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Speaker 1: Hey all, we hope you enjoyed your Christmas. We know

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some of you are new here, so we figured we

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take a trip down memory lane.

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Speaker 2: Here's a deep.

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Speaker 3: Dive replay that'll help you get to know us just

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a little bit better.

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Speaker 2: We hope you enjoy it.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to another deep dive edition of the Chicks on

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the Right Podcast. We have been in this outfit our pjs.

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Speaker 1: For straight Yeah, like sore. We're starting to reak, you guys,

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it's really getting ugly. It's fine, it's.

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Speaker 3: Getting to be but you know what, we could have

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showered between our live stream of this morning and the

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recording of this episode. But then we thought, why, why

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why would we do that. We're not We're gonna be

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real in this episode.

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Speaker 1: I might as well just not shower. Yeah. So last

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week my father passed away and I told you guys

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at the end of last week that that had happened

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after a full week of just not I just wasn't

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myself the whole week, and people were like, what's going

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on with you? Are you? You know what? You just

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are not you? And so I think it was Friday

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that I told everybody. I was like, it was a yeah,

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a week ago tomorrow. I told, well, now we're recording this,

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that it would be a week ago yesterday that I

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told everybody you know that my dad passed away. And

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I was like, I should probably, you know, do something

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a little deeper about this and tell people, give people

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a little bit more information about what's going on. My

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husband prompted me to do that first of all, because

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he was like, you just don't share enough, and you're like,

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you keep things you know. And then it's funny because

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Pastor Shelley wrote me something the other day. She's like,

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you're like Melissa Manchester. He's like that whole remember that

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song Don't Cry out Loud? Yeah, inside oh, And I'm like,

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oh my god, that song. Yeah. So anyway, so my

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husband encouraged me to do it, and then I talked

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to you and Valin, our producer Valin, and I was like,

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I don't know if I'm comfortable with doing that, but

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I but you guys encouraged me to do it, and

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so I thought, you know what, we'll just talk a

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little bit about that because I figured I'm like the

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only person that has family issues or a dysfunctional family,

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and you were like, I assure you that You're not

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the only person, and when you said that out loud,

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you would not believe. I mean, already I started getting

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a lot of people writing and saying, Daisy, like I

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have a really dysfunctional family, let me tell you about it.

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And just the support that I've already gotten with people

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not even knowing what's going on so or what had

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happened in my family at all. So it just the support,

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the love, the encouragement, the sweet words. So appreciative of

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people in our community. We have the best community.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's amazing, greatest people.

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Speaker 1: So so backing up to last Monday, two mondays ago,

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I got a text from Miriam. I was in the

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car with my family. It was the Monday before my

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daughter went back to school, and so we were all

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getting back from eating a cracker barrel and I get

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a text from Miriam and she was like, I just

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saw your sister's Facebook's still she was still friends with

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my sister on Facebook. She's like, am I reading right?

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Oh my god? It's stupid to ask if you're okay?

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But are you okay? What can I do? And how

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did I like tell why I should I tell?

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Speaker 3: Like my perspective of this, that's right, totally, I should yeah, okay.

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So the reason I texted her that is because I'm

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not on Facebook super often where I would see her

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sister's posts, But for some reason, I was on it

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and I saw her sister post photographs of her their

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dad and and her sisters now deceased husband together with

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a caption that said together again, I miss you both

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so much, and I'm.

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Speaker 2: Like, what the hell?

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Speaker 3: So I'm thinking that, surely that can't mean that her

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father passed away.

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Speaker 2: That can't mean that, right.

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Speaker 3: I immediately go to text her, and when I said

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that text, I got one of those auto things that says,

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Amy Joe has notifications silenced, And I thought to myself, well,

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of course she does, because she just found out her

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father passed away, and so of course she's not taking

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text messages right now.

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Speaker 2: And I just sort of sat back and waited.

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Speaker 3: But then I scrolled down on her sister's Facebook and

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saw the official announcement, and so then I knew one

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hundred percent that her father had passed away.

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Speaker 1: Go yeah, So I was like, I wrote back, and

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I go, wait, what is happening? Call me what? I

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don't know what's happening.

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Speaker 2: And then I was like, oh my god, I have

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to tell her.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she was like, oh my god, she doesn't know.

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So Miriam called me and so I'm on the phone

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in the car with my husband and my daughter, and

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Miriam is having to tell me that my father has

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passed away and reading me what is going on? And then,

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you know, come to find out after Yeah, I'm in shock,

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and she's bawling hysterically on the phone. She's having to

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be the one to do this, and you know, listen,

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it's not that I'm having to console her, but she's like,

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you shouldn't be consoling me. I'm just like, I don't

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I can't believe I'm having to tell you this. Oh

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my god. And she feels terrible me. I'm glad it

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was her that, you know, that she's the one that

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told me. I mean, I can't think of a better

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person to tell me in that moment, right, But she

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told me. And then I'm like, what, like, what is

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even going on? And then come to find out he

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had had he had had lung cancer for four months

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and I didn't know about that. And then after, you know,

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you you kind of have to backtrack. You have to

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go backwards after that. So, you know, during that day,

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I sort of things were unraveling, like the onion was

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peeling back, and I started learning things about like there

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are other people in my family that knew that. Not

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not immediate family, obviously, but there are other people in

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my extended family that knew that he was sick, and

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and I didn't know. And I guess some of the

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people were sworn to secrecy and they weren't supposed to

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tell tell me that that he was sick. And so

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it was just like this weird feeling of betrayal. Like

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I was sad. I was like all the emotions, every

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emotion you can think of, a big roller coaster of emotions.

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So I had not spoken to my father for the

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last time I spoke to my father was three years

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ago this February. I have a bunch of stuff written

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here because I have to remember, because it's like the

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past thirty years of my dad have been kind of

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a like a shit storm. The first eighteen years of

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my life with my dad were great. I had a

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great childhood. I grew up in a really loving household,

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two great parents. I feel like I was pretty well

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adjusted up to that point, like my.

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Speaker 2: Seven houses away from my husband.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I grew up in a good neighborhood. You know,

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everything was wonderful and then and I can backtrack to that,

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but there's just lots of stuff leading up to that.

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But the last time I talked to my dad was

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was three years years ago. And so what happened that

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made that relationship go bad? Well, let me le Yeah,

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I should probably back up to what made it go bad, right,

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So thirty ish years ago, thirty three ish years ago,

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I was what nineteen? When I was nineteen, I came

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home from college and I just remember, like I didn't

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come home from college much when I was around a

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junior in college because by that time, you're pretty established

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in college and you don't like coming home. You like

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being a college more than you like being at home.

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And so I came home and I remember my mother

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wasn't she just wasn't well, Like she was real thin.

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You could tell she was just like something was going on.

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She was frazzled. Things were not good in the house.

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And I don't know if I can't remember if that

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was the reason I came home, but I just remember

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coming home that weekend and I found out that my

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dad was he had been cheating on my mother. And

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so up to that point, everything in everything was great,

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like my parents' marriage was, at least to me, I

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thought it was a wonderful marriage. Everything was great, the

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house was great, our family was perfect. Everything was wonderful.

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So I'd found out that he had been cheating on

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my mom, and I know, we all just sort of,

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I guess, recognize the fact that he had probably been

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doing this for several years. And so in that moment,

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like I just I figured, Okay, well the guy that

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I knew was no longer you know, the guy that

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I knew. Right, So everything flipped for me that weekend,

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and I called a family meeting because I think he

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was just going to assume that he was going to

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go on living his life like he was going to

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keep cheating on my mom and then being married to

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my mom, and so I said family meeting. And so

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I called a family meeting, and I was like, all right,

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here's a deal. So you can't stay married to mom

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and keep doing this. You need to gtf up. And

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so he left, He packed his step and he left,

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and so in that moment, I became I went from

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being a daughter to being like this object of opposition

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from my dad. And so it wasn't just him changing

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for me. I changed for him. I think that I

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went from being you know, like this this person that

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he liked, to somebody that he probably didn't like very

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much anymore. And because you called him on an I

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called him on his shit. Yeah, And so it wasn't

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just me that looked at him differently. He looked at

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me differently, and we just were never the same after

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that moment, ever, And and so it was both of us,

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you know, it was a mutual thing, and we just

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kind of butted heads from that point forward. It just

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it never recovered. My sister always looked at him, even

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in the times where I think she was sort of

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like on my side where she was pissed off and

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you know, she was like, you know, I'm mad at

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dad for this, and I'm I'm you know, looking at

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him a little. She just she's still really, you know,

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adored him, and that's okay, that's fine. That was like her.

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She had every right to do that. It's just that

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I didn't. And so we just didn't have the same

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relationship from that point forward, and it never recovered. And

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thirty three years were just like you know, ups and downs,

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ups and downs. There were times where I tried to

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have a relationship with him, like you always. I always

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was the one who extended the olive branch, and I

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always was the one who was like, Okay, well I'm

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going to try to you know, go visit him. I'm

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going to try to have a relationship with him. I'm

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going to try to make this work. I'm gonna, you know,

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do my best to have some semblance of a father

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daughter thing here. And it just never stuck. You know,

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we never got to the point where we could get

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back to the place that we were. It just never

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got that that stable footing, if you will. So we

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just never got the like I remember, you know, when

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my husband and I, I was married once before, and

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that we were never close during that marriage. And then

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when I got divorced and I got married to my husband,

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my now husband, we were getting ready to get married

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and my dad was like, hey, you know, we'll pay

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for the whole wedding. And I remember going through that

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whole process and it was like this he wanted this

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over the top thing, and I just I went to

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him and I said, you know, what. It's not really

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our style. We're more casual. We don't want all this

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like you know, steak and lobster stuff. We don't want

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anything fancy. And so we butted heads about that, and

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I said, you know what, We're just gonna go ahead

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and pay for it on our own. We're going to

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have something really casual. We ended up having like a

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six hundred dollars wedding, you know, and it was like

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the reception was at our house and I was barefoot,

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and it was you know, really it was the way

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that you it was the way that we wanted it right,

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and he hated that. He just hated it. So we

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butted heads about that. I mean just little things along

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the way that were like that. And so that was.

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It was stuff like that all during this, like trying

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to have a relationship with them.

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Speaker 3: What I'm not done with is helping my face with

241
00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:10,799
bond Charge products, their red light therapy mask. You guys,

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00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:14,399
it is the bum and right, also relaxing, it's such

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a treat.

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Speaker 1: Right, I do it for like ten fifteen minutes a

245
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couple times a week. I really let no appointment. It's lightweight,

246
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it's easy to use, a contourse perfectly to your phase.

247
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You can travel with it.

248
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Speaker 2: It's rechargeable.

249
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Speaker 1: It's not hot or people think that it's really hot

250
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:29,559
because it's like red light or both.

251
00:12:29,759 --> 00:12:32,960
Speaker 2: There like a barely warm. It's just a nice one.

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00:12:33,039 --> 00:12:36,399
Speaker 1: It actually puts me to sleep. I'm like incapable of naps,

253
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,200
you guys, and I will take like a ten minute

254
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,200
nap when I because it's I don't know what it is,

255
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,320
but it lulls me to sleep. It's fantam. But if

256
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:43,919
I don't want to do that, I can walk around

257
00:12:43,919 --> 00:12:45,399
with it, which is really nice. You can still do

258
00:12:45,399 --> 00:12:48,039
things with it on, but it's fantastic. I really like

259
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it is actually brightened my skins. I don't we don't

260
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f with our faces, but we do this because it's

261
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really great for your skin. It helps it look brighter

262
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and healthier. And I just I love it without all

263
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the fillers and the junk that people put into it.

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270
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slash Chicks do it. But then, you know, like when

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my daughter was born, I tried again to you know,

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have this relationship with him because I knew that since

273
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there was this this baby girl there, that she may

274
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want to have a relationship with him, and so I

275
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tried very hard to extend it all a branch. I

276
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would invite him to every single birthday party that she

277
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had for the first five years of her life, you know,

278
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cause those birthday parties are like people standing around and

279
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watching this sweet little baby, you know, shovecake all over

280
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the place. And so I invited him to all those

281
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birthday He never came. He never There was always an

282
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excuse for him not to come, whether it was some

283
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:04,360
weird logistical thing or if it was you know weather,

284
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I remember there was.

285
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Speaker 3: But then he would always bitch to you about bringing

286
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Gwen to see him in Florida when he is retired.

287
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She's working her ass off basically in two.

288
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Speaker 1: Jobs that was corporate, sometimes three, sometimes three because I

289
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was also a professor at the time, so I had

290
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,399
some There were times where I had three jobs and

291
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it was really hard for me to get away, and

292
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I was like, you know, you can come here and

293
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see her. And there were times where he would fly

294
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into town, into Indianapolis and bypass us and just go

295
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see his brothers in South Bend and we would be like,

296
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you can stop here and come see your granddaughter. And

297
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so it was it was always that I had to

298
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to make arrangements to do the things, and I felt

299
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like there was just again, it was like, it's just

300
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this reject this feeling of rejection and abandonment that was

301
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just lingering all the time in our relationship. It was

302
00:14:52,399 --> 00:14:55,480
just there, it was like right there on surface, and

303
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so I felt like I was always the one having

304
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to do that. And then he would complain that I

305
00:14:59,879 --> 00:15:03,039
was trying to somehow keep my daughter from him, which

306
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was absurd. It was completely absurd, and so that was that.

307
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So anyway, so that kind of hung out during during

308
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our entire I guess relationship, if you want to call

309
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it relationship. And then there were times we just didn't talk,

310
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you know, because we would argue and we would fight

311
00:15:21,799 --> 00:15:24,600
a lot, and there was that. So anyways, the past

312
00:15:24,639 --> 00:15:29,480
three years we have not spoken, and what happened three

313
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years ago was my sister was getting ready to get married.

314
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Her husband is now deceased. He passed away unfortunately, gosh

315
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:43,000
during year. Yeah, I married a year. They were married

316
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a year and he passed away during a surgery. It

317
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was awful. But she was getting ready to get married,

318
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and she told me that she was going to have

319
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a very very small wedding and no one was going

320
00:15:56,200 --> 00:16:00,279
to be invited and that so nobody was nobody going

321
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:02,320
to be there. So my mother and I were not

322
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,240
going to be invited, and nobody's going to be there,

323
00:16:04,519 --> 00:16:08,559
And come to find out, she was inviting people. However,

324
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:12,159
my mother and I were not invited, and so this

325
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,080
was going to be broadcast on Facebook and it was

326
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going to be on social media. And I was devastated

327
00:16:17,879 --> 00:16:20,559
for my mother. I mean, I could handle it because

328
00:16:20,559 --> 00:16:24,840
I thought, Okay, no big deal, because you know, like

329
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,960
whatever I'll see, We've seen some stuff, We've been through

330
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,159
some stuff, so whatever, I can handle that. But my

331
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,639
mother was going to be devastated by the fact that,

332
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like my dad was going to be there, my step

333
00:16:35,399 --> 00:16:37,720
mom was going to be there, his whole family was

334
00:16:37,759 --> 00:16:39,279
going to be there, and my Mom's going to be

335
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left out. Of this, and she was going to be

336
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watching this and social media devastated because she was not

337
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,759
invited to her daughter, her oldest daughter's wedding, right. So

338
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I was pissed, and so I called my dad and

339
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,840
I said, I cannot believe she lied about this. She

340
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:57,440
is a liar. And he hung up the phone on me,

341
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,519
and that was that, and that was he never he

342
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,399
never reached out, he never called me, and he just

343
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,240
hung up on me because he didn't want to hear that.

344
00:17:06,519 --> 00:17:08,240
And so they went through with the wedding and they

345
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:11,039
were all there and my mother and I were excluded,

346
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,799
and they they just left us out of everything.

347
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:18,200
Speaker 3: And when when did the whole like facebook like social

348
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,640
media block happen?

349
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Speaker 1: Within a couple of weeks after that, then everybody we

350
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,640
were blocked. Everybody was blocked from every like we were

351
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:29,240
just completely like shunned. We were done. So that was it.

352
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,519
So that was the That was it. That was And

353
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,279
there was never a time where he, you know, reached

354
00:17:35,319 --> 00:17:39,279
out and wanted to to say, gush, I'm really sorry

355
00:17:39,279 --> 00:17:42,920
about that, or we should get together, or he wanted

356
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:46,480
to even have some semblance of a relationship with my

357
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:49,839
daughter or my husband. For that matter. I mean, there

358
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,559
was just nothing, absolutely nothing over the past three years.

359
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:56,119
So I didn't pursue it. I didn't. I just kind

360
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,920
of thought, well, this is what he wants, and so

361
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,119
I'm I'm done that and I have. I've extended a

362
00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:05,000
lot of olive branches. I at this point in my life,

363
00:18:05,079 --> 00:18:09,160
I just figured, Okay, I'm done with that. And so

364
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:15,000
the weird thing about it is that there's a weird

365
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,359
narrative in my family that I am somehow the reason

366
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,680
for it. Like I'm somehow the reason for the space,

367
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:23,200
like the reason for the distance and the reason for

368
00:18:23,279 --> 00:18:27,279
the rejection and the abandonment. And it's it's so weird

369
00:18:27,319 --> 00:18:30,759
how that's somehow put off on me and I just

370
00:18:30,799 --> 00:18:33,400
sort of own it, like I kind of go, okay, well,

371
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,759
I guess if that's the narrative, then I just kind

372
00:18:35,759 --> 00:18:38,440
of go with it. And but it's weird how you

373
00:18:38,519 --> 00:18:41,000
after years of it and you just if you don't

374
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,000
push back, you end up with that label on you.

375
00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:47,240
It's just bizarre. It's bizarre how narratives get formed in

376
00:18:47,319 --> 00:18:51,119
families and you just if you don't push back, that's

377
00:18:51,799 --> 00:18:55,400
you end up owning those narratives. It's just really strange

378
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:55,640
to me.

379
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:56,720
Speaker 2: It's gaslighting.

380
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,519
Speaker 1: It is. It's kind of like gaslighting, it really is.

381
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:04,839
And I wasn't When my my sister's husband died, I

382
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,880
you know, I didn't really I wasn't invited to her wedding.

383
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,279
I wasn't really invite I wasn't invited her a marriage

384
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,680
because I wasn't invited to her a wedding, and so

385
00:19:12,759 --> 00:19:16,680
I wasn't there. And so when he passed away, she

386
00:19:16,799 --> 00:19:19,200
somehow expected me to be there for the funeral, and

387
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,480
I didn't show up for the funeral. I did call

388
00:19:21,519 --> 00:19:23,440
her and I you know, told her listen, you know,

389
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,480
I'm very sorry, and and you know, basically I love

390
00:19:26,519 --> 00:19:28,240
you and if you need me, you can call me.

391
00:19:28,319 --> 00:19:30,640
But I'm I didn't show up for the funeral.

392
00:19:30,319 --> 00:19:32,960
Speaker 3: Because I was you had like you had some serious

393
00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:35,319
life going on at the time, because I feel like

394
00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:37,759
there was a part of you that you would have

395
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,839
gone had you not had a lot of other obligations

396
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,759
personally with Gwen and swimming, and there was just a lot.

397
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:44,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of stuff going on.

398
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,079
Speaker 1: There was. But I mean, I also it's just a

399
00:19:47,559 --> 00:19:49,519
it was very strange for me because I'm like, Okay,

400
00:19:49,559 --> 00:19:53,440
I'm you know, I wasn't. I wasn't invited to your

401
00:19:53,559 --> 00:19:57,279
life right with this person. And then now that he's gone,

402
00:19:57,319 --> 00:20:01,200
you want me to be there for you for the funeral.

403
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,960
That was just an odd thing for me, and and

404
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,799
she is so she hates me for that. I mean,

405
00:20:06,799 --> 00:20:09,480
she just hates me. So it's that was a that

406
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:11,920
was very strange for me. And the family hates me

407
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,759
for that too, because they think that I should have

408
00:20:13,799 --> 00:20:15,519
been there, but they didn't think that I was good

409
00:20:15,599 --> 00:20:18,640
enough to come to the wedding and the and be

410
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,960
there for the the life they had together. It's just

411
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,359
a very bizarre thing. And my family wasn't good enough

412
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,640
to be there for the either of those things. I

413
00:20:27,799 --> 00:20:30,680
just it's it's just bizarre. So the whole, you know,

414
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,920
the abandonment thing is real. Now. I look at like

415
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,200
my dad and I think, Okay, so for four months

416
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:42,039
he knew he was going to leave this earth. And

417
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,839
you know, I've had discussions over the past week with

418
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:49,920
my with my husband about this, and I think, Okay,

419
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:54,640
you know, I he knew he was going to go.

420
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,880
I mean, it's you think that in your in your

421
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,960
last days, you would I just wonder what I would

422
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:04,119
do you would not do this. I wonder, like with

423
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,920
my children, and I wonder if I if I had

424
00:21:07,039 --> 00:21:09,200
some sort of beef with my first of all all

425
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:13,079
three of our children, I mean I would always I

426
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,359
just I feel like I would never stop communicating with

427
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:18,240
my children. I just can't imagine not not communicating with them.

428
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:20,759
If that's just me. I mean, everybody to each their

429
00:21:20,799 --> 00:21:24,440
own right, But I just can't imagine taking anything to

430
00:21:24,519 --> 00:21:27,359
my grave if I were, if I were angry, or

431
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,119
if I I can't imagine having that much hate for

432
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:34,720
one of my children where I would not want to

433
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:38,240
say something to them before if I knew I was

434
00:21:38,279 --> 00:21:40,240
going to go. It's one thing to not know, but

435
00:21:40,319 --> 00:21:42,519
when you know four ments an advance, when you know

436
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,119
that you're going to go, to not be able to

437
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,079
not want to say something to them, or to say

438
00:21:47,079 --> 00:21:48,839
something to your only grandchild, or.

439
00:21:48,799 --> 00:21:50,920
Speaker 2: To want to leave the earth with that.

440
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,839
Speaker 1: Cloud hanging over your head.

441
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:56,160
Speaker 2: And not wanting resolution right yourself. Like that's just.

442
00:21:56,279 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 3: Bizarre to me that he wanted to go to the grid.

443
00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:03,200
Specifically gave instructions to her sister, do not tell her.

444
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:04,400
Speaker 2: Don't tell her when.

445
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,559
Speaker 1: I die, right, don't tell what the hell is that.

446
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,039
Don't tell her that I'm that I am dying, and

447
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:13,359
don't tell her, Yeah, I don't. And there's there's been

448
00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:18,640
no funeral, there's been there was no obituary, there's been nothing.

449
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,880
I'm just I It's just it's so.

450
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,920
Speaker 3: And even if there were that, no one would send

451
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,400
her anything. It would be us finding it on the internet.

452
00:22:26,519 --> 00:22:30,200
Speaker 1: Right. I've I've not been privy to any information about

453
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,599
any of this. It's like, it's like I don't exist.

454
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:37,319
It's like the family wants me to know. They're so like,

455
00:22:37,559 --> 00:22:40,039
you're not you don't exist, You're not even a daughter.

456
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:46,559
It's I've gotten four messages from people since he's passed.

457
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,079
Speaker 2: In your family, in my well.

458
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,799
Speaker 1: No family and friends combined.

459
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 2: Excluding our community. Who's been amazing.

460
00:22:56,039 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 1: You guys have been amazing. You guys have been absolutely amazing,

461
00:22:59,759 --> 00:23:03,400
like above and beyond. But I've gotten, let's see, from

462
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:07,960
my family. I've received one person in my family that

463
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,799
has reached out to me. It was a cousin, my

464
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,119
first one of my first cousins has reached out to

465
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,759
me to say that they were sorry. And then I've

466
00:23:15,799 --> 00:23:21,079
had three friends, you know, three friends, three childhood friends,

467
00:23:21,079 --> 00:23:21,799
reach out to me.

468
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,279
Speaker 2: Who you know, know that this happened.

469
00:23:25,039 --> 00:23:28,640
Speaker 1: Right, and that's that's it, and that's it. That's it.

470
00:23:28,759 --> 00:23:30,839
One person in my family has reached out to me

471
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:35,799
that mine's fucked up. One person and that's it. And

472
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,519
I'm astounded by that. I mean, these are people who

473
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,799
I've it's like, I've been there when their loved ones

474
00:23:41,839 --> 00:23:44,000
have passed away. Just in the past year. I've been

475
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,960
there for them. It's like, and I nothing, not a pete.

476
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:51,440
It's so it's you. It's a eye opener. It's been

477
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:55,799
an eye opening week or two for me. And and

478
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,480
then another thing that's super eye opening is that I

479
00:23:59,599 --> 00:24:01,440
normally I would have just not said a thing. I

480
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,680
would have not done this. I would have not I

481
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,319
would have just talked about it with her and would

482
00:24:06,319 --> 00:24:08,400
have kept it with my family. But I think that

483
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,400
there are a lot of people that deal with this

484
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,119
kind of stuff. I think they're One thing that you

485
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,200
know has been very eye opening for me is the

486
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:20,480
amount of emails and messages I've received from people who

487
00:24:20,519 --> 00:24:25,240
I don't know personally who are writing me their personal

488
00:24:25,279 --> 00:24:28,720
stories and saying you are not alone in this this

489
00:24:28,839 --> 00:24:32,319
kind of stuff, like here's my family story. This is

490
00:24:32,319 --> 00:24:34,400
what happened to me. I was a strange from my father.

491
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:36,359
I was a strangth from my sister and my brother

492
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,680
and my mother, and this is what happened and like

493
00:24:38,799 --> 00:24:44,839
similar stories, and that has really touched me because I

494
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,240
you know, I honestly when I last week, when I

495
00:24:47,279 --> 00:24:48,880
mentioned this to you guys, I was like, I'm the

496
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,960
only person who's dealing with Oh my god, only like

497
00:24:52,039 --> 00:24:55,200
my family is so messed up. And I honestly thought, like,

498
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,279
it's so hard for me to be able to even

499
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,720
share this, like with people that I semi note, like

500
00:25:02,839 --> 00:25:05,359
even people that I work with, because I'm just like,

501
00:25:05,559 --> 00:25:07,519
you kind of want to act like you have everything together,

502
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:09,640
you know what I mean, and you're just like it's fine,

503
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,160
I've got it's it's totally fine, Like my family's fine,

504
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,440
it's fine. But you know, you would be surprised how

505
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:19,039
many people are dealing with stuff like this and that

506
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,839
you know, they they go to work, they have friends,

507
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,319
they have you know, their lives, and then they have

508
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,640
this looming in the background and they do feel abandoned

509
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,839
by summoning their family, or they do feel rejected, or

510
00:25:31,839 --> 00:25:35,359
they're dealing with just the emotional upheaval of stuff like

511
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:40,119
this and you have no idea. So I appreciate the

512
00:25:40,319 --> 00:25:45,319
messages and the love and the support of all y'all, because, man,

513
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,640
it made such a huge difference just reading some of

514
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:49,640
that stuff.

515
00:25:49,319 --> 00:25:53,160
Speaker 3: And knowing you're not alone, right, right, because it's way

516
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:57,680
more abnormal to have a normal normal.

517
00:25:58,599 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, true, true, yeah, Because I mean that's the thing.

518
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:09,400
It's families or families are dynamic. They are complicated and

519
00:26:09,519 --> 00:26:16,079
dynamic and hard. They can be really hard. And you know,

520
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,079
I'm I'm listen. I'm grateful that I've been able to

521
00:26:19,319 --> 00:26:23,960
build a an immediate family that is awesome. And you know,

522
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:28,920
I'm so grateful for my husband, who is an amazing father. God,

523
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,319
he's so he's such a great father. I'll get really

524
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,839
emotional talking about him. And I and my kids are amazing.

525
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,000
And I have the greatest friend in the whole world.

526
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,000
I have this great community. I'm so grateful for so

527
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,559
many things. So I mean, like I win you know

528
00:26:43,559 --> 00:26:46,480
what I mean, I win the lottery with that. Like seriously,

529
00:26:46,519 --> 00:26:48,839
I've won the lottery with life. It's like I cannot,

530
00:26:49,799 --> 00:26:52,480
I cannot be more grateful for all that stuff. So

531
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,680
I didn't think I was gonna cry. Damn, why did

532
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:56,079
you do that?

533
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:59,119
Speaker 3: Because like we made it, we're like almost to the end,

534
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:02,279
and you lose, and I will sympathy cry, you.

535
00:27:02,279 --> 00:27:02,839
Speaker 2: Know, I will.

536
00:27:03,079 --> 00:27:05,119
Speaker 1: I've been so good about that for the past couple

537
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:07,079
of days. I've been so good about not crying. But

538
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,119
I'm just I am. I'm truly That's it's a good cry.

539
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,240
It's like a happy cry. I really am grateful for

540
00:27:12,319 --> 00:27:14,680
all that stuff, you guys, so, and that's what you

541
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,160
have to do. You have to be grateful for the

542
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,240
good stuff.

543
00:27:17,319 --> 00:27:20,880
Speaker 3: Right totally, right totally, and like I don't mean to

544
00:27:21,839 --> 00:27:24,480
because that's a really beautiful way to end this. But

545
00:27:24,839 --> 00:27:27,720
I also have like vengeance in my heart about this

546
00:27:27,759 --> 00:27:31,319
whole thing, and so the other, the other good thing,

547
00:27:31,799 --> 00:27:34,759
the other thing to be grateful for is she's never

548
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:36,680
going to be the kind of person who would go

549
00:27:36,759 --> 00:27:40,440
to her deathbed with this kind of vendetta against a

550
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:41,720
member of her own family.

551
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 2: That is fucked up.

552
00:27:43,039 --> 00:27:44,920
Speaker 3: And the reason that I was sobbing when I called

553
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:48,200
her was rage. It had nothing to do with being

554
00:27:48,279 --> 00:27:50,920
sad about her father dying. Maybe that sounds like shitty

555
00:27:51,039 --> 00:27:52,720
that I wasn't having a part.

556
00:27:52,559 --> 00:27:52,839
Speaker 4: Of it is.

557
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,400
Speaker 1: I'd already mourned him over the past right two years.

558
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,559
I mean, I've had my moments over the past week.

559
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,960
But when you haven't talked to somebody and they've rejected you,

560
00:28:00,079 --> 00:28:04,079
you you already go through periods of crying and warning

561
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:06,880
over that person. I mean, I imagine you guys understand that

562
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,720
if you've been through that. I mean I already did that.

563
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:13,599
Speaker 3: Yeah, but he was there was always a chance, oh

564
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:14,440
do you know what I mean?

565
00:28:14,519 --> 00:28:17,119
Speaker 2: And now there isn't. And that is one hundred percent

566
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:18,119
on him, right.

567
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,279
Speaker 3: So the fact that he went to his death with

568
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:25,559
that kind of thing hanging like a cloud hanging over.

569
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:29,319
Speaker 2: That he controlled is just that's a sickness. That's that's

570
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,960
fucked up. And she will never be that fucked up.

571
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:36,279
Speaker 3: So yeah, I was just in a rage that that

572
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,119
was how you were finding out. I could not believe

573
00:28:39,559 --> 00:28:41,519
that her, entire that side of the family would do

574
00:28:41,599 --> 00:28:42,000
that to her.

575
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,960
Speaker 1: I love my kids, and well I cannot I cannot

576
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,880
wait to have grandkids, and I just, yeah, I just

577
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,039
I don't get it. I just I don't get that.

578
00:28:52,039 --> 00:28:54,039
That's a whole different mental and you know what, I'm

579
00:28:54,039 --> 00:28:56,200
still glad. I don't get that, Yeah, exactly. I'm just

580
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,440
glad I don't get it. And I'm grateful for that too,

581
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:03,799
so oh, you know, and grateful for all this, So

582
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,079
thank you for giving me the opportunity to do this.

583
00:29:06,359 --> 00:29:09,519
It's really weird, so not.

584
00:29:09,519 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 2: Our typical deep dive, so weird.

585
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 4: And I hope we're talking about like midget porn next time,

586
00:29:14,359 --> 00:29:18,119
because this is really weird. But but you now, I'm

587
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:21,240
grateful that I have this platform to be able to

588
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:24,200
do this. Right, What a blessing, What a glessing it is,

589
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:25,119
and what a blessing you.

590
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:28,359
Speaker 1: Guys are, And no one out there is alone. We're

591
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,759
not alone, right, We're not alone? So wow, I love

592
00:29:31,799 --> 00:29:32,319
you guys.

593
00:29:32,519 --> 00:29:33,319
Speaker 2: Thanks for watching.

594
00:29:33,359 --> 00:29:35,559
Speaker 3: We'll be back January sixth, so make sure to tune

595
00:29:35,599 --> 00:29:37,519
in and bring a friend, follow us.

596
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,359
Speaker 1: And subscribe on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you get

597
00:29:40,359 --> 00:29:41,920
your podcasts link in bio