WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:08.080 I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage 2 00:00:08.119 --> 00:00:09.400 and I have three kids. 3 00:00:09.960 --> 00:00:12.359 I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came 4 00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:14.960 out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage. 5 00:00:15.400 --> 00:00:19.239 This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles 6 00:00:19.320 --> 00:00:20.559 and victories that come with. 7 00:00:20.600 --> 00:00:22.920 It when coming out feels like the end of the world, 8 00:00:23.320 --> 00:00:24.920 but it's really just the beginning. 9 00:00:25.640 --> 00:00:38.880 This is the Lesbian Chronicles. Yeah, welcome to the Lesbian Chronicles. 10 00:00:39.359 --> 00:00:45.320 Joining us in studio on my body day on her birthday? 11 00:00:45.439 --> 00:00:47.759 Has that? What ever happened where the show lined up? 12 00:00:47.799 --> 00:00:50.159 I was just thinking, I'm like, usually if it's a 13 00:00:50.200 --> 00:00:52.479 birthday situation where like not, I don't even like to 14 00:00:52.479 --> 00:00:52.880 work on my. 15 00:00:52.880 --> 00:00:59.119 Birthday, So this doesn't work. This is fun exactly. I'm 16 00:00:59.159 --> 00:01:02.280 mortally I'm usually gone out of town on my birthday. 17 00:01:02.359 --> 00:01:07.799 Hide, yeah, but not tonight. Not tonight. But you're going out. 18 00:01:07.959 --> 00:01:09.439 You are going out of town though. 19 00:01:09.640 --> 00:01:11.879 Yeah, I am going out of town. I'm leaving tomorrow morning. 20 00:01:12.560 --> 00:01:15.000 I didn't I usually like to be gone on the day. 21 00:01:15.200 --> 00:01:19.400 But I don't remember why I didn't do that this time. 22 00:01:19.439 --> 00:01:21.560 I think it had to do with boarding the dog 23 00:01:21.719 --> 00:01:25.359 and yeah, other nonsensical things. 24 00:01:26.079 --> 00:01:29.000 And we celebrated you on Saturday night. I thought you 25 00:01:29.000 --> 00:01:31.319 you guys, dude, Okay. 26 00:01:31.519 --> 00:01:33.959 Okay, tell them because this is like unreal. 27 00:01:34.200 --> 00:01:37.560 Had I not take credit for this idea? I don't 28 00:01:37.560 --> 00:01:38.799 even know who came up with the idea. 29 00:01:38.840 --> 00:01:41.120 Actually, I think it was Kristin Thomas, who I just 30 00:01:41.200 --> 00:01:44.439 had brunch with. By the way, thank you, Kristin. Nice. 31 00:01:45.079 --> 00:01:48.480 So I get a text like maybe a day or 32 00:01:48.519 --> 00:01:51.079 two before we're supposed to meet up for your birthday 33 00:01:51.200 --> 00:01:53.480 that says everyone's dressing like Ali. 34 00:01:53.799 --> 00:01:56.640 And I was like, I love this idea. 35 00:01:56.760 --> 00:01:59.400 I got this, and you have it probably the most 36 00:01:59.439 --> 00:01:59.920 of everyone. 37 00:02:00.879 --> 00:02:03.560 Well, I was like, okay, this is easy. I've got 38 00:02:03.599 --> 00:02:05.760 plenty in my closet, like, no big deal. 39 00:02:06.200 --> 00:02:08.439 In fact, you didn't even notice that I was dressed 40 00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:12.280 like you when you first see it. 41 00:02:12.280 --> 00:02:15.560 It wasn't until the long sleeve around the waist felt 42 00:02:15.599 --> 00:02:18.159 a little bit something you may not do normally. 43 00:02:18.639 --> 00:02:22.120 Yeah, that was really my distinguishing factor that in the 44 00:02:22.319 --> 00:02:24.240 boots with shorts I wouldn't normally do. 45 00:02:25.919 --> 00:02:27.039 But yeah, I was like. 46 00:02:28.039 --> 00:02:31.639 When when Kristin and Amy walked in and Robin, I 47 00:02:31.800 --> 00:02:34.840 was like, yep, nailed it, like you guys. 48 00:02:35.159 --> 00:02:37.400 Okay, So these people are showing up to my place 49 00:02:37.479 --> 00:02:40.639 for a for a beverage before the event that I 50 00:02:40.680 --> 00:02:43.719 didn't even know why we were hosting. So Melissa essentially 51 00:02:43.759 --> 00:02:47.360 has people showing up at my house beforehand, and each 52 00:02:47.400 --> 00:02:50.639 one of them is showing up dressed weird, but you 53 00:02:50.680 --> 00:02:52.800 can't put it together until you see a few of them, 54 00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:54.800 and then you're like, Okay, guys, what's going on here? 55 00:02:54.960 --> 00:02:59.159 Yeah, Like Lindsay had on like workout clothes. 56 00:03:00.240 --> 00:03:01.800 That didn't make sense until later. 57 00:03:02.159 --> 00:03:04.479 They didn't make sense until later, and when she walked in, 58 00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:06.800 I was like, I'm shocked she's wearing that to the bar. 59 00:03:07.599 --> 00:03:10.039 And then also the next day when I went to 60 00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:12.400 meet her, we work out together. I go to meet 61 00:03:12.439 --> 00:03:15.240 her and I realize as I'm putting on my workout outfit, 62 00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:20.039 She'd like nailed it. It's like socks and birken stocks. 63 00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:24.680 It's like yoga pants. I mean, I was like cut 64 00:03:24.719 --> 00:03:29.120 off tea with big armholes. She nailed it. And then 65 00:03:29.159 --> 00:03:33.439 did Kristen tell you? Her and Amy went out beforehand 66 00:03:33.560 --> 00:03:35.639 to dinner and She's like, I have never felt so 67 00:03:35.879 --> 00:03:40.240 physically uncomfortable in my clothes as I did in your 68 00:03:40.400 --> 00:03:41.639 look out. 69 00:03:41.800 --> 00:03:46.159 That's hilarious. I think that speaks to like they know 70 00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:46.800 their style. 71 00:03:47.000 --> 00:03:49.080 You know, if it's that uncomfortable, they need to be 72 00:03:49.159 --> 00:03:50.680 in that little their femme world. 73 00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:52.800 Still, well, do you think like if we had to 74 00:03:52.879 --> 00:03:54.800 dress like them? Like I was thinking, like, what if 75 00:03:54.840 --> 00:03:56.240 somebody told me that I have to go to the 76 00:03:56.240 --> 00:03:59.639 bars in a dress and wedgets? 77 00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:02.560 Oh yeah, I would feel I am comfortable. 78 00:04:04.120 --> 00:04:05.960 You know, maybe this is our test maybe for a 79 00:04:06.400 --> 00:04:07.879 Christmas birthday, will dress like her? 80 00:04:08.599 --> 00:04:10.280 I know, like I don't even know that I could, 81 00:04:10.599 --> 00:04:12.800 at least like my look is a little bit Adam 82 00:04:12.879 --> 00:04:17.439 Sandler comfortable on the weekend, right, it doesn't have to be. 83 00:04:18.160 --> 00:04:20.560 There's just like a committed look like I would look 84 00:04:20.600 --> 00:04:21.800 like an idiot. 85 00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:24.439 You look like a suburban mom. 86 00:04:24.600 --> 00:04:27.000 Yeah. I mean they have great clothes, and. 87 00:04:27.199 --> 00:04:29.639 I'm gonna say they're making it sound like they dress lovely. 88 00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:34.399 They they just look put together, like straight out of 89 00:04:34.439 --> 00:04:36.160 a magazine magazine. 90 00:04:36.839 --> 00:04:40.920 But it's like, imagine me in the wedges and the 91 00:04:41.360 --> 00:04:44.120 great like, I just wouldn't. I would look so silly. 92 00:04:44.759 --> 00:04:46.560 I was just thinking about this because I was going 93 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:49.959 through pictures to post for your Instagram birthday posts, and 94 00:04:50.759 --> 00:04:53.199 I was like, dude, I could really pull some out 95 00:04:53.199 --> 00:04:56.639 of the archives here. I'm so glad you don't even 96 00:04:56.839 --> 00:04:58.319 look like either of us anymore. 97 00:04:58.399 --> 00:05:00.800 It makes me like, for some reason only, it makes 98 00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:01.959 me a little embarrassed. 99 00:05:03.279 --> 00:05:05.800 Yeah, you know, it is kind of interesting to think about, 100 00:05:06.079 --> 00:05:08.240 like how different it is, and it does I wouldn't. 101 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:10.040 I don't know if embarrassed is the right word. It's 102 00:05:10.079 --> 00:05:11.439 more so like, who was I then? 103 00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:14.600 I know it's like, am I faking it now? Or 104 00:05:14.720 --> 00:05:15.560 was I faking it that? 105 00:05:17.759 --> 00:05:19.519 I don't feel like I'm faking it now. I feel 106 00:05:19.519 --> 00:05:22.439 more genuine now, Like even I'm definitely more genuine getting 107 00:05:22.439 --> 00:05:22.759 on this. 108 00:05:22.879 --> 00:05:25.079 I was like, man, I look really like girly today, 109 00:05:25.079 --> 00:05:27.120 but I just shot an audition where I have to 110 00:05:27.160 --> 00:05:31.480 like look kind of just you know, like normal, like 111 00:05:31.519 --> 00:05:35.120 a regular human. I can't wear a flat built hat 112 00:05:35.160 --> 00:05:38.240 for a commercial for a grocery store chain. 113 00:05:38.279 --> 00:05:40.600 That would not if you're married to a man. 114 00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:44.720 If they want to mix it up a little bit, 115 00:05:44.800 --> 00:05:46.279 you know, maybe they throw in a lesbian. 116 00:05:47.000 --> 00:05:49.360 I will say, like, we have these new marketing people 117 00:05:49.439 --> 00:05:52.879 who they know I'm gay, and they were putting together, 118 00:05:53.000 --> 00:05:56.120 like are some pictures for our website, and on one 119 00:05:56.160 --> 00:05:59.120 of the pictures they put two women like looking over 120 00:05:59.240 --> 00:06:04.560 like a house am, And I thought, strategically, are they 121 00:06:04.600 --> 00:06:06.959 doing it for me? Or are they doing it for 122 00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:09.800 like do they think that's going to appeal to the masses. 123 00:06:10.519 --> 00:06:13.959 I mean, you know, lesbians remodeled their homes too. 124 00:06:14.879 --> 00:06:18.319 They just did they do it. They just did themselves. 125 00:06:18.439 --> 00:06:20.600 They just do it themselves exactly. 126 00:06:20.720 --> 00:06:26.560 Like yeah, terrible, terrible, terrible. Also, speaking of which, when 127 00:06:26.600 --> 00:06:30.319 we were out that night for my birthday, I'm seeing 128 00:06:30.360 --> 00:06:31.959 like a lot of the videos. Well, first of all, 129 00:06:31.959 --> 00:06:34.079 we should post the picture of all of us standing 130 00:06:34.160 --> 00:06:39.519 dressed in the outfits. But as the videos like rolled 131 00:06:39.519 --> 00:06:42.519 in of the evening, like people start sharing like videos 132 00:06:42.560 --> 00:06:46.040 they took, I'm like, oh my god, you guys. Once again, 133 00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:47.160 I was overserved. 134 00:06:48.199 --> 00:06:50.560 I was over served on thousand once again. 135 00:06:51.439 --> 00:06:54.439 That's definitely the case. I mean what, it was a 136 00:06:54.439 --> 00:06:55.560 fun night, That's what matters. 137 00:06:55.639 --> 00:06:57.279 It was a good night. And I never did any 138 00:06:57.360 --> 00:06:59.959 of the shots that were being Twice I saw d 139 00:07:00.199 --> 00:07:02.959 of shots go and I literally was like, how do 140 00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:08.079 I pretend and not do this? All right, well, let's 141 00:07:08.120 --> 00:07:08.639 talk gay. 142 00:07:09.519 --> 00:07:10.600 Let's talk gay. 143 00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:14.439 This is kind of something that we've touched on a 144 00:07:14.480 --> 00:07:17.199 little bit before, but just in the sense of like 145 00:07:18.079 --> 00:07:21.040 dating over the age of I'm just gonna say forty. 146 00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:22.800 I don't. I'm not, you know, I'm. 147 00:07:22.680 --> 00:07:24.199 Feeling so much older than that. 148 00:07:25.560 --> 00:07:27.639 Well, I'm thinking of our listeners that are under forty 149 00:07:27.680 --> 00:07:29.879 that might be a little bit more mature. 150 00:07:31.040 --> 00:07:32.480 You know my. 151 00:07:32.480 --> 00:07:33.600 Birthday, all right? 152 00:07:33.800 --> 00:07:35.519 I know, what do you want me to say? Over 153 00:07:35.560 --> 00:07:38.680 fifty that's when you start dating better. 154 00:07:39.120 --> 00:07:42.079 Yeah, over fifty is when all the magic happens. 155 00:07:41.720 --> 00:07:46.279 Guys, all the magic happens. Well anyway, This post from. 156 00:07:47.720 --> 00:07:51.920 Jillian Tareki says a relationship over forty is sometimes the 157 00:07:51.959 --> 00:07:55.279 first time people can love without losing themselves. You're not 158 00:07:55.360 --> 00:07:58.839 too late, You're finally clear on who you are. And 159 00:07:59.600 --> 00:08:03.199 I resonate with that massively right now, because I don't 160 00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:05.079 I feel like this is the first time that I've 161 00:08:05.079 --> 00:08:08.959 been dating, and I don't feel like I'm wrapped up. 162 00:08:09.160 --> 00:08:12.639 I'm not losing myself in one person. I'm not banking 163 00:08:12.680 --> 00:08:16.399 on everything working out with certain people like end All 164 00:08:16.399 --> 00:08:21.000 be All, and just slowly getting to know not only 165 00:08:21.040 --> 00:08:24.920 like the new people, but like myself and the process 166 00:08:24.959 --> 00:08:28.279 and how I feel like in a way that I 167 00:08:28.319 --> 00:08:29.439 can't say that I've ever done. 168 00:08:30.399 --> 00:08:33.240 Okay, so say more like you're more instead of like 169 00:08:34.039 --> 00:08:37.559 fantasizing and building a future with some random stranger that 170 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:40.360 you've just started dating that you really know nothing about 171 00:08:40.600 --> 00:08:44.480 until you have a few seasons with somebody. You're saying that, 172 00:08:44.559 --> 00:08:47.759 like essentially you're just like sitting in the dating and 173 00:08:47.799 --> 00:08:49.799 being like, how do I feel right now? Like what 174 00:08:49.960 --> 00:08:54.279 is my nervous system doing? What is my vibe right now? 175 00:08:54.440 --> 00:09:00.600 Like yeah, exactly, yeap, And you're discovering not getting in 176 00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:02.679 my head and creating a story as to who this 177 00:09:02.720 --> 00:09:04.480 person is or who they could be in the future, 178 00:09:06.279 --> 00:09:07.200 really trying. 179 00:09:06.960 --> 00:09:09.279 To like live like right now week by week? 180 00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:11.960 When am I doing? You know, what plans do I have? 181 00:09:12.120 --> 00:09:14.440 What do I want to learn more about this person? 182 00:09:16.279 --> 00:09:21.000 And just it's it's kind of it feels unusual to 183 00:09:21.080 --> 00:09:24.879 me based on how so many other people around me 184 00:09:25.360 --> 00:09:28.480 have dated. It's so easy with women just to get 185 00:09:28.519 --> 00:09:30.960 so wrapped up in it. But I've had to like 186 00:09:30.960 --> 00:09:33.480 like hold myself back. You know, you want to talk 187 00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:36.159 all day, You want to like dive right in and 188 00:09:36.200 --> 00:09:40.720 FaceTime and like interact constantly and have all those answers. 189 00:09:40.759 --> 00:09:43.879 But it's it just kind of in a way, it 190 00:09:43.919 --> 00:09:49.600 takes away from actually dating. When you're doing like NonStop texting, 191 00:09:50.440 --> 00:09:54.519 you're not getting to know them like in person. 192 00:09:54.720 --> 00:09:57.200 I could and then you I do think sometimes when 193 00:09:57.279 --> 00:10:00.279 you pour so much in so fast that but like 194 00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:03.399 it starts to be mechanical in that you're like wake 195 00:10:03.480 --> 00:10:06.120 up in the morning, good morning, go through the day, 196 00:10:06.200 --> 00:10:09.399 then at night good night. Like it becomes almost like 197 00:10:09.600 --> 00:10:12.799 robotic in that I have to do these check ins 198 00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:17.480 because this relationship needs that. I don't know, like you 199 00:10:17.720 --> 00:10:20.000 know what I mean, Like, if you're not doing these things, 200 00:10:20.080 --> 00:10:22.720 then it's like, am I progressing this thing fast enough? 201 00:10:23.919 --> 00:10:25.600 Right? And it's an expectation. 202 00:10:25.919 --> 00:10:30.120 I think that progresses a relationship too fast, right, you know. 203 00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:32.440 I think it's fine to check. 204 00:10:32.200 --> 00:10:35.600 In, you know in the mornings or at nights if 205 00:10:35.639 --> 00:10:38.320 you've ha been having a conversation, you know, say you're 206 00:10:38.320 --> 00:10:41.320 going to bed and good night. But if the conversation's 207 00:10:41.320 --> 00:10:43.919 already kind of dwindled down, I'm just gonna go to bed, 208 00:10:44.240 --> 00:10:46.240 you know, Like I don't need to announce it. 209 00:10:46.759 --> 00:10:48.720 How long do you think you have to date someone 210 00:10:48.879 --> 00:10:53.840 before you can make it like an official, Like I 211 00:10:53.919 --> 00:10:56.320 know there's no hard and fast rule, but in your mind, 212 00:10:57.120 --> 00:11:00.000 can you date someone for a month and then be exclusive. 213 00:11:02.039 --> 00:11:03.720 I mean a lot of people do that. 214 00:11:04.200 --> 00:11:07.320 Yeah, I've done it way sooner than that before though, Okay, 215 00:11:08.320 --> 00:11:13.519 And I think I've just learned that there's just so 216 00:11:13.600 --> 00:11:16.919 much more to learn about a person beyond that first month. 217 00:11:18.720 --> 00:11:21.879 And I think it looks different in different scenarios, you know, 218 00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:25.480 like with you, you are able to kind of spend 219 00:11:25.559 --> 00:11:30.240 time with someone in a more more frequent capacity and 220 00:11:30.360 --> 00:11:31.840 a more measured capacity. 221 00:11:32.039 --> 00:11:35.279 So it makes sense. Yeah, No, I think my job, 222 00:11:35.399 --> 00:11:40.360 my life, I have a different the woman I'm dating. 223 00:11:40.559 --> 00:11:44.080 We have, we work alongside each other. We might I 224 00:11:44.159 --> 00:11:48.759 see her every single day, we work out together many times. 225 00:11:48.799 --> 00:11:51.919 Like I You're right, like I have opportunities to spend 226 00:11:51.960 --> 00:11:55.759 time with her that kind of fast forward things, probably 227 00:11:55.799 --> 00:11:59.159 faster than maybe you would because your job is a 228 00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:04.000 little different than mine, your responsibilities, you live further away. 229 00:12:05.639 --> 00:12:07.960 I think, yeah, all those things come into play. I 230 00:12:08.000 --> 00:12:12.279 do think what's interesting is with this relationship. At the 231 00:12:12.399 --> 00:12:17.639 very beginning, I was very very clear on what I want, 232 00:12:17.799 --> 00:12:22.039 what I'm looking for, and I found myself almost like 233 00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:25.720 going into it like the I don't want to say 234 00:12:25.759 --> 00:12:27.559 it was like a turn off to her, but she's like, damn, 235 00:12:27.600 --> 00:12:29.840 I hope I fit into this fucking box that you've 236 00:12:29.879 --> 00:12:33.600 created that is like this or the highway essentially. But 237 00:12:33.639 --> 00:12:35.960 I wasn't saying it like that. It was more like, listen, 238 00:12:36.720 --> 00:12:39.440 I'm not wasting time. This is what I'm looking for. 239 00:12:39.679 --> 00:12:42.279 I'm not if I see things that aren't going to align, 240 00:12:42.919 --> 00:12:45.039 We're going to be great friends. But I am not 241 00:12:45.200 --> 00:12:49.519 pursuing beyond that. Yeah, because I am so clear on 242 00:12:49.639 --> 00:12:53.679 my what I'm looking for in a partner that it 243 00:12:53.720 --> 00:12:58.399 doesn't it feels like a waste of time to continue 244 00:12:58.440 --> 00:13:00.480 down a path that I already see things that aren't 245 00:13:00.519 --> 00:13:01.200 going to align. 246 00:13:01.720 --> 00:13:02.879 Yeah. 247 00:13:02.919 --> 00:13:06.159 Absolutely, And I think some of those things may be 248 00:13:06.240 --> 00:13:09.120 bigger than others. You know, there might be small and 249 00:13:09.159 --> 00:13:09.919 it's like, oh. 250 00:13:10.159 --> 00:13:11.279 I don't know how I feel about that. 251 00:13:11.720 --> 00:13:14.879 Yeah, And I think you know, you might notice little, 252 00:13:14.879 --> 00:13:18.440 small things, but you don't let that be the reason 253 00:13:18.480 --> 00:13:21.759 to take off because it is hard to find good people. 254 00:13:22.960 --> 00:13:25.600 And I feel really lucky right now that I've I've 255 00:13:25.679 --> 00:13:30.440 met some really good people totally. And I think it 256 00:13:30.480 --> 00:13:33.919 also speaks to the fact of, like, you know, for 257 00:13:34.120 --> 00:13:36.559 years now, I've talked about how small our dating pool is. 258 00:13:36.639 --> 00:13:39.759 I do think it's really small for sure, but I 259 00:13:39.799 --> 00:13:40.919 think it's ever changing. 260 00:13:41.200 --> 00:13:46.240 You know, like people get on there's a constant. 261 00:13:45.279 --> 00:13:47.480 Right they get on the ass and they get disappointed 262 00:13:47.559 --> 00:13:50.440 really quick because it's like, well there's no one here. 263 00:13:50.799 --> 00:13:53.759 You might even swipe through your results within a few days. 264 00:13:54.679 --> 00:13:58.440 But I've just noticed that, like there's just constantly new 265 00:13:58.440 --> 00:14:02.799 people joining, you know, it ebbs and flows, and it's 266 00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:05.000 it's more so of like the time that you put 267 00:14:05.080 --> 00:14:09.039 into it. On top of that, just being heavily aware 268 00:14:09.080 --> 00:14:12.759 of who you're communicating with, because I have noticed even 269 00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:15.919 like I'm talking with people that have turned out to 270 00:14:15.960 --> 00:14:18.039 be catfish, you know, and I feel like I'm very 271 00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:23.000 hyper aware of that situation. It's still it still happens. 272 00:14:25.159 --> 00:14:27.519 You can tell what people's like. And it's not to 273 00:14:27.559 --> 00:14:30.440 say everybody has different things that they value, different value 274 00:14:30.480 --> 00:14:34.039 systems of like what's important to them, and it doesn't 275 00:14:34.039 --> 00:14:37.519 make what's important to you better than what's important to me. 276 00:14:37.799 --> 00:14:40.879 It's just different. Like I think you are a very 277 00:14:41.000 --> 00:14:46.240 very high caliber person and you and I probably value 278 00:14:46.679 --> 00:14:51.279 different things different ways, and that, right, that's great, But 279 00:14:51.360 --> 00:14:54.960 I think like you can tell early on sort of 280 00:14:54.960 --> 00:14:59.879 if things aren't going to align, even based on how 281 00:15:00.120 --> 00:15:04.080 people mother or what kind of future you know, they 282 00:15:04.240 --> 00:15:06.440 see if they do have children. One of the things 283 00:15:06.440 --> 00:15:10.279 that Nikki and I definitely align on is we aren't 284 00:15:10.919 --> 00:15:16.600 looking for this like retirement without our children. We want 285 00:15:16.720 --> 00:15:19.919 to be with them. We like them the best. We 286 00:15:19.960 --> 00:15:24.200 would rather probably pick an evening with them than our friends. 287 00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:26.919 You know. It's like there, but there's plenty of people 288 00:15:26.960 --> 00:15:28.919 My parents would say that is never what they thought. 289 00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:32.080 They they loved my sister and I, but they they 290 00:15:32.240 --> 00:15:35.240 that wasn't their life wasn't going to be about grandchildren 291 00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:38.960 and us. Even though they love us and they want 292 00:15:39.039 --> 00:15:43.159 us and they love their grandchildren, it's just a different philosophy. 293 00:15:43.320 --> 00:15:47.960 And I think, like, I want a partner who wants 294 00:15:48.039 --> 00:15:52.000 to travel to see the kids or you know, create 295 00:15:52.080 --> 00:15:54.720 experiences that we can all be together. That is very, 296 00:15:54.840 --> 00:15:58.320 very very important to me. Yeah, and so I don't 297 00:15:58.360 --> 00:16:01.279 I'm not going to waste time if some but he's like, man, 298 00:16:01.279 --> 00:16:02.840 I can't wait to get these kids out of here. 299 00:16:02.879 --> 00:16:05.879 I'm ready to be an empty nester. Well, you're gonna 300 00:16:05.879 --> 00:16:08.399 hate your life with me because that's not what it's 301 00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:09.000 going to look like. 302 00:16:09.519 --> 00:16:12.159 Yeah, I know, that's something I think a lot about 303 00:16:12.200 --> 00:16:14.840 a lot too, is like wherever I live, I'm like, 304 00:16:14.919 --> 00:16:17.200 I need I want space for my kids to be. 305 00:16:18.240 --> 00:16:20.919 I don't care how old they are, you know, I 306 00:16:21.000 --> 00:16:24.679 want to be able to wherever they are either move 307 00:16:25.000 --> 00:16:29.480 there or be able to visit frequently. Totally so, And 308 00:16:29.519 --> 00:16:32.120 I think that's just it. It's like it's one of 309 00:16:32.159 --> 00:16:34.519 the difficulties. One of the hurdles that comes with dating 310 00:16:35.080 --> 00:16:37.759 later in life is that you know, you're not starting 311 00:16:37.759 --> 00:16:39.960 out fresh with like no kids in the bank. 312 00:16:40.120 --> 00:16:42.559 You know, if. 313 00:16:42.440 --> 00:16:44.679 You both might have kids, one of you might not 314 00:16:44.759 --> 00:16:48.480 have kids. Do you want to not only be with 315 00:16:48.519 --> 00:16:51.759 me forever? But these kids are going to be forever totally. Sure, 316 00:16:51.759 --> 00:16:53.960 they're going to college in a few years, but they're 317 00:16:54.000 --> 00:16:55.879 still going to be very much around. 318 00:16:56.519 --> 00:16:59.799 Yeah. And I think it's like you have to figure 319 00:16:59.799 --> 00:17:03.679 out there's like things about people that you'll learn. People 320 00:17:03.720 --> 00:17:10.079 they're social butterflies. They get a lot of like oxytocin 321 00:17:10.200 --> 00:17:13.240 or whatever the dopamine from like going out, and like 322 00:17:13.359 --> 00:17:16.880 I get some, but like I wouldn't say that's like 323 00:17:17.000 --> 00:17:19.759 my dream life is to be my parents go out 324 00:17:19.799 --> 00:17:23.279 four nights a week. They go out four nights a week, 325 00:17:23.359 --> 00:17:26.400 They go to dinners, they socialize. They have parties four 326 00:17:26.519 --> 00:17:28.359 nights out of the week. When I go visit them, 327 00:17:28.440 --> 00:17:32.079 I am exhausted. Yeah, and so I don't want that 328 00:17:32.359 --> 00:17:32.640 for me. 329 00:17:33.720 --> 00:17:34.440 That's a lot. 330 00:17:34.559 --> 00:17:37.680 It's a lot. My mom is starting to say it's 331 00:17:37.880 --> 00:17:41.759 it's it's a lot. And so they you know, they 332 00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:44.920 have certain things that they do. And I always say 333 00:17:44.920 --> 00:17:49.079 when I'm visiting, like, I'm too tired for life. 334 00:17:50.640 --> 00:17:51.960 For my elderly parents. 335 00:17:52.160 --> 00:17:54.440 I'm too tired for my elderly parents. I want to 336 00:17:55.039 --> 00:17:58.799 I really enjoy dinner in front of the TV and 337 00:17:58.839 --> 00:18:02.480 going to bed early. I think I just do. Like 338 00:18:02.559 --> 00:18:05.200 it's embarrassing, but like that is a value of mine 339 00:18:05.279 --> 00:18:07.519 that like, I don't I want to mess with somebody 340 00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:10.759 who also likes to do that because I'm not looking 341 00:18:10.839 --> 00:18:14.400 to have a highly stimulating evening all the time. 342 00:18:14.880 --> 00:18:17.960 But I mean that's not unheard of obviously, Like youah 343 00:18:18.359 --> 00:18:20.640 found a lot of people who want to do that 344 00:18:20.680 --> 00:18:23.000 same thing and seem very happy with it. 345 00:18:23.200 --> 00:18:24.559 I can make it really fun, y'all. 346 00:18:25.640 --> 00:18:29.200 Yes, sure, I can make an eight thirty bed time 347 00:18:29.359 --> 00:18:30.079 or so fun. 348 00:18:30.759 --> 00:18:33.440 Actually, the bedtime part's the fun part that you do 349 00:18:33.599 --> 00:18:36.160 like a that's where the magic, that's where the magic 350 00:18:36.359 --> 00:18:42.519 really happens. Sure, I actually do do a facial routine 351 00:18:42.519 --> 00:18:44.759 and then I try to be quiet on the set 352 00:18:44.799 --> 00:18:45.599 by nine pm. 353 00:18:46.440 --> 00:18:47.359 Oh my god. 354 00:18:47.599 --> 00:18:50.440 Yeah, last night I told read what I want for 355 00:18:50.519 --> 00:18:53.839 my birthday is I wanted him to grill a steaks 356 00:18:54.559 --> 00:18:56.960 and then just let me quietly. This was last night, 357 00:18:57.039 --> 00:18:59.759 not my actual birthday. Yeah, but last time, I'm like, 358 00:18:59.759 --> 00:19:01.920 I want you to grill me a stake and just 359 00:19:01.960 --> 00:19:05.200 like allow me to watch the show and like. 360 00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:08.480 Peace, like, don't ask me any questions. 361 00:19:08.559 --> 00:19:11.319 Yeah, and he would don't have to sign anything. 362 00:19:11.720 --> 00:19:15.240 Yeah, my kids have been in school for what three days, 363 00:19:15.279 --> 00:19:17.319 and every day there's like a pile of papers to 364 00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:21.160 Oh my god, no, so might haven't even gone back 365 00:19:21.160 --> 00:19:21.960 to school yet. 366 00:19:22.519 --> 00:19:23.359 It's wild. 367 00:19:23.559 --> 00:19:26.039 It's totally wild. But yeah, tell me some ways that 368 00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:28.960 like somebody could align or better yet, tell me how 369 00:19:29.000 --> 00:19:32.200 somebody really quickly you would know this person is not 370 00:19:32.359 --> 00:19:33.400 going to align with me. 371 00:19:34.680 --> 00:19:37.640 Ah man, that's tough, I would. I mean I think 372 00:19:37.640 --> 00:19:38.680 a big thing is. 373 00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:44.960 For me now, like the party aspect kind of like yeah, 374 00:19:46.559 --> 00:19:48.599 on the apps, if I'm seeing someone who is like 375 00:19:48.759 --> 00:19:52.359 out all the time or it has that appearance, you know, 376 00:19:52.880 --> 00:19:55.880 I don't really want that anymore, Like I do, I 377 00:19:55.960 --> 00:19:59.599 want a balance, you know, but I also I mean 378 00:19:59.640 --> 00:20:01.000 I want a person that can go. 379 00:20:01.000 --> 00:20:02.640 Out and socialize as well. 380 00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:07.799 So but I think that's one of those things where 381 00:20:07.880 --> 00:20:10.440 there's just a lot of questions to be asked that 382 00:20:10.519 --> 00:20:16.440 you don't know right away. And I think probably the 383 00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:22.519 biggest thing is their willingness to show up because so 384 00:20:22.599 --> 00:20:26.359 many people are on these apps. So many people are 385 00:20:26.359 --> 00:20:28.400 on the apps, and they're they're just on there to 386 00:20:28.440 --> 00:20:30.440 be on there. They're not they don't want to meet up. 387 00:20:30.920 --> 00:20:34.200 So when it becomes like a pin pal situation or 388 00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:36.839 I'm like, hey, you know, do you have plans like 389 00:20:36.839 --> 00:20:38.920 can we meet up for a drink or something? And 390 00:20:38.960 --> 00:20:41.839 they don't respond or say that they're going to get 391 00:20:41.839 --> 00:20:44.119 back to me, and then they kind of disappear, I'm like, 392 00:20:44.160 --> 00:20:45.880 that's not it for me. 393 00:20:46.599 --> 00:20:46.799 Yeah. 394 00:20:46.839 --> 00:20:49.359 It's also just like you should be excited to spend 395 00:20:49.359 --> 00:20:53.119 time with me, right Like you should be excited. You 396 00:20:53.200 --> 00:20:56.920 should be looking for a way to find. 397 00:20:57.240 --> 00:20:57.839 Find the time. 398 00:20:58.440 --> 00:20:59.240 Yeah, Like. 399 00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:02.000 That's just it. 400 00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:06.680 It's like you can find an hour to go have coffee, 401 00:21:07.519 --> 00:21:11.480