Speaker 1: Section sixteen of Amusement Only. This is a LibriVox recording.
Speaker 1: All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
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Speaker 1: by Jill Janovitz Amusement Only by Richard marsh Aunt Jane's Jalap,
Speaker 1: Chapter one, before taking there's a fortune in it for
Speaker 1: bottle makers. If for them, then what for us? We
Speaker 1: shan't want more bottles than we can sell. Besides, we
Speaker 1: can make our own bottles. If it comes to that cost.
Speaker 1: A bottle contents, cork, label and all one penny selling
Speaker 1: price eightpence sell at a moderate estimate one million bottles
Speaker 1: a year. How does that figure for a profit? It
Speaker 1: figures nicely, But give me facts. How long do you
Speaker 1: suppose it will take us to reach that sale? No
Speaker 1: time the name will sell it. Aunt Jane's Jalap. There
Speaker 1: isn't an old woman in England who, seeing those words
Speaker 1: staring her in the face, won't press a longing hand
Speaker 1: to her inside outside. I presume you mean, but no matter.
Speaker 1: Hughes placed the bottle on the table. He looked at
Speaker 1: it with loving eyes. Then he shook his head. There's
Speaker 1: only one thing. We want customers, testimonials. There's something in it.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 1: There is not much, perhaps, but still something. That bottle, sir,
Speaker 1: contains a remedy for all known diseases and all unknown ones,
Speaker 1: for all that I can tell. In fact, I have
Speaker 1: suspicion that it is the unknown diseases that it will
Speaker 1: come as the greatest blessing patent medicines generally do those
Speaker 1: mysterious maladies which, up to the advent of Aunt Jane's
Speaker 1: jalap have baffled all the resources of medical science. Give
Speaker 1: me a day or two and I will prove it.
Speaker 1: I will bring you testimonies which will make your hair
Speaker 1: stand up on end. And he paused, looking me fixedly
Speaker 1: in the face, all genuine. That evening I had a
Speaker 1: small dinner party. It was rather an occasion. The suggestion,
Speaker 1: I'm bound to admit, had come from Margaret, My dear George.
Speaker 1: It's the easiest thing in the world, and you could
Speaker 1: do it nicely. Why don't you ask us to dinner?
Speaker 1: Aunt and I and old pipus to round it off?
Speaker 1: Squared off, I suspect she meant, but of course that
Speaker 1: would make four with me. But I didn't correct her,
Speaker 1: and then you and I could look over the house
Speaker 1: together after dinner. So I asked them, and they came.
Speaker 1: Old Pybus said that he would be delighted. I don't
Speaker 1: care for pipus myself, but Missus Chalmers does, and this
Speaker 1: was an occasion on which her taste had to be
Speaker 1: consulted rather than mine. And during dinner I began on
Speaker 1: Aunt Jane's jalap. Well, it's all settled with Hughes. I
Speaker 1: addressed myself to Margaret, what about Aunt Jane's jalap? Missus
Speaker 1: Chalmers put down her spoon. This was while the soup
Speaker 1: was on Aunt Jane's jalap? Whatever's that? The new patent medicine,
Speaker 1: the coming boom. You must know that my friend Francis
Speaker 1: Hughes has a wonderful old nurse, and this wonderful old
Speaker 1: nurse has the most wonderful medicine which she used to
Speaker 1: administer to all her charges. Hughes has obtained the recipe
Speaker 1: from her. How much did he give her for it?
Speaker 1: Half a crown, I crushed pibus. This is a private matter,
Speaker 1: but rather more than half a crown, as a plain
Speaker 1: statement of fact, he hadn't given her anything yet but
Speaker 1: of course we should both of us see that she
Speaker 1: made a good thing of it when the sale got up.
Speaker 1: I need scarcely observe what fortunes have been made in
Speaker 1: patent medicines and lost in them? My boy, this was
Speaker 1: just like pipus, But I let it pass. Millions, literally
Speaker 1: millions have been made, and I may safely say that
Speaker 1: none of them compare with Aunt Jane's jalap. Have you
Speaker 1: tried the stuff upon yourself? No, Pybus, I have not.
Speaker 1: I am ready at any time to try it upon you. Well,
Speaker 1: Hughes has supplied the medicine, and I'm going to supply
Speaker 1: part of the capital. What part this is? Another private part?
Speaker 1: Pibus sufficient, I trust to bring the matter before the
Speaker 1: public eye. Don't you think the name is rather a
Speaker 1: funny one? Aunt Jane's jalap? This was hard coming from Margaret,
Speaker 1: My dear Margaret. The name is half of the battle.
Speaker 1: Hughes thinks it's a splendid one. But don't you think
Speaker 1: it makes one think of indigestion. That's exactly what it's
Speaker 1: meant to do, before or afterwards. This, of course was Pybus.
Speaker 1: Let those laugh who win, Wait till you see the
Speaker 1: name blazoned on every dead wall. Then you'll welcome Aunt
Speaker 1: Jane's jalap as a friend. That dinner, I confess, was
Speaker 1: a little patent medicine. More than once I had wish
Speaker 1: that I had kept the subject out of it. Pybus
Speaker 1: told some pleasant and characteristic anecdotes about injurious effects of
Speaker 1: patent medicines. How he had known whole families killed by
Speaker 1: taking them, How more than half the infant mortality of
Speaker 1: Great Britain was owing to their unrestricted sale. How the
Speaker 1: habit of taking patent medicines was worse than the habit
Speaker 1: of dram drinking. And then why and the wherefore and
Speaker 1: so on. I could not, at my own table take
Speaker 1: the man by the scruff of the neck and drop
Speaker 1: him from the first floor window. But I know that
Speaker 1: Margaret didn't like it, and I didn't either. Missus Chalmers
Speaker 1: seemed undecided. She herself swears by some noxious compound which
Speaker 1: is absurdly named Daddy's Delight, and which I know by
Speaker 1: the mere smell of it it is nothing else but poison.
Speaker 1: Have you any of the stuff in the house, she asked,
Speaker 1: I have a bottle of Aunt Jane's jalap, which is
Speaker 1: not stuff, my dear Missus Chalmers, but a most invaluable medicine.
Speaker 1: Hughes brought it this afternoon as a sample. Trot it out,
Speaker 1: said Pybus Pibus is fifty one if he is a day,
Speaker 1: but he uses the slang of a schoolboy. I was
Speaker 1: not going to act on such a hint as that,
Speaker 1: But when Missus Chalmers expressed a wish to look at it,
Speaker 1: I fetched the bottle. It was a small black bottle,
Speaker 1: such as is used for samples of wine, about a
Speaker 1: quarter bottle size. I held it in my hand. This,
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, is Aunt Jane's jalap. It is a
Speaker 1: name which I trust will soon be familiar in your
Speaker 1: mouths as household words. This, however, is its first appearance
Speaker 1: on the scene. And I propose, to mark the importance
Speaker 1: of the occasion, that we drink to its success. I propose,
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, that we drink to Aunt Jane's jalap
Speaker 1: In Aunt Jane's jalap Brooks, bring four claret glasses. I
Speaker 1: drew the cork. George, you don't mean that where to
Speaker 1: drink the stuff? I do, my dear Margaret, why not?
Speaker 1: The dose is a wineglassful to be taken immediately after meals.
Speaker 1: Missus Chalmers, allow me to offer you a glass of
Speaker 1: Aunt Jane's jalap. She sniffed at it. It has a
Speaker 1: very disagreeable smell. That was good. I protest that I
Speaker 1: have smelt Daddy's delight when I was passing the house,
Speaker 1: and took it till I knew better. For drains. Margaret
Speaker 1: a glass of Aunt Jane's jalap. But George, I assure
Speaker 1: you that I never do take medicine. Some people's wine
Speaker 1: is no better than medicine. We drink that and pretend
Speaker 1: we like it. Why not jalap? This was Pybus, as
Speaker 1: he had just before been making insinuations about my wine.
Speaker 1: The illusion was pointed, but the man's proverbial no, heel
Speaker 1: traps Aunt Jane's jalap with the honors. We all stood up.
Speaker 1: I drained my glass. I immediately wish I hadn't. The
Speaker 1: others drained their glasses. I saw they wish they hadn't too.
Speaker 1: I do not think I ever take anything quite so nasty.
Speaker 1: I wish I had sampled it before. As it was,
Speaker 1: it took me by surprise, so much by surprise that
Speaker 1: my first impulse was to fly for shelter. It was like, well,
Speaker 1: the taste was really so exceedingly disagreeable that comparison fails me.
Speaker 1: It is a case of kill or cure, observed Pybos,
Speaker 1: with the most extraordinary expression of countenance. I ever saw.
Speaker 1: The man who takes much of that stuff will be
Speaker 1: killed if he isn't cured. Death for me, rather than
Speaker 1: Aunt Jane's jalap. If it is jalap, it is rather pungent,
Speaker 1: I owned. I don't know about pungent, continued Pybus, who
Speaker 1: certainly seemed to be suffering. But with ice pudding, it's
Speaker 1: a failure, never declared missus Chalmers, who was leaning back
Speaker 1: in her chair and had her handkerchief in her hand.
Speaker 1: Never did I taste anything like it. Never, And after
Speaker 1: dinner too, Margaret's feelings seemed for the moment to be
Speaker 1: too strong for speech. I perceived the thing had been
Speaker 1: a failure. Still, I endeavored to pass it off, which
Speaker 1: was difficult for I myself felt really ill. Ah, it
Speaker 1: is to the after effects we must look forward. It
Speaker 1: is the after effects I'm thinking of, said Pibos. That
Speaker 1: was almost more than I could bear. It was the
Speaker 1: after effects I was thinking of as well. Come let's
Speaker 1: adjourn and have a little music. Have we finished the
Speaker 1: bottom of Jalap, inquired Pybus. I really must apologize. I
Speaker 1: confess I had no idea what a peculiar taste it had.
Speaker 1: It certainly is peculiar. Missus Chalmers put her handkerchief up
Speaker 1: to her eyes, and after dinner too, we accompanied the
Speaker 1: ladies to the drawing room as well as we could.
Speaker 1: Pipas went with Missus Chalmers, and I took Margaret. As
Speaker 1: we went, I whispered in her ear. Now you and
Speaker 1: I can look over the house together. I am afraid, George,
Speaker 1: you must excuse me. I couldn't walk about just yet.
Speaker 1: Do take me to a chair. We had planned that
Speaker 1: we would examine the house together, from attic to basement. Indeed,
Speaker 1: the whole affair had been got up for that express purpose.
Speaker 1: Everything was in apple pie order and ready for inspection.
Speaker 1: The servants were on the tiptoe of expectation as we went.
Speaker 1: Margaret was to make suggestions for alterations which would fit
Speaker 1: the house for its mistress, and opportunities might arise for
Speaker 1: a little confidential intercourse. But of course I could not
Speaker 1: drag the girl about the place against her will. Love
Speaker 1: works wonders, but there are circumstances which proved to be
Speaker 1: too strong. The atmosphere of the drawing room was depressing.
Speaker 1: It was no use my talking to Margaret because she
Speaker 1: wouldn't talk to me, and general conversation seemed out of
Speaker 1: the question. So I tried another line, Pibus give us
Speaker 1: a song. Pibus thinks he can sing. He may have
Speaker 1: been able to once. Here's drink to me only that's
Speaker 1: a favorite of yours. You should hear him sing it.
Speaker 1: Margaret will play the accompaniment. Lucas he said, do you think,
Speaker 1: by any chance that dose of jalap was too strong?
Speaker 1: I asked the question because I remember when I was
Speaker 1: a boy hearing of a family being poisoned by an
Speaker 1: overdose of jalap. In their case, they took it by mistake.
Speaker 1: Though judging from the taste of your jalap, I can't
Speaker 1: see how that could be. Still, if there is likely
Speaker 1: to be any danger, it is well that we should
Speaker 1: be prepared for it. Margaret murmured, missus Chalmers, let's go home,
Speaker 1: Why aunt, it will pass off in time? In time,
Speaker 1: At that moment, I heartily wish that Hughes had been
Speaker 1: in Jericho before he induced me to dabble in his
Speaker 1: patent medicines. I always did hate them, even as a child.
Speaker 1: It is quite impossible, continued pivis that the sensations which
Speaker 1: I am now experiencing are the ordinary and natural outcome
Speaker 1: of a dose of JA. Margaret groaned Missus Chalmers, I
Speaker 1: insist upon your coming home, aunt. What is the use
Speaker 1: of going home? You haven't got a book in the house, Lucas,
Speaker 1: Treating of Poisons. I wish you wouldn't talk like that, Pipus.
Speaker 1: It really is unfair. I quite perceive that I made
Speaker 1: a mistake in administering the dose after dinner. In fact,
Speaker 1: I am myself inclined to believe that I misunderstood Hughes
Speaker 1: and the dose ought to be administered before a meal.
Speaker 1: Good God, Pibus, I can't help it. I really cannot
Speaker 1: help it, Sir. The idea of a reasonable person voluntarily
Speaker 1: swallowing such a concoction as that before his dinner is
Speaker 1: enough to make any man profane. I don't think, mister Lucas,
Speaker 1: murmured Missus Chalmers, that you have the least idea. How
Speaker 1: ill I feel, my dear Missus Chalmers, if if there
Speaker 1: is anything I can do for you, Yes, said Pibus
Speaker 1: another end of chapter one, Aunt Jane's Jalap, Section seventeen
Speaker 1: of Amusement Only. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox
Speaker 1: recordings are in the public domain. For more information or
Speaker 1: to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Recording by Jill Janovitz.
Speaker 1: Amusement Only by Richard marsh Aunt Jane's Jalap Chapter two.
Speaker 1: After taking just then Brooks came in. Mister Hughes, Sir,
Speaker 1: wishes to speak to you. Excuse me one moment. I'll
Speaker 1: be back directly. I found Hughes waiting for me in
Speaker 1: my snuggery. Sorry to interrupt you, old man, but I
Speaker 1: just called in to prevent accidents. What do you mean
Speaker 1: you know that bottle I brought you this afternoon. I
Speaker 1: thought it was Aunt Jane's Jalap, but it isn't. I
Speaker 1: found it out directly I got home. You see, I
Speaker 1: keep all sorts of bottles in my cupboard regular chemist shops,
Speaker 1: and I caught hold of the wrong one by mistake.
Speaker 1: Not Aunt Jane's Jalap. No, it's Laudanum Lobnum. Hughes the
Speaker 1: fact is, Lucas, what's the matter. You don't mean to
Speaker 1: say you have been drinking some is? Is it poison? Poison?
Speaker 1: Why it's pure Loubnum? Would would a wine glassful? Do
Speaker 1: any harm? A wine glassful? Lucas, old man, don't say
Speaker 1: you've drank a wineglassful. We all have all have, Margaret
Speaker 1: and Missus, Chalmers and Pibus great powers. We thought it
Speaker 1: was Aunt Jane's jalap and we drank to its success.
Speaker 1: Are they dead dead, Hughes? How long ago is it
Speaker 1: since they took it? Not long after dinner? But a wineglassful?
Speaker 1: Are they conscious? They were when I just now left them,
Speaker 1: But they weren't feeling well. I'm not either. We couldn't
Speaker 1: understand it. This explains it, Hughes. You you've murdered us.
Speaker 1: Never mind, old man, keep your head. I'll pull you through.
Speaker 1: Trust all to me. The great thing in a case
Speaker 1: like this is to keep your head. Don't sit down,
Speaker 1: keep yourself in constant circulation. Just one second, Brooks. Brooks
Speaker 1: run Brooks to the nearest doctor, and then to half
Speaker 1: a dozen others and tell them there's a case of
Speaker 1: laudanum poisoning. And there to come at once, loudnum poisoning, Sir,
Speaker 1: What in the house, Yes, in the house. Don't stand
Speaker 1: there like a pig and a fit. It's a question
Speaker 1: of life or death. One moment, sir, while I get
Speaker 1: my hat, go without your hat here take mine. Now,
Speaker 1: run for your life. Remember, if anything happens through you, you
Speaker 1: will be held responsible in the eyes of the law.
Speaker 1: Come along, Lucas, let's go in to them. Keep yourself awake,
Speaker 1: old man. Jump about. Don't say a word to them
Speaker 1: about what has happened. Don't let them even suspect from
Speaker 1: your manner that anything is wrong. The great thing is
Speaker 1: to keep them in entire ignorance and keep cool. Keep cool.
Speaker 1: He gave a jerk at my arm, which almost pulled
Speaker 1: me forward on my face. I say, hughes, don't. But
Speaker 1: I must, old man, I must. I must keep you
Speaker 1: alive at any cost, Oh Lucas, old man, if anything
Speaker 1: should happen, but I won't talk like that, or I
Speaker 1: shall make a fool of myself. Come along, old man,
Speaker 1: and mind what I say. Keep cool. We went along.
Speaker 1: That is to say, he took me by the arm
Speaker 1: and dragged me towards the drawing room. My emotions I
Speaker 1: am unable to describe. I always think that when a
Speaker 1: man is able to describe his emotion, he hasn't had
Speaker 1: any worth disc But through it all I had a
Speaker 1: dim perception that, in spite of his repeated agitations, Hughes
Speaker 1: himself kept anything but cool outside the drawing room door.
Speaker 1: I brought the procession to a standstill. I gripped his arm. Hughes,
Speaker 1: do you think that she will die? Who? Margaret? Nonsense?
Speaker 1: Don't I tell you no one's going to die? For
Speaker 1: goodness sakes, don't talk like that. Don't I keep telling
Speaker 1: you to keep cool? He did, but it was scarcely
Speaker 1: with an air of coolness that he threw the door
Speaker 1: wide open, and with so much force that it seemed
Speaker 1: as if he were trying to wrench it from its hinges.
Speaker 1: I fancy our entry made a slight sensation. It was
Speaker 1: strange if it didn't. They were certainly not unconscious. Yet,
Speaker 1: even amidst my own agitation, it was with quite a
Speaker 1: sensation of relief that I perceived so much. Missus Chalmers
Speaker 1: was reclining on the couch, with her head thrown back
Speaker 1: and a look about her which I did not like.
Speaker 1: Margaret was on a settee, seeming as though the proceedings
Speaker 1: had lost all interest for her. Pibus sat in an
Speaker 1: arm chair, his hands crossed upon his stomach. Good evening,
Speaker 1: said Hughes. I could see he did not like the
Speaker 1: look of things. I I've just dropped in, Pibus, Rose,
Speaker 1: I'm just dropping out. Good evening, Lucas. I have to
Speaker 1: thank you for a very pleasant evening. I'll send you
Speaker 1: the doctor's bill when I get it. Hughes looked at me,
Speaker 1: then at Pibus. You're not going, mister Pibus. Do you
Speaker 1: wish me to be ill here? But I was looking
Speaker 1: forward to a song or a dance or something dance.
Speaker 1: I feel like dancing and singing too. I've been the
Speaker 1: victim of an outrage, mister Hughes. I've been introduced to
Speaker 1: Aunt Jane's jalap. I've heard of it. Lucas ought not
Speaker 1: to have given it to you. And after dinner this
Speaker 1: was a murmur from the couch that was wrong, quite wrong.
Speaker 1: The doe should have been administered before the meal. In
Speaker 1: that case, I observed a little nettled. We should all
Speaker 1: of us been dead by now. Pibus glanced at me,
Speaker 1: sharply dead. What do you mean he's turned on me
Speaker 1: in a rage. Yes, what do you mean? I felt
Speaker 1: I had made a mistake. I I mean nothing, only
Speaker 1: only I think Hughes was as much to blame as
Speaker 1: I was. Hughes took Pibus away, they went to missus Chalmers.
Speaker 1: So far as I could judge, the lady was rapidly
Speaker 1: sinking into a lethargic condition. I remained standing where I was.
Speaker 1: I began gradually to realize my situation, the approaching tragedy
Speaker 1: in which, by fate or circumstance, I was cast as
Speaker 1: an actor. A strange leaden feeling seemed to be stealing
Speaker 1: over me. But in spite of it, I began to
Speaker 1: understand that at any moment the drawing room, this drawing room,
Speaker 1: my drawing room, might be strewn with corpses. I knew
Speaker 1: nothing of the effects of laudanum poisoning, but Hughes seemed
Speaker 1: to be surprised that we were not all of us dead. Already.
Speaker 1: Here was Margaret, the woman I loved best in all
Speaker 1: the world. Upon my right there was her rent, for
Speaker 1: whom I own. My love was less. Upon the couch
Speaker 1: there was old pyvous. That old man's blood was also
Speaker 1: on my hands. What would they call me a suicide?
Speaker 1: The irony in the full flush of health and strength,
Speaker 1: with fortune, all the world before me, and a wife,
Speaker 1: a wife whom I loved with a great fulness of
Speaker 1: love which was quite old fashioned. I had wrought this hecatomb.
Speaker 1: I felt impelled to scream aloud, to warn my victims
Speaker 1: of the frightful fate which was stealing fast upon them,
Speaker 1: and of which they were still unconscious. Some one touched
Speaker 1: me on the arm. I turned. It was Margaret. George,
Speaker 1: What is the matter, Margaret. My voice trembled. There was
Speaker 1: a choking in my throat. I wished to take her
Speaker 1: in my arms before them all. It might be my
Speaker 1: last embrace. George, tell me what is wrong. I made
Speaker 1: an effort to pull myself together. Oh there's nothing wrong.
Speaker 1: I I'm only a bit upset. She put her arm
Speaker 1: through mine. She led me across the room. I required leading.
Speaker 1: She drew me into an alcove which was formed by
Speaker 1: a window bay. Now, George, tell me what is wrong.
Speaker 1: I know there is something wrong. Tell me what it is.
Speaker 1: I was at a loss for words. I trifled with her. Margaret,
Speaker 1: what do you mean, George? Was her voice, sank to
Speaker 1: a whisper. Was there anything wrong about that stuff you
Speaker 1: gave us? What could I say to her? It? It
Speaker 1: was a mistake drinking it after dinner? Is that all?
Speaker 1: Was it the right stuff? George?
Speaker 2: It it was.
Speaker 1: The stuff Hughes gave me. You are trifling with me.
Speaker 1: I know that there is something wrong. I can see
Speaker 1: it in your manner and in mister Hughes's See how
Speaker 1: strangely mister Hughes is behaving now. I peeped round the corner.
Speaker 1: Hughes was behaving strangely. He was frantically urging missus Chalmers
Speaker 1: to stand up and dance, though any looking less like
Speaker 1: dancing than she did. I never saw he was evidently
Speaker 1: forgetting his own axiom keep cool. A curious qualm came
Speaker 1: over me, almost without knowing it. I leaned for support
Speaker 1: against the wall. George, what is the matter? You are ill?
Speaker 1: Margaret's eager face looked into mine. It will be all
Speaker 1: right in a moment, It won't, I know. It won't
Speaker 1: tell me what it is. There was something the matter
Speaker 1: with that stuff you gave us. I knew it directly.
Speaker 1: I had swallowed it. Do you think I am a coward?
Speaker 1: Do you think I am afraid, But it is only
Speaker 1: fear that you should tell me. If you won't tell me, George,
Speaker 1: I will go to mister Hughes and insist upon his
Speaker 1: telling me. Don't Margaret. The doctor will be here directly
Speaker 1: the doctor. She drew herself straight up. A strange look
Speaker 1: came into her eyes. She spoke, almost in a whisper.
Speaker 1: What is the doctor coming for? Hughes thought he had
Speaker 1: better come. Is it so bad as that? George? What
Speaker 1: was the stuff you gave us? I have not said
Speaker 1: that it was anything, that the dose was too strong?
Speaker 1: Was it poison? Margaret? I took her two hands in mine.
Speaker 1: She came into my arms. I held her to my breast.
Speaker 1: Was it poison? If you love me as much as
Speaker 1: I love you, you will tell me, George. Margaret, what poison?
Speaker 1: Was it? Laudanum? She drew herself away from me. She
Speaker 1: looked at me with her great, wide open eyes. Then
Speaker 1: her eyes were closed. Before I had the least suspicion
Speaker 1: of what was going to happen, she had fallen to
Speaker 1: the ground. I knelt beside her. Margaret, I cried. I
Speaker 1: cried to her in vain. I was seized with a
Speaker 1: great horror. She is dead, I exclaimed. Hughes came running forward.
Speaker 1: I almost sprang at him. You have killed her. Don't
Speaker 1: be an idiot, Lucas. She can't be dead. She is dead,
Speaker 1: and it is your work. For the matter of it,
Speaker 1: all all our blood is upon your head. But we
Speaker 1: shall not die alone. You shall come too, my friend.
Speaker 1: If you don't take your hands away, Lucas, I shall
Speaker 1: have to do you a mischief. Mister Lucas, mister Hugh,
Speaker 1: have both of you gone mad? Are you aware that
Speaker 1: there are ladies present? The interference came from Pybus. He
Speaker 1: dragged us asunder. He shed more presence of mine, and
Speaker 1: more coolness too than I had credited him with. He
Speaker 1: was a great deal calmer than either Lucas or I.
Speaker 1: What is the meaning of this extraordinary behavior? And what
Speaker 1: is the matter with miss Hammond? He has killed her?
Speaker 1: Who has killed her? That scamp with his infernal negligence.
Speaker 1: I don't in the least understand you, and I think
Speaker 1: that instead of wrangling here, your attentions were better bestowed
Speaker 1: upon Miss Hammond. I threw myself at her side. I
Speaker 1: was like a man distraught in the whirlwind of conflicting
Speaker 1: emotions which kept sweeping over me. My darling, Oh, my darling,
Speaker 1: I shall soon be with you. Already the poison is
Speaker 1: stealing through my veins. May my end be as rapid
Speaker 1: as was yours? Why doesn't the doctor come? I don't
Speaker 1: believe that you has sent for him. Go and fetch
Speaker 1: him again. I sprang at Hugh's, and again Pibus interposed,
Speaker 1: mister Lucas, May I ask for an explanation of your
Speaker 1: singular conduct. Has miss Hammond fainted? Fainted? He has poisoned her?
Speaker 1: Poisoned her? Yes, and you and me and all of us,
Speaker 1: we all like her, are doomed to die. Mister Lucas, Lucas,
Speaker 1: you're you're mad? You know this was Hughes. But a
Speaker 1: piercing scream came from the couch. I knew that I
Speaker 1: was poisoned. Missus Chalmers might know that she was poisoned,
Speaker 1: but that was no reason why on the strength of
Speaker 1: her knowledge she should develop violent hysterics, which she immediately did.
Speaker 1: I have never seen so much of a man in
Speaker 1: Pibus as he showed just then he gave one look
Speaker 1: at missus Chalmers, and then he turned to Hughes. Mister Hughes,
Speaker 1: Will you be so good as to tell me if
Speaker 1: there is any meaning in mister Lucas's words. Hughes was
Speaker 1: ghastly white. The great point is to bring miss Hammond
Speaker 1: back to life again. While we are all talking here,
Speaker 1: she may be dying at our feet. I appeal to
Speaker 1: your manhood, mister Pyvus, to help me bring her back
Speaker 1: to consciousness. Hughes knelt down by Margaret. Pyvus turned to me.
Speaker 1: What does he mean? He said? I did not answer.
Speaker 1: I knelt down by Hughes. He had my darling's hand
Speaker 1: in his I saw that he was putting great restraint
Speaker 1: upon himself. Bede's of perspiration were on his brow. She
Speaker 1: is not dead, he stammered. She isn't a faint or something.
Speaker 1: At any cost, we must bring her back to consciousness.
Speaker 1: Be a man, Lucas, and help me. Her life should
Speaker 1: be even more precious to you than to me. Don't
Speaker 1: talk like that, Hughes. Don't you see that I am
Speaker 1: nearly mad already? What can I do? Help me to
Speaker 1: raise her between us? We raised her to a perpendicular position.
Speaker 1: Mister Pybus, Can I trouble you to order some brandy? Stay?
Speaker 1: She's coming back to life again. She was, She sighed.
Speaker 1: She opened her eyes as if she were waking out
Speaker 1: of a sleep. She turned to me, George, my darling.
Speaker 1: I caught her in my arms. I held her to
Speaker 1: my breast. What mattered if there were others there? We
Speaker 1: were standing by an open grave. I do so love you, George.
Speaker 1: She was dreaming. She thought we were alone, Margaret, I
Speaker 1: kissed her. Something caused her to look round. There was
Speaker 1: old Pybus standing at her side. She drew herself away
Speaker 1: from me. She blushed a rosy red. Then her glance
Speaker 1: traveled round the room. She pressed her hands against her bosom.
Speaker 1: A startled look came into her eyes. Then it wasn't
Speaker 1: all a dream. Hugh slipped his arms through hers, Miss Hammond.
Speaker 1: I must insist upon your taking exercise. Take a sharp
Speaker 1: turn or two round the room with me, Lucas, I
Speaker 1: wish you'd sit down and play us a dance. Or
Speaker 1: better still, let me sit down and play, and you
Speaker 1: and miss Hammond take a few turns together. Mister Pybus,
Speaker 1: you must dance with missus Chalmers a flyaway gallop or
Speaker 1: a rattling polka. They're better than falses. There was a
Speaker 1: remarkable expression upon old Pybus's enameled continents. So far as
Speaker 1: that goes, I expect there was on mine. But as
Speaker 1: to that, no matter, might I ask once more for
Speaker 1: an explanation of these very singular proceedings. I warn you,
Speaker 1: mister Pybus, that if you do not dance with missus Chalmers,
Speaker 1: you must be responsible for the consequences, both as they
Speaker 1: regard yourself and the lady. Pybus's eyes wandered from Hugh's
Speaker 1: to missus Chalmer. The lady was making noise enough for ten.
Speaker 1: She did not strike the imagination as being a promising
Speaker 1: partner for her dance, so Pibus seemed to think. Hughes
Speaker 1: struck up. You should see me dance the polka, playing
Speaker 1: it at a rate of about sixty miles an hour.
Speaker 1: Margaret looked at me. Are you and I to dance?
Speaker 1: Why dance? I shook my head, Hughes, I said, I can't.
Speaker 1: You must man, you must, Are you mad? I can't?
Speaker 1: I couldn't. A numbness seemed to be settling upon my brain.
Speaker 1: My legs refused to support me. I sank into a chair.
Speaker 1: Margaret hesitated for just one second. I could see her
Speaker 1: trembling then she sat on the ground close to my feet.
Speaker 1: She leaned her arms upon my knee. Her face was
Speaker 1: turned towards mine. Nor can I If we must die, George,
Speaker 1: let us die together, but not dance. What on earth, inquired, Pibus,
Speaker 1: is all this talk of dying, mister Hughes. I insist
Speaker 1: upon an answer, sir. In a sort of fury, Hughes
Speaker 1: leaped from the music stool, and I insist, mister Pibus,
Speaker 1: upon your dancing with missus Chalmers. I warn you that
Speaker 1: if you don't, you will be morally guilty, not only
Speaker 1: of murder, but of suicide. He turned to me, as
Speaker 1: for you, are you a man? Do you think that
Speaker 1: this is your life only which is hanging in the balance.
Speaker 1: I tell you that the only hope for miss Hammond
Speaker 1: is to keep her circulating. Do that, and I will
Speaker 1: answer for it with my own life, that all will
Speaker 1: yet be well come while I can, let me keep
Speaker 1: you circulating, Maggie. It was not often that I called
Speaker 1: my rare pale Margaret Maggie, but at that master moment
Speaker 1: of our lives, I felt the endearing name was best.
Speaker 1: She rose, my darling. I put my arm around her waist.
Speaker 1: George whatever you think is best. That's better, said Hughes.
Speaker 1: Now let me see you go it. Give her fits
Speaker 1: my boy Again. He dashed into mister Grossmith's popular air.
Speaker 1: I never heard it played at such a rate before,
Speaker 1: possibly with a view of raising our spirits. He shouted
Speaker 1: out the course in a tone of voice which must
Speaker 1: have been audible quite two streets away. It was deafening.
Speaker 1: You should see me dance the polka. You should see
Speaker 1: me cover the ground. You should see my coat tails flying.
Speaker 1: My coat tails were anything but flying. We made no
Speaker 1: attempt at keeping time with Hughes. Under the most favorable circumstances,
Speaker 1: the thing would have been impossible. We moved Margaret and
Speaker 1: I as if we were treading a funeral measure. My
Speaker 1: legs were going at the knees. I felt her frail
Speaker 1: frame quivering in my arms. Now, then Pybus shouted, Hughes,
Speaker 1: off you go with missus Chalmers. Don't ask her, make her,
Speaker 1: pull her off the couch and jump her about. Pibus
Speaker 1: appeared to be endeavoring to persuade missus Chalmers to join
Speaker 1: him in the mazy dance. The lady had suddenly become still,
Speaker 1: which for some reason the chief one being. The noise
Speaker 1: which Hughes was making was perhaps as well. How can
Speaker 1: I pull her off the couch, answered Pibus when she's
Speaker 1: in a fit, or dead or something up jumped Hughes,
Speaker 1: keep going. You two don't stop for a single instance, Lucas,
Speaker 1: everything depends upon your keeping, Miss Hammond circulating. I can't,
Speaker 1: I said, nor can I said Margaret. The utterances were
Speaker 1: almost simultaneous. Simultaneously we sank into an ottoman Missus Chalmers.
Speaker 1: Missus Chalmers shouted Hughes, Pibus, help me lift her off
Speaker 1: the couch. Now, then, you two, what have you stopped for?
Speaker 1: He turned to Margaret, to me, something in our faces
Speaker 1: or in our attitudes appeared to frighten him. He ran
Speaker 1: to the door, yelling in a manner which absolutely frightened me. Brooks, Brooks,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, why doesn't the doctor come? End of
Speaker 1: chapter two of Aunt Jane's jalap Section eighteen of Amusement Only.
Speaker 1: This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
Speaker 1: the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please
Speaker 1: visit LibriVox dot org. Recording by Jill Janovitz. Amusement Only
Speaker 1: by Richard marsh Aunt Jane's Jalap Chapter three, Doctors to
Speaker 1: the Rescue. Just as he reached the door, it was opened.
Speaker 1: A very tall and very stout old gentleman entered. He
Speaker 1: had a black bag in his hand, but he did
Speaker 1: not seem to be the least in a hurry, good evening.
Speaker 1: I trust there is nothing serious the matter. I suppose that,
Speaker 1: in the agitated state of his nervous system, the stranger's
Speaker 1: sudden appearance took Hughes by surprise. He stared at him
Speaker 1: as though he were a ghost. Are are you a doctor?
Speaker 1: I am the doctor Doctor Goldsmith's. I had already recognized
Speaker 1: him as the doctor who lived at the corner of
Speaker 1: the square. Although I had not had the pleasure of
Speaker 1: his personal acquaintance, I had more than once wondered why
Speaker 1: he did not try banting. Leaving off sugar and butter
Speaker 1: and milk, and trying a piece of lemon in your
Speaker 1: tea is an excellent method of reducing the flesh. He
Speaker 1: looked round the room and bowed a little vaguely. Then
Speaker 1: he said, addressing Hughes, whom he apparently took to be
Speaker 1: the master of the house, where is the patient? There?
Speaker 1: They're all patients. This answer seemed to cause the doctor
Speaker 1: to experience a slight sense of mystification. He placed a
Speaker 1: pair of gold glasses upon the bridge of his nose.
Speaker 1: He cast another glance around the room, all all patients.
Speaker 1: Pybus came forward. Pipus knows everyone. How are you, doctor Goldsmith?
Speaker 1: How are you, mister Pibus? Charmed to see you? Whether
Speaker 1: I am charmed to see you remains to be seen.
Speaker 1: May I ask? And don't think it's an impertinent question.
Speaker 1: What you have come for? Come for I? The doctor
Speaker 1: threw a glance of interrogation towards Hughes. I someone came
Speaker 1: to my house and said that I was wanted for
Speaker 1: a case of old Pybus laid his hand upon the
Speaker 1: doctor's arm. Case of what a case of loudenum poisoning?
Speaker 1: Loudanum poisoning. I understand it that it was a a
Speaker 1: The doctor ceased. Pipus's face had assumed a very singular you.
Speaker 1: I I hope that I have said nothing. No, you
Speaker 1: have said nothing loudunum poisoning. He turned to Hughes, so
Speaker 1: that is it, and then to me, So that was
Speaker 1: Aunt Jane's jalap it's it's rather hard that a man
Speaker 1: of my years should die of jalap. Bibus took a seat.
Speaker 1: The doctor stared at him. Mister Pibus, I hope that
Speaker 1: nothing is the matter. Nothing only I'm the man that's poisoned.
Speaker 1: You me, Sam Pibus. I've been dining with a man
Speaker 1: who asked me to meet his girl and sue the tabby,
Speaker 1: and he gives me jalap, which is another name for loudanum.
Speaker 1: The doctor seemed bewildered. I'm afraid I don't understand. Hughes
Speaker 1: endeavored to explain he was suffering as much as either
Speaker 1: of us. The words fell from his stammering lips. What
Speaker 1: mister Pybus says is correct. There's been a mistake, yes,
Speaker 1: said Pybus. There's been a mistake. My friend Lucas thought
Speaker 1: he was giving his guests Aunt Jane's jalap, and instead
Speaker 1: of that, he was giving them. I am afraid through
Speaker 1: my carelessness, pure loudanum. Oh it was through your carelessness,
Speaker 1: was it? Pibus assumed towards Hughes. A little air of ferocity,
Speaker 1: but it soon disappeared.
Speaker 2: But what does it.
Speaker 1: Matter if I must die pure loudnum, said the doctor.
Speaker 1: Of what strength the highest possible, in what quantity enough
Speaker 1: to kill a dozen men? A bottleful, a bottleful of laudnum.
Speaker 1: The words were uttered by a newcomer, a little man
Speaker 1: who came running in as if he ran a race.
Speaker 1: It was done another doctor who had recently started practice
Speaker 1: round the corner. In appearance, he was a complete contract
Speaker 1: to Goldsmith. He was a little, wiry, hungry looking man
Speaker 1: who seemed as though he could never keep still. He
Speaker 1: hurried past Pibus, patting him on the shoulder as he went.
Speaker 1: Had Pipus been more himself, he would have resented the
Speaker 1: insult to the death. Come, my dear sir, keep yourself alive.
Speaker 1: That's the great secret. Let us keep our spirits up.
Speaker 1: He paused in front of Margaret. Now, my dear young lady,
Speaker 1: don't we feel quite well? Just a little out of sorts?
Speaker 1: Come wake up. He actually caught Margaret's by the shoulder
Speaker 1: and shook her. I don't know what Margaret's feelings were,
Speaker 1: but if I myself had not been quite so postrate,
Speaker 1: I fancy I should have let him know that, he presumed.
Speaker 1: Then he turned and shook me. Come, my dear sir,
Speaker 1: wake up, wake up, Wake up. We must keep ourselves awake.
Speaker 1: He wheeled round. He marched to the couch when he
Speaker 1: saw missus Chalmers lying on it, still in a dead
Speaker 1: faint so f as I know, no one had moved
Speaker 1: a finger to bring around. He shook his head.
Speaker 2: Serious. I'm afraid it's very, very serious. But we will
Speaker 2: do our best, always do our best. Let all the
Speaker 2: servants in the house be summoned, and let assistance be
Speaker 2: given to carry the poor, dear sufferers up to their beds.
Speaker 2: The little man took command of everything. The servants were summoned,
Speaker 2: and they came trooping in. Several other doctors came in also.
Speaker 2: There is no necessity to specify their number. Brooks liberally
Speaker 2: carried out the instructions Hughes had given him. He fetched
Speaker 2: as many as he could. They are not one or two,
Speaker 2: but several. I have their bills. End of chapter three
Speaker 2: of Aunt Jane's Jalap Section nineteen of Amusement Only. This
Speaker 2: is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
Speaker 2: public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
Speaker 2: LibriVox dot org. Recording by Jill Janovitz. Amusement Only by
Speaker 2: Richard marsh aunt Jane's jalap Chapter four, The mistake explained,
Speaker 2: I will not dwell upon the dreadful details of that night.
Speaker 2: There are scenes, not necessarily pathetic, scenes on which a
Speaker 2: curtain should be drawn. Through it all, I've never once
Speaker 2: lost consciousness. I wish I had one need but allude
Speaker 2: to the stomach pump to draw visions from the vasty deep.
Speaker 2: Over such agonies, let a veil be drawn.
Speaker 1: This is not an episode of if section. And afterwards,
Speaker 1: when when a too eager medical man, thinking the process
Speaker 1: had not gone far enough, he meant, well, it was
Speaker 1: his zeal. May he be forgiven tried emetics, mustard and water,
Speaker 1: and other preparations from the medical pharmacopeia. Do not let
Speaker 1: us touch upon these subjects. Never, when the sea was
Speaker 1: at its wildest among passengers entirely unused to the mysteries
Speaker 1: of navigation, was ever seen the like I still alive,
Speaker 1: and I was through it all. It is wonderful what
Speaker 1: a vigorous constitution will endure. Missus Chalmers was put into
Speaker 1: my bedroom. There was nothing particular of mine lying about,
Speaker 1: But I would rather they had put her somewhere else.
Speaker 1: Margaret had the best guest room, Pybus the second best,
Speaker 1: and I was put into an apartment which had not
Speaker 1: been occupied for years. It was done in the confusion,
Speaker 1: I suppose. Looking back, I am surprised they did not
Speaker 1: overlook me altogether. I wish they had. And all through
Speaker 1: the night the issue was hanging in the balance. Hamlet's
Speaker 1: question was waiting for an answer to be or not
Speaker 1: to be. What their sufferings were, Margaret, her Aunt's and Pybuses,
Speaker 1: I can imagine when I let my memory harp back
Speaker 1: to my own. But none of them succumbed, And in
Speaker 1: the morning, I, for one, was able to leave my room.
Speaker 1: In fact, I insisted on doing so. Had I remained
Speaker 1: any longer in that dreadful chamber, I should certainly have died,
Speaker 1: pale and ghastly, with my dressing gown wrapped round my
Speaker 1: trembling limbs. I descended to my snuggery. I felt that
Speaker 1: I was but the wreck of what once I was.
Speaker 1: Hughes was there. The sight of me seemed to give
Speaker 1: him pain. Well it might, and doctor Dunn, and doctor Goldsmith,
Speaker 1: and doctor Casey. He was a tall, thin man with
Speaker 1: a serious manner. I always think of doctor Casey when
Speaker 1: I think of mister Stiggins Dune seemed in quite a
Speaker 1: cheerful frame of mind. Well that's over with a little care,
Speaker 1: mister Lucas, you'll forget all about it in a week never.
Speaker 1: But I did not tell him so, And he went on,
Speaker 1: and this all comes of what I venture to call
Speaker 1: a trifling indiscretion. You think it's jalap, and it's laudanum loudnum.
Speaker 1: Is not a thing to travel with, said doctor Casey.
Speaker 1: It certainly isn't a thing to drink in pailfuls. As
Speaker 1: he said this, doctor Goldsmith rattled his keys and coppers.
Speaker 1: Nor is it to be recommended as a liqueur would dessert, eh,
Speaker 1: mister Lucas Dunn rubbed his hands and grinned at me.
Speaker 1: The poor lady, said doctor Casey, whom I treated, found
Speaker 1: it a very serious matter. This was missus Chalmers, the
Speaker 1: sweet young thing, said Goldsmith, for whom I did my best,
Speaker 1: did not seem to think that the occasion was altogether
Speaker 1: a festive one, And this was how he spoke of her.
Speaker 1: I dare say, mister Lucas, sniggered Dunn, that you have
Speaker 1: spent and far more agreeable nights done. Was the fiend
Speaker 1: who had pushed his zeal too far, and now he
Speaker 1: laughed at me. Doctor Lambert observed. Doctor Casey, who treated
Speaker 1: the other gentleman, assured me that his patient asked him
Speaker 1: to put him out of his misery rather than push
Speaker 1: his treatment further. That was pybus. I could easily believe it.
Speaker 1: Death was preferable to Dun's emetics. Now, where is the
Speaker 1: bottle which contained the cause for all this mischief? The
Speaker 1: fatal bottle had been brought into my snuggery for safety.
Speaker 1: It was handed to none. He sniffed at it. Humph.
Speaker 1: He sniffed again, humph. He seemed surprised rather rather an
Speaker 1: odd smell for laudnum smell that he handed it to Goldsmith.
Speaker 1: Very sniff, odd sniff, indeed, sniff. You are sure it
Speaker 1: is the bottle. There was not the slightest doubt about
Speaker 1: it being the bottle. It was past to Casey. He
Speaker 1: had a smell. This isn't loudnum, he declared, not loudanum.
Speaker 1: Back went to Dune. Doesn't smell like loudnum. It isn't loudnum,
Speaker 1: said Goldsmith. Not a trace of it, said Casey, not loudnum.
Speaker 1: I looked at Hughes. He looked at me. Then he
Speaker 1: staggered towards the fatal bottle. Let me let me smell it.
Speaker 1: They let him. An extraordinary change came over his countenance
Speaker 1: as he applied it to his nose. He staggered against
Speaker 1: the wall. Good, good, heavens. What was it? Had he
Speaker 1: mistaken the poison? Was it strychnine arsenic prussic acid? Would
Speaker 1: the treatment have to be gone through all over again
Speaker 1: for me death? Rather than that? I see it all,
Speaker 1: cried Hugh. I see the mistake I made. After all,
Speaker 1: It was not the bottle I supposed. I remember now
Speaker 1: that I placed that upon the shelf above. What is it?
Speaker 1: I screamed, It's it's what I thought it was, what
Speaker 1: you thought it was. It's Aunt Jane's jalap, Aunt Jane's jalap.
Speaker 1: The words came from the three medical gentlemen. In a
Speaker 1: sort of course. As for me, in spite of my
Speaker 1: piteous condition, I felt inclined to tear my hair and hues.
Speaker 1: I see quite clearly how the mistake arose. It was
Speaker 1: in this way. There were two sample bottles of the mixture.
Speaker 1: Only in one of them the quantities were wrong. I
Speaker 1: placed it where I generally keep my laudanum so that
Speaker 1: I shouldn't mistake it. And when I found it missing,
Speaker 1: of course I thought it was the laudanum which had gone.
Speaker 1: Was it? Was it poison? Not a bit of it,
Speaker 1: dear boy, the finest medicine in the world, Only in
Speaker 1: that particular bottle there was a little too much jalap,
Speaker 1: and taking it on the type of such a dinner
Speaker 1: as you'd been eating, it'll a little upset you. That
Speaker 1: was all. That was all I thought of, how those
Speaker 1: doctors had spent the night in practicing on us their
Speaker 1: dreadful arts of their bills. And that was all. End
Speaker 1: of chapter four of Aunt Jane's Jalap