Speaker 1: This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand
Speaker 1: on the iHeartRadio app ki AM six forty. You have
Speaker 1: Doctor Wendy Walsh with you, and I have a frog
Speaker 1: in my throat. I'm drinking water only I'm not even
Speaker 1: drinking anything that's going to put a frog in my throat.
Speaker 1: You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I
Speaker 1: am known as America's relationship expert because well, I have
Speaker 1: been talking about, and reading about, and writing about the
Speaker 1: science of love for a number of decades. We shall
Speaker 1: go unnamed. How many of those numbers are tonight on
Speaker 1: The Doctor Wendy Walls Show, a celebrity husband unfollows his
Speaker 1: wife online. Another gets protected by his wife online. Also,
Speaker 1: I want to dedicate this show to all the single
Speaker 1: people out there, because it's a new year, new you,
Speaker 1: time to find a new relationship, and I want you
Speaker 1: to be aware of things like love bombing, invisible string theory.
Speaker 1: I will complain and ilin and complain, and men with
Speaker 1: badly decorated rooms. It's a whole story. Plus an author
Speaker 1: will be joining us later in the show with the
Speaker 1: most hilarious things she has heard on dates, enough to
Speaker 1: fill an entire book. Producer, Kayla, how you doing?
Speaker 2: I am relaxed and rejuvenated, Doctor Wendy.
Speaker 1: I know, because we had a good retreat weekend, didn't
Speaker 1: we We did. We had a women's weekend in Semecula
Speaker 1: with in a wine country with not enough wine it was.
Speaker 1: There was a hot tub, there was sound baths, yo yoga,
Speaker 1: and a lot of talks by women.
Speaker 2: And food. Oh those women, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Remember there was the one day or instead of doing
Speaker 1: three meals in the day, we did a linner. I
Speaker 1: love linner's. Linner's are lunch and dinner mixed together. I
Speaker 1: call them the liner They do them at four in
Speaker 1: the afternoon, and then your pancreas gets time. I'm a
Speaker 1: professor of health psychology. I know about these things. Your
Speaker 1: pancreas has time to release enough insulin so that everything's digested,
Speaker 1: you sleep better, everything. But some of the women complained
Speaker 1: about only two meals, even though they were huge meals.
Speaker 1: I mean the breakfast buffet was huge.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they really Yeah. I had absolutely zero complaints.
Speaker 1: No, So the next day we had to have those
Speaker 1: three meals. Yeah, yeah, I had to come back and
Speaker 1: exercise to get through all of that. All right. It
Speaker 1: is raining sometimes here in Los Angeles. We are blessed
Speaker 1: and thankful and grateful, but on watch because of floods.
Speaker 1: You know, as soon as the fires come, you know
Speaker 1: what comes next is mudslide. So we're hoping that everyone
Speaker 1: will be safe out there. Stay close to KFI because
Speaker 1: when the big rain's supposed to come tonight, we will
Speaker 1: be here to tell you about it. All right, Kayla,
Speaker 1: You and I differ on this story. Justin Baldoni and
Speaker 1: Blake Lively their little argument. I mean, I think the
Speaker 1: only thing you and I may agree on is that
Speaker 1: I think this is all a publicity stunt. I think
Speaker 1: to sell that movie because the movie's really bad.
Speaker 2: It's distracting from the movie. I know.
Speaker 1: Well, this week, Justin Baldoni jetted out of town with
Speaker 1: his face. He's apparently surfing in Hawaii, and his publicists
Speaker 1: appear to be taking aim at Blake Lively. If you
Speaker 1: don't know, there's a legal battle going on between the two.
Speaker 1: Justin Baldoni directed and co starred with her in the
Speaker 1: movie called It Ends with Us. Their feud began back
Speaker 1: in December after the actress sued him for alleged sexual
Speaker 1: harassment and retaliation. Supposedly, he got a bunch of publicists
Speaker 1: say a lot of bad things about her online, et cetera.
Speaker 1: So she sued him, and then he sued her back,
Speaker 1: And there we go. There's a bunch of people in it.
Speaker 1: The lawyers are making lots of money, and we will
Speaker 1: see what happens. Meanwhile, everybody's rushing to is it on Netflix?
Speaker 2: Where is it? It's on Netflix.
Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone's rushing to Netflix to watch the movie to
Speaker 1: see what their chemistry must be like or not. And
Speaker 1: I think it's a bad movie and they're not really
Speaker 1: good together. And that's just my opinion.
Speaker 2: I agree it's a bad movie. I will not watch it.
Speaker 1: But he didn't watch it.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't like the way a cover DV.
Speaker 2: It just the end of like unrealistic.
Speaker 3: But I am all into the tea in my TikTok
Speaker 3: algorithm must know that because it keeps feeding me new perspectives,
Speaker 3: and I'm just like, oh my god, let me check
Speaker 3: Blake's comments, let me check Justin's comments. And Blake has
Speaker 3: her comments limited, while Justin does not so the public
Speaker 3: has spoken.
Speaker 1: Julio showed me that he's released some scenes, like some
Speaker 1: rough cuts from the movie to show that they had
Speaker 1: good chemistry and that so you could hear them talking,
Speaker 1: like there's a dance scene and you know they're not
Speaker 1: going to use the audio. It's gonna be set.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So they're just yapper in a way like Okay, i'll
Speaker 1: step here, then you step that way, and they're laughing.
Speaker 1: But it's very funny to see these outtakes. They're out
Speaker 1: there online. Okay, So Justin Bieber unfollowed his wife this week,
Speaker 1: Hailey Bieber of the Air one smoothie smooth Scoot. Have
Speaker 1: you ever heard of the Hailey Bieber smoothie at Air One? Oh?
Speaker 2: Yes, it's my favorite. It's absolutely fabulous.
Speaker 1: It's something about supposed to make your skin smooth.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's just very tasty.
Speaker 1: I just want to know, does she get it some
Speaker 1: money every time you buy one? Her name's in there.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I think they have a few smoothies named after celebrities,
Speaker 3: but I only order the Haley Beaver and it's also
Speaker 3: like a.
Speaker 2: Thousand dollars, so it's crazy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So this week he unfollowed his wife. They are married,
Speaker 1: they have a five month old son. This stirred a
Speaker 1: whole bunch of drama on the line, but in the
Speaker 1: end he followed her again, claiming that someone had gone
Speaker 1: on his account and unfollowed his wife accidentally. You know,
Speaker 1: you got to say, when you're a celebrity that big,
Speaker 1: you're not handling all your social media. There are a
Speaker 1: lot of people have loggins, so it's possible.
Speaker 2: And there's some glitches sometimes in social media.
Speaker 1: And his fans have forgiven him and they say they
Speaker 1: think I was right. Okay, so I mentioned this week
Speaker 1: it's all about today, all about single people, all the
Speaker 1: single ladies. Oh did you pick that song at all?
Speaker 2: For no nos? Doctor, doctor, give me the news.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, thought single ling song. I want to start
Speaker 1: by talking about the difference between love bombing and love
Speaker 1: at first sight. Is they sure feel the same. So
Speaker 1: let's explain. Love at first sight are for people who
Speaker 1: are easily deluded by the cocktail of neural hormones called
Speaker 1: lust that involve oxytocin and dopamine and neuropinenephron, and they
Speaker 1: love that high so much that they want that person
Speaker 1: to stay near so they can have that feeling as
Speaker 1: much as possible, so they do grand gestures of love.
Speaker 1: They spend too much money on them, they compliment them,
Speaker 1: they tell them they're fabulous, and that is love at
Speaker 1: first sight. The problem is people who are susceptible to
Speaker 1: that kind of delusion in the early stages of lust,
Speaker 1: I will call it what it is, lust not love,
Speaker 1: often have a big crash and burn about three weeks
Speaker 1: into the relationship because what happens is the human brain
Speaker 1: gets accustomed to those neuro hormones and after a while
Speaker 1: they don't work as well. So they think there's something
Speaker 1: wrong with you because they're not getting that same high
Speaker 1: every time now, so it's not going to end well
Speaker 1: no matter what. But love bombing is something that we
Speaker 1: refer to something toxic, right, Maybe somebody who has narcissistic tendencies,
Speaker 1: who's manipulative in some way, and what they do is
Speaker 1: come on really strong because they want something else. They
Speaker 1: want to get you glued to them. And also those
Speaker 1: people who love bomb in a toxic way have this
Speaker 1: spidey sense of who's vulnerable and who's needy. Now that
Speaker 1: person maybe highly successful in their life, really functional, they
Speaker 1: may make a lot of money. They may be beautiful,
Speaker 1: but on some level they're insecure about love. Maybe they
Speaker 1: have an anxious attachment style. Maybe they have lower self esteem.
Speaker 1: So when this person shows up, or maybe they believe
Speaker 1: in stuff like a soul madele and so when this
Speaker 1: person shows up and bombards them with gifts and affection
Speaker 1: and words of adoration, they fall for a hook line
Speaker 1: and sinker, and then the person's in and they can
Speaker 1: start to Sometimes they do the warm, fuzzy, cold, prickly thing.
Speaker 1: They give you stuff and then they give you negative
Speaker 1: because they want to keep controlling that person and gaslighting
Speaker 1: them in different ways. So, whether it is love at
Speaker 1: first sight, whether it is love bombing, it's not going
Speaker 1: to end well. I'm just gonna say it's not going
Speaker 1: to end well. The love bomber might actually keep you
Speaker 1: wrapped around their finger for years or decades. Once they
Speaker 1: have that emotional control, the love it first site person
Speaker 1: is going to lose interest after a little while and
Speaker 1: leave you high and dry and heartbroken. So my answer
Speaker 1: to all of this is, please people learn to move slowly.
Speaker 1: Real love takes time, right. Real love is partly biological,
Speaker 1: it's psychological. It's a social cultural event, and people need
Speaker 1: time to date each other and explore compatibility. Now, of course,
Speaker 1: the beginning of a relationship can involve romantic gestures, acts
Speaker 1: of care, or compliments.
Speaker 2: But if it.
Speaker 1: Feels rushed and it feels unreal, it probably is right.
Speaker 1: So slow things down. Ask yourself what happened last time
Speaker 1: when it went fast? All right? Take a break? Oh easy,
Speaker 1: All right, when we come back. There's a trend online
Speaker 1: called invisible string theory. I was asked about it this
Speaker 1: week and did a little bit of research, and apparently
Speaker 1: it's very popular that you have a mate that's attached
Speaker 1: by an invisible string. We'll talk about it when we
Speaker 1: come back.
Speaker 4: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 4: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: KFI Am sixty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh show Invisible String Theory. Boy,
Speaker 1: the Internet tries to find new ways for old things,
Speaker 1: over and over and over. Kayla, have you ever heard
Speaker 1: of the invisible string theory?
Speaker 2: I have not.
Speaker 1: It is a trend online. It's trending. You can search
Speaker 1: it on the ticker Talker and the Instagram. So invisible
Speaker 1: string theory is based on the belief in fate, spirituality,
Speaker 1: and oh the big One destiny. People who subscribe to
Speaker 1: the invisible string theory imagine that their soulmate is out
Speaker 1: there somewhere, and that soulmate is attached to them by
Speaker 1: an invisible string, and somehow, at the right time, when
Speaker 1: it's meant to be, the universe will present this person
Speaker 1: to them. So it's almost like they even believe that
Speaker 1: at different times of their life they've passed that person,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't the right time for the string to
Speaker 1: be reeled in, and they will use it sometimes to
Speaker 1: console themselves when there's been a breakup to they'll be like,
Speaker 1: it wasn't the right person or the right time, and
Speaker 1: the universe is opening up things for me, so they
Speaker 1: can reel in my soulmate on my invisible string.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 1: Okay, it's like astrology, there's no scientific validity. But here's
Speaker 1: the thing. The benefit is fairly harmless invisible string theory.
Speaker 1: It can also you know, basically here if somebody has
Speaker 1: a lot of anxiety, especially single people who are having
Speaker 1: a tough time in the mating marketplace, so maybe they've
Speaker 1: had a bad date, maybe they've had a breakup, they
Speaker 1: can now self console themselves with the thought that their
Speaker 1: soulmate's still out there and that the path is just
Speaker 1: being cleared for them. So that's the good way it
Speaker 1: can be used. Even thore's no science to it, folks,
Speaker 1: there's no invisible string, there's no one soul made out there.
Speaker 1: I'm going to say it, oh, over and over and
Speaker 1: over again. But it can be bad because if you
Speaker 1: believe that the universe at the right time is going
Speaker 1: to bring you your so mate, you're not going to
Speaker 1: put yourself in the right situation at the right time
Speaker 1: to meet people. Right. Mating Human mating and finding a
Speaker 1: maid involves strategy that means you have to maintain attractive
Speaker 1: physical appearance. You got to go to the gym, you
Speaker 1: gotta put on hair and makeup or whatever, do some
Speaker 1: personal grooming with all that hair. Even if you're a
Speaker 1: gorgeous bearded man, trim it up, make it look beautiful,
Speaker 1: all right. I just don't want your belief in some
Speaker 1: kind of invisible string theory to make you complacent and
Speaker 1: let time slip by, especially for women who want to
Speaker 1: become mothers. That's about eighty percent of women will become
Speaker 1: mothers in their life. Playing the waiting game and thinking
Speaker 1: love will just happen can sadly eat up your fertility window.
Speaker 1: So invisible string theory can also apply to other relationships
Speaker 1: in your life. Friendships, you know, people come and go,
Speaker 1: friendships wax and wane. You can hold on to this
Speaker 1: mythical invisible string theory to help you make sense. You know,
Speaker 1: people attach themselves in mythology because they're trying to make sense,
Speaker 1: makes sense of life, makes sense of losses and gains. Right,
Speaker 1: it's a coping mechanism to help people deal with psychic pain.
Speaker 1: So it also can help them feel better because there's
Speaker 1: research to show that when you look forward with hope
Speaker 1: and optimism, even if it's with a silly invisible string,
Speaker 1: you have better mental health. Right. So, whether you're reading
Speaker 1: your astrological forecast, no science to it, folks, none, Okay,
Speaker 1: Whether you believe in a religion that promises a better
Speaker 1: life or thinking the universe is going to reel in
Speaker 1: your best relationships, all of this can actually calm your anxiety.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, go for it. If it's going to
Speaker 1: work for you, go for it, right, But I do
Speaker 1: want to say there's no such thing as the one,
Speaker 1: no such thing as a soulmate. Happy people have happy relationships,
Speaker 1: and there are many, many good matches for you. There's
Speaker 1: no such thing as a perfect match, although there's research
Speaker 1: to show that if you believe somebody's a perfect match,
Speaker 1: then they will be. That's a crazy thing about love.
Speaker 1: If you think your relationship is good, it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: what everybody outside of your relationship thinks. It's good because
Speaker 1: you believe it's good, right, and that's important you have
Speaker 1: like you value your partner. So I'm not saying let
Speaker 1: go of invisible string theory. I'm saying keep it there
Speaker 1: to calm yourself when things don't go well. But you've
Speaker 1: got to get some strategy. And what a strategy means today, Well,
Speaker 1: now there's a trend to get off the dating apps
Speaker 1: and meet in the real world. That means when you're
Speaker 1: out there in the world, real world, grocery shopping, at
Speaker 1: the gas station, wherever you are, stand a little straighter,
Speaker 1: look a little trimmer, fix yourself up, have eye contact
Speaker 1: with people, catch their eye, Smile men, women, non binary people, smile,
Speaker 1: smile everybody. Just get out there and make connections. That's
Speaker 1: how you find a mate. It's not about sitting around
Speaker 1: dreaming that the universe is suddenly going to bring somebody
Speaker 1: in when we come back. So producer Kayla, when we
Speaker 1: were at the retreat, the women's retreat, by the way,
Speaker 1: do you know what this retreat was? It's nothing I
Speaker 1: signed up for, nothing, I really created. It was the
Speaker 1: most organic, spontaneous thing ever. It's called Wow WOWW And Kayla,
Speaker 1: what does it stand for?
Speaker 2: The women of Wendy's wedding?
Speaker 1: So when I got married in August, there were a
Speaker 1: lot of women there from different facets of my life.
Speaker 1: I've had a long life, and they while I was
Speaker 1: busy being a bride and doing all the work that
Speaker 1: you need to do to be a bride, they were
Speaker 1: bonding at the various boutique hotels in the town we
Speaker 1: were at. It was a whole weekend event and having
Speaker 1: breakfast together and going hiking together. A couple of them
Speaker 1: went to see a Shakespeare play together. They all hung
Speaker 1: up and then they said, well, let's get together. So
Speaker 1: we got together for like dinner and dancing one night,
Speaker 1: and then the next one says, oh, we should do
Speaker 1: a whole weekend away. So fourteen women went out to
Speaker 1: Temecula women of Wendy's wedding.
Speaker 2: And it was so perfect. We're like, this weekend is
Speaker 2: a rug enough ween more.
Speaker 1: Time, But we tried to make it educational, so a
Speaker 1: number of women spoke. We had a wealth manager talk
Speaker 1: about personal finances. We had a woman who sadly had
Speaker 1: nursed many family members to death because she's the one
Speaker 1: shouldn't nurse them to death. They were dying anyway, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's nothing she did. She was there by their side
Speaker 1: and she had lots of advice on how to deal
Speaker 1: with a dying parent. And then who else do we have?
Speaker 2: We had you took love, oh, and I.
Speaker 1: Talked about the science of love. In fact, what I
Speaker 1: talked about were ten myths about love, and I got
Speaker 1: so much good response from it that I'm going to
Speaker 1: tell them to you when I come back. How about that, right?
Speaker 1: Ten myths about love that people still believe and they
Speaker 1: touldn't believe these things. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy
Speaker 1: Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty Relive Everywhere on
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 4: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: KFI am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I would like
Speaker 1: to welcome my TikTok audience. Yes, TikTok still alive for now.
Speaker 1: We'll see. I guess the president can do whatever the
Speaker 1: Supreme Court says not to do. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know how it all works, but we're still here
Speaker 1: on TikTok. If you would like to come into the
Speaker 1: studio visually, you're welcome to come on to my TikTok
Speaker 1: account at Dr Wendy Walsh. All right, and after this segment,
Speaker 1: by the way, I am going to be taking your
Speaker 1: relationship questions by telephone, so I will be giving out
Speaker 1: the number at the end of this segment.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: Ten myths about love that too many people seem to
Speaker 1: still subscribe to, despite the fact that I've been trying
Speaker 1: to teach you otherwise for a lot of years. All right,
Speaker 1: myth number one, Love is a mystery. So people say
Speaker 1: they say love is a mystery. You know, actually love
Speaker 1: isn't a mystery. Love is partly biological, it's partly psychological,
Speaker 1: and it's partly social. I'll give an example from each
Speaker 1: of those three. So biology, the people you have the
Speaker 1: best sex with and the longest term exciting sexual relationship
Speaker 1: tend to be people who have different immune systems than
Speaker 1: you do. And you know how you tell by how
Speaker 1: they smell. If you think about it, the best sex
Speaker 1: you've ever had, you said, oh, they smell delicious. They
Speaker 1: head no smell really right, And so women in particular
Speaker 1: pick up their olfactory response picks up the pheromones of
Speaker 1: immune system cells. When two people meet and mate to
Speaker 1: produce offspring, they might take brown eyes from one, long
Speaker 1: legs from another, curly hair from another, except immune system
Speaker 1: genes they combine to create a stronger person. So we
Speaker 1: are drawn to somebody sexually who has a different immune system.
Speaker 1: That's one example from biology. Psychology. People have an inherited
Speaker 1: inward attachment cells partly inherited and partly learned in the
Speaker 1: first few for years of life. Some people have more
Speaker 1: anxiety around attachment. They have a lot of abandonment issues.
Speaker 1: Other people are more avoidant. Don't get too close that
Speaker 1: intimacy thing I don't want, right. So that's a psychological piece,
Speaker 1: and the social piece is the stuff people put in
Speaker 1: their dating apps, what ZIP code you live in, what
Speaker 1: you like to eat, are you vegetarian? Are your carnivore?
Speaker 1: What your polyt takes are like, whether the tribes would match, right,
Speaker 1: because relationships are a bridge between tribes and most of
Speaker 1: the science of love is quantifiable. Their research studies on this.
Speaker 1: They've even put people in MRI machines, showed them pictures
Speaker 1: of people they love and people they hate, and watch
Speaker 1: which areas of their brain light up. It is real,
Speaker 1: all right. Myth number two is one of my favorite
Speaker 1: myths because a lot of people use the language all
Speaker 1: the time. A breakup or a divorce is a failed relationship,
Speaker 1: that's the myth, right. The truth is, I do not
Speaker 1: believe there's any such thing as a failed relationship. Maybe
Speaker 1: a culmination of lessons learned. A relationship ends when one
Speaker 1: or both partners have stopped learning and they're ready to
Speaker 1: move on to the next challenge. Our life expectancies are
Speaker 1: so long. When till death do us part was invented,
Speaker 1: death was pretty imminent, okay, And so now you may
Speaker 1: have two or three long stint of monogamy with some
Speaker 1: mate selection in between. We call that dating or single life. Right,
Speaker 1: But this idea that you failed because your relationship didn't
Speaker 1: start in your twenties and end till death do us part.
Speaker 1: You're not a failure. Your relationship didn't fail, it culminated.
Speaker 1: You learned what you needed to learn, and I hope
Speaker 1: you're going to do better next time. Which is the
Speaker 1: next myth that divorce can help you find a better mate. Now,
Speaker 1: while I say that there's no such thing as a
Speaker 1: failed relationship, there are people who throw in the towel
Speaker 1: really early because they think a divorce will help them
Speaker 1: find a better mate. But sadly, the statistics doesn't support this.
Speaker 1: Divorce doesn't teach you how to find a better mate.
Speaker 1: Divorce doesn't teach you how to be a better mate.
Speaker 1: Divorce teaches you that you can survive divorce, and as
Speaker 1: a result, second marriages have a much higher divorce rate,
Speaker 1: third marriages even higher divorce rate. So unless you learn
Speaker 1: the relationship skills, throwing in the towel doesn't help all right,
Speaker 1: Next myth that men and women fall in love the
Speaker 1: same way. First of all, ladies, if you haven't learned
Speaker 1: this yet from me, maybe you're new. Let me tell
Speaker 1: you if men do not fall in love through sex,
Speaker 1: Men fall in love through trust, and they generally don't
Speaker 1: trust a woman who gives them sex early. Women, on
Speaker 1: the other hand, fall in love when they've met their
Speaker 1: version of the one. This thing they've imagined is the
Speaker 1: perfect person, and they will readjust their entire life for him. Men,
Speaker 1: on the other hand, hit a state of readiness and
Speaker 1: they take pretty much whoever's up at bat. Sorry, ladies,
Speaker 1: we thought we were so special. They're not out there
Speaker 1: searching for the one, the perfect person. They're busy getting
Speaker 1: their life going, and when they're ready, they're going to
Speaker 1: take whoever's there. Another myth, you're single because you haven't
Speaker 1: found the right person. I hear that all the time.
Speaker 1: I just haven't found the right person. No, you're single
Speaker 1: because you haven't become the right person. So here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Love is an inside job, right, and happy people have
Speaker 1: happy relationships. So if you're constantly being disappointed, if you're
Speaker 1: not good at mate selection and you're going out on
Speaker 1: dates with inappropriate people and you can't you can't see
Speaker 1: the red flags, or you're just saying, well, they don't
Speaker 1: make me happy. It's not their job to make you happy, right,
Speaker 1: your job to make you happy, and it's your job
Speaker 1: to learn the relationship skills. Here's another myth. People stay
Speaker 1: together because they're really attracted to each other and they
Speaker 1: have really great sex. Sorry, there's lots of research on
Speaker 1: long term, compatible, healthy people, and actually their sex life
Speaker 1: isn't the most exciting thing that they mention. When people
Speaker 1: first get together, the relationship is like ninety percent about sex,
Speaker 1: and then after a few years or decades, it's about
Speaker 1: ten percent about the sex and it becomes mature companionate love.
Speaker 1: People stay together because of emotional glue, because they're open, honest,
Speaker 1: and authentic, and that becomes the glue that keeps people together.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 1: Here's a final one. Love is a universal feeling. That's
Speaker 1: a myth. You see, love feels different to everybody. You know.
Speaker 1: We say things like, well, if you're in love, you
Speaker 1: would do this, If you're in love, you would say that. Well,
Speaker 1: that's your version of love. And one of the biggest
Speaker 1: problems that happens in relationships is people forget to convey
Speaker 1: their expectations. They forget to say so. In my family
Speaker 1: of origin, this is how we express love. And this
Speaker 1: feels like love to me. How does that feel to you? Right?
Speaker 1: That's all you need to do just open the veil
Speaker 1: right Hey, when we come back, I am going to
Speaker 1: be taking your calls. Reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm
Speaker 1: a psychology professor, but I've written three books on relationships,
Speaker 1: did a dissertation on attachment theory, and I'm happy to
Speaker 1: weigh in on your love lives. The number is one
Speaker 1: eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one eight
Speaker 1: hundred five two zero one five three four, So give
Speaker 1: us a call. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy
Speaker 1: Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty were live everywhere
Speaker 1: on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 4: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I'd like to
Speaker 1: welcome down my Instagram followers, viewers, audience. If you would
Speaker 1: like to come in the studio here in Burbank, California,
Speaker 1: just log onto my Instagram. The handle is at doctor
Speaker 1: Wendy Walsh at d R Wendy Walsh. Okay, this is
Speaker 1: the time of the show when I am answering your
Speaker 1: social media questions. When I am taking your phone calls,
Speaker 1: the number is one eight hundred five two zero one
Speaker 1: five three four. That's one eight hundred five to zero
Speaker 1: one five three four. Okay, producer, Kayla, who do we have? First?
Speaker 1: We have lydia at the question lydia, Hi, lydia. It's
Speaker 1: doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5: Hi, doctor Wendy. I am calling you because I am
Speaker 5: very concerned. I am very sure that my grown up
Speaker 5: son was Mary with two kids, and he's a professional,
Speaker 5: he's a very successful man. I am very sor that
Speaker 5: he's drinking every day hard liquor.
Speaker 1: Ah. Okay, So you're very concerned about your adult son
Speaker 1: because you're convinced that he's suffering from a substance abuse disorder.
Speaker 1: He's drinking alcohol every day. Where do you have this
Speaker 1: evidence from?
Speaker 5: I babysit my grandkids twice a week, and I am
Speaker 5: in his home twice a week. So I have been
Speaker 5: noticing that in his pantry he keeps a bottle of vodka.
Speaker 5: And at the beginning, I thought, okay, so fine, everybody
Speaker 5: takes a little shot of you know, tequila, vodka, what
Speaker 5: have you every now and then. But every time I
Speaker 5: go I've been noticing that bottle has been more empty
Speaker 5: and more empty. So I've been marking that bottle.
Speaker 1: Well, you're an investigator of grandma. You're marking his bottles
Speaker 1: of vodka. See how they go down. Have you talked
Speaker 1: to his wife about this? Have you seen a change
Speaker 1: in his behalf behavior.
Speaker 5: I don't see him too often. I don't see my
Speaker 5: son or my daughter in law that often. They're very busy.
Speaker 5: I just kind of see him once in a while.
Speaker 1: But you baby sit the kids twice a week. Correct,
Speaker 1: Are they giving you any information.
Speaker 5: Who the kids?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: No, No, they're not giving me any information. But I
Speaker 5: do know, for instance, that he has trouble sleeping, uh huh,
Speaker 5: and he probably takes a drink just to go to
Speaker 5: sleep that night. Okay's a lot, a lot.
Speaker 1: So your evidence in your mind, you're concerned about your
Speaker 1: grown son who's married with two kids, because you've been
Speaker 1: marked you babysit twice a week. You've been marking the
Speaker 1: vodka bottles. They've been going down fast. You don't know
Speaker 1: if he's sharing it with anybody else. You're not one
Speaker 1: hundred percent sure if he's drinking during the day, but
Speaker 1: you suspect he may be and you're a concerned mother,
Speaker 1: and you have every right to be concerned. So my
Speaker 1: advice to you, Lydia is to first of all, get
Speaker 1: more information, talk to his wife life, find out what's
Speaker 1: going on. But also if this is your issue right now,
Speaker 1: because we don't know, you know, he hasn't had a DUI,
Speaker 1: we don't know if any if there is any behavior
Speaker 1: that's impacted the family. But you're having concerns over this,
Speaker 1: and so I highly recommend that you go to an
Speaker 1: alan ON meeting, and an alan ON meeting are for
Speaker 1: people who are family members of those who suffer from
Speaker 1: substance abuse disorders, and at that meeting, they can teach
Speaker 1: you how to have boundaries, what questions to ask, how
Speaker 1: to get information, how to keep the kids safe, what's reportable,
Speaker 1: what isn't, et cetera. So I really think that you
Speaker 1: need to practice some self care for you so that
Speaker 1: you can take the best action instead of just sitting
Speaker 1: in your concern about this. And I can understand it
Speaker 1: can be very very concerning, especially because you love your
Speaker 1: son and of course you love your grandkids and you
Speaker 1: want to make sure everybody is safe. So I would
Speaker 1: suggest talking to the people at alan On. They're free
Speaker 1: meetings there take place all over the city and I
Speaker 1: think producer Kayla can even find you some links so
Speaker 1: you can reach out to an aloe. And thank you
Speaker 1: for calling Lydia, And I'm so sorry that you're going
Speaker 1: through this. Oh that's scary for a mom. That's so scary.
Speaker 1: All right, Producer Kayla, who do we have next?
Speaker 2: We have Jeremy with a question.
Speaker 1: Jeremy, Hi, Jeremy, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 2: Hello, doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5: How are you good?
Speaker 1: What's your question?
Speaker 5: So?
Speaker 4: What are the most attractive hobbies for a man to do?
Speaker 4: According to science?
Speaker 1: Oh, that's an excellent question. That hobbies that are most
Speaker 1: attractive for men to do that heterosexual women will think,
Speaker 1: oh that's a good mate. Right, So let's think about
Speaker 1: the kinds of things that the research says women are
Speaker 1: most often attracted to. And obviously, you know physical, good looks, strength, protection,
Speaker 1: all that's important, right, So, and they also look for
Speaker 1: a high intelligence. So I would say, obviously, a guy
Speaker 1: who goes to the gym, who cares about his health
Speaker 1: and works out, that would be attractive hobbies to a woman,
Speaker 1: as would hobbies that showcase his intelligence. Whether he you know,
Speaker 1: belongs to a chess club, whether he belongs to mensa,
Speaker 1: whether he is doing something that is helping others. You know,
Speaker 1: maybe he does other people's tax returns for them. Right,
Speaker 1: So think in terms of how can I showcase intelligence
Speaker 1: and how can I showcase physical health because those are
Speaker 1: the two things that both women and men like you.
Speaker 1: And the other big one though, of course, and the research,
Speaker 1: and this is research according to David Boss at the
Speaker 1: University of Texas Austin, is that women also value kindness
Speaker 1: in a man, and so any volunteerism. I remember meeting
Speaker 1: a man once and he was telling me, you know
Speaker 1: that he helped a Habitat for Humanity. He helped you
Speaker 1: build houses for widows and orphans or whatever. And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, that's so sweet. I mean, we really
Speaker 1: do look for kindness, so that would be another great hobby.
Speaker 1: But thank you so much for calling, Jeremy. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: All right, when we come back, I'm going to continue
Speaker 1: to take your calls. The number is one eight hundred
Speaker 1: five two zero one five three four. If you're shy,
Speaker 1: you could send me a DM on social media. I'm
Speaker 1: live on Instagram right now. You can send it at
Speaker 1: d R Wendy Walsh at Doctor Wendy Walsh and I
Speaker 1: will try to get to it. One eight hundred five
Speaker 1: two zero one five three four. You're listening to the
Speaker 1: Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI AM six forty. We
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