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Speaker 1: When your old career gives you lemons throwing some ice

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mix in some vodka.

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Speaker 2: He's calling a podcast from.

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Speaker 1: The Mac of All Trade Studio in Fairport and driven

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by Victor Chrysler Dots Jeep Ram. It's Billified, the Bill

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Moran Podcast.

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Speaker 2: Well, hello and welcome. Thank you for getting your pot on.

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Thanks for telling a friend. That's how we spread the

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word about the firen Ship. I hope you stayed warm

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over the weekend. Here in the Northeast.

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Speaker 3: It was frecht cold.

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Speaker 2: I gott tell you, man. People were out about doing

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their thing. It was crazy. I want to tell you

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about last night, but I want to complain about something first.

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It's just me, just me tonight. I figured we'll talk

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about the big game because Kevin's a Patriots fan, and

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that'll be on the next episode. Laurel will be in

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and Mark as well. And we live in such a

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cool world now that like you can send money or

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receive money pretty much instantaneously, you know what I mean.

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And all three of my boys are in town and

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one of them, I said, I'll send you some money,

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and I said, how do I do that for you?

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And he says, Zelle, And I don't know why. But

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I'm like, oh, it's pain in the ass. It's first

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world problem, pain in the ass. I goes there any

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other way? He goes, yeah, you can send it to

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me on Venmo. I O great, love Venmo? What's your

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venmo handle? Gives it to me. I read it back,

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type it in, read it back again. You know it's

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not fine any other and he's like, that's what it is.

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I go, okay, let me say what it is. And

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I spell it out. I do it and there's a

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dash and a dot. I'm gonna make sure they're in

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the right place. And he goes yeah, and I go

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all right, fine, yeah, I guess I gotta do Zell.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 2: Zale is through your bank, and it's probably not that

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any of these aren't secure, but it's probably I'm going

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to think, the most secure because it's coming directly from

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your bank account to them. So and it's like instant

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you know. I think for some of these you got

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to wait one to three business days if you want

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the money to come in, or you can do the

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instant transfer, but they charge you a percentage. So this

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was Zel. It's like it's right there. So but the

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problem is, like now I got to jump through more hoops.

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You see what I'm saying. I just and it sounds

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so dicky, and I was becoming dicky. And I think

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I'm tired, and I got school stuff, and I'm a

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little sore from working out the other day. And it's

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been a long weekend. You know, anybody who is a

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friend of Meg broom knows Megan Broomfield passed away and

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her funeral was Friday, and her husband just you know,

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and the lovely family, Billy Broomfield and his lovely family,

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the team brow me. I just it just was amazing.

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And I wound up sitting on the edge of the

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stage of mont Connery's later in the evening having a

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conversation with Billy, and next day texted me and sent

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me that an inspirational speech that he always turns to

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for kind of reinsurance, the reassurance that life is there,

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and and it was that. And you know, my last night,

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it's given me a lot of pause. But let me

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get back to Zelle because it's a pain in the

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ass for a moment. And I say to my son,

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all right, what's your phone number? Now? Do you know

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anybody's phone number? Because I sure as fuck do not

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know anybody's phone number from today. If you're as old

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as me, you can probably remember phone numbers from when

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you were a kid forty years ago or so. Like

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I remember the Murray's phone number. It was like one

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digit off from us. We were five one seven four.

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They were five one seven h right. Or the wash

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family three two three four two sixty six three two

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three four different area code. I don't even think it's

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the same area code anymore Appalaysia. But I remember that.

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I don't know my kids because now, what do you say,

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hey blank, call whomever. If it's somebody that's close to you,

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they're in your phone, right. So even the people that

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are closest that I call most frequently, I don't know,

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they're flipping phone number. I don't And maybe that's a

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bad thing. I'm not sure, because you go, I don't know,

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like if something bad happened because you have the phone,

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I I whatever. So I type in the phone number

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and he goes. Usually I get like a notification right away.

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I go, well, I don't know, I said, I don't

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know what happened. Now, Zell is smart, they say, are

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because they know you've never sent money to this person

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through this account, would you, like, you know, verify the number,

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make sure this is the phone number you're sending it to.

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And I just pushed through it and I say to

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my kid, is this is your number? This is your number, right,

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this is what we've got. And he's like, uh, yeah,

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yeah yeah, and I go, okay, I don't know. He goes, well,

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usually I go, I don't know, somebody just got blank

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dollars richer. I'm not I'm not sending it again. I'm like,

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I'm not doing that because I'm so pleasant and my

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poor kids getting uncomfortable on the phone. It's like why why,

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I don't know. I can't explain it. I was getting

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all dad, you know what I mean, like frustrated. Come on,

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you're too old for this. So for whatever reason, and

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I don't know why, it's stuck in my head that

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Zelle says, verify the phone number. Make sure the phone

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number is the correct phone number that you're sending to.

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So I hang up with him rather abruptly. I mean,

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he's just looking to get the phone of this mont

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because I am just being a douche. And I checked

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the number and I'm one digit off with the digit

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next to the digit I needed. You know what I mean,

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I fat fingered. It's basically what it is. So here's

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the cool thing with Zell. And they don't sponsor the program,

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but maybe I need to get them to sponsor because Zell,

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when I went in and edited the number, it said,

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if you do this, whatever funds were sent to the

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original phone number you put in are going to be canceled.

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And I'm like, awesome, it's great because I figured I

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was out that money. I just because I just don't

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feel like I don't know, maybe I'm lazy, I understand,

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but I just didn't feel like doing anything. And all

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of a sudden I get from him, Hey I got it,

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and I'm like, yeah, it was my fault. I fat

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fingered it, and why are we so like all, I

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don't know, am I the only one? Or can you

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relate to this or do you have someone in your

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life like this? Like not that it's not their fault,

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not that they won't take accountability for the stuff I

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like to think I do, but in the moment, at

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that moment, I'm doing everything I can on behalf of you.

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This has to be your screw up and it wasn't

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that was the thing? You know, Life is interesting. Life

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is interesting a lot of times when I look even

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at my own life, and I think of my friend

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Billy Broomfield, it isn't the life we planned, but it's

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the life we're standing in that kind of sink in

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for a moment. It's not the life we planned, certainly

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for Billy and his wife. And in my situation, it

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wasn't the life I planned to be a separated guide

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living with my fifteen year old son. It wasn't. Last night,

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with all my sons in town, we all went out

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to dinner with my son's girlfriend and their mom. We

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all sat at dinner table that a few years ago

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I wasn't sure would ever exist again, all three of

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my sons there to celebrate my middle son, who turned

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twenty four last week. But since everybody's going to be

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in town this week, let's go recognize that now my

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oldest is living and grinding away in New York City.

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He's a bar back, a bartender, a waiter, and he's

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working on getting into NYPD or the Fire Department. And

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he's been hustling, taking the tests, doing the stuff, getting

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himself in shape. And then one's fifteen and lives with me,

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and their mom was there, my son's girlfriend was there.

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There were menus, there was normal conversation. And here's the thing.

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Nothing went wrong. Nothing nobody stormed out, nobody relitigated the past.

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Nobody pretended the last few years didn't happen either, which

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I thought was was good. You know what we did.

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We just ate, talked, laughed, We celebrated a birthday. And

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at one point I caught myself thinking, this isn't the

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life I planned, but it's the life I'm standing in.

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That thought just kept like pounding around in my head.

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And that's what made me even think for any of us,

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like my friend Billy Broomfield, and it stayed with me

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because here's the thing. Adulthood doesn't usually fall apart in explosions.

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When something sort of explodes in our lives and rearranges

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our lives, no matter what it is, from the tragedy

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to a choice we make or circumstances that happen, it

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usually isn't an explosion most of the time. It just

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sort of rearranges the furniture in a room. And last

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night I realized I'm learning how to sit in the

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new room. It's been several years, but not several years

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where we could all kind of get together. And I

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will say that many of us will carry forward behaviors

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we witness from our own parents how they interacted and

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the example they set. And I got to tell you,

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margin Bill not always good. And I brought a lot

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of that forward. I did. And so when you hear

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about people say, you know, self work self stuff, if

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you find yourself, do you ever know somebody who like you?

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Speaker 1: Go?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they attract the same type of person everywhere they go. Right,

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why is that? And you know whether it's a guy

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or girl, it's just they look different, but they act

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the same. Because we're not changing us, we're not working

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on us. The thing is us. When I say it's

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an all and insight job, it really is. And I

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did not carry forward good stuff. I think my son,

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whose birthday was was really I know he was. He

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was very apprehensive. I think I talked about this on

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the previous podcast. He didn't originally want to do this,

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have all of us, me and his mother at the

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same table in a restaurant, and he had called me

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up after I think having a conversation with his mom

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and he told me, and I just said, no problem,

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and you ever have maybe you've done this, yere. I

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know I've certainly done this, and it was sort of

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what he was doing. When you are concerned about how

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somebody else is going to react to your decision, you

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over explain why you made the decision. And we're all

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do it right, every one of us do it, especially

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when we think it's something they don't agree with. And

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my response to my son at the time was very simple.

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I'm not going to tell you how to feel. You

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are an adult. These are your relationships. You need to

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learn how to navigate them and how you want to

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interact it with them, and how they will fit into

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your life. You decide that right. You have the power

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to do that. No one can tell you. And I

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said to him, I have no problem with your decision.

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It's fine. Then it was a few hours later I

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did get a call that he changed his mind, and

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I think it was after talking to his girlfriend, who

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I probably should say thank you to, because I felt

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like this was sort of an important turning point for everybody.

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I don't know, but he decided to give it a try,

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and we did. And here's the thing. Nothing went wrong.

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And maybe I don't know on your family dynamic, but

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maybe the fact that nothing went wrong was the strangest part.

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And I will say this, if you find yourself in

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a marriage that doesn't work out again, right, not the

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life I plan, but the life I'm standing in. I

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know for me at this point, I don't see my

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separation as failure. Now. I understand that there are some

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people that sentence will not sit well with, but I

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see my separation as a reorganization. I spoke with my

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son's mom and she had talked to my son, whose

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birthday we were going to celebrate, and she told me

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one of the things that he said to her was

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we aren't a family anymore. And I don't want this.

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We're not a family anymore. And when he called me

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back and said, hey, I've changed my mind. I want

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to do this, I said to him what his mother

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had told me, and I said, hey, man, we are

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a family. Our structure isn't traditional, but will always be connected.

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And the thing that I wanted and was so important

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to me for my son's is I wanted them to

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realize that love doesn't vanish just because the structure changes.

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I wanted all three of the boys to be reminded,

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like really really feel this, that they are loved and

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not just by me and their mom, but each other,

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that they have a connection that's separate from she and

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I completely. We all do, right, I mean, if you

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have siblings you have a separate relationship with them, then

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you do. And I knew there was going to be

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an underlying how do I say worry? I guess that someone,

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anyone of us, at any moment gets uncomfortable and pops off.

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And it never happened. And you know, it was funny too,

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because I've thought so much about this, especially since prior

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to and after and I had given my uh my

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son's mom had lent her car to the boys because

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one of them is having He said, its just a

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hell of the time with a car, getting a new

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engine and the new clutch, and she have it back

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this week, but she graciously said, I'm not going to

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use it. I'll you can use mine, and then calls

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me and said, hey, can you pick me up instead

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of having them come back? And where we are, I mean,

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the roads were passable, but they weren't great. And you know,

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I'd rather have inexperienced drivers driving as little as possible

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in that stuff. And all I say by that is

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that they're young. And my big thing in life is

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the more you do it, the better you get, the

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more reps you have, the better you get, no matter

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what it is, right, no matter what it is. But

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back to like the pop off and the dinner thing.

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And here here's the thing. I think we get a

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lot of experts in life. Go on social media. There's

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gonna be a ton of people that are going to

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tell you how they can help you live better, whether

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it be through a diet, an exercise program, an assertiveness course,

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how to text women better. The fuck that's the one

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of the ads. Hey don't say good morning and be

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that lame guy. Say this And it's like, okay, but

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everybody's telling you right, And I started to thinking about this.

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I haven't seen the person to teach you how to

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handle or how to be in the after after life

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doesn't work out. It's not the life I planned, it's

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the life I'm standing in. So what then, where's the

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expert to help you navigate the hurt feelings your own

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and others? Where's the expert to help you if you're

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in a situation like me, keep the focus exactly where

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it needs to be on the kids. Think about it.

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What about every relationship in your life just about changes

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in some way. Some work relationships right because they really

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liked your person and whatever they heard a different side

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of a story. I don't know just everything from your

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work relationship. There are some friendships that survive, and then

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there are some friendships where the people see you and

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they walk the other direction. Now it happens they go

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the opposite way whenever they see you. How are you

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supposed to navigate that? Right? On top of that, As

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a parent, if you are one, what do you do

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a lot for your kids? You worry. I'm on that

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part of life where I have aging parents and you

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know what they do. They worry about you, and they

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worry about your kids, and the one thing I think

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they really want is to know that everybody's settled, because

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they know they're not here for much longer, and they

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just want to know when they're not here they did

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everything to help you be Okay, I don't, It's just

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I really think that that's part of it. And I

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lost my dad last summer July of twenty twenty five,

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and I have to tell you at that time they

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have been separated like six years then coming up on seven.

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My kid's mom assisted in getting all three of my

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sons to Kenny Bunk, Maine for his funeral, and there

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were some logistical things, especially with my kid getting out

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of New York City, and not only that, she had

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a lot of the pictures and things that we had

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as a family and different things, and she saved some

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really cool stuff. And she shared pictures of the boys

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when they were young with my dad, and my dad

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would teach them how to make a kazoo out of

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a comb with a piece of paper, or he had

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something he called camp Grandpa. And I just remember my

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oldest kid like just covered in I don't know if

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they were baking, I don't know what it was. And yep,

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Grandpa just well let him create a mess, and I

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think he cleaned it up. I think so my dad,

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and I'm pretty sure he did. But he would help

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them in making the mess. And then on top of that,

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my dad would send these really really just little letters

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to the boys, but on the outside of the envelope

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he would draw a really elaborate picture. Sometimes it was

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with puffy pain sometimes with colored pencils, all that, and

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she had those things like didn't throw away the envelopes.

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And I have to tell you, she shared all that

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with me and everybody else I think in my family,

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and it meant a lot to me. And so there

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we are, me, her, my son, sitting at a table

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where none of us were who we used to be anymore.

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And I think that's something to remember, because I always

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said that a lot of times, when you find yourself

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in a situation, you'll revert back to how you acted

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when right. It's like your brain's default mode. I remember

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watching my my very poised grandmother sit with her two

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sisters and get into an absolute bickering match, and I

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looked at them and I'm like, oh my god, it's

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like the Wheaties commercial when the old their person becomes

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right in their parents' clothes and the bit it's too bad.

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I think you just went back to what it was

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or what you remembered. And I tried to remember that

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everybody here is not the same person they were, maybe

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me because I did. I think my youngest son was

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sitting under a sign that said poop deck, and I

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of course pointed that out, and he reminded me that

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poop's not funny and you're in your fifties, grow up. Uh.

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And then I almost had a laughing moment because the

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way staff is bringing out our food and there's six

348
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people and a lot of food coming, so they have

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extra hands with them. Somebody's quickly coming out of this

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dining area as they're coming around the corner, and one

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of the way staff has to do a pirouet. And

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there's a person sitting with their back to us at

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a high top table in one of those high chairs,

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and they have their coat on and just across the

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back of the hood gets a nice smear like a comet,

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like a tail, right across the back hood of barbecue sauce.

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And I don't know why I found that to be

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so funny because the person's wearing the coat, but they

359
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never even turn around. And I'm like, I kept saying

360
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to the boys, I'm like, do we go over and

361
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start wiping it off and then have to defend ourselves

362
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when they think that we're trying to attack them? We

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what do you do with that? I couldn't unsee it,

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and I found it amusing. So maybe I'm the only

365
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one that didn't change. But throughout all of this as

366
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I I don't know why I feel so compelled, but

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I spent so much time last night and today just

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thinking about it. And I didn't feel sad. I didn't

369
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feel happy, But I'll tell you what I felt present,

370
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and that as I thought about it felt like progress, because,

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like I said in the beginning, I didn't think we'd

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ever really all be there. We would for big events.

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We had a graduation dinner, but there were other people around,

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just the five of us plus my son's girlfriend. I

375
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,359
wasn't true that would ever happened. And there are going

376
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to be more times like that where you may both

377
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be there for the birth of a grandchild, or a

378
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:45,119
wedding or I don't know, maybe a vacation later on

379
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as the family takes and you invite everybody. And I thought,

380
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it's all gonna be okay. Again, not the life I planned.

381
00:22:53,079 --> 00:22:56,920
What it is the life I'm standing in. And I

382
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,960
sat at the table, I looked around, and I realized,

383
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this is great. My kids are building lives. Well. I'm

384
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:07,079
trying not to google my symptoms and come up with

385
00:23:09,599 --> 00:23:17,319
not sad, not happy present. And I also realized, and

386
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:21,720
this is I think very important for everybody, because perspective

387
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:25,799
is we all have a different one. We all come

388
00:23:25,839 --> 00:23:29,279
to our conclusions differently, and we say, you know, I

389
00:23:29,319 --> 00:23:34,319
respect your opinion, I respect your perspective. Do we don't know?

390
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:39,319
And I realized that every person at the table that

391
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:43,440
was involved in our family has a completely different version

392
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:50,880
of how we all got to where we are. Not wrong,

393
00:23:51,799 --> 00:23:56,039
it's just different. Their perspective is not wrong, maybe different

394
00:23:56,079 --> 00:24:02,440
than mine. But I just think it's important to hold

395
00:24:02,519 --> 00:24:04,680
that a little bit, you know what I mean, and

396
00:24:04,759 --> 00:24:06,759
realize that. And I'll just say this, if you're in

397
00:24:06,839 --> 00:24:11,000
a season where things aren't broken, but they're not familiar either,

398
00:24:11,599 --> 00:24:17,480
welcome baby. That might actually be growth, you know, not broken,

399
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,400
but not familiar. And I gotta tell you, like nobody

400
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:28,440
tells you that adulthood or adulting is. People say it

401
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:33,319
becomes a series of like quiet wins. You don't post

402
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:36,720
on Instagram, you know what I mean. And last night,

403
00:24:37,319 --> 00:24:38,839
I don't know if it was a win, but I

404
00:24:38,839 --> 00:24:42,279
would say it was a confidence builder for everyone at

405
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:50,720
that table. And I think someone said to me, what

406
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:55,240
is adulthood? And I would say, I think it's learning

407
00:24:55,279 --> 00:25:02,079
to let go and to sit in the after without judgment,

408
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:05,599
learning to let go and sit in the after after

409
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,599
life didn't work out the way I planned to sit

410
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:12,400
in the after without judgment, and by that I mean

411
00:25:12,599 --> 00:25:17,559
judgment for yourself as well as anyone else who is involved.

412
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:28,079
Just that's what I think adulthood is and easy, no, no,

413
00:25:28,079 --> 00:25:30,480
remember how a lot of people used always go And

414
00:25:30,559 --> 00:25:33,200
maybe you had this in relationships, maybe asked for it

415
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:38,519
in a relationship. I don't know closure right, And I

416
00:25:38,599 --> 00:25:43,720
used to think closure meant everything making sense again. That

417
00:25:43,799 --> 00:25:48,240
was closure, everything makes sense again. And as I thought

418
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:52,400
about it like this morning, I think it means being

419
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:56,680
able to sit at that table without needing to explain

420
00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:06,039
yourself to anyone. That's closure. Last night was just life continuing.

421
00:26:07,799 --> 00:26:13,200
My fed and friend Billy Broomfield, His is just life continuing.

422
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:19,519
And if you find yourself in that in between space

423
00:26:20,799 --> 00:26:25,319
where things didn't break, they just changed, I really want

424
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:34,880
to say you're not behind, you are probably right on time,

425
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:39,279
and with that.

426
00:26:41,279 --> 00:26:52,559
Speaker 3: I will see you tomorrow.

427
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:02,480
Speaker 2: I didn't know what to do. I turn the TV on.

428
00:27:02,799 --> 00:27:06,519
Speaker 3: Rule a letter to use and to stop a moment.

429
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:10,759
Speaker 1: H