WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.170 --> 00:00:03.810 You will make more friends in two months being interested 2 00:00:03.870 --> 00:00:07.000 in others than you will in two years of trying 3 00:00:07.009 --> 00:00:10.199 to be interesting. People are waiting for people to be 4 00:00:10.259 --> 00:00:15.900 interested in them. Stop trying to be interesting. Start being interested. 5 00:00:16.300 --> 00:00:19.940 The world is looking for people who will be interested 6 00:00:20.219 --> 00:00:25.989 in them. There is an epidemic of loneliness in our world. 7 00:00:26.800 --> 00:00:28.460 I don't know if you've been reading about it. I 8 00:00:28.500 --> 00:00:31.960 probably read 20, 30, 40 articles this week on the 9 00:00:32.140 --> 00:00:37.219 epidemic of loneliness all around the world. The fact that 10 00:00:37.299 --> 00:00:39.859 over half of America in poll after poll has said, 11 00:00:40.380 --> 00:00:44.520 I'm lonely. And these are at every age and stage 12 00:00:44.549 --> 00:00:47.990 of life. Little children say, grade school kids say, I'm lonely. 13 00:00:48.009 --> 00:00:53.450 I'm lonely. Teenagers say, I'm lonely. Young adults say, I'm lonely. 14 00:00:53.689 --> 00:00:57.359 Middle aged married couples say, I'm lonely. Elderly people say, 15 00:00:57.380 --> 00:01:01.240 I'm lonely. Over half of Americans at every single stage 16 00:01:01.679 --> 00:01:05.079 and age of life say, I'm lonely. 17 00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:06.819 That's an epidemic. 18 00:01:07.620 --> 00:01:09.840 We've never had those numbers ever in the history of 19 00:01:09.879 --> 00:01:13.040 the United States of America. It's worse in some other countries. 20 00:01:13.439 --> 00:01:17.930 In Britain, The number of British citizens who say I'm 21 00:01:17.969 --> 00:01:24.629 lonely has now risen to 68%. It's such an epidemic 22 00:01:25.069 --> 00:01:27.950 that the Prime Minister of England last year appointed a 23 00:01:28.069 --> 00:01:31.250 new cabinet officer called the Minister of Loneliness. 24 00:01:32.230 --> 00:01:33.150 I'm not making this up. 25 00:01:34.219 --> 00:01:38.540 They have a cabinet minister for loneliness because 68% of 26 00:01:38.579 --> 00:01:42.379 the Brits say I'm lonely. And we find this in 27 00:01:42.459 --> 00:01:45.700 country after country after country. I was talking to our 28 00:01:45.750 --> 00:01:49.810 high school pastor, Jason, this week. He told me he 29 00:01:49.849 --> 00:01:52.909 was recently at a high school student camp, and they 30 00:01:52.969 --> 00:01:56.510 asked kids who were lonely to stand up, maybe 1,000 31 00:01:56.510 --> 00:01:59.430 kids at this camp, and he said about 80% of 32 00:01:59.450 --> 00:02:04.170 the kids stood up. saying, I experience loneliness on a 33 00:02:04.209 --> 00:02:07.489 regular basis. Part of it is social media itself. Rather 34 00:02:07.530 --> 00:02:09.389 than going out on a Saturday night, you stay home 35 00:02:09.409 --> 00:02:12.639 and you look at your screen on what everybody else 36 00:02:12.719 --> 00:02:15.759 is doing, and you talk about it. And there's this 37 00:02:15.860 --> 00:02:19.319 fear of missing out, FOMO, fear of missing out, that's 38 00:02:19.560 --> 00:02:24.819 plaguing Generation Z, which is the first generation to actually 39 00:02:24.840 --> 00:02:29.449 grow up without having screens, you know, phones, all of 40 00:02:29.490 --> 00:02:32.919 the time. Now the Bible has a lot to say 41 00:02:33.259 --> 00:02:36.379 about loneliness. In fact, it starts in the first couple 42 00:02:36.419 --> 00:02:39.759 chapters when God says it is not good for man 43 00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:43.050 to be alone. It's the first thing God said was 44 00:02:43.189 --> 00:02:50.530 not good about the earth. God hates loneliness. Loneliness, if 45 00:02:50.569 --> 00:02:52.750 you have loneliness in your life, that is not part 46 00:02:52.770 --> 00:02:56.810 of God's plan for your life. We were made in 47 00:02:56.830 --> 00:03:00.229 the image of God, which means we're relational. And because 48 00:03:00.270 --> 00:03:05.620 we're relational, human beings are social creatures. We're made to 49 00:03:05.659 --> 00:03:09.680 be together. We're better together. We're not made to be solitary. 50 00:03:10.879 --> 00:03:13.500 And so the Bible has a lot to say. I 51 00:03:14.319 --> 00:03:16.860 went through all of the scriptures this week that deal 52 00:03:16.879 --> 00:03:22.389 with loneliness, with friend, friendship, friendliness. There are literally hundreds 53 00:03:22.509 --> 00:03:26.840 and hundreds and hundreds of verses in the Bible about 54 00:03:26.879 --> 00:03:29.819 the importance of you having friends. You need them not 55 00:03:29.860 --> 00:03:32.800 just for your happiness, you need them for your health. 56 00:03:33.620 --> 00:03:35.860 Studies have shown that the fewer friends you have, the 57 00:03:35.900 --> 00:03:36.639 sooner you're more. 58 00:03:36.560 --> 00:03:37.340 Likely to die. 59 00:03:38.879 --> 00:03:41.699 That it is unhealthy for you to not have healthy 60 00:03:41.759 --> 00:03:46.430 friendships in your life. So God made us for relationships. 61 00:03:46.939 --> 00:03:49.759 And we're gonna look today, this weekend, at a ton, 62 00:03:50.099 --> 00:03:53.900 literally a ton of Bible verses on how to form 63 00:03:54.400 --> 00:03:57.500 healthy relationships. Now, there are a lot of different kinds 64 00:03:57.539 --> 00:04:02.500 of friendships. But specifically, I would categorize a couple being 65 00:04:02.639 --> 00:04:07.060 close friendships and casual friendships. If you wanna write this 66 00:04:07.139 --> 00:04:11.870 on your outline, casual friends, okay, casual friends in your 67 00:04:11.930 --> 00:04:16.680 life may be the result of my circumstances. When I 68 00:04:17.680 --> 00:04:20.079 meet people at work, or I meet people at school, 69 00:04:20.689 --> 00:04:23.810 or I meet people in the neighborhood, or I meet 70 00:04:23.850 --> 00:04:27.990 people in some sports, kids in soccer, what like that, 71 00:04:28.370 --> 00:04:31.829 those are typically casual relationships, because they're just people that 72 00:04:31.870 --> 00:04:34.750 you happen to bump into, you run into. Those are 73 00:04:34.769 --> 00:04:37.899 the casual relationships that come as a result of circumstances. 74 00:04:38.600 --> 00:04:42.420 But your closest friends should not be the result of circumstance, 75 00:04:42.439 --> 00:04:46.079 they should be the result of choices. My choices, not 76 00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:50.199 my circumstances, but my choices. Your close friends should not 77 00:04:50.250 --> 00:04:54.209 be accidental. You should choose them wisely because you can't 78 00:04:54.269 --> 00:04:58.949 be close to everybody. Now the fact is, the closer 79 00:04:59.850 --> 00:05:02.310 I am to people in my life and the closer 80 00:05:02.350 --> 00:05:05.550 people are to me in my life, the greater the impact, 81 00:05:05.569 --> 00:05:07.850 the greater the influence they're gonna have on my life. 82 00:05:08.610 --> 00:05:10.430 The people who are closest to you are obviously gonna 83 00:05:10.470 --> 00:05:12.769 influence your life a whole lot more than the people 84 00:05:12.810 --> 00:05:16.379 who are simply casual acquaintances. Now, if that's true and 85 00:05:16.389 --> 00:05:19.420 the people who are closest to you better be influencing 86 00:05:19.439 --> 00:05:24.920 you for good and for God because it's dangerous. So 87 00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:28.540 I should choose my closest friends wisely. Now, the Bible 88 00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:30.399 has a lot to say about this. There on your outline, 89 00:05:30.439 --> 00:05:33.810 I just put one verse. Proverbs chapter 12, verse 26 90 00:05:33.810 --> 00:05:40.889 says this. A righteous person is cautious in friendships. That 91 00:05:40.910 --> 00:05:44.209 means you're choosy, you're selective. You don't just arbitrarily say, 92 00:05:44.269 --> 00:05:46.959 anybody can be close to me. A righteous person is 93 00:05:47.060 --> 00:05:50.560 cautious in friendship because the ways of evil people can 94 00:05:50.660 --> 00:05:52.800 lead them to do wrong. 95 00:05:53.540 --> 00:05:55.360 Now, what I want us to look. 96 00:05:55.240 --> 00:06:01.509 At this weekend is forming healthy relationships. And I want 97 00:06:01.550 --> 00:06:02.810 us to do a couple things. I want us to 98 00:06:02.829 --> 00:06:04.949 look at the kind of people you should not choose, 99 00:06:04.970 --> 00:06:07.009 because the Bible has a lot to say about that. 100 00:06:07.029 --> 00:06:09.560 The kind of people should not be your closest friends. 101 00:06:10.329 --> 00:06:12.629 And then look at the kind of qualities you should 102 00:06:12.649 --> 00:06:16.360 look for in your closest friends. And then I want 103 00:06:16.379 --> 00:06:19.430 to give you some building blocks, the eight or so 104 00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:25.449 building blocks of how do you build healthy, lifelong friendships, 105 00:06:25.550 --> 00:06:30.279 satisfying friendships in life. Now assisting me is gonna be 106 00:06:30.319 --> 00:06:35.860 Pastor Curt Johnston. Pastor Curt Johnston's our senior student pastor 107 00:06:36.100 --> 00:06:38.480 of all of our, he used to be junior high pastor, 108 00:06:38.500 --> 00:06:40.319 then he was over junior high and senior high, now 109 00:06:40.370 --> 00:06:45.029 he's over college junior, senior high, children's ministry, he's basically 110 00:06:45.069 --> 00:06:49.170 our family and life development pastor. And a number of 111 00:06:49.209 --> 00:06:52.649 years ago, Curt wrote a book on this. He wrote 112 00:06:52.670 --> 00:06:55.560 a book on how to build friendships. In fact, here's 113 00:06:55.569 --> 00:06:59.240 what it looks like. And it's for students. And I 114 00:06:59.279 --> 00:07:00.680 was reading that book and I go, man, I should 115 00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:03.579 just let him preach because it was really good stuff. 116 00:07:04.100 --> 00:07:06.250 One of the things that's in that book is this 117 00:07:06.829 --> 00:07:07.389 circle thing. 118 00:07:08.870 --> 00:07:10.480 Maybe. There it is. 119 00:07:11.300 --> 00:07:14.240 And Kurt talks about four different circles. He says, you know, 120 00:07:14.300 --> 00:07:18.759 on the outer circle are your casual friends. That's your 121 00:07:18.790 --> 00:07:21.310 biggest circle, so there's room for a lot of them. Now, 122 00:07:21.350 --> 00:07:23.129 you don't spend a lot of time with these people, 123 00:07:23.170 --> 00:07:26.810 but they're your casual friends. But you don't see them 124 00:07:26.829 --> 00:07:30.250 that much, so there's a limited influence on them and 125 00:07:30.269 --> 00:07:33.029 them on you. A little bit in, in the next 126 00:07:33.089 --> 00:07:35.790 circle in, is what he calls your close friends. And 127 00:07:35.829 --> 00:07:38.250 there's not as much room for as many, because you 128 00:07:38.269 --> 00:07:41.689 can't be a close friend to everybody. And so you 129 00:07:41.730 --> 00:07:43.629 don't have as many in that circle but you have 130 00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:46.939 more time spent together with your close friends and there 131 00:07:46.980 --> 00:07:50.819 is increased influence, you on them and them on you. 132 00:07:51.279 --> 00:07:54.560 But then he said there's an inner circle that's right 133 00:07:54.620 --> 00:07:57.250 around you that he calls your core friends. I'd never 134 00:07:57.269 --> 00:08:00.050 heard this before but I like this phrase, your core friends. 135 00:08:00.589 --> 00:08:03.149 And you only have room for a handful of those, three, four, 136 00:08:03.230 --> 00:08:07.310 five or so of your core friends. You get lots 137 00:08:07.370 --> 00:08:12.089 of time spent together. there's high influence on each other. Now, 138 00:08:13.509 --> 00:08:17.529 while I like Kurt's circles, this is exactly what Jesus did. 139 00:08:18.430 --> 00:08:26.029 Jesus loved everybody. He fed the 5,000. He trained the 120. 140 00:08:26.029 --> 00:08:30.379 He discipled 12. He mentored three. I'll say it again. 141 00:08:30.800 --> 00:08:34.950 Jesus loved everybody. There was nobody Jesus didn't love. He 142 00:08:35.110 --> 00:08:39.870 fed the 5,000, he trained the 120, he discipled 12, 143 00:08:39.870 --> 00:08:42.970 he mentored three. Only Peter, James, and John got to 144 00:08:42.990 --> 00:08:45.509 go in the Garden of Gethsemane. Only Peter, James, and 145 00:08:45.549 --> 00:08:48.230 John got to go up on the Mount of Transfiguration. 146 00:08:48.350 --> 00:08:52.029 Only Peter, James, and John got to see Jesus heal 147 00:08:52.090 --> 00:08:55.190 Peter's mother-in-law. Was Jesus playing favorites? 148 00:08:55.350 --> 00:08:56.490 Yes, he was. 149 00:08:57.649 --> 00:08:59.909 He was spending the maximum amount of time with those 150 00:08:59.950 --> 00:09:03.370 who would bear the maximum responsibility. Later in the book 151 00:09:03.409 --> 00:09:07.230 of Galatians, Paul says, Peter, James, and John, he calls them, 152 00:09:07.490 --> 00:09:11.230 different James, but Peter, James, and John, the pillars of 153 00:09:11.269 --> 00:09:15.929 the church. Obviously it worked. He invested the maximum time 154 00:09:15.970 --> 00:09:18.570 with the people who'd bear the maximum responsibility. He had 155 00:09:18.610 --> 00:09:20.750 the greatest impact on the people he spent the most 156 00:09:20.809 --> 00:09:24.200 time with, and they ended up being leaders. So you 157 00:09:24.240 --> 00:09:27.059 need to go home and make this circle list because 158 00:09:27.100 --> 00:09:29.460 some of you are stressed out because you have too 159 00:09:29.519 --> 00:09:34.700 many VDPs and you don't have enough VIPs in your life. 160 00:09:35.259 --> 00:09:35.960 You know the difference. 161 00:09:38.110 --> 00:09:44.350 VIPs are very inspirational people. VIPs, very inspirational. VDPs are 162 00:09:44.389 --> 00:09:47.870 very draining people. Now don't look at them. 163 00:09:50.059 --> 00:09:50.460 Be cool. 164 00:09:52.379 --> 00:09:55.389 When you have more VDPs than you have VIPs in 165 00:09:55.429 --> 00:09:56.570 your life, that's called. 166 00:09:56.409 --> 00:09:58.250 Stress, friend. What? 167 00:10:00.110 --> 00:10:03.450 Draining people in your life, and if the draining people 168 00:10:03.490 --> 00:10:07.289 are the closest, guess what? You're out of energy. You're 169 00:10:07.360 --> 00:10:10.620 out of gas. So while this is a message that 170 00:10:10.679 --> 00:10:13.580 I wanna teach parents how to help their kids have 171 00:10:13.620 --> 00:10:17.440 healthy relationships, all you big grown up kids need this too. 172 00:10:18.919 --> 00:10:20.360 And you need to go home and you need to 173 00:10:20.399 --> 00:10:23.200 be more intentional about your friendships. And you might go 174 00:10:23.220 --> 00:10:27.320 home and say, who's in my casual circle? And write 175 00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:31.389 their names in. And who's in my close circle? And 176 00:10:31.429 --> 00:10:36.049 who's in my core? And should they be there? Should 177 00:10:36.110 --> 00:10:40.100 somebody else be in my core? If you'll do this, 178 00:10:40.419 --> 00:10:43.500 you will find your fulfillment level going up and your 179 00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:46.759 stress level going down because my guess is you've probably 180 00:10:46.779 --> 00:10:49.000 got too many of the wrong people in the wrong circle. 181 00:10:50.120 --> 00:10:52.820 So Kurt's gonna help me with this message. Now first, 182 00:10:53.279 --> 00:10:55.440 I want us to look at what the Bible. 183 00:10:55.230 --> 00:10:58.889 Says you're not to choose as close friends. Who are 184 00:10:58.929 --> 00:11:00.149 you to not choose? 185 00:11:00.289 --> 00:11:03.490 Because the Bible says a righteous person is cautious in 186 00:11:03.549 --> 00:11:06.669 friendship because they can influence you if they're really close. 187 00:11:08.210 --> 00:11:10.990 And God says that there's some people that you should avoid. Now, 188 00:11:11.309 --> 00:11:13.610 this is just a partial list. I'm only gonna give 189 00:11:13.649 --> 00:11:15.529 you five or six people. 190 00:11:15.769 --> 00:11:16.450 There are others. 191 00:11:16.490 --> 00:11:18.309 You could go through the book of Proverbs and get 192 00:11:18.350 --> 00:11:20.350 all the rest of them. But let me just give 193 00:11:20.370 --> 00:11:23.370 you five or six people who should not be your 194 00:11:23.429 --> 00:11:26.850 closest friends according to what God says. Now, before I 195 00:11:26.909 --> 00:11:30.230 say that, would you agree that the wrong people can 196 00:11:30.269 --> 00:11:34.059 pull you down? If I'm standing here up on this 197 00:11:34.120 --> 00:11:37.019 stage and you're standing down there, is it easier for 198 00:11:37.039 --> 00:11:38.620 me to pull you up or for you to pull 199 00:11:38.659 --> 00:11:39.019 me down? 200 00:11:39.990 --> 00:11:40.659 There's no question. 201 00:11:41.419 --> 00:11:43.889 Okay, it's the law of gravity, it's easier for you 202 00:11:43.929 --> 00:11:47.250 to pull me down than to pull you up. This 203 00:11:47.289 --> 00:11:51.009 is why I don't believe in missionary dating. You know, well, 204 00:11:51.129 --> 00:11:55.009 I'm gonna bring him to the Lord through our dating life. 205 00:11:56.149 --> 00:12:06.169 I'm sure that's what he's thinking. Praise the Lord. So, 206 00:12:07.929 --> 00:12:10.429 have any of you ever seen anybody messed up by 207 00:12:10.450 --> 00:12:11.250 the wrong friends? 208 00:12:12.730 --> 00:12:12.990 Yeah. 209 00:12:13.690 --> 00:12:15.389 Yeah, of course you have. So I don't have to 210 00:12:15.429 --> 00:12:17.649 make this point to you. You know it's true that 211 00:12:17.669 --> 00:12:20.799 there's some people you shouldn't have as your close friends. 212 00:12:21.139 --> 00:12:22.039 Look up here on the screen. 213 00:12:22.100 --> 00:12:27.580 Proverbs 18 24 says this. These are friends who destroy 214 00:12:27.639 --> 00:12:30.950 each other. Have you ever seen a couple friends destroy 215 00:12:30.970 --> 00:12:35.090 each other? Yeah, they weren't real friends. They were competing 216 00:12:35.129 --> 00:12:37.090 with each other, they were fighting with each other, they 217 00:12:37.129 --> 00:12:41.129 were nagging at each other, they were detrimental to each other, 218 00:12:41.149 --> 00:12:42.269 they were pulling each other down. 219 00:12:42.330 --> 00:12:43.090 Those aren't real friends. 220 00:12:44.110 --> 00:12:46.460 So let me just give you a partial list of 221 00:12:46.720 --> 00:12:49.379 five or six kinds of people should not be your 222 00:12:49.419 --> 00:12:51.759 closest friends. Number one, we're not gonna spend a lot 223 00:12:51.779 --> 00:12:52.960 of time on these, because I want to get to 224 00:12:53.000 --> 00:12:54.080 the positive stuff. 225 00:12:54.100 --> 00:12:59.360 Number one, people who like to argue. Really? That's what 226 00:12:59.399 --> 00:13:00.039 the Bible says. 227 00:13:00.940 --> 00:13:04.700 People who like to argue should not be your closest friends. 228 00:13:05.679 --> 00:13:09.279 Have you noticed that some people love conflict? They get 229 00:13:09.340 --> 00:13:12.539 energized by it. Fighting makes them come alive. It's like 230 00:13:12.559 --> 00:13:14.320 they're not even alive unless they're in the middle of 231 00:13:14.360 --> 00:13:19.070 a fight. And they're always against something. There's that kind 232 00:13:19.090 --> 00:13:23.409 of warrior spirit. They just like to fight. And wherever 233 00:13:23.450 --> 00:13:28.070 they go, they cause conflict. They're irritating, they're agitating. God says, 234 00:13:28.370 --> 00:13:31.289 you don't hang out with those kind of people. Proverbs 20, 235 00:13:31.289 --> 00:13:35.990 verse three. Any fool can start arguments. The honorable thing 236 00:13:36.049 --> 00:13:39.169 is to stay out of them. Circle the word stay out. 237 00:13:39.710 --> 00:13:43.090 Somebody starts getting in an argument in your office, walk away. 238 00:13:44.450 --> 00:13:47.289 Says the wise thing, the honorable, the wise thing is 239 00:13:47.309 --> 00:13:49.600 to stay out of them. Number two, here's another one. 240 00:13:49.610 --> 00:13:53.470 This is really gonna be touchy. People who gossip. Well, 241 00:13:53.509 --> 00:13:58.840 there just went all my friends. You say, you know, 242 00:13:58.860 --> 00:14:02.500 you think of that, people who gossip. Did you know 243 00:14:02.559 --> 00:14:08.509 that God hates gossips? He hates gossip, he hates gossiping, 244 00:14:08.850 --> 00:14:11.830 he says it's detrimental, he says the gossiper is the 245 00:14:11.870 --> 00:14:17.990 friend to the saboteur. They sabotage relationships. Gossips are destructive, 246 00:14:18.669 --> 00:14:23.100 and the Bible judges the sin of gossip very, very harshly. 247 00:14:24.049 --> 00:14:26.610 What is gossip? Let me give you the definition. 248 00:14:26.990 --> 00:14:30.830 Gossip is sharing information when you're neither part of the 249 00:14:30.889 --> 00:14:32.529 problem nor part of the solution. 250 00:14:34.929 --> 00:14:35.190 Uh-oh. 251 00:14:37.029 --> 00:14:41.600 Sharing damaging information when you're neither part of the problem 252 00:14:42.259 --> 00:14:45.679 nor part of the solution. And for Christians, the worst 253 00:14:45.759 --> 00:14:48.320 part is when we hide gossip as a prayer request. 254 00:14:48.379 --> 00:14:51.429 I'd like for you to pray about this. What I 255 00:14:51.490 --> 00:14:53.250 heard about so-and-so. 256 00:14:54.590 --> 00:14:57.769 It's been on my heart to pray about this. Well 257 00:14:57.789 --> 00:15:01.389 don't use prayer as an excuse to gossip. The Bible 258 00:15:01.429 --> 00:15:05.309 says in Proverbs 20 verse 19, stay away from gossips. 259 00:15:06.490 --> 00:15:10.750 They can't keep a secret and they tell everything. So 260 00:15:11.309 --> 00:15:13.220 stay away from people who like to argue, stay away 261 00:15:13.240 --> 00:15:16.639 from people who gossip. Number three, you're to stay away 262 00:15:16.679 --> 00:15:20.059 and not have as close as friends, people who flatter others. 263 00:15:21.460 --> 00:15:26.799 People who flatter others. Now what is flattery? Flattery is 264 00:15:26.879 --> 00:15:33.710 false praise. Flattery is insincere compliments. Flattery is the person 265 00:15:33.909 --> 00:15:37.250 who kisses up to the boss at work and then 266 00:15:37.309 --> 00:15:44.250 behind them says the exact opposite about that boss. They schmooze. 267 00:15:44.269 --> 00:15:45.899 They lay it on. They're kissing up. 268 00:15:45.940 --> 00:15:50.879 They're hypocritically appealing to ego. And when you see people flattering, 269 00:15:51.080 --> 00:15:54.110 whether it's a girl or a guy on the school 270 00:15:54.169 --> 00:15:58.710 campus kissing up to the most popular person or whether 271 00:15:58.870 --> 00:16:02.090 it's an adult doing it in an office situation or 272 00:16:02.149 --> 00:16:05.700 a sales situation, the Bible says you need to run 273 00:16:05.940 --> 00:16:10.779 the opposite way. Stay away from flatterers. Proverbs 29 verse 274 00:16:10.799 --> 00:16:11.419 five says. 275 00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:13.100 This, flattery is a trap. 276 00:16:13.759 --> 00:16:18.250 Evil people get caught in it, but good people avoid 277 00:16:18.289 --> 00:16:22.629 it and are free. I don't have time to go 278 00:16:22.669 --> 00:16:25.210 into this, but the Bible says that people who flatter 279 00:16:25.269 --> 00:16:31.409 you actually hate you. That flattery is disguised hatred. And 280 00:16:31.450 --> 00:16:33.460 they'll say one thing to your face. Well, look at 281 00:16:33.480 --> 00:16:35.139 these verses. You ever met any people like this? 282 00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:38.019 Here's a verse. Proverbs 64, verse two. 283 00:16:38.419 --> 00:16:42.019 They are friendly to my face, but they curse me 284 00:16:42.120 --> 00:16:45.669 in their hearts, and they delight in telling lies about me. 285 00:16:47.809 --> 00:16:52.500 There are entire reality shows built on that verse. where 286 00:16:52.559 --> 00:16:55.700 they say something to your face and flatter you oh 287 00:16:55.740 --> 00:16:58.019 you look so great and then or here's another one 288 00:16:58.039 --> 00:17:01.620 look at this verse psalm 109 verse 5 for being 289 00:17:01.700 --> 00:17:04.329 friendly and kind they paid me back with meanness and 290 00:17:04.369 --> 00:17:11.569 hatred mean girls mean boys this happens on every campus 291 00:17:11.630 --> 00:17:14.589 but it happens in adulthood too the bible says stay 292 00:17:14.650 --> 00:17:18.160 away from people who flatter you number four You should 293 00:17:18.220 --> 00:17:20.930 stay away and not have as your closest friends people 294 00:17:20.990 --> 00:17:25.009 who can't control their temper. The Bible has a lot 295 00:17:25.049 --> 00:17:30.809 to say about the rageaholic. The rageaholic. Now, you could 296 00:17:30.849 --> 00:17:33.750 be two different ways to express rage. Be a mute 297 00:17:33.910 --> 00:17:36.250 and be a martyr or be a manic and be 298 00:17:36.289 --> 00:17:39.940 a Mount Vesuvius. Everybody's either a skunk or a turtle. 299 00:17:41.240 --> 00:17:44.420 And when you get angry, turtles pull into a shell 300 00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:48.809 and poor me and they, you know, Everybody hates me, 301 00:17:48.869 --> 00:17:52.890 nobody loves me, I'm gonna go eat worms. And you 302 00:17:52.930 --> 00:17:55.319 have a pity party and you invite me, myself, and I. 303 00:17:56.950 --> 00:17:58.650 Or you can be Mount Vesuvius or you can be 304 00:17:58.670 --> 00:18:01.130 a skunk. When a skunk is upset, they let everybody 305 00:18:01.170 --> 00:18:04.740 know it. And they stink up the whole place. The 306 00:18:04.779 --> 00:18:08.519 Bible says people who can't control their temper, they should 307 00:18:08.559 --> 00:18:09.660 not be your closest friends. 308 00:18:11.500 --> 00:18:13.339 They're hot-headed, short-fused. 309 00:18:13.910 --> 00:18:17.779 That they're volatile, they're rash, they blow up quickly, they're 310 00:18:17.859 --> 00:18:21.400 easily upset. Here's what the Bible says, Proverbs 22, verse 311 00:18:21.400 --> 00:18:26.000 24 and 25. Don't make friends with hot-tempered people, with 312 00:18:26.019 --> 00:18:30.650 a hot-tempered person. Don't associate with anyone easily angered. They 313 00:18:30.670 --> 00:18:32.809 get ticked off at everything. You have to walk on 314 00:18:32.869 --> 00:18:36.910 eggshells around them. Or don't associate with those who are 315 00:18:36.950 --> 00:18:39.630 easily angered or you'll learn to be like them and 316 00:18:39.710 --> 00:18:43.269 not able to change. Anger, like a lot of other emotions, 317 00:18:43.609 --> 00:18:49.619 is contagious. Loneliness is contagious. Depression is contagious. A lot 318 00:18:49.660 --> 00:18:53.180 of things are contagious. A lot of emotions are contagious. 319 00:18:53.220 --> 00:18:54.960 The people you hang out with, that's what you're gonna 320 00:18:55.000 --> 00:18:58.599 become like. Now, you say, well, I don't know anybody, 321 00:18:58.640 --> 00:19:03.650 hot-tempered people. Are you listening to talk radio? Because they're 322 00:19:03.710 --> 00:19:08.039 all on that. Are you watching talk TV? There are 323 00:19:08.099 --> 00:19:11.220 some shows, if you find your blood pressure rising, you 324 00:19:11.259 --> 00:19:15.059 just shouldn't listen to. All they're doing is feeding rage 325 00:19:15.259 --> 00:19:18.500 inside you. We're gonna come back and talk about this 326 00:19:19.500 --> 00:19:22.099 next month, but that's another one. Let me give you 327 00:19:22.180 --> 00:19:25.960 one more, a couple more. Here's one, people who steal 328 00:19:26.039 --> 00:19:31.140 or shoplift. Now, I don't know many adults who know 329 00:19:31.160 --> 00:19:33.289 people who are shoplifting, but a lot of teenagers know 330 00:19:33.400 --> 00:19:36.650 teenagers who are shoplifting. But there are people who are 331 00:19:36.670 --> 00:19:42.400 stealing They're office blind and everybody knows it. Thieves, the 332 00:19:42.440 --> 00:19:44.599 Bible says, are self-centered and if they steal from others, 333 00:19:44.619 --> 00:19:47.430 you know what, they'll steal from you. So you don't 334 00:19:47.450 --> 00:19:50.180 want them to be your closest friend. People who steal 335 00:19:50.240 --> 00:19:52.319 are shoplift. Look at this verse up here on the screen. 336 00:19:52.720 --> 00:19:55.940 Proverbs 1, verses 13 to 15. This is what they say. 337 00:19:55.980 --> 00:20:00.829 They say, come on, let's take all kinds of valuable things. Okay, 338 00:20:00.869 --> 00:20:03.930 you know, all the resources at the office. Let's fill 339 00:20:03.990 --> 00:20:06.990 our houses with stolen goods. Come join us, we'll share 340 00:20:07.029 --> 00:20:10.450 the stolen goods. But do not go along with them 341 00:20:10.829 --> 00:20:13.990 and do not do what they do. 342 00:20:14.230 --> 00:20:15.930 He says, you know, just stay away from those people. 343 00:20:16.690 --> 00:20:19.990 And if you have a teenager who has a friend 344 00:20:20.049 --> 00:20:23.619 who is a shoplifter, you need to show them that verse, 345 00:20:24.130 --> 00:20:24.390 all right? 346 00:20:24.670 --> 00:20:27.519 Let me give you one more. This one's the tough 347 00:20:27.579 --> 00:20:28.900 one of all. Number six. 348 00:20:29.480 --> 00:20:32.140 I should not have as my closest friend believers who 349 00:20:32.180 --> 00:20:33.089 sin sexually. 350 00:20:33.970 --> 00:20:34.549 Believers. 351 00:20:34.849 --> 00:20:40.890 Notice I didn't say unbelievers. I said believers who sin sexually. 352 00:20:41.829 --> 00:20:47.069 Why not everybody? Well, let me give you a principle. 353 00:20:47.089 --> 00:20:48.589 You might write this down. Here it's on the screen. 354 00:20:49.009 --> 00:20:51.970 Never expect unbelievers to act like believers until they are. 355 00:20:54.000 --> 00:20:55.619 This is why I don't believe in trying to make 356 00:20:55.720 --> 00:20:59.339 laws to make non-Christians act like Christians or make unbelievers 357 00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:00.200 act like believers. 358 00:21:00.400 --> 00:21:00.599 Why? 359 00:21:00.859 --> 00:21:02.839 The Bible says they don't have the power to change. 360 00:21:03.319 --> 00:21:05.460 The whole book of Romans was written to say that 361 00:21:05.500 --> 00:21:07.259 until Christ is in my life, I don't have the 362 00:21:07.299 --> 00:21:10.140 power to change things in me. So to expect other 363 00:21:10.160 --> 00:21:12.940 people to act like people who have God's power in 364 00:21:12.980 --> 00:21:17.059 their life is getting the cart before the horse. Never 365 00:21:17.400 --> 00:21:20.140 expect an unbeliever to act like a believer until they are. 366 00:21:20.279 --> 00:21:23.519 I don't. God doesn't. And you shouldn't. 367 00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:26.039 But here's what the Bible says, look up here on 368 00:21:26.059 --> 00:21:30.480 the screen. First Corinthians five, nine to 11. Paul says, 369 00:21:30.700 --> 00:21:32.440 you know, when I told you not to associate with 370 00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:36.460 people who indulge in sexual sin, I wasn't talking about 371 00:21:36.539 --> 00:21:40.339 unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, because you'd have to 372 00:21:40.380 --> 00:21:43.880 leave this whole world to avoid all of them. Duh, 373 00:21:44.980 --> 00:21:47.380 what I meant was you're not associate with anyone who 374 00:21:47.420 --> 00:21:52.339 claims to be a Christian and yet indulges. and sexual sin, 375 00:21:52.779 --> 00:21:56.819 or is greedy, or abusive, or gets drunk. Don't even 376 00:21:56.859 --> 00:21:59.400 eat with such people, why? Because they're a bad witness. 377 00:22:00.559 --> 00:22:03.829 Because they are a bad representation of Christ. Any of 378 00:22:03.869 --> 00:22:06.509 those four things, he says, is not a good representation 379 00:22:06.529 --> 00:22:09.089 of Jesus, and if you call yourself Christian, and you 380 00:22:09.109 --> 00:22:11.109 hang out with somebody else who claims to be a Christian, 381 00:22:11.390 --> 00:22:14.650 but is acting in a non-Christ-like way, he goes, that's 382 00:22:14.670 --> 00:22:18.319 a problem. So those are some people we're to stay 383 00:22:18.359 --> 00:22:20.440 away from. But the Bible also has a lot of 384 00:22:20.559 --> 00:22:26.420 positive advice on the kind of people you should choose 385 00:22:26.779 --> 00:22:29.599 as your closest friend. And Pastor Kurt is gonna come 386 00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:30.519 and talk about that. 387 00:22:30.579 --> 00:22:31.019 Welcome him. 388 00:22:37.430 --> 00:22:40.190 Well, I'm not sure if you caught it a moment ago, 389 00:22:40.269 --> 00:22:42.410 but Rick gave us all a homework assignment. 390 00:22:42.450 --> 00:22:43.930 Did you know he gave us homework assignments? 391 00:22:44.230 --> 00:22:46.710 If you weren't paying attention in class, I'm gonna put 392 00:22:46.750 --> 00:22:48.970 the homework assignment back up on the screen. If we 393 00:22:48.990 --> 00:22:51.119 can put the picture of the circles back up on 394 00:22:51.140 --> 00:22:54.259 the screen. And if you have a phone, as those, 395 00:22:54.299 --> 00:22:56.220 that graph of the circles, take out your phone and 396 00:22:56.240 --> 00:22:58.869 take a picture of that. Take a picture of that 397 00:22:58.930 --> 00:23:01.569 and that will remind you as you're scrolling through your 398 00:23:01.630 --> 00:23:04.230 photos or looking at your phone that Rick gave us 399 00:23:04.299 --> 00:23:06.440 an assignment and that is to at some point in 400 00:23:06.460 --> 00:23:10.299 the near future to do some evaluating of our friendships 401 00:23:10.640 --> 00:23:13.559