WEBVTT 1 00:00:17.440 --> 00:00:48.799 Hi, I'm Karen MARCIONI your host for the Hope Show, 2 00:00:49.119 --> 00:00:53.280 inspired by my book Hope How Other People Endure, which 3 00:00:53.320 --> 00:00:58.640 is everyday people overcoming life's challenges. Today, we are joined 4 00:00:58.640 --> 00:01:02.560 by a returning guest, a Leebiaz, whose story continues to 5 00:01:02.679 --> 00:01:06.760 move and inspire so many. At just twenty eight years old, 6 00:01:07.159 --> 00:01:11.799 she is a gifted singer, songwriter, poet, and curator, a 7 00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:16.239 young woman who has turned her pain into purpose. Her 8 00:01:16.280 --> 00:01:20.000 life has been shaped by loss, abuse, and generational trauma, 9 00:01:20.599 --> 00:01:25.000 yet she's found a way to transform that pain through 10 00:01:25.159 --> 00:01:30.280 art and faith. Writing and music became her refuge, a 11 00:01:30.319 --> 00:01:34.400 space where she could begin to heal, to rediscover herself, 12 00:01:34.680 --> 00:01:39.280 and to bloom. Her focus. Blooming and healing is more 13 00:01:39.359 --> 00:01:47.120 than a theme. It's a living testimony to creativity. How 14 00:01:47.359 --> 00:01:51.640 creativity can restore hope. Through her poetry and her music, 15 00:01:52.200 --> 00:01:57.599 she invites others to feel seen, heard, and reminded that 16 00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:02.319 healing is not only possible, it's beautiful. I'm so honored 17 00:02:02.359 --> 00:02:05.000 to welcome Aliah Bias back to the Hope Show. 18 00:02:06.239 --> 00:02:07.560 Hi, it's good to be back. 19 00:02:07.840 --> 00:02:13.199 Yay, Aliah, welcome back to the Hope Show. Now, last 20 00:02:13.199 --> 00:02:17.120 time we spoke, we had some Internet challenges, So even 21 00:02:17.280 --> 00:02:22.080 through that, your light and authenticity came through. How have 22 00:02:22.159 --> 00:02:23.599 you been since we last talked? 23 00:02:24.360 --> 00:02:27.159 So a lot has happened because our last like our 24 00:02:27.240 --> 00:02:29.800 last time I was on here was like February of 25 00:02:29.800 --> 00:02:35.280 this year, right, So I have been blooming through the 26 00:02:35.319 --> 00:02:38.919 poetry scene. I had a lot of features in it, 27 00:02:39.000 --> 00:02:43.199 and I have became a curator. So I host my 28 00:02:43.240 --> 00:02:46.439 own open mic. Now. I did it twice this year, 29 00:02:46.599 --> 00:02:51.240 one in June and one in September. And it's called 30 00:02:51.240 --> 00:02:55.439 Blooming and Healing, right, So I just wanted to create 31 00:02:55.479 --> 00:02:58.599 a platform for others to find a space to heal, 32 00:02:59.199 --> 00:03:02.719 to perform. There ares they can come on stage singing, 33 00:03:03.080 --> 00:03:05.919 they can read poetry, they can dance, they can like 34 00:03:06.680 --> 00:03:09.280 just express themselves on stage, and I want them to 35 00:03:09.360 --> 00:03:12.680 have a safe space. So I have my open mic, 36 00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:15.439 and so it's seasonal, so I'm only doing it in 37 00:03:15.479 --> 00:03:18.719 the fall and the springtime. So I'm happy I got 38 00:03:18.719 --> 00:03:25.680 to achieve that goal is to keep pushing my advocacy 39 00:03:25.719 --> 00:03:30.120 of healing and mental health and everything through my platform. 40 00:03:30.199 --> 00:03:32.960 Now, oh that's great, and maybe we'll have a summer 41 00:03:33.000 --> 00:03:34.360 and winter in the future. 42 00:03:34.439 --> 00:03:38.599 In the future. Right now, so you've just. 43 00:03:38.599 --> 00:03:41.479 Grabbed your theme blooming and healing, and what does that 44 00:03:41.560 --> 00:03:45.199 phrase mean to you compared to when you first began 45 00:03:45.560 --> 00:03:46.639 your healing journey. 46 00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:51.520 So yeah, so blooming and healing, I felt like that 47 00:03:51.719 --> 00:03:56.080 just became like my motto in healing on my journey. 48 00:03:57.080 --> 00:04:02.360 So I feel like because healing is not it's not 49 00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:06.400 like beautiful like in the beginning, it's rough. It's like 50 00:04:06.759 --> 00:04:10.680 it's raw, it's scary, right, and it's dark. You know, 51 00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:14.520 you feel lone, you feel lost, confused. So during my 52 00:04:14.639 --> 00:04:18.560 healing journey, I look back where I started and from 53 00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:20.680 where I am now, and I was like, wow, I 54 00:04:20.759 --> 00:04:25.040 was blooming. Because in plants, they're in the dark until 55 00:04:25.079 --> 00:04:28.360 like they are guided up into the light. So I'm 56 00:04:28.399 --> 00:04:31.800 planting seeds in my healing journey and I'm sprouting and 57 00:04:31.800 --> 00:04:34.920 I'm blooming along the way. So in the end, for 58 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:38.040 those who are listening in or just you know, like 59 00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:42.480 you are blooming in your healing journey. It may not 60 00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:44.600 feel like it, but when you look back, you do 61 00:04:44.759 --> 00:04:49.360 see it and it's beautiful in the end. 62 00:04:49.959 --> 00:04:55.000 Yeah, that's wonderfully put. So you kind of answered my 63 00:04:55.079 --> 00:04:58.319 next question about you know, the earliest steps of what 64 00:04:58.399 --> 00:05:02.720 healing looks like, so it's not easy. So it seems 65 00:05:02.720 --> 00:05:06.839 that it comes in layers. Was there a particular moment 66 00:05:07.879 --> 00:05:11.839 or realization when you noticed your life beginning to change, 67 00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:14.560 when the healing started to take root? 68 00:05:15.759 --> 00:05:21.680 Good question. I feel like that's really hard because I'm 69 00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:26.040 trying to like when I'm looking past, I think like 70 00:05:26.079 --> 00:05:29.519 when I first started my healing was when I found 71 00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:33.040 my church, when I found great church. And then throughout 72 00:05:33.040 --> 00:05:37.439 that time of kind of stepping out of that like 73 00:05:37.519 --> 00:05:41.560 toxic relationship that I was in that ended, I feel 74 00:05:41.600 --> 00:05:45.519 like I was trying to find myself again because I 75 00:05:45.560 --> 00:05:47.519 was hiding in the shadows. So I think when I 76 00:05:47.680 --> 00:05:51.959 was searching for myself again and then putting myself into 77 00:05:53.879 --> 00:05:57.800 a space of people who cared about me and finding friends, 78 00:05:57.839 --> 00:06:01.800 and also putting myself into hobbies that I put in 79 00:06:01.839 --> 00:06:03.480 the past, like I kind of put it on hold. 80 00:06:03.519 --> 00:06:06.759 Like my poetry and writing has always been my outlet. 81 00:06:07.199 --> 00:06:11.839 So with me tapping into that again, it just opened 82 00:06:11.959 --> 00:06:15.439 up like the big picture of healing and I'm like, Okay, 83 00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:18.800 I'm writing, I'm writing my feelings down. Now I'm performing it. 84 00:06:18.879 --> 00:06:22.000 Now I'm connecting with more people, and it's like I 85 00:06:22.040 --> 00:06:25.519 guess maybe there's like there's like little scenes like I said, 86 00:06:25.560 --> 00:06:32.399 like planting, like there was there's so many uh like aspects. Yes, 87 00:06:32.560 --> 00:06:37.319 like so many parts of the journey that started it. 88 00:06:37.360 --> 00:06:40.680 There wasn't like no main points, but it all comes 89 00:06:40.680 --> 00:06:42.800 together like it's all pieces in one picture. 90 00:06:42.959 --> 00:06:48.560 Wow. Yeah, that's great. So sometimes the hardest part of 91 00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:53.240 healing is forgiving ourselves. Has self forgiveness played a role 92 00:06:53.600 --> 00:06:54.399 in your growth? 93 00:06:55.040 --> 00:07:01.120 Yes, good question, Yes, forgiving myself and loving myself like 94 00:07:01.160 --> 00:07:07.399 self love has been something that I haven't done much of, 95 00:07:07.600 --> 00:07:10.800 and it's very important to love yourself before, like you 96 00:07:10.839 --> 00:07:13.680 love others and I have a big loving heart, and 97 00:07:13.879 --> 00:07:15.720 I give so much love to others, and I'm like 98 00:07:15.839 --> 00:07:18.519 I need to give that also to myself. Absolutely, self 99 00:07:18.560 --> 00:07:22.879 care is so important, like finding those hobbies, finding those 100 00:07:22.920 --> 00:07:25.879 things that you enjoy that calms you down, that brings 101 00:07:25.920 --> 00:07:29.319 you joy and happiness and peace right and just knowing 102 00:07:29.399 --> 00:07:32.879 like doing affirmations and you know, buying that dress that 103 00:07:32.920 --> 00:07:35.240 makes you feel good or like don't care what anyone 104 00:07:35.240 --> 00:07:38.000 else thinks. The only like you know of finding your 105 00:07:38.040 --> 00:07:43.560 true self and feeling that that inner like goddess, you know. 106 00:07:44.959 --> 00:07:48.000 So it took a while for me to forgive myself 107 00:07:48.120 --> 00:07:53.439 of taking and allowing things that were that I shouldn't like, 108 00:07:53.560 --> 00:07:57.480 the treatment that I was being treated, like past relationships, 109 00:07:57.519 --> 00:08:00.000 and you know, I had to forgive myself the mistakes 110 00:08:00.079 --> 00:08:03.279 that I made and everything, and also forgive others who 111 00:08:03.279 --> 00:08:05.759 have hurt me because that's also part of my healing 112 00:08:05.839 --> 00:08:10.120 journey and my closure. So there's still more things I 113 00:08:10.160 --> 00:08:12.720 need to forgive, but it is part of the journey, 114 00:08:12.800 --> 00:08:16.079 and it's so important, especially to getting that inner self 115 00:08:16.120 --> 00:08:19.240 love to them, you feel confident and you can keep 116 00:08:19.319 --> 00:08:20.519 driving right right. 117 00:08:21.240 --> 00:08:23.360 I think that's hard for all of us, and there 118 00:08:24.040 --> 00:08:28.160 are times where we reflect on our past and we really, 119 00:08:28.720 --> 00:08:31.639 you know, have to learn to forgive ourselves from that 120 00:08:31.959 --> 00:08:36.879 as God has forgiven us. And you know, recently in 121 00:08:36.919 --> 00:08:41.200 a service I pastor Ben had mentioned, you know what, 122 00:08:41.759 --> 00:08:45.440 certain times in our lives we're worried about what other 123 00:08:45.559 --> 00:08:49.879 people think and we don't really have to worry about 124 00:08:49.919 --> 00:08:52.519 We shouldn't have to worry about that, worry about what 125 00:08:52.679 --> 00:08:55.399 you think yourself, and the only person you need to 126 00:08:55.399 --> 00:08:56.279 impress is God. 127 00:08:56.440 --> 00:08:57.559 Yes to that. 128 00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:04.559 So you've turned your pain into poetry, lyrics and songs. 129 00:09:05.039 --> 00:09:09.120 When you write or sing, are you healing? Yourself or 130 00:09:09.159 --> 00:09:12.480 are you creating a space for others to heal or 131 00:09:12.519 --> 00:09:13.159 maybe both? 132 00:09:13.600 --> 00:09:19.000 Oh, it is definitely both. I like, so when I'm 133 00:09:19.159 --> 00:09:22.200 writing my poetry, when I'm writing my songs and performing it, 134 00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:26.600 i am kind of like opening my heart diary and 135 00:09:26.679 --> 00:09:30.600 I'm performing it in front of a strangers, you know. 136 00:09:31.080 --> 00:09:35.159 But these places, like these poetry communities, they have a 137 00:09:35.200 --> 00:09:38.080 platform that is so welcoming and so loving and very 138 00:09:38.159 --> 00:09:40.679 like safe for me to express myself. So when I'm 139 00:09:40.720 --> 00:09:45.600 expressing myself and expressing something that I went through, I 140 00:09:45.639 --> 00:09:48.320 am healing myself. I'm going I'm living through it again, 141 00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:52.559 but it's in a different way because I'm I'm stronger 142 00:09:52.679 --> 00:09:55.720 now and then I'm letting it out so then others 143 00:09:55.759 --> 00:09:58.600 can hear my story so then they can know that 144 00:09:58.639 --> 00:10:01.600 they're not alone. I had so many people come up 145 00:10:01.600 --> 00:10:03.960 to me after like a poem or a song and 146 00:10:04.000 --> 00:10:06.759 they're like, wow, like I went through the same thing, 147 00:10:07.000 --> 00:10:09.120 Or like when I wrote a poem about my dad, 148 00:10:09.159 --> 00:10:12.000 They're like I lost my father too, or like about 149 00:10:13.120 --> 00:10:17.480 healing being in a healthy relationship after like toxic ones, 150 00:10:17.559 --> 00:10:20.799 and they're like, when did you feel safe in that relationship? 151 00:10:20.840 --> 00:10:22.559 Like I feel the same way, and they're like they're 152 00:10:22.600 --> 00:10:24.600 talking to me about it and they're healing through my 153 00:10:24.759 --> 00:10:28.120 words while I'm healing through my words well also healing 154 00:10:28.200 --> 00:10:30.120 them at the same time. It's like a full circle. 155 00:10:30.559 --> 00:10:33.720 But it's definitely both that I'm healing myself and others. 156 00:10:33.840 --> 00:10:40.240 Wow, that's powerful. And I know that certain songs really 157 00:10:40.399 --> 00:10:45.120 speak to me or certain poems really can make a 158 00:10:45.159 --> 00:10:48.799 difference in someone's life. As I mentioned in my book, 159 00:10:48.879 --> 00:10:52.799 after each story, I tried to put lyrics of a 160 00:10:52.840 --> 00:10:57.120 song because I think it makes such a difference. So 161 00:10:57.360 --> 00:11:01.000 how has your faith influenced your writing and your music? 162 00:11:01.799 --> 00:11:06.440 So I like, again, God heals, and he has through 163 00:11:06.480 --> 00:11:09.600 my testimony, He has been backstage in my life through 164 00:11:09.879 --> 00:11:14.080 all the trauma and everything that I've been through and 165 00:11:14.200 --> 00:11:16.759 leading up to me getting baptized and like find the 166 00:11:16.840 --> 00:11:21.360 church and everything. I am taking my talent that He 167 00:11:21.559 --> 00:11:25.639 gave me, the passion and the empathy and just to 168 00:11:26.480 --> 00:11:30.360 help others heal and just kind of healed himself and 169 00:11:30.399 --> 00:11:33.480 then to find other purpose in their lives. And I 170 00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:36.320 feel like that is my purpose on earth, and I'm 171 00:11:36.440 --> 00:11:41.480 using that of my faith in God and the healing 172 00:11:41.519 --> 00:11:46.080 process just kind of like it's my armor, and I'm like, 173 00:11:46.360 --> 00:11:48.799 I'm gonna help fight other people's battles too, Like I'm 174 00:11:48.840 --> 00:11:51.080 gonna give them my I'm gonna give them my armor too, 175 00:11:51.240 --> 00:11:54.440 because they're not alone in their battle either. So he 176 00:11:54.519 --> 00:11:57.960 hasn't influenced me a lot of just keep keep fighting 177 00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:00.519 my own battles, but help others as well. Wow. 178 00:12:02.600 --> 00:12:08.080 So while you're doing that, do certain emotions come back, 179 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:12.879 like your heartbreak or grief still Do that still inspire 180 00:12:12.919 --> 00:12:17.000 your art or are you in a new creative season? 181 00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:22.519 Yes? So I'm known to write about like things that 182 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:27.440 I went through through heartbreak or trauma, so that's like 183 00:12:27.600 --> 00:12:31.559 that's what I'm expressing and letting out. But I'm in 184 00:12:31.600 --> 00:12:37.080 a new creative season. I'm in a very healthy relationship. Wonderful. Yeah, 185 00:12:37.759 --> 00:12:41.039 and it's it's such a blessing and but it's also 186 00:12:41.200 --> 00:12:46.799 it's also hard because I'm still learning un learning like 187 00:12:47.559 --> 00:12:50.480 behaviors from past relationships, so what I went through and 188 00:12:50.480 --> 00:12:54.639 what I've been how I've been treated. So but being 189 00:12:54.679 --> 00:12:57.000 in a healthy relationship, I'm in my what they call 190 00:12:57.200 --> 00:13:01.440 soft girl era where I'm actually writing love poems now, 191 00:13:02.279 --> 00:13:05.360 which is like who am I to be writing love poems? 192 00:13:05.480 --> 00:13:07.919 But I also want to kind of have that balance 193 00:13:07.960 --> 00:13:10.360 where like I do have my heartbreak poems because I'm 194 00:13:10.399 --> 00:13:13.000 still healing from that, but I also have my love 195 00:13:13.080 --> 00:13:16.480 poems because there is beauty after that heartbreak. You're gonna 196 00:13:16.519 --> 00:13:20.360 find your person. You're gonna find that you deserve the 197 00:13:20.399 --> 00:13:23.399 love that you're supposed to get, definitely, and I do 198 00:13:23.600 --> 00:13:26.440 actually have a poem to share about it. Yes, So 199 00:13:27.399 --> 00:13:30.159 it's also in the topic of after coming through a 200 00:13:30.279 --> 00:13:34.639 toxic relationship and then getting into a healthy relationship, I'm 201 00:13:34.679 --> 00:13:39.039 still going through like the triggers and going through like 202 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:43.159 the self sabotage of like do I deserve this healthy 203 00:13:43.200 --> 00:13:46.799 relationship and everything. So it's called even when it's safe, 204 00:13:47.799 --> 00:13:51.159 and the poem will express it more than when I 205 00:13:51.159 --> 00:13:55.919 can explain it. So even when it's safe, I keep 206 00:13:55.960 --> 00:13:58.960 waiting for the moment you turn into someone else. That 207 00:13:59.120 --> 00:14:02.919 softness really is a setup. That calmness must be a 208 00:14:03.000 --> 00:14:06.279 pause before the storm. Because what love taught me was 209 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:10.080 in love, it was walking on eggshells, every word measured, 210 00:14:10.159 --> 00:14:13.240 every look interpreted like a secret code I keep failing 211 00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:18.080 to solve. It was silence used as punishment, affection held hostage, 212 00:14:18.519 --> 00:14:21.440 It was being blamed for feelings that weren't mine to carry. 213 00:14:21.879 --> 00:14:24.759 It was gaslight and guilt sugarcoated with I love you, 214 00:14:25.200 --> 00:14:28.559 so I stayed confused enough to stay. Love taught me 215 00:14:28.639 --> 00:14:32.720 that apologies come right after emotional whiplash, that being needed 216 00:14:32.840 --> 00:14:35.720 was the same as being valued, that being chosen meant 217 00:14:35.720 --> 00:14:38.960 being controlled. I learned that love was something I had 218 00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:43.639 to earn by being small, agreeable, quiet, invisible. Now I'm 219 00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:47.440 here with you and it's quiet, safe, but my nervous 220 00:14:47.440 --> 00:14:50.240 system doesn't know the difference between peace and the silence 221 00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:53.360 that used to come before the next explosion. You say 222 00:14:53.360 --> 00:14:56.120 a care about how I feel, and I freeze because 223 00:14:56.159 --> 00:14:58.960 I learned that words don't always mean what they sound like. 224 00:14:59.279 --> 00:15:02.240 I learned to before someone asked me to. I learned 225 00:15:02.240 --> 00:15:05.720 to apologize just for existing. The worst part is how 226 00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:08.279 my mind betrays me, how I look for signs you'll 227 00:15:08.320 --> 00:15:11.960 hurt me even when you're doing everything right. It's exhausting 228 00:15:12.120 --> 00:15:14.879 to think the worst just to protect myself from it again, 229 00:15:15.240 --> 00:15:19.159 to race for betrayal before it happens, because it always happens, 230 00:15:19.759 --> 00:15:22.519 and it's terrifying to admit that this time it might not. 231 00:15:23.080 --> 00:15:25.360 You're doing all the right things and that's what scares 232 00:15:25.399 --> 00:15:27.440 me the most because I don't know how to trust 233 00:15:27.480 --> 00:15:30.600 what doesn't feel like survival. So when I seem distant, 234 00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:33.120 please know I'm not waiting for you to hurt me. 235 00:15:33.399 --> 00:15:35.600 I'm waiting for the moment I realized I was wrong 236 00:15:35.679 --> 00:15:38.440 to believe you wouldn't. This is the wreckage I carry, 237 00:15:38.559 --> 00:15:40.480 and this is what it means to be loved gently 238 00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:43.519 when you only know love as a weapon. So if 239 00:15:43.559 --> 00:15:46.200 I seem afraid even when you're kind, it's not you 240 00:15:46.279 --> 00:15:48.679 that I'm afraid of. It's how deeply I believe that 241 00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:51.759 I never deserve kindness at all. But I'm learning and 242 00:15:51.799 --> 00:15:54.919 you're still here, and maybe, just maybe this is what 243 00:15:55.000 --> 00:15:56.559 love will always supposed to feel like. 244 00:15:57.720 --> 00:16:04.080 Oh that is beautiful you wow, And I'm sure that 245 00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:05.960 that will touch many hearts. 246 00:16:06.559 --> 00:16:07.039 Thank you. 247 00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:12.600 In talking about love, and I've spoken to people who've 248 00:16:12.639 --> 00:16:16.759 been in toxic relationships, and at the end of my 249 00:16:17.320 --> 00:16:23.679 so the thread of everyone who endured their overcoming challenges 250 00:16:23.960 --> 00:16:28.759 was love. Yes, someone to love them, and it can 251 00:16:28.799 --> 00:16:33.080 be from a stranger or from a family member. So 252 00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:38.200 I took a verse from the New Testament that's read 253 00:16:38.200 --> 00:16:41.399 at a lot of weddings. Yes, love is patient. Love 254 00:16:41.480 --> 00:16:44.720 is kind. It does not envy, It does not boast. 255 00:16:45.080 --> 00:16:49.159 It is not proud, It does not dishonor others. It 256 00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:53.080 is not self seeking. It is not easily angered. It 257 00:16:53.159 --> 00:16:57.720 keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, 258 00:16:58.000 --> 00:17:04.480 but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, 259 00:17:04.519 --> 00:17:10.880 always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there 260 00:17:10.920 --> 00:17:15.039 are prophecies, they will cease. Where there are tongues, they 261 00:17:15.079 --> 00:17:19.000 will be stilled. Where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 262 00:17:21.039 --> 00:17:23.880 And you said something beautiful the last time we spoke. 263 00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:28.599 So yeah, so I forgot where I read it from somewhere. 264 00:17:28.680 --> 00:17:32.759 But if you take love and replace it with your 265 00:17:32.799 --> 00:17:38.039 partner's name, is like are they kind? Are they? You know? Like, 266 00:17:38.079 --> 00:17:41.279 and just keep going And then if the statement is true, 267 00:17:41.359 --> 00:17:46.359 then it feels more like genuine and it feels more real, 268 00:17:46.559 --> 00:17:48.720 you know. If the statement is true with their name 269 00:17:48.839 --> 00:17:51.240 is like are they kind? Are they patient? And so 270 00:17:51.440 --> 00:17:53.799 it's kind of like a little cheechy, but it's more 271 00:17:53.839 --> 00:17:56.680 of like, so you want to make sure those statements 272 00:17:56.680 --> 00:17:58.960 are true. If you found your soulme your. 273 00:17:58.799 --> 00:18:02.799 Person, absolutely and you deserve it, Yes, I deserve it. 274 00:18:02.839 --> 00:18:05.079 That's a self forgiving too. I have to make sure 275 00:18:05.119 --> 00:18:07.319 that I forgive myself and I know that I deserve 276 00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:09.680 and I know my worth, that I deserve the love. 277 00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:15.319 That I give absolutely the healing. Yes, yes, so healing 278 00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:20.400 isn't always linear. So how do you handle moments when 279 00:18:20.480 --> 00:18:25.119 old pain resurfaces or when growth feels slow? 280 00:18:25.720 --> 00:18:31.759 Yes? So, yes, healing is not linear at all. It's 281 00:18:31.839 --> 00:18:35.559 it's tough because again, being in a healthy relationship, triggers 282 00:18:35.599 --> 00:18:39.559 are being brought up. And I told my partner, I 283 00:18:39.599 --> 00:18:43.480 told him that when I have baggage that I'm unpacking 284 00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:46.440 and he's not allowed to unpack it, but he is 285 00:18:46.519 --> 00:18:49.759 my security blanket to comfort me during my healing journey. 286 00:18:49.839 --> 00:18:51.680 So when a trigger comes up and it's not his 287 00:18:51.799 --> 00:18:55.400 fault at all, it's just it's just something that I 288 00:18:55.440 --> 00:18:59.240 dealt with in the past where I have to come 289 00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:02.000 to realization and I have to understand where the trigger 290 00:19:02.039 --> 00:19:04.839 is coming from what I'm feeling, and then knowing that 291 00:19:04.920 --> 00:19:07.079 it's not his fault, it's just something that I need 292 00:19:07.119 --> 00:19:09.400 to unlearn, and then I talk it out with him 293 00:19:09.400 --> 00:19:13.000 and he's open heart, open mind with like talking it 294 00:19:13.000 --> 00:19:15.480 out with me and just helping me through it, which 295 00:19:15.559 --> 00:19:18.319 is such a blessing and like he doesn't have to, 296 00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:21.400 but he does because he cares and loves me, you know, 297 00:19:21.599 --> 00:19:26.880 So that's right, Yes, yes, so it is. It's tough 298 00:19:27.359 --> 00:19:30.000 and you have to have a lot of patience, but 299 00:19:30.119 --> 00:19:34.400 also it's like you have to make sure like your 300 00:19:34.440 --> 00:19:37.079 partner is ready for that. If they know from day 301 00:19:37.079 --> 00:19:39.440 one that you went through something and they're there to 302 00:19:39.519 --> 00:19:42.440 help you, then they're the one for you. Because it's 303 00:19:42.519 --> 00:19:46.200 it's hard to because I was trying my past relationships. 304 00:19:46.240 --> 00:19:49.000 I was trying to help others heal, but I was 305 00:19:49.039 --> 00:19:52.400 losing parts of myself along the way and that shouldn't happen. 306 00:19:53.079 --> 00:19:57.519 So so yeah, so it's it's it's tough when my 307 00:19:57.559 --> 00:20:00.839 triggers come up, but I feel as still as my 308 00:20:01.119 --> 00:20:07.880 anxiety has been a little more less coming up, like 309 00:20:07.920 --> 00:20:11.319 for instincts, Yeah, for instincts like I had to fly 310 00:20:11.400 --> 00:20:13.880 out for my job and I am afraid of flying, 311 00:20:14.000 --> 00:20:16.480 and my anxiety links to many other things of like 312 00:20:17.200 --> 00:20:22.160 of my past, and anxiety is just it's a whole picture. 313 00:20:22.279 --> 00:20:22.680 Sure. 314 00:20:22.759 --> 00:20:25.880 So so I was I'm so afraid of flying, but 315 00:20:26.119 --> 00:20:28.119 I like sitting at the window seat and looking at 316 00:20:28.160 --> 00:20:32.400 the clouds. But my last recent flying out in September, 317 00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:36.680 I was not anxious at all. I was relaxed, and 318 00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:38.680 it surprised me and I was like, wait a minute, 319 00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:41.039 I'm like, why am I not afraid to fly right now? 320 00:20:41.319 --> 00:20:43.880 And I feel like when I'm working on my healing 321 00:20:43.960 --> 00:20:47.400 in other parts of myself, that kind of just kind 322 00:20:47.400 --> 00:20:50.319 of gave me the boost of I guess confidence or 323 00:20:50.440 --> 00:20:54.039 just peacing like you're fine, You're okay, this is not 324 00:20:54.119 --> 00:20:59.359 something you should worry about. It's control. So I was like, whoa, wow, Yes, 325 00:21:00.119 --> 00:21:03.160 so it's like that's something like, oh yeah, I'll worry 326 00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:06.279 about like of healing my anxiety with flying. And then 327 00:21:06.319 --> 00:21:08.680 I'm like, wait, I'm working on this and actually help that, 328 00:21:08.839 --> 00:21:11.480 so it all comes together in the end. That's great. 329 00:21:11.839 --> 00:21:15.680 But yeah, back to the point where triggers will come up, 330 00:21:15.759 --> 00:21:18.400 it is not it's guarantee that they will come up 331 00:21:18.920 --> 00:21:22.759 no matter what, but just channeling your strength and to 332 00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:28.480 know what is triggering, talk it through and then just 333 00:21:28.759 --> 00:21:29.440 get through it. 334 00:21:29.720 --> 00:21:33.319 Okay. Yeah, So my next question was you've kind of 335 00:21:33.359 --> 00:21:37.640 answered it's balancing vulnerability and protecting yourself. Yes, you know, 336 00:21:37.720 --> 00:21:42.559 sharing your story and also taking care of your own 337 00:21:42.680 --> 00:21:46.519 emotional well being. Can be really difficult and putting yourself 338 00:21:46.559 --> 00:21:52.119 out there. So is it a difficult balance or for 339 00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:55.480 vulnerability and protecting your heart so to speak? 340 00:21:55.680 --> 00:22:01.720 Yeah, so yeah, so one sharing my experiences like things 341 00:22:01.759 --> 00:22:06.720 I went through, it's more of like it is, it 342 00:22:06.759 --> 00:22:08.960 is very vulnerable being on a stage in front of 343 00:22:09.160 --> 00:22:11.640 strangers that you don't know, and you're saying about your 344 00:22:11.640 --> 00:22:15.559 heartbreak or saying about any any trauma or anything that 345 00:22:15.599 --> 00:22:17.920 you went through, and it can get very like dark 346 00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:21.359 and like very deep fast. And you know, there was 347 00:22:21.400 --> 00:22:23.200 one time where I performed like a song that I 348 00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:25.400 wrote for my dad, and I started crying, and there 349 00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:27.640 was there was people in the audience that were just 350 00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:31.400 very like so kind of like caring, like one game 351 00:22:31.519 --> 00:22:33.759 came up and gave me a tissue. Oh yeah. So 352 00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:38.759 it's it's a very heartfelt, vulnerable moment. And then there 353 00:22:38.799 --> 00:22:41.720 are moments where you should protect your peace and protect 354 00:22:41.799 --> 00:22:45.400 your yourself and your heart, but you have to kind 355 00:22:45.400 --> 00:22:48.039 of like read the room and read your environment. If 356 00:22:48.079 --> 00:22:51.839 you don't feel comfortable, then don't share your story because 357 00:22:51.880 --> 00:22:55.319 then there's some type of negativity energy that's kind of 358 00:22:55.920 --> 00:23:01.599 gonna it's not gonna help you. So with yeah, just 359 00:23:01.720 --> 00:23:05.319 knowing your environment and making sure you feel safe, then 360 00:23:05.440 --> 00:23:08.720 that's when you can open yourself up and be vulnerable. 361 00:23:09.000 --> 00:23:10.920 But then if you feel don't feel safe, if you 362 00:23:10.960 --> 00:23:14.759 feel like you don't feel like expressing your story, then 363 00:23:15.119 --> 00:23:17.240 protect your energy. So it's a balance and you have 364 00:23:17.319 --> 00:23:18.440 to be able. 365 00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:22.279 To do both right right, Yeah, you know sometimes those 366 00:23:22.640 --> 00:23:26.519 that gut feeling is real and it should be paid 367 00:23:26.559 --> 00:23:31.240 attention to. Yes, So what message do you hope people 368 00:23:31.359 --> 00:23:35.079 carry with them after hearing your songs and reading your words? 369 00:23:35.799 --> 00:23:40.160 My message, I feel like again my whole theme blooming 370 00:23:40.240 --> 00:23:48.359 and healing, that healing is is is a journey and 371 00:23:48.440 --> 00:23:51.920 it's not pretty. But you're not alone. There's so many 372 00:23:51.960 --> 00:23:55.240 positive outlets. Like tap into something that you enjoy that 373 00:23:55.240 --> 00:23:58.200 you've been putting off. Get out of your comfort zone 374 00:23:58.640 --> 00:24:02.519 because being in your comfort zone it like I I've 375 00:24:02.559 --> 00:24:06.039 like branched out completely out of my comfort zone with 376 00:24:06.079 --> 00:24:08.119 so many things. I made so many changes because my 377 00:24:08.160 --> 00:24:12.599 body it was screaming and like for change. So getting 378 00:24:12.599 --> 00:24:15.079 out of your comfort zone and knowing that you're not 379 00:24:15.160 --> 00:24:20.039 alone and just find your community, find your people you know, 380 00:24:20.960 --> 00:24:26.319 and also express like true love to yourself and just 381 00:24:26.519 --> 00:24:31.119 you know, just find that positive outlet. Singing, songwriting, writing, 382 00:24:31.160 --> 00:24:34.359 poetry is my is my positive outlet. So find that 383 00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:38.119 positive outlet. Tap into something that you enjoyed in your 384 00:24:38.200 --> 00:24:40.559 childhood that you're like, oh, I want to go I 385 00:24:40.599 --> 00:24:42.920 want to roll a skate again, or I want to crochet. 386 00:24:43.240 --> 00:24:46.720 Find that little hobby because then that's gonna heal part 387 00:24:46.799 --> 00:24:50.640 of you and then speak up, talk to someone and 388 00:24:50.640 --> 00:24:52.799 and seek for help if, like, if you really need 389 00:24:52.839 --> 00:24:56.160 to like let out more than what you are struggling with. 390 00:24:56.279 --> 00:25:02.000 Right right, that's so true. If healing were a garden, 391 00:25:02.559 --> 00:25:06.160 what flowers would represent your journey? And why? 392 00:25:06.359 --> 00:25:10.599 Oh that's such a good question. Oh my goodness, Well 393 00:25:10.799 --> 00:25:15.599 I love sunflowers. And the reason why I love sunflowers 394 00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:19.200 because they're always going towards the light and and they're 395 00:25:19.279 --> 00:25:22.200 just so like just big and bright and tall. And 396 00:25:22.640 --> 00:25:24.799 that's what I want. I want to be a sunflower 397 00:25:25.119 --> 00:25:29.880 of you want to always reach for the light, no 398 00:25:29.880 --> 00:25:33.240 matter what the light is, because I don't want to 399 00:25:33.240 --> 00:25:35.440 be in the darkness anymore. I don't. We don't want 400 00:25:35.480 --> 00:25:39.160 to be in the darkness. We don't want to be 401 00:25:39.240 --> 00:25:41.960