Speaker 1: Hey all, we hope you enjoyed your Christmas. We know
some of you are new here, so we figured we
take a trip down memory lane.
Speaker 2: Here's a deep.
Speaker 3: Dive replay that'll help you get to know us just
a little bit better.
Speaker 2: We hope you enjoy it.
Speaker 3: Welcome to another deep dive edition of the Chicks on
the Right Podcast. We have been in this outfit our pjs.
Speaker 1: For straight Yeah, like sore. We're starting to reak, you guys,
it's really getting ugly. It's fine, it's.
Speaker 3: Getting to be but you know what, we could have
showered between our live stream of this morning and the
recording of this episode. But then we thought, why, why
why would we do that. We're not We're gonna be
real in this episode.
Speaker 1: I might as well just not shower. Yeah. So last
week my father passed away and I told you guys
at the end of last week that that had happened
after a full week of just not I just wasn't
myself the whole week, and people were like, what's going
on with you? Are you? You know what? You just
are not you? And so I think it was Friday
that I told everybody. I was like, it was a yeah,
a week ago tomorrow. I told, well, now we're recording this,
that it would be a week ago yesterday that I
told everybody you know that my dad passed away. And
I was like, I should probably, you know, do something
a little deeper about this and tell people, give people
a little bit more information about what's going on. My
husband prompted me to do that first of all, because
he was like, you just don't share enough, and you're like,
you keep things you know. And then it's funny because
Pastor Shelley wrote me something the other day. She's like,
you're like Melissa Manchester. He's like that whole remember that
song Don't Cry out Loud? Yeah, inside oh, And I'm like,
oh my god, that song. Yeah. So anyway, so my
husband encouraged me to do it, and then I talked
to you and Valin, our producer Valin, and I was like,
I don't know if I'm comfortable with doing that, but
I but you guys encouraged me to do it, and
so I thought, you know what, we'll just talk a
little bit about that because I figured I'm like the
only person that has family issues or a dysfunctional family,
and you were like, I assure you that You're not
the only person, and when you said that out loud,
you would not believe. I mean, already I started getting
a lot of people writing and saying, Daisy, like I
have a really dysfunctional family, let me tell you about it.
And just the support that I've already gotten with people
not even knowing what's going on so or what had
happened in my family at all. So it just the support,
the love, the encouragement, the sweet words. So appreciative of
people in our community. We have the best community.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's amazing, greatest people.
Speaker 1: So so backing up to last Monday, two mondays ago,
I got a text from Miriam. I was in the
car with my family. It was the Monday before my
daughter went back to school, and so we were all
getting back from eating a cracker barrel and I get
a text from Miriam and she was like, I just
saw your sister's Facebook's still she was still friends with
my sister on Facebook. She's like, am I reading right?
Oh my god? It's stupid to ask if you're okay?
But are you okay? What can I do? And how
did I like tell why I should I tell?
Speaker 3: Like my perspective of this, that's right, totally, I should yeah, okay.
So the reason I texted her that is because I'm
not on Facebook super often where I would see her
sister's posts, But for some reason, I was on it
and I saw her sister post photographs of her their
dad and and her sisters now deceased husband together with
a caption that said together again, I miss you both
so much, and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, what the hell?
Speaker 3: So I'm thinking that, surely that can't mean that her
father passed away.
Speaker 2: That can't mean that, right.
Speaker 3: I immediately go to text her, and when I said
that text, I got one of those auto things that says,
Amy Joe has notifications silenced, And I thought to myself, well,
of course she does, because she just found out her
father passed away, and so of course she's not taking
text messages right now.
Speaker 2: And I just sort of sat back and waited.
Speaker 3: But then I scrolled down on her sister's Facebook and
saw the official announcement, and so then I knew one
hundred percent that her father had passed away.
Speaker 1: Go yeah, So I was like, I wrote back, and
I go, wait, what is happening? Call me what? I
don't know what's happening.
Speaker 2: And then I was like, oh my god, I have
to tell her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she was like, oh my god, she doesn't know.
So Miriam called me and so I'm on the phone
in the car with my husband and my daughter, and
Miriam is having to tell me that my father has
passed away and reading me what is going on? And then,
you know, come to find out after Yeah, I'm in shock,
and she's bawling hysterically on the phone. She's having to
be the one to do this, and you know, listen,
it's not that I'm having to console her, but she's like,
you shouldn't be consoling me. I'm just like, I don't
I can't believe I'm having to tell you this. Oh
my god. And she feels terrible me. I'm glad it
was her that, you know, that she's the one that
told me. I mean, I can't think of a better
person to tell me in that moment, right, But she
told me. And then I'm like, what, like, what is
even going on? And then come to find out he
had had he had had lung cancer for four months
and I didn't know about that. And then after, you know,
you you kind of have to backtrack. You have to
go backwards after that. So, you know, during that day,
I sort of things were unraveling, like the onion was
peeling back, and I started learning things about like there
are other people in my family that knew that. Not
not immediate family, obviously, but there are other people in
my extended family that knew that he was sick, and
and I didn't know. And I guess some of the
people were sworn to secrecy and they weren't supposed to
tell tell me that that he was sick. And so
it was just like this weird feeling of betrayal. Like
I was sad. I was like all the emotions, every
emotion you can think of, a big roller coaster of emotions.
So I had not spoken to my father for the
last time I spoke to my father was three years
ago this February. I have a bunch of stuff written
here because I have to remember, because it's like the
past thirty years of my dad have been kind of
a like a shit storm. The first eighteen years of
my life with my dad were great. I had a
great childhood. I grew up in a really loving household,
two great parents. I feel like I was pretty well
adjusted up to that point, like my.
Speaker 2: Seven houses away from my husband.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I grew up in a good neighborhood. You know,
everything was wonderful and then and I can backtrack to that,
but there's just lots of stuff leading up to that.
But the last time I talked to my dad was
was three years years ago. And so what happened that
made that relationship go bad? Well, let me le Yeah,
I should probably back up to what made it go bad, right,
So thirty ish years ago, thirty three ish years ago,
I was what nineteen? When I was nineteen, I came
home from college and I just remember, like I didn't
come home from college much when I was around a
junior in college because by that time, you're pretty established
in college and you don't like coming home. You like
being a college more than you like being at home.
And so I came home and I remember my mother
wasn't she just wasn't well, Like she was real thin.
You could tell she was just like something was going on.
She was frazzled. Things were not good in the house.
And I don't know if I can't remember if that
was the reason I came home, but I just remember
coming home that weekend and I found out that my
dad was he had been cheating on my mother. And
so up to that point, everything in everything was great,
like my parents' marriage was, at least to me, I
thought it was a wonderful marriage. Everything was great, the
house was great, our family was perfect. Everything was wonderful.
So I'd found out that he had been cheating on
my mom, and I know, we all just sort of,
I guess, recognize the fact that he had probably been
doing this for several years. And so in that moment,
like I just I figured, Okay, well the guy that
I knew was no longer you know, the guy that
I knew. Right, So everything flipped for me that weekend,
and I called a family meeting because I think he
was just going to assume that he was going to
go on living his life like he was going to
keep cheating on my mom and then being married to
my mom, and so I said family meeting. And so
I called a family meeting, and I was like, all right,
here's a deal. So you can't stay married to mom
and keep doing this. You need to gtf up. And
so he left, He packed his step and he left,
and so in that moment, I became I went from
being a daughter to being like this object of opposition
from my dad. And so it wasn't just him changing
for me. I changed for him. I think that I
went from being you know, like this this person that
he liked, to somebody that he probably didn't like very
much anymore. And because you called him on an I
called him on his shit. Yeah, And so it wasn't
just me that looked at him differently. He looked at
me differently, and we just were never the same after
that moment, ever, And and so it was both of us,
you know, it was a mutual thing, and we just
kind of butted heads from that point forward. It just
it never recovered. My sister always looked at him, even
in the times where I think she was sort of
like on my side where she was pissed off and
you know, she was like, you know, I'm mad at
dad for this, and I'm I'm you know, looking at
him a little. She just she's still really, you know,
adored him, and that's okay, that's fine. That was like her.
She had every right to do that. It's just that
I didn't. And so we just didn't have the same
relationship from that point forward, and it never recovered. And
thirty three years were just like you know, ups and downs,
ups and downs. There were times where I tried to
have a relationship with him, like you always. I always
was the one who extended the olive branch, and I
always was the one who was like, Okay, well I'm
going to try to you know, go visit him. I'm
going to try to have a relationship with him. I'm
going to try to make this work. I'm gonna, you know,
do my best to have some semblance of a father
daughter thing here. And it just never stuck. You know,
we never got to the point where we could get
back to the place that we were. It just never
got that that stable footing, if you will. So we
just never got the like I remember, you know, when
my husband and I, I was married once before, and
that we were never close during that marriage. And then
when I got divorced and I got married to my husband,
my now husband, we were getting ready to get married
and my dad was like, hey, you know, we'll pay
for the whole wedding. And I remember going through that
whole process and it was like this he wanted this
over the top thing, and I just I went to
him and I said, you know, what. It's not really
our style. We're more casual. We don't want all this
like you know, steak and lobster stuff. We don't want
anything fancy. And so we butted heads about that, and
I said, you know what, We're just gonna go ahead
and pay for it on our own. We're going to
have something really casual. We ended up having like a
six hundred dollars wedding, you know, and it was like
the reception was at our house and I was barefoot,
and it was you know, really it was the way
that you it was the way that we wanted it right,
and he hated that. He just hated it. So we
butted heads about that. I mean just little things along
the way that were like that. And so that was.
It was stuff like that all during this, like trying
to have a relationship with them.
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my daughter was born, I tried again to you know,
have this relationship with him because I knew that since
there was this this baby girl there, that she may
want to have a relationship with him, and so I
tried very hard to extend it all a branch. I
would invite him to every single birthday party that she
had for the first five years of her life, you know,
cause those birthday parties are like people standing around and
watching this sweet little baby, you know, shovecake all over
the place. And so I invited him to all those
birthday He never came. He never There was always an
excuse for him not to come, whether it was some
weird logistical thing or if it was you know weather,
I remember there was.
Speaker 3: But then he would always bitch to you about bringing
Gwen to see him in Florida when he is retired.
She's working her ass off basically in two.
Speaker 1: Jobs that was corporate, sometimes three, sometimes three because I
was also a professor at the time, so I had
some There were times where I had three jobs and
it was really hard for me to get away, and
I was like, you know, you can come here and
see her. And there were times where he would fly
into town, into Indianapolis and bypass us and just go
see his brothers in South Bend and we would be like,
you can stop here and come see your granddaughter. And
so it was it was always that I had to
to make arrangements to do the things, and I felt
like there was just again, it was like, it's just
this reject this feeling of rejection and abandonment that was
just lingering all the time in our relationship. It was
just there, it was like right there on surface, and
so I felt like I was always the one having
to do that. And then he would complain that I
was trying to somehow keep my daughter from him, which
was absurd. It was completely absurd, and so that was that.
So anyway, so that kind of hung out during during
our entire I guess relationship, if you want to call
it relationship. And then there were times we just didn't talk,
you know, because we would argue and we would fight
a lot, and there was that. So anyways, the past
three years we have not spoken, and what happened three
years ago was my sister was getting ready to get married.
Her husband is now deceased. He passed away unfortunately, gosh
during year. Yeah, I married a year. They were married
a year and he passed away during a surgery. It
was awful. But she was getting ready to get married,
and she told me that she was going to have
a very very small wedding and no one was going
to be invited and that so nobody was nobody going
to be there. So my mother and I were not
going to be invited, and nobody's going to be there,
And come to find out, she was inviting people. However,
my mother and I were not invited, and so this
was going to be broadcast on Facebook and it was
going to be on social media. And I was devastated
for my mother. I mean, I could handle it because
I thought, Okay, no big deal, because you know, like
whatever I'll see, We've seen some stuff, We've been through
some stuff, so whatever, I can handle that. But my
mother was going to be devastated by the fact that,
like my dad was going to be there, my step
mom was going to be there, his whole family was
going to be there, and my Mom's going to be
left out. Of this, and she was going to be
watching this and social media devastated because she was not
invited to her daughter, her oldest daughter's wedding, right. So
I was pissed, and so I called my dad and
I said, I cannot believe she lied about this. She
is a liar. And he hung up the phone on me,
and that was that, and that was he never he
never reached out, he never called me, and he just
hung up on me because he didn't want to hear that.
And so they went through with the wedding and they
were all there and my mother and I were excluded,
and they they just left us out of everything.
Speaker 3: And when when did the whole like facebook like social
media block happen?
Speaker 1: Within a couple of weeks after that, then everybody we
were blocked. Everybody was blocked from every like we were
just completely like shunned. We were done. So that was it.
So that was the That was it. That was And
there was never a time where he, you know, reached
out and wanted to to say, gush, I'm really sorry
about that, or we should get together, or he wanted
to even have some semblance of a relationship with my
daughter or my husband. For that matter. I mean, there
was just nothing, absolutely nothing over the past three years.
So I didn't pursue it. I didn't. I just kind
of thought, well, this is what he wants, and so
I'm I'm done that and I have. I've extended a
lot of olive branches. I at this point in my life,
I just figured, Okay, I'm done with that. And so
the weird thing about it is that there's a weird
narrative in my family that I am somehow the reason
for it. Like I'm somehow the reason for the space,
like the reason for the distance and the reason for
the rejection and the abandonment. And it's it's so weird
how that's somehow put off on me and I just
sort of own it, like I kind of go, okay, well,
I guess if that's the narrative, then I just kind
of go with it. And but it's weird how you
after years of it and you just if you don't
push back, you end up with that label on you.
It's just bizarre. It's bizarre how narratives get formed in
families and you just if you don't push back, that's
you end up owning those narratives. It's just really strange
to me.
Speaker 2: It's gaslighting.
Speaker 1: It is. It's kind of like gaslighting, it really is.
And I wasn't When my my sister's husband died, I
you know, I didn't really I wasn't invited to her wedding.
I wasn't really invite I wasn't invited her a marriage
because I wasn't invited to her a wedding, and so
I wasn't there. And so when he passed away, she
somehow expected me to be there for the funeral, and
I didn't show up for the funeral. I did call
her and I you know, told her listen, you know,
I'm very sorry, and and you know, basically I love
you and if you need me, you can call me.
But I'm I didn't show up for the funeral.
Speaker 3: Because I was you had like you had some serious
life going on at the time, because I feel like
there was a part of you that you would have
gone had you not had a lot of other obligations
personally with Gwen and swimming, and there was just a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of stuff going on.
Speaker 1: There was. But I mean, I also it's just a
it was very strange for me because I'm like, Okay,
I'm you know, I wasn't. I wasn't invited to your
life right with this person. And then now that he's gone,
you want me to be there for you for the funeral.
That was just an odd thing for me, and and
she is so she hates me for that. I mean,
she just hates me. So it's that was a that
was very strange for me. And the family hates me
for that too, because they think that I should have
been there, but they didn't think that I was good
enough to come to the wedding and the and be
there for the the life they had together. It's just
a very bizarre thing. And my family wasn't good enough
to be there for the either of those things. I
just it's it's just bizarre. So the whole, you know,
the abandonment thing is real. Now. I look at like
my dad and I think, Okay, so for four months
he knew he was going to leave this earth. And
you know, I've had discussions over the past week with
my with my husband about this, and I think, Okay,
you know, I he knew he was going to go.
I mean, it's you think that in your in your
last days, you would I just wonder what I would
do you would not do this. I wonder, like with
my children, and I wonder if I if I had
some sort of beef with my first of all all
three of our children, I mean I would always I
just I feel like I would never stop communicating with
my children. I just can't imagine not not communicating with them.
If that's just me. I mean, everybody to each their
own right, But I just can't imagine taking anything to
my grave if I were, if I were angry, or
if I I can't imagine having that much hate for
one of my children where I would not want to
say something to them before if I knew I was
going to go. It's one thing to not know, but
when you know four ments an advance, when you know
that you're going to go, to not be able to
not want to say something to them, or to say
something to your only grandchild, or.
Speaker 2: To want to leave the earth with that.
Speaker 1: Cloud hanging over your head.
Speaker 2: And not wanting resolution right yourself. Like that's just.
Speaker 3: Bizarre to me that he wanted to go to the grid.
Specifically gave instructions to her sister, do not tell her.
Speaker 2: Don't tell her when.
Speaker 1: I die, right, don't tell what the hell is that.
Don't tell her that I'm that I am dying, and
don't tell her, Yeah, I don't. And there's there's been
no funeral, there's been there was no obituary, there's been nothing.
I'm just I It's just it's so.
Speaker 3: And even if there were that, no one would send
her anything. It would be us finding it on the internet.
Speaker 1: Right. I've I've not been privy to any information about
any of this. It's like, it's like I don't exist.
It's like the family wants me to know. They're so like,
you're not you don't exist, You're not even a daughter.
It's I've gotten four messages from people since he's passed.
Speaker 2: In your family, in my well.
Speaker 1: No family and friends combined.
Speaker 2: Excluding our community. Who's been amazing.
Speaker 1: You guys have been amazing. You guys have been absolutely amazing,
like above and beyond. But I've gotten, let's see, from
my family. I've received one person in my family that
has reached out to me. It was a cousin, my
first one of my first cousins has reached out to
me to say that they were sorry. And then I've
had three friends, you know, three friends, three childhood friends,
reach out to me.
Speaker 2: Who you know, know that this happened.
Speaker 1: Right, and that's that's it, and that's it. That's it.
One person in my family has reached out to me
that mine's fucked up. One person and that's it. And
I'm astounded by that. I mean, these are people who
I've it's like, I've been there when their loved ones
have passed away. Just in the past year. I've been
there for them. It's like, and I nothing, not a pete.
It's so it's you. It's a eye opener. It's been
an eye opening week or two for me. And and
then another thing that's super eye opening is that I
normally I would have just not said a thing. I
would have not done this. I would have not I
would have just talked about it with her and would
have kept it with my family. But I think that
there are a lot of people that deal with this
kind of stuff. I think they're One thing that you
know has been very eye opening for me is the
amount of emails and messages I've received from people who
I don't know personally who are writing me their personal
stories and saying you are not alone in this this
kind of stuff, like here's my family story. This is
what happened to me. I was a strange from my father.
I was a strangth from my sister and my brother
and my mother, and this is what happened and like
similar stories, and that has really touched me because I
you know, I honestly when I last week, when I
mentioned this to you guys, I was like, I'm the
only person who's dealing with Oh my god, only like
my family is so messed up. And I honestly thought, like,
it's so hard for me to be able to even
share this, like with people that I semi note, like
even people that I work with, because I'm just like,
you kind of want to act like you have everything together,
you know what I mean, and you're just like it's fine,
I've got it's it's totally fine, Like my family's fine,
it's fine. But you know, you would be surprised how
many people are dealing with stuff like this and that
you know, they they go to work, they have friends,
they have you know, their lives, and then they have
this looming in the background and they do feel abandoned
by summoning their family, or they do feel rejected, or
they're dealing with just the emotional upheaval of stuff like
this and you have no idea. So I appreciate the
messages and the love and the support of all y'all, because, man,
it made such a huge difference just reading some of
that stuff.
Speaker 3: And knowing you're not alone, right, right, because it's way
more abnormal to have a normal normal.
Speaker 1: Yeah, true, true, yeah, Because I mean that's the thing.
It's families or families are dynamic. They are complicated and
dynamic and hard. They can be really hard. And you know,
I'm I'm listen. I'm grateful that I've been able to
build a an immediate family that is awesome. And you know,
I'm so grateful for my husband, who is an amazing father. God,
he's so he's such a great father. I'll get really
emotional talking about him. And I and my kids are amazing.
And I have the greatest friend in the whole world.
I have this great community. I'm so grateful for so
many things. So I mean, like I win you know
what I mean, I win the lottery with that. Like seriously,
I've won the lottery with life. It's like I cannot,
I cannot be more grateful for all that stuff. So
I didn't think I was gonna cry. Damn, why did
you do that?
Speaker 3: Because like we made it, we're like almost to the end,
and you lose, and I will sympathy cry, you.
Speaker 2: Know, I will.
Speaker 1: I've been so good about that for the past couple
of days. I've been so good about not crying. But
I'm just I am. I'm truly That's it's a good cry.
It's like a happy cry. I really am grateful for
all that stuff, you guys, so, and that's what you
have to do. You have to be grateful for the
good stuff.
Speaker 3: Right totally, right totally, and like I don't mean to
because that's a really beautiful way to end this. But
I also have like vengeance in my heart about this
whole thing, and so the other, the other good thing,
the other thing to be grateful for is she's never
going to be the kind of person who would go
to her deathbed with this kind of vendetta against a
member of her own family.
Speaker 2: That is fucked up.
Speaker 3: And the reason that I was sobbing when I called
her was rage. It had nothing to do with being
sad about her father dying. Maybe that sounds like shitty
that I wasn't having a part.
Speaker 4: Of it is.
Speaker 1: I'd already mourned him over the past right two years.
I mean, I've had my moments over the past week.
But when you haven't talked to somebody and they've rejected you,
you you already go through periods of crying and warning
over that person. I mean, I imagine you guys understand that
if you've been through that. I mean I already did that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but he was there was always a chance, oh
do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: And now there isn't. And that is one hundred percent
on him, right.
Speaker 3: So the fact that he went to his death with
that kind of thing hanging like a cloud hanging over.
Speaker 2: That he controlled is just that's a sickness. That's that's
fucked up. And she will never be that fucked up.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I was just in a rage that that
was how you were finding out. I could not believe
that her, entire that side of the family would do
that to her.
Speaker 1: I love my kids, and well I cannot I cannot
wait to have grandkids, and I just, yeah, I just
I don't get it. I just I don't get that.
That's a whole different mental and you know what, I'm
still glad. I don't get that, Yeah, exactly. I'm just
glad I don't get it. And I'm grateful for that too,
so oh, you know, and grateful for all this, So
thank you for giving me the opportunity to do this.
It's really weird, so not.
Speaker 2: Our typical deep dive, so weird.
Speaker 4: And I hope we're talking about like midget porn next time,
because this is really weird. But but you now, I'm
grateful that I have this platform to be able to
do this. Right, What a blessing, What a glessing it is,
and what a blessing you.
Speaker 1: Guys are, And no one out there is alone. We're
not alone, right, We're not alone? So wow, I love
you guys.
Speaker 2: Thanks for watching.
Speaker 3: We'll be back January sixth, so make sure to tune
in and bring a friend, follow us.
Speaker 1: And subscribe on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you get
your podcasts link in bio