WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:08.080 I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage 2 00:00:08.119 --> 00:00:09.160 and I have three kids. 3 00:00:09.960 --> 00:00:12.359 I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came 4 00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:15.000 out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage. 5 00:00:15.400 --> 00:00:19.239 This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles 6 00:00:19.320 --> 00:00:20.719 and victories that come with it. 7 00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:22.920 When coming out feels like the end of the world, 8 00:00:23.320 --> 00:00:24.920 but it's really just the beginning. 9 00:00:25.640 --> 00:00:38.039 This is the Lesbian Chronicles, just kidding, just getting Wait, no, 10 00:00:38.439 --> 00:00:41.960 this is it. Yeah, welcome to the Lesbian Chronicled where 11 00:00:41.960 --> 00:00:44.719 I've done this show a thousand times and I still 12 00:00:44.960 --> 00:00:46.320 really don't know how to dude. 13 00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:47.960 It's like you. 14 00:00:48.119 --> 00:00:52.280 Change one variable and we're like the minions running around 15 00:00:52.280 --> 00:00:54.280 here like every single time. 16 00:00:54.439 --> 00:00:57.679 I'm like, how is it that every time the chords change, 17 00:00:57.719 --> 00:01:00.000 I need a different connector I need different headphone? 18 00:01:00.159 --> 00:01:00.479 What is this? 19 00:01:00.600 --> 00:01:01.759 Cactes me what? 20 00:01:03.399 --> 00:01:05.040 We've come a long way. We thought we'd have a 21 00:01:05.040 --> 00:01:07.480 little time before our guest arrived, but I see her 22 00:01:07.480 --> 00:01:08.319 in the waiting room. 23 00:01:08.599 --> 00:01:11.439 Yeah, so what do you think that this beautiful bouquet? 24 00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:14.400 It is very pretty and it smells really good. It's 25 00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:16.480 for book club. Nice, right, I like it. 26 00:01:16.640 --> 00:01:18.239 I think you're going to be really impressed with what 27 00:01:18.280 --> 00:01:20.840 you're getting for dinner tonight. Okay, something tells me you're 28 00:01:20.879 --> 00:01:22.000 going to be very excited. 29 00:01:22.319 --> 00:01:23.480 What is it? Frozen pizza? 30 00:01:25.439 --> 00:01:27.519 Pizza? Okay, let's let our guest do. 31 00:01:27.640 --> 00:01:31.159 All right, she's waited long enough, Rebecca. Can you hear us? 32 00:01:31.319 --> 00:01:33.079 I hear you? Yeah, hold on one second? 33 00:01:33.560 --> 00:01:39.079 Great? Oh my goodness? Yes, right? 34 00:01:40.159 --> 00:01:44.200 What's that? You look adorable? We here? 35 00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:47.000 Where you are? 36 00:01:47.159 --> 00:01:50.519 What the hell? Melissa? That's right? I you know it's 37 00:01:50.560 --> 00:01:53.120 really over here? 38 00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:56.439 Are you setting up together with a guest? 39 00:01:56.719 --> 00:01:59.120 Like this is set up for us? We're cool? Yeah, 40 00:01:59.120 --> 00:01:59.519 I get it. 41 00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:02.680 Out and then we'll have a guest or we're together. 42 00:02:02.480 --> 00:02:03.280 Just the two of us. 43 00:02:03.680 --> 00:02:04.959 Yes, gotcha, gotcha. 44 00:02:05.120 --> 00:02:08.840 I'm even slightly not trusting, do you? 45 00:02:10.400 --> 00:02:11.199 I don't you know what? 46 00:02:11.319 --> 00:02:12.039 That's a good point. 47 00:02:12.120 --> 00:02:14.479 Yeah, okay, what do you think about? 48 00:02:14.479 --> 00:02:14.960 Stand by? 49 00:02:15.159 --> 00:02:15.599 Stand by? 50 00:02:15.680 --> 00:02:16.159 One second? 51 00:02:16.199 --> 00:02:16.479 Totally? 52 00:02:16.560 --> 00:02:17.960 Yeah, totally we get it. 53 00:02:18.039 --> 00:02:21.319 Looking how every single thing we do is a technical nightmare. 54 00:02:22.240 --> 00:02:24.639 It's okay. I'm with you, and it is. We can 55 00:02:24.680 --> 00:02:26.680 also blame it on mercury and retrograde. 56 00:02:26.680 --> 00:02:30.400 I thinks let's blame it ont satorade. 57 00:02:32.039 --> 00:02:33.240 Let's do it. I love that. 58 00:02:34.240 --> 00:02:35.400 Where in California? Are you? 59 00:02:35.439 --> 00:02:35.879 Rebecca? 60 00:02:36.280 --> 00:02:39.919 I'm in, do you guys with Orange County? Yeah, I'm 61 00:02:39.960 --> 00:02:43.000 in Woman Dana Point, Gunna Beecheria. 62 00:02:42.879 --> 00:02:46.280 Okay, oh yeah, Data Point. That's where all the dolphins 63 00:02:46.319 --> 00:02:46.960 and whites. 64 00:02:46.719 --> 00:02:49.280 That's right, the whales. Yeah, whale watching. It's famous for that. 65 00:02:49.560 --> 00:02:51.879 I did a tour there and it was one of 66 00:02:51.919 --> 00:02:53.199 the coolest things I've ever done. 67 00:02:53.840 --> 00:02:56.120 Yeah, okay, good because I was actually thinking of doing one. 68 00:02:56.159 --> 00:02:58.159 I've never done it myself since I've lived here for 69 00:02:58.240 --> 00:03:01.960 two years now. The best. But it was cool, Okay, yeah, awesome. 70 00:03:02.159 --> 00:03:04.960 It's beautiful there, and I did a whale watching thing 71 00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:08.639 where you go out on the the like little raft 72 00:03:08.759 --> 00:03:12.439 kind of motor boat right there, an actual. 73 00:03:12.159 --> 00:03:14.879 Like ship like yeah watching ship. Oh, that's cool. 74 00:03:15.039 --> 00:03:20.879 So they were darting around. We saw a gray whale. Wow, 75 00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:23.680 the blue whale. The blue ones the biggest. 76 00:03:24.319 --> 00:03:26.840 Yeah, but the gray whalers, I guess the ones. Well, 77 00:03:26.879 --> 00:03:28.439 I think we're known for all of them in this 78 00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:32.159 is it's the biggest place in the world. Yeah, in 79 00:03:32.199 --> 00:03:33.080 the world, I think right. 80 00:03:33.199 --> 00:03:37.120 Yeah, it's the second most populated for dolphins in the world. 81 00:03:37.800 --> 00:03:41.000 I think, next behind like South Africa or something like that, 82 00:03:41.120 --> 00:03:41.800 or South America. 83 00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:44.240 The whale watching tour we did on the big boat. 84 00:03:44.800 --> 00:03:47.439 The whales were as big as school buses and they 85 00:03:47.479 --> 00:03:51.159 would literally come up and come banging down, and the 86 00:03:51.240 --> 00:03:53.680 whole boat would just be like the kids are throwing 87 00:03:53.800 --> 00:03:57.199 up off the front. But I'm literally like I couldn't 88 00:03:57.240 --> 00:03:58.520 even believe my eyes. 89 00:03:58.680 --> 00:03:59.879 Yeah, it is wild. 90 00:04:00.319 --> 00:04:02.000 It's majestic, majestic. 91 00:04:02.719 --> 00:04:04.879 You can't even believe it. You're like, is this real? 92 00:04:05.360 --> 00:04:08.039 But is that with those whales that are that big. 93 00:04:08.240 --> 00:04:10.639 Let's say I jumped in, Are they messing with me 94 00:04:10.759 --> 00:04:11.000 at all? 95 00:04:11.159 --> 00:04:14.680 Or thinks so friendly jumped in? 96 00:04:14.879 --> 00:04:16.600 Well, you know, like I thought about like I remember 97 00:04:16.759 --> 00:04:20.000 the seat, the seat, the trainer, and she got the 98 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:20.920 whale took her out. 99 00:04:21.319 --> 00:04:23.000 But so do you think that was Well, then there's that. 100 00:04:23.399 --> 00:04:25.600 Do you remember do you remember that Blackfish? 101 00:04:26.720 --> 00:04:27.120 The movie? 102 00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:30.519 The movie, Yeah, it was a doc was a documentary documentary. 103 00:04:30.759 --> 00:04:32.040 Yeah, I remember. I cried. 104 00:04:32.240 --> 00:04:33.360 I cried my eyes out. 105 00:04:33.720 --> 00:04:36.319 Didn't they They ended up taking they killed the whale 106 00:04:37.120 --> 00:04:38.399 sucks they had to put it. 107 00:04:39.199 --> 00:04:41.920 Yeah, well I can't remember his name. It was like Tanta. 108 00:04:42.040 --> 00:04:45.040 I bawled my eyes out. It's sad for the woman too, 109 00:04:45.240 --> 00:04:47.000 But yes, but why is it that we feel more 110 00:04:47.079 --> 00:04:47.519 sad for the. 111 00:04:49.839 --> 00:04:52.839 Don't admit that I know well, you know, I actually 112 00:04:52.879 --> 00:04:55.279 I made my kids watch it like I just because 113 00:04:55.279 --> 00:04:58.879 I'm such an animal person. And I remember thinking after like, 114 00:04:59.000 --> 00:05:01.000 as I'm in it with them, I'm like, oh, this 115 00:05:01.160 --> 00:05:02.399 may not have been a great idea. 116 00:05:05.360 --> 00:05:10.759 Traumatized exactly exactly, Rebecca, thank you so much for coming on. 117 00:05:12.120 --> 00:05:15.439 I think re aligne. I think because well I followed 118 00:05:15.480 --> 00:05:18.360 you for a little while, but I feel like your 119 00:05:18.879 --> 00:05:24.800 your stuff on just transformation and just completely going from 120 00:05:24.879 --> 00:05:27.639 one version of yourself to a different version of yourself 121 00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:30.560 is exactly who our audience is. I mean, they're blowing 122 00:05:30.680 --> 00:05:34.199 up their entire life and say, I'm starting from brick 123 00:05:34.319 --> 00:05:36.720 one and where do I go from here? 124 00:05:37.199 --> 00:05:38.720 So I guess, yeah, perfect. 125 00:05:38.639 --> 00:05:40.600 Tell us how you kind of tell us a. 126 00:05:40.600 --> 00:05:43.920 Little bit about you. Yeah, so it's funny you say. 127 00:05:44.040 --> 00:05:48.160 I always think of you know, when do we know 128 00:05:48.279 --> 00:05:50.240 it's time to change? Right? Like? How did I know 129 00:05:50.480 --> 00:05:52.800 that it was time for me to change? Or transform 130 00:05:53.319 --> 00:05:56.279 or iterate on who I was? And I always I 131 00:05:56.759 --> 00:05:58.519 always quote this quote. I have to write it down 132 00:05:58.560 --> 00:06:01.240 because I always botch it. But it's by a Nyas 133 00:06:01.319 --> 00:06:03.639 Nin and it's the one that says, and the day 134 00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:06.879 came when the risk to remain tight in a bud 135 00:06:07.399 --> 00:06:11.120 was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Right, 136 00:06:11.240 --> 00:06:14.439 And you've heard it before, probably right, But to me 137 00:06:14.800 --> 00:06:18.000 that quote says it all. It's like, until we get 138 00:06:18.120 --> 00:06:22.079 so uncomfortable in our current state is the point when 139 00:06:22.160 --> 00:06:23.959 we go that's it. I have to change, right, I 140 00:06:24.040 --> 00:06:27.160 can't do this one more day. And so for me, 141 00:06:27.959 --> 00:06:31.279 that's why I transitioned into I was in you know, 142 00:06:31.360 --> 00:06:34.839 my background as fitness. I was a celebrity trainer for years, 143 00:06:35.480 --> 00:06:39.000 worked with celebrities as a massage therapist for years, twenty 144 00:06:39.079 --> 00:06:41.199 years in that career, and it was a beautiful career. 145 00:06:41.240 --> 00:06:44.639 I loved it. But at some point I started to 146 00:06:44.720 --> 00:06:46.879 realize as I was evolving as a human and I 147 00:06:46.959 --> 00:06:50.920 had started my work at thirty like to find myself 148 00:06:51.079 --> 00:06:56.480 and uncover the pain and release the pain. I realized 149 00:06:56.639 --> 00:07:00.480 that no matter how many six pack abs I helped 150 00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:03.959 people get, no matter what my abs looked like, if 151 00:07:04.319 --> 00:07:07.360 my heart was all funky inside, it didn't matter. 152 00:07:07.560 --> 00:07:07.680 Right. 153 00:07:08.120 --> 00:07:10.519 And so for me, as I was on this journey 154 00:07:10.879 --> 00:07:14.480 in fitness and wellness, I realized that I really wanted 155 00:07:14.480 --> 00:07:16.959 to do deeper work in what I did with the 156 00:07:17.040 --> 00:07:19.000 people that I worked with. My work has always been 157 00:07:19.040 --> 00:07:22.439 about transformation. Like before it was from the outside in 158 00:07:23.000 --> 00:07:25.920 and now it's from the inside out. But for my 159 00:07:26.040 --> 00:07:29.480 own yeah, for my own personal growth. What happened for 160 00:07:29.639 --> 00:07:32.040 me was I just one day I woke up. I 161 00:07:32.199 --> 00:07:33.879 was it was ten years ago, and I was like, 162 00:07:34.279 --> 00:07:38.240 I can't count one more set of reps for a client, 163 00:07:38.720 --> 00:07:41.079 one more day. I can't do it. I'm really good, 164 00:07:41.160 --> 00:07:43.920 I'm a really I was a great trainer, Like it 165 00:07:44.040 --> 00:07:45.839 was a great career, and I'm really good at it. 166 00:07:46.079 --> 00:07:48.920 I'm passionate. Everything I do, I'm passionate about so it's good. 167 00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:51.800 But I'm like, I'm just collecting checks at this point. 168 00:07:52.279 --> 00:07:54.480 It just doesn't my heart's not in it anymore. And 169 00:07:54.639 --> 00:07:57.480 so finally I said, I started putting it out to 170 00:07:57.600 --> 00:08:00.480 the universe. I need to grow, I need to evolve 171 00:08:00.560 --> 00:08:03.800 into a different career, different iteration. But it's scary, right, 172 00:08:03.839 --> 00:08:06.519 you've been doing something twenty years and then you're kind 173 00:08:06.519 --> 00:08:07.439 to just pivot like that. 174 00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:08.759 And I had how you fall your. 175 00:08:08.680 --> 00:08:11.040 Bills and that's how I pay bread and butter. Yeah, 176 00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:13.639 And I was like, h this is risky, but I 177 00:08:13.800 --> 00:08:15.800 just knew that I couldn't do it. The pain was 178 00:08:15.879 --> 00:08:18.000 too great. So I was like, I can't do it anymore. 179 00:08:18.399 --> 00:08:20.279 And I started putting out to the universe, what could 180 00:08:20.279 --> 00:08:22.160 I do? What could I do? How can I go deeper? 181 00:08:22.319 --> 00:08:24.519 I still want to help people transform, but I'm not 182 00:08:24.600 --> 00:08:26.399 a therapist. I'm not going to get a therapy to 183 00:08:26.920 --> 00:08:30.439 I don't believe in no disrespect talk therapy. So I'm like, 184 00:08:30.519 --> 00:08:32.759 I don't want to do that. And even if I 185 00:08:32.840 --> 00:08:35.440 got the degree that that doesn't resonate. And so I 186 00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:37.919 was in the middle of a really bad breakup and 187 00:08:38.759 --> 00:08:41.759 somebody said to me and I loved the person I was, 188 00:08:41.799 --> 00:08:43.200 I loved her. I was like, I love you. I 189 00:08:43.279 --> 00:08:44.799 love you, but I want to help you, but you're 190 00:08:44.879 --> 00:08:47.360 not changing and you're staying the same. And it was 191 00:08:47.480 --> 00:08:50.720 toxic and I but I couldn't leave. So I was stuck. 192 00:08:50.799 --> 00:08:53.080 I was frozen. And so someone said, go try breath work, 193 00:08:53.720 --> 00:08:56.879 and I was like, I'll try anything. One of your guys. 194 00:08:57.080 --> 00:08:58.919 I went and I tried it, and I had this 195 00:08:59.159 --> 00:09:01.960 really beautiful like they call it, you get cracked open, 196 00:09:02.519 --> 00:09:05.120 And it happened. I got cracked open, and even though 197 00:09:05.159 --> 00:09:08.200 I had tons of tools from work i'd done starting 198 00:09:08.240 --> 00:09:10.080 at thirty all the way till that age I think 199 00:09:10.120 --> 00:09:14.399 I was fifty something, and I it was a new 200 00:09:14.519 --> 00:09:16.919 level for me that it cracked open another layer, so 201 00:09:17.120 --> 00:09:19.639 more things came out of me and released and I 202 00:09:19.840 --> 00:09:22.600 was able to navigate through. I loved the breath work 203 00:09:22.639 --> 00:09:24.080 so much, so I'm like, oh, this is the thing, 204 00:09:24.559 --> 00:09:26.960 this is the thing. If I learned this, study this, 205 00:09:27.159 --> 00:09:28.000 I'm going to teach this. 206 00:09:28.600 --> 00:09:30.600 And so that's I'm curious about. 207 00:09:30.759 --> 00:09:33.120 Like when you say you have like a breath work breakthrough, 208 00:09:33.320 --> 00:09:36.039 is it like, yeah, you go to a session and like, right, 209 00:09:36.200 --> 00:09:38.360 then you have a breakthrough or is it like over 210 00:09:38.440 --> 00:09:41.879 the course of many sessions working with someone it finally 211 00:09:42.000 --> 00:09:42.559 happened or. 212 00:09:42.559 --> 00:09:45.919 What No, it does not even mean yeah, so so good, 213 00:09:46.000 --> 00:09:48.720 thank you for asking that, because it's actually in the 214 00:09:49.120 --> 00:09:52.320 experience you, I mean, if you've ever done it's called 215 00:09:52.360 --> 00:09:55.399 conscious circular breathing. Just to be clear, it's different than 216 00:09:56.399 --> 00:09:59.799 meditative breath work. It's different than when might I do 217 00:09:59.840 --> 00:10:02.639 a protocol of breathing such as a four seven eight 218 00:10:02.759 --> 00:10:06.039 breath or box breathing, which is those I always call 219 00:10:06.120 --> 00:10:08.320 those are prescriptive, right, And you know, if you do 220 00:10:08.440 --> 00:10:11.000 box breathing, you'll calm down. You know, if you do 221 00:10:11.080 --> 00:10:13.720 four seven eight, that's known to help you get sleepy 222 00:10:13.799 --> 00:10:17.279 at night. So those have a prescription. You do four 223 00:10:17.399 --> 00:10:19.080 sets of that, and then you're going to get sleepy. 224 00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:23.200 You do three sets of box breathing and you have calmness, 225 00:10:23.320 --> 00:10:25.919 or you get a breath of fire, you get energy. Right, 226 00:10:26.360 --> 00:10:30.320 But conscious circular breathing is literally like a box of chocolates. 227 00:10:30.919 --> 00:10:33.639 You never know what the experience will be. And it's 228 00:10:33.759 --> 00:10:38.000 meant to crack you open, help you release stuff, help 229 00:10:38.039 --> 00:10:41.080 you excavate what I call the bs, and to get 230 00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:43.240 to your truth and to get Yeah, it's a really 231 00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:47.360 really beautiful practice, and so it literally gets it shuts 232 00:10:47.399 --> 00:10:49.159 off what it does it's doing. It shuts off your 233 00:10:49.200 --> 00:10:53.080 prefrontal cortex, our thinking brain, our executive functioning brain, so 234 00:10:53.399 --> 00:10:56.039 that we can tap into our heart. So we shut 235 00:10:56.120 --> 00:11:00.679 this off long enough to get connected here. And as 236 00:11:00.759 --> 00:11:03.080 soon as we do that, most people find that as 237 00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:05.879 soon as they do any kind of breath. Even in 238 00:11:06.000 --> 00:11:08.440 my coaching sessions, I'll have my clients just close their 239 00:11:08.480 --> 00:11:10.840 eyes and do three deep breaths with me, and there's 240 00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:13.879 often just tears because I put on music, and I 241 00:11:13.960 --> 00:11:15.480 say a few things to them for two or three 242 00:11:15.519 --> 00:11:18.279 minutes before we start, and there's tears because how many 243 00:11:18.399 --> 00:11:21.159 times do we stop long enough to connect here? 244 00:11:21.799 --> 00:11:21.960 Never? 245 00:11:22.279 --> 00:11:25.399 Not very often? Right, yeah, unless we're in a practice 246 00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:27.639 that says this is how we do it, we slow 247 00:11:27.720 --> 00:11:29.039 down but yet quiet. 248 00:11:29.120 --> 00:11:31.759 How do you like? Your client comes in and then 249 00:11:31.960 --> 00:11:36.360 how do you get them to like? Because my mind's racing, 250 00:11:37.159 --> 00:11:37.879 we'll never stop. 251 00:11:37.960 --> 00:11:38.960 It's like, how do you do that? 252 00:11:40.039 --> 00:11:43.279 Well, let's test it. Oh boy, right, let's test it, 253 00:11:43.679 --> 00:11:45.840 so for fun, for fun, let's do it. 254 00:11:46.039 --> 00:11:47.240 Okay, So what I usually do. 255 00:11:47.360 --> 00:11:49.600 A client comes to me and I say, okay, they 256 00:11:49.720 --> 00:11:51.440 know because they've been working with me, and even on 257 00:11:51.519 --> 00:11:53.440 their first session they don't know. And I go, I 258 00:11:53.519 --> 00:11:56.720 always start my class, my session, my whatever with breath. 259 00:11:57.279 --> 00:11:58.879 So the first thing we're going to do, and I'm 260 00:11:58.919 --> 00:12:00.879 looking at and I'm getting them comfortable, Like, the first 261 00:12:00.879 --> 00:12:03.159 thing we're gonna do today is just breathe together, and 262 00:12:03.279 --> 00:12:05.480 I make it not a big deal. We're just gonna 263 00:12:05.480 --> 00:12:07.600 take some breaths and I'm gonna cue you. You don't 264 00:12:07.600 --> 00:12:09.279 have to think about anything. All you got to do 265 00:12:09.399 --> 00:12:09.799 is drop in. 266 00:12:10.440 --> 00:12:10.960 Is that cool with you? 267 00:12:11.000 --> 00:12:12.600 And they're like, yeah, that's cool, Well let's do it. 268 00:12:12.840 --> 00:12:14.559 And so then I go, okay, I'm gonna add some music. 269 00:12:15.000 --> 00:12:16.919 And then I put on some really beautiful music, which 270 00:12:16.919 --> 00:12:18.200 I would do, but I don't want to mess up 271 00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:21.120 your soundboard. And I put on some really sweet, soft 272 00:12:21.240 --> 00:12:23.480 instrumental music okay, and I say, all you got to 273 00:12:23.519 --> 00:12:24.840 do is close your eyes. So if you want to 274 00:12:24.919 --> 00:12:27.480 do that, just close your eyes with me for a second, okay. 275 00:12:27.960 --> 00:12:31.360 And then from there, all we're doing is letting our 276 00:12:31.480 --> 00:12:34.679 energy softening. I know you're like a ash and we yeah, 277 00:12:34.799 --> 00:12:38.399 and let your energy soften. Let your body just mellow 278 00:12:38.519 --> 00:12:40.440 for a second. And then we're just taking in a big, 279 00:12:40.480 --> 00:12:44.679 deep breath in through the nose, into the chest, into 280 00:12:44.720 --> 00:12:47.480 the belly and opening the mouth, big audible side. 281 00:12:47.559 --> 00:12:47.840 Let it go. 282 00:12:49.639 --> 00:12:52.200 I'm gonna do that two more times, right, And that's 283 00:12:52.279 --> 00:12:54.399 how I coach them through it. We do it again, 284 00:12:54.960 --> 00:12:57.600 we do it again, and they before they can even know, 285 00:12:58.399 --> 00:13:01.080 they've already dropped in. Oh wow, because I know we're 286 00:13:01.120 --> 00:13:03.120 kind of surfacely doing it here, but like if I 287 00:13:03.200 --> 00:13:05.679 had music and you guys were really into it, you 288 00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:08.399 would drop in. It's not even a question. It's like 289 00:13:08.480 --> 00:13:10.960 I've never had anyone not be able to and it's 290 00:13:11.039 --> 00:13:12.840 because I sort of catch them off guard and then 291 00:13:12.840 --> 00:13:14.879 I don't make it a big deal. I'm like, all 292 00:13:14.919 --> 00:13:17.240 we're gonna do is take some breaths, right, and then 293 00:13:17.399 --> 00:13:19.519 for that those two or three, and they also say, 294 00:13:19.519 --> 00:13:21.440 you have a really soothing voice, so that they say 295 00:13:21.440 --> 00:13:23.720 all these things, yeah, well, thank you, thank you, and 296 00:13:23.879 --> 00:13:26.360 so and I'm really aware of how to speak to 297 00:13:26.480 --> 00:13:29.639 someone because I know they're coming from a buzzy, busy head. 298 00:13:30.120 --> 00:13:33.320 Why they're there, traffic, they're at work, and I'm that way, 299 00:13:33.799 --> 00:13:35.679 so I don't for me and even by the way, 300 00:13:35.720 --> 00:13:37.279 they don't know, but I'm doing it for me too. 301 00:13:37.759 --> 00:13:40.240 I have breath too, so I can ground so that 302 00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:42.840 I give them a really bad ass coaching session and 303 00:13:43.080 --> 00:13:45.840 we're connected because when we're if we come in and 304 00:13:45.879 --> 00:13:48.360 we're both like buzzing and their head's there, my head's 305 00:13:48.360 --> 00:13:50.559 over there, We're never we're gonna be like this, right, 306 00:13:50.720 --> 00:13:53.279 not like this, and I want this in the session. 307 00:13:53.399 --> 00:13:57.360 I want connectedness, right, and so yeah, So it's not 308 00:13:57.399 --> 00:13:59.320 as hard as you think. It's just it takes a 309 00:13:59.360 --> 00:14:01.919 little bit of folk. It takes a little commitment of 310 00:14:02.039 --> 00:14:04.240 like I really want this. I wanted to turn this 311 00:14:04.399 --> 00:14:05.440 brain off for a minute. 312 00:14:05.720 --> 00:14:08.279 So when you did it for yourself, which turned you 313 00:14:08.399 --> 00:14:11.080 on to it, like whatped like they did that with 314 00:14:11.240 --> 00:14:12.679 you basically as a client. 315 00:14:13.200 --> 00:14:16.279 And then what happened so well, Actually I went to 316 00:14:16.360 --> 00:14:18.639 a class, so I used to teach at. I ended 317 00:14:18.720 --> 00:14:21.279 up teaching at this same studio where I first experienced. 318 00:14:21.320 --> 00:14:23.879 It was called the Den Meditation Center. Maybe some of 319 00:14:23.960 --> 00:14:25.879 your listeners if they might have been there, if they 320 00:14:25.960 --> 00:14:29.200 lived in La or live in La. And I went 321 00:14:29.240 --> 00:14:32.759 and I took a class with someone who facilitates about 322 00:14:32.759 --> 00:14:36.159 an hour long experience, and there was fifty other people 323 00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:38.600 in there, and we all get the instructions of how 324 00:14:38.679 --> 00:14:41.639 it's going to go down, and the instructor walks us 325 00:14:41.720 --> 00:14:44.240 through it, and we all lay down and we just 326 00:14:44.279 --> 00:14:47.159 start breathing, and there's music playing and the coaches talking 327 00:14:47.240 --> 00:14:50.679 to us, and it was really beautiful. Like I wasn't 328 00:14:50.720 --> 00:14:53.480 the only one by the way crying my eyes out. 329 00:14:53.919 --> 00:14:56.759 So much tears came out that I literally had to 330 00:14:56.799 --> 00:14:59.399 pass tissues around at the end, Like it always happens 331 00:14:59.480 --> 00:15:02.240 that way. People are yelling, people are crying, people are 332 00:15:02.360 --> 00:15:05.039 it's basically a cathartic release if you if you know, 333 00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:07.600 like why we do that, right, because we have so 334 00:15:07.720 --> 00:15:11.320 much emotions that are stuck and cathartic releasing or somatic 335 00:15:11.480 --> 00:15:16.039 shaking or you know, body wiggling or writhing. It's called 336 00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:19.240 is meant to release energy. It's just stuck in us 337 00:15:19.840 --> 00:15:20.559 and we all have it. 338 00:15:21.279 --> 00:15:22.480 Yeah, facinating. 339 00:15:22.759 --> 00:15:25.519 Now you mentioned something about you know, not being like 340 00:15:25.720 --> 00:15:29.879 really into talk therapy, which of course is your own view. 341 00:15:30.519 --> 00:15:35.120 But I'm wondering if when this breath work is happening, 342 00:15:35.320 --> 00:15:38.000 if people do kind of after be like, you know, 343 00:15:38.200 --> 00:15:41.000 this thing came up in my mind that I'd never 344 00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:41.960 considered before. 345 00:15:43.039 --> 00:15:45.360 Is it almost like an internalized talk therapy? 346 00:15:45.480 --> 00:15:48.799 I guess, yeah, Oh, interesting to say it like that, 347 00:15:49.200 --> 00:15:52.399 But well, yes, what happens is we sometimes people will 348 00:15:52.519 --> 00:15:54.919 say to me after because then I started to teach it, right, 349 00:15:54.960 --> 00:15:56.720 Then I studied and I got certified, and then I 350 00:15:57.080 --> 00:16:00.000 became a teacher myself, and so over years of teaching, 351 00:16:00.639 --> 00:16:03.600 people would say things to me like, ah, it was 352 00:16:03.759 --> 00:16:06.000 out of my body. It was an out of body experience. 353 00:16:06.039 --> 00:16:10.120 And I was lower crofton tomborate or chasing dragons in 354 00:16:10.200 --> 00:16:13.840 the Amazon, and I met my grandmother that I never 355 00:16:13.919 --> 00:16:16.320 got to say goodbye to or all I want to 356 00:16:16.360 --> 00:16:17.960 do is go home and hug my kids and my 357 00:16:18.120 --> 00:16:20.759 wife and tell her how much I love her because 358 00:16:20.759 --> 00:16:23.919 I've been avoiding her or not being present, and like 359 00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:28.039 we just have AHAs and all that's really happening is 360 00:16:28.120 --> 00:16:31.039 we're getting this thing is shutting off. Once our brain 361 00:16:31.120 --> 00:16:33.519 shuts off and we could drop to our hearts. That 362 00:16:33.799 --> 00:16:37.519 is where our truth is. Everyone's truth is here, but 363 00:16:37.639 --> 00:16:40.320 we don't take time to connect to it. So when 364 00:16:40.360 --> 00:16:42.279 we see the truth or feel the truth, we're like, oh, 365 00:16:42.639 --> 00:16:45.279 there's that thing I want to work on. Oh I've 366 00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:47.679 been really shitty to that person. I need to apologize. 367 00:16:47.919 --> 00:16:50.120 Oh I needed to forgive this person. I'm going to 368 00:16:50.159 --> 00:16:52.039 do it as soon as I get home. And all 369 00:16:52.120 --> 00:16:55.080 of that happens when we gets quiet enough. That's why 370 00:16:55.240 --> 00:16:58.639 meditation and silent retreats are really popular too, so that 371 00:16:58.720 --> 00:17:01.639 we can turn this fucking ring off. Yeah yeah, and 372 00:17:01.799 --> 00:17:03.159 connect to what I. 373 00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:05.759 Love that because it's like to make it a regular practice, 374 00:17:06.400 --> 00:17:08.680 like to do that, like I never cry, Like I 375 00:17:08.880 --> 00:17:10.920 just said this to someone. I have lots of stress 376 00:17:11.079 --> 00:17:13.640 right now. I have huge things happening, and it's like 377 00:17:13.720 --> 00:17:16.119 I'll be talking to a friend and she's bawling about 378 00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:18.799 something and then she'll say, God, that felt so good, 379 00:17:18.920 --> 00:17:21.039 and I'm like, what's wrong with me? I'm like, I 380 00:17:21.119 --> 00:17:25.559 have horrible things happening and I never cried. It's almost 381 00:17:25.599 --> 00:17:26.359 like it's blocked. 382 00:17:26.640 --> 00:17:30.400 Yeah, yes, one hundred percent. That's That's what I would say, 383 00:17:30.519 --> 00:17:34.160 is that it probably is blocked, and or there's a 384 00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:36.240 couple of ways we could look at it. It's blocked 385 00:17:36.279 --> 00:17:40.240 but not on purpose, or it's suppressed and repressed purposely, 386 00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:43.599 like your nervous system is like, holy shit, I'm sorry, 387 00:17:43.640 --> 00:17:44.519 which are you listening? 388 00:17:44.519 --> 00:17:46.079 I'm Ali, Melissa, you. 389 00:17:46.119 --> 00:17:51.839 Guys, Usually we're not. 390 00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:52.519 We're on our. 391 00:17:54.160 --> 00:17:56.000 Because people get all I. 392 00:17:56.039 --> 00:17:58.759 See is Alison one name, because you're sharing it and 393 00:17:58.799 --> 00:18:03.799 so yeah, Ali, yes, yes, and Melissa okay. So because Ali, 394 00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:07.359 you know, often our nervous system wants to protect the 395 00:18:07.480 --> 00:18:12.000 brain a migdila's job where we fight flight that stress 396 00:18:12.079 --> 00:18:14.839 response part of our brain and the nervous system the 397 00:18:14.960 --> 00:18:17.519 job is to protect us and keep us safe. Right, 398 00:18:17.640 --> 00:18:21.200 So imagine your body, your spirit, your mind is smart 399 00:18:21.319 --> 00:18:24.759 enough to know that if Ali were to really address 400 00:18:24.799 --> 00:18:27.119 all the things that are stressing you out and deal 401 00:18:27.200 --> 00:18:30.000