WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:02.879 This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf 2 00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:05.400 I Am six forty the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on 3 00:00:05.519 --> 00:00:10.039 demand on the iHeartRadio app. It's always my pleasure to 4 00:00:10.039 --> 00:00:12.560 be with you every Sunday from seven to nine pm, 5 00:00:12.599 --> 00:00:17.679 where I talk about everything psychology, mental health and mostly 6 00:00:18.359 --> 00:00:22.199 our love lives and our attachment style. Hey, producer, Kayla, 7 00:00:22.199 --> 00:00:25.440 how are you on a dream, Doctor Wendy. Live in 8 00:00:25.440 --> 00:00:27.359 the dream? Live in the dream? Have you picked out 9 00:00:27.399 --> 00:00:29.440 your hat? Do you know what I'm talking about? I 10 00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:32.880 do know what you're talking about. I have a couple 11 00:00:32.920 --> 00:00:35.079 of from but I am going to be I feel 12 00:00:35.079 --> 00:00:37.560 like I'm traveling in time. Oh, you're in a wedding 13 00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:41.039 countdown and it is hot where our wedding is going 14 00:00:41.119 --> 00:00:44.679 to be. And so I have suggested that the ladies 15 00:00:44.799 --> 00:00:48.520 put on their biggest Kentucky Derby stunner. Why not a 16 00:00:48.520 --> 00:00:52.280 big sunn fascinator like a fascinator. Is that what it's called. 17 00:00:52.399 --> 00:00:54.640 That's what Google has taught me when I've been shopping 18 00:00:54.640 --> 00:00:56.960 for my fascinator hat to match the dress that I'm 19 00:00:56.960 --> 00:00:58.600 going to wear. That's what it That's what it led 20 00:00:58.640 --> 00:01:02.479 me to. Fascinator it's gonna be fun. I can't wait. 21 00:01:03.520 --> 00:01:05.799 And who we got Elmer on the board. How are you, Elmer? 22 00:01:06.159 --> 00:01:08.760 I'm good, I'm doing good. Thanks you good. Good to 23 00:01:08.760 --> 00:01:11.319 see you. We got to Heather Brooker. Heather, I have 24 00:01:11.400 --> 00:01:14.120 to tell you that I just googled you for another 25 00:01:14.159 --> 00:01:17.920 reason unrelated, and I love the picture that Google shows me. First. 26 00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:21.400 It's beautiful. Oh no, which one that's funny? I don't know. 27 00:01:21.480 --> 00:01:23.000 But you look glamorous and happy. 28 00:01:23.200 --> 00:01:23.879 Oh thank you? 29 00:01:24.159 --> 00:01:26.079 Say that's what we want, the first thing to see 30 00:01:26.079 --> 00:01:27.680 when the Internet gives us something. 31 00:01:27.879 --> 00:01:29.519 Right, Oh good? 32 00:01:29.640 --> 00:01:32.159 Oh I see it's where I'm smiling really big in 33 00:01:32.239 --> 00:01:36.120 my kiss dress. Yeah, thank you? So? Uh have you 34 00:01:36.159 --> 00:01:38.640 been watching the Olympics? Everybody been watching? 35 00:01:38.760 --> 00:01:39.200 I'm watching. 36 00:01:39.359 --> 00:01:41.959 Yeah, I'm watching right now. Yeah. Oh good, keep up 37 00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:43.959 because if we have any important updates, I hope you're 38 00:01:43.959 --> 00:01:45.519 going to jump in with it. It's a it's a 39 00:01:45.560 --> 00:01:47.760 highlight of my four years. Just so let you know. 40 00:01:47.799 --> 00:01:50.879 I love Olympics. And the big news is my own 41 00:01:50.959 --> 00:01:54.000 daughter Carrington, who lives in Paris, is there today. She 42 00:01:54.159 --> 00:01:58.079 was at let's see swimming and gymnastics, which is cool, 43 00:01:58.280 --> 00:02:00.400 and she made a little TikTok video because that's how 44 00:02:00.480 --> 00:02:02.560 moms get to keep in touch with their kids. They 45 00:02:02.599 --> 00:02:05.000 get to just look at their TikTok videos and go, oh, 46 00:02:05.040 --> 00:02:07.719 they're having a nice life. That's great. I was mowing 47 00:02:07.760 --> 00:02:12.840 the lawn and I put some some peroxide in my 48 00:02:12.879 --> 00:02:15.759 hot water heater today. Do you know you have to 49 00:02:15.800 --> 00:02:18.439 do that, Kayla? Sometimes I did not know that. Yeah, 50 00:02:18.479 --> 00:02:21.960 well sometimes they smell skanky. Can we say skanky on 51 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:26.719 the radio? Oh? Did you hear that? 52 00:02:26.719 --> 00:02:27.080 That means? 53 00:02:27.080 --> 00:02:28.680 Don't say that word on the radio. I think that's 54 00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:34.520 what that meants. Oh, oh okay, So Simone Biles, can 55 00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:37.159 we just stop and talk about this amazing woman who's 56 00:02:37.199 --> 00:02:39.800 my biggest hero. I like to call her our new 57 00:02:39.800 --> 00:02:44.280 poster child for mental health care. She currently leads in 58 00:02:44.319 --> 00:02:48.120 Olympic qualifiers in Paris. She's twenty seven years old. I 59 00:02:48.120 --> 00:02:50.439 want to say that again. She's twenty seven years old. 60 00:02:50.759 --> 00:02:55.680 When she was eighteen and she was winning gymnastics medals, 61 00:02:56.280 --> 00:02:59.000 she said, I don't think I'll be doing this past 62 00:02:59.039 --> 00:03:01.599 the age of twenty. I mean that would be silly, right, 63 00:03:03.319 --> 00:03:08.319 twenty seven still at it. She is probably the best 64 00:03:08.360 --> 00:03:12.960 gymnast in history, both by her natural talent and her 65 00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:16.360 medal count. She has a record thirty seven Olympic and 66 00:03:16.439 --> 00:03:22.319 World medals. She has I would say, completely transformed the 67 00:03:22.400 --> 00:03:29.199 sport and now her dangerously difficult routines remain unmatched by others. 68 00:03:29.639 --> 00:03:33.599 And you gotta know, this young woman for years and 69 00:03:33.719 --> 00:03:40.759 years has sacrificed both her body and her mind. Now 70 00:03:41.400 --> 00:03:43.520 I want to remind you if you haven't been watching 71 00:03:43.560 --> 00:03:48.439 the news in recent years, she's been psychologically tormented by 72 00:03:48.479 --> 00:03:53.560 the fact that she is open as a survivor of 73 00:03:53.719 --> 00:03:56.919 sexual assault. She was one of hundreds of women sexually 74 00:03:56.919 --> 00:04:02.639 assaulted by the former National Media team doctor Lawrence Nasar. 75 00:04:04.199 --> 00:04:08.840 She also has endured all kinds of physical pain. She 76 00:04:09.680 --> 00:04:15.319 has had foot problems, ankle problems, knee problems. She once 77 00:04:15.439 --> 00:04:20.040 competed with a full on kidney infection and didn't take 78 00:04:20.079 --> 00:04:24.360 any painkillers because she didn't want to test with any 79 00:04:24.399 --> 00:04:31.199 drugs in her system. But before Nasar's abuse, and before 80 00:04:31.360 --> 00:04:33.920 I don't have to remind everybody the FBI's bungling of 81 00:04:33.920 --> 00:04:38.399 the case, she suffered major depression and anxiety. And before 82 00:04:38.439 --> 00:04:42.800 all of that she had been a bubbly teenager. But 83 00:04:43.000 --> 00:04:47.720 her big downfall happened in twenty twenty one. You might 84 00:04:47.800 --> 00:04:51.800 remember the Tokyo Games, she got what is called a 85 00:04:51.879 --> 00:04:56.439 case of the twisties, which means during a qualifying event, 86 00:04:57.240 --> 00:05:01.519 she realized in mid air that she had no idea 87 00:05:01.560 --> 00:05:04.879 where her body was in relation to the ground, literally 88 00:05:05.120 --> 00:05:10.560 like lost all sense of balance. In fact, in one landing, 89 00:05:11.079 --> 00:05:14.639 she flew so far out of bounds that she slid 90 00:05:14.680 --> 00:05:18.639 off the competition's surface. In golf and baseball, they call 91 00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:22.680 it the yips. In gymnastics they call it the twisties, 92 00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:27.639 where they literally forget how to do what they need 93 00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:32.839 to do. So she quit, She walked off. Now, then 94 00:05:32.959 --> 00:05:35.560 the internet took over and those critics took to their 95 00:05:35.639 --> 00:05:39.360 keyboards after she withdrew. And even though she said she 96 00:05:39.399 --> 00:05:41.920 had a mental block and she was disoriented in the air, 97 00:05:42.519 --> 00:05:46.560 she was attacked. So I did little research to figure out, 98 00:05:46.560 --> 00:05:48.759 like what happened in twenty twenty one, like what was 99 00:05:48.839 --> 00:05:53.560 going on? Well, she's used to having her parents and 100 00:05:53.680 --> 00:05:58.680 her sister in the stands because it was during COVID 101 00:05:58.959 --> 00:06:02.160 there were no fans alone and her family was not 102 00:06:02.240 --> 00:06:06.279 allowed in, and her sister wasn't there to say go 103 00:06:06.399 --> 00:06:11.360 simone right before and so there was this moment where 104 00:06:11.399 --> 00:06:14.079 she was triggered from being alone. And you gotta know, 105 00:06:14.199 --> 00:06:18.519 besides that sexual assault, Simone Biles has overcome so much 106 00:06:18.639 --> 00:06:23.439 childhood trauma. She was born in Columbus, Ohio. Both her 107 00:06:23.480 --> 00:06:28.079 parents struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction. Her father abandoned 108 00:06:28.079 --> 00:06:31.399 the family early on, and her mother was unable to 109 00:06:31.439 --> 00:06:35.160 care for Simone and her three siblings. She was sent 110 00:06:35.199 --> 00:06:41.399 to foster care when she was just three years old. Eventually, 111 00:06:41.959 --> 00:06:47.160 she was adopted by her mom's her mom's father, her 112 00:06:47.160 --> 00:06:53.079 grandfather biological grandfather, and his second wife, Nellie. Nellie loving 113 00:06:53.160 --> 00:06:56.800 this woman, she calls her mom. She's been there with 114 00:06:56.879 --> 00:07:03.319 her all the way along. Biles spent two years or 115 00:07:03.360 --> 00:07:07.199 more in therapy. She was planning to never come back, 116 00:07:08.000 --> 00:07:11.439 and another former olympian told her, you're gonna if it's 117 00:07:11.439 --> 00:07:13.879 still in your body, just get your brain fixed. And 118 00:07:13.959 --> 00:07:17.879 she did, and she is back and we are all 119 00:07:17.959 --> 00:07:20.319 cheering her on, and I am so proud that she's 120 00:07:20.360 --> 00:07:26.240 talking openly about therapy and mental health and just I 121 00:07:26.279 --> 00:07:29.600 love this woman, just love her, just saying, all right, 122 00:07:29.639 --> 00:07:31.160 when we come back, I want to change up the 123 00:07:31.160 --> 00:07:34.879 conversation a little bit. I mentioned earlier in the show 124 00:07:35.360 --> 00:07:37.240 that I'm on a wedding countdown. I won't say how 125 00:07:37.240 --> 00:07:39.000 many days or I'll get dizzy in a case of 126 00:07:39.040 --> 00:07:45.160 the twisties myself. What stuff changes if you are somebody 127 00:07:45.160 --> 00:07:47.839 who's getting married, who got married, knows somebody who's getting married, 128 00:07:47.879 --> 00:07:51.560 if your friend is getting married. There's all kinds of 129 00:07:51.680 --> 00:07:56.680 social circle adjustments that happen, and there's some psychological things 130 00:07:56.680 --> 00:08:00.000 that happen when somebody in a social circle gets married, 131 00:08:00.040 --> 00:08:03.800 or I should add it also happens when somebody in 132 00:08:03.839 --> 00:08:08.519 a social circle gets divorced. Let's talk about the fallout, 133 00:08:08.800 --> 00:08:13.439 both positive and negative from unions and separations. When we 134 00:08:13.480 --> 00:08:16.000 come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Waalsh 135 00:08:16.040 --> 00:08:19.439 Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on 136 00:08:19.480 --> 00:08:20.680 the iHeartRadio app. 137 00:08:22.199 --> 00:08:26.439 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 138 00:08:26.639 --> 00:08:27.600 AM six forty. 139 00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:31.560 Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy 140 00:08:31.560 --> 00:08:33.759 Walls Show. I mean, my friends are shocked by the 141 00:08:33.759 --> 00:08:35.840 way I've been a single mother for like twenty years 142 00:08:36.440 --> 00:08:39.080 and put my kids first. They're both doing great, thank 143 00:08:39.159 --> 00:08:42.559 you very much, and it's time. It's time I tied 144 00:08:42.600 --> 00:08:44.799 the knot. And people are like, why Why are your age? 145 00:08:44.840 --> 00:08:48.960 Why buy that? Why do it? Because we love each 146 00:08:48.960 --> 00:08:51.559 other and we know nobody's going anywhere at this point, 147 00:08:51.799 --> 00:08:54.879 so why not have a party. That's what I'm saying. 148 00:08:55.879 --> 00:08:58.080 You know, there's a lot of stress in wedding planning, 149 00:08:58.440 --> 00:09:02.960 But the truth is, I worry less about everything going smoothly, 150 00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:06.399 and I'm more likely to worry about my guests having 151 00:09:06.480 --> 00:09:09.559 a good time. So I am more worried about the 152 00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:13.320 food and the cocktails and the table decorations than my dress. 153 00:09:13.320 --> 00:09:15.120 My dress hasn't even done yet. I haven't even seen it. 154 00:09:15.159 --> 00:09:18.600 I don't know it. It doesn't matter, And you know what, 155 00:09:19.080 --> 00:09:23.480 I think, the fun happens when mistakes happen. You know, 156 00:09:23.559 --> 00:09:27.240 I went to see with Julio, Tina Fey and Amy 157 00:09:27.240 --> 00:09:30.840 Poehler a few months ago, and they have a thing 158 00:09:30.879 --> 00:09:32.879 at the end of their live show where people can 159 00:09:32.960 --> 00:09:35.279 ask questions. I think they put, you know, little questions 160 00:09:35.320 --> 00:09:37.639 in a box or something and they get chosen and 161 00:09:37.679 --> 00:09:40.039 pull it out. And one of the questions was from 162 00:09:40.120 --> 00:09:44.960 a woman, I'm marrying my girlfriend, any advice on what 163 00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:47.440 we should or shouldn't do for the wedding? And I 164 00:09:47.440 --> 00:09:51.519 think Amy Poehler said, you've got to have the crazy, racist, sexist, 165 00:09:51.720 --> 00:09:56.639 drunk uncle give the toast, because then the wedding will 166 00:09:56.639 --> 00:09:59.080 have something to talk about. Right, of course, we don't 167 00:09:59.080 --> 00:10:02.360 have one of those in our family. But I can't 168 00:10:02.360 --> 00:10:06.720 worry about anything, is the point. But I do want 169 00:10:06.759 --> 00:10:10.799 to say that I've noticed things changing in my life, 170 00:10:10.879 --> 00:10:14.559 positive and negative. I want to remind everybody that both 171 00:10:14.600 --> 00:10:18.279 marriage and divorce are highly contagious among social circles. There's 172 00:10:18.360 --> 00:10:22.360 lots of research to support this. Divorce six degrees with separation. 173 00:10:22.480 --> 00:10:24.840 In other words, you might be six couples away from 174 00:10:24.919 --> 00:10:27.720 the couple that is getting divorced, and there might be 175 00:10:27.759 --> 00:10:32.919 a ripple effect of news and information. Literally, dudes, if 176 00:10:33.039 --> 00:10:35.960 your wife has a friend who's going through a divorce, 177 00:10:36.519 --> 00:10:37.879 don't let her go out and hang out with her 178 00:10:38.759 --> 00:10:43.039 feeling contagious. The weddings are also contagious. People go to 179 00:10:43.120 --> 00:10:47.919 weddings and they're feeling closer, they feel misty, they feel romance. 180 00:10:48.600 --> 00:10:53.039 But there's all kinds of unconscious things going on. You see, 181 00:10:53.720 --> 00:10:58.919 in our modern culture, relationships, particularly marriages, tend to be 182 00:10:58.960 --> 00:11:04.639 a bridge between tribes, and bridges are made, bridges are 183 00:11:04.720 --> 00:11:10.360 broken and everybody. They're also kind of the social organizer 184 00:11:10.919 --> 00:11:13.120 for all kinds of things like I will say very 185 00:11:13.159 --> 00:11:16.759 clearly that the worst part about being a single mother, 186 00:11:16.879 --> 00:11:20.039 besides being dog tired and having no money all those years, 187 00:11:20.639 --> 00:11:24.799 was feeling excluded by couples. You know, I didn't get 188 00:11:24.799 --> 00:11:28.360 those couple invitations, And now I love having couples over 189 00:11:28.440 --> 00:11:30.440 for dinner. I'm like, oh my god, a couple I 190 00:11:30.480 --> 00:11:33.080 haven't you know? Mind you there was a really great, 191 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:38.600 wonderful group of single mothers in my life, but I 192 00:11:38.639 --> 00:11:43.240 didn't have those couple invitations. So what happens when somebody's 193 00:11:43.279 --> 00:11:47.240 getting married. Some people start to feel abandoned. Some people 194 00:11:47.320 --> 00:11:50.399 might feel jealous. Some people might feel you're just going 195 00:11:50.440 --> 00:11:53.639 to be too busy, or you'll change right. They're all 196 00:11:53.759 --> 00:11:57.120 kinds of things that can happen. But I'm also noticing 197 00:11:57.120 --> 00:12:00.200 certain people. As I'm feeling certain people become distant, I'm 198 00:12:00.240 --> 00:12:03.799 also feeling certain people become closer, which is fascinating. Not 199 00:12:03.879 --> 00:12:08.240 all couple people, but just different friends. So really, I'm 200 00:12:08.279 --> 00:12:10.840 just sitting back and watching it all, trying not to 201 00:12:10.879 --> 00:12:15.200 take certain things too personally, and just sort of seeing 202 00:12:15.240 --> 00:12:18.879 how all the cards lay out, if it will. I 203 00:12:18.919 --> 00:12:22.200 have never felt so sure about something in my life. 204 00:12:23.039 --> 00:12:26.320 Although I want to remind everybody that went till death 205 00:12:26.360 --> 00:12:30.200 to us part was invented. Death was pretty imminent. If 206 00:12:30.240 --> 00:12:32.919 you got married in the year nineteen hundred, the average 207 00:12:33.000 --> 00:12:35.919 length of that marriage was about twelve years because somebody 208 00:12:35.960 --> 00:12:40.159 died of something. If you got married in nineteen ninety, 209 00:12:40.279 --> 00:12:42.759 your average length of that marriage was about twelve years. 210 00:12:43.039 --> 00:12:46.399 In this case, it was divorce. Well, we're of a 211 00:12:46.399 --> 00:12:49.000 certain age where I think it's okay to say till 212 00:12:49.000 --> 00:12:51.840 death to us part. He hates it when I make 213 00:12:51.879 --> 00:12:53.799 that joke. He hates it when I make that joke. 214 00:12:54.120 --> 00:12:56.399 I'm like, honey, somebody's going to die soon. I'm just saying. 215 00:12:59.000 --> 00:13:02.039 He does not like that, this morbid, dark sense of humor, 216 00:13:02.080 --> 00:13:05.240 but I do. Hey, when we come back, I want 217 00:13:05.240 --> 00:13:10.960 to talk about AI, but not just artificial intelligence, another 218 00:13:11.080 --> 00:13:15.279 kind of AI that is already happening and about to explode, 219 00:13:16.279 --> 00:13:21.919 artificial intimacy. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy wall 220 00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:25.399 Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on 221 00:13:25.440 --> 00:13:26.799 the iHeartRadio app. 222 00:13:27.600 --> 00:13:31.799 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 223 00:13:32.039 --> 00:13:34.919 AM six forty. 224 00:13:35.519 --> 00:13:40.320 The future is here. I was listening to a really 225 00:13:40.360 --> 00:13:43.519 good episode of NPR's Body Electric. It's a great podcast 226 00:13:43.639 --> 00:13:49.080 by manuche Zamorrodi and the podcast was called if it 227 00:13:49.120 --> 00:13:54.480 Feels Real, Should we care if it's not? And in 228 00:13:54.519 --> 00:14:00.519 it they explore this idea of artificial intimacy. They asked 229 00:14:00.519 --> 00:14:04.919 the same questions that the characters in the movie Her asked. 230 00:14:05.480 --> 00:14:09.600 If it feels good and it feels like a real relationship, 231 00:14:09.879 --> 00:14:14.399 then it must be doing good, right. I mean, I 232 00:14:14.519 --> 00:14:19.759 have been saying this for years that close intimate relationships 233 00:14:19.879 --> 00:14:22.600 are really good for us. They're good for our mental health, 234 00:14:22.600 --> 00:14:25.919 they're good for our physical health. There's lots of research 235 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:28.639 to show that you're less likely to have heart disease, 236 00:14:29.759 --> 00:14:33.879 high blood pressure. One time I had a cardiologist on 237 00:14:34.080 --> 00:14:36.399 who said he's never had a patient who was in love. 238 00:14:37.039 --> 00:14:40.320 They've never had heart problems. You're less likely to suffer 239 00:14:40.360 --> 00:14:43.559 from depression when you're in a relationship, or develop all 240 00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:48.879 kinds of other chronic illnesses. And yes, long term committed 241 00:14:48.960 --> 00:14:57.919 people actually live longer. So evolutionary psychologists have also found 242 00:14:57.919 --> 00:14:59.799 that when you spend time with people you start to 243 00:14:59.799 --> 00:15:04.600 mas mack each other, you get a biological mirroring that 244 00:15:04.759 --> 00:15:08.919 happens your limbic systems. You start gesturing. You ever see 245 00:15:08.919 --> 00:15:11.279 couples they talk the same way, they walk the same way, 246 00:15:11.879 --> 00:15:15.320 but actually their brain waves get in sync. I will 247 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:18.720 tell you flat out that the number one reason that 248 00:15:18.799 --> 00:15:22.559 I am marrying Julio is because he relaxes me. There's 249 00:15:22.600 --> 00:15:26.639 something that happens when we're together where we feel calmer. 250 00:15:28.200 --> 00:15:33.360 So if it all feels good, do we actually need 251 00:15:33.399 --> 00:15:35.639 to connect with our humans? I know lots of people 252 00:15:35.720 --> 00:15:38.639 have pets and animals and get some of the same benefits, 253 00:15:39.519 --> 00:15:43.960 probably not the romantic or the sexual relationship, but just 254 00:15:44.039 --> 00:15:50.240 being near and petting your blood pressure right. It makes 255 00:15:50.279 --> 00:15:54.039 me wonder if these kind of artificial relationships, and plenty 256 00:15:54.039 --> 00:15:56.759 of people are already having them just in you know, 257 00:15:56.840 --> 00:16:00.240 online love relationships. Like I can't believe how many will 258 00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:02.759 write to me and say, you know, having this boyfriend 259 00:16:02.799 --> 00:16:05.480 problem and we've been together for three years. And then 260 00:16:05.519 --> 00:16:08.399 I'm like, okay, well what exactly is the problem, And 261 00:16:08.879 --> 00:16:12.039 something will come out that the person will say, well, 262 00:16:12.120 --> 00:16:15.000 you know, the time zone thing is a problem, and 263 00:16:15.039 --> 00:16:17.960 I'm like, oh, it's a long distance relationship. No, it's 264 00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:20.759 an online relationship, And I'm like, wait, a minute. You've 265 00:16:20.799 --> 00:16:24.000 never met each other in the real world. Look how 266 00:16:24.039 --> 00:16:27.080 many seasons of Catfish are on MTV now from this 267 00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:32.600 people having these emotional connections. It makes me wonder if 268 00:16:32.679 --> 00:16:38.159 this artificial intimacy is kind of like a placebo drug. 269 00:16:38.679 --> 00:16:41.720 You know, when they do double blind control studies and 270 00:16:42.320 --> 00:16:44.360 they give one group of people the sugar pill. They 271 00:16:44.399 --> 00:16:46.639 don't know it's the sugar pill. A good chunk of 272 00:16:46.679 --> 00:16:51.799 them get better anyway, Right, So it's artificial intimacy, kind 273 00:16:51.840 --> 00:16:58.200 of like a placebo. Look, we're already having relationships with bots. 274 00:16:58.799 --> 00:17:02.919 Take only your navigation. I have a young, pretty, I 275 00:17:02.919 --> 00:17:06.559 imagine she's pretty Irish girl who navigates me around. A 276 00:17:06.599 --> 00:17:09.559 friend of mine has a male with an Indian accent. 277 00:17:09.599 --> 00:17:11.599 She calls him Raj. She's given him a name. They 278 00:17:11.680 --> 00:17:17.160 chat right, Siri Alexa. Yesterday I had the wonderful pleasure 279 00:17:17.599 --> 00:17:21.039 of babysitting a one year old neighbors of mine. And 280 00:17:21.720 --> 00:17:24.640 this kid was right in the middle of her stranger anxiety. 281 00:17:24.839 --> 00:17:26.680 So no sooner did mom and dad go out the 282 00:17:26.680 --> 00:17:30.440 door that she started screaming. And I was keeping myself 283 00:17:30.440 --> 00:17:32.039 calm because I know that's the first thing to do, 284 00:17:32.119 --> 00:17:35.000 and trying distraction that wasn't working. And then you know, 285 00:17:35.039 --> 00:17:37.039 I just allowed her to be sad for a while 286 00:17:37.119 --> 00:17:39.559 and cary and scream and then I thought, oh, maybe 287 00:17:39.599 --> 00:17:43.039 she'll get tired. So immediately I went to Alexa. I said, Alexa, 288 00:17:43.519 --> 00:17:46.240 blay me some lalla blies. Time to rut. Right, there's 289 00:17:46.400 --> 00:17:51.920 a robot in some ways. Your social media apps are 290 00:17:51.960 --> 00:17:58.480 listening all the time. Right. Some people are having relationships 291 00:17:58.519 --> 00:18:03.319 with people online ornography. Right, we know there's a chatbot 292 00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:11.200 for everything personal trainers, life coaches, therapists, but now lovers. Well, 293 00:18:12.319 --> 00:18:19.799 I think online artificial intimacy really is an illusion. You see, 294 00:18:19.799 --> 00:18:24.079 there's a problem with it. It teaches us what a 295 00:18:24.160 --> 00:18:29.480 relationship is when that relationship doesn't have any friction, any conflict, 296 00:18:29.799 --> 00:18:34.599 any pushback, or any vulnerability. And I think that is 297 00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:38.599 the challenge with technology producer, Kayla, I want you to 298 00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:40.720 try to get her on our show. I would love 299 00:18:40.759 --> 00:18:45.000 to speak with MIT psychologists and sociologists. Sherry Turkle because 300 00:18:45.039 --> 00:18:48.960 she has been her write that down. She has been 301 00:18:49.160 --> 00:18:53.400 studying our relationship with AI for a while. And here's 302 00:18:53.440 --> 00:18:56.240 her quote. She says, what I really think is bad, 303 00:18:56.400 --> 00:18:58.000 and I think that needs to be taken out of 304 00:18:58.000 --> 00:19:02.599 the equation is the technolog is saying I love you back, 305 00:19:03.319 --> 00:19:07.119 I care about you, and implying that their person who 306 00:19:07.160 --> 00:19:11.839 has a backstory, a life, and having an empathetic relationship 307 00:19:11.880 --> 00:19:15.079 with you. Because her biggest fear is that people will 308 00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:18.279 start to believe the robots that say I love you. 309 00:19:19.000 --> 00:19:22.839 Her best advice is, remember it's an operating system. Remember 310 00:19:22.880 --> 00:19:27.160 it's an avatar. Do not get so attached that you 311 00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:30.400 can't get away from it. Don't get addicted. You're getting 312 00:19:30.400 --> 00:19:34.119 addicted to your TikTok. You're getting addicted to your artificial 313 00:19:34.559 --> 00:19:38.839 girlfriend boyfriend. You know, my mom always used to say, 314 00:19:39.440 --> 00:19:44.240 never love anything that can't love you back. All right, 315 00:19:44.359 --> 00:19:48.279 speaking about emotions, when we come back, did you know 316 00:19:48.319 --> 00:19:53.119 there are three things that people with high emotional intelligence 317 00:19:53.359 --> 00:19:56.599 naturally do and we can all learn how to do 318 00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:59.359 these three things when we come back. You're listening to 319 00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:01.960 Doctor Wendy whe Show on KFI AM six forty. We're 320 00:20:02.000 --> 00:20:04.319 live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 321 00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:09.160 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 322 00:20:09.359 --> 00:20:10.279 AM six forty. 323 00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:14.960 This is the Doctor Wendy Welsh Show. I talk about 324 00:20:15.000 --> 00:20:20.240 emotional intelligence a lot, and it is, in my opinion, 325 00:20:20.519 --> 00:20:25.599 one hundred percent learned. Yeah, there's a genetic component. Some 326 00:20:25.640 --> 00:20:31.720 people are born with more concrete reasoning, more analytical. They 327 00:20:31.799 --> 00:20:34.759 might be a little bit on the autism spectrum and 328 00:20:35.359 --> 00:20:38.599 they have to work harder to pick up emotional or 329 00:20:38.599 --> 00:20:42.680 social cues. But for the rest of us, we can 330 00:20:42.759 --> 00:20:46.680 all learn how to be emotionally and emotionally intelligent. And 331 00:20:46.759 --> 00:20:51.559 why is the answer because people who are emotionally intelligent 332 00:20:52.119 --> 00:20:57.000 have better health, better mental health, and most importantly, better relationships. 333 00:20:57.599 --> 00:21:01.559 So I met this guy was having a drink at 334 00:21:01.559 --> 00:21:05.519 a bar, waiting for some friends for dinner, and he 335 00:21:05.680 --> 00:21:10.160 was so charismatic. He told me these really interesting stories 336 00:21:10.200 --> 00:21:13.519 about himself. I was amazed by some of the things 337 00:21:13.519 --> 00:21:17.079 he'd done in his life. It was a really great conversation. 338 00:21:17.559 --> 00:21:23.559 He seemed smart, he seemed entertaining, but he wasn't very 339 00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:29.119 emotionally intelligent. After I left, I thought to myself, Wow, 340 00:21:29.839 --> 00:21:33.359 he didn't ask me one thing about me. And when 341 00:21:33.359 --> 00:21:36.400 I dropped little breadcrumbs meaning that he would tell a 342 00:21:36.440 --> 00:21:38.599 story and I woulday, oh, that's like the time I was, 343 00:21:38.960 --> 00:21:41.119 you know, working, bah blah blah, and this happened to me. 344 00:21:41.839 --> 00:21:45.000 He didn't pick up that line, he went right back 345 00:21:45.079 --> 00:21:50.839 to another story about him not emotionally intelligent, yet pleasant enough, 346 00:21:51.480 --> 00:21:58.039 a great conversationalist. Another story. A few days ago, a 347 00:21:58.079 --> 00:22:01.720 girlfriend of mine texted me that she was she should 348 00:22:01.720 --> 00:22:04.319 in a text, but when people are shy about expressing 349 00:22:04.400 --> 00:22:07.240 negative things, they put it in text. Not the best advice. 350 00:22:08.119 --> 00:22:12.160 But she was irritated by something that I did. So 351 00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:15.279 I immediately called, and she wrote that she couldn't pick 352 00:22:15.319 --> 00:22:17.119 up the phone she was in a meeting, and so 353 00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:19.000 then I had to respond with a very long text 354 00:22:19.039 --> 00:22:21.359 saying I'm so sorry, Please tell me what I did. 355 00:22:21.400 --> 00:22:23.079 I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, and you're so 356 00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:26.079 important to me, and blah blah blah blah blah. Then 357 00:22:26.119 --> 00:22:28.000 she called me and she's like, I've never had a 358 00:22:28.039 --> 00:22:31.359 reaction like that from somebody. Usually they get so defensive, 359 00:22:31.519 --> 00:22:34.039 or they block you or they fight with you, you know. 360 00:22:34.119 --> 00:22:36.759 And you were just like, hey, how can I not 361 00:22:36.880 --> 00:22:42.720 have you have this feeling? Right? I have naturally a 362 00:22:42.759 --> 00:22:46.279 great deal of insight, but I won't lie to you. 363 00:22:46.839 --> 00:22:51.279 I spent eighteen years in therapy having emotional conversations with 364 00:22:51.359 --> 00:22:53.680 my therapist. I mean, on and off eighteen years you 365 00:22:53.680 --> 00:22:57.880 know when I needed it so that I could grow 366 00:22:58.279 --> 00:23:02.480 a better emotional length wuage. So I was reading this 367 00:23:02.559 --> 00:23:06.039 great article by doctor Jenny Woe, a Harvard trained psychologist, 368 00:23:06.880 --> 00:23:10.680 and she says, there are three things that people with 369 00:23:10.799 --> 00:23:19.599 high emotional intelligence do. First, they ask questions. They ask 370 00:23:19.880 --> 00:23:25.839 specific kinds of questions. They ask questions that relate to 371 00:23:26.000 --> 00:23:29.839 deep feelings. So I look back at that conversation I 372 00:23:29.880 --> 00:23:31.759 had with the guy at the bar, and I thought 373 00:23:31.799 --> 00:23:34.000 to myself, of course he was talking all about him, 374 00:23:34.000 --> 00:23:37.200 because there I was asking these deep questions that made 375 00:23:37.319 --> 00:23:41.160 him think. So people who are highly emotional intelligent might 376 00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:43.920 say things like, how did you get into and what 377 00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:47.559 are your thoughts on? What's your opinion on this? How 378 00:23:47.559 --> 00:23:51.720 do you feel about Say, you're asking about feelings, You're 379 00:23:51.759 --> 00:23:58.599 asking origin stories, You're asking opinions. People who are emotionally smart, 380 00:23:59.200 --> 00:24:03.240 who want to make connections with others, ask those kinds 381 00:24:03.319 --> 00:24:10.559 of questions. The other thing they do is most often naturally, 382 00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:14.839 but you can learn to do this. They mirror somebody's 383 00:24:14.920 --> 00:24:17.960 verbal tone and body language. Remember earlier I was talking 384 00:24:17.960 --> 00:24:20.880 about how in our intimate relationships we start to walk 385 00:24:20.920 --> 00:24:24.039 the same talk the same use. This make the kind 386 00:24:24.039 --> 00:24:26.880 of the same jokes of the same voice cadence. Right. 387 00:24:27.559 --> 00:24:32.440 This helps people stay close and connect it. So people 388 00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:38.720 with high emotionally emotional intelligence actually are really good at 389 00:24:38.839 --> 00:24:44.319 reading social cues. They are able to naturally mirror people 390 00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:47.200 and get this deep connection. So if somebody speaking fast, 391 00:24:47.240 --> 00:24:49.559 they speak fast. If somebody speaking slow they sleep, they 392 00:24:49.599 --> 00:24:58.279 speak slow. It's not copying, right, it's not manipulation. It's connecting. 393 00:24:58.839 --> 00:25:03.079 It's aligning with the other person and where they're at. 394 00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:08.400 And what does this do psychologically? It helps build trust 395 00:25:09.079 --> 00:25:13.680 and it helps show respect to the other person. So 396 00:25:15.119 --> 00:25:18.039 they asked questions. I was doing that with the guy 397 00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:21.079 at the bar. They mirror their vocal to I remember 398 00:25:21.160 --> 00:25:22.960 kind of doing the same thing. He was animated. I 399 00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:27.240 got animated with the stories, right. But here's where I 400 00:25:27.319 --> 00:25:32.200 realized he didn't have too much emotional intelligence. The third 401 00:25:32.319 --> 00:25:37.720