WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.520 --> 00:00:05.440 This is Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, the broadcast ministry of 2 00:00:05.559 --> 00:00:10.119 Pastor Rick Warren. Today we continue in the series Essentials 3 00:00:10.160 --> 00:00:14.000 for Living. In these lessons, Pastor Rick shares the power 4 00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:17.239 you need to live on, the principles you need to 5 00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:20.600 live by, and the purpose you need to live for 6 00:00:21.079 --> 00:00:25.559 so that you're truly living and not just existing. First, 7 00:00:25.960 --> 00:00:29.239 we're excited to let you know that very generous friends 8 00:00:29.280 --> 00:00:32.840 of Daily Hope have stepped forward with a special twenty 9 00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:36.759 five thousand dollars matching grant That means any gift you 10 00:00:36.920 --> 00:00:39.960 give to help Daily Hope share God's word with people 11 00:00:40.039 --> 00:00:44.479 everywhere will be doubled. So contact us right away, go 12 00:00:44.520 --> 00:00:47.920 to Pastororrick dot com or text the word Hope to 13 00:00:48.119 --> 00:00:51.840 eight hundred six hundred five thousand and four while you 14 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:57.119 listen to today's broadcast. Right now, here's Pastor Rick Warren 15 00:00:57.280 --> 00:01:00.560 with part two of a message called how to connect 16 00:01:00.640 --> 00:01:01.280 with People. 17 00:01:02.439 --> 00:01:05.640 The fourth key to connecting is to be candid. To 18 00:01:05.680 --> 00:01:09.480 be candid about the problems in the relationship. In other words, 19 00:01:09.480 --> 00:01:11.159 you have to be open, you have to be honest, 20 00:01:11.239 --> 00:01:14.519 you you have to be frank Proverbs twenty four to 21 00:01:14.560 --> 00:01:18.840 twenty six, says an honest answer is the sign of 22 00:01:18.879 --> 00:01:23.079 a true friendship. Now, notice that being candid and being 23 00:01:23.159 --> 00:01:26.480 connected go together. You don't have one without the other 24 00:01:26.599 --> 00:01:33.239 being candid and connected. Because genuine, healthy, deep, meaningful relationships 25 00:01:33.480 --> 00:01:35.959 are built on honesty, not on flattery. 26 00:01:36.760 --> 00:01:37.799 If you got somebody. 27 00:01:37.560 --> 00:01:40.120 Who's kissing up to you, who's always telling you what 28 00:01:40.159 --> 00:01:43.159 you want to hear, they don't really love you, they're 29 00:01:43.280 --> 00:01:46.959 using you. Flattery is a sign of a manipulator, not 30 00:01:47.040 --> 00:01:51.719 a sign of somebody who's genuinely your friend. So genuine friendships, 31 00:01:51.840 --> 00:01:56.640 genuine relationships, are candid where they'll tell you know when 32 00:01:56.640 --> 00:01:59.519 you've got spinach in your teeth, they'll tell you when 33 00:01:59.560 --> 00:02:02.040 you're blown it, they'll tell you when you're wasting your life, 34 00:02:02.120 --> 00:02:06.400 when you're making a dumb, bad decision, Because healthy relationships 35 00:02:06.400 --> 00:02:09.960 are built on honesty. Now all of us, all of 36 00:02:10.039 --> 00:02:14.479 us have blind spots. Some of us have bald spots too, 37 00:02:14.560 --> 00:02:19.800 but we all have blind spots. The question that really 38 00:02:19.840 --> 00:02:22.960 matters is do you have anybody in your life who 39 00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:27.000 loves you enough to point them out? Do you have 40 00:02:27.120 --> 00:02:29.840 anybody in your life who cares enough to say you 41 00:02:29.919 --> 00:02:33.000 need to work on this. Do you have anybody in 42 00:02:33.039 --> 00:02:35.919 your life, who loves you enough to hold you accountable 43 00:02:36.000 --> 00:02:38.719 and makes you grow, Because if you don't, I pity you, 44 00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:43.039 because you cannot grow unless somebody points out the things 45 00:02:43.080 --> 00:02:47.520 that you can't see in your life that need changing. Honest, 46 00:02:48.280 --> 00:02:53.520 loving candidness is what all of us need to grow. 47 00:02:53.960 --> 00:02:56.319 But you can't grow without it. So let me give 48 00:02:56.360 --> 00:02:59.599 you three rules for being candid in relationships. Write these down. 49 00:02:59.840 --> 00:03:06.599 One Always compliment in public, correct in private. Compliment in public, 50 00:03:07.199 --> 00:03:10.560 correct in private. If you're doing this with your children, 51 00:03:10.919 --> 00:03:13.960 Compliment in public, correct in private if you're doing this 52 00:03:14.039 --> 00:03:17.599 with your husband or wife. Compliment in public, correct in private. 53 00:03:17.680 --> 00:03:19.960 If you're doing with an employee or a student, or 54 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:25.280 a friend or a neighbor, compliment in public, correct in private. 55 00:03:25.479 --> 00:03:30.960 Number two, correct when they're up, not down. Correct them 56 00:03:31.000 --> 00:03:34.879 when they're up, not down, because nobody can handle correction 57 00:03:35.120 --> 00:03:37.919 when they're tired, when they're fatigued, when they're depressed, when 58 00:03:37.919 --> 00:03:41.439 they're out of energy. You know, my wife has had 59 00:03:41.439 --> 00:03:44.039 to listen to my preaching now for over twenty five years, 60 00:03:45.639 --> 00:03:49.039 and I depend on k to give me good feedback, 61 00:03:49.319 --> 00:03:53.240 and she has been a great blessing in my life. 62 00:03:53.360 --> 00:03:54.400 But the thing that I love. 63 00:03:54.439 --> 00:03:58.319 The most about case correction or case feedback is that 64 00:03:58.360 --> 00:04:02.199 she never ever tells me something needs to change immediately 65 00:04:02.240 --> 00:04:06.719 after service, because, folks, after five services, you're lower than 66 00:04:06.719 --> 00:04:11.800 a skunk. You're out of energy, You're adrenaline is depleted, 67 00:04:12.039 --> 00:04:14.719 your blood sugar is at low. Really, after five services, 68 00:04:14.759 --> 00:04:16.680 all you want to do is go home, get under 69 00:04:16.720 --> 00:04:18.720 the covers, pull them up, and go to sleep for 70 00:04:19.000 --> 00:04:19.920 nine or ten hours. 71 00:04:21.639 --> 00:04:22.879 And so she always. 72 00:04:22.600 --> 00:04:24.759 Waits until I've had a little bit of rest, a 73 00:04:24.759 --> 00:04:30.600 little delay, my stomach's full of food. Sometimes you wait 74 00:04:30.600 --> 00:04:33.399 a full twenty four hours, and then she'll give me 75 00:04:33.800 --> 00:04:37.800 helpful corrections on improving the skills that I'm trying to improve. 76 00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:41.959 You see, when I'm feeling good, I can handle almost 77 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:46.240 any correction. When I'm feeling tired, I can't handle anything. 78 00:04:47.600 --> 00:04:50.560 Isn't that true with you? You know, when you're tired, 79 00:04:50.600 --> 00:04:54.160 when you're fatigued, the slightest little word of correction is 80 00:04:54.199 --> 00:04:57.079 like a big mountain, and you know it just it's overwhelming. 81 00:04:57.759 --> 00:05:03.079 So you need timingness everything candidness. The third is, never 82 00:05:03.240 --> 00:05:06.480 offer correction until you've proven that you're open to it. 83 00:05:07.800 --> 00:05:10.800 You should never correct anybody else until first you've proven 84 00:05:10.959 --> 00:05:14.879 that you're open to receiving it from them, And so 85 00:05:14.959 --> 00:05:18.480 again you seek to understand before seeking to be understood, 86 00:05:18.480 --> 00:05:20.879 and you open you up your life before you expect 87 00:05:20.920 --> 00:05:25.360 them to open up their lives. Now, all healthy relationships 88 00:05:26.439 --> 00:05:32.199 need and allow the opportunity for expression of frustration and anger. 89 00:05:33.399 --> 00:05:38.639 Anger is a good thing in relationships. Sometimes miscontrolled anger 90 00:05:39.000 --> 00:05:42.120 are out of control. Anger is bad, but anger is 91 00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:45.480 sometimes the only legitimate response in. 92 00:05:45.439 --> 00:05:46.879 A relationship where there's love. 93 00:05:49.040 --> 00:05:50.800 If there's some things that you don't get angry over, 94 00:05:50.839 --> 00:05:53.480 it just means one thing you don't care, you don't love. 95 00:05:54.319 --> 00:05:58.279 Sometimes anger is the response of love. Now, the problem 96 00:05:58.360 --> 00:06:02.759 is today many couples are scared to death of anger, 97 00:06:03.120 --> 00:06:05.399 so they run from it, and as a result, they're 98 00:06:05.439 --> 00:06:08.959 always pushing the issues aside. They're always sweeping them under 99 00:06:08.959 --> 00:06:11.720 the carpet. They're afraid of anger, and so they just 100 00:06:11.759 --> 00:06:13.800 push it aside. Well, let's don't deal with it. And 101 00:06:13.839 --> 00:06:16.319 you spend all your life going round and round and 102 00:06:16.439 --> 00:06:21.279 round skating the issue, and you make little sarcastic remarks 103 00:06:21.279 --> 00:06:24.079 about it, and you may tease and hint and offer 104 00:06:24.120 --> 00:06:27.079 little jokes, and you may make little wise cracks about it, 105 00:06:27.120 --> 00:06:32.839 but you never really candidly deal with the issues. Some 106 00:06:32.879 --> 00:06:37.279 of you have been married ten, fifteen, twenty or more years. 107 00:06:37.720 --> 00:06:40.120 And you are still dealing with issues. 108 00:06:39.759 --> 00:06:41.959 Today that you should have resolved in the first five 109 00:06:42.040 --> 00:06:45.560 years of your marriage. But you're still dealing with them today. 110 00:06:45.879 --> 00:06:50.319 Why because you have refused to be candid and you 111 00:06:50.439 --> 00:06:52.839 just kind of skirt around the issues and you won't 112 00:06:52.920 --> 00:06:54.920 face the music and deal with it. 113 00:06:57.000 --> 00:06:58.639 I don't know how to say it any clearer than this. 114 00:07:00.040 --> 00:07:05.879 There is no genuine intimacy without going through the tunnel 115 00:07:06.120 --> 00:07:06.959 of conflict. 116 00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:10.639 You say, surely, Rick, you gotta be kidding. I am 117 00:07:10.680 --> 00:07:11.199 not kidding. 118 00:07:11.839 --> 00:07:14.720 I've probably counseled more people than you've talked with in 119 00:07:14.759 --> 00:07:17.759 your life, and I have come to the conclusion that 120 00:07:17.839 --> 00:07:22.279 there is no genuine intimacy without going through conflict, because 121 00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:25.920 it is in conflict that the relationship is spelled out, 122 00:07:26.040 --> 00:07:27.720 defined and built. 123 00:07:28.839 --> 00:07:32.319 So you have to do it now. Notice, over here, 124 00:07:32.360 --> 00:07:32.920 on one. 125 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:38.040 Side, you have what I call superficial intimacy. You may 126 00:07:38.279 --> 00:07:40.399 like a person, you may be acquainted with, you may 127 00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:42.839 be in love, you may be married to a person, 128 00:07:43.480 --> 00:07:48.680 and still never get beyond superficial intimacy because you won't 129 00:07:48.720 --> 00:07:51.879 ever really deal with the gut issues of the relationship 130 00:07:51.920 --> 00:07:54.399 that need to be dealt with your faults and that 131 00:07:54.439 --> 00:07:56.720 person's fault, And so you keep it here at this 132 00:07:56.800 --> 00:08:00.759 superficial intimacy level. I mean, you have ten kids and 133 00:08:00.800 --> 00:08:03.120 a lot of sex and still have superficial intimacy. 134 00:08:04.040 --> 00:08:06.360 On the other hand, over here is what I call. 135 00:08:06.879 --> 00:08:13.720 Genuine, deep intimacy, soul satisfying relationship, heart to heart, being 136 00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:16.839 fully understood by another person and having them fully understand 137 00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:19.360 you in a way that you never thought possible on 138 00:08:19.360 --> 00:08:24.240 this planet. Having a person be so connected with another 139 00:08:24.319 --> 00:08:28.839 person that there is a deep, deep satisfying. 140 00:08:28.120 --> 00:08:29.519 Communion between the two of you. 141 00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:36.879 Now, how do you get from superficial intimacy to genuine 142 00:08:37.320 --> 00:08:41.679 soul satisfying intimacy with another human being? How do you 143 00:08:41.679 --> 00:08:44.639 get there? Well, there's no straight line across. You have 144 00:08:44.759 --> 00:08:47.679 to go through the tunnel of conflict. 145 00:08:48.039 --> 00:08:51.840 It is the only way. 146 00:08:53.720 --> 00:08:56.879 You're listening to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope rip will be 147 00:08:56.919 --> 00:08:59.759 back in just a moment with the rest of today's lesson. 148 00:09:00.159 --> 00:09:03.240 You can sign up for Pastor Rick's free email devotional 149 00:09:03.480 --> 00:09:07.480 at pastorick dot com. That's pastorick dot com. 150 00:09:07.720 --> 00:09:11.440 Do you desire more of God, he desires more of you. 151 00:09:12.279 --> 00:09:15.200 Let me ask you this, how's your relationship with God 152 00:09:15.279 --> 00:09:18.480 right now? Maybe you're walking closely with him and do 153 00:09:18.519 --> 00:09:23.039 you feel energized and alive? Or maybe you feel disconnected 154 00:09:23.399 --> 00:09:26.600 like you're just going through the motions. Pastor Rick says, 155 00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:29.720 if you want to stay connected and even deepen your 156 00:09:29.759 --> 00:09:33.679 relationship with God, you need to be intentional. That's why 157 00:09:33.799 --> 00:09:37.919 every year Pastor Rick personally goes through a spiritual renewal study, 158 00:09:38.200 --> 00:09:41.320 and now he's made that very same study available to you. 159 00:09:41.879 --> 00:09:46.120 It's called Going Deeper with God, a personal renewal Retreat. 160 00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:50.279 In this very special resource, Pastor Rick will personally lead 161 00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:54.120 you on a spiritual journey that brings you closer to God. Together, 162 00:09:54.279 --> 00:09:57.159 you'll go through a series of audio lessons, and after 163 00:09:57.240 --> 00:10:00.279 each session, you'll take a little time to reflect and 164 00:10:00.360 --> 00:10:04.720 complete exercises in the Companion workbook. Through this retreat, you'll 165 00:10:04.759 --> 00:10:08.480 experience a renewal of life within you. God will restore 166 00:10:08.559 --> 00:10:13.519 your joy. As he renews, refreshes, invigorates, and revives your 167 00:10:13.559 --> 00:10:17.440 spiritual life. You'll never be the same again. When you 168 00:10:17.480 --> 00:10:20.080 give a gift to Daily Hope, you're helping share the 169 00:10:20.120 --> 00:10:24.000 hope of Jesus with people everywhere and right now, your 170 00:10:24.000 --> 00:10:26.600 gift will be doubled by a twenty five thousand dollars 171 00:10:26.600 --> 00:10:30.480 matching grant called eight hundred six hundred five zero zero four. 172 00:10:30.879 --> 00:10:33.639 Or you can visit Pastororick dot com and we'll send 173 00:10:33.679 --> 00:10:37.320 you going Deeper with God a personal renewal retreat to 174 00:10:37.440 --> 00:10:40.919 say thanks again. That's eight hundred at six hundred five 175 00:10:41.000 --> 00:10:44.279 zero zero four or pastorick dot com. Be sure to 176 00:10:44.360 --> 00:10:46.600 let us know the call letters of this station when 177 00:10:46.639 --> 00:10:50.960 you give a gift to help meet the matching grant. 178 00:10:54.159 --> 00:10:58.399 Now back to more from God's Word with Pastor Rick Warren. 179 00:10:58.759 --> 00:11:04.639 Now, how do you get from superficial intimacy to genuine, 180 00:11:05.080 --> 00:11:09.440 soul satisfying intimacy with another human being? How do you 181 00:11:09.440 --> 00:11:12.399 get there? Well, there's no straight line across. You have 182 00:11:12.519 --> 00:11:16.399 to go through the tunnel of conflict. It is the 183 00:11:16.559 --> 00:11:20.879 only way. Now, in the tunnel of conflict, I'll be 184 00:11:20.919 --> 00:11:25.279 honest with you, it's not fun. It's messy. In fact, 185 00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:29.320 it is usually quite painful because as you go down 186 00:11:29.399 --> 00:11:33.679 from the pseudo phony intimacy into the tunnel of conflict, 187 00:11:33.799 --> 00:11:35.799 there's no light in there, and you don't know if 188 00:11:35.840 --> 00:11:37.639 you're going to come out on the right side or not. 189 00:11:38.960 --> 00:11:41.919 And in the tunnel of conflict, you have to hear 190 00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:45.039 some things you don't want to hear, and you have 191 00:11:45.120 --> 00:11:47.440 to say some things you probably don't feel like saying, 192 00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:50.759 but they need to be said if the relationship is 193 00:11:50.799 --> 00:11:55.600 going to go beyond simple superficiality and accommodation to genuine 194 00:11:55.600 --> 00:11:59.320 heart to heart commitment and intimacy. And you have to 195 00:11:59.360 --> 00:12:01.600 say those and you have to stay there in the 196 00:12:01.679 --> 00:12:05.159 pain and maybe even in the noise, and maybe in 197 00:12:05.200 --> 00:12:07.559 the hurt, and you have to stay there and work 198 00:12:07.600 --> 00:12:09.360 through it because you're trying to work on it and 199 00:12:09.399 --> 00:12:12.320 you're both committed to making it happen, so you fix 200 00:12:12.399 --> 00:12:16.080 the problem rather than fixing the blame. And when you're 201 00:12:16.120 --> 00:12:19.720 in the tunnel of conflict, every bone in your body says, 202 00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:20.840 this is too hard. 203 00:12:21.679 --> 00:12:22.399 I'm not gonna do this. 204 00:12:22.679 --> 00:12:24.799 It's not worth the pain, and you want to back 205 00:12:24.840 --> 00:12:28.440 out and escape and go back up here to superficial intimacy. 206 00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:34.000 And unfortunately most people settle for that in life and 207 00:12:34.120 --> 00:12:38.000 never know the satisfaction of being connected at the deepest 208 00:12:38.080 --> 00:12:40.960 level with another human being, And so you back out 209 00:12:41.000 --> 00:12:42.799 of it. And you're up over here and you just 210 00:12:42.879 --> 00:12:45.360 kind of settle for less than God's best in your life. 211 00:12:47.200 --> 00:12:49.799 But on the other hand, if you will stay with it, 212 00:12:50.480 --> 00:12:53.399 and you'll say, we're gonna work on this, and I 213 00:12:53.440 --> 00:12:55.159 need to say some tough things that I need to 214 00:12:55.200 --> 00:12:57.720 hear some tough things, and we'll cry and we'll share, 215 00:12:57.759 --> 00:13:01.279 and we'll work, and we'll get anger and frustrated, but 216 00:13:01.320 --> 00:13:05.320 we're gonna work on this. If you'll stick with it, 217 00:13:05.519 --> 00:13:08.399 and you'll do these six principles, you will eventually come 218 00:13:08.440 --> 00:13:13.840 out on the other side. Now, in the tunnel of conflict, 219 00:13:13.879 --> 00:13:17.240 it's it's kind of like childbirth. At times, the pain 220 00:13:17.320 --> 00:13:22.399 may seem unbearable, but if you stick with it, you 221 00:13:22.440 --> 00:13:26.399 will have a new birth of a new relationship at 222 00:13:26.399 --> 00:13:28.320 a level you didn't even know. 223 00:13:28.360 --> 00:13:33.440 It was possible up to that point. But it takes 224 00:13:33.480 --> 00:13:34.200 being candid. 225 00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:40.080 Let's say a husband is repeatedly late for dinner, and 226 00:13:40.159 --> 00:13:43.639 of course none of you've ever done that. He seems 227 00:13:43.679 --> 00:13:48.399 totally indifferent about punctuality, permits any little thing to delay him. 228 00:13:48.600 --> 00:13:50.679 When he arrives late for the fourth or fifth day 229 00:13:50.679 --> 00:13:53.000 in a row, his wife says, in an accusing tone, 230 00:13:53.399 --> 00:13:56.159 you're late again. Look at the supper. 231 00:13:56.879 --> 00:13:59.639 It's cold. I went to a lot of hard work 232 00:13:59.720 --> 00:14:00.799 and you you spoiled it. 233 00:14:01.799 --> 00:14:04.279 Now, what is she doing? She is attacking. Now, what 234 00:14:04.440 --> 00:14:07.080 is the natural response when you were attacked? 235 00:14:08.000 --> 00:14:10.720 Attack back? Exactly, attack back. 236 00:14:11.039 --> 00:14:14.960 So his response is to justify his lateness and to 237 00:14:15.039 --> 00:14:18.559 attack her for not being understanding and for placing far 238 00:14:18.679 --> 00:14:21.679 too much importance on the dinner. And so they just 239 00:14:21.720 --> 00:14:24.840 create this adversarial relationship. Now, these people are supposed to 240 00:14:24.840 --> 00:14:28.679 love each other, but they're actually acting like enemies. Here's 241 00:14:28.720 --> 00:14:32.240 an alternative. At the right time, the wife could say 242 00:14:32.279 --> 00:14:35.799 something like this. You know, honey, when I prepare a 243 00:14:35.879 --> 00:14:42.480 nice supper and it's left to get cold, I feel unappreciated. Now, 244 00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:44.720 I know you must have good reasons for being late. 245 00:14:45.200 --> 00:14:49.120 I just feel like it's on My work is unimportant 246 00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:53.200 to you. Now, notice she didn't make any accusatory statements. No, 247 00:14:53.360 --> 00:14:55.519 you do this, you do this, you do that. They're 248 00:14:55.519 --> 00:14:58.240 all I statements. I feel this way, this is how 249 00:14:58.279 --> 00:15:02.879 I feel. Now, what if the guy brushes her feelings aside, 250 00:15:02.879 --> 00:15:06.240 said well, you just shouldn't feel that way, she has 251 00:15:06.279 --> 00:15:10.799 another opportunity to make her point. He's just proved what 252 00:15:10.879 --> 00:15:13.960 she just said, She might say, you know, honey, I 253 00:15:14.080 --> 00:15:16.679 tried to tell you that being late makes me feel 254 00:15:16.759 --> 00:15:21.360 unappreciated and unimportant. And then when my feelings about it 255 00:15:21.399 --> 00:15:24.679 are just brushed aside is unimportant, that makes me feel 256 00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:26.159 even more unimportant. 257 00:15:27.840 --> 00:15:30.320 Well, now the guy has no excuse. Now, I mean, 258 00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:31.919 she's just proved the very point he made. 259 00:15:31.919 --> 00:15:37.320 I mean, he's a dufust Okay, but she's done it 260 00:15:37.360 --> 00:15:42.000 without attacking him. You have to be candid, now, the 261 00:15:42.000 --> 00:15:45.360 Bible says in Proverbs twenty five, five and six, better 262 00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:50.480 is open rebuke than hidden love and wounds from a 263 00:15:50.559 --> 00:15:54.759 friend can be trusted. In other words, if you really 264 00:15:54.840 --> 00:15:58.919 care about the relationship, sometime there is only one alternative. 265 00:15:59.519 --> 00:16:06.279 Confront force the issue, force the argument. Sometimes that's the 266 00:16:06.320 --> 00:16:09.200 only alternative in a relationship that's going south. You have 267 00:16:09.240 --> 00:16:12.080 to force the issue, and you have to confront in 268 00:16:12.200 --> 00:16:14.799 love and be willing to put up with the pain. 269 00:16:16.039 --> 00:16:20.840 So let's get real personal right now. Some of you 270 00:16:20.879 --> 00:16:21.440 are scared to. 271 00:16:21.399 --> 00:16:26.519 Death of what I'm going to say. Who do you 272 00:16:26.559 --> 00:16:32.399 need to get honest with? What problem in your relationship 273 00:16:32.440 --> 00:16:34.519 are you pretending isn't a problem? 274 00:16:34.960 --> 00:16:35.440 What problem? 275 00:16:35.440 --> 00:16:37.279 I don't see any problem. It's sitting there right in 276 00:16:37.279 --> 00:16:39.080 the living room, Ember, I can see it, but what problem? 277 00:16:39.120 --> 00:16:39.679 I don't see it? 278 00:16:40.600 --> 00:16:43.120 And you keep skirting around the issue and not dealing 279 00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:48.519 with it, not confronting it, and just living in pseudo intimacy. 280 00:16:48.679 --> 00:16:51.960 Which of those issues do you need to be candid about? 281 00:16:53.639 --> 00:16:56.519 You See, there's another word for keeping the peace. It's 282 00:16:56.559 --> 00:17:04.000 called codependency. And that is not a good thing, and 283 00:17:04.039 --> 00:17:07.599 that is not what God created you for. Sometimes you 284 00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:12.519 must care enough to confront Tom's gonna talk about the 285 00:17:12.519 --> 00:17:13.039 next one. 286 00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:18.519 There were three pastors that got together and decided to 287 00:17:18.680 --> 00:17:21.000 work on this honesty thing. They sat down in a 288 00:17:21.039 --> 00:17:23.640 small group and said, let's just be honest. Let's just 289 00:17:23.640 --> 00:17:25.759 be honest with each other about what our greatest struggle, 290 00:17:25.799 --> 00:17:28.920 our greatest sin is. The first guy launched things out, 291 00:17:28.920 --> 00:17:31.759 but I honestly said, you know, I struggle with lust. 292 00:17:31.839 --> 00:17:35.359 I always have, and I honestly have had some very 293 00:17:35.480 --> 00:17:38.720 very evil thoughts lately. The next guy said, well, since 294 00:17:38.720 --> 00:17:42.440 you were honest, I struggle with materialism, and I honestly 295 00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:45.480 i'm in debt up to hear. The third guy looked 296 00:17:45.480 --> 00:17:49.200 at him and said, well, I struggle with gossip, and 297 00:17:49.240 --> 00:17:55.920 I honestly can't wait to get to a telephone if 298 00:17:55.960 --> 00:17:59.720 relationships are gonna work. Number five, we have to be 299 00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:06.039 confidential with information. Why Because par Was eleven thirteen reminds 300 00:18:06.119 --> 00:18:10.480 us that a gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man, 301 00:18:10.519 --> 00:18:13.599 a trustworthy woman keeps a secret, or either kind of 302 00:18:13.599 --> 00:18:16.960 person who can keep people's confidences so that they can 303 00:18:17.000 --> 00:18:19.799 trust you. We tend to think of gossip as one 304 00:18:19.839 --> 00:18:21.400 of those little sins, you know what I'm talking about, 305 00:18:21.440 --> 00:18:22.519 the misdemeanor sins. 306 00:18:22.519 --> 00:18:23.839 They're sort of down here on the list. 307 00:18:24.359 --> 00:18:26.400 But when God talks about gossip, he puts it on 308 00:18:26.440 --> 00:18:29.640 the list up with things like sexual immorality and murder. 309 00:18:30.039 --> 00:18:35.880 Why Because it is so destructive to relationships. Gossip can 310 00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:39.359 tear a friendship apart, a family apart, a church family apart. 311 00:18:39.720 --> 00:18:43.519 More churches have been destroyed by gossip than persecution, More 312 00:18:43.599 --> 00:18:46.119 friendships have been destroyed by gossip than any other kind 313 00:18:46.119 --> 00:18:50.640 of disloyalty. It's incredibly destructive to relationships when you trust 314 00:18:50.799 --> 00:18:54.359 someone and then find out you couldn't trust them. 315 00:18:55.160 --> 00:18:58.240 What's so destructive about it? My favorite story. 316 00:18:58.000 --> 00:18:59.960 About gossip has always been of the man who went 317 00:19:00.079 --> 00:19:02.759 to the rabbi and confess the sin of gossip and 318 00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:05.079 ask them what penance can I do for this sin? 319 00:19:05.640 --> 00:19:07.279 And the Rabbi said, here's what you do. You take 320 00:19:07.319 --> 00:19:10.680 this feather pillow and walk up on this mountain, rip 321 00:19:10.720 --> 00:19:14.319 it open, and just let the feathers fly everywhere. Man 322 00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:16.599 did that and came back and said, is that it No, 323 00:19:16.759 --> 00:19:18.920 said the Rabbi, Now I want you to go pick 324 00:19:19.039 --> 00:19:23.759 up every feather. That's what gossip does. It just goes everywhere. 325 00:19:23.799 --> 00:19:26.000 You don't know the impact that it's having, but it's 326 00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:29.400 tearing relationships apart. It's tearing you apart in ways that 327 00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:32.680 you don't realize. Now, what is gossip? When we talk 328 00:19:32.680 --> 00:19:34.960 about what is gossip, let me give you a definition. 329 00:19:35.319 --> 00:19:39.319 Gossip is talking about a situation with somebody who is 330 00:19:39.359 --> 00:19:41.559 neither a part of the solution or a part of 331 00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:43.359 the problem, neither one. If they're not a part of 332 00:19:43.359 --> 00:19:45.000 the problem, If they're not a part of the solution, 333 00:19:45.279 --> 00:19:48.240 and you're talking with them about it, that is gossip. 334 00:19:48.599 --> 00:19:50.839 And if we're honest with ourselves, what we're doing is 335 00:19:50.839 --> 00:19:53.680 we're making ourselves feel a little bit more important at. 336 00:19:53.559 --> 00:19:54.720 Somebody else's expense. 337 00:19:55.000 --> 00:19:57.240 We're talking about their hurts and their problems to make 338 00:19:57.319 --> 00:19:59.599 us feel like we're a little bit morally superior to them. 339 00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:03.680 That's the danger in the herd of gossip. Gossip is 340 00:20:03.720 --> 00:20:06.279 such a dangerous thing that one of the one of 341 00:20:06.319 --> 00:20:08.079 the values that we have in our small groups at 342 00:20:08.079 --> 00:20:11.319 Saddleback is that we keep confidences that small group, whether 343 00:20:11.440 --> 00:20:12.480 our recovery group or. 344 00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:13.400 Any other kind of group. 345 00:20:13.400 --> 00:20:15.240 It's a place where you can come and talk about 346 00:20:15.240 --> 00:20:17.559 what you're facing in your life, and that stays within 347 00:20:17.599 --> 00:20:19.559 the group because this is such an. 348 00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:21.519 Important part of relationships. 349 00:20:22.079 --> 00:20:24.319 There's a story in the Old Testament about a family 350 00:20:24.359 --> 00:20:28.079 that struggled with gossip. You remember Moses from the Old Testament. 351 00:20:28.119 --> 00:20:30.640 He had a sister named Miriam, who one day got 352 00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:33.119 caught up in gossiping about Moses amidst the rest of 353 00:20:33.160 --> 00:20:37.160 the people. God called him in as a family Moses 354 00:20:37.359 --> 00:20:39.400 and Miriam and stood him in front of him and 355 00:20:39.440 --> 00:20:41.799 had a little talk. And he talked with Miriam and 356 00:20:41.839 --> 00:20:44.599 told her what she'd done wrong, and immediately on the spot, 357 00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:47.440 he gave her leprosy. Now some of you are thinking 358 00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:50.000 that sounds terrible, but I'd like that to happen to 359 00:20:50.039 --> 00:20:53.359 the person who gossiped against me. Not leprosy, but really 360 00:20:53.400 --> 00:20:56.559 bad stomach flew something where they really knew how much 361 00:20:56.599 --> 00:21:01.759 this hurt. You know what God did next? God invited 362 00:21:01.839 --> 00:21:05.440 Moses to pray for Miriam's healing the one who gossiped 363 00:21:05.440 --> 00:21:09.319 against him. Some of you, you've been deeply hurt by gossip, 364 00:21:09.799 --> 00:21:11.640 things that have been said around the office, or things 365 00:21:11.640 --> 00:21:13.920 that have been said in a breaking of a confidence, 366 00:21:13.960 --> 00:21:17.279 even with a Christian friend or in your family. And 367 00:21:17.319 --> 00:21:19.759 what God would say is pray for that person's healing 368 00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:22.240 that gossiped against you, so that you can be released 369 00:21:22.279 --> 00:21:25.839 from the hurt that's coming into your life. Others of you, 370 00:21:25.839 --> 00:21:28.759 you've been the one gossiping. You've been the one who 371 00:21:28.759 --> 00:21:32.359 has been sharing things about other people. And this story 372 00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:34.799 is in the Old Testament to remind us how serious 373 00:21:34.839 --> 00:21:37.839 it is and how hurtful it can be to people. 374 00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:40.599 So whatever side of this you are on, the truth 375 00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:45.119 is when you keep confidences, it makes relationships much more healthy, 376 00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:48.079 enables us to keep connecting to one another in healthy 377 00:21:48.119 --> 00:21:49.559 and genuine ways. 378 00:21:51.680 --> 00:21:54.160 Final key to connecting is to be committed. 379 00:21:55.160 --> 00:21:59.240 You must be committed to the relationship because good relationships 380 00:21:59.319 --> 00:21:59.880 take time. 381 00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:02.240 They don't happen by accident. 382 00:22:02.559 --> 00:22:05.839 They take cultivation, they take work, and it takes a 383 00:22:05.880 --> 00:22:08.440 lot of time to build a deep connection with somebody, 384 00:22:09.279 --> 00:22:11.079 and that requires commitment. 385 00:22:14.279 --> 00:22:17.640 This is pastor Rick's Daily Hope. We're so happy you've 386 00:22:17.720 --> 00:22:20.799 chosen to study along with us today. Rick will be 387 00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:24.039 back to close out our time today, but first we 388 00:22:24.160 --> 00:22:28.400 have some very exciting news. Generous friends of Daily Hope 389 00:22:28.680 --> 00:22:32.640 have offered a twenty five thousand dollars matching grant. That 390 00:22:32.799 --> 00:22:35.680 means whatever you give to help share the hope of 391 00:22:35.799 --> 00:22:40.440 Jesus worldwide will be doubled by the grant. But don't wait, 392 00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:43.640 because we only have a few days to meet this match. 393 00:22:43.880 --> 00:22:48.079 Any amount not met will be lost, so please act quickly. 394 00:22:48.480 --> 00:22:50.079 Here's Rick to tell you more. 395 00:22:50.559 --> 00:22:52.960 You know, I started Daily Hope so I could spread 396 00:22:53.079 --> 00:22:56.440 the good news about Jesus not just across America, but 397 00:22:56.559 --> 00:23:00.079 all around the world. And we want people to know 398 00:23:00.279 --> 00:23:03.880 that God's word is filled with hope and truth and 399 00:23:03.920 --> 00:23:06.200 the power that we need to follow him every day 400 00:23:06.279 --> 00:23:08.839 is available to every single one. You know as well 401 00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:11.240