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Speaker 1: Seven. Reuben stared at the holes in the knees of

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his pants, mind absent, His fingers traced the edges of

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the tear to the shirts fabric around his elbow. He

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knew that with Carrie he could get a few more

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months wear out of each, but he didn't want to

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keep wearing them. He might be living like an animal,

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but it was the rags that he covered his body

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with that made him feel like one. It had been

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two years since he had ventured down there. It had

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been hard then, and this time would be harder. Shuffling

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to the pool for his water and to collect the

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meat from his snares was bad enough, especially on those cold,

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wet days. The toe he had set never had healed properly,

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and it pained him to walk, particularly on uneven ground

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that seemed to make up everything around there. To go

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down there, where there were farm steads, would take two,

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if not three, days of walking to go and get back.

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Each step would be painful, and he had to decide

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if all of it was worth it just to steal

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a shirt or two and a pair of breeches one

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day so long ago. Now it seemed the cabin fever

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had really taken a hold and he just had to

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get out and look around. It had been more than

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three years since he had begun living in the coal shaft,

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and it was beginning to feel as if the walls

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were closing in on him. Where he wanted to go,

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Reuben hadn't known. He just wanted to see something, anything new.

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He walked with the lamp until he spotted the road.

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He kept to the top of the ridge so that

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he was near undetectable behind all the laurels and headlocks,

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but could still see the road even after all this time.

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He had no idea where the road went, but it

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went somewhere, and that was all that mattered at the moment.

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He had a little basket that he had woven from

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oak splits that was full of roasted rabbit and muskrat,

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and a canteen full of water, so he felt comfortable

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with being gone Awhile, he had made sure to cover

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the entrance to the coal shaft convincingly, just in case

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someone happened to stumble into it as he had. The

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only thing scarier to him than venturing out was returning

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to find that he no longer had a place to

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live because it had been discovered. The crowing of a

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rooster was a sound that, growing up, he had been

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used to, but when it happened to start crowing as

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he slipped around through the tree line that ring the

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small farm, it was all he could do not to

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turn and run. Sounds associated with domesticated living were now

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so foreign to him that they had become frightening to Reuben.

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He steeled himself and made himself remember that the sounds

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that were scaring him were the same sounds that everyone

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living there were used to, and quite comfortable with. His

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intent once he had spotted the farmstead was to find

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a place where he could sit in near invisibility and

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simply watch. The need to just see people had begun

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to overwhelm him. Once he had actually found a place

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where people lived, he had no desire to talk to them.

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In fact, he had a strong desire not to, but

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he did want to watch them go about their daily lives.

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He had felt for a while that he was losing

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his connection with humanity, and it was his hope that

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this might restore a little of it. So he tucked

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himself into the growth of underbrush that had sprouted on

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some high ground, and he twisted and squirmed until he

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was comfortable, and then he waited. The man came out

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of the house first. He had a bucket in his hand.

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The sun was near to setting, and for the past

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while Reuben had listened to the lone cow bellowing in

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the small barn. She was signaling that she needed milking.

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Anyone whose choice had been to do the milking knew

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that from moamiliar bellow himself included. His mouth began to

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water as he remembered how good a cool glass of

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buttermilk had always tasted. When the man walked across the

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span between the house and the small barn, and he

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was smoking a pipe, and it reminded Ruben of his father.

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The woman followed soon after with a mixing bowl wedged

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between the crook of her elbow and her ribs, and

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Ruben knew what she was about to do. Before she started,

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his mother had done the same thing in the same

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way every day. The woman began scattering bits and bobs

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from her kitchen cooking and from the scraping of supper

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plates around the yard, and the chickens, who were more

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hers than they were her husbands, all came running to

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eat what she had thrown out for them. They gathered

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around her ankles and began pecking at the ground for

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biscuit crumbs or specks of tomatoes. These people were doing

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well as far as he could tell. That was an ambition,

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just thought to place confidence in, seeing as he had

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only sat watching them for a little more than an hour.

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But Reuben knew what life on a family farmstead was like,

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and what he was seeing was better than what his

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family had managed with. There were no displays of opulence

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or showy signs of abundant wealth, but neither were their

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scars of the war having ravaged them. These people looked

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to be well fed and were wearing clean clothes that

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bore no patches that he could see. And some would

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have noticed these things and would have decided that the

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rewards for their hard work and good fortune should be shared.

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Ruben did not believe such, but the clean clothes on

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the drying line pulled at him. It came down to

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the fact that they had and he had not. Life

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for these two people would go on tomorrow, much like

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all their lives had gone on, even if a pair

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of breeches and a shirt or two turned up missing

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in the morning. I think more than mere rags might

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make quite a bit of difference to Reuben. He waited

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until they had grown quiet on the front porch where

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they had watched the setting sun. And he waited until

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the manage stretched to strong arms and yawned. He waited

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while he watched their silhouettes move from the front room

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into one of the ones farther back in the house.

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And he waited until the last light in the home

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had been put out. And then he waited some more.

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And as he chewed on a piece of cold muskrat,

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he told himself that he was just being curious. What

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he would not debate with himself was the struggle he

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was having with stealing from these people. In all likelihood,

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if he were to go up on the porch and

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wrap on their doorpost, they would probably gift him with

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clothes to wear, and perhaps even some food to carry

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with him as he went on his way. But that

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was an option available to other beggars and vagabonds, and

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it was not an option that he had had. These

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folks might be clever with their inquiries, and he had

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been so long put away from people he had no

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confidence in his ability to answer. Just as cleverly and

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quiet like a mist, he stole into their yard and

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took one pair of pants and two shirts. On his

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way back to the tree line, he paused in his

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shadow and stared at the barn. It was certainty. He

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knew that there were things inside of the building that

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would serve him well, tools and implements that he could

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use and greatly desired. But they were not breeches and shirts.

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The man might have to make his remaining clothing last

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a couple of months longer than he had intended, but

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that wouldn't harm him or take food from him and

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his wife's table. Taking the tools that he used daily

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to survive just might. Reuben clutched his stolen garments a

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little tighter as he ran for the cover of the shadows.

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He traveled all through the night, and he still felt

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comfortable moving that way. But all the while that he

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was walking, he kept his senses stretched for sounds of

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conversation or of a wagon wheel turning. The sparsely used

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road was not so far away that he would not

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hear it if it were being traveled, and his eyes

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flicked this way and that, looking for lights in the

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darkness created by cooking or sentinel fires, and he made

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sure to know where the breezes came from so that

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he could sniff it periodically for a hent of smoke.

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Maybe he wouldn't hear voices or wheels turning, Maybe he

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wouldn't see the small but bright orange flames poking out

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of the dark, but he was sure that if smoke

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were on the breeze, he would detect it. Surely, if

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a brigade or troop or unit was nearby, he would

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hear or see something to alert him. But he couldn't

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take any chances with anything. It hadn't been easy since

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he had run from his obligation, but it had been successful,

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and it was all because he had been cautious in

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all things. So far as he knew, the war was

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still being waged in earnest and possibly not so far

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from where he now walked. Acting as if everything was

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over and done with was the surest way he knew

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to be noticed, and being noticed was the last thing

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he would allow. Even if the war wasn't being fought

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on a front not so far away, those who worked

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in the shadows could be anywhere. Not finding those that

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they searched for was carried like a personal insult might be,

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it was a mark on their abilities and a slight

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to their attentiveness. Forever. Those that hunted for him would

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continue to look in dim corners and down bleak galleys.

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The war would undoubtedly in one day, but those hounds

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would never give up the hunt. It had been late

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in the summer of sixty two when he had taken

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his leave of the army and of the war, and

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now two summers had come and gone. Already he knew

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the men he had been fighting with, even if the

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shot and powder ran out, they would continue to fight.

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They locked onto the calls the same as a hound

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locks its teeth onto a hog's ear, and the hounds

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don't turn loose until they are dead. And those men

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who wore the gray uniforms were the same damn way.

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He couldn't say much about the other side because he

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didn't know any of them, but from what he had observed,

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they didn't like backing up either, and that was why

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he could never be less than on his guard. For

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some the war would continue until the lid was nailed

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down and the dirt was being shoveled in, So as

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long as that was going on, he would never feel

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safe to just walk about as other men do. It

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had always seemed to him that the war had been

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a war of passions, despite what any politician or those

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who rode the horses instead of walking might say. And

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the passions are what keeps a thing alive. As long

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as the potential was there for the war to keep churning,

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then he would have to remain as he was. Only

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when every soldier from both sides was dead would he

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finally feel free, and the chances of him living long

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enough to feel that freedom ever again were not very good. Rested,

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he continued his walk back to the coal chef that

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he called home. He felt safe there, but he now

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knew that he would never feel anything other than alone.

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It was the price to be paid for the decision

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he had made. Eight He cut the thirteenth notch in

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a limb and placed it gently on the pile with

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the others that had the same thirty notches. He had

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to do it gently so they wouldn't all tumble and

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clatter to the ground. There were eighty five of them now.

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Each day to him seemed to last forever in his

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lonesome existence. But when he gave thought to it. It

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seemed as if it were only yesterday that he had

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found this place to live and hide in. It didn't

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seem as if he had been here seven years plus

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a month. Each day had dragged agonizingly slow, like molasses

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through sand. But the years had come and gone, like

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the good book said, quicker than a weaver's shuttle. He

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wondered who was winning the war now, And he wondered

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if anyone was so much of the time when he

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had been in the thick of it, it seemed like

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a stalemate, each side so bull headed that they refused

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just to stop and go home, And the amount of

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killing taking place didn't seem to matter as long as

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one side or the other could claim a momentary victory.

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They were probably out there still killing each other in

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whole self fashion. And he had not spoken a word

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to another soul in more than seven years. Let them

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trade places with him for a time, and he was

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sure that those guns would have gone quiet only when

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you were refused the company of your fellow man. Can

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you appreciate them? Flaws and all? He thought? Wonder where

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they're killing each other today, he asked himself. Seven years

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gone by, that's a lot of time to travel and

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find new ground of Bloody, and the seven years since

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he had been living in the coal shaft, very little

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had changed. Of course, some things were different, but those

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were minor when looked at alongside the time that he

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had been here. His once dark hair was now more

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gray than black. He was aware of the change more

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every few months when he gave himself a haircut. His

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beard was now all gray. Two of the large, mighty

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trees that surrounded and protected his home had fallen, for

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reasons that he did not know. The trees had once

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stood tall and forceful on the incline behind the shaft

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where he lived. Their falling did little, aside from opening

243
00:14:03,279 --> 00:14:05,759
up some space in the canopy for him to sit

244
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:09,840
under in the sun. It wasn't until he started doing

245
00:14:09,879 --> 00:14:13,080
it daily, if weather permitted, that he realized how much

246
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,120
of his life had been spent in the shadows and darkness.

247
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,600
It felt good to sit with his head leaning back

248
00:14:19,679 --> 00:14:22,840
so the sun could shine on his face. And once

249
00:14:22,879 --> 00:14:25,720
a fox crept up and pressed against his palm with

250
00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:28,879
its damp nose as he sat dozing in the sun,

251
00:14:29,679 --> 00:14:31,759
and Reuben awoke from his sleep as soon as he

252
00:14:31,799 --> 00:14:34,759
felt the touch but he didn't jerk his hand away.

253
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:39,519
With one eye open, he watched the fox. They studied

254
00:14:39,559 --> 00:14:42,240
each other for more time before the fox grew bored

255
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,600
and trotted away. He hoped the little fellow did not

256
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:48,960
make his way into his snares. He would have hated

257
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,559
eating the little fellow that he had enjoyed watching so much.

258
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:57,080
With a little ingenuity and quite a bit of hard work,

259
00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:00,759
he had fashioned a garden of sorts, a large one

260
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,320
like he had raised years earlier when he had still

261
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,679
been living with his family, but a small one set

262
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:11,080
out in a sporadic and periodic method. A hill here

263
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,440
for a squashed plant, a scraped off spot here for

264
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:18,559
a tomato plant, cleared ground around a poplar tree, so

265
00:15:18,679 --> 00:15:21,120
a couple of vines of green beans would have somewhere

266
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,960
to run. And different animals sharing the ridges with him

267
00:15:25,399 --> 00:15:27,759
matched wits with him for the fruits of his labor.

268
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,399
But he was able to eat a few vegetables each

269
00:15:30,519 --> 00:15:34,080
night of the season. He had taken the plants from

270
00:15:34,159 --> 00:15:38,080
different farmstead gardens once they had sprouted and grown to

271
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:42,240
sufficient size to be relocated. He never took all the

272
00:15:42,279 --> 00:15:45,200
plants from the same garden plot, and that wouldn't have

273
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,559
been fair to the farmer that was counting on them

274
00:15:47,639 --> 00:15:51,120
for his summer and winter fair. But a plant or

275
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,480
two here or there seemed to be something he could

276
00:15:53,559 --> 00:15:58,279
live with taking after years of eating almost nothing aside

277
00:15:58,279 --> 00:16:01,759
from roasted meat. It was amazed at how wonderful it

278
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:04,879
was to bite into a tomato or crunch away on

279
00:16:05,039 --> 00:16:08,840
green beans right off the vine. Most of what he

280
00:16:08,879 --> 00:16:11,240
grew would have been all the better if they had

281
00:16:11,279 --> 00:16:13,840
been cooked in his mother's kitchen all day with a

282
00:16:13,879 --> 00:16:17,679
fist sized chunk of side meat and served beside a

283
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:20,879
large wedge of corn bread. But what he had was

284
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:25,919
better than burnt muskrat any day. And the special treat

285
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,840
was the quart of cane's syrup that he had snitched

286
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:32,720
from a shelf on the outside of a smokehouse. One

287
00:16:32,799 --> 00:16:36,039
spoonful per day was what he allowed himself as a

288
00:16:36,039 --> 00:16:39,879
special treat, and on rare occasions he allowed himself to

289
00:16:41,519 --> 00:16:43,840
Once he had brought a jar home, he had to

290
00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:47,159
busy himself with carving a spoon just so he could

291
00:16:47,279 --> 00:16:51,519
enjoy that special luxury. It was a grand taste at

292
00:16:51,519 --> 00:16:55,320
the end of each day until the night that it wasn't.

293
00:16:56,399 --> 00:17:00,879
He'd always had something of a sweet tooth. Auther's vice

294
00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:04,519
had been smoking tobacco, and his mother's had been hot

295
00:17:04,559 --> 00:17:10,160
tea each morning, but his had always been sweets. Story

296
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:13,480
found this secret out from Reuben's mother and tested out

297
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:17,720
her baking skills on him with frequency. Not often did

298
00:17:17,759 --> 00:17:20,039
a week go by that he hadn't been gifted with

299
00:17:20,319 --> 00:17:23,680
most of a cake or the majority of a pie.

300
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:27,240
Her father enjoyed the sweeter bites as well, so Ruben

301
00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:32,319
rarely received an intact gift. The offerings from her oven

302
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,200
weren't the reason that Ruben fell in love with Story,

303
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,720
but it was one of the ways that she intended

304
00:17:37,759 --> 00:17:41,440
to keep him feeling that way. So when the temptation

305
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,599
for something sweet presented itself for the first time in

306
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:48,559
nearly ten years, Reuben was in no position to stiffen

307
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:52,880
his back and turn aside from it. His weakness overtook him,

308
00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:57,440
and he didn't care. For more than a week, he

309
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:02,160
ate barely tasting his food, chewed with anticipation of that

310
00:18:02,279 --> 00:18:05,880
spoonful of delight that he would wallow around in his

311
00:18:06,079 --> 00:18:10,319
mouth to savor. Before grudgingly he allowed only a trace

312
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:14,000
after trace to slide down his throat until his mouth

313
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:19,279
was finally empty. Then, with admirable will power, he would

314
00:18:19,319 --> 00:18:22,920
place the jar in a safe place and begin anticipating

315
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:26,640
a repeat the next night. But on the eighth night,

316
00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:30,359
even though the taste was just as exquisite as it

317
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:34,759
had been the previous nights, something was different and horribly wrong.

318
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,359
There had been a stiffness, or soreness, or something new

319
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,559
and odd located somewhere around the back of his right jaw.

320
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:45,200
As he worked his way through a roasted rabbit and

321
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:50,119
some lettuce. He gave it little thought. He assumed he

322
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,680
had turned his head the wrong way or pulled something,

323
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,079
and given time, all would be right again when his

324
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,359
body had worked through whatever this disruption to his unique

325
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:03,079
brand of no normosty was. But when he allowed that

326
00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:06,160
sweet cane syrup to wash over the insides of his

327
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:10,319
mouth like a delicious coat of paint, he saw stars

328
00:19:10,519 --> 00:19:13,440
brighter than he had ever before, even though he was

329
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:16,160
huddled on the floor of the coal shaft, yards from

330
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,440
the outdoors, where the real stars could be viewed through

331
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:24,759
the leafy treetops. Pain greater than any he had ever known,

332
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:29,839
exploded inside his head, greater than when he had disjointed

333
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,559
and subsequently broken his toe before having to reset it

334
00:19:33,599 --> 00:19:37,960
with his own ill prepared hands, far greater the pain

335
00:19:38,079 --> 00:19:40,920
he had felt when he had stumbled and fallen ass

336
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:44,279
over tea kettle into this place that he now called home.

337
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,200
And he pressed his hand to his thriving jaw and

338
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,160
then harder, hoping that the pressure would alleviate some of

339
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,640
the torture. But it did nothing except make the outside

340
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,559
of his jaw hurt and also cramped the ends of

341
00:19:57,599 --> 00:20:02,279
his fingers. The pain made it so that he couldn't think,

342
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,279
but he tried to as he slowly weaved back and

343
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:09,039
forth while still keeping his hand pressed firmly against his cheek.

344
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,319
He tried to think of anyone he had ever known

345
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:16,039
that had complained about having a similar ailment, and if so,

346
00:20:16,319 --> 00:20:18,920
what had been done to release them from the agony.

347
00:20:20,079 --> 00:20:23,359
No one came to mind. Everyone he had ever known

348
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,759
had been as healthy as a horse until they had

349
00:20:25,799 --> 00:20:30,359
been found dead after dying in their sleep. Clean living

350
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,960
and hard work and a clear conscience keeps a man healthy,

351
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:38,680
his father had always said. He paced around his fire

352
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,680
as he noted how little used that particular pearl of

353
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:46,079
wisdom that his father had dropped had been moaning offered

354
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,200
no ease either, but he began to do it anyway,

355
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,880
and it seemed the thing to do at a time

356
00:20:52,039 --> 00:20:56,880
like that. He wondered if something cool might ease the pain,

357
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,359
and a way of cool damp cloth will help with

358
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:03,039
the headache or a sprain. He was frightened of trying it,

359
00:21:03,279 --> 00:21:05,519
but if it helped, then he'd be glad. He gave

360
00:21:05,559 --> 00:21:09,319
it a goat. He fumbled around until he clasped his

361
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:12,920
fingers around a canteen, and with a shaking hand, he

362
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,400
lifted it to his lips and filled his mouth with

363
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,680
cool water. His jaw pained him too greatly to spew

364
00:21:19,759 --> 00:21:22,000
the water from his mouth with the force he wanted

365
00:21:22,039 --> 00:21:26,079
to use. Instead, simply parted his lips and allowed the

366
00:21:26,079 --> 00:21:28,519
water to fall from his mouth to the dirt floor

367
00:21:28,759 --> 00:21:33,519
as he moaned even louder. The pain that had been

368
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:38,440
horrible had somehow been worsened by the water, but Reuben

369
00:21:38,519 --> 00:21:40,920
didn't think it was the water that had instigated the

370
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,920
increase in the agony. Thinking about how it had felt

371
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,359
when the cool water washed over the insides of his

372
00:21:47,519 --> 00:21:50,559
mouth led him to believe that he knew what he needed.

373
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:56,279
The water, yes, but at a very different temperature. He

374
00:21:56,319 --> 00:21:58,759
poured water from his canteen into one of his two

375
00:21:58,759 --> 00:22:01,519
wooden bowls and balance stood on the rocks that made

376
00:22:01,559 --> 00:22:04,359
up the fire ring. It was a tricky trying to

377
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:06,640
get the vessel near enough to the fire so that

378
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,119
the water would heat without catching the wood bowl on fire.

379
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,039
Having to heat the water in this way was going

380
00:22:14,079 --> 00:22:17,960
to be excruciatingly slow, and his staring at it did

381
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,640
not speed up the process. He now knew exactly what

382
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,440
the old saying meant by a watched pot never boils.

383
00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:29,720
The water wasn't as hot as he would have liked,

384
00:22:29,759 --> 00:22:32,200
but it was quite warm, and what remained in the

385
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,799
wooden bowl would continue to heat up the longer it

386
00:22:34,839 --> 00:22:38,519
sat near the fire. He soaked a section of shirt

387
00:22:38,559 --> 00:22:41,319
sleeve in the water and then folded it a little

388
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:45,240
before pressing the warmth against his cheek. The relief he

389
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,440
felt was not a total and complete one, but the

390
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:53,160
severity of the pain was definitely lessened. For the first

391
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,119
time in hours, it seemed his body relaxed, and he

392
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,480
began to breathe more normally. And for the remainder of

393
00:22:59,519 --> 00:23:02,680
the night and all the next day and night, Reuben

394
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:06,359
slowly paced the interior of the coal shaft. With the warm,

395
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:10,839
moist cloth pressed against his cheek, He ventured from his

396
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,839
home only when he needed to fill his canteen with water.

397
00:23:14,519 --> 00:23:17,119
An apossum and a squirrel were caught in his snares.

398
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,880
He gave them a look and passed them by without

399
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:24,279
taking any action. He supposed that they would become supper

400
00:23:24,279 --> 00:23:27,920
for a different predator, and he didn't care. He didn't

401
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,200
even have the energy to free them and throw their

402
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:35,079
carcasses somewhere away from the pool. Likely his harnesses would

403
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:38,759
be molested and destroyed, but just then he didn't care

404
00:23:38,799 --> 00:23:43,200
about that either. It was a second morning since the

405
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,960
pain had begun that Reuben realized that he had a

406
00:23:46,039 --> 00:23:49,920
decision to make, and it was not an easy one.

407
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:54,039
He now knew, after tender but extensive investigation with the

408
00:23:54,079 --> 00:23:56,799
tips of his fingers and tongue, that he had a

409
00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:01,000
tooth that had gone bad. He couldn't not live until

410
00:24:01,039 --> 00:24:04,640
it suddenly decided to heal itself, because in all likelihood

411
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:08,240
it would never happen. He didn't know much about the body,

412
00:24:08,279 --> 00:24:10,559
but he did think that he knew that if a

413
00:24:10,599 --> 00:24:14,799
body part went bad, it almost never went back right again,

414
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,400
and the doctors that served when he had still been

415
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:21,960
a part of the war knew this also. That was

416
00:24:22,039 --> 00:24:25,640
why so many men drew the detail of pushing wheelbarrow

417
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:29,279
loads of arms and legs away during and after each

418
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:33,319
battle to be buried or burned. The body is a

419
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:37,720
wondrous and splendid thing, but it has its limitations, and

420
00:24:37,759 --> 00:24:41,640
there are some things it can't come back from. Reuben

421
00:24:41,839 --> 00:24:44,519
was now convinced that his right and tooth was one

422
00:24:44,559 --> 00:24:48,119
of these things. The decision before him was to go

423
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,039
to one of the farmsteads and beg for help, or

424
00:24:51,079 --> 00:24:54,640
take care of the problem himself. If he went and

425
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,839
asked for assistance, he would probably get it, despite his

426
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:02,240
unsightly and disheveled appearing, and because from what he had

427
00:25:02,279 --> 00:25:06,880
observed the residents around here being mostly keep to themselves types,

428
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:11,039
would likely help him and then forget him. But someone

429
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,480
somewhere along the way would take notice of him and

430
00:25:14,559 --> 00:25:17,599
have questions, and once it was known there was a

431
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:21,359
stranger in their midst, folks wouldn't stop looking until they

432
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:24,039
found him and understood who he was and why he

433
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:28,240
was there. He might get his tooth fixed, but in

434
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:33,400
doing he would open himself up to greater problems, or

435
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,759
he could fix the problem himself, just as he had

436
00:25:36,799 --> 00:25:40,359
done with his toe. Remember how enjoyable that had been.

437
00:25:40,599 --> 00:25:44,480
He thought. His knife had sat in the hot water

438
00:25:44,599 --> 00:25:47,119
for a time and was as sterile and clean as

439
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,960
it was ever going to be. Yet he just let

440
00:25:50,039 --> 00:25:53,519
it sit there while he stared at it. He was

441
00:25:53,559 --> 00:25:55,519
trying to work up the courage to do what he

442
00:25:55,599 --> 00:25:59,359
must do. The courage was something that most would have

443
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,759
doubted he had had an ounce of. An argument could

444
00:26:02,759 --> 00:26:05,519
be made that it had taken tremendous courage come to

445
00:26:05,559 --> 00:26:08,759
this place and live as he had lived, But others

446
00:26:08,799 --> 00:26:11,240
would have said that if he had owned any courage

447
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,079
at all, he wouldn't have run away from his friends

448
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,680
and duty in the first place. He could debate all

449
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,440
this with himself again at a later time, but now

450
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,759
he had to find enough courage just to pick up

451
00:26:23,799 --> 00:26:28,920
the knife. His hand was tribbling, as if palsy as

452
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,799
he reached for it, and some of the tremors were

453
00:26:31,839 --> 00:26:35,799
from the constant and unrelenting pain, and the rest was

454
00:26:35,839 --> 00:26:38,319
from his fear of doing what he believed he had

455
00:26:38,319 --> 00:26:42,319
to do. Perhaps he would not feel so terrified if

456
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:44,480
he had any faith at all that what he was

457
00:26:44,519 --> 00:26:47,359
about to do was in fact the right thing, or

458
00:26:47,799 --> 00:26:50,039
that he had any idea of how to do what

459
00:26:50,079 --> 00:26:54,400
he was going to attempt confidence and either was hidden

460
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:59,200
from him. His fingers closed around the handle of the knife,

461
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,599
and he closed his eyes, as if not being able

462
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,039
to see would somehow make all of it easier. He

463
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:09,440
cautiously touched the steel blade to his lips, and unfortunately

464
00:27:09,559 --> 00:27:11,599
found that the heat of the blade was not so

465
00:27:11,799 --> 00:27:15,200
great that he could not stand it. He could have

466
00:27:15,279 --> 00:27:19,400
benefited from another minute to prepare himself before he could

467
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,799
find a reason to postpone. He opened his mouth as

468
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,200
white as the pain would allow him to, and inserted

469
00:27:26,279 --> 00:27:30,680
the knife blade. He knew with his tongue and finger

470
00:27:30,839 --> 00:27:34,160
the tooth that was causing such a bother, but all

471
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,640
seemed confusing and puzzling when trying to do it. Feeling

472
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:41,720
about with a knife blade tip in turn, he tapped

473
00:27:41,759 --> 00:27:44,160
at the top of each tooth until he located the

474
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:47,519
one that he was after. There was no doubt about it.

475
00:27:47,599 --> 00:27:53,440
Once he had a tremendous and terrible charge rattled his body.

476
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:57,440
When the steel landed on the diseased tooth, he still

477
00:27:57,519 --> 00:28:00,279
jerked and flinched the next time he did it, but

478
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:04,480
at least he had prepared himself for its coming before

479
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,640
he could talk himself out of it. He traced the

480
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,920
surface of the tooth with the tip of the knife

481
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,359
until he felt the sharp prick of the knife leaving

482
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,799
the bone and finding the tender flesh of the gum

483
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,680
that surrounded it and dreol flowed from his lip and

484
00:28:18,839 --> 00:28:22,319
onto his lap from keeping his mouth open, and he

485
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:27,440
made soft sounds of fear. He took a deep breath

486
00:28:27,759 --> 00:28:30,359
and pushed the tip of the knife between his tooth

487
00:28:30,559 --> 00:28:33,799
and the gum. It wasn't that there was no pain.

488
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,839
His screams echoing off the walls testified to the fact

489
00:28:37,839 --> 00:28:42,720
that there was, But he pushed harder, even while plunging

490
00:28:42,759 --> 00:28:45,759
the knife in deeper and deeper. He wagged it around

491
00:28:45,839 --> 00:28:47,839
as much as he felt like he could, until he

492
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:51,599
felt the gap or what he perceived was being a gap.

493
00:28:52,839 --> 00:28:56,400
Feeling more than knowing the direction he should push, he

494
00:28:56,519 --> 00:28:58,759
worked the tip of the knife under the tooth where

495
00:28:58,759 --> 00:29:02,720
it met his jawbone, and once he was relatively sure

496
00:29:02,799 --> 00:29:05,079
he had pressed the knife inwards as far as the

497
00:29:05,119 --> 00:29:08,720
blades with would allow him to, he began to twist

498
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:14,160
and pull downward on the knife's handle, crying freely and

499
00:29:14,279 --> 00:29:17,079
making sounds that he had been unaware of that a

500
00:29:17,119 --> 00:29:20,519
man could make. He wrapped his free hand around the

501
00:29:20,559 --> 00:29:24,200
one holding the knife and pulled down with all his strength.

502
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:28,960
His reward was a sudden pop, followed by the tip

503
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:33,039
of the knife puncturing the roof of his mouth. Reuben

504
00:29:33,119 --> 00:29:36,000
allowed the knife to fall to the dirt floor, and

505
00:29:36,039 --> 00:29:39,599
then laced his fingers together to try to quiet the shaking.

506
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,640
He sat with his head bowed and his mouth open,

507
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,119
and the blood poured free, and soon the tooth that

508
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:52,160
had caused so much trouble tumbled out atop the crimson stream.

509
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,559
His face was drenched in tears and sweat as he

510
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:59,920
stared at the ivory and black piece of himself lying

511
00:30:00,039 --> 00:30:05,119
in the red sand. He started to stand, but realized

512
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,440
that even if he did make it upright, he would

513
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:11,000
not have the power to walk. And crawling, he made

514
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,839
his way to a small bed, he pulled one of

515
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:17,319
his shirts to him. The fabric was so brittle and

516
00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:20,160
worn that it wasn't a problem tearing swatches from it

517
00:30:21,119 --> 00:30:25,000
With shaking hands, he folded and folded the small piece

518
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:30,319
and gingerly inserted it into his mouth. He used his

519
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:34,119
tongue to help place it into the hole that felt covernous,

520
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,720
and then bent down hard, and he hoped that soon

521
00:30:37,799 --> 00:30:41,759
this would staunch the flow of blood. He dragged himself

522
00:30:41,799 --> 00:30:44,400
on to his bed and laid on his side. He

523
00:30:44,519 --> 00:30:46,559
was afraid to lie on his back for fear of

524
00:30:46,599 --> 00:30:50,559
swallowing his own blood. If the bleeding didn't stop relatively soon,

525
00:30:52,079 --> 00:31:00,960
Reuben slept more from exhaustion than from relief. Nine He

526
00:31:01,039 --> 00:31:04,119
walked softly up to a point and then stopped altogether.

527
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,799
It was unclear to him if he was doing the

528
00:31:06,839 --> 00:31:10,720
correct thing. He knew this place and why it was special,

529
00:31:10,759 --> 00:31:13,599
and because of that knowledge, he felt like a trespasser

530
00:31:13,839 --> 00:31:17,799
or an anteloper. But he also felt that words needed

531
00:31:17,839 --> 00:31:20,720
to be said, and he believed himself the only person,

532
00:31:21,359 --> 00:31:24,440
or at least the person most uniquely qualified to say

533
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:29,039
those words. What those words were, he didn't know, but

534
00:31:29,119 --> 00:31:31,400
he felt certain that they would come to him when

535
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:36,079
they were needed. He just needed to start. A pair

536
00:31:36,079 --> 00:31:40,480
of ducks were gliding across a small pond. Every little bit,

537
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,039
one or the other would bob its head under the

538
00:31:43,079 --> 00:31:46,680
water to look around and then furiously shake the water

539
00:31:46,759 --> 00:31:50,799
from its head. After reemerging, she was facing in the

540
00:31:50,839 --> 00:31:53,680
direction of the ducks, but he didn't believe that she

541
00:31:53,839 --> 00:31:57,440
was watching them. He believed her faults to be where

542
00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:01,079
they normally were when she came to this place, a

543
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:05,720
thousand miles away, but also right beside where she now sat.

544
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,640
He knew what she was thinking about. She had discussed

545
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,160
at one time or another, and he had been told

546
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:15,839
of it. Would you mind tarily if I sat down

547
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:19,240
beside you and pass some time in your company? He

548
00:32:19,279 --> 00:32:23,839
asked her. He already started crouching before she answered by

549
00:32:23,839 --> 00:32:27,599
shaking her head slowly back and forth. Her answering had

550
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,599
merely been a detail he had planned all along. On

551
00:32:30,799 --> 00:32:34,319
sitting down, she placed a hand on the small of

552
00:32:34,359 --> 00:32:37,440
his back to help him down. Getting down to the

553
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,599
ground wasn't as easily done for him now as it

554
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:43,960
had once been. She was kind enough to make no

555
00:32:44,079 --> 00:32:47,640
remark when both knees cracked and popped loudly, and for

556
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:51,480
long moments they sat in silence and watched the ducks.

557
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,160
I'm not as smart as I like to think myself

558
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:58,559
to be, so anything I might think to say, you

559
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:03,200
probably already know. Oh, but on occasion, hearing things said

560
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,039
aloud by someone else can be helpful. And that's all

561
00:33:06,119 --> 00:33:08,799
I'm trying to be by coming here and horning in

562
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:13,519
on your quiet time, he said. It's fine, mister Miller.

563
00:33:13,839 --> 00:33:18,960
Storry said, I've always enjoyed talking to you. First off,

564
00:33:19,039 --> 00:33:22,599
I've told you about that mister nonsense, and I'd like

565
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:25,680
for you to call me eb just like everyone else does.

566
00:33:26,759 --> 00:33:29,839
After all, you were to have been my daughter in law,

567
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,000
which to me would have meant the same as you

568
00:33:32,119 --> 00:33:35,599
been my daughter. Were you going to call me mister

569
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:39,839
Miller for the rest of your life? Ebenezer asked. He

570
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,799
had been concerned about finding the right words to say,

571
00:33:42,839 --> 00:33:45,240
and just out of the gate he had said something

572
00:33:45,279 --> 00:33:48,240
that had made her cry. She was trying to smile

573
00:33:48,319 --> 00:33:50,440
at the same time, but she wasn't doing a very

574
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:54,039
good job of it. Now, I know there's a peacefulness

575
00:33:54,039 --> 00:33:57,119
and a familiarity to this place that you hope and

576
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,599
might even think brings comfort to you, But you need

577
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:05,200
to stay away from here. Ghosts afford us no peace,

578
00:34:05,599 --> 00:34:08,800
and they do not quiet our minds or heal our hearts.

579
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,679
And ghosts are all that come to this place now,

580
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:15,559
he said, do you think I come here to talk

581
00:34:15,599 --> 00:34:19,599
with a ghost or feel one sitting beside me, She asked,

582
00:34:20,559 --> 00:34:24,039
ghost of memory, I think for you, they are one

583
00:34:24,079 --> 00:34:27,079
and the same. I have a knowledge of such things.

584
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:29,719
Do you not think that I went and sat on

585
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:31,840
the edge of his bed for more nights than I

586
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,599
can count, just so I could try and feel what

587
00:34:34,679 --> 00:34:38,239
you were trying to feel. I was with him every

588
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:42,199
day for almost twenty years. I was with him even

589
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:45,320
when he went away. He was my son, So how

590
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,880
could I not be with him in one way or another,

591
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:52,719
no matter where he was fighting? He said, So you

592
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:56,079
just decided to no longer be with him, she asked.

593
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,840
It was meant as a sincere question, but it had

594
00:35:00,199 --> 00:35:05,000
out rather cool and edgy. I decided nothing. I simply

595
00:35:05,159 --> 00:35:08,960
came to a realization when the letter came that told

596
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,920
me of how many that had fallen on or around

597
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:16,199
that worthless bridge, and that, despite their best efforts, my

598
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,480
son had not been found. I began to think and

599
00:35:19,599 --> 00:35:23,199
feel differently. No one knew where his body had lain

600
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,079
down for its final rest, so I knew that I

601
00:35:26,119 --> 00:35:29,280
could never be with him again. But I also knew

602
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:32,880
that he would always be with me. He said, do

603
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,800
you not think it possible that he was wounded and

604
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:38,960
was taken somewhere to be cared for. Perhaps he is

605
00:35:39,039 --> 00:35:41,800
sitting in the sun even now, but has no notion

606
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,320
of who he is, because his injuries were not to

607
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:48,639
his body alone, but also to his mind. Perhaps he

608
00:35:48,679 --> 00:35:51,320
cannot tell them who to send for because he does

609
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:56,280
not know. She said, well, yes, I considered that. I

610
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:59,360
believe that I have thought of all things possible. And

611
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,079
if I were told today that, aside from having no

612
00:36:02,199 --> 00:36:05,559
recall of his prior life to the war, my son

613
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:09,280
Reuben was healthy and well, and I would rejoice as

614
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:13,159
no other ever could, even if I was told that

615
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,199
I could never cast my eyes upon him again, I

616
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:20,079
would rejoice because he was alive. But I don't feel

617
00:36:20,159 --> 00:36:23,920
that is a possibility. It has been nine years since

618
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,840
that letter came to my door, and I'm sure that

619
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:29,400
he is now where there is no war and never

620
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:33,800
will be. Eb told her. Rubin asked me to be

621
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,840
his wife, ask only that I love him for the

622
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:39,119
rest of my life, as he promised that he would

623
00:36:39,119 --> 00:36:41,880
love me now. I gave him my word and my

624
00:36:42,039 --> 00:36:45,840
solemn vow that I would do that gladly. Nine years

625
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:49,000
and nine times that amount of years. I cannot break

626
00:36:49,039 --> 00:36:53,840
my promise to him. Starry replied with conviction. I never

627
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,880
suggested that you stop loving him, nor would I ever

628
00:36:56,960 --> 00:37:01,039
suggest such a thing. If I had ten lifetimes and

629
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:04,400
all the world to search, I could never have found

630
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:06,960
anyone that I would have preferred more than you for

631
00:37:07,119 --> 00:37:10,960
my son. With all my heart, I wanted for the

632
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,519
both of you what I want for you now, and

633
00:37:13,559 --> 00:37:15,679
that is to be happy in living a life that

634
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:19,599
you can look back on one day with satisfaction. That

635
00:37:19,639 --> 00:37:23,199
cannot ever be with Reuben, but it still can be yours.

636
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,840
To have. Coming here and pining for that which you

637
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:30,280
can never have again will not serve you except to

638
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,519
take from you that which you have so much of

639
00:37:32,679 --> 00:37:35,440
to give. Now your heart is tender, but it is

640
00:37:35,519 --> 00:37:39,480
all so large. A Reuben will always be there, but

641
00:37:39,519 --> 00:37:42,639
it is big enough for more than his memory. A

642
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,800
thousand times and more. I have wished that you could

643
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:49,039
have become my daughter, as was intended. But now I

644
00:37:49,079 --> 00:37:51,159
want you to have someone to sit by near a

645
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:54,400
fire at night. Now I want to see the children

646
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:56,679
that you will raise to be fine men and women.

647
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:01,760
I want you to know happiness again, eb said I

648
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,119
don't think I'll ever be able to feel toward another

649
00:38:04,199 --> 00:38:08,400
the way I felt about Reuben. Story said, I know

650
00:38:08,559 --> 00:38:11,679
that you wont eb told her there. I know others

651
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:15,480
exactly like Reuben, and there aren't supposed to be. But

652
00:38:15,599 --> 00:38:17,960
if you give someone a chance to make you happy,

653
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,239
you might find that you appreciate them as much, but

654
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,960
in a different way. As wise as you may think

655
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,480
yourself to be. You are not the first to tell

656
00:38:27,519 --> 00:38:31,599
me such things over these nine years. However, because it

657
00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:34,000
is you, and because of who you were to Reuben

658
00:38:34,039 --> 00:38:37,280
and are to me, your words carry more weight and

659
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:41,440
fall deeper into my thinking. I never wanted Reuben or

660
00:38:41,519 --> 00:38:43,800
his spirit to think that I turned my back on

661
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,920
the promise that I made to him. But I never

662
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,679
wanted you to think I had abandoned him in any

663
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:53,599
way either, And my commitment to him was forever, And

664
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,679
even though he has been so long parted from us.

665
00:38:57,199 --> 00:39:00,000
I would not have you think that I considered my promise.

666
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:04,480
It's a frivolous gesture despite the loneliness. I could not

667
00:39:04,599 --> 00:39:07,559
have you thinking ill of me that would break again

668
00:39:07,639 --> 00:39:12,000
an already broken heart. Story said to him, well, I

669
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:14,559
could no more think harshly of you than I could

670
00:39:14,599 --> 00:39:18,039
think harshly of him. You will forever be my daughter

671
00:39:18,159 --> 00:39:21,400
I wished for. I do not expect to leave this

672
00:39:21,559 --> 00:39:24,000
place and find that the sun has finally begun to

673
00:39:24,119 --> 00:39:26,920
rise in your heart, but I hope that you will

674
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:30,400
give it a chance to if there is an opportunity. Now,

675
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,599
come to this place now and then and remember my

676
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,360
son and all he meant to you. But do not

677
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:39,079
become a ghost to yourself and the doing. Bring the

678
00:39:39,159 --> 00:39:41,800
daughter I want you to have to this place one

679
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:44,960
day and tell her about my son and how he

680
00:39:45,159 --> 00:39:48,519
was your first love. Tell her how she will always

681
00:39:48,519 --> 00:39:52,880
remember her first love. I know that I said earlier

682
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,559
not to come to this place, but that was wrong.

683
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:59,920
Come but come for the right reasons. Do not come

684
00:40:00,079 --> 00:40:04,000
and roll the spirit. Come to treasure the memory, and

685
00:40:04,039 --> 00:40:08,960
then leave and live. You are now only existing. Do

686
00:40:09,039 --> 00:40:11,519
you think that even for a moment, my son would

687
00:40:11,519 --> 00:40:16,199
have wanted you to be unhappy? He asked. Storry shook

688
00:40:16,199 --> 00:40:18,519
her head back and forth as she dabbed at her

689
00:40:18,519 --> 00:40:22,000
eyes with a handkerchief that eb had handed her. He

690
00:40:22,079 --> 00:40:24,719
put his arm around her shoulder and felt her lean

691
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,639
into him, and she wept softly with her head on

692
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:31,719
his shoulder. He held her tight, but not too tightly.

693
00:40:32,599 --> 00:40:35,280
As much as I wish he could see you, I

694
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:38,199
know that he wishes the same thing even more wherever

695
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:41,679
he is. Now, what you have been left with is

696
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:45,400
not what you want, and you cannot touch it. But

697
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,079
you can go live and remember how treasured you were.

698
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,320
Very few are granted to love like you had. Now

699
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,559
be glad in the fact that you will always know

700
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:59,199
what it felt like, eb whispered. She encircled him with

701
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:02,239
her arm once they had stood up, and he let

702
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:05,760
her hold on to him as long as she needed to. Now,

703
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:09,280
you dry those tears and take my hand. My wife

704
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,719
was making a fine supper when I left, and you'll

705
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:15,039
be coming along to help eat it. Make no office

706
00:41:15,079 --> 00:41:18,360
of excuse or refuse, because I will not accept either.

707
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:21,159
We will go and eat, and then we will share

708
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:28,960
fond memories of Reuben, he said. Ten. He looked around

709
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:31,880
the interior of the coal shaft after he had dropped

710
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:36,360
the latest limb into the wooden box. His face was expressionless.

711
00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:40,599
There was no sign of pride or accomplishment. Neither was

712
00:41:40,679 --> 00:41:44,280
their sign of revulsion or disgust. His face remained a

713
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:48,000
blank canvas. It was the face of a man who

714
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,000
had been forced to accept nothing and accept what was.

715
00:41:52,039 --> 00:41:55,800
This is what became of my life, he thought, one

716
00:41:55,840 --> 00:42:00,159
hundred and forty limbs in the box, twelve years in

717
00:42:00,159 --> 00:42:02,480
this place, with nothing to show for it other than

718
00:42:02,559 --> 00:42:05,760
a ragged bed and a pile of sticks that only

719
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:10,079
loosely resemble a chair. On one of his explorings, he

720
00:42:10,119 --> 00:42:12,440
had found the wooden box washed down a creek and

721
00:42:12,519 --> 00:42:16,239
wedged into a bank. There were probably a few different

722
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,079
things that he could have used it for, but after

723
00:42:19,119 --> 00:42:21,920
it dried out, and he thought that holding the record

724
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,400
of his time here might be the best use of all.

725
00:42:24,519 --> 00:42:28,480
For it lasting might be the only thing of importance

726
00:42:28,519 --> 00:42:31,800
he will ever do. When his meat was done, he

727
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:34,239
pulled the skewer from above the fire and ate the

728
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:37,599
meat straight from the stick. There had been times in

729
00:42:37,639 --> 00:42:40,800
the past when he had made almost of production out

730
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:44,280
of meal time, insomuch as he could the way his

731
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:47,800
mother had while he was growing up. He would have

732
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:50,920
a vegetable or two in the meat. Of course, he

733
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,639
would have his bowl in his fork, neatly arranged and

734
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:56,960
waiting for when the food was finished cooking, and then

735
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,920
he would force himself to eat slowly as he remembered

736
00:43:00,039 --> 00:43:03,800
pleasant evenings around the table with his parents, or sometimes

737
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:05,960
he would imagine that he was having a meal that

738
00:43:06,079 --> 00:43:09,320
Starry had prepared for them. She would talk of some

739
00:43:09,519 --> 00:43:12,519
fanciful notion that had crossed her mind, and he would

740
00:43:12,599 --> 00:43:16,639
smile as he listened and ate, not pretending to smile

741
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:20,679
for her benefit, but actually smiled because he enjoyed listening

742
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:24,840
to her so very much. Sometimes, when the things would

743
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:27,760
drift away, like the smoke from the coal fire, he

744
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,360
would realize that he was still smiling, and he would

745
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:33,960
force himself to stop, because none of it was real,

746
00:43:34,199 --> 00:43:37,679
and it never would be. But those had been meals

747
00:43:37,679 --> 00:43:41,719
from times past. Now he rarely used the bowl or fork,

748
00:43:42,159 --> 00:43:44,800
and even more seldom did he find reason to smile.

749
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:48,159
It had been more than a year since he had

750
00:43:48,159 --> 00:43:51,039
plucked any growing thing from the ground or from the

751
00:43:51,159 --> 00:43:54,679
vine to eat. Meat was still plentiful, and it would

752
00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:59,039
suffice growing The poor excuse for a garden brought in

753
00:43:59,079 --> 00:44:01,679
a few fresh things to ingest, but it was also

754
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:06,280
a sham, a depressing one at that Growing a garden

755
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:09,559
was the same as planting flowers or painting a house.

756
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:13,320
They helped to sustain you yes, but those were tasked

757
00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:16,599
that you did to beautify your life. To try to

758
00:44:16,639 --> 00:44:19,360
do any of those things in this place could be

759
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:22,519
construed as him being fond of this place, that he

760
00:44:22,599 --> 00:44:25,679
took pride in it, that he was content here. But

761
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:29,039
none of those could be further from the truth. The

762
00:44:29,079 --> 00:44:32,199
only reason he stayed was because he was afraid of

763
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:34,800
what he might find if he ventured too far away.

764
00:44:36,039 --> 00:44:38,360
For all he knew, the country had not yet run

765
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,559
out of men to sacrifice, and the war was still raging.

766
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:44,880
If the war was still going on, or even if

767
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:48,159
it wasn't, someone might still be looking for him, just

768
00:44:48,199 --> 00:44:50,920
to show that they never shirked the task once it

769
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:54,159
had been given to them. The ones that did that

770
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:57,360
type of work never gave up. He could leave, but

771
00:44:57,599 --> 00:44:59,920
if he was found out he was no longer able

772
00:45:00,079 --> 00:45:02,519
to run as far and as fast as he once could,

773
00:45:03,199 --> 00:45:06,280
he would be caught. And even if he did manage

774
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:09,760
to wriggle away a second time, there was little hope

775
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:12,480
of finding a place that met most of his needs

776
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:16,599
as this place had, and then out in the open,

777
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:20,960
and after an arduous delay, he would be caught. Staying

778
00:45:21,079 --> 00:45:23,199
did not rule out that he would be discovered, but

779
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,360
it greatly reduced the chances of such a thing happening.

780
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,400
He bit into the meat and ate without tasting it.

781
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:33,039
He did not smile at the fact that he had

782
00:45:33,039 --> 00:45:35,760
pulled it from the fire just as the meat was done,

783
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:39,599
but before it burned. He simply stared at the fire

784
00:45:39,639 --> 00:45:42,000
and chewed until there was no meat left to eat,

785
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:46,000
and then threw the bones into the fire. Reuben Miller

786
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:50,079
was a smart and insightful man, so he was well

787
00:45:50,119 --> 00:45:53,679
aware of what he was allowing himself to become. He

788
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:57,960
was reverting back to that which teachers theorized mankind had

789
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,920
fought and clawed its way away from in order to

790
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:05,519
become a higher form of human. He was becoming animalistic

791
00:46:05,559 --> 00:46:08,440
in his mood and in his habits, and he knew

792
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:12,119
that he was. It wasn't that he was powerless to

793
00:46:12,119 --> 00:46:15,039
stop the regression. It was that he simply did not

794
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:20,079
care any more life itself, but more importantly, life with

795
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,800
Story had made him want to be a better man.

796
00:46:23,559 --> 00:46:26,480
Every day he had wanted to be better and more

797
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:29,840
especially for her, than he had been the day before

798
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:33,519
and the day before that. But now his life was

799
00:46:33,559 --> 00:46:37,039
an unending circle of catching something to eat. And then

800
00:46:37,119 --> 00:46:41,840
doing it again. And that's all there was now, aside

801
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:43,639
from the fact that he knew how to make and

802
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:46,840
maintain the fire, he was no different from an animal,

803
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:50,480
and he no longer cared. He lived in a burrow,

804
00:46:51,119 --> 00:46:54,360
He was filthy, He tore meat from the bones with long,

805
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:57,960
dirty claws, and he grunted and chuffed more than he

806
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:02,199
spoke sensible words. He knew all these things, but the

807
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:06,960
strength to change no longer resided within him. Working to

808
00:47:07,039 --> 00:47:09,960
make this place where he huddled from public eye and

809
00:47:10,039 --> 00:47:12,519
his life in general take on as semblance of a

810
00:47:12,559 --> 00:47:15,719
normal life did not have the same effect on him

811
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:18,800
as it did for other people. That was why he

812
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:23,159
stopped trying and stopped caring. It was just too hard,

813
00:47:23,519 --> 00:47:28,079
not the doing, but the seeing afterwards. Constructing a routine

814
00:47:28,119 --> 00:47:30,840
in being pleased when each item was ticked on the

815
00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:34,360
list each day was what other people did. He didn't

816
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:37,599
do such any longer. It was all part of that.

817
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:42,559
Having conversations with your self trap living each day as

818
00:47:42,599 --> 00:47:45,039
if you were one of those people, the ones that

819
00:47:45,119 --> 00:47:48,480
lived in real houses and had real interactions with other

820
00:47:48,599 --> 00:47:52,199
real people, was all make believe that whisk you to

821
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:55,679
pleasant height so quickly that you never realized did it happen,

822
00:47:56,119 --> 00:47:58,199
and then forced you to open your eyes so you

823
00:47:58,199 --> 00:48:01,599
could see the ground coming to meet you as you fell.

824
00:48:01,679 --> 00:48:05,199
You can't survive by living in an imaginary world, no

825
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:08,360
matter how pleasant it is while you were there. But

826
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:10,840
you can't stand trying to make something out of what

827
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:13,400
you have either, because you have to see it for

828
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,599
what it is, and that makes things just as bad,

829
00:48:16,639 --> 00:48:21,000
if not worse. So you put blinders on and focus

830
00:48:21,079 --> 00:48:23,280
only on what is directly in front of you, and

831
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,960
take very small steps so that you don't take in

832
00:48:26,079 --> 00:48:29,239
too much at a time, and you hide from the

833
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:32,079
world in this dark place. But you learn to hide

834
00:48:32,119 --> 00:48:37,480
from yourself as well, else you will not last. Animals

835
00:48:37,519 --> 00:48:41,360
make noise when walking through dry leaves, not much, and

836
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:43,239
not near so much as a man, but they do

837
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:47,039
make noise. He perked his ears and forced himself to

838
00:48:47,079 --> 00:48:49,639
step out from the dark place where his mine had

839
00:48:49,679 --> 00:48:53,840
taken him, and he listened intently. In a world as

840
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:58,159
quiet as Reuben's world was, any small sound gathered his

841
00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:02,280
attention rather quickly, and after having spent so many years

842
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:05,719
developing his paranoia, it would have been hard for him

843
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:09,159
not to jump at every shadow there was a soft

844
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:14,440
growling combined with a plaintive keening. Reuben breathed a sigh

845
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:18,000
of relief. He didn't yet know what it was outside

846
00:49:18,039 --> 00:49:20,960
and somewhere just above him, but he did know that

847
00:49:21,079 --> 00:49:24,480
it wasn't a man. He bent over at the waist

848
00:49:24,519 --> 00:49:26,320
and walked up the ramt that led out of the

849
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:28,960
coal shaft, and then stopped at the entrance so he

850
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:32,760
could listen again. He couldn't see out, but he could hear.

851
00:49:33,559 --> 00:49:36,320
Between the setting sun and the door he had woven

852
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:41,119
together from simple limbs and laurel sprouts, visibility was impossible.

853
00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:44,480
It was just one more thing to try and keep

854
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:47,320
his home from being discovered, and he thought it did

855
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:50,800
find work of concealing the shaft, but neither could he

856
00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:53,960
see out of it from the inside, so he stood

857
00:49:54,079 --> 00:49:58,440
very still and listened. Whatever it was was no more

858
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:01,440
than a few feet away. He tried to understand what

859
00:50:01,559 --> 00:50:05,239
he was hearing, but he couldn't. With his knife in hand,

860
00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:08,239
he nudged the door open gradually and stuck his head

861
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:11,440
out of the shaft. If he saw what was making

862
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:14,480
the noise, then his curiosity would have been stated and

863
00:50:14,519 --> 00:50:16,360
he could go back to sitting in front of the

864
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:18,920
fire till it was time to go, and checked his

865
00:50:19,079 --> 00:50:23,199
snares the next afternoon. If he didn't see what was

866
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:26,920
causing the sounds, even better. He was in no mood

867
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:31,320
to be disturbed. He had enough self loathing and situational

868
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:35,559
hatred to attend to without all of these interruptions. The

869
00:50:35,639 --> 00:50:39,639
light was failing, but his eyes were still sharp. Still,

870
00:50:39,679 --> 00:50:41,639
he could see nothing out of the way as far

871
00:50:41,679 --> 00:50:44,239
as he could tell. But then there was movement a

872
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:48,079
few yards away from the entrance to the shaft, a

873
00:50:48,159 --> 00:50:52,920
hissing and almost groaning. He thought that he could identify

874
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:56,440
almost anything that neighbored with him in these trees by

875
00:50:56,480 --> 00:50:59,960
the sounds that they make, whether it calm or in distress,

876
00:51:00,519 --> 00:51:02,840
But he did not recognize the sound that he had

877
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:07,400
just heard. With caution, he eased himself through the hole

878
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:10,800
that served as his entrance and stood on the slope

879
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:14,719
ground of the ridge. Only then could he see and

880
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:20,000
identify what had roused him. The bobcat tried to stand,

881
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:23,480
and it did, but it stood on wabbling legs as

882
00:51:23,519 --> 00:51:27,320
it stared at him. It tried to hiss ferociously, as

883
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:29,880
they are fond of doing, but it seemed to take

884
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:32,320
something from the animal, and it fell back to the

885
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:37,679
ground and began that mournful keening again, only slightly more relaxed.

886
00:51:38,039 --> 00:51:41,760
Reuben walked over so that he could see better. His

887
00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:45,480
first thought had been rabies. As a young man, he

888
00:51:45,519 --> 00:51:47,880
had seen a cat with rabies, and it had made

889
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:52,039
an unusual sound, as well as displayed problems with walking

890
00:51:52,079 --> 00:51:56,480
and merely standing. Rabbit animals were nothing to be trifled with,

891
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,320
but as he approached it he saw none of the

892
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:04,239
signs of soociated with the disease. Still, it was hurt

893
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:07,400
or in pain, or it would not be acting so pitifully.

894
00:52:08,159 --> 00:52:11,239
The animal could not move so well. That was obvious

895
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:13,679
by the way that it kept turning its head so

896
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:17,239
an eye could be kept on Ruben. But Ruben was

897
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:21,719
slinky and the cat was almost immobile. Ruben bent over

898
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:24,480
and grabbed quickly and exactly at the fur on the

899
00:52:24,519 --> 00:52:27,559
back of the bobcat's neck, and once he had a

900
00:52:27,599 --> 00:52:31,320
firm hole there, it didn't leave the animal with many options,

901
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:34,920
less because of its inability to move as it normally

902
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:38,440
would have. It was a big cat, and despite his

903
00:52:38,599 --> 00:52:42,559
woeful health, it still proved to be a handful. But

904
00:52:42,679 --> 00:52:46,159
Ruben was patient and allowed the cat to play itself out,

905
00:52:46,719 --> 00:52:49,280
and when it was once again still, Reuben laid the

906
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:52,119
bobcat on its side with a knee pressed against its

907
00:52:52,159 --> 00:52:56,360
head and his left hand holding down behind quarters the

908
00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:59,360
front leg. He didn't worry about striking out and slashing

909
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:02,320
at him. He could see that the injury was to

910
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:04,679
that portion of the cat's body and the leg could

911
00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:08,960
barely move. There was a deep laceration down the front

912
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:12,440
of the leg that originated at the animal's shoulder. It

913
00:53:12,519 --> 00:53:16,239
was seeping thick green and yellow fluid around that which

914
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:20,079
had already congealed, and dirt and fur were muted into

915
00:53:20,119 --> 00:53:23,519
the wound. Whether the wound had come from a musket

916
00:53:23,599 --> 00:53:26,760
ball grazing the leg or if the wound had been

917
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:30,239
incured in a fight, Reuben didn't know, but he did

918
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:33,280
know that the animal would not live in its present condition.

919
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:37,239
Its inability to move would cause the animal to starve

920
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:41,440
to death unless the infection killed it first. So with care,

921
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:44,920
perhaps the leg could be restored, but that meant that

922
00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:47,000
the one giving the care would in some way have

923
00:53:47,079 --> 00:53:50,760
to care if the animal lived or died, and Ruben didn't.

924
00:53:51,679 --> 00:53:55,199
He had eaten a bobcat once since arriving at this place,

925
00:53:55,599 --> 00:53:58,679
and it had not agreed with him. So when Reuben

926
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:01,920
drew his knife across the bbcat's throat and spilled its

927
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:05,239
life blood and then threw it down the ridge, it

928
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:07,719
wasn't because he was scared of eating the meat that

929
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:11,199
could have traces of infection. It was because he did

930
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:14,559
not like the way the bobcat tasted. If he couldn't

931
00:54:14,559 --> 00:54:16,719
eat the animal, then he had no use for it,

932
00:54:17,119 --> 00:54:19,280
and he sure wasn't going to listen to it holler

933
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:23,000
until it finally decided to die. He wiped the blood

934
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:25,320
from the blade with the leaves and went back through

935
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:29,159
the door into the coal shaft. The fire was dwindling,

936
00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:37,400
so he added more coal eleven. It was small and

937
00:54:37,599 --> 00:54:42,239
obviously rural, but it was clean and well maintained. There

938
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:44,960
wasn't a lot in the way of frilly or less

939
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:49,159
than necessary lying around or hanging from pegs and nail heads,

940
00:54:49,519 --> 00:54:52,239
but this town didn't give the appearance of a frilly

941
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:56,360
or less than necessary type area, so it was probably fitting.

942
00:54:57,480 --> 00:54:59,519
The stove in the center of the room gave off

943
00:54:59,559 --> 00:55:03,679
fine and sufficient heat. Lazy tendrils of steam could be

944
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:06,440
seen rising from the kettle that was sitting atop it.

945
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:10,519
A woman barely in her twenties that would have been

946
00:55:10,559 --> 00:55:13,800
awfully pretty if she spent some time trying to be

947
00:55:14,559 --> 00:55:17,400
was studying a ledger full of numbers, the way that

948
00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:21,079
a cat studies a bird, while an older, barrel chested

949
00:55:21,119 --> 00:55:23,639
man was in the back of the room slicing bacon

950
00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:27,599
off a sizable portion of meat. The woman did not

951
00:55:27,719 --> 00:55:30,840
look up from toating her ciphers when she spoke out

952
00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:34,280
and said, if you need any help finding something? Just

953
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:38,920
seeing out the Hamilton General looked like many other stores,

954
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:42,599
except this one seemed cleaner and for some reason friendlier

955
00:55:43,159 --> 00:55:47,000
or perhaps homier was a better description. I was hoping

956
00:55:47,039 --> 00:55:49,960
to find a few sticks of peppermint. The road is

957
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:52,920
hard enough without all the dust drying my throat out,

958
00:55:53,079 --> 00:55:56,400
the customer said. The young woman looked up and then

959
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:59,360
pointed with her pencil at the collection of large bell

960
00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:03,360
shaped at the end of the counter. Several different colors

961
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:07,119
of stick candies were contained in them. The girl went

962
00:56:07,199 --> 00:56:09,360
back to her ledger while the woman began to pull

963
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:13,440
sticks of sweets out. The one behind the counter wrapped

964
00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:16,039
the sticks in paper. Once the woman returned to the

965
00:56:16,119 --> 00:56:18,880
counter and then told her that the cost would be

966
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:23,119
twenty cents. We don't have many visitors in Hamilton, much

967
00:56:23,199 --> 00:56:26,639
less women visitors. Do you have people here or are

968
00:56:26,719 --> 00:56:29,559
you just passing through? By the way, My name is

969
00:56:29,599 --> 00:56:33,440
Maggie Neil, she said, as she handed the woman her change.

970
00:56:34,159 --> 00:56:37,320
We're just passing through. I'm afraid I didn't even know

971
00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:40,960
where we were until you just said. Now, Buggy came

972
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:43,239
down with a bad will and we diverted here to

973
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:47,119
have it repaired. Camping at night and writing in a

974
00:56:47,199 --> 00:56:49,280
lame Buggy is not the way I would advise you

975
00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:53,039
to spend a honeymoon. My name is Starry good Night,

976
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:57,400
or it has been for three days now. Really your

977
00:56:57,480 --> 00:57:01,639
name is Storry good Night, Maggie asked, it really is?

978
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:05,840
Could you ever imagine such a thing? She glanced out

979
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:08,400
the window when she had finished speaking and saw a

980
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:12,400
man hurriedly walking up the street. He stopped and pressed

981
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:14,599
one finger to the side of his nose and then

982
00:57:14,639 --> 00:57:18,679
blew a watery club from the open nostril. He pinched

983
00:57:18,679 --> 00:57:20,599
at his nose and then ran his hand up and

984
00:57:20,639 --> 00:57:23,679
down his pant leg a couple of times before continuing

985
00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:27,920
on his way. There goes my husband, Now, Starry said,

986
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:33,440
as she pointed, Well he seems nice, I guess, Maggie said, Oh,

987
00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:36,000
he is. He's very nice and he's a hard worker.

988
00:57:36,639 --> 00:57:39,559
We're actually on our way to Baltimore, where he has

989
00:57:39,599 --> 00:57:42,599
to see a man about some things. I had never

990
00:57:42,639 --> 00:57:45,440
been out of town where we live, so he suggested

991
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:49,239
that I come along. Up until this little delay, it

992
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:52,719
has been a nice trip, aside from his stopping every

993
00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:55,519
two or three hours for me to fulfill my wife

994
00:57:55,559 --> 00:57:59,440
lit duties with him now that I could live without. Well,

995
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:03,320
I think it's the locations that soured the experience. But

996
00:58:03,519 --> 00:58:06,679
like usual, I'm talking too much about things that others

997
00:58:06,719 --> 00:58:11,400
have no interest in. Storry said Maggie, shook her head

998
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:15,199
back and forth and waved her apology off. Is mister goodnight,

999
00:58:15,239 --> 00:58:18,559
your first husband. Forgive me for being rude. I only

1000
00:58:18,599 --> 00:58:22,000
asked because, well, forget that I said anything. It's none

1001
00:58:22,039 --> 00:58:26,400
of my business, Maggie said, you mean because my bloom

1002
00:58:26,480 --> 00:58:30,079
is a little more faded than most new brides. Yes,

1003
00:58:30,239 --> 00:58:34,159
Paul is my first husband. I was engaged once before,

1004
00:58:34,679 --> 00:58:37,039
long time ago, but the war took him from me.

1005
00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:40,360
He was a fine man and so easy to look upon.

1006
00:58:41,039 --> 00:58:43,599
He was all I ever wanted, and then he was gone.

1007
00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:48,480
Storry said, Oh, that's terrible. I was only five or

1008
00:58:48,519 --> 00:58:51,360
six when that war ended, but I can still remember

1009
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:54,719
those tired and awful looking men walking down the streets

1010
00:58:54,760 --> 00:58:58,280
every day on their way to somewhere else. I remember

1011
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:00,719
thinking how glad someone was going to be to see

1012
00:59:00,719 --> 00:59:03,400
them when they finally made it home. And on which

1013
00:59:03,440 --> 00:59:08,000
battlefield did your promise die? Maggie asked, well, that's a

1014
00:59:08,039 --> 00:59:10,960
tricky kind of question to answer, and I fear I

1015
00:59:11,079 --> 00:59:13,760
was not the only heartsick young woman who had to

1016
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:17,199
endure the same thing. A note from somewhere said that

1017
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:20,920
he supposedly fell at Antietam, but they couldnot prove that

1018
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:23,800
he had died because there were no remains to identify.

1019
00:59:24,719 --> 00:59:26,760
I don't expect that I was the only one who

1020
00:59:26,840 --> 00:59:30,079
heard that, but if there had been proof positive, then

1021
00:59:30,119 --> 00:59:32,280
I think it would have been easier to let go.

1022
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:36,239
Because of the way things happened, I maintained my position

1023
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:39,280
until one day I was staring at an old maid

1024
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:42,239
in the mirror, or someone who was not far from

1025
00:59:42,239 --> 00:59:46,000
becoming one, and I had callers, but I always turned

1026
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,960
them away because I always held out hope that the

1027
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:51,840
note had been wrong, and that my Reuben would come

1028
00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:55,119
back to me. But after fifteen years, I grew tired

1029
00:59:55,159 --> 00:59:58,280
of sitting alone every night, and knew the feeling that

1030
00:59:58,400 --> 01:00:01,159
being alone brings would only grow worse if I did

1031
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:06,239
nothing to change it. Storry said, So you honestly don't

1032
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:09,400
know where he died, or when I mean, not exactly,

1033
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:13,840
you don't, Maggie said. Storry shook her head slowly back

1034
01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:18,159
and forth, but didn't say anything. But you found mister Goodnight,

1035
01:00:18,239 --> 01:00:21,960
and now you aren't alone anymore, Maggie said, And now

1036
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:25,840
I'm not alone any longer, Storry whispered. She had known

1037
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:28,000
him for a few years, and every once in a

1038
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:30,800
while their past would cross, owing it to being such

1039
01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:34,639
a small community. He was a few years younger than

1040
01:00:34,639 --> 01:00:37,639
she was, but he'd made no secret about his interest

1041
01:00:37,719 --> 01:00:41,519
in her. He was known as a go getter, a

1042
01:00:41,519 --> 01:00:43,679
man that had been sent away to school and had

1043
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:47,960
apparently done very well in his studies. He came home

1044
01:00:48,159 --> 01:00:51,599
armed with an education and an attitude, set on taking

1045
01:00:51,679 --> 01:00:54,840
over the world, or at least the export of tobacco

1046
01:00:54,960 --> 01:00:58,639
and Apple's part of it. His family owned or least

1047
01:00:58,639 --> 01:01:01,760
the large tracks of proper, and he intended to utilize

1048
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:05,719
each acre to the fullest. Unlike so many young men

1049
01:01:05,760 --> 01:01:09,719
with their intentions, Paul Goodnight saw his through and he

1050
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:14,719
and his family reaped the substantial rewards. With his education

1051
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:18,719
and moderate charm and success in business. He could have

1052
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:22,360
had his pick of just about any young woman in Marion, Virginia,

1053
01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:27,000
but his sights were set on Starry Henderson. Of course,

1054
01:01:27,039 --> 01:01:29,960
Storry was flattered in more than a little surprised by

1055
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:33,119
the attentions from the young man who could talk with

1056
01:01:33,239 --> 01:01:37,119
confidence on a variety of subjects. He had been to

1057
01:01:37,280 --> 01:01:40,679
un seen the busy streets of New York and Philadelphia

1058
01:01:41,079 --> 01:01:43,679
and shared what he had seen, even when she would

1059
01:01:43,719 --> 01:01:47,559
try walking away from him. But for some reason, when

1060
01:01:47,599 --> 01:01:50,199
Paul spoke of things that he had done or seen,

1061
01:01:50,639 --> 01:01:54,280
it didn't strike her as boastful or gloating. He just

1062
01:01:54,360 --> 01:01:57,599
seemed to want to tell her about them. He always

1063
01:01:57,679 --> 01:01:59,639
just seemed as if he wanted to talk with her

1064
01:01:59,679 --> 01:02:03,320
about it anything. At the ripe old age of thirty four,

1065
01:02:03,400 --> 01:02:06,079
there weren't as many coming to see her as there

1066
01:02:06,119 --> 01:02:10,119
once had been. At being older and hopefully wiser now,

1067
01:02:10,559 --> 01:02:14,599
she recognized and gave him credit for his persistence, and

1068
01:02:14,679 --> 01:02:17,480
that had been the beginning of something she wasn't entirely

1069
01:02:17,599 --> 01:02:20,880
sure she wanted to do. As soon as she stopped

1070
01:02:20,920 --> 01:02:24,199
finding him charmingly annoying, she began to see him in

1071
01:02:24,239 --> 01:02:27,760
a different way and stopped walking away so quickly when

1072
01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:31,039
he tried to talk to her. Talks led to hand

1073
01:02:31,079 --> 01:02:34,360
in hand walks, which led to suppers, which led to

1074
01:02:34,440 --> 01:02:38,760
him proposing two or three times a week for four months.

1075
01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:42,280
To this day, she couldn't say if she had said

1076
01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:45,559
yes because she had finally warmed to him, or because

1077
01:02:45,599 --> 01:02:47,960
she had just grown tired of trying to think of

1078
01:02:48,039 --> 01:02:51,639
new ways to tell him no. But she did say yes,

1079
01:02:51,679 --> 01:02:54,400
and then cried all night after he had stepped from

1080
01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:58,159
her porch. Eb and his wife had not yet risen

1081
01:02:58,199 --> 01:03:00,880
from the breakfast table before she was rapping on their

1082
01:03:00,920 --> 01:03:03,559
door to tell them what she had done, and to

1083
01:03:03,679 --> 01:03:06,039
ask if it truly was all right that she had

1084
01:03:06,079 --> 01:03:09,880
done so. Her own mother did not like talking about

1085
01:03:09,920 --> 01:03:13,039
such things, and her father had passed away the winter before,

1086
01:03:13,800 --> 01:03:16,360
but it would not have mattered. She would have to

1087
01:03:16,400 --> 01:03:19,599
come to talk to mister Miller before speaking to her family,

1088
01:03:19,639 --> 01:03:22,679
no matter what. It was their son that she had

1089
01:03:22,719 --> 01:03:25,440
been devoted to, and it was their approval that she

1090
01:03:25,559 --> 01:03:29,639
had to have. It was a much longer engagement than

1091
01:03:29,679 --> 01:03:33,280
he wanted, and a year shorter than she would have preferred,

1092
01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:37,119
but Missus Starry Henderson finally did walk down the aisle

1093
01:03:37,239 --> 01:03:41,079
to become Missus Starry good Night. It was a small

1094
01:03:41,119 --> 01:03:44,400
but well attended affair. There wasn't often much to do

1095
01:03:44,519 --> 01:03:48,119
in Maryan in the way of entertainment and celebration, so

1096
01:03:48,199 --> 01:03:51,159
the entire community turned out to see the pretty and

1097
01:03:51,280 --> 01:03:54,280
sad looking woman that had once been The pretty and

1098
01:03:54,400 --> 01:03:58,000
sad looking girl walked the isle and pledge herself to

1099
01:03:58,079 --> 01:04:01,800
the cocky young man whose special ordered tonic for his hair,

1100
01:04:02,400 --> 01:04:04,880
The young man who should have been courting girls his

1101
01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:07,320
own age or younger instead of the one that he

1102
01:04:07,360 --> 01:04:10,960
had chosen, the one who was already past her prime,

1103
01:04:11,440 --> 01:04:15,239
the one who, despite finally landing a man, always looked

1104
01:04:15,280 --> 01:04:18,440
as if she was waiting for someone who was dreadfully late.

1105
01:04:20,239 --> 01:04:23,719
Eb Miller walked Story down the aisle to give her away.

1106
01:04:24,559 --> 01:04:29,159
Storry's mother objected, but Story would consider no other candidates.

1107
01:04:29,719 --> 01:04:32,159
She had been prepared to argue the point with Eb,

1108
01:04:32,559 --> 01:04:37,320
but he had accepted the invitation. Immediately after the ceremony,

1109
01:04:37,519 --> 01:04:40,320
a lunch was thrown, and Paul shook hands with everyone

1110
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:43,119
and listened while smiling to all the advice that was

1111
01:04:43,159 --> 01:04:46,320
whispered into his ear about what was to occur later.

1112
01:04:47,440 --> 01:04:50,119
Storry was kissed on the cheek by every farmer and

1113
01:04:50,199 --> 01:04:53,719
shop owner, and then hugged by their wives, and then

1114
01:04:53,760 --> 01:04:56,199
they climbed into his buggy and left for a two

1115
01:04:56,239 --> 01:05:00,880
week visit to Baltimore. All that afternoon, and Paul was

1116
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:04,719
gladdening that his new bride was so happy. He just

1117
01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:08,559
wished that she would quit crying. Neither happy tears nor

1118
01:05:08,639 --> 01:05:12,519
sad tears suited her face, in his opinion, And besides,

1119
01:05:12,559 --> 01:05:14,320
he might wish to lean over and give her a

1120
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:17,440
kiss whenever the mood struck him, and with her crying

1121
01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:20,400
all the time, chances were good that her lips were

1122
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:23,599
liable to be moist and slick from runoff that she

1123
01:05:23,639 --> 01:05:29,519
hadn't wiped away thoroughly. Storry pulled herself from her memories

1124
01:05:29,840 --> 01:05:33,760
and wore the expression of embarrassment on her face when

1125
01:05:33,760 --> 01:05:36,519
she looked up and saw Maggie staring at her as

1126
01:05:36,559 --> 01:05:40,679
she waited for Storry to say something further, I'm sorry

1127
01:05:40,760 --> 01:05:43,599
about that. I just got lost in thought I suppose,

1128
01:05:44,039 --> 01:05:47,800
Story said, well, it's just fine. I think all newly

1129
01:05:47,840 --> 01:05:50,320
weeds are supposed to be a little dreamy and absent

1130
01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:54,760
for the first while. Maggie said, I should probably step

1131
01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:57,199
outdoors so that he can see me instead of him

1132
01:05:57,239 --> 01:05:59,800
having to stick his head inside every door and down.

1133
01:06:00,159 --> 01:06:04,119
Starry said, well, you might should. I bet there isn't

1134
01:06:04,119 --> 01:06:06,679
a town between here and Baltimore that he doesn't want

1135
01:06:06,719 --> 01:06:09,519
to strut around so that everyone can see who is

1136
01:06:09,599 --> 01:06:13,679
hanging off his arm. Maggie said, do you think that

1137
01:06:13,760 --> 01:06:16,440
is what he is doing when we walked together anywhere?

1138
01:06:16,599 --> 01:06:20,880
Starry asked, well, sure, no, I didn't mean it like that.

1139
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:23,440
I wasn't implying that you were just for him to

1140
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:26,880
show off. I meant that he's proud as punch that

1141
01:06:26,960 --> 01:06:30,199
you were his wife, and his brand spanking new wife

1142
01:06:30,280 --> 01:06:33,239
at that. That was all I meant by what I said,

1143
01:06:33,519 --> 01:06:37,400
Maggie told her. Never had Maggie wanted a customer to

1144
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:40,079
walk into the store so badly as she wanted one

1145
01:06:40,119 --> 01:06:43,079
to come in now. Maybe they would help her pull

1146
01:06:43,079 --> 01:06:46,800
her foot out of her mouth. It was very nice

1147
01:06:46,880 --> 01:06:50,239
meeting and talking with you, Maggie, Neil Starry said, just

1148
01:06:50,280 --> 01:06:53,920
before turning and walking out the door. Maggie thought that

1149
01:06:53,960 --> 01:06:57,360
the woman looked upset before she left, but also thought

1150
01:06:57,400 --> 01:07:01,760
that she sounded entirely genuine in her words words, I

1151
01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:04,559
thought we might grab a bite at the cafe I found.

1152
01:07:04,880 --> 01:07:07,519
It'll be at least another hour before the man said

1153
01:07:07,559 --> 01:07:10,440
that he would have the buggy wheel repaired. Paul said,

1154
01:07:10,599 --> 01:07:13,039
after he had walked up the story, and as he

1155
01:07:13,199 --> 01:07:16,039
was making quite the show of grasping her hand and

1156
01:07:16,119 --> 01:07:20,559
placing it firmly on his arm. How much further is Baltimore,

1157
01:07:20,800 --> 01:07:24,320
story asked as they walk. I expect us to be

1158
01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:27,559
there around midday tomorrow. If we travel deeper into the

1159
01:07:27,639 --> 01:07:31,920
night than we have been, you're going to love it there. Personally,

1160
01:07:32,199 --> 01:07:35,400
I'm fonder of Baltimore than I am New York, and

1161
01:07:35,440 --> 01:07:38,880
in fact, I have strongly considered us moving there. I

1162
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:42,000
want you to see the city first and appreciate it,

1163
01:07:42,239 --> 01:07:44,920
but it would make sense, seeing as I go there often.

1164
01:07:45,840 --> 01:07:48,480
I do know that we won't be staying in Marion.

1165
01:07:48,840 --> 01:07:52,239
It's too far away from everywhere. We have enough good

1166
01:07:52,320 --> 01:07:54,159
men that are able to run the day to day

1167
01:07:54,199 --> 01:07:57,239
AFS while I work where the money is. Paul said,

1168
01:07:58,360 --> 01:08:02,400
we could relocate here. Hamilton seems a nice little town,

1169
01:08:02,480 --> 01:08:06,239
and it's very close to Baltimore, as you said, Starry replied.

1170
01:08:07,119 --> 01:08:10,159
Paul stopped and looked at his wife before shaking his head.

1171
01:08:10,880 --> 01:08:14,159
Hamilton is smaller than Marian. No, we'll be going to

1172
01:08:14,199 --> 01:08:17,279
where we will be seen by the right people, Paul said.

1173
01:08:19,079 --> 01:08:22,199
Reuben threw a new limb into the box, but remained

1174
01:08:22,279 --> 01:08:25,359
silent as he noted that he had been there fifteen

1175
01:08:25,479 --> 01:08:30,079
years plus a month now,