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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the two seventeen Recovery Podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>If you don't make mistakes, you won't learn. With your

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<v Speaker 2>host Corey Winfield, you know, there was a reason why

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<v Speaker 2>that didn't work out, and you can look back at

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<v Speaker 2>it and go, yep, I'm glad that didn't work out

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<v Speaker 2>how I wanted it, because I would have been got

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<v Speaker 2>your ass. It is the first of September twenty twenty five.

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<v Speaker 2>My name's Corey Winfield, and this is the two seventeen

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<v Speaker 2>Recovery Podcast. A very special guest in the studio with

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<v Speaker 2>me today, Kents and Gore. Corey, how you doing. You're

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<v Speaker 2>doing well?

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<v Speaker 1>Man.

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<v Speaker 2>I always have to say people's names like that, Kits

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<v Speaker 2>and Gore. No, dude, you're back in Traverse City. What look,

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<v Speaker 2>you're in studio, like you're at the office studio. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>what the hell? You don't live here? You're not from here?

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<v Speaker 2>What are you doing on vacation? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, man, whenever I got out of recovery,

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<v Speaker 3>out of rehab in recovery, I was like, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>I have to come back up here. You know, ever,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, at least.

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<v Speaker 2>Once, if not more than more than that. Yeah, just

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<v Speaker 2>because it was a place where you found help and

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<v Speaker 2>good things happen here for you, like you'll always love

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<v Speaker 2>the city.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, man, I love it. I mean it's it's been

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<v Speaker 3>amazing for me.

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<v Speaker 2>Amazing. Now let's talk about how you got to Traverse City.

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<v Speaker 2>So I tell my story first. So I was sitting

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<v Speaker 2>at home and I got a text from my sister

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<v Speaker 2>in law. Hey, it might have been a call, I

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<v Speaker 2>can't remember, but yeah, So my sister in law, she's

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<v Speaker 2>married to my brother Travis, and it's your sister Kendra,

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<v Speaker 2>who love her and you And this is kind of crazy.

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<v Speaker 2>I was thinking about this morning. You benefited from me

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<v Speaker 2>being drunk, do you know that? Because all the shit

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<v Speaker 2>that I had to go through, like, and your sister

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<v Speaker 2>saw it, you know, she saw me struggle and just

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<v Speaker 2>kind of I don't know what she thought about or

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<v Speaker 2>what was going on in her head then, but then

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<v Speaker 2>to have you all of a sudden maybe had a

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<v Speaker 2>little problem or something. You get into it now.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, So I honestly did not think I had a

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<v Speaker 3>drinking problem at all.

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<v Speaker 2>Most people don't, not at all.

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<v Speaker 3>But whenever my sister Kendra had told me, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>you don't look good. You need you need to get

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<v Speaker 3>you need to get serious help. And some people knew

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<v Speaker 3>that I was starting to look differently, and I was like,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, and that's the crazy thing with alcohol is

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<v Speaker 3>that it doesn't it doesn't tell you what you take,

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<v Speaker 3>what takes, what it's taken away from you. And it's

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<v Speaker 3>taken a lot away from me. I mean it started

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<v Speaker 3>with you know, I lost my dad back in twenty twenty,

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<v Speaker 3>and you know, that day it was just like, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't I didn't care about life, I didn't care

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<v Speaker 3>about about nothing at all, and I just just assumed.

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<v Speaker 3>That same night I got home from the hospital after

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<v Speaker 3>he passed, I just I went into my room, shut

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<v Speaker 3>the door, and I just I cranked out the bottle

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<v Speaker 3>and it just it was to the point where it's like,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, I just kept going and going, and it's like,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, one wasn't enough. I was like, well, let's

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<v Speaker 3>open up another one. Let's open up another one. And

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<v Speaker 3>then before you know, it was like maybe I want

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<v Speaker 3>to say, four or five am that next morning, and

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<v Speaker 3>I was passed out downstairs in the basement, and in

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<v Speaker 3>the basement and.

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<v Speaker 2>I was looking up. I was like, what in the

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<v Speaker 2>world am I doing? Down here. I thought I was upstairs.

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<v Speaker 2>No I was.

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<v Speaker 3>I was literally on the floor in the basement, and

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<v Speaker 3>I you know, went back upstairs and I looked in

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<v Speaker 3>my room and there was like alcohol cans galore, and

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, man, I was like I had it

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<v Speaker 3>was a rough time.

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<v Speaker 2>And you were a beer drinker, right, like you didn't

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<v Speaker 2>really mess with hard liquor or oh I it.

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<v Speaker 3>So I never really really drank alive. I never drank

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<v Speaker 3>beer like the like bud Light, Budweiser. I was never

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<v Speaker 3>any of you know, never drinking those. I might had

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<v Speaker 3>once once, uh maybe one or two every once a

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<v Speaker 3>bloom mom, but it was like more of the uh,

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<v Speaker 3>the sugary Mike's hard alcohol. And then it was always uh,

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<v Speaker 3>always hard liquor too yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>And I zeemas you might be too young for that.

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<v Speaker 2>But there was a drink back in the day where

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<v Speaker 2>it was it almost tasted like I don't want to

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<v Speaker 2>say it sprite, but but it was it was something

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<v Speaker 2>that did not taste like beer. And so like I

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<v Speaker 2>kind of when I was your age, kind of went

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<v Speaker 2>through that phase. And I always thought that if I

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<v Speaker 2>was drinking just beer or just those other little coop

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<v Speaker 2>wine cooler or whatever you want to call them drinks.

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<v Speaker 2>I couldn't an alcoholic. And because everybody knows that liquor

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<v Speaker 2>will do some damage to you. Everybody knows that, like

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<v Speaker 2>the hard liquor, like ooh, the one hundred and one

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<v Speaker 2>prove too. Like so when someone says to you, oh, well,

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<v Speaker 2>just stay off the liquor and you'll be fine, you think, oh, well,

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<v Speaker 2>that does make sense because I won't get as drunk

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<v Speaker 2>as quick now you and I, it doesn't matter, because

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<v Speaker 2>the end result is we are going to drink it

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<v Speaker 2>all as we can until we pass out, until we

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<v Speaker 2>fall asleep past it whatever, like that's end results. So

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<v Speaker 2>it doesn't matter if we start at six eight, we're

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<v Speaker 2>stopping at the same time. When we pass out, we

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<v Speaker 2>will cram much much as we can in there. So

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<v Speaker 2>like we're gonna drink the same amount, whether we drink

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<v Speaker 2>a pint or a half gallon or whatever before that,

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<v Speaker 2>Like your mission is getting blackout drunk. And you brought

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<v Speaker 2>up a good point that your father had passed. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>that hurt and that pain. How do you make it

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<v Speaker 2>go away? How do you make it just be numb?

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<v Speaker 2>Because you can't make a goal away. You can make

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<v Speaker 2>it numb, or at least attempt to. And alcohol seem

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<v Speaker 2>to be your friend with that, at least what you thought.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so I thought, and uh, that's what I had

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<v Speaker 3>always thought this, you know, the entire time during my

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<v Speaker 3>addiction with alcohol, it was like alcohol is my best friend.

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<v Speaker 2>It was.

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<v Speaker 3>It was a coping mechanism for me to get get through.

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<v Speaker 2>The hard days.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, even after months and you know, years of

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<v Speaker 3>my dad passing, it was still I always had to,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, go go drink, and I know, and then

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<v Speaker 3>a couple of months so in a couple of months

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<v Speaker 3>after I had my dad had passed, I commended a

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<v Speaker 3>h an incident where I was drinking driving and I

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<v Speaker 3>crashed into a sideswipe into someone's mailbox. Da'mon didn't even

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<v Speaker 3>know the person, and they had, uh had immediately called

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<v Speaker 3>the police. And I actually had took the meal off.

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<v Speaker 3>And this actually happened in my dad in the in

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<v Speaker 3>my dad's car, like it was. I was driving down

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<v Speaker 3>the road and I actually turned back around to go

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<v Speaker 3>pick up the mirror that fell off the car.

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<v Speaker 4>And and and I stopped and I picked up and

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<v Speaker 4>this guy was like wail in his hands He's like, hey, man,

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<v Speaker 4>you took out my mailbox. And he's like, I already

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<v Speaker 4>called the police and so and I had so I

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<v Speaker 4>knew I was going to be in trouble, but I

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<v Speaker 4>didn't know the extent of it because I was under

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<v Speaker 4>I was under the influence, of course. And so whenever

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<v Speaker 4>the police had shown up, they you know, they immediately knew.

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<v Speaker 2>Right off the bat.

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<v Speaker 3>Whenever I walked up to them and I was starting

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<v Speaker 3>to talk to him, giving them my my side of

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<v Speaker 3>the story, they had said, sir, you're drunk.

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<v Speaker 2>You' I can already tell you right now, you're drunk.

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<v Speaker 2>How much have you been drinking?

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, I don't know, and that's that, and

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<v Speaker 3>that's the exact way I responded, I don't know. I

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<v Speaker 3>just know I had some drinks, you know, before I

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<v Speaker 3>started driving. So they did, you know, the standards field

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<v Speaker 3>sobriety tests, they did all that, and they did the

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<v Speaker 3>break the laser and I blew. I want to say

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<v Speaker 3>it was too I want to say it was more

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<v Speaker 3>than twice the legal limit in the state of Michigan.

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<v Speaker 3>And they immediately slapped the cuffs on me, said you

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<v Speaker 3>know you're you're under arrest. And they took me to

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<v Speaker 3>the jail. And I went to the jail and they

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<v Speaker 3>got me booked in the in the police officer that

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<v Speaker 3>had actually arrested me knew a little bit about my family,

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<v Speaker 3>and he even told the officers at whenever at the

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<v Speaker 3>jail said, you know, he's in a rough spot right.

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<v Speaker 2>Now with losing his dad and just.

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<v Speaker 3>He's a good kid. Just take care of you know,

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<v Speaker 3>make sure that he's taking care of it in here.

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<v Speaker 3>And whenever I was sitting in the hold holding tank there,

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, I I never knew that this could happen.

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<v Speaker 3>I never knew it could happen. And I remember two people,

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<v Speaker 3>there's two other guys in the holding tank with me,

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<v Speaker 3>and they had said asked me what I was in

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<v Speaker 3>there for. I was like, I was drinking driving, and they,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, started to ask me, well, what did you Well,

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<v Speaker 3>I was like it was probably about well over two

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<v Speaker 3>times the legal limit in the state of Michigan. And

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<v Speaker 3>they just like were just shocked at that. And I

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<v Speaker 3>had h whenever I had went, uh, you know, got discharged,

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<v Speaker 3>I had went home that same night and I did

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<v Speaker 3>I got on a shoot. I did go back and

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<v Speaker 3>have a drink. But the next day I was like,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, I got to take a little hiatus from it.

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<v Speaker 3>And I had found a I found a bottle of

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<v Speaker 3>some whatever liquor I had at the time, and drop

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<v Speaker 3>and opened it up and I just immediately poured it

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<v Speaker 3>out because I knew that I was having to go

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<v Speaker 3>under some kind of probation or alcohol substance abuse classes,

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<v Speaker 3>and which in fact, thankfully I didn't have to have

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<v Speaker 3>any probation, but I did indeed have to go through

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<v Speaker 3>alcohol substance abuse classes and it was and it was

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<v Speaker 3>during COVID, so I didn't have to go to the

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<v Speaker 3>facility to go to do any of the classes. That

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<v Speaker 3>was just either over zoom or over the phone. And

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<v Speaker 3>that made it like to me, that made it like

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<v Speaker 3>almost was like defeating the purpose of even going through it,

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<v Speaker 3>because it's like, well, I could be, you know, be

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<v Speaker 3>on the phone talking to talking to the counselor, and

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<v Speaker 3>he doesn't even know what I'm doing. I can I

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<v Speaker 3>could be drinking, you know, while we're talking about you know,

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<v Speaker 3>talking about the absence of staying away from alcohol and

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<v Speaker 3>drug use. And so I had underwent that for I

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<v Speaker 3>want to say, I think it was like three months

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<v Speaker 3>I was in and that and that was back in

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<v Speaker 3>twenty twenty and they had uh or no, twenty twenty one,

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<v Speaker 3>I should say, and they had discharged me, and I

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<v Speaker 3>immediately went back to drinking. I was like, well, I

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<v Speaker 3>finished this. I can't believe I didn't, you know, to me,

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<v Speaker 3>it was almost like a reward that I completed. It,

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<v Speaker 3>completed something that was supposed to do because it was

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<v Speaker 3>either but I didn't complete it. I was gonna be

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<v Speaker 3>back in jail, and I completed it. And as soon

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<v Speaker 3>as I got discharged, I immediately just went back into

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<v Speaker 3>into drinking and that and I did not know how bad,

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<v Speaker 3>how bad I was, you know, an alcoholic, until I

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<v Speaker 3>get you know, started getting into recovery, which was you know,

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<v Speaker 3>back in November, whenever I was hospitalized for alcohol cirrhosis.

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<v Speaker 3>And that was and my sister has been my saving grace.

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<v Speaker 3>She knew that something was wrong and it was a couple, uh,

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<v Speaker 3>it was a couple of days prior to that. I

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<v Speaker 3>started noticing my body, you know, my demeanor and life

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<v Speaker 3>started changing a lot. And I noticed that my you know,

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<v Speaker 3>every my whole body was you know, not looking like

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<v Speaker 3>it should you know, and my sister. As a matter

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<v Speaker 3>of fact, I was actually going to the grocery store

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<v Speaker 3>for my for my mother, and my aunt Sheila had

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<v Speaker 3>called me and had told me, you know, asked me,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, how are you doing? You're holding up, and

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<v Speaker 3>he told me that you don't ask, you know, saying that,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, telling me that my mom had noticed that

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<v Speaker 3>I wasn't looking good and she had called my aunt

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<v Speaker 3>Sheila or had texted her pictures of how badly swollen

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<v Speaker 3>my legs and feet were from the fluid that I

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<v Speaker 3>was retaining, and so I told her. I was like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>I know I need I'm I'm gonna go get checked out,

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<v Speaker 3>which I wasn't really thinking about getting checked out. I

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<v Speaker 3>almost wanted to put it back on the backshelf. And

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<v Speaker 3>because it was like I didn't know what.

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<v Speaker 2>Was going to happen. And how old are you? I

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<v Speaker 2>am thirty, just turned thirty one, and yeah, so you're

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<v Speaker 2>way too young to have a problem, right, Yeah, did

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<v Speaker 2>you still think that like, oh, like, oh I drunk,

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<v Speaker 2>I drove drunk, so oops, that wasn't and that was

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<v Speaker 2>a mistake. So like your punishment was like don't drive drunk,

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<v Speaker 2>like or that was your they wanted to get out

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00:14:34.840 --> 00:14:38.200
<v Speaker 2>of your punishment for you to realize, don't drive drunk. Unfortunately,

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00:14:38.240 --> 00:14:40.279
<v Speaker 2>when we're drunk, a lot of times we don't remember

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00:14:40.320 --> 00:14:42.879
<v Speaker 2>and we don't think clearly. Yeah, so that's the whole

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00:14:42.919 --> 00:14:44.879
<v Speaker 2>problem with it. But so like I could see where

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00:14:44.919 --> 00:14:46.519
<v Speaker 2>you would have went through that and be like, all right, cool,

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00:14:46.679 --> 00:14:48.559
<v Speaker 2>I am never getting behind the if I'm drinking, I'm

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00:14:48.559 --> 00:14:50.399
<v Speaker 2>not drying, like I'm putting my foot down, like I

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00:14:50.440 --> 00:14:53.879
<v Speaker 2>could see myself doing some kind of like thing like that, Like, no,

253
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<v Speaker 2>drinking is the problem, but I'm not gonna mess with that.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just gonna not drink and drive because that's the problem.

255
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<v Speaker 2>That it's not the alcohol is the problem, that's what.

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<v Speaker 2>And you said it earlier too, like you didn't even

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<v Speaker 2>know you had a problem. And that's what is so

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<v Speaker 2>hard about alcohol because it tricks you. And when it

259
00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:12.320
<v Speaker 2>starts taking things away from your life, friends, family, jobs, money, whatever,

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<v Speaker 2>that's fine. I didn't need it anyway. I don't even

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<v Speaker 2>like that guy. I don't even like her. You start

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<v Speaker 2>going up because you got your bottle right here, as

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<v Speaker 2>long as you got some zeros or some not zeros,

264
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<v Speaker 2>but you got some numbers in your bank account, you

265
00:15:22.279 --> 00:15:25.840
<v Speaker 2>go get some more of them, and so it's fine.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't need the girlfriend. I don't I don't even

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<v Speaker 2>need cable, I don't need lights, I don't need anything like.

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00:15:29.279 --> 00:15:31.039
<v Speaker 2>I can live without it. And you start to adapt

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<v Speaker 2>to it. And it's the weirdest, craziest thing where if

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<v Speaker 2>you would have asked me if I was when I

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<v Speaker 2>was sixteen seventeen, hey, do you want to live in

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<v Speaker 2>your car? Then that sounds fun? I say no, Hey,

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<v Speaker 2>do you want to like alienate your whole family and

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<v Speaker 2>have people hate you? No, well, that's what's gonna happen

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<v Speaker 2>because you like alcohol. You know, if it would have

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<v Speaker 2>been in I guess explain to me. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think I would have listened to it. Alcohol

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<v Speaker 2>is so powerful, it really is, like really is what

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<v Speaker 2>other hand you a brownie right now and say if

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<v Speaker 2>you eat this, it's gonna kill you. You probably wouldn't eat it,

281
00:16:06.440 --> 00:16:09.320
<v Speaker 2>oh god, But I can hand you a bottle and go, hey, drink,

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<v Speaker 2>that's gonna kill you? What like you my ass? Well,

283
00:16:13.320 --> 00:16:17.279
<v Speaker 2>just give me a couple more or two. But that's yeah,

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00:16:17.279 --> 00:16:19.399
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't kill you today. Well, alkohol can kill you today.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, yeah, definitely.

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00:16:20.799 --> 00:16:23.720
<v Speaker 3>And even the doctors had even telling me whenever I

287
00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:28.159
<v Speaker 3>got hospitalized with the cirosis back in November, see that

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00:16:28.360 --> 00:16:32.279
<v Speaker 3>day that I had, you know, finally threw in the towel,

289
00:16:32.360 --> 00:16:35.200
<v Speaker 3>I was, you know, I went to the to the

290
00:16:35.240 --> 00:16:38.480
<v Speaker 3>walk and clink and they actually referred me over to

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00:16:38.519 --> 00:16:42.960
<v Speaker 3>the emergency room and they ran blood test and they

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00:16:43.039 --> 00:16:46.720
<v Speaker 3>ran you know, an ultrasound and and they did a

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00:16:46.759 --> 00:16:49.879
<v Speaker 3>couple other couple of other tests just to make you know,

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<v Speaker 3>see what was what was the problem. And you know,

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00:16:55.080 --> 00:16:58.399
<v Speaker 3>they told me that you're is there's something wrong with

296
00:16:58.440 --> 00:17:01.080
<v Speaker 3>your liver and it's not function and like it should.

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<v Speaker 2>So when they told you that, I'm gonna stop it here.

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00:17:02.879 --> 00:17:05.000
<v Speaker 2>When they told you that, did you believe them or

299
00:17:05.039 --> 00:17:07.079
<v Speaker 2>did you think they were trying to ruin your fun?

300
00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:09.200
<v Speaker 2>Or were you just like, oh shit.

301
00:17:09.599 --> 00:17:14.920
<v Speaker 3>I was thinking like whenever they told me that, at first,

302
00:17:14.960 --> 00:17:17.920
<v Speaker 3>I didn't want to believe them, Yeah, because it was

303
00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:22.799
<v Speaker 3>like I never thought that, you know, it.

304
00:17:21.839 --> 00:17:25.559
<v Speaker 2>Could ever happen to me, not even forty yet yet.

305
00:17:25.720 --> 00:17:28.880
<v Speaker 2>I mean maybe now I would think maybe if I

306
00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:34.319
<v Speaker 2>got was older and I was experiencing these symptoms.

307
00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:36.799
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I most likely would believe them. But you know,

308
00:17:37.160 --> 00:17:39.960
<v Speaker 3>like everyone says, you're too young to be going through

309
00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:44.240
<v Speaker 3>all this. You're only thirty one and you and knew,

310
00:17:44.279 --> 00:17:50.039
<v Speaker 3>now how have sorrhosis. And whenever they told me that,

311
00:17:50.880 --> 00:17:54.000
<v Speaker 3>I was like almost didn't really want to believe them.

312
00:17:54.480 --> 00:17:57.839
<v Speaker 3>And then they start asking me questions about the alcohol

313
00:17:58.480 --> 00:18:00.880
<v Speaker 3>and how much you drank, and I was like, well,

314
00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:05.279
<v Speaker 3>if I had to be honest, there's there. I don't

315
00:18:05.279 --> 00:18:08.960
<v Speaker 3>have an exact number, and they're like, well, just give

316
00:18:09.039 --> 00:18:14.279
<v Speaker 3>us one. I was like, well, maybe maybe three or four,

317
00:18:15.319 --> 00:18:19.640
<v Speaker 3>five six tall boys and maybe a fifth fit the vodka,

318
00:18:20.799 --> 00:18:23.759
<v Speaker 3>maybe maybe even a half gollon.

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00:18:24.200 --> 00:18:27.240
<v Speaker 2>So you're honest with them, Yeah, I was. I was

320
00:18:27.680 --> 00:18:29.039
<v Speaker 2>brutally honest with them.

321
00:18:29.200 --> 00:18:32.640
<v Speaker 3>And they said and so they had to admit me

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00:18:32.759 --> 00:18:38.960
<v Speaker 3>to another hospital to undergo all these you know, to

323
00:18:39.039 --> 00:18:44.480
<v Speaker 3>undergo everything else with my health. And they said, you know,

324
00:18:44.759 --> 00:18:48.279
<v Speaker 3>told me that if you take one more sip of alcohol,

325
00:18:48.759 --> 00:18:52.160
<v Speaker 3>even like a drink sip, doesn't even matter how much

326
00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:59.319
<v Speaker 3>you have, it's your five years tops of you survival.

327
00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:03.759
<v Speaker 3>And I was in the hospital and I was and

328
00:19:04.200 --> 00:19:09.559
<v Speaker 3>that absolutely scared me, terrified me. Whenever they were telling

329
00:19:09.599 --> 00:19:13.079
<v Speaker 3>me that you're gonna you will die if you do

330
00:19:13.200 --> 00:19:18.079
<v Speaker 3>not stop drinking. And I just you know, stay, you know,

331
00:19:18.200 --> 00:19:22.079
<v Speaker 3>laid there. It's like, you know, do I keep going

332
00:19:22.279 --> 00:19:25.480
<v Speaker 3>with what I with what I've been accustomed to and

333
00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:28.680
<v Speaker 3>with everything for you know, for the rest of my life,

334
00:19:28.799 --> 00:19:33.759
<v Speaker 3>or do I take that step forward and and cry,

335
00:19:33.960 --> 00:19:35.440
<v Speaker 3>you know, say I need help?

336
00:19:36.400 --> 00:19:39.079
<v Speaker 2>And I I do. And I still remember to this

337
00:19:39.480 --> 00:19:40.160
<v Speaker 2>to this day.

338
00:19:40.240 --> 00:19:44.440
<v Speaker 3>In the hospital that you know, my sister Kender actually

339
00:19:44.519 --> 00:19:47.079
<v Speaker 3>had reached out to you and we started talking about

340
00:19:47.880 --> 00:19:51.599
<v Speaker 3>about it, and uh, you know, that's whenever I said

341
00:19:51.640 --> 00:19:54.839
<v Speaker 3>I wanted to get help, I really wanted to get help.

342
00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:56.559
<v Speaker 2>And for me, it was important for you to get

343
00:19:56.559 --> 00:19:58.720
<v Speaker 2>the hell out of south West Michigan. Not that there's

344
00:19:58.839 --> 00:20:01.960
<v Speaker 2>places that aren't good in southw Michigan, but my path

345
00:20:02.359 --> 00:20:04.880
<v Speaker 2>was through the south Southwest Michigan. And going to a

346
00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:07.720
<v Speaker 2>treatment center is like a class reunion, you know, and

347
00:20:07.759 --> 00:20:10.240
<v Speaker 2>there's people there that I can't open up and be

348
00:20:10.319 --> 00:20:13.119
<v Speaker 2>honest because that guy knows me, These people know me

349
00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:15.319
<v Speaker 2>that there's just too many people that know me. I

350
00:20:15.359 --> 00:20:17.160
<v Speaker 2>had to go to a kind of like you. And

351
00:20:17.160 --> 00:20:18.279
<v Speaker 2>then that's why I was like, you got to get

352
00:20:18.319 --> 00:20:19.799
<v Speaker 2>him out of there, like get him up here where

353
00:20:19.799 --> 00:20:21.640
<v Speaker 2>you can walk into a place where you know nobody.

354
00:20:22.000 --> 00:20:24.000
<v Speaker 2>You don't have to sell anything to this guy, to

355
00:20:24.039 --> 00:20:25.880
<v Speaker 2>that guy. You're just there being you, trying to get help,

356
00:20:26.240 --> 00:20:28.599
<v Speaker 2>you know, And I think that really makes a difference,

357
00:20:28.839 --> 00:20:31.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, just to know that nobody in there is

358
00:20:31.240 --> 00:20:32.440
<v Speaker 2>going to come in and know you, and by the

359
00:20:32.480 --> 00:20:35.960
<v Speaker 2>time you're in there uncomfortable, you probably welcome somebody and hey,

360
00:20:35.960 --> 00:20:38.119
<v Speaker 2>come on in. I hope somebody does come from Southwest Michigan,

361
00:20:38.119 --> 00:20:41.480
<v Speaker 2>because that's great. Yeah, at first, it can be scary.

362
00:20:41.839 --> 00:20:43.319
<v Speaker 2>Who's going to know me, Who's going to tell this

363
00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:45.279
<v Speaker 2>Who's going to be saying I was here?

364
00:20:45.359 --> 00:20:50.160
<v Speaker 3>You know, like yeah, And that's the other other thing too,

365
00:20:50.319 --> 00:20:55.039
<v Speaker 3>is like at first I was like kind of going

366
00:20:55.079 --> 00:20:57.720
<v Speaker 3>back and forth, like well, do I need to shit?

367
00:20:57.880 --> 00:20:59.039
<v Speaker 2>Do I say?

368
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<v Speaker 3>You know, I wanted to get help, but I didn't

369
00:21:02.599 --> 00:21:06.720
<v Speaker 3>know how to get the help because I was always

370
00:21:06.759 --> 00:21:13.240
<v Speaker 3>so close to Southwest Michigan, and to be honest, I did,

371
00:21:13.440 --> 00:21:15.279
<v Speaker 3>you know, I looked around and see if there was

372
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<v Speaker 3>even anything down Southwest Michigan.

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<v Speaker 2>And there there was.

374
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<v Speaker 3>But I also wanted to put it, you know, take

375
00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:30.559
<v Speaker 3>what you had said to Kendra, and wanted to go

376
00:21:30.759 --> 00:21:35.400
<v Speaker 3>somewhere far away, somewhere, you know where, Like you said,

377
00:21:35.559 --> 00:21:38.480
<v Speaker 3>people don't know me. And whenever I got up here

378
00:21:38.880 --> 00:21:43.079
<v Speaker 3>and got into the in the rehab, people did not

379
00:21:43.240 --> 00:21:46.480
<v Speaker 3>know me. They asked they asked, me, well, where are

380
00:21:46.519 --> 00:21:49.359
<v Speaker 3>you from? And you came all the way up here?

381
00:21:50.519 --> 00:21:54.720
<v Speaker 3>And I was I was like, yeah, it's you know,

382
00:21:55.240 --> 00:21:59.799
<v Speaker 3>and I and I remember in rehabit and whenever I

383
00:21:59.839 --> 00:22:05.440
<v Speaker 3>was and rehab back in uh was it December? Actually

384
00:22:05.480 --> 00:22:08.039
<v Speaker 3>I was in. I was in there for Christmas and

385
00:22:08.119 --> 00:22:08.519
<v Speaker 3>there for.

386
00:22:08.559 --> 00:22:11.759
<v Speaker 2>The New Year. Just got got out just a few

387
00:22:11.799 --> 00:22:15.720
<v Speaker 2>days after the New Year. And there was a guy.

388
00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:22.119
<v Speaker 3>There was a a guy in there, and I, you know, I,

389
00:22:22.519 --> 00:22:25.599
<v Speaker 3>you know, I I wanted to wanted to make an

390
00:22:25.640 --> 00:22:30.440
<v Speaker 3>impact on people in there and let them know that

391
00:22:30.519 --> 00:22:32.799
<v Speaker 3>they're not alone, and you know, kind of you know,

392
00:22:32.920 --> 00:22:36.480
<v Speaker 3>try and ease my way into talking to them about well,

393
00:22:36.920 --> 00:22:38.799
<v Speaker 3>what where are you going through?

394
00:22:38.920 --> 00:22:39.079
<v Speaker 1>Wait?

395
00:22:39.240 --> 00:22:41.839
<v Speaker 3>Where are you from? I had there was a guy

396
00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:45.400
<v Speaker 3>that was there and he came all the way from

397
00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:50.160
<v Speaker 3>South Carolina and I was like, you came all the

398
00:22:50.200 --> 00:22:53.279
<v Speaker 3>way from South Carolina. And I can't I can't hardly

399
00:22:53.319 --> 00:22:58.279
<v Speaker 3>remember the the extent of how of the conversation or

400
00:22:58.319 --> 00:23:00.000
<v Speaker 3>how far the conversation.

401
00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:01.559
<v Speaker 2>She went, but.

402
00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:07.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it was he told me he came from South Carolina.

403
00:23:07.240 --> 00:23:11.119
<v Speaker 3>And even I was even in shocked by some of

404
00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:14.359
<v Speaker 3>the peep some of the people in there. Like whenever

405
00:23:14.400 --> 00:23:17.839
<v Speaker 3>I first got up into into the facility, I was

406
00:23:18.119 --> 00:23:23.279
<v Speaker 3>probably I was thirty. Whenever got up there and I

407
00:23:23.359 --> 00:23:27.240
<v Speaker 3>had I looked around and it was all of these

408
00:23:27.279 --> 00:23:27.799
<v Speaker 3>old people.

409
00:23:27.839 --> 00:23:30.000
<v Speaker 2>I was like, wow. I was like, I was like,

410
00:23:30.119 --> 00:23:34.880
<v Speaker 2>I hope I'm not. I hope I'm not the I'm not.

411
00:23:34.920 --> 00:23:38.200
<v Speaker 2>I hope I'm not the only you know, I guess

412
00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:44.160
<v Speaker 2>I would say, young stud in there, what's old to you? Well,

413
00:23:47.160 --> 00:23:52.240
<v Speaker 2>but now it's he's thirty one, you know, everybody's old.

414
00:23:53.279 --> 00:23:56.440
<v Speaker 3>Well I'm like, I said, you know, just turned thirty one.

415
00:23:56.519 --> 00:23:59.079
<v Speaker 3>And I always tell the people ask me, well how

416
00:23:59.119 --> 00:24:02.839
<v Speaker 3>old are you? I'm thirty one, but my back feels

417
00:24:02.880 --> 00:24:08.640
<v Speaker 3>like it's seventy five. My But now, whenever I first

418
00:24:08.680 --> 00:24:12.359
<v Speaker 3>got up in the rehabit was like I looked around

419
00:24:12.440 --> 00:24:21.359
<v Speaker 3>and it was like these older people were were looked

420
00:24:21.480 --> 00:24:27.720
<v Speaker 3>crazy to me. They obviously yeah, they they look like

421
00:24:28.240 --> 00:24:30.960
<v Speaker 3>and it's like, well, I looked like I was the

422
00:24:31.000 --> 00:24:36.279
<v Speaker 3>only normal one in there, And I was like, man, oh, man,

423
00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:38.279
<v Speaker 3>I was like, this is gonna be this, this is

424
00:24:38.319 --> 00:24:41.559
<v Speaker 3>gonna be interesting. But and all honestly, whenever I first

425
00:24:41.599 --> 00:24:43.839
<v Speaker 3>got there, I was like, I don't know how well

426
00:24:43.880 --> 00:24:44.920
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to do in here.

427
00:24:45.400 --> 00:24:47.240
<v Speaker 2>I remember Kendres said something like that, and I was like, no,

428
00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:47.920
<v Speaker 2>he'll be fine.

429
00:24:48.519 --> 00:24:52.720
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And but it it took it took me a

430
00:24:52.720 --> 00:24:55.720
<v Speaker 3>couple of days to realize where I was at and

431
00:24:55.759 --> 00:24:56.599
<v Speaker 3>what I was doing.

432
00:24:56.720 --> 00:24:58.839
<v Speaker 2>And the first time you went to treatment, oh yeah,

433
00:24:58.920 --> 00:25:01.440
<v Speaker 2>like an impatient fay, you know. And it can be

434
00:25:01.480 --> 00:25:04.799
<v Speaker 2>scary because it's when I first I'm like, oh my god,

435
00:25:04.839 --> 00:25:06.400
<v Speaker 2>what am I going to expect in the same thing man?

436
00:25:06.440 --> 00:25:09.559
<v Speaker 2>And then it was a guy that had it was crazy.

437
00:25:10.279 --> 00:25:11.799
<v Speaker 2>I had to leave. And I use that as an

438
00:25:11.839 --> 00:25:13.680
<v Speaker 2>excuse because I'm like, Nope, can't deal with that. He

439
00:25:13.799 --> 00:25:16.720
<v Speaker 2>was doing that with puppies and dogs. Don't want that. Nope,

440
00:25:16.720 --> 00:25:18.359
<v Speaker 2>don't even want around that, dude. I'm going home back

441
00:25:18.359 --> 00:25:20.279
<v Speaker 2>to Michigan because I was in California, so ickon. So

442
00:25:20.359 --> 00:25:22.400
<v Speaker 2>I know I know what you're talking about. And yeah,

443
00:25:22.440 --> 00:25:27.200
<v Speaker 2>people look crazy because they are, ah, but they're they're

444
00:25:27.240 --> 00:25:29.240
<v Speaker 2>good dudes. So I'm sure you found out by the

445
00:25:29.319 --> 00:25:31.440
<v Speaker 2>end of it you're like, oh crazy, times crazy, but

446
00:25:31.480 --> 00:25:34.440
<v Speaker 2>I love them. That's my guy, you know, like it's

447
00:25:34.640 --> 00:25:36.680
<v Speaker 2>a beautiful, beautiful thing. And when you let that guard

448
00:25:36.759 --> 00:25:38.519
<v Speaker 2>down and see people for who they are. And but

449
00:25:38.559 --> 00:25:40.480
<v Speaker 2>at first, it's scary when you go into a place

450
00:25:40.519 --> 00:25:42.519
<v Speaker 2>and at least you didn't have to have that like, oh,

451
00:25:42.599 --> 00:25:44.440
<v Speaker 2>someone's going to see me and tell people I'm here.

452
00:25:44.680 --> 00:25:46.960
<v Speaker 2>You were in a new place, which is scary and

453
00:25:46.960 --> 00:25:51.799
<v Speaker 2>a whole different light, but going in it and going

454
00:25:51.839 --> 00:25:54.720
<v Speaker 2>through it and seeing that, hey, this is all right.

455
00:25:54.759 --> 00:25:58.480
<v Speaker 2>So you're settling in everything's going on, and you start

456
00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:00.839
<v Speaker 2>to learn, like are you starting put things together when

457
00:26:00.880 --> 00:26:03.240
<v Speaker 2>you're in the treatment center? Yeah? Yeah.

458
00:26:03.279 --> 00:26:08.799
<v Speaker 3>So whenever I first started, uh in rehab, I didn't

459
00:26:08.799 --> 00:26:13.359
<v Speaker 3>know nothing about recovery. I didn't know like what recovery was.

460
00:26:15.319 --> 00:26:20.160
<v Speaker 3>I didn't know. And honestly, I found out things in

461
00:26:20.240 --> 00:26:24.759
<v Speaker 3>recovery and rehab that I didn't even know about myself.

462
00:26:26.039 --> 00:26:30.920
<v Speaker 3>And it was, you know, through through the therapy and

463
00:26:31.240 --> 00:26:36.480
<v Speaker 3>through talking to other people in there. And that's the

464
00:26:37.000 --> 00:26:41.319
<v Speaker 3>crazy thing about whenever you whenever you're so addicted to

465
00:26:41.359 --> 00:26:45.920
<v Speaker 3>alcohol for so long, it's like alcohol knew who you were.

466
00:26:46.799 --> 00:26:50.200
<v Speaker 3>It knew who you were because it knew what it

467
00:26:50.640 --> 00:26:55.200
<v Speaker 3>what it could take from you. But and then I

468
00:26:55.440 --> 00:27:00.519
<v Speaker 3>and I remember one of the uh, one of the navigaters,

469
00:27:01.000 --> 00:27:05.279
<v Speaker 3>and there he'd always told he would always say, whenever

470
00:27:05.359 --> 00:27:10.000
<v Speaker 3>you leave here, no matter, no matter, like as soon

471
00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:12.920
<v Speaker 3>as you walk out those walk out those doors to

472
00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:16.799
<v Speaker 3>lead to go home, or to go into sobriety living

473
00:27:16.920 --> 00:27:21.359
<v Speaker 3>or what whatever you plan on doing after you know,

474
00:27:21.440 --> 00:27:26.119
<v Speaker 3>rehab your addiction or what was trying to kill you,

475
00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:28.880
<v Speaker 3>is going to be out there doing the put doing

476
00:27:28.920 --> 00:27:34.240
<v Speaker 3>those push ups, doing doing those push ups, trying to strengthen,

477
00:27:34.440 --> 00:27:36.240
<v Speaker 3>to get you.

478
00:27:36.319 --> 00:27:41.160
<v Speaker 2>To to use them again. And I took that.

479
00:27:42.079 --> 00:27:45.599
<v Speaker 3>I took that, and I thought of it, and no

480
00:27:45.640 --> 00:27:48.920
<v Speaker 3>matter and everywhere I go now like even whenever.

481
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:50.039
<v Speaker 2>I walk out walk out of.

482
00:27:50.000 --> 00:27:54.759
<v Speaker 3>Here, it's I it's gonna be out there because there's

483
00:27:54.880 --> 00:27:59.680
<v Speaker 3>you know, there's liquor stores around. It's like, what that's

484
00:27:59.680 --> 00:28:03.079
<v Speaker 3>gonna what what is gonna The only thing, like, nothing's

485
00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:08.000
<v Speaker 3>going to stop me from from going to a liquor

486
00:28:08.000 --> 00:28:11.519
<v Speaker 3>store a gas station and buying buying a case of

487
00:28:11.559 --> 00:28:17.359
<v Speaker 3>beer or or a bottle of liquor. But with being

488
00:28:17.400 --> 00:28:22.480
<v Speaker 3>in recovery, it's I think of those think of those uh.

489
00:28:22.680 --> 00:28:27.599
<v Speaker 2>Coping mechanisms I've learned in there, and one of my

490
00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:34.160
<v Speaker 2>favorite ones is think about how far you've came in recovery.

491
00:28:35.240 --> 00:28:40.880
<v Speaker 2>And they've always said that I can't remember it now.

492
00:28:41.559 --> 00:28:47.960
<v Speaker 3>That's part about getting old, you forget stuff, obviously, but yeah,

493
00:28:48.039 --> 00:28:51.000
<v Speaker 3>recovery has been amazing, and I think what it was

494
00:28:51.079 --> 00:28:54.720
<v Speaker 3>is my favorite coping mechanism is you know, just you know,

495
00:28:54.839 --> 00:28:57.480
<v Speaker 3>thinking about how you how far you've made made it

496
00:28:57.519 --> 00:28:59.160
<v Speaker 3>into recovery, it'll.

497
00:28:58.839 --> 00:29:00.440
<v Speaker 2>Pop in your head that you can drink this weekend

498
00:29:00.440 --> 00:29:03.319
<v Speaker 2>and no one will know it will Now I feel

499
00:29:03.319 --> 00:29:06.039
<v Speaker 2>I have so much power over alcohol because I have

500
00:29:06.119 --> 00:29:08.440
<v Speaker 2>a choice. Today. I could go next door to the

501
00:29:08.440 --> 00:29:10.039
<v Speaker 2>store and get a case of beer and get drunk.

502
00:29:10.160 --> 00:29:12.160
<v Speaker 2>I'd get a fit whatever. I could do that today,

503
00:29:12.359 --> 00:29:14.480
<v Speaker 2>but I'm not going to ye I don't. I have

504
00:29:14.559 --> 00:29:16.119
<v Speaker 2>shit to do. I got a movie to make, I

505
00:29:16.119 --> 00:29:17.599
<v Speaker 2>got booked to write. I got so much stuff I

506
00:29:17.640 --> 00:29:19.880
<v Speaker 2>want to do. I don't have time for that. I

507
00:29:20.279 --> 00:29:23.359
<v Speaker 2>wasted enough time on the couch getting blitzed every single

508
00:29:23.480 --> 00:29:25.720
<v Speaker 2>night for fifteen twenty. I don't even remember how many

509
00:29:25.759 --> 00:29:28.240
<v Speaker 2>years it was. Stupid. The goals I have today, I

510
00:29:28.240 --> 00:29:31.160
<v Speaker 2>can show you that I have this big uh it's

511
00:29:31.640 --> 00:29:35.000
<v Speaker 2>what do they call them? Sound proofing boards? And I

512
00:29:35.000 --> 00:29:37.000
<v Speaker 2>don't even know what they're going. I ordered them, but

513
00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:39.079
<v Speaker 2>I made it a picture of my son and it

514
00:29:39.079 --> 00:29:41.559
<v Speaker 2>hangs over my desk. It's huge, it's big. I like that.

515
00:29:41.559 --> 00:29:44.279
<v Speaker 2>That's something that means something to me, you know, like

516
00:29:44.279 --> 00:29:45.960
<v Speaker 2>like that. I want to do something good for him.

517
00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:48.160
<v Speaker 2>I want him to look back after I'm dead and

518
00:29:48.200 --> 00:29:49.799
<v Speaker 2>gone and be like, my dad was a good dude

519
00:29:49.839 --> 00:29:52.480
<v Speaker 2>and he did something, you know, like I want to

520
00:29:52.480 --> 00:29:54.759
<v Speaker 2>make him proud, you know. That's that's what I live for.

521
00:29:54.839 --> 00:29:57.799
<v Speaker 2>And I want to make a movie. And I'm so

522
00:29:57.960 --> 00:29:59.640
<v Speaker 2>close to finishing writing it. And I was listening to

523
00:29:59.640 --> 00:30:02.480
<v Speaker 2>this podcast That's This Morning, and this guy hit it

524
00:30:02.559 --> 00:30:05.319
<v Speaker 2>right on the head. I'll start to write it and

525
00:30:05.359 --> 00:30:09.000
<v Speaker 2>I'll get it. But A, I don't have a deadline

526
00:30:09.000 --> 00:30:12.799
<v Speaker 2>set for myself. I need deadlines, and B even if

527
00:30:12.839 --> 00:30:14.720
<v Speaker 2>I get it finished, it's never gonna be good enough.

528
00:30:16.000 --> 00:30:17.599
<v Speaker 2>There's always something I'm gonna want to add to it.

529
00:30:17.640 --> 00:30:19.880
<v Speaker 2>So I don't think i'll ever get it done unless

530
00:30:19.880 --> 00:30:21.640
<v Speaker 2>I set that deadline and then just go, Nope, that's

531
00:30:21.680 --> 00:30:24.200
<v Speaker 2>the deadline. It's done. It's done. If you want to

532
00:30:24.200 --> 00:30:27.960
<v Speaker 2>add something to it, make another movie, you know, like

533
00:30:28.400 --> 00:30:31.240
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, but everything has to be so perfect

534
00:30:31.240 --> 00:30:34.359
<v Speaker 2>for me, and so it actually stalls me down. But

535
00:30:35.079 --> 00:30:37.519
<v Speaker 2>learning about yourself and knowing where you want to go

536
00:30:37.559 --> 00:30:39.559
<v Speaker 2>and what you want to do is huge for you.

537
00:30:39.880 --> 00:30:41.640
<v Speaker 2>I was going to bring this up because, well, there's

538
00:30:41.640 --> 00:30:43.960
<v Speaker 2>two things. First, I remember the trip home. I remember

539
00:30:44.039 --> 00:30:47.480
<v Speaker 2>saying to you, Look, you're not somebody with a drink problem.

540
00:30:47.480 --> 00:30:49.960
<v Speaker 2>You're not an alcoholic. You're in recovery. You know, like

541
00:30:50.119 --> 00:30:52.039
<v Speaker 2>when you say that, because when I say I'm in recovery,

542
00:30:52.119 --> 00:30:54.160
<v Speaker 2>it means something different. Oh and I even told you

543
00:30:54.200 --> 00:30:55.480
<v Speaker 2>when I go to AA meetings. So I'm like, hey,

544
00:30:55.519 --> 00:30:58.480
<v Speaker 2>what's up on Corey M person recovery because alcoholic was

545
00:30:58.519 --> 00:31:01.079
<v Speaker 2>a bad term. It was bad. You're a bad person.

546
00:31:01.160 --> 00:31:04.359
<v Speaker 2>I'm I'm doing the finger wave at chet, you know,

547
00:31:04.440 --> 00:31:07.880
<v Speaker 2>like you're bad, you bad alcoholic. No, I'm in recovery.

548
00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:11.160
<v Speaker 2>I've changed my life. That person you're waving your finger

549
00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:14.039
<v Speaker 2>at that's not me. It is it was me, but

550
00:31:14.519 --> 00:31:16.640
<v Speaker 2>I changed, I got my shit together. I changed. Now

551
00:31:16.680 --> 00:31:19.440
<v Speaker 2>this is me. And so the people that want to

552
00:31:19.519 --> 00:31:21.079
<v Speaker 2>knock you down for the stuff that you did in

553
00:31:21.079 --> 00:31:23.160
<v Speaker 2>the past, that you can't change. I mean you can

554
00:31:23.160 --> 00:31:26.279
<v Speaker 2>say I'm sorry about that. Yeah, here's how I'm living

555
00:31:26.319 --> 00:31:27.079
<v Speaker 2>now to prove that.

556
00:31:28.680 --> 00:31:33.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's kind of like what you're what you're saying

557
00:31:33.680 --> 00:31:39.680
<v Speaker 3>about that. It's it's it's really amazing, like what you know,

558
00:31:40.359 --> 00:31:44.319
<v Speaker 3>how alcohol can you know, can personally affect you.

559
00:31:44.480 --> 00:31:45.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and this doesn't make you a bad person. I

560
00:31:45.880 --> 00:31:49.160
<v Speaker 2>mean it can make you do bad things drink, driving, drunk,

561
00:31:49.240 --> 00:31:52.759
<v Speaker 2>or you know, maybe yelling at people. Violence. It can,

562
00:31:52.799 --> 00:31:54.640
<v Speaker 2>it can cause and it does lead. If you call

563
00:31:54.680 --> 00:31:56.720
<v Speaker 2>the police station right now and say, hey, how many

564
00:31:56.759 --> 00:31:59.000
<v Speaker 2>of your calls did you go on because of alcohol,

565
00:31:59.000 --> 00:32:01.599
<v Speaker 2>they would probably say eighty eighty maybe even more. I

566
00:32:01.640 --> 00:32:04.599
<v Speaker 2>don't know. I mean it's ridiculous, And yet there it

567
00:32:04.680 --> 00:32:07.000
<v Speaker 2>is out there at the store. You can walk up

568
00:32:07.039 --> 00:32:09.359
<v Speaker 2>to the gas station, steal your little bottle from the counter.

569
00:32:09.519 --> 00:32:10.720
<v Speaker 2>Like the last time I was in the gas station,

570
00:32:10.720 --> 00:32:12.880
<v Speaker 2>they had them at the counter. Now you couldn't get

571
00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:15.559
<v Speaker 2>a cigarette, you couldn't get vape juice. But alcohol is

572
00:32:15.559 --> 00:32:17.279
<v Speaker 2>sitting right there. You can snag it put in your pocket.

573
00:32:17.359 --> 00:32:19.480
<v Speaker 2>No one even know. Twelve year old, ten year old,

574
00:32:19.559 --> 00:32:21.559
<v Speaker 2>eight year old, They don't care. It's right up there

575
00:32:21.559 --> 00:32:24.240
<v Speaker 2>by the candy, it's all fruity looking the other band

576
00:32:24.279 --> 00:32:25.720
<v Speaker 2>and all the stuff. Because they're like, oh no, they're

577
00:32:25.759 --> 00:32:28.599
<v Speaker 2>targeting kids. But yet alcohol out there straight up targeting kids,

578
00:32:28.599 --> 00:32:29.680
<v Speaker 2>targeting everybody.

579
00:32:30.079 --> 00:32:34.799
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's targeting young people's, young people's lives.

580
00:32:35.480 --> 00:32:38.200
<v Speaker 2>But in America, that's how they want it. Yeah, because

581
00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:41.640
<v Speaker 2>it makes some money and they throw it out there.

582
00:32:41.759 --> 00:32:45.920
<v Speaker 2>Drink responsibly, that's your fault. You didn't drink responsibly. Yeah,

583
00:32:45.920 --> 00:32:47.200
<v Speaker 2>and look what it did to you if you just

584
00:32:47.240 --> 00:32:51.599
<v Speaker 2>will listen to us. Unfortunately, our brains don't work that way.

585
00:32:51.640 --> 00:32:54.240
<v Speaker 2>Our brains, Like when you lost your father, you wanted

586
00:32:54.279 --> 00:32:58.480
<v Speaker 2>to numb that. Everybody. If you don't understand that, I'm

587
00:32:58.480 --> 00:33:01.480
<v Speaker 2>sorry you don't. What are they call that where people

588
00:33:01.480 --> 00:33:03.519
<v Speaker 2>don't have any feelings? I can't remember, but it's bad

589
00:33:03.559 --> 00:33:06.480
<v Speaker 2>and you should probably get some help. It was called

590
00:33:06.519 --> 00:33:09.880
<v Speaker 2>cold hearted. Yeah, but that would make you lose your shit.

591
00:33:10.279 --> 00:33:13.839
<v Speaker 2>And I've already like started prepping myself. I'm fortunate I

592
00:33:13.839 --> 00:33:21.400
<v Speaker 2>still have my parents, and I'm mentally telling myself Corey

593
00:33:21.920 --> 00:33:26.960
<v Speaker 2>drinking not going to bring him back. No, And what

594
00:33:27.000 --> 00:33:31.039
<v Speaker 2>would they Yeah, sorry, I'm gonna get teared up here.

595
00:33:32.160 --> 00:33:33.680
<v Speaker 2>You know, what would they think about me if I

596
00:33:33.680 --> 00:33:37.480
<v Speaker 2>did drink at that moment, you know, like, yeah, this

597
00:33:37.720 --> 00:33:40.680
<v Speaker 2>is not worth it. So it's gonna be a sad day.

598
00:33:40.680 --> 00:33:42.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm already getting choked up over it. But like so

599
00:33:43.039 --> 00:33:45.559
<v Speaker 2>I could imagine, dude, Like I can't imagine, and I

600
00:33:45.599 --> 00:33:47.759
<v Speaker 2>don't want to and I but I will. But and

601
00:33:47.799 --> 00:33:50.079
<v Speaker 2>this is something that you can help people with, because

602
00:33:50.079 --> 00:33:51.880
<v Speaker 2>there are people that come to me and they're like, man,

603
00:33:52.000 --> 00:33:54.000
<v Speaker 2>I just had to relax. I lost my parents, you know,

604
00:33:54.039 --> 00:33:57.000
<v Speaker 2>and I don't have I don't know what to say

605
00:33:57.039 --> 00:33:59.799
<v Speaker 2>except oh my god. That sucks, you know. And actually,

606
00:33:59.799 --> 00:34:01.680
<v Speaker 2>I there are other people that I know and I'm like, hey,

607
00:34:01.680 --> 00:34:03.440
<v Speaker 2>talk to this person. They kind of went through some

608
00:34:03.480 --> 00:34:07.480
<v Speaker 2>of the same stuff. And but you will help somebody.

609
00:34:07.559 --> 00:34:09.800
<v Speaker 2>I can guarantee you there. It will be somebody that

610
00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:12.159
<v Speaker 2>comes into your life that will lose a parent or

611
00:34:12.239 --> 00:34:15.079
<v Speaker 2>loved one and you will be like hey man and

612
00:34:15.079 --> 00:34:17.320
<v Speaker 2>give them a hug or whatever. I mean, you'll help them.

613
00:34:17.639 --> 00:34:20.920
<v Speaker 2>You will, I guarantee it. Yeah, absolutely. I Mean.

614
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:26.599
<v Speaker 3>The thing with with being you know, an alcoholic is

615
00:34:26.639 --> 00:34:31.679
<v Speaker 3>you are I should say alcoholic and recovery. See that's

616
00:34:31.719 --> 00:34:35.119
<v Speaker 3>the other thing too, is like people whenever people tell

617
00:34:35.199 --> 00:34:38.840
<v Speaker 3>me they're like, you know, like you're an alcoholic. I was,

618
00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:43.639
<v Speaker 3>like I once was, I'm a alcoholic and recovery. Now

619
00:34:44.679 --> 00:34:51.320
<v Speaker 3>there's two different meanings there. And it's it's amazing how

620
00:34:52.679 --> 00:34:57.159
<v Speaker 3>how whenever you get into recovery, it gives you something

621
00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:04.199
<v Speaker 3>something to be proud of. And I know, my dad

622
00:35:04.360 --> 00:35:08.719
<v Speaker 3>he's he's looking down, he's watching me, watching, you know,

623
00:35:09.559 --> 00:35:14.039
<v Speaker 3>and even even my sister would always tell me, you know,

624
00:35:14.599 --> 00:35:17.159
<v Speaker 3>your dad, Dad's so proud of you right now for

625
00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:18.400
<v Speaker 3>taking this step.

626
00:35:18.199 --> 00:35:24.559
<v Speaker 2>Forward and going back to what you had said.

627
00:35:24.320 --> 00:35:29.920
<v Speaker 3>About about someone coming into my life, about you know,

628
00:35:30.440 --> 00:35:35.679
<v Speaker 3>losing a parent and stuff. And it's like the the

629
00:35:35.679 --> 00:35:38.239
<v Speaker 3>the hurt is still there, but the way you grieve

630
00:35:38.519 --> 00:35:43.480
<v Speaker 3>about it gets to me gets better and better as

631
00:35:43.519 --> 00:35:48.000
<v Speaker 3>the days go on. I mean, though it's though it's

632
00:35:48.079 --> 00:35:53.320
<v Speaker 3>still sad, it's still sad, but you find better ways

633
00:35:53.480 --> 00:35:57.960
<v Speaker 3>to get over it. Like I mean, you'll never get

634
00:35:57.960 --> 00:36:00.519
<v Speaker 3>over losing to parents, just the way that you cope

635
00:36:00.519 --> 00:36:05.199
<v Speaker 3>and you grieve with that. And what I always say is,

636
00:36:05.239 --> 00:36:09.559
<v Speaker 3>you know, the reason why I put my story out

637
00:36:09.599 --> 00:36:13.599
<v Speaker 3>there is it because I want everyone to know or

638
00:36:13.639 --> 00:36:17.280
<v Speaker 3>even someone or that knows of somebody that's you know,

639
00:36:17.719 --> 00:36:21.840
<v Speaker 3>having a problem, whether if it's an alcohol addiction, drug addiction,

640
00:36:21.960 --> 00:36:23.559
<v Speaker 3>or if they're across addicted, that.

641
00:36:24.280 --> 00:36:27.679
<v Speaker 2>You're not alone. You were, You were not alone.

642
00:36:28.280 --> 00:36:31.079
<v Speaker 3>I thought I was alone whenever I was an alcoholic,

643
00:36:31.280 --> 00:36:34.920
<v Speaker 3>but it was you just have to take that step,

644
00:36:35.039 --> 00:36:38.480
<v Speaker 3>that one step forward and say I have a problem

645
00:36:38.480 --> 00:36:39.239
<v Speaker 3>that I need help.

646
00:36:39.880 --> 00:36:43.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and for you too to get out to go

647
00:36:44.039 --> 00:36:45.679
<v Speaker 2>back home to like all I'm going to do this

648
00:36:45.880 --> 00:36:48.679
<v Speaker 2>and sober living? Oh is he going to do sober living?

649
00:36:48.719 --> 00:36:50.320
<v Speaker 2>Is he going to stay here? And that was that

650
00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:52.320
<v Speaker 2>was the thing too that probably had you freaked out,

651
00:36:52.320 --> 00:36:53.719
<v Speaker 2>like where am I gonna stay? Where am I gonna live?

652
00:36:53.719 --> 00:36:56.480
<v Speaker 2>What I'm gonna do? But you didn't a drink. You

653
00:36:56.519 --> 00:36:59.920
<v Speaker 2>stayed the course and you figured it out, and all right,

654
00:37:00.039 --> 00:37:01.920
<v Speaker 2>pay yourself on the back for that. You know how

655
00:37:01.920 --> 00:37:04.119
<v Speaker 2>easy easy would have been for you just to turn

656
00:37:04.199 --> 00:37:06.480
<v Speaker 2>right back to drinking, because well, this happened to me

657
00:37:06.519 --> 00:37:08.800
<v Speaker 2>and I don't know where I'm going home, stay poor me,

658
00:37:09.440 --> 00:37:12.280
<v Speaker 2>put me another drink, you know, But you didn't. So

659
00:37:12.320 --> 00:37:14.039
<v Speaker 2>I'm proud of you for that because I was. I

660
00:37:14.079 --> 00:37:16.599
<v Speaker 2>was nervous. I was like, oh, like man, because it's

661
00:37:16.639 --> 00:37:21.480
<v Speaker 2>it's it's a very yeah, I don't even especially understand

662
00:37:21.480 --> 00:37:24.519
<v Speaker 2>what face I just made, but it's like it's very tense.

663
00:37:24.559 --> 00:37:26.840
<v Speaker 2>It's it's because everybody wants you to make it, man,

664
00:37:27.039 --> 00:37:30.840
<v Speaker 2>you know. And it's just like when your son, when

665
00:37:30.880 --> 00:37:33.239
<v Speaker 2>your son starts walking for the first time and he's

666
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:35.360
<v Speaker 2>stumbling over and you see the table and you're like,

667
00:37:35.400 --> 00:37:40.559
<v Speaker 2>oh shit, and then he just sits down. You're like, Okay,

668
00:37:40.559 --> 00:37:42.840
<v Speaker 2>he didn't bust his head. That's that's the relief that

669
00:37:42.880 --> 00:37:44.880
<v Speaker 2>you have that I have with you anyway, you know,

670
00:37:44.920 --> 00:37:47.119
<v Speaker 2>it's that same like okay, good. And then to see

671
00:37:47.119 --> 00:37:52.559
<v Speaker 2>your Facebook you are into photography. Yes, thank you. You're

672
00:37:52.559 --> 00:37:54.800
<v Speaker 2>doing something with that energy that used to sit on

673
00:37:54.840 --> 00:37:57.239
<v Speaker 2>the couch and drink and get drunk and wasted. Now

674
00:37:57.239 --> 00:37:59.719
<v Speaker 2>you're going out and you're taking beautiful pictures. You're having

675
00:38:00.599 --> 00:38:03.880
<v Speaker 2>And I would be honest too, like I would even

676
00:38:04.079 --> 00:38:08.039
<v Speaker 2>like I was still doing the photography, doing pictures even

677
00:38:08.119 --> 00:38:11.119
<v Speaker 2>back whenever you know, I was, you know, an alcoholic.

678
00:38:11.239 --> 00:38:14.599
<v Speaker 3>I mean even like I might you know, have a

679
00:38:16.159 --> 00:38:19.960
<v Speaker 3>what they say road beer and have you know, have

680
00:38:20.119 --> 00:38:23.719
<v Speaker 3>one of those, and uh though it would though I

681
00:38:23.719 --> 00:38:25.960
<v Speaker 3>wouldn't have it, you know, as I'm driving, I would

682
00:38:25.960 --> 00:38:30.960
<v Speaker 3>wait till I'm until I'm part I. I I kind

683
00:38:30.960 --> 00:38:34.760
<v Speaker 3>of I pretty much guzzle the thing down and then

684
00:38:34.800 --> 00:38:38.559
<v Speaker 3>I go out and take these pictures. But whenever I

685
00:38:38.679 --> 00:38:43.519
<v Speaker 3>take the pictures, I see something more different. I see things.

686
00:38:43.559 --> 00:38:48.000
<v Speaker 3>And it's hard to explain that how you look at

687
00:38:48.039 --> 00:38:52.039
<v Speaker 3>a picture differently now that you for me anyway that

688
00:38:52.159 --> 00:38:55.679
<v Speaker 3>I that I take, you know, with you know, going

689
00:38:55.760 --> 00:39:01.079
<v Speaker 3>out to like the beach and uh the beach jour

690
00:39:01.119 --> 00:39:03.840
<v Speaker 3>no matter where I'm at. And my sister, as a

691
00:39:03.840 --> 00:39:09.559
<v Speaker 3>matter of fact, had sent me a this link on

692
00:39:09.679 --> 00:39:14.079
<v Speaker 3>Facebook over a messenger and I don't know what state

693
00:39:14.119 --> 00:39:18.679
<v Speaker 3>it was in, but this photographer had had a true

694
00:39:18.960 --> 00:39:24.440
<v Speaker 3>inspiration or a or was a photographer and had a

695
00:39:25.440 --> 00:39:31.840
<v Speaker 3>was inspired to help recovering addicts with sobriety photos and

696
00:39:31.920 --> 00:39:35.480
<v Speaker 3>where they take a mugs where they take a mug

697
00:39:35.559 --> 00:39:42.480
<v Speaker 3>shot of them whenever they were arrested or if or

698
00:39:42.679 --> 00:39:47.840
<v Speaker 3>even if and I say, if you never got arrested,

699
00:39:47.920 --> 00:39:51.639
<v Speaker 3>but you were still had a problem, take a photo

700
00:39:51.760 --> 00:39:54.840
<v Speaker 3>of whenever you were in you know, whenever you were

701
00:39:55.000 --> 00:39:59.880
<v Speaker 3>in an active addiction frame it, and take pictures with

702
00:40:00.199 --> 00:40:03.199
<v Speaker 3>who you are in recovery now. And I looked at

703
00:40:03.280 --> 00:40:09.360
<v Speaker 3>and and I'll be brutally honest. I didn't think nothing

704
00:40:09.440 --> 00:40:13.159
<v Speaker 3>about it. And here I am taking all these twenty

705
00:40:13.320 --> 00:40:17.000
<v Speaker 3>you know, all these all these photos of you know,

706
00:40:17.519 --> 00:40:22.840
<v Speaker 3>of the beach and the sunset and even coming up

707
00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:25.679
<v Speaker 3>to Traverse City. No matter where I go up it's

708
00:40:25.840 --> 00:40:28.360
<v Speaker 3>I got to take the camera with me. Gotta take

709
00:40:28.360 --> 00:40:34.159
<v Speaker 3>the camera with me. And even before I had, even

710
00:40:34.199 --> 00:40:37.239
<v Speaker 3>before I had left to come up here, I've had

711
00:40:37.360 --> 00:40:40.480
<v Speaker 3>you know, my sister tell me. I even had a

712
00:40:40.920 --> 00:40:44.480
<v Speaker 3>best friend of mine that told me, make sure you

713
00:40:44.519 --> 00:40:47.440
<v Speaker 3>fill up that SD card or empty that SD card

714
00:40:47.440 --> 00:40:51.039
<v Speaker 3>out before you before you head up there. I was like, oh, yeah,

715
00:40:51.079 --> 00:40:53.119
<v Speaker 3>I plan on it. As a matter of fact, I

716
00:40:53.199 --> 00:40:55.639
<v Speaker 3>brought to just in case if one wasn't enough.

717
00:40:55.880 --> 00:40:56.400
<v Speaker 2>Nice.

718
00:40:56.480 --> 00:40:58.960
<v Speaker 3>And I know the first day I came up here,

719
00:40:59.199 --> 00:41:02.119
<v Speaker 3>I I think, yeah, it was the first day I

720
00:41:02.239 --> 00:41:05.239
<v Speaker 3>came up here, or on the way up here, I

721
00:41:05.320 --> 00:41:10.719
<v Speaker 3>probably took about God, I want to say, like two

722
00:41:10.800 --> 00:41:16.239
<v Speaker 3>three hundred photos, wow, And even and then yesterday I

723
00:41:16.360 --> 00:41:20.639
<v Speaker 3>took I mean I took maybe like sixty or seventy

724
00:41:21.599 --> 00:41:25.440
<v Speaker 3>rough estimate. But but it's just you know, you look

725
00:41:25.480 --> 00:41:28.719
<v Speaker 3>at those photos that you take and it's you know,

726
00:41:29.400 --> 00:41:36.519
<v Speaker 3>I'm capturing something that God created for me to see

727
00:41:37.280 --> 00:41:42.800
<v Speaker 3>and like I say, I look at those pictures now

728
00:41:43.000 --> 00:41:46.679
<v Speaker 3>being in recovery, and I see him so much differently.

729
00:41:46.960 --> 00:41:49.800
<v Speaker 2>Because life is so different, like you're actually you're actually

730
00:41:49.880 --> 00:41:53.440
<v Speaker 2>living life now. Yeah, And to see that play out

731
00:41:53.480 --> 00:41:56.119
<v Speaker 2>and on social media and Facebook, it's great. Man, Like

732
00:41:56.159 --> 00:41:58.440
<v Speaker 2>I don't get on Facebook that often, but I'll see

733
00:41:58.440 --> 00:41:59.880
<v Speaker 2>your stuff every once in a while and I'm like, oh,

734
00:42:00.360 --> 00:42:01.840
<v Speaker 2>I like it, or put a big heart on it,

735
00:42:01.920 --> 00:42:03.239
<v Speaker 2>or tell you a good job, or I don't know

736
00:42:03.280 --> 00:42:03.599
<v Speaker 2>what I do.

737
00:42:03.679 --> 00:42:08.079
<v Speaker 3>But and sometimes and it doesn't. It used to bother me,

738
00:42:08.280 --> 00:42:09.960
<v Speaker 3>but it doesn't anymore.

739
00:42:10.920 --> 00:42:13.039
<v Speaker 2>But some people.

740
00:42:12.920 --> 00:42:17.280
<v Speaker 3>Will will I ask me, well, you know you post

741
00:42:17.320 --> 00:42:20.440
<v Speaker 3>too much, you you post too much about It's like, well,

742
00:42:20.480 --> 00:42:21.800
<v Speaker 3>it's not for you, it's for me.

743
00:42:23.039 --> 00:42:25.480
<v Speaker 2>It's it's for me because I want to it.

744
00:42:25.920 --> 00:42:31.360
<v Speaker 3>It gives me the accountability that I need. And and

745
00:42:31.480 --> 00:42:34.079
<v Speaker 3>plus people will ask me, well, how are you doing,

746
00:42:34.760 --> 00:42:40.400
<v Speaker 3>how's you know, how's your sobriety doing? And nine months it's,

747
00:42:40.719 --> 00:42:44.119
<v Speaker 3>you know, nine months of being sober. It's it's amazing,

748
00:42:45.280 --> 00:42:45.920
<v Speaker 3>really amazing.

749
00:42:46.000 --> 00:42:49.519
<v Speaker 2>Get that year that year hopefully, you know, I mean,

750
00:42:49.599 --> 00:42:51.440
<v Speaker 2>fingers cross, you gotta make it today. We all know

751
00:42:51.519 --> 00:42:54.039
<v Speaker 2>that but yeaheah, I mean it's just right around the corner.

752
00:42:54.119 --> 00:42:57.239
<v Speaker 2>And I don't know that year was something for me.

753
00:42:57.320 --> 00:42:59.559
<v Speaker 2>And you're still getting your coins every month, right, yeah,

754
00:43:00.480 --> 00:43:03.079
<v Speaker 2>And but that was something that you know, I think

755
00:43:03.119 --> 00:43:04.920
<v Speaker 2>I shared with you. I gave those coins to my

756
00:43:05.480 --> 00:43:09.719
<v Speaker 2>mom and I still mailer a coin every year. But

757
00:43:09.800 --> 00:43:13.320
<v Speaker 2>when I hit that year, everything seemed to speed up,

758
00:43:13.920 --> 00:43:15.320
<v Speaker 2>Like I don't know if it was because every month

759
00:43:15.320 --> 00:43:17.719
<v Speaker 2>I was looking for that coin, so like every month

760
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:19.679
<v Speaker 2>I was tracking it, Whereas when I hit the year,

761
00:43:19.679 --> 00:43:22.079
<v Speaker 2>it was just like all right, boom, you're sign cruise control.

762
00:43:22.119 --> 00:43:23.880
<v Speaker 2>And then I think I got an NA tag at

763
00:43:24.280 --> 00:43:25.760
<v Speaker 2>year and a half, but then I had to wait

764
00:43:25.920 --> 00:43:27.519
<v Speaker 2>the whole year for that second year, you know, so

765
00:43:27.800 --> 00:43:29.559
<v Speaker 2>it seemed like it flew by the second year and

766
00:43:29.599 --> 00:43:31.519
<v Speaker 2>I was like, whoa, I got two years now, Like

767
00:43:31.559 --> 00:43:32.199
<v Speaker 2>that's crazy.

768
00:43:32.400 --> 00:43:36.599
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. And seeing when you whenever you're

769
00:43:37.039 --> 00:43:42.400
<v Speaker 3>in recovery, because it starts out as like as seconds

770
00:43:42.800 --> 00:43:45.800
<v Speaker 3>and then it turns into minutes.

771
00:43:46.320 --> 00:43:52.519
<v Speaker 2>Hours, days, weeks, months, and then years, you know, and

772
00:43:52.519 --> 00:43:54.039
<v Speaker 2>then your kids won and you're like, how did he

773
00:43:54.119 --> 00:43:56.000
<v Speaker 2>turn one already? And he was like, oh my god,

774
00:43:56.599 --> 00:43:59.800
<v Speaker 2>it's flying by but yeah, man, I remember leaning in

775
00:43:59.800 --> 00:44:03.360
<v Speaker 2>the Hi hospital bed and thinking hours had went by

776
00:44:03.480 --> 00:44:05.760
<v Speaker 2>and it had only been a minute. And I was

777
00:44:05.840 --> 00:44:10.400
<v Speaker 2>like what, like no, like this can't be like it was. Hell,

778
00:44:11.079 --> 00:44:14.519
<v Speaker 2>we felt every minute of that, man, Like people know

779
00:44:14.559 --> 00:44:16.480
<v Speaker 2>what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about,

780
00:44:16.480 --> 00:44:18.639
<v Speaker 2>Like it's yeah, you just said it, you know, so

781
00:44:19.440 --> 00:44:21.039
<v Speaker 2>to see you turn it around, man, it is. This

782
00:44:21.320 --> 00:44:26.280
<v Speaker 2>is a beautiful thing, man, And not everybody can do it. Unfortunately,

783
00:44:26.360 --> 00:44:28.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, it doesn't happen. It took me fifteen times man.

784
00:44:29.440 --> 00:44:33.000
<v Speaker 3>And and I think, and now that you say that,

785
00:44:33.960 --> 00:44:38.800
<v Speaker 3>I look back and you know, at myself, and it's like,

786
00:44:40.159 --> 00:44:44.199
<v Speaker 3>I'm surprised how well I'm doing so far in recovery

787
00:44:45.119 --> 00:44:49.360
<v Speaker 3>and with not even not even one relapse. I have

788
00:44:49.760 --> 00:44:55.320
<v Speaker 3>not re relapsed once. And whenever I was in rehab,

789
00:44:55.480 --> 00:45:00.800
<v Speaker 3>there was there was there was a gentleman and I

790
00:45:00.840 --> 00:45:03.599
<v Speaker 3>stayed there with and he had asked me, well, how

791
00:45:03.599 --> 00:45:05.679
<v Speaker 3>many times have you been into rehab? I was like,

792
00:45:05.800 --> 00:45:10.000
<v Speaker 3>this is my first time and he he was like,

793
00:45:10.320 --> 00:45:14.280
<v Speaker 3>this is your first time? And I was like, yeah,

794
00:45:14.320 --> 00:45:17.679
<v Speaker 3>this is this is my first time. He's like, well,

795
00:45:17.679 --> 00:45:20.760
<v Speaker 3>what made you come? What made you get into rehab?

796
00:45:20.800 --> 00:45:26.840
<v Speaker 3>I was like alcohol did alcohol and alcohol.

797
00:45:26.360 --> 00:45:29.159
<v Speaker 2>Really you know, put a strain on my life.

798
00:45:29.480 --> 00:45:35.199
<v Speaker 3>And whenever I was in uh, now I'm thinking about

799
00:45:35.199 --> 00:45:38.480
<v Speaker 3>all these things that I did in rehab. I my

800
00:45:38.840 --> 00:45:42.199
<v Speaker 3>therapist I had in there, he had us do a

801
00:45:43.960 --> 00:45:48.440
<v Speaker 3>write a thank you and goodbye letter to our drug

802
00:45:48.559 --> 00:45:52.480
<v Speaker 3>or choice, which mine was mine was alcohol. Yeah, I might,

803
00:45:52.559 --> 00:45:54.960
<v Speaker 3>you know, I smoked weed and everything. But that wasn't

804
00:45:55.039 --> 00:45:56.920
<v Speaker 3>like that wasn't my go to.

805
00:45:57.119 --> 00:45:59.800
<v Speaker 2>It wasn't ruining your life. It wasn't ruining my killing.

806
00:46:00.239 --> 00:46:01.719
<v Speaker 2>It wasn't ruining my life.

807
00:46:01.840 --> 00:46:05.880
<v Speaker 3>I mean it could yeah, it could have, but you know,

808
00:46:06.079 --> 00:46:10.960
<v Speaker 3>but but they he added me to a thank you

809
00:46:11.039 --> 00:46:17.920
<v Speaker 3>goodbye letter, and I can't remember like and I whenever

810
00:46:17.960 --> 00:46:21.079
<v Speaker 3>I was in rehab, I was always writing. I was

811
00:46:21.119 --> 00:46:26.119
<v Speaker 3>always writing my thoughts, collecting my thoughts, and I had

812
00:46:26.320 --> 00:46:31.079
<v Speaker 3>uh talked about in my thank you goodbye letter, like

813
00:46:31.199 --> 00:46:36.079
<v Speaker 3>you know, thank you for giving me the what I

814
00:46:36.119 --> 00:46:40.800
<v Speaker 3>thought was a good time back then, and but now.

815
00:46:40.639 --> 00:46:43.840
<v Speaker 2>It's I guess I have to say goodbye. You.

816
00:46:43.840 --> 00:46:46.480
<v Speaker 3>You were you were never a best friend to me.

817
00:46:46.599 --> 00:46:50.559
<v Speaker 3>You were never you were nothing. You were you were

818
00:46:50.599 --> 00:46:53.400
<v Speaker 3>nothing for me. You were you're something that was holding

819
00:46:53.480 --> 00:46:57.679
<v Speaker 3>me back. Stabbing me in the back, taking things away

820
00:46:58.280 --> 00:47:02.280
<v Speaker 3>out of my life that I ye, were slowly coming

821
00:47:02.280 --> 00:47:05.079
<v Speaker 3>out of my life, like he even said earlier, it

822
00:47:05.280 --> 00:47:11.079
<v Speaker 3>was you know, friends, family, job, money, and.

823
00:47:12.880 --> 00:47:14.000
<v Speaker 2>It was you know.

824
00:47:14.440 --> 00:47:17.719
<v Speaker 3>And as soon as alcohol or your addiction takes all

825
00:47:17.760 --> 00:47:21.079
<v Speaker 3>that away from you, what else, what else does it

826
00:47:21.199 --> 00:47:22.320
<v Speaker 3>have to take.

827
00:47:22.159 --> 00:47:25.320
<v Speaker 2>Away from you? Your life? And they'll get that too, Yeah,

828
00:47:25.440 --> 00:47:28.840
<v Speaker 2>it does. And then you know, I don't know if

829
00:47:28.880 --> 00:47:31.880
<v Speaker 2>they classify it as an alcohol related death. Probably not,

830
00:47:32.360 --> 00:47:34.719
<v Speaker 2>But like if your liver fails and you die, do

831
00:47:34.760 --> 00:47:37.199
<v Speaker 2>they just go liver failure or do they chalk it

832
00:47:37.239 --> 00:47:40.599
<v Speaker 2>up to it's alcohol death. I don't know they should

833
00:47:40.639 --> 00:47:44.360
<v Speaker 2>be because if you want to go back and just

834
00:47:44.400 --> 00:47:47.639
<v Speaker 2>go how crazy alcohol is, let's just take this story

835
00:47:47.679 --> 00:47:49.639
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna set up for you, right, all right, you

836
00:47:49.719 --> 00:47:52.800
<v Speaker 2>got Jack and Jill. They're at a party. Now, it's

837
00:47:52.880 --> 00:47:57.199
<v Speaker 2>twenty twenty, twenty twenty. They're at a party before COVID

838
00:47:57.400 --> 00:47:59.079
<v Speaker 2>or I guess twenty twenty was all COVID. So let's

839
00:47:59.119 --> 00:48:00.960
<v Speaker 2>go back to twenty eighteen. All right, let's go, let's

840
00:48:00.960 --> 00:48:04.320
<v Speaker 2>go back pre COVID. So Jack and Jill at a party,

841
00:48:05.000 --> 00:48:08.679
<v Speaker 2>Jack and Jill drinking and yeah, they're twenty one, let's say,

842
00:48:08.679 --> 00:48:10.239
<v Speaker 2>you know, and they're in college. They're having a good

843
00:48:10.239 --> 00:48:15.960
<v Speaker 2>time and Jack falls on Jill peepee goes in oop

844
00:48:16.039 --> 00:48:18.719
<v Speaker 2>to have baby or if you want to do it.

845
00:48:19.400 --> 00:48:22.599
<v Speaker 2>They start making out, have some sex, have baby. That

846
00:48:22.639 --> 00:48:28.239
<v Speaker 2>a little better, Okay. So she comes to him and like, hey, Jack,

847
00:48:28.519 --> 00:48:31.639
<v Speaker 2>I don't even know you, dude, but I'm in college

848
00:48:31.800 --> 00:48:34.119
<v Speaker 2>and I'm gonna be this lawyer thing, so I'm gonna

849
00:48:34.119 --> 00:48:39.119
<v Speaker 2>go ahead and have an abortion. Oh well. Jack's like, well,

850
00:48:39.480 --> 00:48:42.159
<v Speaker 2>but you're you're hot, and I thought I just landed

851
00:48:42.199 --> 00:48:44.639
<v Speaker 2>you for eighteen years, Like what are you talking about?

852
00:48:44.840 --> 00:48:48.239
<v Speaker 2>You know? Oh no. So since Jack down a spy

853
00:48:48.360 --> 00:48:50.519
<v Speaker 2>roll because he's thinking, oh my god, like what I

854
00:48:50.519 --> 00:48:52.280
<v Speaker 2>can't have no, say, I can't do that, like what,

855
00:48:52.920 --> 00:48:55.079
<v Speaker 2>it's my son, She's gonna kill him, like this is crazy.

856
00:48:55.280 --> 00:48:57.440
<v Speaker 2>And then she gets it done and he goes on

857
00:48:57.519 --> 00:49:00.960
<v Speaker 2>his wippit. He starts turning into alcohol because it helps

858
00:49:01.039 --> 00:49:05.280
<v Speaker 2>him numb the pain, and then her I'm sure having

859
00:49:05.280 --> 00:49:09.199
<v Speaker 2>an abortion's got to mess people up. I'm obviously a guy,

860
00:49:09.920 --> 00:49:12.679
<v Speaker 2>but still are I've never had this in my life,

861
00:49:12.719 --> 00:49:14.440
<v Speaker 2>so again I'm speaking of stuff I don't know. But

862
00:49:14.480 --> 00:49:18.679
<v Speaker 2>again this is just a story. So then she starts

863
00:49:18.679 --> 00:49:21.960
<v Speaker 2>struggling because she's having these thoughts of oh what if.

864
00:49:23.760 --> 00:49:25.119
<v Speaker 2>And then a year goes by, Oh, he would have

865
00:49:25.119 --> 00:49:28.840
<v Speaker 2>been in one today, two, three, four, Every birthday. The

866
00:49:28.920 --> 00:49:31.159
<v Speaker 2>drinks come a little bit more, a little bit more,

867
00:49:31.360 --> 00:49:34.400
<v Speaker 2>and now the cope with her pain of having that abortion.

868
00:49:34.559 --> 00:49:38.320
<v Speaker 2>She's drinking. Jack's drinking too. They're on there, they're not

869
00:49:38.320 --> 00:49:40.519
<v Speaker 2>they don't even know each other anymore. They're on an

870
00:49:40.519 --> 00:49:46.639
<v Speaker 2>alcohol destructive path. And then Jack gets into an accident

871
00:49:46.639 --> 00:49:49.159
<v Speaker 2>that kills people. Oh that drunk, alcoholic, he's so bad.

872
00:49:49.199 --> 00:49:51.400
<v Speaker 2>But it all stems back to when they didn't have

873
00:49:51.440 --> 00:49:54.239
<v Speaker 2>a problem. Is when it started, and it all had

874
00:49:54.280 --> 00:49:57.079
<v Speaker 2>to do with alcohol. If they wouldn't have been drinking

875
00:49:57.119 --> 00:50:00.239
<v Speaker 2>and drunk, maybe Jack wouldn't have filled on Jill. Maybe

876
00:50:00.239 --> 00:50:02.599
<v Speaker 2>the wouldn't have had sex. Yeah, you know, but they

877
00:50:02.639 --> 00:50:06.960
<v Speaker 2>did because alcohol makes it lowers your ambitions and you

878
00:50:07.440 --> 00:50:11.440
<v Speaker 2>do things you normally would not do, and all because

879
00:50:11.480 --> 00:50:14.320
<v Speaker 2>of alcohol. But that this death or that death, or

880
00:50:14.360 --> 00:50:17.000
<v Speaker 2>maybe the accident death would be attributed to alcohol because

881
00:50:17.199 --> 00:50:20.519
<v Speaker 2>it was related. But you know, maybe Jill takes her life,

882
00:50:20.719 --> 00:50:23.920
<v Speaker 2>Maybe she takes her own life. Oh, that's just Yeah,

883
00:50:23.960 --> 00:50:27.280
<v Speaker 2>there's suicide, but that's not even related to alcohol, you know,

884
00:50:27.320 --> 00:50:29.599
<v Speaker 2>And it's like, no, it needs to. But there's so

885
00:50:29.599 --> 00:50:33.119
<v Speaker 2>many stories like that that are interwoven. But it all

886
00:50:33.119 --> 00:50:35.559
<v Speaker 2>go back to alcohol. And I'm not saying pan alcohol.

887
00:50:35.559 --> 00:50:37.599
<v Speaker 2>That's not gonna happen. They tried that. And there are

888
00:50:37.639 --> 00:50:41.119
<v Speaker 2>people my brother he can have a beer. I can't.

889
00:50:41.480 --> 00:50:43.639
<v Speaker 2>I cannot. Why would you have a beer that's stupid?

890
00:50:44.119 --> 00:50:44.280
<v Speaker 1>You know?

891
00:50:44.400 --> 00:50:45.119
<v Speaker 2>How big is it?

892
00:50:45.960 --> 00:50:46.039
<v Speaker 1>Like?

893
00:50:46.360 --> 00:50:47.559
<v Speaker 2>Is it a whole keg? Like?

894
00:50:48.360 --> 00:50:50.840
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it would have to one beer could be one beer,

895
00:50:50.880 --> 00:50:53.559
<v Speaker 3>could be could mean ninetyeen like it could be just

896
00:50:53.599 --> 00:50:55.719
<v Speaker 3>like a little old tiny bottle, or it could be

897
00:50:55.880 --> 00:50:57.440
<v Speaker 3>like you just said, a whole keg.

898
00:50:58.039 --> 00:50:59.840
<v Speaker 2>It would have to be for me to have one beer,

899
00:51:00.079 --> 00:51:01.559
<v Speaker 2>Like are you talking about a keg of beer?

900
00:51:01.639 --> 00:51:01.719
<v Speaker 1>Like?

901
00:51:01.760 --> 00:51:03.280
<v Speaker 2>I will have one keg? Like if I have one

902
00:51:03.280 --> 00:51:05.079
<v Speaker 2>beer for me as pointless? Like why would we have

903
00:51:05.159 --> 00:51:08.559
<v Speaker 2>one beer? That's stupid? You need at least fifteen twenty

904
00:51:08.880 --> 00:51:11.519
<v Speaker 2>let's get three cases, let's go. It would not be

905
00:51:11.760 --> 00:51:14.880
<v Speaker 2>just but but Travis he can have a beer with

906
00:51:14.920 --> 00:51:17.199
<v Speaker 2>his dinner. He probably might even finish it. Come for

907
00:51:17.239 --> 00:51:21.760
<v Speaker 2>the rest, who does that? Yeah, because they are different,

908
00:51:22.039 --> 00:51:25.119
<v Speaker 2>I can go into a casino. I don't know why

909
00:51:25.119 --> 00:51:28.159
<v Speaker 2>I would want to lose twenty dollars, but whatever, I

910
00:51:28.159 --> 00:51:30.719
<v Speaker 2>could do that. And you know, then when they say

911
00:51:30.760 --> 00:51:33.159
<v Speaker 2>gamble responsively. Martie and I were talking about this yesterday

912
00:51:33.719 --> 00:51:35.920
<v Speaker 2>and she's like, yeah, but there's responsible gambling. I said,

913
00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:38.360
<v Speaker 2>not for an addict, you know, because they do the

914
00:51:38.400 --> 00:51:40.800
<v Speaker 2>whole harm reduction thing, which okay, cool, do whatever you

915
00:51:40.840 --> 00:51:43.079
<v Speaker 2>need to do. Whatever works for you, is what I say.

916
00:51:43.320 --> 00:51:45.960
<v Speaker 2>But for me that that wouldn't been important. Nah and

917
00:51:46.079 --> 00:51:48.800
<v Speaker 2>one bit. And I see it different in the light

918
00:51:48.920 --> 00:51:52.639
<v Speaker 2>of you take what you're telling the normal people, Hey,

919
00:51:52.719 --> 00:51:56.440
<v Speaker 2>drink responsibly, gamble, don't don't gamble what you can't afford

920
00:51:56.519 --> 00:51:58.840
<v Speaker 2>to lose like that. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

921
00:51:59.199 --> 00:52:04.119
<v Speaker 2>Gamble response possibly, What will you tell my brain that?

922
00:52:04.159 --> 00:52:06.639
<v Speaker 2>Because when that serotonin fires after I just won that

923
00:52:06.639 --> 00:52:09.679
<v Speaker 2>ten grand, you come and tell me gabled responsibly, and

924
00:52:09.679 --> 00:52:12.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna be doing dancing ten throwing money at you.

925
00:52:12.320 --> 00:52:13.920
<v Speaker 2>You know, like, can you get on my face because

926
00:52:13.960 --> 00:52:17.159
<v Speaker 2>your brain so you can say all the stuff. Don't

927
00:52:17.199 --> 00:52:19.760
<v Speaker 2>drink and drive. We've been saying that for hundreds of years, right,

928
00:52:20.000 --> 00:52:23.480
<v Speaker 2>probably not that long because you know I was being sarcastic,

929
00:52:23.599 --> 00:52:27.880
<v Speaker 2>but forever yet people still do it. So I click,

930
00:52:28.119 --> 00:52:30.360
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't work. Take it off your lottery ticket, take

931
00:52:30.400 --> 00:52:32.679
<v Speaker 2>it off whatever. Like putting it on there is just

932
00:52:32.719 --> 00:52:35.800
<v Speaker 2>a waste of ink. You can make that a little

933
00:52:35.880 --> 00:52:39.480
<v Speaker 2>cheaper if you just use less ink. Yeah, because it

934
00:52:39.480 --> 00:52:44.039
<v Speaker 2>doesn't make sense because like I cannot drink responsibly, you know,

935
00:52:44.559 --> 00:52:47.360
<v Speaker 2>you know, however, they say I can't have another drink.

936
00:52:47.840 --> 00:52:49.519
<v Speaker 2>And I know that. I know that because I've seen

937
00:52:49.559 --> 00:52:51.159
<v Speaker 2>people go through that treatment center that you went to,

938
00:52:51.199 --> 00:52:54.559
<v Speaker 2>that had twenty years and when COVID hit, it took

939
00:52:54.559 --> 00:52:56.719
<v Speaker 2>away their meeting that they only went once a week

940
00:52:56.880 --> 00:52:59.320
<v Speaker 2>to their Saturday meeting. Well o, their meeting closed down,

941
00:52:59.360 --> 00:53:01.239
<v Speaker 2>and guess what, started drinking again. And he said he

942
00:53:01.320 --> 00:53:05.679
<v Speaker 2>lost it quicker than he could have ever imagined. Yeah.

943
00:53:05.719 --> 00:53:08.920
<v Speaker 2>I was like, yep, I believe you dude. History does

944
00:53:09.000 --> 00:53:10.880
<v Speaker 2>repeat itself, and I will listen to what you're saying.

945
00:53:10.920 --> 00:53:13.800
<v Speaker 2>And I've heard too many stories like that, So I

946
00:53:13.880 --> 00:53:17.239
<v Speaker 2>know that in ten years, twenty years, one hundred and

947
00:53:17.280 --> 00:53:19.639
<v Speaker 2>fifty years, if I'm I'm a life in fifty years,

948
00:53:19.679 --> 00:53:22.840
<v Speaker 2>what's I won't be. I know that I cannot have

949
00:53:22.880 --> 00:53:27.679
<v Speaker 2>a drink. Yeah, and at least I know the result

950
00:53:27.719 --> 00:53:30.599
<v Speaker 2>of it. But I will have that option always the

951
00:53:30.679 --> 00:53:32.320
<v Speaker 2>rest of my life. I could go to the store

952
00:53:32.360 --> 00:53:32.679
<v Speaker 2>right now.

953
00:53:33.199 --> 00:53:38.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah I can. I mean absolutely, like whenever I got

954
00:53:38.880 --> 00:53:42.440
<v Speaker 3>up here, got up here, I mean I I've done

955
00:53:42.480 --> 00:53:46.480
<v Speaker 3>so many things up here, like walking downtown and seeing

956
00:53:46.559 --> 00:53:51.480
<v Speaker 3>like you know, these bars and people walking in and

957
00:53:51.559 --> 00:53:55.920
<v Speaker 3>out of it. They're either walking in there, you know,

958
00:53:56.559 --> 00:53:59.920
<v Speaker 3>walk in they're sober, but they're not going to walk out.

959
00:54:00.079 --> 00:54:02.280
<v Speaker 3>They're not going to walk out of that place sober.

960
00:54:03.360 --> 00:54:09.880
<v Speaker 3>And I uh, I can't remember which, which, which grill

961
00:54:09.920 --> 00:54:12.800
<v Speaker 3>and bar it was, but it was it was. It

962
00:54:12.840 --> 00:54:16.880
<v Speaker 3>was downtown and I was just taking you know, taking.

963
00:54:16.679 --> 00:54:18.920
<v Speaker 2>Up and I do a lot of walking.

964
00:54:19.000 --> 00:54:22.239
<v Speaker 3>Now, do a lot of walking and go hit up

965
00:54:22.280 --> 00:54:27.719
<v Speaker 3>the gym whenever I can. And I remember I was walking.

966
00:54:28.280 --> 00:54:30.880
<v Speaker 3>It was, uh the thing. It was the first night

967
00:54:30.960 --> 00:54:37.000
<v Speaker 3>I uh, I got here and I had walked downtown

968
00:54:38.320 --> 00:54:43.480
<v Speaker 3>and I walked in front of this this bar and

969
00:54:43.519 --> 00:54:46.519
<v Speaker 3>these people were just walking out of it one of

970
00:54:46.760 --> 00:54:49.239
<v Speaker 3>and I don't know if if it must have been

971
00:54:49.280 --> 00:54:51.559
<v Speaker 3>like a wedding party or something, I don't, I don't know,

972
00:54:52.199 --> 00:54:56.039
<v Speaker 3>and they were just they were you know, hootl and hollering.

973
00:54:56.599 --> 00:55:00.400
<v Speaker 3>One of them ended up falling out and front of

974
00:55:00.440 --> 00:55:06.199
<v Speaker 3>the on the sidewalk, and I was like that and

975
00:55:07.079 --> 00:55:11.440
<v Speaker 3>that was me, Like, oh, that was pretty much me

976
00:55:11.679 --> 00:55:14.360
<v Speaker 3>back then. Whenever, you know, if I went to the

977
00:55:14.400 --> 00:55:19.320
<v Speaker 3>bar after work, and I I never I drank more

978
00:55:19.360 --> 00:55:24.239
<v Speaker 3>at home by myself than I did going to the bar.

979
00:55:24.320 --> 00:55:26.159
<v Speaker 3>I mean I still went. I still went to the bar.

980
00:55:26.599 --> 00:55:28.239
<v Speaker 3>I mean I went to a h went to the

981
00:55:28.239 --> 00:55:31.920
<v Speaker 3>bar with a couple of friends, you know, after work

982
00:55:32.159 --> 00:55:36.679
<v Speaker 3>and going and we have you know, just like maybe

983
00:55:36.719 --> 00:55:40.360
<v Speaker 3>like two or three drinks and then but and then

984
00:55:40.400 --> 00:55:44.480
<v Speaker 3>we went our separate ways. But I stayed there. I

985
00:55:44.519 --> 00:55:46.440
<v Speaker 3>paid my tab and I was like, eh, I'll just

986
00:55:46.480 --> 00:55:47.000
<v Speaker 3>stay here.

987
00:55:47.159 --> 00:55:51.079
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I mean I'm only I'm only like maybe

988
00:55:51.119 --> 00:55:54.360
<v Speaker 2>like a couple of blocks away from from the bar.

989
00:55:54.519 --> 00:55:57.519
<v Speaker 2>So I was like, I'll be fine to drive home. Well.

990
00:55:58.320 --> 00:56:04.800
<v Speaker 3>And I always remember, now, before going to the bar,

991
00:56:05.719 --> 00:56:09.400
<v Speaker 3>there was a liquor store apart across from from the bar,

992
00:56:10.039 --> 00:56:14.599
<v Speaker 3>and I would always go in there before going inside

993
00:56:14.639 --> 00:56:15.960
<v Speaker 3>the bar, because I.

994
00:56:16.000 --> 00:56:18.559
<v Speaker 2>Knew whenever I got home from the bar I was

995
00:56:18.559 --> 00:56:21.639
<v Speaker 2>going to I was was that's where the real drinking happened.

996
00:56:21.719 --> 00:56:24.880
<v Speaker 3>That's that's where it's like all bets are off. You

997
00:56:24.880 --> 00:56:29.679
<v Speaker 3>can there's there there's no limit on how much how

998
00:56:29.760 --> 00:56:33.039
<v Speaker 3>much you can drink. So I, you know, went to

999
00:56:33.039 --> 00:56:33.760
<v Speaker 3>the liquor store.

1000
00:56:34.960 --> 00:56:37.800
<v Speaker 2>But whatever I whatever.

1001
00:56:37.519 --> 00:56:42.039
<v Speaker 3>I thought I could could have and whatever I thought,

1002
00:56:42.320 --> 00:56:45.920
<v Speaker 3>you know, I could finish in the night. And you know,

1003
00:56:46.159 --> 00:56:48.440
<v Speaker 3>I take out to my car, and there might have

1004
00:56:48.519 --> 00:56:50.159
<v Speaker 3>been a time or two it's like, you know, I

1005
00:56:50.199 --> 00:56:51.639
<v Speaker 3>can't wait till I get inside the bar.

1006
00:56:52.000 --> 00:56:54.280
<v Speaker 2>I'll take this, I'll take the stuff out to my car.

1007
00:56:54.840 --> 00:56:57.840
<v Speaker 3>You know, maybe crack when open, have a little sip,

1008
00:56:57.960 --> 00:57:00.519
<v Speaker 3>you know, a couple of SIPs and put it back,

1009
00:57:00.559 --> 00:57:02.400
<v Speaker 3>you know, put in my car, walking side the bar,

1010
00:57:02.920 --> 00:57:06.119
<v Speaker 3>you know, do what you know, have have my drinks

1011
00:57:06.119 --> 00:57:09.679
<v Speaker 3>in there, and you know, meet up with my friends.

1012
00:57:09.719 --> 00:57:14.000
<v Speaker 3>And whenever they left, I still stayed there. And after

1013
00:57:14.039 --> 00:57:18.320
<v Speaker 3>that I went back out to my car, finished that,

1014
00:57:18.840 --> 00:57:21.920
<v Speaker 3>finished the one that I opened up before, go walking

1015
00:57:21.960 --> 00:57:26.920
<v Speaker 3>inside the bar, and then drove home. And there's been

1016
00:57:26.960 --> 00:57:30.880
<v Speaker 3>a numerous amount of nights where I get home and

1017
00:57:31.719 --> 00:57:35.199
<v Speaker 3>I'd either be watching TV, playing video games, just do

1018
00:57:35.320 --> 00:57:37.800
<v Speaker 3>stuff that I can drink with. So and if I

1019
00:57:37.880 --> 00:57:40.079
<v Speaker 3>ran out of alcohol, I was like, well, I'm still

1020
00:57:40.119 --> 00:57:41.719
<v Speaker 3>going to be up. I was like, I gotta go

1021
00:57:41.760 --> 00:57:45.239
<v Speaker 3>back to the gas station, get more did like the

1022
00:57:45.920 --> 00:57:49.719
<v Speaker 3>adult things like going to you know, going to the store,

1023
00:57:50.119 --> 00:57:54.039
<v Speaker 3>going you know, doing stuff, doing boring stuff around the house,

1024
00:57:54.159 --> 00:57:57.400
<v Speaker 3>like laundry. It's like, well, what man does laundry?

1025
00:57:57.800 --> 00:58:00.400
<v Speaker 2>I used to do laundry at five am on Sunday, man,

1026
00:58:01.280 --> 00:58:04.599
<v Speaker 2>because I have to drink. Like you said, with the

1027
00:58:04.679 --> 00:58:07.440
<v Speaker 2>video games, like you you like morph your whole world

1028
00:58:07.840 --> 00:58:10.239
<v Speaker 2>into things that you necessarily don't like. But as long

1029
00:58:10.280 --> 00:58:12.280
<v Speaker 2>as you're drinking while you're doing it, it's fine and

1030
00:58:12.320 --> 00:58:14.280
<v Speaker 2>you're accepted and it's cool. It's good. Hey, I'll do

1031
00:58:14.360 --> 00:58:16.320
<v Speaker 2>I've got to clean the house. You gotta do laundry.

1032
00:58:16.360 --> 00:58:18.320
<v Speaker 2>I mean I gotta do it on Sunday at five am.

1033
00:58:18.639 --> 00:58:22.239
<v Speaker 2>Now every other day of the week, I'm rolling out

1034
00:58:22.239 --> 00:58:24.679
<v Speaker 2>of bed nine, get to the radio season like ten,

1035
00:58:26.719 --> 00:58:30.280
<v Speaker 2>barely make it. But on Saturday and Sundays four or five,

1036
00:58:30.400 --> 00:58:32.280
<v Speaker 2>as soon as I wake up, it's it's on and

1037
00:58:32.280 --> 00:58:34.480
<v Speaker 2>popping to the freezer to get the half gallon and

1038
00:58:34.559 --> 00:58:36.280
<v Speaker 2>let's go and then we'll start the laundry.

1039
00:58:37.480 --> 00:58:37.679
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

1040
00:58:37.679 --> 00:58:39.760
<v Speaker 2>And it was like passed out by ten.

1041
00:58:40.280 --> 00:58:44.519
<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah, and yeah, I still remember, like I didn't

1042
00:58:44.519 --> 00:58:48.039
<v Speaker 3>wait until after work to get to get tanked up.

1043
00:58:48.239 --> 00:58:51.679
<v Speaker 3>It was it was if I need to go to

1044
00:58:51.719 --> 00:58:56.400
<v Speaker 3>the store for something, or and I and I would

1045
00:58:56.440 --> 00:58:59.559
<v Speaker 3>go to the store or make some excuse to go

1046
00:58:59.800 --> 00:59:04.360
<v Speaker 3>till lead the house to be like, well, I gotta

1047
00:59:04.360 --> 00:59:06.280
<v Speaker 3>go fill up my car. I need to get gas

1048
00:59:06.280 --> 00:59:08.760
<v Speaker 3>from my car because if not, I'm gonna forget. Well,

1049
00:59:09.719 --> 00:59:14.119
<v Speaker 3>little did people, little did people that you know, my mom,

1050
00:59:14.280 --> 00:59:19.920
<v Speaker 3>I should say, not really on speaking terms with her situation,

1051
00:59:20.119 --> 00:59:23.920
<v Speaker 3>but not going to get into that, but she would

1052
00:59:24.000 --> 00:59:27.199
<v Speaker 3>ask me, well, we're you off to well, I'm gonna

1053
00:59:27.199 --> 00:59:29.079
<v Speaker 3>go fill up my car before, you know, before I

1054
00:59:29.079 --> 00:59:31.639
<v Speaker 3>go to work, because if not, I'm gonna forget. But

1055
00:59:32.000 --> 00:59:36.440
<v Speaker 3>little did she know that my car was either let's

1056
00:59:36.480 --> 00:59:39.639
<v Speaker 3>just say my car didn't need to have gas, did

1057
00:59:39.639 --> 00:59:42.800
<v Speaker 3>not need to have gas. And it's like, well it was,

1058
00:59:43.480 --> 00:59:47.320
<v Speaker 3>you know, go to the liquor store, you know, sit

1059
00:59:47.360 --> 00:59:49.960
<v Speaker 3>out in the parking lot and drink there and then

1060
00:59:50.400 --> 00:59:57.719
<v Speaker 3>go back home. And she and then there was even

1061
00:59:57.800 --> 01:00:02.599
<v Speaker 3>times where she would me, too, well, will you go

1062
01:00:02.639 --> 01:00:04.960
<v Speaker 3>to the store for me? Will you will you by

1063
01:00:05.079 --> 01:00:07.519
<v Speaker 3>get me? Will you buy go and get me stuff?

1064
01:00:07.599 --> 01:00:11.000
<v Speaker 3>So you know, so I can make dinner. Yeah, okay,

1065
01:00:11.000 --> 01:00:11.400
<v Speaker 3>I will.

1066
01:00:11.440 --> 01:00:13.440
<v Speaker 2>You got excited when you heard that. Yeah, I was like,

1067
01:00:13.519 --> 01:00:16.599
<v Speaker 2>oh yeah, well you go yeah yeah, yeah. Don't don't

1068
01:00:16.599 --> 01:00:18.800
<v Speaker 2>tell me you twice. I'll go right, get right in

1069
01:00:18.840 --> 01:00:21.239
<v Speaker 2>my car and go go on ahead. Yeah. It's it's

1070
01:00:21.280 --> 01:00:23.119
<v Speaker 2>the same thing, like if you like. But I just

1071
01:00:23.119 --> 01:00:26.400
<v Speaker 2>said about getting up on the Monday, Tuesday wednesay. Oh

1072
01:00:26.440 --> 01:00:28.800
<v Speaker 2>oh wait, was there drinking of Oh yeah, am I

1073
01:00:28.840 --> 01:00:31.239
<v Speaker 2>gonna drink yeah? Yeah, And it's the same. And I

1074
01:00:31.280 --> 01:00:33.880
<v Speaker 2>wonder how because gambling it works the same way with

1075
01:00:33.920 --> 01:00:37.519
<v Speaker 2>the serotonin and dope mean and all that. I wonder

1076
01:00:37.639 --> 01:00:42.880
<v Speaker 2>how tolerance because alcohol obviously if you because if you're like, oh,

1077
01:00:42.960 --> 01:00:46.079
<v Speaker 2>I just drink two beers every night. I had a

1078
01:00:46.159 --> 01:00:47.880
<v Speaker 2>lady say that she drinks two glasses of wine every

1079
01:00:47.880 --> 01:00:50.440
<v Speaker 2>single night. I said, that's impossible. Your glasses have to

1080
01:00:50.440 --> 01:00:53.400
<v Speaker 2>get bigger because your body is gonna go. I just

1081
01:00:53.599 --> 01:00:55.760
<v Speaker 2>I need more, a little bit more, a little bit more.

1082
01:00:55.800 --> 01:00:58.000
<v Speaker 2>That's why I like, you could never say I'm just

1083
01:00:58.039 --> 01:01:02.519
<v Speaker 2>gonna drink half a pint every night, because then it's

1084
01:01:02.519 --> 01:01:04.320
<v Speaker 2>gonna be well, I'm gonna need it a little bit more.

1085
01:01:04.320 --> 01:01:05.920
<v Speaker 2>And maybe I'll just do a pint and a half

1086
01:01:06.000 --> 01:01:10.039
<v Speaker 2>and or half pine. It's gonna grow because of the tolerance.

1087
01:01:10.119 --> 01:01:12.280
<v Speaker 2>And I remember, you know, back in the day, one

1088
01:01:12.280 --> 01:01:15.199
<v Speaker 2>beer he gets you whoa he tore up from one

1089
01:01:15.199 --> 01:01:17.119
<v Speaker 2>to two beers, Oh my god. And then he can

1090
01:01:17.199 --> 01:01:19.000
<v Speaker 2>handle a whole six fact cool. And then it becomes

1091
01:01:19.039 --> 01:01:20.800
<v Speaker 2>a badge of honor like, oh he can drink a

1092
01:01:20.800 --> 01:01:22.880
<v Speaker 2>whole case bohmself yep.

1093
01:01:23.320 --> 01:01:26.559
<v Speaker 3>And I remember talking to A to a good friend

1094
01:01:26.599 --> 01:01:29.559
<v Speaker 3>of mine. I pretty much call uh, pretty much call

1095
01:01:29.719 --> 01:01:33.039
<v Speaker 3>him you know or pretty much you know, brothers since

1096
01:01:33.079 --> 01:01:36.039
<v Speaker 3>I've known him for I would want to say the

1097
01:01:36.079 --> 01:01:42.400
<v Speaker 3>past fifteen years. And I remember UH having conversations with

1098
01:01:42.480 --> 01:01:47.039
<v Speaker 3>him about you know, about you know, me being an

1099
01:01:47.079 --> 01:01:52.239
<v Speaker 3>alcoholic and everyone and and not just and it wasn't

1100
01:01:52.320 --> 01:01:56.519
<v Speaker 3>just him, but everyone else didn't even think I had

1101
01:01:56.559 --> 01:01:58.360
<v Speaker 3>a had a drinking problem.

1102
01:01:59.039 --> 01:02:04.519
<v Speaker 2>Well am I opinion as a professional radio broadcaster, it's

1103
01:02:04.559 --> 01:02:07.039
<v Speaker 2>it is Okay, it is the alcohol. Yeah, okay, that's

1104
01:02:07.079 --> 01:02:09.079
<v Speaker 2>because it's poison and that's what we turn to. But

1105
01:02:09.239 --> 01:02:12.639
<v Speaker 2>it's the underlying issue, Like this is what I think

1106
01:02:12.760 --> 01:02:15.679
<v Speaker 2>keeps people afraid because they don't want to be labeled alcoholic.

1107
01:02:16.480 --> 01:02:19.360
<v Speaker 2>But everybody has problems some people deal with them in

1108
01:02:19.360 --> 01:02:22.480
<v Speaker 2>different ways. Some people have unhealthy ways but it's not alcohol,

1109
01:02:22.519 --> 01:02:25.519
<v Speaker 2>but it's still unhealthy. You know. They have other different

1110
01:02:25.559 --> 01:02:28.679
<v Speaker 2>outlets that they use. We chose alcohol again for us,

1111
01:02:28.679 --> 01:02:30.400
<v Speaker 2>it made sense easy right down the road. Just need

1112
01:02:30.480 --> 01:02:32.119
<v Speaker 2>some money to buy it. Okay, good, makes it go

1113
01:02:32.119 --> 01:02:35.280
<v Speaker 2>away for now. Okay cool? And I see commercials and

1114
01:02:35.320 --> 01:02:42.599
<v Speaker 2>its accepted. But when you realized that you had a problem,

1115
01:02:42.800 --> 01:02:44.360
<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, going to the hospital. And it's kind

1116
01:02:44.360 --> 01:02:46.800
<v Speaker 2>of like it shouldn't have to get to that level.

1117
01:02:47.599 --> 01:02:50.599
<v Speaker 2>But I think it's we fight so hard against that

1118
01:02:50.679 --> 01:02:53.159
<v Speaker 2>label of being called an alcoholic and being that person

1119
01:02:53.199 --> 01:02:55.719
<v Speaker 2>that has a problem. You know, there's a person in

1120
01:02:55.719 --> 01:02:57.880
<v Speaker 2>my life right now and I wish this person would

1121
01:02:57.920 --> 01:03:01.119
<v Speaker 2>would just listen to me and those chance. About three

1122
01:03:01.119 --> 01:03:02.800
<v Speaker 2>weeks ago, I thought I was going to talk to

1123
01:03:02.840 --> 01:03:04.440
<v Speaker 2>this person. I was going to have this one on

1124
01:03:04.440 --> 01:03:08.360
<v Speaker 2>one where I was going to say, look like, I

1125
01:03:08.400 --> 01:03:11.400
<v Speaker 2>can tell you what's going on, and I'm not, no Tredymus,

1126
01:03:11.559 --> 01:03:13.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm not. I cannot predict the future, but I can

1127
01:03:13.800 --> 01:03:15.960
<v Speaker 2>predict yours. That's what I want to say. You know,

1128
01:03:16.000 --> 01:03:18.719
<v Speaker 2>but it's not because the person's bad person. It's not,

1129
01:03:18.800 --> 01:03:22.239
<v Speaker 2>but I think this person is afraid to like drop

1130
01:03:22.280 --> 01:03:24.559
<v Speaker 2>their guard to go, okay, help me because they don't

1131
01:03:24.559 --> 01:03:26.199
<v Speaker 2>want to be labeled that bad person and they don't

1132
01:03:26.199 --> 01:03:28.800
<v Speaker 2>want people to think bad about them. And it's not

1133
01:03:28.880 --> 01:03:33.280
<v Speaker 2>about that, it's I don't know. It's so frustrating, and

1134
01:03:33.400 --> 01:03:35.599
<v Speaker 2>I can see where my mom was probably like wanting

1135
01:03:35.639 --> 01:03:38.639
<v Speaker 2>to lose her shit. Everybody in my life was probably

1136
01:03:38.679 --> 01:03:44.159
<v Speaker 2>wanting to lose their shit. Is so frustrating, and what

1137
01:03:44.280 --> 01:03:47.519
<v Speaker 2>comes around goes around, you know, Like here I am

1138
01:03:48.000 --> 01:03:51.360
<v Speaker 2>with someone who I love dearly that I just can't

1139
01:03:51.800 --> 01:03:54.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't and I don't know. Just because I helped

1140
01:03:54.519 --> 01:03:57.079
<v Speaker 2>myself and changed my life doesn't mean that I can

1141
01:03:57.159 --> 01:03:59.679
<v Speaker 2>help you or help anybody else. You know, I can

1142
01:03:59.719 --> 01:04:03.320
<v Speaker 2>tell you what worked for me. Yeah, but you know,

1143
01:04:03.360 --> 01:04:07.119
<v Speaker 2>so like when family members will look at me and go, well, hey,

1144
01:04:07.239 --> 01:04:08.960
<v Speaker 2>how can you not helping this person, It's like, well,

1145
01:04:09.000 --> 01:04:11.760
<v Speaker 2>he the person never asked me for it. And you know,

1146
01:04:12.320 --> 01:04:14.800
<v Speaker 2>they say that only a person like they saw this

1147
01:04:14.880 --> 01:04:17.320
<v Speaker 2>in AA anyway, like and maybe they say in other

1148
01:04:17.840 --> 01:04:21.639
<v Speaker 2>areas or different avenues too. But I'm the only one

1149
01:04:21.639 --> 01:04:26.079
<v Speaker 2>that can say that I'm an alcoholic. Yeah, now you

1150
01:04:27.039 --> 01:04:28.920
<v Speaker 2>throw a huge question mark up there. I'm like, well,

1151
01:04:28.960 --> 01:04:31.119
<v Speaker 2>what do you mean because your mom obviously knew an

1152
01:04:31.119 --> 01:04:33.320
<v Speaker 2>alcoholic kid. But they say A but as far as

1153
01:04:33.360 --> 01:04:36.199
<v Speaker 2>you getting help, like that's step one. You have to

1154
01:04:36.199 --> 01:04:39.440
<v Speaker 2>admit you have the problem. Yeah, but I think step

1155
01:04:39.480 --> 01:04:42.159
<v Speaker 2>one should be admit that I have trauma that I

1156
01:04:42.159 --> 01:04:44.840
<v Speaker 2>haven't dealt with, and I and to understand that I

1157
01:04:44.880 --> 01:04:48.920
<v Speaker 2>am using the alcohol to help me through it. That's tough,

1158
01:04:49.079 --> 01:04:52.639
<v Speaker 2>especially if you're talking to someone who's currently drinking. That

1159
01:04:52.800 --> 01:04:55.760
<v Speaker 2>is impossible because they're gonna They're gonna do the same

1160
01:04:55.760 --> 01:04:57.440
<v Speaker 2>thing that I did. Probably you did too. Throw the

1161
01:04:57.480 --> 01:04:59.760
<v Speaker 2>double birds up. Don't need you anyway, Go live your life.

1162
01:04:59.840 --> 01:05:02.199
<v Speaker 2>F you see, I got my bottle.

1163
01:05:03.039 --> 01:05:07.519
<v Speaker 3>I always whenever someone told me that I was you know,

1164
01:05:07.960 --> 01:05:13.280
<v Speaker 3>like even like family members told me, you know, yeah

1165
01:05:13.320 --> 01:05:17.559
<v Speaker 3>I was drinking too much, and it was like yeah, yeah, yeah,

1166
01:05:17.599 --> 01:05:20.599
<v Speaker 3>I'm I'm no, I know what my limit is.

1167
01:05:20.880 --> 01:05:24.960
<v Speaker 2>But that was the alcohol that was telling me. Tell

1168
01:05:25.039 --> 01:05:27.840
<v Speaker 2>me that I knew my limit. I didn't.

1169
01:05:28.079 --> 01:05:30.840
<v Speaker 3>I didn't have a limit, nor did I even know

1170
01:05:30.920 --> 01:05:33.079
<v Speaker 3>I had. You know, there was you know I had

1171
01:05:33.079 --> 01:05:33.519
<v Speaker 3>a limit.

1172
01:05:33.559 --> 01:05:36.079
<v Speaker 2>He was having fun. You having fun? Man, Get off

1173
01:05:36.119 --> 01:05:38.159
<v Speaker 2>my back. Yeah, I was in.

1174
01:05:39.800 --> 01:05:43.239
<v Speaker 3>Going back to talking with a good friend of mine,

1175
01:05:44.079 --> 01:05:47.199
<v Speaker 3>I was u whenever I was talking to him about

1176
01:05:47.239 --> 01:05:49.840
<v Speaker 3>you know, like recovery. Like every once in a while

1177
01:05:49.880 --> 01:05:52.559
<v Speaker 3>he'll talk and say, you know, well, you know how

1178
01:05:52.639 --> 01:05:57.000
<v Speaker 3>you doing, how you're holding up, you know, and he

1179
01:05:57.320 --> 01:06:02.519
<v Speaker 3>and I remember telling him one night, you know, talking

1180
01:06:02.559 --> 01:06:07.280
<v Speaker 3>about my uh time in act in an alcohol addiction.

1181
01:06:09.719 --> 01:06:15.400
<v Speaker 3>I had, uh, I had pretty much didn't really care

1182
01:06:16.559 --> 01:06:20.519
<v Speaker 3>about what people thought of me, because I mean it

1183
01:06:20.679 --> 01:06:23.599
<v Speaker 3>was just like, I mean, oh well, it's it's another day,

1184
01:06:23.719 --> 01:06:24.400
<v Speaker 3>It's another day.

1185
01:06:24.440 --> 01:06:25.400
<v Speaker 2>I don't care.

1186
01:06:25.440 --> 01:06:29.000
<v Speaker 3>And I remember telling, telling my telling a good friend

1187
01:06:29.000 --> 01:06:35.519
<v Speaker 3>of mine that I remember back whenever I didn't even know.

1188
01:06:35.880 --> 01:06:39.440
<v Speaker 3>This is before my dad even passed away. So I

1189
01:06:39.440 --> 01:06:42.960
<v Speaker 3>I was, you know, didn't think, you know, didn't think

1190
01:06:43.000 --> 01:06:47.280
<v Speaker 3>nothing about it until un though after I'm getting into

1191
01:06:47.400 --> 01:06:52.960
<v Speaker 3>you know, into recovery. That I would save. There was

1192
01:06:53.000 --> 01:06:58.679
<v Speaker 3>a time where I saved like all my hard liquor bottles,

1193
01:06:58.679 --> 01:07:01.400
<v Speaker 3>whether if it was a pint or a fifth, and

1194
01:07:02.559 --> 01:07:06.960
<v Speaker 3>I put those on a shelf as almost like a like.

1195
01:07:06.960 --> 01:07:09.519
<v Speaker 2>A trophy, like a trophy.

1196
01:07:10.159 --> 01:07:16.000
<v Speaker 3>And I remember telling him, you know, saying that it's

1197
01:07:16.079 --> 01:07:19.320
<v Speaker 3>like before then, I was like, well, I don't know

1198
01:07:19.360 --> 01:07:22.199
<v Speaker 3>if I thought it was like now I now, I

1199
01:07:22.199 --> 01:07:25.719
<v Speaker 3>think that's number one, plain and stupid. It's it's it's

1200
01:07:25.840 --> 01:07:28.920
<v Speaker 3>dumb for someone to do that. But back then it

1201
01:07:29.079 --> 01:07:33.159
<v Speaker 3>was like, you know, I was proud of that, and

1202
01:07:34.079 --> 01:07:37.119
<v Speaker 3>but now it's like, I'm not proud of that at all.

1203
01:07:37.719 --> 01:07:42.000
<v Speaker 3>I mean, and thinking about and I always say it,

1204
01:07:42.079 --> 01:07:46.480
<v Speaker 3>but thinking back, whenever I'm thinking, you know, how far

1205
01:07:46.840 --> 01:07:51.639
<v Speaker 3>in recovery and my sobriety, I look back and think

1206
01:07:51.679 --> 01:07:55.320
<v Speaker 3>about all the times I was I was an alcoholic

1207
01:07:55.519 --> 01:07:59.599
<v Speaker 3>and these situations I put myself in at the time,

1208
01:07:59.639 --> 01:08:03.519
<v Speaker 3>whether if it was you know, I didn't know where

1209
01:08:03.559 --> 01:08:06.079
<v Speaker 3>I was at or I blacked out.

1210
01:08:06.159 --> 01:08:11.960
<v Speaker 2>I think of those times and I use it as

1211
01:08:13.039 --> 01:08:17.439
<v Speaker 2>as fuel to my to my fire to keep going.

1212
01:08:18.399 --> 01:08:20.079
<v Speaker 2>And whenever.

1213
01:08:21.520 --> 01:08:24.880
<v Speaker 3>I think about those, it doesn't it doesn't trigger me.

1214
01:08:25.239 --> 01:08:28.800
<v Speaker 3>It doesn't, it doesn't trigger me at all. It in fact,

1215
01:08:29.159 --> 01:08:34.439
<v Speaker 3>it helps me because it helps me become the newer,

1216
01:08:34.640 --> 01:08:38.720
<v Speaker 3>the better you know, a new person. It gives gives

1217
01:08:38.760 --> 01:08:43.199
<v Speaker 3>me something to well, what like people ask me, what

1218
01:08:43.319 --> 01:08:46.720
<v Speaker 3>could you have done differently with being an alcoholic?

1219
01:08:47.199 --> 01:08:48.880
<v Speaker 2>I mean, God on.

1220
01:08:48.880 --> 01:08:50.600
<v Speaker 3>A street and I just and I talked to my

1221
01:08:51.439 --> 01:08:54.399
<v Speaker 3>therapists about this a couple of weeks ago and he

1222
01:08:54.520 --> 01:08:56.600
<v Speaker 3>asked me a question. I can't remember how he had

1223
01:08:56.640 --> 01:09:00.720
<v Speaker 3>worded it, but he asked me, would you have changed

1224
01:09:01.159 --> 01:09:07.159
<v Speaker 3>anything in your recovery or your sobriety. Would you have

1225
01:09:07.399 --> 01:09:10.159
<v Speaker 3>changed like even back whenever you're an alcoholic, would you

1226
01:09:10.199 --> 01:09:11.239
<v Speaker 3>have changed anything?

1227
01:09:11.880 --> 01:09:14.640
<v Speaker 2>I said absolutely not, And he was.

1228
01:09:14.640 --> 01:09:20.039
<v Speaker 3>Like, like what you even even you still want? I

1229
01:09:20.079 --> 01:09:23.199
<v Speaker 3>was like, well, number one, I didn't know. I mean

1230
01:09:23.520 --> 01:09:26.239
<v Speaker 3>I didn't know I had a drinking problem, that's one thing.

1231
01:09:26.760 --> 01:09:30.319
<v Speaker 3>And maybe this is the path that God wanted me

1232
01:09:31.000 --> 01:09:36.640
<v Speaker 3>to take, because it was either it was either he

1233
01:09:37.840 --> 01:09:42.840
<v Speaker 3>uh puts me through the storm and that or it's

1234
01:09:42.960 --> 01:09:47.880
<v Speaker 3>just it's it was life or death. And I, you know,

1235
01:09:48.079 --> 01:09:52.239
<v Speaker 3>think about how far I've went, and it's just it's

1236
01:09:52.359 --> 01:09:56.479
<v Speaker 3>amazing how far, how far I've came. And they say

1237
01:09:56.560 --> 01:10:01.600
<v Speaker 3>that you know, taking you know, it's just taking that

1238
01:10:01.640 --> 01:10:03.000
<v Speaker 3>first step into recovery.

1239
01:10:05.199 --> 01:10:07.880
<v Speaker 2>It's the greatest feeling in it. Yeah, it really is.

1240
01:10:08.239 --> 01:10:12.520
<v Speaker 2>God's great And that's the way to handle that man,

1241
01:10:12.560 --> 01:10:14.960
<v Speaker 2>that question, would you change anything? No, because he wouldn't

1242
01:10:15.000 --> 01:10:17.720
<v Speaker 2>be exactly You're right here today, this is exactly where

1243
01:10:17.720 --> 01:10:19.399
<v Speaker 2>you're supposed to be. This where God wanted you today.

1244
01:10:19.479 --> 01:10:22.000
<v Speaker 2>He wanted me here too. And if you change any

1245
01:10:22.039 --> 01:10:24.920
<v Speaker 2>little thing, I'm not going to be married. I'm not

1246
01:10:24.920 --> 01:10:27.239
<v Speaker 2>gonna have a kid. You know, like, no, no I will.

1247
01:10:28.000 --> 01:10:30.000
<v Speaker 2>I had to go through that pain to learn at all,

1248
01:10:30.039 --> 01:10:33.479
<v Speaker 2>and I was stubborn. But when we go through those

1249
01:10:33.520 --> 01:10:36.119
<v Speaker 2>things and we learn, yeah, now we know. Now you

1250
01:10:36.159 --> 01:10:38.079
<v Speaker 2>know you have a problem. Now you know the danger

1251
01:10:38.159 --> 01:10:39.920
<v Speaker 2>of alcohol. It's not just oh, go have a beer

1252
01:10:40.000 --> 01:10:42.079
<v Speaker 2>like the commercials on TV. Hey go good down the

1253
01:10:42.079 --> 01:10:44.039
<v Speaker 2>boat and have some fun. No, it's not like that

1254
01:10:44.079 --> 01:10:47.039
<v Speaker 2>for you. For some people. Sure, Travis, he can go out,

1255
01:10:47.159 --> 01:10:49.199
<v Speaker 2>my little brother, he can go out and have a beer.

1256
01:10:49.239 --> 01:10:50.520
<v Speaker 2>He can have two or three. He can go get

1257
01:10:50.600 --> 01:10:52.399
<v Speaker 2>drunk if he wants. But guess what that next morning,

1258
01:10:52.520 --> 01:10:55.399
<v Speaker 2>he's not going to the freezer getting his half gallon out,

1259
01:10:55.560 --> 01:10:58.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, like he'd be like, no, I got shit

1260
01:10:58.720 --> 01:11:01.359
<v Speaker 2>to do, you know. And maybe that's his addiction. I

1261
01:11:01.359 --> 01:11:05.239
<v Speaker 2>think hunting is Travis's addiction. Actually, oh oh, talk to

1262
01:11:05.319 --> 01:11:08.520
<v Speaker 2>him about that one. But I don't think it's addiction.

1263
01:11:08.680 --> 01:11:10.319
<v Speaker 2>I think it's a it's a hobby. I think it's

1264
01:11:10.680 --> 01:11:14.800
<v Speaker 2>anything can become unhealthy. You know, people work out, people

1265
01:11:14.800 --> 01:11:16.439
<v Speaker 2>go to church too much, people do all that. You know,

1266
01:11:16.479 --> 01:11:18.680
<v Speaker 2>there's so many things that people can do too much of.

1267
01:11:20.279 --> 01:11:20.399
<v Speaker 1>That.

1268
01:11:20.439 --> 01:11:23.520
<v Speaker 2>You just have to kind of know yourself, know your role,

1269
01:11:23.560 --> 01:11:26.439
<v Speaker 2>and just know God's good, yeah, you know, and to

1270
01:11:26.439 --> 01:11:28.479
<v Speaker 2>look at the blessings of life today and the things

1271
01:11:28.520 --> 01:11:31.800
<v Speaker 2>that we have. When when I first brought you, or

1272
01:11:31.920 --> 01:11:34.199
<v Speaker 2>actually justin brought you up here, but when when I

1273
01:11:34.239 --> 01:11:38.800
<v Speaker 2>took you home, you know, like, I mean that was

1274
01:11:38.800 --> 01:11:43.039
<v Speaker 2>probably you were feeling way different when you I really

1275
01:11:43.199 --> 01:11:45.159
<v Speaker 2>was the oling way different. It was like.

1276
01:11:46.680 --> 01:11:51.000
<v Speaker 3>It was whenever I hit like on the way up here,

1277
01:11:51.039 --> 01:11:54.920
<v Speaker 3>it was like I didn't know what to expect.

1278
01:11:55.199 --> 01:11:59.399
<v Speaker 2>Going to rehab, did not expect you know what.

1279
01:11:59.600 --> 01:12:03.680
<v Speaker 3>I was like the holding tank, you know, is it

1280
01:12:03.720 --> 01:12:06.239
<v Speaker 3>is it gonna be? Is it gonna be like prison?

1281
01:12:06.600 --> 01:12:07.279
<v Speaker 2>Is it gonna be?

1282
01:12:07.359 --> 01:12:07.439
<v Speaker 1>Like?

1283
01:12:08.159 --> 01:12:11.560
<v Speaker 2>Is it gonna be? Are they? Are these people going

1284
01:12:11.640 --> 01:12:15.079
<v Speaker 2>to be like like a prison? Like a selling made Yeah,

1285
01:12:15.319 --> 01:12:17.319
<v Speaker 2>And some people in there do have that prison mentality,

1286
01:12:17.319 --> 01:12:19.039
<v Speaker 2>and you have to I mean I don't check them,

1287
01:12:19.079 --> 01:12:20.439
<v Speaker 2>but I'll be like, hey man, you have to live

1288
01:12:20.439 --> 01:12:22.680
<v Speaker 2>that way no more. Yeah, that's a lot of people.

1289
01:12:22.720 --> 01:12:24.159
<v Speaker 2>Will you'll hear that you don't have to live that

1290
01:12:24.199 --> 01:12:25.800
<v Speaker 2>way no more? You know, And that means a lot

1291
01:12:25.800 --> 01:12:29.720
<v Speaker 2>of different things, but that prison mentality sometimes is in there,

1292
01:12:29.760 --> 01:12:31.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, because people do get locked up for drugs,

1293
01:12:31.600 --> 01:12:34.680
<v Speaker 2>and we take people from from jail to treatment a lot,

1294
01:12:35.239 --> 01:12:37.560
<v Speaker 2>and we love it because as a person who was

1295
01:12:37.840 --> 01:12:42.199
<v Speaker 2>locked up, going this is the help I need for

1296
01:12:42.319 --> 01:12:46.319
<v Speaker 2>my mental problem, Like I I need help. And I

1297
01:12:46.600 --> 01:12:48.760
<v Speaker 2>think that's a good thing to get people who are

1298
01:12:48.760 --> 01:12:52.079
<v Speaker 2>locked up for drug charges would be alcohol, meth, whatever,

1299
01:12:52.319 --> 01:12:53.960
<v Speaker 2>and to get them in a place where they can

1300
01:12:54.000 --> 01:12:59.399
<v Speaker 2>help them. I think that's huge for society. For your kid, Yeah,

1301
01:12:59.439 --> 01:13:01.159
<v Speaker 2>your kid, I said, your kid. You're listening right now.

1302
01:13:01.319 --> 01:13:04.680
<v Speaker 2>Your kid, your husband, your wife, your grandma, everybody. We've

1303
01:13:04.720 --> 01:13:06.880
<v Speaker 2>taken eighty I took an eighty five year old over

1304
01:13:06.920 --> 01:13:09.079
<v Speaker 2>to Detroit one time woman then had to go pick

1305
01:13:09.079 --> 01:13:11.800
<v Speaker 2>her up a week later because she had COVID drove

1306
01:13:11.800 --> 01:13:14.319
<v Speaker 2>the wreck as she had COVID in the back seat.

1307
01:13:14.960 --> 01:13:17.319
<v Speaker 2>Oh wow, yeah, that's I mean. We've taken many people

1308
01:13:17.359 --> 01:13:20.199
<v Speaker 2>that have full blown COVID right on in the start

1309
01:13:20.239 --> 01:13:23.680
<v Speaker 2>of COVID, you know, and it's just like, oh damn, okay,

1310
01:13:23.800 --> 01:13:27.399
<v Speaker 2>we'll get them there. But I don't even know what

1311
01:13:27.439 --> 01:13:31.159
<v Speaker 2>I was talking about now. That get the old thing yeah,

1312
01:13:31.239 --> 01:13:35.399
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. Life is great though, it's beautiful. And

1313
01:13:35.600 --> 01:13:37.840
<v Speaker 2>I did remember something I was talking about earlier that

1314
01:13:37.840 --> 01:13:39.920
<v Speaker 2>I didn't want to mention before we in the podcast,

1315
01:13:39.920 --> 01:13:42.520
<v Speaker 2>and I was talking about the gamblers and if there's dope,

1316
01:13:42.600 --> 01:13:45.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, the tolerance, and I do remember hearing that

1317
01:13:46.840 --> 01:13:52.079
<v Speaker 2>for them, steaks have to get higher. Yeah you know where,

1318
01:13:52.199 --> 01:13:54.479
<v Speaker 2>Oh this black giant, it's not it's just not good enough.

1319
01:13:54.520 --> 01:13:55.920
<v Speaker 2>I got to go to the other tables where the

1320
01:13:55.960 --> 01:13:58.199
<v Speaker 2>stakes may be higher. Or yeah, this thing. I was

1321
01:13:58.239 --> 01:14:01.279
<v Speaker 2>watching a movie on this stuff. But anyway, it was

1322
01:14:01.600 --> 01:14:04.439
<v Speaker 2>crazy and that they were talking to this one guy

1323
01:14:04.439 --> 01:14:08.119
<v Speaker 2>who was gambling addict and he had he was just

1324
01:14:08.119 --> 01:14:13.720
<v Speaker 2>want nuts and almost blew his whole retirement family all that.

1325
01:14:14.079 --> 01:14:16.560
<v Speaker 2>It's so similar to the to the alcohol person. But

1326
01:14:17.399 --> 01:14:20.199
<v Speaker 2>then he got his stuff together and become an alcoholic.

1327
01:14:21.000 --> 01:14:22.800
<v Speaker 2>That's what he said. Just like that. He was like,

1328
01:14:22.840 --> 01:14:24.720
<v Speaker 2>got my stuff together. I wasn't gambling no more, but

1329
01:14:25.600 --> 01:14:28.960
<v Speaker 2>I substituted. He turned to drinking, and then he went

1330
01:14:29.039 --> 01:14:31.920
<v Speaker 2>back to gambling, and now he was gambling and drinking,

1331
01:14:32.840 --> 01:14:34.720
<v Speaker 2>and so he's like that was even worse, you know,

1332
01:14:34.800 --> 01:14:36.359
<v Speaker 2>but he ended up he had when he did the

1333
01:14:36.359 --> 01:14:38.840
<v Speaker 2>movie or whatever. He had five years cleaned from everything,

1334
01:14:38.880 --> 01:14:41.760
<v Speaker 2>so that was good. But like, you gotta be careful

1335
01:14:41.760 --> 01:14:43.880
<v Speaker 2>of the substitutions. And oh, I'll just do this, so

1336
01:14:43.960 --> 01:14:46.000
<v Speaker 2>I'll just smoke pot. People have said that, and it's like, okay,

1337
01:14:46.000 --> 01:14:47.760
<v Speaker 2>well I can't smoke pott it because I tried that

1338
01:14:47.880 --> 01:14:50.479
<v Speaker 2>method too. I'll just smoke pot and let me right

1339
01:14:50.520 --> 01:14:52.399
<v Speaker 2>back to alcohol. Oh yeah, yeah yeah.

1340
01:14:52.439 --> 01:14:55.399
<v Speaker 3>And that's another that was another thing too, And I'm

1341
01:14:55.399 --> 01:14:58.920
<v Speaker 3>glad you brought that up because I had someone had

1342
01:14:58.960 --> 01:15:01.840
<v Speaker 3>asked me to even whenever I got out of the hospital,

1343
01:15:01.880 --> 01:15:05.800
<v Speaker 3>because you know, I smoked weed too. I mean I

1344
01:15:05.880 --> 01:15:10.600
<v Speaker 3>whenever I first started. I was a straight up pothead, really,

1345
01:15:11.000 --> 01:15:16.039
<v Speaker 3>I mean and whenever, and I still was a pothead,

1346
01:15:16.079 --> 01:15:19.800
<v Speaker 3>but not like I wasn't like, you know, oh, let

1347
01:15:19.840 --> 01:15:23.520
<v Speaker 3>me go, you know, smoke, smoke four or five bunths

1348
01:15:23.680 --> 01:15:27.279
<v Speaker 3>or how or however I chose to do it. And

1349
01:15:27.800 --> 01:15:31.760
<v Speaker 3>I remember getting out of the hospital and whenever I said,

1350
01:15:31.800 --> 01:15:34.760
<v Speaker 3>you know, I can't. I can't drink no more, No,

1351
01:15:35.479 --> 01:15:40.119
<v Speaker 3>absolutely not. And someone had asked me, well, are you

1352
01:15:40.159 --> 01:15:41.279
<v Speaker 3>still going to smoke weed?

1353
01:15:41.920 --> 01:15:41.960
<v Speaker 1>No?

1354
01:15:44.399 --> 01:15:48.760
<v Speaker 3>Why would I? And I always and I said, because

1355
01:15:48.760 --> 01:15:52.119
<v Speaker 3>it's like and I think about it back whenever I

1356
01:15:52.199 --> 01:15:59.359
<v Speaker 3>was an alcoholic, that whenever I would smoke weed and drink,

1357
01:16:00.399 --> 01:16:05.199
<v Speaker 3>smoking weed actually made me want to drink more.

1358
01:16:05.960 --> 01:16:08.640
<v Speaker 2>So It's like, well, would.

1359
01:16:08.359 --> 01:16:12.159
<v Speaker 3>I if I, you know, take a hit off of

1360
01:16:12.399 --> 01:16:16.079
<v Speaker 3>a half of a joint after being sober for nine months?

1361
01:16:16.359 --> 01:16:18.399
<v Speaker 3>Is it going to trigger me into going to the

1362
01:16:18.399 --> 01:16:22.199
<v Speaker 3>liquor store while I'm up in Traverse City to go to.

1363
01:16:22.239 --> 01:16:27.439
<v Speaker 2>Go get a bottle? Nobody will know? Yeah, yeah, nobody, Yeah,

1364
01:16:27.520 --> 01:16:28.119
<v Speaker 2>nobody will know.

1365
01:16:28.199 --> 01:16:28.279
<v Speaker 1>No.

1366
01:16:28.319 --> 01:16:31.600
<v Speaker 2>One doesn't know me up here. And that was enough.

1367
01:16:32.640 --> 01:16:34.520
<v Speaker 3>I thought that I was sinking on the way up here,

1368
01:16:34.720 --> 01:16:38.760
<v Speaker 3>was like, well, I mean, yeah, I'm I'm up here.

1369
01:16:38.960 --> 01:16:41.680
<v Speaker 3>I can you know. I could drink if I wanted to,

1370
01:16:42.079 --> 01:16:45.199
<v Speaker 3>But I'm not going to because why would I go

1371
01:16:45.319 --> 01:16:50.439
<v Speaker 3>back to the to to this same broken cycle that

1372
01:16:50.560 --> 01:16:53.439
<v Speaker 3>I've already been in. And I already know what's going

1373
01:16:53.520 --> 01:16:57.520
<v Speaker 3>to happen if I keep drinking. Because there, like I said,

1374
01:16:57.520 --> 01:16:59.960
<v Speaker 3>there was there was no there was no limit for me,

1375
01:17:01.000 --> 01:17:05.279
<v Speaker 3>and they always and I've learned that. And I've seen

1376
01:17:05.279 --> 01:17:09.439
<v Speaker 3>a quote on Facebook, because I follow all these recovery

1377
01:17:09.960 --> 01:17:15.960
<v Speaker 3>addiction groups, and I've seen one on there, a quote

1378
01:17:16.000 --> 01:17:20.079
<v Speaker 3>on there. It says, the man takes the drink, their

1379
01:17:20.159 --> 01:17:22.880
<v Speaker 3>drink takes the drink, and then the drinks take the man.

1380
01:17:23.800 --> 01:17:28.239
<v Speaker 3>And I think about that, and it was, you know, yeah,

1381
01:17:28.479 --> 01:17:32.199
<v Speaker 3>I take one drink, and then that first drink could

1382
01:17:32.520 --> 01:17:35.319
<v Speaker 3>make me want to take, you know, another drink, and

1383
01:17:35.359 --> 01:17:38.159
<v Speaker 3>then before you know it, the drinks have already taken me,

1384
01:17:39.720 --> 01:17:45.520
<v Speaker 3>taken my life, taken, taken every bit of everything I have.

1385
01:17:45.920 --> 01:17:52.319
<v Speaker 3>And for what recovery has given me back, it's given

1386
01:17:52.359 --> 01:17:55.199
<v Speaker 3>me back weight, so much more than what alcohol was

1387
01:17:55.239 --> 01:17:59.439
<v Speaker 3>giving me giving me. And it was, you know, it's

1388
01:17:59.640 --> 01:18:03.199
<v Speaker 3>a bit, it's it's man, it's such a good feeling

1389
01:18:03.800 --> 01:18:07.600
<v Speaker 3>because you can't it's like you know how you think

1390
01:18:07.640 --> 01:18:11.880
<v Speaker 3>of uh, you know how you think of like many

1391
01:18:12.000 --> 01:18:15.000
<v Speaker 3>feel so good but you don't know like why, But

1392
01:18:15.359 --> 01:18:18.119
<v Speaker 3>I mean, with being in recovery, it's like I feel

1393
01:18:18.119 --> 01:18:20.279
<v Speaker 3>so good. It's just I don't know if it's just

1394
01:18:20.319 --> 01:18:22.840
<v Speaker 3>because I've been in recovery for so long, or if

1395
01:18:22.880 --> 01:18:25.920
<v Speaker 3>it's like you know, I know, I know, I don't

1396
01:18:25.960 --> 01:18:30.479
<v Speaker 3>have that urge to drink anymore. And a couple of months,

1397
01:18:30.479 --> 01:18:32.520
<v Speaker 3>it was a couple it was, I want to say,

1398
01:18:32.520 --> 01:18:35.000
<v Speaker 3>maybe a couple of weeks ago, I went to the

1399
01:18:35.039 --> 01:18:39.680
<v Speaker 3>store after going to the gym, just you know, to

1400
01:18:40.039 --> 01:18:44.399
<v Speaker 3>UH to get groceries, and I was going by the

1401
01:18:44.600 --> 01:18:49.920
<v Speaker 3>UH by the alcohol liquor section, and I looked and

1402
01:18:50.039 --> 01:18:53.479
<v Speaker 3>it was like, you know, the more that I get

1403
01:18:53.720 --> 01:18:57.479
<v Speaker 3>further into recovery and think about my sobriety and how

1404
01:18:57.520 --> 01:19:01.600
<v Speaker 3>far I came, the less appealing that alcohol section is

1405
01:19:01.640 --> 01:19:01.880
<v Speaker 3>to me.

1406
01:19:02.720 --> 01:19:05.239
<v Speaker 2>I used to get sick. I like, I almost vomit

1407
01:19:05.439 --> 01:19:07.239
<v Speaker 2>when I would see it just a thought because it

1408
01:19:07.359 --> 01:19:11.680
<v Speaker 2>was that very bottom shelf vodka that I just think,

1409
01:19:11.680 --> 01:19:12.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't even to think about it because it makes

1410
01:19:13.000 --> 01:19:16.079
<v Speaker 2>me want to puke. Yeah. So yeah, like just seeing that,

1411
01:19:16.119 --> 01:19:18.239
<v Speaker 2>you know, it's not fun and that brings back bad times.

1412
01:19:18.319 --> 01:19:21.119
<v Speaker 2>And the reason why I think we appreciate life so

1413
01:19:21.199 --> 01:19:23.880
<v Speaker 2>much is because we we went through the dark, and

1414
01:19:23.920 --> 01:19:26.760
<v Speaker 2>you have to go through the dark to appreciate that light,

1415
01:19:27.359 --> 01:19:29.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, like people that didn't go through the struggles

1416
01:19:29.520 --> 01:19:31.000
<v Speaker 2>we went through. And there are people that went through

1417
01:19:31.039 --> 01:19:33.359
<v Speaker 2>million times as the struggles that we went through and

1418
01:19:33.399 --> 01:19:35.039
<v Speaker 2>that see the light even brighter than we do. So

1419
01:19:35.079 --> 01:19:38.239
<v Speaker 2>I'm not saying that, hey, we're the greatest people ever

1420
01:19:38.359 --> 01:19:41.239
<v Speaker 2>because we used to be alcoholics. I'm not saying that,

1421
01:19:41.239 --> 01:19:43.680
<v Speaker 2>But I'm saying we went through very dark times in

1422
01:19:43.720 --> 01:19:45.920
<v Speaker 2>our lives, times that we thought we probably would never

1423
01:19:45.960 --> 01:19:49.520
<v Speaker 2>get out of, and we did. And now we got

1424
01:19:49.520 --> 01:19:52.279
<v Speaker 2>out and we have changed our lives and we are

1425
01:19:52.319 --> 01:19:55.920
<v Speaker 2>living better and life is happening to like real life

1426
01:19:55.960 --> 01:19:59.239
<v Speaker 2>is happening to us now and we appreciate it. And

1427
01:19:59.319 --> 01:20:03.159
<v Speaker 2>it scares me. There's a lot of things that scared

1428
01:20:03.199 --> 01:20:07.560
<v Speaker 2>me about it because I know how much I have

1429
01:20:07.640 --> 01:20:11.960
<v Speaker 2>to lose now, you know. And yeah, but it's a

1430
01:20:11.960 --> 01:20:14.000
<v Speaker 2>great feeling, like we could go to the bar right

1431
01:20:14.000 --> 01:20:16.720
<v Speaker 2>now and go in there and just get people help,

1432
01:20:17.079 --> 01:20:19.640
<v Speaker 2>Like wouldn't that be fun? Oh yeah, Like I mean,

1433
01:20:19.680 --> 01:20:21.960
<v Speaker 2>I want to help everybody, anybody. Like there's people I

1434
01:20:22.000 --> 01:20:23.479
<v Speaker 2>see walking on the street sometimes I'm like, man, I

1435
01:20:23.479 --> 01:20:26.279
<v Speaker 2>should stop and get that guy some help, because I

1436
01:20:26.319 --> 01:20:28.079
<v Speaker 2>want everybody to feel this, and especially when it comes

1437
01:20:28.119 --> 01:20:30.439
<v Speaker 2>to people that I know, and people from water vel

1438
01:20:30.439 --> 01:20:32.199
<v Speaker 2>Eat and Coloma and Hartford will reach out to you

1439
01:20:32.439 --> 01:20:35.079
<v Speaker 2>because you're posting that stuff. And there was a guy,

1440
01:20:35.199 --> 01:20:37.600
<v Speaker 2>Jason Voter. I saw him and I remember I was

1441
01:20:37.640 --> 01:20:39.560
<v Speaker 2>driving home from Grand rap As after I took someone

1442
01:20:39.600 --> 01:20:42.600
<v Speaker 2>to treatment that it had nothing to do with too

1443
01:20:42.600 --> 01:20:44.520
<v Speaker 2>seven I mean that was in my active addiction back then,

1444
01:20:45.279 --> 01:20:47.880
<v Speaker 2>and I saw him post on Facebook. I was driving

1445
01:20:47.880 --> 01:20:49.680
<v Speaker 2>and I'm looking at my phone and he had posted

1446
01:20:49.720 --> 01:20:51.399
<v Speaker 2>that he had so many days sober, and I'm like,

1447
01:20:51.800 --> 01:20:54.199
<v Speaker 2>lucky bastard. I remember thinking of that. But we ended

1448
01:20:54.279 --> 01:20:56.399
<v Speaker 2>up talking and he's been on the podcast a few times,

1449
01:20:56.399 --> 01:20:58.840
<v Speaker 2>but I think he's got it like nine years now. Wow.

1450
01:20:58.840 --> 01:21:02.720
<v Speaker 2>But but it's crazy because I reached out to him later.

1451
01:21:03.159 --> 01:21:06.159
<v Speaker 2>You know, it wasn't for help, but but it was

1452
01:21:06.239 --> 01:21:08.119
<v Speaker 2>to tell him that his message that I saw that

1453
01:21:08.199 --> 01:21:11.560
<v Speaker 2>day didn't it did impact me, you know, so all

1454
01:21:11.600 --> 01:21:15.960
<v Speaker 2>those people that whatever, dude like I'm following me then

1455
01:21:16.000 --> 01:21:18.399
<v Speaker 2>like I don't care, Like that's what and yeah, and

1456
01:21:18.800 --> 01:21:22.199
<v Speaker 2>it was whenever people say that, and you never know

1457
01:21:22.239 --> 01:21:24.119
<v Speaker 2>who's going to see it. Yeah, you never know who's

1458
01:21:24.119 --> 01:21:26.840
<v Speaker 2>going to see it. And it's like it might be someone.

1459
01:21:27.000 --> 01:21:30.399
<v Speaker 3>That has that has a problem that sees it and

1460
01:21:30.439 --> 01:21:32.640
<v Speaker 3>they're like, I'm out alone.

1461
01:21:33.239 --> 01:21:34.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm not alone.

1462
01:21:34.960 --> 01:21:39.000
<v Speaker 3>And I might have and I've had might have had

1463
01:21:39.119 --> 01:21:42.920
<v Speaker 3>one per I've had some people asked me, well, where'd

1464
01:21:42.960 --> 01:21:46.640
<v Speaker 3>you go to rehab at? And I I tell him,

1465
01:21:46.680 --> 01:21:51.359
<v Speaker 3>I went up to Traverse City and I I and

1466
01:21:51.439 --> 01:21:53.479
<v Speaker 3>they said, well, what made you go up there? And

1467
01:21:53.520 --> 01:21:56.159
<v Speaker 3>it's like, because I wanted to you know, I needed

1468
01:21:56.760 --> 01:22:00.680
<v Speaker 3>first and foremost I wanted I didn't want no one

1469
01:22:00.720 --> 01:22:01.279
<v Speaker 3>to know me.

1470
01:22:02.520 --> 01:22:03.720
<v Speaker 2>Pretty much like you said.

1471
01:22:04.199 --> 01:22:08.000
<v Speaker 3>And then it was like I needed to break from

1472
01:22:08.039 --> 01:22:15.319
<v Speaker 3>Southwest Michigan. And they in they had told me, you know,

1473
01:22:15.600 --> 01:22:19.520
<v Speaker 3>asked me like you know, then people and then there's

1474
01:22:19.560 --> 01:22:22.039
<v Speaker 3>other people ask me, well, what made you want to

1475
01:22:22.039 --> 01:22:25.159
<v Speaker 3>get sober? Because I wanted to have a life. I

1476
01:22:25.199 --> 01:22:28.840
<v Speaker 3>didn't have a life whenever I was whenever I was drinking,

1477
01:22:28.920 --> 01:22:32.560
<v Speaker 3>and I thought, I mean, and that's the crazy thing

1478
01:22:32.680 --> 01:22:36.680
<v Speaker 3>with alcohol is that you know, it makes you think

1479
01:22:36.760 --> 01:22:41.199
<v Speaker 3>all these things, but it's not it's not, you know,

1480
01:22:42.279 --> 01:22:46.079
<v Speaker 3>not necessarily true. Like it makes you think, oh, well,

1481
01:22:46.119 --> 01:22:49.359
<v Speaker 3>you're capable of doing that and anything and everything, and

1482
01:22:49.920 --> 01:22:52.680
<v Speaker 3>you can do this or you can have a good life. No,

1483
01:22:52.880 --> 01:22:56.560
<v Speaker 3>you can't have a good life, especially whenever you don't

1484
01:22:56.600 --> 01:23:01.960
<v Speaker 3>know that you don't know your limit. And I and

1485
01:23:02.000 --> 01:23:05.439
<v Speaker 3>I've said this to people, and it's like, you know,

1486
01:23:05.840 --> 01:23:09.800
<v Speaker 3>there are some people out there that need help and recovery,

1487
01:23:10.159 --> 01:23:14.640
<v Speaker 3>need the help and the recovery like like like how

1488
01:23:14.680 --> 01:23:21.119
<v Speaker 3>I needed it, And it's not for those that need it.

1489
01:23:21.119 --> 01:23:23.359
<v Speaker 3>It's for those that want it. Yeah, Like I can

1490
01:23:23.720 --> 01:23:28.119
<v Speaker 3>tell someone you know off the streets like, hey, you

1491
01:23:28.119 --> 01:23:30.520
<v Speaker 3>you need help. You need you have a serious struck

1492
01:23:30.640 --> 01:23:33.319
<v Speaker 3>problem or a serious alcohol problem. You need to go

1493
01:23:33.359 --> 01:23:36.600
<v Speaker 3>get help. I can't make that person go get help.

1494
01:23:36.720 --> 01:23:38.039
<v Speaker 3>They have to want it first.

1495
01:23:38.159 --> 01:23:40.319
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, he may not even know he has a problem. Yes,

1496
01:23:40.399 --> 01:23:41.840
<v Speaker 2>that you know. And if you don't want it, if

1497
01:23:41.840 --> 01:23:44.319
<v Speaker 2>you don't think it's a problem in your life and

1498
01:23:44.399 --> 01:23:47.920
<v Speaker 2>it's telling you it's not, then who are you to

1499
01:23:47.960 --> 01:23:49.840
<v Speaker 2>tell somebody? And that's that's what makes it so hard,

1500
01:23:49.880 --> 01:23:52.359
<v Speaker 2>you know, when you're when people do reach out, then

1501
01:23:52.399 --> 01:23:54.760
<v Speaker 2>it makes it easier because heyt listay're asking for help,

1502
01:23:55.079 --> 01:23:57.119
<v Speaker 2>But that those other ones you don't know who's going

1503
01:23:57.159 --> 01:23:59.239
<v Speaker 2>to see it, and you don't know it could be

1504
01:23:59.239 --> 01:24:01.880
<v Speaker 2>ten thousand people. I think it's wasted time and it's stupid.

1505
01:24:02.319 --> 01:24:04.960
<v Speaker 2>But that one person that sees it, you know, that's

1506
01:24:05.000 --> 01:24:08.720
<v Speaker 2>what it's for. And yeah, you're you're just showing off

1507
01:24:08.720 --> 01:24:11.079
<v Speaker 2>what you're you're living life, man, you know, like, yeah,

1508
01:24:11.239 --> 01:24:14.640
<v Speaker 2>life's been and life's been Like like I've always said,

1509
01:24:14.680 --> 01:24:16.680
<v Speaker 2>life's been been beautiful.

1510
01:24:17.000 --> 01:24:22.680
<v Speaker 3>It's it's more I appreciate it more now than I

1511
01:24:22.720 --> 01:24:27.399
<v Speaker 3>did back then, because I I easily could have not

1512
01:24:27.600 --> 01:24:30.680
<v Speaker 3>have went to the hospital. I mean I could have

1513
01:24:30.760 --> 01:24:34.640
<v Speaker 3>easily not went to the hospital and gotten the help

1514
01:24:34.800 --> 01:24:38.119
<v Speaker 3>and found out you know, oh, well you have alcohol.

1515
01:24:38.239 --> 01:24:42.119
<v Speaker 3>You have thorrosis of the liver from heavy alcohol usage.

1516
01:24:42.680 --> 01:24:50.119
<v Speaker 3>And then I remember, I remember a couple couple months

1517
01:24:50.159 --> 01:24:55.680
<v Speaker 3>after getting out of the hospital or not hospitals to

1518
01:24:55.760 --> 01:24:59.439
<v Speaker 3>say I rehab I had uh hadn't had an inset.

1519
01:24:59.479 --> 01:25:01.960
<v Speaker 3>And this is what scared you know, scares me, you know,

1520
01:25:02.159 --> 01:25:05.479
<v Speaker 3>scares me makes me want to do more, do more

1521
01:25:05.920 --> 01:25:10.960
<v Speaker 3>as far as getting staying sober, is you know, because

1522
01:25:11.000 --> 01:25:13.479
<v Speaker 3>of my health, Like my health has been one of

1523
01:25:13.520 --> 01:25:17.239
<v Speaker 3>the number one things that gives me. The anxiety, the

1524
01:25:17.279 --> 01:25:22.359
<v Speaker 3>depression that I've been been you know, fighting and going through.

1525
01:25:22.960 --> 01:25:25.920
<v Speaker 3>And a couple of months, you know, back in April,

1526
01:25:26.079 --> 01:25:29.960
<v Speaker 3>I had an incidant where I just you know started

1527
01:25:30.439 --> 01:25:34.039
<v Speaker 3>you know, not to get you know, too descriptive, but

1528
01:25:34.239 --> 01:25:37.560
<v Speaker 3>you know I started getting you know, start throwing thrown

1529
01:25:37.640 --> 01:25:42.640
<v Speaker 3>up blood and went to the hospital and they and

1530
01:25:43.119 --> 01:25:47.079
<v Speaker 3>they said that you know, my with having I guess

1531
01:25:47.119 --> 01:25:51.600
<v Speaker 3>they said that with uh, with having the uh, the cirrhosis.

1532
01:25:51.720 --> 01:25:55.960
<v Speaker 3>It leads to like the esophageal verses like in u esophagus.

1533
01:25:56.000 --> 01:26:00.439
<v Speaker 3>And I was at grade two and they said that

1534
01:26:00.479 --> 01:26:04.079
<v Speaker 3>if I and one of them was pretty much about

1535
01:26:04.079 --> 01:26:08.680
<v Speaker 3>the rupture and meaning that it was, you know, I

1536
01:26:08.680 --> 01:26:10.760
<v Speaker 3>could have I could have bled out in my sleep.

1537
01:26:10.920 --> 01:26:14.039
<v Speaker 2>Family could have bled out in my sleep. And they

1538
01:26:14.239 --> 01:26:18.239
<v Speaker 2>had said, you know, you know, you probably would have

1539
01:26:18.520 --> 01:26:21.640
<v Speaker 2>bled out your sleep and most likely could have died.

1540
01:26:22.039 --> 01:26:25.600
<v Speaker 2>That's that was one thing that scared me. And then

1541
01:26:27.720 --> 01:26:29.319
<v Speaker 2>as a matter of fact, and then just.

1542
01:26:29.279 --> 01:26:32.760
<v Speaker 3>Before that March, I went to seeing a liver transplant

1543
01:26:33.359 --> 01:26:36.039
<v Speaker 3>clinic up in Grand Rapids just to talk a little

1544
01:26:36.079 --> 01:26:39.880
<v Speaker 3>bit more about my liver. And they said, had you have,

1545
01:26:40.239 --> 01:26:43.960
<v Speaker 3>you know, not stopped, you would you would have needed

1546
01:26:44.000 --> 01:26:48.840
<v Speaker 3>a liver transplant to have any chance of survival. And

1547
01:26:48.960 --> 01:26:53.880
<v Speaker 3>they talked about the scoring chart with liver disease and

1548
01:26:55.039 --> 01:26:58.920
<v Speaker 3>they and with being you know, six being the lowest,

1549
01:26:58.920 --> 01:27:03.199
<v Speaker 3>forty being the highest, you know, and then between fifteen

1550
01:27:03.239 --> 01:27:06.760
<v Speaker 3>and forty would put you on the list for a transplant.

1551
01:27:07.680 --> 01:27:11.000
<v Speaker 3>I was out of twenty five back then, and they

1552
01:27:11.039 --> 01:27:13.560
<v Speaker 3>said that you most likely wouldn't need to have a

1553
01:27:13.640 --> 01:27:18.880
<v Speaker 3>transplant back then. But then they said, well, you know,

1554
01:27:19.279 --> 01:27:24.680
<v Speaker 3>with your with staying sobers, you know, staying active, keeping

1555
01:27:24.720 --> 01:27:28.479
<v Speaker 3>your body healthy. You're now back down two and eleven.

1556
01:27:29.399 --> 01:27:32.760
<v Speaker 3>And that was and that was like one of the

1557
01:27:33.359 --> 01:27:37.279
<v Speaker 3>a good feeling, but it also still scared me because

1558
01:27:37.279 --> 01:27:43.359
<v Speaker 3>it's like a transplant and I've looked, you know, I honestly,

1559
01:27:44.039 --> 01:27:48.039
<v Speaker 3>I honestly looked up on YouTube about a transplant. I

1560
01:27:48.079 --> 01:27:52.439
<v Speaker 3>was like, oh shoot, I was like, I yeah, I'm

1561
01:27:52.479 --> 01:27:55.840
<v Speaker 3>And then just a couple of weeks ago, I went

1562
01:27:55.920 --> 01:28:01.640
<v Speaker 3>to go see a cardiologist and they and they're just

1563
01:28:01.840 --> 01:28:05.800
<v Speaker 3>you know, talking about my heart and they they I

1564
01:28:05.840 --> 01:28:09.279
<v Speaker 3>can't remember the exact name of what it is, but

1565
01:28:10.159 --> 01:28:13.359
<v Speaker 3>they asked me, well, when did you start having these

1566
01:28:13.399 --> 01:28:16.800
<v Speaker 3>symptoms or when did you start going to the hospital

1567
01:28:17.279 --> 01:28:21.319
<v Speaker 3>for your cirrhosis as I went back in November, and

1568
01:28:21.399 --> 01:28:25.720
<v Speaker 3>they said, had you not went, then you most likely

1569
01:28:25.760 --> 01:28:28.920
<v Speaker 3>would have been in heart failure right now and you

1570
01:28:29.159 --> 01:28:34.279
<v Speaker 3>potentially could have been dead or be dying. And I

1571
01:28:34.840 --> 01:28:37.960
<v Speaker 3>and that's still, like I said, the health, My health

1572
01:28:37.960 --> 01:28:40.920
<v Speaker 3>has been the number one thing that scares me to

1573
01:28:41.000 --> 01:28:44.800
<v Speaker 3>death almost every single day because it's like I don't

1574
01:28:44.840 --> 01:28:47.520
<v Speaker 3>know if I'm going to you know, if I'm going

1575
01:28:47.560 --> 01:28:51.760
<v Speaker 3>to survive That's why I'm so more passionate every day

1576
01:28:51.760 --> 01:28:56.760
<v Speaker 3>about you know, staying sober and making all the you know,

1577
01:28:57.039 --> 01:29:01.600
<v Speaker 3>all the posts I make about you know, recovery is possible,

1578
01:29:01.680 --> 01:29:04.680
<v Speaker 3>and I want people to know that it's possible. It's

1579
01:29:04.760 --> 01:29:09.479
<v Speaker 3>just all about changing your whole perspective on life and

1580
01:29:10.279 --> 01:29:13.880
<v Speaker 3>taking that first step forward, because I'd much rather have

1581
01:29:14.640 --> 01:29:18.600
<v Speaker 3>the worst sober day than the best drunk night.

1582
01:29:19.159 --> 01:29:24.199
<v Speaker 2>Yeah yeah, or worst sober day is way better. Yes.

1583
01:29:25.159 --> 01:29:26.760
<v Speaker 2>And I'll tell you, man, it's great to see again

1584
01:29:26.840 --> 01:29:29.119
<v Speaker 2>you've lost a lot of way you're you're doing things.

1585
01:29:29.119 --> 01:29:30.159
<v Speaker 2>And that's the other thing too.

1586
01:29:30.279 --> 01:29:34.960
<v Speaker 3>Like everyone's like it's funny because I, uh just the

1587
01:29:35.239 --> 01:29:38.199
<v Speaker 3>day before I came up here, I uh went to

1588
01:29:38.479 --> 01:29:42.079
<v Speaker 3>uh went to the gas station to get fill my

1589
01:29:42.319 --> 01:29:45.359
<v Speaker 3>fill the car up before heading up here. And it

1590
01:29:45.479 --> 01:29:48.800
<v Speaker 3>was a gas station where I always I say my

1591
01:29:48.920 --> 01:29:51.880
<v Speaker 3>go to gas station because that's where I went to

1592
01:29:52.279 --> 01:29:56.840
<v Speaker 3>go get my alcohol. And the gentleman was.

1593
01:29:56.840 --> 01:30:00.640
<v Speaker 2>Like, is that you. I was like, yeah, that yeah,

1594
01:30:00.680 --> 01:30:03.720
<v Speaker 2>it's me. He's like, you look good. You lost the way.

1595
01:30:03.800 --> 01:30:06.079
<v Speaker 2>I was like, yeah, man, I had to quit drinking.

1596
01:30:06.920 --> 01:30:10.479
<v Speaker 2>It's either I quit drinking or I was gonna die. Yeah.

1597
01:30:10.479 --> 01:30:12.840
<v Speaker 2>People don't. People don't. I guess some people realize, but

1598
01:30:12.960 --> 01:30:16.159
<v Speaker 2>it really swells your face up. Oh, it does big time.

1599
01:30:16.640 --> 01:30:22.199
<v Speaker 3>And I mean even posting like like before and after

1600
01:30:22.319 --> 01:30:26.920
<v Speaker 3>photos of like before photos of whenever I was and

1601
01:30:27.079 --> 01:30:32.000
<v Speaker 3>you know, an alcoholic to me now, it's like people

1602
01:30:32.239 --> 01:30:35.000
<v Speaker 3>they're like, I can hardly recognize you. And as a

1603
01:30:35.079 --> 01:30:39.079
<v Speaker 3>matter of fact, the whenever I went up and visited

1604
01:30:39.159 --> 01:30:43.319
<v Speaker 3>the uh the facility I was in, I actually stopped

1605
01:30:43.359 --> 01:30:45.800
<v Speaker 3>there yesterday and I'm gonna stop back over there again

1606
01:30:46.439 --> 01:30:51.000
<v Speaker 3>later today. And uh, yesterday I stopped there, talked to

1607
01:30:51.039 --> 01:30:56.479
<v Speaker 3>one of the navigators and he didn't He hardly recognized

1608
01:30:56.479 --> 01:30:59.800
<v Speaker 3>me until I started, you know, I started talking to

1609
01:31:01.119 --> 01:31:05.039
<v Speaker 3>and he's like, I thought that was you. You look

1610
01:31:05.119 --> 01:31:09.279
<v Speaker 3>amazing you. You look so much healthier. And he even

1611
01:31:09.319 --> 01:31:13.960
<v Speaker 3>said that you look way better now and you did

1612
01:31:14.000 --> 01:31:16.960
<v Speaker 3>whenever you first were in treatment. Yeah, And it was

1613
01:31:17.079 --> 01:31:21.760
<v Speaker 3>like it was like, yeah, man, I'm just taking care

1614
01:31:21.800 --> 01:31:24.479
<v Speaker 3>of myself, taking care of you know what's most important

1615
01:31:24.479 --> 01:31:27.319
<v Speaker 3>to me now and that's life.

1616
01:31:27.479 --> 01:31:29.960
<v Speaker 2>Well, you keep on doing that, and I don't know,

1617
01:31:30.000 --> 01:31:31.680
<v Speaker 2>next time when you come up you have to pop

1618
01:31:31.720 --> 01:31:34.920
<v Speaker 2>in do another podcast. Okay, this on your goals and

1619
01:31:34.920 --> 01:31:36.880
<v Speaker 2>your dreams and your visions and we'll do all that

1620
01:31:36.920 --> 01:31:39.039
<v Speaker 2>stuff next time, but do this good scene. Yeah, I'm

1621
01:31:39.039 --> 01:31:41.479
<v Speaker 2>glad that you came back. And yeah, it's fun. I

1622
01:31:41.520 --> 01:31:43.439
<v Speaker 2>love it when people get it and you can have

1623
01:31:43.479 --> 01:31:45.000
<v Speaker 2>that same feeling of like.

1624
01:31:45.119 --> 01:31:50.279
<v Speaker 3>Yes, it's always amazing to talk to somebody who had

1625
01:31:50.319 --> 01:31:53.680
<v Speaker 3>the same struggles as you, because it's like, you know,

1626
01:31:54.000 --> 01:31:56.479
<v Speaker 3>you could have been you could benefit from something that

1627
01:31:56.560 --> 01:32:00.279
<v Speaker 3>I say, or I can benefit something from what you said,

1628
01:32:00.399 --> 01:32:04.119
<v Speaker 3>and it's just it's you know, it's just amazing talking to,

1629
01:32:05.119 --> 01:32:10.000
<v Speaker 3>you know, to other recovering alcoholics, because it's like you

1630
01:32:10.079 --> 01:32:14.399
<v Speaker 3>never know what you say might be their survival guide.

1631
01:32:15.479 --> 01:32:17.520
<v Speaker 3>And that's how I always say, is that, you know,

1632
01:32:17.880 --> 01:32:21.000
<v Speaker 3>first year of sobriety and recovery is all about survival.

1633
01:32:21.039 --> 01:32:26.520
<v Speaker 2>Man, Yeah it is. You got too. But I'm proud

1634
01:32:26.560 --> 01:32:29.039
<v Speaker 2>of you, man, and I appreciate you coming to see

1635
01:32:29.079 --> 01:32:31.399
<v Speaker 2>me and there showing on the podcast. Yeah, thanks, it

1636
01:32:31.760 --> 01:32:36.039
<v Speaker 2>is awesome. Appreciate you well. Thanks and be in touch

1637
01:32:36.079 --> 01:32:38.720
<v Speaker 2>and we'll do part two next time. Oh yeah, it's

1638
01:32:38.760 --> 01:32:39.199
<v Speaker 2>part two.

1639
01:32:40.119 --> 01:32:43.760
<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening to the two seventeen Recovery podcast. Listen

1640
01:32:43.800 --> 01:32:47.039
<v Speaker 1>to over nine hundred episodes on the two seventeen recovery

1641
01:32:47.039 --> 01:32:50.039
<v Speaker 1>app that's free in your app store or online at

1642
01:32:50.119 --> 01:32:55.800
<v Speaker 1>two seventeen recovery dot com.