Speaker 1: When your old career gives you lemons throwing some ice
mix in some vodka.
Speaker 2: He's calling a podcast from.
Speaker 1: The Mac of All Trade Studio in Fairport and driven
by Victor Chrysler Dots Jeep Ram. It's Billified, the Bill
Moran Podcast.
Speaker 2: Well, hello and welcome. Thank you for getting your pot on.
Thanks for telling a friend. That's how we spread the
word about the firen Ship. I hope you stayed warm
over the weekend. Here in the Northeast.
Speaker 3: It was frecht cold.
Speaker 2: I gott tell you, man. People were out about doing
their thing. It was crazy. I want to tell you
about last night, but I want to complain about something first.
It's just me, just me tonight. I figured we'll talk
about the big game because Kevin's a Patriots fan, and
that'll be on the next episode. Laurel will be in
and Mark as well. And we live in such a
cool world now that like you can send money or
receive money pretty much instantaneously, you know what I mean.
And all three of my boys are in town and
one of them, I said, I'll send you some money,
and I said, how do I do that for you?
And he says, Zelle, And I don't know why. But
I'm like, oh, it's pain in the ass. It's first
world problem, pain in the ass. I goes there any
other way? He goes, yeah, you can send it to
me on Venmo. I O great, love Venmo? What's your
venmo handle? Gives it to me. I read it back,
type it in, read it back again. You know it's
not fine any other and he's like, that's what it is.
I go, okay, let me say what it is. And
I spell it out. I do it and there's a
dash and a dot. I'm gonna make sure they're in
the right place. And he goes yeah, and I go
all right, fine, yeah, I guess I gotta do Zell.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: Zale is through your bank, and it's probably not that
any of these aren't secure, but it's probably I'm going
to think, the most secure because it's coming directly from
your bank account to them. So and it's like instant
you know. I think for some of these you got
to wait one to three business days if you want
the money to come in, or you can do the
instant transfer, but they charge you a percentage. So this
was Zel. It's like it's right there. So but the
problem is, like now I got to jump through more hoops.
You see what I'm saying. I just and it sounds
so dicky, and I was becoming dicky. And I think
I'm tired, and I got school stuff, and I'm a
little sore from working out the other day. And it's
been a long weekend. You know, anybody who is a
friend of Meg broom knows Megan Broomfield passed away and
her funeral was Friday, and her husband just you know,
and the lovely family, Billy Broomfield and his lovely family,
the team brow me. I just it just was amazing.
And I wound up sitting on the edge of the
stage of mont Connery's later in the evening having a
conversation with Billy, and next day texted me and sent
me that an inspirational speech that he always turns to
for kind of reinsurance, the reassurance that life is there,
and and it was that. And you know, my last night,
it's given me a lot of pause. But let me
get back to Zelle because it's a pain in the
ass for a moment. And I say to my son,
all right, what's your phone number? Now? Do you know
anybody's phone number? Because I sure as fuck do not
know anybody's phone number from today. If you're as old
as me, you can probably remember phone numbers from when
you were a kid forty years ago or so. Like
I remember the Murray's phone number. It was like one
digit off from us. We were five one seven four.
They were five one seven h right. Or the wash
family three two three four two sixty six three two
three four different area code. I don't even think it's
the same area code anymore Appalaysia. But I remember that.
I don't know my kids because now, what do you say,
hey blank, call whomever. If it's somebody that's close to you,
they're in your phone, right. So even the people that
are closest that I call most frequently, I don't know,
they're flipping phone number. I don't And maybe that's a
bad thing. I'm not sure, because you go, I don't know,
like if something bad happened because you have the phone,
I I whatever. So I type in the phone number
and he goes. Usually I get like a notification right away.
I go, well, I don't know, I said, I don't
know what happened. Now, Zell is smart, they say, are
because they know you've never sent money to this person
through this account, would you, like, you know, verify the number,
make sure this is the phone number you're sending it to.
And I just pushed through it and I say to
my kid, is this is your number? This is your number, right,
this is what we've got. And he's like, uh, yeah,
yeah yeah, and I go, okay, I don't know. He goes, well,
usually I go, I don't know, somebody just got blank
dollars richer. I'm not I'm not sending it again. I'm like,
I'm not doing that because I'm so pleasant and my
poor kids getting uncomfortable on the phone. It's like why why,
I don't know. I can't explain it. I was getting
all dad, you know what I mean, like frustrated. Come on,
you're too old for this. So for whatever reason, and
I don't know why, it's stuck in my head that
Zelle says, verify the phone number. Make sure the phone
number is the correct phone number that you're sending to.
So I hang up with him rather abruptly. I mean,
he's just looking to get the phone of this mont
because I am just being a douche. And I checked
the number and I'm one digit off with the digit
next to the digit I needed. You know what I mean,
I fat fingered. It's basically what it is. So here's
the cool thing with Zell. And they don't sponsor the program,
but maybe I need to get them to sponsor because Zell,
when I went in and edited the number, it said,
if you do this, whatever funds were sent to the
original phone number you put in are going to be canceled.
And I'm like, awesome, it's great because I figured I
was out that money. I just because I just don't
feel like I don't know, maybe I'm lazy, I understand,
but I just didn't feel like doing anything. And all
of a sudden I get from him, Hey I got it,
and I'm like, yeah, it was my fault. I fat
fingered it, and why are we so like all, I
don't know, am I the only one? Or can you
relate to this or do you have someone in your
life like this? Like not that it's not their fault,
not that they won't take accountability for the stuff I
like to think I do, but in the moment, at
that moment, I'm doing everything I can on behalf of you.
This has to be your screw up and it wasn't
that was the thing? You know, Life is interesting. Life
is interesting a lot of times when I look even
at my own life, and I think of my friend
Billy Broomfield, it isn't the life we planned, but it's
the life we're standing in that kind of sink in
for a moment. It's not the life we planned, certainly
for Billy and his wife. And in my situation, it
wasn't the life I planned to be a separated guide
living with my fifteen year old son. It wasn't. Last night,
with all my sons in town, we all went out
to dinner with my son's girlfriend and their mom. We
all sat at dinner table that a few years ago
I wasn't sure would ever exist again, all three of
my sons there to celebrate my middle son, who turned
twenty four last week. But since everybody's going to be
in town this week, let's go recognize that now my
oldest is living and grinding away in New York City.
He's a bar back, a bartender, a waiter, and he's
working on getting into NYPD or the Fire Department. And
he's been hustling, taking the tests, doing the stuff, getting
himself in shape. And then one's fifteen and lives with me,
and their mom was there, my son's girlfriend was there.
There were menus, there was normal conversation. And here's the thing.
Nothing went wrong. Nothing nobody stormed out, nobody relitigated the past.
Nobody pretended the last few years didn't happen either, which
I thought was was good. You know what we did.
We just ate, talked, laughed, We celebrated a birthday. And
at one point I caught myself thinking, this isn't the
life I planned, but it's the life I'm standing in.
That thought just kept like pounding around in my head.
And that's what made me even think for any of us,
like my friend Billy Broomfield, and it stayed with me
because here's the thing. Adulthood doesn't usually fall apart in explosions.
When something sort of explodes in our lives and rearranges
our lives, no matter what it is, from the tragedy
to a choice we make or circumstances that happen, it
usually isn't an explosion most of the time. It just
sort of rearranges the furniture in a room. And last
night I realized I'm learning how to sit in the
new room. It's been several years, but not several years
where we could all kind of get together. And I
will say that many of us will carry forward behaviors
we witness from our own parents how they interacted and
the example they set. And I got to tell you,
margin Bill not always good. And I brought a lot
of that forward. I did. And so when you hear
about people say, you know, self work self stuff, if
you find yourself, do you ever know somebody who like you?
Speaker 1: Go?
Speaker 2: Yeah, they attract the same type of person everywhere they go. Right,
why is that? And you know whether it's a guy
or girl, it's just they look different, but they act
the same. Because we're not changing us, we're not working
on us. The thing is us. When I say it's
an all and insight job, it really is. And I
did not carry forward good stuff. I think my son,
whose birthday was was really I know he was. He
was very apprehensive. I think I talked about this on
the previous podcast. He didn't originally want to do this,
have all of us, me and his mother at the
same table in a restaurant, and he had called me
up after I think having a conversation with his mom
and he told me, and I just said, no problem,
and you ever have maybe you've done this, yere. I
know I've certainly done this, and it was sort of
what he was doing. When you are concerned about how
somebody else is going to react to your decision, you
over explain why you made the decision. And we're all
do it right, every one of us do it, especially
when we think it's something they don't agree with. And
my response to my son at the time was very simple.
I'm not going to tell you how to feel. You
are an adult. These are your relationships. You need to
learn how to navigate them and how you want to
interact it with them, and how they will fit into
your life. You decide that right. You have the power
to do that. No one can tell you. And I
said to him, I have no problem with your decision.
It's fine. Then it was a few hours later I
did get a call that he changed his mind, and
I think it was after talking to his girlfriend, who
I probably should say thank you to, because I felt
like this was sort of an important turning point for everybody.
I don't know, but he decided to give it a try,
and we did. And here's the thing. Nothing went wrong.
And maybe I don't know on your family dynamic, but
maybe the fact that nothing went wrong was the strangest part.
And I will say this, if you find yourself in
a marriage that doesn't work out again, right, not the
life I plan, but the life I'm standing in. I
know for me at this point, I don't see my
separation as failure. Now. I understand that there are some
people that sentence will not sit well with, but I
see my separation as a reorganization. I spoke with my
son's mom and she had talked to my son, whose
birthday we were going to celebrate, and she told me
one of the things that he said to her was
we aren't a family anymore. And I don't want this.
We're not a family anymore. And when he called me
back and said, hey, I've changed my mind. I want
to do this, I said to him what his mother
had told me, and I said, hey, man, we are
a family. Our structure isn't traditional, but will always be connected.
And the thing that I wanted and was so important
to me for my son's is I wanted them to
realize that love doesn't vanish just because the structure changes.
I wanted all three of the boys to be reminded,
like really really feel this, that they are loved and
not just by me and their mom, but each other,
that they have a connection that's separate from she and
I completely. We all do, right, I mean, if you
have siblings you have a separate relationship with them, then
you do. And I knew there was going to be
an underlying how do I say worry? I guess that someone,
anyone of us, at any moment gets uncomfortable and pops off.
And it never happened. And you know, it was funny too,
because I've thought so much about this, especially since prior
to and after and I had given my uh my
son's mom had lent her car to the boys because
one of them is having He said, its just a
hell of the time with a car, getting a new
engine and the new clutch, and she have it back
this week, but she graciously said, I'm not going to
use it. I'll you can use mine, and then calls
me and said, hey, can you pick me up instead
of having them come back? And where we are, I mean,
the roads were passable, but they weren't great. And you know,
I'd rather have inexperienced drivers driving as little as possible
in that stuff. And all I say by that is
that they're young. And my big thing in life is
the more you do it, the better you get, the
more reps you have, the better you get, no matter
what it is, right, no matter what it is. But
back to like the pop off and the dinner thing.
And here here's the thing. I think we get a
lot of experts in life. Go on social media. There's
gonna be a ton of people that are going to
tell you how they can help you live better, whether
it be through a diet, an exercise program, an assertiveness course,
how to text women better. The fuck that's the one
of the ads. Hey don't say good morning and be
that lame guy. Say this And it's like, okay, but
everybody's telling you right, And I started to thinking about this.
I haven't seen the person to teach you how to
handle or how to be in the after after life
doesn't work out. It's not the life I planned, it's
the life I'm standing in. So what then, where's the
expert to help you navigate the hurt feelings your own
and others? Where's the expert to help you if you're
in a situation like me, keep the focus exactly where
it needs to be on the kids. Think about it.
What about every relationship in your life just about changes
in some way. Some work relationships right because they really
liked your person and whatever they heard a different side
of a story. I don't know just everything from your
work relationship. There are some friendships that survive, and then
there are some friendships where the people see you and
they walk the other direction. Now it happens they go
the opposite way whenever they see you. How are you
supposed to navigate that? Right? On top of that, As
a parent, if you are one, what do you do
a lot for your kids? You worry. I'm on that
part of life where I have aging parents and you
know what they do. They worry about you, and they
worry about your kids, and the one thing I think
they really want is to know that everybody's settled, because
they know they're not here for much longer, and they
just want to know when they're not here they did
everything to help you be Okay, I don't, It's just
I really think that that's part of it. And I
lost my dad last summer July of twenty twenty five,
and I have to tell you at that time they
have been separated like six years then coming up on seven.
My kid's mom assisted in getting all three of my
sons to Kenny Bunk, Maine for his funeral, and there
were some logistical things, especially with my kid getting out
of New York City, and not only that, she had
a lot of the pictures and things that we had
as a family and different things, and she saved some
really cool stuff. And she shared pictures of the boys
when they were young with my dad, and my dad
would teach them how to make a kazoo out of
a comb with a piece of paper, or he had
something he called camp Grandpa. And I just remember my
oldest kid like just covered in I don't know if
they were baking, I don't know what it was. And yep,
Grandpa just well let him create a mess, and I
think he cleaned it up. I think so my dad,
and I'm pretty sure he did. But he would help
them in making the mess. And then on top of that,
my dad would send these really really just little letters
to the boys, but on the outside of the envelope
he would draw a really elaborate picture. Sometimes it was
with puffy pain sometimes with colored pencils, all that, and
she had those things like didn't throw away the envelopes.
And I have to tell you, she shared all that
with me and everybody else I think in my family,
and it meant a lot to me. And so there
we are, me, her, my son, sitting at a table
where none of us were who we used to be anymore.
And I think that's something to remember, because I always
said that a lot of times, when you find yourself
in a situation, you'll revert back to how you acted
when right. It's like your brain's default mode. I remember
watching my my very poised grandmother sit with her two
sisters and get into an absolute bickering match, and I
looked at them and I'm like, oh my god, it's
like the Wheaties commercial when the old their person becomes
right in their parents' clothes and the bit it's too bad.
I think you just went back to what it was
or what you remembered. And I tried to remember that
everybody here is not the same person they were, maybe
me because I did. I think my youngest son was
sitting under a sign that said poop deck, and I
of course pointed that out, and he reminded me that
poop's not funny and you're in your fifties, grow up. Uh.
And then I almost had a laughing moment because the
way staff is bringing out our food and there's six
people and a lot of food coming, so they have
extra hands with them. Somebody's quickly coming out of this
dining area as they're coming around the corner, and one
of the way staff has to do a pirouet. And
there's a person sitting with their back to us at
a high top table in one of those high chairs,
and they have their coat on and just across the
back of the hood gets a nice smear like a comet,
like a tail, right across the back hood of barbecue sauce.
And I don't know why I found that to be
so funny because the person's wearing the coat, but they
never even turn around. And I'm like, I kept saying
to the boys, I'm like, do we go over and
start wiping it off and then have to defend ourselves
when they think that we're trying to attack them? We
what do you do with that? I couldn't unsee it,
and I found it amusing. So maybe I'm the only
one that didn't change. But throughout all of this as
I I don't know why I feel so compelled, but
I spent so much time last night and today just
thinking about it. And I didn't feel sad. I didn't
feel happy, But I'll tell you what I felt present,
and that as I thought about it felt like progress, because,
like I said in the beginning, I didn't think we'd
ever really all be there. We would for big events.
We had a graduation dinner, but there were other people around,
just the five of us plus my son's girlfriend. I
wasn't true that would ever happened. And there are going
to be more times like that where you may both
be there for the birth of a grandchild, or a
wedding or I don't know, maybe a vacation later on
as the family takes and you invite everybody. And I thought,
it's all gonna be okay. Again, not the life I planned.
What it is the life I'm standing in. And I
sat at the table, I looked around, and I realized,
this is great. My kids are building lives. Well. I'm
trying not to google my symptoms and come up with
not sad, not happy present. And I also realized, and
this is I think very important for everybody, because perspective
is we all have a different one. We all come
to our conclusions differently, and we say, you know, I
respect your opinion, I respect your perspective. Do we don't know?
And I realized that every person at the table that
was involved in our family has a completely different version
of how we all got to where we are. Not wrong,
it's just different. Their perspective is not wrong, maybe different
than mine. But I just think it's important to hold
that a little bit, you know what I mean, and
realize that. And I'll just say this, if you're in
a season where things aren't broken, but they're not familiar either,
welcome baby. That might actually be growth, you know, not broken,
but not familiar. And I gotta tell you, like nobody
tells you that adulthood or adulting is. People say it
becomes a series of like quiet wins. You don't post
on Instagram, you know what I mean. And last night,
I don't know if it was a win, but I
would say it was a confidence builder for everyone at
that table. And I think someone said to me, what
is adulthood? And I would say, I think it's learning
to let go and to sit in the after without judgment,
learning to let go and sit in the after after
life didn't work out the way I planned to sit
in the after without judgment, and by that I mean
judgment for yourself as well as anyone else who is involved.
Just that's what I think adulthood is and easy, no, no,
remember how a lot of people used always go And
maybe you had this in relationships, maybe asked for it
in a relationship. I don't know closure right, And I
used to think closure meant everything making sense again. That
was closure, everything makes sense again. And as I thought
about it like this morning, I think it means being
able to sit at that table without needing to explain
yourself to anyone. That's closure. Last night was just life continuing.
My fed and friend Billy Broomfield, His is just life continuing.
And if you find yourself in that in between space
where things didn't break, they just changed, I really want
to say you're not behind, you are probably right on time,
and with that.
Speaker 3: I will see you tomorrow.
Speaker 2: I didn't know what to do. I turn the TV on.
Speaker 3: Rule a letter to use and to stop a moment.
Speaker 1: H