Speaker 1: Oh my god, Welcome back, besties. Oh my god, I
don't have a voice. Welcome to hell. It's me, sayt,
and I saved you a seat. Let's see what's going on.
Everything is a mess right now, including my hair and
face and everything about my general vibe. I'm winded, I'm sick,
and I am obviously not in a podcast studio in
West Palm Beach. I am in an attic in Wisconsin,
and Mike isn't here. But Dante is a Hi Dante. Ah,
we got Dante and that honestly, look, would you look
at God? Because Dante we fucking love him. Guys. Everything's bad.
I don't know just I mean, just life. Listen to me.
I'm sick, I can barely think. I am full of
day quill and I was supposed to land in West
Palm Beach with a beautiful podcast studio built into my
home that my designers were supposed to build for me,
and they have never whiffed harder ever. So I am
dealing with a headache on that. We'll talk about that later.
It's not good news. I'm literally physically sick from it.
And I'm just sad because I was really looking forward
to having a nice soft landing in West Palm and
it's been kind of a disaster, and I didn't want
to leave you guys without a podcast this week. And
guess what, we already recorded this podcast and Dante fucking
Dante only got ten minutes of it, so we have
to re record it take two, baby, But that's okay.
And the first one, I was like wrestling with the
mic the whole time, and it was kind of distracting
and horrible anyway, And I can't promise this will be
any better, because honestly, who fucking knows. I am yeaded
to the gills with day quill and tired and sloppy
and messy, and I'm losing my voice and I'm just
coming off the road. I was doing rain of Greenberg's
shows in Madison and Minneapolis, and as much as I
love being back in the Midwest, it is bata fuckin'
but raising here. It's thirty two degrees outside and I
was not feeling well in Florida and I'm feeling worse here.
But we're gonna get this podcast out of the way. Sorry.
I know you guys don't want to hear that you
look forward to this podcast. You don't want to get
it out of the way, but I do. I do.
Mama's tired. Basically, I left LA two weeks ago now,
and I was I went straight to Vegas to host
the AVNS, which was amazing. It was actually so much fun.
I didn't know what to expect. So the AVN Expo
was terrifying. That was like one of the scariest places
I've ever been in my entire life. And for those
of you who don't know what the AVN xpo is, basically,
the AVN Awards is like the Oscars for porn stars,
and before the awards they have an expo where they're
fans can come out and meet them. And let's talk
about how fucking terrifying that is, because imagine how perverted
you have to be to purchase a ticket to go
through TSA, to take your shoes off, to fucking get
on a plane, getting a fucking middle seat, strap your
seat belt, land in Vegas and be like, I'm going
to meet the person I jerk off too. Terrifying, terrifying, terrifying, terrifying.
So the expo is the scariest place in the world.
I know. These girls make money from showing up and
I know it's their job, and I know a lot
of them actually really genuinely enjoy it. For me, it
was like very scary energy. There were not protection spells,
there was not prayers, There was not enough energy I
could put out to protect my aura from the darkness
that was at the Expo. And I was really nervous
about the show itself too, because I've had friends who
have the AVNS who have said it's one of the
toughest gigs in their life, that the porn stars don't
like to be made fun of, and so I didn't
really know what to do going into this. You know,
I think, listen, I'm not gonna compare this to the
Golden Globes. It's obviously not the Golden Globes, but I
think there is you know, if you look at people
who host award shows in general, like I think the
reason Nicki Glazer was so great at hosting the Globes
was because she was really kind to them and you
could tell she was a fan of them, and she
wasn't really punching down on them. So that was kind
of my goal, was to go in just kind of
soft and just make fun of myself like, I'm like,
I don't need to come here and make fun of them.
I don't even watch porn. I don't even know. I
wouldn't even have an anchor point to make fun of.
I don't know who does what. I don't care. I
just my goal was to be of service and to
make sure everyone there had a really great night. So
I just did my my favorite X strokes and it
was really fun. It was a lot of fun, and
I had a great set. And I know a lot
of you have DMed me asking like where can I
see it? And I don't know. I just was texting
with one of the guys from the AVNS today. They
have no schedule or plan to release it, so if
I hear anything, I will let you guys know. I
thought it was going to be on YouTube. I thought
I was gonna be on showtime. I was. I don't
know where I got a lot of this information. Maybe
I googled it and things have changed, or maybe I
just fucking made shit up. Who really knows, who really
knows what goes on in my head? So yeah, the
show was a lot of fun. Mister Manhattan came out
with his friends. Of course, they were all so excited to,
you know, come hang out at the Avian Awards with
the women who raised them, the women and men who
raised them, these little fucking freaks. So we after the
AVN Awards, we were walking around the casino and Nate
Diaz was walking in front of us. And I've met
Nate a few times with Shane Gyellis. They're pretty good friends.
And I'm pretty aware of how Nate rolls and his crew,
and he's usually blackout drunk, and his crew is usually
ready to fight. And mister Manhattan is a big sports better,
so he's bet on Nate Dias a few times. And
for those of you who don't know who Nate DEAs is,
he's a UFC but is he a boxer? Mma is?
Do you know? UFC? What's the difference? Retired retired UFC fighter.
He's gonna have to probably come out of retirement soon
for money for cash. But he he thought Jake paul
In lost, didn't he. That's so embarrassing. He did be
Connor McGregor, and that's fucking awesome. So anyway, Nate Diaz
is every time I've met him, he's been cross eyed drunk.
He's nice, but he's like, no one's home. You know.
He is cross eyed, blackout, fucking drunk. Like I'm not
kidding you. I've never seen anyone more in a blackout
at all times than Nate DEAs and his crew. So
mister Manhattan was like, oh my god, that's Natias, that's Sneatias.
And I was like, I've met him a few times.
He said, goes to hi, go say hi. He clearly
mister Renhattan wanted to meet him because he's a fan
of his. And I was like, I don't think you're
gonna like how this goes like. I don't think you're
gonna like how this goes down. I was still in
my dress from the Aviannimars, I was looking good, and
I was just like, okay, I can go say hi.
But I've met him before. He's every time he says
hello to me, he grabs my waist and that's just
how he is. And it's not like it's it's threatening
or I don't take it any which way. But like,
I just knew he was not gonna like how it
went down. And I was like, I don't think so
he's doing do it? Do it? You know, he was
drinking and had some mushrooms and he was partying and
he wanted to meet him. So I was like, all right,
and I walked up to him and his fucking crew
like I knew was ready to fucking swing on me.
And I was like, it's Nate. I've met you with Shane,
you know. And he's like, oh hey, and he grabs
my waist and I see out of my peripheral I
see mister Manhattan fucking like come up like like he
was like, oh, what am I gonna do? He's touching
my girlfriend and I was like yeah, but it's it's
one of the nastiest fighters in the world, Like what
are you gonna do? You just told me to go
say hi to women. Now he's got his hands all
over me, and he was like yeah. In that moment,
I was like, you can have my girlfriend. He basically
was like you can fuck her, you can take her,
like whatever. Whatever. They said Hi, they did their thing.
One of his friends came up later and tried to
go say hi and also almost got knocked out. So,
you guys, this episode, this tragic, tragic, little fucking episode,
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my extensions out and all my hair was gone, I
had never been in my depression. I never knew more
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love you, besties, Enjoy Dante. What would you do if
Natiaz grab your girlfriend by the waist? Yeah, you gotta
let it. You just gotta let it. You got it.
It was just so funny because it was his idea
and he's just like, go say hi. And I was like,
you're not gonna like how this goes down, but it
was funny. And and then I was supposed to do
shows in after that. I was supposed to go straight
from Vegas to Raleigh to nash to Austin to Nashville,
which is like, you know, every once in a while
I look at a map when I'm going back and forth,
and I'm like, my agent hates me because it's like
east coast, Middle America, East coast, West coast. Huh, yeah, yeah,
I love Val. What's up, bel we love Val. No,
he's the best he does. You know, Listen, he does
the best he can for somebody who sells twelve tickets
per city. Uh no, listen. I know a lot of
you guys were supposed to come see me in Nashville
and Rally, and I'm so sorry those guy rescheduled. But
trees were fucking exploding in Nashville. What was I supposed
to do. I'm not gonna go like, uh, there's pop
rock trees. It's not for me. I just thought it
would be too dangerous for us all to try and
get out to those shows. So I rescheduled those shows
to June, and I will see you guys in June.
But yeah, so I only did Austin. I did a
show in Austin. And then from Austin, I was going
to Miami or we know, Austin, I had to go
to San Diego. You guys, I filmed it Don't Tell
Comedy short in San Diego. When I say, I have
never bobbed at taping like this in my life before.
Like when I got off, the guy who runs Don't
Tell was like, you don't have to use that. He's like,
we can throw it away, and I was like, oh no.
Sometimes you get on stage and you know you have
a bad stuff, but you're hoping it's not as bad
as you thought, and then you hear something like that
and you're like it might be worse than I thought.
But I was like, I'm gonna do some old jokes,
I'm gonna do the hits, and then I'm gonna do
some new stuff and I'm like it's gonna be great.
And U yeah. I was a very very sensitive crowd
in San Diego. They really didn't like Mama's dark stuff.
And listen, I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and that
is something I'm just being constantly reminded of, you know.
I uh, I don't know. We'll see if that comes
out or if it doesn't I'm gonna have to watch
it once once they get me the footage. Here's the thing.
Here's what I will say. Never looked better contrary to
what's going on here today. I had a really fun
dress on and my glam girls came down for one
last glam sash before I moved, and I felt really
confident before I got on stage, and then once I
got off, I was like, I should never do comedy again.
And that's the thing. That's the thing about this job.
It really does feel like I'm just a gambling addict.
Like I just there's high highs and there's low loath
and Mama's been feeling quite a It's like Abyn high
high like it was so much fun. Don't tell taping
it was not good. It was not good. I'm excited
for you guys to see it can be like llell.
Even the best fall down sometimes, but it's really funny.
I think there's something really funny for me about comedy.
And I know a lot of you guys don't do comedy,
so you don't care about this hot take. But whenever
you think like I'm gonna crush or this is gonna
be great, you usually don't it's usually like it's a
classic case of like humble yourself before God does it
for you. Anytime I have an ego about anything, I
usually get humbled pretty fast. Like with the AVNS, I
thought for sure I was gonna bomb. I was like,
there's no world where I do good. There's no world
where I do better than fucking Matt Rife who did
this two years ago. Anyway, my head is about to explode. Oh,
speaking of gambling, I started gambling recently and I have
to stop. And I maybe actually started like two years ago.
My astrologist told me do gamble, Dante, Yeah, to gamble?
Oh is he? Oh? I completely missed that. I didn't
know that. What's his game? Okay? I love black jack?
That's fun. So I'm dating a gambling addict now, which
is fun. But I want to get in on the action,
you know. So my astrologist, every year he goes to
Vegas and he does what he calls intuitive gambling, which
is where he channels his intuition. He looks at his
astrological chart and he figures out when his intuition is
going to be best, and then he goes to Vegas
and he plays slots and The way he plays is
he max bets on slots no higher than seventy five
dollars and he hits three times, and if it doesn't
hit after three, he takes his money and he walks.
And I did that probably four times total in my
life before I met mister Manhattan, and I always won
every time. It was like and not huge amounts. It
was like two hundred, year three hundred. They're like tiny
amounts of money, and it was fun. And then mister
Manhattan and I went to Vegas for the first time
and my one of my dear friends, Trevor Pope, we've
known each other since high school. He used to be
he won a bracelet playing World Series of Poker. He
has since retired from gambling. And I think, I think
poker altogether, but because of years and years of high
highs and low lows and like crashing out and like
not being able to handle it. But I said to them,
I was like, I never lose, Like every time I
play this way, I never lose. And you know what,
I always say, never say never, because if you say never,
it puts an X on your back for the universe
to give it to you. And now all I've been
doing is losing and I haven't won. And I haven't
lost a ton of money. I mean maybe like a
couple thousand. It's too many dollars. It's way too many dollars.
But I hate it. Every time I lose anything, it
like sits in my soul. I'm angry about it for days.
I don't understand how people do this. I don't understand
how people are like and I just haven't won to
like have a redemption arc where I'm like, oh yeah, wait, no,
this is fun. I just keep losing and I I mean,
I don't know. I don't like it. Who here gambles,
tell me if you're winning money. But my astrologist, he
last time he went to Vegas was doing his intuitive
gambling and he won ninety thousand dollars on slots ninety.
That would ninety thousand dollars right now would change my life,
like that would make everything better. I wouldn't even fucking
care that my designers turned my fucking apartment into like
stadium seating, love stadium seating. Did I just say that, right? Yeah?
Stadium seating, love seats. Like I wouldn't care that my
designers turned my apartment into a fucking Airbnb that I
would give one star to. I hate my apartment so
much it makes me want to scream at the top
of my fucking lungs. I am gonna show you guys
the inspo picks and then what we got. It is laughable.
It is a joke. We asked for like one big
comfy cloud couch and we got two love seats. Like,
I'm not fucking kidding you. They gave us two love seats.
One of them. Yes, we want a sleeper sofa because
we wanted to be able to have guests, and I
guess they had issues with the dimensions of the door,
raw rah rah whatever. At no point did they communicate
to us like, hey, we're not gonna be able to,
like aesthetically give you what you want if we keep
going forward with this brief. They didn't communicate anything to us.
They just did a reveal. They did a reveal like
we were supposed to be blown away by what they
It was the worst thing in the world. They put
like forty six plants in our apartment. Okay, that's hyperbolic.
They put maybe like thirteen fifteen, but like, we can't
walk around without hitting our face on plants. It looked
like Tarzan fucking decorated the inside of our apartment. And
they were supposed to do like whites and creams and neutrals.
We have brown, like these ugly fucking brown chairs, a
sleeper sofa from quite literally Ashley Furniture. They refused to
give us receipts to return anything. They're saying, everything is
outside of the window of return. It is the biggest
nightmare of my life. Like silly me, I wanted to
spend this money to pay these designers who have I've
flawlessly executed two of my previous homes, like I would
trust them with my money and my life up until
this point, and then this time it has been like
the nastiest exchange of them, Like here's the thing you
missed the brief Like just take honest and move. Is
that a word honest? It is? Now take some fucking
responsibility and say that, like we screwed up. Let's fix
this together. Their their solution to us was buy a
new couch. Buy a new fucking couch. You know what
they also said, they said to mister Manhattan, And how
fucking dare they one of like their actual solutions that
they said with a straight face. They said, we know
you know Jonathan Adler. Why don't you call him and
see if he has a couch for you? Guys? Ha what?
Like the solutions were so insulting and insane and unprofessional
and emotionally charged. It's like, this is a job. You
fucked the job up, you missed the brief, just like,
be professional about it. It's been like so emotional and
insane and honestly, like I'm actually physically sick because my
heart broke because I like I lost friends over this,
and then also like my apartment is a disaster and
all I have in Palm Beach is is my home.
Like I don't I didn't move there to open a business.
I don't have friends there. There's not a comedy club there.
I can go like keiki about what a disaster this is.
There's there's nothing there for me except for my home.
And the home is completely fucked up and it's gonna
be a fortune too correct And yeah, I'm just devastated.
I'm devastated about all of it. And obviously like I'm
run down and I'm tired, and I have a headache
and I really just wanted my home to be turnkey,
and I don't have a place to podcast. That's why
I'm in an attic in Wisconsin podcasting right now. It's like,
was this the dream? Not really? Dante's the dream though?
Being with Dante? Any chance I get to hang out
with mm hmm. It's only every once in a while.
I'm really never back in Wisconsin. I'm back here doing
some shows at the Comedy Cabin. Oh here's the other thing,
my shows. I'm supposed to be doing this European tour London, Berlin, Amsterdam.
If you guys are there, can you please buy tickets?
Because otherwise I might cancel this run. And I'm not
trying to threaten you guys with a good time, but
I'm just saying it's not really selling and it doesn't
make a ton of sense for me to go if
I don't sell tickets. Here's the thing, you guys. Should
I just do something else with my life? Should I pivot?
Should I What should I do? Dante? If I were
to do something else, what would I do? Do you
have any ideas for me? Stand up just feels too grueling,
like being on the road all the time, schlepping losing money,
paying to go to work. It's just like, what is this.
I don't I don't understand why I'm doing this. Ooh see,
now we're talking. I'm not a housewife. But listen, I'll
get it going. I'll fucking fire it up. I'll make
mister Manhattan fucking propose to me so I can be
a housewife. I will do it. I don't fucking it.
I'm not above it. I just am like, what is this, boss,
bitch work girl, Like, I'm good. I don't need to
prove anything to anyone anymore. I'm tired, Mama is tired.
I'm going on the road trying to make people laugh.
I'm too sad. I'm too fucking sad. I'm too sad.
The Lex's approach doesn't work. No, it does work. It's fine,
everything's fine, Everything's gonna be fine. Here's the thing. I
can be in the weeds and all this shit is happening,
and I feel so uncomfortable, and I feel physically ill,
and I feel out of place in my own home,
and I feel all of these things, and I just now,
at the end of the day, I know God's got it,
and like, whatever something this is for a reason. Every
single thing happens for a reason. I hate to be
woo woo, and I hate to get into like, well,
it's not happening to you, it's happening for you, but
it is. I think this is making me take a
better look at friendships, especially like I think I need
to be more selective about who I let into my
life and why I let them in. I think I
really need to stop fucking acting on the wound of
like nobody liked me when I was growing up, but
I really want to, Like, I just can't let the
floodgates be open and let anyone be my friend because
that's not that hasn't really gotten me super far. And yeah,
so anyway, I'm trying to look at this objectively. I'm
trying to keep my side of the street clean. I'm
trying to be as good as I possibly can be
in this situation. But it's tough. It's always tough. It's
a lesson, you know. And I feel sad. I feel
sad that my home is a shitty airbnb. I feel
sad that we didn't land in a place that was
super soft and feel good. I feel sad to be
going back and forth with friends about old friends, people
that used to be my friends, about something that they
fucked up on a business. Just this is why it's
really tough to do to have business with friends or
to do work with friends. It's always hard. It's always
hard to work work with friends. It's never easier to
work with someone when you have a fondness for them
on a friend level, because there's feelings involved people. Everyone's
feelings are getting hurt. Everyone's being like, you know, I'm
doing my best to stay not emotional. I'm privately, like
obviously struggling because my fucking is this private because I'm
podcasting about it, it's not private, but like I'm you
know whatever, I'm physically sick. I don't feel good about it.
I don't really have a ton else to say. I
didn't want to leave you guys without a podcast this week,
because I know you guys are codependent and you need podcasts.
You need this little podcast to make your Mondays better.
But I wanted to have more energy in a fresh
new space and like a bunch of good vibes for
you guys this week. I don't I'm sorry. Listen, some
great things have happened since I've seen you last, and
some bad things have happened since I've seen you last,
and that is life. We're gonna do a word of
the week because because we are, because at the end
of the day, even if we're all struggling, we need
to keep you fucking smart and on your toes. Do
you remember what the word was that I said before
on the last podcast and I got recorded and then
we then we lost it. Sharfdoodle. There we go, and
that's why we that's honestly, sharfdoodle is very close, but
it's actually horn swoggle, horn swoggle to trick or deceive,
horn swaggle. I've been horn swoggled by my designers. There
we go, sharfdoodle. I've been sharf doodled. Yeah, literally, sharf doodle,
horn swoggle to trick or deceive. I love that word.
I think it's so funny. Listen you guys. I love
you all madly. Thank you for coming and hanging out
with me. Even though it's not a full hour this week,
I can can't afford to lose my voice. I have
shows this weekend that I need to be able to
get through. And I look like I was born in
a wind tunnel. I am not I'm not doing real
I'm not doing real well right now, but I love you.
Thanks for hanging in with me. I'm gonna put some
fucking side by side pictures of our inspo and what
we got so you guys can just feel my pain
and understand why I'm physically sick about this. I will
see you next week and I will be better. I
will have a voice. I don't know where I will
be recording that is still TBD, because I will not
be in my apartment because that's not a suitable podcast studio.
But I love you madly and I'll talk to you later. Okay. Bye,