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<v Speaker 1>Hello everyone, and welcome back to another podcast episode. My

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<v Speaker 1>name is Alicia Gogin, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast,

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<v Speaker 1>where I help you expand your mind and become more

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<v Speaker 1>self awares that you can glow up into the best

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<v Speaker 1>version of yourself. Hello everyone, I hope we are doing well,

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<v Speaker 1>and if you are not doing well, then hopefully this

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<v Speaker 1>episode will help you. I want to talk about the

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<v Speaker 1>healing journey, setbacks, and the exhaustion that we feel sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>when we are on this pursuit of healing and changing

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<v Speaker 1>our lives. And I want to talk about this journey

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<v Speaker 1>because I feel like a lot of us right now

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<v Speaker 1>we're on a journey of healing, and there might be

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<v Speaker 1>things that are coming into our lives right now that

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<v Speaker 1>are stirring new wounds up, or they're making us very

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<v Speaker 1>aware of the things we soon need to work on,

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<v Speaker 1>or maybe things aren't working out and it's just exhausting,

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<v Speaker 1>and we keep finding ourselves going back into these patterns.

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<v Speaker 1>All of this is exhausting at times. And I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like there's a lot of people that I've been working

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<v Speaker 1>with one on one also just in my community, some

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<v Speaker 1>of you guys and even myself, there's this energy of

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<v Speaker 1>just being exhausted, like just being fed up, just like

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<v Speaker 1>when is this going to end? And I think a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of the exhaustion that we sometimes feel on a

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<v Speaker 1>healing journey is this judgment on how we think we

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<v Speaker 1>should be or this seemingly never ending cycle like why

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<v Speaker 1>is this happening again? Why am I feeling this way?

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<v Speaker 1>Why do I have this urge to go do this

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<v Speaker 1>behavior again? Why am I not farther along than I

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<v Speaker 1>thought that I would. You call in something new into

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<v Speaker 1>your life, and it really just brings you back up

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<v Speaker 1>to the old version of you that you thought that

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<v Speaker 1>maybe you were done with or you just want to

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<v Speaker 1>be done with. And I have found on my journey

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<v Speaker 1>to not feel so exhausted and do this judgmental thing

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<v Speaker 1>of like why again, why is this happening? Why am

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<v Speaker 1>I continuing to be stuck? Is to acknowledge that this

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<v Speaker 1>is a part of the journey. Okay, you living your

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<v Speaker 1>life and calling new things into your life is going

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<v Speaker 1>to bring up old wounds. It's going to bring up

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<v Speaker 1>things that you either are aware of or you're not

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<v Speaker 1>even aware of yet until you kind of become aware.

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<v Speaker 1>And this is kind of sometimes going to come in

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<v Speaker 1>the form of what you look at as relapsing, but

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<v Speaker 1>it's really not like it's just a part of the

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<v Speaker 1>human experience for you to not be this perfectly healed

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<v Speaker 1>human being that you are always striving to be in

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<v Speaker 1>your life. I think a lot of what a quote

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<v Speaker 1>unquote step back really is is this perceived idea that

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<v Speaker 1>you should be somewhere where you're currently not right now.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think the thing that has really transformed my journey,

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<v Speaker 1>my healing journey, and up leveling my life is to

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<v Speaker 1>give myself incredible compassion and grace through the times where

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<v Speaker 1>I am clearly struggling, through the times where I thought

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<v Speaker 1>I was one way, but I guess I am the

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<v Speaker 1>same way. And this is why it's so important. You

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<v Speaker 1>have probably spent your entire life operating out of some

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<v Speaker 1>sort of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, nervous system, dysregulation, trauma,

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<v Speaker 1>whatever name you want to put on it. Okay, you

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<v Speaker 1>have been surviving things in your life, whether there was

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<v Speaker 1>hard things that you overcame or you're still kind of

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<v Speaker 1>living with, or you've overcome whatever it is, you have

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<v Speaker 1>a story and you have been surviving this story. So

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<v Speaker 1>instead of getting mad at yourself, that part of you

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<v Speaker 1>that's really just trying to protect you all of your life,

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<v Speaker 1>that does those selfsabotaging behaviors sometimes that has the anxious

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<v Speaker 1>attachment or the disorganized or whatever. You know that that

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<v Speaker 1>part of you is really trying to keep you safe,

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<v Speaker 1>and if you don't, then you should know that all

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<v Speaker 1>of the things that you think you're doing wrong, there's

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<v Speaker 1>a reason why you're doing those things, and a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of the times it's because there's a part of you

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<v Speaker 1>that's trying to keep you safe. But that part of

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<v Speaker 1>you doesn't understand that doing those old behaviors are no

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<v Speaker 1>longer going to keep you safe anymore, like the self

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<v Speaker 1>sabotaging behaviors or acting out of anxious attachment or disorganized

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<v Speaker 1>but there is a reason why you're operating like that.

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<v Speaker 1>And instead of getting mad at yourself time and time

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<v Speaker 1>and time again when you find you are going back

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<v Speaker 1>into old patterns, extend grace and love to that part

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<v Speaker 1>of you because that part of you is fighting with you.

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<v Speaker 1>It is, but you feel like you're in this internal battle,

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<v Speaker 1>like you against the part of you that keeps doing

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<v Speaker 1>the things you don't want it to do. What changed

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<v Speaker 1>my life is understanding the part of me that keeps

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<v Speaker 1>doing the things that I don't want it to do.

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<v Speaker 1>That part of me has been trying to keep me

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<v Speaker 1>safe all of my life. And I just keep berating her.

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<v Speaker 1>I just keep telling her, you're doing it wrong, You're

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<v Speaker 1>not doing enough. Why do you keep doing these things?

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<v Speaker 1>Instead of looking inwards and being like, what do you need?

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe I just need to give you a moment to breathe.

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<v Speaker 1>There is a reason why you do not do the

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<v Speaker 1>things you know you should do. And what we do,

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<v Speaker 1>like I said, is we just constantly cast judgment on

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<v Speaker 1>ourselves when we don't continue to do the things that

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<v Speaker 1>we dictate ourselves to do. But there's a reason. There's

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<v Speaker 1>a reason why it is hard for you to continue

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<v Speaker 1>to live up to these expectations that you hold of

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<v Speaker 1>yourself when you probably don't even have the proper tools

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<v Speaker 1>to achieve these things, or you might still be operating

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<v Speaker 1>out of trauma, or you need to just have more

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<v Speaker 1>grace with yourself. There is a reason, and I have

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<v Speaker 1>found on my journey that in order for me to

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<v Speaker 1>actually achieve the things that I want and actually get

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<v Speaker 1>out of a place of these cycles, is to stop

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<v Speaker 1>casting so much of this fixing energy on the part

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<v Speaker 1>of me that is already struggling enough in her life

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<v Speaker 1>and is exhausted. And I find when I get into

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<v Speaker 1>any sort of cycle or do a behavior that I

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<v Speaker 1>know that I shouldn't be doing, it's usually because I

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<v Speaker 1>am overwhelming myself AKA that part of me that most

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<v Speaker 1>likely is doing that behavior because that's all she knows.

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<v Speaker 1>Most likely, I am overwhelming her too much. I am

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<v Speaker 1>trying to fix and fix and fix and do and

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<v Speaker 1>do and do. I am constantly belittling myself and saying,

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<v Speaker 1>you're not doing good enough, You're not doing it again,

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<v Speaker 1>Why aren't you doing this? I'm measuring my success in

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<v Speaker 1>tiny little increments, but in the negatives, I'm looking at

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<v Speaker 1>all the ways I'm doing everything wrong. And then I'm

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<v Speaker 1>wondering why I continue to go into cycles, why I

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<v Speaker 1>continue to go in a downward spiral, Why I continue

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<v Speaker 1>to feel so chaotic in my mind? It's because I'm

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<v Speaker 1>fighting my own self. So what do I do when

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<v Speaker 1>I find that I'm fighting myself? Well, one, I always

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<v Speaker 1>see how my behaviors are directly correlated to if I'm

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<v Speaker 1>fighting myself or not, which will look like a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of procrastination, It'll look like self sabotaging behavior. Years It'll

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<v Speaker 1>look like, you know, throwing my hands up and just

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<v Speaker 1>being like I can't do anything or pushing things off.

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<v Speaker 1>That is when I know I'm overwhelming myself too much.

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<v Speaker 1>And what I like to do is to honor the

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<v Speaker 1>part of me that, for whatever reason, is overwhelmed, that

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<v Speaker 1>has been fighting for me and quite frankly, has been

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<v Speaker 1>waiting for me to acknowledge her, to give her some

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<v Speaker 1>more grace. So my advice to you is this, if

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<v Speaker 1>you find that you're battling yourself right now, stop trying

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<v Speaker 1>to force an answer, whether it is an immediate answer

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<v Speaker 1>about a relationship or a career opportunity, or an entire

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<v Speaker 1>life path or what you should do today, whatever. Give

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<v Speaker 1>yourself a break. Okay, Understand that you are not going

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<v Speaker 1>to come to an answer that is going to be

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<v Speaker 1>aligned with your intuition. When you are in chaos, when

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<v Speaker 1>you are in fight or flight or your freeze mode

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<v Speaker 1>or your whatever, you're just battling yourself and it's not

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<v Speaker 1>really going to get you anywhere. So if you find

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<v Speaker 1>that you are in a cycle right now of just

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<v Speaker 1>feeling like you're just you're not moving, You're kind of stuck.

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<v Speaker 1>You're back and forth. Stop trying to force an answer,

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<v Speaker 1>and instead, this is maybe a practice that you can do.

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<v Speaker 1>I like to do this, either journaling or just in

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<v Speaker 1>a quiet space, put on some music and I just

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<v Speaker 1>come to my breath, breathing in through my nose out

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<v Speaker 1>through my mouth. I do that a few times, and

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<v Speaker 1>I just try my best to connect to what I

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<v Speaker 1>know or what I could feel. It would be my intuition.

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<v Speaker 1>And you don't need to really know an answer. Again,

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<v Speaker 1>we're not forcing anything right, just whatever feels decent. Coming

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<v Speaker 1>into that consciousness and asking myself what do I need

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<v Speaker 1>to let go of right now, and sitting with that

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<v Speaker 1>for a moment, and I usually find there tends to

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<v Speaker 1>be something that comes up right away, and then there'll

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<v Speaker 1>be thoughts after that that'll be like, oh no, it

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<v Speaker 1>should actually be this or that or this or that,

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<v Speaker 1>and then that's kind of like the logical mind, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>the trauma brain is trying to control everything. Come back

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<v Speaker 1>to that first answer or the answer that you feel

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<v Speaker 1>is from the highest version of yourself. A lot of

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<v Speaker 1>you can distinguish the difference between a wise answer and

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<v Speaker 1>an answer that is coming from that place of you

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<v Speaker 1>that is like domineering. Doesn't mean that that domineering answer

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<v Speaker 1>might not be a great answer, But you've been trying

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<v Speaker 1>to listen to that domineering voice and that has been

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<v Speaker 1>getting you stuck in the cycle that you're in. So

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<v Speaker 1>try and do your best to connect to something that

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<v Speaker 1>is a little bit deeper than you have been, and

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<v Speaker 1>you will find what will come out of that. And

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<v Speaker 1>I can't tell you the answer, obviously, but what usually

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<v Speaker 1>comes out from that is a very loving, soft, more

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<v Speaker 1>compassionate ease of an answer, or like a thing that

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<v Speaker 1>maybe your soul wants to do or your inner chiel

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<v Speaker 1>wants to do. However you want to connect to it.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's not in the form of let's do another

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<v Speaker 1>thing to try and fix and change what I'm feeling.

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<v Speaker 1>A lot of the times, it's just this like melting

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<v Speaker 1>energy of like, you know what, let me just be

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<v Speaker 1>for a second. Can I just breathe for a second.

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<v Speaker 1>And the reason why I'm even saying that is because

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<v Speaker 1>you haven't been breathing. When you're constantly battling yourself in

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<v Speaker 1>your mind, you're stuck in this energy. You aren't breathing,

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<v Speaker 1>You're tense, you're trying to find an answer, and sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>all you seriously need to do is just breathe for

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<v Speaker 1>a second. Now, when I find also that I am

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<v Speaker 1>stuck in cycles, or I'm feeling aggravated, or I'm feeling

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<v Speaker 1>just annoyed, I like to do my best to give

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<v Speaker 1>myself either a day or two. And this is very

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<v Speaker 1>flexible and flow to just be me. Okay, Now, what

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<v Speaker 1>does that mean and how does that look? First of all,

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<v Speaker 1>it doesn't mean getting rid of all of the things

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<v Speaker 1>that you need to do. Like if you have to

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<v Speaker 1>go to work, you go to work. If you have

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<v Speaker 1>to do school, you still do that, but you do

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<v Speaker 1>it in a way where you're just giving yourself so

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<v Speaker 1>much love and grace. It's almost like you are tending

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<v Speaker 1>to a young teenage self, you that is heartbroken right now,

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<v Speaker 1>and you're just like being her best friend and so

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<v Speaker 1>like a few days. Right Like, if you think about

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<v Speaker 1>like a teenage version of you who just went through

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<v Speaker 1>their first heartbreak and you were their friend for like

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<v Speaker 1>a few days, probably she'd be like pretty down and

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<v Speaker 1>out right, like, she'd be sad, she'd probably need some things.

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<v Speaker 1>She'd probably just like need to watch a movie, or

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<v Speaker 1>need to talk to a friend or just like let

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<v Speaker 1>it out or vent or cry or just like have

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<v Speaker 1>so much grace right like, even if she has to

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<v Speaker 1>go to school or to work, It's like, I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>putting all these expectations into dos and all of these

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<v Speaker 1>things on her plate right now because she doesn't need much.

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<v Speaker 1>Just let her be. And that's what you need to

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<v Speaker 1>do for yourself, and that's what I love to do

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<v Speaker 1>for myself. If I find that I'm just like coming

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<v Speaker 1>to this breaking point of like realizing that I can't

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<v Speaker 1>force an answer and nothing's going to come that way anyways,

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<v Speaker 1>and then I drop down into my body and I

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<v Speaker 1>just say, you know what, it's just going to be

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<v Speaker 1>one of those days or a few of those days

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<v Speaker 1>where it's going to be like highly emotional or it's

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<v Speaker 1>just going to be very chill, or it's just going

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<v Speaker 1>to be this practice of giving myself grace every time

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<v Speaker 1>I hear the negative self talk, because that's what will

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<v Speaker 1>happen as well. Sometimes if you're high achieving and you

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<v Speaker 1>try and do this, you'll be constantly just judging yourself

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<v Speaker 1>and being like, oh, I should do more, I should

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<v Speaker 1>do more, I should do more. So maybe this simple

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<v Speaker 1>practice is today is good enough. Whatever I do right

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<v Speaker 1>now is good enough. I'm going to take one step

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<v Speaker 1>at a time. I Am not going to try and

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<v Speaker 1>rush these things, and you're just going to be very

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<v Speaker 1>vigilant with changing the inner dialogue that you have in

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<v Speaker 1>your head. Now, another thing I like to do if

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<v Speaker 1>I find myself stuck in some sort of cycle and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm driving myself insane is not only do I like

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<v Speaker 1>to connect to myself in that set that I just

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<v Speaker 1>spoke about and just like really just just let it

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<v Speaker 1>go for a second, just just breathe, please, I do

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<v Speaker 1>like to talk to someone. And this is a reason

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<v Speaker 1>why I like to do this is because and and

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<v Speaker 1>by the way, like I'm somebody in general that likes

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<v Speaker 1>to isolate self isolate. I like to deal with all

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<v Speaker 1>my problems alone. I'm not even saying it's a healthy thing.

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<v Speaker 1>It is my default. I That's just how I've lived

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<v Speaker 1>my life. So I have to really work on that.

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<v Speaker 1>But I find that there is a part of me

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<v Speaker 1>that does still need to kind of search for an

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<v Speaker 1>answer or like a next step, or like I need

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<v Speaker 1>to think. I'm a very logical person. I do spend

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of time alone, which means I'm always thinking

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<v Speaker 1>and ruminating in this that so for me to try to,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, tell myself to not think about the situation

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<v Speaker 1>at hand or like try and figure a way out

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<v Speaker 1>and this that it's not really gonna happen. And there's

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<v Speaker 1>not a point on even trying to do that, because

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<v Speaker 1>there is that part of you that does want to

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<v Speaker 1>keep you safe in that sense. So instead of though,

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<v Speaker 1>spending a lot of time just like thinking and ruminating

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<v Speaker 1>and journaling, even like sometimes journaling can be a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit much if you're trying to like financiers and stuff

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<v Speaker 1>like that. This is where I do like to talk

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<v Speaker 1>to someone if I can, whether that is considering to

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<v Speaker 1>go to therapy, or working with a coach, or even

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<v Speaker 1>just talking to a friend, like whatever it is. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>everyone has their own levels of access to things. I

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<v Speaker 1>know that therapy is not like accessible to everyone in

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<v Speaker 1>this that, but I do find gaining new perspective and

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<v Speaker 1>listening to other people can be really really helpful for

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<v Speaker 1>you to get out of this stuck energy that you

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<v Speaker 1>might be in, especially if you find yourself always just

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<v Speaker 1>going back and forth in your head, and it can

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<v Speaker 1>be difficult, especially if you are somebody who likes to

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<v Speaker 1>isolate or you feel like you can always find answers.

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<v Speaker 1>Taking this time that you are, you know, really honoring

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<v Speaker 1>that part of you that just needs to breathe for

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<v Speaker 1>a second and almost like invite new energy or new

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<v Speaker 1>people or new perspectives in a way that kind of

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<v Speaker 1>heals you in a way, like instead of you doing

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<v Speaker 1>all the seeking and you, you know, all the answers

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<v Speaker 1>or you're giving the advice, like kind of drop into

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<v Speaker 1>that more feminine energy, which is kind of what that is,

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<v Speaker 1>by the way, when you like checking in with yourself

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<v Speaker 1>and you just like breathe for a second, reside more

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<v Speaker 1>in that feminine energy and allow the world, allow people

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<v Speaker 1>around you or things around you to kind of give

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<v Speaker 1>you some sort of not clarity because you're not really

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<v Speaker 1>looking for clarity, but just insight or just like let

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<v Speaker 1>people or the world hold you in whatever capacity that is.

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<v Speaker 1>And I know it can be so scary, especially when

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<v Speaker 1>you are somebody who is the fixing energy, is the

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<v Speaker 1>masculine energy, really is the I'm going to do it

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<v Speaker 1>myself energy. It can be hard to do that, but

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<v Speaker 1>you have to think sometimes of what the opposite is,

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<v Speaker 1>and what the opposite is is usually you going into

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<v Speaker 1>this cycle again, you getting into this freeze mode, you

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<v Speaker 1>not being able to find an answer because you are

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<v Speaker 1>disconnected from sometimes things that you need to be connected to,

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<v Speaker 1>which is your body and is more of that healing energy.

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<v Speaker 1>And in order to help me be able to kind

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<v Speaker 1>of stay more into this healing energy or you know,

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<v Speaker 1>a few days where I'm just giving myself more grace

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm not trying to figure out an answer or

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not trying to, like you know, come up with

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<v Speaker 1>changing whatever is currently happening in my life. I like

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<v Speaker 1>to remind myself that my setbacks quote unquote setbacks do

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<v Speaker 1>not erase my progress, and in fact, it really is

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<v Speaker 1>just a natural part of growth. Okay, when you get

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<v Speaker 1>into a new relationship and your attachment style gets triggered again,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't have to look at yourself like, oh my god,

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<v Speaker 1>why is this happening again? I'm so mad at myself.

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<v Speaker 1>I need to fix myself right this second, and this

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<v Speaker 1>needs to be done right now. And I'm a bad

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<v Speaker 1>person because this is happening again, and why is this

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<v Speaker 1>happening again? And da da da da dah Right you're

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<v Speaker 1>going all the way up into your head. If you're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna go up into your head, I want you to

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<v Speaker 1>think from your very wise part of you that knows

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<v Speaker 1>the truth, which is this, Your setbacks do not erase

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<v Speaker 1>your progress. Okay. Just because something is happening again does

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<v Speaker 1>not mean you have not made some sort of progress. Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>It just means whatever is coming up in your life,

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<v Speaker 1>it is calling you to go deeper. It is calling

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<v Speaker 1>you to listen. It's not even calling you write this

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<v Speaker 1>moment to even fix it, although you are trained to

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<v Speaker 1>fix it because that's what you do. It just needs

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<v Speaker 1>you to listen. And that's the energy that you have

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<v Speaker 1>to have towards yourself when you are changing, because if

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<v Speaker 1>you try to always look at your downfalls or your

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<v Speaker 1>setbacks from this place of oh my god, I ruined

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<v Speaker 1>my progress, you can guarantee you will continue to be

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<v Speaker 1>in setbacks and cycles for the rest of your life.

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<v Speaker 1>So if you're feeling exhausted, it's understandable. And when you

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<v Speaker 1>are exhausted, what you don't need is another push. And

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<v Speaker 1>what can help you with slowing down is looking at

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<v Speaker 1>the version of you that has fought for you every

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<v Speaker 1>single day, whether you think that they did a good

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<v Speaker 1>job or not. They for you, every single day since

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<v Speaker 1>the day you were born, looking at this version of

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<v Speaker 1>you and thanking this version of you, recognizing this version

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<v Speaker 1>of you, and saying to this part of you, thank

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<v Speaker 1>you for keeping me safe. Thank you for doing the

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<v Speaker 1>best that you could with the things that you had.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you for trying to protect me. And I am

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<v Speaker 1>not mad at you for the days that you couldn't

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<v Speaker 1>protect me, the days that you quote unquote fell short.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not your fault. And instead of me wanting to

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<v Speaker 1>change you, wanting to force you into being somebody that

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<v Speaker 1>you're not, right now, what do you need from me?

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<v Speaker 1>And every time I ask that part of me what

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<v Speaker 1>it needs, it genuinely just needs me to listen to her,

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<v Speaker 1>to just breathe, to acknowledge her existence, to be nice

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<v Speaker 1>to her, to give her a break, give her ease,

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<v Speaker 1>give her non judgment, give her unconditional love. And something

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<v Speaker 1>I always ask myself when I find myself in this

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<v Speaker 1>just really chaotic energy in my mind my body, is

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<v Speaker 1>what would somebody who loves themselves do? And somebody who

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<v Speaker 1>loves themselves would see all parts of themselves and understand

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<v Speaker 1>that there is a reason and a rhyme for why

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<v Speaker 1>it is that this part of you is doing the

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<v Speaker 1>behavior or keeping you stuck in some way and understanding

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<v Speaker 1>that in order for you to change any behavior in

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<v Speaker 1>your life, there's gonna need to be a part of

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<v Speaker 1>you that understands and listens to be able to adjust,

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<v Speaker 1>to be able to support these parts of you that

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<v Speaker 1>just learned whatever behavior they learned and is acting out

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<v Speaker 1>of whatever trauma just to keep you safe. And this

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<v Speaker 1>is not about accepting poor behavior or treating people poorly

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<v Speaker 1>or doing any of that behavior. It's not. But I'm

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<v Speaker 1>talking about the constant berating that you do on yourself

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<v Speaker 1>when you know you are the one that keeps getting

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<v Speaker 1>up over and over and over again. You are being

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<v Speaker 1>so hard on yourself and you're wondering why this healing

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<v Speaker 1>journey feels like it's never ending. You have to give

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<v Speaker 1>yourself more grace. You have to see how you are

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<v Speaker 1>your biggest critic. Stop trying to force an answer, give

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<v Speaker 1>yourself grace, give yourself time, breathe. Take a moment, Take

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<v Speaker 1>a moment away from self development, Take a moment away

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<v Speaker 1>from people. Take a moment away from forcing yourself or

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<v Speaker 1>rushing yourself to find an answer. You don't need an

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<v Speaker 1>answer right now. That is not what you need in

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<v Speaker 1>your life is an answer, and the answer is going

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<v Speaker 1>to come to you when you stop trying to force it,

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<v Speaker 1>when you stop trying to push yourself, when you stop

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<v Speaker 1>judging yourself for being a human being. I hope this

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<v Speaker 1>episode resonated with you. Please let me know what you

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<v Speaker 1>like to hear next. You can respond on Spotify or

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<v Speaker 1>in the comment section on YouTube. Don't forget to subscribe

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<v Speaker 1>if you are not subscribed on YouTube, and follow me

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<v Speaker 1>on the Instagram. You can listen to my audio version

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<v Speaker 1>of the podcast as well if you're going on how

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<v Speaker 1>Grow Walks and you don't want to use your data

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<v Speaker 1>for YouTube. If you watch on YouTube, all the links

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<v Speaker 1>will be down below. I'll see in the next one. Bye.