1
00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:04,080
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Welcome back, besties. Oh my god, I

2
00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:07,240
don't have a voice. Welcome to hell. It's me, sayt,

3
00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:12,039
and I saved you a seat. Let's see what's going on.

4
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:16,359
Everything is a mess right now, including my hair and

5
00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:22,039
face and everything about my general vibe. I'm winded, I'm sick,

6
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:26,280
and I am obviously not in a podcast studio in

7
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:30,679
West Palm Beach. I am in an attic in Wisconsin,

8
00:00:31,559 --> 00:00:37,479
and Mike isn't here. But Dante is a Hi Dante. Ah,

9
00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,880
we got Dante and that honestly, look, would you look

10
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:47,399
at God? Because Dante we fucking love him. Guys. Everything's bad.

11
00:00:48,759 --> 00:00:51,119
I don't know just I mean, just life. Listen to me.

12
00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:55,399
I'm sick, I can barely think. I am full of

13
00:00:55,479 --> 00:01:00,000
day quill and I was supposed to land in West

14
00:01:00,079 --> 00:01:05,040
Palm Beach with a beautiful podcast studio built into my

15
00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,200
home that my designers were supposed to build for me,

16
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:12,120
and they have never whiffed harder ever. So I am

17
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:16,400
dealing with a headache on that. We'll talk about that later.

18
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:20,400
It's not good news. I'm literally physically sick from it.

19
00:01:21,159 --> 00:01:24,120
And I'm just sad because I was really looking forward

20
00:01:24,159 --> 00:01:27,120
to having a nice soft landing in West Palm and

21
00:01:27,159 --> 00:01:29,840
it's been kind of a disaster, and I didn't want

22
00:01:29,879 --> 00:01:32,640
to leave you guys without a podcast this week. And

23
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:37,760
guess what, we already recorded this podcast and Dante fucking

24
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,120
Dante only got ten minutes of it, so we have

25
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:46,400
to re record it take two, baby, But that's okay.

26
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:47,840
And the first one, I was like wrestling with the

27
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,519
mic the whole time, and it was kind of distracting

28
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,719
and horrible anyway, And I can't promise this will be

29
00:01:51,719 --> 00:01:55,480
any better, because honestly, who fucking knows. I am yeaded

30
00:01:55,519 --> 00:01:58,920
to the gills with day quill and tired and sloppy

31
00:01:58,959 --> 00:02:00,879
and messy, and I'm losing my voice and I'm just

32
00:02:00,879 --> 00:02:04,079
coming off the road. I was doing rain of Greenberg's

33
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:08,439
shows in Madison and Minneapolis, and as much as I

34
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,800
love being back in the Midwest, it is bata fuckin'

35
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:14,639
but raising here. It's thirty two degrees outside and I

36
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,599
was not feeling well in Florida and I'm feeling worse here.

37
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,319
But we're gonna get this podcast out of the way. Sorry.

38
00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:22,439
I know you guys don't want to hear that you

39
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,120
look forward to this podcast. You don't want to get

40
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:27,159
it out of the way, but I do. I do.

41
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:32,680
Mama's tired. Basically, I left LA two weeks ago now,

42
00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:36,479
and I was I went straight to Vegas to host

43
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:41,879
the AVNS, which was amazing. It was actually so much fun.

44
00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:43,759
I didn't know what to expect. So the AVN Expo

45
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,039
was terrifying. That was like one of the scariest places

46
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,280
I've ever been in my entire life. And for those

47
00:02:48,319 --> 00:02:50,800
of you who don't know what the AVN xpo is, basically,

48
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:55,080
the AVN Awards is like the Oscars for porn stars,

49
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:59,560
and before the awards they have an expo where they're

50
00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:02,800
fans can come out and meet them. And let's talk

51
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:07,159
about how fucking terrifying that is, because imagine how perverted

52
00:03:07,319 --> 00:03:11,439
you have to be to purchase a ticket to go

53
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:16,319
through TSA, to take your shoes off, to fucking get

54
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:20,520
on a plane, getting a fucking middle seat, strap your

55
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:24,639
seat belt, land in Vegas and be like, I'm going

56
00:03:24,719 --> 00:03:31,199
to meet the person I jerk off too. Terrifying, terrifying, terrifying, terrifying.

57
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,000
So the expo is the scariest place in the world.

58
00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:37,560
I know. These girls make money from showing up and

59
00:03:37,599 --> 00:03:39,000
I know it's their job, and I know a lot

60
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,960
of them actually really genuinely enjoy it. For me, it

61
00:03:42,039 --> 00:03:46,360
was like very scary energy. There were not protection spells,

62
00:03:46,439 --> 00:03:49,280
there was not prayers, There was not enough energy I

63
00:03:49,319 --> 00:03:54,039
could put out to protect my aura from the darkness

64
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,639
that was at the Expo. And I was really nervous

65
00:03:56,639 --> 00:03:59,719
about the show itself too, because I've had friends who

66
00:03:59,719 --> 00:04:01,599
have the AVNS who have said it's one of the

67
00:04:01,599 --> 00:04:04,919
toughest gigs in their life, that the porn stars don't

68
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:09,000
like to be made fun of, and so I didn't

69
00:04:09,039 --> 00:04:12,439
really know what to do going into this. You know,

70
00:04:12,479 --> 00:04:14,759
I think, listen, I'm not gonna compare this to the

71
00:04:14,759 --> 00:04:17,600
Golden Globes. It's obviously not the Golden Globes, but I

72
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,879
think there is you know, if you look at people

73
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,120
who host award shows in general, like I think the

74
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,720
reason Nicki Glazer was so great at hosting the Globes

75
00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,920
was because she was really kind to them and you

76
00:04:27,959 --> 00:04:29,600
could tell she was a fan of them, and she

77
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,000
wasn't really punching down on them. So that was kind

78
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,160
of my goal, was to go in just kind of

79
00:04:35,199 --> 00:04:37,560
soft and just make fun of myself like, I'm like,

80
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,319
I don't need to come here and make fun of them.

81
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,360
I don't even watch porn. I don't even know. I

82
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,519
wouldn't even have an anchor point to make fun of.

83
00:04:43,639 --> 00:04:46,800
I don't know who does what. I don't care. I

84
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,560
just my goal was to be of service and to

85
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,720
make sure everyone there had a really great night. So

86
00:04:52,879 --> 00:04:56,040
I just did my my favorite X strokes and it

87
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,279
was really fun. It was a lot of fun, and

88
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,600
I had a great set. And I know a lot

89
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,480
of you have DMed me asking like where can I

90
00:05:03,519 --> 00:05:05,800
see it? And I don't know. I just was texting

91
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,560
with one of the guys from the AVNS today. They

92
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,199
have no schedule or plan to release it, so if

93
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,160
I hear anything, I will let you guys know. I

94
00:05:13,199 --> 00:05:14,560
thought it was going to be on YouTube. I thought

95
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,560
I was gonna be on showtime. I was. I don't

96
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,240
know where I got a lot of this information. Maybe

97
00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:21,079
I googled it and things have changed, or maybe I

98
00:05:21,199 --> 00:05:24,279
just fucking made shit up. Who really knows, who really

99
00:05:24,319 --> 00:05:28,360
knows what goes on in my head? So yeah, the

100
00:05:28,399 --> 00:05:30,879
show was a lot of fun. Mister Manhattan came out

101
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,519
with his friends. Of course, they were all so excited to,

102
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,839
you know, come hang out at the Avian Awards with

103
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,920
the women who raised them, the women and men who

104
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:47,560
raised them, these little fucking freaks. So we after the

105
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:53,240
AVN Awards, we were walking around the casino and Nate

106
00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:55,439
Diaz was walking in front of us. And I've met

107
00:05:55,519 --> 00:05:57,959
Nate a few times with Shane Gyellis. They're pretty good friends.

108
00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:01,079
And I'm pretty aware of how Nate rolls and his crew,

109
00:06:01,199 --> 00:06:03,600
and he's usually blackout drunk, and his crew is usually

110
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:08,519
ready to fight. And mister Manhattan is a big sports better,

111
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,120
so he's bet on Nate Dias a few times. And

112
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,920
for those of you who don't know who Nate DEAs is,

113
00:06:12,959 --> 00:06:16,040
he's a UFC but is he a boxer? Mma is?

114
00:06:16,199 --> 00:06:22,199
Do you know? UFC? What's the difference? Retired retired UFC fighter.

115
00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:25,319
He's gonna have to probably come out of retirement soon

116
00:06:25,439 --> 00:06:31,360
for money for cash. But he he thought Jake paul

117
00:06:31,439 --> 00:06:36,439
In lost, didn't he. That's so embarrassing. He did be

118
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,399
Connor McGregor, and that's fucking awesome. So anyway, Nate Diaz

119
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,319
is every time I've met him, he's been cross eyed drunk.

120
00:06:43,399 --> 00:06:45,959
He's nice, but he's like, no one's home. You know.

121
00:06:46,079 --> 00:06:49,720
He is cross eyed, blackout, fucking drunk. Like I'm not

122
00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:52,360
kidding you. I've never seen anyone more in a blackout

123
00:06:52,399 --> 00:06:56,600
at all times than Nate DEAs and his crew. So

124
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,439
mister Manhattan was like, oh my god, that's Natias, that's Sneatias.

125
00:06:59,439 --> 00:07:00,639
And I was like, I've met him a few times.

126
00:07:00,639 --> 00:07:02,399
He said, goes to hi, go say hi. He clearly

127
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:05,680
mister Renhattan wanted to meet him because he's a fan

128
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,519
of his. And I was like, I don't think you're

129
00:07:07,519 --> 00:07:09,759
gonna like how this goes like. I don't think you're

130
00:07:09,759 --> 00:07:11,279
gonna like how this goes down. I was still in

131
00:07:11,279 --> 00:07:14,000
my dress from the Aviannimars, I was looking good, and

132
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,319
I was just like, okay, I can go say hi.

133
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,480
But I've met him before. He's every time he says

134
00:07:18,519 --> 00:07:21,120
hello to me, he grabs my waist and that's just

135
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,879
how he is. And it's not like it's it's threatening

136
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,199
or I don't take it any which way. But like,

137
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,240
I just knew he was not gonna like how it

138
00:07:28,279 --> 00:07:29,759
went down. And I was like, I don't think so

139
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,279
he's doing do it? Do it? You know, he was

140
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,759
drinking and had some mushrooms and he was partying and

141
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,360
he wanted to meet him. So I was like, all right,

142
00:07:36,439 --> 00:07:39,040
and I walked up to him and his fucking crew

143
00:07:39,319 --> 00:07:41,759
like I knew was ready to fucking swing on me.

144
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,839
And I was like, it's Nate. I've met you with Shane,

145
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,879
you know. And he's like, oh hey, and he grabs

146
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,600
my waist and I see out of my peripheral I

147
00:07:49,639 --> 00:07:53,439
see mister Manhattan fucking like come up like like he

148
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,079
was like, oh, what am I gonna do? He's touching

149
00:07:55,079 --> 00:07:57,000
my girlfriend and I was like yeah, but it's it's

150
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,240
one of the nastiest fighters in the world, Like what

151
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,720
are you gonna do? You just told me to go

152
00:08:00,759 --> 00:08:02,240
say hi to women. Now he's got his hands all

153
00:08:02,279 --> 00:08:04,480
over me, and he was like yeah. In that moment,

154
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,680
I was like, you can have my girlfriend. He basically

155
00:08:06,759 --> 00:08:08,120
was like you can fuck her, you can take her,

156
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:11,160
like whatever. Whatever. They said Hi, they did their thing.

157
00:08:11,639 --> 00:08:13,800
One of his friends came up later and tried to

158
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,040
go say hi and also almost got knocked out. So,

159
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,879
you guys, this episode, this tragic, tragic, little fucking episode,

160
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,240
is brought to you by Berber Hair Oil. And listen,

161
00:08:23,319 --> 00:08:26,720
my hair right now is not a great example of

162
00:08:26,759 --> 00:08:28,839
how good of a product it is, because it does

163
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:35,679
look like I, you know, am living in an industrial fan.

164
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,720
But my hair is back, it's thick, and it's here,

165
00:08:39,879 --> 00:08:42,279
And honestly, that's all you can ask for in a

166
00:08:42,279 --> 00:08:44,279
time like this is that you have hairs on your head.

167
00:08:44,759 --> 00:08:46,600
And I have more than four hairs on my head,

168
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,279
like I didn't before after last year when all my

169
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,440
fucking extensions ripped my hair out, which was quite literally,

170
00:08:52,519 --> 00:08:54,919
you guys, that was the lowest point of my depression.

171
00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,240
Is when all my hair was gone. When I took

172
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,279
my extensions out and all my hair was gone, I

173
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,399
had never been in my depression. I never knew more

174
00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,519
certainly than I needed to get on lexipro than when

175
00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:06,759
I lost all my hair, because holy shit, that was

176
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,039
Those were the darkest days of my life. Nothing really

177
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,600
affected me, Not even the death of my mother affected

178
00:09:11,639 --> 00:09:13,960
me like that. And I will say the journey with

179
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:18,240
Berber hair oil has made my life so much better,

180
00:09:18,399 --> 00:09:21,000
my confidence so much higher. I just as a woman,

181
00:09:21,039 --> 00:09:22,480
you want to have a full head of hair, and

182
00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:25,039
as a man, honestly, I do these hair oil treatments

183
00:09:25,039 --> 00:09:27,440
on Mister Manhattan too. Like, we all want to have

184
00:09:27,519 --> 00:09:29,840
a full head of hair. And Berber hair oil is

185
00:09:29,879 --> 00:09:32,720
Burdock hair oil, and it is a dream come true.

186
00:09:32,879 --> 00:09:36,840
Use the Derma plane roller twice a week, put it on,

187
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,879
leave it on overnight. Put the oil in slickbackbun. Get

188
00:09:40,919 --> 00:09:43,120
the Mermaid brush. If you're only going to get one brush,

189
00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:46,360
get the Mermaid brush because that makes the slickbackbonies perfect.

190
00:09:46,399 --> 00:09:48,600
You can even wear it to work. If you guys

191
00:09:48,639 --> 00:09:49,879
have a nine to five, you can wear it to

192
00:09:49,879 --> 00:09:54,240
work in a slickbackbun. It will look like an intentional hairstyle,

193
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:56,879
not like you're doing a treatment on your hair. So

194
00:09:57,039 --> 00:10:00,639
use my code brit Brit at Burber dot com, Rbuur

195
00:10:00,759 --> 00:10:03,000
dot com code writ for fifteen percent off your first

196
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:07,159
order and get your hair coming back in girlies, Okay,

197
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,480
love you, besties, Enjoy Dante. What would you do if

198
00:10:09,519 --> 00:10:13,879
Natiaz grab your girlfriend by the waist? Yeah, you gotta

199
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,799
let it. You just gotta let it. You got it.

200
00:10:15,879 --> 00:10:17,559
It was just so funny because it was his idea

201
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,639
and he's just like, go say hi. And I was like,

202
00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:22,519
you're not gonna like how this goes down, but it

203
00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:26,080
was funny. And and then I was supposed to do

204
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,200
shows in after that. I was supposed to go straight

205
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:32,840
from Vegas to Raleigh to nash to Austin to Nashville,

206
00:10:32,879 --> 00:10:34,679
which is like, you know, every once in a while

207
00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:36,519
I look at a map when I'm going back and forth,

208
00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:38,879
and I'm like, my agent hates me because it's like

209
00:10:39,399 --> 00:10:46,360
east coast, Middle America, East coast, West coast. Huh, yeah, yeah,

210
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:49,559
I love Val. What's up, bel we love Val. No,

211
00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:51,879
he's the best he does. You know, Listen, he does

212
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:54,360
the best he can for somebody who sells twelve tickets

213
00:10:54,360 --> 00:11:00,159
per city. Uh no, listen. I know a lot of

214
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:01,759
you guys were supposed to come see me in Nashville

215
00:11:01,799 --> 00:11:04,440
and Rally, and I'm so sorry those guy rescheduled. But

216
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,960
trees were fucking exploding in Nashville. What was I supposed

217
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:10,360
to do. I'm not gonna go like, uh, there's pop

218
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,919
rock trees. It's not for me. I just thought it

219
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,720
would be too dangerous for us all to try and

220
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:18,360
get out to those shows. So I rescheduled those shows

221
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:22,000
to June, and I will see you guys in June.

222
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,159
But yeah, so I only did Austin. I did a

223
00:11:24,159 --> 00:11:27,639
show in Austin. And then from Austin, I was going

224
00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:29,480
to Miami or we know, Austin, I had to go

225
00:11:29,519 --> 00:11:31,759
to San Diego. You guys, I filmed it Don't Tell

226
00:11:31,799 --> 00:11:34,000
Comedy short in San Diego. When I say, I have

227
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,679
never bobbed at taping like this in my life before.

228
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,879
Like when I got off, the guy who runs Don't

229
00:11:38,919 --> 00:11:40,879
Tell was like, you don't have to use that. He's like,

230
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,679
we can throw it away, and I was like, oh no.

231
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,480
Sometimes you get on stage and you know you have

232
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,440
a bad stuff, but you're hoping it's not as bad

233
00:11:48,399 --> 00:11:50,120
as you thought, and then you hear something like that

234
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,000
and you're like it might be worse than I thought.

235
00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,360
But I was like, I'm gonna do some old jokes,

236
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,799
I'm gonna do the hits, and then I'm gonna do

237
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,759
some new stuff and I'm like it's gonna be great.

238
00:11:58,399 --> 00:12:00,720
And U yeah. I was a very very sensitive crowd

239
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,080
in San Diego. They really didn't like Mama's dark stuff.

240
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,240
And listen, I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and that

241
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:09,120
is something I'm just being constantly reminded of, you know.

242
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:14,600
I uh, I don't know. We'll see if that comes

243
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,360
out or if it doesn't I'm gonna have to watch

244
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,960
it once once they get me the footage. Here's the thing.

245
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:23,360
Here's what I will say. Never looked better contrary to

246
00:12:23,399 --> 00:12:25,879
what's going on here today. I had a really fun

247
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,080
dress on and my glam girls came down for one

248
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:32,679
last glam sash before I moved, and I felt really

249
00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:35,440
confident before I got on stage, and then once I

250
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,519
got off, I was like, I should never do comedy again.

251
00:12:37,879 --> 00:12:39,799
And that's the thing. That's the thing about this job.

252
00:12:39,879 --> 00:12:43,759
It really does feel like I'm just a gambling addict.

253
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,000
Like I just there's high highs and there's low loath

254
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,600
and Mama's been feeling quite a It's like Abyn high

255
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:54,559
high like it was so much fun. Don't tell taping

256
00:12:56,919 --> 00:12:59,000
it was not good. It was not good. I'm excited

257
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,879
for you guys to see it can be like llell.

258
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,720
Even the best fall down sometimes, but it's really funny.

259
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,759
I think there's something really funny for me about comedy.

260
00:13:06,799 --> 00:13:08,399
And I know a lot of you guys don't do comedy,

261
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:12,440
so you don't care about this hot take. But whenever

262
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:15,759
you think like I'm gonna crush or this is gonna

263
00:13:15,759 --> 00:13:20,159
be great, you usually don't it's usually like it's a

264
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,759
classic case of like humble yourself before God does it

265
00:13:22,799 --> 00:13:25,120
for you. Anytime I have an ego about anything, I

266
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,240
usually get humbled pretty fast. Like with the AVNS, I

267
00:13:28,279 --> 00:13:29,879
thought for sure I was gonna bomb. I was like,

268
00:13:29,919 --> 00:13:32,080
there's no world where I do good. There's no world

269
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:35,039
where I do better than fucking Matt Rife who did

270
00:13:35,039 --> 00:13:44,200
this two years ago. Anyway, my head is about to explode. Oh,

271
00:13:44,279 --> 00:13:48,120
speaking of gambling, I started gambling recently and I have

272
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,960
to stop. And I maybe actually started like two years ago.

273
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:59,799
My astrologist told me do gamble, Dante, Yeah, to gamble?

274
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:05,440
Oh is he? Oh? I completely missed that. I didn't

275
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:08,840
know that. What's his game? Okay? I love black jack?

276
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:13,799
That's fun. So I'm dating a gambling addict now, which

277
00:14:13,799 --> 00:14:18,120
is fun. But I want to get in on the action,

278
00:14:18,279 --> 00:14:21,279
you know. So my astrologist, every year he goes to

279
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,960
Vegas and he does what he calls intuitive gambling, which

280
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,200
is where he channels his intuition. He looks at his

281
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,360
astrological chart and he figures out when his intuition is

282
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,039
going to be best, and then he goes to Vegas

283
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,600
and he plays slots and The way he plays is

284
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:38,000
he max bets on slots no higher than seventy five

285
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:41,320
dollars and he hits three times, and if it doesn't

286
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,399
hit after three, he takes his money and he walks.

287
00:14:43,919 --> 00:14:46,600
And I did that probably four times total in my

288
00:14:46,639 --> 00:14:49,559
life before I met mister Manhattan, and I always won

289
00:14:49,879 --> 00:14:52,519
every time. It was like and not huge amounts. It

290
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,919
was like two hundred, year three hundred. They're like tiny

291
00:14:54,919 --> 00:14:57,600
amounts of money, and it was fun. And then mister

292
00:14:57,639 --> 00:14:59,559
Manhattan and I went to Vegas for the first time

293
00:14:59,639 --> 00:15:02,720
and my one of my dear friends, Trevor Pope, we've

294
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,080
known each other since high school. He used to be

295
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:09,080
he won a bracelet playing World Series of Poker. He

296
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:13,000
has since retired from gambling. And I think, I think

297
00:15:13,039 --> 00:15:17,519
poker altogether, but because of years and years of high

298
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,679
highs and low lows and like crashing out and like

299
00:15:19,759 --> 00:15:22,960
not being able to handle it. But I said to them,

300
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,200
I was like, I never lose, Like every time I

301
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,639
play this way, I never lose. And you know what,

302
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,919
I always say, never say never, because if you say never,

303
00:15:31,159 --> 00:15:33,120
it puts an X on your back for the universe

304
00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:34,919
to give it to you. And now all I've been

305
00:15:34,919 --> 00:15:38,000
doing is losing and I haven't won. And I haven't

306
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,840
lost a ton of money. I mean maybe like a

307
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,840
couple thousand. It's too many dollars. It's way too many dollars.

308
00:15:42,879 --> 00:15:46,840
But I hate it. Every time I lose anything, it

309
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,519
like sits in my soul. I'm angry about it for days.

310
00:15:49,559 --> 00:15:51,759
I don't understand how people do this. I don't understand

311
00:15:51,799 --> 00:15:54,679
how people are like and I just haven't won to

312
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,120
like have a redemption arc where I'm like, oh yeah, wait, no,

313
00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:01,120
this is fun. I just keep losing and I I mean,

314
00:16:02,279 --> 00:16:04,679
I don't know. I don't like it. Who here gambles,

315
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:08,399
tell me if you're winning money. But my astrologist, he

316
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:11,440
last time he went to Vegas was doing his intuitive

317
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:16,399
gambling and he won ninety thousand dollars on slots ninety.

318
00:16:16,679 --> 00:16:19,240
That would ninety thousand dollars right now would change my life,

319
00:16:19,639 --> 00:16:22,559
like that would make everything better. I wouldn't even fucking

320
00:16:22,639 --> 00:16:26,799
care that my designers turned my fucking apartment into like

321
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:32,000
stadium seating, love stadium seating. Did I just say that, right? Yeah?

322
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,399
Stadium seating, love seats. Like I wouldn't care that my

323
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,720
designers turned my apartment into a fucking Airbnb that I

324
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,759
would give one star to. I hate my apartment so

325
00:16:40,879 --> 00:16:42,559
much it makes me want to scream at the top

326
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,519
of my fucking lungs. I am gonna show you guys

327
00:16:45,559 --> 00:16:49,440
the inspo picks and then what we got. It is laughable.

328
00:16:49,559 --> 00:16:53,080
It is a joke. We asked for like one big

329
00:16:53,159 --> 00:16:56,559
comfy cloud couch and we got two love seats. Like,

330
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,759
I'm not fucking kidding you. They gave us two love seats.

331
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,240
One of them. Yes, we want a sleeper sofa because

332
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:02,639
we wanted to be able to have guests, and I

333
00:17:02,639 --> 00:17:04,440
guess they had issues with the dimensions of the door,

334
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,200
raw rah rah whatever. At no point did they communicate

335
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,759
to us like, hey, we're not gonna be able to,

336
00:17:08,799 --> 00:17:11,960
like aesthetically give you what you want if we keep

337
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,559
going forward with this brief. They didn't communicate anything to us.

338
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:19,160
They just did a reveal. They did a reveal like

339
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,720
we were supposed to be blown away by what they

340
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,880
It was the worst thing in the world. They put

341
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:27,039
like forty six plants in our apartment. Okay, that's hyperbolic.

342
00:17:27,039 --> 00:17:30,920
They put maybe like thirteen fifteen, but like, we can't

343
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:35,039
walk around without hitting our face on plants. It looked

344
00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:38,839
like Tarzan fucking decorated the inside of our apartment. And

345
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,160
they were supposed to do like whites and creams and neutrals.

346
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:44,519
We have brown, like these ugly fucking brown chairs, a

347
00:17:44,799 --> 00:17:48,559
sleeper sofa from quite literally Ashley Furniture. They refused to

348
00:17:48,559 --> 00:17:51,359
give us receipts to return anything. They're saying, everything is

349
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,119
outside of the window of return. It is the biggest

350
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,519
nightmare of my life. Like silly me, I wanted to

351
00:17:57,559 --> 00:18:00,200
spend this money to pay these designers who have I've

352
00:18:00,759 --> 00:18:05,279
flawlessly executed two of my previous homes, like I would

353
00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:08,480
trust them with my money and my life up until

354
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,680
this point, and then this time it has been like

355
00:18:10,759 --> 00:18:13,960
the nastiest exchange of them, Like here's the thing you

356
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,160
missed the brief Like just take honest and move. Is

357
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:21,359
that a word honest? It is? Now take some fucking

358
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:25,400
responsibility and say that, like we screwed up. Let's fix

359
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:29,440
this together. Their their solution to us was buy a

360
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,920
new couch. Buy a new fucking couch. You know what

361
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,960
they also said, they said to mister Manhattan, And how

362
00:18:36,039 --> 00:18:39,240
fucking dare they one of like their actual solutions that

363
00:18:39,279 --> 00:18:42,640
they said with a straight face. They said, we know

364
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,960
you know Jonathan Adler. Why don't you call him and

365
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:50,079
see if he has a couch for you? Guys? Ha what?

366
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:57,000
Like the solutions were so insulting and insane and unprofessional

367
00:18:57,079 --> 00:19:00,279
and emotionally charged. It's like, this is a job. You

368
00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:03,039
fucked the job up, you missed the brief, just like,

369
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:06,319
be professional about it. It's been like so emotional and

370
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:09,400
insane and honestly, like I'm actually physically sick because my

371
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,960
heart broke because I like I lost friends over this,

372
00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:15,240
and then also like my apartment is a disaster and

373
00:19:15,319 --> 00:19:19,240
all I have in Palm Beach is is my home.

374
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,799
Like I don't I didn't move there to open a business.

375
00:19:21,839 --> 00:19:24,160
I don't have friends there. There's not a comedy club there.

376
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:28,759
I can go like keiki about what a disaster this is.

377
00:19:28,839 --> 00:19:31,319
There's there's nothing there for me except for my home.

378
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:33,599
And the home is completely fucked up and it's gonna

379
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:38,119
be a fortune too correct And yeah, I'm just devastated.

380
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,599
I'm devastated about all of it. And obviously like I'm

381
00:19:41,799 --> 00:19:44,039
run down and I'm tired, and I have a headache

382
00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:47,279
and I really just wanted my home to be turnkey,

383
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,319
and I don't have a place to podcast. That's why

384
00:19:49,319 --> 00:19:52,079
I'm in an attic in Wisconsin podcasting right now. It's like,

385
00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:56,640
was this the dream? Not really? Dante's the dream though?

386
00:19:56,839 --> 00:19:59,720
Being with Dante? Any chance I get to hang out

387
00:19:59,759 --> 00:20:05,680
with mm hmm. It's only every once in a while.

388
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,759
I'm really never back in Wisconsin. I'm back here doing

389
00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:11,319
some shows at the Comedy Cabin. Oh here's the other thing,

390
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:15,839
my shows. I'm supposed to be doing this European tour London, Berlin, Amsterdam.

391
00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:17,559
If you guys are there, can you please buy tickets?

392
00:20:17,599 --> 00:20:19,920
Because otherwise I might cancel this run. And I'm not

393
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,960
trying to threaten you guys with a good time, but

394
00:20:22,079 --> 00:20:24,680
I'm just saying it's not really selling and it doesn't

395
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,119
make a ton of sense for me to go if

396
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,200
I don't sell tickets. Here's the thing, you guys. Should

397
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,720
I just do something else with my life? Should I pivot?

398
00:20:31,799 --> 00:20:34,319
Should I What should I do? Dante? If I were

399
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:37,319
to do something else, what would I do? Do you

400
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:40,440
have any ideas for me? Stand up just feels too grueling,

401
00:20:40,599 --> 00:20:43,319
like being on the road all the time, schlepping losing money,

402
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,440
paying to go to work. It's just like, what is this.

403
00:20:45,559 --> 00:20:52,000
I don't I don't understand why I'm doing this. Ooh see,

404
00:20:52,039 --> 00:20:56,319
now we're talking. I'm not a housewife. But listen, I'll

405
00:20:56,319 --> 00:20:59,160
get it going. I'll fucking fire it up. I'll make

406
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,240
mister Manhattan fucking propose to me so I can be

407
00:21:01,279 --> 00:21:03,920
a housewife. I will do it. I don't fucking it.

408
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,759
I'm not above it. I just am like, what is this, boss,

409
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:09,759
bitch work girl, Like, I'm good. I don't need to

410
00:21:09,759 --> 00:21:13,960
prove anything to anyone anymore. I'm tired, Mama is tired.

411
00:21:14,559 --> 00:21:16,720
I'm going on the road trying to make people laugh.

412
00:21:16,759 --> 00:21:20,079
I'm too sad. I'm too fucking sad. I'm too sad.

413
00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:22,960
The Lex's approach doesn't work. No, it does work. It's fine,

414
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,599
everything's fine, Everything's gonna be fine. Here's the thing. I

415
00:21:25,599 --> 00:21:28,079
can be in the weeds and all this shit is happening,

416
00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:30,519
and I feel so uncomfortable, and I feel physically ill,

417
00:21:30,559 --> 00:21:33,079
and I feel out of place in my own home,

418
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:34,920
and I feel all of these things, and I just now,

419
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,680
at the end of the day, I know God's got it,

420
00:21:36,759 --> 00:21:40,680
and like, whatever something this is for a reason. Every

421
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,839
single thing happens for a reason. I hate to be

422
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,039
woo woo, and I hate to get into like, well,

423
00:21:45,079 --> 00:21:48,200
it's not happening to you, it's happening for you, but

424
00:21:48,319 --> 00:21:51,319
it is. I think this is making me take a

425
00:21:51,319 --> 00:21:56,200
better look at friendships, especially like I think I need

426
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,960
to be more selective about who I let into my

427
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:02,480
life and why I let them in. I think I

428
00:22:02,519 --> 00:22:05,759
really need to stop fucking acting on the wound of

429
00:22:05,799 --> 00:22:07,680
like nobody liked me when I was growing up, but

430
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,680
I really want to, Like, I just can't let the

431
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,039
floodgates be open and let anyone be my friend because

432
00:22:12,079 --> 00:22:17,599
that's not that hasn't really gotten me super far. And yeah,

433
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:20,480
so anyway, I'm trying to look at this objectively. I'm

434
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,200
trying to keep my side of the street clean. I'm

435
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,920
trying to be as good as I possibly can be

436
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:29,039
in this situation. But it's tough. It's always tough. It's

437
00:22:29,079 --> 00:22:32,559
a lesson, you know. And I feel sad. I feel

438
00:22:32,559 --> 00:22:36,559
sad that my home is a shitty airbnb. I feel

439
00:22:36,599 --> 00:22:38,920
sad that we didn't land in a place that was

440
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:43,200
super soft and feel good. I feel sad to be

441
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:47,039
going back and forth with friends about old friends, people

442
00:22:47,039 --> 00:22:49,079
that used to be my friends, about something that they

443
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,799
fucked up on a business. Just this is why it's

444
00:22:51,799 --> 00:22:56,400
really tough to do to have business with friends or

445
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,519
to do work with friends. It's always hard. It's always

446
00:22:59,559 --> 00:23:01,880
hard to work work with friends. It's never easier to

447
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,799
work with someone when you have a fondness for them

448
00:23:04,839 --> 00:23:08,440
on a friend level, because there's feelings involved people. Everyone's

449
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,480
feelings are getting hurt. Everyone's being like, you know, I'm

450
00:23:11,519 --> 00:23:14,960
doing my best to stay not emotional. I'm privately, like

451
00:23:15,079 --> 00:23:18,680
obviously struggling because my fucking is this private because I'm

452
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:23,519
podcasting about it, it's not private, but like I'm you

453
00:23:23,559 --> 00:23:26,440
know whatever, I'm physically sick. I don't feel good about it.

454
00:23:30,839 --> 00:23:32,720
I don't really have a ton else to say. I

455
00:23:32,759 --> 00:23:35,119
didn't want to leave you guys without a podcast this week,

456
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:40,880
because I know you guys are codependent and you need podcasts.

457
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,720
You need this little podcast to make your Mondays better.

458
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:48,319
But I wanted to have more energy in a fresh

459
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:50,400
new space and like a bunch of good vibes for

460
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,960
you guys this week. I don't I'm sorry. Listen, some

461
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,039
great things have happened since I've seen you last, and

462
00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:58,160
some bad things have happened since I've seen you last,

463
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:01,319
and that is life. We're gonna do a word of

464
00:24:01,319 --> 00:24:04,720
the week because because we are, because at the end

465
00:24:04,759 --> 00:24:06,359
of the day, even if we're all struggling, we need

466
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,839
to keep you fucking smart and on your toes. Do

467
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,519
you remember what the word was that I said before

468
00:24:11,519 --> 00:24:14,359
on the last podcast and I got recorded and then

469
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:21,920
we then we lost it. Sharfdoodle. There we go, and

470
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:26,960
that's why we that's honestly, sharfdoodle is very close, but

471
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:32,359
it's actually horn swoggle, horn swoggle to trick or deceive,

472
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:37,160
horn swaggle. I've been horn swoggled by my designers. There

473
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:46,200
we go, sharfdoodle. I've been sharf doodled. Yeah, literally, sharf doodle,

474
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,720
horn swoggle to trick or deceive. I love that word.

475
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,920
I think it's so funny. Listen you guys. I love

476
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,640
you all madly. Thank you for coming and hanging out

477
00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,720
with me. Even though it's not a full hour this week,

478
00:24:59,759 --> 00:25:01,599
I can can't afford to lose my voice. I have

479
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,640
shows this weekend that I need to be able to

480
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,319
get through. And I look like I was born in

481
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,359
a wind tunnel. I am not I'm not doing real

482
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:14,839
I'm not doing real well right now, but I love you.

483
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,000
Thanks for hanging in with me. I'm gonna put some

484
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:20,799
fucking side by side pictures of our inspo and what

485
00:25:20,839 --> 00:25:23,079
we got so you guys can just feel my pain

486
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:28,839
and understand why I'm physically sick about this. I will

487
00:25:28,839 --> 00:25:31,640
see you next week and I will be better. I

488
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,359
will have a voice. I don't know where I will

489
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:36,279
be recording that is still TBD, because I will not

490
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:41,799
be in my apartment because that's not a suitable podcast studio.

491
00:25:42,000 --> 00:26:00,880
But I love you madly and I'll talk to you later. Okay. Bye,