WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.120 --> 00:00:02.359
<v Speaker 1>I grew up believing that I had to sacrifice myself

2
00:00:02.359 --> 00:00:05.440
<v Speaker 1>for everybody, for my family, for my job, and that moment,

3
00:00:05.519 --> 00:00:08.759
<v Speaker 1>the only solution I had was just to end it

4
00:00:08.800 --> 00:00:10.679
<v Speaker 1>all because I didn't want anyone to think that I

5
00:00:10.679 --> 00:00:13.560
<v Speaker 1>couldn't handle it right. I wanted it to be an accident.

6
00:00:13.640 --> 00:00:16.800
<v Speaker 1>Later that night, I was dolted awake by someone like

7
00:00:16.879 --> 00:00:20.239
<v Speaker 1>knocking on my car window. Are you okay? Are you okay?

8
00:00:20.239 --> 00:00:23.280
<v Speaker 1>As what I heard, and you know, my car was

9
00:00:23.760 --> 00:00:26.679
<v Speaker 1>facing oncoming traffic. I was a hair away from a

10
00:00:26.719 --> 00:00:29.559
<v Speaker 1>head on collision. It was that far. To this day,

11
00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:31.800
<v Speaker 1>I still don't know how my foot went on the break.

12
00:00:32.200 --> 00:00:34.840
<v Speaker 1>I had followed through with that fantasy of getting drunk

13
00:00:34.880 --> 00:00:38.200
<v Speaker 1>and getting into a car accident, and being faced with

14
00:00:38.320 --> 00:00:40.880
<v Speaker 1>that was like, what have I done?

15
00:00:41.000 --> 00:00:43.799
<v Speaker 2>This is Wake Up with Marcy, a space for honest

16
00:00:43.840 --> 00:00:49.200
<v Speaker 2>conversations about healing, recovery, and women's wellness. I'm Marcy Hopkins.

17
00:00:49.439 --> 00:00:51.119
<v Speaker 2>Take a breath, You're safe here.

18
00:00:51.520 --> 00:00:52.119
<v Speaker 3>Let's begin.

19
00:00:56.320 --> 00:00:59.039
<v Speaker 2>Have you ever been the strong one, the capable one,

20
00:00:59.159 --> 00:01:04.159
<v Speaker 2>the one everyone one depends on. But inside you're exhausted,

21
00:01:04.239 --> 00:01:07.879
<v Speaker 2>You're depleted. What at the very thing that makes you

22
00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:11.200
<v Speaker 2>strong is also what is keeping you stuck.

23
00:01:11.640 --> 00:01:12.560
<v Speaker 3>Hello all, and.

24
00:01:12.560 --> 00:01:14.879
<v Speaker 2>Welcome back to Wake Up with Marcy. I am so

25
00:01:15.000 --> 00:01:19.280
<v Speaker 2>grateful you're here. I'm your host, Marcy Hopkins, and I

26
00:01:19.319 --> 00:01:23.840
<v Speaker 2>am an author, motivational speaker, TV host, and also a

27
00:01:23.879 --> 00:01:25.239
<v Speaker 2>mental health advocate.

28
00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:28.480
<v Speaker 3>And today I am so grateful for my guest.

29
00:01:29.040 --> 00:01:32.120
<v Speaker 2>Today, we are going to meet the incredible Tracy Doyle,

30
00:01:32.599 --> 00:01:37.200
<v Speaker 2>an award winning entrepreneur, author of Life Storms, and creator

31
00:01:37.359 --> 00:01:41.120
<v Speaker 2>of the Aurora Method. Tracy went from building a multi

32
00:01:41.120 --> 00:01:45.760
<v Speaker 2>million dollar company to hitting a breaking point that changed everything,

33
00:01:46.280 --> 00:01:48.840
<v Speaker 2>and I bet a lot of us can relate to

34
00:01:49.280 --> 00:01:54.799
<v Speaker 2>hitting that breaking point when we are overgiving ourselves. So

35
00:01:55.079 --> 00:01:59.959
<v Speaker 2>now Tracy is helping women understand what's really driving emotional burnout.

36
00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:01.040
<v Speaker 3>We're going to learn.

37
00:02:01.040 --> 00:02:03.680
<v Speaker 2>What it is, how it's affecting us, and how we

38
00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:06.760
<v Speaker 2>can get over it. She's also going to help us

39
00:02:06.840 --> 00:02:11.960
<v Speaker 2>to reconnect, reconnect with ourselves, our lives, and the people

40
00:02:12.639 --> 00:02:17.680
<v Speaker 2>that we love. So let's welcome Tracy. Now, Hello, Tracy,

41
00:02:17.759 --> 00:02:19.039
<v Speaker 2>welcome to Wake Up with Marcy.

42
00:02:19.800 --> 00:02:22.240
<v Speaker 1>Hey, good morning, Marcy, and thank you for having me

43
00:02:22.280 --> 00:02:22.759
<v Speaker 1>this morning.

44
00:02:23.800 --> 00:02:26.400
<v Speaker 2>It's great to have you and for you to share

45
00:02:26.439 --> 00:02:30.159
<v Speaker 2>your story because so many of us women can relate

46
00:02:31.120 --> 00:02:33.599
<v Speaker 2>to feeling like we have to do it all.

47
00:02:36.280 --> 00:02:40.000
<v Speaker 3>I've been there myself, so I can truly relate.

48
00:02:40.639 --> 00:02:45.240
<v Speaker 2>But I want to start with your powerful story. And

49
00:02:45.280 --> 00:02:49.280
<v Speaker 2>there's a moment that you describe where you looked in

50
00:02:49.319 --> 00:02:52.919
<v Speaker 2>the mirror and you thought I'm done.

51
00:02:53.599 --> 00:02:53.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

52
00:02:53.879 --> 00:02:56.680
<v Speaker 3>Can you take us back to that moment and what

53
00:02:56.719 --> 00:02:58.960
<v Speaker 3>was really happening for you internally?

54
00:03:00.120 --> 00:03:04.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? That it's a hard it's very hard to share

55
00:03:04.199 --> 00:03:07.080
<v Speaker 1>that moment of my life, but it's one that's super

56
00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:09.919
<v Speaker 1>powerful because it was a turning point. You know, I was,

57
00:03:10.479 --> 00:03:12.599
<v Speaker 1>you know, born to a mentally ill mom and she

58
00:03:12.719 --> 00:03:15.800
<v Speaker 1>was a teenager. I became a caretaker by the age

59
00:03:15.840 --> 00:03:18.120
<v Speaker 1>of ten because she had had me as a teen

60
00:03:18.240 --> 00:03:22.240
<v Speaker 1>married when I was seven, and sadly, she married an

61
00:03:22.280 --> 00:03:25.759
<v Speaker 1>alcoholic who you know, was hitting his bottom over the

62
00:03:25.800 --> 00:03:28.639
<v Speaker 1>course of the four years that they were married. And

63
00:03:28.680 --> 00:03:31.439
<v Speaker 1>so you know, what I was carrying with me was,

64
00:03:31.560 --> 00:03:33.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, I had to assume responsibility at a young

65
00:03:33.879 --> 00:03:36.560
<v Speaker 1>age because my mom couldn't handle the two kids. I

66
00:03:36.599 --> 00:03:39.039
<v Speaker 1>had to step up because she wasn't available to step

67
00:03:39.120 --> 00:03:41.719
<v Speaker 1>up for them, and so I really was helping my

68
00:03:41.800 --> 00:03:45.039
<v Speaker 1>siblings and you know, essentially racing kids on the school

69
00:03:45.120 --> 00:03:48.680
<v Speaker 1>yard for food. So here I am now I'm grown.

70
00:03:48.680 --> 00:03:50.639
<v Speaker 1>I'm the first of my family to go to college,

71
00:03:51.280 --> 00:03:54.000
<v Speaker 1>and you know, and the stress of the complexity of

72
00:03:54.000 --> 00:03:56.719
<v Speaker 1>my family, managing my mom. You know, my sister at

73
00:03:56.719 --> 00:04:00.280
<v Speaker 1>this point sadly had started using drugs. I had umed

74
00:04:00.319 --> 00:04:03.520
<v Speaker 1>custody over two kids. So I'm an instat mom, I'm

75
00:04:03.560 --> 00:04:07.560
<v Speaker 1>a caretaker. I'm trying to manage my own relationship, starting

76
00:04:07.560 --> 00:04:10.159
<v Speaker 1>my own life. And then I'm a senior director at work.

77
00:04:10.919 --> 00:04:16.040
<v Speaker 1>So I felt like that morning was like, you know,

78
00:04:16.120 --> 00:04:17.920
<v Speaker 1>leading up to it, it was just, you know, I can't

79
00:04:17.959 --> 00:04:19.600
<v Speaker 1>take it. I can't take it. I can't take it. It

80
00:04:19.560 --> 00:04:21.759
<v Speaker 1>was just the overwhelm, the overwhelm, and then it felt

81
00:04:21.759 --> 00:04:24.519
<v Speaker 1>like no matter what I said, no matter what I did,

82
00:04:24.519 --> 00:04:26.959
<v Speaker 1>like people just seem to not understand me anymore. That's

83
00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:29.759
<v Speaker 1>how I felt on the inside. So that morning, it

84
00:04:29.800 --> 00:04:33.000
<v Speaker 1>was a it was a cold, gray winter's day. It

85
00:04:33.079 --> 00:04:37.439
<v Speaker 1>was December twenty first, It's around the holidays, and I'm

86
00:04:37.519 --> 00:04:40.480
<v Speaker 1>like getting ready for work and I just look at

87
00:04:40.480 --> 00:04:46.639
<v Speaker 1>myself and I'm like, just eyes hollow. My spirit was

88
00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:50.759
<v Speaker 1>just dim and I didn't recognize myself anymore. I just

89
00:04:50.800 --> 00:04:58.240
<v Speaker 1>looked so just like empty, and inside I'm like I'm done,

90
00:04:58.439 --> 00:05:01.639
<v Speaker 1>you know, and then the Scalaesian starts. You know, I'm

91
00:05:01.680 --> 00:05:05.000
<v Speaker 1>done being responsible for my mentally, Oh mom, you know,

92
00:05:05.439 --> 00:05:09.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm done taking care of my sister's kids, you know.

93
00:05:09.079 --> 00:05:11.759
<v Speaker 1>And then it's like, I'm done being stretched in every

94
00:05:11.759 --> 00:05:16.920
<v Speaker 1>single direction at work. I'm done being the fixer. I'm

95
00:05:16.920 --> 00:05:20.000
<v Speaker 1>done doing everything for everyone. I'm done. And you know,

96
00:05:20.079 --> 00:05:27.199
<v Speaker 1>in that moment, I was like, you know, if I

97
00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:33.079
<v Speaker 1>just got good and drunk, maybe i'd crashed the car.

98
00:05:33.680 --> 00:05:37.560
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, yeah, if I crash the car, no

99
00:05:37.600 --> 00:05:39.879
<v Speaker 1>one's gonna know, you know. I You know, I grew

100
00:05:39.959 --> 00:05:42.560
<v Speaker 1>up believing that I had to sacrifice myself for everybody,

101
00:05:42.560 --> 00:05:45.160
<v Speaker 1>for my family, for my job, and that moment, the

102
00:05:45.199 --> 00:05:49.600
<v Speaker 1>only solution I had was just to end it all

103
00:05:49.680 --> 00:05:51.680
<v Speaker 1>because I didn't want anyone to think that I couldn't

104
00:05:51.720 --> 00:05:54.199
<v Speaker 1>handle it right. I wanted it to be an accident.

105
00:05:54.279 --> 00:05:57.439
<v Speaker 1>Later that night, I was dolted awake by someone like

106
00:05:57.519 --> 00:06:01.399
<v Speaker 1>knocking on my car window. Are you okay? Are you okay?

107
00:06:01.519 --> 00:06:04.360
<v Speaker 1>Is what I heard. And you know, my car was

108
00:06:05.399 --> 00:06:08.920
<v Speaker 1>facing oncoming traffic. I was a hair away from a

109
00:06:08.920 --> 00:06:11.800
<v Speaker 1>head on collision. It was that far. To this day,

110
00:06:11.839 --> 00:06:13.639
<v Speaker 1>I still don't know how my foot went on the

111
00:06:13.639 --> 00:06:16.800
<v Speaker 1>break I had followed through with that fantasy of getting

112
00:06:16.839 --> 00:06:20.360
<v Speaker 1>drunk and getting into a car accident, and being faced

113
00:06:20.360 --> 00:06:23.839
<v Speaker 1>with that was like like, what.

114
00:06:23.959 --> 00:06:24.639
<v Speaker 3>Have I done?

115
00:06:24.920 --> 00:06:28.360
<v Speaker 1>You know? And how did I feel? Lost? So that

116
00:06:28.639 --> 00:06:32.319
<v Speaker 1>moment it was powerful. And that next day, I mean

117
00:06:32.600 --> 00:06:35.639
<v Speaker 1>the guilt and the shame of having almost killed two people,

118
00:06:36.560 --> 00:06:39.319
<v Speaker 1>almost killing myself. But yet my head and my heart

119
00:06:39.319 --> 00:06:41.800
<v Speaker 1>are fighting because I'm screaming at myself like how could

120
00:06:41.839 --> 00:06:46.600
<v Speaker 1>you do this right? And yet my heart sang, Tracy,

121
00:06:46.639 --> 00:06:48.759
<v Speaker 1>You're still here, You're still here, and you know, And

122
00:06:48.800 --> 00:06:50.800
<v Speaker 1>then I just yelled out it's something I hadn't done

123
00:06:50.800 --> 00:06:52.800
<v Speaker 1>in a long time, which is I want to live.

124
00:06:52.879 --> 00:06:55.680
<v Speaker 1>I want to live again. And that moment was of

125
00:06:55.800 --> 00:06:59.000
<v Speaker 1>it all because help me understand my first real lesson,

126
00:06:59.040 --> 00:07:02.399
<v Speaker 1>which is, you know, we sacrifice ourselves for everyone, right,

127
00:07:02.439 --> 00:07:07.399
<v Speaker 1>but sacrificing yourself doesn't mean abandoning yourself, and I had

128
00:07:07.439 --> 00:07:12.319
<v Speaker 1>done that. It means putting yourself first while you're managing everything.

129
00:07:12.839 --> 00:07:15.199
<v Speaker 1>And I didn't know how to do that. So for me,

130
00:07:15.279 --> 00:07:17.279
<v Speaker 1>that meant I needed to get help. And that's when

131
00:07:17.279 --> 00:07:18.199
<v Speaker 1>my journey started.

132
00:07:19.000 --> 00:07:22.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so of things that I can relate to in

133
00:07:22.959 --> 00:07:27.680
<v Speaker 2>your story. First off, I want to ask you, is

134
00:07:27.680 --> 00:07:29.199
<v Speaker 2>your mother still with us?

135
00:07:29.800 --> 00:07:31.279
<v Speaker 1>She's not. Yeah.

136
00:07:32.519 --> 00:07:35.519
<v Speaker 2>So my mother was an alcoholic and I dealt with

137
00:07:35.879 --> 00:07:40.639
<v Speaker 2>a lot of feeling abandoned, being kept in homes that

138
00:07:40.680 --> 00:07:46.279
<v Speaker 2>weren't safe and such, and it really affected me. One

139
00:07:46.319 --> 00:07:48.319
<v Speaker 2>of the things I've had to do on my healing

140
00:07:48.439 --> 00:07:55.399
<v Speaker 2>journey is fine forgiveness for my mother right for her

141
00:07:55.480 --> 00:07:59.879
<v Speaker 2>disease of alcoholism, for her inability to be the mother

142
00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:04.480
<v Speaker 2>that I wanted that I thought I should have, and

143
00:08:04.519 --> 00:08:08.319
<v Speaker 2>then also be grandmother that I thought maybe she could

144
00:08:08.360 --> 00:08:12.160
<v Speaker 2>be for my children and she couldn't be, and what

145
00:08:12.240 --> 00:08:16.759
<v Speaker 2>she put me through. So that was a very big

146
00:08:16.920 --> 00:08:23.240
<v Speaker 2>freeing moment for me. I won't say moment. It was

147
00:08:23.319 --> 00:08:28.439
<v Speaker 2>a journey of learning to process on how to do it.

148
00:08:29.240 --> 00:08:31.360
<v Speaker 2>Have you yourself been able to forgive your mother?

149
00:08:32.320 --> 00:08:35.399
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, yeah. You know what I learned was in

150
00:08:35.399 --> 00:08:38.759
<v Speaker 1>that moment. So that started my journey and what felt

151
00:08:38.799 --> 00:08:42.840
<v Speaker 1>like ten years right because I needed to get you know, obviously,

152
00:08:42.840 --> 00:08:45.759
<v Speaker 1>I had suicidal ideation, so I had to get treated

153
00:08:45.759 --> 00:08:48.720
<v Speaker 1>for depression. I went to therapy and you know, and

154
00:08:48.759 --> 00:08:51.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm working through I had had some trauma. My biggest

155
00:08:51.360 --> 00:08:54.879
<v Speaker 1>traumas were really when my mom was married, because she

156
00:08:55.080 --> 00:08:59.799
<v Speaker 1>couldn't handle with her own liabilities, if you will, or limitation.

157
00:09:00.120 --> 00:09:03.879
<v Speaker 1>She couldn't handle the pressure of a man not providing food.

158
00:09:03.879 --> 00:09:06.519
<v Speaker 1>We had no food, we had no running water. You know,

159
00:09:06.600 --> 00:09:08.159
<v Speaker 1>she just didn't know how to handle it, so she

160
00:09:08.360 --> 00:09:11.399
<v Speaker 1>just shut down. She had In today's day it would

161
00:09:11.440 --> 00:09:15.639
<v Speaker 1>be called bipolar depression. So I forget which it's bipolar

162
00:09:15.720 --> 00:09:20.440
<v Speaker 1>one or two. I can't remember. So, you know, so

163
00:09:20.600 --> 00:09:23.279
<v Speaker 1>for me, like as a kid, right, you internalize that

164
00:09:23.320 --> 00:09:26.960
<v Speaker 1>as neglect. You internalize that she doesn't care and nobody cares.

165
00:09:27.360 --> 00:09:30.679
<v Speaker 1>You internalize that as I have to do everything myself.

166
00:09:30.720 --> 00:09:33.960
<v Speaker 1>And so over that course of ten years, when I realized,

167
00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:37.360
<v Speaker 1>when I got to that breaking point, that it wasn't

168
00:09:37.399 --> 00:09:40.360
<v Speaker 1>my mom. It wasn't what happened to me, you know,

169
00:09:40.440 --> 00:09:44.159
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't it wasn't my job, It wasn't all of that, right,

170
00:09:44.360 --> 00:09:47.960
<v Speaker 1>It was really my own beliefs doing it. See, because

171
00:09:48.000 --> 00:09:50.840
<v Speaker 1>I had grown up believing I had to sacrifice myself

172
00:09:50.919 --> 00:09:55.279
<v Speaker 1>as the real issue was. I grew up believing I

173
00:09:55.320 --> 00:09:58.879
<v Speaker 1>had this pervasive belief that I didn't belong and I

174
00:09:58.919 --> 00:10:01.639
<v Speaker 1>thought that if I when one hundred and ten percent,

175
00:10:01.720 --> 00:10:03.840
<v Speaker 1>then maybe I would, you know, and.

176
00:10:03.919 --> 00:10:06.759
<v Speaker 3>Same for validation outside of ourselves.

177
00:10:07.120 --> 00:10:13.000
<v Speaker 1>Right, performance became that I became an overachiever, and performance

178
00:10:13.080 --> 00:10:17.240
<v Speaker 1>became the most sophisticated hiding place from dealing with all

179
00:10:17.279 --> 00:10:20.279
<v Speaker 1>that pain. So what I learned was was that it

180
00:10:20.360 --> 00:10:23.080
<v Speaker 1>was I had a good friend of mine on this journey.

181
00:10:23.120 --> 00:10:25.559
<v Speaker 1>I mean, there were so many influences. So I talked

182
00:10:25.559 --> 00:10:27.240
<v Speaker 1>to you for hours about that, but I had one

183
00:10:27.240 --> 00:10:32.639
<v Speaker 1>specific friend. I'm from the pharmaceutical industry originally, and she said,

184
00:10:32.679 --> 00:10:36.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, your life experience to shape your thinking, recognize

185
00:10:36.919 --> 00:10:41.679
<v Speaker 1>how they've shaped your thinking. You're empowered to change. Right.

186
00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:43.399
<v Speaker 1>So I'm you know, I'm like, I don't know what

187
00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:46.879
<v Speaker 1>she's talking about. I'm so lost what she what she

188
00:10:47.000 --> 00:10:49.720
<v Speaker 1>meant was was that. And this is where I go

189
00:10:49.799 --> 00:10:53.679
<v Speaker 1>back to my original upbringing. In college, I studied psychology

190
00:10:53.720 --> 00:10:56.120
<v Speaker 1>and counseling, and you know, I wanted to be a

191
00:10:56.159 --> 00:10:58.720
<v Speaker 1>clinical psychologist, but I put myself through school I couldn't

192
00:10:58.759 --> 00:11:02.759
<v Speaker 1>do it. So as I'm really unpacking what she's trying

193
00:11:02.799 --> 00:11:04.919
<v Speaker 1>to teach me, because she was a trainer in the

194
00:11:05.039 --> 00:11:08.639
<v Speaker 1>SECH in the pharmaceutical industry, you know, it brought me

195
00:11:08.720 --> 00:11:12.879
<v Speaker 1>back to a concept from Abraham Maslow, which basically says,

196
00:11:12.879 --> 00:11:18.399
<v Speaker 1>whenever our basic needs are stunted, So our basic needs belonging, security,

197
00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:21.720
<v Speaker 1>like you just said, our esteem, right, which is sort

198
00:11:21.720 --> 00:11:26.120
<v Speaker 1>of part of belonging and our ambitions for ourselves. What happens, right,

199
00:11:26.480 --> 00:11:28.960
<v Speaker 1>we come from a place of just looking at life

200
00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:33.120
<v Speaker 1>through a straw where we just lack. I don't have this,

201
00:11:33.240 --> 00:11:35.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't have that. The way you felt with your mom,

202
00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:37.159
<v Speaker 1>I felt the same way. She's never going to this,

203
00:11:37.240 --> 00:11:39.679
<v Speaker 1>she's never going to that. And I'd have people telling

204
00:11:39.679 --> 00:11:42.399
<v Speaker 1>me their opinion, you just need to get over your mother, right.

205
00:11:43.000 --> 00:11:44.840
<v Speaker 1>So but anyway, so what she did was she took

206
00:11:44.879 --> 00:11:48.840
<v Speaker 1>me through this tool that she had learned, and what

207
00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:50.919
<v Speaker 1>it was was like, you know, who hurt you, who

208
00:11:50.919 --> 00:11:52.720
<v Speaker 1>were you angry with? What did they do? How did

209
00:11:52.759 --> 00:11:55.200
<v Speaker 1>it affect you? And I got to I saw Maslow there,

210
00:11:55.440 --> 00:11:58.600
<v Speaker 1>But then I said, how did you respond? Right? And

211
00:11:58.679 --> 00:12:01.960
<v Speaker 1>when I saw how I was, I got to see patterns,

212
00:12:02.519 --> 00:12:06.360
<v Speaker 1>and then what I saw was specific self centered traits.

213
00:12:06.559 --> 00:12:09.200
<v Speaker 1>So what I mean by that is she was trying

214
00:12:09.240 --> 00:12:11.799
<v Speaker 1>to help me understand that the word resentment. She was

215
00:12:11.799 --> 00:12:14.799
<v Speaker 1>in a twelve step program. The word resentment comes from

216
00:12:14.799 --> 00:12:17.679
<v Speaker 1>the French word race centier, which means to refeel deeply.

217
00:12:18.120 --> 00:12:22.080
<v Speaker 1>So what was I refeeling? I was refeeling those whenever

218
00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:25.120
<v Speaker 1>my spidy senses were up, I would feel threatened that

219
00:12:25.159 --> 00:12:29.399
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't belonging. I would feel threatened that my security

220
00:12:29.519 --> 00:12:32.960
<v Speaker 1>was threatened, either my emotional security or my safety. And

221
00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:38.000
<v Speaker 1>that was the wound, right, that was the refeel. But

222
00:12:38.159 --> 00:12:40.480
<v Speaker 1>she said, what's the initial belief that you created as

223
00:12:40.480 --> 00:12:43.919
<v Speaker 1>a result. I got to look at Wow, my needs

224
00:12:43.919 --> 00:12:48.120
<v Speaker 1>were really really stunted because I had some significant experiences.

225
00:12:48.480 --> 00:12:50.639
<v Speaker 1>That's not to say that you have to have trauma

226
00:12:51.480 --> 00:12:53.519
<v Speaker 1>for this to happen. We all have it. I mean

227
00:12:53.679 --> 00:12:55.759
<v Speaker 1>I've worked with the menue. I haven't had anything near

228
00:12:55.799 --> 00:12:57.919
<v Speaker 1>what I've experienced, and we end up in the same

229
00:12:57.960 --> 00:13:00.919
<v Speaker 1>place when we create these initial belief So for me,

230
00:13:01.000 --> 00:13:03.879
<v Speaker 1>the belief was nobody cares. So I thought my mom

231
00:13:03.919 --> 00:13:06.480
<v Speaker 1>didn't care and you know, and it took me to

232
00:13:06.519 --> 00:13:08.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm not good enough right, and then it took me

233
00:13:08.480 --> 00:13:10.759
<v Speaker 1>to I'm never going to belong and then it took

234
00:13:10.840 --> 00:13:14.039
<v Speaker 1>me to you know places. First it was seeking validation,

235
00:13:14.200 --> 00:13:18.279
<v Speaker 1>like you said, and that relationship. In an addition, I

236
00:13:18.360 --> 00:13:21.960
<v Speaker 1>then developed this exterior of you know, I'll show you

237
00:13:22.039 --> 00:13:24.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm self important. So what did I do with her?

238
00:13:24.159 --> 00:13:26.639
<v Speaker 1>So what I got to see in this exercise was

239
00:13:26.679 --> 00:13:29.879
<v Speaker 1>I would abandon her. I I'm a good abandoner. Like

240
00:13:29.919 --> 00:13:31.720
<v Speaker 1>if you upset me, that said, I'm done. So if

241
00:13:31.720 --> 00:13:35.120
<v Speaker 1>she would have a bipolar rage, I'd be like, that's it.

242
00:13:35.159 --> 00:13:37.399
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna punish you with silence for six months. And

243
00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:39.519
<v Speaker 1>then when I got to see how I treated her

244
00:13:40.080 --> 00:13:44.879
<v Speaker 1>and I realized that she's a woman with limitations, I

245
00:13:44.960 --> 00:13:49.440
<v Speaker 1>was like, wow, just as a rule, so that what

246
00:13:49.559 --> 00:13:52.480
<v Speaker 1>that look like is what I call an acknowledgment conversation.

247
00:13:52.600 --> 00:13:54.759
<v Speaker 1>I actually I had a prep for it because I

248
00:13:54.840 --> 00:13:58.039
<v Speaker 1>knew she would She's very reactive. Well she was, and

249
00:13:58.360 --> 00:14:00.279
<v Speaker 1>I had to really prep with you know when I

250
00:14:00.279 --> 00:14:03.559
<v Speaker 1>started the conversation, which sounded like this, you know, mom,

251
00:14:03.559 --> 00:14:07.120
<v Speaker 1>I've really been thinking about our relationship. And what I've

252
00:14:07.240 --> 00:14:10.799
<v Speaker 1>reflected on is that anytime you yell at me, aye,

253
00:14:10.919 --> 00:14:13.559
<v Speaker 1>and then she gets defensive, right, so she starts yelling

254
00:14:13.600 --> 00:14:17.320
<v Speaker 1>at me. But I waited and when she finished, I said,

255
00:14:17.320 --> 00:14:20.200
<v Speaker 1>already done. She said, yeah, go please hear me out said,

256
00:14:20.200 --> 00:14:22.320
<v Speaker 1>anytime you yell at me. What I realized is is

257
00:14:22.360 --> 00:14:27.879
<v Speaker 1>that I abandon you and I punish you with silence.

258
00:14:27.879 --> 00:14:30.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't talk to you for six months, three weeks,

259
00:14:30.120 --> 00:14:33.000
<v Speaker 1>however long. And I realized how hurtful that must be,

260
00:14:33.000 --> 00:14:35.000
<v Speaker 1>because I'm your daughter and you don't know where I am,

261
00:14:35.360 --> 00:14:37.320
<v Speaker 1>and you must be really scared when I do that.

262
00:14:37.440 --> 00:14:41.879
<v Speaker 1>And she started crying. We hugged, and I said, I

263
00:14:42.279 --> 00:14:45.279
<v Speaker 1>and what I can promise you is that I won't

264
00:14:45.320 --> 00:14:48.279
<v Speaker 1>ever do that again, and you know, no matter how

265
00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:51.200
<v Speaker 1>hard it gets. And what that did for our relationship

266
00:14:51.279 --> 00:14:54.879
<v Speaker 1>was it helped me realize that she did care right,

267
00:14:55.240 --> 00:14:58.080
<v Speaker 1>but she was capable of a one way relationship. So

268
00:14:58.279 --> 00:15:01.440
<v Speaker 1>I had to you know, what do they say, shift

269
00:15:01.480 --> 00:15:03.559
<v Speaker 1>your sales or whatever. I forget that I love that

270
00:15:03.639 --> 00:15:07.200
<v Speaker 1>little thing with the little sailboat, But I shifted my

271
00:15:07.360 --> 00:15:10.519
<v Speaker 1>perspective to what does the one way relationship look like?

272
00:15:10.639 --> 00:15:13.080
<v Speaker 1>I call her and listen, does it mean that she's

273
00:15:13.639 --> 00:15:15.879
<v Speaker 1>giving to me? I had other people when I put

274
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:18.440
<v Speaker 1>the straw down. I had so many people in my

275
00:15:18.480 --> 00:15:20.600
<v Speaker 1>life that Karen and were able to nourish me in

276
00:15:20.639 --> 00:15:24.039
<v Speaker 1>ways that she couldn't. It was all there, But so

277
00:15:24.120 --> 00:15:26.159
<v Speaker 1>I had to break through that limitation. And I call

278
00:15:26.240 --> 00:15:29.000
<v Speaker 1>that the city of limitation, we say, stuck in self

279
00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:31.639
<v Speaker 1>centered thinking from these refeels that we have.

280
00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:33.080
<v Speaker 3>So I love that.

281
00:15:33.240 --> 00:15:35.879
<v Speaker 2>I love that because that's where I did learn all

282
00:15:35.919 --> 00:15:38.759
<v Speaker 2>of that was through the twelve Steps. And what it

283
00:15:38.840 --> 00:15:42.240
<v Speaker 2>took me too, is being able to look at myself.

284
00:15:42.879 --> 00:15:46.000
<v Speaker 2>And the thing is that we only are capable of

285
00:15:46.159 --> 00:15:48.320
<v Speaker 2>changing ourselves exactly.

286
00:15:48.440 --> 00:15:50.279
<v Speaker 1>We change exactly.

287
00:15:50.919 --> 00:15:51.320
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

288
00:15:51.399 --> 00:15:54.480
<v Speaker 2>So it is a beautiful thing. It's one of the

289
00:15:54.519 --> 00:15:57.759
<v Speaker 2>hardest things for people to do is to look at

290
00:15:57.759 --> 00:16:02.919
<v Speaker 2>themselves right, to see their part and and create that change.

291
00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:05.639
<v Speaker 2>But I think a lot of that once we start

292
00:16:05.679 --> 00:16:11.639
<v Speaker 2>doing that and we start prioritizing ourselves while also being

293
00:16:11.759 --> 00:16:14.919
<v Speaker 2>there for other people, because that's fulfilling in its own

294
00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:18.039
<v Speaker 2>way when you when you do it in.

295
00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:19.559
<v Speaker 3>The right way.

296
00:16:19.799 --> 00:16:20.879
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I agree.

297
00:16:21.919 --> 00:16:25.919
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. So so that's one of the things that I wanted.

298
00:16:25.679 --> 00:16:27.759
<v Speaker 2>To talk to you about, talk to you about because

299
00:16:27.960 --> 00:16:30.879
<v Speaker 2>I related so much about it. And so what we're

300
00:16:30.919 --> 00:16:36.759
<v Speaker 2>talking about that hyper independence and and how that can

301
00:16:36.840 --> 00:16:39.399
<v Speaker 2>actually be a trauma response.

302
00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:41.600
<v Speaker 3>So can you talk a little bit.

303
00:16:41.759 --> 00:16:44.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I was going to say, since you know

304
00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:46.360
<v Speaker 1>the twelve steps, you know, so what you know when

305
00:16:46.399 --> 00:16:48.919
<v Speaker 1>you when you learn the tool my friends shared with

306
00:16:48.960 --> 00:16:51.559
<v Speaker 1>me was from the fourth step in the Big Book

307
00:16:52.159 --> 00:16:56.200
<v Speaker 1>of Alcoholics Anonymous and you know it it has like

308
00:16:56.279 --> 00:16:59.039
<v Speaker 1>four little columns. But what she taught me was to

309
00:16:59.039 --> 00:17:02.000
<v Speaker 1>look at it in another way, and this was the

310
00:17:02.039 --> 00:17:04.880
<v Speaker 1>most you know, again, I'm going to tell you psychologically

311
00:17:04.880 --> 00:17:07.200
<v Speaker 1>and from my training what I saw and it blew

312
00:17:07.279 --> 00:17:08.839
<v Speaker 1>my mind, which is why I want to teach this

313
00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:13.359
<v Speaker 1>as many so you know how it says like your

314
00:17:13.519 --> 00:17:15.759
<v Speaker 1>you're you know, you look at your you know what

315
00:17:15.839 --> 00:17:17.640
<v Speaker 1>did I do in response to that? And then you

316
00:17:17.680 --> 00:17:21.039
<v Speaker 1>have to go deeper? Like where was I afraid? You know?

317
00:17:21.279 --> 00:17:26.079
<v Speaker 1>Was I inconsiderate? Was I dishonest? Was I self seeking?

318
00:17:26.279 --> 00:17:30.079
<v Speaker 1>Was I selfish? Well? That for me as as a

319
00:17:30.119 --> 00:17:34.200
<v Speaker 1>person who was selfless, who sacrificed herself, you know, I

320
00:17:34.359 --> 00:17:37.079
<v Speaker 1>was like, are you fing kidding? I'm New Jersey, I'm like,

321
00:17:37.480 --> 00:17:42.480
<v Speaker 1>are you me? I'm like, how dare you like call

322
00:17:42.599 --> 00:17:46.559
<v Speaker 1>me selfish? But as my friend is explaining it, what

323
00:17:46.759 --> 00:17:50.839
<v Speaker 1>I took that as what are self these self centered traits? Right?

324
00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:53.680
<v Speaker 1>So I'm you know, I had you know, straight a's

325
00:17:53.720 --> 00:17:57.000
<v Speaker 1>in college. I'm looking of self centered traits, right, And

326
00:17:57.559 --> 00:18:02.640
<v Speaker 1>what I learned was, you know, selfishness means being absorbed

327
00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:06.720
<v Speaker 1>in self. But if you really define the ish, you

328
00:18:06.799 --> 00:18:09.240
<v Speaker 1>can change. And that's what I learned. So I looked

329
00:18:09.319 --> 00:18:11.920
<v Speaker 1>up words like self pity. I felt sorry for myself,

330
00:18:11.920 --> 00:18:15.799
<v Speaker 1>which I did. Self avoidance. I avoided people, I avoided

331
00:18:15.799 --> 00:18:19.559
<v Speaker 1>my feelings, and I avoided you. Self reliance. I became

332
00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:22.400
<v Speaker 1>very reliant at a young age. So what did I do. Now,

333
00:18:22.519 --> 00:18:25.640
<v Speaker 1>let's fast forward. I'm a CEO of a multimillion dollar

334
00:18:25.680 --> 00:18:29.359
<v Speaker 1>business and I'm like, I'll do it myself right anytime

335
00:18:29.640 --> 00:18:33.680
<v Speaker 1>something happen. And what message was I giving to people?

336
00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:37.240
<v Speaker 1>I don't trust you, I don't think you have skills. Meanwhile,

337
00:18:37.240 --> 00:18:38.640
<v Speaker 1>that's not what it was at all. It was my

338
00:18:38.680 --> 00:18:41.759
<v Speaker 1>own fear. So what I got to see was in

339
00:18:41.839 --> 00:18:46.079
<v Speaker 1>the presence of fear right, and I like Tony Robbins's

340
00:18:46.119 --> 00:18:49.559
<v Speaker 1>work lost fear less fear, never fear. In the presence

341
00:18:49.599 --> 00:18:52.440
<v Speaker 1>of lost fear, what was my combo? Did I become

342
00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:57.559
<v Speaker 1>thoughtless or inconsiderate or did I become dishonest? And I

343
00:18:57.599 --> 00:19:00.400
<v Speaker 1>got to see different. I'm all about patterns. To see

344
00:19:00.400 --> 00:19:03.279
<v Speaker 1>these patterns, and I'm like, Wow, when I'm afraid I'm

345
00:19:03.279 --> 00:19:05.960
<v Speaker 1>going to lose something, I get really really thoughtless. I

346
00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:09.359
<v Speaker 1>don't care about people, and then I get very self reliant.

347
00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:13.160
<v Speaker 1>And when I'm self reliant, man, I get like self righteous,

348
00:19:13.160 --> 00:19:16.720
<v Speaker 1>like my way or the highway, and now there is

349
00:19:16.839 --> 00:19:23.119
<v Speaker 1>no connection. I created so much friction and and I

350
00:19:23.160 --> 00:19:25.240
<v Speaker 1>was pretty much trying to say it was all about

351
00:19:25.240 --> 00:19:27.920
<v Speaker 1>because I had all these pressures on the outside. So

352
00:19:28.039 --> 00:19:29.960
<v Speaker 1>what I've learned over the years is I, you know,

353
00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:33.240
<v Speaker 1>I started mentoring women that this was like a professional

354
00:19:33.759 --> 00:19:36.440
<v Speaker 1>in my professional seat, I had so many women who

355
00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:39.599
<v Speaker 1>were struggling, and I'd have you know, client like meeting

356
00:19:39.680 --> 00:19:42.240
<v Speaker 1>my clients and the pharmaceutical insure like what are you doing?

357
00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:43.799
<v Speaker 1>Like how do you manage all this? And how do

358
00:19:43.839 --> 00:19:47.559
<v Speaker 1>you stay sane? So I started really walking people. I

359
00:19:47.559 --> 00:19:49.759
<v Speaker 1>had no name for it yet, and you know, and

360
00:19:49.799 --> 00:19:52.119
<v Speaker 1>I'm walking people through this framework and I'm helping them

361
00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:55.400
<v Speaker 1>see how their life experiences shape their thinking, and how

362
00:19:55.400 --> 00:19:58.240
<v Speaker 1>they're thinking really keeps some stuck in conflict and drives

363
00:19:58.279 --> 00:20:02.160
<v Speaker 1>them to emotional burnout. And because so many people are

364
00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:05.559
<v Speaker 1>burned out, and so then I started to see, well,

365
00:20:05.799 --> 00:20:09.279
<v Speaker 1>you know, this person improved a relationship with her husband,

366
00:20:09.319 --> 00:20:11.400
<v Speaker 1>that one stop the fight with the boss, Because why

367
00:20:11.400 --> 00:20:14.400
<v Speaker 1>do people get fired because they're in conflict with people, right.

368
00:20:14.480 --> 00:20:16.799
<v Speaker 1>I mean, you know, it doesn't matter how talented you are.

369
00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:19.079
<v Speaker 1>If you can't get a lot of people, no one

370
00:20:19.119 --> 00:20:21.480
<v Speaker 1>wants you on the team. I started doing this work

371
00:20:21.519 --> 00:20:24.240
<v Speaker 1>with people in my company and you know, and people

372
00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:27.799
<v Speaker 1>were like, wow, this is amazing. So then I started

373
00:20:27.839 --> 00:20:30.079
<v Speaker 1>looking at what do you do for you know, what

374
00:20:30.119 --> 00:20:32.359
<v Speaker 1>do you do for you know, burnout? While they say

375
00:20:32.440 --> 00:20:35.200
<v Speaker 1>change your attitude, change your perspective? Well great, how the

376
00:20:35.599 --> 00:20:38.519
<v Speaker 1>jersey again, how the f do you do that? So

377
00:20:38.599 --> 00:20:40.160
<v Speaker 1>I went back to my friend and I'm like, what

378
00:20:40.200 --> 00:20:43.559
<v Speaker 1>do I do with all this information? So she helped

379
00:20:43.599 --> 00:20:48.119
<v Speaker 1>me see my like my initial beliefs and you know,

380
00:20:48.160 --> 00:20:49.799
<v Speaker 1>and I got deep with them. And she was into

381
00:20:49.799 --> 00:20:51.799
<v Speaker 1>all these other books too, Like one book that I

382
00:20:51.839 --> 00:20:55.400
<v Speaker 1>love is it's called Discover the Power Within You by

383
00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:57.799
<v Speaker 1>Eric Butterworth, and it was just, you know, it was

384
00:20:57.839 --> 00:21:00.519
<v Speaker 1>just all about like how do you do develop your

385
00:21:00.519 --> 00:21:03.960
<v Speaker 1>own personal affirmations? And so I loved it. And I

386
00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:07.720
<v Speaker 1>got to see like, if I'm refeeling not belonging and

387
00:21:07.720 --> 00:21:09.559
<v Speaker 1>I think I'm not good enough and I go to

388
00:21:09.599 --> 00:21:12.200
<v Speaker 1>fear and I'll never belong, well I needed to do that.

389
00:21:12.319 --> 00:21:14.839
<v Speaker 1>I'm worthy as I am and I belong right here,

390
00:21:15.480 --> 00:21:18.480
<v Speaker 1>and that became my mantra. Right. But then when the

391
00:21:18.559 --> 00:21:21.319
<v Speaker 1>traits would flare up, which they would, because you know,

392
00:21:21.599 --> 00:21:24.839
<v Speaker 1>you feel threatened in a conversation, someone does something, the

393
00:21:24.920 --> 00:21:28.400
<v Speaker 1>fear gets stoked. What do you do? You know that's

394
00:21:28.759 --> 00:21:31.880
<v Speaker 1>me When I realized I had to breathe out fear

395
00:21:31.960 --> 00:21:35.720
<v Speaker 1>and breathe in centeredness and calm, you know, breathe out

396
00:21:35.880 --> 00:21:39.519
<v Speaker 1>self reliance, Breathe in the ability to ask for and

397
00:21:39.599 --> 00:21:42.880
<v Speaker 1>accept help, you know, breathe out fear that I will

398
00:21:42.920 --> 00:21:46.559
<v Speaker 1>lose people if I set boundaries, breathe in the ability

399
00:21:46.599 --> 00:21:48.519
<v Speaker 1>to set them. I mean, I was able to really

400
00:21:48.559 --> 00:21:51.680
<v Speaker 1>work in a way that was intentional. And I then

401
00:21:51.960 --> 00:21:56.839
<v Speaker 1>understood what all the behavioral experts talk about in terms

402
00:21:56.839 --> 00:22:00.400
<v Speaker 1>of mindfulness, all the mindfulness experts, I couldn't underst stand

403
00:22:00.440 --> 00:22:03.839
<v Speaker 1>any of that. And once I did, I was like, Wow,

404
00:22:03.920 --> 00:22:09.839
<v Speaker 1>I can create my own personalized mindfulness practice. So really,

405
00:22:09.880 --> 00:22:13.160
<v Speaker 1>I named it Aurora because it's she's the goddess of

406
00:22:13.240 --> 00:22:16.920
<v Speaker 1>Dawn in Roman mythology, and it means at any point

407
00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:20.000
<v Speaker 1>you can start over, no matter how deep the storm

408
00:22:20.119 --> 00:22:22.960
<v Speaker 1>is on the inside and you're struggling in conflict, you

409
00:22:23.000 --> 00:22:25.960
<v Speaker 1>can break free and find that personal fulfillment again. So

410
00:22:25.960 --> 00:22:27.640
<v Speaker 1>I hope that answered your question. I know was a

411
00:22:27.640 --> 00:22:28.240
<v Speaker 1>long answer.

412
00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:35.799
<v Speaker 2>Well, I can relate to so much and that's why

413
00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:39.279
<v Speaker 2>I really wanted to have you on the show because

414
00:22:40.200 --> 00:22:44.920
<v Speaker 2>I myself am over ten years sober and I actually

415
00:22:45.160 --> 00:22:47.960
<v Speaker 2>my book is coming out today called wake Up, You're

416
00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:52.000
<v Speaker 2>Not Broken, and it's a companions to your first thirty

417
00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:58.359
<v Speaker 2>days of sobriety, right, so walking you through that, the emotions,

418
00:22:58.759 --> 00:23:03.839
<v Speaker 2>the physical part of sobriety, what you're going to be feeling,

419
00:23:03.839 --> 00:23:06.279
<v Speaker 2>what you're going to be going through. While that is

420
00:23:06.400 --> 00:23:10.839
<v Speaker 2>all very important. Once you are able to get through

421
00:23:10.880 --> 00:23:15.559
<v Speaker 2>those those let's just say first six months, really, then

422
00:23:15.720 --> 00:23:21.079
<v Speaker 2>you can start retraining how you're thinking. And that's what

423
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:25.480
<v Speaker 2>you do, and that's and that's where the change really

424
00:23:25.559 --> 00:23:29.359
<v Speaker 2>begins to happen. Because I put up all the walls.

425
00:23:29.960 --> 00:23:34.400
<v Speaker 2>I was an overachiever. I thought that I could do

426
00:23:34.440 --> 00:23:37.640
<v Speaker 2>it all on my own. I didn't rely on people,

427
00:23:38.000 --> 00:23:42.240
<v Speaker 2>and people were replaceable and if you did me wrong, I.

428
00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:43.160
<v Speaker 3>Was out right.

429
00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:49.039
<v Speaker 2>Maybe not initially, but once once I hit the final right.

430
00:23:49.400 --> 00:23:51.279
<v Speaker 3>That was it. The plateau. You're done.

431
00:23:51.279 --> 00:23:57.160
<v Speaker 1>You're done, right, absolutely, yep, burnout slowly erose relationships.

432
00:23:57.240 --> 00:23:59.759
<v Speaker 2>Yep, yeah, and I had really I had a lot

433
00:23:59.759 --> 00:24:03.200
<v Speaker 2>of difficulties in relationships, but it was once I started

434
00:24:03.240 --> 00:24:07.119
<v Speaker 2>that work looking at myself that I was able to

435
00:24:07.319 --> 00:24:11.400
<v Speaker 2>start changing my relationships exactly. I mean I thought I

436
00:24:11.440 --> 00:24:13.960
<v Speaker 2>didn't want to be with my husband, and then once

437
00:24:14.000 --> 00:24:16.079
<v Speaker 2>I started the work, I mean, we have the best

438
00:24:16.119 --> 00:24:21.119
<v Speaker 2>marriage possible, right, So it really is incredible once you

439
00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:25.960
<v Speaker 2>start doing this work. And you said about not understanding

440
00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:28.640
<v Speaker 2>it and the mindset work. So if you're someone right

441
00:24:28.680 --> 00:24:33.160
<v Speaker 2>now listening and you're not there, you're not understanding what

442
00:24:33.160 --> 00:24:35.440
<v Speaker 2>do you mean, breath work? What do you mean afromage?

443
00:24:35.680 --> 00:24:39.480
<v Speaker 2>Are you looking at myself and going deep? Like it

444
00:24:39.519 --> 00:24:43.000
<v Speaker 2>may not make sense right now, but it's once you

445
00:24:43.240 --> 00:24:48.480
<v Speaker 2>start reading, once you start listening to people that are

446
00:24:48.599 --> 00:24:52.200
<v Speaker 2>doing this work and sharing about it, it's these little

447
00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:55.599
<v Speaker 2>bitty shifts that start happening for you and it starts

448
00:24:55.680 --> 00:24:59.440
<v Speaker 2>making sense, and then you it's so important that you

449
00:24:59.680 --> 00:25:03.559
<v Speaker 2>must do the work, you must put the action in

450
00:25:03.720 --> 00:25:06.720
<v Speaker 2>because otherwise it doesn't work exactly.

451
00:25:06.759 --> 00:25:10.160
<v Speaker 1>And I'm sorry, no, go ahead, Yeah, I was going

452
00:25:10.200 --> 00:25:13.480
<v Speaker 1>to say to add to that, you know, I want

453
00:25:13.480 --> 00:25:16.200
<v Speaker 1>to say for anyone who's out there who because I

454
00:25:16.480 --> 00:25:20.160
<v Speaker 1>tried everything, and so you know, I learned this work.

455
00:25:20.200 --> 00:25:24.200
<v Speaker 1>But then, like everything right, like you exercise, you lose weight,

456
00:25:24.279 --> 00:25:27.759
<v Speaker 1>then you stop exercising, you you know, go on a diet,

457
00:25:27.799 --> 00:25:29.480
<v Speaker 1>you lose weight, then you go back and eat the

458
00:25:29.480 --> 00:25:31.960
<v Speaker 1>things you're not supposed to. What I found when my

459
00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:34.319
<v Speaker 1>friend showed me this and I started, you know, and

460
00:25:34.359 --> 00:25:37.519
<v Speaker 1>I figured out how to practice my mindfulness. It's it's

461
00:25:37.559 --> 00:25:39.960
<v Speaker 1>easy to back off of stuff. But the one thing

462
00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:42.319
<v Speaker 1>I was going to say is is that if you've

463
00:25:42.359 --> 00:25:46.039
<v Speaker 1>tried so many things and you feel like nothing works,

464
00:25:46.119 --> 00:25:48.400
<v Speaker 1>I could tell you this does right, and you can

465
00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:50.720
<v Speaker 1>and Marcia you can say you can say the same thing.

466
00:25:51.039 --> 00:25:54.599
<v Speaker 1>The thing is is it's daily practice. Mindset is daily

467
00:25:54.920 --> 00:26:00.319
<v Speaker 1>practice and rewiring. You know, if we're hardwired, yeah, we

468
00:26:00.359 --> 00:26:03.680
<v Speaker 1>can rewire, but we have to continue to maintain that wire.

469
00:26:04.119 --> 00:26:06.519
<v Speaker 1>If we don't, it's like we just naturally go back

470
00:26:06.680 --> 00:26:08.319
<v Speaker 1>to those feelings of you.

471
00:26:08.519 --> 00:26:11.640
<v Speaker 2>And we were wired that way from everything that happened

472
00:26:11.640 --> 00:26:12.359
<v Speaker 2>in our past.

473
00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:14.839
<v Speaker 1>Exactly. So because we take a lot.

474
00:26:14.720 --> 00:26:18.920
<v Speaker 2>To rewire it when we had a decision to do it, yes, exactly.

475
00:26:19.880 --> 00:26:20.279
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

476
00:26:21.039 --> 00:26:25.240
<v Speaker 2>And one of the things that so once I got vulnerable,

477
00:26:25.799 --> 00:26:32.200
<v Speaker 2>once I surrendered, like wow, first of all, asking for help, yep,

478
00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:37.400
<v Speaker 2>so difficult. But I myself, I got a DUI. I

479
00:26:37.440 --> 00:26:40.440
<v Speaker 2>almost had, you know, an accident, but thank god I didn't.

480
00:26:40.519 --> 00:26:42.519
<v Speaker 3>I lived with that shame. I lived with the guilts.

481
00:26:42.559 --> 00:26:44.400
<v Speaker 3>So you know, parallels there also.

482
00:26:45.279 --> 00:26:49.559
<v Speaker 2>But once I knew it was like once I dropped

483
00:26:49.599 --> 00:26:53.440
<v Speaker 2>being the victim and I woke up that next day

484
00:26:53.559 --> 00:26:58.400
<v Speaker 2>and I got vulnerable and I asked my husband for help.

485
00:26:59.319 --> 00:27:02.240
<v Speaker 2>That was incredible. But I know people feel like it's

486
00:27:02.279 --> 00:27:06.160
<v Speaker 2>a weak thing to do. Why is vulnerability actually the

487
00:27:06.279 --> 00:27:08.920
<v Speaker 2>key the key to making the change?

488
00:27:09.519 --> 00:27:11.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think a lot of us look at vulnerability

489
00:27:11.880 --> 00:27:14.680
<v Speaker 1>as weakness. The thing is is when we become vulnerable,

490
00:27:14.680 --> 00:27:18.000
<v Speaker 1>we become open, and that, to me is the key.

491
00:27:18.119 --> 00:27:21.200
<v Speaker 1>I when I first, you know, when this happened to me,

492
00:27:21.519 --> 00:27:25.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, I it was horrific. I wanted to die

493
00:27:25.759 --> 00:27:28.720
<v Speaker 1>for like six months. I mean I fantasized about this

494
00:27:28.839 --> 00:27:32.480
<v Speaker 1>execution plan of how I'm going to die for six months,

495
00:27:32.559 --> 00:27:35.680
<v Speaker 1>driving every day to work. And when I went through

496
00:27:35.720 --> 00:27:38.119
<v Speaker 1>with it, it was around the holidays, and so you know,

497
00:27:38.720 --> 00:27:40.960
<v Speaker 1>it was it was hard. It was like you said,

498
00:27:41.400 --> 00:27:44.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, that's shame. And honestly, this is the first time.

499
00:27:45.400 --> 00:27:49.000
<v Speaker 1>That was December twenty first of nineteen ninety nine. I

500
00:27:49.039 --> 00:27:53.039
<v Speaker 1>am now finally able to talk about that, okay, because

501
00:27:53.079 --> 00:27:56.079
<v Speaker 1>in my in my career, you know, you know, I

502
00:27:56.200 --> 00:27:58.279
<v Speaker 1>have to you have to wear the veneer, right, I

503
00:27:58.319 --> 00:28:01.519
<v Speaker 1>mean professionally when you're managing it all, you don't want

504
00:28:01.599 --> 00:28:05.039
<v Speaker 1>anyone to think that you know, you're cracking. But meanwhile,

505
00:28:05.039 --> 00:28:07.279
<v Speaker 1>on the outside, I had it all. I had it all,

506
00:28:07.359 --> 00:28:10.079
<v Speaker 1>the house, the luxury of vacations, the car and the

507
00:28:10.319 --> 00:28:13.160
<v Speaker 1>nice cars in the driveway, you know, the big job,

508
00:28:14.039 --> 00:28:18.000
<v Speaker 1>all the money, right, But meanwhile inside I'm falling apart.

509
00:28:18.599 --> 00:28:22.160
<v Speaker 1>And what I learned was and this one book really

510
00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:24.720
<v Speaker 1>got me. So I'm you know, I'm going to therapy

511
00:28:24.799 --> 00:28:27.400
<v Speaker 1>blah blah blah. And this book it's an oldie but goody.

512
00:28:27.440 --> 00:28:29.960
<v Speaker 1>It's called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by

513
00:28:29.960 --> 00:28:34.079
<v Speaker 1>Susan Jeffers. And what she tells you to do is

514
00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:36.839
<v Speaker 1>she tells you to be vulnerable and just pick one person,

515
00:28:37.279 --> 00:28:40.599
<v Speaker 1>which is what I did. And picking that one person,

516
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:43.559
<v Speaker 1>it was like, I put my hand out, like please,

517
00:28:43.640 --> 00:28:45.559
<v Speaker 1>I just want to tell someone what happened because I

518
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:49.799
<v Speaker 1>was so ashamed, and she extended her hand back, and

519
00:28:49.880 --> 00:28:52.240
<v Speaker 1>luckily for me, she was in a twelve step program.

520
00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:54.799
<v Speaker 1>She had all these tools that I had never in

521
00:28:54.839 --> 00:29:00.359
<v Speaker 1>my life even seen understood. But it brought back everything

522
00:29:00.400 --> 00:29:03.680
<v Speaker 1>I learned and it made it. It helped me internalize

523
00:29:03.680 --> 00:29:06.359
<v Speaker 1>it because I like the work of Carl Jung, and

524
00:29:06.400 --> 00:29:11.720
<v Speaker 1>Carl Jung says, when you can make conscious what's been unconscious,

525
00:29:11.920 --> 00:29:15.079
<v Speaker 1>you can change your life. And so when she showed

526
00:29:15.119 --> 00:29:17.680
<v Speaker 1>me how to look at how my life experienced to

527
00:29:17.759 --> 00:29:20.000
<v Speaker 1>shape my thinking, it was like, Wow, what was shaped

528
00:29:20.039 --> 00:29:22.880
<v Speaker 1>can be reshaped. I get everything that everyone's saying. Now,

529
00:29:23.000 --> 00:29:25.359
<v Speaker 1>how do I reshape it? You know? What is it?

530
00:29:25.519 --> 00:29:29.440
<v Speaker 1>You know? And when I saw it, when I saw it,

531
00:29:29.440 --> 00:29:32.640
<v Speaker 1>it was it was my willingness to be vulnerable, and

532
00:29:32.680 --> 00:29:35.440
<v Speaker 1>that willingness opened me up to a place where I

533
00:29:35.440 --> 00:29:38.599
<v Speaker 1>could receive the help I needed and the guidance. And

534
00:29:39.160 --> 00:29:42.319
<v Speaker 1>getting that guidance, I mean, it enhanced what I did

535
00:29:42.359 --> 00:29:45.480
<v Speaker 1>in therapy. It enhanced every book that I had ever

536
00:29:45.559 --> 00:29:49.440
<v Speaker 1>read in psychology. It was amazing. And so then it

537
00:29:49.480 --> 00:29:51.240
<v Speaker 1>wanted me to you know, it not wanted me, but

538
00:29:51.359 --> 00:29:55.200
<v Speaker 1>it propelled me to want to learn more about how

539
00:29:55.240 --> 00:29:58.559
<v Speaker 1>to build that relationship and restore it with myself. And

540
00:29:58.640 --> 00:30:02.319
<v Speaker 1>more importantly, how do I break through these fractures that

541
00:30:02.400 --> 00:30:05.200
<v Speaker 1>I created from my burnout? Because my you know, what

542
00:30:05.279 --> 00:30:09.119
<v Speaker 1>I found is when I'm burned out, you know, it's

543
00:30:09.160 --> 00:30:11.720
<v Speaker 1>almost like those hard wires come It's not that they

544
00:30:11.759 --> 00:30:13.880
<v Speaker 1>come back, but all of a sudden, you're only seeing

545
00:30:13.920 --> 00:30:17.799
<v Speaker 1>life through this straw, right, You're only seeing the thought distortion.

546
00:30:17.960 --> 00:30:20.680
<v Speaker 1>Nobody cares see, No one cares, you know, and you're

547
00:30:20.759 --> 00:30:24.480
<v Speaker 1>just fueled when you don't give yourself grace and space

548
00:30:24.559 --> 00:30:28.400
<v Speaker 1>to be with yourself and support yourself. That's what I learned,

549
00:30:28.839 --> 00:30:31.839
<v Speaker 1>and you know, and for me, when I recognize that

550
00:30:31.920 --> 00:30:35.920
<v Speaker 1>those those thought distortions take over, it's like, no wonder.

551
00:30:36.039 --> 00:30:39.039
<v Speaker 1>I need to do this daily because life is filled

552
00:30:39.039 --> 00:30:43.880
<v Speaker 1>with pressure. We have a twenty four hour on culture now, right,

553
00:30:43.960 --> 00:30:45.880
<v Speaker 1>we don't. You don't get a break. You got to

554
00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:47.079
<v Speaker 1>meet it. I love you.

555
00:30:48.480 --> 00:30:52.759
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Yeah, you can slip, and that's why you just

556
00:30:52.799 --> 00:30:55.400
<v Speaker 2>got to keep yourself on track and you can do

557
00:30:55.440 --> 00:30:56.240
<v Speaker 2>it all day long.

558
00:30:56.559 --> 00:30:57.920
<v Speaker 3>You can get yourself back on.

559
00:30:59.480 --> 00:31:02.599
<v Speaker 1>Well you want to do Yeah, you're right. I call

560
00:31:02.599 --> 00:31:05.759
<v Speaker 1>it the one minute reset because it said me sitting

561
00:31:05.759 --> 00:31:07.640
<v Speaker 1>in a meeting and I'm breathing in, breathing out no one.

562
00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:10.000
<v Speaker 1>It's not like I'm sitting there like you know, I'm

563
00:31:10.039 --> 00:31:12.920
<v Speaker 1>just like calmly like I you know, I'm staring, but

564
00:31:13.279 --> 00:31:15.240
<v Speaker 1>it's as if my eyes were closed and I'm just

565
00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:19.200
<v Speaker 1>breathing in and breathing out, and I'm nodding and slowly

566
00:31:19.240 --> 00:31:21.880
<v Speaker 1>blinking my eyes, and I'm resetting myself.

567
00:31:21.839 --> 00:31:23.000
<v Speaker 3>Right, resetting myself.

568
00:31:23.039 --> 00:31:25.799
<v Speaker 2>And you could change the words that you say, change

569
00:31:25.839 --> 00:31:29.359
<v Speaker 2>the words that you say to yourself, and you know,

570
00:31:29.519 --> 00:31:34.640
<v Speaker 2>walking into that fear doing it anyway, I've learned to

571
00:31:34.720 --> 00:31:38.240
<v Speaker 2>do that right, and we don't move forward. And one

572
00:31:38.240 --> 00:31:40.680
<v Speaker 2>of the one last thing I just it's amazing how

573
00:31:40.680 --> 00:31:43.799
<v Speaker 2>many things I relate to you with you about And

574
00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:48.400
<v Speaker 2>I used to think, not necessarily that I wanted to

575
00:31:49.279 --> 00:31:53.960
<v Speaker 2>pass away, but I was so exhausted. I would be like,

576
00:31:54.599 --> 00:31:57.920
<v Speaker 2>if I could just get in a car accident, I

577
00:31:57.960 --> 00:32:01.720
<v Speaker 2>could just lay in the hospital and I wouldn't I

578
00:32:01.799 --> 00:32:05.279
<v Speaker 2>wouldn't have to live. I could just take care of myself.

579
00:32:05.680 --> 00:32:07.799
<v Speaker 2>And how sad that we would have to think that

580
00:32:07.880 --> 00:32:11.799
<v Speaker 2>way just to take care of ourselves to get right.

581
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:17.519
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's set emotional bankruptcy. And the thing that I've

582
00:32:17.599 --> 00:32:21.039
<v Speaker 1>learned is is that you know, I created that bankruptcy

583
00:32:21.039 --> 00:32:23.839
<v Speaker 1>because I was not willing to put myself first. We

584
00:32:23.880 --> 00:32:28.279
<v Speaker 1>didn't know how right they didn't. I will say, though,

585
00:32:28.359 --> 00:32:32.880
<v Speaker 1>I've worked with women who, like I said, hadn't had

586
00:32:32.920 --> 00:32:36.079
<v Speaker 1>our experiences. You experienced addiction in your life, I did.

587
00:32:36.079 --> 00:32:40.759
<v Speaker 1>In mind, that was the most profound shakeup for me

588
00:32:40.839 --> 00:32:44.279
<v Speaker 1>in terms of trauma that period of my life. But

589
00:32:44.400 --> 00:32:48.000
<v Speaker 1>I've worked with women, you know, executives, physicians because of

590
00:32:48.039 --> 00:32:50.559
<v Speaker 1>the industry I was in. And one of my favorite

591
00:32:50.599 --> 00:32:53.680
<v Speaker 1>stories is a woman. She's a physician. She didn't grow

592
00:32:53.759 --> 00:32:57.039
<v Speaker 1>up with any trauma, any addiction, anything like that, but

593
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:00.880
<v Speaker 1>yet she struggled, and she had conflicts with others. And

594
00:33:00.920 --> 00:33:03.640
<v Speaker 1>when I did the Aurora method with her, you know,

595
00:33:03.720 --> 00:33:08.200
<v Speaker 1>what she saw was her wound. Her refeel was she

596
00:33:08.240 --> 00:33:11.079
<v Speaker 1>felt rejected by some girls when I forget if she

597
00:33:11.200 --> 00:33:15.440
<v Speaker 1>was between ten to eleven somewhere around there and right,

598
00:33:15.640 --> 00:33:17.799
<v Speaker 1>but she felt rejected. She went home. So it is

599
00:33:17.839 --> 00:33:20.559
<v Speaker 1>trauma because we're all wounded. The thing, though, was she

600
00:33:20.599 --> 00:33:23.240
<v Speaker 1>went home, she asked her her mom, her mom or dad,

601
00:33:23.240 --> 00:33:25.680
<v Speaker 1>I can't remember, but one of her parents like, do

602
00:33:25.759 --> 00:33:27.440
<v Speaker 1>you think I'm fat? Because she thought it was her

603
00:33:27.519 --> 00:33:29.799
<v Speaker 1>weight is why they were rejecting her. So of course

604
00:33:29.839 --> 00:33:33.599
<v Speaker 1>busy parents they were like that's ridiculous, right, They just

605
00:33:33.680 --> 00:33:37.559
<v Speaker 1>you know, like that's ridiculous. No, you're fine, And she

606
00:33:37.680 --> 00:33:43.839
<v Speaker 1>internalized that as nobody supports me. Okay me. What I've

607
00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:47.400
<v Speaker 1>learned is that we're all wounded, right, we all have

608
00:33:47.519 --> 00:33:51.119
<v Speaker 1>experiences in our lives that we internalize that create these

609
00:33:51.119 --> 00:33:54.839
<v Speaker 1>initial beliefs. And so for her, was hers was basically

610
00:33:55.240 --> 00:33:58.400
<v Speaker 1>nobody supports me. It was a security emotional security thing.

611
00:33:58.480 --> 00:34:02.440
<v Speaker 1>She didn't feel emotionally safe. They were great parents, right,

612
00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:06.039
<v Speaker 1>So what we got to see was how that no

613
00:34:06.079 --> 00:34:08.960
<v Speaker 1>one supports me it played out at work. It was

614
00:34:09.079 --> 00:34:12.920
<v Speaker 1>really wreaking havoc in her marriage. And once we got

615
00:34:12.920 --> 00:34:16.760
<v Speaker 1>her to the reset and shifted and she started practicing

616
00:34:16.800 --> 00:34:20.199
<v Speaker 1>mindfulness with it, I am like she still calls me

617
00:34:20.239 --> 00:34:22.079
<v Speaker 1>to this day and it's like, oh my god, oh

618
00:34:22.119 --> 00:34:25.039
<v Speaker 1>my god, like everything's gone upset, right.

619
00:34:24.880 --> 00:34:27.239
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and it works is amazing.

620
00:34:27.920 --> 00:34:31.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. So tell us about your book, Life Storms. When

621
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:31.840
<v Speaker 2>did it come out?

622
00:34:32.559 --> 00:34:36.079
<v Speaker 1>So here's My Life Storms, Finding Your Clear Sky. And

623
00:34:36.159 --> 00:34:38.519
<v Speaker 1>so the whole idea is is for those of us

624
00:34:38.519 --> 00:34:41.639
<v Speaker 1>who have emotional burnout, what happens we're reactive all the time, right,

625
00:34:41.800 --> 00:34:44.199
<v Speaker 1>we you know, and we got ashamed of how we

626
00:34:44.239 --> 00:34:46.880
<v Speaker 1>react and respond. So the life storm is really the

627
00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:50.039
<v Speaker 1>daily churn right that we have. We're under pressure all

628
00:34:50.039 --> 00:34:53.239
<v Speaker 1>the time, and if you've healed from burnout, the symptoms

629
00:34:53.239 --> 00:34:55.719
<v Speaker 1>do come back. With my own experience, that's why. But

630
00:34:55.840 --> 00:34:59.480
<v Speaker 1>finding your clear Sky is all about how to practice

631
00:34:59.480 --> 00:35:03.199
<v Speaker 1>mindfulness and how to overcome those negative thinking uh tho,

632
00:35:03.519 --> 00:35:06.920
<v Speaker 1>that negative thinking that comes along with it that keep

633
00:35:07.000 --> 00:35:08.880
<v Speaker 1>us stuck in what I call the city of limitation.

634
00:35:09.480 --> 00:35:11.920
<v Speaker 1>And also how do we I was put it here,

635
00:35:11.920 --> 00:35:16.360
<v Speaker 1>how do we build connection and find personal fulfillment because

636
00:35:16.440 --> 00:35:20.360
<v Speaker 1>I for me found that personal fulfillment is an inside job.

637
00:35:20.480 --> 00:35:23.719
<v Speaker 1>I was seeking it outside of myself, the big job,

638
00:35:23.920 --> 00:35:28.440
<v Speaker 1>the salary, the car, the house. Today fulfillment means. What

639
00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:31.760
<v Speaker 1>it means is connection, you know, connection with the people

640
00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:34.559
<v Speaker 1>in my life and just having that joy, that inner joy,

641
00:35:35.159 --> 00:35:38.159
<v Speaker 1>and getting there took time. But the book is really

642
00:35:38.199 --> 00:35:40.400
<v Speaker 1>it's a step by step framework. As I said, I

643
00:35:40.480 --> 00:35:44.760
<v Speaker 1>named it the Aurora Method to let you know that

644
00:35:44.840 --> 00:35:47.159
<v Speaker 1>no matter you know, you don't have to wait for

645
00:35:47.239 --> 00:35:50.000
<v Speaker 1>life to calm down, no matter the storm, you actually

646
00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:53.039
<v Speaker 1>can change right now if you give yourself permission to

647
00:35:53.079 --> 00:35:55.559
<v Speaker 1>do it. And I encourage every woman, every every person

648
00:35:55.599 --> 00:35:59.079
<v Speaker 1>who's struggling, who's ready for change, you know, who want

649
00:35:59.079 --> 00:36:03.280
<v Speaker 1>to uncover what's driving their relationship conflicts and burnout, who

650
00:36:03.360 --> 00:36:06.800
<v Speaker 1>wanted you know, you know, break the patterns, the negative patterns,

651
00:36:06.800 --> 00:36:09.800
<v Speaker 1>and keep them stuck and go back to feeling connected

652
00:36:10.320 --> 00:36:13.559
<v Speaker 1>right and coming from a place of calm and centeredness

653
00:36:13.559 --> 00:36:16.239
<v Speaker 1>and confidence rather than reactivity. This is for you, and

654
00:36:16.280 --> 00:36:17.280
<v Speaker 1>that's what the book's about.

655
00:36:18.079 --> 00:36:19.679
<v Speaker 3>Oh. I love that. I love that.

656
00:36:19.960 --> 00:36:24.000
<v Speaker 2>I you know, it's a lot of us do react

657
00:36:24.039 --> 00:36:27.159
<v Speaker 2>to life and we don't even understand that we're doing

658
00:36:27.199 --> 00:36:29.719
<v Speaker 2>it or understand it.

659
00:36:29.920 --> 00:36:30.119
<v Speaker 3>You know.

660
00:36:30.280 --> 00:36:34.159
<v Speaker 2>I used to move all the time, and because my

661
00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:38.079
<v Speaker 2>life was in chaos, thinking that it would get better,

662
00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:42.280
<v Speaker 2>and ultimately I was always taking myself with me.

663
00:36:42.800 --> 00:36:48.320
<v Speaker 3>So yeah, the chaos always followed, right, Well, that's.

664
00:36:48.079 --> 00:36:50.119
<v Speaker 1>The mattern, right, So that was your pattern.

665
00:36:50.280 --> 00:36:53.920
<v Speaker 2>But I had to change myself and breaking those patterns

666
00:36:54.119 --> 00:36:57.719
<v Speaker 2>and also generational cycles. That's one of the things that

667
00:36:58.119 --> 00:37:01.480
<v Speaker 2>I talk a lot about and I always say, and

668
00:37:01.519 --> 00:37:04.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm so glad that you incorporate the work because I

669
00:37:04.079 --> 00:37:07.039
<v Speaker 2>always say, I wish everyone had the twelve Steps in

670
00:37:07.079 --> 00:37:11.960
<v Speaker 2>their lives, because it is life changing. So I've had therapy,

671
00:37:12.639 --> 00:37:17.400
<v Speaker 2>but truly the changes came through the work I did

672
00:37:17.480 --> 00:37:23.360
<v Speaker 2>through the twelve Steps and also the mindset work connecting spirituality.

673
00:37:23.559 --> 00:37:29.360
<v Speaker 2>You've got to have community moving from that place of lack, moving.

674
00:37:29.119 --> 00:37:31.519
<v Speaker 3>Into gratitude and was content.

675
00:37:32.679 --> 00:37:36.079
<v Speaker 2>It is so vital and just for everyone out there

676
00:37:36.119 --> 00:37:40.800
<v Speaker 2>to know that really they're not alone and there's so

677
00:37:41.039 --> 00:37:45.280
<v Speaker 2>many connections out there that can help you or or

678
00:37:45.320 --> 00:37:49.159
<v Speaker 2>they're already there. They're there, you just need to acknowledge

679
00:37:49.239 --> 00:37:53.840
<v Speaker 2>that they're there. And community is so important and going within.

680
00:37:54.639 --> 00:37:59.840
<v Speaker 2>Everything you need is within you and right so we're

681
00:37:59.840 --> 00:38:03.360
<v Speaker 2>all always on the hamster wheel and we're always looking

682
00:38:03.519 --> 00:38:07.000
<v Speaker 2>for the accolades and the validation outside of ourselves, but

683
00:38:08.440 --> 00:38:11.920
<v Speaker 2>putting on our own oxygen mask first so we can

684
00:38:11.960 --> 00:38:15.360
<v Speaker 2>be the best for ourselves and then the best for others,

685
00:38:15.480 --> 00:38:19.400
<v Speaker 2>because we are nothing and if we're not taking care

686
00:38:19.440 --> 00:38:23.039
<v Speaker 2>of ourselves, we're no good for anyone. And there's so

687
00:38:23.159 --> 00:38:27.199
<v Speaker 2>many people that rely on us as the woman. True,

688
00:38:27.280 --> 00:38:31.960
<v Speaker 2>we truly do carry a lot, but it's so important

689
00:38:31.960 --> 00:38:35.880
<v Speaker 2>that we do prioritize ourselves. And it doesn't even have

690
00:38:35.960 --> 00:38:39.239
<v Speaker 2>to be a lot of time, it's just and if

691
00:38:39.280 --> 00:38:43.480
<v Speaker 2>you're someone like, I'm sure you, Tracy, schedule it, put

692
00:38:43.480 --> 00:38:45.480
<v Speaker 2>it in your calendar like you put everything else.

693
00:38:46.800 --> 00:38:49.360
<v Speaker 1>Well, no, it's true. I mean I wait for me personally.

694
00:38:49.400 --> 00:38:52.000
<v Speaker 1>I wake up in the morning, I take about five

695
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:56.079
<v Speaker 1>minutes for myself of quiet, you know. And quiet's hard

696
00:38:56.119 --> 00:38:57.760
<v Speaker 1>because you have like I got this, I got that,

697
00:38:57.880 --> 00:39:00.480
<v Speaker 1>I got this, but it's finding it. And I go

698
00:39:00.559 --> 00:39:03.800
<v Speaker 1>back and I want to just again say, you know,

699
00:39:04.119 --> 00:39:06.639
<v Speaker 1>my friend who was in that twelve step program, I mean,

700
00:39:06.920 --> 00:39:09.360
<v Speaker 1>the level of wisdom she shared with me was amazing,

701
00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:13.880
<v Speaker 1>and you know, and basically, you know, I remember, you know,

702
00:39:14.119 --> 00:39:15.840
<v Speaker 1>she would want me to try and quiet my mind,

703
00:39:15.840 --> 00:39:17.400
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, I don't know how to quiet my mind,

704
00:39:17.400 --> 00:39:21.079
<v Speaker 1>like you know. And she's say, well, did you ever

705
00:39:21.159 --> 00:39:23.119
<v Speaker 1>learn anything quiet your mind? I'm like, well, yeah, back

706
00:39:23.159 --> 00:39:25.280
<v Speaker 1>in college, I learned this exercise where you stare at

707
00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:27.639
<v Speaker 1>a candle and you see the flame in your mind's eye.

708
00:39:27.679 --> 00:39:29.400
<v Speaker 1>She goes, how long did that take? I'm like, I

709
00:39:29.400 --> 00:39:33.400
<v Speaker 1>don't know. A minute. She goes, sit down and do it.

710
00:39:33.400 --> 00:39:37.039
<v Speaker 1>It's like really okay, but anyway, I found that minute.

711
00:39:37.400 --> 00:39:39.559
<v Speaker 1>But then I found other things to do and I

712
00:39:39.679 --> 00:39:41.679
<v Speaker 1>like to stretch, right, so I sit and I stretch

713
00:39:41.679 --> 00:39:43.840
<v Speaker 1>in the morning, and I take that stretch and I

714
00:39:43.880 --> 00:39:45.920
<v Speaker 1>go through my intention of what I you know, who

715
00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:48.280
<v Speaker 1>I want to be today, right, Like, I don't want

716
00:39:48.280 --> 00:39:51.079
<v Speaker 1>to be that reactive Tracy. I want to be centered

717
00:39:51.079 --> 00:39:53.159
<v Speaker 1>in calm, you know. I want to be open and

718
00:39:53.199 --> 00:39:57.079
<v Speaker 1>receptive to challenges, you know, I you know, and not react, right.

719
00:39:57.159 --> 00:40:00.920
<v Speaker 1>I want to be kind and understanding, not coming from

720
00:40:01.000 --> 00:40:03.159
<v Speaker 1>self righteousness all the time. Like I had to learn

721
00:40:03.199 --> 00:40:05.920
<v Speaker 1>what the oppos it was of these traits. And so

722
00:40:06.000 --> 00:40:08.960
<v Speaker 1>those are my intentions now. And when I do that,

723
00:40:09.559 --> 00:40:12.000
<v Speaker 1>I have a pretty good day. But yeah, do I

724
00:40:12.039 --> 00:40:15.440
<v Speaker 1>get derailed, absolutely right, And when I get robbed. It's

725
00:40:15.480 --> 00:40:17.880
<v Speaker 1>not about going back to the drama and the chaos

726
00:40:18.280 --> 00:40:21.760
<v Speaker 1>that does this on the inside. It's about, Okay, I

727
00:40:21.760 --> 00:40:23.679
<v Speaker 1>have one minute reset I could do right now. There's

728
00:40:23.719 --> 00:40:25.719
<v Speaker 1>so much we can do, and I, you know, and

729
00:40:25.760 --> 00:40:28.559
<v Speaker 1>for anyone out there who's struggling, I mean, the thing is,

730
00:40:28.679 --> 00:40:31.119
<v Speaker 1>the thing I had to do is give myself permission

731
00:40:31.159 --> 00:40:34.400
<v Speaker 1>to put myself first. And you know, and basically I

732
00:40:34.440 --> 00:40:38.639
<v Speaker 1>needed to ask myself, am I ready to rethink my approach?

733
00:40:38.679 --> 00:40:41.079
<v Speaker 1>Because my approach wasn't working. It took me to wanting

734
00:40:41.119 --> 00:40:43.960
<v Speaker 1>to kill myself, right, Am I ready? Am I ready

735
00:40:43.960 --> 00:40:48.440
<v Speaker 1>to rethink that? Am I ready to reset myself? Am

736
00:40:48.440 --> 00:40:51.159
<v Speaker 1>I ready to restore relationships with you know, with myself

737
00:40:51.199 --> 00:40:55.000
<v Speaker 1>and with other people? And if you can unequivocally answer

738
00:40:55.000 --> 00:40:56.960
<v Speaker 1>those questions, yes, and you're ready for change?

739
00:40:59.199 --> 00:40:59.960
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, you are?

740
00:41:00.400 --> 00:41:00.760
<v Speaker 1>You are?

741
00:41:00.880 --> 00:41:05.400
<v Speaker 2>And I know that a lot of times we maybe

742
00:41:05.400 --> 00:41:07.840
<v Speaker 2>don't make the change because we don't think we can,

743
00:41:08.119 --> 00:41:11.039
<v Speaker 2>but you really can.

744
00:41:11.199 --> 00:41:13.119
<v Speaker 3>I did have to hit the rock bottom.

745
00:41:13.480 --> 00:41:18.239
<v Speaker 2>I tried to create change for myself and then I

746
00:41:18.320 --> 00:41:20.840
<v Speaker 2>convinced myself that I didn't need the change.

747
00:41:20.920 --> 00:41:24.519
<v Speaker 3>But you know what, that's okay.

748
00:41:24.920 --> 00:41:27.639
<v Speaker 2>That's why they say if you have a setback or

749
00:41:27.679 --> 00:41:30.960
<v Speaker 2>you relapse in life, just be be gentle and be kind.

750
00:41:31.039 --> 00:41:36.400
<v Speaker 2>You're human, And like Tracy and I, Tracy was just sharing.

751
00:41:37.679 --> 00:41:38.440
<v Speaker 3>Trying to be.

752
00:41:38.320 --> 00:41:41.840
<v Speaker 2>Peaceful and not be reactive, but realizing that you're human

753
00:41:42.039 --> 00:41:44.480
<v Speaker 2>and if you do it, if you do this work,

754
00:41:45.440 --> 00:41:51.320
<v Speaker 2>you can literally realize that you're doing it and and

755
00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:57.239
<v Speaker 2>and just change it quickly and and reverse what you're doing, right,

756
00:41:57.280 --> 00:42:01.280
<v Speaker 2>because a lot of times just remember like reacting to

757
00:42:01.360 --> 00:42:04.480
<v Speaker 2>life and then you've made a situation so much worse,

758
00:42:04.559 --> 00:42:08.079
<v Speaker 2>and now you've got to go and apologize or try

759
00:42:08.079 --> 00:42:11.840
<v Speaker 2>to make it better or run away. Right, So it's

760
00:42:11.920 --> 00:42:16.000
<v Speaker 2>just you just do come become so much more resilient

761
00:42:16.079 --> 00:42:19.760
<v Speaker 2>in life, and and just you can manage life in

762
00:42:19.800 --> 00:42:23.159
<v Speaker 2>a whole different way. So, Tracy, where can we find you?

763
00:42:23.440 --> 00:42:25.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm so grateful for this conversation.

764
00:42:26.719 --> 00:42:30.159
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so well, the books have available on Amazon and

765
00:42:30.519 --> 00:42:33.840
<v Speaker 1>in multiple formats. I know how busy people are, but

766
00:42:33.920 --> 00:42:36.239
<v Speaker 1>I'm at Tracy. You know, Tracy Doyle dot life. You

767
00:42:36.239 --> 00:42:40.039
<v Speaker 1>know www dot Tracy Doyle dot life. That's where I'm at.

768
00:42:40.320 --> 00:42:43.000
<v Speaker 1>But if anyone out there, you know, is really struggling,

769
00:42:43.119 --> 00:42:47.400
<v Speaker 1>it's just meet with Tracy dot coach. I'm happy to

770
00:42:47.440 --> 00:42:50.719
<v Speaker 1>give a three thirty minute consultation if you're ready for change,

771
00:42:50.760 --> 00:42:55.360
<v Speaker 1>because this work is groundbreaking. It blows your mind when

772
00:42:55.360 --> 00:42:58.639
<v Speaker 1>you have clarity, because it gives you clarity on top

773
00:42:58.679 --> 00:43:02.400
<v Speaker 1>of giving you the to improve your communication. That's what

774
00:43:02.440 --> 00:43:03.000
<v Speaker 1>it teaches you.

775
00:43:04.480 --> 00:43:07.199
<v Speaker 3>Communication is key. That's what I talk about.

776
00:43:07.239 --> 00:43:09.119
<v Speaker 2>One of the first things I have the care method

777
00:43:09.840 --> 00:43:14.880
<v Speaker 2>communicating with others and is just so vital to create

778
00:43:14.920 --> 00:43:18.119
<v Speaker 2>the change of how we communicate. And you showed that

779
00:43:18.199 --> 00:43:21.639
<v Speaker 2>through your communication with your mother and how the outcome

780
00:43:21.880 --> 00:43:22.840
<v Speaker 2>was so different.

781
00:43:23.079 --> 00:43:25.320
<v Speaker 3>So for all those out there.

782
00:43:25.679 --> 00:43:28.679
<v Speaker 2>If this conversation spoke to you, share it with someone

783
00:43:28.800 --> 00:43:32.199
<v Speaker 2>who needs to hear it. And Tracy, thank you again

784
00:43:32.280 --> 00:43:34.000
<v Speaker 2>for coming on Wake Up with Marcy.

785
00:43:34.760 --> 00:43:37.760
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, Marcy, and congratulations on your book. It sounds

786
00:43:37.800 --> 00:43:38.320
<v Speaker 1>really great.

787
00:43:38.840 --> 00:43:39.960
<v Speaker 3>Thank you so much.

788
00:43:40.079 --> 00:43:42.119
<v Speaker 2>And for all those out there, if you're in your

789
00:43:42.119 --> 00:43:43.599
<v Speaker 2>own healing journey.

790
00:43:43.280 --> 00:43:45.639
<v Speaker 3>Please check out Tracy's.

791
00:43:45.119 --> 00:43:50.000
<v Speaker 2>Book when it comes to emotional burnout and rediscovering yourself.

792
00:43:50.679 --> 00:43:53.280
<v Speaker 2>And if you are ready to surrender to a life

793
00:43:53.280 --> 00:43:56.760
<v Speaker 2>without alcohol, please check out my new book, wake Up

794
00:43:56.800 --> 00:44:01.159
<v Speaker 2>You're Not Broken, which is a compassionate guide guiding you

795
00:44:01.639 --> 00:44:04.360
<v Speaker 2>through the first thirty days of sobriety, helping you to

796
00:44:04.480 --> 00:44:10.840
<v Speaker 2>understand the emotions, the mental side, and the physical challenges.

797
00:44:10.519 --> 00:44:11.960
<v Speaker 3>Of early recovery.

798
00:44:12.280 --> 00:44:14.679
<v Speaker 2>This book reminds you that you are not broken, you

799
00:44:14.719 --> 00:44:18.199
<v Speaker 2>are healing, and a new life is possible. So remember

800
00:44:18.880 --> 00:44:22.280
<v Speaker 2>your becoming and it is time to wake up to

801
00:44:22.400 --> 00:44:25.039
<v Speaker 2>your worth. I'm Marcy Hopkins and this is Wake Up

802
00:44:25.079 --> 00:44:27.559
<v Speaker 2>with Marcy and I'll see you with a new episode

803
00:44:28.039 --> 00:44:31.400
<v Speaker 2>every Thursday.