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<v Speaker 1>Hello, I'm Beth, and this is Social Upwards. Welcome to

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<v Speaker 1>the final episode of season four. I thought it only

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<v Speaker 1>appropriate to share an essay today that speaks specifically about loneliness.

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<v Speaker 1>As a super fan of Substack, I have been following

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<v Speaker 1>the work of Ryan Delaney, who has a newsletter called

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<v Speaker 1>Beyond Self Improvement. Among a variety of really engaging content,

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<v Speaker 1>I came across this one titled the Loneliest Era in

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<v Speaker 1>Human History? Why the comfort of convenience leaves us more

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<v Speaker 1>isolated than ever? And as I read it, it brought

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<v Speaker 1>me back to the feelings associated with why this podcast

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<v Speaker 1>first started out. It speaks to how many of us

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<v Speaker 1>are living our lives in this digital age, lacking one

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<v Speaker 1>on one connections that the older generations had, but the

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<v Speaker 1>younger ones are having a harder time finding. It's about

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<v Speaker 1>post pandemic life and no longer being in a situation

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<v Speaker 1>where you feel relatable. But before I start reflecting too deeply,

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<v Speaker 1>let me share the essay itself. Here we go, dear friend.

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<v Speaker 1>In twenty twenty three, the US Surgeon General declared loneliness

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<v Speaker 1>an epidemic as deadly as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day,

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<v Speaker 1>nearly one in two American adults now say they feel

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<v Speaker 1>lonely regularly. That rise isn't random. In the last decade,

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<v Speaker 1>daily screen time has doubled teen Loneliness and depression began

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<v Speaker 1>spiking in twenty twelve, the same year smartphones hit mass adoption.

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<v Speaker 1>The paradox is evident. The more connected we are digitally,

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<v Speaker 1>the more isolated we feel psychologically and emotionally. How did

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<v Speaker 1>we get here? Twenty years ago, Apple sold this dream,

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<v Speaker 1>a world perfectly tailored to me iPods, iPads, and iPhones,

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<v Speaker 1>everything you want and nothing you don't. It worked. Life

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<v Speaker 1>got quieter, smoother, easier. Headphones blocked out the noise. Spotify

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<v Speaker 1>delighted our ears. Netflix entertained us without leaving the house.

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<v Speaker 1>Dinner showed up in a bag at the door, a

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<v Speaker 1>quick thank you at best, hurried and hollow. Nothing like

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<v Speaker 1>sitting in a restaurant, looking a server in the eye

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<v Speaker 1>and asking what they recommend. We called it convenience, comfort,

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<v Speaker 1>freedom from petty annoyances. But look closer. The same bubble

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<v Speaker 1>that cuts out irritation also cuts out people, and people quirky, unpredictable,

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<v Speaker 1>frustrating as they may be, are also hilarious, creative, and kind.

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<v Speaker 1>Beyond measure. When we avoid people, we don't just buy

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<v Speaker 1>pass awkwardness. We do away with the very connections that

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<v Speaker 1>make life rich, meaningful, and worth living. Every day. Isolation

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<v Speaker 1>you don't have to look far. Isolation is everywhere. Once

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<v Speaker 1>you see it. On the street. People still step into

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<v Speaker 1>the road instead of making eye contact and greeting one another,

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<v Speaker 1>as if COVID allowed us to avoid each other indefinitely.

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<v Speaker 1>Restaurants sit half empty, the clatter of silverware and conversation

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<v Speaker 1>replaced by the emptiness of takeout bags. In elevators, we

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<v Speaker 1>stand shoulder to shoulder, yet stare into our phones. On

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<v Speaker 1>buses and trains, headphones block out the noise, along with

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<v Speaker 1>chance encounters. At coffee shops, laptops wall off people from

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<v Speaker 1>each other. Face to face, doctor's visits replaced by zoom

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<v Speaker 1>workouts alone in garages, guilty air pods act as do

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<v Speaker 1>not disturb signs, even grabbing coffee without talking with a barista.

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<v Speaker 1>And yet sometimes the spell breaks. A neighbor says hi,

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<v Speaker 1>A cashier lights up when you ask about their day.

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<v Speaker 1>For an instant, the world softens, you leave lighter, and

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<v Speaker 1>so do they forgetting how to be human together. The

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<v Speaker 1>danger isn't just loneliness, it's forgetting how to be human together.

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<v Speaker 1>My nineteen year old stepdaughter lamented over dinner last week

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<v Speaker 1>that when she's with her friend groups, the conversation sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>trails off long, awkward silences where nobody knows what to say.

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<v Speaker 1>She wonders if it's a friend thing or something else.

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<v Speaker 1>She's not alone. A generation that grew up on screens

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<v Speaker 1>is discovering that, even when their face to face connection

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<v Speaker 1>can feel stilted, When did being together start to feel

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<v Speaker 1>so unnatural? Think about it. Most of our daily lives

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<v Speaker 1>are mediated through devices. We text instead of calling, We

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<v Speaker 1>tap an app instead of talking to a clerk. We

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<v Speaker 1>swipe on profiles instead of striking up conversations. We slack

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<v Speaker 1>our DM colleagues instead of dropping by their desk. Little

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<v Speaker 1>by little, we've lost the muscle memory of simple human contact.

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<v Speaker 1>If we want connection, we have to create it. It

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't happen by chance anymore. Without it, isolation turns us

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<v Speaker 1>into strangers in our own world, isolated, disconnected, and unseen.

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<v Speaker 1>The worst pain isn't grievances with people. It's the ache

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<v Speaker 1>of loneliness and the emptiness of feeling invisible. Spiritual wisdom.

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<v Speaker 1>Jack Cornfield once warned, if we are not careful, we

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<v Speaker 1>can easily find the great failures of our modern society.

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<v Speaker 1>It's ambition, material and individual isolation repeated in our spiritual life.

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<v Speaker 1>Cornfield meant it as a warning about spirituality, but it

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<v Speaker 1>speaks to life as a whole. If we're not careful,

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<v Speaker 1>isolation seeps into everything, even the small daily moments that

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<v Speaker 1>used to bring us together and enrich our lives. Zen

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<v Speaker 1>Master Dosan put it more simply, to be enlightened is

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<v Speaker 1>to be intimate with all things, and intimacy isn't possible

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<v Speaker 1>from within a bubble. It asks us to show up

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<v Speaker 1>as we are, to risk the awkward moment, to allow interruptions,

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<v Speaker 1>to be surprised, to let people in. That's the irony.

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<v Speaker 1>What we often try to avoid in human connection is

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<v Speaker 1>the very thing that makes life alive, satisfying, and sacred.

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<v Speaker 1>The mountain. Not long ago, I went backpacking in the mountains.

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<v Speaker 1>The trail climbed steeply through a boulder strewn bowl until

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<v Speaker 1>it opened to a wind swept saddle. Two guys were

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<v Speaker 1>resting there, catching their breath. We talked for a few

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<v Speaker 1>minutes before my friend and I continued toward the summit.

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<v Speaker 1>At the top, the air was crisp and the sky

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<v Speaker 1>stretched wide in every direction. Soon after, the two men

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<v Speaker 1>joined us. We stood together at the top, trading stories

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<v Speaker 1>while the sun shone and the wind blew. My friend

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<v Speaker 1>teased me for talking so much, but I was unconcerned.

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<v Speaker 1>The mountains were glorious, the ridgelines against the sky, the

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<v Speaker 1>stillness of the lakes, the smell of sage and pine.

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<v Speaker 1>I need that in my life. But when I think

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<v Speaker 1>back on the day, it's not the view I remember most.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the people I met. A mountain can awe you,

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<v Speaker 1>but it can't connect with you. A flower can stop

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<v Speaker 1>you on the path, but it can't leave you feeling seen.

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<v Speaker 1>A clear stream can captivate you, but it can't satisfy

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<v Speaker 1>your hunger for contact. Only another human can do that.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the people we chase contentment in accomplishments, money earned, titles, collected,

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<v Speaker 1>ladders climbed, but none of it can replace the deeper

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<v Speaker 1>sense of a liveness of human connection. The greatest joy

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<v Speaker 1>in life isn't reaching the summit. It's the people we

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<v Speaker 1>meet on the path and the meaningful moments we forage

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<v Speaker 1>along the way the end. I think the biggest point

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<v Speaker 1>for me that stands out as I think about this

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<v Speaker 1>essay is how easily we underestimate the transformative power of small,

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<v Speaker 1>fleeting connections. As I was preparing this episode, I boldened

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<v Speaker 1>and underlined one line that Ryan wrote, if we want connection,

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<v Speaker 1>we have to create it. It doesn't happen by chance anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>That is so true Best Seasons B and I shared

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<v Speaker 1>a variety of strategies to get out there and socialized

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<v Speaker 1>to feel more comfortable interacting in public situations. One of

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<v Speaker 1>those suggestions was actually going through the checkout line instead

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<v Speaker 1>of choosing the self service register and chatting with the cashier.

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<v Speaker 1>Another was to interact with those around you as you're

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<v Speaker 1>in line. It can feel awkward at first, but it's

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<v Speaker 1>almost like a social muscle that you can start strengthening

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<v Speaker 1>over time. There's a valuable lesson about presence, the choice

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<v Speaker 1>to be fully available to those we encounter, even just

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<v Speaker 1>for a moment, It can have a ripple effect far

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<v Speaker 1>beyond what we realize. In a world that often champions

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<v Speaker 1>self reliance and achievement, I find myself asking how often

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<v Speaker 1>do I really try to engage with others, and what

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<v Speaker 1>might change in my life if I treasured those opportunities more.

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<v Speaker 1>Ryan's essay also nudges me to reconsider that meaning of fulfillment.

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<v Speaker 1>It's tempting to believe satisfaction can be found at some

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<v Speaker 1>imaginary finish line, but perhaps it's really baked into the

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<v Speaker 1>stories we exchange and the laughter we share, even if

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes it's with strangers. If so, then what truly matters

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<v Speaker 1>isn't only reaching our goals, but making sure we don't

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<v Speaker 1>hurry past the people who give flavor and texture to

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<v Speaker 1>our personal journeys. One of the most I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>I'll say the word again, I guess, even though I

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<v Speaker 1>think I'm over using it today. Transformative events in my

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<v Speaker 1>adult life was joining a meetup dot com group for women.

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<v Speaker 1>I joined at a time when the pandemic was still

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<v Speaker 1>a concern, but the world had started opening back up.

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<v Speaker 1>I attended a dinner at a restaurant and one of

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<v Speaker 1>the participants there was my former co host b If

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<v Speaker 1>you go way back to the first second episode, I

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<v Speaker 1>shared that I thought was glamorous and I felt a

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<v Speaker 1>little frumpy to sit across from her, but I tried

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<v Speaker 1>hard not to judge based on her designer outfit and

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<v Speaker 1>her perfect makeup, and you know, giving her a chance.

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<v Speaker 1>She was super nice, and eventually I became the best

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<v Speaker 1>of friends with her. And actually I'm still friends with

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<v Speaker 1>everyone who sat at that table during my first encounter

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<v Speaker 1>with that group. I'm gonna give a shout out to PJ, Piper,

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<v Speaker 1>and Helene specifically. It took time to get to know them,

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<v Speaker 1>and you know, for a while, I only had an

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<v Speaker 1>hour or two once a month to interact with them,

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<v Speaker 1>but I came to cherish those dinners and other random

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<v Speaker 1>social events. I became really close to several people, actually,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's now nearly five years later and I still

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<v Speaker 1>have those relationships to treasure. Through the meetup app, there

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<v Speaker 1>are several of us who plan events. I organize little

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<v Speaker 1>afternoons to socialize. Sometimes we play board games or cards.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes we meet at restaurants. Sometimes we host pitchins, just

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<v Speaker 1>so we have a spot to hang out and enjoy

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<v Speaker 1>one another's company. I've tried to organize three pool parties,

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<v Speaker 1>and each of them marined out every time, so I've

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<v Speaker 1>given up on that. Probably another person in our group

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<v Speaker 1>organizes little campfire outings at parks. Yet another plans a

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<v Speaker 1>group lunch at the same restaurant every month, and I've

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<v Speaker 1>seen multiple friendships developed through these simple little outings. I've

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<v Speaker 1>heard that Facebook and other social media platforms are good

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<v Speaker 1>places to find groups like ours. Some are free, some

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<v Speaker 1>you have to pay for. So it's kind of whatever

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<v Speaker 1>is comfortable for you and that you can find that

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<v Speaker 1>works based on where you live. But I highly recommend now.

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<v Speaker 1>It's really hard to get out of a rut if

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<v Speaker 1>you've been feeling lonely for a long time, especially if

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<v Speaker 1>isolation is also a factor. It's so much easier to

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<v Speaker 1>stay in and not try, not risking social interactions. Sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>depression can be a factor that keeps you demotivated. I've

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<v Speaker 1>actually chatted with some people who honestly don't know how

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<v Speaker 1>to start socializing because absolutely everything they do is digital.

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<v Speaker 1>I usually suggest that they start out by spending time

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<v Speaker 1>outside because the sunshine is good for us, no doubt.

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<v Speaker 1>It helps you feel lighter on a day when you're

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<v Speaker 1>feeling heavy. A little exercise also boosts energy, which helps

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<v Speaker 1>you with motivation. I'm actually thinking about starting a walking

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<v Speaker 1>club on meetup because I feel like if I could

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<v Speaker 1>pair up a solid thirty minute walk with a small

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<v Speaker 1>group of folks who I can talk to during that walk.

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<v Speaker 1>That would be a really enjoyable outing, and then maybe

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<v Speaker 1>add on a coffee shop stop at the end for

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<v Speaker 1>those who want to continue chatting. So I guess in summary,

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<v Speaker 1>reading Ryan's essay about loneliness has re energized my passion

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<v Speaker 1>for keeping strategies that focus on engaging with others as

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<v Speaker 1>a lifestyle priority. Personally, I'm going to double down on

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<v Speaker 1>my efforts to find time to spend with friends and

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<v Speaker 1>acquaintances who may be potentially a close friend in the future.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's an investment worth pursuing. One last thank

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<v Speaker 1>you to Ryan Delaney for his inspirational essay. Be sure

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<v Speaker 1>to check out the show notes to read his bio

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<v Speaker 1>and connect with more of his work again. His newsletter

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<v Speaker 1>is called Beyond Self Improvement. Okay. As I mentioned at

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<v Speaker 1>the beginning of the show, this marks the last episode

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<v Speaker 1>for season four. Now, usually between seasons, Social Leopards has

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<v Speaker 1>taken a brief break throwing in a short season trailer.

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<v Speaker 1>This time, I'm going to skip that step altogether. Next

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<v Speaker 1>week I'll be launching season five, and the theme is

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<v Speaker 1>conversations with Myself. Each week, I'll be choosing a topic

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<v Speaker 1>that hopefully resonates with the majority of adults, sparked by

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<v Speaker 1>things that stick in my mind after reading them, or

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<v Speaker 1>things that I've discussed with friends and family. Next week,

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<v Speaker 1>I'll be starting with a convo that's all about the

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<v Speaker 1>voice inside your head commonly referred to as your inner critic,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'll be sharing ways to help that voice get

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<v Speaker 1>quieter and hopefully for it to not show up quite

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<v Speaker 1>so often. I'm also planning future episodes that tackle different

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<v Speaker 1>angles on subjects like anxiety, the power of human connection,

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<v Speaker 1>and gratitude that one will be just in time for Thanksgiving.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm excited to continue this podcasting journey and hope you

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<v Speaker 1>find what I have to say encouraging and thought provoking.

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<v Speaker 1>Until next week, take care,