Speaker 1: Hello everyone, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, the
Speaker 1: Bible teaching ministry that's here to encourage and inspire you
Speaker 1: every day. And today we're continuing our series called Awesome Relationships.
Speaker 1: In it, Rick Warren shares practical ways to help you
Speaker 1: take your relationships with family, friends, co workers, and even
Speaker 1: God from ordinary to extraordinary. And this is a series
Speaker 1: you don't want to miss. Well, it's time to hear
Speaker 1: from Rick with the final part of a message called
Speaker 1: what Destroys Relationships and what builds Them?
Speaker 2: You know, I couldn't count the number of times out
Speaker 2: on the patio after service somebody's come up to me
Speaker 2: in the last twenty five years and said, you know,
Speaker 2: Pastor Rick, I've never told this to anybody else, what
Speaker 2: I'm about to tell you. And when I hear that,
Speaker 2: there is something that will inside of me a sense
Speaker 2: of hope and enthusiasm and joy because I know that
Speaker 2: person is about to have a breakthrough. They are about
Speaker 2: to experience freedom for the first time in their life.
Speaker 2: They are about to experience a liberation that is unlike
Speaker 2: anything else because for their entire life they have carried
Speaker 2: this in their life and they've never told anybody, and
Speaker 2: they're about to open the door and the Boogeyman's going
Speaker 2: to come out, and it's not as big as they
Speaker 2: thought he was, and they're about to experience real, legitimate
Speaker 2: freedom and new hope and new joy and new power
Speaker 2: and the love and the grace and the power of
Speaker 2: God can flood into their life. You don't have to
Speaker 2: share it with everybody, but you need to tell somebody
Speaker 2: you were never meant to go through life with secrets.
Speaker 2: In fact, you were as only sick as your secrets.
Speaker 2: You're only sick as your secrets. And if you're living
Speaker 2: in fear, you're not really living. You want to open
Speaker 2: it up and let it go. Pastor Tom is going
Speaker 2: to come and explain.
Speaker 3: This insecurity destroys relationships. What builds them? We all know
Speaker 3: the answer to this.
Speaker 4: Love. Love builds relationships. The Bible says in one John
Speaker 4: four eighteen. Love has no fear because perfect love expels
Speaker 4: all fear. If we're afraid, it shows that His love
Speaker 4: has not been perfected in us. How does that work?
Speaker 3: How does love.
Speaker 4: Expel all fear? Here's what it does. It takes the
Speaker 4: focus off of you and it puts the focus on them.
Speaker 4: That's how it makes a difference. People ask me a
Speaker 4: lot of times, you ever get nervous when you're talking
Speaker 4: to a lot of people at saddle back, And the
Speaker 4: answer is, of course, it's a lot of people. You
Speaker 4: know what makes a difference. Take the focus off me
Speaker 4: and focus on you. And if I was standing here
Speaker 4: thinking of what you thought of my hairstyle, I should
Speaker 4: have something.
Speaker 3: To be afraid of.
Speaker 4: Right But the minute I start thinking about how much
Speaker 4: I love you and how much we want to love
Speaker 4: God together, all of a sudden, the fear just goes
Speaker 4: out the back door. In any relationship, any place you
Speaker 4: feel nervous and insecure, when you focus on the other person,
Speaker 4: it has the power to throw fear out of your life.
Speaker 4: How do we find that power to focus on other people?
Speaker 4: Realize how much God loves you, Realize that He loves
Speaker 4: you more than you could ever imagine. The moment you
Speaker 4: begin to realize how much God loves you, I don't
Speaker 4: have to prove myself anymore. I don't have to spend
Speaker 4: my life trying to impress other people because I already
Speaker 4: know God loves me.
Speaker 3: Do you know how freeing that is?
Speaker 4: You know how enjoyable it is to live life that way.
Speaker 4: All of a sudden, my identity, my self worth. They're
Speaker 4: not caught up in what you might think of me
Speaker 4: that day. You might be just having a bad day.
Speaker 3: They're caught up in my relationship to Christ. I'm not pressured.
Speaker 4: By everybody else's expectations anymore, all of us. So I think,
Speaker 4: we think, I want that. I want to live with
Speaker 4: that kind of confidence.
Speaker 3: Where do you get it? The Bible tells us.
Speaker 4: The Bible says in one John four fifteen to seventeen,
Speaker 4: all who proclaim that Jesus is the son of.
Speaker 3: God have God living in them.
Speaker 4: We know how much God loves us, and we put
Speaker 4: our trust in him.
Speaker 3: God is love. And would you read this last part
Speaker 3: with me.
Speaker 4: As we live in God, our love grows more and
Speaker 4: more perfect, so we will not be afraid. And you
Speaker 4: might circle the word grows, This grows. This is a
Speaker 4: lifelong process, This is a journey.
Speaker 3: This is a little bit every day.
Speaker 4: If I try to have this confidence all at once,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna have to fake it. That's the only way
Speaker 4: you can do it quickly. It's something that grows little
Speaker 4: by little every day. If you expect complete confidence tomorrow
Speaker 4: you're going to be sorely disappointed. But you can grow
Speaker 4: in this. I can grow in this little by little.
Speaker 4: Can't defeat insecurity overnight doesn't happen for any of us.
Speaker 3: But you can't take the first step right.
Speaker 4: Now, and that is beginning a relationship with Jesus Christ
Speaker 4: or strengthening your relationship with Jesus Christ.
Speaker 3: When you say yes to Jesus Christ, you're.
Speaker 4: Saying yes to a kind of love that can throw
Speaker 4: fear out the back door of your life.
Speaker 2: Now, the fourth enemy of community is resentment. And this
Speaker 2: one's the other big one. These four things destroy relationships.
Speaker 2: Resentment destroys relationships Job five, verse two. And the Bible
Speaker 2: says this, to worry yourself to death with resentment is
Speaker 2: a foolish, senseless thing to do. Now, everybody blows it.
Speaker 2: We all make mistakes. We all what the Bible calls sin.
Speaker 2: I sin, you sin, the Pope sins. Everybody does. We
Speaker 2: are all sinners. That means I don't I'm not perfect.
Speaker 2: I don't bat a thousand, okay, I don't measure up
Speaker 2: to God's standard. I don't even measure up to my
Speaker 2: own standards. I disappoint myself a lot of the times. So,
Speaker 2: because we're all imperfect, you're gonna hurt other people, and
Speaker 2: other people are gonna hurt you in life, intentionally and unintentionally.
Speaker 2: So you're gonna be hurt. You're going to be hurt
Speaker 2: in life. That's a fact. What's more important is what
Speaker 2: do you do with that hurt? What you do with
Speaker 2: is more important than the hurt. Are you going to
Speaker 2: allow it to make you better? Are you going to
Speaker 2: allow it to make you bitter, resentful and carry a grudge? Now,
Speaker 2: the Bible tells us, and even history and personal experience
Speaker 2: tells us that opposites attract, opposites attract, and then when
Speaker 2: they get married, opposites attack. What fascinates you now irritates you.
Speaker 2: This happens all the time. You see when you are
Speaker 2: single and you look out there and you see somebody
Speaker 2: that's not like you, that is fascinating, you know, like
Speaker 2: a person who's kind of quiet, says, look at that person,
Speaker 2: how boisterous, how loud, how life and vivacious they are,
Speaker 2: and you find it attractive because it's not like you.
Speaker 2: And so then you know, you get in a relationship
Speaker 2: or you get married, and then after about a year,
Speaker 2: you go on, do you have to be allowed all
Speaker 2: the time? And it starts getting on your nerves, it
Speaker 2: starts irritating you. And as I said, you attract and
Speaker 2: then you attack. I mean, if you have been married
Speaker 2: at any point in your life, how many of you
Speaker 2: had unrealistic expectations in your marriage? Gonna see your hands? Yeah,
Speaker 2: the rest of your liars. Okay, it's true. It's a
Speaker 2: setup for resentment. Now, Often it's not the big things
Speaker 2: in life that make us resentful. Those can, obviously and do.
Speaker 2: But it's also a lot of little things that just
Speaker 2: pile up, and you just start piling them up, and
Speaker 2: a lot of little things can break the camel's back,
Speaker 2: and so we get irritated, and those irritations, when we
Speaker 2: hold on to them, turn into resentment. Now again, since
Speaker 2: we're all in small groups, I wrote some common irritations
Speaker 2: in life to be looking out for in small groups.
Speaker 2: First is the person who's always late and then they
Speaker 2: take ten minutes to explain why they were late in
Speaker 2: the middle of the group. The person who talks too long.
Speaker 2: They love to hear themselves talk, the TMI, the too
Speaker 2: much information person, especially about a surgery of a relative.
Speaker 2: You know it's an organ recital, and the guy who
Speaker 2: has to check the score of the game during the group.
Speaker 2: The person who's dogmatic and says this is the way
Speaker 2: it is. Well, I guess the discussion just ended. The
Speaker 2: person who is insensitive and joking. The person who turns
Speaker 2: every statement into a wise crack. He thinks he's a
Speaker 2: stand up comedian and that the group is comedy club.
Speaker 2: The guy who forgets the guacamole. You know, in every
Speaker 2: group there is somebody who's just a little bit off.
Speaker 2: You know, they don't catch all of the social signals.
Speaker 2: They're heavenly sandpaper, you know. I call them the egrs,
Speaker 2: the extra grace required. Right now, you're thinking of that
Speaker 2: person in that group right now. In fact, if you
Speaker 2: can't think of it, guess what you're it. Okay. So,
Speaker 2: so if you don't know who it is in your group,
Speaker 2: it's you friend, because it's really obvious to everybody else. Okay, Now,
Speaker 2: what do you do with these little irritations in a
Speaker 2: small group, Well, you do two or three things. First,
Speaker 2: you ask God to fill you with so much love
Speaker 2: that their irritation doesn't bug you anymore. Remember, one of
Speaker 2: the things that group does is. It's not just to
Speaker 2: learn content, it's to learn to get along. It's to
Speaker 2: learn relational skills. That's why we believe everybody needs to
Speaker 2: be in a small group. You don't learn it on
Speaker 2: your own. You don't learn it sitting here in a
Speaker 2: big crowd. It's you learn relational skills. So ask God
Speaker 2: to fill you with love so that person doesn't bug you. Second,
Speaker 2: you can go to that person and talk to the
Speaker 2: offender personally, you know, in love. You know, you say,
Speaker 2: you know it just may be me, but I've noticed
Speaker 2: your jerk. No, just just kidding, just kidding, No, you know,
Speaker 2: I say, you know, I you know it may be me.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little extra sensitve, but this
Speaker 2: kind of bugs me. And can we talk about it?
Speaker 2: You know, you talk too much or you know whatever.
Speaker 2: But what you don't do is say nothing. What you
Speaker 2: don't do is sweep it under the carpet, hide it,
Speaker 2: go home and complain about it to everybody else. Talk
Speaker 2: to everybody else in the group about it, but not
Speaker 2: that person. No, you don't do that because it quickly
Speaker 2: turns into resentment, and resentment is always wrong. Now, let
Speaker 2: me clarify something. Anger is not always wrong. Resentment is
Speaker 2: always wrong. There is a right kind of anger and
Speaker 2: a wrong kind of anger. When I see injustice in
Speaker 2: the world, I'd better get angry. Sometimes anger is a
Speaker 2: result of love. If you hurt my kids, I'd get angry.
Speaker 2: That's a legitimate anger. In fact, the Bible says be
Speaker 2: angry and sin not In other words, there's a way
Speaker 2: to get angry and not sin, And there's a way
Speaker 2: to get angry and sin. But resentment is always wrong.
Speaker 2: It's when you pile up anger in your heart. It's
Speaker 2: frozen anger. Now why does God say don't do this?
Speaker 2: Two reasons. First, when you get resentful, you stop thinking clearly.
Speaker 2: You don't Your logic goes out the door. Your logic
Speaker 2: gets distorted, your perspective gets clouded, your vision gets all
Speaker 2: mixed up, and you don't think rationally. When your emotions
Speaker 2: are involved and you're resentful and the adrenaline's running, you
Speaker 2: just don't think straight. Not only do not think straight,
Speaker 2: you start acting in self defeating ways. The most foolish
Speaker 2: things that have ever been done in history have been
Speaker 2: done in revenge, or in retaliation, or in resentment. And
Speaker 2: when you get resentful, you tend to do a couple
Speaker 2: of things. First, resentment doesn't work. It never hurts the
Speaker 2: other person. It only hurts you. It's like, you know,
Speaker 2: shooting yourself with a gun to hit them with the
Speaker 2: kick of the recoil. You know, it doesn't work. You See,
Speaker 2: when you're resentful, you're stewing on the inside. You're all upset.
Speaker 2: They're oblivious to it. I mean, they're all on their happy,
Speaker 2: merry way. Your stomach's tied in a knot, and they're
Speaker 2: happy as a clam. They don't even they're not even
Speaker 2: aware of it. You're not hurting them with resentment. You're
Speaker 2: hurting yourself far more than you're hurting them when you're not.
Speaker 2: When you're resentful, two things happen. You don't think logical
Speaker 2: and you do self defeating behavior. Notice what the Bible says,
Speaker 2: Psalm seventy three. Since my heart was embittered that means resentful,
Speaker 2: and my soul was deeply wounded. I was stupid and
Speaker 2: I could not understand. In other words, I didn't think straight,
Speaker 2: and I started doing self defeating behavior. God says, I
Speaker 2: don't want you to do that, Okay, I don't want
Speaker 2: you to do that. Now one of the purposes listen
Speaker 2: to this real important. One of the purposes of a
Speaker 2: small group is to help you think straight when you've
Speaker 2: been hurt, because when you get hurt, you need other
Speaker 2: people around you who can think unemotionally and more rationally.
Speaker 2: And you come to group and go, you know what,
Speaker 2: I had this thing today and it was just so
Speaker 2: I wanted to wring that guy's neck. And they're going, now,
Speaker 2: did you really want a lawsuit? And have you thought
Speaker 2: about this? You need other people. You're gonna be hurt
Speaker 2: in life, and when you start to get bitter and
Speaker 2: you don't think straight, you need people who are not
Speaker 2: bitter around you to help you think it through and
Speaker 2: keep it from doing dumb things. Does that make sense? Now,
Speaker 2: that's what the Bible says. Look at the next verse,
Speaker 2: look after each other. Okay, I mean's watch out for
Speaker 2: each other. Watch out that no bitterness that's resentment takes
Speaker 2: root among you that's in your group, for as it
Speaker 2: springs up, it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their
Speaker 2: spiritual lives. So when somebody's hurting in a group, you
Speaker 2: gather around them and you help them and you keep
Speaker 2: them from getting bitter against it. See, this is how
Speaker 2: we grow. And by the way, when you see a
Speaker 2: personality clash in your small group, you don't sweep it
Speaker 2: under the carpet. You don't pretend like it doesn't exist.
Speaker 2: You don't ignore the big pink elephant in the middle
Speaker 2: of the room and keep quiet about it. No, you
Speaker 2: deal with it quickly. This is how we grow. We
Speaker 2: learn to be honest in groups. And that's the only
Speaker 2: way you grow. You never grow from dishonesty. You only
Speaker 2: grow from honesty. And I have discovered that that most
Speaker 2: people are about ninety five percent honest. Ninety five percent.
Speaker 2: There's that five percent that they're afraid to say to
Speaker 2: their good friend. And they know they need to say
Speaker 2: it to their friend, and they know it would help
Speaker 2: their friend. They're just chicken. They're afraid to say it.
Speaker 2: So they're ninety five percent honest. They almost go all
Speaker 2: the way, but they don't go that last five percent.
Speaker 2: And it's that last five percent of speaking the truth
Speaker 2: in love that helps us grow up and helps us
Speaker 2: mature and helps us become more like Christ. You see,
Speaker 2: the reality is the people that we want to love
Speaker 2: the most, we often end up resenting the most like
Speaker 2: parents or somebody else. Those we want to love the most,
Speaker 2: we end up resenting the most. So what's the antidote.
Speaker 2: The antidote to resentment is forgiveness. Forgiveness Forgiveness builds relationships
Speaker 2: just like resentment tears it down. And if you're gonna
Speaker 2: have a long term, lasting marriage that last your entire life,
Speaker 2: you're gonna need massive doses of forgiveness. Massive doses of
Speaker 2: forgiveness Colosses three thirteen. Would you read this verse aloud
Speaker 2: with me? You must make allowances for each other's faults
Speaker 2: and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord
Speaker 2: forgave you, so you must forgive others. Now why should
Speaker 2: I forgive other people? Well, there are three reasons. First,
Speaker 2: resentment doesn't work. It only makes you miserable, So holding
Speaker 2: on to a grudge, you're only hurting yourself with your anger.
Speaker 2: It doesn't help. So you forgive for your own benefit
Speaker 2: because the resentment doesn't work, it just makes you upset. Second,
Speaker 2: you have been forgiven by God. And third, you're gonna
Speaker 2: need more forgiveness in the future, and so you better
Speaker 2: offer it to others. We pray the Lord's prayer forgive
Speaker 2: us our debts is our sins, and we forgive those
Speaker 2: who have sinned against us. God, I want you to
Speaker 2: forgive me as much as I forgive everybody else. Oh
Speaker 2: do I really want that? You see? We forgive because
Speaker 2: God says you need to forgive for your own sake.
Speaker 2: You say, Rick, I can't do it. I just I
Speaker 2: cannot forgive that person. That's why you need Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2: That's why you need Jesus Christ, because you can't do it.
Speaker 2: You're right, you can't do it on your own human
Speaker 2: love runs out. You need God's supernatural love in you.
Speaker 2: Look at this next verse Titus chapter three. Once our
Speaker 2: lives were full of resentment and envy, but then Christ
Speaker 2: saved us. Not because we were good enough to be saved,
Speaker 2: because we're not, but because of His kindness and love.
Speaker 2: That's his grace. By washing away our sins, everything forgiven
Speaker 2: is wiped out and giving us the new joy of
Speaker 2: the indwelling Holy spirit. God puts his spirit of love
Speaker 2: in my life all because of what Jesus our Savior,
Speaker 2: did on the cross so he could declare us not
Speaker 2: guilty in God's eyes. You need to experience God in
Speaker 2: your life. You'll never be able to let it go
Speaker 2: until you get God's love in you every day and
Speaker 2: every moment. Now, let me explain what forgiveness is not.
Speaker 2: Forgiveness is not making excuses. So for that person who
Speaker 2: hurts you, they hurt you and it was real. Forgiveness
Speaker 2: is not minimizing the hurt it hurt. Forgiveness is not
Speaker 2: justifying it say it's no big deal. It was a
Speaker 2: big deal. Forgiveness is not saying it wasn't wrong. It
Speaker 2: was wrong. So what is forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go
Speaker 2: of the pain and letting go of my right to
Speaker 2: get even Why would anybody do that for your own sake?
Speaker 2: Because you are living in misery. The longer you hold
Speaker 2: it on, some of you are still allowing people from
Speaker 2: your past to hurt you in the present. And that's dumb.
Speaker 2: They cannot hurt you anymore. The past is past, and
Speaker 2: every time you hold onto that grudge, you are perpetuating
Speaker 2: your own pain. That's stupid. They can't hurt you anymore.
Speaker 2: The past is past. They only hurt you if you
Speaker 2: refuse to let it go. You hold on to it
Speaker 2: as a grudge. In resentment, you are hurting yourself and
Speaker 2: God says, you gotta let it go. You gotta let
Speaker 2: it go. Forgiveness is the only way to get on
Speaker 2: with your life. They don't deserve it. Did they deserve it?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: Do you deserve to be forgiven by God?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: But God did it anyway out of his grace and kindness.
Speaker 2: You see, resentment turns your heart into a desert, and
Speaker 2: it dries you up. Mo and you don't have anything
Speaker 2: to give to anybody else, your boyfriend, your husband, your girlfriend, you,
Speaker 2: your wife, your parents, your kids. You don't have anything
Speaker 2: to give because you are so stuck in the past.
Speaker 2: You can't get on with the future. And it turns
Speaker 2: you into a desert and you're dried up. But God
Speaker 2: brought you here this morning because He's got some good
Speaker 2: news for you. Look at the next verse. Here's what
Speaker 2: God says to you. The Lord says, forget what happened before,
Speaker 2: and don't think about the past. I'm gonna do something
Speaker 2: new in your life, and i will make rivers on
Speaker 2: a dry land. I'm going to turn that desert into
Speaker 2: an oasis. Now, you may have had some relational disasters
Speaker 2: in your life. Welcome to the human race. Everybody has
Speaker 2: had some relational disasters, everybody, What are you going to
Speaker 2: do with him? God wants to start something totally new
Speaker 2: in your life today, and it starts with opening up
Speaker 2: your life to Jesus Christ and letting him fill you
Speaker 2: with his love on a moment by moment basis. Let's
Speaker 2: bow our heads as we close. Let me ask you
Speaker 2: four very personal questions. First, who do you need to
Speaker 2: be more unselfish with? Who have you been critical or judgmental?
Speaker 3: Love?
Speaker 2: Have you been unwilling to admit I was wrong? I'm sorry?
Speaker 2: Please forgive me. Who do you need to say that to?
Speaker 2: I was wrong? I'm sorry, Please forgive me. Have you
Speaker 2: been afraid of being real with other people? And you've
Speaker 2: held your cards closed and you've denied your emotions and
Speaker 2: you've hidden your emotional nakedness. Is there anybody in your
Speaker 2: life that you have shared that secret with? You're only
Speaker 2: as sick as your secrets. Who do you need to forgive?
Speaker 2: You know all four of the antidotes to resentment and insecurity,
Speaker 2: and selfishness and pride. All four of the antidotes are
Speaker 2: found in a relationship to Jesus Christ. You get that
Speaker 2: relationship lined up, all your other ones will fall into place.
Speaker 2: You need to allow Jesus Christ to be the lord,
Speaker 2: the manager, the boss of your life. Let him fill
Speaker 2: you with his love and you'll start to have great
Speaker 2: relationships with other people. So pray this prayer in your heart.
Speaker 2: Dear Jesus, You've seen every relationship I've ever had, the good,
Speaker 2: the bad, and the ugly, and you know how selfishness
Speaker 2: and pride and insecurity and resentment messes them up. I
Speaker 2: admit that I need your help Jesus in my life
Speaker 2: and in my relationships. So as much as I understand,
Speaker 2: I ask you, Jesus, to come into my life and
Speaker 2: live through me and put your love through me. I
Speaker 2: want that fresh start that you offer in your name.
Speaker 2: I pray Amen. You know, if you just prayed that
Speaker 2: prayer for the very first time, or you just recommitted
Speaker 2: your life to Jesus again today, would you let me
Speaker 2: know about it. There's something real about sharing your commitment.
Speaker 2: So write me Rick at pastorick dot com and say, Rick,
Speaker 2: I prayed that prayer of commitment. I gave my life
Speaker 2: to Christ. And I'll send you some material that will
Speaker 2: help you on your journey with Jesus. And I'll also
Speaker 2: pray for you, God bless you. Wow.
Speaker 1: What a great message from Rick today. You know, one
Speaker 1: of our most popular Bible study resources here at Daily
Speaker 1: Hope are the Bible Scripture Cards, and because so many
Speaker 1: people ask for them, Pastor Rick has developed a special
Speaker 1: set of fifty two cards with versus selected specifically to
Speaker 1: help you develop relationships that are life giving and filled
Speaker 1: with joy and purpose. These stunning, eye catching cards will
Speaker 1: help you memorize the Word of God so you'll have
Speaker 1: it when you need it most, something you hear Rick
Speaker 1: talking about all the time, So be sure to request
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