Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, tell me when we're rolling. Yeah, okay, welcome back, besties,
Welcome to Talkin' Schmid. It is your mother, Brittany Schmidt.
I'm so excited to be here with you this holiday week.
Happy ho ho holidays. I hope you guys this week
is off to a great start. I have a few
announcements before we hop into the podcast. First and foremost
upcoming shows. I want to see you guys on the road.
I'm working out my new hour and I'm having a
lot of fun with it. Threat So come hang out
with mother. January seventh, Portland, Oregon, January eighth, Seattle, Washington,
January twenty seventh, Ralling, North Carolina, January twenty eighth, Austin, Texas,
January twenty ninth, Nashville, Tennessee, February thirteenth to the fourteenth.
I'm in Janesville, Wisconsin. I have some European dates. Those
are all on my site at Brittany Schmidt dot com
b ri T T A N Y S E h
M I T T dot com. There's no D in
that last name. I took all those in college. Okay, okay,
all right, you guys. I have something we need to
talk about immediately because I am an idiot. I am
the dumbest person I've ever met, and listen, I did
a thing and I thought, you know, I'm a big girl.
I can do things on my own, and uh huh,
turns out I can't. So I have been promoting my
special that it's coming out on OnlyFans TV and it's
also going to be out on my YouTube, and guess what,
if you guys want to go find it on my YouTube,
it's not there because I found out three days before
I was supposed to launch it that I signed a
contract I didn't fully understand and I can't put it
on my YouTube for a year. So it is on
OnlyFans TV, which is I know a lot of you
don't watch that don't have it. It's free. You can
go watch it. You just have to make an account.
There's no money, there's no strings attached, there's no commercials.
It's an exclusive special. I would love if you guys
went and watched it, because I really do love this
special and I'm super proud of it, and my dad's
in it, and it was just so special to me
and I was so excited to share it with everyone.
I still am. I'm a little bummed obviously that it's
not coming out where I thought it would be coming out.
But you know, this is why, this is why I
don't do things on my own. This is why I
need parental guidance at all times. And guess what, my
mom's dead, so I don't get any It's just me
and myself and my mirror and my demons. And I'm
like this fucking spider man. I'm like, we can do
this without a lawyer, because baby girl wanted to save
that ten percent. You know, I don't know if you
guys know how contracts work in LA, but when you
have an agent and you have a lawyer and you
have a manager, you have to pay them all ten percent.
And I was like, look at all this money I'm
getting offered. It wasn't that much. I'll be honest, it
wasn't that much. But I was like, I can do
this on my own and I don't need to call
my lawyer, and I am a big girl, and I
have chat GPT and we can figure this out. And
guess what. I didn't actually even run it through chat
GPT because if I had, it would have told me, hey, bitch,
hey bitch ding dong. No, you can't put this on
anything for a year. So I'm an idiot. Listen. I
took the word of the person that I was communicating
with and I asked them point blank, can I put
this on my YouTube? And they said yes, and then
they changed their tune. So listen, I'm an idiot. I'm
an idiot. I don't know what else to say. I
love this special. I had so much fun making it.
I actually really loved the jokes, which, like, for those
of you who were with me on the journey with
the last podcast, you know, I fucking hated Horny that
last special I put out, that cursed fucking special I
put out. I hated it, and I kind of thought, like,
I'm gonna put it out and people might like it,
and then I'll come back around to it and I'll
be like, you know what, it wasn't that bad? Uh huh.
I've watched it a few times since then. It's as
bad as I remember being. But this one isn't. This
one I had so much fun with and I think
it's just like a different part of my life. I'm
so much lighter. I'm fucking medicated. Like if you look
at Horny. You can tell that's a clinically depressed person
that's about to hang themselves with the mic ord as
their fucking final act. Like, I'm surprised I didn't put
it around my neck, kick the stool out from under
me and be like Tartar like as my last act.
So listen, I just am in a different place from
the last special I filmed this special. I really did
have so much fun with it, and I really wanted
everyone to be able to see it on YouTube because
I know that's so much more accessible than OnlyFans TV.
But OnlyFans has by and large been great partners. And
if I would have read the goddamn contract, I would
have known that I couldn't put it out or I
wanted to put it out, but I didn't because I
am just a girl. I'm just a girl in a
big world, and it's very scary. Anyway. I'll never do
anything without in my lawyer again. And this was a
lesson for me, and I will say this because we
like to go on emotional journeys together. When I got
the text message because I posted on my story, I
was like specials out on YouTube and only Fans TV
in a couple days and I got a text from
someone at only Fans being like, hey, it's not coming
out on YouTube. My fucking everything inside of me went
like what, Like, what the fuck are you talking? The
rage washed over me and was I on an airplane? Yes?
And when we're on airplanes are we more emotional? Yes.
I was ready to fucking hijack the plane and crash
it into the fucking Sahara. I wasn't flying over the Sahara,
but you get it. I would have crushed it into
wherever we were. I was so angry for like four minutes,
four minutes I had rage just cooking and churning and
twisting and making me uncomfortable. And I felt stupid and
I felt dumb, and I just was like and then
something just clicked and it just released, and it was
just that little voice that said, nothing matters. We're all
gonna die, you know, Like really, I think, like so
much of what we talk about and go through on
this podcast is I'm like, yeah, half of your life
is what happens to you. The other half is how
you react to it, right, And in that moment, my
reaction was the only thing making the situation uncomfortable. I
had a few ways to approach it. Did I want
to send a violent fucking email, like a nasty fucking
email with a sign off that said like choke on
a fucking tic tac. Yeah? I did, But I was like,
that is that gonna be the best? Is that gonna
get me what I want? And ultimately what I want
is for the special to be out in the world,
for it to be as successful as possible. And I
have no control over that anymore, like it was my job.
And this reminds me of a book I read in
the past. It's called Big Magic, and Big Magic talks
a lot about the creative process and how incredibly difficult
it can be, how rewarding it is sometimes just all
assets of the creative process. And my job as an
artist is to make the thing and put it out,
and that is it. It is not my job to
look at how people react to it. It is not
my job. It's I cannot orchestrate whether or not it's
a big hit or it's not. You know, I have
no control, and so I really not to be like
I'm so proud of myself, Like I'm not trying to
huff my own shit here, Like I fucked up, but
I was proud of myself that I didn't let it
ruin my day. Like something just washed over me that
was like kind of peace and calm, and I was like,
you know what, No, we're not doing this. We're not
going down this road again. We're not going to stress
about something that we have no control over, because at
the end of the day, we don't have control over anything.
And the root of all suffering is the illusion of control.
And so if I think, oh, if I put this
thing out on YouTube, it's gonna be a way bigger hit,
maybe I'm wrong, Like maybe I don't fucking know anything
at all. And at the end of the day, I
went into business with a company that really did right
by me. I mean, they shot a beautiful special, they
promoted the shit out of it, they hired pr they
really did. You know, whatever you think about OnlyFans is
none of my business, but they really were great partners.
And because I didn't read the contract, I don't then
have a right to be angry. Did someone at OnlyFans
say that I could put it on YouTube when I
explicitly asked, yeah, they did. But I think maybe there
was a miscommunication about the twelve month period where it
was an exclusive release on OnlyFans. So that's neither here
nor there. But all I'm saying is I took a
minute to just be like, let's not let this ruin
my life. You know, I have so much going on.
I am in the middle of a cross country move,
I am launching a special I just started this podcast,
which I'm so happy about. Like the feedback has been amazing.
And I know I'm not historically someone who reads comments,
but I read a lot of the comments, and so
many of them are kind are there a few that
are like, yeah, she sounds fucking crazy. Yeah, And I
get that because guess what I am crazy and doing
a podcast solo, you guys, is a mental illness. Like
it's a totally different thing when you're sitting across from
Frank kiking about life and being like ah ha ha
ha as to like just me looking into the camera
being like, b like this is I do quite often
feel mentally ill. So if you get that feeling, just that,
I'm feeling it too, and my feelings actually are not
even hurt. Like if this podcast is not your cup
of tea, that's okay. Like I'm not everyone's cup of tea.
And I know the other podcast in what we had
was so wonderful, so I get that this is a
different thing. But I just have a lot going on
right now. I didn't have time to panic about whether
or not the world was going to see this special.
Like ultimately, God's got it. And I hate to say
that because I know some of you guys don't believe,
and that's fine. Like I had such a hard time
with the concept of a higher power for so long,
and like the only way that I ever understood it.
And maybe you've heard this story before, but like I
was going through the twelve Steps, and twelve Steps has
a lot of God talk, and I didn't like it.
I was like allergic to it. I was like vomiting
in my mouth about it. But I was doing the
fourth step where I'm writing out all my resentments, which
just I was burning a hole in the fucking page,
and I'm like in this bitch from fourth grade and
my countier and my fuck mom, Like I was so
angry and enraged. And then Biggie started going crazy and
he was barking at this gardener outside and he was
like scared and his hair was standing up and he
was freaking out, and I had just a moment of
clarity where I was like, oh my God, if you
zoom out, that's how my higher power looks at me.
I'm Biggie. I'm the one freaking out in traffic, flipping
people off, throwing my taco bell, fucking doctor Pepper into
the open window of an Outia five when I'm elevated
in a jeep and they're pissing me off. That's a crime.
You shouldn't do that. That's crazy. I did that once.
But that's how I finally understood God. So in like
the greatest sense of the word. Like when I say
God's got it, I just mean like I don't have it.
There's I don't have it. I'm not in control. I've
never been in control. I am aware that I'm the
dumbest person in most rooms. So I just I can't
even take on the responsibility of acting like I've got
it because I don't. So God's got it cause I don't.
Or maybe Biggie's got it, but probably not. He's cold
and scared and he's not with us. He was just
in my lap. And then he left because Mom started
yep and again Anyway, you guys, it's the holidays. It's
the holidays. It's beginning to feel a lot like fuck this.
It's Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanza or whatever you celebrate.
I hope you guys are having a great week. I'm
gonna talk about some light, fun holiday stuff, and by
that I mean no, I'm not. No, I'm fucking not.
I'm going to talk about how much the holidays fucking suck. Okay,
I know, listen, I love the idea of the Christmas spirit,
I really do. But for me and my household, the holidays,
Christmas was chaos. Christmas was my mom's super bowl to
be a fucking cunt. So I just want you to know,
if you have a difficult or challenging family dynamic that
you have to now pay money to go hang out
with them, that sucks, and that's hard, and traveling sucks
and it's bad on your fucking body, and you're dehydrated
and you're cramped and you're swollen and you're not feeling
real good. And then you have to go home and
deal with your uncle who's fucking wearing an ice uniform.
You know, like, there's just Christmas canna be the worst.
And I will say this about the holidays. From where
I'm from, there's this very waspy and I don't know
if it has a denomination. I don't know if it's
Catholic that's what our family is, but it might be Christian.
There's like this very waspy attitude of like nobody really
addresses any issues, you know, they're always just like everything's
surface level, and then beneath the surface is just like
this seething hatred for everyone around you, and you have
to pretend that you like them even then like deep
down on a molecular level, you fucking don't you know
what I mean? Like I go and tell you Christmas
party and they're like, oh, how's the weather in LA?
And I'm like, how's the weather? Grandpa's a pedophile, you know,
Like what are we talking about here? We do not
have the bandwidth to discuss the weather in LA, which
is always amazing. I think we need to get into
the root of what's wrong with this family, which is
there has been some serious sex crimes that have happened,
you know, Like I don't know, I don't know, that's
just me. Maybe I'm being crazy everyone's just like hiding
how they are. They're like, how are you, and it's like,
I'm good.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It's meanwhile like someone's like I'm good, and I'm like,
but they what they really mean is like they spent
all their money on DraftKings. They gambled on a fucking game.
They're fresh out of cash, and they wish the bunt
cake was lined with fentanyl. Laced with fentanyl. Like I
we're all just hanging on by a fucking thread. Hang on,
I have to cough. That's that cough is brought to
you by mister Fogg the Vabe. Anyway, it's the holidays.
Everyone's hanging on by a fucking thread. We all have
to go to these holiday gatherings, and it's these holiday
gatherings are just an elaborate performance art piece to act
like you're doing better than you are, because the holidays
are a time like we get like three times the
year to check in with our family and make sure
we all still have a fucking pulse. And you want
to go and you buy people expensive gifts you can't
afford to make them see it feel you know, to
make it look like you're doing better financially than you are,
and then you're just in crippling debt, in your stressed
and the credit card companies are calling and you can't
pay your fucking rent. Groceries are ten thousand dollars. Like,
being alive in this economy is tough, and holidays make
it tougher because you have to travel. You have to
spend money on flights, planes, trains, automobiles, however you're getting
wherever you're going. You have to spend all of this
money to go hang out with people you don't actually
really fucking like, and you're not gonna talk about anything real.
Nobody's gonna sit down. You know. I would love for
someone to be for your fucking aunt to be like, hey,
how's it going, and you'd be like, I thought about
killing myself instead of getting on this fucking airplane, because honestly,
it seems better than hanging out with this family. You know.
I want you guys to go to your holiday party,
look people dead in the eyes and tell them the truth.
Be like, I can't fucking find an antidepressant that's working
for me, and I'm ready to take my own life
and listen, I hope that's not the case. I hope
that's not true. And for what it's worth. Ever since
I've gotten on Lexapro, I don't really have those crazy
thoughts anymore. And I call them crazy now in hindsight,
because like that was my every single day. Like I
just was like I woke up every morning and I
was like my first thought was like, ugh again, why,
And then my second thought was whatever I had to
do for the day. It's like, oh, go fucking buy
a cucumber from the grocery store. I'm like, should I
buy a cucumber? Or should I kill myself? Or should
I drink bleach? You know, I think we need to
hit our family with the truth of like how fucking
hard life is. And I don't want you guys to
go sugarcoat your Christmas or whatever you celebrate Hanuka, whatever.
I want you guys to all just be honest, cause
some fucking chaos choke slam your aunt into the fucking
ham like fistfight. You know. It's the worst thing in
the world when there's just like this underlying tension. There's
this like underlying tension of everyone kind of hates one
person there that person and my family is me. By
the way, everyone has to be like, oh you came.
I don't even get invited anymore. I don't want to go. Honestly, no,
thank you. But what am I saying here? I don't know.
Fistfight your fucking family, That's what I'm saying. It's THEID.
Do you like how I started this segment and I
was just like, we're gonna talk about some light holiday
stuff that I'm like, choke slam your aunt into the
fucking ham. Okay, oh my god, you guys. Anyway, I
want to talk to you about some of my favorite
little gifts and I hope you buy them for yourself
and no one else, because nobody deserves them but you.
And I just want all my besties to have the
things that I use that make my life so much better. Okay,
We're gonna go through a little list of Christmas gifties,
gifties that I want you guys to all stuff in
your stocking. That's your post. No, I'm just kidding. Okay,
Linneese lip mask. I don't know if I'm saying that right. No, rush,
Okay Linne La n i e ge lip mask. I
have tried every lip mask under the sun. This one
it's technically a night lip mask. I use it twenty
four seven. It will make your lips look like they
just got injections, and it keeps them so hydrated and
moist and plump and beautiful. And every time I wear it,
everyone asks me what it is. I there is not
a friend in my friend group who hasn't asked me
and now wears it and endorses it and loves it.
It is the best lip mask. I found another one
that I like, which I was very surprised by. The
j Lo Besos is really good. So this the lip
mask is more of like natural day whatever if you're
not doing a full face. Also, when I do a
full face, I do a liner and the lineze lip
mask and I blend it all together and it's perfect.
So you can do that either way. But the Besos
by j Lo is really great for if you're mixing
it with like a lipstick color. So if you want
a lipstick but you don't want your lips to be
dried out like those Matt lipsticks, can do do the
j Lo Besos. Mix it together, moisturize, plump, thank me later.
And these are not by the way, this is not
a sponsored segment. This is just me telling you what
I love all day every day, so you guys can
be a part of it. Like I said, this is sponsored,
but that makes it more of an endorsement. I love
the Berber Hair Caro oil. Like that oil has changed
my relationship with my hair. I was in such a
dark place. I was in such a dark place for
such a long time. And now that I feel like
it's starting to get healthy again and it's starting to grow,
I can one percent. That's say, that's the Berber hair
oil that I'm doing twice a week. Go on their site.
Do use my code. It's brit for fifteen percent off,
so definitely use it. But just know that. But even
if they weren't sponsoring the podcast, I would endorse them.
I would endorse them anyway. Also same goes with fat
Face Lotion, which is the lotion from a life on
the lamb. That lotion is amazing. Like I said before, Yeah,
it makes you your face smell a little bit like
dog food and Biggie will lick it off, but it's delicious.
It'll make you look ten years younger. Speaking of ten
years younger, I was back in Wisconsin. We mister Manhattan
and I went to Wisconsin to do an early Christmas
with my family because we're gonna be with his family
in Connecticut for the holidays. But he was like, I
need an under eye cream. My underreyes are just like
getting whatever. And so I went. We went to Walmart.
I mean fucking yeah, I love Walmart. You can get
ten thousand things for five dollars, like it's amazing. But
I went and got this under this underie cream and
I threw it in the cart for him, and he
picked it up and on it and said, makes you
look ten years younger. And he just threw it in
the cart and looked at me. He's like pedophile because
if he looked ten years younger, he would be seventeen.
So anyway, that was just a funny little aside. I
love Walmart, and I went back there and our holiday.
I'm gonna I'm gonna finish off my holiday list of
things you can buy your loved ones a loaded gun. No,
I'm just kidding. Oh, I'm making a lot of suicide
jokes on this podcast. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, listen, I
got myself in trouble for how much I talked about
my mental health on the last podcast. I'll be honest.
I was in the running for this really big show
and I was I knew the person that was casting
for it. I was a foot I was a shoe
in and one of the things that they had to
do was a mental health check, and I was a
little too honest. I met with the psychiatrist. She's like,
how many times have you done cocaine? And I was like,
I have no idea. She's like more than ten. I
was like, yeah, I've done it more than ten times
in one night. Like, what are we talking about here.
Speaker 2: She's like, Laura, one night's once. Huh, one night's once.
You can't do it multiple times in a night. One
night counts as one.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, see I like that logic. Yeah, in
which case I still have no idea. I mean I
don't know. Someone could say every single time you do
a line is once.
Speaker 2: Well, those people don't know a thing about cocaine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well those people are fucking idiots, and we don't
want you at our party. Okay. No, So she's like
more than ten and I was like, yeah, for sure,
she's like more than a hundred. I was like, yeah, probably,
you know, and like everyone I talked to because you know,
ultimately I did not get this thing. And part of
it was, you know, me being too honest, But the
other part was I spoke too openly about my struggles
with suicide. And I will tell you this one thing,
Not getting a really big job because you were suicidal
makes you want to kill yourself like nothing. I had
not had a suicidal thought since April. And when they
told me I didn't get this job because my mental
health was not stable enough, I was like, I'll show
you a fucking show you.
Speaker 3: It's definitely the suie talk because Hollywood, I'm afraid of
a little cocaine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, one hundred percent. They were terrified that I would, Yeah,
I would ruin the show by executing myself. So anyway,
Ho ho ho, Happy holidays, you guys. Just a little
light suicide talk, little you know, light choke slam, your
aunt talk. It's just like you come to talk and
Schmidt for the light stuff. You know. Okay, what I've
been doing so that you guys don't have to is
watching all of the TV so I can tell you
what you should watch and what you shouldn't watch. And
I just finished one of the best shows that I've
seen in a long time, and it's called all Her Fault,
and it is on Peacock, and listen, Peacock is the
bastard child of the streaming service. Peacock is the Genie,
the feral child of the streaming services. And if you
don't know who Genie the feral child is, google it
right now. She basically was a girl. She became like
this big something in psychology textbooks. She's a psychological not phenomenon.
I think it's just like the what happens when you
lock a girl in a room and chain her to
a bucket she can piss in and you never talk
to her and you barely feed her. She just became
like this feral, crotchety little like imagine imagine if you
spent your whole life as like from a child too.
I think they found her when she was twelve or
something like. Can you check can you look at Genie
the feral child? Anyway, that's Peacock. Peacock, that is that
is Peacock the streamer. And they don't usually have anything
good going on, but I will say, All Her Fault
fucked me up. Like it's one of those thrillers where
every single episode, you're like, it was that person, it
was this person, it was this person, and you legitimately
believe it and believe it and believe it, and then
the end blows your fucking mind like you really truly
had no fucking clue what was gonna happen until the
last episode in your holy fucking shit.
Speaker 2: What do you want to know about Genie?
Speaker 1: When did they find her? How old was she when
they when they found her? She like twelve, thirteen thirteen.
I see, I was close. See I got a psych minor,
and I wasn't just sucking dick and chug and fucking
vodka in college. I listened because I was interested. But yeah,
Genie the fair child. That's peacock. Peacock. That should be
their logo. Just GENI like hunched over, come give us water,
we need food, we need toilet paper like this, They're like,
we got bills to pay. Listen. And here's the thing
about Peacock. If you do it through Prime, you can
I think you get Peacock for like ten dollars a month,
and you can just go get like the free subscription
for one month and then cancel it. It would be
worth it for this show. Or you could get it,
think you're gonna cancel it, never cancel it, and then
you know, pay eight thousand dollars for the rest of
your life. Eight thousand dollars over a lifetime. Ten dollars
a month times what ten dollars a month times twelve
is one, twenty times sixty is seventy two hundred. I
think can you check my mauth on that math now too? Sorry,
never mind you fuck it. It doesn't matter. Listen. You can
either get a free subscription for a month, watch it,
thank me, or you can think you're just gonna get
it for a month, keep it forever, and you know,
be deeply in debt to peak for the rest of
your life. So those are your two options. But you
need to watch it. It's so good the show. I
need you guys to skip, and I need you guys
to skip because I am furious at everyone who tell
me this show is amazing. Oh my god, it's gonna
blow your mind. It's so good. Pluberris is that how
you say it?
Speaker 2: Plu bearis fight me?
Speaker 1: I will fucking fight you. You think that show's good, Mike,
are you kidding me? It was like watching fucking paint dry.
It was like watching the Pyramids being built, like I
just I it was like watching the Duomo. I'm like,
I don't have eight hundred years. Did you like that show?
How do you say it? Plubarus?
Speaker 2: I think it's.
Speaker 1: Plurbous, plurvius, fucking fucking skip it. Fuck fuck that show.
None of it made sense. The premise is dumb. The
aliens seem nice. She could just become an alien who cares.
Speaker 2: Oh, because you'd be nice to him. You'd be just
like CZ.
Speaker 1: But she's just angry in every scene and then nothing happen,
and then it's like, we delivered your favorite breakfast from
this place in Santa Park. It's so dumb you actually
like it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Fuck right.
Speaker 3: When I saw that main character, I thought, this is
what Brittany would be like. It's one of those things
is maybe if you're too close to someone, you don't
like it because it's similar.
Speaker 1: I don't know, you hate in other people what you
hate in yourself, So.
Speaker 2: Do you see something and I don't know, but well.
Speaker 1: No, she's a fucking I also don't think her acting
is that good? Do you think it is. I'm not
saying I could do better. I'm not saying I could
do better, but you like the show. You don't let
there are people's like dying on a fucking this is
the hill they're gonna die on that it's like the
best show they've ever seen. And I think it's fucking dumb.
I think it is a plotless dumbo. It's it makes
no sense. Biggie's coming out to tell you how dumb
it is because he had to watch it too, and
he's like, those are moments of my life. I'll never
get back.
Speaker 2: There's a hive mind aliens.
Speaker 3: She's trying to take over the world, and you're one
of the few people who can stop it.
Speaker 1: No, but she can be I don't think she can.
They're they're nice. N it's a nice it's not a
hostile take take over.
Speaker 2: Why would not interesting?
Speaker 1: But why would you not just be like, Okay, I'll
be an alien, everything's fine. I would I would totally
just be like whatever, I'll be an alien. I'm not
gonna be like, I'm fighting for the human species. Have
you met the human species? We're fucking horrible, Like wipe
us out and replace us with robots that can't do
any harm or aliens that can't do any harm you.
Who are we fighting for Mike? Who are we fighting.
Speaker 2: For for me?
Speaker 1: No? You're only for me, You're fucking out. No, everyone,
we need a heart like, we need a hard reset.
We need to go to the as a fucking s
make us all yes, as a species. We need to
go to the Apple Store, and we need to all
hard reset ourselves and come back. And when we're back online,
we're just like, oh, it's really nice here. This is
my favorite food. It's Sunniad's hide. That would be nice.
We're all too fucking angry and crazy. Look at me.
Speaker 3: You'd hate all those people because you just got done
saying why can't we all go to Christmas? And instead
of being nice, why can't we just say how we
really feel? Why can't we all keep yelling?
Speaker 1: Might come with me for the fucking plot. Stop fucking
don't do this to me? Ah, okay, fine, whatever, watch
the show. I guess you know what I want you
guys to watch the show. I want you to waste
fucking eight hours of your life watching that god forsaken show.
And I want you to weigh in in the comments
and tell me if I'm right or if Mike's right.
Is this show the best thing you've ever seen, or
are those precious hours of your life you're never gonna
get back. I really want to know. I really want
to fucking know. So go ahead. Now you guys have homework.
Go ahead, go ahead, Okay, listen. I know we're all traveling,
and I just want to give you some little travel tips.
Travel What's wrong with me? Travel tips? Here's something that
I have noticed in my years of traveling constantly. Always
when something happens on a plane, like an emergency, let's
just say, everyone's like, and I know that's the human reaction.
I think we get startled and we want to help.
Don't do that unless you're a doctor or a nurse.
Don't don't get up and gawk and stare and somebody
is having a fucking emergency and you looking at it
and like, there's this weird thing about like humanity. And
I think there's probably a I don't know, I'm sure
there's been a psychological study about this in the past,
but there's something about humanity where when a disaster happens,
we want to see it and we get like kind
of off, you know, like it's like driving past a
car wreck, you know, when you're in the back of
the line, you're like, oh, everyone has to look, everyone
has to look. Can't they just drive past? And then
it's your turn to drive past, and you break your
fucking neck and you go two miles an hour and
you're just like, you know, I don't do that. Don't
do that. I was on a flight the other day.
I was going to Palm Beach for the very first time,
even though I'm moving there. I was going to Palm
Beach and our flight was slightly delayed. There was some
like technical issue, and this girl got up. The plane
was like a little hot, and this girl got up.
And I'm an aisle seat gurly because i have the
bladder of a fucking I have a pea bladder. I
have the tiniest little bladder and i have to pee
twenty four to seven. So I'm an aisle seat gurly.
And this girl stands up to I don't know what
she was trying to do, but she didn't get to
do it because she fucking fainted and she face planted
right next to my chair. And I looked, and then
I went right back to medicide. Because I'm not a doctor.
I'm not a medical professional. I'm not gonna make this
situation better. So everyone jumps up and they're staring and
they're looking and they're shouting, and it's like pandemonium ensues
and it's like, hey, don't do that. You know, there's
people on the flight. The flight attendants will figure it out.
They'll call a medical they'll find if there's a nurser,
a doctor or whatever on the plane. And by the way,
you know, when they say, hey, is there a doctor
on the plane, that's when you need to look because
that's when the doctors are standing up and maybe you
could date them. You know, you could be like check
for a wedding ring, are they available? Because if not,
it's a single doctor, and that's what you need. That's
what you really need out of the situation. We don't
need this girl to come back to life. I'm just kidding.
I knew she wasn't dead. She was like still breathing.
She had just fainted. But yeah, I think if a
medical emergency happens, try not to be the monster. That's
like hovering over a stranger who you don't know. That's crazy.
Imagine waking up from fainting on an airplane, which nobody
wants to do, and you open your eyes and it's
blurry and you can barely see anything, and you just
you look up and you see just some fucking guy
mouth breathing into your fucking face, Like, like, who the
fuck is that? Nobody wants to wake up to that?
Would you guys have some like not you guys, because
you guys are all perfect, you know, you guys are great.
But I'm just saying, like people need to have a
little more kooth when they're out in the world and
not be all up in people's business, Like that's a
very even though it happened publicly, that's a private thing
and that's so embarrassing. And this girl handled it like
a fucking g Did she delay our flight two hours?
Not two hours? Okay, one hour? It was already delayed
thirty minutes. She delayed another thirty minutes, Yeah she did.
And then she gets back on the plane and she
just like she literally did one of these hair flips
and she's like, sorry, that was really dramatic, and I
was like, hell, yeah, wait to have a sense of
humor about it, because like, yeah, this whole plane just
like watched her and thought, you know, she died and
she's just like, sorry, that was really dramatic. I just
have low blood sugar. And I was like, go off, Diva,
Go the fuck off. So that's my first travel tip.
My second one is when you're up in the air
and you're flying and you start crying and you're watching
these shows and you're getting really emotional, or you're getting
mad at somebody who's texting you or something happens, just remember,
when you're elevated thirty thousand feet in the air, that's
not you. That's a different person, and that person shouldn't
be sending text messages. They shouldn't be sending voice notes,
they shouldn't really be doing anything. Honestly, it's a shame
that Wi Fi on airplanes exist because, like, you guys
should all not be texting anyone. Like I had the
most heated not heated, but like passionate, Like I was
so sure about something. I was texting Reina and I
was flying and I was like, bah, you know, I
was just like, am I making a huge mistake? What
am I doing? But h And then you know, she
was being a great friend and she was listening and
she was giving me advice. And then when I landed.
I was like, never mind, I was just in the
air and it was a little emotional, and she's like
that was pivotal information, Like you should have told me
you're flying, because when you're flying, you're not yourself. So
just don't make any big text don't send any crazy emails,
don't do anything that you would regret while you're up there.
Maybe wait till you get on the ground and then,
you know, just to make you a little more comfortable
while you travel. If you're traveling over like three hours,
make sure you wear compression socks. I've been noticing this
as a age. Hate that that's happening. My Like joints
are getting stiffer, and it's because of a lack of
blood flow. You know, you need blood flow, and like
when your blood flows down, it's harder for it to
flow up when you're on an airplane because of the
barometric barometric pressure. I don't know what it's called, anyway,
none of my business because of the pressure and the airplane.
So stay hydrated, Drink water with electroolytes before, during after.
I cannot stress this enough. Water is the number one
thing we all need to be drinking a gallon a day,
and you should drink more if you're traveling. And I
know that sounds like a lot, but when I say that,
like when I started drinking a gallon of water a day,
the thing I noticed the most and the only thing
I care about is my skin. Because your skin, when
it's hydrated, it's hydrates from the inside out, right, So
when you're seeing like fine lines, creases, wrinkles, all that
stuff that starts to show up on our face as
we age drink water, because I promise you it'll make
your skin juicier and more supple. And then also go
get injections, you know what I mean. Go to your botox.
Speaker 3: Girl.
Speaker 1: I just got back from mine, so I'm not gonna
sit here and be like my face is like this
because of water. That's crazy. We all know it's a
CO two laser and filler and injections and anything anything
that's non invasive. St you, guys. I have to tell
you something so funny. I wanted to get an upper bleff.
And for those of you who don't know what an
upper bluff is, it's that upper eyelid surgery that makes
you look like slightly more awake. And I emailed this
doctor because mister Manhattan is going to Turkey for a
hair transplant, and I was gonna go with him and
go to this this plastic surgeon for a bluff. And
I sent him a picture of my face and he
sent me back a quote for a facelift, for a
fucking facelift. He had like red lines all over my
face and was like, you don't need a bluff, you
need an entire facelift. And I was like, hey, man,
are you on fucking acid? Like I just want to look,
you know, slightly more awake. I don't want to look
like I'm pulling out of an airplane at all times.
So anyway, I decided against it. I'm kind of opting out. Listen,
and this isn't gonna be forever. This is gonna be
something I say on the podcast that I go back
on immediately and then like one day down the road,
you guys are gonna be like, but you said this,
And I'm like, yeah, I say shit all the time.
I mean it in the moment and then I change.
But I think in terms of like invasive plastic surgery,
I'm gonna stay away for it from it as long
as I can, because it's just not. It's too risky.
You know, we've seen when it goes south, and I
just I don't want to do that. It's like it's
so much more emotionally exhausting if you like go in
thinking you're gonna look better and then afterwards you don't.
I'm like, I don't. I don't have the bandwidth. I'm
going through too much as it is. I don't need
some self imposed trauma of like an upper bleff gone wrong.
Like you guys, do you saw Bradley Cooper's fucking plastic
surgery That is devastating. That was one of the most
handsome men in Hollywood, and he got a facelift in
a bleff, and the bleff made his eye sockets look
like dark like his eyes are like they look more
set back in his head from whatever they did because
the skin, so he had hooded eyes like I have.
But the problem is like the hooded eyes makes a
natural coverage for the eye if you have a deeper eye,
and so they got rid of that extra skin. But
then it's just like the eyelid around the eyeball but
is deep, so his eyes look like he's peering into
two exhaust pipes and it's just not a good look
for old Brad. And I just don't get this, I
really don't like. Listen, women doing plastic surgery has been
since the dawn of time, Like we have been doing
this to ourselves forever. We have this unmanageable beauty standard
that set for us by magazines and models and da
da da da da. But men have always been told
they look better as they age, and that's not untrue.
And I think everyone looks better as they age, and
you can get like a little help, but doing it
born naturally. Like my grandma when she, you know, was
a fucking grandma, I remember looking at her and constantly
thinking like, this is the most beautiful woman I've ever
seen in my entire life. Like her spirit was so light,
her laugh was contagious, she always had her hair and
makeup done. She was just like gorgeous, stunning specimen. And
she never ever did anything except for use face lotion.
So listen. I think it's definitely tougher to age naturally now,
especially with social media and our overexposure to perfection. But
I think what's sad that's happening as a result of
this is that men are affected now too. Men in
women's fields. I just you know, we look at Zac Efron,
who was a beautiful person, still is, but like the
work he got done is kind of sad. And then
Bradley Cooper. I just think he was so handsome and
just stunning and talented and wonderful. I cannot imagine a
world where he thought that was necessary. And look at
it and I think there's more, but I'm missing it.
It just makes me kind of bummed out. So anyway,
long story long, I'm avoiding plastic surgery. Trua la la.
Happy holidays. Our sponsor, Berber Haircare, is honestly a perfect
stocking stucker. Oh boy, it's a perfect stocking stucker. And
that's what I've been saying. And it is a perfect
stocking stuffer. And it's honestly probably too late to get it,
but you know what, stuff your own stocking in the
new year, and get yourself some Berber hair oil because
I want us all to have beautiful, long, healthy, shiny
mermaid hair. And if you go to the Berber Hair
Oil page and you see some of their before and afters,
they are incredible. I'm still on my journey with them.
I probably need a full year before. I can do
it before and after. But you know me, I had
four hairs on my head and now I have a
few more. But I really want you guys to enjoy
this product as much as I do. Get the Dermer
hair roller. You don't have to get theirs. You can
if you want to. It's amazing. You can get a
Derma roller from anywhere, but make sure you get their
hair oil. Use it twice a week. I do it
before hair wash days. Rub it into the scalp, do
like two drops and put it on the rest of
your hair. Slick back, pony. Sleep in that bitch, Wake up,
wash it out and honestly, your hair is going to
thank you. Go to Berber dot com, brbur dot com
use the code Brit Brit for fifteen percent off your
first order. Happy health days, you guys, so listen to
Mother compression socks for your flight electrolytes. Move your body
every sixty minutes. If you can get that, Aye, I'll
see girl go run up and down. Make people fucking
scared like I'm practicing for the Olympics. Okay, you got
to move your body even after I sit here and
do this podcast. Chris Cross Apple sauce for an hour.
I am my leg's hurt, and that's because I'm oh,
so you guys. For this episode. I was so excited.
I was supposed to have my therapist on, but she
her kid got sick so she couldn't be here, which
is really upsetting because I love my therapist. I've worked
with her consistently since Oh my god, it's been so long,
twenty fifteen. I've been with her for ten years going
on eleven, and I don't think there's any person who
has single handedly changed my life more than Dana Maloney.
And she is a cognitive behavioral therapist. She works out
of Venice Beach, California. She does a more non traditional
approach to therapy. A lot of it is focused on
cognitive behavioral therapy, which looks for those of you who
aren't familiar, it looks at, you know, not dangerous, but
patterns of thinking or thought that don't really serve us,
So like black and white thinking, all or nothing thinking,
those kinds of things, and then she helps you kind
of rewire your brain so that those patterns and those
kind of obsessive thoughts and things don't take over take
over your life and fucking ruin it like they did
to me. So I'm going to tell you a little bit.
I wrote her questions and she responded, And as much
as I want to dive into all of these, I
do want to save some of it for when she
does actually come on the podcast. But I think some
of this will be helpful going into the holidays. So
good Enough Therapist is what her therapy is called, and
she's said this is about bringing cognitive behavioral therapy into
a palatable form. CBT simply is changing your core belief
systems that are inaccurate or are not serving you. These
beliefs drive how we think, feel, and behave, and yet
these are not the reality. All of these come from
us and not to us. That itself means we have control.
The only problem with CBT is as dry as fuck,
tons of work and unapproachable because of it. I set
out to change that. So when I first went to her,
I went in for OCD thinking that I would describe
as like one of the most insane times of my life.
I first started dating my ex husband and he had
an ex wife, and I was obsessed. I was obsessed.
I would check her Instagram all the time. I would
check her fucking LinkedIn. I was just like I needed
to know where she was, what she was doing, how
she was spending her money, how she was spending her net.
Like I was insane, and I don't I couldn't even
identify where that was coming from, other than like probably
a true fear of abandonment within the relationship, or a
fear of like, if she comes back, then I no
longer have my partner. So I was just like in
this really disgusting, obsessive loop. And I feel actually genuinely
bad for anyone who was my friend during that time,
because it was like I was just like this venomous
cunt to this person I didn't even know and didn't
deserve like this amount of energy from me, and especially
not this amount of hate. And I was just in
a really dangerous loop. And Dana helped me not only
identify that I had OCD thinking, but that also how
to stop it, how to break it, what to do
to kind of stop that loop. So she said, you know,
basically I had OCD thinking, but you didn't diagnose me
for a while. Can you explain to me what that
is and how it works? And she said, you know,
I don't like to diagnose for a number of reasons
under usual circumstances. For some treatments, diagnosing is necessary, like
with something like bipolar or borderline personality disorder, when medication
and specific therapies are at stake based on a diagnosis,
it's a must. Otherwise you can come to me with
symptoms of depression anxiety OCD, and I don't usually see
a point in labeling you. Oftentimes we become a label
and that can backfire in your case. And I don't
know how many specifics you want to share it. I
just told you everything you were in an obsessive loop.
Since you're asking the label would be something like purely
obsessional OCD or pure Oh, it's when some heavy anxiety
that typically contradicts who we are becomes trapped in a loop.
So I think that's important. Heavy anxiety that typically contradicts
who we are becomes trapped in a loop. Because that
was the thing, Like I couldn't make sense of why
I was obsessing and fixating on this one thing because
like I i'm mentally and this is something I struggle with,
like where I can mentally know, like don't give this
energy to this person it's coming back to you, like
all energy you put out returns to you. I can
know that and that I can behave in a completely
different way. And that's you know, a little bit of
a cognitive dissonance within myself where I'm just like, fuck,
and this isn't who I want to be, This isn't
what I want to spend my energy on. So I
think that's like a really profound way to put it.
But the compulsions usually aren't outward but more mental compulsions
like checking. And you did a ton of checking, let's
just say, but you came and you got through it
in the most absolute sense where I look back and
realized I had forgotten about that specific rumination for a while,
which says a ton And yeah, she forgot about it
because I had so many other issues, you know, I
had so much other shit come up. One of the
things that she did help me identify was what my
mom's mental health struggle was. As I explained the relationship
to her, she told me, you know, I can't diagnose
someone I've never seen, but it sounds like, you know,
she's borderline. And the question I asked her is can
we talk about borderline? How difficult it is to deal with,
and how anyone who's listening that's dealing with a borderline
person can help navigate those specifically painful relationships. So she's like,
I likely said something more like, I can't diagnose a
person I've never treated, but the symptoms you are talking
about seem congruent with borderline personality disorder. It was obvious
to me at the time, but I have to be
careful with it. In your case, I felt like it
would help you put the pieces of your life together.
Sometimes when a loved one treats us a certain way
for so long, specifically a role model like a mom
whose job it is to take care of her daughter
and to love her unconditionally, When that doesn't and we
can turn inward and think that maybe we aren't lovable
or it's my fault, which I've thought my entire life.
I want it to be clear as day that not
only was it not your fault in any way whatsoever,
but that you deserve so much more. That you were
dealt the shitty hand in surviving what you did in
the way that you did says a lot about your
fortitude and strength. But the negative behaviors also make sense
basically that you make sense the puzzle fits. I think
it helps to know that we aren't like aliens who
have drifted off into a land where we are unknown
and alone and weird. No, you're exactly right, and you
make total, incomplete sense. And I will say, like once
she helped me kind of identify my mom's mental illness,
it did make sense. I finally started reading literature like
Walking on Eggshells, which I've talked about before, or Mother Hunger,
or like any of the multiple books that I've read
to kind of help me cope with that hole that
I had in my life where my mom was supposed
to be. And then another question I asked her, And
this might, you know, be pertinent to some of you
who have more painful relationships with parents or family members.
But I said, if a patient has a complicate or
toxic relationship with a parent, do you have guidelines on
how to handle that? And how do you feel, like,
how do you feel about cutting a parent off? So
she said, what you're talking about is a cutoff, and
according to Bowen, cutoffs are never the answer. I think
that's right in some ways, but i'd modified to say
it probably is not the first line of treatment. We
do some things first, like setting boundaries, communicating, changing ourselves
before cutting someone out of the family completely. The less
obvious reason for this is because we are all part
of a family system and one person. When one person
shifts and changes, it shifts and changes the entire system.
So even just changing you changes the dynamics of the whole.
But I'm not a dummy. There's only so much we
can do. And if we're still being harmed and we've
tried the options, they haven't worked. Perhaps cutting off a
parent or rather shutting them out for a time being
as necessary, I would say, maybe you close the door,
but don't fully lock it. So there's one last thing
I want to say from my therapist before, and she
wrote so much more, and I really do want to
have her on when you know, life allows it. But
this one I think was helpful because I've had a
lot of you DM me about sobriety, and like I said,
I'm not fucking perfect, but a lot of you, you know,
are either trying to quit or you're California sober or
whatever you are. I've had a lot of dms about this,
but my therapist helped me identify my alcoholism. And she
told me basically that for me to make a decision
every day whether or not I was going to drink,
and I could wake up in the morning and say
I'm gonna drink, and I could wake up every day
and say I'm gonna drink and that would be fine.
But if ever I woke up and said I'm not
gonna drink, then I couldn't drink that day. And I
remember I had woken up on a random Wednesday and
I was like, I'm not going to drink today, and
I was on my second beer before I realized I
had said that, and I was like, oh, no, I'm
not driving, Jesuys take the wheel. So that she basically
helped me get to a conclusion she had already gotten to.
And so you know, I said to her, you used
gentle parenting to help me get to a conclusion you
already knew to be true. Explain this approach and how
it's more helpful than telling someone point blank that they're
an addict or alcoholic. And I think this feedback is
important because, like I said, we are all going into
the holidays, and I would bet every single one of
us if we're not an addict or an alcoholic. Ourselves
has someone in their family unit that is one. So
watching someone kill themselves with drugs and alcoholic can be
so painful and you feel so helpless and you want
to control it and you want to help them, and
you want to be like, do this thing, and you
can't force them. And one thing addicts are is defiant
and if you tell them, they're one thing Like I
remember my mom told me, like, you're an alcoholic, and
I was like, I'll fucking show you an alcoholic beach.
Like my whole life was an elaborate performance arpiece to
make my mom believe that I could drink and also
have all the things that she couldn't have, you know,
and she couldn't have the things that I eventually worked
so hard to get because her mental illness got in
the way. It really so anyway, my whole performative art
piece that I did for her didn't make a ton
of sense, But that doesn't really matter. So anyway, she says,
this one might be obvious, but there are a million
places I try to get you to go, but I
can't just tell you. I give you a map and
you discover or what's there? On your own. Addiction is
incredibly tricky because not only our addicts using the drugs
to cope or for a reason they might want to
hold on to. It's the fastest way to make someone
put walls up and become defensive. And even if I
did say something about what I believed and you agreed,
it doesn't mean you're ready to go there and get sober.
So the idea that it was gentle is maybe just
you gaining an awareness with someone who cares about you
and you know who won't judge you either way. You've
always been the most willing to look at yourself in
the mirror. You're not a person who avoids or denies.
Once you know something, you tend to acknowledge it and
grow from it. But also that's why the line one
day at a time exists. It's too daunting thinking beyond
today when it comes to something we rely on, it's brilliant. Really,
I don't think AA would have many newcomers without the
one day at a time. Okay, so the last thing
I met This is actually the last thing I'm gonna
share with you, because I've been open about my imperfect
journey with trying to abstain from drugs and alcohol. But
I said, my journey with sobriety has been imperfect. I've
gone back and forth with weed and mush. Do you
think sobriety as one size fits all or can it
be different for each individual person? She said, this might
be an unpopular opinion among some people. I absolutely don't
think sobriety and twelve step is one size fits all.
I don't think anything in life is black and white.
Do I think a ton of people need to be
abstinentate from all drugs and alcohol? Yes, no doubt in
twelve step and the abstinence part has saved so many lives.
But the funny thing is, and to take this combo
back to cognitive behavioral therapy, one of the more common
irrational cognitive distortions is black and white thinking, and another
is overgeneralizing. Here's how I see AA, and please only
use this as a metaphor and not a negative. Using
abstinence for all cases of alcoholism is like using penicillin
for all cases of bacteria. I can promise you it
will work in most cases because it's the strongest. But
there are more antibiotics that can fit specific ailments. More pointedly.
Does that make sense in your case? Like all cases,
it was multi coded and way more than the drinking
and drugging. That's why I told you not to worry
about relapse or whatever, because I think that shaming. That's
shaming for a lot of people. You have grown more
in these last years than anyone I know. Really, For
anyone to take that away and reduce I'm gonna cry now, Okay,
for anyone to take that away and reduce it down
to relapse is a lie. In my opinion, I'm a
big believer in following the spirit of the rule, not
just the exact rule. For example, what's the spirit of
the rule of sobriety? Like, why is it there when
you're taking mushrooms periodically and weed? I think you were
adhering to the spirit and the rule of living a
sober life because we know sobriety is only a small
part about abstaining. There's so much more juicy, valuable, wonderful
insights that she has. But like I said, I am
going to try really hard to get her back on
this podcast before I moved to Palm Beach. It might
take a miracle and it might not happen, but I'm
going to try my hardest because I do think she's
a brilliant woman and she has helped me with my
OCD thinking, with my depression, with my divorce, with my sobriety.
She has helped me just become the person that I
am today. I know it's like I had to do
the work, but I wouldn't have gotten there without her guidance.
And she's such a profound part of my journey and
I really want you guys to hear her and these
kind of these answers come out of her own mouth.
So I'm not gonna cannibalize the rest of the interview
and say things, you know, I would rather that she
just comes on. So we're gonna wrap this episode up.
We're gonna do a little bit of bad vice. We're
gonna do badvice. We are, we Are, we are. Okay,
I got a bad vice submission. By the way, submit
to my DMS directly, or you can submit to the
Talk and Schmidt DMS. I'm checking both and I need
you guys to send in more. I just had one
for this week, but it's a juicy one. Okay. I've
been with my boyfriend for eight plus years and he
still hasn't proposed, which is fine. Marriage isn't a must
for me. We're both products of divorce so messy they
should be on hoarders. I'm not trying to recreate that.
But I'm almost thirty five and my biological clock isn't ticking,
it's detonating. I want a baby. He knows I want
a baby, and we have been to therapy about it,
but he wants to wait, like my ovaries are Amazon
Prime and I can just deliver whenever I want. First
of all, this girl's hilarious. Meanwhile, I'm googling signs your
geriatric at two am while he sleeps like a man
with no deadlines. What do I do? Hmmm, uh, a
tale as old as time. You gotta freeze your eggs.
I mean, look into your insurance. This is the only
thing you can do to free yourself from the pressure
of the clock ticking backwards and feeling like it's detonating.
It's freezer eggs and it can be expensive. So if
that's not an option, you might have to get a
new boyfriend. I don't know what to say. It's been
eight years, Like what is he waiting on the world
to change? Like what's he waiting for. I just it's
you either want to get or you don't. And that's
something that I think you have to align on really
early in a relationship because this can be the impetus
of a breakup or a heartbreak. You know, like if
you really want a baby and you're really set on
that and he wants to wait and you don't think
you can. First of all, I would like to say that,
like I think the I can't pass a certain age
that's not really real, Like it's so rude that they
call it a geriatric pregnancy after like thirty four, because
it's I have had so many friends have healthy, beautiful
babies in their forties. But it is also an issue
of the real issue is fertility and whether or not
you will be fertile for the next five years. So
I would say, if you can go, look into freezing
your eggs, because it's the only true freedom from this
clock taking backwards thing. Like when I got divorced. When
I was married, I never thought I wanted kids. I
never thought I me and my ex husband were like nope, nope, nope,
never never, never, And then right when I got divorced,
I was like I had baby fever. I had never
wanted a baby more. But I think the realization that
I had was I didn't want a baby with my
ex husband, And that sucks to say, but like I
was taking care of him, I already had a kid,
you know, So I didn't want that. So I froze
my eggs. And it's one of the best things I've
done for myself because it's not I'm not on some
crazy timeline. And you know now that I do have
a boyfriend who's significantly younger and definitely not ready for kids,
it gives us a lot of freedom and leeway that
like we're both in the camp, like we're open to
having babies, but it's never been either of ours, like
on the list of things we must do in this lifetime.
Like I'm not the person that grew up and it
sounds like you are. So this is definitely no shade.
I had never grew up being like I need to
be a mother. Like I didn't play dolls. I ripped
my Barbie's head off and threw them in the fucking
horse pasture. Okay I didn't. I was a little sadistic,
But I also think, like, you know, I look back
at my mom's style of parenting and how I rate
she always was, and how tired she always was, and
how she felt like she had no time for herself.
And I remember one time she shook my shoulders and
she looked me in the eyes. I think it was
one of the only honest things she ever said to me.
She said, don't ever have kids. They're going to ruin
your life. And I felt that. I felt that in
my like spinal cord. I was like, Oh, she just
told me the truth. But that said, you want kids,
freeze your eggs if you can. If not, I do
think you have to give them a deadline, because I think,
no matter what, no matter how many times I tell you, like, oh,
you're you know you can have a kid until you're
forty or whatever, there's a chance you can. Like I
also have friends that you know, really really struggle or
just simply cannot have kids past a certain age, and
it's heartbreaking. So I don't want you to experience that heartbreak.
So if you're not with a partner who's willing to
commit to you in that way, which is something that
you've been clear about from the jump, then I think
you might have to cut your losses, because at the
end of the day, having a baby is probably more
important to you than having a non committal boyfriend. But
I think you know, it's tough for us when we
put eight years into something. It's like, you want to
see the ROI right, you want the return on investment.
You're like, what what did I get from this? And
sometimes you don't get anything. Sometimes all you do is
do is get lessons, and then you lose a chunk.
You're no, I'm not saying you lose a chunk of your life,
but like you know, sometimes it's a lesson rather than
building a life with something. And I think you just
ultimately have to decide. Like also, if this person's wishy
washy about having a kid, god forbid, you have the
kid with them, and then they don't want to be
a parent, and then they can't show up for you.
And then for whatever reason, whether you're a single mom
or not, you feel like one because you don't have
a partner that's in it, you know. I think one
of the best examples of true co parenting brilliance is
Alex Bennett and Harrison Fugman, Like, I have never seen
a dad more excited to be a parent than Harrison,
Like he is making their kids costumes, he's taking care
of Alex when she's pregnant, he's driving her everywhere. He
does so much for her. And that is literally what
you need in order to have a family. That doesn't
feel like a crushing responsibility. So I want you to
take it all into effect. I don't want you to
make someone rush into having a kid if they're not
ready and they've specifically told you that, and then you
get the baby and it's like yipee, and then it's
eighteen years of you basically being a single parent, Like
that's another bad outcome. So I think I really want
you to take a three sixty look at this. If
you can freezy eggs, do that. If you can't, if
your health insurance doesn't cover it, you're not in the
position financially to cover it. I think you need to
have a real come to Jesus with this man and
also yourself and be like, is this the person that
I want to build a family with. Your submission was hilarious.
You should be a writer. Amaze. I don't know. I
just said amazing. You're doing amazing, sweetie, No, you are
doing amazing. I know this is really challenging for a
lot of women, and I just am sending you a
ton of love and I hope you figure it out, okay,
And we are gonna end the show with a little
word of the week, shall we? Ugh this is a
fun one. Be draggled, b E d r A g
g l ed, be draggled. It's an adjective. It means
harried or in a condition of disarray, unkempt, dirty, and limp. Oh,
we don't like a bedraggled day. You know, nobody wants
a bedraggled dick on Christmas? Can we keep the cocks
heart on Christmas? It's all we're asking for, just one
day of the year. Put a little blue chew in
your man's stocking and keep the cock's heart on Christmas.
We don't want your bedraggled dick.
Speaker 2: Those are family events. Huh? Those are family events? What
is Christmas?
Speaker 1: Well? I know, but you're there with your maybe a
man or you know what, Sometimes you leave Christmas to
go get a bedraggled dick. Can Sometimes you leave Christmas
you fly out of the fa after you choke, slam
your hand in the fucking ham, you burn out of
the driveway, you go to the local pub, and you
get yourself a bedraggled whiskey dick. Okay, anyway, a group
of bedraggled orphans stood outside begging for the by the
flickering gas like, well, that's sad. Okay, bedraggled, that's a
funny word.
Speaker 2: But Draggle's only gonna come before the word dick in
my world.
Speaker 1: Now, yeah, but draggled dick.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I only know it is a two fur.
Speaker 1: Yeah it is. It is one hundred percent of two fur. Okay,
you guys. I wish you all merry Christmas, Happy Holidays,
whatever you celebrate. I hope you have a great New
year all of those things. Please subscribe to my YouTube.
Watch on YouTube, listen on Spotify, subscribe on Apple, Give
me give Mama some stars? Could you for Christmas? You
could give me some stars. I am trying to make
this little podcast pop and anything you can do to
help me is super appreciated. I love you, besties, and
I can't wait to see you next week.
Speaker 3: And go watch the special on OnlyFans. We can't put
the link in the bio because of YouTube community guidelines,
and we don't want to get flagged, but go watch
the special.
Speaker 1: Oh that's fun. That's a fun addition that I just
found out about