WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.200 --> 00:00:02.560 Hey all, we hope you enjoyed your Christmas. We know 2 00:00:02.640 --> 00:00:04.280 some of you are new here, so we figured we 3 00:00:04.360 --> 00:00:05.919 take a trip down memory lane. 4 00:00:06.120 --> 00:00:07.000 Here's a deep. 5 00:00:06.799 --> 00:00:08.800 Dive replay that'll help you get to know us just 6 00:00:08.839 --> 00:00:09.560 a little bit better. 7 00:00:09.599 --> 00:00:10.599 We hope you enjoy it. 8 00:00:10.800 --> 00:00:13.199 Welcome to another deep dive edition of the Chicks on 9 00:00:13.240 --> 00:00:18.960 the Right Podcast. We have been in this outfit our pjs. 10 00:00:18.440 --> 00:00:23.800 For straight Yeah, like sore. We're starting to reak, you guys, 11 00:00:23.600 --> 00:00:26.359 it's really getting ugly. It's fine, it's. 12 00:00:26.199 --> 00:00:27.839 Getting to be but you know what, we could have 13 00:00:27.920 --> 00:00:31.480 showered between our live stream of this morning and the 14 00:00:31.519 --> 00:00:35.840 recording of this episode. But then we thought, why, why 15 00:00:35.920 --> 00:00:38.159 why would we do that. We're not We're gonna be 16 00:00:38.200 --> 00:00:39.640 real in this episode. 17 00:00:39.399 --> 00:00:42.560 I might as well just not shower. Yeah. So last 18 00:00:42.560 --> 00:00:47.679 week my father passed away and I told you guys 19 00:00:47.679 --> 00:00:49.880 at the end of last week that that had happened 20 00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:54.000 after a full week of just not I just wasn't 21 00:00:54.079 --> 00:00:56.840 myself the whole week, and people were like, what's going 22 00:00:56.880 --> 00:00:59.240 on with you? Are you? You know what? You just 23 00:00:59.280 --> 00:01:01.920 are not you? And so I think it was Friday 24 00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:04.519 that I told everybody. I was like, it was a yeah, 25 00:01:04.519 --> 00:01:07.599 a week ago tomorrow. I told, well, now we're recording this, 26 00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:10.840 that it would be a week ago yesterday that I 27 00:01:10.879 --> 00:01:14.159 told everybody you know that my dad passed away. And 28 00:01:14.200 --> 00:01:18.879 I was like, I should probably, you know, do something 29 00:01:18.920 --> 00:01:21.760 a little deeper about this and tell people, give people 30 00:01:21.760 --> 00:01:24.280 a little bit more information about what's going on. My 31 00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:26.480 husband prompted me to do that first of all, because 32 00:01:26.480 --> 00:01:31.439 he was like, you just don't share enough, and you're like, 33 00:01:31.719 --> 00:01:34.359 you keep things you know. And then it's funny because 34 00:01:34.400 --> 00:01:36.400 Pastor Shelley wrote me something the other day. She's like, 35 00:01:36.400 --> 00:01:39.799 you're like Melissa Manchester. He's like that whole remember that 36 00:01:39.840 --> 00:01:43.079 song Don't Cry out Loud? Yeah, inside oh, And I'm like, 37 00:01:43.159 --> 00:01:47.280 oh my god, that song. Yeah. So anyway, so my 38 00:01:47.400 --> 00:01:48.959 husband encouraged me to do it, and then I talked 39 00:01:49.000 --> 00:01:51.840 to you and Valin, our producer Valin, and I was like, 40 00:01:51.920 --> 00:01:54.079 I don't know if I'm comfortable with doing that, but 41 00:01:54.200 --> 00:01:56.560 I but you guys encouraged me to do it, and 42 00:01:56.599 --> 00:01:57.959 so I thought, you know what, we'll just talk a 43 00:01:58.000 --> 00:01:59.920 little bit about that because I figured I'm like the 44 00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:04.640 only person that has family issues or a dysfunctional family, 45 00:02:04.719 --> 00:02:07.760 and you were like, I assure you that You're not 46 00:02:07.959 --> 00:02:10.919 the only person, and when you said that out loud, 47 00:02:10.960 --> 00:02:14.039 you would not believe. I mean, already I started getting 48 00:02:14.080 --> 00:02:18.240 a lot of people writing and saying, Daisy, like I 49 00:02:18.280 --> 00:02:20.560 have a really dysfunctional family, let me tell you about it. 50 00:02:20.639 --> 00:02:23.680 And just the support that I've already gotten with people 51 00:02:23.719 --> 00:02:26.360 not even knowing what's going on so or what had 52 00:02:26.360 --> 00:02:30.360 happened in my family at all. So it just the support, 53 00:02:30.520 --> 00:02:34.479 the love, the encouragement, the sweet words. So appreciative of 54 00:02:34.520 --> 00:02:36.840 people in our community. We have the best community. 55 00:02:36.879 --> 00:02:39.240 Oh my god, it's amazing, greatest people. 56 00:02:39.479 --> 00:02:44.599 So so backing up to last Monday, two mondays ago, 57 00:02:45.759 --> 00:02:48.000 I got a text from Miriam. I was in the 58 00:02:48.039 --> 00:02:50.919 car with my family. It was the Monday before my 59 00:02:51.000 --> 00:02:53.159 daughter went back to school, and so we were all 60 00:02:53.199 --> 00:02:55.560 getting back from eating a cracker barrel and I get 61 00:02:55.599 --> 00:02:57.840 a text from Miriam and she was like, I just 62 00:02:57.879 --> 00:03:02.240 saw your sister's Facebook's still she was still friends with 63 00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:04.159 my sister on Facebook. She's like, am I reading right? 64 00:03:04.199 --> 00:03:05.919 Oh my god? It's stupid to ask if you're okay? 65 00:03:05.919 --> 00:03:08.520 But are you okay? What can I do? And how 66 00:03:08.639 --> 00:03:11.800 did I like tell why I should I tell? 67 00:03:11.840 --> 00:03:15.759 Like my perspective of this, that's right, totally, I should yeah, okay. 68 00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:20.800 So the reason I texted her that is because I'm 69 00:03:20.800 --> 00:03:24.159 not on Facebook super often where I would see her 70 00:03:24.199 --> 00:03:28.159 sister's posts, But for some reason, I was on it 71 00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:33.639 and I saw her sister post photographs of her their 72 00:03:33.759 --> 00:03:40.639 dad and and her sisters now deceased husband together with 73 00:03:40.719 --> 00:03:44.639 a caption that said together again, I miss you both 74 00:03:44.680 --> 00:03:46.280 so much, and I'm. 75 00:03:46.199 --> 00:03:48.280 Like, what the hell? 76 00:03:48.919 --> 00:03:53.520 So I'm thinking that, surely that can't mean that her 77 00:03:53.520 --> 00:03:54.599 father passed away. 78 00:03:54.719 --> 00:03:56.000 That can't mean that, right. 79 00:03:56.680 --> 00:03:59.439 I immediately go to text her, and when I said 80 00:03:59.479 --> 00:04:03.360 that text, I got one of those auto things that says, 81 00:04:03.439 --> 00:04:06.919 Amy Joe has notifications silenced, And I thought to myself, well, 82 00:04:06.919 --> 00:04:09.199 of course she does, because she just found out her 83 00:04:09.400 --> 00:04:12.439 father passed away, and so of course she's not taking 84 00:04:12.439 --> 00:04:13.520 text messages right now. 85 00:04:13.919 --> 00:04:15.599 And I just sort of sat back and waited. 86 00:04:15.759 --> 00:04:19.839 But then I scrolled down on her sister's Facebook and 87 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:23.399 saw the official announcement, and so then I knew one 88 00:04:23.480 --> 00:04:25.279 hundred percent that her father had passed away. 89 00:04:25.399 --> 00:04:28.439 Go yeah, So I was like, I wrote back, and 90 00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:32.560 I go, wait, what is happening? Call me what? I 91 00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:33.879 don't know what's happening. 92 00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:35.600 And then I was like, oh my god, I have 93 00:04:35.639 --> 00:04:36.279 to tell her. 94 00:04:36.360 --> 00:04:38.279 Yeah, she was like, oh my god, she doesn't know. 95 00:04:39.399 --> 00:04:42.680 So Miriam called me and so I'm on the phone 96 00:04:43.160 --> 00:04:45.759 in the car with my husband and my daughter, and 97 00:04:45.800 --> 00:04:47.959 Miriam is having to tell me that my father has 98 00:04:48.000 --> 00:04:52.519 passed away and reading me what is going on? And then, 99 00:04:52.600 --> 00:04:55.759 you know, come to find out after Yeah, I'm in shock, 100 00:04:56.240 --> 00:04:59.879 and she's bawling hysterically on the phone. She's having to 101 00:04:59.879 --> 00:05:02.759 be the one to do this, and you know, listen, 102 00:05:02.839 --> 00:05:04.720 it's not that I'm having to console her, but she's like, 103 00:05:04.759 --> 00:05:06.839 you shouldn't be consoling me. I'm just like, I don't 104 00:05:06.839 --> 00:05:08.439 I can't believe I'm having to tell you this. Oh 105 00:05:08.480 --> 00:05:11.480 my god. And she feels terrible me. I'm glad it 106 00:05:11.519 --> 00:05:14.000 was her that, you know, that she's the one that 107 00:05:14.279 --> 00:05:16.839 told me. I mean, I can't think of a better 108 00:05:16.879 --> 00:05:19.560 person to tell me in that moment, right, But she 109 00:05:19.720 --> 00:05:23.680 told me. And then I'm like, what, like, what is 110 00:05:23.680 --> 00:05:25.399 even going on? And then come to find out he 111 00:05:25.439 --> 00:05:29.759 had had he had had lung cancer for four months 112 00:05:29.800 --> 00:05:32.639 and I didn't know about that. And then after, you know, 113 00:05:32.680 --> 00:05:34.600 you you kind of have to backtrack. You have to 114 00:05:34.639 --> 00:05:38.000 go backwards after that. So, you know, during that day, 115 00:05:38.120 --> 00:05:40.759 I sort of things were unraveling, like the onion was 116 00:05:40.800 --> 00:05:43.360 peeling back, and I started learning things about like there 117 00:05:43.360 --> 00:05:46.480 are other people in my family that knew that. Not 118 00:05:46.480 --> 00:05:48.920 not immediate family, obviously, but there are other people in 119 00:05:48.959 --> 00:05:51.800 my extended family that knew that he was sick, and 120 00:05:52.399 --> 00:05:53.959 and I didn't know. And I guess some of the 121 00:05:53.959 --> 00:05:56.720 people were sworn to secrecy and they weren't supposed to 122 00:05:56.720 --> 00:06:01.040 tell tell me that that he was sick. And so 123 00:06:01.079 --> 00:06:04.000 it was just like this weird feeling of betrayal. Like 124 00:06:04.079 --> 00:06:09.639 I was sad. I was like all the emotions, every 125 00:06:09.680 --> 00:06:13.199 emotion you can think of, a big roller coaster of emotions. 126 00:06:13.279 --> 00:06:16.360 So I had not spoken to my father for the 127 00:06:16.399 --> 00:06:18.959 last time I spoke to my father was three years 128 00:06:18.959 --> 00:06:21.800 ago this February. I have a bunch of stuff written 129 00:06:21.800 --> 00:06:24.879 here because I have to remember, because it's like the 130 00:06:24.920 --> 00:06:27.360 past thirty years of my dad have been kind of 131 00:06:27.360 --> 00:06:32.519 a like a shit storm. The first eighteen years of 132 00:06:32.519 --> 00:06:35.160 my life with my dad were great. I had a 133 00:06:35.199 --> 00:06:39.360 great childhood. I grew up in a really loving household, 134 00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:42.480 two great parents. I feel like I was pretty well 135 00:06:42.519 --> 00:06:45.399 adjusted up to that point, like my. 136 00:06:45.399 --> 00:06:47.040 Seven houses away from my husband. 137 00:06:47.240 --> 00:06:49.959 Yeah, I grew up in a good neighborhood. You know, 138 00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:53.920 everything was wonderful and then and I can backtrack to that, 139 00:06:54.000 --> 00:06:55.959 but there's just lots of stuff leading up to that. 140 00:06:56.040 --> 00:06:59.399 But the last time I talked to my dad was 141 00:06:59.399 --> 00:07:04.040 was three years years ago. And so what happened that 142 00:07:04.360 --> 00:07:06.839 made that relationship go bad? Well, let me le Yeah, 143 00:07:06.879 --> 00:07:09.399 I should probably back up to what made it go bad, right, 144 00:07:10.240 --> 00:07:13.720 So thirty ish years ago, thirty three ish years ago, 145 00:07:15.879 --> 00:07:19.519 I was what nineteen? When I was nineteen, I came 146 00:07:19.600 --> 00:07:23.000 home from college and I just remember, like I didn't 147 00:07:23.040 --> 00:07:24.680 come home from college much when I was around a 148 00:07:24.720 --> 00:07:27.600 junior in college because by that time, you're pretty established 149 00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:29.040 in college and you don't like coming home. You like 150 00:07:29.079 --> 00:07:30.720 being a college more than you like being at home. 151 00:07:31.040 --> 00:07:34.639 And so I came home and I remember my mother 152 00:07:34.879 --> 00:07:38.360 wasn't she just wasn't well, Like she was real thin. 153 00:07:38.600 --> 00:07:40.839 You could tell she was just like something was going on. 154 00:07:40.920 --> 00:07:43.160 She was frazzled. Things were not good in the house. 155 00:07:43.639 --> 00:07:45.319 And I don't know if I can't remember if that 156 00:07:45.399 --> 00:07:47.000 was the reason I came home, but I just remember 157 00:07:47.000 --> 00:07:50.959 coming home that weekend and I found out that my 158 00:07:51.079 --> 00:07:55.000 dad was he had been cheating on my mother. And 159 00:07:55.079 --> 00:07:58.759 so up to that point, everything in everything was great, 160 00:07:58.839 --> 00:08:01.040 like my parents' marriage was, at least to me, I 161 00:08:01.079 --> 00:08:04.680 thought it was a wonderful marriage. Everything was great, the 162 00:08:04.759 --> 00:08:08.600 house was great, our family was perfect. Everything was wonderful. 163 00:08:09.240 --> 00:08:10.879 So I'd found out that he had been cheating on 164 00:08:10.920 --> 00:08:14.439 my mom, and I know, we all just sort of, 165 00:08:15.600 --> 00:08:18.360 I guess, recognize the fact that he had probably been 166 00:08:18.399 --> 00:08:22.959 doing this for several years. And so in that moment, 167 00:08:23.160 --> 00:08:28.079 like I just I figured, Okay, well the guy that 168 00:08:28.160 --> 00:08:32.320 I knew was no longer you know, the guy that 169 00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:39.240 I knew. Right, So everything flipped for me that weekend, 170 00:08:39.639 --> 00:08:42.080 and I called a family meeting because I think he 171 00:08:42.200 --> 00:08:43.559 was just going to assume that he was going to 172 00:08:43.600 --> 00:08:46.120 go on living his life like he was going to 173 00:08:46.159 --> 00:08:48.120 keep cheating on my mom and then being married to 174 00:08:48.159 --> 00:08:51.080 my mom, and so I said family meeting. And so 175 00:08:51.159 --> 00:08:53.360 I called a family meeting, and I was like, all right, 176 00:08:53.399 --> 00:08:56.679 here's a deal. So you can't stay married to mom 177 00:08:56.759 --> 00:09:01.240 and keep doing this. You need to gtf up. And 178 00:09:01.279 --> 00:09:04.639 so he left, He packed his step and he left, 179 00:09:04.840 --> 00:09:07.960 and so in that moment, I became I went from 180 00:09:08.000 --> 00:09:11.759 being a daughter to being like this object of opposition 181 00:09:11.919 --> 00:09:15.360 from my dad. And so it wasn't just him changing 182 00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:19.000 for me. I changed for him. I think that I 183 00:09:19.080 --> 00:09:23.679 went from being you know, like this this person that 184 00:09:23.759 --> 00:09:26.960 he liked, to somebody that he probably didn't like very 185 00:09:27.000 --> 00:09:30.159 much anymore. And because you called him on an I 186 00:09:30.200 --> 00:09:33.200 called him on his shit. Yeah, And so it wasn't 187 00:09:33.320 --> 00:09:36.039 just me that looked at him differently. He looked at 188 00:09:36.039 --> 00:09:38.799 me differently, and we just were never the same after 189 00:09:38.840 --> 00:09:42.399 that moment, ever, And and so it was both of us, 190 00:09:42.679 --> 00:09:44.559 you know, it was a mutual thing, and we just 191 00:09:44.639 --> 00:09:48.120 kind of butted heads from that point forward. It just 192 00:09:49.159 --> 00:09:55.679 it never recovered. My sister always looked at him, even 193 00:09:55.840 --> 00:09:57.960 in the times where I think she was sort of 194 00:09:58.000 --> 00:10:00.440 like on my side where she was pissed off and 195 00:10:00.919 --> 00:10:02.919 you know, she was like, you know, I'm mad at 196 00:10:02.960 --> 00:10:05.279 dad for this, and I'm I'm you know, looking at 197 00:10:05.320 --> 00:10:08.799 him a little. She just she's still really, you know, 198 00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:13.519 adored him, and that's okay, that's fine. That was like her. 199 00:10:14.360 --> 00:10:16.360 She had every right to do that. It's just that 200 00:10:16.440 --> 00:10:19.559 I didn't. And so we just didn't have the same 201 00:10:19.600 --> 00:10:22.879 relationship from that point forward, and it never recovered. And 202 00:10:23.159 --> 00:10:26.519 thirty three years were just like you know, ups and downs, 203 00:10:26.600 --> 00:10:28.679 ups and downs. There were times where I tried to 204 00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:32.039 have a relationship with him, like you always. I always 205 00:10:32.159 --> 00:10:34.240 was the one who extended the olive branch, and I 206 00:10:34.279 --> 00:10:36.039 always was the one who was like, Okay, well I'm 207 00:10:36.080 --> 00:10:38.399 going to try to you know, go visit him. I'm 208 00:10:38.440 --> 00:10:39.960 going to try to have a relationship with him. I'm 209 00:10:40.000 --> 00:10:42.159 going to try to make this work. I'm gonna, you know, 210 00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:46.799 do my best to have some semblance of a father 211 00:10:46.919 --> 00:10:50.600 daughter thing here. And it just never stuck. You know, 212 00:10:50.639 --> 00:10:52.159 we never got to the point where we could get 213 00:10:52.200 --> 00:10:54.919 back to the place that we were. It just never 214 00:10:55.159 --> 00:10:58.840 got that that stable footing, if you will. So we 215 00:10:59.000 --> 00:11:02.840 just never got the like I remember, you know, when 216 00:11:02.840 --> 00:11:07.639 my husband and I, I was married once before, and 217 00:11:07.720 --> 00:11:10.440 that we were never close during that marriage. And then 218 00:11:10.440 --> 00:11:13.039 when I got divorced and I got married to my husband, 219 00:11:13.039 --> 00:11:15.879 my now husband, we were getting ready to get married 220 00:11:15.879 --> 00:11:17.919 and my dad was like, hey, you know, we'll pay 221 00:11:17.919 --> 00:11:21.799 for the whole wedding. And I remember going through that 222 00:11:21.840 --> 00:11:24.399 whole process and it was like this he wanted this 223 00:11:24.559 --> 00:11:26.720 over the top thing, and I just I went to 224 00:11:26.759 --> 00:11:28.600 him and I said, you know, what. It's not really 225 00:11:28.639 --> 00:11:31.480 our style. We're more casual. We don't want all this 226 00:11:31.679 --> 00:11:34.480 like you know, steak and lobster stuff. We don't want 227 00:11:34.480 --> 00:11:37.679 anything fancy. And so we butted heads about that, and 228 00:11:37.720 --> 00:11:39.679 I said, you know what, We're just gonna go ahead 229 00:11:39.679 --> 00:11:41.440 and pay for it on our own. We're going to 230 00:11:41.480 --> 00:11:43.399 have something really casual. We ended up having like a 231 00:11:43.399 --> 00:11:45.200 six hundred dollars wedding, you know, and it was like 232 00:11:45.240 --> 00:11:47.440 the reception was at our house and I was barefoot, 233 00:11:47.440 --> 00:11:48.759 and it was you know, really it was the way 234 00:11:48.759 --> 00:11:50.720 that you it was the way that we wanted it right, 235 00:11:51.080 --> 00:11:53.360 and he hated that. He just hated it. So we 236 00:11:53.360 --> 00:11:55.399 butted heads about that. I mean just little things along 237 00:11:55.399 --> 00:11:57.600 the way that were like that. And so that was. 238 00:11:58.399 --> 00:12:02.919 It was stuff like that all during this, like trying 239 00:12:02.919 --> 00:12:04.120 to have a relationship with them. 240 00:12:04.519 --> 00:12:07.399 What I'm not done with is helping my face with 241 00:12:07.559 --> 00:12:10.799 bond Charge products, their red light therapy mask. You guys, 242 00:12:10.960 --> 00:12:14.399 it is the bum and right, also relaxing, it's such 243 00:12:14.440 --> 00:12:15.080 a treat. 244 00:12:15.399 --> 00:12:17.399 Right, I do it for like ten fifteen minutes a 245 00:12:17.399 --> 00:12:20.799 couple times a week. I really let no appointment. It's lightweight, 246 00:12:20.879 --> 00:12:23.279 it's easy to use, a contourse perfectly to your phase. 247 00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:24.200 You can travel with it. 248 00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:25.039 It's rechargeable. 249 00:12:25.120 --> 00:12:27.679 It's not hot or people think that it's really hot 250 00:12:27.720 --> 00:12:29.559 because it's like red light or both. 251 00:12:29.759 --> 00:12:32.960 There like a barely warm. It's just a nice one. 252 00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:36.399 It actually puts me to sleep. I'm like incapable of naps, 253 00:12:36.440 --> 00:12:38.200 you guys, and I will take like a ten minute 254 00:12:38.279 --> 00:12:40.200 nap when I because it's I don't know what it is, 255 00:12:40.240 --> 00:12:42.320 but it lulls me to sleep. It's fantam. But if 256 00:12:42.320 --> 00:12:43.919 I don't want to do that, I can walk around 257 00:12:43.919 --> 00:12:45.399 with it, which is really nice. You can still do 258 00:12:45.399 --> 00:12:48.039 things with it on, but it's fantastic. I really like 259 00:12:48.120 --> 00:12:51.919 it is actually brightened my skins. I don't we don't 260 00:12:52.200 --> 00:12:55.120 f with our faces, but we do this because it's 261 00:12:55.120 --> 00:12:56.960 really great for your skin. It helps it look brighter 262 00:12:57.000 --> 00:12:59.399 and healthier. And I just I love it without all 263 00:12:59.440 --> 00:13:01.720 the fillers and the junk that people put into it. 264 00:13:01.759 --> 00:13:04.039 So you can get twenty five percent off right now 265 00:13:04.360 --> 00:13:07.360 on like the coolest skincare gift ever, so check it 266 00:13:07.399 --> 00:13:10.840 out boncharge dot com. Slash Chicks save twenty five percent. 267 00:13:11.080 --> 00:13:13.919 Your code is automatically applied, so twenty five percent off 268 00:13:13.919 --> 00:13:17.639 at bondcharge dot com slash chicks and the sale ends 269 00:13:17.639 --> 00:13:21.559 December thirty first, so grab it now boncharge dot com 270 00:13:21.559 --> 00:13:23.960 slash Chicks do it. But then, you know, like when 271 00:13:23.960 --> 00:13:28.519 my daughter was born, I tried again to you know, 272 00:13:28.600 --> 00:13:31.159 have this relationship with him because I knew that since 273 00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:34.720 there was this this baby girl there, that she may 274 00:13:34.759 --> 00:13:36.519 want to have a relationship with him, and so I 275 00:13:36.600 --> 00:13:39.240 tried very hard to extend it all a branch. I 276 00:13:39.279 --> 00:13:42.960 would invite him to every single birthday party that she 277 00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:45.000 had for the first five years of her life, you know, 278 00:13:45.039 --> 00:13:48.159 cause those birthday parties are like people standing around and 279 00:13:48.200 --> 00:13:52.000 watching this sweet little baby, you know, shovecake all over 280 00:13:52.039 --> 00:13:54.240 the place. And so I invited him to all those 281 00:13:54.279 --> 00:13:57.080 birthday He never came. He never There was always an 282 00:13:57.080 --> 00:14:00.399 excuse for him not to come, whether it was some 283 00:14:00.440 --> 00:14:04.360 weird logistical thing or if it was you know weather, 284 00:14:04.639 --> 00:14:05.279 I remember there was. 285 00:14:05.480 --> 00:14:07.919 But then he would always bitch to you about bringing 286 00:14:08.279 --> 00:14:12.120 Gwen to see him in Florida when he is retired. 287 00:14:12.600 --> 00:14:15.039 She's working her ass off basically in two. 288 00:14:15.039 --> 00:14:18.879 Jobs that was corporate, sometimes three, sometimes three because I 289 00:14:18.919 --> 00:14:20.480 was also a professor at the time, so I had 290 00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:22.399 some There were times where I had three jobs and 291 00:14:22.440 --> 00:14:24.519 it was really hard for me to get away, and 292 00:14:24.519 --> 00:14:25.720 I was like, you know, you can come here and 293 00:14:25.759 --> 00:14:27.840 see her. And there were times where he would fly 294 00:14:27.960 --> 00:14:31.480 into town, into Indianapolis and bypass us and just go 295 00:14:31.559 --> 00:14:34.080 see his brothers in South Bend and we would be like, 296 00:14:34.360 --> 00:14:37.120 you can stop here and come see your granddaughter. And 297 00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:40.120 so it was it was always that I had to 298 00:14:40.120 --> 00:14:42.919 to make arrangements to do the things, and I felt 299 00:14:42.919 --> 00:14:46.000 like there was just again, it was like, it's just 300 00:14:46.039 --> 00:14:48.840 this reject this feeling of rejection and abandonment that was 301 00:14:48.919 --> 00:14:52.320 just lingering all the time in our relationship. It was 302 00:14:52.399 --> 00:14:55.480 just there, it was like right there on surface, and 303 00:14:55.559 --> 00:14:57.320 so I felt like I was always the one having 304 00:14:57.320 --> 00:14:59.799 to do that. And then he would complain that I 305 00:14:59.879 --> 00:15:03.039 was trying to somehow keep my daughter from him, which 306 00:15:03.080 --> 00:15:07.559 was absurd. It was completely absurd, and so that was that. 307 00:15:07.799 --> 00:15:12.519 So anyway, so that kind of hung out during during 308 00:15:12.559 --> 00:15:15.960 our entire I guess relationship, if you want to call 309 00:15:15.960 --> 00:15:18.559 it relationship. And then there were times we just didn't talk, 310 00:15:18.759 --> 00:15:21.759 you know, because we would argue and we would fight 311 00:15:21.799 --> 00:15:24.600 a lot, and there was that. So anyways, the past 312 00:15:24.639 --> 00:15:29.480 three years we have not spoken, and what happened three 313 00:15:29.559 --> 00:15:33.120 years ago was my sister was getting ready to get married. 314 00:15:35.759 --> 00:15:40.159 Her husband is now deceased. He passed away unfortunately, gosh 315 00:15:40.639 --> 00:15:43.000 during year. Yeah, I married a year. They were married 316 00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:46.519 a year and he passed away during a surgery. It 317 00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:49.759 was awful. But she was getting ready to get married, 318 00:15:50.039 --> 00:15:54.000 and she told me that she was going to have 319 00:15:54.039 --> 00:15:56.200 a very very small wedding and no one was going 320 00:15:56.200 --> 00:16:00.279 to be invited and that so nobody was nobody going 321 00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:02.320 to be there. So my mother and I were not 322 00:16:02.320 --> 00:16:04.240 going to be invited, and nobody's going to be there, 323 00:16:04.519 --> 00:16:08.559 And come to find out, she was inviting people. However, 324 00:16:08.840 --> 00:16:12.159 my mother and I were not invited, and so this 325 00:16:12.320 --> 00:16:15.080 was going to be broadcast on Facebook and it was 326 00:16:15.080 --> 00:16:17.840 going to be on social media. And I was devastated 327 00:16:17.879 --> 00:16:20.559 for my mother. I mean, I could handle it because 328 00:16:20.559 --> 00:16:24.840 I thought, Okay, no big deal, because you know, like 329 00:16:25.480 --> 00:16:28.960 whatever I'll see, We've seen some stuff, We've been through 330 00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:31.159 some stuff, so whatever, I can handle that. But my 331 00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:33.639 mother was going to be devastated by the fact that, 332 00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:35.360 like my dad was going to be there, my step 333 00:16:35.399 --> 00:16:37.720 mom was going to be there, his whole family was 334 00:16:37.759 --> 00:16:39.279 going to be there, and my Mom's going to be 335 00:16:39.360 --> 00:16:40.519 left out. Of this, and she was going to be 336 00:16:40.559 --> 00:16:43.120 watching this and social media devastated because she was not 337 00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:46.759 invited to her daughter, her oldest daughter's wedding, right. So 338 00:16:46.840 --> 00:16:50.919 I was pissed, and so I called my dad and 339 00:16:51.000 --> 00:16:53.840 I said, I cannot believe she lied about this. She 340 00:16:53.960 --> 00:16:57.440 is a liar. And he hung up the phone on me, 341 00:16:58.720 --> 00:17:01.519 and that was that, and that was he never he 342 00:17:01.600 --> 00:17:03.399 never reached out, he never called me, and he just 343 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:06.240 hung up on me because he didn't want to hear that. 344 00:17:06.519 --> 00:17:08.240 And so they went through with the wedding and they 345 00:17:08.240 --> 00:17:11.039 were all there and my mother and I were excluded, 346 00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:14.799 and they they just left us out of everything. 347 00:17:14.920 --> 00:17:18.200 And when when did the whole like facebook like social 348 00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:19.640 media block happen? 349 00:17:20.319 --> 00:17:23.240 Within a couple of weeks after that, then everybody we 350 00:17:23.240 --> 00:17:25.640 were blocked. Everybody was blocked from every like we were 351 00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:29.240 just completely like shunned. We were done. So that was it. 352 00:17:29.440 --> 00:17:32.519 So that was the That was it. That was And 353 00:17:32.640 --> 00:17:35.279 there was never a time where he, you know, reached 354 00:17:35.319 --> 00:17:39.279 out and wanted to to say, gush, I'm really sorry 355 00:17:39.279 --> 00:17:42.920 about that, or we should get together, or he wanted 356 00:17:42.920 --> 00:17:46.480 to even have some semblance of a relationship with my 357 00:17:46.599 --> 00:17:49.839 daughter or my husband. For that matter. I mean, there 358 00:17:49.880 --> 00:17:52.559 was just nothing, absolutely nothing over the past three years. 359 00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:56.119 So I didn't pursue it. I didn't. I just kind 360 00:17:56.160 --> 00:17:58.920 of thought, well, this is what he wants, and so 361 00:17:59.200 --> 00:18:02.119 I'm I'm done that and I have. I've extended a 362 00:18:02.119 --> 00:18:05.000 lot of olive branches. I at this point in my life, 363 00:18:05.079 --> 00:18:09.160 I just figured, Okay, I'm done with that. And so 364 00:18:10.200 --> 00:18:15.000 the weird thing about it is that there's a weird 365 00:18:15.240 --> 00:18:18.359 narrative in my family that I am somehow the reason 366 00:18:18.440 --> 00:18:20.680 for it. Like I'm somehow the reason for the space, 367 00:18:20.799 --> 00:18:23.200 like the reason for the distance and the reason for 368 00:18:23.279 --> 00:18:27.279 the rejection and the abandonment. And it's it's so weird 369 00:18:27.319 --> 00:18:30.759 how that's somehow put off on me and I just 370 00:18:30.799 --> 00:18:33.400 sort of own it, like I kind of go, okay, well, 371 00:18:33.720 --> 00:18:35.759 I guess if that's the narrative, then I just kind 372 00:18:35.759 --> 00:18:38.440 of go with it. And but it's weird how you 373 00:18:38.519 --> 00:18:41.000 after years of it and you just if you don't 374 00:18:41.000 --> 00:18:44.000 push back, you end up with that label on you. 375 00:18:44.119 --> 00:18:47.240 It's just bizarre. It's bizarre how narratives get formed in 376 00:18:47.319 --> 00:18:51.119 families and you just if you don't push back, that's 377 00:18:51.799 --> 00:18:55.400 you end up owning those narratives. It's just really strange 378 00:18:55.440 --> 00:18:55.640 to me. 379 00:18:55.880 --> 00:18:56.720 It's gaslighting. 380 00:18:56.880 --> 00:18:59.519 It is. It's kind of like gaslighting, it really is. 381 00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:04.839 And I wasn't When my my sister's husband died, I 382 00:19:05.160 --> 00:19:07.880 you know, I didn't really I wasn't invited to her wedding. 383 00:19:07.880 --> 00:19:10.279 I wasn't really invite I wasn't invited her a marriage 384 00:19:10.640 --> 00:19:12.680 because I wasn't invited to her a wedding, and so 385 00:19:12.759 --> 00:19:16.680 I wasn't there. And so when he passed away, she 386 00:19:16.799 --> 00:19:19.200 somehow expected me to be there for the funeral, and 387 00:19:19.240 --> 00:19:21.480 I didn't show up for the funeral. I did call 388 00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:23.440 her and I you know, told her listen, you know, 389 00:19:23.480 --> 00:19:26.480 I'm very sorry, and and you know, basically I love 390 00:19:26.519 --> 00:19:28.240 you and if you need me, you can call me. 391 00:19:28.319 --> 00:19:30.640 But I'm I didn't show up for the funeral. 392 00:19:30.319 --> 00:19:32.960 Because I was you had like you had some serious 393 00:19:33.039 --> 00:19:35.319 life going on at the time, because I feel like 394 00:19:35.759 --> 00:19:37.759 there was a part of you that you would have 395 00:19:37.880 --> 00:19:40.839 gone had you not had a lot of other obligations 396 00:19:41.200 --> 00:19:43.759 personally with Gwen and swimming, and there was just a lot. 397 00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:44.799 Yeah, a lot of stuff going on. 398 00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:47.079 There was. But I mean, I also it's just a 399 00:19:47.559 --> 00:19:49.519 it was very strange for me because I'm like, Okay, 400 00:19:49.559 --> 00:19:53.440 I'm you know, I wasn't. I wasn't invited to your 401 00:19:53.559 --> 00:19:57.279