WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.399 --> 00:00:04.160 What if sanctuary wasn't just a place, but a way 2 00:00:04.240 --> 00:00:08.640 of living. Welcome to the Sanctuary Network, your weekly home 3 00:00:08.759 --> 00:00:12.599 for conversations that awaken the heart, heal the body, and 4 00:00:12.720 --> 00:00:17.000 inspire the spirit. I'm your host, Mary Ellen Poppick, the 5 00:00:17.079 --> 00:00:21.039 creator of Spirit Fest and the Natural Wellness expos. For 6 00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:24.879 two decades, I've been creating spaces, now creating a bold 7 00:00:24.920 --> 00:00:29.320 new broadcast from Mind, Body and Spirit, where seekers, healers, 8 00:00:29.320 --> 00:00:33.000 and teachers come together to share wisdom, laughter, and transformation. 9 00:00:33.920 --> 00:00:39.200 We've seen what happens when communities gather, people become enlivened. Now, 10 00:00:39.240 --> 00:00:42.159 through the Sanctuary Network, that same spirit is reaching you 11 00:00:42.679 --> 00:00:44.039 wherever you are in the world. 12 00:00:44.600 --> 00:00:45.960 Each week, we'll sit down with. 13 00:00:45.920 --> 00:00:50.320 Thought leaders, authors, and everyday visionaries. Will also shine a 14 00:00:50.399 --> 00:00:55.880 light on the grassroots voices of the Sanctuary marketplace, the healers, vendors, 15 00:00:55.880 --> 00:00:58.359 and practitioners who make this movement thrive. 16 00:00:59.240 --> 00:01:00.679 This isn't just another show. 17 00:01:00.799 --> 00:01:05.840 It's your sanctuary, a space to pause, reflect, and reconnect. 18 00:01:05.359 --> 00:01:09.319 With what matters most. So take a deep breath, open 19 00:01:09.359 --> 00:01:15.560 your heart and join me together. Let's step into the Sanctuary. 20 00:01:16.480 --> 00:01:19.560 From everyone, to the Sanctuary for Mind, Body, and Spirit. 21 00:01:19.760 --> 00:01:23.200 We have got some really strong women here tonight, and 22 00:01:23.239 --> 00:01:26.599 we are going to have some really interesting and fun conversation. 23 00:01:28.079 --> 00:01:30.040 The title of the show, and I'm just gonna. 24 00:01:29.840 --> 00:01:32.319 Say it we I edited it a little bit for 25 00:01:32.400 --> 00:01:35.599 the social media boss bitch like it's a bad thing. 26 00:01:36.799 --> 00:01:39.920 I take it as a compliment, and I thought I've 27 00:01:39.959 --> 00:01:43.560 heard it enough that it would be timely to have 28 00:01:43.640 --> 00:01:47.319 a conversation about whether it is a compliment or whether 29 00:01:47.400 --> 00:01:52.680 it's not. And we're going to discuss sort of where 30 00:01:52.719 --> 00:01:55.719 that term comes about, maybe look at some of the 31 00:01:55.760 --> 00:01:58.920 stigmas that are associated with that and why perhaps women 32 00:01:59.000 --> 00:02:02.920 are sometimes perceived differently than men in business. So I'd 33 00:02:02.959 --> 00:02:05.239 like to introduce before we get started, thank you ladies 34 00:02:05.280 --> 00:02:08.840 for being here. Our first guest, Mindy Dpietro. 35 00:02:08.960 --> 00:02:09.759 Did I say that right? 36 00:02:10.159 --> 00:02:10.599 I did? 37 00:02:11.000 --> 00:02:11.240 Good? 38 00:02:11.400 --> 00:02:11.719 Thank you. 39 00:02:12.280 --> 00:02:16.520 She has helped establish experts turn fifteen years of lived 40 00:02:16.599 --> 00:02:21.120 expertise into a brand and business that's entirely their own. 41 00:02:21.599 --> 00:02:25.719 She's an expert on intellectual property, sovereign wealth, and building 42 00:02:25.759 --> 00:02:27.479 something that outlasted. 43 00:02:26.919 --> 00:02:27.759 Your current role. 44 00:02:28.439 --> 00:02:32.319 She is the CEO at Esthetic Treatment Centers in Naples, Florida, 45 00:02:32.680 --> 00:02:35.879 where she's led the development and execution of the SPA's 46 00:02:35.960 --> 00:02:38.360 business strategy and ever growing business. 47 00:02:38.960 --> 00:02:40.639 So you've got a lot to lend. 48 00:02:40.719 --> 00:02:42.680 It sounds like that you've got a lot of experience, 49 00:02:42.719 --> 00:02:46.919 so thank you very much for being here. And Susan 50 00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:50.439 Williams is an entrepreneur, business leader and owner of My 51 00:02:50.680 --> 00:02:54.400 Enchanted Path. Over the course of a thirty year career, 52 00:02:54.439 --> 00:02:56.319 so I'm pretty sure she started working when she was 53 00:02:56.360 --> 00:02:59.479 four or five. She has led teams ranging from five 54 00:02:59.479 --> 00:03:03.360 employees to more than six hundred and fifty, manage multimillion 55 00:03:03.400 --> 00:03:09.240 dollar operations, and built a reputation for driving results through accountability, adaptability, 56 00:03:09.639 --> 00:03:12.319 and a willingness to challenge conventional thinking. 57 00:03:12.439 --> 00:03:14.439 So thank you Susan for joining us as well. 58 00:03:15.000 --> 00:03:20.599 Mindy, I didn't note on your intro the management course 59 00:03:20.680 --> 00:03:23.960 that you present to people that is million dollar wealth? 60 00:03:24.120 --> 00:03:24.439 Was that what? 61 00:03:24.639 --> 00:03:27.400 It was? A million dollar brand accelerator? Yes, and I 62 00:03:27.479 --> 00:03:32.479 am no longer the owner of esthetic treatment Centers. Okay, 63 00:03:32.520 --> 00:03:37.000 that's how I got into helping other people build their businesses. 64 00:03:37.680 --> 00:03:40.240 Oh awesome. Well it's a good trajectory. 65 00:03:41.759 --> 00:03:45.800 So we we've talked a little bit about do you 66 00:03:45.840 --> 00:03:52.439 guys have any examples. I definitely have some where I 67 00:03:52.439 --> 00:03:54.759 feel like maybe I need to be a certain way, 68 00:03:54.879 --> 00:03:57.199 or I've been perceived in a way that maybe I didn't. 69 00:03:58.439 --> 00:04:01.840 Going along with the topics that we're talking about, Susan, 70 00:04:01.879 --> 00:04:05.360 do you have any examples over your career where you 71 00:04:05.639 --> 00:04:08.000 have been perceived not how you expected. 72 00:04:11.680 --> 00:04:14.479 I think there's two great examples I can give you, 73 00:04:14.520 --> 00:04:17.000 And the first one is I worked in a security 74 00:04:17.000 --> 00:04:19.240 industry for a long time, and that's physical security with 75 00:04:19.360 --> 00:04:25.000 armed security officers running security for music festivals, and it 76 00:04:25.240 --> 00:04:28.240 was far in few between to see women in a 77 00:04:28.319 --> 00:04:32.040 leadership position there, which is very male dominated. I just 78 00:04:32.040 --> 00:04:34.120 don't think they expect that I'd have a strong mind, 79 00:04:34.160 --> 00:04:38.319 I'd be outspoken and hold firm to safety and strategies 80 00:04:38.360 --> 00:04:42.399 throughout the event. So definitely in that space I was 81 00:04:43.879 --> 00:04:49.120 they didn't know what to expect from me. Yeah, we'll 82 00:04:49.120 --> 00:04:49.480 go with that. 83 00:04:52.079 --> 00:04:53.959 I remember you were sharing a story where they were 84 00:04:53.959 --> 00:04:56.279 surprised when they met you that. 85 00:04:57.680 --> 00:04:59.959 You're very analytical minded and. 86 00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:04.000 Oh sure, sure. Somebody was helping me at an event 87 00:05:04.079 --> 00:05:08.439 doing setup and I'm very processed, driven, very much ABC, 88 00:05:09.399 --> 00:05:12.680 very virgo, very very virgo, So my mind is sort 89 00:05:12.680 --> 00:05:14.519 of robotic, and that's what they said to me, They 90 00:05:14.560 --> 00:05:18.000 said they didn't expect that of me. That I thought 91 00:05:18.040 --> 00:05:21.600 in a very process driven, very robotic way, and I 92 00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:25.120 took a step back. I'm like, okay, so that's how 93 00:05:25.120 --> 00:05:27.839 they see me, and I'm inside a fluffy bunny full 94 00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:31.360 of rainbows and butterflies, but very process driven. So I'd 95 00:05:31.439 --> 00:05:35.360 kind of changed my approach a little bit so they 96 00:05:35.399 --> 00:05:38.319 didn't feel like, you know, they were working with like 97 00:05:38.360 --> 00:05:40.120 a block of ice. 98 00:05:42.319 --> 00:05:44.920 Do you think that that perceived how they communicated with 99 00:05:44.959 --> 00:05:46.639 you afterwards. 100 00:05:47.079 --> 00:05:49.920 That particular situation. I actually brought it up to them 101 00:05:51.000 --> 00:05:53.240 maybe a week later, and I said, you know, that 102 00:05:53.279 --> 00:05:57.040 comment that you shared with me that I was robotic, 103 00:05:57.079 --> 00:05:59.519 it kind of impacted me because I never want to 104 00:05:59.560 --> 00:06:02.959 be received as cold or you know, just you know, 105 00:06:03.240 --> 00:06:06.000 unconnected or not connected to the people that I'm working with. 106 00:06:06.720 --> 00:06:11.399 And they nicely actually reframed it as they appreciated it, 107 00:06:11.560 --> 00:06:16.480 so they liked the how I was direct and very 108 00:06:16.560 --> 00:06:19.079 clean with what I was saying. 109 00:06:18.800 --> 00:06:24.079 That Mindy, have you had any experiences like that? 110 00:06:24.279 --> 00:06:26.439 And then I'm also going to ask, when you're doing 111 00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:29.199 your coaching, does anything like this ever come up? 112 00:06:30.680 --> 00:06:31.439 It really does. 113 00:06:31.639 --> 00:06:36.000 And I am a manifesting generator in human design, which 114 00:06:36.040 --> 00:06:39.199 means I have done a lot of different things. They 115 00:06:39.199 --> 00:06:42.360 all kind of follow the same path, but I've worked 116 00:06:42.360 --> 00:06:44.439 with a lot of different kinds of people. I've worked 117 00:06:44.480 --> 00:06:49.360 with a lot of physicians, both male and female. And 118 00:06:50.319 --> 00:06:53.639 I started my career as a speech pathologist, and I 119 00:06:53.759 --> 00:06:57.120 realized when I got into the workforce in the school 120 00:06:57.160 --> 00:07:02.879 system that I was definitely the first generation, probably all 121 00:07:02.920 --> 00:07:07.680 of us are the first generation of women who really 122 00:07:07.879 --> 00:07:11.079 were starting to be perceived as equals in the workplace. 123 00:07:11.680 --> 00:07:14.720 So the women that I worked for were tough. 124 00:07:15.519 --> 00:07:19.519 They were really tough because they had to really fight 125 00:07:19.639 --> 00:07:22.560 their way through. I know, I had a principal who 126 00:07:22.560 --> 00:07:26.920 I loved, but she was so tough, and she just 127 00:07:26.959 --> 00:07:29.560 felt like she couldn't let her guard down because she 128 00:07:29.759 --> 00:07:34.279 needed to be perceived as as strong as the rest 129 00:07:34.319 --> 00:07:37.720 of the male administrators because they were by far mostly 130 00:07:37.800 --> 00:07:40.639 male at that time. Which is interesting because in the 131 00:07:40.680 --> 00:07:44.000 school system, most of the workforce is female, and at 132 00:07:44.040 --> 00:07:48.519 that time, most of the administration was male, so there 133 00:07:48.639 --> 00:07:52.879 was a big dichotomy there. And I came to Naples 134 00:07:52.920 --> 00:07:55.199 in nineteen eighty eight. I was young, I was a 135 00:07:55.240 --> 00:07:58.560 single mom, I had just gotten out of school, and 136 00:07:58.720 --> 00:08:02.560 so I had to learn to just deal with it 137 00:08:02.680 --> 00:08:05.959 and figure it out whenever I was presented with that, 138 00:08:07.399 --> 00:08:09.560 and I think it served me well to just kind 139 00:08:09.600 --> 00:08:13.959 of ignore it, because when I ignored it, I think there's 140 00:08:14.000 --> 00:08:16.839 a lot of power in feeling a little bit or 141 00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:20.879 being perceived a little underestimated. I think there's a lot 142 00:08:20.879 --> 00:08:26.120 of power in that because when you're underestimated, the expectations 143 00:08:26.160 --> 00:08:30.279 are low, so when you perform, it almost seems a 144 00:08:30.279 --> 00:08:32.519 little bit a little bit higher. 145 00:08:32.200 --> 00:08:32.720 Than it is. 146 00:08:33.279 --> 00:08:35.799 So that's how I worked with it early in my career, 147 00:08:35.960 --> 00:08:38.919 and I bumped up against it in a lot of 148 00:08:39.000 --> 00:08:42.720 management situations. I worked for a lot of business owners 149 00:08:42.799 --> 00:08:45.519 or really with because I helped them build medical spots, 150 00:08:45.600 --> 00:08:50.039 worked with physicians business owners, and the perception is, you know, 151 00:08:50.080 --> 00:08:52.639 whoever brings the money is the boss. It doesn't matter 152 00:08:52.679 --> 00:08:55.080 if they know or anything about the subject matter or 153 00:08:55.120 --> 00:08:59.480 they don't. And you know, when they weren't getting you know, 154 00:08:59.519 --> 00:09:01.840 when they weren't getting that agreement, they could. 155 00:09:01.679 --> 00:09:02.879 Be a little bit aggressive. 156 00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:08.759 But I really think you know, communication skills, Stay calm, 157 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:12.960 stay in control, say what you need to say, kind 158 00:09:12.960 --> 00:09:17.320 of in that broken record kind of kind of voice, 159 00:09:17.360 --> 00:09:19.519 to say the same thing over and over in a 160 00:09:20.279 --> 00:09:25.000 in a calm tone, and in my experience it has 161 00:09:25.000 --> 00:09:27.080 seemed to really help with it. But you know, there 162 00:09:27.080 --> 00:09:31.320 are really always funny situations that come up, you know, 163 00:09:31.480 --> 00:09:33.720 in that I had, I had a man stand up 164 00:09:33.759 --> 00:09:37.039 in a meeting with his with his hands on the 165 00:09:37.080 --> 00:09:39.960 table and standing in front of me, and I was 166 00:09:40.120 --> 00:09:42.919 I was kind of surprised, so I just stood up 167 00:09:42.960 --> 00:09:46.360 and kept talking to him and the situation was neutralized. 168 00:09:46.399 --> 00:09:49.440 But you know, what are you going to do? You 169 00:09:49.480 --> 00:09:51.960 can't just sit there and let someone yell at you. 170 00:09:52.080 --> 00:09:56.159 Right, oh, right, right. You brought up an interesting word though, 171 00:09:56.919 --> 00:10:00.279 about being aggressive. I'm interested in. 172 00:10:00.279 --> 00:10:03.879 The perception about the difference between assertive and aggressive. 173 00:10:05.000 --> 00:10:09.320 Do you guys have any feelings about that, Susan? 174 00:10:10.759 --> 00:10:16.399 Yeah. For me, assertive is how I would be assertive, 175 00:10:16.440 --> 00:10:20.120 would be considering what needs to take place, what's the 176 00:10:20.159 --> 00:10:23.759 best measure, what needs to be communicated, and for the 177 00:10:23.840 --> 00:10:27.799 benefit of the vision or the goal. And being aggressive 178 00:10:27.879 --> 00:10:30.919 is not taking into consideration anybody else in the room, 179 00:10:31.279 --> 00:10:35.679 any other guidelines, any other factors, and just you know, 180 00:10:35.840 --> 00:10:38.279 inserting myself above all else. 181 00:10:39.759 --> 00:10:41.000 Maybe what are your thoughts on that? 182 00:10:42.440 --> 00:10:43.759 I think that's really true. 183 00:10:43.840 --> 00:10:49.600 I mean, being assertive is having your convictions in the 184 00:10:49.639 --> 00:10:53.159 school system. That conviction was, you know, I don't work 185 00:10:53.159 --> 00:10:55.399 there anymore. I'm not good at bureaucracies. You know, I 186 00:10:55.919 --> 00:10:58.279 worked there about twelve years and I was gone. But 187 00:10:59.480 --> 00:11:03.440 being assertive to me was trying to get my students, 188 00:11:03.440 --> 00:11:08.360 who were usually pretty severe, the services they need. And 189 00:11:08.399 --> 00:11:12.120 you're basically fighting you know, federal guidelines, you're fighting state 190 00:11:12.240 --> 00:11:17.360 and you know school system guidelines. But you really want 191 00:11:17.440 --> 00:11:20.720 that child to get the services they need. So I 192 00:11:20.759 --> 00:11:23.320 felt like if I have if I'm coming from the 193 00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:26.720 right place and I have the right convictions and people 194 00:11:26.840 --> 00:11:32.120 understand my convictions, it doesn't My perceived wanting to get 195 00:11:32.159 --> 00:11:36.480 my way in the situation was always perceived as you know, 196 00:11:36.559 --> 00:11:39.440 doing the best thing for the child. So I mean, 197 00:11:39.559 --> 00:11:43.240 being aggressive is just demanding your way again. And you 198 00:11:43.279 --> 00:11:45.639 know you put it so well, Susan not taking anyone 199 00:11:45.679 --> 00:11:49.759 else into consideration and just getting your way. And as 200 00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:52.519 as a boss owning my own business is this has 201 00:11:52.639 --> 00:11:55.240 definitely been an area for growth for me. 202 00:11:56.200 --> 00:11:59.559 You know, because where's the line. 203 00:12:00.120 --> 00:12:02.240 Time there was a situation like that, it was almost 204 00:12:02.279 --> 00:12:07.200 always about boundaries, right, It was about me not setting 205 00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:12.120 the proper boundary, me not holding the proper boundary. And 206 00:12:13.600 --> 00:12:17.200 me sometimes being too busy to stop and explain to 207 00:12:17.279 --> 00:12:20.279 the employee. And in this case, I don't think it 208 00:12:20.279 --> 00:12:22.200 matters if it's women or men. I mean, I think 209 00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:26.879 women can be just as as have a perception about 210 00:12:27.440 --> 00:12:29.200 the gender of their boss. 211 00:12:29.039 --> 00:12:30.080 Right at times. 212 00:12:30.679 --> 00:12:34.200 So it was it was really about me not holding 213 00:12:34.240 --> 00:12:38.120 the proper boundary, not taking the time to say something correctly, 214 00:12:38.240 --> 00:12:41.519 and that's how those misunderstandings came in. And I'm sure 215 00:12:41.639 --> 00:12:45.200 I heard the B word whispered not so quietly under 216 00:12:45.200 --> 00:12:50.120 people's breath many times. But you know, you know, you 217 00:12:50.200 --> 00:12:52.559 live and learn and you go through iterations of your 218 00:12:52.600 --> 00:12:57.600 businesses and try not to take it personally right. 219 00:12:57.879 --> 00:13:00.399 The first time that I heard the term was on TEO. 220 00:13:00.480 --> 00:13:03.240 Have you ever watched it, Susan, I don't think you have. 221 00:13:04.120 --> 00:13:06.159 I've watched all of it. It was fantastic. 222 00:13:06.279 --> 00:13:07.159 You watched Ted Lasso. 223 00:13:08.639 --> 00:13:11.440 I love Rebecca and that when that little girl calls 224 00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:12.480 her out like that, I. 225 00:13:12.519 --> 00:13:15.559 Just it's just she's just so it's just such a 226 00:13:15.559 --> 00:13:16.960 powerhouse and I just love her. 227 00:13:18.159 --> 00:13:22.679 Highly recommend but uh, we we talked about times where 228 00:13:23.360 --> 00:13:28.559 have we been perceived differently? And I manage I run 229 00:13:28.759 --> 00:13:32.480 the company. Sorry, I run the business, and then also 230 00:13:32.919 --> 00:13:36.840 I have to run the shows, and in running the business, 231 00:13:36.879 --> 00:13:40.279 I do my best to be patient and really, you know, 232 00:13:40.720 --> 00:13:42.840 one on one, really explained things to people. 233 00:13:42.840 --> 00:13:45.639 I'm very also very cut and dry, but at the 234 00:13:45.720 --> 00:13:46.320 shows a. 235 00:13:46.240 --> 00:13:50.679 Lot of times I feel like I'm not really taken seriously. 236 00:13:50.799 --> 00:13:52.960 And I wonder if I was a man, if people 237 00:13:53.000 --> 00:13:56.080 would when I say some things, if I would be 238 00:13:56.200 --> 00:13:59.240 perceived differently that Sometimes I feel like when I say 239 00:13:59.279 --> 00:14:01.120 this is how it needs to be, it's more of 240 00:14:01.120 --> 00:14:06.000 a suggestion than a direction, and I feel like that's 241 00:14:06.039 --> 00:14:08.399 when I might get more aggressive, is when I don't 242 00:14:08.399 --> 00:14:10.879 feel like people are listening, because I don't feel like 243 00:14:10.960 --> 00:14:12.519 if I if I do it any other way that 244 00:14:12.559 --> 00:14:15.000 they're going to listen, that they're going to take me seriously. 245 00:14:15.399 --> 00:14:18.559 And these are about things like about space or safety 246 00:14:18.799 --> 00:14:22.240 things or things like that. So I also kind of 247 00:14:22.320 --> 00:14:25.960 try to find that balance a little bit, Mary Ellen. 248 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:29.399 There's also the effect that you have on the vendors 249 00:14:29.440 --> 00:14:31.799 of like when you go to their booths to say hello, 250 00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:34.039 and they're like, am I in trouble? So they know 251 00:14:34.159 --> 00:14:37.480 that you're a person of authority. They absolutely do. It's 252 00:14:37.559 --> 00:14:44.000 just maybe it's the thing that you're addressing that gives 253 00:14:44.000 --> 00:14:45.879 them the idea. Oh no, I don't I can do 254 00:14:45.919 --> 00:14:47.879 it over there at that event. So here, I'm not 255 00:14:47.919 --> 00:14:50.720 going to listen to Mary Ellen. She's just whatever. She's 256 00:14:50.759 --> 00:14:52.039 only the show on her whatever. 257 00:14:53.960 --> 00:14:56.080 Oh and We've got so many stories to tell to 258 00:14:56.399 --> 00:14:59.879 about the things people try and do. But that would 259 00:14:59.879 --> 00:15:04.759 be an example about, you know, when I maybe become 260 00:15:04.799 --> 00:15:06.480 a little bit more forward than I feel like that 261 00:15:06.559 --> 00:15:10.080 I want to be. And I don't know, because there's 262 00:15:10.120 --> 00:15:12.000 a lot of men that are warm and fuzzy too, 263 00:15:12.120 --> 00:15:14.159 Like there are men owners that would go around and 264 00:15:14.200 --> 00:15:16.080 talk to people at the booths or things like that. 265 00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:21.559 So you know, part of that is just again the 266 00:15:21.559 --> 00:15:26.360 stigma of that. So one of the things, Mindy, that 267 00:15:26.399 --> 00:15:30.559 we talked about before the show was about the hidden cost. 268 00:15:30.360 --> 00:15:32.080 Of dimming your voice. 269 00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:36.360 So can you speak to with women about would you 270 00:15:36.440 --> 00:15:39.080 call it being assertive or would you just call it 271 00:15:40.120 --> 00:15:42.360 using your voice or what do you really how do 272 00:15:42.399 --> 00:15:42.960 you explain that? 273 00:15:44.639 --> 00:15:47.759 You know, I would just call it being doing their 274 00:15:47.919 --> 00:15:50.320 job right to the best of their ability and not 275 00:15:50.559 --> 00:15:54.200 letting other people's perceptions interfere with that. And you know, 276 00:15:54.240 --> 00:15:56.639 I work in my business coaching a lot with Human 277 00:15:56.720 --> 00:15:59.559 Design and the Voice Center. 278 00:16:00.039 --> 00:16:03.759 I'm going to be doing a course on your voice 279 00:16:03.799 --> 00:16:04.440 by Design. 280 00:16:05.039 --> 00:16:08.159 So because everyone is meant to communicate in a different way, 281 00:16:08.639 --> 00:16:11.080 and if you're trying to force yourself to communicate in 282 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:14.480 a way that's unnatural to you, it can come off 283 00:16:14.600 --> 00:16:20.240 as either insecure, it can come off as unsure of 284 00:16:20.279 --> 00:16:24.159 your subject matter, and it can come off sometimes either 285 00:16:24.200 --> 00:16:27.039 too soft or too hard, you know, too aggressive or 286 00:16:27.080 --> 00:16:30.840 whatever it is. But I do think that the cost 287 00:16:30.919 --> 00:16:34.279 of that, it costs them visibility. You know, if you're 288 00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:37.679 if you don't speak up in a meeting, it costs 289 00:16:37.720 --> 00:16:41.559 you visibility. It changes your income, it changes your ability 290 00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:44.159 to be promoted, it changes. 291 00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:47.000 The perception of your co workers. 292 00:16:47.919 --> 00:16:51.559 So if you let that creep in, and if you 293 00:16:51.679 --> 00:16:55.519 let that and I think if there are any people 294 00:16:55.600 --> 00:16:58.679 out there, but particularly women, if there are any women 295 00:16:58.759 --> 00:17:03.120 out there who are having trouble finding that balance, it's 296 00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:06.079 so important to do it, and it's important to do 297 00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:09.279 it early because it really will affect your income over time. 298 00:17:12.640 --> 00:17:17.880 The leadership traits to I feel like, do you feel 299 00:17:17.880 --> 00:17:20.440 like that there's the same standard for women that there 300 00:17:20.440 --> 00:17:21.000 are for men. 301 00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:24.440 Either of you thought the standards different in a lot 302 00:17:24.440 --> 00:17:27.839 of ways. You know, the standards different in how you 303 00:17:27.880 --> 00:17:30.880 should dress, the standards different in how you should think. 304 00:17:31.319 --> 00:17:34.000 And I think that tone of voice when women. 305 00:17:33.759 --> 00:17:36.240 Get stressed, their pitch goes up. 306 00:17:37.640 --> 00:17:42.359 And people stop listening to you and all of us 307 00:17:42.400 --> 00:17:45.880 here kind of work with energetics in one way or another. Right, So, 308 00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:51.200 learning to control your HRV or understand your heart rate 309 00:17:51.279 --> 00:17:54.920 variability can help with that. If you're having trouble and 310 00:17:56.440 --> 00:17:59.799 being confident in the workplace takes practice. It's a skill, 311 00:18:00.200 --> 00:18:05.480 it's not something. It's not a personality trait. So you 312 00:18:05.640 --> 00:18:10.119 can practice that skill and just practicing speaking up when 313 00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:15.160 you don't feel like it sometimes, and practice practicing being 314 00:18:15.279 --> 00:18:18.359 you know, insisting that you're in the right room, insisting 315 00:18:18.400 --> 00:18:21.839 that you're part of the decision making process. All of 316 00:18:21.880 --> 00:18:26.559 these things are are really important, and you know, little 317 00:18:26.599 --> 00:18:28.960 by little you develop that confidence. 318 00:18:29.640 --> 00:18:30.359 Yeah. 319 00:18:30.440 --> 00:18:34.720 I've always said, you can say something people don't want 320 00:18:34.720 --> 00:18:37.559 to hear and say it nice because. 321 00:18:37.240 --> 00:18:40.680 It's just it's just business, right, But it can also 322 00:18:40.759 --> 00:18:44.240 come off as too nice. Yes, If it comes off 323 00:18:44.279 --> 00:18:49.160 as too nice, you also might not be taken really seriously, right, Yeah, 324 00:18:49.160 --> 00:18:52.079 So so you have to find that balance and it's 325 00:18:52.160 --> 00:18:55.759 really practice finding that balance, and I do so encourage 326 00:18:55.799 --> 00:19:00.079 anybody who's in the workplace. If you if you I 327 00:19:00.079 --> 00:19:03.240 feel like there's a little balance of power, you're working 328 00:19:03.279 --> 00:19:06.920 with people who are more experienced than you, older than you, 329 00:19:07.480 --> 00:19:12.680 more assertive than you, then you seek help with that. 330 00:19:13.720 --> 00:19:15.519 I help with that. I'm sure a bunch of other 331 00:19:15.559 --> 00:19:18.640 coaches help with it. Because if you can get that 332 00:19:18.920 --> 00:19:22.400 down early on, and if you can make what you 333 00:19:22.680 --> 00:19:27.359 say match how you feel, people respect you more. 334 00:19:28.200 --> 00:19:29.319 Susan, what are your thoughts? 335 00:19:31.160 --> 00:19:34.880 I just wanted to share a story that when I 336 00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:38.000 spoke up about a challenge. I was working in a 337 00:19:38.200 --> 00:19:43.880 reasonably well known catering food company and it was holiday 338 00:19:43.920 --> 00:19:47.200 prep and I was in the weeds. I was behind. 339 00:19:47.319 --> 00:19:49.920 I needed help. It was my first holiday season with 340 00:19:49.960 --> 00:19:52.960 this company and I wasn't sure how to troubleshoot my 341 00:19:53.000 --> 00:19:55.880 way out of what was going on. So my district 342 00:19:55.960 --> 00:19:57.799 manager calls to check in. I said, Hey, this is 343 00:19:58.200 --> 00:20:01.720 what's happening, and I'm behind on my production. I've got 344 00:20:01.759 --> 00:20:03.720 to get to this number, this is where I'm going, 345 00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:07.400 and I'm just having challenges, and he said a few things, 346 00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:10.440 shared some tips. I worked my booty off to try 347 00:20:10.440 --> 00:20:13.519 to make changes. Hour hour and a half later, he 348 00:20:13.559 --> 00:20:16.160 shows up and he said, Susan, you didn't tell me 349 00:20:16.200 --> 00:20:17.720 how bad it was. And I said, I told you 350 00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:20.000 I was having trouble. I told you that my numbers 351 00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:22.960 weren't hitting the goals that I needed to fulfill what 352 00:20:23.039 --> 00:20:25.119 I needed for the for the day and for the weekend. 353 00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:27.240 He's like, yeah, but you weren't freaking out. And I'm like, 354 00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:31.119 I needed to freak out, Like what do you mean 355 00:20:31.160 --> 00:20:33.559 I needed to freak out? Like I wasn't yelling, I 356 00:20:33.599 --> 00:20:36.359 wasn't raising my voice, I wasn't failing. I wasn't I 357 00:20:36.400 --> 00:20:40.279 don't know. I wasn't presenting myself in an hysterical manner 358 00:20:40.279 --> 00:20:43.960 that I guess he expected from his female general manager. 359 00:20:44.000 --> 00:20:44.480 I'm like, I. 360 00:20:44.559 --> 00:20:47.880 Presented the issues. I told him my numbers, and I 361 00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:50.160 was just taken aback and I was like, I don't. 362 00:20:50.200 --> 00:20:53.559 I don't react like that. I'm very calm under pressure. 363 00:20:53.720 --> 00:20:58.119 I work very well in that space. So I was 364 00:20:58.319 --> 00:21:00.200 I was, just like I said, I was just very 365 00:21:00.279 --> 00:21:02.480 that I needed to freak out for him to hear me. 366 00:21:02.960 --> 00:21:05.279 So I'm wondering how many mail managers freak out. 367 00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:11.480 I don't know. 368 00:21:10.319 --> 00:21:12.880 Dude, are out in different ways. 369 00:21:13.319 --> 00:21:15.559 Well, and that's what I was thinking, because I've worked 370 00:21:15.720 --> 00:21:18.400 with men before, and usually the more stressful it. 371 00:21:18.319 --> 00:21:20.480 Gets, the more for letter words get dropped. 372 00:21:21.839 --> 00:21:26.759 Quite easily as a matter of fact, too, So I'm 373 00:21:26.799 --> 00:21:29.279 not sure really what what would consider freaking out, but 374 00:21:29.319 --> 00:21:32.480 that's when I would get more loud and just more 375 00:21:32.519 --> 00:21:35.480 to the point, was just you know, as we're as 376 00:21:35.759 --> 00:21:36.960 things are getting more serious. 377 00:21:37.039 --> 00:21:39.720 That's just my way of doing that, I guess. 378 00:21:40.279 --> 00:21:45.720 And I don't know if men would come across more 379 00:21:45.759 --> 00:21:50.279 scary or more authoritative or what really the difference would be. 380 00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:52.440 But we all have our different management styles. We are 381 00:21:52.480 --> 00:21:53.720 you gonna say, Susan, And. 382 00:21:53.720 --> 00:21:55.640 I think that's just it. I think it's it's not 383 00:21:55.680 --> 00:22:00.200 necessarily here a gendered response. It's about your management style. Well, 384 00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:04.200 because I've worked for probably equal number women and men, 385 00:22:04.960 --> 00:22:09.000 and the women tend to I mean, I've seen them 386 00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:11.000 get loud and get crazy just like i've seen men. 387 00:22:11.559 --> 00:22:14.279 The men were a little like you said, use more 388 00:22:14.640 --> 00:22:18.480 colorful language, and the women kind of like buckle down 389 00:22:18.480 --> 00:22:20.880 and focus. Okay, what are we doing here, let's figure 390 00:22:20.920 --> 00:22:30.119 it out. But about equal on each side, right right, do. 391 00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:34.480 You guys have any examples of managers that you've had 392 00:22:34.519 --> 00:22:39.119 that were either really good or really not good. I 393 00:22:39.160 --> 00:22:42.240 am thinking of some of the when I worked at Disney, 394 00:22:43.200 --> 00:22:46.160 when I very first started, I worked in more of 395 00:22:46.200 --> 00:22:49.799 a corporate type situation, and I remember there was some 396 00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:52.720 female managers that were not warm and fuzzy at all, 397 00:22:52.920 --> 00:22:57.319 and they were actually really scary. And I'm trying to 398 00:22:57.359 --> 00:22:59.759 think of some men that were that way, and I 399 00:22:59.799 --> 00:23:03.079 really can't, interestingly enough. So again, I think it might 400 00:23:03.079 --> 00:23:07.319 be about perception. But mindy, have you had managers that 401 00:23:07.400 --> 00:23:10.759