Speaker 1: Hello everyone, and welcome back to another podcast episode. My
Speaker 1: name is Alicia Gogin, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast,
Speaker 1: where I help you expand your mind and become more
Speaker 1: self awares that you can glow up into the best
Speaker 1: version of yourself. Hello everyone, I hope we are doing well,
Speaker 1: and if you are not doing well, then hopefully this
Speaker 1: episode will help you. I want to talk about the
Speaker 1: healing journey, setbacks, and the exhaustion that we feel sometimes
Speaker 1: when we are on this pursuit of healing and changing
Speaker 1: our lives. And I want to talk about this journey
Speaker 1: because I feel like a lot of us right now
Speaker 1: we're on a journey of healing, and there might be
Speaker 1: things that are coming into our lives right now that
Speaker 1: are stirring new wounds up, or they're making us very
Speaker 1: aware of the things we soon need to work on,
Speaker 1: or maybe things aren't working out and it's just exhausting,
Speaker 1: and we keep finding ourselves going back into these patterns.
Speaker 1: All of this is exhausting at times. And I feel
Speaker 1: like there's a lot of people that I've been working
Speaker 1: with one on one also just in my community, some
Speaker 1: of you guys and even myself, there's this energy of
Speaker 1: just being exhausted, like just being fed up, just like
Speaker 1: when is this going to end? And I think a
Speaker 1: lot of the exhaustion that we sometimes feel on a
Speaker 1: healing journey is this judgment on how we think we
Speaker 1: should be or this seemingly never ending cycle like why
Speaker 1: is this happening again? Why am I feeling this way?
Speaker 1: Why do I have this urge to go do this
Speaker 1: behavior again? Why am I not farther along than I
Speaker 1: thought that I would. You call in something new into
Speaker 1: your life, and it really just brings you back up
Speaker 1: to the old version of you that you thought that
Speaker 1: maybe you were done with or you just want to
Speaker 1: be done with. And I have found on my journey
Speaker 1: to not feel so exhausted and do this judgmental thing
Speaker 1: of like why again, why is this happening? Why am
Speaker 1: I continuing to be stuck? Is to acknowledge that this
Speaker 1: is a part of the journey. Okay, you living your
Speaker 1: life and calling new things into your life is going
Speaker 1: to bring up old wounds. It's going to bring up
Speaker 1: things that you either are aware of or you're not
Speaker 1: even aware of yet until you kind of become aware.
Speaker 1: And this is kind of sometimes going to come in
Speaker 1: the form of what you look at as relapsing, but
Speaker 1: it's really not like it's just a part of the
Speaker 1: human experience for you to not be this perfectly healed
Speaker 1: human being that you are always striving to be in
Speaker 1: your life. I think a lot of what a quote
Speaker 1: unquote step back really is is this perceived idea that
Speaker 1: you should be somewhere where you're currently not right now.
Speaker 1: And I think the thing that has really transformed my journey,
Speaker 1: my healing journey, and up leveling my life is to
Speaker 1: give myself incredible compassion and grace through the times where
Speaker 1: I am clearly struggling, through the times where I thought
Speaker 1: I was one way, but I guess I am the
Speaker 1: same way. And this is why it's so important. You
Speaker 1: have probably spent your entire life operating out of some
Speaker 1: sort of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, nervous system, dysregulation, trauma,
Speaker 1: whatever name you want to put on it. Okay, you
Speaker 1: have been surviving things in your life, whether there was
Speaker 1: hard things that you overcame or you're still kind of
Speaker 1: living with, or you've overcome whatever it is, you have
Speaker 1: a story and you have been surviving this story. So
Speaker 1: instead of getting mad at yourself, that part of you
Speaker 1: that's really just trying to protect you all of your life,
Speaker 1: that does those selfsabotaging behaviors sometimes that has the anxious
Speaker 1: attachment or the disorganized or whatever. You know that that
Speaker 1: part of you is really trying to keep you safe,
Speaker 1: and if you don't, then you should know that all
Speaker 1: of the things that you think you're doing wrong, there's
Speaker 1: a reason why you're doing those things, and a lot
Speaker 1: of the times it's because there's a part of you
Speaker 1: that's trying to keep you safe. But that part of
Speaker 1: you doesn't understand that doing those old behaviors are no
Speaker 1: longer going to keep you safe anymore, like the self
Speaker 1: sabotaging behaviors or acting out of anxious attachment or disorganized
Speaker 1: but there is a reason why you're operating like that.
Speaker 1: And instead of getting mad at yourself time and time
Speaker 1: and time again when you find you are going back
Speaker 1: into old patterns, extend grace and love to that part
Speaker 1: of you because that part of you is fighting with you.
Speaker 1: It is, but you feel like you're in this internal battle,
Speaker 1: like you against the part of you that keeps doing
Speaker 1: the things you don't want it to do. What changed
Speaker 1: my life is understanding the part of me that keeps
Speaker 1: doing the things that I don't want it to do.
Speaker 1: That part of me has been trying to keep me
Speaker 1: safe all of my life. And I just keep berating her.
Speaker 1: I just keep telling her, you're doing it wrong, You're
Speaker 1: not doing enough. Why do you keep doing these things?
Speaker 1: Instead of looking inwards and being like, what do you need?
Speaker 1: Maybe I just need to give you a moment to breathe.
Speaker 1: There is a reason why you do not do the
Speaker 1: things you know you should do. And what we do,
Speaker 1: like I said, is we just constantly cast judgment on
Speaker 1: ourselves when we don't continue to do the things that
Speaker 1: we dictate ourselves to do. But there's a reason. There's
Speaker 1: a reason why it is hard for you to continue
Speaker 1: to live up to these expectations that you hold of
Speaker 1: yourself when you probably don't even have the proper tools
Speaker 1: to achieve these things, or you might still be operating
Speaker 1: out of trauma, or you need to just have more
Speaker 1: grace with yourself. There is a reason, and I have
Speaker 1: found on my journey that in order for me to
Speaker 1: actually achieve the things that I want and actually get
Speaker 1: out of a place of these cycles, is to stop
Speaker 1: casting so much of this fixing energy on the part
Speaker 1: of me that is already struggling enough in her life
Speaker 1: and is exhausted. And I find when I get into
Speaker 1: any sort of cycle or do a behavior that I
Speaker 1: know that I shouldn't be doing, it's usually because I
Speaker 1: am overwhelming myself AKA that part of me that most
Speaker 1: likely is doing that behavior because that's all she knows.
Speaker 1: Most likely, I am overwhelming her too much. I am
Speaker 1: trying to fix and fix and fix and do and
Speaker 1: do and do. I am constantly belittling myself and saying,
Speaker 1: you're not doing good enough, You're not doing it again,
Speaker 1: Why aren't you doing this? I'm measuring my success in
Speaker 1: tiny little increments, but in the negatives, I'm looking at
Speaker 1: all the ways I'm doing everything wrong. And then I'm
Speaker 1: wondering why I continue to go into cycles, why I
Speaker 1: continue to go in a downward spiral, Why I continue
Speaker 1: to feel so chaotic in my mind? It's because I'm
Speaker 1: fighting my own self. So what do I do when
Speaker 1: I find that I'm fighting myself? Well, one, I always
Speaker 1: see how my behaviors are directly correlated to if I'm
Speaker 1: fighting myself or not, which will look like a lot
Speaker 1: of procrastination, It'll look like self sabotaging behavior. Years It'll
Speaker 1: look like, you know, throwing my hands up and just
Speaker 1: being like I can't do anything or pushing things off.
Speaker 1: That is when I know I'm overwhelming myself too much.
Speaker 1: And what I like to do is to honor the
Speaker 1: part of me that, for whatever reason, is overwhelmed, that
Speaker 1: has been fighting for me and quite frankly, has been
Speaker 1: waiting for me to acknowledge her, to give her some
Speaker 1: more grace. So my advice to you is this, if
Speaker 1: you find that you're battling yourself right now, stop trying
Speaker 1: to force an answer, whether it is an immediate answer
Speaker 1: about a relationship or a career opportunity, or an entire
Speaker 1: life path or what you should do today, whatever. Give
Speaker 1: yourself a break. Okay, Understand that you are not going
Speaker 1: to come to an answer that is going to be
Speaker 1: aligned with your intuition. When you are in chaos, when
Speaker 1: you are in fight or flight or your freeze mode
Speaker 1: or your whatever, you're just battling yourself and it's not
Speaker 1: really going to get you anywhere. So if you find
Speaker 1: that you are in a cycle right now of just
Speaker 1: feeling like you're just you're not moving, You're kind of stuck.
Speaker 1: You're back and forth. Stop trying to force an answer,
Speaker 1: and instead, this is maybe a practice that you can do.
Speaker 1: I like to do this, either journaling or just in
Speaker 1: a quiet space, put on some music and I just
Speaker 1: come to my breath, breathing in through my nose out
Speaker 1: through my mouth. I do that a few times, and
Speaker 1: I just try my best to connect to what I
Speaker 1: know or what I could feel. It would be my intuition.
Speaker 1: And you don't need to really know an answer. Again,
Speaker 1: we're not forcing anything right, just whatever feels decent. Coming
Speaker 1: into that consciousness and asking myself what do I need
Speaker 1: to let go of right now, and sitting with that
Speaker 1: for a moment, and I usually find there tends to
Speaker 1: be something that comes up right away, and then there'll
Speaker 1: be thoughts after that that'll be like, oh no, it
Speaker 1: should actually be this or that or this or that,
Speaker 1: and then that's kind of like the logical mind, you know,
Speaker 1: the trauma brain is trying to control everything. Come back
Speaker 1: to that first answer or the answer that you feel
Speaker 1: is from the highest version of yourself. A lot of
Speaker 1: you can distinguish the difference between a wise answer and
Speaker 1: an answer that is coming from that place of you
Speaker 1: that is like domineering. Doesn't mean that that domineering answer
Speaker 1: might not be a great answer, But you've been trying
Speaker 1: to listen to that domineering voice and that has been
Speaker 1: getting you stuck in the cycle that you're in. So
Speaker 1: try and do your best to connect to something that
Speaker 1: is a little bit deeper than you have been, and
Speaker 1: you will find what will come out of that. And
Speaker 1: I can't tell you the answer, obviously, but what usually
Speaker 1: comes out from that is a very loving, soft, more
Speaker 1: compassionate ease of an answer, or like a thing that
Speaker 1: maybe your soul wants to do or your inner chiel
Speaker 1: wants to do. However you want to connect to it.
Speaker 1: And it's not in the form of let's do another
Speaker 1: thing to try and fix and change what I'm feeling.
Speaker 1: A lot of the times, it's just this like melting
Speaker 1: energy of like, you know what, let me just be
Speaker 1: for a second. Can I just breathe for a second.
Speaker 1: And the reason why I'm even saying that is because
Speaker 1: you haven't been breathing. When you're constantly battling yourself in
Speaker 1: your mind, you're stuck in this energy. You aren't breathing,
Speaker 1: You're tense, you're trying to find an answer, and sometimes
Speaker 1: all you seriously need to do is just breathe for
Speaker 1: a second. Now, when I find also that I am
Speaker 1: stuck in cycles, or I'm feeling aggravated, or I'm feeling
Speaker 1: just annoyed, I like to do my best to give
Speaker 1: myself either a day or two. And this is very
Speaker 1: flexible and flow to just be me. Okay, Now, what
Speaker 1: does that mean and how does that look? First of all,
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean getting rid of all of the things
Speaker 1: that you need to do. Like if you have to
Speaker 1: go to work, you go to work. If you have
Speaker 1: to do school, you still do that, but you do
Speaker 1: it in a way where you're just giving yourself so
Speaker 1: much love and grace. It's almost like you are tending
Speaker 1: to a young teenage self, you that is heartbroken right now,
Speaker 1: and you're just like being her best friend and so
Speaker 1: like a few days. Right Like, if you think about
Speaker 1: like a teenage version of you who just went through
Speaker 1: their first heartbreak and you were their friend for like
Speaker 1: a few days, probably she'd be like pretty down and
Speaker 1: out right, like, she'd be sad, she'd probably need some things.
Speaker 1: She'd probably just like need to watch a movie, or
Speaker 1: need to talk to a friend or just like let
Speaker 1: it out or vent or cry or just like have
Speaker 1: so much grace right like, even if she has to
Speaker 1: go to school or to work, It's like, I'm not
Speaker 1: putting all these expectations into dos and all of these
Speaker 1: things on her plate right now because she doesn't need much.
Speaker 1: Just let her be. And that's what you need to
Speaker 1: do for yourself, and that's what I love to do
Speaker 1: for myself. If I find that I'm just like coming
Speaker 1: to this breaking point of like realizing that I can't
Speaker 1: force an answer and nothing's going to come that way anyways,
Speaker 1: and then I drop down into my body and I
Speaker 1: just say, you know what, it's just going to be
Speaker 1: one of those days or a few of those days
Speaker 1: where it's going to be like highly emotional or it's
Speaker 1: just going to be very chill, or it's just going
Speaker 1: to be this practice of giving myself grace every time
Speaker 1: I hear the negative self talk, because that's what will
Speaker 1: happen as well. Sometimes if you're high achieving and you
Speaker 1: try and do this, you'll be constantly just judging yourself
Speaker 1: and being like, oh, I should do more, I should
Speaker 1: do more, I should do more. So maybe this simple
Speaker 1: practice is today is good enough. Whatever I do right
Speaker 1: now is good enough. I'm going to take one step
Speaker 1: at a time. I Am not going to try and
Speaker 1: rush these things, and you're just going to be very
Speaker 1: vigilant with changing the inner dialogue that you have in
Speaker 1: your head. Now, another thing I like to do if
Speaker 1: I find myself stuck in some sort of cycle and
Speaker 1: I'm driving myself insane is not only do I like
Speaker 1: to connect to myself in that set that I just
Speaker 1: spoke about and just like really just just let it
Speaker 1: go for a second, just just breathe, please, I do
Speaker 1: like to talk to someone. And this is a reason
Speaker 1: why I like to do this is because and and
Speaker 1: by the way, like I'm somebody in general that likes
Speaker 1: to isolate self isolate. I like to deal with all
Speaker 1: my problems alone. I'm not even saying it's a healthy thing.
Speaker 1: It is my default. I That's just how I've lived
Speaker 1: my life. So I have to really work on that.
Speaker 1: But I find that there is a part of me
Speaker 1: that does still need to kind of search for an
Speaker 1: answer or like a next step, or like I need
Speaker 1: to think. I'm a very logical person. I do spend
Speaker 1: a lot of time alone, which means I'm always thinking
Speaker 1: and ruminating in this that so for me to try to,
Speaker 1: you know, tell myself to not think about the situation
Speaker 1: at hand or like try and figure a way out
Speaker 1: and this that it's not really gonna happen. And there's
Speaker 1: not a point on even trying to do that, because
Speaker 1: there is that part of you that does want to
Speaker 1: keep you safe in that sense. So instead of though,
Speaker 1: spending a lot of time just like thinking and ruminating
Speaker 1: and journaling, even like sometimes journaling can be a little
Speaker 1: bit much if you're trying to like financiers and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. This is where I do like to talk
Speaker 1: to someone if I can, whether that is considering to
Speaker 1: go to therapy, or working with a coach, or even
Speaker 1: just talking to a friend, like whatever it is. You know,
Speaker 1: everyone has their own levels of access to things. I
Speaker 1: know that therapy is not like accessible to everyone in
Speaker 1: this that, but I do find gaining new perspective and
Speaker 1: listening to other people can be really really helpful for
Speaker 1: you to get out of this stuck energy that you
Speaker 1: might be in, especially if you find yourself always just
Speaker 1: going back and forth in your head, and it can
Speaker 1: be difficult, especially if you are somebody who likes to
Speaker 1: isolate or you feel like you can always find answers.
Speaker 1: Taking this time that you are, you know, really honoring
Speaker 1: that part of you that just needs to breathe for
Speaker 1: a second and almost like invite new energy or new
Speaker 1: people or new perspectives in a way that kind of
Speaker 1: heals you in a way, like instead of you doing
Speaker 1: all the seeking and you, you know, all the answers
Speaker 1: or you're giving the advice, like kind of drop into
Speaker 1: that more feminine energy, which is kind of what that is,
Speaker 1: by the way, when you like checking in with yourself
Speaker 1: and you just like breathe for a second, reside more
Speaker 1: in that feminine energy and allow the world, allow people
Speaker 1: around you or things around you to kind of give
Speaker 1: you some sort of not clarity because you're not really
Speaker 1: looking for clarity, but just insight or just like let
Speaker 1: people or the world hold you in whatever capacity that is.
Speaker 1: And I know it can be so scary, especially when
Speaker 1: you are somebody who is the fixing energy, is the
Speaker 1: masculine energy, really is the I'm going to do it
Speaker 1: myself energy. It can be hard to do that, but
Speaker 1: you have to think sometimes of what the opposite is,
Speaker 1: and what the opposite is is usually you going into
Speaker 1: this cycle again, you getting into this freeze mode, you
Speaker 1: not being able to find an answer because you are
Speaker 1: disconnected from sometimes things that you need to be connected to,
Speaker 1: which is your body and is more of that healing energy.
Speaker 1: And in order to help me be able to kind
Speaker 1: of stay more into this healing energy or you know,
Speaker 1: a few days where I'm just giving myself more grace
Speaker 1: and I'm not trying to figure out an answer or
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to, like you know, come up with
Speaker 1: changing whatever is currently happening in my life. I like
Speaker 1: to remind myself that my setbacks quote unquote setbacks do
Speaker 1: not erase my progress, and in fact, it really is
Speaker 1: just a natural part of growth. Okay, when you get
Speaker 1: into a new relationship and your attachment style gets triggered again,
Speaker 1: you don't have to look at yourself like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: why is this happening again? I'm so mad at myself.
Speaker 1: I need to fix myself right this second, and this
Speaker 1: needs to be done right now. And I'm a bad
Speaker 1: person because this is happening again, and why is this
Speaker 1: happening again? And da da da da dah Right you're
Speaker 1: going all the way up into your head. If you're
Speaker 1: gonna go up into your head, I want you to
Speaker 1: think from your very wise part of you that knows
Speaker 1: the truth, which is this, Your setbacks do not erase
Speaker 1: your progress. Okay. Just because something is happening again does
Speaker 1: not mean you have not made some sort of progress. Okay.
Speaker 1: It just means whatever is coming up in your life,
Speaker 1: it is calling you to go deeper. It is calling
Speaker 1: you to listen. It's not even calling you write this
Speaker 1: moment to even fix it, although you are trained to
Speaker 1: fix it because that's what you do. It just needs
Speaker 1: you to listen. And that's the energy that you have
Speaker 1: to have towards yourself when you are changing, because if
Speaker 1: you try to always look at your downfalls or your
Speaker 1: setbacks from this place of oh my god, I ruined
Speaker 1: my progress, you can guarantee you will continue to be
Speaker 1: in setbacks and cycles for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: So if you're feeling exhausted, it's understandable. And when you
Speaker 1: are exhausted, what you don't need is another push. And
Speaker 1: what can help you with slowing down is looking at
Speaker 1: the version of you that has fought for you every
Speaker 1: single day, whether you think that they did a good
Speaker 1: job or not. They for you, every single day since
Speaker 1: the day you were born, looking at this version of
Speaker 1: you and thanking this version of you, recognizing this version
Speaker 1: of you, and saying to this part of you, thank
Speaker 1: you for keeping me safe. Thank you for doing the
Speaker 1: best that you could with the things that you had.
Speaker 1: Thank you for trying to protect me. And I am
Speaker 1: not mad at you for the days that you couldn't
Speaker 1: protect me, the days that you quote unquote fell short.
Speaker 1: It's not your fault. And instead of me wanting to
Speaker 1: change you, wanting to force you into being somebody that
Speaker 1: you're not, right now, what do you need from me?
Speaker 1: And every time I ask that part of me what
Speaker 1: it needs, it genuinely just needs me to listen to her,
Speaker 1: to just breathe, to acknowledge her existence, to be nice
Speaker 1: to her, to give her a break, give her ease,
Speaker 1: give her non judgment, give her unconditional love. And something
Speaker 1: I always ask myself when I find myself in this
Speaker 1: just really chaotic energy in my mind my body, is
Speaker 1: what would somebody who loves themselves do? And somebody who
Speaker 1: loves themselves would see all parts of themselves and understand
Speaker 1: that there is a reason and a rhyme for why
Speaker 1: it is that this part of you is doing the
Speaker 1: behavior or keeping you stuck in some way and understanding
Speaker 1: that in order for you to change any behavior in
Speaker 1: your life, there's gonna need to be a part of
Speaker 1: you that understands and listens to be able to adjust,
Speaker 1: to be able to support these parts of you that
Speaker 1: just learned whatever behavior they learned and is acting out
Speaker 1: of whatever trauma just to keep you safe. And this
Speaker 1: is not about accepting poor behavior or treating people poorly
Speaker 1: or doing any of that behavior. It's not. But I'm
Speaker 1: talking about the constant berating that you do on yourself
Speaker 1: when you know you are the one that keeps getting
Speaker 1: up over and over and over again. You are being
Speaker 1: so hard on yourself and you're wondering why this healing
Speaker 1: journey feels like it's never ending. You have to give
Speaker 1: yourself more grace. You have to see how you are
Speaker 1: your biggest critic. Stop trying to force an answer, give
Speaker 1: yourself grace, give yourself time, breathe. Take a moment, Take
Speaker 1: a moment away from self development, Take a moment away
Speaker 1: from people. Take a moment away from forcing yourself or
Speaker 1: rushing yourself to find an answer. You don't need an
Speaker 1: answer right now. That is not what you need in
Speaker 1: your life is an answer, and the answer is going
Speaker 1: to come to you when you stop trying to force it,
Speaker 1: when you stop trying to push yourself, when you stop
Speaker 1: judging yourself for being a human being. I hope this
Speaker 1: episode resonated with you. Please let me know what you
Speaker 1: like to hear next. You can respond on Spotify or
Speaker 1: in the comment section on YouTube. Don't forget to subscribe
Speaker 1: if you are not subscribed on YouTube, and follow me
Speaker 1: on the Instagram. You can listen to my audio version
Speaker 1: of the podcast as well if you're going on how
Speaker 1: Grow Walks and you don't want to use your data
Speaker 1: for YouTube. If you watch on YouTube, all the links
Speaker 1: will be down below. I'll see in the next one. Bye.