WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.399 --> 00:00:06.240 Hello everyone, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, the 2 00:00:06.360 --> 00:00:10.640 Bible teaching ministry that's here to encourage and inspire you 3 00:00:10.880 --> 00:00:16.480 every day. And today we're continuing our series called Awesome Relationships. 4 00:00:16.800 --> 00:00:20.039 In it, Rick Warren shares practical ways to help you 5 00:00:20.160 --> 00:00:25.079 take your relationships with family, friends, co workers, and even 6 00:00:25.199 --> 00:00:30.039 God from ordinary to extraordinary. And this is a series 7 00:00:30.199 --> 00:00:32.960 you don't want to miss. Well, it's time to hear 8 00:00:33.039 --> 00:00:35.679 from Rick with the final part of a message called 9 00:00:35.960 --> 00:00:40.039 what Destroys Relationships and what builds Them? 10 00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:42.359 You know, I couldn't count the number of times out 11 00:00:42.359 --> 00:00:45.240 on the patio after service somebody's come up to me 12 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:47.240 in the last twenty five years and said, you know, 13 00:00:47.280 --> 00:00:53.280 Pastor Rick, I've never told this to anybody else, what 14 00:00:53.399 --> 00:00:57.560 I'm about to tell you. And when I hear that, 15 00:00:58.679 --> 00:01:02.240 there is something that will inside of me a sense 16 00:01:02.240 --> 00:01:08.159 of hope and enthusiasm and joy because I know that 17 00:01:08.280 --> 00:01:12.560 person is about to have a breakthrough. They are about 18 00:01:12.599 --> 00:01:15.840 to experience freedom for the first time in their life. 19 00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:19.480 They are about to experience a liberation that is unlike 20 00:01:19.560 --> 00:01:22.760 anything else because for their entire life they have carried 21 00:01:22.760 --> 00:01:25.400 this in their life and they've never told anybody, and 22 00:01:25.439 --> 00:01:28.280 they're about to open the door and the Boogeyman's going 23 00:01:28.359 --> 00:01:30.400 to come out, and it's not as big as they 24 00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:36.159 thought he was, and they're about to experience real, legitimate 25 00:01:36.519 --> 00:01:40.280 freedom and new hope and new joy and new power 26 00:01:40.519 --> 00:01:42.159 and the love and the grace and the power of 27 00:01:42.159 --> 00:01:44.319 God can flood into their life. You don't have to 28 00:01:44.359 --> 00:01:47.719 share it with everybody, but you need to tell somebody 29 00:01:47.799 --> 00:01:50.640 you were never meant to go through life with secrets. 30 00:01:50.640 --> 00:01:53.879 In fact, you were as only sick as your secrets. 31 00:01:55.359 --> 00:01:58.280 You're only sick as your secrets. And if you're living 32 00:01:58.319 --> 00:02:02.480 in fear, you're not really living. You want to open 33 00:02:02.519 --> 00:02:06.599 it up and let it go. Pastor Tom is going 34 00:02:06.680 --> 00:02:08.159 to come and explain. 35 00:02:07.799 --> 00:02:12.439 This insecurity destroys relationships. What builds them? We all know 36 00:02:12.479 --> 00:02:13.159 the answer to this. 37 00:02:13.520 --> 00:02:19.439 Love. Love builds relationships. The Bible says in one John 38 00:02:19.439 --> 00:02:24.840 four eighteen. Love has no fear because perfect love expels 39 00:02:25.159 --> 00:02:28.639 all fear. If we're afraid, it shows that His love 40 00:02:28.960 --> 00:02:33.199 has not been perfected in us. How does that work? 41 00:02:34.439 --> 00:02:35.719 How does love. 42 00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:40.319 Expel all fear? Here's what it does. It takes the 43 00:02:40.360 --> 00:02:43.120 focus off of you and it puts the focus on them. 44 00:02:43.520 --> 00:02:46.479 That's how it makes a difference. People ask me a 45 00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:48.240 lot of times, you ever get nervous when you're talking 46 00:02:48.240 --> 00:02:49.719 to a lot of people at saddle back, And the 47 00:02:49.719 --> 00:02:51.520 answer is, of course, it's a lot of people. You 48 00:02:53.319 --> 00:02:55.360 know what makes a difference. Take the focus off me 49 00:02:55.439 --> 00:02:57.960 and focus on you. And if I was standing here 50 00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:00.479 thinking of what you thought of my hairstyle, I should 51 00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:01.039 have something. 52 00:03:00.879 --> 00:03:01.439 To be afraid of. 53 00:03:01.599 --> 00:03:06.080 Right But the minute I start thinking about how much 54 00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:08.000 I love you and how much we want to love 55 00:03:08.039 --> 00:03:10.360 God together, all of a sudden, the fear just goes 56 00:03:10.400 --> 00:03:13.120 out the back door. In any relationship, any place you 57 00:03:13.159 --> 00:03:15.919 feel nervous and insecure, when you focus on the other person, 58 00:03:16.159 --> 00:03:19.759 it has the power to throw fear out of your life. 59 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:22.159 How do we find that power to focus on other people? 60 00:03:22.319 --> 00:03:25.639 Realize how much God loves you, Realize that He loves 61 00:03:25.639 --> 00:03:28.039 you more than you could ever imagine. The moment you 62 00:03:28.080 --> 00:03:31.400 begin to realize how much God loves you, I don't 63 00:03:31.439 --> 00:03:35.280 have to prove myself anymore. I don't have to spend 64 00:03:35.319 --> 00:03:38.280 my life trying to impress other people because I already 65 00:03:38.280 --> 00:03:39.319 know God loves me. 66 00:03:39.599 --> 00:03:41.120 Do you know how freeing that is? 67 00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:44.439 You know how enjoyable it is to live life that way. 68 00:03:44.599 --> 00:03:47.960 All of a sudden, my identity, my self worth. They're 69 00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:49.919 not caught up in what you might think of me 70 00:03:50.000 --> 00:03:51.840 that day. You might be just having a bad day. 71 00:03:52.400 --> 00:03:56.800 They're caught up in my relationship to Christ. I'm not pressured. 72 00:03:56.360 --> 00:04:00.319 By everybody else's expectations anymore, all of us. So I think, 73 00:04:00.319 --> 00:04:02.800 we think, I want that. I want to live with 74 00:04:02.879 --> 00:04:03.960 that kind of confidence. 75 00:04:04.479 --> 00:04:07.000 Where do you get it? The Bible tells us. 76 00:04:07.599 --> 00:04:10.599 The Bible says in one John four fifteen to seventeen, 77 00:04:11.400 --> 00:04:13.800 all who proclaim that Jesus is the son of. 78 00:04:13.759 --> 00:04:16.199 God have God living in them. 79 00:04:16.639 --> 00:04:18.600 We know how much God loves us, and we put 80 00:04:18.639 --> 00:04:19.560 our trust in him. 81 00:04:19.879 --> 00:04:22.800 God is love. And would you read this last part 82 00:04:22.839 --> 00:04:23.120 with me. 83 00:04:23.920 --> 00:04:27.680 As we live in God, our love grows more and 84 00:04:27.759 --> 00:04:31.879 more perfect, so we will not be afraid. And you 85 00:04:31.959 --> 00:04:36.279 might circle the word grows, This grows. This is a 86 00:04:36.279 --> 00:04:38.319 lifelong process, This is a journey. 87 00:04:38.360 --> 00:04:40.360 This is a little bit every day. 88 00:04:40.920 --> 00:04:43.399 If I try to have this confidence all at once, 89 00:04:43.519 --> 00:04:45.079 I'm gonna have to fake it. That's the only way 90 00:04:45.079 --> 00:04:47.279 you can do it quickly. It's something that grows little 91 00:04:47.319 --> 00:04:50.399 by little every day. If you expect complete confidence tomorrow 92 00:04:50.519 --> 00:04:53.199 you're going to be sorely disappointed. But you can grow 93 00:04:53.240 --> 00:04:55.680 in this. I can grow in this little by little. 94 00:04:56.800 --> 00:04:59.920 Can't defeat insecurity overnight doesn't happen for any of us. 95 00:05:00.360 --> 00:05:02.199 But you can't take the first step right. 96 00:05:02.040 --> 00:05:05.000 Now, and that is beginning a relationship with Jesus Christ 97 00:05:05.519 --> 00:05:07.639 or strengthening your relationship with Jesus Christ. 98 00:05:07.680 --> 00:05:09.759 When you say yes to Jesus Christ, you're. 99 00:05:09.639 --> 00:05:12.399 Saying yes to a kind of love that can throw 100 00:05:12.480 --> 00:05:15.680 fear out the back door of your life. 101 00:05:17.040 --> 00:05:21.000 Now, the fourth enemy of community is resentment. And this 102 00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:24.959 one's the other big one. These four things destroy relationships. 103 00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:29.639 Resentment destroys relationships Job five, verse two. And the Bible 104 00:05:29.680 --> 00:05:35.000 says this, to worry yourself to death with resentment is 105 00:05:35.040 --> 00:05:40.759 a foolish, senseless thing to do. Now, everybody blows it. 106 00:05:41.279 --> 00:05:45.680 We all make mistakes. We all what the Bible calls sin. 107 00:05:46.160 --> 00:05:50.360 I sin, you sin, the Pope sins. Everybody does. We 108 00:05:50.439 --> 00:05:53.519 are all sinners. That means I don't I'm not perfect. 109 00:05:53.600 --> 00:05:56.399 I don't bat a thousand, okay, I don't measure up 110 00:05:56.399 --> 00:05:58.040 to God's standard. I don't even measure up to my 111 00:05:58.040 --> 00:06:02.079 own standards. I disappoint myself a lot of the times. So, 112 00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:06.600 because we're all imperfect, you're gonna hurt other people, and 113 00:06:06.639 --> 00:06:10.199 other people are gonna hurt you in life, intentionally and unintentionally. 114 00:06:10.439 --> 00:06:12.279 So you're gonna be hurt. You're going to be hurt 115 00:06:12.279 --> 00:06:15.519 in life. That's a fact. What's more important is what 116 00:06:15.720 --> 00:06:18.800 do you do with that hurt? What you do with 117 00:06:18.959 --> 00:06:21.199 is more important than the hurt. Are you going to 118 00:06:21.199 --> 00:06:23.240 allow it to make you better? Are you going to 119 00:06:23.240 --> 00:06:28.639 allow it to make you bitter, resentful and carry a grudge? Now, 120 00:06:28.800 --> 00:06:32.639 the Bible tells us, and even history and personal experience 121 00:06:32.720 --> 00:06:38.639 tells us that opposites attract, opposites attract, and then when 122 00:06:38.639 --> 00:06:44.839 they get married, opposites attack. What fascinates you now irritates you. 123 00:06:46.480 --> 00:06:49.279 This happens all the time. You see when you are 124 00:06:49.319 --> 00:06:51.240 single and you look out there and you see somebody 125 00:06:51.319 --> 00:06:55.040 that's not like you, that is fascinating, you know, like 126 00:06:55.199 --> 00:06:57.879 a person who's kind of quiet, says, look at that person, 127 00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:01.639 how boisterous, how loud, how life and vivacious they are, 128 00:07:01.800 --> 00:07:04.319 and you find it attractive because it's not like you. 129 00:07:05.439 --> 00:07:07.959 And so then you know, you get in a relationship 130 00:07:08.040 --> 00:07:10.920 or you get married, and then after about a year, 131 00:07:10.959 --> 00:07:12.439 you go on, do you have to be allowed all 132 00:07:12.480 --> 00:07:17.480 the time? And it starts getting on your nerves, it 133 00:07:17.519 --> 00:07:20.000 starts irritating you. And as I said, you attract and 134 00:07:20.040 --> 00:07:23.399 then you attack. I mean, if you have been married 135 00:07:23.439 --> 00:07:26.399 at any point in your life, how many of you 136 00:07:26.519 --> 00:07:31.879 had unrealistic expectations in your marriage? Gonna see your hands? Yeah, 137 00:07:31.920 --> 00:07:38.560 the rest of your liars. Okay, it's true. It's a 138 00:07:38.639 --> 00:07:42.560 setup for resentment. Now, Often it's not the big things 139 00:07:42.600 --> 00:07:45.759 in life that make us resentful. Those can, obviously and do. 140 00:07:46.360 --> 00:07:48.759 But it's also a lot of little things that just 141 00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:52.279 pile up, and you just start piling them up, and 142 00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:55.120 a lot of little things can break the camel's back, 143 00:07:55.879 --> 00:07:59.120 and so we get irritated, and those irritations, when we 144 00:07:59.199 --> 00:08:02.319 hold on to them, turn into resentment. Now again, since 145 00:08:02.360 --> 00:08:05.560 we're all in small groups, I wrote some common irritations 146 00:08:05.560 --> 00:08:08.879 in life to be looking out for in small groups. 147 00:08:09.720 --> 00:08:13.120 First is the person who's always late and then they 148 00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:15.360 take ten minutes to explain why they were late in 149 00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:19.399 the middle of the group. The person who talks too long. 150 00:08:20.279 --> 00:08:23.560 They love to hear themselves talk, the TMI, the too 151 00:08:23.600 --> 00:08:28.600 much information person, especially about a surgery of a relative. 152 00:08:29.759 --> 00:08:34.960 You know it's an organ recital, and the guy who 153 00:08:34.960 --> 00:08:37.240 has to check the score of the game during the group. 154 00:08:38.919 --> 00:08:41.399 The person who's dogmatic and says this is the way 155 00:08:41.440 --> 00:08:44.639 it is. Well, I guess the discussion just ended. The 156 00:08:44.679 --> 00:08:49.320 person who is insensitive and joking. The person who turns 157 00:08:49.360 --> 00:08:52.240 every statement into a wise crack. He thinks he's a 158 00:08:52.279 --> 00:08:54.879 stand up comedian and that the group is comedy club. 159 00:08:55.840 --> 00:09:01.799 The guy who forgets the guacamole. You know, in every 160 00:09:01.879 --> 00:09:06.000 group there is somebody who's just a little bit off. 161 00:09:06.120 --> 00:09:08.559 You know, they don't catch all of the social signals. 162 00:09:08.879 --> 00:09:12.799 They're heavenly sandpaper, you know. I call them the egrs, 163 00:09:12.879 --> 00:09:16.799 the extra grace required. Right now, you're thinking of that 164 00:09:16.840 --> 00:09:18.799 person in that group right now. In fact, if you 165 00:09:18.840 --> 00:09:24.080 can't think of it, guess what you're it. Okay. So, 166 00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:26.279 so if you don't know who it is in your group, 167 00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:33.039 it's you friend, because it's really obvious to everybody else. Okay, Now, 168 00:09:33.279 --> 00:09:35.559 what do you do with these little irritations in a 169 00:09:35.559 --> 00:09:38.559 small group, Well, you do two or three things. First, 170 00:09:38.759 --> 00:09:41.840 you ask God to fill you with so much love 171 00:09:42.120 --> 00:09:45.039 that their irritation doesn't bug you anymore. Remember, one of 172 00:09:45.039 --> 00:09:47.120 the things that group does is. It's not just to 173 00:09:47.240 --> 00:09:50.000 learn content, it's to learn to get along. It's to 174 00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:53.600 learn relational skills. That's why we believe everybody needs to 175 00:09:53.600 --> 00:09:55.960 be in a small group. You don't learn it on 176 00:09:56.000 --> 00:09:57.559 your own. You don't learn it sitting here in a 177 00:09:57.559 --> 00:10:01.759 big crowd. It's you learn relational skills. So ask God 178 00:10:01.799 --> 00:10:06.039 to fill you with love so that person doesn't bug you. Second, 179 00:10:06.279 --> 00:10:08.639 you can go to that person and talk to the 180 00:10:08.679 --> 00:10:11.320 offender personally, you know, in love. You know, you say, 181 00:10:11.360 --> 00:10:15.120 you know it just may be me, but I've noticed 182 00:10:15.120 --> 00:10:20.440 your jerk. No, just just kidding, just kidding, No, you know, 183 00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:22.639 I say, you know, I you know it may be me. 184 00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:25.960 I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little extra sensitve, but this 185 00:10:26.080 --> 00:10:28.480 kind of bugs me. And can we talk about it? 186 00:10:28.519 --> 00:10:30.879 You know, you talk too much or you know whatever. 187 00:10:31.320 --> 00:10:35.279 But what you don't do is say nothing. What you 188 00:10:35.399 --> 00:10:39.639 don't do is sweep it under the carpet, hide it, 189 00:10:40.559 --> 00:10:44.080 go home and complain about it to everybody else. Talk 190 00:10:44.120 --> 00:10:45.799 to everybody else in the group about it, but not 191 00:10:45.879 --> 00:10:48.559 that person. No, you don't do that because it quickly 192 00:10:48.600 --> 00:10:53.159 turns into resentment, and resentment is always wrong. Now, let 193 00:10:53.240 --> 00:10:57.159 me clarify something. Anger is not always wrong. Resentment is 194 00:10:57.200 --> 00:10:59.679 always wrong. There is a right kind of anger and 195 00:10:59.679 --> 00:11:03.039 a wrong kind of anger. When I see injustice in 196 00:11:03.080 --> 00:11:06.120 the world, I'd better get angry. Sometimes anger is a 197 00:11:06.120 --> 00:11:09.799 result of love. If you hurt my kids, I'd get angry. 198 00:11:10.799 --> 00:11:13.720 That's a legitimate anger. In fact, the Bible says be 199 00:11:13.840 --> 00:11:15.960 angry and sin not In other words, there's a way 200 00:11:15.960 --> 00:11:17.879 to get angry and not sin, And there's a way 201 00:11:17.919 --> 00:11:21.200 to get angry and sin. But resentment is always wrong. 202 00:11:21.240 --> 00:11:23.799 It's when you pile up anger in your heart. It's 203 00:11:23.840 --> 00:11:28.360 frozen anger. Now why does God say don't do this? 204 00:11:29.159 --> 00:11:33.679 Two reasons. First, when you get resentful, you stop thinking clearly. 205 00:11:34.799 --> 00:11:38.759 You don't Your logic goes out the door. Your logic 206 00:11:38.799 --> 00:11:43.279 gets distorted, your perspective gets clouded, your vision gets all 207 00:11:43.320 --> 00:11:47.000 mixed up, and you don't think rationally. When your emotions 208 00:11:47.039 --> 00:11:50.480 are involved and you're resentful and the adrenaline's running, you 209 00:11:50.559 --> 00:11:53.639 just don't think straight. Not only do not think straight, 210 00:11:53.759 --> 00:11:57.679 you start acting in self defeating ways. The most foolish 211 00:11:57.759 --> 00:11:59.720 things that have ever been done in history have been 212 00:11:59.759 --> 00:12:06.480 done in revenge, or in retaliation, or in resentment. And 213 00:12:06.519 --> 00:12:08.679 when you get resentful, you tend to do a couple 214 00:12:08.679 --> 00:12:12.039 of things. First, resentment doesn't work. It never hurts the 215 00:12:12.080 --> 00:12:16.399 other person. It only hurts you. It's like, you know, 216 00:12:17.039 --> 00:12:18.919 shooting yourself with a gun to hit them with the 217 00:12:19.000 --> 00:12:22.720 kick of the recoil. You know, it doesn't work. You See, 218 00:12:22.759 --> 00:12:26.000 when you're resentful, you're stewing on the inside. You're all upset. 219 00:12:26.120 --> 00:12:29.720 They're oblivious to it. I mean, they're all on their happy, 220 00:12:29.759 --> 00:12:33.120 merry way. Your stomach's tied in a knot, and they're 221 00:12:33.200 --> 00:12:35.279 happy as a clam. They don't even they're not even 222 00:12:35.320 --> 00:12:40.200 aware of it. You're not hurting them with resentment. You're 223 00:12:40.279 --> 00:12:45.320 hurting yourself far more than you're hurting them when you're not. 224 00:12:45.399 --> 00:12:48.759 When you're resentful, two things happen. You don't think logical 225 00:12:49.000 --> 00:12:52.440 and you do self defeating behavior. Notice what the Bible says, 226 00:12:52.639 --> 00:12:59.600 Psalm seventy three. Since my heart was embittered that means resentful, 227 00:13:00.679 --> 00:13:04.679 and my soul was deeply wounded. I was stupid and 228 00:13:04.720 --> 00:13:08.279 I could not understand. In other words, I didn't think straight, 229 00:13:08.720 --> 00:13:13.000 and I started doing self defeating behavior. God says, I 230 00:13:13.000 --> 00:13:15.600 don't want you to do that, Okay, I don't want 231 00:13:15.639 --> 00:13:18.080 you to do that. Now one of the purposes listen 232 00:13:18.120 --> 00:13:20.519 to this real important. One of the purposes of a 233 00:13:20.559 --> 00:13:24.720 small group is to help you think straight when you've 234 00:13:24.759 --> 00:13:29.720 been hurt, because when you get hurt, you need other 235 00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:34.720 people around you who can think unemotionally and more rationally. 236 00:13:35.159 --> 00:13:36.600 And you come to group and go, you know what, 237 00:13:36.639 --> 00:13:38.360 I had this thing today and it was just so 238 00:13:38.480 --> 00:13:42.080 I wanted to wring that guy's neck. And they're going, now, 239 00:13:42.120 --> 00:13:46.000 did you really want a lawsuit? And have you thought 240 00:13:46.039 --> 00:13:49.480 about this? You need other people. You're gonna be hurt 241 00:13:49.480 --> 00:13:52.360 in life, and when you start to get bitter and 242 00:13:52.399 --> 00:13:54.799 you don't think straight, you need people who are not 243 00:13:54.960 --> 00:13:58.039 bitter around you to help you think it through and 244 00:13:58.200 --> 00:14:01.120 keep it from doing dumb things. Does that make sense? Now, 245 00:14:01.120 --> 00:14:03.480 that's what the Bible says. Look at the next verse, 246 00:14:05.159 --> 00:14:07.480 look after each other. Okay, I mean's watch out for 247 00:14:07.559 --> 00:14:12.039 each other. Watch out that no bitterness that's resentment takes 248 00:14:12.159 --> 00:14:15.600 root among you that's in your group, for as it 249 00:14:15.679 --> 00:14:20.519 springs up, it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their 250 00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:25.039 spiritual lives. So when somebody's hurting in a group, you 251 00:14:25.120 --> 00:14:27.559 gather around them and you help them and you keep 252 00:14:27.559 --> 00:14:31.480 them from getting bitter against it. See, this is how 253 00:14:31.519 --> 00:14:34.600 we grow. And by the way, when you see a 254 00:14:34.639 --> 00:14:38.600 personality clash in your small group, you don't sweep it 255 00:14:38.679 --> 00:14:42.120 under the carpet. You don't pretend like it doesn't exist. 256 00:14:42.440 --> 00:14:44.799 You don't ignore the big pink elephant in the middle 257 00:14:44.840 --> 00:14:46.879 of the room and keep quiet about it. No, you 258 00:14:47.000 --> 00:14:50.240 deal with it quickly. This is how we grow. We 259 00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:54.039 learn to be honest in groups. And that's the only 260 00:14:54.039 --> 00:14:57.000 way you grow. You never grow from dishonesty. You only 261 00:14:57.039 --> 00:15:00.480 grow from honesty. And I have discovered that that most 262 00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:05.639 people are about ninety five percent honest. Ninety five percent. 263 00:15:06.120 --> 00:15:09.279 There's that five percent that they're afraid to say to 264 00:15:09.320 --> 00:15:12.320 their good friend. And they know they need to say 265 00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:14.159 it to their friend, and they know it would help 266 00:15:14.200 --> 00:15:17.759 their friend. They're just chicken. They're afraid to say it. 267 00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:21.360 So they're ninety five percent honest. They almost go all 268 00:15:21.399 --> 00:15:24.600 the way, but they don't go that last five percent. 269 00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:27.799 And it's that last five percent of speaking the truth 270 00:15:27.840 --> 00:15:32.240 in love that helps us grow up and helps us 271 00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:36.360 mature and helps us become more like Christ. You see, 272 00:15:36.399 --> 00:15:39.559 the reality is the people that we want to love 273 00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:44.720 the most, we often end up resenting the most like 274 00:15:44.879 --> 00:15:49.440 parents or somebody else. Those we want to love the most, 275 00:15:50.759 --> 00:15:55.559 we end up resenting the most. So what's the antidote. 276 00:15:56.120 --> 00:16:03.600 The antidote to resentment is forgiveness. Forgiveness Forgiveness builds relationships 277 00:16:04.200 --> 00:16:07.159 just like resentment tears it down. And if you're gonna 278 00:16:07.159 --> 00:16:11.000 have a long term, lasting marriage that last your entire life, 279 00:16:11.240 --> 00:16:17.519 you're gonna need massive doses of forgiveness. Massive doses of 280 00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:21.039 forgiveness Colosses three thirteen. Would you read this verse aloud 281 00:16:21.039 --> 00:16:25.919 with me? You must make allowances for each other's faults 282 00:16:26.360 --> 00:16:30.600 and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord 283 00:16:30.679 --> 00:16:36.039 forgave you, so you must forgive others. Now why should 284 00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:39.080 I forgive other people? Well, there are three reasons. First, 285 00:16:39.440 --> 00:16:43.639 resentment doesn't work. It only makes you miserable, So holding 286 00:16:43.639 --> 00:16:46.159 on to a grudge, you're only hurting yourself with your anger. 287 00:16:46.360 --> 00:16:49.320 It doesn't help. So you forgive for your own benefit 288 00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:53.720 because the resentment doesn't work, it just makes you upset. Second, 289 00:16:53.879 --> 00:16:57.440 you have been forgiven by God. And third, you're gonna 290 00:16:57.440 --> 00:17:00.000 need more forgiveness in the future, and so you better 291 00:17:00.200 --> 00:17:03.559 offer it to others. We pray the Lord's prayer forgive 292 00:17:03.639 --> 00:17:05.960 us our debts is our sins, and we forgive those 293 00:17:06.000 --> 00:17:08.000 who have sinned against us. God, I want you to 294 00:17:08.039 --> 00:17:11.440 forgive me as much as I forgive everybody else. Oh 295 00:17:11.480 --> 00:17:16.759 do I really want that? You see? We forgive because 296 00:17:16.799 --> 00:17:20.160 God says you need to forgive for your own sake. 297 00:17:20.359 --> 00:17:24.079 You say, Rick, I can't do it. I just I 298 00:17:24.279 --> 00:17:28.759 cannot forgive that person. That's why you need Jesus Christ. 299 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:34.000 That's why you need Jesus Christ, because you can't do it. 300 00:17:34.079 --> 00:17:36.960 You're right, you can't do it on your own human 301 00:17:37.039 --> 00:17:40.240 love runs out. You need God's supernatural love in you. 302 00:17:40.599 --> 00:17:44.799 Look at this next verse Titus chapter three. Once our 303 00:17:44.920 --> 00:17:49.240 lives were full of resentment and envy, but then Christ 304 00:17:49.319 --> 00:17:52.480 saved us. Not because we were good enough to be saved, 305 00:17:52.480 --> 00:17:55.319 because we're not, but because of His kindness and love. 306 00:17:55.359 --> 00:17:58.839 That's his grace. By washing away our sins, everything forgiven 307 00:17:58.920 --> 00:18:01.920 is wiped out and giving us the new joy of 308 00:18:01.960 --> 00:18:05.160 the indwelling Holy spirit. God puts his spirit of love 309 00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:08.960 in my life all because of what Jesus our Savior, 310 00:18:09.000 --> 00:18:12.000 did on the cross so he could declare us not 311 00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:17.000 guilty in God's eyes. You need to experience God in 312 00:18:17.039 --> 00:18:19.240 your life. You'll never be able to let it go 313 00:18:19.559 --> 00:18:22.440 until you get God's love in you every day and 314 00:18:22.559 --> 00:18:27.079 every moment. Now, let me explain what forgiveness is not. 315 00:18:28.400 --> 00:18:32.440 Forgiveness is not making excuses. So for that person who 316 00:18:32.519 --> 00:18:35.480 hurts you, they hurt you and it was real. Forgiveness 317 00:18:35.599 --> 00:18:39.920 is not minimizing the hurt it hurt. Forgiveness is not 318 00:18:40.119 --> 00:18:42.160 justifying it say it's no big deal. It was a 319 00:18:42.200 --> 00:18:46.920 big deal. Forgiveness is not saying it wasn't wrong. It 320 00:18:47.000 --> 00:18:52.880 was wrong. So what is forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go 321 00:18:52.920 --> 00:18:56.160 of the pain and letting go of my right to 322 00:18:56.200 --> 00:19:01.720 get even Why would anybody do that for your own sake? 323 00:19:02.559 --> 00:19:05.480 Because you are living in misery. The longer you hold 324 00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:08.359 it on, some of you are still allowing people from 325 00:19:08.359 --> 00:19:11.400 your past to hurt you in the present. And that's dumb. 326 00:19:12.119 --> 00:19:16.880 They cannot hurt you anymore. The past is past, and 327 00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:19.759 every time you hold onto that grudge, you are perpetuating 328 00:19:19.839 --> 00:19:24.480 your own pain. That's stupid. They can't hurt you anymore. 329 00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:27.039 The past is past. They only hurt you if you 330 00:19:27.079 --> 00:19:30.039 refuse to let it go. You hold on to it 331 00:19:30.079 --> 00:19:34.960 as a grudge. In resentment, you are hurting yourself and 332 00:19:35.039 --> 00:19:38.400 God says, you gotta let it go. You gotta let 333 00:19:38.440 --> 00:19:41.759 it go. Forgiveness is the only way to get on 334 00:19:41.880 --> 00:19:46.200 with your life. They don't deserve it. Did they deserve it? 335 00:19:46.319 --> 00:19:46.359 No? 336 00:19:46.640 --> 00:19:48.160 Do you deserve to be forgiven by God? 337 00:19:48.279 --> 00:19:48.400 No? 338 00:19:49.240 --> 00:19:53.039 But God did it anyway out of his grace and kindness. 339 00:19:53.839 --> 00:19:58.680 You see, resentment turns your heart into a desert, and 340 00:19:58.720 --> 00:20:01.480 it dries you up. Mo and you don't have anything 341 00:20:01.519 --> 00:20:04.599 to give to anybody else, your boyfriend, your husband, your girlfriend, you, 342 00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:08.119 your wife, your parents, your kids. You don't have anything 343 00:20:08.119 --> 00:20:10.920 to give because you are so stuck in the past. 344 00:20:11.240 --> 00:20:14.519 You can't get on with the future. And it turns 345 00:20:14.559 --> 00:20:19.960 you into a desert and you're dried up. But God 346 00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:23.039 brought you here this morning because He's got some good 347 00:20:23.079 --> 00:20:27.000 news for you. Look at the next verse. Here's what 348 00:20:27.039 --> 00:20:33.599 God says to you. The Lord says, forget what happened before, 349 00:20:35.039 --> 00:20:38.599 and don't think about the past. I'm gonna do something 350 00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:43.160 new in your life, and i will make rivers on 351 00:20:43.200 --> 00:20:45.920 a dry land. I'm going to turn that desert into 352 00:20:46.240 --> 00:20:51.440 an oasis. Now, you may have had some relational disasters 353 00:20:51.759 --> 00:20:57.119 in your life. Welcome to the human race. Everybody has 354 00:20:57.160 --> 00:21:02.640 had some relational disasters, everybody, What are you going to 355 00:21:02.720 --> 00:21:07.000 do with him? God wants to start something totally new 356 00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:10.279 in your life today, and it starts with opening up 357 00:21:10.319 --> 00:21:13.039 your life to Jesus Christ and letting him fill you 358 00:21:13.079 --> 00:21:17.839 with his love on a moment by moment basis. Let's 359 00:21:17.920 --> 00:21:26.279 bow our heads as we close. Let me ask you 360 00:21:26.319 --> 00:21:32.400 four very personal questions. First, who do you need to 361 00:21:32.440 --> 00:21:41.440 be more unselfish with? Who have you been critical or judgmental? 362 00:21:41.440 --> 00:21:41.680 Love? 363 00:21:45.759 --> 00:21:51.160 Have you been unwilling to admit I was wrong? I'm sorry? 364 00:21:51.319 --> 00:21:54.680 Please forgive me. Who do you need to say that to? 365 00:21:55.920 --> 00:22:01.640 I was wrong? I'm sorry, Please forgive me. Have you 366 00:22:01.680 --> 00:22:03.839 been afraid of being real with other people? And you've 367 00:22:03.880 --> 00:22:07.160 held your cards closed and you've denied your emotions and 368 00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:14.119 you've hidden your emotional nakedness. Is there anybody in your 369 00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:20.799 life that you have shared that secret with? You're only 370 00:22:20.839 --> 00:22:25.000 as sick as your secrets. Who do you need to forgive? 371 00:22:27.400 --> 00:22:32.119 You know all four of the antidotes to resentment and insecurity, 372 00:22:32.200 --> 00:22:35.640 and selfishness and pride. All four of the antidotes are 373 00:22:35.720 --> 00:22:38.400 found in a relationship to Jesus Christ. You get that 374 00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:41.720 relationship lined up, all your other ones will fall into place. 375 00:22:43.640 --> 00:22:46.039 You need to allow Jesus Christ to be the lord, 376 00:22:46.160 --> 00:22:49.920 the manager, the boss of your life. Let him fill 377 00:22:49.960 --> 00:22:51.839 you with his love and you'll start to have great 378 00:22:51.880 --> 00:22:57.799 relationships with other people. So pray this prayer in your heart. 379 00:22:57.839 --> 00:23:03.000 Dear Jesus, You've seen every relationship I've ever had, the good, 380 00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:08.039 the bad, and the ugly, and you know how selfishness 381 00:23:09.039 --> 00:23:17.480 and pride and insecurity and resentment messes them up. I 382 00:23:17.559 --> 00:23:21.200 admit that I need your help Jesus in my life 383 00:23:21.359 --> 00:23:26.359 and in my relationships. So as much as I understand, 384 00:23:26.960 --> 00:23:32.519 I ask you, Jesus, to come into my life and 385 00:23:32.640 --> 00:23:36.559 live through me and put your love through me. I 386 00:23:36.599 --> 00:23:40.839 want that fresh start that you offer in your name. 387 00:23:40.920 --> 00:23:50.079 I pray Amen. You know, if you just prayed that 388 00:23:50.119 --> 00:23:54.079 prayer for the very first time, or you just recommitted 389 00:23:54.240 --> 00:23:56.880 your life to Jesus again today, would you let me 390 00:23:56.960 --> 00:24:00.440 know about it. There's something real about sharing your commitment. 391 00:24:00.680 --> 00:24:03.920 So write me Rick at pastorick dot com and say, Rick, 392 00:24:04.279 --> 00:24:07.240 I prayed that prayer of commitment. I gave my life 393 00:24:07.279 --> 00:24:10.079 to Christ. And I'll send you some material that will 394 00:24:10.119 --> 00:24:13.039 help you on your journey with Jesus. And I'll also 395 00:24:13.119 --> 00:24:18.799 pray for you, God bless you. Wow. 396 00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:21.880 What a great message from Rick today. You know, one 397 00:24:21.920 --> 00:24:25.480 of our most popular Bible study resources here at Daily 398 00:24:25.559 --> 00:24:29.240 Hope are the Bible Scripture Cards, and because so many 399 00:24:29.279 --> 00:24:32.680 people ask for them, Pastor Rick has developed a special 400 00:24:32.720 --> 00:24:36.839 set of fifty two cards with versus selected specifically to 401 00:24:37.000 --> 00:24:41.200