Speaker 1: Let me finish. This is the first time I committed
Speaker 1: a hate crime. Maybe they'll jerk my dick off or
Speaker 1: something like that. Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associopath.
Speaker 2: Any thrash relationship, any trash.
Speaker 1: Ship, your worst friend?
Speaker 3: Do you want to know why you're all fucked up?
Speaker 3: Just look at the fucking problems you hang around with.
Speaker 1: You're listening to your Worst Friend Machine and Matt. I'm Matt.
Speaker 1: I'm joined today by my friend and co hosts. Last
Speaker 1: week I said we're going to start the introt to
Speaker 1: something ripped from the headlines. We got no thin this week,
Speaker 1: the most boring, shitty, fucking week ever.
Speaker 3: Now, let's just talk about all the bad stuff.
Speaker 1: That Shane, my host, Shane, Hey, what's Shane?
Speaker 3: What's up? No, there's got to be something bad, Like
Speaker 3: there's an election happening. There's always bad stuff happening. What's
Speaker 3: the new gossip, what's the new scuttle butt? What's the
Speaker 3: new shit? By the fucking cooler.
Speaker 1: Pan, We'll bring it to you here at your Worstfriend
Speaker 1: dot com. Go to your Worst Friend dot com to
Speaker 1: get links to everything we do. Follow us everywhere on
Speaker 1: Twitter and Instagram. At Worst friendcast. Most importantly, go to
Speaker 1: Patreon Patreon dot com slash worst friend Cast one dollar
Speaker 1: a month. You get a bonus episode every week. You
Speaker 1: get access to everything ever recorded, entirely commercial free right now.
Speaker 1: You get a seven day free trial on there.
Speaker 3: That's a good way to get it. Is like, you
Speaker 3: get in there for the seven days, you listen to
Speaker 3: it all, all three hundred or plus episodes in the
Speaker 3: seven days, sit there and listen to them all back
Speaker 3: to back to back to back to back, and then
Speaker 3: you get the fuck out. Dude, you can go.
Speaker 1: You can get that dollar from me. Fuckoh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we just got all your time. I M this is
Speaker 1: douchey point. I thought, oh no, this is really cringeing
Speaker 1: now that they think about it. This is not planned,
Speaker 1: this is not set up. This is just really really cringey.
Speaker 1: I have never told anyone what I did in college.
Speaker 3: Oh no, are you sure you want to admit that
Speaker 3: on this on.
Speaker 1: Our recording Patreon only, Uh oh you're talking about like
Speaker 1: gay stuff? No no, no, Patreon only. That only doesn't either.
Speaker 3: I'm talking about that girl you killed and talk for
Speaker 3: a year of college and then you buried her in
Speaker 3: the sand and then that other guy got blamed for
Speaker 3: it in Aruba in.
Speaker 1: The sand in Aruba, that's one of my favorite ones.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, how that girl got killed while she was
Speaker 3: getting fucked that night.
Speaker 1: That's bad. We mock women for I do, at least
Speaker 1: for I've been really ripping on chicks lately, and I
Speaker 1: fucking will not stop. I will. I felt like Connor McGregor,
Speaker 1: remember when he was like, I want to apologize to
Speaker 1: absolutely fucking no one. That's how I feel, and then
Speaker 1: it just keep on stare women like that too. No,
Speaker 1: that was no. This is when he was the double
Speaker 1: Champ before the cocaine ruined his career and an actor.
Speaker 3: And yeah, so you haven't gotten a starring role in
Speaker 3: a in a road out.
Speaker 1: In a in an eighties reboot.
Speaker 3: Well, dude, eighties reboots aren't all bad, you know. And
Speaker 3: reboot is an ill defined term now because they keep
Speaker 3: on doing these like reboot sequels. He's either doing a
Speaker 3: Tron movie with nine inch nails is the soundtrack.
Speaker 1: By the way, By the way, yeah, I do know
Speaker 1: they're making a fucking Tron movie. Do you know how
Speaker 1: I know they're making a Tron movie? Cuz fucking two
Speaker 1: weeks ago before the show, and I won't divert too
Speaker 1: far off Tron. Before the show, we were talking about
Speaker 1: just manic episodes and this and that, and I had one.
Speaker 1: A few weeks ago. I was editing an episode at
Speaker 1: fucking three point thirty in the morning, and I go, well,
Speaker 1: I'm editing here, and I'm doing photoshop on this screen.
Speaker 1: I have a screen over here. I might as well
Speaker 1: just put Tron Legacy up and watch the entire thing.
Speaker 1: Then I dove in and read more about Really No,
Speaker 1: Tron Legacy was really fucking good. So then I started
Speaker 1: reading about Tron more because I wanted to really really
Speaker 1: understand the world that they built.
Speaker 3: What are they in a Macintosh computer?
Speaker 1: No, I think it's a fucking just a cabinet console.
Speaker 1: Fucking pac Man.
Speaker 3: In an arcade game. Yeah, it's like wreck at Ralph Man.
Speaker 1: Fucking pac Man. Here's the only time I won't rip women,
Speaker 1: miss pac Man over pac Man any day.
Speaker 3: Right, what's the difference?
Speaker 1: Get the fuck out of here. She's got a bow
Speaker 1: in her hair. I guess pac Man could transition, but
Speaker 1: she's got a bow in her hair. There's more colorful shit.
Speaker 1: The music's better. Here's the weird thing pac Man and
Speaker 1: all the bullshit little packed guys characters within the pac
Speaker 1: Man Cinematic universe.
Speaker 3: There's other characters.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're all Yeah. I was gonna say little packy,
Speaker 1: but I think if I say that in England, I
Speaker 1: get fucking arrested for something.
Speaker 3: Wants to go there.
Speaker 1: They're all owned by one company and Miss pac Man
Speaker 1: is owned by another company.
Speaker 3: Hm.
Speaker 1: That's why if you see cabinets.
Speaker 3: Okay, so they're never in the same cabinet. No, I
Speaker 3: mean they don't even with each other.
Speaker 1: I mean they could be licensed there. Maybe they are
Speaker 1: enemies anyway.
Speaker 3: Maybe they're enemies who fuck like me and my wife.
Speaker 1: Mister and missus Jones. Uh what Yeah, there's a new
Speaker 1: tron called tron something with.
Speaker 3: An A right tron nin.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think that's what it is.
Speaker 3: What it was on the advertisement.
Speaker 1: It wasn't tron nin Daft Punk did the last one right?
Speaker 3: Oh I don't know, dude. It just sounded like beeps
Speaker 3: and boops to me. Tron aries aries. What are they
Speaker 3: fucking taking up the zodiac? You guys are computers, not stars.
Speaker 1: That's funny because the director has a fucking an O
Speaker 1: in his that has a slash through it, and that
Speaker 1: looks like a zodia.
Speaker 3: Jesus Christ. Yeah, he's probably the zodiac Son.
Speaker 1: I can't even keep tron American anymore. You know how
Speaker 1: disgusting is this? Souring to Norway? Who made the first one?
Speaker 1: I don't know who did make the first so I
Speaker 1: don't know nothing.
Speaker 3: Probably some foreigner, I assume someone named.
Speaker 1: Abdul abduls tron.
Speaker 3: Oh dude, no, they he probably wrote the script, you know,
Speaker 3: and then fucking Spielberg and Lucas spiced it up a
Speaker 3: little bit with the blue lines. It was just orange
Speaker 3: lines in the first script. And then they're like, what
Speaker 3: if we had the blue lines too going in his
Speaker 3: zigs when they were zagging.
Speaker 1: Steven Lisberg wrote and directed the first tron Berg. All right,
Speaker 1: I see what you're doing there. That makes sense. Bird,
Speaker 1: come interesting? Where did you go to church as a boy?
Speaker 3: Are you undercover? Ice?
Speaker 1: Why is the head of your penis cut off?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Did they when they circumcised you? Did they take the
Speaker 1: head off too?
Speaker 3: Of course? Yeah. I just got a little flat little
Speaker 3: you know, like a half cigar.
Speaker 1: Imagine your dick was a you know, like cut diagonally
Speaker 1: like at an angle, you know, honestly, because we're just
Speaker 1: talking about where the head goes right, and it's just
Speaker 1: a cauterized stump with just a little towards the end
Speaker 1: is just a little bit of skin and when it
Speaker 1: gets real dry, you kind of just like rub it off, dick.
Speaker 3: Well, there's no mentrance.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's a piss hole.
Speaker 3: Okay, what's in there?
Speaker 1: This is where the piss goes. It just comes from.
Speaker 3: I guess. I guess that'd be ugly. I wouldn't. I
Speaker 3: don't know what you want me to say about that.
Speaker 3: It would be an ugly thing to look at. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I wouldn't like it if you had that. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: So in college this is not Are we done with
Speaker 1: tron talk?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, And now we're talking about the sophomore year
Speaker 3: at college where you killed Natalie Holloway.
Speaker 1: I didn't do that, did she? When did she die?
Speaker 3: I think we were in high school?
Speaker 1: Was it?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Okay, good, can't get blamed. Fucking free Jordan Vandersloot, That's
Speaker 1: what I say.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, let him out for Natalie, not the other murder.
Speaker 3: It definitely committed. I admitted to.
Speaker 1: Senior portrait. Oh she disappeared in two thousand and five.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were in high school. Yeah, okay, were What
Speaker 3: a wild thing to like commit a murder, get away
Speaker 3: with it, and then go somewhere else and commit the
Speaker 3: exact same murder and get caught for it. That's a weird,
Speaker 3: dumb thing to do, don't you think again.
Speaker 1: I will rip women for their being dumb and blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah and true crime. Oh shut up,
Speaker 1: you dumb hord blah blah blah. I will watch anything
Speaker 1: that comes along about Natalie Holloway. Uh well, yeah, the whole,
Speaker 1: the whole Natalie Holloway cinematic universe. You know what I'm
Speaker 1: referring to here.
Speaker 3: Scott Peterson? Are you gonna say, Scott Peterson?
Speaker 1: No, Jen was watching the new Scott Peterson thing that
Speaker 1: came out, and I wasn't drawn to stop doing what
Speaker 1: I was doing to fully pay attention to it. I don't.
Speaker 1: I know, you watched a thing recently that kind of
Speaker 1: like gave credence to it, and I even know the
Speaker 1: Innocence Project kind of yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the only thing is that they just there's too many.
Speaker 3: I think Scott Peterson did it. I think I've said
Speaker 3: that before. I just think that they have a horrible
Speaker 3: case because there's just so many reasonable doubts, you know,
Speaker 3: there are too many reasonable doubts for it to be excusable,
Speaker 3: you know, like if the state can't explain the reasonable doubts,
Speaker 3: that's the problem, and that's I think why the Innocence
Speaker 3: Project is taking it up too. I'm pretty sure he
Speaker 3: killed her, you know.
Speaker 1: He'd yeah, I mean, yeah, he should one hundred percent
Speaker 1: and get a fair trial and get all the evidence
Speaker 1: looked at and everything for sure, But he killed her.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say ninety nine point nine eight percent killed her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think he killed her. Where was Oh?
Speaker 1: I was watching anything? I will watch anything true crime
Speaker 1: related about Natalie Holloway, John Bonnet, Ramsey.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, she's great, dude, Such a shame cut short
Speaker 3: too soon, great career.
Speaker 1: By the way, Hey, anyone else there who likes my
Speaker 1: takes on whatever this and that blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: Just as bad to me are those fucking child beauty pageants.
Speaker 1: They're just right up there with any kind of the
Speaker 1: worst thing you don't like on your political side.
Speaker 3: What if they're dead babies.
Speaker 1: Like they used to do in the Old West when
Speaker 1: they drop your body up and do you want to
Speaker 1: take a picture with my They have conventions of them.
Speaker 1: You can come around and look for the cutest one.
Speaker 3: That's a real thing, dude. My wife has pictures of
Speaker 3: her as a little kid, like smiling next to all
Speaker 3: these dead folks and coffins, and like her aunt will
Speaker 3: be standing next to her stoically, and then like the
Speaker 3: kids are all standing next to the dead person like
Speaker 3: laughing and shit.
Speaker 1: I told you the one I have Gary a fucking
Speaker 1: third or fourth cousin. This blah blah blah. She was
Speaker 1: at a funeral. I don't know what she was, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't know how she was related. She was at
Speaker 1: this funeral for my uncle and she kept rubbing his
Speaker 1: head in the coffin, like putting her hand under his
Speaker 1: neck and rubbing the top of his head, kissing the
Speaker 1: top of his head like it's a brand new kiddy. Yes,
Speaker 1: David's doing well, thank you for asking like this, yeah,
Speaker 1: like this, like on, he's fucking eight. The first it
Speaker 1: was the first funeral of my family that I brought
Speaker 1: gen too, And she was like, what the fuck is wrong?
Speaker 1: I was like, we're not all. I've never seen that before.
Speaker 3: Oh man, you should go to a Filipino funeral.
Speaker 1: They're way better, way better, or way and this. Do
Speaker 1: you think more kisses would be better or less?
Speaker 3: They don't just fucking give them little pecks on the
Speaker 3: head like they grab onto their arms and fucking cry
Speaker 3: and scream and get their fucking makeup and tears all
Speaker 3: over the fucking dead body and stuff and it all
Speaker 3: it just like beads off me because they've been waxed,
Speaker 3: you know, pretty pre showing. I guess it's a viewing,
Speaker 3: but yeah, dude, the Filipinos, they they don't hold back
Speaker 3: at all day they're theatric and they're not squeamish about
Speaker 3: handling the dead.
Speaker 1: What was the last funeral? I went to my dad's,
Speaker 1: I guess, But before I guess I had been on
Speaker 1: a good string and not having to go to them.
Speaker 3: Probably my grandma's.
Speaker 1: No, I didn't know I had others between then.
Speaker 3: Oh that's good. I'm glad that I wasn't the last one.
Speaker 1: Okay, uh No, I was looking for a snide comment
Speaker 1: to make there, but you know, I didn't want to
Speaker 1: say something. I didn't have anything I should say, it's
Speaker 1: not like, oh I got a mean thing on deck.
Speaker 1: I reached you ever just reach into something you know
Speaker 1: is not there, and it's not there, and you go, cocksucker.
Speaker 3: Oh you should do what I do. You just pull
Speaker 3: something out anyway.
Speaker 1: That's not a thing, all right? What was I saying.
Speaker 3: Sophomore year at college? You killed a girl.
Speaker 1: Soremory of college and I didn't kill anyone. Okay, No,
Speaker 1: And I don't even know how we got to this
Speaker 1: point to connect it back. So it's gonna look like
Speaker 1: I just out of nowhere just went tell you this story.
Speaker 1: I bought Paul's Boutique on CD.
Speaker 3: Oh that's by UH Boys.
Speaker 1: But it was their like experimental album and shit right
Speaker 1: that people hated at one point and then really loved
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah. It basically like like if Radiohead's
Speaker 1: career was one rap album, it would be like, at
Speaker 1: one point we underrated you. Now they're definitely overrating.
Speaker 3: You, and mmm, yeah, okay, so I it. You listen
Speaker 3: to it.
Speaker 1: I ran a speaker next to my bed and I
Speaker 1: played it and listened all night and hope it would
Speaker 1: give me some form of creative inspiration.
Speaker 3: It wouldn't absolutely, my fucking douchebag man. I know anythink
Speaker 3: I know it was gonna suck your creative inspiration and
Speaker 3: send it to Tom York.
Speaker 1: It wasn't Radiohead, Remember it was The Beast, you boys, Tom.
Speaker 3: York is stealing from He's got got the creative energy
Speaker 3: of all the fucking British people and Jewish people in Hollywood.
Speaker 1: I don't really. I'm not a huge fan of the
Speaker 1: Tom York cinematic universe.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't like them.
Speaker 1: Weird.
Speaker 3: Your Oasis is getting back together? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Did I really give a ship though?
Speaker 3: The songs? Right, That's what I'm saying. Why do people
Speaker 3: care about oasisuch fucking huge?
Speaker 1: Yeah, they were.
Speaker 3: Huge, but they again, they only have a couple albums
Speaker 3: and a couple good songs. I know the names of
Speaker 3: two of those songs, Wonderwall and Champagne Supernova. I don't
Speaker 3: even know the other singles.
Speaker 1: I don't don't look back in Anger?
Speaker 3: Okay, you that one? Anything?
Speaker 1: You like that one?
Speaker 3: I'm aware of the song because I had that one album,
Speaker 3: the Morning Glory Album. But then they had another album
Speaker 3: after that, Right, that was like a huge fucking flop,
Speaker 3: wasn't it.
Speaker 1: I don't Hey, you need don't look back in anger,
Speaker 1: Wonder Wonder Things. We used to play that in the
Speaker 1: radio studio when I wanted to flirt with gen because
Speaker 1: it's like a seven minute song.
Speaker 3: Oh really, you should have played in a Gotta DaVita.
Speaker 3: It's like seventeen minutes and ten of its drums.
Speaker 1: And then secretly I would go home and listen to
Speaker 1: Paul's boutique while I slept all night.
Speaker 3: That is so weird, and it like you didn't listen
Speaker 3: to any other music to get creative energy, So weird.
Speaker 1: You are so stupid.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, like, of all the things to get
Speaker 3: creative energy from, you choose these three Jewish guys who
Speaker 3: thought they could rap.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't even. I mean I like
Speaker 1: the singles with the Beastie Boys. Everything else sounds the
Speaker 1: same to me.
Speaker 3: Well, let's be real, Like some of their lines are funny,
Speaker 3: the songs are catchy, they're cool, but all of them.
Speaker 2: Sound like this, and they all sound like they gets sucked.
Speaker 3: In as It's like, what the fuck, dude, why did
Speaker 3: anybody find that appealing as a rap style?
Speaker 1: Ah? Yeah, I don't know. I'm a pussy cracker. Though, like,
Speaker 1: that's oh, that's who's I mean, who runs the world.
Speaker 1: Don't say what you're actually thinking. Pussy white guys, right.
Speaker 3: Weak ass fucking I.
Speaker 1: Mean, that's why Eminem is in the top whatever you
Speaker 1: want to say of rappers of all time.
Speaker 3: He's the best one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I bet he's different on
Speaker 1: Chalamagne the gods lea.
Speaker 3: Oh dude. I seen him get called out so many times.
Speaker 3: I saw a master P. I saw master P.
Speaker 1: On Charlamagne once your middle wake gun.
Speaker 3: One time I saw Charlemagne and he's like, yo, master.
Speaker 1: P, hey you you haven't hit that bitch.
Speaker 3: And then master P was like nah, man, and he
Speaker 3: like started to move on for a second, and he
Speaker 3: started to say something else, and he's like, hold on,
Speaker 3: hold on a bit. You can't be talking like that bad.
Speaker 3: I know this is your show. I'm not trying to
Speaker 3: be disrespectful, but that's a female. Man. You can't be
Speaker 3: just talking like that. He's calling out her name like that,
Speaker 3: asking me about that. She can't even hear, man, like,
Speaker 3: what's your mama? Don't think man, this is master P.
Speaker 3: Master P was who I don't know his song, I
Speaker 3: know that he was the founder of dresser companies where
Speaker 3: they had an album every week with like that dark
Speaker 3: ass photo shop where the letters were unreadable on top
Speaker 3: of the on top of the top of the cover art.
Speaker 3: You know, it'd be like a juvenile hose from the
Speaker 3: street and that would be the title, but it would
Speaker 3: be illegible. It just looked like cinder blocks underneath a
Speaker 3: poorly cut out picture of juvenile like flashing gang signs
Speaker 3: on top of a nuclear explosion. You know that's yeah,
Speaker 3: Even the fucking emblem is unreadable. It's just like diamonds
Speaker 3: on a on a gold chain, and it looks like
Speaker 3: it was. The photograph was taken from at a forty
Speaker 3: five degree angle with the light at a ninety degree angle.
Speaker 1: Imagine you're getting called out from being disrespectful for some females.
Speaker 1: For master P.
Speaker 3: Master P looks like he looks like Muhammad Ali after
Speaker 3: a brain transplant, because his head he's all swollen, you know,
Speaker 3: under the do rag it looks like a bandage on
Speaker 3: top of a swollen like skull. And then his face
Speaker 3: is real swollen too, like he got beat up like
Speaker 3: Mohammad Ali.
Speaker 1: You're saying that it's just a chubbier black guy. Why
Speaker 1: did we have to do? Mom and Ali translan.
Speaker 3: That's trying to be respectful, you know.
Speaker 1: So what is he gonna be smart now? Like real intelligent,
Speaker 1: because that was a pretty intelligent guy.
Speaker 3: No, this is just to get him back after all
Speaker 3: those hits to the head.
Speaker 1: Oh imagine that's how they find out Parkinson's is like
Speaker 1: strictly a brain thing. He is not a nerve thing whatsoever.
Speaker 1: They threw mom and Ali's it brain inside master Piece
Speaker 1: Bunny and he just starts wiggling like he's fucking dancing.
Speaker 3: Oh that might be a like default for master P
Speaker 3: a lot of the time. I don't I don't know
Speaker 3: him outside of Charlemagne.
Speaker 1: I don't know much about master P. I just liked
Speaker 1: when he put Supermen in his place.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I like when he finally took Charlemagne down a notch.
Speaker 1: Man. This is okay, all right? Where were we?
Speaker 3: I think we're going to watch a guy eat meat
Speaker 3: or something or you had listened to Oasis. I don't
Speaker 3: fucking know. You still on a girl named Jen? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was Jen, Jen like my wife Jen, Like.
Speaker 3: Oh dude, I thought it was Jen, the other girl
Speaker 3: that you fucked.
Speaker 1: Hey, you know what's funny. I when Jen and I
Speaker 1: got together, I was initially hitting on her friend because
Speaker 1: I didn't know Jen was interested at all. And Jen's
Speaker 1: other friend, whose name was also Jen the Jen Cinematic
Speaker 1: Universe obviously, uh we behind the scenes called her the
Speaker 1: pig because she seemed slutty. Maybe she just said slutty stuff,
Speaker 1: but she also kind of had an upturned nose and
Speaker 1: she was kind of a pig. So this whole time, Jeny,
Speaker 1: the girl I really want, is like longing for me
Speaker 1: to ask her out, and I'm just hitting on her
Speaker 1: pig friend the whole time, not knowing because I'm looking
Speaker 1: to get my fucking corkscrewed dick wet.
Speaker 3: You know, yeah, dude, because you're like, oh, my dick
Speaker 3: is a corkscrew She's a pig, which are known for
Speaker 3: corkscrew tail, so I'll fuck her. Makes total sense.
Speaker 1: Don't pigs have corkscrewed dicks?
Speaker 3: Do they? I don't know. That's interesting if they do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you want to watch one.
Speaker 3: I would like to see one if that's what they are.
Speaker 1: Right. Slow newsweek folks, Oh dude, but it's like, when
Speaker 1: else are you going to get this learning experience? Pig
Speaker 1: penis just look, just put a cock. Okay, don't just
Speaker 1: put it like that.
Speaker 3: That doesn't look like a corkscrew. That looks great and
Speaker 3: like it would go in deep.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, hold.
Speaker 3: On, are they gonna fuck ew?
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, don't put it and I know you're right,
Speaker 1: but don't put it like that. It just feels because.
Speaker 3: It feels they make love. Because it feels wrong.
Speaker 1: He's gonna fucking breed her.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like I should just have no, you know. Fuck,
Speaker 3: It's just that, you know, that's just nature taking its course.
Speaker 1: You know that chickens in the cuckchair.
Speaker 3: Yeah, please don't, please don't. It's okay, it's okay, Please don't,
Speaker 3: please don't.
Speaker 1: It's okay. No, God, God, keep going no, please don't
Speaker 1: do It's so sad. You just made the cute little
Speaker 1: it just that was hurt me. I don't know why.
Speaker 3: Oh dude, I think that's like no, it's like the
Speaker 3: please don't is part of the fantasy, you know, he tall,
Speaker 3: he warns the pig. You know, it's like, look, there's
Speaker 3: a safe word, right, Okay, I'm gonna say if I say,
Speaker 3: if I say, yeah, it's all good. You can keep
Speaker 3: sucking my piggish wife. I'm gonna just sit over here
Speaker 3: and cluck and say please don't if I say, uh,
Speaker 3: you know, the butcher's coming means butcher's coming.
Speaker 1: You know. Hey, let's watch these pigs fuck all right.
Speaker 3: Let's see what his dick looks like. Oh, Dan, he's
Speaker 3: coming already?
Speaker 1: Who he is? You see that?
Speaker 3: Why is he doing that? What's wrong with him?
Speaker 1: Add how is he doing? What?
Speaker 3: He's coming? I don't know.
Speaker 4: It's exciting, It's just curiosity, dude, Like what the fuck?
Speaker 1: Oh shit?
Speaker 3: I would like to know is it normal for Higgs
Speaker 3: to come so fast?
Speaker 1: Hit me the rate? Oh it's coming? What is he too?
Speaker 1: You doing it? If you could help it?
Speaker 3: It's like, well do they just okay, so here's a
Speaker 3: good story for you. Here's a good story, all right.
Speaker 3: So I want to know, like they just continually like,
Speaker 3: squirt come and I have a good basis for this, right, okay.
Speaker 3: So when we're in Iraq, right.
Speaker 1: Just a fucking village woman pregnant.
Speaker 3: Oh no, I wish man. That would have been so
Speaker 3: cool because then I wouldn't have had to take care
Speaker 3: of it. I could have just killed her like she
Speaker 3: had a bomb, it's in her belly.
Speaker 1: Were you with your wife before you left or after before?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: And she lived back on bass when you.
Speaker 3: Was in Reno, Nevada.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, okay, okay. I just I didn't know the
Speaker 1: timeline on getting fucked by Jody.
Speaker 3: Anyway, the fucking Oh I'm in Iraq.
Speaker 1: It's a weird black name.
Speaker 3: Oh, but it's it's a fitting one, you know.
Speaker 1: Good.
Speaker 3: But anyway, the porn selection in Iraq, like I mean now,
Speaker 3: like you can literally search for anything. I think there's
Speaker 3: even a website called Rule thirty four where for those
Speaker 3: who don't know, Rule thirty four is like if you
Speaker 3: can imagine it, or if you can think of it,
Speaker 3: you can dream it up, then there's porn of it,
Speaker 3: you know, like it already exists somewhere and it's porn.
Speaker 3: And that seems to be the case for most things.
Speaker 3: But the Internet wasn't as expansive. We didn't have like
Speaker 3: we you know, I had a browser on my flip phone,
Speaker 3: and web pages some of them wouldn't even load, you know,
Speaker 3: like you couldn't go to MySpace even on my cell phone.
Speaker 3: It would just like crash the browser. So the the
Speaker 3: porn selection was great, Like you were trading with everybody,
Speaker 3: and there was this one dude and nobody wanted to
Speaker 3: trade porn with him, like oh, they're like, oh god,
Speaker 3: his fucking porn is crazy. And I remember being like
Speaker 3: someone had mentioned, like, oh, Magio, that was this guy's name,
Speaker 3: this Italian guy who I think I saw on Instagram
Speaker 3: a couple of years ago. He is like he's one
Speaker 3: of those fake, really fake people. Like all he posts
Speaker 3: are like pictures of himself throwing up peace signs with
Speaker 3: like oh it's me and my niece and I'm the
Speaker 3: best uncle. And it's like or he'll be like building
Speaker 3: a deck and it's like working on this deck with
Speaker 3: my grandpa or something, and it's like yeah, and every
Speaker 3: everything's like positivity and shit. But it's like he's got
Speaker 3: two likes. He's severely out of shape, you know, he
Speaker 3: looks tired and sick. He's just like a weird fake guy.
Speaker 1: That The other one that's like that is another guy
Speaker 1: you guys hung around with, Chris Chris p.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I believe.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, hey, what's up, what's up? Yeah? Fucking oh
Speaker 1: that's the worst too. Yeah yeah, So well, what are
Speaker 1: you doing this weekend exactly?
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, yeah, just just following.
Speaker 1: For engagement too, like what are you doing this week?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's like not not tagging any church, or
Speaker 3: would I comment on this?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 3: Well, I'm saying like that the post is just so
Speaker 3: bare bones, right, it's like they're not even tagging. Oh ok,
Speaker 3: like like you know, I'm saying it's like, you're right,
Speaker 3: why would I comment on it? Because it is so
Speaker 3: like it it's such a cry for attention, you know,
Speaker 3: like it'd be one thing if you were volunteering with
Speaker 3: your church, right, and it's like I'm here with at
Speaker 3: little church on the prairie, you know, and we're giving
Speaker 3: out lunchboxes. Great, great engagement. We had this turnout, We
Speaker 3: gave this many lunches away. I can't wait to see
Speaker 3: y' all at the next event.
Speaker 1: And if you want to donate go to sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah. But this is just him. It's like, oh, I'm
Speaker 3: building this deck, I'm doing this, I'm I'm donating. What
Speaker 3: have you done? Just like you said? You know, but
Speaker 3: it's like, yeah, didn't tag anybody, didn't show me a
Speaker 3: finished product. It's just like you sitting outside with a
Speaker 3: tape measure. But anyway, this guy he had the fucking
Speaker 3: craziest porn.
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, wait, do you think he's fucking Dexter? Do
Speaker 1: you think he's fucked up on the inside that's why
Speaker 1: you had and outside he's like, I'm just building a
Speaker 1: house with my daddy.
Speaker 3: Well and maybe did Dexter fuck kids?
Speaker 1: No he didn't. We mostly just killed serial killers or
Speaker 1: pedophiles and stuff. He killed pedophiles. Did he wanted to
Speaker 1: be the last one on the blog? He was? They
Speaker 1: only wanted to do that here. Yeah, part of the
Speaker 1: pedophilic Highlander cinematic universe, which is yeah, Warner dumped all
Speaker 1: their money into that instead of Batman.
Speaker 3: They should.
Speaker 1: Okay, so anyway, what was now Wait, it's sommer year
Speaker 1: in college. Uh, and this guy is cracking open his
Speaker 1: porn and what is it?
Speaker 3: So I remember like people had said like, oh, he's
Speaker 3: got the craziest porn, and then I think they had
Speaker 3: maybe they had rearranged squads or something or maybe oh yeah,
Speaker 3: you know what I think it was like for different
Speaker 3: parts of being in Iraq, we had different sleeping arrangements.
Speaker 3: So for the first couple months or maybe month and
Speaker 3: a half, we were there. We were in like a
Speaker 3: shed that could hold maybe eight people, you know, and
Speaker 3: there was like another shed right next to it that
Speaker 3: would have another eight people. And the living arrangements weren't
Speaker 3: based on who you were like in a squad with,
Speaker 3: so who you would go on patrol with, who you
Speaker 3: worked with, you know. So that kind of sucked. That
Speaker 3: was like a really shitty situation. It was just like
Speaker 3: what we were in. And then we moved to another
Speaker 3: place for the majority of our deployment, and we were
Speaker 3: there for like probably four months, and then we were
Speaker 3: in another place for a couple of months. But in
Speaker 3: this other place, there was like that's where our squad
Speaker 3: was together. It was we were all living in the
Speaker 3: same building, all in one place. So I don't I
Speaker 3: don't think. I had lived with Maggio for a couple
Speaker 3: of months, maybe a month, a month and a half,
Speaker 3: and then I had heard like, oh, he's a freak,
Speaker 3: he's a weirdo, he stinks, he's got crazy porn. And
Speaker 3: then like we're in the hooch all together in this
Speaker 3: new place, and finally I'm bunking with everybody in my
Speaker 3: squad and not just like two people, and like Maggio
Speaker 3: is like sitting on his bed like so like there's
Speaker 3: just some beds or bunk beds. Some beds are single
Speaker 3: and they're in a corner. They're all shit, you know.
Speaker 3: They're all just like wire frames with a mattress on them.
Speaker 3: But Magio is like sprawled out with his legs like
Speaker 3: the definition of man spreading.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: He's got like his fucking big pork chop body like
Speaker 3: slammed against the wall and his legs spread, and his
Speaker 3: laptop open in between his legs, and there's like a
Speaker 3: person on each side of him, you know. And people
Speaker 3: normally didn't like Maggio, you know, right, weird to see
Speaker 3: two people on his sides watching whatever he had on
Speaker 3: his screen, you know. So I'm like, what the fuck's
Speaker 3: Magio got going. He's got this huge grin on his face,
Speaker 3: you know. And I go over there, and it's hold
Speaker 3: on real quick. I want to smoke this before my
Speaker 3: timer runs out.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, Shane's just gonna build the anticipation, and
Speaker 1: while he does, I'll say, hand over to our Patreon
Speaker 1: Patreon dot com Worst Friend cast.
Speaker 3: So Maggio spreading his legs, got the laptop there between
Speaker 3: his legs, people like Melendez. I'm sure. I'm certain Melendez
Speaker 3: was there because I remember his reaction. I'll get to it.
Speaker 3: But he's he normally hated Maggio. He would like talk
Speaker 3: shit to him. And he's like sitting over his shoulder
Speaker 3: watching the screen, and I go over. And this is
Speaker 3: why I ask, is it a normal reaction for pigs
Speaker 3: to just come for the entire active intercourse? Like, you know,
Speaker 3: if they're going to fuck for two minutes, do they
Speaker 3: just come the whole time? Because Magio's goes his laptop
Speaker 3: open and there's a video and it's a woman and
Speaker 3: she's sucking a donkey's dick. She's just sucking, like and
Speaker 3: the donkey's dick is huge. Man, it is like it
Speaker 3: is a yard. It is three feet easy. This thing
Speaker 3: is huge, man. And this is not simulated porn. This
Speaker 3: is not some fucking guy in a suit or the
Speaker 3: they have like a split screen, or they have like
Speaker 3: they have it switched out like at a frame, or
Speaker 3: they have a guy in a suit in one frame,
Speaker 3: or a fake dick attached. No, this is a real donkey.
Speaker 3: This is filmed in some other fucking country. I don't
Speaker 3: even know where in this whole country obviously not a
Speaker 3: good country.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this will hey, hey, hey, hey, we're a first
Speaker 1: world country still, And I am sure someone is filming
Speaker 1: some woman suck a donkey's cock somewhere on the on
Speaker 1: these beautiful lands that are.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't I wouldn't have it any other way. It's
Speaker 3: a land of freedom. But I look, so I didn't
Speaker 3: start the video with them, so I didn't see it. Disclaimer, Yeah,
Speaker 3: but so I can't make any guarantees, but uh, yeah,
Speaker 3: this girl didn't give any sort of verbal consent in
Speaker 3: the video.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: It was just like a really like icky video, and
Speaker 3: she seemed to be digging it, you know, because they
Speaker 3: were like probably telling her to dig it, you know.
Speaker 3: But she's just sucking this donkey's dick for a long
Speaker 3: a long time, dude. She is like and she can't
Speaker 3: suck the whole thing, right, she can barely get it
Speaker 3: in her mouth. So she's just like, you know, like
Speaker 3: getting some of the head of the donkey's dick in
Speaker 3: her mouth and like moving it around and stuff, and
Speaker 3: like going up and down the shaft, and I shit,
Speaker 3: you not, dude. The entire length of the video, this
Speaker 3: donkey just fucking ejaculated the whole time. It's just like
Speaker 3: shooting in her mouth and her face. She had the
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, she fucked it. She had it in her
Speaker 3: pussy and shit, it was ejaculating in her I was like,
Speaker 3: Oh my.
Speaker 4: God, dude, she's gonna have babies. You have donkey babies,
Speaker 4: you know, Like, what the fuck? How is she going
Speaker 4: to pass a donkey out of there? It was the
Speaker 4: craziest shit, you know, and it was definitely illegal. And yeah,
Speaker 4: it just never stopped coming, just kept coming the whole time.
Speaker 4: It's like, I wish I could do that.
Speaker 1: Somewhere There is a Warner Brother's exit excutive going, how
Speaker 1: can we buy the rights to that footage?
Speaker 3: Man?
Speaker 1: We got to put something on Max that people are
Speaker 1: going to watch, And it sounds like people actually wanted
Speaker 1: to watch this.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, for I mean a couple of minutes at least.
Speaker 3: I mean I kind of wanted to like examine it
Speaker 3: more thoroughly on my own to just kind of get
Speaker 3: an idea of just like the science behind all the stuff.
Speaker 3: But other than that, yeah, it was just like it was.
Speaker 3: It was illuminating, to say the least.
Speaker 1: I went I went to this porn store one time
Speaker 1: in the last five years, because I think I told
Speaker 1: the story early on and I went in there, I
Speaker 1: don't even know what I was looking for. I was
Speaker 1: probably looking for like a sex toy or like a
Speaker 1: lube or something like that, and I'm looking at asshole. Well,
Speaker 1: but I told you this story before about it's the
Speaker 1: same shop where there's a theme in her room and
Speaker 1: it's like a wrap around type thing, and the store's
Speaker 1: kind of in the front. I've obviously never been in
Speaker 1: the theater room. That's just I have no need for that.
Speaker 1: If you enjoy them cool. So when I was there,
Speaker 1: this fucking forty two and a half year old Indian
Speaker 1: man comes out of there with his pants unbuckled, just
Speaker 1: a handful of tissues on his dick. I can't see
Speaker 1: his dick, but it's like covered because he's holding his
Speaker 1: pants up. And then he goes to the bathroom and
Speaker 1: he opens the door and goes in and he closes
Speaker 1: it behind him, and I was like, oh.
Speaker 3: Why do they have a bathroom? I feel like the
Speaker 3: theater booth should accomplish whatever he would do in the bathroom.
Speaker 3: Was he gonna shit there?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't know. Imagine that you bust a nut at
Speaker 3: this theater and then you have the audacity to take
Speaker 3: a shit there too. What an asshole? What a what
Speaker 3: a fucking asshole. You come to my country, you open
Speaker 3: a sationalist thing.
Speaker 1: You come to my fucking country. Look here, look here,
Speaker 1: you come to my country, you go in my poor
Speaker 1: no theaters, But then you have the audacity to go
Speaker 1: into the bathroom and drop drop a curry shit, drop
Speaker 1: a teak of.
Speaker 3: A soliturn, and my toilet. Get the fuck out of
Speaker 3: here on the fucking elephant you rode in on.
Speaker 1: So this was the same shop. But but uh, at
Speaker 1: one point I was looking at something and like dudes
Speaker 1: were going in and out of the theater. There was
Speaker 1: not a woman to be seen. It was the oddest thing, right.
Speaker 3: Well, watching someone get fuck a donkey, right, is that
Speaker 3: what happened?
Speaker 1: No, but at one point some guy I made eye
Speaker 1: contact with me and it really grossed me out.
Speaker 3: Why why would they do that? I feel like one
Speaker 3: As soon as you walk in the store, she had
Speaker 3: like a blinding light that shines at a angle from
Speaker 3: the ceiling from all directions, so you have to look
Speaker 3: at the floor it's brilliant.
Speaker 1: It's really really smart. But I some dude makes icons.
Speaker 1: I go, I just turn in a grand a.
Speaker 3: You make that sound.
Speaker 1: Look, I'm not homophobic. It's just a visceral reaction. If
Speaker 1: I make eye contact with another man, I think, oh,
Speaker 1: he wants to fuck me, probably missionary kiss me.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I think it'd be a visceral reaction
Speaker 3: for me if if I made eye contact with the
Speaker 3: woman coming out of the Donkey Theater.
Speaker 1: In the Donkey Theater cinematics.
Speaker 3: She's the Thanos of that universe.
Speaker 1: Uh so, yeah. I quickly turn around and kind of
Speaker 1: grab a DVD off the shelf and I look at
Speaker 1: it and it's a woman getting sucked by a dog.
Speaker 3: What the fuck?
Speaker 1: And I turned. They have a little section. It's like
Speaker 1: four movies across and like you know, seven or eight
Speaker 1: rows down like you would see at a movie store
Speaker 1: or Suncoaset video whatever it was.
Speaker 3: It's their back room.
Speaker 1: Yeah, except it was right up front, like right up front.
Speaker 1: I could not have been more upfront. And it was
Speaker 1: just dogs, it was horses. It was it's no kids, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I understand you know what. I have to apologize there,
Speaker 1: I said, it in a county tone like this, like
Speaker 1: come on, man, no, no kids, Well, why the illegality
Speaker 1: of it is not that much worse than this woman
Speaker 1: literally sucking a dog's deck. So I should not have
Speaker 1: said that in such a tone. I apologize.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm trying to fix out, Like were these like,
Speaker 3: were these printed by companies or are these.
Speaker 1: Just like these were printed by a fucking epsom inkjet eight? Okay,
Speaker 1: four ten?
Speaker 3: You know gota? Okay? Was there any branding whatsoever, like
Speaker 3: by John.
Speaker 1: If you told me, hey, you can go see it now,
Speaker 1: I would so I could analyze the entire thing. Uh,
Speaker 1: there was. I didn't have enough time to look. I
Speaker 1: just saw a dog. It looked like a it's a
Speaker 1: cop dog.
Speaker 3: Oh dude, Maybe the whole thing was a sting.
Speaker 1: What what is a cop dog? What are they?
Speaker 3: German sheperd German shepherd? Yeah, maybe they just had like
Speaker 3: they they had like a female officer full eight, one
Speaker 3: of the canine units. Like come on, let's take this
Speaker 3: picture real quick. We'll make this beast reality this fake cover.
Speaker 3: We'll put it up at the local porno shop and
Speaker 3: anyone tries to buy away, arrest them.
Speaker 1: They can't photo shop and they have to. I get
Speaker 1: that new female officer. You gotta suck that dog, the
Speaker 1: dog that's close to retirement.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah. I sent him out on a high and
Speaker 3: o to it's yeah, this is all that being done
Speaker 3: at his retirement party. By the way, wasn't wasn't an
Speaker 3: initiative by the township or anything.
Speaker 1: I heard a story on a podcast I forget where
Speaker 1: Mickey Mantle got blown underneath the bleachers one time at
Speaker 1: like the Yankee Stadium or something, and there's like a leakers.
Speaker 1: There's a way this was Mickey Mantle time, you know,
Speaker 1: light sixties.
Speaker 3: No, you know, well they didn't let black people play,
Speaker 3: right because they were slaves.
Speaker 1: Uh no, at this point black people will play Oh okay,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah Mickey Mantle time. Yes, Babor time, Hey, back
Speaker 1: of the bus. Oh slaves. No, they weren't slaves. They
Speaker 1: just weren't treated anywhere close to human. And by like
Speaker 1: Mickey Mantle's time, they were treated somewhat human.
Speaker 3: You know, yeah, the sub human got it and.
Speaker 1: Uh uh she said the girl the woman was like, well,
Speaker 1: what do you want me to do with the comb? Afterwards?
Speaker 1: And these responses, I don't know I'm not a cocksucker,
Speaker 1: and it just made me. It made me laugh. I
Speaker 1: don't know, he drank through two livers, you know that.
Speaker 3: Oh fuck, that's a shame.
Speaker 1: That is right. It could have gone to someone who
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: Who could have not drank through it and wasted it.
Speaker 3: It's like a it's like, uh, and you know what
Speaker 3: else is a shame. The liver is such an extraordinary organ.
Speaker 3: Did you know that when you get a liver transplant,
Speaker 3: generally what they'll do is they'll cut out a large
Speaker 3: piece of a healthy person's liver, stick it in the
Speaker 3: sick person, and a whole new liver grows. Yep.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I've been watching a lot of House lately.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Oh that's so fucking cool. Dude. I think that's like,
Speaker 3: that's double wasting it because it's like, dude, we could
Speaker 3: have put it in a girl who is uh, has
Speaker 3: a twin, and she could have grown a liver and
Speaker 3: then she could have given it to her or twin,
Speaker 3: because why not.
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the pig dick thing in
Speaker 1: a second. But are you an organ donor?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I tell this to Jen all the time. Fucking whatever
Speaker 1: they can take from me. Just take it, give it
Speaker 1: to someone else.
Speaker 3: Yeah, or you don't even dude, just take it and
Speaker 3: fucking bring it home with you.
Speaker 1: Put it in a lunch box. There's a sell it
Speaker 1: to fucking Robert Kennedy Junior as a fucking yeah.
Speaker 3: Or yeah, you just put it on display at your house.
Speaker 3: Like people come over, they're like, what what the fuck
Speaker 3: is this? This is a guy. I just found this
Speaker 3: guy one day at work and I brought him. You
Speaker 3: get out that.
Speaker 1: It's just deliver It's just sitting there a kidney under glass.
Speaker 1: But it's stink still. You could have my whole skin
Speaker 1: if you want it. So funny because can we skin him?
Speaker 3: Though?
Speaker 1: And well he's an organ donor. But they said everything
Speaker 1: was good on this guy. They just start peeling it off.
Speaker 3: He said he only wants to donate his bones.
Speaker 1: Everything else should remain in tag. But he like to
Speaker 1: donate his bones.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he wants everything else to be buried and displayed
Speaker 3: for the viewing. But anybody who needs a bone marrow transplant, Yeah,
Speaker 3: get that ship on ice.
Speaker 1: Just crack one of his fevers and start sucking it out.
Speaker 1: You're good man. Not only not only will he donate
Speaker 1: all of his bones. If you don't want his bones,
Speaker 1: we still need to remove them. He doesn't want to
Speaker 1: be buried anywhere near his fucking bones.
Speaker 3: That's actually his dying wish is that, no matter what,
Speaker 3: he cannot be in the same casket as his bones.
Speaker 3: There's a subtext that says, do with that, or do
Speaker 3: with what?
Speaker 1: Do what you will with that?
Speaker 3: Oh, with that information, sorry, but know that my bones
Speaker 3: will not be with myself. Yeah. That's the thing. Is
Speaker 3: like I feel like when you skin somebody, it's really easy, right,
Speaker 3: But the like you skin a deer you can see
Speaker 3: that pig and skin a squirrel, you could easily skin
Speaker 3: a person. Right, it's the same fucking outer layer. We
Speaker 3: just have less fur. But getting the bones right, Like,
Speaker 3: how do the taxidermy guys do all that shit?
Speaker 1: I don't know. We interviewed a porn star that is
Speaker 1: an expert at doing that stuff.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I wanted to talk to her about her
Speaker 3: pussy and taking cock and stuff.
Speaker 1: Good. Oh, I don't know. I asked Jen if she
Speaker 1: wanted to do that with our cat. Probably the cat died,
Speaker 1: you're coming up on a year ago, but probably like
Speaker 1: two or three years before that. I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: because she was she has a I bought her a
Speaker 1: fully articulated cat skeleton. Oh yeah, underglasses or something. So
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, you know, if you want to
Speaker 1: get her done like that or whatever, totally fine. But
Speaker 1: when it came to she's like, no, no, no, it's cool.
Speaker 1: We'll just create her and take her.
Speaker 3: That's probably better. You don't want to have, like you
Speaker 3: don't want her to have like an inception situation where
Speaker 3: she keeps seeing the cats skeleton and then she can't
Speaker 3: remember if the cat is alive or dead.
Speaker 1: I told her, you know what she really want, and
Speaker 1: I told her, no, it's like my one, we can't
Speaker 1: do that. And it's not supernatural, it's it's weird. Okay,
Speaker 1: Oh you don't want human bone. No human bones, man's weird.
Speaker 3: The bones are cool, dude.
Speaker 1: No, because there was a there was a person attached
Speaker 1: to that, and it's it's too close to me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a human and now they're in pieces because
Speaker 3: it's their bone. Sure, but it's like, what's the big deal? So,
Speaker 3: like what you think, like that that cat wasn't a
Speaker 3: cat or something.
Speaker 1: No, it was a cat, it just wasn't on the
Speaker 1: same level. Of intelligence or m it wasn't on the
Speaker 1: same like. That's what I was, a plane of existence.
Speaker 3: That's what I was trying to explain to you with
Speaker 3: that Buddhism shit earlier, was that, like I see that
Speaker 3: as a fundamental difference in how you and I look
Speaker 3: at the world. I really and that's what I was
Speaker 3: also talking about with that grounding shit, And like how
Speaker 3: I haven't really looked into like that whole, like the
Speaker 3: New Age belief of grounding. I more of just get
Speaker 3: the sense of being very connected to the earth when
Speaker 3: my skin touches the ground, you know, and it's just
Speaker 3: like this visceral thing, this hard to articulate feeling. And
Speaker 3: I feel like part of that is that I really
Speaker 3: do kind of see everything that's alive on the same
Speaker 3: plane doesn't require any level of intelligence or abstract thought
Speaker 3: or ability to love or speak or anything. I don't
Speaker 3: care about anything. I feel. I feel like the mushrooms
Speaker 3: and the trees and the amiebas and the algae and
Speaker 3: the viruses, and the pigs and the goats and the
Speaker 3: humans and the monkeys, I feel like we really are
Speaker 3: all all equal. We just put a lot of value
Speaker 3: on being alive you.
Speaker 1: Know, I interviewed a girl this season. I won't say
Speaker 1: who she is, but for going deeper.
Speaker 3: Is a surprise or you don't want to embarrass you.
Speaker 1: I don't want to embarrass her.
Speaker 3: She was.
Speaker 1: I got her. Let's just say it was a Monday,
Speaker 1: right on Saturday and Sunday. She was in South America,
Speaker 1: unable to get a plane home.
Speaker 3: Okay, in a shit ol country.
Speaker 1: Oh, I didn't know, probably a decent deep You'll know
Speaker 1: probably by the next thing.
Speaker 3: She was dope. Okay.
Speaker 1: So I get her on Monday, which is how I
Speaker 1: this just it reminds me of what you just said
Speaker 1: about the mushroom style and blah blah and this and
Speaker 1: that whatever. I got her on Monday. On Sunday and Saturday,
Speaker 1: she was basically fighting through an airport to get home.
Speaker 1: On Friday, she had finished her ayahuasca journey. M So
Speaker 1: I get this chicken. I gotta ask her about fucking
Speaker 1: this will give it away and yeah, are a fucking
Speaker 1: old man. It's her specialty. She fucks like seventy five
Speaker 1: eighty year old men.
Speaker 3: Well, dude, I just follow the old men, and I
Speaker 3: just see how that girls say.
Speaker 1: Fuck, look at this guy's getting so much bussy.
Speaker 3: Oh dude, I love those old men who fuck.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's gross. I'll be dead long before that. I'm
Speaker 1: jealous of them. Let's better that way.
Speaker 3: It's just the only thing keeping me alive.
Speaker 1: Right now, you're hoping to get there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well I'm not even hoping to get there. I
Speaker 3: just think, like, man, at this guy can be seventy,
Speaker 3: and like if this guy must have felt like hardship
Speaker 3: at some point in his life, Like this guy was
Speaker 3: probably about to kill himself when he was fifty eight, right,
Speaker 3: and then some nineteen year old bitch was like, hey,
Speaker 3: I need an old man to fuck for this dirty video,
Speaker 3: and like his life was forever changed, you know. So
Speaker 3: it's like I'm not holding out with the idea of
Speaker 3: like being him and just like fucking all the time.
Speaker 3: When I'm seventy, I'm holding out like maybe I'll make
Speaker 3: it to fifty something and then my life will get good. Yeah.
Speaker 1: See, I lost my thread again because I had just
Speaker 1: accept your That was brilliant. That was smart.
Speaker 3: You were talking to her about an ayahuasca trip. You
Speaker 3: got her on Mondays.
Speaker 1: You should run her memoried Oh life in life and
Speaker 1: Babbo comparing it. Yeah, I don't know. I think human
Speaker 1: consciousness is a pretty special thing, is how I kind
Speaker 1: of view it. What I liked to be, you know,
Speaker 1: a vegetarian or whatever. Yeah, sure, you know, to help animals,
Speaker 1: but at the same time, I do put us a
Speaker 1: plane above a lot of other animals. That's the close
Speaker 1: I think I probably do base it on intelligence, you know.
Speaker 3: That's another thing from like that I kind of take
Speaker 3: from Buddhism too. It's like there's there's no emphasis put
Speaker 3: on not eating meat, you know, like because we're animals
Speaker 3: that obviously eat meat. The emphasis is put on not
Speaker 3: being cruel, right, you shouldn't. I think there's specific words
Speaker 3: about like how you should treat your animal. You should
Speaker 3: show respect to an animal if you're going to kill
Speaker 3: it for food, and you shouldn't kill it for a
Speaker 3: reason other than like food or shelter or some practical purpose,
Speaker 3: you know. And it's like the Native Americans, you know,
Speaker 3: like everyone has this idea, probably romanticized idea of how
Speaker 3: respectful they are to the creatures that they killed and
Speaker 3: ate and did stuff with. But I think for the
Speaker 3: most part, because I know that in some cases there's
Speaker 3: probably some tribes that didn't show a lot of respect,
Speaker 3: and that there's some that on occasion would just massacre
Speaker 3: animals so white people couldn't eat. Like, there's exceptions, right,
Speaker 3: But for the most part, I believe that that's one
Speaker 3: thing that was kind of universal for Native Americans was
Speaker 3: that they were not only resourceful with dead animals, but
Speaker 3: respectful of them. Sure, and I think that that's compatible.
Speaker 3: And I feel like a lot of people make this
Speaker 3: false equivalence, right like you just did. And I'm not
Speaker 3: saying that you just did it because.
Speaker 1: You're stupid, You're just implying it.
Speaker 3: No, I'm just saying, well, you play the devil's advocate
Speaker 3: a lot, so I'm just saying that it's the natural
Speaker 3: thing to jump to, right. But I don't think that
Speaker 3: you have to just autumn be a vegetarian to consider
Speaker 3: a cat and a pig you're equal, you know, or
Speaker 3: a chicken or anything in a sense. Would you know,
Speaker 3: it's like, I don't want them voting.
Speaker 1: Would you eat human beings?
Speaker 3: Fuck?
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, you would eat human meat.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, if it was like prepared properly.
Speaker 1: Legitimate, you would eat human meat.
Speaker 3: Yes, I mean yeah, I've thought about this all a
Speaker 3: bunch of times.
Speaker 1: I've thought about this all the time.
Speaker 3: Well, watching Yellowjackets and shit like that where people are
Speaker 3: like stranded, it's like you always have the discussion and
Speaker 3: it's like I can't. I can't. Well, first of all,
Speaker 3: I can't be impractical just about my eating habits now, right,
Speaker 3: Like so just today, I on my lunch break was
Speaker 3: looking through the cabinet. I was like, fuck, fuck, we
Speaker 3: only have all the shit that I said for the
Speaker 3: last three days. I didn't want to eat, but it's
Speaker 3: the only stuff left. So my choices were like dry
Speaker 3: ramen because the seasoning packet got mysteriously used on something else.
Speaker 1: Oh, probably on a different ramen that was super seasoned.
Speaker 3: Right, yeah, probably a better ramen.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think we did that with easy Mac down
Speaker 1: in Maryland. I think we would want me and you.
Speaker 1: I think maybe we would one cup and put two packs.
Speaker 3: Oh we did, We did do that. It was some
Speaker 3: fucking good.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: We had all these extra noodles.
Speaker 1: You know, gives a shit fucking noodles. You go down
Speaker 1: the area or someone your equivalent my uncle or something,
Speaker 1: goes and goes on sure like some easy Mac and
Speaker 1: goes to open it. There's no fucking cheese. Could you imagine?
Speaker 1: Oh dude, well you know, I yeah, went through it.
Speaker 3: Yes, I think that was actually a miscommunication because back
Speaker 3: in the day they had, like my mom bought easy
Speaker 3: Mac for my sister, and I think she would specifically
Speaker 3: buy the extra cheesy one, and I never knew that.
Speaker 3: And so the way they do the extra cheesy one
Speaker 3: is they just put an extra packet of cheese for
Speaker 3: every packet of noodles, and so I just assumed that
Speaker 3: that's how they were all made.
Speaker 1: When you open, when you go, this one's only got
Speaker 1: one in there. Huh.
Speaker 3: It's not even slimy or anything. Doesn't sound like pussy
Speaker 3: at all. I don't know what pussy sounded like back then.
Speaker 3: You probably did, uh, I mean I knew a little bit,
Speaker 3: but I didn't know how fucking gushy and squishy it sounded.
Speaker 1: Watch this pig, how about that? Wait? What were we
Speaker 1: talking about?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Oh, you would fucking you would cut off some guy's
Speaker 1: head rather.
Speaker 3: Than oh yeah, yeah, we talk about it all the time. Yeah, like,
Speaker 3: if if I had to like to you know, not
Speaker 3: oh just to enjoy like a.
Speaker 1: Nice saying fogo to chow a fucking you know, Brazilian steakhouse,
Speaker 1: and they go today, we have a specialty of human
Speaker 1: come around.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll say this if I was pretty sure, I wasn't. Okay,
Speaker 3: now I'm not even gonna say that. This is what
Speaker 3: I'll say. I would eat human to avoid being disrespectful.
Speaker 3: I'll take it one step further. I would eat human
Speaker 3: to avoid ruffling feathers.
Speaker 1: So ruffling feathers. So, if you're in a situation where
Speaker 1: they are serving human, you may not be in the
Speaker 1: most ideal situation to speak up and go this is wrong.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, if you're being served human, I assume it's
Speaker 3: under the assumption that your choice is to eat the
Speaker 3: human or to be the next meal. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you may even be just getting fattened up to
Speaker 1: be the next meal. Who knows.
Speaker 3: Imagine that they're just feeding humans to humans so that
Speaker 3: humans can eat humans. That doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1: Cut that out, Cut that out, and write that that's
Speaker 1: brilliant sci fi novel.
Speaker 3: It doesn't. Yeah, it doesn't make sense a lot, but
Speaker 3: I think it's already green.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, all right, well let's watch this big fuck huh.
Speaker 3: All right, let's see what it looks like.
Speaker 1: It's gonna get me everything. It really was coming a
Speaker 1: whole bunch to see that.
Speaker 3: It was like it was like a hypodermic, like a syringe.
Speaker 3: She doesn't want it, man, don't.
Speaker 1: Well, she's gonna take it, all right.
Speaker 3: She doesn't have a choice.
Speaker 1: Man, did you see it?
Speaker 3: Oh? It shoots out like a fucking prop knife.
Speaker 1: It looks like a norm Walll just coming through his body.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, oh god, do you see it?
Speaker 1: Is it's ridged for her pleasure?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it looks like it looks like a hornet stinger.
Speaker 1: It is. I guess fucking balls too, man, yeah, okay, yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh jesus, oh god, he just can't stop nutting. It's growing.
Speaker 3: It's like a centipede or something. It's like a tape
Speaker 3: for them. Oh my god, it's just it's when tuppled
Speaker 3: in size. Just now, Holy shit.
Speaker 1: Chickens like do I peck around there? Or he fucking
Speaker 1: came or no?
Speaker 3: The chicken's like I asked for this, I asked for this.
Speaker 3: It's okay, okay, oh we can't.
Speaker 1: I can't find it now. But that's my favorite one.
Speaker 1: That that.
Speaker 3: What the guy where he's like, stop, I don't want
Speaker 3: you to or whatever, and she's like, no, that one.
Speaker 1: There's so well, yeah, there's no boy in there doesn't
Speaker 1: work under any circumstance.
Speaker 3: Because there's a to me and okay, boy to me
Speaker 3: is an okay, all right. It's like if you're getting
Speaker 3: you're like said, slavery was a mindset. I think you're
Speaker 3: on the scene. Yeah, dude, yeah, I think all right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: I'll agree. I mean he's sold eighteen million records worldwide,
Speaker 3: right or more more than that?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's eighty Yeah, maybe one hundred and eighty.
Speaker 1: I don't really know. I don't Yeah, I don't have
Speaker 1: the statistical.
Speaker 3: That how much does this kayada come though?
Speaker 1: Let's see. Oh no, he's going near the fucking chickens
Speaker 1: watering hole.
Speaker 3: Does he think the food is his? Oh no, Dick's
Speaker 3: going back and oh god, oh what is he doing.
Speaker 3: He's convulsing? Oh and his Dick's shoot out. It's like
Speaker 3: a thermometer on a turkey. It's thrusty, yet it's cooked.
Speaker 3: It's cooked. It's not cooked. It's cooked, it's not cooked.
Speaker 1: Oh, the chicken needs to get to be from the
Speaker 1: back the chickens, Like, do you want me to clean
Speaker 1: you up?
Speaker 3: Chicken. You done. You don't you want me to wipe
Speaker 3: you down? Up?
Speaker 1: You're going to clean you with my mouth?
Speaker 3: Health Yeah, he just wants to see the balls, I think.
Speaker 1: Look at these fucking things. Oh kind of touch them?
Speaker 3: Oh sorry, just look at it.
Speaker 1: Look at it.
Speaker 3: Oh god, it's cork screwed. Like you said, it's all quirky. Dude,
Speaker 3: that thing looks like it's all quirky. It looks like
Speaker 3: one of the tentacles in DreamCatcher. Ah. Is this guy
Speaker 3: gonna fuck? Ever? Is she just walking around coming the
Speaker 3: whole time?
Speaker 1: I don't know? And what is the dude doing taking
Speaker 1: pictures you?
Speaker 3: Oh god, it looks like a drill bit spinning and
Speaker 3: ship diamond tip to drill bit, a diamond tip, pink
Speaker 3: drill bit. Yeah, the new new model made out of
Speaker 3: fucking Oscar Meyer hot dog leftover residue. Oh oh god, dude,
Speaker 3: it really does drill in and out of him.
Speaker 1: Huh, he's cool, man, look at him. Probably slide down
Speaker 1: your throat real easy, though, you know. Nah? All right, guy,
Speaker 1: you got the footage, Like, yeah, I'm.
Speaker 3: Saying I thought they were gonna fuck. He's just filming.
Speaker 3: He's like just stuck out. This guy, he's dicking balls,
Speaker 3: loves it. Yeah, he reminded me of something when you
Speaker 3: said sliding down your throat like I was eating some
Speaker 3: soft serve yesterday from.
Speaker 1: Costa Soft Serve so good.
Speaker 3: It's my favorite ice cream. It's so much better than
Speaker 3: that hard ice rock shit.
Speaker 1: It's not significantly better, it is it. It's just a
Speaker 1: different thing. It's great to me.
Speaker 3: To me, it's an altogether better thing. I don't really
Speaker 3: like ice cream unless it's soft serve, and I didn't
Speaker 3: realize that until I came out here, and soft serve
Speaker 3: wasn't the norm. They got cold Stone, they got Basking Robins,
Speaker 3: they got Dairy Queen, which fucking sucks.
Speaker 1: Dark Queen's good.
Speaker 3: No, I don't like Drey.
Speaker 1: You have grown Chill. Do you have their food too?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, we do have one of those, and it's bad.
Speaker 3: And their chicken strips are awful.
Speaker 1: They're okay, they're pretty They're not great, but they're pretty good.
Speaker 1: They're frozen, but their cheese curds are delicious.
Speaker 3: That sounds good. I might try that.
Speaker 1: They're just like mozzarella sticks. Basically, they're balls. Go ahead,
Speaker 1: But I.
Speaker 3: Don't get a lot of soft serve out here. I
Speaker 3: got the Costco swirly like chocolate vanilla the other day
Speaker 3: and it was fuck. It just felt so good going
Speaker 3: down my throat, you know, like, oh man, this is
Speaker 3: so soothing. And I thought, like, man, what if you
Speaker 3: could do that with your dick, like to make it
Speaker 3: more enjoyable for girls to suck your dick? You know,
Speaker 3: so like what if like like when you got your
Speaker 3: dick suck like pieces of it would like melt off
Speaker 3: and like slide gently and coolly down the girl's throat
Speaker 3: and then it would regenerate like infinitely, like and your
Speaker 3: dick is like this cold like melting thing, and then
Speaker 3: girls would want to suck your dick all the time.
Speaker 1: All right, let's jump on over the feature on your
Speaker 1: Worst friend dot com. Follow us everywhere on Twitter and Instagram,
Speaker 1: at worst friendcast, Patreon dot com, sace worst friend Cast.
Speaker 1: Today we're gonna be talking about something for a well
Speaker 1: a certain amount of time.
Speaker 3: Like you never thought about that, like when you're eating
Speaker 3: soft served like this would make me want to suck
Speaker 3: a dick, Like, oh man, if this was if like
Speaker 3: I could swallow a dick and also the come and
Speaker 3: it would be all like cold and sweet like this
Speaker 3: ice cream when it goes to my throat, Like damn,
Speaker 3: I would love to suck a guy's dick if it
Speaker 3: was like this ice cream, which is soft serf, not
Speaker 3: the hard kind. Like who wants that, right? But wouldn't
Speaker 3: that be? Like you never had that thought? Like damn,
Speaker 3: if this was what sucking a dick was, like, I
Speaker 3: would love.
Speaker 1: To suck one for Hero's friend. I'm Matt.
Speaker 3: I'm curious though, really.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. You know,
Speaker 1: always a cruder. You know, I'm really gonna miss you
Speaker 1: on in the show's over,