Speaker 1: Hello, I'm Beth, and this is Social Upwards. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the final episode of season four. I thought it only
Speaker 1: appropriate to share an essay today that speaks specifically about loneliness.
Speaker 1: As a super fan of Substack, I have been following
Speaker 1: the work of Ryan Delaney, who has a newsletter called
Speaker 1: Beyond Self Improvement. Among a variety of really engaging content,
Speaker 1: I came across this one titled the Loneliest Era in
Speaker 1: Human History? Why the comfort of convenience leaves us more
Speaker 1: isolated than ever? And as I read it, it brought
Speaker 1: me back to the feelings associated with why this podcast
Speaker 1: first started out. It speaks to how many of us
Speaker 1: are living our lives in this digital age, lacking one
Speaker 1: on one connections that the older generations had, but the
Speaker 1: younger ones are having a harder time finding. It's about
Speaker 1: post pandemic life and no longer being in a situation
Speaker 1: where you feel relatable. But before I start reflecting too deeply,
Speaker 1: let me share the essay itself. Here we go, dear friend.
Speaker 1: In twenty twenty three, the US Surgeon General declared loneliness
Speaker 1: an epidemic as deadly as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day,
Speaker 1: nearly one in two American adults now say they feel
Speaker 1: lonely regularly. That rise isn't random. In the last decade,
Speaker 1: daily screen time has doubled teen Loneliness and depression began
Speaker 1: spiking in twenty twelve, the same year smartphones hit mass adoption.
Speaker 1: The paradox is evident. The more connected we are digitally,
Speaker 1: the more isolated we feel psychologically and emotionally. How did
Speaker 1: we get here? Twenty years ago, Apple sold this dream,
Speaker 1: a world perfectly tailored to me iPods, iPads, and iPhones,
Speaker 1: everything you want and nothing you don't. It worked. Life
Speaker 1: got quieter, smoother, easier. Headphones blocked out the noise. Spotify
Speaker 1: delighted our ears. Netflix entertained us without leaving the house.
Speaker 1: Dinner showed up in a bag at the door, a
Speaker 1: quick thank you at best, hurried and hollow. Nothing like
Speaker 1: sitting in a restaurant, looking a server in the eye
Speaker 1: and asking what they recommend. We called it convenience, comfort,
Speaker 1: freedom from petty annoyances. But look closer. The same bubble
Speaker 1: that cuts out irritation also cuts out people, and people quirky, unpredictable,
Speaker 1: frustrating as they may be, are also hilarious, creative, and kind.
Speaker 1: Beyond measure. When we avoid people, we don't just buy
Speaker 1: pass awkwardness. We do away with the very connections that
Speaker 1: make life rich, meaningful, and worth living. Every day. Isolation
Speaker 1: you don't have to look far. Isolation is everywhere. Once
Speaker 1: you see it. On the street. People still step into
Speaker 1: the road instead of making eye contact and greeting one another,
Speaker 1: as if COVID allowed us to avoid each other indefinitely.
Speaker 1: Restaurants sit half empty, the clatter of silverware and conversation
Speaker 1: replaced by the emptiness of takeout bags. In elevators, we
Speaker 1: stand shoulder to shoulder, yet stare into our phones. On
Speaker 1: buses and trains, headphones block out the noise, along with
Speaker 1: chance encounters. At coffee shops, laptops wall off people from
Speaker 1: each other. Face to face, doctor's visits replaced by zoom
Speaker 1: workouts alone in garages, guilty air pods act as do
Speaker 1: not disturb signs, even grabbing coffee without talking with a barista.
Speaker 1: And yet sometimes the spell breaks. A neighbor says hi,
Speaker 1: A cashier lights up when you ask about their day.
Speaker 1: For an instant, the world softens, you leave lighter, and
Speaker 1: so do they forgetting how to be human together. The
Speaker 1: danger isn't just loneliness, it's forgetting how to be human together.
Speaker 1: My nineteen year old stepdaughter lamented over dinner last week
Speaker 1: that when she's with her friend groups, the conversation sometimes
Speaker 1: trails off long, awkward silences where nobody knows what to say.
Speaker 1: She wonders if it's a friend thing or something else.
Speaker 1: She's not alone. A generation that grew up on screens
Speaker 1: is discovering that, even when their face to face connection
Speaker 1: can feel stilted, When did being together start to feel
Speaker 1: so unnatural? Think about it. Most of our daily lives
Speaker 1: are mediated through devices. We text instead of calling, We
Speaker 1: tap an app instead of talking to a clerk. We
Speaker 1: swipe on profiles instead of striking up conversations. We slack
Speaker 1: our DM colleagues instead of dropping by their desk. Little
Speaker 1: by little, we've lost the muscle memory of simple human contact.
Speaker 1: If we want connection, we have to create it. It
Speaker 1: doesn't happen by chance anymore. Without it, isolation turns us
Speaker 1: into strangers in our own world, isolated, disconnected, and unseen.
Speaker 1: The worst pain isn't grievances with people. It's the ache
Speaker 1: of loneliness and the emptiness of feeling invisible. Spiritual wisdom.
Speaker 1: Jack Cornfield once warned, if we are not careful, we
Speaker 1: can easily find the great failures of our modern society.
Speaker 1: It's ambition, material and individual isolation repeated in our spiritual life.
Speaker 1: Cornfield meant it as a warning about spirituality, but it
Speaker 1: speaks to life as a whole. If we're not careful,
Speaker 1: isolation seeps into everything, even the small daily moments that
Speaker 1: used to bring us together and enrich our lives. Zen
Speaker 1: Master Dosan put it more simply, to be enlightened is
Speaker 1: to be intimate with all things, and intimacy isn't possible
Speaker 1: from within a bubble. It asks us to show up
Speaker 1: as we are, to risk the awkward moment, to allow interruptions,
Speaker 1: to be surprised, to let people in. That's the irony.
Speaker 1: What we often try to avoid in human connection is
Speaker 1: the very thing that makes life alive, satisfying, and sacred.
Speaker 1: The mountain. Not long ago, I went backpacking in the mountains.
Speaker 1: The trail climbed steeply through a boulder strewn bowl until
Speaker 1: it opened to a wind swept saddle. Two guys were
Speaker 1: resting there, catching their breath. We talked for a few
Speaker 1: minutes before my friend and I continued toward the summit.
Speaker 1: At the top, the air was crisp and the sky
Speaker 1: stretched wide in every direction. Soon after, the two men
Speaker 1: joined us. We stood together at the top, trading stories
Speaker 1: while the sun shone and the wind blew. My friend
Speaker 1: teased me for talking so much, but I was unconcerned.
Speaker 1: The mountains were glorious, the ridgelines against the sky, the
Speaker 1: stillness of the lakes, the smell of sage and pine.
Speaker 1: I need that in my life. But when I think
Speaker 1: back on the day, it's not the view I remember most.
Speaker 1: It's the people I met. A mountain can awe you,
Speaker 1: but it can't connect with you. A flower can stop
Speaker 1: you on the path, but it can't leave you feeling seen.
Speaker 1: A clear stream can captivate you, but it can't satisfy
Speaker 1: your hunger for contact. Only another human can do that.
Speaker 1: It's the people we chase contentment in accomplishments, money earned, titles, collected,
Speaker 1: ladders climbed, but none of it can replace the deeper
Speaker 1: sense of a liveness of human connection. The greatest joy
Speaker 1: in life isn't reaching the summit. It's the people we
Speaker 1: meet on the path and the meaningful moments we forage
Speaker 1: along the way the end. I think the biggest point
Speaker 1: for me that stands out as I think about this
Speaker 1: essay is how easily we underestimate the transformative power of small,
Speaker 1: fleeting connections. As I was preparing this episode, I boldened
Speaker 1: and underlined one line that Ryan wrote, if we want connection,
Speaker 1: we have to create it. It doesn't happen by chance anymore.
Speaker 1: That is so true Best Seasons B and I shared
Speaker 1: a variety of strategies to get out there and socialized
Speaker 1: to feel more comfortable interacting in public situations. One of
Speaker 1: those suggestions was actually going through the checkout line instead
Speaker 1: of choosing the self service register and chatting with the cashier.
Speaker 1: Another was to interact with those around you as you're
Speaker 1: in line. It can feel awkward at first, but it's
Speaker 1: almost like a social muscle that you can start strengthening
Speaker 1: over time. There's a valuable lesson about presence, the choice
Speaker 1: to be fully available to those we encounter, even just
Speaker 1: for a moment, It can have a ripple effect far
Speaker 1: beyond what we realize. In a world that often champions
Speaker 1: self reliance and achievement, I find myself asking how often
Speaker 1: do I really try to engage with others, and what
Speaker 1: might change in my life if I treasured those opportunities more.
Speaker 1: Ryan's essay also nudges me to reconsider that meaning of fulfillment.
Speaker 1: It's tempting to believe satisfaction can be found at some
Speaker 1: imaginary finish line, but perhaps it's really baked into the
Speaker 1: stories we exchange and the laughter we share, even if
Speaker 1: sometimes it's with strangers. If so, then what truly matters
Speaker 1: isn't only reaching our goals, but making sure we don't
Speaker 1: hurry past the people who give flavor and texture to
Speaker 1: our personal journeys. One of the most I don't know
Speaker 1: I'll say the word again, I guess, even though I
Speaker 1: think I'm over using it today. Transformative events in my
Speaker 1: adult life was joining a meetup dot com group for women.
Speaker 1: I joined at a time when the pandemic was still
Speaker 1: a concern, but the world had started opening back up.
Speaker 1: I attended a dinner at a restaurant and one of
Speaker 1: the participants there was my former co host b If
Speaker 1: you go way back to the first second episode, I
Speaker 1: shared that I thought was glamorous and I felt a
Speaker 1: little frumpy to sit across from her, but I tried
Speaker 1: hard not to judge based on her designer outfit and
Speaker 1: her perfect makeup, and you know, giving her a chance.
Speaker 1: She was super nice, and eventually I became the best
Speaker 1: of friends with her. And actually I'm still friends with
Speaker 1: everyone who sat at that table during my first encounter
Speaker 1: with that group. I'm gonna give a shout out to PJ, Piper,
Speaker 1: and Helene specifically. It took time to get to know them,
Speaker 1: and you know, for a while, I only had an
Speaker 1: hour or two once a month to interact with them,
Speaker 1: but I came to cherish those dinners and other random
Speaker 1: social events. I became really close to several people, actually,
Speaker 1: and it's now nearly five years later and I still
Speaker 1: have those relationships to treasure. Through the meetup app, there
Speaker 1: are several of us who plan events. I organize little
Speaker 1: afternoons to socialize. Sometimes we play board games or cards.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we meet at restaurants. Sometimes we host pitchins, just
Speaker 1: so we have a spot to hang out and enjoy
Speaker 1: one another's company. I've tried to organize three pool parties,
Speaker 1: and each of them marined out every time, so I've
Speaker 1: given up on that. Probably another person in our group
Speaker 1: organizes little campfire outings at parks. Yet another plans a
Speaker 1: group lunch at the same restaurant every month, and I've
Speaker 1: seen multiple friendships developed through these simple little outings. I've
Speaker 1: heard that Facebook and other social media platforms are good
Speaker 1: places to find groups like ours. Some are free, some
Speaker 1: you have to pay for. So it's kind of whatever
Speaker 1: is comfortable for you and that you can find that
Speaker 1: works based on where you live. But I highly recommend now.
Speaker 1: It's really hard to get out of a rut if
Speaker 1: you've been feeling lonely for a long time, especially if
Speaker 1: isolation is also a factor. It's so much easier to
Speaker 1: stay in and not try, not risking social interactions. Sometimes
Speaker 1: depression can be a factor that keeps you demotivated. I've
Speaker 1: actually chatted with some people who honestly don't know how
Speaker 1: to start socializing because absolutely everything they do is digital.
Speaker 1: I usually suggest that they start out by spending time
Speaker 1: outside because the sunshine is good for us, no doubt.
Speaker 1: It helps you feel lighter on a day when you're
Speaker 1: feeling heavy. A little exercise also boosts energy, which helps
Speaker 1: you with motivation. I'm actually thinking about starting a walking
Speaker 1: club on meetup because I feel like if I could
Speaker 1: pair up a solid thirty minute walk with a small
Speaker 1: group of folks who I can talk to during that walk.
Speaker 1: That would be a really enjoyable outing, and then maybe
Speaker 1: add on a coffee shop stop at the end for
Speaker 1: those who want to continue chatting. So I guess in summary,
Speaker 1: reading Ryan's essay about loneliness has re energized my passion
Speaker 1: for keeping strategies that focus on engaging with others as
Speaker 1: a lifestyle priority. Personally, I'm going to double down on
Speaker 1: my efforts to find time to spend with friends and
Speaker 1: acquaintances who may be potentially a close friend in the future.
Speaker 1: I think it's an investment worth pursuing. One last thank
Speaker 1: you to Ryan Delaney for his inspirational essay. Be sure
Speaker 1: to check out the show notes to read his bio
Speaker 1: and connect with more of his work again. His newsletter
Speaker 1: is called Beyond Self Improvement. Okay. As I mentioned at
Speaker 1: the beginning of the show, this marks the last episode
Speaker 1: for season four. Now, usually between seasons, Social Leopards has
Speaker 1: taken a brief break throwing in a short season trailer.
Speaker 1: This time, I'm going to skip that step altogether. Next
Speaker 1: week I'll be launching season five, and the theme is
Speaker 1: conversations with Myself. Each week, I'll be choosing a topic
Speaker 1: that hopefully resonates with the majority of adults, sparked by
Speaker 1: things that stick in my mind after reading them, or
Speaker 1: things that I've discussed with friends and family. Next week,
Speaker 1: I'll be starting with a convo that's all about the
Speaker 1: voice inside your head commonly referred to as your inner critic,
Speaker 1: and I'll be sharing ways to help that voice get
Speaker 1: quieter and hopefully for it to not show up quite
Speaker 1: so often. I'm also planning future episodes that tackle different
Speaker 1: angles on subjects like anxiety, the power of human connection,
Speaker 1: and gratitude that one will be just in time for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: I'm excited to continue this podcasting journey and hope you
Speaker 1: find what I have to say encouraging and thought provoking.
Speaker 1: Until next week, take care,