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Speaker 1: A couple of years ago, I was dating a woman

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named Lynn. She was deeply enthusiastic about alternative medicine. It

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was such a strange obsession. In every other aspect, she

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was insightful and critical. Hell, she was a paralegal. She

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just had this one blind spot that I could never

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figure out, and it was a big part of a life.

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We were together for two years. During that time, she

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had me try all kinds of strange treatments and experiences,

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things like acupuncture, spirit healing, crystals, reiki, rolphing, and even

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a seance. I may or may not have been asked

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to do aiahuasca. I went along with it because I

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cared deeply for her, but the cracks in our relationship

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had started to show. Turned out we wouldn't last in

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the long run. But I don't want want to talk

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about that relationship. I want to talk about this one

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treatment she took me to and how it has shaped

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the life I'm living today. It's a bit complicated. I'm

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gonna talk about step minding. It was an early Minnesota

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morning and the last session that Lynn and I would

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attend as a couple. We pulled into a nondescript parking

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lot and Lynn led me by the hand. We had

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an insane fight that morning about something I can barely remember.

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I think it was the order you put in your

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yogurt when eating musli. Of course you put musli in first, right,

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it's like cereal. We entered a stale waiting room. The

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AC must have been off for days. I could taste

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the air. The only other person there was a short,

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balding man who spoke to us in a vaguely European air,

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barely looking up from his iPad Stevenson's. He asked overexposure's

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room for no Ah, that's not us. I said, we're right, right, Sorry,

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he sighed wrong day. He tapped the screen a couple

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of times and nodded, step minding couple's treatment. Still room four,

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thank you. He wandered off, and I noticed he didn't

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have any shoes on. I pointed it out to Lynn,

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who elbowed me. She thought I was being judgmental. I

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just thought it was strange. I didn't want to start anything.

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She vehemently disagreed with my assessment. As always, we walked

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up to room four. The door was already open. It

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was a plain, windowless room with a small coffee table

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surrounded by four basic office chairs. There was a vase

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with a single blue flower. There was a naked light

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bulb overhead with nothing covering it. Before was covered in

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a plain gray carpet. There was a little note on

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the door that urged us to take off our shoes.

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Lyn just smiled at me as if this explained everything.

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I rolled my eyes. We sat down across from one

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another and waited. It didn't take that long before a

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woman wandered in. She was in a forties wearing a

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sort of knitted white wall caftain. She had a combed back,

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flat elvia looking hairdoo and covered herself in rings, chains

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and bangles. She took her hands, smiling widely. I'm doctor Bogan,

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she assured us, but please call me Jane. I wasn't

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feeling all too confident about what we were about to do.

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Jane described the procedure step minding was a way to

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connect to one another in a new way, giving a

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better understanding of what it was like to walk a

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mile in their shoes. There are a couple of rules

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to remember before we started. For example, once the treatment started,

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we couldn't get up from our chairs if we did,

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we'd get horribly nauseous. Also, we had a sort of

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safety noise. If someone were to snap their fingers three

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times in a sequence, that a trigger a fail safe

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that brought us right back. All in all, it seemed dard,

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but not like nefarious. Then we began. Jane rhythmically snapped

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the fingers like someone tapping their feet to a slow song.

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She spoke in a monotone voice, asking us to look down,

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look at your feet, She said, imagine the feeling of walking,

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the way your muscles contract and your knees bend. Think

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of how it makes you feel, and imagine the sound

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you think your body makes. I don't remember the exact

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wording of what she told us next, but I remember

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how it made me feel. Without moving, we were supposed

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to imagine standing up, stepping across and through the coffee table,

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and sitting down on the chair of the person on

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the other side, our spirit passing through them, occupying the

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same space. We were to imagine looking at ourselves through

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the eyes of the other. There was a breathing exercise

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following the rhythm of a finger snapping. We joined our

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breaths and Jane made us focus on each part of

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our body, leading from our toes up to the top

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of our heads. She called it materializing. We kept our

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eyes on our feet, except slowly they weren't my feet anymore. Now, look,

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Jane said, look at yourself. I was looking down at

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Linde's feet, but not through my eyes. I have a

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hard time describing the first sensation of step minding. Jane's

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finger snapping stopped, and all of a sudden, I was

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looking up at well myself. I was sitting in Linde's chair.

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I was, for all intents and purposes, experiencing the world.

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Is Lynn. I was Lynn. My hands were smaller, more delicate.

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I was colder, and my clothes are uncomfortable. Smell and

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taste felt different, and I had this gnawing hunger in

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the back of my stomach. My back ached, and I

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could feel my long hair reaching halfway down my back.

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I was Lynn. I can barely remember what I did.

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We talked and touched each other's hands, reassuring one another

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that we were actually experiencing this. Lynn was repeating the

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same thing over and over. That's me, she said, I'm

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looking at me, You're me, I'm you. We had a

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long discussion. I could feel a reverberating through my throat

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in a strange way. I spoke in Lynd's voice and

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it made my neck strain. Had to settle myself in

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her body, and there were so many details that just

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didn't click. It was so hard to focus on what

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was being said when all I could think about was

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the way my earrings swung back and forth when I

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moved my head. But after about an hour, Jane snapped

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her fingers three times and I was back in my

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chair in the blink of an eye. This is how

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I realized I was shortsighted. Lynne's vision had been perfect.

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I also felt bigger, heavier. Her world felt so different

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from mine, and while it didn't explain our disagreements, it

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gave me some insights into just how different we really were,

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and I made a note to get new glasses. Still

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reeling from the experience, Lynn and I thanked doctor Bogan

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and stepped out. He had a strange dis to talk

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in the parking lot and broke up. It was oddly amicable,

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as if we both understood that we were fundamentally incompatible.

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That was it, no drama, just that's it. I thought

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about that day for weeks. It was so surreal. I mean,

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how do you go from a literal out of body

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experience and back to work on Monday morning. You can't

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pretend nothing happened. I wanted to understand it, like, really

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understand it. I'd been to countless nonsensical treatments with Lynn,

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but this one had been the real deal. There was

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no denying it, even though I desperately tried to. A

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couple of weeks later, I returned to doctor Bogan on

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my own. I wanted to talk to her about it,

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the science behind it, how it functioned, how it was

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performed anything, and of course how I had never heard

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of step minding before I met her. On a rainy

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Wednesday afternoon. She sat me down and had her assistant

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offered me a cup of coffee. She explained it as

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calmly as she could. It was complicated, but essentially she

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explained it as something based on Raskin identity theory, the

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transfer of thought pattern through vocal meditation, exchanging vibrations and

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adapting electrical patterns in the brain. Every word sounded like

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nonsensical pseudoscience, but it didn't change the fact of what

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I'd experienced and at the end of the day, that

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was the only thing that really mattered. I have to

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see again, I said, I need to understand this funny

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you should say that. She smiled. I think we can

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work something out. Jane offered me a quid pro quo.

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She had a couple of patients who could benefit from

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a step mining session, but she needed a neutral third

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party to act as the recipient. I seemed to be

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a good fit, and I was skeptical. But she had

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a little bonus to sweeten the deal. She'd pay me

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a handsome sum of cash for each session. There's a

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kind of consultation fee. I was a bit hesitant, but

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I agreed. One week later, I was sat on a

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session with Jane and one of a patients. The patient

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had a dissociative issue and needed a step minding session

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to alleviate a strange obsession she seemed to have with

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what sounded like a houseplant. I didn't pay too much attention.

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I was nervous. I couldn't figure out why. Maybe it

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was the thought that what I'd experienced was real and

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how that would force me to change the way I

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viewed the world. If a thing like step minding exists.

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Who's to say there aren't ghosts or wizards? So I

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sat down with this stranger and Jane started snapping her fingers. Now, look,

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she began, look at yourself. Jane used the same words,

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the same sequence, the same rhythm, stepping out of my

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body and into another. The difference was palpable. This time.

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Lynn had been calm and collected, but this woman was

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the opposite. Sitting in her body, my pulse was higher,

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my legs were shaking, and my breathing was shallow. I

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was physically exhausted, but mentally wired. Thoughts rushing a hundred

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different ways at once, and I didn't even know why.

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A single second in that body looking across my table

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back at myself, and I could tell they were a

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troubled person. I was to sit there for a while

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as Jane had a discussion with the other patient. Instinctively,

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I stood up to leave the room to give them privacy,

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but I had to sit back down. My head started

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spinning as all these unfamiliar muscles reacted to my input,

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and I couldn't get very far. Perhaps the sitting down

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rule was there for a good reason. I sat there,

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trying to calm down while the two of them had

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a discussion. I was asked to put on headphones for

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a bit, and I didn't mind. It was hard hearing

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anything through my pounding post anyway. As the session came

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to an end, Jane snapped her fingers and I was

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back in my chair. My heart rate was slower, I

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wasn't shaking. I was nervous, but compared to the other patient,

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I was an obelisk of relaxation. For a moment, looking

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across the table, I could see her taking a deep breath.

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She was still shaking, but not as much as when

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we started. Perhaps that session gave her a new perspective

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on things. As the patient left, I got a moment

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to talk to Jane alone. I explained to her that

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if we had wheelchairs instead the other patient could be

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rolled out during the session, that I'd be more effective

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than using headphones. She really liked that idea and suggested

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we'd try it at the next session, which inadvertently and

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my next question. There was going to be more sessions.

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I worked on and off with doctor Bogan for a

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couple of months. I usually did about three to five

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sessions per month, netting me a bonus income of about

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four hundred dollars per session. Jane ended up getting two

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wheelchairs and having her assistant Jonathan, wheeled me out while

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she had a conversation with the other patient. I grew

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accustomed to it and started to enjoy the sensation. It's

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sort of a pleasant ego death. You feel more connected

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to the world. It was becoming a steady source of

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secondary income. Taking an afternoon off to get paid for

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something that I ultimately enjoyed. Yeah, not a bad deal.

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Over the upcoming weeks, I got a couple more opportunities.

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I joined Jane on a couple of out of town sessions,

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meeting some clients she was following up on, mostly folks

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who needed privacy for one reason or another, Folks with

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all kinds of strange afflictions. I could probably write a

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book about those people alone. Coming back home, Jane contacted

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me about doing a couple sessions where she wasn't personally involved.

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I was also asked to be the guide a couple

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of times, seeing as how I step minded so many

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times and could recite the guiding words by heart. The

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pay was more than double, so I agreed. I had

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three guiding sessions on my own, one with a hippie

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couple who wanted to experience a sort of intimacy. Let's

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just leave it at that. Another session with two brothers

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performing a trust exercise. The third one was a group

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of college kids who wanted to debunk the whole thing,

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and they left sort of befuddled. All in all, things

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were going well. Then I got a call about being

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a neutral third party. I was going to perform a

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switch with a patient, but this time Jane wasn't involved

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at all. The customer went straight to me. It was

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a group of people who contacted me. They described it

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as their dad having a disorder and they wanted to

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try step minding to sort of reset him. That arranged

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their own guide, so they just needed me as a

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neutral third party, some one who wouldn't freak out about

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the process, as it might take a couple of hours

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to get through to him. It would be my longest

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session yet, but the pay was good. Then I'd tried

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a lot of things up until that point. I was ready.

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I met a client, Harold, at his home in southern

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Saint Cloud. Big place, three floors, gated property with both

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a pool and a tennis court, modern architecture and heated

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floor tiles. The guide for the evening was a cheery

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woman in her forties. She gave off a bit of

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a college professor kind of vibe. Apart from the client himself,

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there was a group of four other people who seemed

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to be close relatives, and of course, there was Harold himself.

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The man I was supposed to work with. Harold was

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surprisingly upbeat. I couldn't see anything obviously wrong with him,

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which surprised me. From what I understood, he was in

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dire need of this treatment. He was a man in

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his early sixties but could easily pass for fifty. Hell,

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the man had better teeth than me. I could tell

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he must have been a salesman at some point, he

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can tell by the smile. I was introduced to the others,

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who introduced themselves as friends and family. We hurried to

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the living room, where a space had been prepared. We

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were all seated as a group. The guide had prepared

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everything and offered me a reassuring smile. She took her hands,

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something that Jane usually didn't do. I just want to

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make sure we're all feeling good about this, She said,

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were good? Were good? I nodded, We're good. Harold agreed,

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and with that the session was on. The guide snapped

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her fingers, lowered a voice, and took us down the

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mental road and across the table. By then I knew

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the process, the right words, with the right cadence at

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the right time. I sunk back in my chair, looking

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at my feet, and felt the world shift. After a while,

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my shoes looked different, they were nicer, and my pants

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fit me better. Slowly I started to feel the reality

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of my borrowed body, the various aches and pains, the

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thinning hair, the wrinkles on my cheek when I blinked,

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I'd aged about thirty years in a couple of minutes,

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and it would take some time adjusting. Looking up and

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seeing myself in the opposite chair, I got this anxious

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sting in my chest. The thought crossed my mind, what

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if I never returned? The Guide excused herself and left.

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She'd done her job. The rest was up to Harold

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and his associates. But as soon as I heard the

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front door close, the air in the room shifted. Harold

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was sitting there, looking like me, stretching his arms. The

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others joined us, making a circle. One of Harold's associates,

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a young woman who'd introduced herself as Hope, spoke to

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the both of us. She could easily have been his daughter.

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How are you feeling, she asked? Everyone. Okay, yeah, I nodded.

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You do what you gotta do, so this works, Harold

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asked this, This is it. It's done, It's done, Hope smiled.

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Harold pulled out a gun, a well polished revolver. I

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was the only one who reacted, flinching at the sight

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of it. The others didn't seem to care. I did

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know what to do. Should I be scared? If so,

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why was no one reacting? So then we just cut

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the cord. Then he said, and we're good to go. Wait,

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what are you? They were tricking me. They put me

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in that old body and had no intention of putting

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me back. I held up my hand and snapped my

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finger two times, but before the third snap, I had

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a gun pushed against the back of my head. That

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won't help, Hope said, We'll just kill you when you're

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you again. It's hard to describe what I felt in

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that moment. The fear was real, but there was also

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a longing to go back. Being out of your own

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body is like sleeping outside, you feel exposed and maladjusted.

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If you know it's for a while, it's not that bad.

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But if there's a chance you can't go back, it

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becomes terrifying, like getting lost in the woods. That's not

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even counting for the primal terror you feel from having

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a gun pointed at you. Harold seemed a bit confused,

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which made me realize that no one had explained the

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rules to him, that we couldn't get up, and that

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three snaps of a finger would cancel the effect. I

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got the impression that he thought this was somehow permanent.

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Looking at him, I could see a worry spread across

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his face. My face. You said this was permanent, he said,

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looking at Hope, it is, as long as you don't

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do three finger snaps. How's that gonna work? When we

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cut him off, You're gonna have to make sure you're

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never around someone who snaps their fingers, Harold, She smiled,

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that's not too much, is it. Do I have to

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remind you that I got the tapes to put you away?

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Harold smiled back, and that if anything were to happen

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to me, you're done. Nothing's gonna happen, Harold. Hope chuckled. Look,

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you're right there, safe and sound. She pointed at me.

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It was as if a light turned on in Harold's eyes.

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He was being double crossed, just like me. In a

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desperate moment, he raised his hand gun at me. I

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recalled so hard that I fell out of my chair,

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feeling my heart skipper beat. Cold sweat spread across my arms,

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clinging to the thin inner fabric of Harold's expensive blazer.

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But there was no gun shot, just a click. His

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gun was empty. That click was the loudest sound I'd

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ever heard. I came crumbling down to the floor, feeling

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the effects of the first rule, don't get up. I

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was immediately nauseous. I felt like a bobble head as

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my head went one way and my body another. I

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collapsed in a pile, trying to find the magic number

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of blinks to make the world stop spinning. You'll never

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get past the safety checks, Howard screamed. You'll never get

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the backups. You hit all fingerprinted, hop side, fingerprinted, bio coded,

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voice checked. Sorry. A man raised his arm. There was

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no second click. Instead, there was a bang. I looked

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up with my ears ringing, watching a reflection of my

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dead self on the other side of the coffee table.

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Bullet to the brain, nothing but blank eyes looking back

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at me. My face didn't look dead, It just looks

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sort of tired, like I was sleepy. I was expecting

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that face to blink, but that blink never came. Blood

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pulled at the corner of the mouth, running down from

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the open wound at the temple. They pulled me up

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and dragged me over to Harold's work station. They used

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my hand to log in. I had to do a

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voice recognition check as Hope's associates went through two laptops

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and a smartphone. While they did, Hope sat down across

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from me. My head was still swimming. They're gonna need you,

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she said, and as long as you play along, you'll

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be fine. But if you mess with me, she snapped

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her fingers twice. Eyes filled my veins as I gripped

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my seat. I can't imagine something good would happen if

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we tried this, she said, lowering her voice. So how

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about we just really really pay attention. Hmm, She explained

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it to me. I was done for anyone in her

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crew could snap their fingers three times and I'd be done.

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This also meant I couldn't perform step minding again, as

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you need a rhythmic finger snapping as part of the process.

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She explained the plan. They needed Harold alive to slowly

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transfer his company shares to someone else without it looking

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all too suspicious. They needed access to his files, both

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immediate and over a long term. They explained that they

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needed me around to make it appear that everything was fine.

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In return, I yet to live in this amazing place

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with whatever comforts I could ask for for the rest

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of my days. But if I slipped up, Snap, snap, snap, done,

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fade to black. It was so surreal watching them wrap

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up my own body in black plastic, men in tailored

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blazers scrubbing the floors and walls, with Bleach Hope sitting

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across from me, rubbing her fingers together. Where do you

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think you'll go? She asked? If I snap my fingers,

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where do you think you'll go? I? I don't know,

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I stuttered, I don't. Maybe you'll be fine, she shrugged.

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Maybe there's something nice and warm on the other side,

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or maybe the snapping doesn't even work anymore. Want to try? No, no,

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she smiled, No, you don't, You're smarter than that, and

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maybe you're not the gambling type. She tapped the barrel

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of the gun on Howard's mahogany desk. You can have

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all the parties you want. You've got a big bank account,

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she sighed. But maybe be careful about inviting musical people

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those who stamped their feet or snap their fingers. And

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that was that. I was left there. I had keys

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to a place I didn't know, a phone full of

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numbers I didn't recognize. I just stood there in the

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chlorine smelling house of a stranger. I didn't know what

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to feel. Ever since I started step minding, I had

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never considered this. It was unreal. I remember looking down

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at my own hand, not being sure if I could

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snap myself out of it, what would happen. Over time,

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I got used to the nausea. Nowadays it's gone. I

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can walk around like anyone else, but I have to

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avoid crowds. I can't risk hearing those three snaps. I

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watch videos with the sound off and subtitles on. I

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only watch movies after checking the soundtrack, making sure there

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are no snapping in the songs. Radio is out of

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the question. You never know what you might hear. And

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even if you do, does it work hearing it through

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00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,920
a TV or in a song? Would you risk it?

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I won't. I can't. I don't think I can ever adjust.

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I've thought about contacting people from my old life, but

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I wouldn't know where to begin. How do you explain this?

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I have to be careful not to draw any attack

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to myself or Hope and her cronies might return. And

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if they do well, I don't know how far I

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could push my luck. I mean, I'm comfortable. Harold made

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close the six figures a month on passive income. I've

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learned most things about his life. He never married, he

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has no children, and most of his contacts are passing

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acquaintances at best. He was a lonely man, and now

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that's me. I spend most of my days considering my options.

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I've thought about destroying my hearing as a safety measure. Yes,

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going death is awful, but you have no idea what

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it's like living with the thought that a sound that

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can be done at any time by anyone can kill you.

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It's exhausting, and you end up ice relating yourself. I'm

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Harold now screaming into the void that I used to

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be someone else. I'm sipping on a drink from a

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glass with my initials on it. And when I go

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to bed at night, I will do the same thing

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I do every night. I will take a long look

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at myself. I got better vision now Harold isn't shortsighted.

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But I can't look at myself. I'm not there anymore.

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It's just Harold.