Speaker 1: Seven Lamb Productions Presents, Come down here, Episode thirty five. Captain,
you wanted to see us?
Speaker 2: No? No, just you naked on my lap? I'm kidding
kind of, but not really want to No. Okay, totally fine,
I really was kidding. Don't tell char now, come in
both of you time end case. Ain't at the Captain's office.
I'm not sure why they were called in. Is this serious?
Because we've been working really hard, Captain, We've even been
slacking on being doctors so we can be better cops.
That's good to hear, but you still want to find
ways to work a little harder. Are they made? The
Chief was over in Japan this past weekend. Japan is
a country on the other side of the world. We
know what Japan is.
Speaker 1: I own a PlayStation and I own a Hello Kitty backpack.
That's okay, you bought it for me.
Speaker 2: Oh that's right. How do you like it?
Speaker 1: It's a little snug.
Speaker 2: Okay, don't tell JR. Well, I wasn't going to Captain.
Why are we here? I don't know if you're aware,
but Japan is ahead of us in technology. I know
we own an Xbox too. Oh this goes higher than
just a lack of exclusives. Japan is ahead of us
in preventing crime. You know why, samurais? What samuraiz? What
does that have to do with anything? Was that a
real answer? Kind of Okay? No, not Samuraiz A little
cute goofball you you're so cute with your little ass
and booty.
Speaker 1: Those are the same thing.
Speaker 2: Don't tell JR. Anyway. Japan has new AI driven recruits
that help patrol the streets. The Chief purchased one from
the Japanese police and brought it back to the States.
He wants us to test it out and see how
it does in America Land.
Speaker 1: What do you mean by AI driven recruits?
Speaker 2: You can look for yourself. The god done mosh too.
They don't.
Speaker 3: Beetpoop. Hello, I am a robot policeman here to help
assist in preventing crimes. I am a cyber dime quarter
machine C three PO one two beet boop.
Speaker 2: Hell, This here is robot policeman from Japan, A robup.
That's gotta be right.
Speaker 1: A robot though, beet boop.
Speaker 3: You can call me by my program name rob ROB.
Speaker 4: What's that short for Robotic Operational Biometrics.
Speaker 3: No, Robert beet boop.
Speaker 1: Oh why does he say beet boop all the time?
Speaker 2: Why are you asking me?
Speaker 1: We gotta talk to it.
Speaker 2: You gotta do more than just talk to it.
Speaker 1: You gotta show it the ropes.
Speaker 2: What chief wants to know if we can impla these
systems to patrol the streets. Do you want us to
help these things take our jobs?
Speaker 4: No way, Captain. I put my own gas, I go
to self checkout at the convenience store. I even use
AI to make red pictures of myself on Instagram. But
I'll be damned if I help a robot named Rob
take my job.
Speaker 2: This is it, This is the future, and it sucks.
Will you too? Calm down? Got done, stood and walked
over to policeman Rob. Can you excuse us for just
a minute?
Speaker 3: Bee boop? I will wait outside your office bee boop beep.
I think get the.
Speaker 2: Fellas, I get the concern. You don't think I'm worried too,
The chiefs said. Japan has also created automated captains. They
do everything but sexually harassed time here.
Speaker 1: That actually seems nice.
Speaker 2: Shut up, you wouldn miss this, I really wouldn't, Captain.
If you're worried, dude, then Why make us hang out
with this stupid thing because I want you to to
help it fail up a fair that's right, it needs
to suck.
Speaker 1: How do we do that?
Speaker 2: I don't know. Just use those noggins of yours and
come up with something. Just make it seem like this
thing is a bad idea and Japan should stick to
Toyota's in one piece, otherwise I'll be replacing it's goodbye
yellow brick Road and more Dorothy or Elton John No
more Captain again.
Speaker 1: That kind of seems okay, Oh shut it.
Speaker 2: I hardly ever come on to you anymore.
Speaker 1: Your hand is on my ass.
Speaker 2: I needed to rest it on something. You see.
Speaker 1: I'm out of here.
Speaker 2: Don't fuck this up. I don't want to go back
to working at Walmart.
Speaker 5: Four hours later, in the cop we're driving along the highway,
but trolling the Upper West Side with Rob the Rubo policemen.
They had already solved four homicide cases. It's six drug bus,
made three arrests, twenty four citations.
Speaker 3: Beep, Boop. I want to thank you for being my
partners today, Peep. I hope I can continue to keep
these streets safe.
Speaker 6: Boop.
Speaker 1: Sure thing, Rob Case, how are we gonna do this.
Speaker 2: The hell do I know? He's done more work in
the past four hours than we have in the past
four months.
Speaker 1: We're so screwed. Technology and innovation is going to win again.
Speaker 2: Maybe we can.
Speaker 3: Pep, excuse me, fellow officers.
Speaker 2: Boop, Yeah, what is it? Rob?
Speaker 3: I saw some female prostitutes on the corner of the
street we just passed. Peep, boop. Prostitution is illegal here,
is it not? Beep?
Speaker 1: It is?
Speaker 3: Then we should turn around and address the situation. Boot.
Speaker 2: Oh, sure, case made a u ten as Rob pointed
out the street hussies.
Speaker 3: There they are what is proper protocol here in the state.
Speaker 2: Oh, we'll probably just let them off with a warning.
Speaker 3: Oh warning, beep. Do we not book them? Boop?
Speaker 2: No need Sarias sees high levels of prostitution and they're
usually charged with a mist demeanor. So doing anything more
is a waste of time.
Speaker 1: And we've already done enough today.
Speaker 3: Affirmative, Hello there, ladies, please beep may I uh sure?
Speaker 2: Why not? Huh? We've done everything else today. This is
just great. You know what this means, don't you means
we'll have to be full time doctors.
Speaker 4: Sure, until the medical director goes to Japan. Then goodbye
doctor job two. We have to do something case, hey,
you pervert.
Speaker 2: Just then, one of this didee hussies slipped rum. Whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies,
you can't do that. You just assaulted an.
Speaker 3: Office, he said. He let us off with a warning
if we blew him.
Speaker 2: We're not hookers.
Speaker 3: Wait what come on, relax, I'm just looking for a
good time.
Speaker 1: Wait you asked them for sexual fevers.
Speaker 3: If they want to stay out of jail. Fuck you
don't be a bitch. Bee boop Ooh, hey, Rob, you
can't do that.
Speaker 2: It's not ethic.
Speaker 3: Don't lecture me on ethics. I'm just looking for a
good time. Beep, but you can't do that, says who boop.
Speaker 1: It's the law.
Speaker 3: Fucking goody two shoes, spare me, the guardian angel bullshit,
beep fucking boop, I'm reporting you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so heady's sorry for the inconvenience. Go about
your hooking. We'll handle this, okay. Shuffle the women off
as Rob.
Speaker 1: Went back to do the ca What the hell was that, Rob?
Speaker 3: What? I was just looking to get my rocks off.
This city owes me for the time I put in, Bee.
Speaker 1: But you don't even have a dick.
Speaker 3: Listen, no you listen you fuck watts Boop, stay out
of my wait?
Speaker 1: Did you just hiccup?
Speaker 3: No? Bep?
Speaker 1: Are you drunk?
Speaker 3: What are you a cop?
Speaker 1: Yes? We all are?
Speaker 2: Just then a flask fill off of rub.
Speaker 1: You're drinking on the job to.
Speaker 3: Take the edge off man, Bip boot bip.
Speaker 1: Where did this come from? You don't even have any pockets.
Speaker 3: Wouldn't you like to know? Nark bep boop.
Speaker 2: TI, I'm looking in the back seat.
Speaker 1: What the hell is that? Coke?
Speaker 2: Coke, a crack pipe, stacks of money, a fully automatic rifle,
a penthouse, and a copy of Scarface on DVD?
Speaker 1: Did you get all that from the drug bus?
Speaker 3: What's it to you?
Speaker 2: All those arrests we made today, were they legit?
Speaker 3: Sure?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Beebe Just then he snutted some coke.
Speaker 1: Hey, stop doing coke?
Speaker 3: Boop? What is your malfunction?
Speaker 2: Us?
Speaker 3: You guys are fucking pussies. Peep fucking boom Kiss went
into the backseat to set to all.
Speaker 2: This stuff time. I think he's been taking bribes all
over town. I thought it was weird we only made
three arrests after so many drug busts and homicide cases.
Speaker 3: Hey, can I help it if some of these low
LIFs want to share?
Speaker 1: Beep boom share you mean stay out of jail?
Speaker 3: Sure? Beep nark boop.
Speaker 2: And look at this time, what's that a journal titled
Pearl Harbor too?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Rob, you were planning a Pearl Harbor too?
Speaker 3: Fuck you guys, Bope, I don't need this shit. Boob
fuck us, that's right, Fuck you beep, fuck you beat
boop fucking boop boop, fuck you.
Speaker 2: Boo bee boop your little bap and bitch boop boop.
Speaker 5: Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep.
Speaker 2: Wow. And we that Rob. Well, it turns out he
won't replace us after all. Stupid corrupt robo policeman.
Speaker 4: Stupid technological advancements. Yeah, so uh, what do we do now?
Go back to the precinct and tell the captain what happened.
Speaker 2: Let's go see if we can bang those hookers first. Okay,
Cop doctors Beep boop.
Speaker 1: Cop Doctors. Written by Robert M.
Speaker 6: Lamb, edited by Brian Messick, Dialogue editing by Jack Austin,
Revisions by Miya Supfal Starring Robert M. Lamb as time
and Jack Austen as case narrator and Captain, co starring
Clayton Flood and Miya Supfly. Music provided by Kevin McCloud
of incompetec dot com.
Speaker 4: Additional tracks from various artists on pondfive dot com and art.
Speaker 1: List dot ig.
Speaker 6: If you enjoy this podcast, don't forget to rate and
review and visit www dot seven lamb dot com for
more podcasts such as this one.
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special shout out to our seven Lamb patrons, Brad McQuaid,
Chris Williamson, Carter Jewel, Daniel Wolfman, Kelly Fowles, Jayden Holmes
and Kelly Lamart. From everyone here at seven Lamb, thank you.
Speaker 1: This has been a seven Lamb production.