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<v Speaker 1>This one's about the distortion of memory itself. It's like

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<v Speaker 1>when you look at an old photo and you're like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I was so much happier back then. Welcome to the

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<v Speaker 1>Transformation Station Podcast. I'm Christina, owner, operator, and founder of

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<v Speaker 1>the Transformation Station, and this is where we talk about

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<v Speaker 1>getting stronger while navigating real life. If you're trying to

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<v Speaker 1>stay consistent through the ups and the downs and everywhere

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<v Speaker 1>else in between. This is for you. I want you

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<v Speaker 1>to think of a picture of yourself from a few

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<v Speaker 1>years ago, one that's like when you look at it

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<v Speaker 1>and you're like, damn, I looked good, or like, hey,

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<v Speaker 1>I miss that version of me. Everybody has some type

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<v Speaker 1>of a picture that draws us in like that. And

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<v Speaker 1>something I've been thinking about a lot lately is like,

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<v Speaker 1>is that actually the truth? Because to me, it's just

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<v Speaker 1>a photo and it's not sometimes about like how we looked,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's more about how we felt knowing where we

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<v Speaker 1>were when that photo was taken, if that makes sense.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think about this quite a bit when my

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<v Speaker 1>old photos circulate, as many of you do know, and

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<v Speaker 1>if you don't know, a few years ago, I was

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<v Speaker 1>training for RCMP and I really really really wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>pursue police training and a police career. And when I

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<v Speaker 1>lock into something like I lock into it like super hard.

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<v Speaker 1>I eat the same meals every day. I have no

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<v Speaker 1>problem doing the exact same routine. I thrive on routine.

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<v Speaker 1>When things are thrown into my routine, I've learned how

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<v Speaker 1>to pivot and to not hold onto the routine so tightly,

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<v Speaker 1>because back then, like there was no deviation, like there

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<v Speaker 1>was nothing from that set plan of attack. And when

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<v Speaker 1>I look back at that season, like, I think, the

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<v Speaker 1>thing that I'm I'm thinking of when I see it

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<v Speaker 1>is that it was just so genuinely simple. Like during

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<v Speaker 1>that time, I was single. I didn't have a spouse

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<v Speaker 1>that worked ten twelve hour shifts and holds down the

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<v Speaker 1>fort with like two three jobs. I didn't have dogs

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<v Speaker 1>who depended on me. I didn't have a gym full

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<v Speaker 1>of members who were counting on me to show up

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<v Speaker 1>for them every single day. I had a normal job

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<v Speaker 1>back then. Just for a hot second, that was it,

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<v Speaker 1>and that to me was everything was me, my training,

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<v Speaker 1>my food, and my sleep. And I had a cat,

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<v Speaker 1>which I still have that cat. I've had that gut

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<v Speaker 1>over a very a long time. Her name is Kitty.

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<v Speaker 1>We don't talk about Kitty too often because she's she's

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<v Speaker 1>a gat she's pretty self sufficient in that context. So

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<v Speaker 1>every so often pictures from when I was doing my training,

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<v Speaker 1>it pops up on my phone, it pops up in

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<v Speaker 1>my memories. I've deleted like a whole bunch of them

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm like, oh, I don't love that. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>love how that makes me feel, because I don't really

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<v Speaker 1>love to reflect on the past like that. But in this,

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<v Speaker 1>in this stance right now, like even to look back

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<v Speaker 1>and to see, okay, what is it about that, Like

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<v Speaker 1>this little voice in my head when I see those pictures,

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<v Speaker 1>it goes, wow, look how easy it was. Look how

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<v Speaker 1>dialed in you were, Like you need to go back

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<v Speaker 1>to that. And then I'm like, ooh, yeah, you're right,

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<v Speaker 1>I should be. But that voice that I'm listening to

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<v Speaker 1>is actually leaving out like a lot of true stuff,

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<v Speaker 1>Like it's leaving out the fact that back then I

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<v Speaker 1>was very lonely and I didn't have that relationship that

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<v Speaker 1>i'd love to be and like I do now, I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't have a business that I was so incredibly proud

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<v Speaker 1>of back then, again, like I do now, like I

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<v Speaker 1>get to I get to show up for people and

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<v Speaker 1>I get to help them every single day. I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>have that back then. Like I took a huge training

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<v Speaker 1>hiatus and I've rebuilt something from scratch that I would

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<v Speaker 1>never trade to go back to that. Like I think

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<v Speaker 1>in my brain like looking back and I'm like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>it was just so simple. I think when we look

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<v Speaker 1>back on those pictures, we can confuse and mix up

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<v Speaker 1>the two things, which are simple and happy, because simple

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<v Speaker 1>and happy don't necessarily mean the exact same thing, Like

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<v Speaker 1>they're not the same word at all, even though like

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<v Speaker 1>my brain loves to swap one for the other as

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<v Speaker 1>soon as I'm like, oh, look at oh right, I

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<v Speaker 1>was happy back then. No, I'm much happier now, but

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<v Speaker 1>life was I'm not gonna say, but let me say

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<v Speaker 1>life may have been simpler back then, and I'm happier now.

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<v Speaker 1>I think that's how I meant to originally say it.

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<v Speaker 1>There is no butt, it's not oh I'm happy now,

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<v Speaker 1>but it was simpler. No, I'm happier now, and I

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<v Speaker 1>can recognize that life was a lot simpler back then

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<v Speaker 1>because I didn't have so much weight on my shoulders

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<v Speaker 1>and you might be thinking of that too. Like I

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<v Speaker 1>know there's been a lot of conversations around the gym

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<v Speaker 1>about people that have had kids and they actually regret

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<v Speaker 1>having kids, and I don't think that that makes them

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<v Speaker 1>a bad person. I also do believe that we can

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<v Speaker 1>do that with all different things and areas in life.

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<v Speaker 1>We can look back and be like, oh, look how

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<v Speaker 1>happy I was then, But it's like, were you actually

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<v Speaker 1>as happy then as you are now? If the answer

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<v Speaker 1>is yeah, then maybe we want to tweak some stuff there, right,

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<v Speaker 1>But if we're like, no, no, I wasn't. I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>have these things that I'm so proud and happy about now,

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<v Speaker 1>But we can say, hey, that was just a lot

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<v Speaker 1>more simple. Life is more simple when you only have

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<v Speaker 1>to worry about yourself. Life is more simple when you

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<v Speaker 1>can work for somebody else and it's a nine to five,

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<v Speaker 1>You clock in, you clock out, and you don't have

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<v Speaker 1>to worry about building anything. You get paid at the

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<v Speaker 1>end of the day. That I can recognize as a

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<v Speaker 1>lot more simple than running and owning business. Not that

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<v Speaker 1>one is better than the other, but they're going to

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<v Speaker 1>be very different. I just finished ros record of employments,

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<v Speaker 1>and if you've ever had to submit those of the government.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like, oh my gosh, my brain is just broken.

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<v Speaker 1>That's actually why I'm recording this podcast right now because

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, you know what, I just need a break

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<v Speaker 1>from all of this, all of the number stuff. I

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<v Speaker 1>like the talking stuff. I don't love the number stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm actually I went in this morning to the Transformation

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<v Speaker 1>station for a workout and it was so nice to

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<v Speaker 1>go in and workout in the morning. Morning workouts are

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<v Speaker 1>my absolute favorite. And I have the opportunity to coach

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<v Speaker 1>in the evenings for the last for not the last

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<v Speaker 1>for the next couple weeks because we have coaches that

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<v Speaker 1>are away. So we've just adjusted some of our coaching

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<v Speaker 1>training schedule for our I'm gonna say staff at the

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<v Speaker 1>Transformation station, for our coaches, for our instructors, just to

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<v Speaker 1>make things work. And I am so looking forward to

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<v Speaker 1>going into coach tonight because I'm like, this computer stuff

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<v Speaker 1>is my brain feels like it's like ten feet wide

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<v Speaker 1>from all the numbers in the processing and all of

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<v Speaker 1>those things. So like that to me is a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit more challenging now that I'm doing these things, but

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<v Speaker 1>I love it, like I'm proud of it, and that's

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<v Speaker 1>why I am doing it. I always tell myself, like Christina,

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<v Speaker 1>you're not a treat. If you're not happy, then move,

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<v Speaker 1>And that's something I've practiced for I'm going to say

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<v Speaker 1>the last fifteen years or so, I've known to uproot

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<v Speaker 1>my entire life and pivot. This is the first time

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<v Speaker 1>I'm actually like, huh, I love this chaos. I'm secure

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<v Speaker 1>in this chaos and also might create more chaos tomorrow.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, I actually enjoy this because otherwise it

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<v Speaker 1>would be stagnant, and I don't love to be stagnant anyway.

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<v Speaker 1>So all these things, like, I think this happens to

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of people, and I don't think it's just

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<v Speaker 1>with pictures. I think it has to do with like

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<v Speaker 1>different like old chapters of your life, like totally moving

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<v Speaker 1>my hand like this, like in general, like overseeing our lives,

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<v Speaker 1>like we can look back and be like, oh, look

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<v Speaker 1>at this old chapter. I don't think people are actually

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<v Speaker 1>missing who they were. I think that they're comparing like

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<v Speaker 1>their old chapter or their their one photo to their

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<v Speaker 1>entire life as they know it right now. Like in

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<v Speaker 1>their current life, a picture it literally is like oh

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<v Speaker 1>look at oh sweet, but it doesn't tell you like

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<v Speaker 1>that was a boring Tuesday, that was maybe a fight

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<v Speaker 1>that you had. Maybe in that time, there might have

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<v Speaker 1>been a bill that you were stressed out about. But

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<v Speaker 1>your life right now, like you're living all of it

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<v Speaker 1>in real time, including all of the chaos and the mess.

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<v Speaker 1>Back then you're seeing a picture and you're like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>look at this, but what happened in that twenty four hours,

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<v Speaker 1>Like the picture doesn't capture that. It just shows what

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<v Speaker 1>your body look like. And if you knew that, you

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<v Speaker 1>felt good in those clothes for the most part. So

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<v Speaker 1>like the old photo, of course it's going to look better,

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<v Speaker 1>it's going to look more polish, it's gonna look cleaner,

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<v Speaker 1>because like when you take a picture, like the snapshot

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<v Speaker 1>how I talked about, when you take a picture, it

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't necessarily capture all of those things unless you're like

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<v Speaker 1>taking a picture of yourself crying, and that's a whole

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<v Speaker 1>nother ballgame, and I don't love that, but some people

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<v Speaker 1>do that, and that's what it is because maybe you

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<v Speaker 1>want to remember those sad parts. I don't know. Usually

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<v Speaker 1>when people take pictures, they're just taking a picture of

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<v Speaker 1>like this is how I felt really good so I

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to take a picture of it. So that's something

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<v Speaker 1>that I'm keeping in my brain bank. It's like when

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<v Speaker 1>you see those pictures or when you hear those stories,

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<v Speaker 1>it's like, Okay, was I actually? So I'd like to

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<v Speaker 1>ask myself questions when I do things. Oh, on a

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<v Speaker 1>side quest, there's this thing, and it's like, don't just

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<v Speaker 1>put it down, put it away. So I've had that

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<v Speaker 1>living in my brain bank for like the last I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to say, three weeks, and it's changed the way

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<v Speaker 1>I put my stuff away when I'm done. And I'm

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<v Speaker 1>still working on that at the transformation stage. And I

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<v Speaker 1>know sometimes I'm in a hurry booking it out there,

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<v Speaker 1>and I just last minute decided to use a drill

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<v Speaker 1>to try to do something that didn't really pan out

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<v Speaker 1>because I only had five minutes and it should have

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<v Speaker 1>been like a three hour job. But yes, I'm telling myself, like, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>when I do much better in my home life for

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<v Speaker 1>this instead of putting it down, let's put it away.

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<v Speaker 1>So that's something another thing in my brain bank that

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<v Speaker 1>when I see those things, it's like, Okay, was I

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<v Speaker 1>Was I happier or was it just simpler? Those two

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<v Speaker 1>things are not the exact same thing. Happy and simple

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<v Speaker 1>are not the exact same things. We're missing. We're missing

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<v Speaker 1>the point of that happiness when we mix those things up,

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<v Speaker 1>and then we end up chasing a version of our

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<v Speaker 1>life that didn't even feel good, Like we don't remember

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<v Speaker 1>the way it actually felt. So if there's a version

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<v Speaker 1>of you that you keep romanticizing and you're like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>look at this is how it used to be. I dated, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so I dated this guy once. Okay, I dated two

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<v Speaker 1>guys once a long, long, long, long time ago. But

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<v Speaker 1>this guy that I dated, he was like I was

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<v Speaker 1>very young and he was eleven years older than me,

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<v Speaker 1>and he always romanticized his ex football career and like

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<v Speaker 1>he kept so many things like this was almost like

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<v Speaker 1>a forty year old man, and he still was obsessed

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<v Speaker 1>with his high school life because who he was in

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<v Speaker 1>high school? What does hair look like in high school?

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<v Speaker 1>Like I think that's why we ended up dating, because

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<v Speaker 1>I was young, not in high school by any means,

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<v Speaker 1>not too far out of it though it was a

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<v Speaker 1>long time ago, like I said, but like I see

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<v Speaker 1>those things, it's like, what is it about you that

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<v Speaker 1>you are so held onto? Like was it the freedom,

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<v Speaker 1>was it your focus? Was it the way your body felt? Like,

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<v Speaker 1>name that actual thing when that happens to you, Because

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<v Speaker 1>I look at that for myself too, and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>why why am I looking at that? Like, to me,

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<v Speaker 1>it's the routine. I loved having that routine. I thrive

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<v Speaker 1>in that waking up at a certain time these this

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<v Speaker 1>is exactly what I do when my feet hit the ground.

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<v Speaker 1>I like knowing what I'm supposed to be coaching at

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<v Speaker 1>a specific time because then I can actually like I

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<v Speaker 1>can plan and I can plan my food, I can

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<v Speaker 1>plan when my workouts are. When when things get get

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<v Speaker 1>thrown at you every single day, like you never know

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<v Speaker 1>when you have to change your schedule again. Like usually

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<v Speaker 1>I coach mornings and I trickle in the evenings and

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<v Speaker 1>I do what I need to do around the gym.

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<v Speaker 1>I still like to say hi to everybody, but I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not used to coaching in the evenings all the time.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's like, Okay, this week, how am I going

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<v Speaker 1>to adjust my sales? And sometimes it's the weekends or

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes things happen right, So it's like I can genuinely

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<v Speaker 1>look back and say I miss having that set in

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<v Speaker 1>stone routine because I didn't have so many people, places

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<v Speaker 1>and things depending on my shoulders in saying that the people,

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<v Speaker 1>places and things, that's actually what brings me the most happiness. So,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what, I'm gonna figure out my shit, and

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<v Speaker 1>thankfully I've been pretty good with letting go of the

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<v Speaker 1>reins to say, like Christina, every day doesn't have to

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<v Speaker 1>look the exact same. It can be different. It doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>have to be you eat the specific same food at

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<v Speaker 1>the exact same time every single day, and if a

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<v Speaker 1>stick gets thrown in the mud, you're not like having

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<v Speaker 1>a mental breakdown because you have to eat your lunch

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<v Speaker 1>at two pm instead of twelve thirty. So it's to me,

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<v Speaker 1>it's having those plans of attack. When you look at

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<v Speaker 1>those photos and you see how you felt, what is

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<v Speaker 1>it that you can do right now to feel your

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<v Speaker 1>own happiness and acknowledge what it is that you're doing

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<v Speaker 1>right now, Like you don't have to go and give

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<v Speaker 1>up everything in your life right now to go back

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<v Speaker 1>to go back to where you were, Like, you don't

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<v Speaker 1>have to go back to go get that. I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>the girl that trained for the RCMP anymore. I did

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<v Speaker 1>notice that Barry Police is hiring a special constable. I

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<v Speaker 1>will tell you that as casual, I don't know what

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<v Speaker 1>I'm doing with that. I shouldn't even said that out loud.

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<v Speaker 1>I am obsessed with the transformation station and this is

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<v Speaker 1>where I'm going to be for hopefully, knock on wood,

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<v Speaker 1>the entire rest of my days and the rest of

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<v Speaker 1>my life. But that still pops up in there. I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>I can totally do casual. I can be on call.

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<v Speaker 1>It's fine. I'll just make sure i'm at six am

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<v Speaker 1>crew with the tambourines going rolling in at quarter to six.

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<v Speaker 1>But like, I'm genuinely so happy about my life right now.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's not me being like, oh, you're just saying that. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I actually am, Like, I've worked my ass off to

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<v Speaker 1>get to this point where i can say I'm happy.

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<v Speaker 1>And when I look back at that girl that was

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<v Speaker 1>training for OURSMP, she didn't have any of this. She

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<v Speaker 1>didn't have the people, she didn't have the purpose, she

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<v Speaker 1>didn't get to live the exact life that I'm living

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<v Speaker 1>right now. She had a really good meal plan and

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<v Speaker 1>workout schedule. And that's about it, all right, So that's

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<v Speaker 1>it for today. If this is something that maybe I

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<v Speaker 1>hit the nail right on the head for you. Come

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<v Speaker 1>and talk to me about it if you want to

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<v Speaker 1>have a conversation. High five to you. I hope that

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<v Speaker 1>this resonates with you. Send it to someone else who

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<v Speaker 1>needs to hear this maybe, and I'll catch you on

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<v Speaker 1>the next one.