WEBVTT

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage

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<v Speaker 1>and I have three kids.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came

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<v Speaker 2>out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.

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<v Speaker 1>This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles

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<v Speaker 1>and victories that come with it when coming out feels

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<v Speaker 1>like the end of the world, but it's really just

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<v Speaker 1>the beginning. This is the Lesbian Chronicles. Welcome to the

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<v Speaker 1>Lesbian Chronicles.

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<v Speaker 3>That's saloon.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you like it? How I did it? More editorial?

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<v Speaker 3>He did? Yeah. I mean, I'm we're in a professional

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<v Speaker 3>role today. I say.

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<v Speaker 1>I have to say though that the studio we've had

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<v Speaker 1>to move places three times.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, And by studio, I me in my living room.

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<v Speaker 3>I know.

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<v Speaker 2>We've rearranged furniture today. We've changed locations for this just

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<v Speaker 2>three times alone for this little setup.

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<v Speaker 3>So yeah, we've been doing a lot of work today.

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<v Speaker 1>We clearly care deep We do tell them what we

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<v Speaker 1>were working on today because I'm so excited.

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<v Speaker 2>So we started a podcast a couple months ago called

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<v Speaker 2>Bigay Solve Crime, and our main goal with starting that

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<v Speaker 2>out was to talk about the murder of Katie Janis

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<v Speaker 2>that happened here in Atlanta. In July twenty twenty one,

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<v Speaker 2>Katie and her dog Ooh, We were both murdered in

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<v Speaker 2>Piedmont Park in Atlanta, which is the equivalent of like

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<v Speaker 2>Central Park in New York City for Atlanta, very busy park.

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<v Speaker 2>And Katie is a member of the LGBTQ community, So

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<v Speaker 2>we felt really drawn to that crime and the fact

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<v Speaker 2>that it's unsolved and seemingly kind of pushed to the side.

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<v Speaker 2>And in the process of doing that podcast, we started

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<v Speaker 2>talking to more people in the community about it. We

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<v Speaker 2>met a film producer here in Atlanta, Sam Jones, with

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<v Speaker 2>three Pop Productions, and she's joined our little team and

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<v Speaker 2>we're working on an actual like film documentary about the case.

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<v Speaker 2>And today was our first interview that we've we've done

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<v Speaker 2>for it. We sat down with a former.

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<v Speaker 1>She's actually still works for the police department. Yeah, but

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<v Speaker 1>she heads up a cold case basically like a nonprofit

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<v Speaker 1>for cold cases where you can call her team in

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<v Speaker 1>to solve cases that haven't been able to be solved.

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<v Speaker 1>She was saying that they get pulled in, the family

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<v Speaker 1>can call on them, small police departments that don't have

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<v Speaker 1>the man power can do it, or sometimes she just

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<v Speaker 1>calls them and says I think I know how to

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<v Speaker 1>solve this case.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so that's just step one of the project that

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<v Speaker 2>we're working on. We're just trying to bring more attention

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<v Speaker 2>to this case. If anyone listening is like, oh, man,

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<v Speaker 2>like I relate to or I knew Katie or anything

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<v Speaker 2>like that, or have some expert insight, please reach out

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<v Speaker 2>to us. Yes, our ultimate goal here is to get

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<v Speaker 2>more eyes on the case and really get it solved,

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<v Speaker 2>So that would be amazing.

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<v Speaker 1>But also you do hear about these cases where once

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<v Speaker 1>they start to like put a little bit of pressure

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<v Speaker 1>on the police department to kind of revisit it ask

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<v Speaker 1>more questions. Sometimes it just takes one person thinking.

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<v Speaker 2>Back on something right they saw exactly. And we also

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<v Speaker 2>want people to know more about Katie. You know, we're

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<v Speaker 2>talking to some of her friends and kind of exploring

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<v Speaker 2>her life and who she was is a person, because

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I hate that when something really god awful

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<v Speaker 2>happens to you in the way that you die, that

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<v Speaker 2>becomes your story and it's like there's a life that was.

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<v Speaker 3>Lived behind that person.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, I am We've already been learning a lot about

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<v Speaker 2>and I want to learn more so and for other

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<v Speaker 2>people to know.

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<v Speaker 1>And it deserves justice. Melissa and I talk about sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>like these other cases, for instance, like Lacy Peterson or

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<v Speaker 1>Natalie Holloway, these cases get so much attention and there's

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<v Speaker 1>so much pressure. The whole country is like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>looking and curious and trying to help, and this one

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<v Speaker 1>just sort of feels like it came and went and

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<v Speaker 1>we are part of this gay community and so to

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<v Speaker 1>us really important. Yeah, and this person is walking around

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<v Speaker 1>kind of like the cold case Lady Cheryl McCollum said today,

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<v Speaker 1>they're probably out there pumping your gas or sitting next

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<v Speaker 1>to you at a restaurant. This person is still walking around.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So, and and we don't want to wait until

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<v Speaker 2>it happens again, right, And that's unfortunately a very possible scenario.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, Well, we'll be giving you guys more details

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<v Speaker 2>on it as it comes along and gets put together.

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<v Speaker 2>But we are very much like dedicated to doing this

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<v Speaker 2>and excited about it very Yeah. Yep.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you follow us on Instagram, you can see

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<v Speaker 1>some of the very early footage of just while we

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<v Speaker 1>were filming. But I think we're going to release soon

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit more and you'll get to see the

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<v Speaker 1>scope of where in the park and just even from

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<v Speaker 1>like that that drone vantage point, it's so you get

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<v Speaker 1>to see how big the park really is and how

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<v Speaker 1>dark and how many trees. It just kind of brought

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<v Speaker 1>it to life for me. Yeah, I was working about

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<v Speaker 1>it from that perspective because I'm used to Piedmont Park

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<v Speaker 1>in the daylight on the trail, like, it doesn't feel

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<v Speaker 1>like this ominous place, right exactly, until you see it

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<v Speaker 1>from that perspective, and then you're like, oh god.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean it happened in the middle of the

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<v Speaker 2>night in the darkness of the park, so it's it's

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<v Speaker 2>definitely scary, and I don't know, there's just so many,

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<v Speaker 2>so many interesting.

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<v Speaker 3>Layers to the whole thing.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, we're excited about it, and you can follow

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<v Speaker 2>on Instagram Katie Janis doc check us out and we do. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>we'll be posting more little peaks behind the scenes and

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<v Speaker 2>that kind of stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>So right, let's get to our gay our other gay topic.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, let's get gay.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's get gay. Let's just get you know, we looked

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<v Speaker 1>so gay today. I said that. We took a picture

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<v Speaker 1>earlier and I said, I look like a.

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<v Speaker 3>Man, a man at all.

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<v Speaker 1>I think I was trying to look a little dressy

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<v Speaker 1>for the interview.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah. Same.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, I can't roll in here in my

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<v Speaker 2>normal like close, I gotta get dressed. I know we

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<v Speaker 2>look like a call like a basketball game right now

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<v Speaker 2>that I know nothing about basketball, I can't even like really.

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<v Speaker 1>Right now, we really do. Actually, it would be funny

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<v Speaker 1>to do the pod next time. Really, fam Yeah, I

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<v Speaker 1>actually am FEM sometimes that's what's really like shocking. I am.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I showed the girls the other day in the park,

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<v Speaker 1>my me and my dress at them.

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<v Speaker 3>I haven't even seen that.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god. They were like, what you need to

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<v Speaker 1>do this way more often? Really, I'm going to show

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<v Speaker 1>it to you after this.

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<v Speaker 3>Can we post it?

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<v Speaker 1>Can totally. I can't pull it up right now, but

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<v Speaker 1>I can. I'll post it, okay anyway, all right, So

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<v Speaker 1>today we're talking about a topic about capacity and like

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<v Speaker 1>people have different levels of capacity for different things at

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<v Speaker 1>different stages of their life. I'm gonna use me as

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<v Speaker 1>the example because I'm going through a low capacity right

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<v Speaker 1>now period in my life. It's very stressful right now.

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<v Speaker 1>My business has suffered with the housing market. Also, my

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<v Speaker 1>ex husband and I's relationship has really shifted. He got

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<v Speaker 1>married for those of you who don't know, in the

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<v Speaker 1>last month, and that was pretty like jarring for me,

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<v Speaker 1>Like I think we just he ended up like eloping basically,

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<v Speaker 1>But I think I just wasn't prepared. I had dreaded

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<v Speaker 1>that day for so long, so when it finally came,

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<v Speaker 1>it just felt jarring. Layered on top of just other

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<v Speaker 1>stressors in my life right now, I feel a sense

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<v Speaker 1>of like there's no room really right now for me

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<v Speaker 1>to maintain what it would take to really be in

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<v Speaker 1>present in a relationship, developing something I just don't have

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<v Speaker 1>the capacity to every day be feeding a text string

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<v Speaker 1>or a phone call. And what got me thinking about

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<v Speaker 1>it is another friend of ours. I was expressing this

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<v Speaker 1>to her and she was saying that someone she was dating.

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<v Speaker 1>She's like, it's same thing, Like when you're just going

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<v Speaker 1>through a divorce, you're figuring out custody, you're getting a

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<v Speaker 1>new house, there's no real capacity to build something real. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>And so it kind of gives you. You're able to

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<v Speaker 1>give people grace when they don't have the capacity in

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<v Speaker 1>their life and it doesn't make them bad or good,

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<v Speaker 1>it just makes them full.

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<v Speaker 3>Right.

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<v Speaker 2>But I mean, and I think sometimes it can be

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<v Speaker 2>difficult to give grace or realize what someone else is

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<v Speaker 2>going to that in that situation. It's like if you

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<v Speaker 2>were trying to date someone and let's say that that

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<v Speaker 2>person is going through a lot of difficult things and

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<v Speaker 2>you feel like you're not hearing from them as much.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like it immediately becomes personal, you know, where it's

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<v Speaker 2>not personal, it's just capacity.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's like when you ask them about it, it's

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<v Speaker 1>almost like you get I don't get defensive, but it's

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<v Speaker 1>more like I feel bad, like I you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>want to make excuses. So finally, in my situation, I

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<v Speaker 1>just got in front of it and was like, look,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't have any capacity at all. Like I have

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<v Speaker 1>a capacity for friendship. I have a capacity for kindness,

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<v Speaker 1>but like I'm not in a situation that I have

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<v Speaker 1>like full rain right now, but I expect I will.

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<v Speaker 1>I just don't today. And it gives me a different

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<v Speaker 1>perspective when other people maybe have felt that way with me.

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<v Speaker 2>But I mean, it's also like the capacity thing, it

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<v Speaker 2>puts a spotlight on you, you know, because it is

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<v Speaker 2>kind of like, well, why don't you like, shouldn't I

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<v Speaker 2>be prioritized.

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<v Speaker 1>You're excited about me.

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<v Speaker 3>If you're excited about me, you would be like able

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<v Speaker 3>to show up in every second of the day. But

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like there's there's some like jobs like Okay, for instance,

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<v Speaker 2>last night, I was working and I was salammed great

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<v Speaker 2>example and like just completely to the point where I

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<v Speaker 2>like wasn't even picking up my phone, like barely looking

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<v Speaker 2>at anything. And then I get a tech I saw

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<v Speaker 2>a text from Ali. I haven't been on social media,

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<v Speaker 2>I haven't been checking my messages, and she's asking me

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<v Speaker 2>about what my dinner plans are and like kind of

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<v Speaker 2>confuse some cross wires there.

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<v Speaker 3>And I'm like, I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>I have not had time to look at any of this,

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<v Speaker 2>Like literally have not had time. And it wasn't any

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<v Speaker 2>like avoidance or anything like that. It was the capacity

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<v Speaker 2>that I had, like.

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<v Speaker 1>I was able to help you in that moment, right exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>She's like, got, well, the perfect the thing is there

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<v Speaker 1>was a third party involved in the dinner and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the third party has no idea to have

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<v Speaker 1>my dinner with you, right, And so she was like

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<v Speaker 1>I know I don't have it. I'm like literally slammed.

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<v Speaker 2>It was like on my list of things to do

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<v Speaker 2>before I even logged on to work.

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<v Speaker 3>And then I just didn't have time.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't know how busy it was going to be,

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<v Speaker 2>like working, because it's one of those things that changes

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<v Speaker 2>day to day, and I had no idea it was

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<v Speaker 2>going to be that busy. So it wasn't like I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't want to go to dinner or I didn't want

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<v Speaker 2>to extend the invite. It was I didn't have time

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<v Speaker 2>to send the text. No. But I know that, like

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<v Speaker 2>not in this instance, but in a relationship kind of

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<v Speaker 2>situation where you're on the other side maybe waiting to

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<v Speaker 2>be to hear from your person and you're like, damn,

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<v Speaker 2>it's been like four hours, Like what, yeah, fuck could

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<v Speaker 2>they possibly be doing? And it's like they're not doing

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<v Speaker 2>anything outside of like trying to stay afloat in their

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<v Speaker 2>own day to day.

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<v Speaker 1>Life, right, And then you layer into all those things

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<v Speaker 1>like let's say the documentary, the podcast raising a child here,

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<v Speaker 1>working full time for a business that I have to

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<v Speaker 1>work twice as hard. Now, you take all those things

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<v Speaker 1>and then you layer in other anxieties and you know,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe relationships you have with people, and then it just

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<v Speaker 1>becomes like, dude, I'm like, I'm holding on by a

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<v Speaker 1>thread right now. Yeah, so anyway I think it does.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not even avoidance at that point, it's I literally

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<v Speaker 1>don't have the extra minute. And I know you've been there, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>where it's just like I don't I really only have

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<v Speaker 1>time for my solid crew.

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<v Speaker 2>Right And it's like I've been on both sides. I've

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<v Speaker 2>been in the I've been the person that it's not

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<v Speaker 2>able to text. I've been the person waiting for the text.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's like, when you're in the position of waiting

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<v Speaker 2>for the text, You've got a zillion things running in

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<v Speaker 2>your brain, stories of like what could be happening? Why

249
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<v Speaker 2>are they not responding to me?

250
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<v Speaker 3>I sent them a.

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<v Speaker 2>Really cute picture, you know what, like, and you did

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<v Speaker 2>even heard it. You don't have time to heart a message.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's like the reality is maybe they opened it,

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<v Speaker 2>saw it and like had to get back to whatever,

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<v Speaker 2>didn't have time to or they thought they did. That's

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<v Speaker 2>another thing that happens a lot too, Like I'll think

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<v Speaker 2>that I responded to me too, and then I'll be like,

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<v Speaker 2>why haven't they said anything back? And I go look

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<v Speaker 2>at it and it's like I never even sent the message.

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<v Speaker 2>I wrote it and I didn't send it. Like so,

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's a matter of like when you are

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<v Speaker 2>on either side of that of kind of trying to

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<v Speaker 2>understand the other person's experience and also like on the

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<v Speaker 2>anxious side not letting that other person's capacity issue ruin

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<v Speaker 2>your day to day.

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<v Speaker 1>Life, especially if they've told you, because it's like it's

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<v Speaker 1>one thing also like.

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<v Speaker 3>You know when someone's being avoidant, yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Versus like it's a capacity problem.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, And it could be that they're being avoidant and

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<v Speaker 2>they're using the capacity problem as an excuse.

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<v Speaker 1>It's very tricky out there.

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<v Speaker 2>But it's also like I as an avoidant someone with

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<v Speaker 2>avoidant tendencies. I know now that if someone says that

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<v Speaker 2>to me, like are you feeling avoidant?

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<v Speaker 3>Is everything okay? It's like taking like.

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00:13:21.559 --> 00:13:24.279
<v Speaker 2>The the what is it the detective interview spotlight and

278
00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:26.240
<v Speaker 2>putting it on you and being like, so, what wrong?

279
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<v Speaker 3>What are your feelings right now in this moment? And

280
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<v Speaker 3>I'll be like panicked.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like I have to answer. I feel like

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<v Speaker 2>I have to come up with something that makes sense

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00:13:33.000 --> 00:13:36.240
<v Speaker 2>where it's energy whereas it's like no, there's really nothing

284
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<v Speaker 2>going on internally.

285
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<v Speaker 3>I'm not trying to be avoidant.

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00:13:39.240 --> 00:13:41.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm just thinking about other things that I still I

287
00:13:41.799 --> 00:13:44.000
<v Speaker 2>can't even explain to you right now, I can't explain

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00:13:44.039 --> 00:13:44.679
<v Speaker 2>it to myself.

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00:13:45.399 --> 00:13:47.559
<v Speaker 3>And on top of that, it's like when I do start.

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00:13:47.360 --> 00:13:49.440
<v Speaker 2>To explain it, it's like, oh, like this isn't what

291
00:13:49.480 --> 00:13:51.799
<v Speaker 2>I mean right Like, this isn't necessary.

292
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<v Speaker 1>I'm processing totally.

293
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<v Speaker 2>And it's like sitting there digging a fucking hole that

294
00:13:56.360 --> 00:14:00.000
<v Speaker 2>you're standing in and just being like, great, it's getting deeper.

295
00:14:00.679 --> 00:14:03.159
<v Speaker 3>I don't need it doesn't need to get deeper right now.

296
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<v Speaker 1>And I think nobody wants to feel like the person

297
00:14:05.720 --> 00:14:11.000
<v Speaker 1>who's got this block of like avoidance or it's such

298
00:14:11.039 --> 00:14:15.360
<v Speaker 1>a buzzword to be avoidant or to be like mentally

299
00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:18.440
<v Speaker 1>like if you're emotionally down or stress, yeah, like it's

300
00:14:18.480 --> 00:14:20.879
<v Speaker 1>sort of for me at least, it feels shameful. So

301
00:14:20.919 --> 00:14:23.200
<v Speaker 1>it's also like if you feel like you're in the spotlight,

302
00:14:23.279 --> 00:14:26.360
<v Speaker 1>you're also like, dude, I feel bad enough right now,

303
00:14:26.639 --> 00:14:31.639
<v Speaker 1>Please don't now make me feel like I'm depressed failing. Yeah,

304
00:14:31.840 --> 00:14:34.840
<v Speaker 1>I don't have that situation. No one's pressuring me, but

305
00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:38.320
<v Speaker 1>I put my own pressure on to create capacity that's

306
00:14:38.320 --> 00:14:39.000
<v Speaker 1>just not there.

307
00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:41.480
<v Speaker 2>But I think it's also interesting, like as far as

308
00:14:41.519 --> 00:14:43.559
<v Speaker 2>like the attachment style situation.

309
00:14:43.759 --> 00:14:45.879
<v Speaker 3>You know, we all like the buzzwords, we all want

310
00:14:45.879 --> 00:14:46.399
<v Speaker 3>to name it.

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00:14:46.399 --> 00:14:48.639
<v Speaker 2>We all want to say, well, this person's avoidant and

312
00:14:48.679 --> 00:14:51.480
<v Speaker 2>that's why they act this way. And it's like, okay,

313
00:14:51.639 --> 00:14:53.919
<v Speaker 2>but are they avoidant or they just don't have the

314
00:14:54.279 --> 00:14:55.240
<v Speaker 2>capacity right now?

315
00:14:56.600 --> 00:14:57.200
<v Speaker 1>How do you know?

316
00:14:57.480 --> 00:14:57.960
<v Speaker 3>How do you know?

317
00:14:59.120 --> 00:15:02.000
<v Speaker 2>But it's also when you delve into the like the

318
00:15:02.039 --> 00:15:05.279
<v Speaker 2>other paths of avoidance. There's fearful avoidant and then there's

319
00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:09.559
<v Speaker 2>the dismissive avoidance. Like those are two they're so far

320
00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:11.279
<v Speaker 2>apart on the spectrum to me, Like it's one of

321
00:15:11.320 --> 00:15:12.759
<v Speaker 2>those things. I'm like, they shouldn't even have the same

322
00:15:12.759 --> 00:15:18.480
<v Speaker 2>fucking name, you know. Like the fearful avoidant is they

323
00:15:18.519 --> 00:15:21.240
<v Speaker 2>want to be in the relationship, you know, but they

324
00:15:21.399 --> 00:15:26.000
<v Speaker 2>are almost kind of like constantly like almost talking themselves

325
00:15:26.000 --> 00:15:28.639
<v Speaker 2>out of certain things or like getting too scared, being

326
00:15:28.679 --> 00:15:30.720
<v Speaker 2>like this is too serious, like it's too heavy, it's

327
00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:32.279
<v Speaker 2>too much, and then I've got all these other things

328
00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:34.679
<v Speaker 2>going on in my life, you know, and it's it's

329
00:15:34.759 --> 00:15:36.519
<v Speaker 2>kind of like stacking on top of each other and

330
00:15:36.559 --> 00:15:38.639
<v Speaker 2>you want to be there totally, you want to be

331
00:15:38.679 --> 00:15:41.799
<v Speaker 2>in the relationship, whereas the dismissive avoidant, it's one of

332
00:15:41.840 --> 00:15:44.080
<v Speaker 2>those things where it's like, Okay, I don't have the

333
00:15:44.120 --> 00:15:47.480
<v Speaker 2>capacity issue and I need to leave, and I'm not

334
00:15:47.519 --> 00:15:50.080
<v Speaker 2>even going to address your feelings in the meantime, I'm

335
00:15:50.120 --> 00:15:54.200
<v Speaker 2>ghosting you. Yeah, like there is no explanation. I feel

336
00:15:54.240 --> 00:15:57.159
<v Speaker 2>like a fearful avoidant. They do want to explain. Sometimes

337
00:15:57.200 --> 00:16:01.000
<v Speaker 2>they can't verbalize even. I mean, for me, sometimes it

338
00:16:01.000 --> 00:16:04.480
<v Speaker 2>takes me weeks to kind of digest my feelings and

339
00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:07.480
<v Speaker 2>understand how I felt in a certain moment totally.

340
00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:11.240
<v Speaker 1>And don't you also feel like sometimes it's fucking hormonal. Yes,

341
00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:13.519
<v Speaker 1>it's like I might just be in a way that

342
00:16:13.600 --> 00:16:16.519
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to smile today. Yeah, mostly I don't

343
00:16:16.519 --> 00:16:19.360
<v Speaker 1>want to smile guys, to be honest, seriously, we just

344
00:16:19.399 --> 00:16:20.840
<v Speaker 1>agree we're not going to right.

345
00:16:21.879 --> 00:16:24.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry that my face looks vastly different when I'm

346
00:16:24.240 --> 00:16:26.080
<v Speaker 2>not smiling exactly.

347
00:16:26.120 --> 00:16:29.159
<v Speaker 1>But it's like I don't Sometimes for me even it's

348
00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:31.279
<v Speaker 1>like I know, these certain days I'm just not going

349
00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:32.080
<v Speaker 1>to be my best.

350
00:16:32.279 --> 00:16:34.919
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean, and honestly too, for me, it's like

351
00:16:35.000 --> 00:16:37.960
<v Speaker 2>it's a little triggering when someone asks me like what,

352
00:16:38.360 --> 00:16:41.360
<v Speaker 2>Like when they either just hear me say like one

353
00:16:41.440 --> 00:16:42.919
<v Speaker 2>or two words and they're like, what's wrong?

354
00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:45.240
<v Speaker 3>I know? Or they see my face what's wrong?

355
00:16:45.440 --> 00:16:49.279
<v Speaker 2>It's like it now fucking nothing, yeah, like literally nothing,

356
00:16:49.840 --> 00:16:52.399
<v Speaker 2>And it's it's a childhood thing for me. It's something

357
00:16:52.440 --> 00:16:54.159
<v Speaker 2>my mom still does to this day that I have

358
00:16:54.200 --> 00:16:57.559
<v Speaker 2>to tell her, like you cannot judge how I'm feeling

359
00:16:57.639 --> 00:16:59.080
<v Speaker 2>off of how I answered the phone.

360
00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:02.039
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, true, it's not fair, is it?

361
00:17:02.240 --> 00:17:05.720
<v Speaker 1>Like somebody like me who grew up with alcoholic I

362
00:17:05.759 --> 00:17:11.359
<v Speaker 1>am extremely hyper vigilant on other people's mood. Like if

363
00:17:11.359 --> 00:17:14.480
<v Speaker 1>somebody shows up in the room that's like slightly off,

364
00:17:15.079 --> 00:17:18.319
<v Speaker 1>I immediately I'm vigilant on it, and then I attribute

365
00:17:18.319 --> 00:17:22.759
<v Speaker 1>it to myself, which is definitely something I'm learning in therapy,

366
00:17:22.880 --> 00:17:25.200
<v Speaker 1>Like I cannot. I have to stop doing.

367
00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:28.559
<v Speaker 3>You can't take everything personally, No, I do? We all do?

368
00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:29.440
<v Speaker 3>We all do.

369
00:17:29.559 --> 00:17:31.759
<v Speaker 1>It's like it's clearly they're mad at me.

370
00:17:32.200 --> 00:17:33.880
<v Speaker 2>It's one of the most self centered things when you

371
00:17:33.880 --> 00:17:36.880
<v Speaker 2>really think about it, though, because it's like you immediately

372
00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:39.759
<v Speaker 2>like I'm the me.

373
00:17:40.119 --> 00:17:43.799
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, clearly, clearly effect they lay awake at.

374
00:17:43.720 --> 00:17:46.200
<v Speaker 2>Night thinking about me even though we're just friends, you

375
00:17:46.279 --> 00:17:48.079
<v Speaker 2>see each other every three weeks exactly.

376
00:17:48.440 --> 00:17:51.920
<v Speaker 1>I know it's ridiculous, but we're I don't know this.

377
00:17:51.920 --> 00:17:54.079
<v Speaker 2>This kind of like leads into what we're The other

378
00:17:54.079 --> 00:17:55.680
<v Speaker 2>thing we're going to talk about is like kind of

379
00:17:55.680 --> 00:17:59.880
<v Speaker 2>the ups and downs of like feeling hopeful, especially if

380
00:17:59.880 --> 00:18:02.839
<v Speaker 2>you are like in and out of relationship or single

381
00:18:02.920 --> 00:18:06.279
<v Speaker 2>completely and like I don't know, not finding anyone that

382
00:18:06.319 --> 00:18:10.400
<v Speaker 2>seems like you're interested in it is like your brain

383
00:18:11.200 --> 00:18:14.160
<v Speaker 2>goes to the negative, like it's so easy to be

384
00:18:14.240 --> 00:18:16.920
<v Speaker 2>like it's my fault that this person is upset right now,

385
00:18:17.319 --> 00:18:20.279
<v Speaker 2>Like that makes sense to me, right, and it makes

386
00:18:20.279 --> 00:18:23.359
<v Speaker 2>sense that because I'm alone right now, that is forever.

387
00:18:23.680 --> 00:18:27.359
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's true, And it's like your brain to your point.

388
00:18:27.480 --> 00:18:29.359
<v Speaker 1>I remember one time you were going through something and

389
00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:32.000
<v Speaker 1>I remember saying to you, like, you know, yeah, it's

390
00:18:32.039 --> 00:18:34.519
<v Speaker 1>okay to feel all these feelings, but start to get

391
00:18:34.519 --> 00:18:37.599
<v Speaker 1>excited about what's around the corner. And you weren't right

392
00:18:37.640 --> 00:18:39.759
<v Speaker 1>in that moment, but like I remember, you're like.

393
00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:42.559
<v Speaker 3>Stop telling me things are going to happen, because they're

394
00:18:42.559 --> 00:18:43.119
<v Speaker 3>not happening.

395
00:18:43.160 --> 00:18:46.200
<v Speaker 1>And then it did within like weeks. I remember being like, dude,

396
00:18:46.200 --> 00:18:49.039
<v Speaker 1>you didn't even have to wait a month. Yeah, so

397
00:18:49.119 --> 00:18:51.839
<v Speaker 1>it is like I do believe that. It's like there

398
00:18:51.880 --> 00:18:54.119
<v Speaker 1>are moments when I feel like, oh my god, the

399
00:18:54.160 --> 00:18:57.440
<v Speaker 1>sky is falling, and then something will wash over me

400
00:18:57.559 --> 00:19:02.200
<v Speaker 1>where I'm like, I actually feel really hopeful about what's coming,

401
00:19:02.839 --> 00:19:04.720
<v Speaker 1>and it's just like it can be in the same day.

402
00:19:05.440 --> 00:19:06.119
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

403
00:19:06.160 --> 00:19:08.240
<v Speaker 1>So I think you have to like, don't make that

404
00:19:08.400 --> 00:19:11.559
<v Speaker 1>the entire story. Kind of like when our friend was

405
00:19:11.599 --> 00:19:13.960
<v Speaker 1>talking about the mushroom trip and she was like, it's

406
00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:17.079
<v Speaker 1>you go down that hill and you work grooves into

407
00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:20.079
<v Speaker 1>the mountain until every time something happens, you're in the groove.

408
00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:22.880
<v Speaker 1>You have to get out of that and start thinking

409
00:19:22.920 --> 00:19:26.519
<v Speaker 1>of actually the data. I mean, my therapist says this

410
00:19:26.559 --> 00:19:29.400
<v Speaker 1>all the time. She's like, the evidence shows the exact

411
00:19:29.400 --> 00:19:32.039
<v Speaker 1>opposite of everything you're saying. Yeah, if you look at

412
00:19:32.039 --> 00:19:35.440
<v Speaker 1>the evidence, how often is it worst case scenario? Almost never?

413
00:19:35.640 --> 00:19:40.839
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, right, almost exactly almost never.

414
00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:43.720
<v Speaker 1>So and that's true. It's like she always says to me,

415
00:19:43.839 --> 00:19:46.359
<v Speaker 1>tell me, what's the best case scenario, what's the worst case?

416
00:19:46.359 --> 00:19:49.599
<v Speaker 1>What's the likely Yeah, and it's usually best case or likely,

417
00:19:49.680 --> 00:19:52.880
<v Speaker 1>especially if you get my mom praying about it, which

418
00:19:52.920 --> 00:19:53.359
<v Speaker 1>she does.

419
00:19:56.160 --> 00:19:57.880
<v Speaker 3>That positive, Like.

420
00:19:57.839 --> 00:19:59.799
<v Speaker 1>I start thinking like and then it happens, and then

421
00:19:59.799 --> 00:20:02.599
<v Speaker 1>ever it's like, see my prayer works.

422
00:20:02.359 --> 00:20:04.279
<v Speaker 3>You know, can we start a prayer chain with your mom?

423
00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:08.200
<v Speaker 1>My mom always she always prayer chains, and now even

424
00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:10.720
<v Speaker 1>the kids are like, have grandma pray because it does work.

425
00:20:11.000 --> 00:20:13.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm she's doing one right now for me that literally

426
00:20:13.960 --> 00:20:15.880
<v Speaker 1>it hasn't worked yet, but she's gonna.

427
00:20:15.640 --> 00:20:17.160
<v Speaker 3>Start having sixteen hour days soon.

428
00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:18.079
<v Speaker 2>You know.

429
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:21.799
<v Speaker 1>She'll even pull people in that you're not. You're like,

430
00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:23.440
<v Speaker 1>who else is on this prayer chain?

431
00:20:25.079 --> 00:20:28.079
<v Speaker 2>Now? What happens when she's like yeah, yeah, yeah, now

432
00:20:28.119 --> 00:20:30.720
<v Speaker 2>pray for my daughter, and then they like find more

433
00:20:30.720 --> 00:20:34.839
<v Speaker 2>out about you and they're like when she's gay, it's

434
00:20:34.839 --> 00:20:37.119
<v Speaker 2>like going to take like one hundred thousand hail Marys

435
00:20:37.160 --> 00:20:37.480
<v Speaker 2>to like.

436
00:20:37.559 --> 00:20:37.920
<v Speaker 3>I know.

437
00:20:39.519 --> 00:20:42.440
<v Speaker 1>There is something about it. Though, my son, who's like

438
00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:44.680
<v Speaker 1>such a science nerd and kind of like, Mom, I

439
00:20:44.680 --> 00:20:46.200
<v Speaker 1>don't even want to tell you what my beliefs are

440
00:20:46.240 --> 00:20:50.000
<v Speaker 1>because you're going to be so rattled, and he though,

441
00:20:50.039 --> 00:20:52.559
<v Speaker 1>even is like can you get Grandma on it? It's

442
00:20:52.599 --> 00:20:56.839
<v Speaker 1>like there's it's just manifesting. But she is like powerful

443
00:20:56.880 --> 00:20:57.079
<v Speaker 1>in this.

444
00:20:57.599 --> 00:21:00.160
<v Speaker 2>I hear a lot of people talk like this and

445
00:21:00.200 --> 00:21:01.559
<v Speaker 2>I've tried to do it.

446
00:21:01.640 --> 00:21:02.160
<v Speaker 3>I really have.

447
00:21:02.319 --> 00:21:03.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but you have to believe my mom.

448
00:21:03.839 --> 00:21:05.400
<v Speaker 3>It don't really I.

449
00:21:05.319 --> 00:21:07.880
<v Speaker 2>Know, but I think that's just it, like we're talking about,

450
00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:11.559
<v Speaker 2>my brain is so conditioned to be like it's like

451
00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:15.079
<v Speaker 2>everything sucks, you know, nothing works out exactly. You always

452
00:21:15.119 --> 00:21:17.119
<v Speaker 2>get this close and then it doesn't turn out, you know.

453
00:21:17.480 --> 00:21:20.440
<v Speaker 2>But I'm like, it's it's it is a thing like

454
00:21:20.519 --> 00:21:23.720
<v Speaker 2>that people have. I've heard them talk about like writing

455
00:21:23.799 --> 00:21:27.039
<v Speaker 2>down exactly what you want and like actually writing it

456
00:21:27.079 --> 00:21:29.599
<v Speaker 2>on a piece of paper, saying this is going to happen.

457
00:21:30.359 --> 00:21:32.200
<v Speaker 2>I am going to have this, I'm going to have

458
00:21:33.240 --> 00:21:37.000
<v Speaker 2>a Porsche whatever, and then I know I'm going for

459
00:21:37.000 --> 00:21:40.839
<v Speaker 2>shallow and then like that it does happen because you

460
00:21:40.920 --> 00:21:44.319
<v Speaker 2>wrote it down and you had full faith in it

461
00:21:44.359 --> 00:21:45.160
<v Speaker 2>when you wrote it down.

462
00:21:45.359 --> 00:21:47.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's what she would say. My mom will literally

463
00:21:48.079 --> 00:21:50.839
<v Speaker 1>do the prayer change. She'll pull everyone in and then

464
00:21:51.160 --> 00:21:53.759
<v Speaker 1>she will say let it go, like it's done, You've

465
00:21:53.759 --> 00:21:55.279
<v Speaker 1>got it, it's over, and.

466
00:21:55.240 --> 00:21:58.160
<v Speaker 3>Then like most of the time it is, yeah, And.

467
00:21:58.160 --> 00:22:00.000
<v Speaker 1>So then I have to be like, yeah, it works,

468
00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:03.079
<v Speaker 1>can you work on the next thing? I got the

469
00:22:03.160 --> 00:22:04.519
<v Speaker 1>one thing I want to say about you, like you're

470
00:22:04.559 --> 00:22:06.559
<v Speaker 1>saying you get this close. One thing I will say

471
00:22:06.559 --> 00:22:08.960
<v Speaker 1>about you, my friend, is that you're going for things

472
00:22:09.200 --> 00:22:12.519
<v Speaker 1>most people live their life kind of like it's pretty average,

473
00:22:12.599 --> 00:22:14.400
<v Speaker 1>like you might try to run a five k or

474
00:22:14.440 --> 00:22:20.119
<v Speaker 1>like do you go for like the moon? So it's

475
00:22:20.200 --> 00:22:22.880
<v Speaker 1>not like to me, it's like, yeah, you're getting close.

476
00:22:23.039 --> 00:22:26.359
<v Speaker 1>That's fucking more accomplished than That's true most people. Like

477
00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:29.720
<v Speaker 1>the stuff you go for is like big stuff.

478
00:22:29.799 --> 00:22:30.599
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that's true.

479
00:22:31.160 --> 00:22:34.480
<v Speaker 2>And I think also it's like if you really sit

480
00:22:34.559 --> 00:22:36.319
<v Speaker 2>back and reflect, And this is something that I've brought

481
00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:40.839
<v Speaker 2>up recently on the podcast as far as like journaling

482
00:22:41.160 --> 00:22:43.519
<v Speaker 2>and going back and looking a year ago where I

483
00:22:43.599 --> 00:22:46.039
<v Speaker 2>was and just being like, Okay, I know I'm a

484
00:22:46.079 --> 00:22:49.039
<v Speaker 2>different person now, but there was aspects of like reading

485
00:22:49.079 --> 00:22:50.480
<v Speaker 2>that journal from a year ago where I was like,

486
00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:51.319
<v Speaker 2>I'm in the same spot.

487
00:22:51.400 --> 00:22:53.920
<v Speaker 1>I know I feel that way way that bothers me.

488
00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:55.960
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so what now, stop it?

489
00:22:56.200 --> 00:22:57.279
<v Speaker 1>I know I am today.

490
00:22:57.559 --> 00:23:01.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, my mom, get your mom write it on a

491
00:23:01.160 --> 00:23:01.599
<v Speaker 2>piece of.

492
00:23:01.519 --> 00:23:05.400
<v Speaker 1>Paper like I want. I said that to my sister.

493
00:23:05.759 --> 00:23:08.559
<v Speaker 1>I said I'm tired of me. I literally said this.

494
00:23:08.640 --> 00:23:12.039
<v Speaker 1>I said, I'm so sick of it. And she was like, dude,

495
00:23:12.119 --> 00:23:12.640
<v Speaker 1>then stop.

496
00:23:12.960 --> 00:23:15.839
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I know, I think I need to have like

497
00:23:16.039 --> 00:23:18.319
<v Speaker 2>six month check ins on my journal, not wait a

498
00:23:18.400 --> 00:23:20.519
<v Speaker 2>year doing the same thing.

499
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:25.200
<v Speaker 3>You fucking idiot. Do you listen to no?

500
00:23:25.519 --> 00:23:27.480
<v Speaker 1>Okay, I know you wouldn't. Isn't he He might not

501
00:23:27.519 --> 00:23:29.880
<v Speaker 1>be if he's not good to know. He's the one.

502
00:23:29.720 --> 00:23:31.759
<v Speaker 3>That threw a chair off the roof in Nashville.

503
00:23:31.839 --> 00:23:35.519
<v Speaker 1>All right, shit, okay, well we have moments, Okay, so listen,

504
00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:38.160
<v Speaker 1>never throw a cht this song. He's got this song

505
00:23:38.279 --> 00:23:40.440
<v Speaker 1>that I listened to the lyrics to the other day,

506
00:23:40.519 --> 00:23:45.319
<v Speaker 1>and it's called I think it's called school, Chevy and Browning. Okay,

507
00:23:45.880 --> 00:23:49.160
<v Speaker 1>if anyone listening has heard this song, to me, it

508
00:23:49.279 --> 00:23:56.319
<v Speaker 1>is like, I don't know why school brand, Chevy and Browning.

509
00:23:56.559 --> 00:23:59.920
<v Speaker 1>It's nothing about those things. But if you listen to it,

510
00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:02.759
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, that is such a recipe for how to

511
00:24:02.799 --> 00:24:05.799
<v Speaker 1>live your life, Like the song really is. And I

512
00:24:05.839 --> 00:24:08.240
<v Speaker 1>thought I called my brother in law immediately because he

513
00:24:08.359 --> 00:24:11.799
<v Speaker 1>is that Like he is the most solid human being.

514
00:24:11.839 --> 00:24:15.400
<v Speaker 1>He loves my sister so hard, he helps my parents

515
00:24:15.640 --> 00:24:20.440
<v Speaker 1>all the time. He's the most honest, good human Like

516
00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:23.480
<v Speaker 1>when I see him, I'm like, oh good, Like he's here,

517
00:24:23.960 --> 00:24:27.559
<v Speaker 1>He's got me. And but anyway, that song, I thought

518
00:24:28.039 --> 00:24:30.039
<v Speaker 1>it hit me too that I'm like, that needs to

519
00:24:30.039 --> 00:24:34.680
<v Speaker 1>be my life recipe for just how to live your life.

520
00:24:35.079 --> 00:24:37.839
<v Speaker 1>Trust me, No, it's not that about that. I got

521
00:24:37.880 --> 00:24:40.480
<v Speaker 1>people watching have heard it and they know what I mean.

522
00:24:40.720 --> 00:24:43.480
<v Speaker 3>Okay, and you're gonna I'm not a country music fan.

523
00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:45.160
<v Speaker 1>Unfortunately I am two.

524
00:24:45.279 --> 00:24:47.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm not a fan of people who throw chairs off

525
00:24:47.279 --> 00:24:49.640
<v Speaker 2>of roofs in very busy cities.

526
00:24:50.240 --> 00:24:53.039
<v Speaker 1>So I'm not a fan of throwing chairs off of roofs.

527
00:24:53.079 --> 00:24:55.279
<v Speaker 1>But he might have had his heart broken. I've seen

528
00:24:55.319 --> 00:24:56.319
<v Speaker 1>you pretty fucking mad.

529
00:24:56.440 --> 00:24:58.720
<v Speaker 3>I'd never thrown a chair, No, but you threw something.

530
00:24:59.119 --> 00:24:59.960
<v Speaker 1>You threw some punches.

531
00:25:00.720 --> 00:25:04.839
<v Speaker 2>I like, wait what I even just sat here and

532
00:25:04.839 --> 00:25:06.480
<v Speaker 2>said I couldn't take a punch. And that's why I

533
00:25:06.480 --> 00:25:10.319
<v Speaker 2>don't want to try boxing. I know, right, No, I think, like,

534
00:25:10.839 --> 00:25:12.920
<v Speaker 2>but yeah, I'm tired of myself in that way. Yeah,

535
00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:14.920
<v Speaker 2>Like I think when I look back, there are things

536
00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:17.119
<v Speaker 2>that I'm like, I'm still doing the same. There's a

537
00:25:17.160 --> 00:25:20.200
<v Speaker 2>Matthew Sweet song called Sick of Myself from the nineties.

538
00:25:20.440 --> 00:25:22.039
<v Speaker 3>Woll okay, it's more relatable for me.

539
00:25:22.839 --> 00:25:25.599
<v Speaker 1>But even saying all that, I'm also have had a

540
00:25:25.640 --> 00:25:28.880
<v Speaker 1>lot of growth in other areas, right, So it is like, yes,

541
00:25:29.000 --> 00:25:31.480
<v Speaker 1>there might be patterns that I've repeated, but I see

542
00:25:31.559 --> 00:25:33.759
<v Speaker 1>them now and I'm working on them so hard.

543
00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:36.759
<v Speaker 2>Right, And I think that there's so many things that

544
00:25:36.839 --> 00:25:39.960
<v Speaker 2>are kind of happening to us along the way where

545
00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:43.240
<v Speaker 2>it's like it becomes very clear, like it's a lesson

546
00:25:43.359 --> 00:25:46.079
<v Speaker 2>that you now need in this situation. Yeah, Like if

547
00:25:46.119 --> 00:25:48.559
<v Speaker 2>I didn't have this happened, then I wouldn't know how

548
00:25:48.880 --> 00:25:51.960
<v Speaker 2>to interact and process this current thing.

549
00:25:52.119 --> 00:25:55.079
<v Speaker 3>It's so true, like true, it happens all the time.

550
00:25:55.279 --> 00:25:59.119
<v Speaker 1>It also gives you grace for people like I. I

551
00:25:59.240 --> 00:26:01.559
<v Speaker 1>have someone from really close to a long time ago.

552
00:26:01.720 --> 00:26:04.599
<v Speaker 1>She got divorced. She had had an affair and ends

553
00:26:04.640 --> 00:26:06.960
<v Speaker 1>up getting divorced. And I remember during that time when

554
00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:09.359
<v Speaker 1>she was having the affair, like I hate the friend

555
00:26:09.440 --> 00:26:13.160
<v Speaker 1>I was. I was not kind, I was judgy. I

556
00:26:13.400 --> 00:26:17.799
<v Speaker 1>was just like everything that you do that creates somebody

557
00:26:17.880 --> 00:26:20.359
<v Speaker 1>to totally shut down with you. And then when I

558
00:26:20.440 --> 00:26:22.319
<v Speaker 1>got divorced, and it wasn't about the divorce, it was

559
00:26:22.359 --> 00:26:24.480
<v Speaker 1>about like she was blowing up. I felt like all

560
00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:26.720
<v Speaker 1>these things, but I had none of the story. I

561
00:26:26.799 --> 00:26:29.039
<v Speaker 1>didn't realize what she had been going through. I had

562
00:26:29.160 --> 00:26:32.039
<v Speaker 1>no idea, and really that's not even my job. My

563
00:26:32.160 --> 00:26:35.400
<v Speaker 1>job is just to hear her, that's it. So she

564
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:37.359
<v Speaker 1>in that time, this is years ago, I was probably

565
00:26:37.359 --> 00:26:40.640
<v Speaker 1>in my early thirties, but then I had my divorce

566
00:26:40.720 --> 00:26:43.440
<v Speaker 1>and she was so filled with grace and like love

567
00:26:43.599 --> 00:26:46.319
<v Speaker 1>and support. And I said later, I'm such a jerk,

568
00:26:47.000 --> 00:26:49.519
<v Speaker 1>like how are you this nice to me? And she's

569
00:26:49.599 --> 00:26:51.960
<v Speaker 1>like why, Like, of course I am. And I thought

570
00:26:52.079 --> 00:26:55.480
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't that for you at all, And she was like, bygones,

571
00:26:55.559 --> 00:26:58.039
<v Speaker 1>you know, life goes on. We're here now. But she

572
00:26:58.279 --> 00:27:01.240
<v Speaker 1>had so much grace for me because she had been

573
00:27:01.319 --> 00:27:04.880
<v Speaker 1>through something terrible. Yeah, And so I thought, I I

574
00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:06.359
<v Speaker 1>do have a grace for people.

575
00:27:06.440 --> 00:27:06.880
<v Speaker 3>M hmm.

576
00:27:07.160 --> 00:27:10.559
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I think that's huge, Yeah, like because I

577
00:27:10.960 --> 00:27:13.440
<v Speaker 2>I think that is a big thing that we learn

578
00:27:13.519 --> 00:27:17.039
<v Speaker 2>along the way in life of like, you know, no

579
00:27:17.160 --> 00:27:19.799
<v Speaker 2>one's perfect. People are making mistakes all over the place

580
00:27:19.839 --> 00:27:22.680
<v Speaker 2>real time, and yeah, without ever intending to. We make

581
00:27:22.799 --> 00:27:25.400
<v Speaker 2>mistakes without intending to. Sometimes we mean to make the mistake.

582
00:27:25.480 --> 00:27:27.839
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, just poor judgment.

583
00:27:28.039 --> 00:27:29.839
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean you've told me before I'm about to

584
00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:32.400
<v Speaker 1>fucking touch the oven again. Yeah, I'm about to do it,

585
00:27:32.720 --> 00:27:33.880
<v Speaker 1>but somebody stopping me.

586
00:27:34.039 --> 00:27:37.279
<v Speaker 3>Right, I'm gonna go plan traffic. Let's fuck around and

587
00:27:37.279 --> 00:27:37.680
<v Speaker 3>find out.

588
00:27:38.400 --> 00:27:41.880
<v Speaker 2>And but it's like I know, though, that you and

589
00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:43.480
<v Speaker 2>my friend are still going to be there for me,

590
00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:47.599
<v Speaker 2>you know, and like there's you're you're gonna watch me

591
00:27:47.720 --> 00:27:49.400
<v Speaker 2>do it, You're gonna let me touch the stove, but

592
00:27:49.480 --> 00:27:51.720
<v Speaker 2>you're also gonna be there to like bandage my hand again,

593
00:27:52.039 --> 00:27:52.200
<v Speaker 2>you know.

594
00:27:53.839 --> 00:27:57.599
<v Speaker 3>And I'm learning from it and growing from it.

595
00:27:57.759 --> 00:28:00.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to be a person who sits in

596
00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:03.359
<v Speaker 2>my fucking house every day and watches Netflix and doesn't

597
00:28:03.359 --> 00:28:04.279
<v Speaker 2>do anything, or.

598
00:28:04.319 --> 00:28:06.559
<v Speaker 1>Sits in my fucking house telling everybody else what they're

599
00:28:06.599 --> 00:28:07.000
<v Speaker 1>doing wrong.

600
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:09.200
<v Speaker 2>Right, kind of like if we had a podcast where

601
00:28:09.200 --> 00:28:12.079
<v Speaker 2>we told people, yeah, exactly like that, like that.

602
00:28:12.519 --> 00:28:15.039
<v Speaker 1>But the thing about this podcast is we're constantly saying

603
00:28:15.039 --> 00:28:17.000
<v Speaker 1>what we're doing. We're constantly telling on ourselves.

604
00:28:18.359 --> 00:28:19.680
<v Speaker 3>I am not a perfect human.

605
00:28:20.039 --> 00:28:22.000
<v Speaker 1>I know that I'm not, but I am an imperfect

606
00:28:22.319 --> 00:28:25.240
<v Speaker 1>human working towards something brilliant.

607
00:28:25.359 --> 00:28:25.599
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

608
00:28:25.680 --> 00:28:27.319
<v Speaker 1>I just haven't gotten I mean there yet.

609
00:28:27.400 --> 00:28:29.000
<v Speaker 2>I just said this a couple of weeks ago on

610
00:28:29.039 --> 00:28:32.200
<v Speaker 2>the podcast of like I don't want to be perfect.

611
00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:35.119
<v Speaker 2>I will never I will never know everything, No, and

612
00:28:35.160 --> 00:28:36.559
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to sit here and act like I

613
00:28:36.640 --> 00:28:39.319
<v Speaker 2>do know everything. I've made a lot of mistakes, but

614
00:28:39.400 --> 00:28:43.160
<v Speaker 2>I've also grown from those mistakes, and I try to

615
00:28:43.240 --> 00:28:46.759
<v Speaker 2>share those mistakes with our listeners and with friends and

616
00:28:46.920 --> 00:28:51.160
<v Speaker 2>to own them and to help other people. Maybe you know,

617
00:28:51.559 --> 00:28:53.839
<v Speaker 2>not make as big of a mistake, yeah, or just

618
00:28:53.920 --> 00:28:54.160
<v Speaker 2>have it.

619
00:28:54.200 --> 00:28:57.039
<v Speaker 1>In your mind, like I think when we were coming

620
00:28:57.119 --> 00:29:01.799
<v Speaker 1>out in our day, back in our days, no roadmap

621
00:29:01.839 --> 00:29:03.880
<v Speaker 1>at all. So it's like when you're with a catalyst

622
00:29:04.039 --> 00:29:06.200
<v Speaker 1>or you're doing anything, it was just all for the

623
00:29:06.279 --> 00:29:10.480
<v Speaker 1>first time versus like at least hopefully some people now

624
00:29:10.720 --> 00:29:13.160
<v Speaker 1>have heard a few things that they're like, oh, that's interesting,

625
00:29:13.240 --> 00:29:17.240
<v Speaker 1>that sounds like what they did, yeah, or.

626
00:29:17.319 --> 00:29:19.920
<v Speaker 2>What they're experiencing currently in their relationship as far as

627
00:29:19.960 --> 00:29:22.319
<v Speaker 2>like the avoidance thing. Maybe they are getting anxious because

628
00:29:22.359 --> 00:29:26.000
<v Speaker 2>their person isn't super responsive to them and they're taking

629
00:29:26.079 --> 00:29:30.359
<v Speaker 2>it personally where it's not personal, it's just a life

630
00:29:30.480 --> 00:29:34.640
<v Speaker 2>that's being lived. And or just like dating in general,

631
00:29:34.920 --> 00:29:37.119
<v Speaker 2>as far as like testing the waters with certain people.

632
00:29:38.319 --> 00:29:40.920
<v Speaker 2>One thing that I've really learned is how long I

633
00:29:41.000 --> 00:29:45.119
<v Speaker 2>stay in relationships where I need to go. But I'm

634
00:29:45.160 --> 00:29:48.960
<v Speaker 2>afraid to let go of that person and understanding the

635
00:29:49.039 --> 00:29:51.599
<v Speaker 2>hurt that comes along with staying in something for too long.

636
00:29:51.720 --> 00:29:55.160
<v Speaker 2>It's hurting both of us from and it's preventing you

637
00:29:55.240 --> 00:29:57.240
<v Speaker 2>from like finding the right thing, you know.

638
00:29:58.079 --> 00:29:59.000
<v Speaker 3>So, I don't know.

639
00:29:59.119 --> 00:30:02.160
<v Speaker 2>It's it's interesting too, like what you're saying as far

640
00:30:02.240 --> 00:30:05.920
<v Speaker 2>as like how different things were even you know, eight

641
00:30:06.039 --> 00:30:09.480
<v Speaker 2>years ago when we were coming out, I never once

642
00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:11.519
<v Speaker 2>had I heard the phrase red flag.

643
00:30:11.720 --> 00:30:12.279
<v Speaker 1>Red flag.

644
00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:15.519
<v Speaker 2>No, we were married to boy scout, I had never

645
00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:18.079
<v Speaker 2>thought about anything like when we were dating and meeting

646
00:30:18.599 --> 00:30:19.359
<v Speaker 2>our husbands.

647
00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:24.319
<v Speaker 3>There was no like form of self help, online community

648
00:30:24.759 --> 00:30:26.079
<v Speaker 3>whatever talking about dating.

649
00:30:26.319 --> 00:30:28.799
<v Speaker 2>It was like if a guy actually called you and

650
00:30:28.839 --> 00:30:31.960
<v Speaker 2>asked you on a date, then great, solid, let's go.

651
00:30:32.599 --> 00:30:38.480
<v Speaker 3>There was no like dissecting his every move, his childhood trauma. Yeah, yeah,

652
00:30:38.759 --> 00:30:39.119
<v Speaker 3>none of that.

653
00:30:39.319 --> 00:30:41.960
<v Speaker 1>No, it's true. And it's like now it's like I

654
00:30:42.200 --> 00:30:44.559
<v Speaker 1>sit with someone and I'm already in my mind thinking

655
00:30:44.599 --> 00:30:47.160
<v Speaker 1>of all the therapy speak that I've heard. Yeah, and

656
00:30:47.279 --> 00:30:50.680
<v Speaker 1>it's like that there's something kind of sad about that too, right.

657
00:30:50.680 --> 00:30:52.759
<v Speaker 2>Because I'm like I'm thinking about when I met my

658
00:30:52.880 --> 00:30:57.240
<v Speaker 2>ex husband. We met at a bar. Okay, that's people

659
00:30:57.279 --> 00:30:58.440
<v Speaker 2>would say that's a red flag.

660
00:30:58.519 --> 00:31:00.640
<v Speaker 3>You know, we met at a bar. He was pretty drunk.

661
00:31:01.839 --> 00:31:05.480
<v Speaker 3>We had a terrible first kiss. That was because he

662
00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:08.960
<v Speaker 3>was drunk. I wrote my number down. He said that

663
00:31:09.119 --> 00:31:11.440
<v Speaker 3>the next day he could barely read my handwriting.

664
00:31:11.640 --> 00:31:14.039
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, but he called me and he the

665
00:31:14.200 --> 00:31:16.319
<v Speaker 2>very next day he called me and left me a

666
00:31:16.480 --> 00:31:19.440
<v Speaker 2>voicemail saying, hey, I want to hang out later today.

667
00:31:19.920 --> 00:31:22.680
<v Speaker 2>And it wasn't him like having any there was no

668
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:26.559
<v Speaker 2>game whatsoever to be had that there's no three day rule,

669
00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:28.799
<v Speaker 2>like none of that. And I'm sure today if I

670
00:31:28.920 --> 00:31:32.319
<v Speaker 2>went and I had that same scenario play out where

671
00:31:32.359 --> 00:31:34.599
<v Speaker 2>oh I met someone but she was really drunk and

672
00:31:34.640 --> 00:31:36.880
<v Speaker 2>then she like kissed me and it was really sloppy

673
00:31:36.960 --> 00:31:40.079
<v Speaker 2>and awful and then called me the very next day,

674
00:31:40.319 --> 00:31:41.559
<v Speaker 2>Like how desperate is that?

675
00:31:42.200 --> 00:31:43.319
<v Speaker 3>Like you could find so.

676
00:31:43.440 --> 00:31:48.079
<v Speaker 2>Many things wrong with it, totally, Like, but it's because

677
00:31:48.200 --> 00:31:50.960
<v Speaker 2>now we're so like we've got to read into every

678
00:31:51.000 --> 00:31:52.359
<v Speaker 2>fucking move that these people make.

679
00:31:52.400 --> 00:31:56.000
<v Speaker 1>Oh it's exhausting. Yeah, just like let it let it

680
00:31:56.200 --> 00:31:58.559
<v Speaker 1>just yeah, let it just organically roll out.

681
00:31:58.880 --> 00:32:01.839
<v Speaker 2>Stop researching on GBT, Like what does it mean when

682
00:32:01.880 --> 00:32:04.200
<v Speaker 2>someone responds too quickly talk about that thing?

683
00:32:04.240 --> 00:32:08.920
<v Speaker 1>That you said about when you google things cognitive cognitive bias.

684
00:32:09.200 --> 00:32:13.160
<v Speaker 2>Cognitive bias, it's called So I hope I get this

685
00:32:13.279 --> 00:32:15.960
<v Speaker 2>right because I'm really speaking from something I barely know

686
00:32:16.039 --> 00:32:20.160
<v Speaker 2>anything about. But basically, like there's a mindset that people

687
00:32:20.279 --> 00:32:22.720
<v Speaker 2>have as far as like certain things where they're like,

688
00:32:22.839 --> 00:32:25.599
<v Speaker 2>I know I'm right about this topic. I'm going to

689
00:32:25.720 --> 00:32:29.599
<v Speaker 2>use this loosely in political differences where someone is like, well,

690
00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:33.319
<v Speaker 2>I know that the president said this, and this other

691
00:32:33.400 --> 00:32:36.519
<v Speaker 2>person is like, well, what's actually happening is that the

692
00:32:36.559 --> 00:32:39.480
<v Speaker 2>president's trying to do this, and the way that people

693
00:32:39.559 --> 00:32:43.680
<v Speaker 2>google things is completely different. You know, someone could be like,

694
00:32:44.240 --> 00:32:47.519
<v Speaker 2>what did the president say on Wednesday? And then the

695
00:32:47.599 --> 00:32:51.240
<v Speaker 2>other person would say, like, you know, find me articles

696
00:32:51.279 --> 00:32:55.160
<v Speaker 2>on this specific thing that the president said, and it's

697
00:32:55.240 --> 00:32:58.240
<v Speaker 2>going to that result is feeding you what you want

698
00:32:58.319 --> 00:32:58.920
<v Speaker 2>to hear, or.

699
00:32:58.960 --> 00:33:01.119
<v Speaker 1>Even like when people search things. My sister and I

700
00:33:01.200 --> 00:33:03.680
<v Speaker 1>were dying laughing because we have the opposite opinion about

701
00:33:03.680 --> 00:33:05.920
<v Speaker 1>a business thing. Yeah, and I'm like, I'm gonna google

702
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:07.799
<v Speaker 1>it and I and she's like, what did you type

703
00:33:07.839 --> 00:33:10.319
<v Speaker 1>in there? I was actually chatting it and I was like,

704
00:33:10.839 --> 00:33:12.319
<v Speaker 1>tell me why this is true?

705
00:33:12.920 --> 00:33:14.480
<v Speaker 3>Yes, exactly, and that's just it.

706
00:33:15.440 --> 00:33:19.000
<v Speaker 2>You can google two plus two whissels five and you

707
00:33:19.079 --> 00:33:22.880
<v Speaker 2>will get results of why it's correct. Right. So it's

708
00:33:23.119 --> 00:33:26.480
<v Speaker 2>it's the way that we are approaching things. It's kind

709
00:33:26.480 --> 00:33:28.400
<v Speaker 2>of like when you go and tell a story to

710
00:33:28.559 --> 00:33:32.000
<v Speaker 2>your friend about this relationship thing that happened, your friend

711
00:33:32.359 --> 00:33:34.839
<v Speaker 2>has that cognitive bias where they want you to be

712
00:33:34.960 --> 00:33:37.759
<v Speaker 2>the good guy in that situation, you know, And so

713
00:33:38.200 --> 00:33:40.359
<v Speaker 2>like I'm telling Ali a story about like can you

714
00:33:40.480 --> 00:33:43.000
<v Speaker 2>believe this? This person like thinks that I'm a terrible

715
00:33:43.079 --> 00:33:45.720
<v Speaker 2>human because of this, and she'll be like, oh my god, yeah,

716
00:33:45.799 --> 00:33:48.880
<v Speaker 2>You're not terrible at all. Meanwhile, the other person's telling

717
00:33:49.200 --> 00:33:51.759
<v Speaker 2>that sort of their friend and their friends like damn,

718
00:33:51.799 --> 00:33:52.519
<v Speaker 2>Melissa needs to.

719
00:33:52.559 --> 00:33:54.720
<v Speaker 3>Be you know, speak to her. Yeah, I never talked

720
00:33:54.720 --> 00:33:58.440
<v Speaker 3>to her again. And and there's there's a story in

721
00:33:58.480 --> 00:33:59.319
<v Speaker 3>the middle, you know.

722
00:33:59.559 --> 00:34:01.599
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and maybe both can be true.

723
00:34:01.960 --> 00:34:03.160
<v Speaker 3>Both can be true. Yeah.

724
00:34:03.519 --> 00:34:05.440
<v Speaker 1>So I think that's the other thing is it's like

725
00:34:05.519 --> 00:34:09.519
<v Speaker 1>I don't know why it's such a polarized you have

726
00:34:09.639 --> 00:34:11.840
<v Speaker 1>to be wrong for me to be right, yeah, And

727
00:34:11.960 --> 00:34:14.559
<v Speaker 1>it's like so often it's just like there's so much

728
00:34:14.679 --> 00:34:19.639
<v Speaker 1>nuance behind why something happens that it's not always that.

729
00:34:19.920 --> 00:34:22.360
<v Speaker 1>It's never honestly, I can say it's never that black

730
00:34:22.400 --> 00:34:25.840
<v Speaker 1>and white. Yeah, you know. Yeah, So I think everybody

731
00:34:25.920 --> 00:34:28.840
<v Speaker 1>needs to kind of take a step back and realize that.

732
00:34:29.239 --> 00:34:32.360
<v Speaker 2>And everyone's coming into it with a different set of circumstances,

733
00:34:32.559 --> 00:34:35.159
<v Speaker 2>Like you know, you and I are coming into the

734
00:34:35.239 --> 00:34:40.400
<v Speaker 2>situation with completely different childhood wounds. You know, like something

735
00:34:40.639 --> 00:34:43.960
<v Speaker 2>that I might feel is a trigger event, you might

736
00:34:44.119 --> 00:34:46.280
<v Speaker 2>not even notice that happened in the same room.

737
00:34:46.480 --> 00:34:47.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's true.

738
00:34:47.599 --> 00:34:51.440
<v Speaker 2>So it's And I think the other thing too, is understanding.

739
00:34:51.559 --> 00:34:53.760
<v Speaker 2>Like we've talked about this, like do your wounds match

740
00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:58.039
<v Speaker 2>my wounds? You know, like a are we triggering each other? Yeah?

741
00:34:58.360 --> 00:35:00.840
<v Speaker 2>Are we bringing out these sides of it in each

742
00:35:00.840 --> 00:35:03.880
<v Speaker 2>other that you know, make us feel like little kids again?

743
00:35:04.079 --> 00:35:07.159
<v Speaker 3>Right, Like yeah, and kind of understanding of that.

744
00:35:07.400 --> 00:35:10.000
<v Speaker 1>But sometimes you do pick people to kind of relive

745
00:35:11.079 --> 00:35:13.840
<v Speaker 1>wound because you want to heal from it. And so

746
00:35:14.760 --> 00:35:17.039
<v Speaker 1>then you have and I actually talk to somebody the

747
00:35:17.079 --> 00:35:18.480
<v Speaker 1>other day, and you and I have talked about this.

748
00:35:19.000 --> 00:35:22.280
<v Speaker 1>The woman that got divorced seven or eight years ago. Me,

749
00:35:23.119 --> 00:35:25.599
<v Speaker 1>I am so different Now. I'm not talking about the

750
00:35:25.639 --> 00:35:28.239
<v Speaker 1>way I look. I'm talking about my ability to do

751
00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:32.920
<v Speaker 1>things now. Is I am a completely different human being

752
00:35:33.039 --> 00:35:35.679
<v Speaker 1>The little girl back then needed the partner I had

753
00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:38.639
<v Speaker 1>back then. Yeah, And so I think you evolve and

754
00:35:38.760 --> 00:35:42.880
<v Speaker 1>you grow, and that person isn't there anymore. It's not

755
00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:45.159
<v Speaker 1>to say that I couldn't have made it twenty years,

756
00:35:45.239 --> 00:35:47.159
<v Speaker 1>forty years with the same person. It's just to say

757
00:35:47.199 --> 00:35:50.559
<v Speaker 1>that if they met me now, they may not appreciate

758
00:35:50.639 --> 00:35:53.480
<v Speaker 1>the new me. I'm not. I'm different. I'm completely different.

759
00:35:53.800 --> 00:35:55.760
<v Speaker 1>So a lot of times people do get married quickly

760
00:35:56.119 --> 00:35:58.440
<v Speaker 1>after they come out, and then it's like, oh my god,

761
00:35:59.320 --> 00:36:03.760
<v Speaker 1>I've grown leaps and bounds because it's essentially a new adolescence. Yeah,

762
00:36:03.960 --> 00:36:07.079
<v Speaker 1>and then you wake up a different woman three years later. Yeah.

763
00:36:08.000 --> 00:36:11.400
<v Speaker 2>But and the other part of that, though, is too

764
00:36:11.480 --> 00:36:13.639
<v Speaker 2>we are very different than how we were a few

765
00:36:13.679 --> 00:36:17.960
<v Speaker 2>years ago. But it's also like an evolution that's taken

766
00:36:18.400 --> 00:36:21.239
<v Speaker 2>a lot of work and a lot of like reflection,

767
00:36:21.960 --> 00:36:24.400
<v Speaker 2>you know, Like if I sat there and was like, damn,

768
00:36:24.480 --> 00:36:27.159
<v Speaker 2>I can't hang a fucking picture on the wall. Guess

769
00:36:27.199 --> 00:36:30.039
<v Speaker 2>I'll never hang a picture again, like and just sat

770
00:36:30.079 --> 00:36:32.119
<v Speaker 2>there and feeling sorry for myself that I didn't.

771
00:36:31.880 --> 00:36:34.320
<v Speaker 3>Have a partner for eight years, you know, and like

772
00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:36.440
<v Speaker 3>I don't like, where would I be?

773
00:36:36.960 --> 00:36:40.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, And it's like it's kind of all

774
00:36:40.599 --> 00:36:43.599
<v Speaker 2>these situations have forced us to figure it out and

775
00:36:43.800 --> 00:36:45.679
<v Speaker 2>learn it, learn how to do it on our own

776
00:36:46.000 --> 00:36:49.840
<v Speaker 2>right and not feel reliant on finding another person.

777
00:36:49.800 --> 00:36:53.320
<v Speaker 1>And then gaining that self respect and that autonomy of

778
00:36:53.599 --> 00:36:56.400
<v Speaker 1>the safety in you. Yeah, you know, I'm not there yet,

779
00:36:56.480 --> 00:37:00.280
<v Speaker 1>but I am getting there. Yeah, I'd say last night

780
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:05.079
<v Speaker 1>I felt a little lonely. Interesting. I never normally do,

781
00:37:05.920 --> 00:37:09.480
<v Speaker 1>but i've Last night, I was working and I was

782
00:37:09.559 --> 00:37:11.800
<v Speaker 1>zooming with my sister some of the night because we

783
00:37:11.880 --> 00:37:14.559
<v Speaker 1>were working together on something. And then when we hung up,

784
00:37:14.599 --> 00:37:16.800
<v Speaker 1>I heard her saying to her husband, my brother in law,

785
00:37:16.840 --> 00:37:19.239
<v Speaker 1>who I adore, that like, wait for me to eat,

786
00:37:19.360 --> 00:37:23.280
<v Speaker 1>And it was like really late, And I thought, that

787
00:37:23.559 --> 00:37:25.920
<v Speaker 1>is triggering a little bit, not triggering. I'm so I

788
00:37:26.079 --> 00:37:28.599
<v Speaker 1>love that, but I want that. Yeah, Like I thought,

789
00:37:28.639 --> 00:37:30.119
<v Speaker 1>I would love to be getting off the zoom and

790
00:37:30.199 --> 00:37:32.519
<v Speaker 1>have someone waiting for me to eat. Yeah, instead, I

791
00:37:32.719 --> 00:37:33.440
<v Speaker 1>ate by myself.

792
00:37:33.679 --> 00:37:36.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, And I think that's like it's perfectly

793
00:37:37.039 --> 00:37:38.480
<v Speaker 2>normal to feel that way.

794
00:37:38.599 --> 00:37:40.880
<v Speaker 3>Like I feel that a lot, you know, But is that.

795
00:37:41.000 --> 00:37:45.519
<v Speaker 1>A sadness that doesn't go away? If you end up single.

796
00:37:45.280 --> 00:37:47.440
<v Speaker 3>Forever, but you won't be single forever.

797
00:37:48.199 --> 00:37:52.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we don't know. We don't know. I mean I

798
00:37:52.920 --> 00:37:53.920
<v Speaker 1>do have my mom on it.

799
00:37:54.280 --> 00:37:56.280
<v Speaker 2>I do have mom on it, right, But it's also

800
00:37:56.360 --> 00:38:00.000
<v Speaker 2>where your brain goes to like the most negative outcome possible.

801
00:38:00.360 --> 00:38:02.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, like that's what makes your brain. I don't know why.

802
00:38:03.039 --> 00:38:03.559
<v Speaker 1>Why is that?

803
00:38:03.719 --> 00:38:07.440
<v Speaker 2>Like it feels like thinking that negatively. It's almost like

804
00:38:07.960 --> 00:38:10.320
<v Speaker 2>you feel like by thinking the negative.

805
00:38:09.960 --> 00:38:11.320
<v Speaker 3>Thought, then its protect yourself.

806
00:38:11.599 --> 00:38:15.760
<v Speaker 2>You're protecting yourself. But it's also like testing the universe. Yeah, like, hey,

807
00:38:15.800 --> 00:38:19.159
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna be alone forever right right right now?

808
00:38:19.239 --> 00:38:21.639
<v Speaker 3>Show me otherwise? Yeah, exactly proved me wrong.

809
00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:25.000
<v Speaker 2>Like isn't that in a movie right where it's like

810
00:38:25.360 --> 00:38:28.880
<v Speaker 2>something like God strike me down and I don't know

811
00:38:29.360 --> 00:38:29.880
<v Speaker 2>something like that.

812
00:38:30.199 --> 00:38:32.760
<v Speaker 1>But it's kind of like when we my my sister

813
00:38:32.800 --> 00:38:36.440
<v Speaker 1>and I are business partners, and during when COVID first hit,

814
00:38:37.239 --> 00:38:40.280
<v Speaker 1>I went straight to we are so fucked, like I

815
00:38:40.360 --> 00:38:42.920
<v Speaker 1>can't believe what are we gonna do? I'm scared? Like

816
00:38:43.079 --> 00:38:45.280
<v Speaker 1>I went right to call our parents, like what.

817
00:38:45.320 --> 00:38:47.679
<v Speaker 3>Are we doing? Call mom and dad?

818
00:38:47.960 --> 00:38:50.280
<v Speaker 1>Like how are we getting bailed out? And my sister

819
00:38:50.599 --> 00:38:53.880
<v Speaker 1>knowing nothing about anything with COVID. We were at the

820
00:38:53.920 --> 00:38:57.159
<v Speaker 1>very beginning. My sister's like, it's gonna be great. You watch,

821
00:38:57.400 --> 00:38:59.639
<v Speaker 1>It's gonna be so great. And I was like, it's

822
00:38:59.679 --> 00:39:04.760
<v Speaker 1>you're illusional. She didn't that's her mindset. How so I

823
00:39:04.920 --> 00:39:07.800
<v Speaker 1>literally was like, you are delusional. And so we ended

824
00:39:07.880 --> 00:39:10.679
<v Speaker 1>up calling my parents and my dad of course, was like, yeah, Cass,

825
00:39:10.840 --> 00:39:13.159
<v Speaker 1>like this is bad. Like this, I don't know. You

826
00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:15.800
<v Speaker 1>girls better have like a backup plan. What's the plan?

827
00:39:16.599 --> 00:39:19.360
<v Speaker 1>And my sister's like, there is no plan B. This

828
00:39:19.519 --> 00:39:21.880
<v Speaker 1>is working and it's gonna be great. Yeah, and then

829
00:39:21.960 --> 00:39:24.199
<v Speaker 1>she was like fucking right, and it did, and it did.

830
00:39:24.280 --> 00:39:27.960
<v Speaker 1>She's not saying that as much these days, and she

831
00:39:28.199 --> 00:39:30.760
<v Speaker 1>is like my rock of hope and right now she's like, dude,

832
00:39:30.800 --> 00:39:31.480
<v Speaker 1>it's not good.

833
00:39:31.599 --> 00:39:35.559
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and wait is she older? She's older than that, Okay, yeah, But.

834
00:39:35.599 --> 00:39:38.239
<v Speaker 1>I think it's just a personality too. I go, I'm

835
00:39:38.280 --> 00:39:41.199
<v Speaker 1>a worrier, I'm an anxious person. Yeah, so like I

836
00:39:41.360 --> 00:39:42.960
<v Speaker 1>go right to oh god, we're fight.

837
00:39:43.280 --> 00:39:44.480
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that's how I would think too.

838
00:39:44.639 --> 00:39:48.039
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and she's always like it's fine, but I and

839
00:39:48.159 --> 00:39:51.159
<v Speaker 2>maybe that's just like different personality types. I know, Like

840
00:39:51.639 --> 00:39:54.920
<v Speaker 2>I know some people have like the most positive, optimistic

841
00:39:55.360 --> 00:39:58.480
<v Speaker 2>outlook on everything. And to me, I'm like, that feels

842
00:39:58.519 --> 00:40:02.199
<v Speaker 2>like a brain exercise that I can I could not sustain. Yeah,

843
00:40:02.320 --> 00:40:04.039
<v Speaker 2>you know, like I can do it a little bit.

844
00:40:04.199 --> 00:40:07.039
<v Speaker 2>I can do the get excited, get hopeful. But then

845
00:40:07.079 --> 00:40:09.239
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, but where's the data. I know.

846
00:40:09.719 --> 00:40:13.400
<v Speaker 1>I just read something that Republicans as a whole are

847
00:40:13.559 --> 00:40:15.519
<v Speaker 1>happier than Democrats.

848
00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:17.000
<v Speaker 3>Like they are happier as their dumber.

849
00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:22.519
<v Speaker 1>And I was thinking, like, what, like that sucks. It's

850
00:40:22.599 --> 00:40:25.800
<v Speaker 1>like that comic said, they get boats and they get happy.

851
00:40:26.480 --> 00:40:29.639
<v Speaker 3>They get and they get Yeah. Although, yeah, I'm never

852
00:40:29.719 --> 00:40:30.519
<v Speaker 3>owning a boat.

853
00:40:30.880 --> 00:40:33.760
<v Speaker 2>Because you're a Democrat, because I'm so because I'm smart,

854
00:40:34.239 --> 00:40:37.559
<v Speaker 2>I'm financially responsible, and I know that everyone that I've

855
00:40:37.599 --> 00:40:40.920
<v Speaker 2>ever known that owned a boat was actually really unhappy

856
00:40:41.039 --> 00:40:43.480
<v Speaker 2>with the boat. Really, I was never unhappy with the

857
00:40:43.519 --> 00:40:46.360
<v Speaker 2>boat because it's there's always something wrong with the boat.

858
00:40:46.480 --> 00:40:49.960
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, Like it's never like, oh, yeah, the boat's gonna

859
00:40:50.119 --> 00:40:51.519
<v Speaker 3>just be up and running today.

860
00:40:51.599 --> 00:40:53.800
<v Speaker 2>It's always like, no, well we just had this fixed

861
00:40:53.840 --> 00:40:56.599
<v Speaker 2>and it cost us about four grand but it's okay,

862
00:40:56.719 --> 00:40:58.599
<v Speaker 2>that's just a semester at school for.

863
00:40:58.679 --> 00:41:02.199
<v Speaker 3>Our child when they're in college. But yeah, I don't know.

864
00:41:02.239 --> 00:41:03.639
<v Speaker 3>I'll never own a boat, that's for sure.

865
00:41:03.840 --> 00:41:06.360
<v Speaker 1>Well it's okay, you're a Democrat, think about it. It's

866
00:41:06.400 --> 00:41:07.159
<v Speaker 1>like those comics.

867
00:41:07.280 --> 00:41:13.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm independent, by the way, registered independent anyway.

868
00:41:13.480 --> 00:41:16.039
<v Speaker 1>Republicans. I'm gonna look for the study. But supposedly they're

869
00:41:16.079 --> 00:41:18.440
<v Speaker 1>a lot happier than us. So maybe it's better to

870
00:41:18.480 --> 00:41:21.840
<v Speaker 1>be a little dumber, is it.

871
00:41:22.159 --> 00:41:22.519
<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

872
00:41:22.760 --> 00:41:25.519
<v Speaker 1>I'd rather mean if you could be happier.

873
00:41:27.159 --> 00:41:32.559
<v Speaker 2>God, Okay, I'm sure that the the Virginia like hill

874
00:41:32.679 --> 00:41:35.519
<v Speaker 2>people that are inbred are very happy.

875
00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:37.800
<v Speaker 3>That's true, and maybe that's all it takes.

876
00:41:38.400 --> 00:41:42.840
<v Speaker 1>My parents are pretty smart and they're Republicans. Yeah, but

877
00:41:42.960 --> 00:41:46.079
<v Speaker 1>my mom is blissfully happy. Like you've never met someone

878
00:41:46.159 --> 00:41:50.760
<v Speaker 1>who nothing nothing's a problem, there's nothing that's a problem because.

879
00:41:50.480 --> 00:41:59.239
<v Speaker 3>You just it's easy being Republican. What does that mean?

880
00:41:59.320 --> 00:42:02.639
<v Speaker 1>She's praying, she's got the grosary going, she's got the beads,

881
00:42:03.320 --> 00:42:05.360
<v Speaker 1>she's doing the whole thing, and it freaking is working

882
00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:07.679
<v Speaker 1>for her. So no wonder why she's so happy, right,

883
00:42:08.079 --> 00:42:09.719
<v Speaker 1>I mean, this is a woman who lost her house

884
00:42:09.800 --> 00:42:14.480
<v Speaker 1>in the hurricane and literally was like it's fine, looks sad,

885
00:42:14.599 --> 00:42:16.760
<v Speaker 1>but like this is We're great. Look, we dead and

886
00:42:16.800 --> 00:42:17.639
<v Speaker 1>I we have each.

887
00:42:17.480 --> 00:42:22.519
<v Speaker 3>Other, I mean sure, yeah, and insurance, which is also helpful.

888
00:42:22.719 --> 00:42:24.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we have each other in insurance. That's probably a

889
00:42:24.840 --> 00:42:25.119
<v Speaker 1>good thing.

890
00:42:25.119 --> 00:42:27.360
<v Speaker 2>And something tells me that FEMA is not skipping out

891
00:42:27.400 --> 00:42:30.719
<v Speaker 2>on rebuilding the really nice community that was knocked down

892
00:42:30.760 --> 00:42:31.480
<v Speaker 2>by the hurricane.

893
00:42:31.760 --> 00:42:32.320
<v Speaker 1>They're fine.

894
00:42:32.719 --> 00:42:34.679
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so all right, we're going down a path.

895
00:42:37.480 --> 00:42:41.800
<v Speaker 1>All right, it's a pleasure. Look, please follow our brand

896
00:42:41.840 --> 00:42:42.760
<v Speaker 1>new account.

897
00:42:42.519 --> 00:42:45.599
<v Speaker 3>Which is Katie Janis doc on Instagram.

898
00:42:45.320 --> 00:42:48.320
<v Speaker 1>And Janis is j A N N E S s

899
00:42:48.800 --> 00:42:52.519
<v Speaker 1>Katie Janice doc on Instagram. We're just getting it started

900
00:42:53.079 --> 00:42:56.119
<v Speaker 1>and look for updates there. Awesome, Thanks guys.

901
00:42:56.400 --> 00:43:06.360
<v Speaker 3>I want to support the Lesbian Chronicles podcast. Rate us

902
00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:09.039
<v Speaker 3>and write a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

903
00:43:09.840 --> 00:43:12.840
<v Speaker 1>We'd love listener feedback. If you'd like to share your story,

904
00:43:13.079 --> 00:43:16.480
<v Speaker 1>email us at Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.

905
00:43:16.880 --> 00:43:20.920
<v Speaker 1>That's Melissa M. E. L I S A and Ali

906
00:43:21.199 --> 00:43:24.320
<v Speaker 1>A L. L I at gmail dot com. Or follow

907
00:43:24.400 --> 00:43:26.599
<v Speaker 1>us on Instagram at Lesbian Chronicles