Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell.
Speaker 2: It's your good friend Clayton here as usual with my
buddy Chris.
Speaker 3: Hello, Chris, Hello, and I'm dead and my eternal punishment
is to do this podcast where we interview everyone in
Hell and Clayton, how are you doing?
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm doing great. You didn't you didn't give my description. Anyways,
you're the secretary of the Secretary of Ward.
Speaker 2: That is correct, and also am d brother of Satan,
the more successful brother of Satan, the most successful brother Satan.
Of all the brothers of Satan, I am the most successful.
We never talked about my family tree, have we not?
Speaker 3: Really haven't really explored a ton, But yeah, so you're
saying the most successful brother of Satan.
Speaker 2: I think the most successful of the brothers of the family.
Speaker 4: Yes, I mean we got Peyton. He's just an accountant
in Hell.
Speaker 1: Dayton.
Speaker 2: He's traveling abroad up in Europe right now, Cayton. That's
actually my sister Hayden. He is actually he's a big
actor up on Earth. Uh huh, Slayton. He is a
despite his very violent ownding name, he's actually a He's
a he works for the Peace Corps, A bit of
a black sheep.
Speaker 1: That one white sheep whatever.
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, I mean I guess when you put them
all like that, I mean you're not doing too bad.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, No, I'm doing great. I'm very successful. I'm
doing great. I'd say neck and neck with Satan. I mean,
we're about at the same level of success. You know,
always something to talk about. It hates giving. But anyways,
christ we got a big episode because things are about
to change around here.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So, well, as you know, we're in a war against Heaven.
The big battle has not happened yet, but we're prepping
for it. So obviously we're gathering all our resources. You know,
we've been going out and trying to bolster our forces,
you know, get as many people.
Speaker 1: Signed up for Hell's Army as possible.
Speaker 2: But the big thing I've been wanting to focus on
is those secret weapons, those big, big, powerful, game changing weapons.
Speaker 4: Chris, Yeah, like what I mean. You know, we've tried
various things.
Speaker 2: We've tried espionage, We've tried chemical warfare, you know, we
we've tried air warfare, all that stuff. But today I
think we finally cracked it. I think we we have
the thing that's going to really change the tide of
this war, Chris, We're gonna summon.
Speaker 1: The Anti Christ.
Speaker 2: What, Yes, it's right, it's it's it's huge. I mean,
this is we're going to bring the Book of Revelations
to real life.
Speaker 1: We are going to do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you and me, we're right here, right in, right
now today where we're going to be bringing on a guest.
This guy, big piece of work. This guy, he was
the scourge of the earth. I mean, he was so bad,
so evil. You know, he was a big Satan follower,
big Satan worshiper. And you know, despite my differences with
my brother, he has what it takes to fulfill this ceremony.
Speaker 3: So this guy, he's the qualified one, because I just
don't feel qualified to like summon the Anti Christ personally.
Speaker 1: Chris.
Speaker 2: Actually, you know it's we're in good hands. This guy's
got everything that we're gonna need. We just need to
help him along. But this ceremony, I mean, we're gonna
we're gonna swon up the Anti Christ and then you know,
the war is perfectly balanced, if not in our favor
at that point.
Speaker 4: So it's gonna be a good day.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I guess he does have a lot
of powers, like he's the anti Christ.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's the opposite of Christ's anti I mean, so
he could you know, he could probably turn wine into water.
Speaker 4: That's probably not the coolest thing, but and that may
not be the best like battle technique, but no, he
could really mess up the income of a vineyard if
he did.
Speaker 1: That, you know, sure, yeah, kind.
Speaker 2: Of little a lot of embarrassment on the you know,
on a wine tour. So okay, listen, we don't know
the extent.
Speaker 1: Of his powers.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, Well it's gonna be a big deal
when he gets here though, but you know, let's just
get right to it. Let's let's begin the summoning process.
And in order to do that, we need.
Speaker 5: To bring in the harbinger of doom, the most evil
humans who have ever lived, the leader of the Satanic worshipers,
the spirit of the damned.
Speaker 2: I'm talking about Kyle. Uh whoa you just you just
wrote in on a razor scooter. That was pretty sick, dude.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I only go anywhere on razor scooters.
Speaker 1: Damn, that's pretty rad. Uh. Hi, Kyle, what's up?
Speaker 6: They're not what I expected for the leader you expecting Huh?
Is because I'm young? Is it because I look like
I don't know what I'm doing. I got I got
news for you, man, I burn red. Whoa, I am
Satan's child.
Speaker 1: Whoa.
Speaker 6: I don't mess around with this stuff. So I don't
care that you or my mom or my dad don't
understand it. But I am part of this bigger movement,
and I don't appreciate you questioning my authority here.
Speaker 2: You know, Chris, I know that you're judging him right
now based on his youth. Sure, Kyle is seventeen years old,
but you know he's a progeny. He you know, he's
done so much for the Satanic movement. It's not such
a young evil age.
Speaker 3: I was judging him less on the age and more
so just the hot topic.
Speaker 1: Gonsom was that hot topic.
Speaker 6: Uh yeah, dress for success all right. In fact, I
was in like my second interview to finally get my
dream job there before I died.
Speaker 2: Oh that sucks, but I do got to give you
some compliments and some major ups on that wallet chain.
Speaker 1: It's pretty sick.
Speaker 6: Oh thanks man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you won't have to worry about losing your wallet,
that's right.
Speaker 6: Ever, yeah, oh yo, I will say though, it's it.
It is a bit itchy, you know, but but you
know sacrifices.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean life is pain right, Well.
Speaker 3: Speaking of, so you're gonna help us summon the anti Christ.
Speaker 6: I'm here to help you summon the anti Christ? Yes,
help you more? Like, do you know everything? Because this
is a really serious thing and I can't have you
guys screwing around with it, all right?
Speaker 4: Of course, of course you have our total cooperation, Kyle.
Speaker 1: We're gonna do everything that you need to do. Man,
We're just.
Speaker 2: We're just here to watch you work and assisted however
best we can.
Speaker 6: All right, So here's the the cauldron of summon. Okay,
everyone rub it counterclockwise three times, like really, caress it?
Speaker 4: Okay, right hand or left hand?
Speaker 6: Left hand? Okay, all right now now everyone throw in
your favorite pet.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 6: H the cuter the better.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, Well I was gonna throw in Chris because
he is technically my favorite pet.
Speaker 1: Well that's nice.
Speaker 2: No, okay, don't don't get to you know, filled up
on yourself. I'll just throw my favorite cockroach. It's second,
it's it's the closest thing to Chris I could find.
Speaker 1: Wait, is that my childhood at Hamster?
Speaker 6: Yes? Yes, we're gonna need it. This is this is
a part of the ritual. It's very normal. Just still
question it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how did you get? I mean I talked to
Kyle beforehand.
Speaker 2: We had a consultation and Antichrist summoning consultation, and he
said that we would need this, So yeah, I got.
I brought oatmeal back. He was gonna be in hell anyways.
You know, he's been in hell this entire time.
Speaker 4: He's just been avoiding you hamsters.
Speaker 6: All right, alright, go ahead, throw it in, Chris, Yeah,
go ahead, Chris, throw throw an oatmeal. Look at her
go he yeah.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 6: Uh now, everybody vomit into the cauldron. Try to aim
for oatmeal if you can. Okay, everybody, three, two, well.
Speaker 4: One, I'm gonna need more than three, So.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I really have to vomit at
the moment.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm on freshout of epicac as well.
Speaker 6: I guess we could pee in it.
Speaker 1: We just all into it and the same Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's that's that's a you know, it's like they
branch off. You can either go left or right, but
they both take you to the same destination. So vomit
or pe.
Speaker 4: That makes sense. Okay, yeah, well here we go.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, stop looking stop all right, I really
had to go. So I'm glad that we did this
because I I didn't know how long I was gonna
have to hold this in for the whole ceremony.
Speaker 6: Guys, you're not aim aim for the hamster. What's his name?
Oatal aim for oatmeal?
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, oh yeah, this is this is yeah,
this is part of the ritual.
Speaker 1: It's nice this. I actually got to say this is
a good podcast material.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, what's next on the list?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 6: Wings? Wings of a bat?
Speaker 2: Oh okay, they're gonna say like Paul McCartney. All right, yeah,
got those?
Speaker 1: Al right, wings of a bat?
Speaker 6: Uh witch's armpit hair? Does anyone have the armpit hair
of a witch?
Speaker 2: I actually just got a fresh stock of those from
the grocery this weekend, So yeah, I got that right
here in this classic baggy.
Speaker 6: Okay, Blood of a goat? Okay, sure you guys have
read revelations. Goats are big. No, it was a big
goat time back then. So yeah, we gotta have some blood.
Speaker 3: Of think we have some in the fridge. Actually, hold
let me chick, Yeah, go ahead and run.
Speaker 1: Get that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, all right, blood of a cock. But the blood
of a cock? Do we have a cock anywhere?
Speaker 4: I think I'm gonna need you to be.
Speaker 2: A little bit more specific because that could go one
of two ways, and one of us is gonna have
a real bad time if it goes the one direction
that I'm thinking it is.
Speaker 1: We're talking chicken.
Speaker 6: Took a chicken?
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, Actually we have also some of that in
the fridge.
Speaker 2: Yes, we have a fresh We have an old bucket
of KFC and I asked for an extra air, so
you you should be able to squeeze a couple drops.
Speaker 1: Out of that. Okay, there's that.
Speaker 6: The Ashes of Barbatos, the Duke of Hell.
Speaker 4: Wait, Ashes, God, I got that one wrong, Kyle.
Speaker 2: Kyle sent me the list before I got ashes from Barbados.
I'm oh, that's my that'll work. That'll work, okay, all right,
tossing it in. Yeah, he's the expert, Chris. You gotta
trust him on this one.
Speaker 6: The Diary of a Priest.
Speaker 2: Gotta say, of all the evil things that we had
to get, this one was the most cursed and evil.
I do not read it, trust me. I'm just gonna
toss it in there.
Speaker 6: You need about ten Do we need ten dreadstalkers?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 6: Do we have ten dreadstalkers? Some soul rot?
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, sol rot?
Speaker 4: Yeah, pick that up from underneath the our foundation. A
big problem, A lot of rot down there.
Speaker 6: Do we have any demonic strength harnessed from a torsand
it's like a centaur, but but backwards.
Speaker 2: Definitely, definitely have demonic strength. I collected some of the
sweat off of the bench this morning after my workout.
Uh huh, And technically I am part torsand you are well,
I mean you know I have the hoves.
Speaker 6: Oh oh yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I see it now.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I it was imagining because the opposite of a centaur
would be the body of a human and a head
of a horse.
Speaker 1: So yeah, well, I mean I have the horror, you know.
Speaker 2: Close enough to the family of Yeah, it's close enough.
My first cousin is a torsand okay, all.
Speaker 6: Right, Uh we need three hand of Gouldan's.
Speaker 2: I only found one Gouldan and he only had obviously
two hands, so I got two hands of Gouldon. Can
we get like a hand of Juliani or Guzman.
Speaker 6: Yeah, do you have a Jerry? A hand of a
Jerry would work.
Speaker 2: Okay, we could find a Jerry. Actually, I think my
next door neighbor is Jerry. I will be right back.
I'm gonna go get a hand of a Jerry.
Speaker 1: So, Kyle's what do you do for fun?
Speaker 6: I don't have fun. Bun's not cool? Oh okay, I
worship the dark. That's what I do for quote fun.
Speaker 1: Okay, back with the head of Jerry. Thank god? Uh cool?
Speaker 4: What did I just walk back in on?
Speaker 1: That was you? Guys.
Speaker 2: We're making an intense eye contact. Yeah, Kyle's a stare.
Oh okay, I like to watch all right, moving on?
Speaker 1: What's next?
Speaker 6: One more thing, and it's the most important. The scrotum
of a virgin.
Speaker 2: Oh, Chris looking at you? Yeah, Chris, Well I'm looking
at Kyle. No, no, are you kidding?
Speaker 1: Man? Who did you have sex with? I?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 6: Yeah, well, you know I have a girlfriend. You haven't
met her yet. She doesn't live here. She lives in
another town in Canada.
Speaker 1: You see that, Chris. Okay, he's been around. What's her name?
Speaker 6: Her name is, you know, Janine. That's a perfectly real
name that human women have them, Kyle.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so Chris, I think.
Speaker 2: Chris, we're gonna need your We're gonna need your scrout Chris. Well,
how I mean, best guess we've got the water up
to a decent level in the cauldron. I think if
you just straddled the top of the pot and then
just kind of sat down into it, you know, I
think if it as long as it makes contact, that's
all we need.
Speaker 6: Right, Yeah, yeah, I guess we don't have to take
it off of you, just you know, like get screwed.
Speaker 1: Bag it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, exactly, t bag the cauldron.
Speaker 2: Just be careful because the rim of the cauldron looks
really slippery, so falling slippery.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, uh well it's actually oh my god,
he just slipped inside.
Speaker 4: Dude, I don't see the water boiling it?
Speaker 6: Did you see him?
Speaker 4: Oh he's slashed.
Speaker 6: We gotta let's let's start it wett to start the process.
All right?
Speaker 7: Ready, okay, all right, what do we do?
Speaker 1: Please come to us? Do?
Speaker 6: I say, won't you come?
Speaker 1: My heart?
Speaker 6: I top hey, George, Oi wild doc both yeaes si
you know bls a bubb's language.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean we were kind of upset whenever the
star Trek fans took it over.
Speaker 4: But you know it's it's whatever. At least it's being used.
Speaker 6: All right, h It's okay, Okay, it's working. It's working.
Speaker 8: Uh, say your prayers, little one. Don't forget my son
to include everyone. Fuck you in warm within, keep you
free from sins. Here till the Sandman he comes. Sleep
with one eye open, slipping your pillow. Light it light,
enter night. Oh, take my hand to Never you have
to never never land.
Speaker 4: And oh my god, it's he's coming.
Speaker 1: He's here. He's here, neighbor. Oh, what is wrong with him?
And that does not look right? Oh my god, Kyle,
what's going on?
Speaker 7: Kyle?
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 6: This is the first time I've done this.
Speaker 7: Kyle.
Speaker 1: You said you were a master at this times.
Speaker 6: No, I'm just timing by him on the party planning committee.
Speaker 1: Kyle, what we know?
Speaker 6: I just I just I come back.
Speaker 7: It's tired.
Speaker 6: I'm like, do is get get cups and cops. That's
all I got. I just wanted to do something, Nicole.
Speaker 1: Her dam it, Kyle, what if we do?
Speaker 8: Guy's melting, his eyeballs are ripping and exciting out and
over and over.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Oh my god, what did I do?
Speaker 7: Mom?
Speaker 1: Kyle relaxed?
Speaker 7: Guy? What death?
Speaker 6: Man? I was just in it to trying to get
a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Wait, what about Janine? What happened to Janine? Johnny was
a lie? My god?
Speaker 2: Come, oh my god. Look he's growing.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, he's like a hundred feet high.
Speaker 1: Hey, all right, I s's.
Speaker 8: Five bundred feet Oh no, he's He's collapsing.
Speaker 6: In on itself.
Speaker 1: It's like the big bang, dude.
Speaker 4: It's okay, good lord, what I do? Oh?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it just blew up. It just crap everywhere.
Speaker 6: Oh god, well, oh I am so sorry, man, sorry.
Speaker 1: Mine god.
Speaker 4: It looks like there's something on the ground that might
be Chris.
Speaker 6: Oh shoot, hey, man, are you okay?
Speaker 1: It's rising? Hey? Oh that isn't Chris? Is that you?
Speaker 6: Are you all right?
Speaker 1: Chris? Are you okay? Hey? Hey Chris?
Speaker 6: What's going on?
Speaker 2: Man?
Speaker 1: Are you around Chris?
Speaker 6: What not?
Speaker 5: Chris?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 6: If you're not Chris, then you are?
Speaker 1: You look like Chris? You only Chris. You act like Chris.
I'm di Chris.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, Oh my god, we really fuck this
one up.
Speaker 1: You wanted Chris.
Speaker 2: I am the all powerful anti Chris.
Speaker 6: I wanted. Okay, anti christ, I gave you the anti Chris.
That seems pretty close.
Speaker 1: It's a c on your s.
Speaker 4: What what's silence?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: Well? Now what so you typically when you say silence,
if you follow it up with like a command or
some statement, you're just here just telling society.
Speaker 4: Sounds like okay, all right, shut up?
Speaker 1: Okay? What what now?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 6: Are you a messiah or like?
Speaker 1: I have all powers? All powers? What is that? All powers?
What do you want? Flights? I don't know.
Speaker 4: Show me that you can fly? You just jumped?
Speaker 1: Yeah a long time. No, it's a pretty short amount
of time. Here's a long jump. There was not much
hang time.
Speaker 6: Uh, Cla Clayton. I think I think I can let
me try to control them.
Speaker 4: Okay, go ahead, No way, you can control me?
Speaker 6: Rum movie?
Speaker 1: What you want? What do you want? That works? Kidding?
Speaker 4: Psch oh kn't control me?
Speaker 1: Okay, got it?
Speaker 2: So the anti Chris seems to just be Chris, but
like with a bad attitude.
Speaker 1: So well, I can also do powers like you said,
you said, you've already said that. We've been through this.
Speaker 2: Uh, show me super strength, show me a feet of
super strength?
Speaker 1: Anti Chris, Kyle, your arm wrestle.
Speaker 6: Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 1: Okay, bring it on, bitch, all right?
Speaker 6: Go. I see your right hand is also your strongest arm.
Speaker 2: You guys haven't moved. There's been no progress. It has
not moved an inch. You guys are just shaking.
Speaker 5: Really hard.
Speaker 1: At this point. I'm just worried that one of you
is gonna break your hand. Wow.
Speaker 2: Uh, the anti Chris did in fact win. I don't
know if that would be super strength though, because that
took a long time.
Speaker 1: Well I won, okay, didn't it fair? Yeah? Shut up?
All right? What other testaments of my strength do you want?
Or you're asking me?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know, Chris. Uh, what's something that you
can do? You know that's going to just prove that
you're super evil? You know, give me, give me something
really evil. I want to see some evil stuff, hey, Kyle.
Speaker 6: Yeah, shut up. Okay, that's that's not I mean, that's
that's it's not very You could have done that before. Yeah,
it's true, it's not really a new power.
Speaker 2: I don't know, Chris. Uh, I mean, Anti Chris. What's
your favorite band?
Speaker 1: Can Park? Okay? All right?
Speaker 6: Oh man, this cauldron is what happened? Did you dude, Chris,
did you eat the hamster?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: It's pretty metal.
Speaker 2: It seems as though the anti Chris is just the
evil version of Chris. But because Chris is just so
plain in vanilla, the opposite of him is just also whatever.
Speaker 1: You know? Shut up?
Speaker 4: Okay, all right, thank you Anti Chris.
Speaker 1: I don't have to listen to you, guys. Okay, all right,
bye Anti Chris.
Speaker 2: Kyle you you have said goodbye several times.
Speaker 1: Leave Anti Chris. Oh my god.
Speaker 4: Okay, we're gonna wrap this thing up.
Speaker 1: Kyle.
Speaker 2: I am not giving you your full payment. The terrible job,
awful job. Now I got to bring back Chris through
Anti Chris. I don't know how that's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: Not gonna be easy. You're you are still here.
Speaker 4: You've been telling me that you're gonna leave, but you're
still here, Anti Chris.
Speaker 1: I don't want to leave now.
Speaker 6: Can you just just just don't tell my mom or dad?
Speaker 1: Please?
Speaker 6: I can't get crounded again.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, they're gonna know. They're gonna find out about
this because you did a terrible job. All right, Well, guys,
thanks for listening to another episode of Good Morning from Hell.
If you want to follow us on social media? Anti Chris,
where should they go? Maybe they shouldn't follow us at
at morning from hell you don't know you Okay, but
you just said the name of it implying that you
do want them to follow us up. Okay, thank you, Chris,
Anti Chris, Okay, yeah, I got it. Hey, guys, just
a side step, a little bit of a speed bump.
Morgan seven still on, We're still I'm feeling good. We're
gonna win. We'll we'll find out next week. I'm sure
we're gonna have a really good battle plan.
Speaker 1: Ready to go, Hail Clayton.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Brandon Farmahiny for coming on as Kyle.
Speaker 7: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Great to have you back on.
Speaker 4: Where can people find more of you?
Speaker 6: You can go to Twitter uh and my link tree
is there. The's twitter dot com slash mister Farmahini. You
can also catch my podcast Wrong Side of Thirty.
Speaker 1: Which it is. I love that podcast.
Speaker 3: It's if you're anywhere close to the age of thirty,
you should absolutely listen to it. Super relatable and very funny.
We've had all We've had all everyone from the show
on at different times, all great episodes, So definitely go
check it out. To search for Wrong Side.
Speaker 6: It's okay.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, okay, okay, maybe not from the creator.
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, just search for wrong Side of thirty where
we listen to podcasts and Google Listen and subscribe. Yeah
all right, thank you, Brandon, No problem,