WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.720 --> 00:00:04.960 Welcome to Living a Life by Design. It's the journey 2 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:07.799 back to you and living three hundred and sixty five 3 00:00:07.879 --> 00:00:11.240 days of purpose with your host Esther Graham. Did you 4 00:00:11.320 --> 00:00:15.640 know your accountability and possibility is by design? God designed 5 00:00:15.679 --> 00:00:18.719 a phenomenal life for you, gave you the gift of choice. 6 00:00:19.079 --> 00:00:22.800 Esther helps empower you to discover and pursue the purpose 7 00:00:22.839 --> 00:00:25.199 that is already in you. Are you ready to look 8 00:00:25.239 --> 00:00:27.920 at yourself and see your future? Then get back to 9 00:00:27.960 --> 00:00:30.879 what is really important in life and get in alignment 10 00:00:30.920 --> 00:00:34.079 with your true self. Stay tuned to living a life 11 00:00:34.119 --> 00:00:37.520 by Design, journey back to you and start living three 12 00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:40.759 hundred and sixty five days of purpose with your host, 13 00:00:41.039 --> 00:00:43.560 Esther Graham. It all starts now. 14 00:00:47.079 --> 00:00:51.320 Hey everyone, welcome to another show of Living your Life 15 00:00:51.399 --> 00:00:54.679 by Design with me your host, doctor Esther Graham. And 16 00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:59.039 today I have a wonderful guest that I'm so super 17 00:00:59.119 --> 00:01:03.679 excited to introduce you to, Sharon Lee Williams. So I'm 18 00:01:03.679 --> 00:01:06.799 going to just share a little bit about Sharon. Sharon 19 00:01:06.840 --> 00:01:11.040 and I met probably about maybe two maybe almost three 20 00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:14.840 years ago, of course all virtual, and then we met 21 00:01:15.000 --> 00:01:18.400 each other in person, I believe twice. If I'm not mistaken, 22 00:01:18.680 --> 00:01:22.560 but there was just just a connection between us. Sharon 23 00:01:23.400 --> 00:01:27.599 lives in Canada and has this powerful story, just her 24 00:01:27.840 --> 00:01:32.439 energy and just who she is as a person. We 25 00:01:32.640 --> 00:01:35.439 just really connected and so I'm honored because she has 26 00:01:35.480 --> 00:01:38.879 a very busy schedule that she has taken the time 27 00:01:39.359 --> 00:01:42.599 to come and speak with us today because she has 28 00:01:42.840 --> 00:01:45.640 so much to share. So I'm gonna quickly read her 29 00:01:45.680 --> 00:01:48.079 bio because I don't want to get anything wrong. Then 30 00:01:48.120 --> 00:01:51.400 I'm just gonna We're just gonna have a casual conversation 31 00:01:51.920 --> 00:01:55.560 about Sharon Lee's life and everything that she's done. So 32 00:01:55.640 --> 00:02:00.480 Sharon Lee Williams is an out raised voice advocate, producer, 33 00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:07.680 and host of Outrace Voices, a platform amplifying stories of belonging, identity, 34 00:02:08.120 --> 00:02:12.000 and healing for those who raised outside for those raised 35 00:02:12.039 --> 00:02:16.159 outside of their family of origin. Based on her lived 36 00:02:16.280 --> 00:02:21.400 experience in foster care and extensive experience in the music industry, 37 00:02:22.319 --> 00:02:27.479 Sharon Lee creates a stage for honest conversation and connection. 38 00:02:28.319 --> 00:02:33.080 Sharon Lee's new book, Outrace Voices, Finding My Voice Beyond 39 00:02:33.240 --> 00:02:36.639 Foster Care will be released or maybe it already has 40 00:02:36.719 --> 00:02:39.520 been released. We're going to find out early this spring. 41 00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:42.479 Along with her new single so, guys, she's got a 42 00:02:42.520 --> 00:02:46.159 lot to share with us. So her work centers voices, 43 00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:53.280 not labels, and invites audiences to see resilience, humanity, and hope. 44 00:02:53.319 --> 00:02:57.319 So let's just welcome Sharon Lee Williams. Welcome, Sharon Lee. 45 00:02:57.360 --> 00:02:57.919 How are you? 46 00:02:58.560 --> 00:03:03.280 I am great, doctor Esther, Esther, Esther. I'm so happy 47 00:03:03.360 --> 00:03:05.719 to be here with you, really happy to be here 48 00:03:05.759 --> 00:03:06.240 and see you. 49 00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:10.960 Yeah. You always look so beautiful and I'm happy, super happy, 50 00:03:11.360 --> 00:03:13.680 uh to have you here. I feel like if it's 51 00:03:13.680 --> 00:03:15.919 been a while since we've seen each other or even 52 00:03:16.000 --> 00:03:19.280 really had a really good conversation. So we have to 53 00:03:19.319 --> 00:03:22.360 make sure that as the summer goes that at some 54 00:03:22.439 --> 00:03:25.520 point we connect if we're in the States somewhere together, right, 55 00:03:25.879 --> 00:03:28.759 or if I come to Canada. If I come to Canada, yeah, 56 00:03:29.439 --> 00:03:31.800 I might be, you know, I might be coming the summer, 57 00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:35.280 but I want to. I don't want to. We're just 58 00:03:35.319 --> 00:03:37.759 going to have a casual conversation. I just really want 59 00:03:37.759 --> 00:03:44.080 to talk to you about, you know, uh, finding your 60 00:03:44.159 --> 00:03:48.680 voice after foster care and I know, uh or your 61 00:03:48.759 --> 00:03:52.319 voice beyond foster care. First of all, let me ask you, 62 00:03:52.360 --> 00:03:54.319 did your single, did your book get released? 63 00:03:54.319 --> 00:04:00.360 Did you're oh please this book. Honestly, it is probably 64 00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:03.360 the hardest thing I've ever done. You know, I don't 65 00:04:03.400 --> 00:04:06.080 know how a memoir goes. This is but it started 66 00:04:06.120 --> 00:04:09.439 like twenty years ago and then it got put to 67 00:04:09.479 --> 00:04:12.919 bed and started up again a couple of years ago, 68 00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:16.879 so we're almost there. Honestly, I was speaking with the 69 00:04:16.920 --> 00:04:23.160 publisher today, but I'm trying to coincide the release of 70 00:04:23.639 --> 00:04:29.480 the single because the song. I wrote the song a 71 00:04:29.519 --> 00:04:31.160 couple of years ago when I knew I was doing 72 00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:34.959 this memoir, and it's called Beautiful Mess and it really 73 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:38.759 speaks to the idea of when I was aging out 74 00:04:38.759 --> 00:04:42.360 of foster care and what a mess I felt I 75 00:04:42.439 --> 00:04:45.439 was and you know, going through that at that time. 76 00:04:45.680 --> 00:04:48.639 So to answer your questions, it ain't out yet, but 77 00:04:48.959 --> 00:04:51.000 soon soon soon, as. 78 00:04:50.839 --> 00:04:54.120 They say it soon come right, it soon comes soon 79 00:04:54.279 --> 00:04:59.600 come yea So perfect. Well, this is good because it 80 00:04:59.759 --> 00:05:02.519 leads me into my first question is and that is, 81 00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:05.399 you know, as a child in foster care, what were 82 00:05:05.439 --> 00:05:09.439 some of the messages you believed about yourself and what 83 00:05:09.560 --> 00:05:12.439 was the turning point that helped you to begin rewriting 84 00:05:12.680 --> 00:05:13.439 your story. 85 00:05:14.600 --> 00:05:18.279 You know, I don't eat as a child in foster care, 86 00:05:18.399 --> 00:05:20.800 and remember, I'm going to go back. I'm seventy six 87 00:05:20.879 --> 00:05:25.199 years old. So in those days, we're also dealing with 88 00:05:25.480 --> 00:05:31.360 people who didn't really express themselves. So I didn't have 89 00:05:31.439 --> 00:05:34.000 an idea what I was missing. I just knew. I 90 00:05:34.079 --> 00:05:36.720 knew about abandonment, but I didn't know the word. I 91 00:05:36.800 --> 00:05:39.519 knew I felt less than, but I didn't know the word. 92 00:05:39.800 --> 00:05:44.240 I was just not always unhappy, not always, but always 93 00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:47.800 searching why. You know, it was always the question why, 94 00:05:47.920 --> 00:05:50.360 Because I knew I was a foster child. Why did 95 00:05:51.040 --> 00:05:55.120 my parents my biologic why did they leave me behind? 96 00:05:55.600 --> 00:05:59.560 Why hasn't anybody come back to get me, to save me, 97 00:05:59.720 --> 00:06:02.560 to love me, to hold me? Why? 98 00:06:02.720 --> 00:06:02.959 Why? 99 00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:07.920 Why? So those were my those were my big questions, 100 00:06:07.959 --> 00:06:13.160 my understanding. So in that understanding, it going forward that 101 00:06:13.360 --> 00:06:20.279 I didn't feel valued and I didn't feel worthy, even 102 00:06:20.319 --> 00:06:23.199 though you know, to some degree I was loved with 103 00:06:23.319 --> 00:06:29.000 my first foster mother, although that's not happened me. I 104 00:06:29.040 --> 00:06:34.800 didn't know that because language was entirely different than you know, 105 00:06:35.319 --> 00:06:39.439 what I would have liked. But yeah, so that's basically 106 00:06:39.560 --> 00:06:43.000 and when did it turn around for me? I'm kind 107 00:06:43.040 --> 00:06:50.920 of thinking when I hit about forty Yeah, okay, when 108 00:06:50.959 --> 00:06:56.319 I really well. I I had a child at thirty nine. 109 00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:57.279 I had my child. 110 00:06:57.360 --> 00:07:00.959 It's a single mother at thirty nine. And by this 111 00:07:01.000 --> 00:07:03.000 time I thought I was going to be a single woman. 112 00:07:03.079 --> 00:07:05.800 I wasn't going to have a family, just decided it. 113 00:07:06.000 --> 00:07:09.920 I had bought a home when I was my first 114 00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:12.160 house when I was thirty one, and it was a 115 00:07:12.199 --> 00:07:16.240 big year because I also met my biological parents at 116 00:07:16.519 --> 00:07:20.279 thirty thirty one, and then discovered that I had a 117 00:07:20.319 --> 00:07:24.639 biological sister about six months later, you know, from the 118 00:07:24.680 --> 00:07:31.639 same father, and my mother kept her soon, not that 119 00:07:31.720 --> 00:07:37.439 they were together, but my mother, Betty, kept this child 120 00:07:37.879 --> 00:07:40.399 and her name this is short thirty but her name 121 00:07:40.600 --> 00:07:43.360 is Joy. And I remember when I found that out. 122 00:07:43.879 --> 00:07:47.279 I remember feeling like such a little kid again, Like 123 00:07:47.519 --> 00:07:49.560 here I was a grown woman. I had, you know, 124 00:07:50.120 --> 00:07:53.199 I had things. I was on TV, I was doing stuff, 125 00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:57.800 you know. But I found that this girl that she kept, 126 00:07:57.839 --> 00:08:01.879 her name was Joy. And in my mine, I created 127 00:08:01.920 --> 00:08:04.959 a story. Oh, she kept her because and named her 128 00:08:05.079 --> 00:08:07.800 Joy because she was happy to have her. And do 129 00:08:07.879 --> 00:08:09.519 do do do do do do? I had a story. 130 00:08:09.720 --> 00:08:12.160 And I still wasn't worthy. I'm like a thirty one 131 00:08:12.240 --> 00:08:17.920 year old woman, still not feeling like I had done enough, 132 00:08:20.920 --> 00:08:26.079 so it I don't really even with all the I 133 00:08:26.079 --> 00:08:28.680 would say successes or buying a home on my own 134 00:08:28.759 --> 00:08:31.519 or whatever it was, it was still like armor and 135 00:08:31.560 --> 00:08:36.240 a protection, and I still didn't own it. It was 136 00:08:36.399 --> 00:08:39.480 just something I did. It's like feeling the fear and 137 00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:41.799 doing it anyhow, or I don't know, maybe I was 138 00:08:41.879 --> 00:08:47.759 proving it to myself. And when I became pregnant, I knew, okay, 139 00:08:47.799 --> 00:08:50.919 this we're not gonna go. I'm not going to go 140 00:08:50.960 --> 00:08:54.720 into this with all this baggage. Let me start working 141 00:08:55.240 --> 00:08:59.879 on the baggage that I didn't necessarily know I had 142 00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:02.840 because I'm a cool by that time. I'm cool. You know, 143 00:09:02.879 --> 00:09:04.039 I'm making money, I got help. 144 00:09:05.279 --> 00:09:07.960 Well, that's what success sometimes does for us, too, right, 145 00:09:08.840 --> 00:09:12.440 It covers up. It helps us to really avoid the 146 00:09:12.519 --> 00:09:15.039 things that's really inside of us that we need to 147 00:09:15.120 --> 00:09:20.159 unpack so we can behole. You know. Yeah, so it's 148 00:09:20.200 --> 00:09:23.360 amazing thirty one you're still feeling unworthy. That just lets 149 00:09:23.440 --> 00:09:25.720 us know that doesn't matter what age we are. If 150 00:09:25.720 --> 00:09:28.759 you're feeling unworthy, you're just feeling unworthy. And it's now 151 00:09:28.799 --> 00:09:31.519 going in to find out why is it? Exactly? I 152 00:09:31.559 --> 00:09:33.919 feel this way and what is it I need to do? 153 00:09:34.000 --> 00:09:36.440 So I love that, Yeah yeah. 154 00:09:36.320 --> 00:09:40.080 Because I had a voice. My voice was on stage, 155 00:09:40.159 --> 00:09:42.919 my voice was singing in studios, but I didn't have 156 00:09:44.279 --> 00:09:45.759 like a ground who I was. 157 00:09:46.440 --> 00:09:46.759 It was. 158 00:09:46.879 --> 00:09:52.279 I had an exterior vision of what it was and 159 00:09:52.279 --> 00:09:56.320 what people responded to. Right, So you're going to hold 160 00:09:56.360 --> 00:09:59.480 on to that that success. I mean a house, I'm 161 00:09:59.559 --> 00:10:03.039 doing it this and then comes a child comes along? 162 00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:04.799 What you bring a child into your life and you 163 00:10:04.840 --> 00:10:09.200 go pull it together? Or at least that's to me. 164 00:10:09.399 --> 00:10:16.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's dig dig dig deep. 165 00:10:16.279 --> 00:10:17.799 I think many of us and I think this is 166 00:10:17.879 --> 00:10:21.279 humanity as a whole. You know, we tend to dress 167 00:10:21.360 --> 00:10:24.960 up on the outside, you know, and make sure our 168 00:10:25.000 --> 00:10:27.919 face and everything looks good and not that it's not. 169 00:10:28.000 --> 00:10:30.399 But we tend to do that because that's let's say, 170 00:10:30.679 --> 00:10:33.879 we use that as a covering sometimes again, as I 171 00:10:33.879 --> 00:10:36.559 said earlier, to really identify and really say this is 172 00:10:36.639 --> 00:10:39.720 really how I feel about this, And it always takes 173 00:10:39.759 --> 00:10:43.240 something to happen for you. It was having your your 174 00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:45.600 your son, like well I need to I need to 175 00:10:45.600 --> 00:10:47.639 pull this together, why so I could be a better 176 00:10:47.679 --> 00:10:51.039 mother for my son. You know, but it always I 177 00:10:51.080 --> 00:10:55.240 feel takes something to like pull us in too, for 178 00:10:55.399 --> 00:10:58.240 us to let's I like to call it the journey 179 00:10:58.240 --> 00:11:00.559 back to you, for us to begin to take that 180 00:11:00.720 --> 00:11:06.360 journey back to ourselfs rediscovering, refinding, and unpacking who we 181 00:11:06.399 --> 00:11:09.519 really who we really are. So I think that's just 182 00:11:09.799 --> 00:11:14.240 so so powerful. Sidebar conversation real quick, before we take 183 00:11:14.240 --> 00:11:17.240 a quick break, everyone, Sharon Lee said that she is 184 00:11:17.279 --> 00:11:21.159 seventy six years old. Now, come on, does she look 185 00:11:21.200 --> 00:11:25.360 good or what It's like? Yes, she just looks phenomenal, 186 00:11:25.480 --> 00:11:28.159 So you don't look seventy six. I was like, seventy six. 187 00:11:28.279 --> 00:11:31.960 Oh yeah, so yay, you know, and I love it 188 00:11:32.039 --> 00:11:35.639 because seventy six and you are still doing it like 189 00:11:35.720 --> 00:11:39.960 you're not saying, you know, well, you know, I'm seventy six. 190 00:11:40.039 --> 00:11:42.519 It's time for me to stop and retire. Right So 191 00:11:42.600 --> 00:11:45.480 you are doing it so great, great, great, great kudos 192 00:11:45.480 --> 00:11:47.559 to you. We will be right back. We're going on 193 00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:48.320 a quick break. 194 00:12:00.080 --> 00:12:04.120 The Crystal Coach Show sharing clarity, guidance, and practical wisdom 195 00:12:04.320 --> 00:12:08.120 with me Anahada every third Monday at ten am Pacific 196 00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:12.720 time on Transformation Talk Radio dot Com on The Crystal 197 00:12:12.720 --> 00:12:17.080 Coach Show we channel divine wisdom through stories of service, spirituality, 198 00:12:17.240 --> 00:12:21.000 and stones for self care. Feel connected and reside in 199 00:12:21.000 --> 00:12:24.480 the vibration of love. For more information and to connect 200 00:12:24.480 --> 00:12:28.759 with me, visit the crystalcoach dot com. That's the crystalcoach 201 00:12:29.039 --> 00:12:33.240 dot Com. 202 00:12:33.279 --> 00:12:37.759 What if one decision could change everything? Charise Evans's best 203 00:12:37.759 --> 00:12:40.919 selling author of the Power of one of five essentral 204 00:12:41.000 --> 00:12:45.759 Keys to Success, knows that transformation starts within. Let Scherise 205 00:12:45.840 --> 00:12:49.759 help you discover your authentic self and live with confidence, purpose, 206 00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:54.039 and joy. Whether you're ready to grow your career, your relationships, 207 00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:57.600 or your mindset, Charise can show you how to elevate. 208 00:12:58.039 --> 00:12:59.919 Book with her today at share Eva. 209 00:13:03.720 --> 00:13:07.279 Festa Dela Donna with est Graham, honors all women far 210 00:13:07.399 --> 00:13:11.519 beyond a single day of celebration, regardless of your race, gender, 211 00:13:11.639 --> 00:13:13.360 sexual orientation, or religion. 212 00:13:13.679 --> 00:13:15.039 Esther helps your rise to. 213 00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:18.039 Your full potential, to live fully in God's plan and 214 00:13:18.120 --> 00:13:21.000 to do what you were divinely created to do. Festa 215 00:13:21.080 --> 00:13:24.600 Dela Donna offers programs that help you fulfill your dreams 216 00:13:24.679 --> 00:13:28.120 and desires. For more information and to get your free 217 00:13:28.159 --> 00:13:31.360 copy of the Festa Della Donna Retreats Self Care Guide 218 00:13:31.480 --> 00:13:36.399 visit fddwomen dot com. 219 00:13:36.600 --> 00:13:39.919 What if justice wasn't just about systems? What about the soul? 220 00:13:40.360 --> 00:13:43.720 Join us on the Spiritual Justice Show with me Eric 221 00:13:43.879 --> 00:13:47.240 s Lee on the Transformation Network each first and third 222 00:13:47.320 --> 00:13:52.240 Tuesday at ten am Pacific. We bring together leaders, healers, 223 00:13:52.240 --> 00:13:57.600 and change makers to explore a new vision of justice, restorative, transformative, 224 00:13:57.919 --> 00:14:02.159 and deeply spiritual. Find out how spiritual justice could be 225 00:14:02.279 --> 00:14:04.600 your missing piece to transformation. 226 00:14:06.039 --> 00:14:09.080 Welcome back everyone to live in your life by Design. 227 00:14:09.120 --> 00:14:12.600 With my very special guest Sharon Lee Williams, we are 228 00:14:12.919 --> 00:14:17.360 going to continue our conversation. So, Sharley, one of the 229 00:14:17.399 --> 00:14:21.399 reasons I think that I really connected with you and 230 00:14:21.559 --> 00:14:24.360 just really loved your story is that in my family, 231 00:14:25.639 --> 00:14:29.440 I have a brother, my younger brother, that was adopted 232 00:14:29.480 --> 00:14:31.799 several years after I'd moved out of the home and 233 00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:35.240 my parents adopted him out of the foster care By 234 00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:38.559 then I'd already I think I'd already gone, I'd already 235 00:14:38.559 --> 00:14:44.080 gotten married, living overseas, and they adopted him. And then 236 00:14:44.120 --> 00:14:48.240 my sister adopted one of her sons out of the 237 00:14:48.279 --> 00:14:52.360 foster care system, and then my niece adopted her son 238 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:55.879 out of the foster care system, and interest in with 239 00:14:56.039 --> 00:15:00.879 all of these stories, is that their bio mom or 240 00:15:00.919 --> 00:15:05.600 their you know, parents kept some of the siblings and 241 00:15:05.799 --> 00:15:10.559 let these go. And and always wondering why was that? 242 00:15:10.679 --> 00:15:13.080 And I look back to my to my little brother, 243 00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:18.720 who was extremely successful, very you know, just he's just 244 00:15:18.799 --> 00:15:21.960 a wonderful person. And not too long ago, I think 245 00:15:22.120 --> 00:15:24.799 was last year a year before last, that he actually 246 00:15:25.320 --> 00:15:29.279 reconnected with his his bio mom, and it was just 247 00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:34.000 a different it was just a really different space for him. 248 00:15:34.519 --> 00:15:37.600 And I remember us talking about it, and he said, 249 00:15:37.879 --> 00:15:40.919 you know, because he he now has a daughter, he's 250 00:15:40.960 --> 00:15:44.879 a single dad, you know, but he said he had 251 00:15:44.919 --> 00:15:48.000 to make the decision that that connection was was not 252 00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:51.639 good for him. You know, it was, but he did 253 00:15:52.480 --> 00:15:58.720 remain in connection with his siblings, his bio his bio siblings, 254 00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:01.960 which is which is really good, but it's interesting. And 255 00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:06.679 then of course the other two never reconnected with their bios, 256 00:16:06.720 --> 00:16:09.399 at least not to my knowledge. But so I was 257 00:16:09.480 --> 00:16:11.440 always interested in when I look at you and I 258 00:16:11.480 --> 00:16:13.840 look at your life and everything that you're doing, you know, 259 00:16:13.840 --> 00:16:16.679 I always wondered, how does that feel like? And that 260 00:16:16.919 --> 00:16:20.000 really opened me up just meeting you, to have a 261 00:16:20.039 --> 00:16:23.399 conversation with my little brother as to what was I 262 00:16:23.440 --> 00:16:26.600 never even thought, you know, but it was just so 263 00:16:26.840 --> 00:16:30.759 interesting for him to share and for him to talk about, 264 00:16:30.799 --> 00:16:33.519 you know, what that felt like and all of those 265 00:16:33.559 --> 00:16:36.120 different things and how did it feel coming for us, 266 00:16:36.320 --> 00:16:38.399 you know, we adopted him coming into a family, but 267 00:16:38.480 --> 00:16:41.559 before we did, he was the foster and then my 268 00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:44.639 parents decided to adopt him, and then he made the 269 00:16:44.679 --> 00:16:47.879 decision to take on our last our last name. So 270 00:16:48.039 --> 00:16:51.679 that was really so I think that's why I just 271 00:16:51.759 --> 00:16:54.440 really enjoyed listening to you talk and just you know, 272 00:16:55.000 --> 00:16:58.080 everything that you're doing, because I think it gives me 273 00:16:58.200 --> 00:17:01.399 to that connection. I just met long story short, I 274 00:17:01.440 --> 00:17:04.799 just met a niece and she lives in Canada, and 275 00:17:04.839 --> 00:17:09.759 she was also adopted, right and apparently her mom was 276 00:17:09.799 --> 00:17:13.480 single and and never told you know, her bio dad 277 00:17:13.519 --> 00:17:17.039 that that she was pregnant, and so discovered that this 278 00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:19.519 this was my niece, and she found you know, she 279 00:17:19.680 --> 00:17:24.079 found my brother in law, and so it's just been 280 00:17:24.200 --> 00:17:30.240 a wonderful, wonderful relationship, especially she was adopted and then 281 00:17:30.480 --> 00:17:35.759 her adoptive parents passed away, and so but listening again 282 00:17:35.839 --> 00:17:39.200 to that story just always intrigues me because I think 283 00:17:39.240 --> 00:17:42.079 that we forget that there is a whole community out 284 00:17:42.079 --> 00:17:46.960 there of foster children who has aged out. And what 285 00:17:47.039 --> 00:17:50.440 I found is that I'm meeting a lot of foster people. 286 00:17:50.759 --> 00:17:53.000 One of my good friends Amy aged out of the 287 00:17:53.000 --> 00:17:58.920 foster king system super like you, Sharon Lee, super successful, 288 00:17:59.400 --> 00:18:02.720 super happy, and then went and reconnected with her bio 289 00:18:02.839 --> 00:18:05.599 mom and her sister, you know, and for her, her 290 00:18:05.599 --> 00:18:08.240 whole all of her sisters were imposter can she went 291 00:18:08.319 --> 00:18:13.680 back and she got all of them. So so powerful story. Yeah, 292 00:18:13.720 --> 00:18:18.200 it's so good. Yeah, and the different journey that everyone 293 00:18:18.279 --> 00:18:21.480 has gone through, and thank God willing to share like 294 00:18:21.559 --> 00:18:25.160 you're willing to share because it helps others and even 295 00:18:25.240 --> 00:18:28.759 people who've never experienced that personally, you know, but it 296 00:18:28.839 --> 00:18:32.720 helps me to understand and to open up my understanding. 297 00:18:33.319 --> 00:18:37.559 And so when you say you're finding your voice after 298 00:18:37.759 --> 00:18:42.559 Foster care, what does finding your voice actually mean to you? 299 00:18:43.279 --> 00:18:46.880 And when did you realize that your voice matters? Like 300 00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:49.559 you have a voice and it it matters. 301 00:18:51.240 --> 00:18:55.519 I am still you know, owning that that my voice matters. 302 00:18:56.519 --> 00:18:59.200 I mean, I know it does, but there's certain times 303 00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:05.680 that you have to reset the mindset say hey, my 304 00:19:05.799 --> 00:19:09.440 voice does matter now in terms of what it means 305 00:19:09.480 --> 00:19:12.039 to me finding my voice. And I'm going to go 306 00:19:12.119 --> 00:19:15.359 back to when we have this voice as a baby. 307 00:19:15.599 --> 00:19:20.119 As babies, we have this voice and we cry unapologetically, 308 00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:23.440 we you know, whatever it is we do. And then 309 00:19:24.119 --> 00:19:27.519 one of the first words we learn is no no 310 00:19:27.759 --> 00:19:32.480 when we're trying to what you know, get our personalities happening. 311 00:19:32.799 --> 00:19:36.880 And then of course life kicks in and we learned 312 00:19:36.880 --> 00:19:40.960 to silence that. So I could sing. The voice was 313 00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:44.920 as I said before, that wasn't complicated. And I didn't 314 00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:47.680 know I could sing until somebody hired me. I didn't 315 00:19:47.799 --> 00:19:50.799 know that that was a job that I'd be able 316 00:19:50.839 --> 00:19:53.880 to sing commercials, that was a job that you get 317 00:19:53.920 --> 00:19:56.680 paid for and I could buy a house from I 318 00:19:56.759 --> 00:20:02.279 didn't know that. So I my voice found me one 319 00:20:02.400 --> 00:20:07.119 aspect of it. The other one was still hidden. So 320 00:20:07.920 --> 00:20:13.240 finding my voice through experiences, finding my voice through chaos, 321 00:20:13.559 --> 00:20:20.200 and I would say even having having a child not 322 00:20:20.440 --> 00:20:23.160 I wasn't prepared, you know. So that is a bit 323 00:20:23.200 --> 00:20:27.319 of chaos that that goes. Oh okay, now you've got 324 00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:30.119 to get You've got to get into it. Now, you've 325 00:20:30.160 --> 00:20:32.519 got to fill this out. You've talked about it. 326 00:20:32.640 --> 00:20:33.240 Who am I? 327 00:20:33.400 --> 00:20:36.839 Because who are we when the lights go down? As 328 00:20:36.880 --> 00:20:40.000 I always say, when you're home alone, you're figuring, you know, 329 00:20:40.079 --> 00:20:43.160 I'd come home crying in my own head, like not 330 00:20:43.200 --> 00:20:45.960 necessarily crying out lam, but crying like why did I 331 00:20:46.079 --> 00:20:50.240 say that? Why did I talk so much? Why did 332 00:20:50.319 --> 00:20:54.119 I try to make myself bigger than what I was? 333 00:20:54.160 --> 00:20:57.000 Because I wasn't enough. I didn't feel enough. You didn't 334 00:20:57.000 --> 00:21:02.440 feel you know, So you get situation and you're talking crap. 335 00:21:02.480 --> 00:21:05.759 And I knew I was talking crap, but I couldn't 336 00:21:05.799 --> 00:21:08.440 stop myself. I just wanted to be heard and what 337 00:21:08.559 --> 00:21:12.119 I thought was being heard in any way, shape or form, 338 00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:19.119 and whether that's through relationships or uh love interests or 339 00:21:19.680 --> 00:21:22.920 whatever it is. So you can keep all of those 340 00:21:23.039 --> 00:21:28.599 experiences now and the music and this and that. That's 341 00:21:28.759 --> 00:21:33.720 and becoming a business woman. That's how I found my voice. 342 00:21:33.839 --> 00:21:36.559 And I'm still finding my voice. And here I am 343 00:21:36.599 --> 00:21:40.839 at this age, still doing whatever it is and television show, 344 00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:43.519 recording this, that and the other thing to say, why 345 00:21:43.559 --> 00:21:49.039 don't you retire? And I go retire from what? What exactly? 346 00:21:49.079 --> 00:21:52.839 Am? I? Yeah? So good? Yeah? 347 00:21:52.960 --> 00:21:56.240 So this is this is I'm still finding it because 348 00:21:56.240 --> 00:22:00.400 it's this doing this with you is still new, it's 349 00:22:00.400 --> 00:22:03.279 still a voice, It's still how do I become authentic? 350 00:22:03.480 --> 00:22:07.440 Not become How am I who I am with esther? 351 00:22:07.880 --> 00:22:11.039 How am I who I am with people I meet? 352 00:22:11.079 --> 00:22:14.200 And be okay with that? Be okay if I be okay? 353 00:22:14.680 --> 00:22:20.839 So good words and all of that stuff. Because the 354 00:22:20.920 --> 00:22:24.400 voice I had in foster care was I wasn't enough, 355 00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:28.279 I was good enough, I wasn't loved enough. I wasn't enough. 356 00:22:28.559 --> 00:22:30.599 But that voice is gone. 357 00:22:30.559 --> 00:22:34.720 Gone, and now your voices, I'm more than enough, and 358 00:22:34.759 --> 00:22:36.920 I'm just going to be me. I'm going to be authentic. 359 00:22:36.960 --> 00:22:39.440 I'm going to be who I am who God made 360 00:22:39.480 --> 00:22:41.720 me to be. This is it? Take it or leave it? Right? 361 00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:42.960 Yeah, that's it. 362 00:22:43.519 --> 00:22:47.240 Yeah. Did you have anyone, like even in foster care 363 00:22:47.319 --> 00:22:49.920 or anywhere that that you felt that spoke into your 364 00:22:49.960 --> 00:22:53.200 life or just kind of mentorship. 365 00:22:53.440 --> 00:22:57.240 No, I'm under sure. I'm hoping that my guess on 366 00:22:57.440 --> 00:23:00.839 outrage that's what I think that people help other people 367 00:23:00.839 --> 00:23:03.599 Like you're talking you, you have to be made aware 368 00:23:03.839 --> 00:23:06.480 that you don't even know your neighbor has been in 369 00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:07.640 care or kinship. 370 00:23:08.119 --> 00:23:09.839 Right, that's right, that's right. 371 00:23:10.279 --> 00:23:12.759 You don't know that because it wasn't at that was 372 00:23:12.799 --> 00:23:15.079 all we don't want to talk about. We don't. You know, 373 00:23:15.119 --> 00:23:20.720 I didn't belong somewhere, because that's belonging. Somebody didn't want you. 374 00:23:21.000 --> 00:23:24.640 But that's not always the case people. Some people didn't 375 00:23:24.680 --> 00:23:28.200 want you, but they didn't want kids. But other people 376 00:23:28.440 --> 00:23:34.279 just did something they felt would be better for the child. Yeah, 377 00:23:34.319 --> 00:23:39.400 so that voice also says forgiveness. My voice also comes 378 00:23:39.440 --> 00:23:40.599 with the forgiveness. 379 00:23:41.000 --> 00:23:44.240 Yeah, so important, so important. And I love how you 380 00:23:44.319 --> 00:23:47.960 also said sometimes you have to renew your mind, you know, 381 00:23:48.079 --> 00:23:50.680 like you've got to renew you gotta and people think, oh, no, 382 00:23:50.960 --> 00:23:54.039 you have it's continual renewing. The mind is continual, so 383 00:23:54.480 --> 00:23:58.440 you can continue to move forward, right, Yeah, And I 384 00:23:58.480 --> 00:24:02.119 think that not that I think I know that what 385 00:24:02.279 --> 00:24:07.640 you are doing is really uh. People are I think 386 00:24:08.160 --> 00:24:11.720 just from outgrades voices, they're more aware of the foster 387 00:24:11.839 --> 00:24:14.119 care system. I mean, I think people know they're the 388 00:24:14.160 --> 00:24:18.400 poster care system, but they don't know the foster care system, 389 00:24:18.519 --> 00:24:20.400 meaning they don't know the people, how they how the 390 00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:23.720 children may feel, what are they experiencing, all of those things. 391 00:24:23.799 --> 00:24:26.680 And I think you just really wear a raise awareness 392 00:24:26.720 --> 00:24:28.920 to that that someone may say, you know, I want 393 00:24:28.920 --> 00:24:31.000 to get involved in this. You know, I want to 394 00:24:31.079 --> 00:24:34.839 serve more in this area. Right everyone, We're going to 395 00:24:34.880 --> 00:24:36.599 take a quick break and we'll be right back. 396 00:24:46.759 --> 00:24:48.440 What if you're training isn't enough. 397 00:24:48.839 --> 00:24:53.759 The Multicultural Mindset podcast and Rye's counselors and therapists. 398 00:24:53.240 --> 00:24:57.599 To unlearn the one size fits all approach. This isn't 399 00:24:57.599 --> 00:25:00.480 cultural competence. It's a way of being that. 400 00:25:00.359 --> 00:25:04.759 Brings racialized experiences from the margins to the very center 401 00:25:04.920 --> 00:25:09.519