:17:11.319 --> 00:17:13.960 tell them to you when I come back. How about that, right? 312 00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:18.440 Ten myths about love that people still believe and they 313 00:17:18.519 --> 00:17:21.359 touldn't believe these things. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy 314 00:17:21.400 --> 00:17:25.240 Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty Relive Everywhere on 315 00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:26.400 the iHeartRadio app. 316 00:17:26.799 --> 00:17:31.119 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 317 00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:33.720 AM six forty. 318 00:17:33.000 --> 00:17:36.440 KFI am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. 319 00:17:36.519 --> 00:17:39.039 This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I would like 320 00:17:39.079 --> 00:17:43.279 to welcome my TikTok audience. Yes, TikTok still alive for now. 321 00:17:43.640 --> 00:17:47.440 We'll see. I guess the president can do whatever the 322 00:17:47.480 --> 00:17:49.640 Supreme Court says not to do. I don't know. I 323 00:17:49.640 --> 00:17:51.720 don't know how it all works, but we're still here 324 00:17:51.799 --> 00:17:54.279 on TikTok. If you would like to come into the 325 00:17:54.319 --> 00:17:57.319 studio visually, you're welcome to come on to my TikTok 326 00:17:57.359 --> 00:18:03.240 account at Dr Wendy Walsh. All right, and after this segment, 327 00:18:03.319 --> 00:18:05.160 by the way, I am going to be taking your 328 00:18:05.240 --> 00:18:09.359 relationship questions by telephone, so I will be giving out 329 00:18:09.359 --> 00:18:10.960 the number at the end of this segment. 330 00:18:11.720 --> 00:18:12.039 All right. 331 00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:16.759 Ten myths about love that too many people seem to 332 00:18:16.839 --> 00:18:20.319 still subscribe to, despite the fact that I've been trying 333 00:18:20.359 --> 00:18:23.640 to teach you otherwise for a lot of years. All right, 334 00:18:23.839 --> 00:18:29.440 myth number one, Love is a mystery. So people say 335 00:18:29.480 --> 00:18:32.440 they say love is a mystery. You know, actually love 336 00:18:32.519 --> 00:18:38.599 isn't a mystery. Love is partly biological, it's partly psychological, 337 00:18:39.039 --> 00:18:41.480 and it's partly social. I'll give an example from each 338 00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:44.920 of those three. So biology, the people you have the 339 00:18:44.960 --> 00:18:48.839 best sex with and the longest term exciting sexual relationship 340 00:18:48.880 --> 00:18:50.880 tend to be people who have different immune systems than 341 00:18:50.960 --> 00:18:53.519 you do. And you know how you tell by how 342 00:18:53.559 --> 00:18:56.680 they smell. If you think about it, the best sex 343 00:18:56.720 --> 00:19:00.200 you've ever had, you said, oh, they smell delicious. They 344 00:19:00.200 --> 00:19:04.519 head no smell really right, And so women in particular 345 00:19:04.599 --> 00:19:08.480 pick up their olfactory response picks up the pheromones of 346 00:19:08.519 --> 00:19:13.160 immune system cells. When two people meet and mate to 347 00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:17.279 produce offspring, they might take brown eyes from one, long 348 00:19:17.359 --> 00:19:20.400 legs from another, curly hair from another, except immune system 349 00:19:20.440 --> 00:19:23.920 genes they combine to create a stronger person. So we 350 00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:27.160 are drawn to somebody sexually who has a different immune system. 351 00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:33.839 That's one example from biology. Psychology. People have an inherited 352 00:19:34.319 --> 00:19:37.480 inward attachment cells partly inherited and partly learned in the 353 00:19:37.519 --> 00:19:40.920 first few for years of life. Some people have more 354 00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:43.960 anxiety around attachment. They have a lot of abandonment issues. 355 00:19:44.319 --> 00:19:46.720 Other people are more avoidant. Don't get too close that 356 00:19:46.839 --> 00:19:50.640 intimacy thing I don't want, right. So that's a psychological piece, 357 00:19:51.039 --> 00:19:53.039 and the social piece is the stuff people put in 358 00:19:53.079 --> 00:19:56.000 their dating apps, what ZIP code you live in, what 359 00:19:56.039 --> 00:19:58.960 you like to eat, are you vegetarian? Are your carnivore? 360 00:19:59.160 --> 00:20:02.960 What your polyt takes are like, whether the tribes would match, right, 361 00:20:03.039 --> 00:20:07.720 because relationships are a bridge between tribes and most of 362 00:20:07.720 --> 00:20:12.559 the science of love is quantifiable. Their research studies on this. 363 00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:15.920 They've even put people in MRI machines, showed them pictures 364 00:20:15.960 --> 00:20:18.000 of people they love and people they hate, and watch 365 00:20:18.079 --> 00:20:21.039 which areas of their brain light up. It is real, 366 00:20:21.960 --> 00:20:25.279 all right. Myth number two is one of my favorite 367 00:20:25.319 --> 00:20:27.839 myths because a lot of people use the language all 368 00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:34.079 the time. A breakup or a divorce is a failed relationship, 369 00:20:34.160 --> 00:20:37.759 that's the myth, right. The truth is, I do not 370 00:20:37.880 --> 00:20:42.200 believe there's any such thing as a failed relationship. Maybe 371 00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:48.079 a culmination of lessons learned. A relationship ends when one 372 00:20:48.240 --> 00:20:51.319 or both partners have stopped learning and they're ready to 373 00:20:51.359 --> 00:20:55.640 move on to the next challenge. Our life expectancies are 374 00:20:55.680 --> 00:20:59.279 so long. When till death do us part was invented, 375 00:20:59.319 --> 00:21:04.160 death was pretty imminent, okay, And so now you may 376 00:21:04.200 --> 00:21:06.920 have two or three long stint of monogamy with some 377 00:21:07.000 --> 00:21:10.599 mate selection in between. We call that dating or single life. Right, 378 00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:16.519 But this idea that you failed because your relationship didn't 379 00:21:16.559 --> 00:21:20.640 start in your twenties and end till death do us part. 380 00:21:21.480 --> 00:21:26.400 You're not a failure. Your relationship didn't fail, it culminated. 381 00:21:27.000 --> 00:21:29.160 You learned what you needed to learn, and I hope 382 00:21:29.480 --> 00:21:31.039 you're going to do better next time. Which is the 383 00:21:31.079 --> 00:21:36.000 next myth that divorce can help you find a better mate. Now, 384 00:21:36.039 --> 00:21:38.400 while I say that there's no such thing as a 385 00:21:38.440 --> 00:21:41.759 failed relationship, there are people who throw in the towel 386 00:21:41.880 --> 00:21:46.160 really early because they think a divorce will help them 387 00:21:46.200 --> 00:21:50.559 find a better mate. But sadly, the statistics doesn't support this. 388 00:21:51.720 --> 00:21:54.720 Divorce doesn't teach you how to find a better mate. 389 00:21:55.160 --> 00:21:58.559 Divorce doesn't teach you how to be a better mate. 390 00:21:58.799 --> 00:22:03.440 Divorce teaches you that you can survive divorce, and as 391 00:22:03.480 --> 00:22:07.079 a result, second marriages have a much higher divorce rate, 392 00:22:07.599 --> 00:22:11.240 third marriages even higher divorce rate. So unless you learn 393 00:22:11.319 --> 00:22:16.039 the relationship skills, throwing in the towel doesn't help all right, 394 00:22:16.079 --> 00:22:20.400 Next myth that men and women fall in love the 395 00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:26.079 same way. First of all, ladies, if you haven't learned 396 00:22:26.079 --> 00:22:29.079 this yet from me, maybe you're new. Let me tell 397 00:22:29.119 --> 00:22:32.319 you if men do not fall in love through sex, 398 00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:36.160 Men fall in love through trust, and they generally don't 399 00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:39.720 trust a woman who gives them sex early. Women, on 400 00:22:39.759 --> 00:22:42.480 the other hand, fall in love when they've met their 401 00:22:42.559 --> 00:22:44.920