WEBVTT

1
00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:05.080
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to break Free and Trust a redesign for Living.

2
00:00:05.480 --> 00:00:06.599
<v Speaker 1>Join me Chris and.

3
00:00:06.599 --> 00:00:11.080
<v Speaker 2>Me Jacqueline for real conversations about life, death, and everything

4
00:00:11.080 --> 00:00:11.560
<v Speaker 2>in between.

5
00:00:11.759 --> 00:00:14.400
<v Speaker 1>Learn to connect with your intrinsic power to grow and heal,

6
00:00:14.519 --> 00:00:16.600
<v Speaker 1>how to laugh at your own humanness and not take

7
00:00:16.679 --> 00:00:17.559
<v Speaker 1>life too seriously.

8
00:00:17.679 --> 00:00:21.640
<v Speaker 2>Through healthy conversations between the feminine and masculine, you learn

9
00:00:21.679 --> 00:00:24.399
<v Speaker 2>how to harness the power of relationship and the mirror,

10
00:00:24.480 --> 00:00:27.480
<v Speaker 2>to befriend your shadow, and to trust that any obstacle

11
00:00:27.559 --> 00:00:30.079
<v Speaker 2>that gets in your way is there to help you grow.

12
00:00:30.079 --> 00:00:32.759
<v Speaker 1>Together. Working at a practical levels, you learn to trust

13
00:00:32.840 --> 00:00:35.719
<v Speaker 1>that everything that is happening is for you, your growth and

14
00:00:35.880 --> 00:00:36.600
<v Speaker 1>ultimate freedom.

15
00:00:36.719 --> 00:00:40.200
<v Speaker 2>Our circumstances don't matter, it's only how we relate to

16
00:00:40.240 --> 00:00:40.880
<v Speaker 2>them that does.

17
00:00:41.159 --> 00:00:43.000
<v Speaker 1>Get ready to be your friend the wisdom of your

18
00:00:43.039 --> 00:00:44.520
<v Speaker 1>body and the power of your mind.

19
00:00:44.679 --> 00:00:47.240
<v Speaker 2>Break Free and Trust starts.

20
00:00:46.920 --> 00:00:54.359
<v Speaker 3>Now, and welcome to break Free and Trust and redesign

21
00:00:54.439 --> 00:00:54.840
<v Speaker 3>for Living.

22
00:00:54.840 --> 00:00:56.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm Chris and I'm Jacqueline.

23
00:00:57.679 --> 00:01:00.000
<v Speaker 3>Last night, as we're getting ready to have a podcast

24
00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:03.880
<v Speaker 3>on crany sacral therapy, as we'll come back to another podcast, life,

25
00:01:03.960 --> 00:01:06.519
<v Speaker 3>hit us with a real and personal example of how

26
00:01:06.599 --> 00:01:08.519
<v Speaker 3>much of the work we talk about on the show.

27
00:01:09.879 --> 00:01:12.079
<v Speaker 3>Many of our listeners have asked for examples of what

28
00:01:12.120 --> 00:01:16.040
<v Speaker 3>we mean by the near the projection, our limiting beliefs

29
00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:19.280
<v Speaker 3>are conditioning, and our programming, and all of this came

30
00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:21.799
<v Speaker 3>alive for us last night. So we thought this would

31
00:01:21.799 --> 00:01:24.680
<v Speaker 3>make a fantastic discussion for our listeners, and we would

32
00:01:24.719 --> 00:01:28.599
<v Speaker 3>turn the conversation into a live coaching session and teaching

33
00:01:28.599 --> 00:01:31.640
<v Speaker 3>on today's show. So in this episode, Jacqueline gets vulnerable

34
00:01:31.680 --> 00:01:35.920
<v Speaker 3>with her own awareness regarding her people pleasing tendencies, and

35
00:01:35.959 --> 00:01:38.840
<v Speaker 3>together we explore the work in real time.

36
00:01:41.120 --> 00:01:46.159
<v Speaker 2>Hmmm, very conscious of my own vulnerability right now.

37
00:01:46.599 --> 00:01:47.760
<v Speaker 3>You want to you want to start, You want to

38
00:01:47.799 --> 00:01:50.920
<v Speaker 3>start by taking us, taking us into the conversation we

39
00:01:50.959 --> 00:01:51.599
<v Speaker 3>started last.

40
00:01:51.519 --> 00:02:00.319
<v Speaker 2>Night, not really, but guess so. Chris and I were

41
00:02:00.359 --> 00:02:03.159
<v Speaker 2>sitting here last night watching a movie and I got

42
00:02:03.159 --> 00:02:09.080
<v Speaker 2>a message and it was from one of the members

43
00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:13.560
<v Speaker 2>of a group that I run, sharing some feelings of

44
00:02:13.800 --> 00:02:21.039
<v Speaker 2>being unsettled and you know, sitting with her, sitting with

45
00:02:21.039 --> 00:02:27.080
<v Speaker 2>her feelings of vulnerability. And I read it and just

46
00:02:27.159 --> 00:02:32.280
<v Speaker 2>kept watching the movie. And then our movie ended, and

47
00:02:33.240 --> 00:02:35.199
<v Speaker 2>I think Chris asked me to do something, and I

48
00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:39.439
<v Speaker 2>said I was busy, and he could feel something was

49
00:02:39.520 --> 00:02:42.879
<v Speaker 2>off with me and said okay, and I said, yeah,

50
00:02:42.919 --> 00:02:46.360
<v Speaker 2>I just need a few minutes. And I sat with

51
00:02:47.479 --> 00:02:49.800
<v Speaker 2>this feeling that was rising up in me, which I

52
00:02:49.800 --> 00:02:55.800
<v Speaker 2>can only really describe as a feeling of panic, which

53
00:02:55.840 --> 00:03:00.000
<v Speaker 2>really caught me off guard. And I noticed myself moved

54
00:03:00.280 --> 00:03:13.960
<v Speaker 2>into almost unconsciously writing back to this person if anything

55
00:03:14.000 --> 00:03:18.960
<v Speaker 2>I did upset you, please let's have a conversation. And

56
00:03:19.000 --> 00:03:22.240
<v Speaker 2>I there was this feeling that was rising up in

57
00:03:22.319 --> 00:03:25.000
<v Speaker 2>me of needing to fix something, needing to make it right.

58
00:03:25.800 --> 00:03:29.199
<v Speaker 2>And I didn't send the texts that I was writing.

59
00:03:29.280 --> 00:03:31.319
<v Speaker 2>I was just noticing what was coming out of me,

60
00:03:31.360 --> 00:03:32.560
<v Speaker 2>and I sort of took a pause.

61
00:03:33.400 --> 00:03:34.879
<v Speaker 3>You read something I did.

62
00:03:35.199 --> 00:03:37.840
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah. I started writing on my phone but didn't

63
00:03:37.879 --> 00:03:43.360
<v Speaker 2>send it, and then could feel this feeling rising inside

64
00:03:43.360 --> 00:03:46.199
<v Speaker 2>of me quite strongly. And that's when I called you

65
00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:47.840
<v Speaker 2>from the kitchen and said, hey, can I talk to

66
00:03:47.879 --> 00:03:50.400
<v Speaker 2>you about something. I want to run something by you.

67
00:03:50.479 --> 00:03:54.599
<v Speaker 2>Because I was witnessing It's almost like I could I

68
00:03:54.599 --> 00:03:57.599
<v Speaker 2>could experience myself, but I was also doing what we

69
00:03:57.599 --> 00:03:59.680
<v Speaker 2>speak about all the time about being the observer and

70
00:03:59.719 --> 00:04:03.719
<v Speaker 2>witness of myself. And I was witnessing this thing arising

71
00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:05.840
<v Speaker 2>inside of me that was really out of whack with

72
00:04:05.879 --> 00:04:09.280
<v Speaker 2>the situation but was totally triggering to my nervous system.

73
00:04:09.560 --> 00:04:11.039
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that's when you came back and the way you

74
00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:14.960
<v Speaker 3>describe it, even witnessing your hands going to the phone

75
00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:17.120
<v Speaker 3>to start to write of this text, the text reaction

76
00:04:17.720 --> 00:04:19.240
<v Speaker 3>in the sense to what was happening. Yeah.

77
00:04:20.759 --> 00:04:25.480
<v Speaker 2>So so then I called you in and that's where

78
00:04:25.480 --> 00:04:27.439
<v Speaker 2>our conversation started doing me to take.

79
00:04:27.319 --> 00:04:29.120
<v Speaker 3>Us, take us further.

80
00:04:30.920 --> 00:04:35.439
<v Speaker 2>So what was happening for me in that moment was

81
00:04:35.480 --> 00:04:40.920
<v Speaker 2>this idea of I had run one of many groups

82
00:04:40.920 --> 00:04:45.279
<v Speaker 2>that I run in the morning, and in that particular group,

83
00:04:45.439 --> 00:04:48.959
<v Speaker 2>I was pretty flippant about my own sharing. And when

84
00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:51.920
<v Speaker 2>I say flippant, what I mean is I was pretty

85
00:04:51.959 --> 00:04:55.000
<v Speaker 2>light about what was happening for me in some of

86
00:04:55.040 --> 00:04:58.680
<v Speaker 2>my own experiences, which had to do with me really

87
00:04:58.720 --> 00:05:04.360
<v Speaker 2>witnessing and noticing this people pleasing tendency of mind show

88
00:05:04.439 --> 00:05:10.639
<v Speaker 2>up all over the place in many different circumstances, which

89
00:05:11.600 --> 00:05:14.800
<v Speaker 2>for me is a sign that there's some learning that's

90
00:05:14.839 --> 00:05:18.000
<v Speaker 2>wanting to happen, and there's a shift that's wanting to happen.

91
00:05:18.079 --> 00:05:21.839
<v Speaker 2>Because most often, and we've spoken about this a lot

92
00:05:21.839 --> 00:05:25.680
<v Speaker 2>on the podcast, is that the universe won't rest until

93
00:05:25.680 --> 00:05:29.879
<v Speaker 2>your soul has come to know itself as it is,

94
00:05:30.399 --> 00:05:32.639
<v Speaker 2>and whatever's in the way of that is going to

95
00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:36.439
<v Speaker 2>show itself, which can lead us into all kinds of

96
00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:39.759
<v Speaker 2>cycles like the drama triangle and the blame victim cycle,

97
00:05:40.879 --> 00:05:44.360
<v Speaker 2>but at one point or another, hopefully for most of us,

98
00:05:45.279 --> 00:05:47.480
<v Speaker 2>what shows up is this awareness that the universe is

99
00:05:47.519 --> 00:05:51.319
<v Speaker 2>delivering us all of these opportunities to learn something if

100
00:05:51.319 --> 00:05:54.199
<v Speaker 2>we're willing to really look inside. And so for me,

101
00:05:54.399 --> 00:05:58.000
<v Speaker 2>what's been happening is all of these different opportunities which

102
00:05:58.279 --> 00:06:02.600
<v Speaker 2>feel terrible at different ways. I'm not gonna why around

103
00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:10.360
<v Speaker 2>seeing where maybe I displease, maybe I'm turning people away,

104
00:06:10.839 --> 00:06:14.199
<v Speaker 2>maybe I'm saying no in situations where I would have

105
00:06:14.240 --> 00:06:19.399
<v Speaker 2>said yes. And this people pleasing desire that I've had

106
00:06:19.480 --> 00:06:23.639
<v Speaker 2>forever is sort of being shattered or broken up. And

107
00:06:23.720 --> 00:06:26.079
<v Speaker 2>so I was sharing some of that on the call

108
00:06:26.120 --> 00:06:28.480
<v Speaker 2>in the morning, but I was doing it in what

109
00:06:28.680 --> 00:06:32.639
<v Speaker 2>I would say, maybe more a more irreverage way then

110
00:06:33.120 --> 00:06:39.160
<v Speaker 2>I might normally facilitate. And so when I got this text,

111
00:06:40.120 --> 00:06:44.639
<v Speaker 2>what I felt immediately was was not, oh, no, I

112
00:06:44.680 --> 00:06:52.000
<v Speaker 2>hope this person is okay what she going through? How

113
00:06:52.040 --> 00:06:55.639
<v Speaker 2>can I serve her? It went into oh no, what

114
00:06:55.759 --> 00:06:59.040
<v Speaker 2>did I do to create the situation, which means, all

115
00:06:59.040 --> 00:07:01.199
<v Speaker 2>of a sudden, my ego I was playing itself out.

116
00:07:01.800 --> 00:07:06.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm at the center of the universe somehow, and I'm

117
00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:10.600
<v Speaker 2>responsible for whatever's happening for her. And it created a

118
00:07:10.600 --> 00:07:16.759
<v Speaker 2>tremendous amount of panic in me. Actually, and the stories

119
00:07:17.240 --> 00:07:21.560
<v Speaker 2>that I created in my head, we're getting bigger. And

120
00:07:21.639 --> 00:07:25.560
<v Speaker 2>so I called Chris in because I was conscious of

121
00:07:25.600 --> 00:07:29.199
<v Speaker 2>that and really wanted and needed, I needed some coaching

122
00:07:29.240 --> 00:07:32.399
<v Speaker 2>around it so that I didn't take it even further.

123
00:07:33.959 --> 00:07:36.920
<v Speaker 3>So, yeah, and he said so much in there too,

124
00:07:37.000 --> 00:07:38.560
<v Speaker 3>And like, you know, one of the thing that jumps

125
00:07:38.600 --> 00:07:40.839
<v Speaker 3>out to me, just in that it sounds like a

126
00:07:40.879 --> 00:07:47.000
<v Speaker 3>small thing, but that that pausing and not jumping into

127
00:07:47.079 --> 00:07:49.839
<v Speaker 3>the reaction, the witnessing, and then even and even calling

128
00:07:49.839 --> 00:07:51.920
<v Speaker 3>me in and say this needs to be explored. I mean,

129
00:07:51.959 --> 00:07:54.759
<v Speaker 3>that's to me, that's just the definition of awareness. And

130
00:07:54.759 --> 00:07:57.839
<v Speaker 3>some people will call it awakening into awareness is to recognize,

131
00:07:58.639 --> 00:08:01.879
<v Speaker 3>like you said it beautifully, Wait a minute, maybe I'm

132
00:08:01.920 --> 00:08:05.079
<v Speaker 3>not the center of the universe. And maybe because I think,

133
00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:09.040
<v Speaker 3>I think until we become aware of it, we sort

134
00:08:09.079 --> 00:08:11.879
<v Speaker 3>of unconsciously go around thinking we're like, you know, we're

135
00:08:11.920 --> 00:08:15.040
<v Speaker 3>like we're our own individual sons and everything's rotating around us.

136
00:08:15.560 --> 00:08:19.560
<v Speaker 3>Everything anyone does, everything that says, any thoughts people have

137
00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:22.560
<v Speaker 3>all have to do with us. So we're taking everything personally.

138
00:08:22.639 --> 00:08:25.639
<v Speaker 3>No matter what's going on, we're personalizing. It's just hitting

139
00:08:25.639 --> 00:08:28.439
<v Speaker 3>our ego one way or another. And it's that first

140
00:08:28.480 --> 00:08:30.319
<v Speaker 3>awareness that wait a minute, I'm not the center of

141
00:08:30.319 --> 00:08:33.120
<v Speaker 3>the universe. This person has their own life. People do

142
00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:34.960
<v Speaker 3>things all the time that have nothing to do with me.

143
00:08:35.279 --> 00:08:37.679
<v Speaker 3>In fact, ninety nine point nine nine percent of the

144
00:08:37.679 --> 00:08:39.519
<v Speaker 3>time what people are doing have nothing to do with me,

145
00:08:40.080 --> 00:08:43.000
<v Speaker 3>and I'm personalizing it. And so taking that pause and

146
00:08:43.039 --> 00:08:47.919
<v Speaker 3>break and recognizing, Okay, I have personalized something. I'm feeling triggered,

147
00:08:48.200 --> 00:08:51.320
<v Speaker 3>I'm about to react it in a predictable, conditioned way.

148
00:08:51.480 --> 00:08:53.879
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to put the pause on this, and I

149
00:08:54.000 --> 00:08:55.360
<v Speaker 3>want to get in. I want to I want to

150
00:08:55.399 --> 00:08:59.080
<v Speaker 3>observe this, either myself or someone I can trust in

151
00:08:59.080 --> 00:08:59.679
<v Speaker 3>the observation.

152
00:09:01.399 --> 00:09:04.639
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I think it's really worth noting that this

153
00:09:04.799 --> 00:09:08.799
<v Speaker 2>idea of the universe revolving around us doesn't just look

154
00:09:09.000 --> 00:09:13.080
<v Speaker 2>like the quote unquote selfish things that we talk about,

155
00:09:13.279 --> 00:09:16.399
<v Speaker 2>or the arrogant ways that we speak of or that

156
00:09:16.440 --> 00:09:19.039
<v Speaker 2>we look at things. It also looks like the places

157
00:09:19.200 --> 00:09:24.039
<v Speaker 2>of did I cause harm? Did I cause damage? Are

158
00:09:24.120 --> 00:09:28.320
<v Speaker 2>my words the root of somebody's upset?

159
00:09:28.679 --> 00:09:31.159
<v Speaker 3>Yea, am I being judgeable as people think of me?

160
00:09:31.240 --> 00:09:33.279
<v Speaker 3>Did I do the right thing? Well, like all that

161
00:09:33.320 --> 00:09:36.159
<v Speaker 3>stuff is, we're at the center of everything.

162
00:09:36.440 --> 00:09:42.840
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, yeah, and you said something which I find you know,

163
00:09:43.039 --> 00:09:45.799
<v Speaker 4>it's interesting to hear it on this side of things

164
00:09:45.879 --> 00:09:54.919
<v Speaker 4>because in that moment of awareness, like you speaking, I

165
00:09:54.960 --> 00:09:56.000
<v Speaker 4>don't feel like.

166
00:09:56.840 --> 00:09:59.480
<v Speaker 2>Wow, look at me, look at my observer, look at

167
00:09:59.480 --> 00:10:03.720
<v Speaker 2>my witness. I'm so aware. It's the opposite experience. It's terrible.

168
00:10:03.799 --> 00:10:10.799
<v Speaker 2>It's a horrible feeling and one that yeah, one that

169
00:10:10.840 --> 00:10:15.840
<v Speaker 2>can feel it makes well. It made me feel really

170
00:10:15.879 --> 00:10:20.519
<v Speaker 2>small in that moment, and and actually quite you know,

171
00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:25.799
<v Speaker 2>that panic left me feeling quite young.

172
00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:31.639
<v Speaker 3>Mm hm, which makes sense because again it's the ego.

173
00:10:32.240 --> 00:10:35.759
<v Speaker 3>The persona is a service, it's a it's a your

174
00:10:35.799 --> 00:10:39.759
<v Speaker 3>based survival mechanism that was built in our adult in

175
00:10:39.799 --> 00:10:43.919
<v Speaker 3>your childhood that's now followed you as an adult and

176
00:10:43.960 --> 00:10:46.879
<v Speaker 3>it's been activated. So there's that little scared part of

177
00:10:46.919 --> 00:10:50.200
<v Speaker 3>you that's now activated. And when you when you have

178
00:10:50.279 --> 00:10:53.279
<v Speaker 3>this observation, look back at what it's doing. Can't it

179
00:10:53.320 --> 00:10:56.600
<v Speaker 3>can't not help make you feel like a little child again.

180
00:10:57.440 --> 00:11:00.399
<v Speaker 3>And Gurga calls it calls awakening. You're away, can get

181
00:11:00.440 --> 00:11:04.279
<v Speaker 3>the horror of the situation. Wow, look look at how

182
00:11:04.279 --> 00:11:06.240
<v Speaker 3>I'm about to act. And you said, you said, I'm

183
00:11:06.360 --> 00:11:11.159
<v Speaker 3>very honest and very vulnerable there. My concern wasn't necessarily

184
00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:15.120
<v Speaker 3>for the other person. It was did I do something wrong?

185
00:11:19.399 --> 00:11:23.159
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? And so you know, this is this place of

186
00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:27.519
<v Speaker 2>like we speak about transparency, and this is this place

187
00:11:27.759 --> 00:11:34.799
<v Speaker 2>of extreme transparency where what's actually happening for me in

188
00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:37.159
<v Speaker 2>those moments? And this is where you and I got

189
00:11:37.200 --> 00:11:42.960
<v Speaker 2>to in our conversation yesterday, was that these acts of

190
00:11:43.799 --> 00:11:47.679
<v Speaker 2>tending to are caring for another person in that moment,

191
00:11:48.080 --> 00:11:51.960
<v Speaker 2>or that's that's sort of the veil. What it's actually

192
00:11:52.279 --> 00:11:56.759
<v Speaker 2>about is this incredible feeling of a lack of safety

193
00:11:58.039 --> 00:12:01.720
<v Speaker 2>in my own body. And in that feeling of a

194
00:12:01.840 --> 00:12:07.360
<v Speaker 2>lack of safety, I'm seeking out. I'm pursuing whatever it

195
00:12:07.559 --> 00:12:09.360
<v Speaker 2>is that's going to help calm.

196
00:12:09.279 --> 00:12:10.840
<v Speaker 3>My own nervous system.

197
00:12:12.799 --> 00:12:17.720
<v Speaker 2>And it looks like taking care of it, looks like concern.

198
00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:21.519
<v Speaker 2>But in truth, It has nothing to do with it.

199
00:12:21.720 --> 00:12:25.639
<v Speaker 2>It has to do with me looking for my life

200
00:12:25.720 --> 00:12:30.080
<v Speaker 2>vest or life raft, because in that moment, what I'm

201
00:12:30.159 --> 00:12:35.279
<v Speaker 2>actually tapping into is what's underneath the conditioning of people

202
00:12:35.360 --> 00:12:40.320
<v Speaker 2>pleasing is fear. And I learned how to modulate my

203
00:12:40.519 --> 00:12:45.960
<v Speaker 2>fear by taking care of other people and controlling my

204
00:12:46.240 --> 00:12:51.480
<v Speaker 2>environment in such a way that would allow my insights

205
00:12:51.679 --> 00:12:55.120
<v Speaker 2>to feel harmony. But what it looked like I was

206
00:12:55.240 --> 00:12:58.080
<v Speaker 2>doing was creating harmony on the outside.

207
00:12:58.519 --> 00:13:03.519
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, active persona takes on these character attributes that are

208
00:13:03.559 --> 00:13:06.120
<v Speaker 3>meant effectively, meant to manage our fears in one or another,

209
00:13:06.159 --> 00:13:08.879
<v Speaker 3>and so different people have different attributes depending on their fears.

210
00:13:10.159 --> 00:13:12.960
<v Speaker 3>What is Can you name the fear or try to

211
00:13:13.039 --> 00:13:15.399
<v Speaker 3>name the fear that so people pleasing is the action?

212
00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:19.200
<v Speaker 3>What was the fear that people pleasing was in response to?

213
00:13:21.639 --> 00:13:25.200
<v Speaker 2>Well, first, I want to say that I'm not sure

214
00:13:25.240 --> 00:13:29.799
<v Speaker 2>that that fear totally has words. There's a belief underneath

215
00:13:29.840 --> 00:13:33.080
<v Speaker 2>it that has words, but the fear itself is just

216
00:13:33.840 --> 00:13:40.480
<v Speaker 2>It's truly just a feeling of panic. Nervous system is

217
00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:45.480
<v Speaker 2>to my nervous system was sent into panic, and I

218
00:13:45.600 --> 00:13:49.440
<v Speaker 2>recognize the panic because I've been witnessing this process for

219
00:13:49.559 --> 00:13:56.159
<v Speaker 2>a while and with way bigger things that happened on

220
00:13:56.240 --> 00:14:01.480
<v Speaker 2>the outside. But what we came to yesterday as we

221
00:14:01.559 --> 00:14:04.120
<v Speaker 2>were sort of working to break it down and understand it,

222
00:14:04.440 --> 00:14:09.320
<v Speaker 2>was this feeling of or a belief that I've probably

223
00:14:09.399 --> 00:14:11.720
<v Speaker 2>walked around with since I was a really really little girl,

224
00:14:12.519 --> 00:14:20.519
<v Speaker 2>of I'm bad and and I'm bad is my If

225
00:14:20.600 --> 00:14:27.600
<v Speaker 2>my environment isn't okay, everybody's working okay, it's because I'm bad.

226
00:14:28.840 --> 00:14:33.240
<v Speaker 2>It's I'm bad. And so I really went into that

227
00:14:33.600 --> 00:14:39.600
<v Speaker 2>last night in witnessing what was happening, and through our conversation,

228
00:14:40.320 --> 00:14:43.759
<v Speaker 2>I really went into this like I replayed the whole

229
00:14:43.840 --> 00:14:47.679
<v Speaker 2>conversation that happened in that group that morning to be

230
00:14:47.759 --> 00:14:49.960
<v Speaker 2>able to look for. And all I was looking for

231
00:14:51.440 --> 00:14:54.639
<v Speaker 2>was where did I do something that was bad that

232
00:14:54.799 --> 00:14:57.080
<v Speaker 2>could have created this reaction?

233
00:14:58.200 --> 00:15:00.559
<v Speaker 3>And there there's another learning belief that go along with it,

234
00:15:00.600 --> 00:15:02.480
<v Speaker 3>which is more in the and the action front, is

235
00:15:02.559 --> 00:15:06.320
<v Speaker 3>that I'm bad to my responsibility and a limiting belief

236
00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:09.600
<v Speaker 3>that I can come and control the situation to make

237
00:15:09.639 --> 00:15:09.960
<v Speaker 3>it better.

238
00:15:10.399 --> 00:15:12.320
<v Speaker 2>So I'm not sure if I would call that a

239
00:15:12.440 --> 00:15:16.600
<v Speaker 2>limiting belief. I think that's the action that gets taken

240
00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:21.240
<v Speaker 2>in order to manage the fear of the limiting belief, like,

241
00:15:21.399 --> 00:15:24.200
<v Speaker 2>that's that's the that's the reaction.

242
00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:27.600
<v Speaker 3>Could be Yeah, yeah, I can. I mean yes, and

243
00:15:27.639 --> 00:15:29.720
<v Speaker 3>I can also, but I can also see this, and

244
00:15:29.799 --> 00:15:32.000
<v Speaker 3>I can only speak for my own limiting belief system,

245
00:15:32.039 --> 00:15:35.440
<v Speaker 3>which one is I can control my external environment. That

246
00:15:35.559 --> 00:15:38.480
<v Speaker 3>is a strong limiting belief. I have zero control over

247
00:15:38.519 --> 00:15:41.559
<v Speaker 3>my external environment. I can control how I react to it.

248
00:15:42.039 --> 00:15:44.879
<v Speaker 3>I can control my emotional responses, but I can't control

249
00:15:44.919 --> 00:15:48.440
<v Speaker 3>how other people feel or think, or or how they act.

250
00:15:48.919 --> 00:15:51.240
<v Speaker 3>And so when I catch myself all the time moving

251
00:15:51.279 --> 00:15:54.039
<v Speaker 3>into action based on my fear of being rejected or

252
00:15:54.679 --> 00:15:57.279
<v Speaker 3>banned or misunderstood, it's like, oh, I believe I can

253
00:15:57.320 --> 00:15:59.360
<v Speaker 3>control this, and I can't. I just need to it.

254
00:16:00.480 --> 00:16:02.639
<v Speaker 3>So I'm probably projecting mind projecting my.

255
00:16:04.840 --> 00:16:05.039
<v Speaker 1>Yah.

256
00:16:05.200 --> 00:16:05.639
<v Speaker 2>That's fair.

257
00:16:08.080 --> 00:16:08.399
<v Speaker 4>Mhm.

258
00:16:09.519 --> 00:16:14.159
<v Speaker 2>How do your limiting beliefs play out in terms of

259
00:16:18.200 --> 00:16:24.200
<v Speaker 2>how you react emotionally to situations? I describe my feeling

260
00:16:24.240 --> 00:16:26.759
<v Speaker 2>as one of panic and fear.

261
00:16:27.879 --> 00:16:37.159
<v Speaker 3>What happens for you, it's, you know, the physiological one

262
00:16:37.279 --> 00:16:38.879
<v Speaker 3>is really it's I'm really aware of it now because

263
00:16:38.879 --> 00:16:42.399
<v Speaker 3>it's it's a shortness of breath, you know, through through

264
00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:45.799
<v Speaker 3>a lot of a lot of various practic breathing practice

265
00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:49.679
<v Speaker 3>and yoga that's not quite good at at modulating my breath.

266
00:16:49.720 --> 00:16:51.840
<v Speaker 3>I breathe well now I didn't used to, and so

267
00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:55.200
<v Speaker 3>now I'm really sensitive. Oh I'm breathing shallow, I'm breathing

268
00:16:55.240 --> 00:16:58.320
<v Speaker 3>through my mouth. I'm activated now and that's and that's

269
00:16:58.360 --> 00:17:01.559
<v Speaker 3>the place that sends me. Okay, now this is that

270
00:17:01.840 --> 00:17:04.799
<v Speaker 3>that's to me signaling this feeling of anxiety that I'm

271
00:17:04.839 --> 00:17:06.680
<v Speaker 3>aware of now. And then I go into what are

272
00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:09.759
<v Speaker 3>the now? What thoughts? Am I generator here? And I

273
00:17:09.799 --> 00:17:12.359
<v Speaker 3>can see these thoughts of of oh, I need to

274
00:17:13.160 --> 00:17:15.880
<v Speaker 3>I need to make this person understand me, or I

275
00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:20.440
<v Speaker 3>need to change this, or I don't I don't want

276
00:17:20.519 --> 00:17:22.119
<v Speaker 3>someone to feel that way, and then I and then

277
00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:25.039
<v Speaker 3>then I can break it down to that that limiting

278
00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:27.200
<v Speaker 3>belief how I control my environment.

279
00:17:28.880 --> 00:17:33.000
<v Speaker 2>So I know we're taking things in a little bit

280
00:17:33.039 --> 00:17:36.160
<v Speaker 2>of a different direction than we started with. But I

281
00:17:36.400 --> 00:17:38.319
<v Speaker 2>want to just name this because I think it's actually

282
00:17:38.400 --> 00:17:43.359
<v Speaker 2>really important. Is what you said is your first awareness

283
00:17:45.519 --> 00:17:50.000
<v Speaker 2>that something is off is that your breath is short,

284
00:17:50.920 --> 00:17:52.720
<v Speaker 2>So your breath becomes shallow.

285
00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:55.480
<v Speaker 3>A mouth breathed, and you start to mouth breathe.

286
00:17:57.200 --> 00:18:01.519
<v Speaker 2>So I'm naming that because one of the most important

287
00:18:01.559 --> 00:18:07.400
<v Speaker 2>things that we can do in terms of working with

288
00:18:07.599 --> 00:18:09.960
<v Speaker 2>this stuff as it shows up for us. And I

289
00:18:10.079 --> 00:18:13.960
<v Speaker 2>say working with because I'm hard pressed to believe that

290
00:18:14.079 --> 00:18:17.680
<v Speaker 2>this stuff doesn't show up for everybody at some point

291
00:18:17.799 --> 00:18:21.160
<v Speaker 2>or another, and we can either work with it or

292
00:18:21.240 --> 00:18:24.359
<v Speaker 2>we can resist it. Resisting it means that we just

293
00:18:24.480 --> 00:18:26.519
<v Speaker 2>continue the same pattern, and then we're going to be

294
00:18:26.599 --> 00:18:30.839
<v Speaker 2>bombarded with more and more opportunities to learn and to

295
00:18:31.799 --> 00:18:36.079
<v Speaker 2>surrender the pattern, or we work with it, or as

296
00:18:36.119 --> 00:18:38.920
<v Speaker 2>the teacher of mind WANs used to speak, actually all

297
00:18:38.960 --> 00:18:40.599
<v Speaker 2>the time, is we learn how to dance with it,

298
00:18:42.039 --> 00:18:45.960
<v Speaker 2>and then it stops having control over us. One of

299
00:18:46.039 --> 00:18:48.200
<v Speaker 2>the most important ways to be able to do that

300
00:18:49.240 --> 00:18:52.440
<v Speaker 2>is to be able to notice on a physiological level

301
00:18:53.160 --> 00:18:58.640
<v Speaker 2>what the first sign that we're moving into a reactive

302
00:18:58.720 --> 00:19:03.160
<v Speaker 2>pattern is. Because if I can move into that first sign,

303
00:19:03.279 --> 00:19:07.519
<v Speaker 2>and for Chris, that first sign is shallow breathing, then

304
00:19:07.559 --> 00:19:11.160
<v Speaker 2>as soon as I notice that I begin to shallow breathe,

305
00:19:12.160 --> 00:19:16.319
<v Speaker 2>I can do something to interrupt that pattern by either

306
00:19:16.440 --> 00:19:20.079
<v Speaker 2>taking in a slong, deep breath, by getting up, by

307
00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:23.920
<v Speaker 2>moving anything that interrupts the pattern from continuing the way

308
00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:29.079
<v Speaker 2>that it begins, and in doing that, the neural circuit

309
00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:34.839
<v Speaker 2>that moves into Chris's need to control or be understood

310
00:19:35.079 --> 00:19:39.680
<v Speaker 2>or do whatever is interrupted and a new neural circuit

311
00:19:40.279 --> 00:19:44.400
<v Speaker 2>can begin to be built. So just interrupting the pattern

312
00:19:45.279 --> 00:19:49.480
<v Speaker 2>at the beginning can shift Chris from moving into an

313
00:19:49.519 --> 00:19:56.960
<v Speaker 2>anxiety filled pattern into a much calmer, more aware way

314
00:19:57.000 --> 00:20:02.359
<v Speaker 2>of being. That makes sense, does Yeah, So ways that

315
00:20:02.440 --> 00:20:05.880
<v Speaker 2>you can interrupt patterns, There's countless ways you can interrupt patterns,

316
00:20:05.880 --> 00:20:08.319
<v Speaker 2>and you can say, you know, it could be that

317
00:20:08.400 --> 00:20:11.039
<v Speaker 2>you get up. It could be that you clap, It

318
00:20:11.079 --> 00:20:13.720
<v Speaker 2>could be if you're in a meeting that you flick

319
00:20:13.759 --> 00:20:15.880
<v Speaker 2>your leg. It could be that you take a deep breath.

320
00:20:16.000 --> 00:20:18.839
<v Speaker 2>It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's

321
00:20:19.200 --> 00:20:24.559
<v Speaker 2>interrupting what normally you would have. And the earlier you

322
00:20:24.759 --> 00:20:28.720
<v Speaker 2>catch it, the easier it is to shift.

323
00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:32.960
<v Speaker 3>Totally. Yeah, And for me, it's just quite simple. I

324
00:20:33.079 --> 00:20:36.839
<v Speaker 3>just once I recognize your shallow breathing, I'm just like, oh, okay,

325
00:20:37.000 --> 00:20:39.759
<v Speaker 3>I just need to deepen my breathing. It's really that

326
00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:43.119
<v Speaker 3>simple and just go back to a very conscious breath inhaling,

327
00:20:43.200 --> 00:20:46.759
<v Speaker 3>deeply filling my belly for full of air exhaling, watching

328
00:20:46.799 --> 00:20:48.839
<v Speaker 3>the path of that breath in and out. I only

329
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:50.359
<v Speaker 3>have to do that but five or six times, and

330
00:20:50.440 --> 00:20:54.480
<v Speaker 3>suddenly I feel my central nervous system calm down and

331
00:20:54.559 --> 00:20:57.160
<v Speaker 3>then I can go to the stage where, okay, get

332
00:20:57.240 --> 00:21:00.519
<v Speaker 3>let's look into what's happening here. Let's observe what the

333
00:21:00.599 --> 00:21:03.480
<v Speaker 3>sequence of events were that led me to this place

334
00:21:03.519 --> 00:21:07.640
<v Speaker 3>of being triggered, and and I can learn from it,

335
00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:09.079
<v Speaker 3>I can adjust from it.

336
00:21:11.559 --> 00:21:14.119
<v Speaker 2>It's great. So do you want to take us back

337
00:21:15.519 --> 00:21:16.880
<v Speaker 2>to last night?

338
00:21:17.240 --> 00:21:20.599
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and it's interesting. So like when we were having

339
00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:23.359
<v Speaker 3>that conversation, and it was it ended up being a

340
00:21:23.400 --> 00:21:25.920
<v Speaker 3>little bit of a coaching session totally. And I'm a

341
00:21:25.960 --> 00:21:27.640
<v Speaker 3>deep coach. It's what I what I do, and so

342
00:21:28.240 --> 00:21:31.240
<v Speaker 3>Jack and and for couples out there, when we sat down,

343
00:21:31.440 --> 00:21:34.000
<v Speaker 3>Jacqueline gave me permission to coach it, right, That's an

344
00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:38.240
<v Speaker 3>important thing. I don't try to coach you with information

345
00:21:38.319 --> 00:21:41.279
<v Speaker 3>because it's not it's not what you want. Sometimes I

346
00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:43.920
<v Speaker 3>hear about it. That's why I'm saying I Jacqulie gave

347
00:21:43.960 --> 00:21:45.960
<v Speaker 3>me permis to coaches. I put I jumped into my

348
00:21:46.039 --> 00:21:50.920
<v Speaker 3>coaching modality and we've talked about all sorts of tools

349
00:21:51.000 --> 00:21:53.920
<v Speaker 3>and things like that to help with that. And there's

350
00:21:53.920 --> 00:21:56.559
<v Speaker 3>the drama triangle and things like that. I sort of

351
00:21:56.599 --> 00:21:59.519
<v Speaker 3>invoked the four Agreements last night. That's that's the place

352
00:21:59.559 --> 00:22:02.279
<v Speaker 3>I went to help to help look at this situation.

353
00:22:02.440 --> 00:22:04.000
<v Speaker 3>Why have I mentioned talk about that a little bit?

354
00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:06.319
<v Speaker 2>I don't, but I just want to enter up for

355
00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:13.960
<v Speaker 2>one second and just share that. HM. The reason why

356
00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:18.799
<v Speaker 2>I asked Chris to coach me around this was one

357
00:22:19.759 --> 00:22:23.279
<v Speaker 2>I was witnessing a pattern that I've experienced many times

358
00:22:23.440 --> 00:22:28.440
<v Speaker 2>and I really wanted I needed help in that moment

359
00:22:28.640 --> 00:22:31.240
<v Speaker 2>to shift it because I was being triggered into what

360
00:22:31.359 --> 00:22:36.920
<v Speaker 2>I said was panic. But it's you know, Chris has

361
00:22:36.960 --> 00:22:40.000
<v Speaker 2>lots of coaching tools. I've got lots of coaching tools.

362
00:22:40.319 --> 00:22:44.519
<v Speaker 2>It wasn't his coaching tools that I was looking for.

363
00:22:46.119 --> 00:22:48.720
<v Speaker 2>What I was looking for was a space that felt

364
00:22:49.200 --> 00:22:53.279
<v Speaker 2>safe for me to be able to speak what was

365
00:22:53.359 --> 00:23:03.480
<v Speaker 2>really happening for me, which was and panicking and I'm

366
00:23:03.519 --> 00:23:09.319
<v Speaker 2>panicking and I need I need help because I'm not

367
00:23:09.559 --> 00:23:13.440
<v Speaker 2>able to stop this process in this moment. But what

368
00:23:13.559 --> 00:23:18.400
<v Speaker 2>I really needed was a place of non judgment. And

369
00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:21.799
<v Speaker 2>so we don't need to be coaches in order to

370
00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:24.759
<v Speaker 2>be able to hold each other in these places. But

371
00:23:24.880 --> 00:23:29.240
<v Speaker 2>what we do, but what we do need, is to

372
00:23:29.319 --> 00:23:33.240
<v Speaker 2>be able to recognize that there's a common humanity in

373
00:23:33.319 --> 00:23:36.880
<v Speaker 2>these experiences, and they might look really different for everybody,

374
00:23:38.039 --> 00:23:43.640
<v Speaker 2>but the common humanity is that we all have egos.

375
00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:50.240
<v Speaker 2>Our egos are operating unconsciously, and sometimes our egos are

376
00:23:50.279 --> 00:23:53.039
<v Speaker 2>going to get in our way, and our limiting beliefs

377
00:23:53.160 --> 00:23:56.000
<v Speaker 2>and our old stories are going to prevent us from

378
00:23:56.039 --> 00:23:58.519
<v Speaker 2>being the people that we want to be, or are

379
00:23:58.559 --> 00:24:01.720
<v Speaker 2>going to hijack our nervousness in such a way that

380
00:24:01.839 --> 00:24:03.880
<v Speaker 2>we can't be who we want to be, or we

381
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:08.000
<v Speaker 2>can't quiet and come down and reaching out for support,

382
00:24:09.839 --> 00:24:14.240
<v Speaker 2>needs to feel safe. In other words, I didn't ask,

383
00:24:14.359 --> 00:24:18.279
<v Speaker 2>I didn't reach out to him wanting judgment or to

384
00:24:18.359 --> 00:24:22.519
<v Speaker 2>feel small or belittled, because here I was re enacting

385
00:24:22.680 --> 00:24:26.279
<v Speaker 2>a pattern that I've acted out many times. What I

386
00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:31.359
<v Speaker 2>needed was it's okay, it's okay. We all have these

387
00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:34.640
<v Speaker 2>places inside of us. Let me help you find your

388
00:24:34.680 --> 00:24:40.359
<v Speaker 2>way through yours. And that, more than invoking the Four

389
00:24:40.400 --> 00:24:44.480
<v Speaker 2>Agreements or any other coaching tool, gave me capacity to

390
00:24:44.599 --> 00:24:48.119
<v Speaker 2>be able to actually take a good look inside and

391
00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:50.799
<v Speaker 2>I think it's really important that we share that because

392
00:24:50.880 --> 00:24:54.039
<v Speaker 2>one a lot of a lot of you as listeners

393
00:24:54.160 --> 00:24:56.279
<v Speaker 2>may think like, oh great, you guys can do this

394
00:24:56.440 --> 00:25:00.599
<v Speaker 2>work because you're equipped to do this work. It's our

395
00:25:00.680 --> 00:25:05.240
<v Speaker 2>skill set is more of a deep listening and our

396
00:25:05.319 --> 00:25:08.920
<v Speaker 2>capacity to hold space for each other because we are

397
00:25:09.119 --> 00:25:12.839
<v Speaker 2>constantly doing our work than it is any training that

398
00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:15.839
<v Speaker 2>we've had to be able to do it. And so

399
00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:19.400
<v Speaker 2>I share that because it's possible for us to do

400
00:25:19.519 --> 00:25:23.640
<v Speaker 2>this work with all kinds of people if we're willing

401
00:25:23.799 --> 00:25:26.160
<v Speaker 2>to be able to build a stance of an open.

402
00:25:28.200 --> 00:25:30.519
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I'm really glad. I'm really glad you start love

403
00:25:30.559 --> 00:25:36.000
<v Speaker 3>except the stage of facts, because it's that's right. It's

404
00:25:36.240 --> 00:25:38.599
<v Speaker 3>it's very much setting the mind judgment into space and

405
00:25:38.680 --> 00:25:42.640
<v Speaker 3>more conversation. The conversation. Last night I spent the first

406
00:25:42.680 --> 00:25:45.960
<v Speaker 3>part of just listening, just listening and not even asking

407
00:25:45.960 --> 00:25:49.480
<v Speaker 3>a whole exploratory questions, just listening and watching and listen

408
00:25:49.559 --> 00:25:51.920
<v Speaker 3>to you on the land before I said a word,

409
00:25:52.000 --> 00:25:56.079
<v Speaker 3>and creating that safety and in a sense within that

410
00:25:56.519 --> 00:25:59.640
<v Speaker 3>men feeling the moment where that safety has been established

411
00:25:59.680 --> 00:26:01.759
<v Speaker 3>and gone to a deeper level than to start a

412
00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:05.400
<v Speaker 3>conversation which maybe will come back to in the second half.

413
00:26:18.319 --> 00:26:21.480
<v Speaker 3>And we are back and I think we're left off.

414
00:26:22.839 --> 00:26:25.480
<v Speaker 3>We just had just a brief induction about how we

415
00:26:25.519 --> 00:26:31.359
<v Speaker 3>set up that coaching and listening environment conversation as we

416
00:26:31.480 --> 00:26:37.200
<v Speaker 3>talk about four weeks. And you know, I'm a bit

417
00:26:37.200 --> 00:26:39.519
<v Speaker 3>of a when it comes when it comes to coaching

418
00:26:39.599 --> 00:26:41.160
<v Speaker 3>and this type of modality, I'm a bit of a

419
00:26:42.079 --> 00:26:43.799
<v Speaker 3>bit of a model guy like I liked. I like

420
00:26:43.839 --> 00:26:46.000
<v Speaker 3>to see if they was through models of the human

421
00:26:46.079 --> 00:26:49.400
<v Speaker 3>general human condition and the four agreements the drama tryangle

422
00:26:49.519 --> 00:26:52.039
<v Speaker 3>things like this. They're just models of the general human condition.

423
00:26:52.519 --> 00:26:55.519
<v Speaker 3>It's idea that we have an ego or something beneath

424
00:26:55.559 --> 00:26:57.680
<v Speaker 3>that ego. We're all a human and our egos our

425
00:26:57.720 --> 00:27:01.799
<v Speaker 3>reactor system. So what the agreements is. It might be

426
00:27:01.839 --> 00:27:03.640
<v Speaker 3>a book that many of you have read. It very

427
00:27:03.720 --> 00:27:11.440
<v Speaker 3>popularly spiritual book written by remember's name, Miguel, and it's

428
00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:14.319
<v Speaker 3>based on when the Toll. Text goes back thousands of

429
00:27:14.440 --> 00:27:18.240
<v Speaker 3>years and it has four very simple what they call

430
00:27:18.359 --> 00:27:23.319
<v Speaker 3>agreements or ways of being that if you if you

431
00:27:23.480 --> 00:27:26.759
<v Speaker 3>follow these foregings, you have a good chance of having

432
00:27:26.759 --> 00:27:29.400
<v Speaker 3>a very sort of peaceful existence. And when your piece

433
00:27:29.519 --> 00:27:33.640
<v Speaker 3>is disrupted it's very high probability that you're in violation

434
00:27:33.759 --> 00:27:38.160
<v Speaker 3>of one of these four agreements. The four agreements are one,

435
00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:44.000
<v Speaker 3>be immaculate with your word, and it can also mean

436
00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:47.079
<v Speaker 3>immaculate with your thoughts, but I'm absolutely immacuate with your word.

437
00:27:47.480 --> 00:27:52.319
<v Speaker 3>What you say matters. The second is don't don't take

438
00:27:52.400 --> 00:27:57.960
<v Speaker 3>things personally. There just don't make assumptions. And the fourth

439
00:27:58.119 --> 00:28:04.680
<v Speaker 3>is always do your best. Really really simple, and brought

440
00:28:04.799 --> 00:28:07.640
<v Speaker 3>I brought those up to Jacqueline in this conversation.

441
00:28:07.640 --> 00:28:10.759
<v Speaker 2>Really really simple, but also really really hard.

442
00:28:11.160 --> 00:28:13.079
<v Speaker 3>Really hard, and I mean it's so wise. The one

443
00:28:13.119 --> 00:28:15.559
<v Speaker 3>I brought up, I said, you know, I asked, I asked,

444
00:28:15.720 --> 00:28:18.680
<v Speaker 3>which which are the four agreements? You know, because Jaquelines

445
00:28:18.720 --> 00:28:21.319
<v Speaker 3>are very familiar with thing do you think maybe in

446
00:28:21.440 --> 00:28:24.279
<v Speaker 3>violation of here or may becoming in conflict with And

447
00:28:24.599 --> 00:28:28.119
<v Speaker 3>the obvious one that jumped up was don't take things personally.

448
00:28:29.079 --> 00:28:30.960
<v Speaker 3>And I just want to expand them all a little bit.

449
00:28:31.599 --> 00:28:38.000
<v Speaker 3>It's this idea that it's the ideot that we're this

450
00:28:38.079 --> 00:28:40.000
<v Speaker 3>sort of our own this we believe in the center

451
00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:43.720
<v Speaker 3>of the university everything revolves around us, and we believe

452
00:28:43.759 --> 00:28:45.920
<v Speaker 3>that when people are saying things or thinking things, you're

453
00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:48.920
<v Speaker 3>doing things, they're doing it to respect to us. This

454
00:28:49.039 --> 00:28:52.240
<v Speaker 3>agreement points out that they're not because people are doing

455
00:28:52.319 --> 00:28:55.279
<v Speaker 3>exactly what you're doing. I'm doing in Jacqueline's doing is

456
00:28:55.319 --> 00:28:58.079
<v Speaker 3>we're thinking about ourselves about ninety seven percent of the time,

457
00:28:58.599 --> 00:29:00.920
<v Speaker 3>and we're not thinking about other people. We're not sitting

458
00:29:00.960 --> 00:29:03.759
<v Speaker 3>around thinking about what's going on with all these other

459
00:29:03.880 --> 00:29:06.759
<v Speaker 3>people and how they're feeling whatnot. We're sitting here thinking

460
00:29:06.759 --> 00:29:10.279
<v Speaker 3>about ourselves and our own thoughts, and we are so

461
00:29:10.519 --> 00:29:13.160
<v Speaker 3>is everybody else. So when people are doing things, it's

462
00:29:13.240 --> 00:29:17.599
<v Speaker 3>not about you. When someone says something that you think

463
00:29:17.680 --> 00:29:19.920
<v Speaker 3>is directed to you, it's probably not about you. So

464
00:29:20.079 --> 00:29:23.279
<v Speaker 3>don't take things on, don't take it personally. That's the

465
00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:25.599
<v Speaker 3>first one. And the second one that's really relevant here

466
00:29:25.640 --> 00:29:29.079
<v Speaker 3>is don't make assumptions. Again, this idea that we think

467
00:29:29.160 --> 00:29:32.319
<v Speaker 3>we know what's going on, that we have any control

468
00:29:32.440 --> 00:29:36.079
<v Speaker 3>over the environment around us is somewhat ludicrous. We simply

469
00:29:36.160 --> 00:29:38.759
<v Speaker 3>need to know. We don't know, and almost all of

470
00:29:38.759 --> 00:29:41.519
<v Speaker 3>our assumptions, and I'll say all of our assumptions are wrong.

471
00:29:41.960 --> 00:29:44.359
<v Speaker 3>We just don't know how our assumptions are wrong. So

472
00:29:44.480 --> 00:29:46.039
<v Speaker 3>those are the two Those are the two things that

473
00:29:46.079 --> 00:29:49.880
<v Speaker 3>showed up in this conversation. So I want to bring

474
00:29:49.920 --> 00:29:54.519
<v Speaker 3>these back now to the actual event that happened. Okay,

475
00:29:55.720 --> 00:29:58.200
<v Speaker 3>what were you taking personally? Where were you taking things personally?

476
00:30:00.640 --> 00:30:09.599
<v Speaker 2>Mmmm? The feeling that this group member was having immediately

477
00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:13.599
<v Speaker 2>as soon as as soon as she spoke it, what

478
00:30:13.960 --> 00:30:18.440
<v Speaker 2>I what I did was go into what did I

479
00:30:18.759 --> 00:30:24.839
<v Speaker 2>do to make her feel this way? And I played

480
00:30:24.920 --> 00:30:31.359
<v Speaker 2>back numerous different moments where oh, my goodness, I said this,

481
00:30:31.559 --> 00:30:34.480
<v Speaker 2>and maybe I was flippant, or I didn't take this

482
00:30:34.759 --> 00:30:38.279
<v Speaker 2>very reverently, or I was not being very serious in

483
00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:43.480
<v Speaker 2>my responses, or wait a minute, I sit in the

484
00:30:43.599 --> 00:30:46.480
<v Speaker 2>role of facilitator and often in the role of teacher.

485
00:30:47.759 --> 00:30:52.440
<v Speaker 2>Maybe maybe I was operating in a way that was

486
00:30:54.240 --> 00:30:58.839
<v Speaker 2>beneath that. Maybe I wasn't being maybe I wasn't upholding

487
00:31:00.119 --> 00:31:06.200
<v Speaker 2>specific role or way of being, et cetera, et cetera.

488
00:31:06.440 --> 00:31:09.200
<v Speaker 2>I mean I kind of went, Yeah, I circled the drain.

489
00:31:10.119 --> 00:31:12.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. And within that, even talking there, you went into

490
00:31:12.960 --> 00:31:15.599
<v Speaker 3>the other truths. Were you market with your work? You

491
00:31:15.640 --> 00:31:18.680
<v Speaker 3>did you actually did you say anything that you're aware

492
00:31:18.680 --> 00:31:21.440
<v Speaker 3>of at the time that wasn't that wasn't an integrity?

493
00:31:22.440 --> 00:31:26.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? And and did I not do my best in

494
00:31:27.039 --> 00:31:30.119
<v Speaker 2>that given moment. And the interesting piece about all of

495
00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:33.240
<v Speaker 2>them is that you know, Chris and I talk, we

496
00:31:33.839 --> 00:31:35.839
<v Speaker 2>I think we even we did. We did a podcast

497
00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:38.039
<v Speaker 2>last year on what it means to be a teacher,

498
00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:42.880
<v Speaker 2>and so much of what we believe in in terms

499
00:31:42.920 --> 00:31:48.079
<v Speaker 2>of teaching means we're walking with We're we're in process with,

500
00:31:48.400 --> 00:31:52.000
<v Speaker 2>we're living with we It's not like we've we've hit

501
00:31:52.119 --> 00:31:53.799
<v Speaker 2>some place and we know better then.

502
00:31:54.480 --> 00:31:57.160
<v Speaker 1>And so in in that.

503
00:31:58.759 --> 00:32:03.160
<v Speaker 2>Meeting, what I was doing was I was engaging on

504
00:32:03.279 --> 00:32:07.319
<v Speaker 2>an equal playing field with doing exactly what I teach

505
00:32:07.400 --> 00:32:10.240
<v Speaker 2>about doing all the time. But the moment that I

506
00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:13.599
<v Speaker 2>got scared and I got panicky, what I went into

507
00:32:14.200 --> 00:32:18.480
<v Speaker 2>was questioning was I immaculate with my wife?

508
00:32:19.519 --> 00:32:20.720
<v Speaker 3>Was I doing my best?

509
00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:25.559
<v Speaker 2>All of a sudden, I was taking things incredibly personally,

510
00:32:26.240 --> 00:32:29.200
<v Speaker 2>like I was the cause of her upset, and I

511
00:32:29.319 --> 00:32:31.960
<v Speaker 2>made all kinds of assumptions about how she was feeled.

512
00:32:33.759 --> 00:32:36.880
<v Speaker 3>An interesting thing just with then taking it personally. There,

513
00:32:36.920 --> 00:32:38.680
<v Speaker 3>you weren't the only one there. There's a there's a

514
00:32:38.720 --> 00:32:40.920
<v Speaker 3>whole bunch of other people in this group. So it's

515
00:32:40.960 --> 00:32:43.480
<v Speaker 3>that you can even refine it. I'm one in your

516
00:32:43.519 --> 00:32:45.880
<v Speaker 3>one individual amongst your broader group. This person has your

517
00:32:45.920 --> 00:32:48.839
<v Speaker 3>own thing going on, and now I'm taking it personally.

518
00:32:49.359 --> 00:32:51.960
<v Speaker 3>And the harder way to say it is like, like,

519
00:32:52.200 --> 00:32:53.920
<v Speaker 3>who do you think you are? To make it all

520
00:32:53.960 --> 00:32:56.559
<v Speaker 3>about you? Right? And that's the and that's the reality,

521
00:32:56.599 --> 00:32:59.279
<v Speaker 3>and that's that's sometimes what I mean, that's some myself talk.

522
00:32:59.640 --> 00:33:01.039
<v Speaker 3>When I this, it's like, wait a minute, who do

523
00:33:01.119 --> 00:33:03.000
<v Speaker 3>I think I am thinking this has anything to do

524
00:33:03.079 --> 00:33:04.759
<v Speaker 3>with me? I'm not that important?

525
00:33:05.359 --> 00:33:08.839
<v Speaker 2>Well, and I think I think what's important in that

526
00:33:09.400 --> 00:33:13.720
<v Speaker 2>is to be able to actually ask that question, right, Like,

527
00:33:16.160 --> 00:33:19.359
<v Speaker 2>it's a really hard thing to look at yourself in

528
00:33:19.400 --> 00:33:21.960
<v Speaker 2>the mirror and go, who the hell do you think

529
00:33:22.039 --> 00:33:25.880
<v Speaker 2>you are? To make this about you? Yes, we don't

530
00:33:25.920 --> 00:33:28.160
<v Speaker 2>want to ask ourselves those questions.

531
00:33:28.359 --> 00:33:31.240
<v Speaker 3>That's why are you? Why are you so important? Why

532
00:33:31.240 --> 00:33:32.920
<v Speaker 3>are you so special? But this is about you.

533
00:33:33.279 --> 00:33:36.279
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's a really hard thing to do. I mean,

534
00:33:36.680 --> 00:33:40.839
<v Speaker 2>we can feel really small doing those things. But that's

535
00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:45.079
<v Speaker 2>the level of work that's required in order to get

536
00:33:45.200 --> 00:33:50.200
<v Speaker 2>really honest and break some of these patterns is to

537
00:33:50.359 --> 00:33:53.920
<v Speaker 2>have those really honest conversations. And part of the reason

538
00:33:54.000 --> 00:33:57.119
<v Speaker 2>why we're sharing it with you right now is because

539
00:33:57.640 --> 00:34:01.200
<v Speaker 2>it did it came up fully alive for me last night.

540
00:34:01.880 --> 00:34:06.319
<v Speaker 2>Chris served as an incredible partner and coach for me

541
00:34:06.519 --> 00:34:11.280
<v Speaker 2>in it. But it requires a tremendous amount of humility,

542
00:34:12.679 --> 00:34:17.960
<v Speaker 2>and in those moments, that humility feels really row, it

543
00:34:18.079 --> 00:34:21.800
<v Speaker 2>feels really painful. It felt that way for me last night,

544
00:34:22.880 --> 00:34:25.639
<v Speaker 2>And it's from that place that we're wanting to share

545
00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:29.480
<v Speaker 2>with you because we are in it with you and

546
00:34:29.639 --> 00:34:34.599
<v Speaker 2>we're still growing all the time. I think that one

547
00:34:34.639 --> 00:34:39.840
<v Speaker 2>of the beauties of our experiences is that because we

548
00:34:40.079 --> 00:34:48.360
<v Speaker 2>are constantly growing and learning, rather than these moments actually

549
00:34:48.440 --> 00:34:51.840
<v Speaker 2>in the moment they feel terrible, but as they pass,

550
00:34:52.280 --> 00:34:55.840
<v Speaker 2>it becomes this opportunity. It becomes a growth filled opportunity,

551
00:34:56.679 --> 00:34:59.920
<v Speaker 2>and recognizing that each time one of these things happened,

552
00:35:00.679 --> 00:35:05.960
<v Speaker 2>there's an opportunity to free ourselves of the shackles of

553
00:35:06.119 --> 00:35:10.800
<v Speaker 2>that limiting belief of I am bad and then the

554
00:35:10.920 --> 00:35:14.679
<v Speaker 2>behavior that follows it, which is to please in order

555
00:35:14.800 --> 00:35:15.400
<v Speaker 2>not to feel it.

556
00:35:17.440 --> 00:35:19.920
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and that the part of it's hard. It just

557
00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:23.679
<v Speaker 3>reminded me of a a It's like a Jesus quote

558
00:35:23.679 --> 00:35:26.679
<v Speaker 3>that shows up in Luke. The truth will set you free,

559
00:35:26.719 --> 00:35:30.519
<v Speaker 3>but first it'll make you miserable and It's so true.

560
00:35:30.559 --> 00:35:32.440
<v Speaker 3>It's so true because this, when you see this, you

561
00:35:32.559 --> 00:35:35.519
<v Speaker 3>really start looking into this and deserving it, which you

562
00:35:35.599 --> 00:35:39.920
<v Speaker 3>know many people never had that inside look about what's

563
00:35:39.960 --> 00:35:42.280
<v Speaker 3>going on with me. Am I taking things personally like.

564
00:35:42.559 --> 00:35:44.639
<v Speaker 3>But when you start doing that, it's really hard because

565
00:35:44.679 --> 00:35:47.239
<v Speaker 3>you're exposing parts of yourself you have you've hidden from

566
00:35:47.280 --> 00:35:49.719
<v Speaker 3>yourself your whole life, and you don't want to see.

567
00:35:50.079 --> 00:35:52.280
<v Speaker 3>It's not fun looking at it's not fun observing it.

568
00:35:52.800 --> 00:35:54.920
<v Speaker 3>But the more you observe it, the more you get

569
00:35:54.960 --> 00:35:57.400
<v Speaker 3>into it, the less it holds you, and it just

570
00:35:57.480 --> 00:35:58.920
<v Speaker 3>starts dissolving and fading away.

571
00:36:00.119 --> 00:36:02.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and what Christa said is really important because the

572
00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:06.079
<v Speaker 2>masks that we wear aren't just masks that we wear

573
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:11.119
<v Speaker 2>to protect others from seeing us. The masks we wear

574
00:36:11.679 --> 00:36:18.519
<v Speaker 2>are really designed to protect us from experiencing our deepest vulnerabilities.

575
00:36:20.599 --> 00:36:25.960
<v Speaker 2>And it's only in exploring those deepest vulnerabilities that we

576
00:36:26.079 --> 00:36:27.320
<v Speaker 2>can really find freedom.

577
00:36:28.519 --> 00:36:31.280
<v Speaker 3>It's true. You know, there's a term that awakening gets

578
00:36:31.360 --> 00:36:33.840
<v Speaker 3>thrown around a lot. I use it too, but I

579
00:36:34.599 --> 00:36:37.960
<v Speaker 3>take using a very simple context and that I'm awakening

580
00:36:38.320 --> 00:36:41.280
<v Speaker 3>to the fact that I'm conditioned, because if I'm not

581
00:36:41.320 --> 00:36:43.480
<v Speaker 3>aware that I'm conditioned, and I haven't looked at how

582
00:36:43.480 --> 00:36:46.199
<v Speaker 3>I'm conditioned, and I'm sleep at that conditioning. I'm just

583
00:36:46.880 --> 00:36:49.719
<v Speaker 3>I'm just mechanical. I'm just I'm just reacting to all

584
00:36:49.840 --> 00:36:53.480
<v Speaker 3>my fear based patternings and trying to survive. And when

585
00:36:53.519 --> 00:36:56.000
<v Speaker 3>that awareness comes into I need to I want to

586
00:36:56.119 --> 00:37:00.079
<v Speaker 3>look at my conditioning. That's the awakening awareness process, and

587
00:37:00.159 --> 00:37:02.679
<v Speaker 3>it just takes time to unravel the whole thing. And

588
00:37:02.719 --> 00:37:04.840
<v Speaker 3>there's so much of us, so many parts of us

589
00:37:04.880 --> 00:37:07.039
<v Speaker 3>that are even when we start looking and they're obscured

590
00:37:07.079 --> 00:37:09.239
<v Speaker 3>from us and hidden from us, that will show up

591
00:37:09.239 --> 00:37:11.880
<v Speaker 3>in the weirdest places. And the further we go down

592
00:37:11.960 --> 00:37:15.440
<v Speaker 3>this path, it's taking every single one of those reactions

593
00:37:15.960 --> 00:37:20.239
<v Speaker 3>as a learning opportunity. Aha, there it is again. Now

594
00:37:20.280 --> 00:37:22.719
<v Speaker 3>I must go in and look inside of what's happening

595
00:37:22.760 --> 00:37:24.199
<v Speaker 3>within me. I know it's nothing to do with my

596
00:37:24.280 --> 00:37:28.960
<v Speaker 3>external environment. This is all internal, and the external environment

597
00:37:29.159 --> 00:37:33.559
<v Speaker 3>is my it's my it's my training ground, it's my

598
00:37:33.760 --> 00:37:35.559
<v Speaker 3>opportunity to learn about myself.

599
00:37:35.679 --> 00:37:40.840
<v Speaker 2>That's all this is. So you say that and all

600
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:43.440
<v Speaker 2>of a sudden, just as an example, because this has

601
00:37:43.480 --> 00:37:47.639
<v Speaker 2>come up so loudly for me for the last six months,

602
00:37:47.920 --> 00:37:50.360
<v Speaker 2>let's say, I mean probably longer than that, but very

603
00:37:50.440 --> 00:37:54.039
<v Speaker 2>loud over the last six months is I can see

604
00:37:54.159 --> 00:37:58.360
<v Speaker 2>how my kids are showing up to like to wake

605
00:37:58.400 --> 00:38:01.360
<v Speaker 2>this up to me. I see how family members are

606
00:38:01.400 --> 00:38:03.960
<v Speaker 2>showing up to wake this up in me. I can

607
00:38:04.079 --> 00:38:06.960
<v Speaker 2>see how clients are showing up to wake this up

608
00:38:07.039 --> 00:38:10.000
<v Speaker 2>in me. And I can really see how the universe

609
00:38:10.280 --> 00:38:15.599
<v Speaker 2>is aligning in order to teach me what it is

610
00:38:16.079 --> 00:38:19.079
<v Speaker 2>that has been obscured for my awareness for as long

611
00:38:19.159 --> 00:38:23.519
<v Speaker 2>as I can remember. In those moments, you know, I,

612
00:38:25.239 --> 00:38:29.880
<v Speaker 2>in those moments, it can feel like life, life is

613
00:38:29.920 --> 00:38:34.000
<v Speaker 2>against me. Why are all these terrible things happening? Why

614
00:38:34.199 --> 00:38:36.000
<v Speaker 2>is this showing up and that showing up? And it

615
00:38:36.119 --> 00:38:39.599
<v Speaker 2>all happening at the same time. Poor me, But actually

616
00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:43.079
<v Speaker 2>lucky you, because if all of these things are aligning,

617
00:38:44.239 --> 00:38:49.280
<v Speaker 2>then there's something happening where one you are ready to

618
00:38:49.440 --> 00:38:52.840
<v Speaker 2>learn a lesson that you may not have been ready

619
00:38:52.920 --> 00:38:59.559
<v Speaker 2>for before, and all of these people are aligning with

620
00:38:59.760 --> 00:39:02.920
<v Speaker 2>you learning that lesson. If you will open the door

621
00:39:03.840 --> 00:39:07.679
<v Speaker 2>and find the humility to learn what's wanting to show

622
00:39:07.719 --> 00:39:10.960
<v Speaker 2>itself to you. If you do that, and if you

623
00:39:11.039 --> 00:39:14.719
<v Speaker 2>can approach it in that way, then the universe is benevolent.

624
00:39:16.239 --> 00:39:18.559
<v Speaker 2>If you can't approach it in that way because it

625
00:39:18.639 --> 00:39:22.119
<v Speaker 2>feels too much, then you're a victim to life circumstances.

626
00:39:24.199 --> 00:39:26.960
<v Speaker 2>One leaves you feeling empowered and life isn't a bit

627
00:39:27.000 --> 00:39:30.000
<v Speaker 2>of an adventure, sometimes a bit of a roller coaster.

628
00:39:31.239 --> 00:39:33.840
<v Speaker 2>The other leaves you feeling like you're stuck in a

629
00:39:33.880 --> 00:39:36.679
<v Speaker 2>swamp and there's not much you can do to change.

630
00:39:38.880 --> 00:39:41.400
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, we're talking. It's in our show opener, you know,

631
00:39:41.440 --> 00:39:43.880
<v Speaker 3>because understand that life's not happening to you. It's happening

632
00:39:44.000 --> 00:39:47.239
<v Speaker 3>for you. Everything in life is happening for you, is

633
00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:49.760
<v Speaker 3>what we talk about. But it goes beyond that. There's

634
00:39:49.800 --> 00:39:53.079
<v Speaker 3>these these these these stages of how we relate to

635
00:39:53.159 --> 00:39:56.679
<v Speaker 3>these circumstances. You mentioned them. Oh my god, it's all

636
00:39:56.760 --> 00:39:59.599
<v Speaker 3>happening to me. I can't believe it. Everything's so unfair.

637
00:39:59.639 --> 00:40:03.719
<v Speaker 3>It's all happening to me. And that's that real victim identification,

638
00:40:04.400 --> 00:40:06.159
<v Speaker 3>and we can move out of that. Well, it's not

639
00:40:06.239 --> 00:40:08.519
<v Speaker 3>happening to me, it's happening by me. I'm making this

640
00:40:08.639 --> 00:40:11.719
<v Speaker 3>stuff happen. I'm the driver, I'm controlling my environment. I'm

641
00:40:12.199 --> 00:40:13.079
<v Speaker 3>making all this stuff.

642
00:40:13.480 --> 00:40:15.440
<v Speaker 2>You're tacking back into one of your models.

643
00:40:15.599 --> 00:40:21.320
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, and it's it's and that's a different power

644
00:40:21.360 --> 00:40:24.199
<v Speaker 3>than you know, being at the mercy of life. But

645
00:40:24.239 --> 00:40:26.760
<v Speaker 3>it's still one in which I need to control online environment,

646
00:40:27.000 --> 00:40:29.360
<v Speaker 3>and it's still not one that's self reflective where you're

647
00:40:29.400 --> 00:40:32.079
<v Speaker 3>looking at Wait a minute, what's what's going on within me.

648
00:40:32.159 --> 00:40:34.719
<v Speaker 3>It's almost like I'm going to ignore my internals and

649
00:40:34.800 --> 00:40:37.480
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to do that by driving the outside rule

650
00:40:37.639 --> 00:40:39.800
<v Speaker 3>and it's probably gonna come with a lot of suffering

651
00:40:39.880 --> 00:40:42.920
<v Speaker 3>at some stage. And then we move into oh my god,

652
00:40:42.920 --> 00:40:45.519
<v Speaker 3>it's happening for me. And as soon as you make

653
00:40:45.599 --> 00:40:47.639
<v Speaker 3>that shift into it's happening for me, this is the

654
00:40:47.719 --> 00:40:51.000
<v Speaker 3>embodied state. And if you're there and you're experiencing that, well,

655
00:40:51.280 --> 00:40:53.920
<v Speaker 3>I think you're in fifteen percent of the population that's

656
00:40:54.039 --> 00:40:58.599
<v Speaker 3>now approaching life even sometimes like that, and that if

657
00:40:58.639 --> 00:41:01.840
<v Speaker 3>it's happening for me and it's painful, then it must

658
00:41:01.920 --> 00:41:04.199
<v Speaker 3>be a lesson. It must be like touching the hot stove.

659
00:41:05.039 --> 00:41:07.320
<v Speaker 3>I burn myself because I'm learning not to touch the

660
00:41:07.360 --> 00:41:10.039
<v Speaker 3>hot stove. If I'm finding this painful, there's a lesson

661
00:41:10.079 --> 00:41:12.639
<v Speaker 3>in here that I that I need to explore. And

662
00:41:12.719 --> 00:41:15.360
<v Speaker 3>the only answer is inside me. There's no answer outside

663
00:41:15.400 --> 00:41:18.159
<v Speaker 3>of me for this lesson. It's inside of me. Okay,

664
00:41:18.519 --> 00:41:20.519
<v Speaker 3>can I can I step into this place where I'm

665
00:41:20.519 --> 00:41:22.880
<v Speaker 3>going to go look inside with myself, with a friend,

666
00:41:22.960 --> 00:41:26.800
<v Speaker 3>with a coach whoever, to try to unravel what the

667
00:41:26.920 --> 00:41:31.519
<v Speaker 3>lesson is. And as you keep going along this and

668
00:41:31.639 --> 00:41:33.320
<v Speaker 3>more and more a step into this place where it's

669
00:41:33.360 --> 00:41:36.480
<v Speaker 3>not happening to me, buy me, for me, it's just

670
00:41:36.559 --> 00:41:40.079
<v Speaker 3>all happening through me. Right. That's the that's the that's

671
00:41:40.159 --> 00:41:42.239
<v Speaker 3>the closer to closest to the top of the mountain.

672
00:41:42.320 --> 00:41:44.840
<v Speaker 3>You start in that state, and that's the flow state.

673
00:41:44.920 --> 00:41:48.119
<v Speaker 3>That's the that's the state of ultimate ultimate piece. There's

674
00:41:48.159 --> 00:41:50.760
<v Speaker 3>no good, there's no bad, there's no writers wrong. It's

675
00:41:50.800 --> 00:41:52.840
<v Speaker 3>just happening, man, And I'm just here to experience it.

676
00:41:52.960 --> 00:41:54.800
<v Speaker 3>That's it. That's all I have to do. And I'm

677
00:41:54.840 --> 00:41:56.800
<v Speaker 3>going to choose to experience it by just going with

678
00:41:56.880 --> 00:41:59.719
<v Speaker 3>the flow and being in peace and not fighting any

679
00:41:59.760 --> 00:41:59.880
<v Speaker 3>of it.

680
00:42:02.480 --> 00:42:05.320
<v Speaker 2>You know, I think one of the one of the

681
00:42:05.400 --> 00:42:10.360
<v Speaker 2>biggest shifts that happens from it happening for me to

682
00:42:10.519 --> 00:42:15.039
<v Speaker 2>its happening through me is letting go of judgment. M

683
00:42:15.599 --> 00:42:19.480
<v Speaker 2>there's that place of can I can I meet what

684
00:42:19.840 --> 00:42:26.360
<v Speaker 2>is with neutrality, and and we have so much judgment

685
00:42:27.159 --> 00:42:34.199
<v Speaker 2>of ourselves that unlike unpeeling those layers of judgment and

686
00:42:34.280 --> 00:42:37.079
<v Speaker 2>where they come from is essential to get to a

687
00:42:37.199 --> 00:42:40.199
<v Speaker 2>place where we can just allow what's happening to move

688
00:42:40.280 --> 00:42:45.199
<v Speaker 2>through us without resist. And that's freedom MHM.

689
00:42:46.480 --> 00:42:48.159
<v Speaker 3>And all and all the roots to it. You know

690
00:42:48.239 --> 00:42:50.559
<v Speaker 3>that you are these things, you know, you don't judge,

691
00:42:50.599 --> 00:42:54.280
<v Speaker 3>don't judge others, forgive your enemies. All these things, these

692
00:42:54.280 --> 00:42:57.679
<v Speaker 3>are the They appear external, but they're all hacks for

693
00:42:57.840 --> 00:43:01.920
<v Speaker 3>you do it to yourself. The real, the real objective

694
00:43:01.960 --> 00:43:03.920
<v Speaker 3>in all this work is to not judge yourselves, to

695
00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:08.199
<v Speaker 3>forgive ourselves, to accept ourselves, and to find peace within ourselves,

696
00:43:08.199 --> 00:43:10.079
<v Speaker 3>because the rest of us will take care of itself

697
00:43:11.519 --> 00:43:12.119
<v Speaker 3>once we do that.

698
00:43:13.880 --> 00:43:15.639
<v Speaker 2>And I think a big piece of that is to

699
00:43:15.800 --> 00:43:21.239
<v Speaker 2>recognize that the only real enemies that any of us

700
00:43:21.360 --> 00:43:25.679
<v Speaker 2>have are the ones that we create internally with our stories.

701
00:43:25.360 --> 00:43:35.800
<v Speaker 3>And our limiting beliefs. Say more of that, I can.

702
00:43:40.679 --> 00:43:47.880
<v Speaker 2>We spend so much time looking externally for everything, whether

703
00:43:47.960 --> 00:44:01.079
<v Speaker 2>it's for acknowledgment, or it's for judgment, if it's for recognition, significance,

704
00:44:02.920 --> 00:44:07.360
<v Speaker 2>all of those things, and yet really our outside world

705
00:44:08.320 --> 00:44:12.880
<v Speaker 2>is only serving to mirror what's happening in our inner world.

706
00:44:14.039 --> 00:44:19.480
<v Speaker 2>If our judge is very present inside, belittling us every

707
00:44:19.519 --> 00:44:22.639
<v Speaker 2>step of the way, then what we are going to

708
00:44:22.840 --> 00:44:27.400
<v Speaker 2>have reflected to us outside is a world full of judges,

709
00:44:29.519 --> 00:44:32.639
<v Speaker 2>because the outside world is just going to show us

710
00:44:33.360 --> 00:44:36.840
<v Speaker 2>it's going to it serves to mirror for us what

711
00:44:36.960 --> 00:44:40.559
<v Speaker 2>our inner world looks like. And so the softer we

712
00:44:40.719 --> 00:44:45.760
<v Speaker 2>become with ourselves, the softer our outer world becomes with us,

713
00:44:46.760 --> 00:44:51.519
<v Speaker 2>which then means that the biggest enemy that we have

714
00:44:51.760 --> 00:44:57.519
<v Speaker 2>to confront is the enemy that we've created. And the

715
00:44:57.599 --> 00:45:02.880
<v Speaker 2>interesting piece is piece of us that we created to

716
00:45:03.079 --> 00:45:08.639
<v Speaker 2>judge or diminish ourselves, was created to serve us at

717
00:45:08.719 --> 00:45:13.480
<v Speaker 2>some point, to serve us in a moment, to protect

718
00:45:13.639 --> 00:45:17.280
<v Speaker 2>us in a moment. But it became the thing that

719
00:45:17.480 --> 00:45:21.079
<v Speaker 2>started to drive everything that we did. And that's why

720
00:45:21.119 --> 00:45:24.559
<v Speaker 2>it's so hard to get to. That's why it's layer

721
00:45:24.760 --> 00:45:33.960
<v Speaker 2>upon layer, and a willingness to be deeply humble with ourselves,

722
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:40.639
<v Speaker 2>to go looking inside because the answer is always inside.

723
00:45:41.599 --> 00:45:44.000
<v Speaker 2>And you know you've shared something with me this morning.

724
00:45:44.039 --> 00:45:45.360
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if you can pull it up or not.

725
00:45:46.880 --> 00:45:48.960
<v Speaker 2>You probably have to go yeah, into your phone. But

726
00:45:51.800 --> 00:45:53.880
<v Speaker 2>that piece really touched me. And I'm going to get

727
00:45:53.960 --> 00:45:55.760
<v Speaker 2>Chris to read it for you, but first I just

728
00:45:55.880 --> 00:46:00.639
<v Speaker 2>want to say why it touched me so deeply. It

729
00:46:00.800 --> 00:46:07.119
<v Speaker 2>touched me because so much of this work is really

730
00:46:07.320 --> 00:46:12.440
<v Speaker 2>in the witness and in the observer. It's in growing

731
00:46:12.599 --> 00:46:19.079
<v Speaker 2>our capacity daily to be able to see ourselves as

732
00:46:19.159 --> 00:46:21.920
<v Speaker 2>we are, not as we think we should be, not

733
00:46:22.239 --> 00:46:25.679
<v Speaker 2>as we'd like ourselves to be seen, but as we are,

734
00:46:27.119 --> 00:46:30.960
<v Speaker 2>and being able to witness those parts of ourselves non judgmentally,

735
00:46:31.760 --> 00:46:36.519
<v Speaker 2>because when we can, those parts of us begin to dissolve.

736
00:46:38.119 --> 00:46:43.599
<v Speaker 2>The more we watch without judgment and allow those parts

737
00:46:43.719 --> 00:46:46.840
<v Speaker 2>that say, the people pleasing part of me that shows

738
00:46:46.960 --> 00:46:51.480
<v Speaker 2>up because of a belief that somehow, somewhere I'm not

739
00:46:51.599 --> 00:46:58.039
<v Speaker 2>good enough, I'm bad. If I can watch that, witness it,

740
00:46:58.400 --> 00:47:04.119
<v Speaker 2>even with company, witness it with somebody, it no longer

741
00:47:04.320 --> 00:47:07.639
<v Speaker 2>needs to hold the same value as it has in

742
00:47:07.719 --> 00:47:10.880
<v Speaker 2>the past, and it starts to dissolve. And it's Christian,

743
00:47:11.000 --> 00:47:11.599
<v Speaker 2>Murdy Christian.

744
00:47:11.880 --> 00:47:14.199
<v Speaker 3>And I want to add to that, I love it.

745
00:47:15.239 --> 00:47:17.800
<v Speaker 3>I thank it because it got you here, and you

746
00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:20.679
<v Speaker 3>wouldn't be here without that survival mechanism. It was part

747
00:47:20.719 --> 00:47:23.159
<v Speaker 3>of it. You needed that to be here, but you

748
00:47:23.199 --> 00:47:24.760
<v Speaker 3>don't need it anymore, but you can love it and

749
00:47:24.880 --> 00:47:27.119
<v Speaker 3>integrate it. It's not a bad thing. It's not that

750
00:47:27.199 --> 00:47:30.800
<v Speaker 3>we're pushing away. We're integrating it, we're embracing it. It's

751
00:47:30.840 --> 00:47:33.599
<v Speaker 3>the inner child in those terminologies that you're putting a

752
00:47:33.639 --> 00:47:34.119
<v Speaker 3>hot around.

753
00:47:35.639 --> 00:47:39.159
<v Speaker 2>So I want to give you a shout in response

754
00:47:39.239 --> 00:47:42.519
<v Speaker 2>to that, because that energy that you just talked about about,

755
00:47:42.639 --> 00:47:48.400
<v Speaker 2>how we meet ourselves with that kind of love. It's

756
00:47:48.480 --> 00:47:51.360
<v Speaker 2>with that energy that you were able to hold me yesterday,

757
00:47:52.360 --> 00:47:55.039
<v Speaker 2>and in being able to meet me with that energy,

758
00:47:55.159 --> 00:47:57.599
<v Speaker 2>you gave me permission to meet myself that way too,

759
00:47:58.840 --> 00:48:03.360
<v Speaker 2>Which is why reaching out to somebody who can hold you,

760
00:48:03.599 --> 00:48:07.000
<v Speaker 2>whether it be a friend, a coach, a therapist, whatever

761
00:48:07.119 --> 00:48:13.199
<v Speaker 2>it is, who can love you when you don't love

762
00:48:13.239 --> 00:48:16.199
<v Speaker 2>you so much to make it okay for you to

763
00:48:16.320 --> 00:48:21.760
<v Speaker 2>explore these parts of you. It's really important. We're not

764
00:48:21.920 --> 00:48:25.360
<v Speaker 2>here by ourselves. We don't get to these places alone.

765
00:48:26.719 --> 00:48:28.840
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean, I think I really want to put

766
00:48:29.079 --> 00:48:30.960
<v Speaker 3>thank you for that and an exclamation point on it.

767
00:48:31.800 --> 00:48:33.800
<v Speaker 3>Most of us don't realize that we have no idea

768
00:48:33.840 --> 00:48:36.719
<v Speaker 3>how to love ourselves. We never truly have. We've been,

769
00:48:37.039 --> 00:48:39.360
<v Speaker 3>we've been scared and hiding behind this mask. We don't

770
00:48:39.519 --> 00:48:41.880
<v Speaker 3>know how to administer your self love. And the first

771
00:48:41.880 --> 00:48:44.440
<v Speaker 3>step might just be in the space of someone's going

772
00:48:44.480 --> 00:48:47.000
<v Speaker 3>to love us no matter what we tell them, no

773
00:48:47.079 --> 00:48:49.239
<v Speaker 3>matter what horrific things we tell about our past or

774
00:48:49.280 --> 00:48:51.920
<v Speaker 3>our thoughts were not and they just still love us unconditionally.

775
00:48:52.320 --> 00:48:55.079
<v Speaker 3>That's so transformational, And then we can get to the

776
00:48:55.119 --> 00:48:57.880
<v Speaker 3>place where we can love ourselves. Sometimes that's a really

777
00:48:57.960 --> 00:49:00.880
<v Speaker 3>necessary step. I know it is in recovery elships for sure.

778
00:49:01.920 --> 00:49:04.320
<v Speaker 2>Well. And what I would say is for those of

779
00:49:04.440 --> 00:49:07.239
<v Speaker 2>you that question whether or not you have somebody in

780
00:49:07.320 --> 00:49:10.800
<v Speaker 2>your life to do that with, what I would say

781
00:49:11.000 --> 00:49:14.920
<v Speaker 2>is is that the more transparent and honest you are

782
00:49:15.639 --> 00:49:20.880
<v Speaker 2>about yourself, the more you welcome and you serve as

783
00:49:20.880 --> 00:49:23.960
<v Speaker 2>an invitation for the people around you to do the same.

784
00:49:24.840 --> 00:49:32.920
<v Speaker 2>And so as you reach out transparently, the universe will

785
00:49:33.000 --> 00:49:37.599
<v Speaker 2>give you back what you need in return. May not

786
00:49:37.679 --> 00:49:40.679
<v Speaker 2>look like what you want, but it'll show up as

787
00:49:40.760 --> 00:49:43.280
<v Speaker 2>what you need. Do you want to share that quote?

788
00:49:43.599 --> 00:49:46.719
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's by j Do Krishna murdy Oh. I think

789
00:49:46.840 --> 00:49:49.960
<v Speaker 3>is probably one of the three most influential people's people

790
00:49:50.039 --> 00:49:52.559
<v Speaker 3>in my way of thinking in the way I see

791
00:49:52.559 --> 00:49:58.079
<v Speaker 3>the world, And he goes on to say observing doesn't

792
00:49:58.119 --> 00:50:02.920
<v Speaker 3>mean a great brain. Observe what I do, how I

793
00:50:03.000 --> 00:50:07.360
<v Speaker 3>hate people, how I get angry easily, how I wound people.

794
00:50:08.119 --> 00:50:10.480
<v Speaker 3>I can observe all of that and inquire into why

795
00:50:10.519 --> 00:50:15.119
<v Speaker 3>am I violent? What is violence? Conformity, imitation and so on.

796
00:50:16.039 --> 00:50:19.360
<v Speaker 3>It is all very complex problem, this violence. So I

797
00:50:19.440 --> 00:50:23.400
<v Speaker 3>observe it, and through pure observation the thing comes to

798
00:50:23.440 --> 00:50:27.679
<v Speaker 3>an end. And I could I could write that about myself,

799
00:50:28.559 --> 00:50:30.960
<v Speaker 3>you know, as much work as I've done or whatever

800
00:50:31.000 --> 00:50:34.719
<v Speaker 3>path I'm on, every day, I still have hundreds of

801
00:50:34.800 --> 00:50:39.079
<v Speaker 3>thoughts of violence and harm and anger and self righteousness,

802
00:50:39.159 --> 00:50:43.239
<v Speaker 3>and these crazy tangents I want to go down. But

803
00:50:43.320 --> 00:50:44.920
<v Speaker 3>I don't react to that. I don't make them realize.

804
00:50:44.960 --> 00:50:48.519
<v Speaker 3>Just ask why am I thinking this way? What's behind this?

805
00:50:49.360 --> 00:50:51.639
<v Speaker 3>And the more I do that, less and less those thoughts,

806
00:50:51.719 --> 00:50:55.280
<v Speaker 3>those thoughts emerged. But we're human beings with these crazy

807
00:50:55.360 --> 00:50:59.440
<v Speaker 3>monkey minds, and this, you know, trauma in one way

808
00:50:59.519 --> 00:51:02.000
<v Speaker 3>or another growing up that's created this protective layer on us.

809
00:51:02.039 --> 00:51:04.440
<v Speaker 3>This is the fact of being a human being. And

810
00:51:04.519 --> 00:51:06.239
<v Speaker 3>it's also a fact of being a human being. I

811
00:51:06.360 --> 00:51:10.000
<v Speaker 3>truly believe this, we're effectively here to dissolve that and

812
00:51:10.400 --> 00:51:13.280
<v Speaker 3>find our true nature, which is our true self, which

813
00:51:13.320 --> 00:51:16.559
<v Speaker 3>is what exists be underneath all of those masks, which

814
00:51:16.599 --> 00:51:17.559
<v Speaker 3>is unconditional love.

815
00:51:18.960 --> 00:51:24.559
<v Speaker 2>And whatever stays hidden has the most power, and so

816
00:51:24.880 --> 00:51:30.119
<v Speaker 2>unearthing it and exposing it to the light is what

817
00:51:30.280 --> 00:51:35.239
<v Speaker 2>allows us to come back to unconditional love rather than

818
00:51:36.880 --> 00:51:38.000
<v Speaker 2>all of those judgments.

819
00:51:40.039 --> 00:51:45.440
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, your observation is internally, not externally. And if you

820
00:51:45.519 --> 00:51:48.360
<v Speaker 3>find yourself in this place where you're spending a lot

821
00:51:48.400 --> 00:51:53.199
<v Speaker 3>of time judging what's happening around you, maybe even you know,

822
00:51:53.239 --> 00:51:56.719
<v Speaker 3>maybe even caught up in social media and things like that,

823
00:51:57.039 --> 00:52:00.039
<v Speaker 3>constantly blasting out your opinion of what everyone else and

824
00:52:00.159 --> 00:52:03.519
<v Speaker 3>everything is doing wrong. I want to encourage you, as

825
00:52:03.519 --> 00:52:06.639
<v Speaker 3>an action to take a pause and ask what's going

826
00:52:06.679 --> 00:52:10.440
<v Speaker 3>on within me that's leading me to want to do

827
00:52:10.559 --> 00:52:13.320
<v Speaker 3>this external things, what's being triggered with me, What wounds

828
00:52:13.360 --> 00:52:15.000
<v Speaker 3>opening up in me that I that I feel this

829
00:52:15.199 --> 00:52:17.639
<v Speaker 3>need to go and crack and judge other people's behavior,

830
00:52:18.400 --> 00:52:22.360
<v Speaker 3>because the reality is this is your projection onto them.

831
00:52:22.920 --> 00:52:25.760
<v Speaker 3>You can only we can only see other people through

832
00:52:25.800 --> 00:52:29.159
<v Speaker 3>our own experience, through our old lens. And there's this saying,

833
00:52:29.199 --> 00:52:31.400
<v Speaker 3>if you spot it, you got it. And it's really

834
00:52:31.480 --> 00:52:34.159
<v Speaker 3>really hard to hear, it's really really hard to accept,

835
00:52:34.199 --> 00:52:38.199
<v Speaker 3>but I absolutely promise you it's true. Whatever you're projecting

836
00:52:38.239 --> 00:52:42.599
<v Speaker 3>on your most hated person out there, that's you, my friend.

837
00:52:43.639 --> 00:52:45.280
<v Speaker 3>Well with that, why don't we when don't we stop

838
00:52:45.320 --> 00:52:47.199
<v Speaker 3>there and we'll see you all in a couple of weeks?

839
00:52:47.760 --> 00:52:53.320
<v Speaker 2>Sounds good? You've been listening to me Chris and me

840
00:52:53.519 --> 00:52:57.159
<v Speaker 2>Jacqueline on break Free and Trust are Redesign for Living.

841
00:52:57.320 --> 00:52:59.840
<v Speaker 1>Tune in every second and fourth Monday at three pm

842
00:53:00.079 --> 00:53:04.239
<v Speaker 1>on Transformation Talk Radio for more real conversations about life, death,

843
00:53:04.360 --> 00:53:05.280
<v Speaker 1>and everything in between.

844
00:53:05.519 --> 00:53:09.360
<v Speaker 2>Learn to connect with your intrinsic power to grow and heal,

845
00:53:09.519 --> 00:53:12.079
<v Speaker 2>how to laugh at your own humanness and not take

846
00:53:12.159 --> 00:53:13.159
<v Speaker 2>life too seriously.

847
00:53:13.400 --> 00:53:16.960
<v Speaker 1>Through healthy conversations between the feminine and the masculine, you

848
00:53:17.000 --> 00:53:18.559
<v Speaker 1>will learn how to harness.

849
00:53:18.320 --> 00:53:20.679
<v Speaker 3>The power of relationship and the mirror, to befriend your.

850
00:53:20.639 --> 00:53:23.320
<v Speaker 1>Shadow, and to trust that any obstacle that gets in

851
00:53:23.400 --> 00:53:24.880
<v Speaker 1>your way is there to help you grow.

852
00:53:25.079 --> 00:53:28.320
<v Speaker 2>For more information or to connect with us personally, visit

853
00:53:28.400 --> 00:53:32.559
<v Speaker 2>the Way Dash Healing dot com. That's the Way Dash

854
00:53:32.639 --> 00:53:33.760
<v Speaker 2>Healing dot Com