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Speaker 1: An uncomfortable bed by Guidy MoU Passon. One autumn I

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went to stay for the hunting season with some friends

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in a chateau in Picardy. My friends were fond of

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practical joking, as all my friends are. I do not

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care to know any other sort of people. When I arrived,

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they gave me a princely reception, which at once aroused

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distrust in my breast. We had some capital shooting. They

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embraced me, They cajoled me, as if they expected to

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have great fun at my expense. I said to myself,

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look out, old ferret, they have something in preparation for you.

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During the dinner, the mirth was excessive, far too great.

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In fact, I thought, here are people who take a

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double share of amusement, and apparently without reason, they must

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be looking out in their own minds for some good

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bit of fun. Assuredly I am to be the victim

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of the joke attention. During the entire evening, everyone laughed

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in unexaggerated fashion. I smelled a practical joke in the

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air as a dog smelled game. But what was it?

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I was watchful, restless. I did not let a word,

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or a meaning or a gesture escape me. Everyone seemed

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to me an object of suspicion, and I even looked

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distrustfully at the faces of the servants. The hour rang

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for going to bed, and the whole household came to

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escort me to my room. Why they called to me

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good night? I entered the apartment, shut the door, and

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remained standing without moving a single step, holding the wax

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candle in my hand. I heard laughter and whispering in

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the corridor. Without doubt they were spying on me. I

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cast a glance around the walls, the furniture, the ceiling,

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the hangings, the floor. I saw nothing to justify suspicion.

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I heard persons moving about outside my door. I had

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no doubt they were looking through the keyhole. An idea

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came into my head. My candle may suddenly go out

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and leave me in darkness. Then I went across to

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the mantelpiece and lighted all the wax candles that were

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on it. After that, I cast another glance around me,

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without discovering anything. I advanced with short steps, carefully examining

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the apartment. Nothing. I inspected every article, one after the other,

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still nothing. I went over to the window. The shutters

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large wooden shutters were open. I shut them with great care,

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and then drew the curtains, enormous velvet curtains, and I

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placed a chair in front of them, so as to

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have nothing to fear from without. Then I cautiously sat down.

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The arm chair was solid. I did not venture to

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get into the bed. However, time was flying, and they

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ended by coming to the conclusion that I was ridiculous

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if they were spying on me, as I supposed they must,

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while waiting for the success of the joke they had

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been preparing for me, have been laughing enormously at my terror.

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So I made up my mind to go to bed.

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But the bed was particularly suspicious looking. I pulled at

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the curtains. They seemed to be secure. All the same,

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there was danger I was going to perhaps receive a

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cold shower bath from overhead, or perhaps the moment I

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stretched myself out to find myself sinking under the floor

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with my mattress. I searched my memory for all the

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practical jokes of which I ever had experience, and I

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did not want to be caught. Ah, certainly not, certainly not.

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Then I suddenly bethought myself of a precaution, which I

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considered one of extreme efficacy. I caught hold of the

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side of the mattress gingerly and very slowly drew it

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toward me. It came away, followed by the sheet and

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the rest of the bed clothes. I dragged all these

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objects into the very middle of the room, facing the

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entrance door. I made my bed over again as best

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I could, some distance from the suspected bedstead and the

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corner which had filled me with such anxiety. Then I

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extinguished all the candles, and groping my way, I slipped

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under the bed clothes. For at least another hour, I

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remained awake. Starting at the slightest sound, everything seemed quiet

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in the chateau, I fell asleep. I must have been

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in a deep sleep for a long time. But all

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of a sudden I was awakened with a start by

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the fall of a heavy body, tumbling right on top

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of my own body. And at the same time I

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received on my face, on my neck, and on my

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chest a burning liquid which made me utter, a howl

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of pain, and a dreadful noise, as if a sideboard

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laden with plates and dishes had fallen down penetrated my

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ears I felt myself suffocating under the weight that was

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crushing me and preventing me from moving. I stretched out

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my hand to find out what was the nature of

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this object. I felt a face, a nose, and whiskers. Then,

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with all my strength, I launched out a blow over

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this face, but I immediately received a hail of cuffings,

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which made me jump straight out of the soap sheets

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and rushed my night shirt into the corridor, the door

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of which I found open, Oh stupor. It was broad daylight.

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The noise brought my friends hurrying into the apartment, and

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we found sprawling over my improvised bed, the dismayed valet, who,

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while bringing me my morning cup of tea, had tripped

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over the obstacle in the middle of the floor and

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fallen on his stomach, spilling in spite of himself, my

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breakfast over my face. The precautions I had taken in

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closing the shutters and going to sleep in the middle

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of the room had only brought about the interlude I

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had been striving to avoid. Ah how they all laughed

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that day. M