Speaker 1: Let me finish. This is the first time I committed
Speaker 1: a hate crime. Maybe they'll jerk my dick off or
Speaker 1: you know, like something like that. Yeah, probably we've disgusted.
Speaker 1: I'm associate bath. You are thrashed my ship, any trash ship.
Speaker 2: You're a worst friend.
Speaker 1: Do you want to know why you're all fucked up?
Speaker 1: Just look at the fucking problems you hang around with.
Speaker 1: You're listening to Your Worst Friend with Shane and Matt.
Speaker 1: I'm Matt and joined today by my friend and co host,
Speaker 1: a guy that when he gets take out, it's often
Speaker 1: wrong but not filled with metal.
Speaker 2: Jane Hice shot man.
Speaker 1: Uh follow us everyone on Twitter and Instagram at Worst Friendcast.
Speaker 1: Go to your Worst Friend dot com see links to
Speaker 1: everything we're doing. Most importantly, check out our Patreon, Patreon
Speaker 1: dot com slash Worst Friend Cast. It's really starting to
Speaker 1: pump over there. Rory commented something today. Maybe we'll talk
Speaker 1: about that on Patreon.
Speaker 2: It's so pumpy, but uh yeah, definitely Swartzniggers biceps exactly
Speaker 2: like that.
Speaker 1: Oh, I got a video with a word similar to that.
Speaker 2: Let me play it real quick.
Speaker 1: Gold Diggers.
Speaker 2: Can you hear it?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I can hear it. Gold diggers rhymes with biceps.
Speaker 1: Yeah, gold diggers. But that's the exception. I'm the rule.
Speaker 1: Everybody I know who's married right now, they're married to
Speaker 1: brocas niggers. He've never seen a whiter woman use that
Speaker 1: word in a non like screaming and traffic type of thing.
Speaker 2: Well maybe she has a point, though, I mean, who
Speaker 2: knows what her friend group is, Like, maybe that's all
Speaker 2: she hears from her friends. I'm married to this broke
Speaker 2: ass wiga, you know.
Speaker 1: But sure the other one guy, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: understand you don't want to miscolor him. Why do people
Speaker 1: push shit like that online?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: I think, like, if you told me this person has
Speaker 1: a history of like starting online arguments, yeah yeah, I
Speaker 1: get it, Like that's you know, but it doesn't seem
Speaker 1: like she's doing that.
Speaker 2: Well, maybe this is just her dive into starting our
Speaker 2: online arguments.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: Maybe she's gonna be the next Perez Hilton.
Speaker 1: Sure it'll be like a hey, uh well, I forget
Speaker 1: which president wasn't wor World War two started? Truman ended
Speaker 1: it was it FDR?
Speaker 2: Yeah it would have been FDR.
Speaker 1: Hey, FDR. Let's shove this bomb right now where I
Speaker 1: don't know pick somewhere cool. That's not a good way
Speaker 1: to just start things. I agree with you. Maybe she
Speaker 1: is just starting it.
Speaker 2: But dude, I mean people have started things, you know,
Speaker 2: for notoriety in a way more flashy sense. Like remember
Speaker 2: when was that like two years ago when that guy
Speaker 2: he went in that school in Texas and he killed
Speaker 2: all those little kids with an assault rifle.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I do.
Speaker 2: That's a little worse than this. Don't you think that's true?
Speaker 1: He was starting off his content creation career a little differently.
Speaker 2: That's that's a good point. I saw.
Speaker 1: Remember that trans shooter one.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, dude, what a fucking conspiracy that was that
Speaker 2: they swept under the rug?
Speaker 1: Huh, well they did just this really annoyed some people.
Speaker 1: They found out she bought the gun with a pell grant.
Speaker 2: What was that like for school?
Speaker 1: This is taxpayer money they bought that weapon.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's for school, right.
Speaker 1: I believe so, But like school supplies and shit, did
Speaker 1: you go to fucking in high school? We had it
Speaker 1: was at AMC. It was at the movie. It wasn't
Speaker 1: like called grant night, but that's what it was. It
Speaker 1: was like senior awards or something, but not not the
Speaker 1: what are they called not the not like the yearbook ones,
Speaker 1: not not like best blah blah blah best not none
Speaker 1: of the best cock.
Speaker 2: It was the best tits.
Speaker 1: We did have, best body, and we give it to
Speaker 1: that girl Kristen Lasting begins with d sounds real guinea a.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I remember her. They they didn't give
Speaker 2: it to the best one. They should have given it
Speaker 2: to uh that girl in the wheelchair. Remember she had
Speaker 2: a great body, dude, she.
Speaker 1: Had the least used body, that's for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, untouched.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but she won that other award. Remember newest shoes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the freshest kicks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, best treads in your sneakers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she
Speaker 1: got that. What was I talking about?
Speaker 2: What was I talking about? Someone in our high school?
Speaker 1: Oh no, yeah, no, no, no, I got it.
Speaker 2: I got it.
Speaker 1: So it was like award night or some bullshit like that, right,
Speaker 1: And it was at AMC and Blanderuin I went because
Speaker 1: we didn't actually know what it was. I think you
Speaker 1: might have been with us, but maybe you weren't.
Speaker 2: I don't know. Do you remember that, dude? I don't
Speaker 2: fucking remember, dude. I remember a couple things from high
Speaker 2: school and fucking hell, grant night is not one of them.
Speaker 1: It's a fair point. And maybe that was a dumb question.
Speaker 1: Do you remember the night when we all got our scholarships.
Speaker 1: So that's what it was. It was like grant and
Speaker 1: scholarship and whatever. Night fucking Blandre and I didn't apply
Speaker 1: for any of those fucking things. So we went there.
Speaker 1: I think my parents came too. I think everybody's parents came.
Speaker 1: It was like a be proud of you moment. But
Speaker 1: I just think we didn't know what it was because
Speaker 1: we didn't apply for shit. We didn't apply for anything.
Speaker 1: So we just sat there and they almost like go
Speaker 1: down the road and go like this person best or
Speaker 1: got the award for like creative musically, blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: It's a twelve hundred dollars grant.
Speaker 2: You're thinking, like, what's my award gonna be? Like they're
Speaker 2: giving out all these fucking awards and you're like, I
Speaker 2: thought for sure I would get best Video Editor. What
Speaker 2: could I get?
Speaker 1: It went on for hours. I swear to you it
Speaker 1: took me at least forty five minutes to realize like, oh,
Speaker 1: these people all applied for these things. Like I'm sitting
Speaker 1: here watching an award ceremony for an award I'm not
Speaker 1: even nominated for, not even not nominated. I didn't act
Speaker 1: at all, and I'm still sitting there in the ANSWER's
Speaker 1: going like when when am I gonna get cinematography? That's weird.
Speaker 1: I went to someone who made a movie. Well, maybe
Speaker 1: I'll get editing.
Speaker 2: So what did you do at forty five minutes? Did
Speaker 2: you whisper there?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: You didn't whisper in your mom's ear, Like, oh, so
Speaker 2: when you talk too low, I can't hear you. You
Speaker 2: have a gun off on. You didn't whisper in your
Speaker 2: mom's ear. Sorry, this is the wrong thing.
Speaker 1: That was fine, But also when you talk too high
Speaker 1: it cuts you off to you really got to work
Speaker 1: within a range. No, I did not whisper that to
Speaker 1: my mom. In fact, my mom sat there, I believe,
Speaker 1: and wondered when I was gonna get mine, And then
Speaker 1: I think it clicked for her, probably forty four minutes
Speaker 1: and when she was like, oh, my kid's just a
Speaker 1: fucking loser. He didn't apply for any of this. I
Speaker 1: went to her in March. I was like, I think
Speaker 1: I want to start applying for college. It's because everyone
Speaker 1: was already accepted. Already, you're going to community college, bud, Like,
Speaker 1: that's that's all that's left.
Speaker 2: So I did. Yeah, that's why I joined the Marines
Speaker 2: because I was like, my dad gave me this talking
Speaker 2: to in like junior year and he's like, if you're
Speaker 2: not applying for colleges now, then you're going to be
Speaker 2: stuck going to some shitty community college.
Speaker 1: And although you're with all your dumb fat friends here.
Speaker 2: With all your no nothing friends, you're lazy, do nothing,
Speaker 2: fucking dirt fat friends.
Speaker 1: The problem was I was standing next to you while
Speaker 1: he was saying this.
Speaker 2: He was pointing at me. Yeah, well he needed an example,
Speaker 2: but yeah, he gave me that talking to. So I
Speaker 2: joined the Marines, like right at the beginning of senior year.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I didn't have to worry about applying to
Speaker 2: colleges until shit, I was an adult with a job
Speaker 2: and a kid.
Speaker 1: Why did you never finish school? You seem studious? Oh,
Speaker 1: because I don't mean that as an like an insult.
Speaker 1: I hope it doesn't feel like that, because I meant
Speaker 1: it as kind of like a compliment, like I think
Speaker 1: you should have now. It doesn't make sense.
Speaker 2: For one all these kids are a bunch of pussies.
Speaker 2: I told the story on the show before. It was
Speaker 2: like an issue with the VA where so oh real quick,
Speaker 2: you want to know what I spent my pel grant on.
Speaker 1: You gotta fucking pell grant? Go ahead?
Speaker 2: Wait, did you actually get a Yeah? I got, I
Speaker 2: got I could take advantage of all those fucking you.
Speaker 1: I remember Nick bought a guitar with his grants. All
Speaker 1: these fucking people talking about how expensive college is. Here's
Speaker 1: some money, use it for that.
Speaker 2: Now I'll just get weed instead. Dude. The pilgrim was
Speaker 2: like six grand, and the books per semester was like
Speaker 2: one hundred and twelve dollars.
Speaker 1: Okay, so what.
Speaker 2: Am I going to do with the rest of the
Speaker 2: five thousand, eight hundred something dollars?
Speaker 1: Did you even buy the books?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Of course, I got to pass the class.
Speaker 1: Did you pass the class?
Speaker 2: Of course? Pasted all my classes that. Yeah. The other
Speaker 2: reason I didn't stay in I told the story for
Speaker 2: was I had a so like at the beginning of
Speaker 2: each semester they give you or I guess, like the
Speaker 2: middle of each semester, when you're gonna be ready for
Speaker 2: next semester, they give you like, Okay, here's your credits
Speaker 2: that you have, and here's all the classes that are
Speaker 2: going to be open, here's the ones that count for
Speaker 2: your credits, and here's the credits you still need to fulfill.
Speaker 2: They give you like a little spreadsheet, you know. And uh.
Speaker 2: I was already halfway through a semester and they were
Speaker 2: like hey, you know they called me and they were like,
Speaker 2: the one class you're taking poetry or whatever, some fucking
Speaker 2: credit I needed to fulfill that actually doesn't count anymore
Speaker 2: towards this degree. It shouldn't have been offered.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, fucking crazy, and they've done that
Speaker 1: to me and Jen too. Sorry, I apologize, but yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that grandfather it in motherfucker.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, just allow it. It was before, right, But anyway,
Speaker 2: so they were like no, and so I was like, ah,
Speaker 2: So what ended up happening was in order to get
Speaker 2: enrolled for the next semester, I needed to withdraw from
Speaker 2: that class and pay the money I already owed, like
Speaker 2: the portion of it, because like the VA, like, I
Speaker 2: don't know how it works. I think they pay an
Speaker 2: advance or whatever. But then the school says something I
Speaker 2: don't understand. The whole how it all works. But all
Speaker 2: I know is at the end of the day, the
Speaker 2: school was telling me like, all right, you can finish
Speaker 2: the class, you can do whatever, it doesn't matter, but
Speaker 2: you're you're not going to get credit for it. And
Speaker 2: then the oh that's it. The VA was like, since
Speaker 2: you're already in the class, you got to finish the class.
Speaker 2: You know, we're not like we paid them, so there
Speaker 2: is no option for you to withdraw. If you withdraw,
Speaker 2: you're liable, you know. And I was like, well, what
Speaker 2: the fuck? They really left me hanging. And so in
Speaker 2: order to enroll for the next semester, I had to
Speaker 2: like get this financial shit sorted out. And it was
Speaker 2: only a couple hundred bucks I needed to pay, but
Speaker 2: I was already pat like past the point where it
Speaker 2: was like, oh, you got to enroll for the next semester.
Speaker 2: And because I wasn't enrolled for the next semester, they
Speaker 2: fucking cut my housing allowance. They give you like whatever
Speaker 2: it is based on your the area live. They give
Speaker 2: you like a thousand bucks or something you know at
Speaker 2: the time for your rent or your mortgage or whatever,
Speaker 2: and per month.
Speaker 1: And you get more if you're a full time student
Speaker 1: probably than if you were whatever.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, that was the full time amount.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But so as soon as they as soon as I
Speaker 2: wasn't enrolled anymore, they cut my money and that was
Speaker 2: like a huge portion of my income. So I just
Speaker 2: had to start working more. And then I think I
Speaker 2: got fired and then I was like jobless for a year,
Speaker 2: and I was just like, you know, depressed and stuff.
Speaker 2: And I by the time I it became like something
Speaker 2: I could do, like, oh I could go back to college,
Speaker 2: It's like, what the fuck for? You know, that's a
Speaker 2: stupid idea.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess depending on what you would go for,
Speaker 1: it would have been sure.
Speaker 2: I'll go to the course on professional fucking dickwad.
Speaker 1: I think at this age, if you're a man, I
Speaker 1: don't know what a professional fucking dickwad is, but I
Speaker 1: get it.
Speaker 2: It's what we're doing right now. Okay, fair enough, this
Speaker 2: is the course we're teaching.
Speaker 1: Welcome to college kids. I have thought of that recently,
Speaker 1: going back to my community college and trying to find
Speaker 1: my radio professor, because that was the only that was
Speaker 1: my only class where the teacher didn't like fall over
Speaker 1: Nick so much like he did. But I had more
Speaker 1: of the talent, and I want to come back, and
Speaker 1: I want to be like, can I come in one
Speaker 1: day and talk to one of your night classes about podcasting?
Speaker 1: And then I want to show him what we do.
Speaker 1: By the way, he was quite Jewish, Uh, some of
Speaker 1: the stuff. N He was cool though, but pretty Jewish.
Speaker 2: So some of our.
Speaker 1: Content right around the wartime may not have been the best.
Speaker 1: That's fine, He'll get over it. I want to go back,
Speaker 1: and I want to tell these kids the jew one yeah,
Speaker 1: oh oh, and not just the weather thing the or
Speaker 1: the the war thing, but the weather stuff throughout the years.
Speaker 1: This put the way. If he's a Patreon member, he
Speaker 1: might unsubscribe quickly. We got that dollar though, I got
Speaker 1: your fucking something's off on that. We have X amount
Speaker 1: of people and we we only collect dollars from half
Speaker 1: that amount of people. And I don't understand it. I
Speaker 1: don't care. It's never been about the money. I like,
Speaker 1: when someone does whatever.
Speaker 2: You should probably investigate that because I feel like someone
Speaker 2: hacked us.
Speaker 1: So you look, can you see my numbers?
Speaker 2: This? That's weird, this and that.
Speaker 1: Like I understand the discrepancy between those, but this and
Speaker 1: that doesn't make sense to me.
Speaker 2: Well, maybe it's because the three of those people who
Speaker 2: aren't paying us the dollar. Maybe those people are Jewish.
Speaker 1: So I kind of want to go back to my
Speaker 1: college and give a clip, But I then what would
Speaker 1: I even do. Ability here's what you gotta do for podcasting,
Speaker 1: talk to nobody for years. Yeah, as I'm beating my dick,
Speaker 1: as I'm what was the video we watched beforehand, as
Speaker 1: I'm pulling back my foreskin to unveil my unveil my mushroom.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the thing. You got it. You know what
Speaker 2: you should do is answer a lot of questions. That's
Speaker 2: that's what you really gotta do.
Speaker 1: First off. The best part is I wasn't asked to
Speaker 1: do this. I am going to ask to do it,
Speaker 1: so answering a lot of questions. I agree, But that's
Speaker 1: almost like the easy way out. Like if I didn't
Speaker 1: want to do this, I would just be which which
Speaker 1: is kind of kind of how I do things. Jump
Speaker 1: in with both feet and go. It's the easiest way
Speaker 1: to get out of this as fast as I can.
Speaker 2: Well, okay, let me let me all right. Here's how
Speaker 2: I taught a three hour class once in college.
Speaker 1: Did you really was that when I was that part
Speaker 1: of the class.
Speaker 2: Uh no, it was asked of me. Wait, wait a minute,
Speaker 2: was it? I think it might have been actually part
Speaker 2: of the class where every student had to give up
Speaker 2: give a like an hour presentation. This was a night
Speaker 2: class or it was like a double length or class
Speaker 2: we had. It was like four hours or something. It
Speaker 2: was long as fuck and so like.
Speaker 1: But it's only one day a week instead of two.
Speaker 2: Right right, yeah, exactly. So, yeah, everybody had to give
Speaker 2: like a one hour lecture. I think like you're signed
Speaker 2: it at the beginning, and maybe you get to choose
Speaker 2: what you want or get it approved or whatever, and
Speaker 2: then at the end everybody does this and I was
Speaker 2: the only one who did an entire like night where
Speaker 2: that was my lecture and I did Buddhism, and I
Speaker 2: did like the way I did it was I did
Speaker 2: like a history lesson because I didn't want to talk
Speaker 2: about it. And that's what I realized where I was lacking. Actually,
Speaker 2: I didn't want to focus on a lot of mystical stuff,
Speaker 2: you know, because to me, that wasn't really the important
Speaker 2: part about Buddhism. So I talked about a lot of
Speaker 2: the history. I started with the history, and then I
Speaker 2: dove into the philosophy and how it's like I compared
Speaker 2: it to how it's different than Christianity, where the in Christianity,
Speaker 2: the idea is to get through this life so that
Speaker 2: you can achieve the next life, a better one. Where's
Speaker 2: the opposite it is true in Buddhism, where it's like
Speaker 2: you want to you want to cling to this life
Speaker 2: because you're dreading what comes next, if anything. And so
Speaker 2: I talked about that, and then it was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: a very long question and answer period where I was
Speaker 2: like answering a lot of questions and a lot of
Speaker 2: people were asking about like gods and mystical shit. So
Speaker 2: I realized, I, okay, I guess I didn't dig into
Speaker 2: that enough for these fucking idiots. You know, they want
Speaker 2: to hear about all the fucking cartoon characters.
Speaker 1: By the way, By the way, you I checked way
Speaker 1: out when you said you got rid of the mystical shit.
Speaker 1: I want to know about dragons. I want to know
Speaker 1: about Buddha perched upon a tree or some horseshit when
Speaker 1: he's like seven hundred pounds. You go, don't worry, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm only gonna talk about the serious history stuff. I
Speaker 1: would have went, oh, yeah, I'm gonna be listening from
Speaker 1: my folded arms.
Speaker 2: Okay's the thing is that you'd think that. But right,
Speaker 2: it was like a really engaging night. I remember it
Speaker 2: went really well. I was really happy about that. But
Speaker 2: at the same time, that teacher he was a fucking
Speaker 2: he was like an acid burnout hippie guy, you know.
Speaker 2: So it's like it was an easy a either way.
Speaker 1: I had one teacher I think his name was Andrew.
Speaker 1: He was in college. He was a fucking English teacher.
Speaker 2: Wait, what's the fucking English one on one June? It's June. Okay.
Speaker 2: He was totally f slurred out.
Speaker 1: I do want to make a conscious effort to continue
Speaker 1: that throughout the month possible.
Speaker 2: Okay, oh yeah, for this month especially.
Speaker 1: But this guy, and he was that teacher who would
Speaker 1: be like, you don't have to call me professor or whatever,
Speaker 1: you can call me Andrew. But he also had that
Speaker 1: thing where it's that translucent white skin with blotchy red
Speaker 1: or like around his lips. He looked like he was
Speaker 1: doing like inverted blackface. It was very strange and like
Speaker 1: spots around then. He had big glasses and he had
Speaker 1: beady little eyes like he couldn't even see the color
Speaker 1: on him. They looked like little rat's eyes. Okay, but
Speaker 1: he picked on me throughout the entire summer.
Speaker 2: Okay, a fucking loser like that.
Speaker 1: Here was the other thing. Now, I'm kind of a
Speaker 1: pussy with bugs and stuff.
Speaker 2: I don't like him.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you remember in Jersey, not like
Speaker 1: I don't get like i'll kill a but I'll tell you.
Speaker 1: I'll show you what I mean in terms of overwhelming bugs.
Speaker 1: Remember in Jersey, those fucking caterpillars you would get yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty,
Speaker 1: They're fine. Okay, but the community college I went to
Speaker 1: had so many trees that attracted those things. And this
Speaker 1: f slurred Andrew was just like, oh my god, it's
Speaker 1: such a beautiful day outside. We need to go outside
Speaker 1: and do our class. And he would sit us underneath
Speaker 1: a tree and like, no joke, I'd have like twenty
Speaker 1: five of these things crawling on me to the point
Speaker 1: where I'd have to shake them off and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stand up, like I can't even concentrate. I
Speaker 1: got these things fucking crawling, And he's like, you need
Speaker 1: to sit down in this class, and I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, So I start clearing some caterpillars and he's like,
Speaker 1: just leave them alone.
Speaker 2: I was like, Oh, this is college, this is college college.
Speaker 2: I would have beat that f slur up. So I
Speaker 2: hate c h seed him.
Speaker 1: This was a spring class going into summertime, right, so
Speaker 1: the spring class should end. Okay, I'm doing an enough
Speaker 1: to pass, that's all I need. I'm fucking doing enough
Speaker 1: to pass. And we have to write some paper at
Speaker 1: the end, and I deliver a solid C plus performance.
Speaker 2: On that paper.
Speaker 1: He gets back to me a week later, Matt, Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to give you an incomplete unless you
Speaker 1: rewrite this.
Speaker 2: I'll give you one week. Did he need your name?
Speaker 1: No? No, no, no, you didn't capture the breadth of
Speaker 1: the whatever.
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: Hey guess what.
Speaker 2: I don't give a shit.
Speaker 1: I understand no one wants to fuck you because you
Speaker 1: look like a little beady rat eyed thing. And he
Speaker 1: was fat too. Gay guys who are fat bother me.
Speaker 2: You should have fucked him. Yeah, I was thinking about it.
Speaker 1: So uh. I had to do this three more times
Speaker 1: after I resubmitted the first time, and he's like, still
Speaker 1: not good enough. It went almost into the fall, and
Speaker 1: I did not know if I had passed that class
Speaker 1: or not to register for the next class, because he
Speaker 1: just kept jerking me around like that.
Speaker 2: It sounds like hen did that to come?
Speaker 1: You may have needed that to come. Yeah, it's possible.
Speaker 1: You want to know what I need to come?
Speaker 2: Force play? You see miss Green? I can it looks
Speaker 2: like an overgrown lawn in Ohio.
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's a little bit more like Detroit
Speaker 1: or Chicago if I'm being honest.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know I was a shithole too. Oh, I
Speaker 2: believe it. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of shitholes in this country. For a
Speaker 1: pretty solid country, there's a lot of shithole counties, is
Speaker 1: what I would say.
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, it's gonna get worse. Did you see that
Speaker 2: video I sent you about the good news about climate change? No,
Speaker 2: what was it? Oh it's great, dude. There's a couple places, dude,
Speaker 2: real nice places that already where it's like it's nice,
Speaker 2: but it's a little too cold, and now they're gonna
Speaker 2: get moderately warmer. I mean, I personally, I love Canada
Speaker 2: and I think it would be great to move there.
Speaker 2: I'm not so sure about Russia being the only other
Speaker 2: nice place to live. But hey, dude, if we got
Speaker 2: a two party system again, Russia Canada do get out.
Speaker 2: Hey we won, I think our little brother can win.
Speaker 1: Right Maybe maybe I don't know. I haven't seen this
Speaker 1: paper or this study on the climate change thing. Here's
Speaker 1: my question.
Speaker 2: It's not one study. This is just like multiple It's
Speaker 2: just like the predictions about how the world is. So
Speaker 2: you take them all and you you aggregate them, and
Speaker 2: this would be like the most consensus view about like
Speaker 2: how the environment is going to change. So it's just
Speaker 2: it's just basic like physics, right, like highest elevations, most
Speaker 2: northern latitudes, they're going to be the best places, and
Speaker 2: it would be southern latitudes. But the only place there
Speaker 2: is Antarctica, which is empty. Let's go there.
Speaker 1: I don't know nothing about that. I know the College
Speaker 1: of Pediatricians said you shouldn't cut off baby dicks recently.
Speaker 2: Oh dude, finally, man, I was getting so sick of
Speaker 2: having to do that every goddamn day.
Speaker 1: Overgrown weeds on this house. There's two women in the
Speaker 1: backgrounds now here's the situation.
Speaker 2: They look like scarecrows.
Speaker 1: Here's the situation. By the way, we started this with
Speaker 1: what do I need to come? And it's videos like this.
Speaker 1: Two women in the background, they are throwing eggs at
Speaker 1: their ex man's house.
Speaker 2: Someone's x man's house. They were both dating him at
Speaker 2: the same time.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It may just be a friend type
Speaker 1: situation or like a like a capadre, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 2: Maybe one is the girl and one's the other girl.
Speaker 1: This is one of those instant karma videos that I
Speaker 1: really enjoyed, Like I really.
Speaker 2: Thought it was fun. So let me just hit play.
Speaker 3: Damn.
Speaker 2: Here's the thrown eggs.
Speaker 1: Now they're getting back in the car. Now they're driving away, quick,
Speaker 1: driving away, George not to stop sign?
Speaker 2: Oh no they're not. Did they explode their way? They're
Speaker 2: going to take them? What the hell? Can you play
Speaker 2: that again? Miss? Wait? Wait, wait, wait, I gotta hear
Speaker 2: what they say at the end though, hold on.
Speaker 1: No, it's like.
Speaker 2: What they're about to bang. Theyre about to bang. We
Speaker 2: gotta go down there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because the guy leaves his house when he heard
Speaker 1: the crash, so he got egged.
Speaker 2: Oh that's awesome, all right, let me see the crash again.
Speaker 2: That happened so quick.
Speaker 1: Damn damn.
Speaker 2: Running back to the car, I heard the game. They're
Speaker 2: going to take them. I mean, what do you expect.
Speaker 2: You're fucking bad driving?
Speaker 4: They on the way.
Speaker 2: They on the way, They on the way.
Speaker 1: After my harrowing tale last week of a feeling like
Speaker 1: I was gonna be killed, I have taken a new
Speaker 1: approach to driving. I'm cool now. Some bitch was doing
Speaker 1: about fifteen this morning when I had to get Jen
Speaker 1: to work, and I was just cool. Oh really back, Yeah,
Speaker 1: just sitting back.
Speaker 2: It's a good pennies at her.
Speaker 1: I do that every time, by the way, I grab
Speaker 1: either a handful of change I have in the car,
Speaker 1: or sometimes I get so mad I just cocked my
Speaker 1: hand with my jewel in it. And there was one
Speaker 1: yesterday where this person was acting like a real cunt,
Speaker 1: and if Jen wasn't right next to me because her
Speaker 1: window is down, I was gonna fucking.
Speaker 2: Whip it out.
Speaker 1: I howked a big spit the other day, hoping I
Speaker 1: could get just close enough as they slowed to turn
Speaker 1: to hit them, and I couldn't. They turned too fast.
Speaker 2: Dude. Sometimes I hang my cock out the car and
Speaker 2: just real quick okay under the wind, you know, it
Speaker 2: splats all over the windshield. They think it's bird shit.
Speaker 2: Oh but it's not. What is it? It's my sperm.
Speaker 1: He So yesterday I've been off my diet for a
Speaker 1: few days. I hit a nice line where I should
Speaker 1: have just continued and kept going. And now I'm falling
Speaker 1: back into it. So I need to I need to
Speaker 1: get that back together. But yesterday we were out and
Speaker 1: I was like, I want some kind of food, and
Speaker 1: I wanted Jersey Mics. Like, hey, let's go get a
Speaker 1: fucking Jersey Mikes.
Speaker 2: They sell sandwiches.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they do sell sandwiches. Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
Speaker 2: That's a good sandwich that they have.
Speaker 1: I get a number six roast beef and provolone. I
Speaker 1: get uh, mayo, lettuce, tomato, banana, peppers, and vinegar, no oil, no.
Speaker 2: Salt, pepper. Do you get oil? Oh? Yeah, I get oil. Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 2: that's good.
Speaker 1: Okay. So Gen's like all right, I uh, we could
Speaker 1: go there if you want, but maybe we could try
Speaker 1: this other place.
Speaker 2: Dude, What the fuck? Dude? Why is she trying to
Speaker 2: ruin the night? I did? Thank you? Well?
Speaker 1: Because she doesn't eat lunch meats, so Jersey Mikes would
Speaker 1: be a bit of.
Speaker 2: A problem for she think she get a bread and cheese.
Speaker 2: So instead I make my wife get it in and
Speaker 2: out when that's.
Speaker 1: What Jen gets at five, That's what Jen was getting
Speaker 1: at five, guys, until I let her know. I'm not
Speaker 1: paying seven dollars for fucking like two slices of American
Speaker 1: cheese and all the veggies you want on it. Get
Speaker 1: the fuck.
Speaker 2: Out of here. Oh but what about is one of
Speaker 2: the veggies horse Radish?
Speaker 1: Gen doesn't like horse Radish? Actually is one of.
Speaker 2: The other veggies Celery? Oh you want ease and Celery? Please?
Speaker 1: So we go to this place, Barbacu's Burritos.
Speaker 2: What the fuck kind of what is this?
Speaker 1: Tex mex I honestly, I don't know what it is.
Speaker 2: It is, like I said, it looks bomb.
Speaker 1: Okay, So yesterday I went in with Gin and we
Speaker 1: got fucking let's see, I'll show you exactly what we got.
Speaker 2: We'll look at this. It's a burrito. I like burritos,
Speaker 2: do you. Yeah? Sometimes I like when you deep fry
Speaker 2: the burrito and it becomes a chimmy changa. Mm yeah,
Speaker 2: I like that too. They don't have it on here anyway.
Speaker 1: It was their special which it was like some kind
Speaker 1: of fucking chicken. It's this right here, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't know where it is, some kind of chicken. I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's some kind of fucking Hawaiian thing where
Speaker 1: it's like chicken and then rice and pineapple salsa and
Speaker 1: like General Sow's sauce on it or something. It's delicious, right,
Speaker 1: sounds bomb. So I go to I take an I
Speaker 1: took a bite. I'm like, you know, quote the way
Speaker 1: through half the way through. And I looked down and
Speaker 1: I go, oh, that's a weird looking piece of cilantro.
Speaker 1: And I go, oh, that's a really sharp looking piece
Speaker 1: of cilantro.
Speaker 2: It was.
Speaker 1: It was not I look and I go, that's a
Speaker 1: really metallic piecing piece of cilantro.
Speaker 2: Root. It was the root tone.
Speaker 1: So actually, well my story's gone now. But actually it
Speaker 1: was a piece of metal that was wound up and
Speaker 1: ended up inside of my thing. Very sharp, very thin metal.
Speaker 2: Man, how did the chicken? Chicken must have been pecking
Speaker 2: at the coup huh. So here.
Speaker 1: Boy got some of the coop stuck in them there.
Speaker 2: Couldn't get out of him. When he went in the grind.
Speaker 2: So here's the dilemma.
Speaker 1: I say to Jen right away, I stop eating, stop eating,
Speaker 1: And she was what, I just stop eating, and I
Speaker 1: like show it to her and she understands and she
Speaker 1: stops eating. Now here's the problem. Fat white girl behind
Speaker 1: the counter, sweetheart, total sweetheart. She was great, actually, but
Speaker 1: that doesn't change. She was a fat white girl.
Speaker 2: Okay, those are two. She was a Meatharts thank you.
Speaker 2: Oh what a Meaththart. It's the fat version of sweetheart.
Speaker 1: I fucking I mean, I love that. That's a fucking shirt,
Speaker 1: you know. Please tell me to get that from somewhere else.
Speaker 2: No, I just thought of that right now because she
Speaker 2: said she was fat, but she was also a sweetheart,
Speaker 2: so I thought, man, she's got a big, meaty, dying heart.
Speaker 1: Can I can I show you a representation of let
Speaker 1: me cut all of what we're saying, not cut it out,
Speaker 1: just cut to this. I want to show you a
Speaker 1: representation of how I felt when you.
Speaker 2: Made that joke.
Speaker 1: Okay, like a okay, so this is a.
Speaker 2: No. This is I felt better.
Speaker 1: Than the woman in this video that I'm gonna show you. Okay,
Speaker 1: So this woman has a nonverbal autistic kid okay.
Speaker 2: Okay, and he's also black for some reason when she's
Speaker 2: my aunt.
Speaker 1: So, so this is a non verbal autistic kid.
Speaker 2: He does not speak okay, as opposed to a verbal
Speaker 2: autistic kid, which does not speak well.
Speaker 1: Which does not shut the fuck up whatever.
Speaker 2: He's lying this whole day time.
Speaker 1: When you made that joke, I was, I went, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, does he just fucking nail like a a
Speaker 1: joke that will consistently carry on and not just be
Speaker 1: about come or share it?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Yeah, dude, how do we work come
Speaker 2: into this?
Speaker 1: My autistic podcast son spoke for the first time.
Speaker 2: It was beautiful. I loved it. Where does this lady live?
Speaker 1: I don't know where the fucking woman lives.
Speaker 2: It looks like she's being kept in the like the
Speaker 2: human terrarium from Old Boy, okay, with.
Speaker 1: A black autistic kid, and they just like, this is
Speaker 1: your son.
Speaker 2: Yeah, They're just they're just observing her to see like
Speaker 2: it's an experiment, like what does she do? You know
Speaker 2: people are watching paying and shit.
Speaker 1: Uh so, here's my dilemma at the burrito place. We're
Speaker 1: still talking about that. Here's my dilemma at the burrito place.
Speaker 1: Fat white girl behind the counter. She was a total sweetheart,
Speaker 1: So I don't want to be a bitch to her,
Speaker 1: Like I don't want to be a real fucking Karen
Speaker 1: to this lady. Another white kid, he was a cunt.
Speaker 1: He like, we ordered something else to go along with it,
Speaker 1: and he went okay, and.
Speaker 2: Like did it.
Speaker 1: But the girl did all the work. So if I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be a hunt to someone she's front customer facing,
Speaker 1: I got to do it to her. Dilemma Two, there's
Speaker 1: a black couple that's ordering. Okay, do I fuck up
Speaker 1: this girl behind the counter sail for the day because
Speaker 1: nobody goes in this place. No one goes in this place.
Speaker 1: But then do I possibly risk, you know, having these
Speaker 1: black folk eat some metal? And then I I'm on
Speaker 1: the news afterwards, I'm like, I got medal in before them,
Speaker 1: and they're like, well, why didn't you say something? Is
Speaker 1: it because they're black?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, I'm a fucking racist on the news.
Speaker 2: Lose right, So.
Speaker 1: I take the metal spring and I put it into
Speaker 1: a napkin and I hold it in my hand and
Speaker 1: I'm standing halfway between my seat and all three of
Speaker 1: the people. The fat white girl and the two black
Speaker 1: people who are ordering, and I half stand there with
Speaker 1: my mouth open like this because I don't want to
Speaker 1: be weird verbal. I don't want to be weird or
Speaker 1: awkward about it. As I became non verbal, and uh,
Speaker 1: the black lady recognizes there's a problem. I assume she
Speaker 1: thought shooter or.
Speaker 2: Oh, another white boy going to shoot up brito.
Speaker 1: Charlottesville or something, you know, like I assume, but she
Speaker 1: tries to quell the issue. She goes, she goes, what
Speaker 1: did you have? Did you enjoy your meal today? And I, again,
Speaker 1: very autistically but verbally autistically, go, I need to talk
Speaker 1: to all three of you.
Speaker 2: Oh no, dude.
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do. I was thrown for
Speaker 1: a loop. I was starving. I start eating, I look down.
Speaker 1: There's fucking sprockets in my food. Like, you know what
Speaker 1: am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2: In this case? I would have been like, come here,
Speaker 2: come to who am I missed? One?
Speaker 1: Menacingly going come here, come here.
Speaker 2: They're like, this is the best god damn fucking burrito
Speaker 2: I've ever been served in my life. Only complaint is
Speaker 2: the gears.
Speaker 1: The gears that are inside of it. So I posted
Speaker 1: that to my story yesterday and I tagged the burrito
Speaker 1: place and they hit me back.
Speaker 2: Okay, here was the liar.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, hey, U f slur stuff for lying. So
Speaker 1: they say, oof, so sorry to see this. Can you
Speaker 1: share your contact info? And the store this was from?
Speaker 1: So I actually do I actually share my contact.
Speaker 2: And dude, it's your number.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've kept it all these years. So here was
Speaker 1: the explanation I got. By the way, I got no refund.
Speaker 1: The girl was like, I can remake it for you
Speaker 1: if you want, and I just went, no, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, like, why would I want you
Speaker 1: to remake it?
Speaker 2: Dude. That's better than what happened to me the time
Speaker 2: I drove all the way home with the wrong order
Speaker 2: and went back to get the right one, and then
Speaker 2: they charged me for the right order because for some
Speaker 2: reason they just kept assuring me it wasn't my fault.
Speaker 2: And so then I called and complained. The next day
Speaker 2: when I got like an English speaking manager, and I
Speaker 2: drove there, you know, to get her before she left
Speaker 2: so she could give me a gift card with the
Speaker 2: value of both of the meals. And then when I
Speaker 2: went back to go and buy a meal, the gift
Speaker 2: card had zero dollars on it. Oh mean you look
Speaker 2: like a fucking dickhead.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she really fucked my whole month up.
Speaker 1: Oh man, I don't know why people don't do that
Speaker 1: more often. Just grab a gift card off the sort
Speaker 1: of give it as a gift and when they go
Speaker 1: to scan it and it's empty, you just be like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, they must have stolen it at the
Speaker 1: register or something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's a real uh dick move. And I
Speaker 2: can kind of see why they did it, because you know,
Speaker 2: I was doing my thing, like come here, come here,
Speaker 2: but come here at the same time. It's like, dude,
Speaker 2: I drove back and forth a lot. The least you
Speaker 2: could do is give me the value of want of
Speaker 2: the meals.
Speaker 1: So I gave them my contact information and they said, Matt, really,
Speaker 1: do apologize for this. We think we know what this
Speaker 1: is from the picture. Wait, we think we know what
Speaker 1: this is from the picture and have reached out to
Speaker 1: the store to correct and prevent this from happening again.
Speaker 1: I want to tell you what it is so you
Speaker 1: are aware, not that it makes it an okay occurrence.
Speaker 1: It's a piece of the stainless steel scrub pads they
Speaker 1: used to clean the dishes. They are supposed to be
Speaker 1: using them per this exact reason, happens more often than
Speaker 1: it should, and the easiest prevention is to not use
Speaker 1: them and scrub a little harder with pads that.
Speaker 2: Do not untangle like this one. Did they scrub in
Speaker 2: the chicken with those pads?
Speaker 1: Dude, I'm still going to have someone reach out. I
Speaker 1: just want to jump on here to explain and let
Speaker 1: you know that we're taking.
Speaker 2: This seriously, right, not serious enough?
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, Hey, don't sweat it. Hey, bro, don't worry.
Speaker 1: It's not gonna hurt you. It's just the nasty scrub
Speaker 1: pad that we use to fucking, you know, get all
Speaker 1: the burnt chicken or whatever else off of stuff.
Speaker 2: Okay. Two possibilities. One, maybe they assume that the management
Speaker 2: at the store already took care of it because they
Speaker 2: trust their staff to not be fucking buck ups. Or two,
Speaker 2: maybe they're playing a surprise party for you. You think
Speaker 2: so well, I'm not going back there. I no, no, no,
Speaker 2: no no no. They're gonna do it at your house. Man.
Speaker 2: They're gonna like send a camera crew and the fucking
Speaker 2: home makeover guys, and they're gonna turn your house into
Speaker 2: a chicken factory. That's a really big piece of metal
Speaker 2: that looks like something that came from an industrial site. Look.
Speaker 1: Look, here's a very sharp point.
Speaker 2: On it, one end of it. Oh my god, that
Speaker 2: looks like it was found in a Russian journalist.
Speaker 1: This is part of the engine on a Russian sub correct.
Speaker 1: But and this also has like a securing like bracket
Speaker 1: type thing on the other things.
Speaker 2: This, How did it end up in anything food related?
Speaker 2: That's what I like. You wash the dishes with these things? Fine,
Speaker 2: how is it in the dish? Still?
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly if you're scrubbing the brush, I understand. If
Speaker 1: they're scrubbing the brush on the pants that maybe that
Speaker 1: they'll load the food into. But that should be rinsed
Speaker 1: out as well, and that should come along with it
Speaker 1: if you're rinsing it right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't understand. It's almost like they tried to
Speaker 2: kill you.
Speaker 1: It's really it was a really good burrito.
Speaker 2: Too. Vary in what's in there. It looks Oh that's that.
Speaker 2: It looks it looks way better than Hawaiian food. It's not.
Speaker 1: It's not generals sauce. It's like Gokney or something sauce.
Speaker 1: But I asked what the guy said. He's like, it's
Speaker 1: just like General sauce, and next to it is General,
Speaker 1: So I was like, why did he use that?
Speaker 2: Then? Well, in Hawaii they have like their own General's chicken,
Speaker 2: but it's like a little bit different. It's not as
Speaker 2: good as the already mediocre dish known as General's chicken.
Speaker 1: General's chickens pretty good.
Speaker 2: I don't know, dude, I'm kind of old. Gotta be crispy, Okay,
Speaker 2: if it's crispy and also has a good portion of meat.
Speaker 2: Chinese places, man, they're getting skimpy, dude. They chop their
Speaker 2: chicken smaller. They give you worse cuts of meat, so
Speaker 2: you're getting like more fat and gristle and more breading.
Speaker 2: And it's like if there's a big juicy piece of
Speaker 2: meat and it's crispy and it's got the sauce, all right,
Speaker 2: now we're talking. But if it's like subpar chicken cuts,
Speaker 2: then just give me the What is the one where
Speaker 2: it's like grilled chicken and peanuts? Is that kung Pal?
Speaker 1: Yeah, something like that. Okay, I don't love the sauce
Speaker 1: on that.
Speaker 2: Well, you just get the sweet and sour sauce on
Speaker 2: the side. You mix it together. It's like general sauce.
Speaker 2: It's all the same shits, sugar and fucking MSG. Yeah,
Speaker 2: MSG exactly. I was gonna say, soy sauce, but that's
Speaker 2: just the rice. They put it on all the rice,
Speaker 2: that's right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I don't know that was my Uh.
Speaker 2: Well, dude, that's a shame. I'm really I'm sorry for you.
Speaker 2: You should have just done what I would have done,
Speaker 2: which is just revert back to my childhood, which is y'all,
Speaker 2: you're gonna get yelled at because this looks like hair.
Speaker 1: Just eat it, Jen told me, and then we both
Speaker 1: start getting uh, what's the term not psychosomatic? Is it
Speaker 1: psychosomatic when you start imagining symptoms?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that is. I mean, well, no, psychosomatic
Speaker 2: is real symptoms, but they're happening because of your psychological state.
Speaker 2: So it's like you're vomiting, but there's nothing physically wrong
Speaker 2: with you. It's something mental, you know.
Speaker 1: All right, So we were both thinking our stomach's hurt,
Speaker 1: but they probably didn't hurt. But how do you know
Speaker 1: if they actually hurt or not?
Speaker 2: Well, no, that's the thing is like they did hurt.
Speaker 2: That's your your body's telling you. It's like, that's one
Speaker 2: of the coolest things I learned from watching that Robert
Speaker 2: Sapalski course, is just like how to kind of like
Speaker 2: start to interpret certain signals from your body. And it's like,
Speaker 2: for instance, with you talking about your stomach hurting, it's
Speaker 2: like you consciously know your thinking part of you knows
Speaker 2: that there's really nothing rationally to worry about, right, But
Speaker 2: it's like that primal part of you, which is wired separately,
Speaker 2: is sending off all these alert bells because the conscious
Speaker 2: part of you informs the rest of you. So it's
Speaker 2: totally valid that your stomach hurt. Like, it totally makes sense.
Speaker 2: So it's like, when your stomach hurts, that's the better
Speaker 2: way to think about it. When you have a stomach ache,
Speaker 2: it's not just because there's a bug in you or something, right,
Speaker 2: Like mental conditions are a completely valid physiological reason for
Speaker 2: a stomach ache. Your stomach ache was its real, man,
Speaker 2: that really happened.
Speaker 1: Okay, then I should reword it this way. I don't
Speaker 1: know if it was the my brain saying my stomach hurt,
Speaker 1: and my stomach hurt or if it was the nineteen
Speaker 1: ninety two Ford f one fifty transmission I had eaten earlier.
Speaker 2: In the day, or the smog from the back room
Speaker 2: you were breathing in.
Speaker 1: You know, dude, it was gross. And I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's even number one on like worse things. I've
Speaker 1: told this story before. I was on a I was
Speaker 1: broke when I worked at best Buy, real fucking broke,
Speaker 1: which is part of my spending problems now. Once I
Speaker 1: got a little like breathing room, you just take advantage
Speaker 1: of that, you know. So that's what I got to
Speaker 1: rein back in. But when I worked the Best Way,
Speaker 1: I was fucking broke.
Speaker 2: Man. You'd have like ninety bucks to last you two weeks.
Speaker 2: You gotta get all your meals.
Speaker 1: So you'd go across the street to the McDonald's and
Speaker 1: you'd get like like two dollar double cheeseburgers.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, back.
Speaker 1: When they were a dollar and fucking I was doing
Speaker 1: the low carb thing. So I'd get the burgers completely plain,
Speaker 1: just cheese and meat, and then I'd take the BoNT
Speaker 1: off and eat it the onion, little onions. I was
Speaker 1: doing the low carb thing. No, no, no, there's no
Speaker 1: carbs and onions.
Speaker 2: It's just fucking acid.
Speaker 1: No no, So I'd go across and the people were
Speaker 1: in there. There was this little Spanish troll lady who
Speaker 1: was very scary.
Speaker 2: She looked like a little troll.
Speaker 1: She never spoke a word, her face was very wide.
Speaker 1: She looked like almost like a like an anime character
Speaker 1: type of thing, like how the Japanese draw fat Americans.
Speaker 1: Probably yes, So she would just kind of stumble around,
Speaker 1: and the rest behind the counter was all black ladies.
Speaker 1: Now this was a McDonald's inside.
Speaker 2: Of a Walmart. I will remind those are the worst ones.
Speaker 2: The only thing worse than a McDonald's inside of a
Speaker 2: Walmart is a subway inside of a Walmart. Uh. I Yes,
Speaker 2: There's nothing I fucking hate more than walking into a
Speaker 2: Walmart I've never been to before, on the on the
Speaker 2: home side and smelling subway bread from the other side
Speaker 2: of the store. I just want to turn around and leave.
Speaker 1: I went into a subway, not recently. It must have
Speaker 1: been last year because I didn't have it while I
Speaker 1: was doing my diet, but it was real. It was
Speaker 1: memorable enough that I remember it like it was yesterday.
Speaker 1: These Indian family owned the subway inside of a Walmart
Speaker 1: and he was training the father, I guess, was training
Speaker 1: his father how to make a sandwich. And this guy,
Speaker 1: I'm like, can I get lettuce please? This guy put
Speaker 1: on so little you would have thought, I said, and
Speaker 1: black truffles as well. Sprinkle some diamond upon that, like
Speaker 1: it was crazy. He went like this, like it was
Speaker 1: fucking oregano.
Speaker 2: And I was like, that's how I like it.
Speaker 1: Well regardless, I shut up. Why do you like it
Speaker 1: like the Indians?
Speaker 2: Because I don't like lettuce on my sandwiches because it's
Speaker 2: too watery. If I'm gonna have a whole bunch of
Speaker 2: leaves on my sandwich, I want fucking spinach.
Speaker 1: I don't spinach just for f slurs.
Speaker 2: Dude, spinach is for fucking Oh yeah, I forgot. I
Speaker 2: forgot what f sler man? For some reason, I thought
Speaker 2: you were you were saying fox. I was like, that's
Speaker 2: a weird thing to call people. No, No, you're saying
Speaker 2: for gay guys. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I'm in the McDonald's. Let's jump back to a
Speaker 1: different story. I'm in the McDonald's and it's my lunchtime
Speaker 1: and I can only afford two double cheeseburgers and I
Speaker 1: get them and I sit down and I open the
Speaker 1: first one up and there is just sitting right on
Speaker 1: top of the cheese perfectly, you know, the blackest in color, kinkiest,
Speaker 1: most water beating hair I've ever seen, preassed into the cheese.
Speaker 2: Like with a fingerprint.
Speaker 1: No, no, I would have lost my fucking mind.
Speaker 2: I would have thrown it if that.
Speaker 1: But it like they pushed the top of the sandwich
Speaker 1: down and it smushed it into the cheese.
Speaker 2: Ah.
Speaker 1: So I brought it back up to the front and
Speaker 1: they go, hey, is there any way I could get
Speaker 1: another sandwich that. He goes, wow, what's wrong with joe sandwich?
Speaker 1: And I showed it, so she goes.
Speaker 2: Ew, that's nasty and threw it away.
Speaker 1: She goes, yeah, baby, I'll get you another sandwich, something
Speaker 1: along those lines.
Speaker 2: You want to spit on this one. I don't like
Speaker 2: hair eater.
Speaker 1: You have to take something gross though, because it's a
Speaker 1: McDonald's inside of a Walmart.
Speaker 2: Right, come on, honey, hold up, I gotta spit. I
Speaker 2: got com what you want.
Speaker 1: There is something worse than what you said. We just
Speaker 1: go layers down. So a bathroom inside of the McDonald's
Speaker 1: inside of the Walmart inside of New Jersey is pretty trashy.
Speaker 2: Yeah. New Jersey's a shithole. I mean I like it. No,
Speaker 2: we had a nice town growing up, except for the
Speaker 2: part you lived in but and me, you know, for
Speaker 2: half the week, but then the weekends. Dude, I was
Speaker 2: living in the fucking fancy old folks community. Dude, cool
Speaker 2: good stuff. Oh dude, you those condo walls were so thin.
Speaker 2: I could hear everything. My grandma's neighbor was saying to
Speaker 2: her nephew, Oh yeah, please visit. All right, I got
Speaker 2: a video here for you.
Speaker 1: These kids try and make a I guess a prank
Speaker 1: YouTube video or something.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, they look like they're really seasoned pranksters. One
Speaker 2: of them's got the dopey buzz cut look and the
Speaker 2: other one's got the cool guy look. I like it.
Speaker 2: I like it's a comedy duo. This absolutely looks like
Speaker 2: Bobby Hill. All right, it looks like Bobby Hill in
Speaker 2: his going through awkward puberty.
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2: He's like, do I like hunting? That's more? Hang, Do
Speaker 2: I like hunting or cunt?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I might be all about the dick.
Speaker 1: So these two pranksters decided to take this man's hat
Speaker 1: from him. Well, this is body building influencer Bradley Martin.
Speaker 2: Okay, I bet you this guy is so roided. Okay, well,
Speaker 2: i'd like you to like you to watch this. Hold on,
Speaker 2: hold on.
Speaker 1: I turned down a little because you got the shitty.
Speaker 2: Gym noise where this is going.
Speaker 1: I don't want to lose.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the good part of it. He took his hat.
Speaker 5: Guy, Actually, oh, I didn't know that was bad.
Speaker 1: Like actually no, actually.
Speaker 2: Yeah, actually no, Actually I didn't know what was wrong
Speaker 2: to steal to fuck with you. I thought it was
Speaker 2: okay to steal from big bodybuilder guys who shoot fucking
Speaker 2: drugs into their ass holes.
Speaker 1: I thought you would like it if I put a
Speaker 1: camera in your fucking face and made you look like
Speaker 1: kind of a bitch.
Speaker 2: You know, it's what's wrong? Broy died out. Chris Hems,
Speaker 2: what's the guy? Who's the Who's the Chris Captain America?
Speaker 2: Chris Evans? Yeah, fucking so many Chris Is in those movies.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's true. Let's hear that slap again.
Speaker 1: Oh you want to hear it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I love that though, give me my hat?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, well, I don't understand what he was going
Speaker 2: to get out of this by I mean like I
Speaker 2: think I think the guy could have handled it better.
Speaker 2: Like you could have just like fucking flying need him
Speaker 2: or done a drop kick with both legs or something.
Speaker 2: But what did this guy expect? You know? He could
Speaker 2: have cut his head off? Yeah, he could have done
Speaker 2: like the a Rabs do Jesus post two cut heads off, right,
Speaker 2: the cartel does that. Hispanics do that as well. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's just the Arabs.
Speaker 1: Yep, yep, that's right correct. This lady's all fucked up.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it was Philly or a different
Speaker 1: part of Pennsylvania, but.
Speaker 2: It's like she's been fucked up for a long time.
Speaker 1: Say you take Deontay right and you're gonna walk him
Speaker 1: to school? You said, I don't want to say that,
Speaker 1: but he can walk to school, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he could walk to school. He knows the way.
Speaker 2: He's not as stupid.
Speaker 1: When was the first age you let him like walk
Speaker 1: to school by himself?
Speaker 2: Oh? Like third grade? Maybe? Really?
Speaker 1: Okay you were comfortable with that. It's not totally far
Speaker 1: or anything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like right around the corner.
Speaker 1: Okay, so this is a crossing guard. Say you walk
Speaker 1: up to take Deontae to his first day to walk
Speaker 1: on his own whatever. And this fucking four foot five
Speaker 1: or something monster like this looks like a monster.
Speaker 2: I mean she does. I thought this was a clip
Speaker 2: from Lord of the Rings.
Speaker 1: Uh so let's see this PRIs.
Speaker 4: We're there last night, as police led twenty six year
Speaker 4: old Kiar Lee to a waiting van her feet shackle.
Speaker 4: She faces a list of charges, including possession of drugs
Speaker 4: and corruption of miners. Investigators say she used her position
Speaker 4: as a crossing guard at an intersection near Penwood's Middle
Speaker 4: School to get close to kids and gave at least
Speaker 4: one child edible marijuana. Is were there, was.
Speaker 2: She gonna fuck them or what? Like? Well, who cares
Speaker 2: if she got close to kids? Did she fuck these
Speaker 2: kids or not? Uh?
Speaker 1: Well, marijuana, I seem I think we gonna agree that
Speaker 1: crossing guards should not be providing narcotics, even if it's
Speaker 1: just marijuana.
Speaker 2: To our kids. Did she fuck these kids?
Speaker 1: I don't know if she fucked them. I don't think
Speaker 1: she fucked them. So maybe you're okay with it then,
Speaker 1: which is totally fine for you to feel that, Oh.
Speaker 2: Okay, if you used to get as a lure I
Speaker 2: just don't.
Speaker 1: I don't want to speak for you, you.
Speaker 2: Know, because if she's because then if she's trying to
Speaker 2: fuck the kids, then it's like, okay, well then this
Speaker 2: is wrong. You know, don't do that. But it's like
Speaker 2: if she's just trying to earn cool points, dude, so
Speaker 2: she can go to their parties, because I mean, she's
Speaker 2: not going to go to an adult party. Imagine seeing
Speaker 2: that free walking around. Hey you invited? Who invited their
Speaker 2: little retarded sister to our cool adult party with drugs
Speaker 2: and fun games like darts? Yeah, she ain't allowed.
Speaker 1: No which f slur brought their fucking younger sister to
Speaker 1: this party? Fucking I don't know, man, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know. You never wanted to go to a party?
Speaker 2: What it's like, you never wanted to go to the
Speaker 2: cool party.
Speaker 1: I've been to cool parties, all right, all right, what
Speaker 1: did you do this weekend? Fucking build something?
Speaker 2: Ah, dude, dude, Well, what we're going to talk about
Speaker 2: on the Patreon is my fucking We're gonna spend thirty
Speaker 2: minutes where I describe my vision of tattoo my sleeve
Speaker 2: for you, and uh no, no we're not. You got
Speaker 2: six minutes. Nope, because that's what I did on Friday.
Speaker 2: I went talk to the tattoo guy and I talked
Speaker 2: to him for like an hour and a half. So
Speaker 2: I'll give you the thirty minute version of that. And
Speaker 2: then oh yeah, dude, I put floors down in my
Speaker 2: house like a man. You finish it all or no,
Speaker 2: just the front half of the house. But dude, that's
Speaker 2: pretty manly. You task manly. That's good.
Speaker 1: My friend Dave did all the floors in his house
Speaker 1: and he didn't have a dad or anything.
Speaker 2: Oh that's cool. I don't have a dad that I know.
Speaker 2: That's biological and the guy who raised me is not
Speaker 2: here to teach me anything. So I had to use
Speaker 2: some import dad. But you know, hey, import dad, a
Speaker 2: Kirkland dad. You know, did it get contention at all? No?
Speaker 2: Not at all? How much were you doing a fair share?
Speaker 1: Like I'm not trying to make a judgement, I'm saying, like,
Speaker 1: did was he the type that like you could be
Speaker 1: hands on or sometimes people will be like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I got this, You'll help.
Speaker 2: On the next part. Well. That's the thing is like
Speaker 2: with Filipinos, It's like that's how a lot of them
Speaker 2: probably are I mean, and I don't want to say that.
Speaker 2: Maybe just a lot of the guys in my wife's family,
Speaker 2: but her dad and grandpa are very like hands on type.
Speaker 2: So yeah, he was like, I'm the and I'm the
Speaker 2: kind of person who it's like, I don't like doing
Speaker 2: shit like that, and I don't like to move fast either.
Speaker 2: I like to take my fucking time and move slow.
Speaker 2: But I'm a quick learner and I learned by watching
Speaker 2: people do shit. I just watch the steps, you know,
Speaker 2: and it's like I just okay, well why do they
Speaker 2: do that? And if I don't understand, I ask a question.
Speaker 2: So within like a few planks, I was laying them
Speaker 2: by myself and he's all like, oh, you're a quick learner,
Speaker 2: ha ha, Because I think he wasn't expecting I think
Speaker 2: he was expecting me to be stupid and not know
Speaker 2: how to do anything. So it was important for me
Speaker 2: to do a lot of the work because I didn't
Speaker 2: want him to think that you sucking off an idiot,
Speaker 2: you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're sunking off a
Speaker 2: real guy.
Speaker 1: Don't worry, Dad.
Speaker 2: Nothing got contentious, No, not at all. I did started
Speaker 2: to get annoyed because the transitions, you know, you know
Speaker 2: when we're talking about like the transitional No, no, no,
Speaker 2: the male to female is just laying the I just
Speaker 2: meant the planks. Oh right, yeah, we did talk about that.
Speaker 2: He told me how it works. But the transition strip
Speaker 2: is like the little thing that you put between the
Speaker 2: two areas that are different floors, so in our case,
Speaker 2: between the wood and the tile. Yeah. Do you have
Speaker 2: different heights? Yeah, different heights. And we're having trouble getting
Speaker 2: the thing in. And I by that time, it was
Speaker 2: so fucking late. We had been going in like twelve
Speaker 2: thirteen hours, and I was like, all right, I'll just
Speaker 2: do this on my own. You go home and be
Speaker 2: with your other family.
Speaker 1: You go home and get out of my house.
Speaker 2: Yeah, go go away. And he did. He listened, he listened,
Speaker 2: He just left, didn't say goodbye. I haven't heard from
Speaker 2: him since.
Speaker 1: So could you do the other side yourself? Now, that's
Speaker 1: what he said.
Speaker 2: He's like, oh, ye, I'll leave everything here, you can
Speaker 2: just do it yourself. That sounds like he's trying to
Speaker 2: get out of it. Yeah right. I was like, all right,
Speaker 2: well I could, but.
Speaker 1: You know you should still come back.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was like, you should come back at least
Speaker 2: to get the stuff.
Speaker 1: Would it be great if you did it all yourself.
Speaker 1: You just left that shit in your driveway, but even
Speaker 1: didn't tell him. Shit starts getting rusted over and whatever.
Speaker 2: He gosted it off in his backyard.
Speaker 1: Oh why do you not tell me to get this?
Speaker 1: And you go, hey, man, I did the floors myself.
Speaker 1: You can pick up your tools yourself, all right, you're
Speaker 1: a grown man. You never said bye, yeah, say goodbye?
Speaker 1: So you were a store here, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: moved him outside because I didn't want you ship all
Speaker 1: over my house.
Speaker 2: You know, yeah, dude, ah man, And it felt so cool.
Speaker 2: When the neighbors would drive by and there'd be all
Speaker 2: these sawing noises and stuff. They must have been thinking, like,
Speaker 2: oh man, he's either doing He's got to be doing
Speaker 2: something manly, right, either killing his wife or putting down
Speaker 2: a floor.
Speaker 1: I've never owned a good chop saw in my life.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I just bought one, like but it's it
Speaker 2: hasn't really come in handy yet. I bought. I bought
Speaker 2: the one you told me to buy, the h the
Speaker 2: walt I'm only buying the thing. I gotta stay in
Speaker 2: the family.
Speaker 1: Chop saw is just the one you pulled down though,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, my my father in law had a couple saw.
Speaker 2: He brought a table saw. I brought one of those those,
Speaker 2: a miter saw. Yeah that he brought that. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: miter Yeah. And then he brought a nail gun. He
Speaker 2: brought all this ship for me to fuck around with. Dude,
Speaker 2: and I kind of see why the previous guy put
Speaker 2: all those nails in the wall. Okay, it's fine, I
Speaker 2: get it, dude. I was just walking around, going up
Speaker 2: to the drywall, just like, well, maybe I can like
Speaker 2: write my name and nails. You know, some guy's gonna
Speaker 2: buy your house someday.
Speaker 1: And gonna take it down and go Who put all
Speaker 1: these fucking nails? Who wrote come in nails?
Speaker 2: Literally the words come in nails.
Speaker 1: In calligraphy. It's fucked.
Speaker 2: What does it mean? I don't know? Fucking What was
Speaker 2: the other one?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: I like this video.
Speaker 1: You said her name's Woe Vicky, right.
Speaker 2: You said that. I said that.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I want to know who I date, who I
Speaker 1: go with?
Speaker 2: No, but I think you think you're black. Hey, we
Speaker 2: got a twenty five.
Speaker 1: This guy rules sst Ram truck. Come holla, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: want to know who. He gives no details about where
Speaker 1: he is. Uh. He says, I sell cars and I
Speaker 1: love strippers in his bio.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, maybe he likes fucking what was that thing
Speaker 2: we were just talking about? Does he like that? Does
Speaker 2: he like what that thing we were just saying? Does
Speaker 2: he does he like it? What?
Speaker 1: Nails and walls? Nails?
Speaker 2: Does he like nails? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Maybe he likes nails? Yes, all right, all right, all right,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. Uh wait, talk you sound off.
Speaker 1: You sound like a frog.
Speaker 2: That's just my vocal right, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1: Winners and loser me. God, damn it. I should have
Speaker 1: ate that and got real sick. Huh.
Speaker 2: The real the real loser is the Barrado Bandido burrito
Speaker 2: company because they lost a customer.
Speaker 1: He was not he was likely not gonna go back
Speaker 1: there often as is, if I'm being honest.
Speaker 2: Dude, there's this taco shop by my house. It used
Speaker 2: to be a Dicky's barbecue pit. Now it's a taco shop.
Speaker 2: Forget the name of it. But fuck man, every time
Speaker 2: I go there, I have a bad experience, and their
Speaker 2: mean to me. And the only reason, the only reason
Speaker 2: I go there is because they are like the only
Speaker 2: place within a reasonable driving distance that sells a California burrito.
Speaker 2: Are you familiar?
Speaker 1: I'm not, but let me guess. Let me guess. Is
Speaker 1: there a base meat?
Speaker 2: No, you select the meat.
Speaker 1: Okay, so any meat could be selected.
Speaker 2: What would you go with? Chicken? Or fas chicken? Sometimes
Speaker 2: they'll have shrimp, and I'll try that if it's if
Speaker 2: it doesn't look sometimes the shrimp you can just tell
Speaker 2: from their pictures, like Nope, I'm not gonna even fuck
Speaker 2: with it. But if it looks like it might be
Speaker 2: at least grilled or prepared fresh, like, I'll fuck with it.
Speaker 2: But no, no, I'll just get the chicken. Usually, Okay,
Speaker 2: so we'll say chicken. Now, this is gonna be an
Speaker 2: important one. And this is the last question I'll ask.
Speaker 2: And it can be any form of it. Cheese or
Speaker 2: no cheese. Yeah, there's usually cheese on a California burrito.
Speaker 1: Okay, is it a Kohita cheese, the sprinkle Mexican cheese.
Speaker 2: Well, no, it's usually shredded or goo.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, see, I was gonna go within like
Speaker 1: more of a fresco menu. I was gonna say if
Speaker 1: there was no cheese on it. I would say lettuce,
Speaker 1: tomato onion, like you know what I mean, the taco
Speaker 1: bell type thing. I was gonna throw avocado on that
Speaker 1: as well, with a lime twist.
Speaker 2: Okay, so there's usually avocado. That's like usually one of
Speaker 2: the one of the key things. But California burrito is
Speaker 2: actually defined by one other key ingredient. I was thinking
Speaker 2: of tacos, not a burrito. Oh you were thinking of
Speaker 2: a burrito of tacos on it. Yeah, yeah, of course.
Speaker 2: So what's the other one?
Speaker 1: Go ahead, what's the other ingredient?
Speaker 2: Potatoes or fries? That's weird. Oh dude, it's really good.
Speaker 1: I don't doubt I'm not. There's no you can't say
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put potatoes in that, and then I'll go
Speaker 1: that's gross. Like throwing potatoes in anything is fine.
Speaker 2: Well, I used to get it in the Marine Corps
Speaker 2: in twenty nine Palms. There used to be this place
Speaker 2: right off base that was twenty four hours that sold
Speaker 2: one pound California burritos for five dollars and one time
Speaker 2: this guy cooks eight two of them.
Speaker 3: Whoa it was Boss? It was it was Boss.
Speaker 2: I heard that.
Speaker 1: Oh Man, no, I've never heard that. No, I mean
Speaker 1: I have, I have.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, but there's this shitty taco joint, and there
Speaker 2: always mean to me.
Speaker 1: Was there a story?
Speaker 2: Arend? The only reason I go there is because, yeah,
Speaker 2: the mean place. Sorry go ahead, yeah, the only the
Speaker 2: only place that has a California Burrito that's not fucking
Speaker 2: thirty minutes away. And I went there the other day.
Speaker 2: I got the California Burrito. My son got their version.
Speaker 2: It's like their house version of the California Burrito. It's
Speaker 2: like the fucking the f Slur burrito. You know, it's
Speaker 2: got fucking hot cheetos on it. It's nasty. It's exactly
Speaker 2: like the California one, except it's got fucking hot cheetos.
Speaker 2: So I got home and they gave me two of
Speaker 2: the hot cheeta burritos. And I don't know if you've
Speaker 2: ever bitten into a burrito.
Speaker 1: With soggy, wet cheatos spicy hot cheetos.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when you're not expecting it, especially when you're expecting
Speaker 2: a semi solid potato chunk, it's unpleasant. It's very unpleasant.
Speaker 2: Have you do you always go back to the store
Speaker 2: if they find out that was one of those That
Speaker 2: was one of those nights where I was like, dude,
Speaker 2: my night is already going to be ruined about this.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna make it worse by dragging it out.
Speaker 2: You know. I just dug the cheetos out with my
Speaker 2: bare fucking hands. Yes, I ate through as much as
Speaker 2: I could until I realized, Nope, there's just urried cheeto
Speaker 2: mush here. Then I opened the burrito and eat the
Speaker 2: chicken with a fork.
Speaker 1: It's the most defeating feeling when for someone like me,
Speaker 1: at least who like looks at food that way, to
Speaker 1: spend all day thinking about getting something and then all
Speaker 1: day I know, get it because I would do like
Speaker 1: if I was gonna eat real bad, I would just
Speaker 1: not eat and then have one big meal.
Speaker 2: That's what I do every single day. Man, Why do
Speaker 2: you think I have such a bad headache.
Speaker 1: About all the fucking energy drinks you have too.
Speaker 2: Well, it's because I haven't been eating.
Speaker 1: Oh cool nice. So then so then you get home
Speaker 1: and you look at it and you go this is wrong,
Speaker 1: and you go on principle, I want to go back.
Speaker 1: But then you start fighting with yourself in your head
Speaker 1: and you start going, yeah, but if I complain. What
Speaker 1: if they fucking spitting it or something. I might just
Speaker 1: be better off having the thing I definitely don't fucking want.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or just not eating and going to bed with
Speaker 2: a splitting headache. Madd hurt the meal.
Speaker 1: But yeah, all right, we're gonna wrap this one up.
Speaker 1: Go to your Worst Friend dot com, follow us everywhere
Speaker 1: on Twitter and Instagram.
Speaker 2: Uh, who would you rather fuck this week? Is? Uh
Speaker 2: this check or bad Baby? I'm choosing this check.
Speaker 1: Whoa Vicky versus bad Baby?
Speaker 2: Yep, I'm jumping ship on bad Baby Gone. I'm team
Speaker 2: wol Vicky.
Speaker 1: Now, they're both like children who just became right.
Speaker 2: One's legal, I know for sure. I don't know about
Speaker 2: this one, but she looks like she could be in a.
Speaker 1: Year paytran dot com slash Worst Friend Cast. We're gonna
Speaker 1: jump over there and Shane's gonna tell us his tattoo thing.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, dude, I'm gonna spend so much time and
Speaker 2: go into so much detail about all the weird stuff.
Speaker 1: And what I'd like to play for you is perhaps
Speaker 1: a big video journal of why this man was fired
Speaker 1: because his boss took.
Speaker 2: A fat shit. I don't know about that real for
Speaker 2: your worst friend. I'm Matt. I'm the co creator of
Speaker 2: this show.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, I just need to assert that, for
Speaker 1: legal reasons, I'm the co creator of this show.
Speaker 2: Oh shame. Oh see again.
Speaker 1: Next week, you know as all. So, I'm really gonna
Speaker 1: Michigan to the show's over.